Chapter 1

“Mami, Mami” he keeps shouting

It’s Mr Zulu, he has been on life support for almost 4 months now, all doctors thought it was a waste
of time but his weird identical brothers refused they switch the machine off. I read in a newspaper
article that he was involved in an accident, on his bike. Rumour has it, it was suicide, he hit a tree, a
huge tree that was in the middle of nowhere, he was not high on drugs and he had very little alcohol
in his system and as an expect biker there is no way that was an accident. His case has kept the
whole hospital wondering.
“Doctor! Doctor Masetla, His Awake, Mr Zulu is awake”
“When, How?” Dr Masetla asks looking rather very shocked
“I was cleaning the corridor and I heard him shouting Mami” I say as we run back to his ward
There are nurses running up and down, in and out of his private ward, not everyone was allowed in
or out of his ward, there was a body guard always on the entrance, I was allowed in every time twice
a day to clean the room, I would always pray for him and read a bible verse just before I left, there
was just something in me that did not want him to die and just like his family I hoped he would wake
up, I swear once I felt him squeeze my hand but I told no one cause really, who would believe a
cleaner when expects haven proven that he was lifeless. There’s chaos and mayhem around here,
not a single person believed that this man would wake up, everyone thought the Zulus were wasting
their money.
“Call his family, His Brothers” The doctor shouts at one of the nurse
He is really alive, His still shouting “Mami” I can hear him from here
“Call Dr Van Tonder too, I am going to need assistances, and two male nurses, it looks like his gone
mad, he needs to be retrained I don’t want to sedate him until his sane” says Dr Masetla
I have to call AusMahlomu, at first I thought she was his wife but it turns out that no she is the wife
of Mr Zulus brother, the 1st time I met her was when I found her crying and blaming herself for the
accident, she asked me to pray for Mr Zulu because she couldn’t pray and doubts God will hear her
prayers she asked me to pray for him every day and call her if there was any change, I didn’t tell her
about the “squeezing hand” incident, I didn’t want to give her false hope, but this, this right here is a
miracle.
“Hello, Aus’Mahlomu, His awake, His alive and his awake” I say immediately when she answers here
phone.
“Palesa are you sure” responses after long silence
“I am very much sure Aus’Mahlomu, His awake and looking for his mother, He keeps shouting, Mami
over and over again”
“Ohk thank you so much, we will make our way” she hangs up
There’s chaos in the hospital, the Zulu family arrived in numbers there’s the media too, as to how
and why the Zulu brothers are famous I really fail to understand, I was once offered R300 000 by a
newspaper publication for a story and some of Mr Zulu’s pictures I refused, I don’t understand why
people can be so heartless, from that day on I prayed even more hard that Mr Zulu would wake up.
AusMahlomu is crying, she’s been crying ever since they all got here I don’t know if its tears of joy or
the ‘guilt’ she always spoke about, she came in more often than the other wives she said to me it
was because they were close and they had a lot in common. The brothers look lighter and less
grumpy today, but of course it’s a happy day.
“We are whole again, we are one, uvukile uMageba” says the older brother
Mr Zulu, I heard his name is Mqoqi, is sane and I heard the Mami he was looking for is AusMahlomu
which I found strange. The brother laughed about it and AusHlomu’s husband said something about

1|Page
Mqoqi trying to steal his wife they all laughed about it, including Mqoqi but not AusHlomu she has
been serious and quiet throughout, she does seem relieved though but I wonder what the story
there is. I also heard the big brother thanking her for not giving up and that she was like a mother to
all his younger brothers, maybe that’s why she is so serious because she almost lost her son, it’s
weird though they are the same age.
The media is still outside when my shift ends, they are all hounding me for a story, for Gods sake
why can’t they leave this man alone, it has barely been one day since he woke up can’t they leave
him alone.

His awake, it is 6am and his awake and reading a book, you would swear he wasn’t on life support
just 3 days ago, I haven’t seen him in two days because I was off, this is the 1st time I see him awake,
its awkward, funny cause I would sing and tell him about his family and stories when he was “asleep”
and now that his awake I don’t know what to say to him.
“Good Morning Mr Zulu” I greet him
“Good morning” He says eyes still glued to his book
Silence……………………………
“Thank you Palesa” he says after some time
I’m shocked, how does he know my name and what is the thank you for? I says alright as I try to
convince myself that his thanking me for making sure his room is clean.
“Thank you for everything, I can’t thank you enough for all that you have done for me” he says again
O.K. now I am really confused it is my job to keep his room clean and hygienic but you know some
people appreciate everything especially when they have faced death.
“No problem Mr Zulu” I reply still cleaning
“Please call me Mqoqi, My name is Mqoqiwokuhle but you can call me Mqoqi”
“Alright Mqoqi” I say
“You are too beautiful and young to be mobbing floors don’t you think”? He askes
I think I liked him better when he was in a coma and didn’t have to insult me
“Not all of us were born into riches Mr….Mqoqi, some of us have to work even if it’s something we
hate, and we have mouths to feed” I say
“How much do you need” he asks
I turn around and look at him mop in my hand
“How much do you need to feed the mouths and get out of here” he says
He raises his eyebrows as I stand there with my mop and one hand on my waist
“Sorry, I don’t take handouts” I answer him
“How can I thank you then?” He asks
There we go again, I get paid to clean his room and the Zulu Family pays me a bit extra for the effort
and its more than enough.
“I am really fine, really Mqoqi it is ohk” I say
“Ohk” he says and carries on reading
My job is done here, I will see this weirdo later today

I didn’t go to clean Mqoqi room before I knocked off, His family doesn’t respect visiting hours they
stayed with him for almost four hours today and worse they brought all the kids with them, I kept
going there to check if they were still there and by the time I had to knock off they were still there, I
had to go the travelling to Tembisa is long ride, I hope they don’t report me, Because I am the only
one who cleans that room. I can’t wait to get home to my baby girl, she started preschool this year

2|Page
and oh I love helping her with her homework, what I’m not looking forward to my drunkard baby
daddy Tsepang, only God knows why I am still with that man, he was once amazing you know, so
amazing, we both came to JHB for a better life, he is a qualifies engineer, Civil. When he couldn’t find
employment he turned to piece jobs and he’s dreams started fading away, all he does is wake up
eat, drink than sleep. Sometimes I wish I had took that R300 000 the newspaper was offering me, my
life would be far better right now.
“You late today” Tsepang
I roll my eyes, Like he has the right to keep time, it’s funny how he is still with me, All love is lost in
this relationship, the only reason why he’s still with me is because I fed him and put a roof over his
head., as to why I haven’t left his sorry ass I don’t know, what I do know is I don’t love him.
“Mqoqis family stayed abit longer today, I stayed for a while hoping they would leave so I could
clean his room” I reply
“Who’s Mqoqi?” He asks
“Oh Mr Zulu” I respond
“His awake?”
“Yes he is and I told you this two days ago” I say annoyed
“Where’s Pabi” I asks
He looks like he just remembered something
“Tsepang where’s Pabi, where’s my child” I am shouting now
“I forgot to fetch her, I left her at Sophie earlier today when I had a visitor, and sorry I will go get
here”
Sophie stays just a few houses away from where we are renting, she use to stay with Paballo when
she was still a baby, I know Tsepang loves his daughter with all he has but I don’t trust him with my
baby.
“And what kind of visitor was this that you had to take my child away” I ask while trying to remain
calm, our landlord has had enough of our fights
“Let me run” he says as he walks out of the door
I know it’s a woman, I just know, but why am I not hurt by this, its because I don’t give a shit about
this man anymore, what gets to me though is the fact that he used my bed.
“Mummy” Pabi comes running in
“Oh my angel, I missed you so much, Okae?”

3|Page
 Chapter 2

“You didn’t come say goodbye yesterday, I was hoping you would come see me before you left”
Mqoqi
“Good Morning Mqoqi” Me
He is looking at me like he is waiting for some explanation, wait am I in trouble? Now I’m scared
“I’m sorry” I say looking down and trying to tidy this room
Silence……………
“Was it God Palesa?” He asks after some time
This man is very random for my liking, I turn to look at him, I am a bit confused though, he notices
“Never mind” He says
“How’s your daughter” he asks
I lighten up every time I think about that angelic face, she is my only source of happiness right now,
but wait how does he know?
“She’s alright, she started preschool recently and that’s all she ever talks about if she’s not teaching
the songs they sing” I say laughing
A smile, we have an eye locked moment, I look away first
“Well it was nice seeing my kids yesterday, they all look so grown, it’s sad that the two little ones
couldn’t make it” he says
“How many kids do you have” I say
He laughs when he notices the shock on my face
“11, plus Naledi is pregnant so there’s another one on the way”
“Yoh!!!!!!!” I say
“It’s a good that you didn’t die than, who was going to take care of all these kids,11 plus one on the
way , Mqoqi ai you are busy shame” I say
He’s still laughing
“And one Grandson” he says still laughing
“Heee Bathong! Grandson? Exactly how old are you” I say, now I am very curious
“Ohk I don’t have any children of my own, but I would love to have a few, you see Palesa I am ready
to start my life again, I’m ready to love, I’m ready to commit, I’m ready to grow up Palesa, I’m very
fortunate to be here again” he says with a serious face
“Do u remember what happened Mqoqi” I ask
He drops his eyes
“I am sorry, I shouldn’t have asked” I say when I see tears rolling down his face
“I was selfish Palesa, I shouldn’t have told her, I shouldn’t have went to her house, but I just couldn’t
keep it inside me for any longer” He says still crying
I drop the mop to the floor and I walk towards him, I hug him, His on my chest, and his still crying
“I really loved her, at first I thought it was just a silly crush and it would go away but it didn’t, we
have so much in common, the chemistry between us is amazing, I have never in my life felt like that,
maybe it was because she loved me, I didn’t know the warmth of a mother and maybe I misread all
that, I don’t know how it felt to have a mother and love her so maybe that’s why it was so easy to
fall in love with her, for years I tried to fight it off but I couldn’t ” He says
I really don’t understand what his talking about so I just comfort him and tell him it’s going to be
alright.
“But it’s all over now, I’m not sure if I’m over it but now I feel different, I feel lighter and I feel like a
new man, The old Mqoqi is gone, This man here Palesa is ready for a new life” He says

4|Page
“That’s good forget about the past, focus on the future, focus on the new you and getting your life
together, God gave you a second chance use it Mqoqi, not everyone is given second chances” I say
“Can I start with you, my second chance, can I start with you?” He says
he’s still on my chest I can’t see his face I’m not even sure what he means by this, Dr Masetla walks
in and he gives me a funny look I quickly let go and leave the room.

“Palesa, Dr Masetla would like to see you in his office right now” Charlotte Dr Masetlas new
assistance shouts
“I will make my way there after my tea break” I respond
“No, he wants to see you now” She says
This coloured chick is very cheeky yeses
“Ok” I stand and make my way
But wait why does he want to see me, Oh my God I hope I am not in trouble, he must have noticed
that I left without cleaning Mqoqi ward yesterday, I can’t lose my job, no I cant.
“Doctor” I say as I enter his office
“Ehhh Palesa sit down” He says pointing me to a chair
I do as he says and there’s silence. He clears he’s throat. OH lord be with me
“Palesa, I didn’t like what I saw this morning “he says
I don’t answer I know what his talking about, I would defend myself but I wouldn’t want to make
things worse
“I know the Zulu Brothers are famous and they are every women’s dream but u can’t be throwing
yourself at Mr Zulu like that, His still venerable, he’s been out for a long time now” He says again
Again I’m quiet, I’m not going to risk losing my job so I will let him be
“From today going forward you will not be cleaning Mr Zulu, I will find someone else to do it” He
says
“But Doctor he was crying, I had to do something, I couldn’t” I stop when he raises one hand
“It’s was not open for debate Palesa Do as I say please” Him again
My heart is broken I have been cleaning for this man for 4 months now, I prayed for him, told him
my stories, my dreams, I read him my favourite books, I sang for him. His ward was never really dirty
so I didn’t do much to it, especially in the mornings. Every morning when I walked in I would sing for
him a hymn from church than pray for him sometimes even read him a bible verse. I told him
everything and anything and he never judged me. He became my lifeless best friend, And one time I
told him about the journalist and the money, I told him I would never betray him, he squeezed my
hand, I know what I felt he squeezed my hand. What happened this morning was natural, I went to
him to comfort him, it didn’t feel like I was holding a stranger, I was comforting my friend, and him
he didn’t find it weird he hugged me back, tight actually, he held on to me and he cried, he let it all
out and I was there to comfort him. I could go complain to the hospitals CEO but I would be wasting
my time, but I know AusHlomu wouldn’t be too happy about this but I would rather not stress her
and her family besides Mqoqi was eventually going to be discharged so I might as well get used to it.

Its Lunch time and I’m bored, I always take an extended lunch, no one notices, this hospital is huge
and there’s about 50 cleaners. I need to go fetch my books in Mqoqi’s ward, I’m not looking forward
to seeing him, and I miss him so much, Its weird I know, seeing him will break my heart, but I know I
will be very happy to see him though. I knock once and open and his not on his bed, I can hear the
shower running he must be in there, I will take my stuff and leave, I see he has been reading one of

5|Page
my books do I take it or do I leave it, I will come get it later. I turn around and there he is, butt naked,
Im standing here with my eyes popped out and my mouth opened, he doesn’t seem to see anything
wrong with this scene, I finally look away my eyes go all over this room but I make sure they don’t
meet his.
“Hi” He says
“I was here to get my books, I will leave this one here and fetch it later” I say still making sure I don’t
look in his direction.
I walk away and
“Did I scare you Palesa?”
I turn around and God his still naked, I turn around again
“No” I answer and walk out the door
Good God what did I just witness, now I see the fuse about these brother they are just too fine, His
tall, dark and handsome, he had a few scars but lord that man is eye candy and why was it up? I
wonder! As to asking if he scared me, do I look like it was the 1st time seeing a grown man naked?

Mqoqi got discharged a few days ago, I heard from the cleaner that took over after me that he had
left, I never even got the chance to say good bye to him, and my heart was broken. I never saw him
again after the little accident we had and he took my book with him.
“Palesa Molefe, please come to reception, Palesa Molefe, please come to reception” The intercom.
I wonder, I never get deliveries
“Hello Palesa, This just came in for you she smiles” as she hands me the parcel
It’s a box, a heavy box I will open it in the changes rooms, Im curious, I never ordered anything and
that “boyfriend” of mine can’t afford anything. I open it and it’s my book among many other
Elizabeth Alexander books, there’s a note “Thank you for everything Palee, I hope our paths cross
again yours sincerely Mqoqi”
There’s about 10 books here, no one has ever bought me books before, and how does he know I
love reading? He is so sweet, I would call him and thank him for the books but I don’t even have his
numbers. But I will get them, I know I will. It’s funny how I am always thinking about this man.
I couldn’t find his numbers on the internet not even on Facebook I could inbox him but I’m sure
there’s millions of girls inboxing him, I don’t want to ask AusMahlomu for them, so I am going to call
his company, no I just want to thank him.
“Sbopho logistic, Nandi speaking how can I assist you” The receptionist answers
“Hi you speaking to Charlotte from Sandton Netcare Hospital on behalf of Mr Masetla” I say
”Yes, Mam How can I help you?”
“Mqoqi Zulu is not reachable on his cell phone number, do you have a number for me which I can
use?” I ask
“Mam, I’m sure there are alternative numbers on his files that you can call” Nandi
Uhmmm shit how do I answer this one
“Well this is rather very personal and the doctor would like to talk to him personally” I reply, I don’t
know where that came from
“Mam I can’t give you any of Mr Zulu’s numbers but I can give you his email address” Nandi
“That won’t work, Thank you” I say
“Wait” Nandi
“Yes” I reply
“I will pass the message to Mr Zulu just give me your numbers “
Silence, I’m thinking very hard right now, If I give her the numbers Mqoqi is gonna call The Dortors
office and I don’t want him to worry, so my plan has failed and I hang up.

6|Page
I’m not giving up though, I am going to find this man and thank him for the books, it’s how I was
raised to appreciate and be thankful all the time
Now for plan B

“Doctor when can I come clean your office” I ask Dr Masetla

“But it’s not your duty to clean my office” He says looking at me in a rather very suspicious way
“Yes Portia is off sick today and our supervisor allocated me to clean your office”
“Ohk” he says
“I will be doing my rounds at 13h30 untill 14Hh30, you can come through than” he says
Jackpot, I’m in!!!!!
“Alright” I answer
Well no lunch for me and I’m not complaining.
“Wat doen jy (what are you doing)” Charlotte asks in Afrikaans
‘Uring wena” I answer her in Sesotho
“What are you doing, Palesa” She asks again
“Really? What does it look like I am doing,Im cleaning” I answer
“You don’t clean this room, where’s Portia, she does the cleaning here” she says
I’m not panicking, I got this all figured out, Portia is not in today but the supervisor didn’t tell me to
come clean this office, should the supervisor ask, I will tell her I took it upon myself to do all Portia
work today, looking like a very hard working young girl.
“Portia is not in today and I’m cleaning “I say looking very calm
“I’m going to let the doctor know than” she says
I laugh at her, this coloured girl thinks she can scare everyone neh
“Tsamaya” I reply
I know it will be hard to find the doctor while his busy doing his rounds, it’s a big hospital so I have
about 10mins to look for Mqoqi’s file and get his numbers.
Yes I found his file and here are his numbers, again Jackpot!
“The number you have dialled does not exist, the number you have dialled does not exist” the
number that is supposed to be Mqoqi’s keeps says
I have been trying them for a while now, I give up, I guess one day.

I asked my supervisor if I could leave early today, my heart is broken and I don’t know why. I really
wanted to get through to him, I miss him, I badly miss him, I don’t know how or why but I do. I was
hoping we would talk, I wanted to thank him for the books. I wanted to hear his voice and I wish I
could see him, Every time I think about him that picture of him naked pops in my head, silly I know
but God that man is HOT! I’m almost home now, at least Pabi will take my mind off Mqoqi
There a squeaky sound coming from my room, I’m sure Pabi is jumping up and down on the bed, her
father lets her do whatever she pleases, but wait there are sounds.
“Ahhh, mhmmm ahhh”
“Harder and faster baby, I want all of it in, ahh yes” a female voice
This can’t be happening, not on my bed!
I push the door open, this idiot didn’t even lock the door, they stop immediately when they see me, I
don’t have the energy for this, really I don’t, why am I not even hurt. Tsepang is still stuck in this
bimboos vagina I swear he still wants to pump her, she has her hand on my sofa they doing it dog
style. She jumps and grabs her clothes, Tshepang doesn’t even look scared or sorry.
“Palesa” he says

7|Page
I look at this bitch once and she runs out
A part of me is comforted by the fact that my daughter is not here and they were not doing it on my
bed.
“Get out! Get out Tshepang before I kill you” I say calmly so
He does as I say, he knows that no explanation that will calm me down, and he knows I won’t listen
to anything he says, we both know aware that all love is lost in this union and this is it, he won’t
bother cause he knows I don’t have the heart to listen.
He gets dressed as I find everything that has his name on and throw it outside, I feel like a bridge is
being lifted off my shoulders while I’m doing this, finally he is leaving my life and I don’t have to feel
guilty about abandoning him. We promise to make this work and be together forever when we
came to Jo’burg 8 years ago. He had a diploma in Civil Engineering and me a certificate in Events
Management. Oh my passion was on fire back then, I had helped my aunt with her catering business
back in Mpumalanga, we were on fire, it was sad when I left her cause we made a great team, she
understood though. I was going to find work in a hotel and manager there events or work as a
events planer in a big company and him he was going to get a job as a Civil Engineer. However life
did not favour us, we had faith we both did, especially when he got that intern job at Auricon, we
thought things would start looking up, opportunities would present themselves but nothing. As for
me, the industry I wanted to be in was very hard, we both said we won’t compromise so most of the
time we turned down job offers that were not what we studied for, until it was too late for us. He
started working on construction sites and me I took whatever was offered me that’s how I ended up
as a cleaner. 3 years later we had our first daughter, things were still bad but I knew I wanted her,
besides everything I wanted to be her mom.
A knock
This jerk can’t be back, I open the door and it’s the bamboo, she must have a death wish
“I left my other shoe” She days
“Voetsek sfebe” I throw her with her shoe
A knock again, I am going to kill someone I swear
It’s Mme Sophie
“Hello Ma, I was just about to fetch her” I say
“No problem, I saw him leave so I figured you are back home” Mme Sophie
“I saw him leave, I saw that he was with his mistress and he had plastic bags, you did well my child,
you deserve far better” she says again
So basically I was the only one who didn’t know about Tshepang’s cheating ways.
“Thank Mme” I reply
It feels good to be sleeping on this double bed with just me and my daughter.

So I decided to give up on my quest to find Mqoqi however he is still all I think about, I think I’ve
fallen in love with him as to how I don’t know, His the first person I think about when I wake up and
the last person I think about when I go to sleep, my heart breaks when I pass by the his ward. I have
tried, I really have tried to stop thinking about him, but it’s impossible everything just seems to
remind me of him. I’m cleaning the hospital corridors and yes I’m singing.
“Palesa” A male voice
This voice sounds familiar, I know this voice but it can’t be , I must be dreaming, I slowly turn around,
I don’t believe my eyes, it’s him, and he looks good and better, full of life. His standing and smiling at
me, I don’t know how to react, he’s here, it’s really him.
“I missed your voice, you sing very beautifully” He says
“Mqoqi” I run to him and wrap my hands around his waist

8|Page
Oopsss! What did I just do, but his hugging me back, tightly in fact, why do I feel so safe and warm in
his arms? Why is he holding me so tight? I try to pull away but he won’t let me. He lets go after a
while, he pushes my head up and kisses me, I’m surprised but I kiss him back. A long a passionate
kiss this is, it’s been a while since someone held me like this and kissed me so beautifully.
“I had to come back for you Palesa” He says
“I’m glad you came” I reply
He kisses me again and I let him.

9|Page
 Chapter 3

Mqoqi forcedly dragged me out of that hospital, I told him it was not my lunch time yet but he said
he waited 3 weeks and was not going to wait another minute, I told him I’d lose my job and he said
he would get me another job. Honestly I didn’t care much, I also want to go with him, I will face the
consequences when I come back, I have been waiting for this man for too long and I’m not letting
him slip away, not again.
We at a park, I refuse he take me to a fancy Resturant with my cleaning uniform, he said he wanted
to talk and so do I, am not sure what about but there’s a strong connection between me and this
man, and that kiss, he has to explain it to me, I think he feels the same.
“I heard you Palesa” He says
I am confused, that’s is all his been doing to me ever since he woke up, confusing me
“I heard you all the time, the prayers Palesa, they songs you sang to me, the books you read” He says
God I’m shocked, didn’t they say this man was lifeless, I told him everything, all my troubles, my
pain, my secrets, oh God I wonder if he remembers everything.
“You kept me alive, you gave me a reason to come back, I could feel your touch, I felt it every time
you would hold my hand and pray for me, you asked God to bring me back and he did, he brought
me back and now I want to be with the one person who believed that I would come back, God sent
me back to you Palesa, I wanted to kil…….. I almost died in the name of love and I am here again in
the name of love. Palesa you didn’t know me but you loved me and cared for me, I’m not sure how
many times but I can recall you praying for me, every time you did something in me would move, I
wanted to come back but something held be back, I feared coming back to face reality, I wanted to
stay there, but you kept calling on me Palesa you didn’t give up, you kept calling and I’m back, I’m
here I did it so I could meet you, see you, to love and care about you as you did for me there is a
quote that says Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply
gives you courage. Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your
own, that was you Palesa you deeply loved me and that gave me strength to come back, every day
when you prayed for me I fought to come back, and loving you, loving you gave me the courage to
come back. You didn’t treat me like a corpse, you cut my nails, massaged my hands, fixed my pillows,
you made sure I was comfortable and happy and that to me is unconditional love, I can’t thank you
enough Palesa, so I want to love you, I want to treat you the best you deserve, I want you to feel
loved and appreciated as you have done for me, I’m not sure if you get me, but I hope you do” He
says, sighs and looks down.
That’s is a mouth full, all his random questions make sense now, like when he asked “Was it God” he
was asking me if it was my prayers and God that sent him back, “How can I thank you” he wanted to
thank me for not giving up on him, “Can I start with you, my second chance, can I start with you” he
wanted to be with me. I am really overwhelmed with all this, I have been with just one man in my
life and never has he ever poured out his heart like this, how do I respond to such?
“Say something” He says looking straight into my eyes
“I love you too Mqoqi, I never planned it just happened, when I first came into your room something
drew me to you, you were the talk to the hospital, everyone knew you and everyone thought you
would die, I started praying for you when AusHlomu asked me too but it became a routine, I wanted
you to come back to your family cause I saw how the pain of losing you would hurt them, especially
AusHlomu, but you became my friend Mqoqi, you became my escape from reality, I could talk to

10 | P a g e
you, I cried to you. Truth is I wanted you to come back, and I’m glad you came back for me, I didn’t
realise I loved you until Dr Masetla said I shouldn’t come to your ward anymore” I say
“He said what” He response looking angry
“Yes, he accused me of throwing myself on you after he walked in on us” I say
He rubs his hands together than shakes his head
“I missed you Mqoqi, I missed you so much after you got discharged, I tried to stop thinking about
you but you were all I could ever think about, that’s when I realised I love you” I say
“I was hurt when you stopped coming into my room, I thought I scared you when I asked if you could
be my second chance. I never stopped thinking about you, I tried when I got back home and even
with all the attention I got you were the one person I longed for. I have had a number of bad
relationships Palesa, I fall in love or pick the wrong ones, 1ST I fell in love with a woman I knew I
couldn’t have, than there was a one who was with me so she can get access to my family and write a
book about us, than one who tried to kill my brother and most of them were with me for my money
and status, I suck at choosing the right woman, but with you I’m ready for my heart to win or lose,
I’m ready to give you all of me, am willing to take that risk ” He says
Silence…………………………….
“Yes you can start with me, I want to be you second chance” I say
He looks at me in the eye with a very cute smile
“Are you my woman now?” He askes
I can’t help but blush
“If you ask me nicely I will be”
We both laugh, he pulls me to him, I lean on his shoulder and he kisses my cheek and we watch the
lake.

It has been the most amazing month of my life never I’m my life have I been this happy, Mqoqi is
indeed my heavenly sent. I swear it feels like I have known him all my life. We have seen each other
every day since the talk we have had, he has met Pabi (he adores her) and they got along very well
and I have met his younger brother Mpande and his girlfriend, yes we had a double date. Things are
moving too fast and when I tell him that he tells me how his going to live everyday as if it was his
last. He fetches me from work every day, calls me a hundred times, we have a lot in common so we
never run out of things to talk about. He assists me with fetching Pabi sometimes and Mme Sophie is
too happy for me, she didn’t even judge me for moving on to fast. He wanted to make me quit my
job and offer me a receptionist post at Sbopho logistics but I refused, I don’t take handouts. We
meeting his family soon and no we haven’t had sex yet, its weird cause he has never made a move I
think it’s because we never have privacy. Its school holidays and I sent Pabi to my mom in
Mpumalanga, He drove us there and came back with me later on that day, dropped me at my house
and went home, I was convinced I was going to give him the cookie but he didn’t even attempt
opening the jar. He went to Mbuba last week for a ritual for to thank his ancestors for life, He didn’t
want to do it cause he said it was God and Me who brought him back to life, but he said his ghost
father would probably send fire and black snakes if he doesn’t do it, he wanted to take me along but
as much as I wanted I was not ready and he let it go.
He invited me to his house tonight and I believe it’s gonna go down, I’m literally gonna take it myself
if he doesn’t make a move. I’m all dressed up, Knee – high lacy dress I bought from legit, that’s
where I buy my “special and expensive” clothes, I had a debate with two of my friends Makgotso and
Boitumelo with either wearing my cavella or my sandals (I’m not a high heel kind of girl) Makgotso
said a cavella wouldn’t go well with my dress and Boitumelo said wearing a cavalla would show
Mqoqi that I also had an expensive taste. I opted for the sandals they go better with the dress, I look

11 | P a g e
beautiful, really beautiful, not too much make up and my eyebrows are fleeking, no, no that one line
that Shoprite cashiers do, my hair a simple razor cut, not that that old fashion one, it looks pretty
much like that Hair Cut Halley Barry always has. He sent a driver to come get me, I’m nervous, really
nervous, and all this is new to me. This is a big house, it’s just one story but it really big, the yard too.
It has a double garage, he loves cars and I guess that is why he has this humongous garage, I know
he has 5 cars all of them are sports car mostly with two doors and 3 bikes, crazy if you ask me.
There he is, looking very handsome, his in those skinny suits a black one, with a white T shirt.
“You look beautiful” He says leaning over to kiss me
“You look very beautiful too” I reply
“No I’m handsome Palee, Handsome” He says with smile
He has a beautiful smile. The house looks beautiful, the light are all off just small candles and rose
petals all over the place, he leads me to an open space, we having a picnic, indoors the butterflies in
my stomach. There is a huge chandelier above us, it’s giving us some light, sparkling light.
“All this for the King of my heart” He says, he looks impressed by himself
I’m stunned I have never seen some so beautiful
“Thank you everything looks perfect” I say
“There’s all your favourite stuff here, from food to drinks to snacks” points me to our love nets and
we sit
“Did you cook” I ask
“No, but I bought us your favourite pizza” He says with a smile
He places the box in front of me, Triple Decker, chicken pizza with extra mozzarella cheese, he
knows me too well, we always eat it from the box and because he knows I love it so much he lets me
eat most slices, but I know it’s not because he loves me so much but it’s because he loves real food,
real home cooked food. He really went all out, all my favourite foods are hear, even my favourite
Saint – Anna white wine. We are talking, laughing and his being his random self, making stupid jokes
about everything. Until we are sleeping on our backs on the floor, watching this beautiful chandelier.
“Malove” I say
“Mrs King” That’s what he calls me, He says I am the king of his heart
“Today is our one month anniversary” I say, we are both still looking up
“I know” He says still not looking at me
“And you still…….. We still haven’t made love” I say looking at him this time
“Oh so you want me” He says with a naughty smile
I blush and look away. Silence
“I want to be sure Palee, I really needed to know that this is genuine, I don’t want to fuck you, I want
to make love to you Palesa” He says he’s serious now
“So what’s stopping you?”
“Palesa I don’t know how to make love anymore, after Amanda……that woman left me scarred for
life, I never wanted to love again after her, I thought it was real but it wasn’t. After her I fucked
literally every girl I met” He says
Talk about too much information
“I want it to be different with you Palesa, I want to make love to you, I want us to connect and I want
our bodies and souls to be one, I want it to be special, and I want you to feel special” He says
I slowly climb on top of him and I am praying he doesn’t push me off, that would be very
embarrassing
“Allow me to show you how to make love, let me teach you, let me connect with you, let me make
love to you Mqoqi” I whisper in his ear

12 | P a g e
He’s not resisting as I take off every piece of clothing he has on his body, he pulls my dress up and im
left with just the underwear. I am the one sailing this ship, I’m in control and he seems to like it. I
told you was gonna take what is mine today.

13 | P a g e
 Chapter 4

It was definitely worth the wait that stuff about him not being able to make love was just BS, that
man knows his business. It all happened at our picnic set up, and all ended up in his bedroom. He
carried me like the King he calls me to “our” King size bed as he called it. He was gentle, beautiful,
we really did connect, and I never felt anything like that in my life, and I swear it felt like my first
time. He looked at me and smiled and told me he loves me after he came, I replied thank you.
His still asleep when I wake up, its Saturday today, I don’t have to go to work so I think we should
just stay in and cuddle. I kiss his shoulder and his awake.
“How long have you been up?” he asks
“Long enough”
“So…………………….Morning Glory?” He has that naughty boy smile of his on his face
“I taught you well I see?”
He laughs
“Now let me teach you a thing or two” He jumps on top of me
He’s kissing every single part of my body, its him in control now, his discovered that my neck is my
weakness so his busy there and he goes all the way down, I have my hands on his head, my lower
body is numb and I keep moaning, than, A loud bang on the door, someone is knocking, but the
knock is very aggressive. He jumps out of bed quickly and puts pants on.
“I will be back just now” He says and kisses my forehead
Who dares to interrupt my morning glory though? And it’s only past 7am who visits so early in the
morning. He comes back up minutes later and puts a shirt on, his face is different, I don’t know
different how but he doesn’t look like the man who wanted to make love to me just 5mintues ago
“Is everything alright baby” I ask
“Please get dressed, I have a crisis in the living room, you have to go” He says
Gosh am I being chased away, this man didn’t even make me breakfast, I didn’t even shower
“I’ll call someone to take you home, please Palesa make it snappy” He says again not even looking in
my direction.
His on his phone
‘Bafo, my house right now please, there’s a crisis………….. No, you were the 1st I called, I will call
Sambulo and Mqhele you can call Nqoba” He says
There panic on his face, I can just see it
“Mpande my house right now, I need you to take Palesa home” On his phone again
“You done with me so you kick me out like some prostitute” I say, I am sad and mad but I always
show little emotion
“Palee no, it’s not like that” He says
I give him the carry on look
“I have visitors, very respectable man from Mbuba, It’s not that I don’t want you here, but things are
going to get really hectic in here, please Palee” I will come to your place as soon as this chaos is
over”
I’m still staring, he come towards me and hugs me, and I don’t return the hug
“I love you King, I really do, and I promise I will be with you shortly” He says
I am still in his arms, I really don’t know what to make of all this, I really want to believe him
“Trust me Palesa, I would never jeopardize what we have built thus far” He says looking straight into
my eyes.
I believe him
“Can I at least take a shower? I still smell like sex?” I say

14 | P a g e
I’m lying I just want to stay longer so I can get an idea of what is really happening here
“Ohk, but everyone will be here soon so try to hurry”
I can hear there are people but I can’t make out what they saying, I wonder where in the house they
are sitting cause there were candles and petals all over the house, and who visits so early in the
morning .
I’m ready to go but his still not here, I see there’s a number of cars outside, his brothers must be
here. A sms, its him.
Mpande can’t take you home, so please stay put, we should be done soon
I open the door of this room but I can’t hear anything from here, I tip toe closer and closer, curiosity
killed a cat, and I don’t want to die. I’m in the one of the rooms, its closer to the dining room area
where they are sitting I can hear everything from here and I’m hidden.
“Mqoqi you need to understand that this is no ordinary girl, she is a princess, do you understand the
shame you have brought in the house of the chief” One man says
“You need to do right by Amahle or you and your family will face serious consequences” A man I
again, I’m not sure if it’s the same man
“We will come to Greytown soon and pay damages to the Chief, we will do everything right and
according to culture” Other man says
“I am afraid that won’t be enough Nkosana, Mqoqi has impregnated the daughter of a Chief he is
going to have to marry her” Male voice, he seems to be doing most of the talking
WHAT!!!!!!! Mqoqi is expecting a child, and has to marry its mother. God no! This can’t be
happening to me, I am going to lose him forever. I’m trying really hard not to walk out this door and
stop this all this, what kind of BS is this.
“You can all see that Amahle is due, the Chief won’t allow this child to be born out of wedlock”
I have not heard Mqoqi say a single word throughout, I hope his silence means he doesn’t approve
of all this madness, and how can they force a grown man to marry a woman he doesn’t love, or wait
what if they had a relationship before the accident, what if they were in love, what if this woman
was the cause of the accident. Breath Palesa Breath! Breathe!
“There will be serious consequences bo Mageba if you don’t do right by our daughter, the Chief
might even banish you from Mbuba” The man who talks too much.
“Nizo sala kahle, we hope to see you soon” Male voice
Long silence
“Mqoqi, you heard what those men said, you have to take responsibility for your actions” A hoarse
voice
“I agree with Nqoba, you need to man up now Mqoqi, we can’t lose our home again, its time you
stop your player ways and settle down” A deep voice
“But I don’t love her, I don’t want to be with her, Yes I slept with her a few times but it was just sex,
it meant nothing to me, We not even sure if this baby is mine, why didn’t she come earlier and tell
you all this?” Mqoqi, it’s the first time he talks
“He says a point’” sounds like Mpande
“He should have thought about that before he slept with a princess without a condom” male voice
he speaks slowly
“Did you remember to wear a condom with Mabatho’s mother” Mqoqi
“Kahleni” Male voice
“I have someone, someone I love, I was waiting for the right time to introduce her, she’s met
Mpande, I love her, if you make me marry Amahle, and I’m going to lose her. Please don’t make me
marry her, I’m sure we can find a solution to all of this, we always do” Mqoqi
“When, How, Who is she” A different voice
“Palesa, I’ll go get her” Mqoqi

15 | P a g e
“She is here?” A hoarse voice
Oh no he’s going to find out I was eavesdropping, I need to run.
“Palee” he says peeking in the bedroom
“Are they all gone?” I ask, tying not to look suspicious and catch my breath
“Yes but my brothers are still here, they want to meet you” He says
Liar!!!
“But I’m not properly dressed Mqoqi” I say
“Please, Mrs King, this is not the time to argue with me”
He takes my hand and pulls me down to the dining room, I feel like I’m going to fall, I’m not ready,
How can he introduce me to his brothers in such an intense situation. I hope they all don’t recognize
me at all.

Anden when did the wives get here

“Palesa” Mahlomu says with a shocked face
I am looking down, she is going to tell them who I am and what I do, I know they all won’t approve of
me.
“You know her” Her husband asks he her
“Yes she was the lady that cleaned Mqoqi’s room” Mahlomu
She forgot to mention that I was the person who updated them about Mqoqi and I was the one that
called her when Mqoqi woke up oh and how I prayed for him and took care of him
“I need a smoke” Mahlomu’s husband
The other older brother follows him, I can just tell they disapprove of me, I can just see it
“Palesa would you like to explain yourself” Mahlomu
How do I even answer this question, what does she even mean, there’s one more wife here, A very
beautiful one, you can see she is old but she’s is just too beautiful, she looks perfect.
“AusMahlomo I love him, I really do” I manage to say
“Because he is your ticket out of poverty?” She says
She just cut straight into my heart, how could she say such, I have concluded that I am not
welcomed into this family
“Mami, please don’t talk to her like that” Mqoqi
“Mqoqi, what do you know about love? You were dead for four months and now suddenly you think
you in love” Mahlomu
“Hlomu enough” The beautiful older wife
How can all these brother sit and watch this woman walk all over me and my man
Mqoqi left the dining room, he disappeared somewhere into the house, my head is down, I have
been playing with my fingers throughout. I wish I had left earlier, I really wish I did, this all is too
much for me, so much rejection in one day. His back they all are, he sits next to me and takes my
hand and holds it tight. I feel better.
“Palesa these are my older brothers, I believe you have met them all before” Mqoqi
I nod, I’m still looking down, I have met all of them not formally but I know them.
“The older one, his like a father to all of us, Nkosana, that’s his wife Zandile,”
Zandile gives me a half smile, she seems unsure about something
“That’s Mqhele and his wife, you know her name, at the corner is Sambulo, I come after him, The
guy sitting on the ottoman is my other older brother Nqoba, He smiles at me, it genuine, that’s
Qhawe and you have already met Mpande” He says
I really don’t know what to make of all this, they are all looking at me like I am supposed to say
something so I just keep nodding. Silence again

16 | P a g e
“We are going to have to find a solution to all this” The older brother, Nkosana
“There really is no other way of doing this, Mqoqi is going to marry Amahle end of story” Mqhele
“I agree, we can’t lose our home again, we are not going too” Sambulo
Do these people realise that Mqoqi just introduced me as his girlfriend and they forcing him to
marry some girl.
“We can’t force Mqoqi to do what he doesn’t want to do, how we can force our brother to marry a
woman he doesn’t love” Nqoba
“Maybe we can pay the Chief a large amount of money, He loves money” Mpande
“The chief does love money but he is very strong on culture, he won’t allow his daughter to be
humiliated, it would also bring shame to him and make him look weak” Nkosana
“This is Mqoqi’s decision to make” Zandile
“No it’s not his alone, we are going to make this decision together and make sure we all benefit”
Mahlomu
Mqoqi looks crushed, I can’t stand to see him like this.
“Il leave its fine, You can marry the princess, it’s the right thing to do ” I say
Where did that come from, everyone is looking at me, Mqoqi looks shocked and the other men here
look like there eyeball are going to pop out.
“Good” Mahlomu
I feel like breaking down and crying but I am stronger than that
“No Palee, you not leaving me, I won’t allow it’ Mqoqi
“Let her go” Mahlomu
“Please leave my house, all of you think you can tell me how to live my life, call me dead, insult my
woman, I have had it” Mqoqi
“Mqoqi Please” Nqoba
“No Bafo” Mqoqi
“Everyone here thinks they have authority over my life, forcing me to marry some woman who’s
probably not even carrying my child, telling me what to do, I know I have done some bad things in
the past but none of you are giving me the benefit of the doubt, none of you are giving me the
chance to do things my way, you even treat Ntsika and Mpande way better than you treat me, all I
am is a reckless stupid child” Mqoqi
“Mqoqi calm down” Qhawe
“No Qhawe, Out, All of you out of my house, Palesa is not going to leave me, and I am not going to
marry Amahle, and that is it” Mqoqi
He’s crying, he just broke down and his crying
“I want all of you out of here by the time I come back” He looks really mad, like he would kill
someone right now
Zandile runs after him. They not going anywhere, they all sitting here and staring at each other or
me. I stand up,
“Give them space Palesa” Mahlomu says with some attitude
And I thought this lady was sweet but today I could really be satisfied with myself if I slapped her,
and I really wouldn’t feel bad about.
“No, I’m leaving I’m going to my house” I say
“No please don’t, stay so we can sort this out’ Nkosana
I’m really puzzled now, not so long ago these men wanted nothing to do with me and now I’m being
asked to stay. As to why I’m the one leaving when Mqoqi kicked them out I have no idea.

17 | P a g e
Its late, the tension in this house is too heavy, I am heart broken. They spoke, they discussed
everything. Qhawe suggested he marries that witch princess as the 1st wife and me I will be
“umamncani’ Mqoqi looked at me after that suggestion, but he didn’t refuse, 2nd solution is they are
actually going to try buy the chief, chances of that happening are slim. Zandile asked me to stay with
him, that’s why am still here, I want to be with him, but I am also very unsure of the status of our
relationship, one thing for sure, this man proved that he loves me today. They are going to Mbuba
early tomorrow.
“I ran us a bath” He says, he is trying shame
I have been pretending to watch TV and him, his been staring at that book and going out to smoke
every 5mintues
“I don’t have that bubble form stuff so your whole body is going to be exposed” He says with that
naughty boy smile of his
“After you” I say smiling
The bath is relaxing I have my back on top of his chest and I’m sitting in between his thighs.
“What’s going to happen if the chief refuses the money you offer?” I ask
“We will elope” He answers me
He is being selfish
“But you can’t do that, even if we run away, the chief will still punish your family, and what about
your unborn child, do you want him to think you?” I say
“Well than I will marry you than take Amahle as my second wife and I will be able to raise my child”
He says
“But I don’t want to share you Mqoqi, I want you to myself” I say
“Well Palesa I don’t know what you want from me anymore” He says as he leaves the bathtub
I didn’t mean to upset him, he is making this very hard for me, if he chooses me, his family will
resent me even more, and Honestly I will not share my man, I don’t want to be a mamkhulu or even
Mam’Ncani, I want to be his and his alone.
His asleep when I get to bed, does Mqoqi understand that his silence is only making things worse.
“I need to borrow your Pyjamas” I say
He pulls up the duvet, and his naked, his not wearing anything, not even underwear
“No pyjamas or clothes are allowed into this bed” He says
“But its chilli here” Me
“Ever heard of body heat? Come I will keep you warm” Naughty boy smile again, he was mad
2mintues ago
I’m sleeping on his chest and his holding on to me for dear life with both his hands, we are talking
about William Shakespeare, no we are debating about him, and I think this is the 1st time we
disagree on something
“Well that’s your opinion on the man, his still my favourite author of all times” I say
“You are too stubborn, you know I have a valid point, you just don’t want to agree with me and have
the last say” He says ticking me
His back, this is the Mqoqi I love and know.
“It was different Palesa, It was nothing like I ever felt before, and it was really different” He says
I know what he talking about and I know he means it, I felt it to, it was amazing, not even Tshepang
has ever made me feel like that, I know that was love making, I know he was making love to me, we
connected it was beautiful and amazing.
“I felt it too Mqoqi, It was really amazing Malove”
“Will you be here when I come back from Mbuba? Will I find you here?” He’s looking straight into
my eyes
“Yes, I will be waiting for you, you will find me here” I reply

18 | P a g e
“You won’t lose me Palee, and I pray I don’t lose you” he says
“Sleep, you leaving in a few hours” I say
“Not before I make love to you” Mqoqi, And we pick up where we left off this morning, him in
between my thighs and my hands on his head and I’m moaning

19 | P a g e
 Chapter 5

Meeting up with the Chief did not happen at all, we received a SMS from Amahle just before we
went to bed, she stated that she doesn’t want to marry Mqoqi and she has a plan, so instead of the
whole clan going to Mbuba its just Mqoqi, Mpande and Nqoba who went to hear her out and what
her plan is, they should be back soon, yes I am still “home” like I promised, I think I should make
supper.
My cell phone is ringing
“My love” I answer
“Palee, we on our way home” He says
“Good, I’m because I’m making supper” I say
“Yes that is just what we need after a long day, homemade supper”
“Uhm we?” I ask
“Yes, we, me and my brothers” He answers
“Ohk”
“I will see you in four hours Mrs King” Mqoqi
He hangs up. Ohk I have four hours to cook, for three man, and I am not nervous at all, cooking is my
specialty and I know exactly what men like them love, Meat! But theirs is not any here so I have to
run to the shops, he left me some “pocket money” I don’t know if you can call “R6000” pocket
money that is not even my monthly earnings.
I’m going to make something simple, lemon and herbs rostered chicken, BBQ ribs and marinated
steak, my delicious tomato chacalaka, roasted potatoes and cream spinach no fancy salads, men
don’t like salads. I made lots of food just in case they are hungry and we all know men can eat for
days none stop. And I am born Sotho we very generous when it comes to food.
They are here, but that is not the car they left in, oh lord it’s not them, it’s his other brother, Qhawe I
think, I’m not sure, he has a toddler in his hand and his with a very heavily pregnant woman, ohk
what do I do. A knock, God I’m going to faint. Good thing I bought a dress with my “pocket money”
it’s a lovely dress, yes legit again, I was trying to impress his brothers. Its black and body hugging,
knee high length and its shows some cleavage, I had to bring some sexiness.
“Hi” I say as I open the door
“Hello, How are you” He says with a smile
“Im good how are you?” I reply
“This is my wife Naledi and our boy Sbopho” Qhawe again, he looks very excited
“Nice to meet you all” I say
“Are you done with the cooking, Can I help you?” Naledi says in tswana
“No its fine, you look like you need to rest” I say hoping not to offend her
“I do actually, After I pop, I swear I am removing my womb” She says
We have an eye locked moment and we both laugh
“Do you have any kids?” Naledi
“Yes one daughter, she’s 5” I say
“That’s nice, the only baby girl we have in this family is Niya, apparently she’s the only girl born in
over a 100 years” She says
I raise my eyebrows
“This family is just weird, really weird, 1stly they are all identical and now this” I say
“Welcome to my world” Naledi
We laugh again, I think I like her, she’s very sweet, she looks like a whale though but I assume that’s
is because she is pregnant. In comes another wife and a hyperactive little boy, he runs to Qhawe and

20 | P a g e
the wife greets both me and Naledi, she sitting with us but hardly says anything. As to why Mqoqi
never told me he was having a family gathering, I have no idea. Good here he is.
“Good evening Ladies, I see you have met my future wife” He says with a huge smile
“Yes, she and I are getting along well” Says Naledi sounding genuine
She’s right, we have been talking none stop ever since she got here, and as for Gugu she just gives
smiles and Nods
“She’s beautiful” Gugu with some fake smile
I know she doesn’t mean it
“Come” He says reaching out for my hand
I follow him all the way to the main bedroom
“You look nice” He says
“Thank you, I bought it with my pocket money” I say
He laughs. He sitting on top of the bed, I walk towards him and sit on his lap.
“You stayed”
“I promised I wouldn’t leave” I reply
“And I promised that you wouldn’t lose me” He says
“How did it go?” I ask
“Let’s talk about it later, let’s go back we have guests” he says
“About that, why didn’t you tell me your family was coming over” I ask
“I also didn’t know, I told Nqoba that you were cooking, so he invited Gugu and that’s how the word
got out, don’t worry you will get used to it” He says
He is talking this so lightly like he didn’t just allow his family to ambush me, Thank God I cooked
enough food. There’s more people here including kids when we go back, I spot Zandile and Hlomu,
I’m very much sure that Hlomu was dragged here, she has made it clear that she doesn’t like me but
I’m not here for her or to be liked by anyone in this family, Mqoqi gives me enough love and
approval.
“There isn’t enough food here Madam” She says sipping wine
“While I wasn’t expecting a crowd” I say rolling my eyes
All the wives look at each other and at me at Hlomu, I won’t allow that woman to bully me, if its
attitude she will give me, attitude I will give to her. She seems shocked by my attitude and I’m glad
she must know her place.
“I will help you dish up” Zandile
“I am going to make myself comfortable on the couch my back is starting to hurt” Naledi
The other 3 stay on the kitchen counter, they are probably gossiping about me and I really couldn’t
care less.
“Don’t mind her, she like that with every woman who comes into their lives” Zandile
“But AusZandi, I have been nothing but nice to Hlomu and this family, I don’t understand this sudden
change of heart towards me” I say
“Palesa you need to understand that Hlomu is like a mother to all of them, they worship her, she will
make things difficult for you, you need to make peace with her” Zandile
“AusZandi I am not the one who has beef with her, she needs to make peace with the fact that im
here and Mqoqi wants me here” I reply
“You are as stubborn as she is, that’s why you too don’t get along, but listen baby girl, Mahlomu is
the glue that keeps this family together, you don’t need to be best friend with her or get her
approval, but these men listen to her, one word from her and they will all make sure you are out,
that’s how much they value her opinion. I have never seem Mqoqi this happy in a long time and he
would probably choose you over his family but you don’t want to be responsible for these brothers
going their separate ways right?”? Zandile

21 | P a g e
I hear her, Mqoqi always tells me how important family is and how he only has 7 friends, who are all
his brothers. I would hate to separate them but I also don’t like begging.
“But I hate begging, I have already given her attitude, she will be happy to see me apologize and she
will feel superior, like she has some power over me” I say with a frown
“She thinks she superior to everyone, and we let her, life is much better when she thinks she’s the
one in control. Do this one thing for Mqoqi, love is about sacrifice baby girl” Zandile, she’s being
serious
We dish up, buffet style, everyone will have to serve themselves, I’m not sure to dish up for these
kids so here’s my chance, this might backfire but here goes
“AusHlomu can you assist me with dishing up for the kids, I don’t know what they eat and what they
do” I say
The table is quiet, all eyes are on me than to Hlomu, and Her husband gives her eyes and she gets
up. We walk to the kitchen.
“They all don’t have allergies, Phakame doesn’t eat red meat so make sure you give him the chicken”
Hlomu
“I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did to you” I say
“Are we done here?” Her again
Ohk this is going to be difficult, but I have to do this for Mqoqi
“Ausi please, I really want to makes things right, just let me know how” Me
“You really want to know?” Hlomu
I nod, I see Mqoqi making his way to the kitchen
“Reverse the spell you put on him, He was in a coma for four months and when he wakes up he is
suddenly in love with you, you should be ashamed of yourself” Hlomu
Mqoqi heard all of it, I have no come back for this, so she hates me because she thinks I bewitched
Mqoqi. She’s shocked to turn around and find Mqoqi.
“It’s true, Mqoqi, this girl bewitched you” Hlomu
“I never knew you to be like this Mami, not you out of all these people” He says
“But Mqoqi…………” Hlomu
He comes towards me. Hlomu is still standing like a statue by the door way. I won’t lie her words cut
deep
“Do you need help?” Mqoqi
“Yes, please help with the bowls for the kids” I say

The night didn’t turn out so bad, Naledi and Zandile tried really hard to make me feel welcomed,
there was also Gugu who felt like she was caught in between the two parties, and she tried hey, I
feel bad for her, Xoli was civil to me but she give me the “I’m team Hlomu” attitude. Everyone
enjoyed the food, Nqoba said he was coming back for second’s, he is old but so bubbly. Mqoqi didn’t
seem to be alright after that kitchen incident, we going to have to talk about it and about what
happened in Mbuba. Its 00:38 and it’s only now that we get into bed
“You are good with kids, they all loved you” Mqoqi
“Mothering comes naturally to me Malove” I say
“Amahle said she will give me the baby to raise myself” He says
Talk about dropping a bomb
“And what will she tell her father, and the baby” I ask with a frown
“She’s moving to East Africa, with her girlfriend, she going to tell her dad she gave the child up” He
says
“Just like that? And what do you mean girl friend?” I ask

22 | P a g e
“Yep, she’s lesbian, she never loved me, we were just having fun and she’s not ready for a child or to
be someone’s mother, so this is a win – win situation to all of us” He says
He’s so calm!
“She’s going to give birth her, in Jo’burg, she’s flying down here on Wednesday, she’ll be staying
here until she gives birth than she will go” Mqoqi
This guy keeps dropping bombs and he sees nothing wrong with it. I’m still quiet. We both are now
“Are you going to mother my son Palee?” He asks
BOOM! And another one, I’m going to ignore that question
“I’ll try reach out to Hlomu once again, I noticed what she said earlier didn’t sit well with you” I say
“Can we not talk about Hlomu, that matter is not important right now” Him
“We have to Malove, I know she means so much to you, she is like a mother, and I really want to
prove to her that I really love you, her approval would mean a lot to me, and I know you would love
it if we got along or at least be civil with each other” I say
“I spoke to Mqhele about it, he said he would talk to her” Him
Silence
“Palee, I asked you a question, Will you mother my son” He asks again
I’m not sure if I am ready for such commitment, we haven’t been together for that long, and I know I
love him but this is huge, so I pretend to be sleeping
“Palee, Mrs King” He shakes me twice
He kisses my cheek and we both go to sleep.

23 | P a g e
 Chapter 6

Amahle arrived Wednesday afternoon and gave birth later that night, she refuse to see Thubelihle
after she gave bath, yes, and that is what Nkosana name him. He is so tiny and so beautiful, big eyes
and all, I fall in love the moment Mqoqi pushed him on to my chest. 26 October at 02H45. We still
haven’t spoken about that mothering issue and yes I am still not ready, I have my own life and my
own child, it really wouldn’t be fair for Mqoqi to force this baby on me.
“Promise me you will take care of my son” Amahle
“His in good hands, he has a good family that loves and cares for him, his going to be alright and
raised well”
“How does he look?” Amahle
She is crying, it must be sad though, I know I would never give up my baby, but hey, am not judging
“Exactly like Mqoqi and every other man in that family” Me
“I hope one day he will understand, I hope he will forgive me, I do love him Palesa and I believe this
is what’s best for him, he’ll have two parents who are happy and in love and he’ll be raised in a
happy and warm home” Amahle
This is all weird, Everyone has concluded that I am the mother of this child, Zandile went as far as
congratulating me, Naledi said I needed a baby welcome party and Gugu said she was planning it, as
to why I have no idea, Mqoqi asked me when I was moving in and I told him, I can’t be his stay in
girlfriend he gave me one look as if he was saying “We’ll see about that”. Thing is I would really love
to do things differently with Mqoqi, I’ve done that cohabiting stuff and I know men trend to get
comfortable and forget that they need to marry you. Mqoqi, his in love, if his not holding Thubelihle
in his arms is standing outside the nursery looking at him through the glass. He has taken millions of
pictures, updated his wallpaper, screensaver and WhatsApp profile picture, the baby is not even a
day old. Amahle is being discharged today and is flying with her girlfriend to Ethiopia on Saturday, I
really hope they not planning of leaving this baby here and adopting one in Ethiopia that would be
wrong, And Lihle is being discharged tomorrow. I had to reassure Mqoqi that he will be fine staying
overnight with the nurses but he feels really bad, he even wanted to sleep at the hospital, he says he
feels like both his parents are abandoning him, But I promised that we’ll both be here early in the
morning.
“Maybe we should’ve bought some milk, what if he walks up and the hospital has ran out” He says
He really is worried about his little boy shame
“It’s a private Hospital Mqoqi, one of the best hospitals even, they won’t run out of Formula” I say
“Palesa” He says
I know his being serious when he calls me by my full name, it’s usually Palee, baby and mostly Mrs
King, and Malove when his trying to be funny.
“Yes” I reply
“Baby Thubelihle needs a home, he needs a mother Palesa, you have been avoiding this topic for
some time, I need to know now, are you in” He asks
He’s still looking ahead of the road, and I have a feeling my answer is going to start an argument or
cause a heart break.
“Malove everything is happening way to fast” that is all I manage to say
“How so, Please Elaborate” He says still not looking at me
“Mqoqi I can’t just pack and move in with you and play happy families” I say
He looks crushed, I did say this conversation was going to be painful, Maybe I should have choose
my words, wisely, let me try to sugar coat my words.

24 | P a g e
“I love Lihle Malove and I want to be a part of his life, as much as I’m part of yours, but we need to
consider the fact that I also have a baby Mqoqi, and I don’t want to confuse her, She girl and I would
like to be a good role model to her” I say
“How exactly are you going to confuse Pabi, Palesa, I love that baby like my own, I have been driving
her to and from school, I have been babysitting her, she knows me and knows about us, there is
nothing confusing here” He says, he sounds like he’s getting irritated
“I don’t want to be a stay in girlfriend Mqoqi, I have done this cohabiting stuff and it did not end
well, I don’t want to go through that again and drag my daughter into it” I say
“So I am being compared to your ex now” He says, he really is irritated now.
“No Mqoqi, you being unfair now, out of everything I said you are only going to pick up that part,
and I never said you were like Tshepang”
“Angisazi mina Palesa” Mqoqi
“Mqoqi we’ve been together for one month, just one” I say, I’m also getting angry now
“So” He snaps
“So you can’t force me to play mummy to your son, you can’t force me to move in with you, you
can’t force me to play house wife, you have already forced your way into my daughter’s life, forced
you family and the rude wives into my life, it’s too much Mqoqi, way too much, I can’t handle it” I
say.
Silence…………………………………

I really regret the things I said to Mqoqi, I know I didn’t mean half the stuff I said, he just put me on
the spot and he really upset me with the Tshepang stuff that he said and he was not very
understanding. Yes things have gone from 0 to 100000 in just one month but I really have no
problem with it. Mqoqi has shown me enough love to last me a life time maybe I should go
apologize, yes I will do that after tiding up this place. I’m in Lihle’s nursery, yes he turned on of the
rooms into a nursery, its beautiful the interior designer started with it on Monday and she was done
by Wednesday, Mqoqi wanted ready by Wednesday so Amahle would know the baby is in good
hands. I’m just unpacking everything into the chest of drawers, and tidying this place. And I here
footsteps.
“You don’t have to do that” His at the doorway with both hands in his pockets
“I’m almost done” I say, avoiding eye contact
“Stop, he is not be coming home tomorrow, so stop playing mummy” He says and walks away
That hurt, really bad, I don’t blame him though, his hurting too, you can just see it in his eyes and the
cigarette he keeps smoking is not doing him any justice. And what does he mean Lihle is not coming
home. I need to apologize, let me follow him.
“Malove” I say
He ignores me and goes to the shower, this is going to be harder than I thought, but he is going to
listen to me whether he likes it or not. So I get naked and Join him.
“Mqoqi”
“Palesa not now” He says giving me the hand
“We have to talk Mqoqi, you have to hear me out, and you need to understand” I say
“Understand what exactly? You have made it clear that I have forced myself in your life, that I’m too
much for you, I get it Palesa, what I don’t get is why you still with me” He says
Composure Palesa you are not here to fight, but he needs to relax and I know exactly how. Im on my
knees, he’s tries pushing me off but I force myself to him, he tries to resist but I can feel that his
body is loose now, his moaning, I’ve never done this to him before and he sounds like his enjoying

25 | P a g e
this, he keeps pushing my head in and out, I have his penis down my throat and he pulls me up, his
eyes are smaller, his avoiding eye contact.
“Force yourself into me Mqoqi, force all of you in me, I want all of you” I whisper in his ear
The warm water is still running, the shower tiles are slippery, this is dangerous. He picks me up and
has my back against the shower wall, my legs are around his waist, and I’m holding on to him for
dear life and today his fucking me, his pumping hard and fast. I have never felt anything like this I
don’t know if this is hurt or anger his letting out and I’m letting him, I won’t lie, it’s great.
“I want you in my life Mqoqi, I want all of you” I say in between his pumping
“You said I forced myself in your life” He says it with such anger and aggression I can feel it in my
Virginia
“I wanted you Mqoqi, I’ve always wanted you to”
“I’m trying Palesa, I told you I’m not good at this loving stuff and I’m giving you all of me and you
shut it in my face” Him, he’s doing me from the back now
“I’m not use to this Mqoqi, It’s overwhelming that someone loves me this much” I say
“What do you want from me” He says
I swear I can feel his penis in my pelvic now, but I’m not going to stop him, not until we done with
this conversation
“I need you to understand Malove, I want to be with you and all that comes with you but we need
not rush everything, I want us to work Mqoqi, I want us to do things the right way Mqoqi”
“You want me to marry you, is that what you mean?” He asks
“When the time is right, yes, I want that, I love you enough to be your wife” I say
I’m back on my feet, with on leg on his hand and both my hands on his neck, he has his forehead on
mine, we are looking into each other’s eyes, and there is something deep about him.
“So you don’t want to be Lihle’s mom” He asks
“I love Lihle as much as I love you Mqoqi, and when the time is right I will take full responsibility for
Lihle, as I would expect you to take on the father role in Pabi’s life” I say
“And my family, Mami, My sister in laws” He asks, still looking into my eyes and fucking me
“I don’t have a problems with your family, they are all lovely people, especially your brothers, and
they are bubbly bunch, “Mami” is the one who has a problem with me, Xoli is on her side and Gugu
is caught in between, Ahhhh, Ahhh, AusZandi has been nice to me” I mumble
It’s getting very hot in there, I know he is about to come, I didn’t get my happy ending but I don’t
mind at all, I’m glad we spoke.

We woke up early and headed to the hospital, Mqoqi is heartbroken you can tell, He borrowed his
brothers car cause we all know that his mode of transport is either very small or has two wheels.
Myself and Thubelihle are in the back seat. I packed Lihle’s stuff after the “Talk”, it was sad being
there, I really would have really loved to be there and create a home and a family. I still have no idea
where he is taking Lihle from the hospital, he is probably going to stay with Hlomu, she is the Mother
Hen of the family.
“SisZah is going to take him, uLihle, his going to stay with SisZah and Nkosana” He says
Ohk I guess that is where we are going, and don’t know what to say
“Can we have him on weekends and Holidays?” I ask
He shrugs. I will take that as a no.
“ I am going to be with him every day before and after work, and maybe during lunch, so it will be up
to you if you want to see him or not” He gives me that sarcastic smile on the rear mirror
“Ohk” I say, he is trying to make me feel bad I just know it.

26 | P a g e
We are here and there are lots of cars too, so I guess the whole clan is here. The Garden is well
decorated, everything is white, it really does look beautiful, I assume it was all Gugu’s doings.
“Lovely neh” Gugu
“Beautiful, although I don’t think you should have included the winndebom chair” I say
“Mxm” she says and rolls her eyes
We both laugh as she takes Lihle away from me,
“Mqoqi” Gugu
“Hi Sisi’ Mqoqi
He has Lihle’s bags in the other hand and his other hand is around my shoulder, I think this is his way
of trying to make me feel comfortable. Here comes Zandile, this woman is just too beautiful for her
age, she must use those expensive creams and gets injections every month.
“Baby girl’ Zandile
“Hello AusZandi”
“Mqoqi, How are you” She asks
“Il survive” He answers and disappears in the crowd
“Anden” She asks pointing at Mqoqi
“He’s been moody all morning, he really is sad that Lihle won’t be staying with him” I say
“You two are welcomed anytime of the day to visit Lihle” Zandile
“So you don’t think, I am a bad person, that I am being unfair” I ask
“I understand Baby girl, you have only known Mqoqi for a month and it wouldn’t be fair on you to
give up your life so you can raise another woman’s child” Zandile
She is so wise, it must really come with age. We join the other ladies in the kitchen , Lihle is now in
Hlomu’s arms, she is so good with this mothering stuff, they all talking about how cute and cubby he
is, and the fact that he looks like his other cousins and uncles or rather brother’s and fathers as they
say it.
“Ladies Lihle has to go upstairs now, it’s a bit windy here” Zandile
“I will help you” Hlomu
I believe she just wants to go gossip about me to Zandile
“Let’s go settle outside mommy and you can open all your gifts” Xoli, she is pulling me outside
And the sudden change of heart, I could never get it right with these wives. The guys are also coming
over to join us, it’s too early but they all have a beer in their hand. I’m placed of this big white chair
and Zandile pushes Mqoqi to me, his sitting on the edge of this chair, with his hand around my me
and shouldn’t all these people be at work? And it feels very awkward sitting in this chair, I’m not
Lihle mother Maybe Zandile should have sat here
“This is from me and Mqhele, we thought he would like driving the same car as daddy” She says
laughing
It’s a Ferrari stroller and car sit, I heard they go for about R10 000, this is crazy!
“Thank you, it’s beautiful
“We hope Lihle is not as crazy as his father though” Mqhele says laughing
Everyone burst into laughter
“This from Nqoba and me, I wanted to buy Gucci but it couldn’t be shipped on time so here you go
Mummy” Gugu
It’s a Versace hamper, there’s baby clothes, blankets, hats and I see a bag too, I’m 28 and the most
expensive item I have cost R1500 that is my Cavella. Naledi bought him lots of baby books,
apparently it is wise to start reading to them when they are still young. Xoli bought a crib and chest
of drawer they very beautiful, unlike the set I bought that is at Mqoqi’s house, not like he noticed,
Ndoni, Mpande’s girlfriend bought lots of clothes from earth child. This is too much though. The
food looks lovely and fancy. The are chiefs here and they just finished setting up. Let’s indulge.

27 | P a g e
“Should I get you a drink” Mqoqi
“Yes, please, juice would be nice” I answer
He comes back with a glass of juice and a beer in his hand, it’s just the two of us here sitting with
these overwhelming gifts
“I’m sure you going to enjoy pushing him around in that stroller” I say
“Yes, like father like son” Mqoqi he says with a huge smile
“The gifts are all lovely, I see everyone here has an expensive taste
“I’m sure they don’t even check the price tag” he says waving his hand in the air
“We are going to Mbuba sometime next week, we have to perform a ritual for Lihle” He says
I nod.
“Are you going to come with us?”
“I would love too, but Pabi is coming back next week” I say
‘We’ll go fetch Pabi on Friday and travel with her to Mbuba”
There he goes again, he never asks, he just tells me, maybe I should let him be, he has good
intention. I feel like asking him how he feels but I really don’t want him to make me feel guilty once
again.
“It’s getting late, let’s take these into the house” I say
“I will ask Lwandle to do it” He says as he helps me up
“I’m going to kiss Lihle goodbye than we can leave ohk, he says kissing my cheek and leaving me with
the ladies
He’s not afraid of showing everyone how much he loves me, one time at a mall I teased him about
how touchy he is and he picked me up carried me on his back all over the mall, it was beautiful and
yet embarrassing. Hlomu was in a good mood today, we didn’t have a conversation together, but
she was civil with me, we even sat altogether with all the ladies. Mqoqi has been gone for some time
now, I will go check on them.
“AusHlomu, do you know where Lihle’s nursery is?” I ask
“Next to Sbanis room, up the stairs, on the passage, second room” she answers me, without rolling
her eyes
I am really surprised, maybe Mqhele really did talk to her. I make my way upstairs and here my cute
Lihle’s room, the door is half opened, Mqoqi is not alone, he’s with Zandile and they are talking
“I’m just happy you are over Hlomu, and that you are happy” Zandile
WHAT!!!!!!! NO! NO! NO! This can’t be!
“I am SisZah, Im happy with Palesa, she’s different, she amazing, sweet and caring too” He says
“I noticed and she’s beautiful, simple but beautiful” Zandile
“But I’m scared SisZah, what if things don’t work out again, I have had too many failed relationships,
I also chose wrong woman, I don’t know why. Everyone who’s with me has an agenda, Lerato
wanted the inside scoop, Amanda wanted to kill us all and I fall for my brother’s wife, I’m unlucky
when it comes to love” Mqoqi
“Patients Mqoqi, eventfully you will get it right, God created a significate other for all of us, I waited
17years remember” Zandile
“I don’t want to try no more SisZah I really hope it’s for keeps with Palesa, There’s just something
about her that makes me so happy and alive, no one has ever made me feel that way” Mqoqi
“How did you find her” She asks, Zandile
“She prayed for me SisZah and every time she did I felt something in me move, that forced me to
come back to life, I could hear her sing and pray, it felt like a deep sleep, of which I could not wake
up from, but every time she sang or prayed, I had the courage to wake up, to fight for my life, I
wanted to meet this Angelic voice, her hands are soft and tender, and I believe I squeezed them back
every time she touched me, Palesa brought me back to life SisZah, she found me ” Mqoqi

28 | P a g e
This is all overwhelming and emotional.
“Wow Mqoqi, Dr Van Tonder did mention you might be able to hear us but I never really thought
you did” Zandile
“Well I didn’t hear you just the woman I love” He says jokingly
“Ai Suka” Zandile
“Thank you SisZah, for doing this for me and Lihle” He says
“I know you would be happier if you were able to take him with and kiss him good night every
evening” She says
“We can’t always have what we want in life now can we” He says
“Give her time, she’ll come around when she’s ready, you need to understand that all this is too
much for her, she didn’t leave when she found out you had a new born, she was there when Lihle’s
was delivered and she helped with the nursery, she has good intentions” Zandile
“Hey, I came to say goodbye to Lihle” I say as I walk in
I hope they don’t suspect that I was eavesdropping
“Il give you guys some space,” She says and stands up and leaves
I’m standing behind the closed door, and his rocking and singing to his baby, in between the
thousand kisses.
“You so good with him” I say as I take Lihle away from him
“I raised 11 babies baby” he says with a smile
I laugh, we sitting in his lap now, he has a beautiful smile stuck on his face.
“This is a permanent union right, I mean us and our kids, it’s a forever thing right?” He asks
“I hope so, I say kissing his forehead”
“Promise me we’ll make it work, no matter how hard it gets we will stick it out” Him again
“Treat me right Mqoqi and I will treat you better” I say

29 | P a g e
 Chapter 7

“No Mqoqi I don’t want to do this, I can’t, tell them to untie me please” I say trying to catch my
breath
“I won’t let you fall” He says laughing at me
“How are you going to catch me if we both falling, Malove Please I can’t do this” I say
My heart is pounding, my legs are shaking, and I am saying a silent prayer in my heart.
“1, 2, 3” A male voice
“Mqooooooooqiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii” I scream
We are swinging upside down, and I am holding on to him for dear life, I want all this to be over
now, I want to be on the ground. He sounds so excited, He is an adrenaline junky I tell you. He said
he had a surprise for me this morning so I thought dinner or maybe lunch, a gift maybe but no, he
took me to the Soweto Towers for bunjee jumping. It has been an amazing 4 months I tell you, so
much has happened in my life and I am not complaining. While normal people get their drivers
licence first I got my bikers licence yes I am a biker now, I asked him to teach me to ride jokingly and
next thing we were at the Kyalami Race track learning how to ride at 23H00 at night, he never waits
for anything that man of mine, Lihle is growing and looks more and more like his daddy and his other
fathers and cousins and Pabi loves him to death, we all spent Christmas in Mbuba and my sweet
baby girl was over the moon with all the gifts she received from “Papi” yes that is what she calls
Mqoqi. I also have a new job, cleaning supervisor at Sbopho logistics I believe he was responsible for
this though, but I am not complaining.
“Earth to Palee” He says waving his hand in my face
“You are on a mission to kill me neh, on Valentine’s Day nogal”
“I would never” he says kissing my cheek
“Bunjee jumping Malove, out of all the things in the world, you choose to take me bunjee jumping” I
say
“Well I wanted us to go sky diving but I thought that was a bit extreme for Valentine’s Day” He says
“Mqoqi!!!!!!!” I shout with shock
“What?” He raises his shoulders
“I don’t know what I am going to do with you” I say raising my arms
“So you want to be adventurous only in the sheets” He says hugging me on my waist
“Well Mageba is not deadly” I say in a naughty tone
He grabs my ass and we start kissing in public that is what we have become, kissing and touching all
the time.
“Ohk we going quad biking than paintball” He says he looks so excited
“Mqoqi, I have work to go to” I say
“I thought you were the boss?” He says
“Yes and bosses need to manage their stuff” Me
“Well this boss is telling you to take a day off today or you fired” He says with a straight face
“Mqoqi!!!!!!”
“Don’t test me Palee” He says with a smile
“I am going to trade you at some pawnshop at down town Jozi I swear” I say with a smile
My phone is ringing, I answer. OMG where in the world did this man get my cell phone number? I
haven’t seen him in years, what am I going to do, talk about a day spoiler, my mood has change
completely, what was supposed to be the best Valentine’s day has turned sour.
“Are you ohk babe, your mood changed after the phone call?” Mqoqi

30 | P a g e
“I will be fine love, it’s my mom, she says Penny is giving her trouble” I am lying but he doesn’t
notice

My phone is ringing and I know who it is, I could ignore but I know he won’t stop
“Mageza” I say annoyed
“Tick, Tock, Tick Tock, Palesa I want my money” He says
“I need more time Mageza, give me another 2 weeks or so, please” I say
“That is what you said last week sfebe, I need that money” Mageza
“Ohk I have a plan, give me until Monday, I promise you by close of business Monday you will be
R100 000 richer” I say
“You better not be lying to me, or you will have all your porn videos and pictures distributed all over
the papers” He says
Mageza is my old pimp, yes you read right, Pimp. You see when Tsepang and I were both not
working and we had to eat and pay rent I had to do something cause going back home was not an
option. See where I come from you don’t just go to Johannesburg and come back without anything
to show for it, either you come back married or driving a fancy car. I met Mageza in town while job
hunting, he told me about his “business” and how I could make up to R1000 in just one day, I took
up a job to be a prostitute. Yes before I found employment as a cleaner I was a hooker, I didn’t do it
for long though, I stayed for like a week or so after I covered rent money for 3 months and our basic
needs, not even Tsepang knows about this. He found out through some stupid Sunday paper gossip
column that I was dating Mqoqi and now he is blackmailing me, I don’t think he knows that he would
get more money from the newspapers than me and thank God for that but as to how I am going to
get R100 000 in two days I don’t know, I have an idea, but it is deadly.

“No baby we have all weekend to do this” I say is I put my clothes back on
“but I want you now” He says, still naked on the couch
“Mqoqi you just had me now” I say
“Well I want you all the time King” He says walking towards me
“Mqoqi stay away from me” I say with a stapler in my hand
We were having lunch in his office and one thing lead to another, we ended up on his single couch
making love. I don’t know how many times we have made love in his office but I am not complaining.
He wanted us to go straight home to finish what we started but its Friday today, we have to fetch
the kids and head home for the weekend, we are never indoors on weekends, there’s always a fun
activity Papi has in store for us.
“Papi!!!!!!!!!”
She runs towards him and like always he has opened his arms in time, just in time for him to catch
her, and im supposed to be her mother but with Mqoqi is around, I doubt she acknowledges my
presence. Tshepang comes to visit her sometimes but the relationship she has with both man is
different.
“How is my favourite girl doing today?” He asks
And she starts telling him about everything she did at school, it’s going to be like this till we get
home. Next stop is Zandile’s house to fetch Lihle.
“What are we having for supper today?” He asks
“Take aways?” I ask
“For someone who cooks so well, you sure hate cooking” He says with a smile
“I don’t hate cooking, Im just tired” I say
“You seem, distracted lately, distant maybe, are you ok?” He asks he is being serious now

31 | P a g e
“It’s really nothing Malove, I just am tired” I say
“Was it Mageba? Cause really I didn’t do anything to you, I thought we would continue with our
party when the kids go to sleep” He says with that naughty boy smile of his
“Pizza?” I ask changing the topic
A frown
“No, not that again” He says
“Ohk tell you what, why don’t you take a short left to Jozi and bring us that greasy meat you like, and
I will cook Pap” I say
A smile, I am winning
“Are you sure” He asks
“Yes Malove I am sure, just pass by McDonalds and buy Pabi something, and not a big mac Mqoqi
she won’t finish it” I say
He’s laughing, he always buys her those big burgers that can’t fit in her mouth, and she ends up
eating the burger piece by piece.
“I will be back just now” He says kissing my cheek
He is driving out, this is my chance. I put Lihle in his crib and Pabi is in the lounge watching cartoons,
he should be gone for the next hour giving me enough time to crack his safe combination, he is not
too complicated so it should be easy. He probably won’t even notice I stole his money.
Not Lihle’s Birthday
Not his birthday
I take chances and punch mine in and no again
Think Palesa, Think very hard, I don’t know any of his brother’s birthdays
Mahlomu, Yes Mahlomu‘s Birthday nope not it
2,4,6,8
I am in! There’s about 7 to 8 stacks of money here, if I take all of it he will notice, let me take two,
there’s R10 000 in each stack so I will take 2 and figure out where I am going to get the next amount
of money. R20 000 down and R80 000 to go, Mqoqi will have to forgive me, I have never asked him
to buy me anything or give me money he has offered but I always say no, I am not after his money. It
is very unfortunate that I have to do this though, I don’t want to steal from the man I love dearly but
if I told him about my old ways he will probably leave my hooker ass and I don’t want to lose him, I
love him and our little family, but I am also doing this for him, I don’t want to put him through that
pain and embarrassment.
“What are you doing?” He asks
He looks so comfortable, like he has been standing there for some time.
“Palesa what are you doing with my money” He says looking like he is about to kill someone
“Malove I can explain, please listen to me” I says
He closes the door and pushes me to the bed, He heads for the safe, opens it, counts the money and
when I think he is going to close it he pulls out a gun.
“Please Mqoqi don’t do it, Let me explain”
“I trusted you with everything I had, I thought you were different, but you are just like the other
bitches, How could you Palesa, I love you, how could you” He says hold the gun in his hand
“Mqoqi calm down, Please, let me talk, let me explain” I say walking towards him
“Move again and I will shoot you, don’t test me Palesa move again and I will blow your brains out”
He says, he looks like he means it
I am afraid but I have to do this, I won’t let him hurt himself or me.
“Mqoqi I am not Amanda, Malove please listen to me” I am still walking slowly towards him with my
arms open
“Palesa I said stay way, get away from me” He looks more furious, I swear he could kill me right now

32 | P a g e
“Mqoqi listen, I am not stealing, you have to listen” I say
Im back on the bed again, I have just been slapped, I get up and back to him again, He hits me with
the corner of the gun now, I have to calm him down before he kills me. This bedroom is now upside
down, he won’t listen, his hitting, kicking and screaming and through all that im still trying to calm
him down and there are no tears.
“Papi stop, stop hurting Mama” Pabi
“Pabi go watch TV, Papi is only playing, he is not hurting Mama ohk, Go” I say
“No mama, I want you” She looks like she is about to cry
“Its fine baby go watch your cartoons, I am coming ohk” I say as I shut the door in her face
What did my poor baby just witness, she just saw a man hit her mom, something I never wanted her
to experience, I am bleeding and my whole body is sore. I am sitting on the floor with my back on
the door, he is sitting om the bed, not facing me but the gun is not in his hand anymore.
“See what you have done to me Palesa, you brought out the Mqoqi I killed in that accident, look
what you have done to me Palesa, I am a monster again, the monster that hurts and kills” He is
breaking down now and walking towards me.
He has his back against the wall and he slowly sliding to sit down, his sitting with his knees up both
arms resting on them and looking down, He is crying now not loud but I can tell his crying
“I have a past Mqoqi, I wanted to make it go away, and it was never my intention to hurt you”
“I didn’t want to steal from you Mqoqi, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen”
His still looking down, I might as well tell him the whole truth, I wouldn’t want the love of my life to
think that I would steal from him. I don’t want to lose Mqoqi but than my honestly could also send
him off, he could break up with me after this.
“I was……….. I was a prostitute Mqoqi, 7 years ago, a year later after we arrived in Jo’burg, we were
struggling, badly Mqoqi, I had to do something to survive, and so I sold my body” I say
He is looking at me now, his eyes have less rage but they still red.
“When we went public with our relationship my old pimp called me and started blackmailing me, he
told me he would go to the papers and sold them my pictures and the promo video’s that we made,
I didn’t want to embarrass you or your family Mqoqi, this would ruin your reputation and your
business image” I say
“So you decided to steal from me, when you could’ve easily told me all this” He says
“Yes I could have told you Mqoqi but I didn’t want to lose you, I didn’t want you to look at me and
see a prostitute, yes I would have took your money and I was hoping that you wouldn’t notice,
unfortunately you did, and now im not just a prostitute I am a theft too” I say
“You should have told me Palesa, you should’ve believed that I loved you enough to look beyond
your past, I mean that was 7 years ago, you were 21, but that is not who you are now” He says
“You wouldn’t understand Mqoqi, you don’t have a dark or embarrassing past, I love you Mqoqi, you
the best thing that has ever happened to me after Pabi, I really didn’t want to risk losing you” I say
This is really hurting me now, I am really going to lose him, I am crying I didn’t cry when he was
bashing me, I couldn’t feel the physical pain, but the pain of losing what I have built with this man
cuts straight into my heart.
“I use to kill people Palesa, I killed so many people in my past I have lost count” He says
No!!!!!! I look at him and he has a straight face, he is being serious
“There’s a lot of bad stuff I did Palesa, I use to sell drugs, I smuggled cars and I killed people, me and
my family killed anyone that would hurt us, anyone one that would mess with us, they died Palesa,
me and my family are not as innocent as the world thinks we are and this, you being a prostitute it is
nothing compared to what I have done, I come from a bad and horrible past Palesa, as bizarre as this
may sound but I understand, you did what you had to do to survive” He says
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I Ask

33 | P a g e
“Because like you, I never wanted you to look at me and see a murderer, I was scared that you
would leave me Palesa, my past is deep and dark and I didn’t want to drag you in it” He says
I don’t know what to say now, are we even, are we alike, I still love him though and I didn’t judge
him or his family for doing what they had to do. It is weird though because I saw a family of saints.
He crawls towards me, and rest my head on his chest, I am still bleeding and his wiping all the blood
with his shirt.
“Do you still kill people?” I ask
“Depends” He answers
“Can we go ki…….. Can we deal with Mageza” I ask
“Done” He says still wiping my face

34 | P a g e
 Chapter 8

6 months into this and I am loving it, every moment of it actually. Mageza I don’t know what
happened to him but I believe he was dealt with, he has never contacted me again. It’s my birthday
in two days and Mqoqi said I could have it at our house, his house I haven’t move in with him yet, I
am forever there though, we travel together from work to home so sometimes he is “To tired” to
drive to Kempton Park, yes Kempton Park, We moved out of that one room in Tembisa, we are in a
flat now, Kempton Park, I decided to get a bigger place since I could afford more these days and well
kept. He has invited all his family and I invited my friends because I don’t have Family in Jo’burg and
back in Mpumalanga is just me, my mom and two younger siblings and my uncle, I wish they would
come but they have to take care of my mom. She has gotten very sick in the past month, Thank God
for Mqoqi I was able to pay for all her medical bills and no I didn’t steal his money, he insisted on
helping out even though I blatantly refused.
“This is really getting annoying” He says pushing the trolley
We have been doing shopping for the party, he insisted he wanted to come with me so I made him
push my trolley everywhere, we have been to only two shops and his annoyed
“But you the one that insisted on going with me” I say trying to hold back a smile
“I didn’t know we would be shop hopping when I agreed” He snaps
Now I laugh
“We have been to just two shops Mqoqi, We still have a long way to go” I say with a smile
“Why didn’t you hire someone to help you with all these? I mean a profession” He asks
“Hire someone to do shopping for me?” I say looking confused
“Yes, Like we always do” He says
“You have people who do shopping for you Mqoqi” Still confused
“Uhm yes, we hire people for such things, me and the others” He says like its normal
“Yoh, Things money can buy” I say clapping once
He smiles
“You know the party would have been nice if you had it at Mami’s Resturant, less cooking, less
shopping, less cleaning” He says waving his hand
As if she would allow me, she has been civil to me but I know I am still not her favourite person and
she would prefer it if I left Mqoqi or he leave me
“Malove you know this is my 1st birthday party ever, I want to make it special, I want to be hands on I
say
And I don’t want to have my birthday at Hlomu’s Resturant, she would probably sabotage it
“So what are going to wear?” He asks
“Gugu is taking me shopping tomorrow, she says I need two or three outfits and I agree” I say
His eyes are all out now
“For one night?” He asks looking shocked
“Yes Mqoqi for one night, it is my special night” I say rolling my eyes
“How much are you going to need?” He asks
He never listens does he, I always say no to his money but always offers, and when I refuse to take
his credit card, he just deposits it into my bank account, as to where he got my banking details I
don’t know.
“I can afford to buy my own clothes Love” I say kissing his cheek
“You know Gugu has expensive taste”
I give him the look, he raises both his hands, and this conversation is over.

35 | P a g e
Gugu took me to some boutique and Mqoqi was not joking when he said Gugu has an expensive
taste, I could only afford to buy one dress and Zandile offered to pay for the other one, she said it
was my birthday gift, they were both shocked when I told them Mqoqi offered me his credit card
and I refused. Mqoqi laughed at me when I told him what happened. Zandile insisted on taking me
to do my hair, her weave is always on point so I was not going to refuse, although my razor cut is
only a month old and still in good condition, I usually keep it for 3 months, so I had to put my tail in
between my legs and ask Mqoqi to quickly send me R2000 and he accidentally sent R20000 which
was good because the weave cost me R3500, I am going to pay him back though. The place looks
nice and elegant we are in doors, their isn’t many of us here so this more like a dinner party. The
men of this family disappeared, I believe they are in a corner somewhere having beer. My friends
shame they tried to live up to the Zulu standards. Ntsika is also here, he has a white European
girlfriend, can you believe it.
“Surprise” Keketso
I am so shocked, excited and happy at the same time!!!!!!!
“Sa’mee, How, When?” I ask
She points at Mqoqi and he raises his beer, oh I should’ve known
“Penny you also here” I say giving her a hug
“Hey Ngwana Mama, You look amazing, you are well kept I see” she says with a smile
Keketso and Penny are my younger siblings Keketso is 6 years younger and Penny 3 years younger,
were are the three musketeers, inseparable.
“Mama is also here” Penny she says pointing to the door
I walk towards her, with my arms opened, she looks so tired, pale and weak, she looks very old too
and she’s only 59.
“Mbali, you look beautiful baby, I love the new hair” she says, and returns my hug, she is holding me
so tight, and it feels so warm to be in her arms.
“Happy Birthday my love, you are growing very old” She says forcing a smile
My mom is a very bubbly person by nature she gets along with anyone and everyone
“Is this your boyfriend’s house, I expected a double story” She says coughing
“Mama what are you doing here?” I ask
“Ask you boyfriend, he thought it would be wise for me to teach you youngsters a dance move or
two” She is being sarcastic
“I wasn’t going to miss your birthday Mbali and the opportunity to ride in a private jet” She says
hitting me with her elbow
“Private what” I ask shocked
“Yes we picked up at home, drove to Secunda airport and we flew here. Mbali this is an upgrade”
she says, she is trying to be funny I know
“Go get me food I need to take my medication” She says
“You don’t look so well ma” I say
“Are we here to party and celebrate or we are here to play doctor?” She asks
Keke and Penny are gelling with everyone in the crows, everyone is here and I mean everyone even
Naledi with her new born baby, He is so adorable his name is Nkosiyabo. Hlomu is also here making
sure she gets really drunk. I have gotten very well with the brother’s over the months Mqhele calls
me MaMolefe which makes me feel like I am very old I just don’t like it the others either call me sisi
or Makoti. The place is beautiful, I hired deco and decorated it myself. I cooked and my friends

36 | P a g e
helped me prepare for everything, Mqoqi asked me to ask Hlomu to help but I didn’t want to, it
doesn’t sit well with him that me and Hlomu are not the best of friends but I have really tried with
that woman she really doesn’t like me. I am happy with myself.
“Can I have everyone’s attention please” Mqoqi
And Why is he hijacking my party?
“Can everyone make their way to the foyer outside Please, Everyone” Him again
I wonder, Im getting seriously nervous right now, he takes my hand and we walk outside. We push
through the crowd and boom! Omg! No! It’s a bike, a BMW s1000rr, its black and Orange, yes I know
a lot about bikes now, we spoke briefly about this bike, He asked if I like it I told him I love it.
Everyone is surprised here, like who buys their girlfriend a bike, but me I am over the moon, this is
the happiest day of my life.
“She is all yours’ or is it a he?” Mqoqi
“Mqoqi” I say with my mouth opened
“Why are you crying now, I thought you loved this bike, or would you have preferred a Yamaha
4000?” He asks
“I love it Mqoqi, it’s beautiful, and I really love it” I manage to say
“She loves it, she loves the bike” He shouts
And everyone starts clapping and cheering
“And now I am afraid to ask her to marry, because she might just have a heart attack” he says
Laughs
What! This must be a joke!
“Ask her” a female voice from the crowd
He gets down on one knee, oh no his not, Lord no! This was planned, he even has a ring, and it’s
beautiful, simple but very beautiful.
“Will you” He asks
“Mqoqi” I am going to cry now
“My knee is hurting you know” He says
“Come here” I say with my arms open
He gets up and hugs me!
“Yes, Mqoqi, I want to marry you”
“It’s a yes, Say hello to my Mrs, Madam Zulu” He says
There’s shouting and ululations, cheering and clapping, looks like everyone here is happy and
excited, I try find my mom with my eyes and I see Hlomu, she is running I don’t know to where.
“Congratulations Girly” Xoli
“Our new member, cheers ladies” Gugu
“Come here baby girl, I am so happy for you” Zandile
“Thank bo Aus’baka” I say with a smile
“Makoti, Welcome” he says reaching for a hand shake Nkosana
I nod!
I still can’t see my mom though, where is she. I need my mom now.

“He is a nice man, treat him right, he will treat you better” Mom

“Yes Ma, I will do just that” I say

We are eating breakfast at the hostel Mqoqi booked for them, The party/engagement party
continued till the wee hours of the morning, Hlomu and Mqhele left early because Hlomu had a
headache but we all know the real reason why she left, she properly got home and cried. I wonder

37 | P a g e
what is the story with her and Mqoqi, I think they had an affair, that is the only logic explanation as
to why she hates me so much, she is still hang over Mqoqi, Thank God Mqoqi said he is over her. In
fact it explains so much, I remember how Hlomu would cry at hospital praying and hoping he would
come back to live and she was the one who fought very hard that they didn’t take him off life
support, and thank God for her, or I wouldn’t be as happy as I am right now.
“They said they are coming in two weeks” Mom

“So soon” Penny

“Yes he means business” Keke says reach for a High 5

“And when did you learn to ride a bike?” My mom

And yes I rod to this place with my bike, Im a biker chick now, a biker engaged chick, Mqoqi is
playing daddy with his daughter and son.

“Yes Mqoqi taught me how to ride a few months back, she beautiful isn’t she?” I say with a smile

“Well tell Makgotso that I am your maid of honour she must just forget” Keke says

She is one happy soul this one, Makgotso is my best friend, we have been friends since High School,
she also moved to Jo’burg a few years after I did.

“Don’t worry Sa’Maa Mqoqi has 9 groomsmen so everyone will play a part” me

The all look at me with their eyes popped out

“I’m not about to explain” I say waving my hand in the air

“Mama, who is going to be leading the negotiations” I ask

You see my mother was married to my father, but that is a long time ago. They met in Jo’burg but
my father was from Free State and my mom from Mpumalanga. My father was already married
when he met my mother but went on and took her as his second wife. My father’s family was
religious and didn’t believe in Polygamy and so it didn’t sit well with them that my father married
another woman and that she wasn’t Sotho. We moved to Free State after they had Penny but my
father passed away when Keke was just a few months, after the funeral my Marital grandmother
and my father’s 1st wife throw us out like dogs and that was the last time we saw my father’s family
and we don’t want anything to do with them, as for my mother’s side of the family they all passed
away, it is just my mom and his mentally ill brother.

“I will ask some seniors from church, Khulekani is out of the picture” She says
I nod, now for the other issue.
“When last did you see a doctor Mama, you don’t look so well” Me
“I am going for my check up at the clinic in Tuesday” she says
“And how is you BP?” Me again
“Mbali stop, please” Mom
Ohk, chapter closed
They are all flying back later today, so after breakfast we are going shopping, I have decided since I
am Mqoqi’s fiancé now, I might as well spend his money and spoil my siblings, as to how we are
getting to the mall on a motor bike I don’t know, they will have to call a cab cause this is me now, I
am a biker and I am riding to everywhere I go.

38 | P a g e
“Hurt my daughter and I will break you balls Zulu” Mom
“You don’t have to worry about that Mama, I love her too much” Mqoqi
“Good cause I don’t want to break them, you are a very nice boy, I like you and what you have done
for Mbali and Pabi” Mom
He laughs, how sweet this, my mom getting along with Mqoqi is, she never liked Tshepang, In fact I
think she always hated him.
“Bye Ma, I will see you in two weeks” Me
“Bye baby, I love you, you do know that right?” Mom
“Yes mummy I know you Love me that is why I love you even more” I say giving her a hug
“Don’t forget about your Doctor’s appointment Mama”
“I won’t, I want to be strong enough for your negotiations” She says with a half-smile
“You two, take care of Mme, don’t let her do the washings and stuff, Please let her rest, I will see
you soon, I will be home 3 days before the negotiations so we can prepare” I say to my sister’s
“Stay well Ausi, I love you” Keke
“Good bye Palee” Penny
And off they go.

People really don’t have timing, its bloody 5am in the morning, I ignored the 1st two calls and they
just won’t stop.
“Hello” Me
“Palee you have to come home, Its Mama” Penny
I jump and sit up
“Penny, what happened? Is Mama Ohk?” I ask, I am wide awake now
“Just get here ausi, please” and she hangs up
No, no, no, this can’t be happening. I don’t know what to do feels like I have just lost my mind, I am
not even breathing properly, where is my phone, I need to find my phone, it’s not here and I am
getting frustrated. I stop looking and sit on my bed trying to come back to life. Its rings, 05:30 my
alarm, I have to prepare for work, no I have to go home, yes something happened to my mom, she is
probably just sick again, maybe she just wants to see me, I can’t think of the worst , let me call Penny
back, she is not answering , I try Keketso and her phone is off. I dial another number
“Mrs King, you woke up missing daddy?” He says
“Palesa?” He says when I don’t say anything
“Baby I can hear you breathing, is there something wrong?” Him
“Please come over” Me
“Are you Ohk? You don’t sound so good” Him
“Just get here please Mqoqi”
He hangs up. I really don’t know what to do, do I prepare Pabi for school, or am I taking her with
me? Should I call in at work? I am sitting on top of my bed trying not to think of the worst
“Mami, Am I not going to school?” Pabi
She is awake, I don’t know how to answer her. I just starring into space, I can see that she is awake
and I can hear her but my mind is not here. She is just standing and looking at me with her arms
folded
“Do you want food?” I say coming back to earth
“Yes, Weetbix please” Pabi
He is here, that was quick
“Are you ohk? He says

39 | P a g e
I throw myself at him and start crying, really let out a loud cry. He instructs Pabi to go to her
bedroom he lets me calm down.
“My mom Mqoqi, my sister called me and said I needed so get home, something about my mom” I
mumble
“Did she say exactly what the problem is?” He asks
“No Mqoqi, but Mama has been sick for some time now, I know something bad happened Mqoqi, I
just know it” I say
“I will call Penny, start packing” he says

A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. A man does not die of love or his liver or even of
old age; he dies of being a man. Death is a distant rumour to the young. Life is eternal, and love is
immortal, and death is only a horizon; and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight

Bangiswani Rebecca Skhosana – Molefe, Rest in peace our beloved mother

Yes my biggest far turned out to be the truth, my mother passed on in the earlier hours of
Wednesday morning, just two days after she left me in Gauteng, when I arrived in Mpumalanga my
sisters were already waiting for me with some community member’s, church leaders and my uncle. I
believe Penny told Mqoqi about my mom on the phone because after he was quiet all the way to
Mpumalanga, he suggested we leave Pabi with Zandile and we drove together to Mpumalanga. I
have never been this heart broken in my life, my mother I really am mad at her right now, how can
she just leave us like that when she knows we have nobody, she is all we had, Keke was with her
when she took her last breath, she told her that she loved all of us, including Pabi, and that she
leaving because she knows we can do this life thing without her, but I don’t think I can carry on.
Makgotso has been here all week to help out, and thank God for Mqoqi who made sure that my
mother was buried with dignity, Penny and him were the one’s making the arrangements, me I was a
zombie, this might sound very selfish of me but I am also very mad that my mom passed away
before my negotiations, now they might not happen because I have no family at all, not even a
brother to negotiate for me. The Zulu clan is here, all of them, yes Mahlomu too, they arrived
yesterday with Pabi , them all being here gave me some sort of comfort, that I am not all alone, I
have Mqoqi, I have a family.

“How are you holding up? Gugu

“I am ohk, Im glad it’s all over” I say
“I also lost my mom almost two years ago, so I know exactly how you feel” Gugu says patting my
back
“You will heal as time passes by, I felt like you too when I lost my father but time heals all wounds”
Hlomu she looks sincere
All the ladies have gathered in my mom’s bedroom and me in sitting on the mattress with Keke
“Did you guys also feel alone when your parents died cause that is how I feel, alone, just me and my
sister’s, my uncle is another case so we are as good as orphans” I say trying to hold back tears
“You are not alone Palesa, you have us, we are family now, you and your sisters can count on us”
Zandile
I can’t hold them back anymore, I am crying, badly, Naledi jumps to me and starts comforting me.
Mqoqi has been trying but I noticed he doesn’t know what to do to me when I start crying, he just
leaves me alone and asks someone to comfort me, he said to me he can’t stand to see me like this, it
breaks him. I was born tough and feisty but my mother’s death hit me real hard. Mqoqi walks in and
our eyes meet, he keeps staring I know he is asking how I am, so I just nod and he leaves.
“We can stay and assist you with cleaning and other stuff, we can leave tomorrow evening “Naledi

40 | P a g e
“No we will manage, I am sure Spobho and Nkosi miss you” I say
“I can stay” Hlomu
Anden?
“Me too” Zandile
“Uhm I have to go, someone has to be with the kids in Jo’burg” Gugu
I know Gugu just wants to get out of this area, she made it clear that she hates this place, I know she
means well but she hates the bundus
“Me too, I will help Gugu with the kids” Xoli
“Thank you guys, your support means so much to me” I say

Zandile and Hlomu both slept here, we all woke up early and started washing the blankets and
cleaning the house, we would have really struggled if they were not around. Now to start this life
thing without my mom, where do I even begin? My lobola negotiations were set to begin next
weekend and that is my biggest worry, I know they are not going to allow me to pick up random
strangers to be negotiate for me, they are deep into culture and doing things the right way,
especially Qhawe. The thought of finding my father’s family doesn’t sit well with me, I have spent all
my life without them and going back there will bring me memories I don’t want to remember. I have
memories of my father, he was amazing, and of my half sister and brother, they were both older
than me, my father made sure we knew each other and fond a bond among us. How I wish he had
not died, I know for sure that my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it did. We will just have to
put the negotiations on hold I hope this won’t put a strain on my relationship.

“But next week is too far Palee, I can’t take it anymore, my hand doesn’t make me come anymore”
“I know Mqoqi, but I need to stay with my sister’s for a bit, we need each other’ I say
“I am going to miss you, I have been missing you, our bed is lonely and I fall off most of the time”
Him
“I miss you too Malove and everything about you, and I also miss Mageba” I say kissing him
“Take care of Pabi ohk, And Lihle, I know Zandile is being helpful but she could use with some help” I
say
“He misses you, uLihle, Pabi and just happy to be always around Niya, they have become inseparable
” Mqoqi
“I miss him both of them, tell them mummy will be back soon”
“Mhmmmm mummy? So you are mummy now?”
“I have always been, Now go before it gets dark” I say
‘Ohk, Ohk, I am leaving”

41 | P a g e
 Chapter 9
I am back at the place I never wanted to come back too, it looks very different from the last time I
was here, but that avocado tree is proof enough that I am at my father’s house. He loved that
avocado tree, he had his breakfast, lunch and supper under that tree, even in winter, and he would
make a little fire and sit there. We, all my siblings including my half brother and sister would join him
and listen to all his not so funny stories about the mines and he and my mother had all their
romantic moments under that tree but that tree is the same tree we slept under when my
grandmother chased us like dogs, Keke was still a baby than, my mother tried to remain strong and
put us to sleep but I wasn’t able to sleep, not in that cold weather, I was only 8 but the memory is as
clear as what I had for dinner yesterday. As much as it hurts me to be here I know I have to do this,
for closure and for healing and for Mqoqi, he has been patient with me for three months now. I tried
pushing the Home Affairs marriage but he would not hear any of it. Not all my relatives were bad, I
had aunts and uncles whom were great, but the fact that none of them tried to find us is what
bothers me a lot. Sisekelo Xoli’s second child told me that my father was calling me, I did not
understand what he was saying, I thought he was being a silly, it is normal for a boy his age but
Mqoqi later told me that Sisekelo communicates with the dead, so my father must be really calling
me, he said. I found it had to believe, you see my mom tried to distance herself from all these
culture stuff and ancestors stuff cause she knew she had no relatives at all, so it very hard for me to
believe in the dead and ancestors.

“You sure you want to do this alone? I can come with you, you know” Mqoqi
“No I will be ohk, I have to do this on my own” I say
“I will wait here for you, scream your lungs out if you need me to come” he says with a smile.
He’s been trying to crack jokes all the way
Keke refused to come with me, she didn’t even make excuses for it, she told me to my face that she
was not going to bring “those people” back into our lives, Penny made some excuse about work, but
I know she also doesn’t want to be here. I blame my mom for that though, she painted my father’s
family as the worst people on earth when it was just my grandmother and step mother that were
horrible, I guess she is also mad that the other relatives didn’t find us. I have seen a scene like this
before, “Khumbule’Khaya” the only difference is that there are no camera’s when I walk in. I am
approached by a woman who looks exactly like me just a bit older, she must be Matshepo, my half
sister, I remember her, we were very close and almost the same age.

“Is it really you?” She says with her hands on her waist

I don’t know what to say so I shrug

“Malome, Malome, Thapelo!” she shouts running into the house

I hope these people don’t set me alight, they might hate me you know. I look behind me and Mqoqi
is now outside the car, smoking he gives me the “What is happening look” and I shrug, but I stop him
when he wants to walk in. I have been standing here for some time now, and I don’t know whether
to go in or keep standing, a very old lady peeps out the window, I can’t see who she is that means
they know I am here, and suddenly I am scared, what if history repeats itself?

A young man walks out, Late 30’s I think, I have never seen him before.

42 | P a g e
“Who are you?” He asks, I can’t read his face
“Palesa, Palesa Molefe” I say
He looks at me from head to toe, I don’t like how he is looking at me. Matshepo is coming out again,
with a man I have seen before, my uncle, yes he is my father’s younger brother.
“Should I get you a chair?” Matshepo
I nod, this is exactly how Khumbule Khaya is.
“Palesa, you have grown, you look like your grandmother when she was still in her youth years” The
uncle, he has a huge smile on his face
“Do you remember me?” The uncle asks
“Not your name, but I remember that you are my uncle, my father’s younger brother” I say
He reaches out for a hug but Matshepo bets him to it, He hugs me, the other guy seems to still be
cold.
“These are you siblings, your brother Tau and sister Matshepo, she also looks like you and your
father” The uncle again
“I remember Matshepo, Tau I don’t recognize but I remember his name” I say looking at the brother
He flashes a half smile
“Why did you come back?” Tau says, rudely so
I look at all of them, I don’t know how I am feeling. I don’t know how to answer this question
“We came looking for you before the will reading of your father, me and you late Uncle Joseph but
couldn’t find you” My uncle
Could this be true or they just saying this to make me feel better, and there was a will, this is news to
me that will, it must have been the reason why we were kicked out of here.
“Your mother once mentioned to me that she worked at Coca Cola company in Wadeville, when we
got there we asked for her last address, we went to the address in Mpumalanga and they told us
everyone in that family has passed away and the remaining member stayed in Jo’burg. We figured
that maybe after your mother left with you guys she took you to Johannesburg” My uncle
“We went back again after a year, but the neighbours told us the house was sold and they didn’t
know where you moved to” Uncle again
This all is very true, before we came back to Mpumalanga, my mother stayed a few weeks in Free
State with a friend of hers, when we went back to Mpumalanga we sold my grandmother’s house
and moved to Secunda, to an RDP house. I am still quiet, I really don’t know what to say.
“Did your mother ever explain to you why she left?”
Is he playing dump right now.
“We didn’t leave we were chased away” I say with little emotion
“Lies! Only Lies” Tau
“Let her talk Tau” My uncle
I am crying now, I can’t hold them back. Matshepo comes to comfort me, she is also crying now, as
to why I don’t know.

“What do you mean you were chased away Palesa, who chased you away?”

“It’s was Mama and Kuku, the Sunday after the funeral, I was sleeping with Palesa in my bedroom,
Mama came in and pulled Palesa, I ran after them and that’s when I saw everything” Matshepo

“Liar, how could you say such horrible things about our mother, can’t you see that this girl is here to
steal from us, our mother would never do something so inhumane” Tau, I figure he doesn’t want me
here

“It all true Tau, Matshepo is not lying” Old Lady

43 | P a g e
Wow this is really sad, she looks very old, pale and she is blind, She is walking with a crane, walking
towards us, sitting under the Avocado tree, My Grandmother, I don’t know how to feel about this, I
do what to beat and kick her like she did to my mother but it looks like life already took care of that.
You can see by just looking at her that she has suffered and is still suffering but that all is not
punishment enough for all that she put us through
“You still smell the same way you did all those years ago, Of Sta’Soft, your mother always washed
your clothes with it” Grandmother
“Take my hand child” She says reaching out her hand
I am reluctant, everyone is looking at me waiting for my reaction, I don’t want to touch her, I don’t
want anything to do with her, I had hoped to find her dead.
‘Please dear child, my grandchild, Take my hand” She says again
I get up and walk towards her and I hold both her hands and she starts crying, her hands are cold
and dry, there is no life left in this woman.
“Forgive me Palesa, Forgive me for all that I put you through my grandchild, I am so sorry, forgive me
and take me out of my misery. Your father’s ghost has been haunting me ever since you left, God has
punished me so much during the years, forgive me Molefe, I am not asking for much grandchild just
for your forgiveness” Grandmother
I am crying again, I don’t usually cry this much, I am a tough girl
“I forgive you” That is all I manage to say
Everyone is left stunned but not Matshepo because she knows the truth, Tau looks disgusted by his
mother and grandmother and my uncle looks like his crying. This is not a usual family reunion.

“I am glad you cried, you don’t usually cry, I remember the time I was………… when you…….. When I
found you busy in my safe and I…………………..” Mqoqi
“When I was stealing from you Mqoqi” I say
“Yes than, when I was…………………” Mqoqi
“When you were hitting me, you can say it” me again
“Yes than, you didn’t cry, I kept coming hard but you didn’t cry, even at your mother’s funeral, you
didn’t cry, you don’t cry often” He says
“I do cry, I just don’t do it often. I have been through so much in my life Mqoqi, crying that helped
me with anything, crying is a sign of weakness” I say
“No crying is a way of letting out all the pain and anger, It can make you feel a lot better, you need
to cry often, believe me especially when you sad” Mqoqi
“Well you would know this cause you cry often right?” I ask
He laughs we both laugh.
I haven’t called my sister’s and told them about my trip, I know if I call they won’t be interested this
is something I have to tell them face to face. It was not as bad as I thought it would be, My uncle has
a wife and kids, Matshepo also has two boys, Tau one girl, I met two more of my uncles and one
aunt, whom were all happy to see, Tau also came around but was a bit reluctant, As for evil step
mother she locked herself in her room until I left. They all met Mqoqi and my uncles LOVED him, we
spoke about the negotiations, I am going came next week so we can discuss that, I hope my sister’s
will come with me. My fiancé here is happy, just too happy that we will be getting married soon.

44 | P a g e
 Chapter 10
It is the night before my uMembeso, the yard is buzzing, my family they are all here including my
Grandmother she has gotten very better over the months, and all three of my sisters and brother
and uncle, some of my aunts and other relatives are coming tomorrow morning, I also fetched my
mentally ill uncle at institution he is now staying, yes is my family too. Yes we are one big happy
family now, I know my father is happy wherever he is. My sisters were a bit reluctant at first but
eventually they came around and they are both happy to have a family especially since my uncle and
aunt have took the role of being parents to us, they are really amazing people. The negotiations
went very well, they didn’t even take an hour to negotiate, my aunt was shocked at the fact that
they didn’t care I had a baby and a well-paying job but I know it will all Mqoqi, He didn’t want to wait
no more because he has been waiting so it was “Give them whatever they want” that is just like him.
He wanted us to have uMembeso a month after that but we couldn’t not because it was short notice
but because we had to fly to London for Ntsika’s wedding, yep he married the white girl and they are
expecting, weird I know, I wonder how they baby will look like, the image I have in my head is funny,
imagine a coloured Mqoqi. We only having Membeso now, two months after the lobola, I haven’t
started planning the white wedding but I know I am going to plan everything to the dot. My baby has
started walking and is so mischievous, he calls me mummy and he melts my heart every time he
does, I can’t believe one day I am going to have to tell him that I am not his mother, it’s going to
break my heart. Mqoqi wants more children and I do to, at least two more but I told him we will
start making babies after the white wedding, he wasn’t too pleased with that.

A knock, it must be one of the ladies, and yes its Mahlomu.

“Can I come in?” Hlomu

“Sure” I say directing her to sit on the ottoman

“I know I have been making you feel very unwelcomed here, but I have my reasons, Mqoqi is like a
brother to me, or my son even, I know it sounds bizarre but it’s true. You see Palesa I have took it
upon myself to take good care of all these man, and letting them go is not always easy. Mqoqi he has
a past of choosing very bad woman, woman who always have had an agenda, woman who always
break his heart so when you came along I thought you were one of those. I like you Palesa you may
not believe it but I really do, from the hospital days I trusted you with Mqoqi, I always knew there
was something true and genuine about you. Mqoqi is a different man now and I think it’s because of
you and Lihle, you changed him for the better, something I failed to do, maybe that’s why it was
hard for me to accept you, it’s because you did for him what I failed to do. In short Palesa I just
wanted to apologize to you, and I hope you will forgive me and I wish you and Mqoqi all the best
with your union. I hope we will learn to get along, for the sake of the family and Mqoqi” Mahlomu

Wow never thought I would see this day, I believe she has been longing to say those words to me for
a while now, cause she stopped with her bitchy tendencies a long time ago, we weren’t buddies but
we were civil to each other.

“Thank you, your words mean a lot to me, I love Mqoqi Ausi, and I promise to take care of him” I say

“You better because my husband has a gun and I am not afraid to use it” Hlomu

We both laugh and share a hug, this is the 1st time we connect, and Mqoqi walks in while we still
hugging, the smile on his face is priceless,

“Thank you Mami” Mqoqi

45 | P a g e
Hlomu nods and leaves the room.

“What are you doing here, you not supposed to be here” I say

“This is my room baby, I stay here, and my stuff is in here, you the one who is not supposed to be
here” He says walking towards me.

We were supposed to sleep at Bab’Mzimela’s house but I refused that man is just creepy for my
liking and I can’t stand his annoying and judgmental wives, lord knows I wouldn’t survive, some of
my family is there though, rather them than me, So Nkosana told me to stay here and hide the
whole day.

“Stop right there, do not come any closer to me” I say pointing at him, I know that look, he wants it.

“What are you scared of the things you know I would do to you?” He says with that naughty boy
smile

“Mqoqiwokuhle Zulu, I swear if you take more step towards me, I am going to throw you with this
side lamp, don’t test me” I say

“I love it when you get aggressive” He says still walking towards me

He goes for my neck he knows it’s my weakness, and he kisses me down to my breast, panties ripped
and I am on the one seater couch moaning.

“So you and Mami are good now” He says while busy fucking me

“Yes she came and we spoke, we are good” I mumble how he likes to make conversation while we
making love, weird if you ask me.

“Im glad” He says pulling his pants up

“What are looking for?”

“My Gun” He says calmly so

“For what, Mqoqi tomorrow is our wedding and you want to go around shooting people” I am
getting pissed of right now, does this man have a brain

“Hey, stop frustrating yourself for nothing, we are going to shot the cow, its huge and its stubborn,
its kicking and fighting, so we are going to shot it” He says

“Oh”

“We getting married tomorrow baby and nothing in this world is going to stop us ok,” He says
hugging me, I hug him back very tight, I can’t wait to be finally and officially his.

BANG! BANG! BANG!!!!!!!!

The cow is down

There’s screaming and shouting happening outside, I want to go out but I was told not to leave this
room, but I am panicking, I need to know what this mayhem is about.

46 | P a g e
“You wanted him dead Mqoqi, you wanted to shot him cause he had everything you don’t have, you
wanted my husband dead” Mahlomu, she sounds like she is crying

That’s it im walking out. Lord no, this can’t be happening, not the night before my Membeso.
Mqhele is on the ground in a pool of blood and next to him is a bull that is fighting for its life, it
keeps kick but it’s worthless. Mqhele it looks like he was shot on the stomach, and at the far end is
Mqoqi, his sitting on the ground with the gun in his hand, I am standing here hoping all this is a bad
dream created by my nerves. Nkosana walks to Mqoqi and grabs the gun from him and gives it to
Ntsika he runs away with it, Xoli is busy trying to stop Mqhele from bleeding, he looks lifeless like the
bull next to him, Gugu is Zandile are trying to restrain Hlomu she looks like a mad woman right now
and it’s understandable. I don’t know what to do, do I go comfort Mqoqi or do I help out with
Mqhele, I don’t know anything about CPR or all that shit but if Mqhele dies it will be the end of
Mqoqi, he will go into that dark space again, I can’t have that.

“His still has a pulse, did anyone call an ambulance?” Xoli

“They sending a helicopter it should be here any minute now” Sbani

“Someone get me more towels, Mqhele is losing a lot of blood” Xoli

I run to our rondovel and get more towels and when I come back Hlomu is kneeling in front of
Mqhele, she is not crying now, she takes Mqhele’s hand

“Zulu kaMalandela ngokulandela izinkomo zamadoda, Zulu omnyama ondlela zimhlophe, Wena
kaPhunga noMageba, Wena kaMjokwane kaNdaba, Wena wenkayishana kaMenzi eyaphuza umlaza
ngameva, S’thuli sikaNdaba, S’thuli sikaNkombane, Wena kasihhawuhhawu siyinkondlo bayikhuzile
ngoba ikhuzwe abaphansi nabaphezulu, Wena kanogwaja omuhle ngomlenze, Wena
kaMbambelashoba, Ndabezitha”

Zulu clan names

“Baba’wengane zam, (father of my children) we have been through so much and we always have a
happy ending, we have been tested over and over again and there isn’t any obstacle we didn’t
overcome. You need to stay strong Zulu, Mageba, Nkobane, Ndabezitha, we need you, me, Niya and
the boys, don’t die on us, it’s not your time yet, Stay strong Mqhele, My King” She is whipping now.

The helicopter is here, it lands in the on open field, the paramedics run in with the stretcher, they
check his pulse and put a musk on his face, his alive, and I hope he makes it.

“You better pray Mqhele makes it Mqoqi, or I will kill you, I swear I will” Hlomu

Her eyes are filled with so much hatred and rage.

Mqoqi gets up and gets into his car, everyone knows this can’t be good, I run to him but he drives
off, No I can’t lose Mqoqi.

“Someone go after Mqoqi before we lose him” Zandile

“Qhawe, Mpande and Ntsika go after you brother, find him and keep an eye on him, he might do
something crazy” Nkosana

“Sambulo and Zandile stay here with everyone, Im leaving you two in charge”

“Nqoba lets go to the hospital”

47 | P a g e
“Makoti, I promise they will find him, don’t worry” Nkosana

Its hard not to worry, if Mqhele doesn’t make it will destroy Mqoqi completely

Its way after midnight and I haven’t been able to sleep, it’s been 9 hours since Mqoqi left, He left his
cell phone here and no one knows where he is. The yard is quiet no one is talking, to anyone even
the kids are feeling the heavy tension. everyone feels sorry for me, they all avoiding eye contact, im
not sure if it’s because I am not getting today or the fact that my future husband could be dead
somewhere. Mqhele is going to be ohk he could be paralysed for the rest of his life, the bullet almost
hit his spinal cord, I just know this is going to break Mqoqi. I asked for my family to leave in the
morning cause there won’t be a wedding here, my sister’s insist on staying but I really can’t have
them here, not when there’s so much tension. I don’t know what is going to happen when Mahlomu
comes back but I know it won’t be good, she blames Mqoqi and since Mqoqi is not here she is going
to make me suffer. I still don’t know how Mqoqi shot Mqhele, I mean that man knows how to use a
gun he couldn’t have missed. I don’t want to believe that he shot his brother on purpose, he loves
him and he told Zandile he was over Mahlomu, no it can’t be that he shot his brother, maybe I need
to go back home being here is not going to help with anything. There’s a car pulling in, its cars
including the one Mqoqi left in, he’s here his safe, I walk to the door and he walks in, looking
drained, his eyes are red you can tell his been crying, I don’t say anything but throw myself to him,
he returns the hug but his cold. I drag him to bed and rest his head on my chest.

“I was rushing off to the hospital, I needed to be by Mqhele’s side, I wasn’t going to let him die
Palesa, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself”

“I thought you…….”

“You thought I was going to do something stupid just the everyone else right right?!, why doesn’t
anyone believe that I have changed, that I am a grown man, I have kids Palesa, I have you to live for,
I am not the old and stupid boy I use to be”

“I know baby, I was scared really scared, I didn’t know what to think, and I thought I would lose you”

“You will never lose me Palesa, I live for you, everything I do, I do for you and our kids, you guys are
my life, my reason for breathing, my source of joy, I owe you my life Palesa”

“I love you Mqoqi” I say

“I am sorry about the wedding, we are going to have to postpone, just until Mqhele comes back and
everything has settled” He says

“Don’t worry about the wedding, I already sent all my family members packing, but where is Mqhele
going? I ask

“To London, Ntsika has a doctor friend who will be able to save Mqhele from being paralysed, we are
flying there as soon as Mqhele is strong enough, Me, Ntsika and Mahlomu”

“How is she?” He knows who I am talking about

“Mami, is still mad at me, it was better when Mqhele woke up but I know she doesn’t hate me, I
really hope the surgery goes well cause if Mqhele is going to be paralysed Hlomu will blame”

48 | P a g e
“What happened Mqoqi, How did you end up shooting your brother, I know you would never
deliberately shoot him”

He takes a deep breath

“Tell that to Mami, I wish she would understand, I don’t blame her though. The bull was a very huge
one, you. It kept fighting when Bab Gumbi and Mzimela where trying to slaughter it so we suggested
that we shoot it like they do in townships, I shot and the first bullet didn’t end up in the head like I
aimed, I shot its neck, I tried shooting again the bull jumped towards Mqhele and while he was
running away from the cow he went running to the direction I shot, everything happen to fast I shot
and next thing he was on the ground next to cow bleeding” He says with so much sadness

“Sleep, you have a long journey tomorrow” I say patting his back that’s all I manage to say

I really don’t feel like going out of this bedroom, the reality that today could’ve been the happiest
day of my life hit the moment I opened my eyes, I didn’t even cry about it but the pain cuts deep
into my heart. Mqoqi he wasn’t here when I woke up, I am not sure if he even slept because we
spoke till the wee hours of the morning until I dozed off. I know my sister’s haven’t left, they
wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, and they are probably giving me space. I found a single lily
and a note on the pedestal when I woke up it wrote “Our time will come, I love you” from Mqoqi I
know he is hurting as much as I am if not more wherever he is. Let me shower and head to the main
house I am super hungry right now and it is making me feel dizzy.

“Surprise “they all shout at once

“Gosh you are a heavy sleeper, we have been waiting for you since 8am” Zandile

“Anden” I say looking surprised

“This is a…………. I don’t know a party to cheer you up, we all know you are hurting so we did a little
something to cheer you up, we don’t know what to call it though” Gugu

“Come this way, we cooked all your favourites and you can open what were supposed to be your
wedding gifts” Penny

“I don’t think this is a good idea ladies, I mean Mqhe….” Zandile jumps in before I can finish

“Don’t worry Nkosana knows about this he gave us a go ahead, they all wanted us to cheer you up,
especially Mqoqi, it’s a rough time for the family but you also hurting, Mqhele is going to be ohk and
you need to be ohk so that is why we are all here to show you we are here for you and when we are
done with breakfast we can go to the hospital” Zandile

“Thank you ladies and guys, this means so much to me”

The man of this family are not here I take it they are with Hlomu at the hospital, only Sbani and
Lwandle are here I guess they were left here to babysit us, they don’t seem to pleased to be here but
they are enjoying the food. The set up looks beautiful and simple it Gugu’s name all over it and the

49 | P a g e
food must be Penny she knows all my favourites, there’s gifts lined up I can’t wait to open them all.
The food looks really good but funny I don’t feel like eating at all, it must be my emotions taking over
me. Everyone here is making jokes and laughing, it feels like a bridal shower actually. I manage to eat
some toast and bacon, I really am lacking appetite.

“Nice to see everyone laughing and smiling while some of us have to carry the world on our
shoulders” Mahlomu

God I was hoping she wouldn’t come back, I knew this wouldn’t sit well with her, I also wouldn’t
appreciate people having parties well I have to be in hospital nursing my husband.

“Mami it’s not a party, we were just trying to cheer uMama up” Sbani

“And who’s trying to cheer me up Sbani, I almost lost my husband because of her stupid boyfriend
and I don’t see any of you being supportive towards me”

“We were going to come to the hospital after breakfast Hlomu, all of us, to be there for you and
Mqhele” Zandile

“Oh really that is why it’s almost 12 and you guys are still sitting here right” Hlomu

“Mami please calm down, we all want uBaba to be better, we all don’t want to lose him” Lwandle

“Start showing it, all of you. This girl has been in this family for less than two years and already her
happiness is more important than my husband’s wellbeing, more important than my feelings, after
all that I have done for this family you are all going to turn your backs against me, Zandile! who
raised your children for you? Who was there for them while you were busy serving time? Who made
sure you were comfortable when you came back? Huh? Wena Xoli I won’t even start with you, you
supposed to be my best friend, I am always there for you in the time of need, where are you when I
need? Eating cake” Hlomu

“Aus Hlomu please, I can explain” I say trying to calm her down

“You shut up, shut up now cause we are here because had you not bewitched Mqoqi we wouldn’t be
here, my husband would be alright, so shut up, you have no right to open you month” Hlomu

“Enough! Enough Mahlomu!” Nkosana

“These ladies have been nothing but supportive to you Hlomu, I can gave every single person in this
room the right to cheer Palesa up, if you want to shout at someone Mahlomu shout at me, not
them, you hear me”

“So you told these woman to throw a party while my husband is fighting for his life in hospital?”

Oh no she didn’t, is she talking back to Nkosana

“1stly don’t you use that tone with me Mahlomu, I am the head of this family and you will respect
me whether you like it or no, 2 Yes I told everyone here to make it a point to cheer Palesa up, today
was supposed to be her wedding day for God sake and I also told all of them to be ready before 1 so
we could drive to the hospital to be there for you and Mqhele, so please Mahlomu calm down”
Nkosana

The room is silent, the tension in this room is so thick you can cut it with a knife. Nkosana instructs
everyone to make their way to the Iveco bus outside, I would hesitate but the look on his face right
now tells me not to. The kids are going to stay behind with my sister’s, they are only leaving tonight.

50 | P a g e
Everyone is quiet on the way to the hospital, Nqoba is with us and Nkosana is the one driving, I
assume the rest of the brothers are at the hospital, I can’t say I am looking forward to seeing Mqoqi,
I love him but today was supposed to be our wedding day, it was meant for us, seeing him will just
break my heart I just I know it. That was a long drive, we walk into what seems like a single ward, yes
it’s a single ward, reminds me of the one Mqoqi was in and there he is, he looks better than I
imagined but he is very weak you can see, he even has a breathing musk over his nose, we all make a
circle around him, I try to avoid eye contact because he could be blaming me like his wife does. We
find Hlomu’s mother in the ward.

“Let us pray” Hlomu’s mother

51 | P a g e
 Chapter 11
7 months later today and I am 9 months pregnant and my Caesarean section is scheduled for the
next week. I have had some serious problems throughout this pregnancy I even thought this baby
wasn’t going to make it. My blood pressure has been high throughout, I have doctors’ visits twice a
week, and I had to stay at home and avoid anything that might stress me. Mqoqi has been an angel
throughout, he has dealt with my bipolar hormones, and it is really crazy because on minute I am
ohk and the next im either crying or angry. My baby’s nursery is ready and I can’t wait to meet him,
it’s a boy obviously I have been asking Mqoqi for names but he said it was not our responsibility to
choose a name for our son. Mqhele has also gotten really better in the past months, he has trouble
walking in the beginning but the London doctor really help him out, when he woke up from the
hospital he didn’t even blame Mqoqi for what happened instead he teased him about his lame
shooting skills, can you imagine. I am still troubled by Mahlomo’s (You wanted him dead Mqoqi, you
wanted to shot him cause he had everything you don’t have, you wanted my husband dead) words
though I never asked but I know it’s not just me who heard those words and I know everyone else is
curious although I know why she said what she said. Ntsika’s baby was born just a few months ago,
his cute and coloured but looks exactly the same as all his cousins, his name is Shaka, Shaka Jose
Zulu. They are all moving back to South Africa in a few months and everyone is excited to have
Ntsika back.

“Palee, I am going to fetch Pabi and Lihle from school, do you need anything from the shops?”
Mqoqi

“No, just supper” I reply

“What would like to have?”

“Anything is fine Mqoqi”

“Come on Palee you know you don’t mean that, you said that yesterday and you went to bed
hungry”

“Mqoqi food is just that, food, just get me food” I shout

He’s not shocked he is use to such behaviour and it doesn’t scare him anymore.

“Wow” he mumbles and raises his hands

“Excuse me, do you have something you want to say Mqoqi?”

“We’ll go have super with Naledi and Qhawe, me and the kids. There’s some food left from
yesterday and the fridge is full so you can make yourself something to eat” He says walking away
from me.

“Mqoqi don’t you dare, don’t you dare walk away from me”

“Palesa what is it that you want from me, I am here you shout, I walk away you shout, what do you
want woman” he says calmly so

“I want to have supper with both my children, you want to take them to your brother so he can think
I am an unfit mother and wife, huh? Go fetch my kids and bring them back here to have supper with
me, and buy proper food while you at it” I shout

52 | P a g e
“No, I am not bringing them back to you, all of us need a break from you Palesa, look at you shouting
at me because I asked what would you like to have, Yesterday you shouted at Pabi because she was
asking to many questions, No Palesa I get that we having a rough time the pregnancy and really I
have been patient with you throughout, if I stay I another minute with you I am going to do
something I regret. Bye Palesa we will see you later”

“Mqoqi! Mqoqi! Mqoqi! Stop right there, Mqoqi!” I shout as he slams the door

I have been sitting here watching pretending to be watching, I tried calling Mqoqi but his phone rang
unanswered, I also sent an SMS to apologize but still nothing. I know I over reacted but really he
can’t just leave me here alone. I try getting up but my body is very heavy and so is my head, I feel
dizzy, it must be because I haven’t ate, let me warm the food from yesterday. No the food is not
helping I still feel funny, maybe I should lie down, it’s just after 7pm Mqoqi should be here soon. I
walk up the stairs and I feel weaker as I climb up, something is not right my back is also starting to
hurt, let me try call Mqoqi again, his phone rings, he left it on top of the pedestal here in our room.
The back pain is starting to get intense, I think its contractions actually. I need to stay calm, if I panic I
will put my son’s life in danger. The contractions are getting closer and more painful. I try calling
Naledi but her phone is off, I don’t have Qhawe’s numbers and Mqoqi’s phone has a password of
which I don’t know.

“Aus’Zah” I say when she answers her phone

“Baby girl, are you ohk?” I think she can tell that I am in destress

“I think the baby is coming Ausi, I am having contractions. Mqoqi is not home and he left his cell
phone, I didn’t know who else to call”

“Are you feeling any pain? How far are the contractions?” She asks

“The contractions are like 10 minutes apart but I am also feeling weak and dizzy” I answer

“Ahhhhhhhhh” I let out a soft scream ,I think they are getting worse

“Ohk stay put, I will call the paramedics, I am not home right now but I will also make my way there,
try keep calm ohk, I will get a hold of Mqoqi” Zandile

I need to lie down and keep calm. Breath, Breath Palesa Breath! I can hear the ambulance sirens
from up here problem is I locked the gate and the door, they can’t come in, im stuck here and I
won’t risk going down the stairs and falling, and where’s Mqoqi, Qhawe’s house is only 40 – 50
minutes away he should be here anytime soon, he will open the gate. My phone is ringing, the pain
has become so unbearable right now I can’t even talk.

“Palesa, Palesa can you hear me” Zandile

“Yes” I manage to say

“Palesa the paramedics can’t come through they say the gate is locked, can you open for them?,
Palesa can you hear me” Zandile

“The key is down stairs, I can’t” I mumble

53 | P a g e
She hangs up.

I feel so weak, Like I am about to pass out, I notice that I am blooding and it is not just a small
amount of blood, there’s a lot, I am not supposed to be blooding, no God I can’t lose my child, I have
come too far, I needs to stay strong for my baby.

“Palesa! Palesa! Palesa!” I know that voice, Its Mqoqi ,he sounds like he running

“No, No, No, baby are you supposed to be bleeding? “ He asks

I shake my head. Three men walk in with a stretcher, they put a musk over my month and carry me
on the stretcher to the ambulance. Mqoqi is holding my hand, to tight. My heart is beating way too
fast, I am trying to calm down but I can’t and then I am out.

I am awoken by a stabbing pain in my abdomen, I check my surroundings and this is not a familiar
site, there’s Mqoqi’s watch on the small table next to me, I am in hospital and my first instinct is to
check my stomach, its flat, I have given birth but where is my child. I try to get up the pain won’t
allow me to, I check and its stitches. Mqoqi walks in and our eyes meet, he looks like he doesn’t
know whether to turn around and go back to where he came from or to carry on walking. He looks
tired and drained, he keeps walking towards me and he takes my hand and sits on the chair next to
my bed.

“Where is he?” I ask

“He didn’t make it” He says without even looking at me, I think he is crying

And just like that, the chapter of what was supposed to be the beginning has ended. I really don’t
know what to feel right now, my son his gone, I didn’t even see him, did he cry when he was born,
was he a stillborn, did he live for a moment, does he blame me? I know I blame myself in have been
blaming myself every time I went to the clinic, I blamed myself every time I ate food I wasn’t
supposed to eat, I blamed myself every time my blood pressure went high, I blamed myself last night
when I saw the blood and I knew I couldn’t save him.

“Was he stillborn?” I ask, he looks confused

“Was he born dead?” I clarify?

“No, he lived for a few minutes, the doctors tried their best to save him but he gave up, I saw him, I
held him and he was still warm, he was tiny too, he looked like Lihle when he born only smaller, he
opened his eyes than he shut them than he was gone ”

“They must criminate him” I say with little emotion

He looks shocked but before can say anything the doctor walks in, it’s my Gynaecologist

“Miss Molefe, I feeling any pain?”

I give a blank stare, I am really numb to both the physical and the emotional pain that I am going
through right now, I wish I could fall asleep and wake up when this is all over. This can’t be

54 | P a g e
happening to me, to us, this was supposed to be a new chapter for us, a chance to have our own
baby.

“What happened, why did he die, I thought everything was going to be ohk?”

“That is what we all hoped for, for the baby to live but you had a condition called preeclampsia, it is
a condition that pregnant women develop. It is marked by high blood pressure in women who have
previously not experienced high blood pressure before. Preeclamptic women will have a high level of
protein in their urine, as you are aware, your blood pressure has been high throughout the
pregnancy. Your baby was in destress Palesa, your organs started shutting down and not enough
oxygen was passed to the baby, the blood flow stopped too, stillbirth is common with woman with
preeclampsia, it is not something you can blame yourself about” Doctor Pillay

“Should she have gotten at the hospital earlier, could the baby be saved?” Mqoqi asks

“Both yes and no, Mr Zulu, You saw when the baby was born it was alive but he didn’t have much
energy to go on, even if Palesa had made it earlier the baby could have lived or it could’ve dead, we
can’t be sure” Doctor Pillay

“I have a friend and colleague that I can recommend to both of you, losing a child is never easy, you
are both going to need professional help. I will keep you over night for today and I will discharge you
tomorrow” Doctor again

“Criminate him” I say

Both the doctor and Mqoqi give me a shocked look, Mqoqi looks at the doctor and shakes his head
and he leaves, it is just the two of us again.

“Palesa” He says still sitting and holding my hand

“Please Mqoqi not now, please” I say

And we sit in silence

The Zulu’s insisted on burying the child, nothing big, just us family in Mbuba, his tiny grave is next to
his older brother’s grave, Nkosana’s son Mvelo. They named him Thulani which Nkosana explained
to me meaning “Be comforted” they irony. Mqoqi has been in a foul mood ever since, he smokes
more than he talks, I have been trying to district myself using Pabi and Lihle, I know if I allow myself
to feel, the pain will break me completely, I have accepted that the baby is no more and I have
convinced myself that it was not meant to be, I feel responsible for his death though. I have not
been to his nursery and I won’t set foot there, Mqoqi is there every night, I asked him to get
someone to tidy up and give away the baby stuff and he just looked at me like I was a heartless
monster, we don’t talk anymore, it feels like years since it happened but it is only just one week ago,
eventually we are going to have to talk about it, maybe now since the kids are asleep and I know
where to find him.

“Do you blame me? Do you blame me for losing our child Mqoqi?” I ask when I find him sitting in the
rocking chair, he opens his arms and I move towards him and sit on his lap.

55 | P a g e
“I am sorry Palesa, I shouldn’t have left you, had I been here our child would be alright, he would be
here with us, alive, and today would have been one of the happiest days of my life, I failed you and I
failed our son, I would do anything to do things right again Palesa, I am so sorry baby” He says,
crying.

“I shouldn’t have shouted at you Mqoqi, I should’ve just told you what I wanted to have for supper
instead I pushed you away, you were nothing but kind and supportive throughout the pregnancy,
you made sure I was ohk and you took good care of me, we would have lost Thulani way earlier if it
weren’t for you, you kept me calm when I was boiling most of the times feed me when I refused to
eat, you tolerated my tantrums and my bipolar behaviour for 7 months Mqoqi, I shouldn’t have
treated you the way I did. I am sorry I lost your child, it was not your fault it was mine, I was too
weak Mqoqi, I should’ve stayed strong for him but I gave up and I lost him, I am sorry” I say and walk
away, he Is still crying and it keeps getting loud.

56 | P a g e
 Chapter 12
The past month has been extremely difficult for our family, Mqoqi still hasn’t made peace with the
fact that we lost Thulani, we hardly talk, he wake up and goes to work and he makes sure that we
are all asleep by the time he comes back, we have therapy sessions once a week by that doesn’t
even help, he doesn’t even touch me anymore. I still haven’t went back to work, I just don’t want
people asking me how I feel and feeling sorry for me, but I will admit that I miss that place very
much, It’s been almost a year since my wedding did not happen, I have been thinking about asking
him if I can start preparing for the Membeso again, but with the foul mood he is always in I am
afraid, I am not even sure if he still wants to marry me. I love Mqoqi and I miss him, I wish I knew
how to bring back the old him, my man, the one I would debate with about everything, the man that
slowly kisses every part of my body and then make love to me very rough, the man who cared so
much about me and his children, the man that fetched his kids from school and spend his afternoons
with us. How did we end up here, why does it seem like the world never wanted us to be together?
There’s always something blocking our happiness, first no one approved of our relationship, than my
mom passed away before our negotiations, than I didn’t have anyone to negotiate for me, than my
wedding that didn’t happen to losing our son, the world never loved us. It’s his birthday in a few
weeks, Mahlomus’s too. I don’t know, maybe I should use that to cheer him up but that would mean
two more weeks of sulking Mqoqi, I need to do something now. Yes a surprise visit with the kids, he
hasn’t seen them in a while now, he checks on them before he comes to bed and he kisses them
good morning before he rushes to work but let me go to the saloon 1st and yes I am into expensive
weaves now.

Hair? Check

Make up? Natural and noting fancy

Sexy yet appropriate dress? Check

Lunch? Check

Kids? Check

“Hi Nandi is Mqoqi in?” I ask the receptionist

“Hi Palesa, Long time, How have you been? I heard about the baby, my condolences, I can’t be easy
losing a…………..” I stop her before she can continue

“Thank you, is Mqoqi in?” I ask her giving her the look

“Yes I will let him know you coming up” Nandi

“No please don’t, I want to surprise him” I say with a smile

“Knock Knock” I say peeping in

“Hey, are you ohk, what are you doing here?” He asks looking very surprised

I sign for the kids to come through

“Papi” they both run towards him

57 | P a g e
Lihle started walking the minute he turned one, he literally runs everywhere, without stopping, he
also calls Mqoqi Papi. He picks both of them up, yes at the same time.

“What are you guys doing here” He asks

“We missed you, all of us and we bought you lunch, I hope you haven’t eaten”

“I did, but you know I never say no to food, especially food cooked by you, Thank babe” He says with
a huge smile.

I neatly set up at the mini table he has in his office, I cooked lots of meat just the way he loves it, him
it’s like he hasn’t seen his kids in years, he keeps tickling and chasing them around this office, and
this is a picture I missed.

“Thank you” He says hugging me from behind

“Eat” I say with a smile and I put a kiss on his lips

“This is nice, you made my favourite, Lamb chops and just the way I like them” He says

“Papi can I have a piece of meat” Lihle

We both laugh

“He is his father’s son” I say still laugh

“Yes true Zulu’s enjoy their meat” he says picking Lihle up and putting him on his lap and giving him
a piece

“I missed seeing you smile Mqoqi, I missed my husband” I say, I am sulking now

“We’ll talk when we get home, let’s enjoy this moment ohk Mrs King” he says holding my hand

“I missed being called Mrs King too”

He leans over to kiss my forehead

“Everything will work itself out baby, I promise” Mqoqi

He takes the afternoon off and drives home with us in my car, we have a few cars, big cars cause we
have kids you know, he still has his toys though and he also joined some biker’s man club. I haven’t
seen him like this in a while, he looks full of life now, kind of reminds me of the days when we
started dating, only two and a half years and yet it feels like I have known this man all my life, we
have been through so much and we’re still here, standing tall and fighting for our love.

“They both sleeping, I just tucked both of them in, I didn’t realise just how much I missed them,
thank you for coming through baby” He says, he is still smiling

“We all missed you Mqoqi, I know you sleep next to me every night but it felt like you were not here,
and we don’t talk anymore, it’s like you were running away from me, I miss the notes you would
leave behind before going to work, the random texts you would send me, our mid night talks, miss
making love to you, I miss all of you and everything about you Mqoqi”

58 | P a g e
“I missed you guys too, Palesa I am a fuck up, everything I touch I damage, I just mess up, I couldn’t
let go of you and our family, I knew it would break all of us if we split including myself, I don’t want
to live without you babe but it seems as though I keep dragging you into my dark hole. I don’t want
to hurt you no more Palesa, I don’t want you to be damaged or anything like that, I love you baby
and I want to protect you, but it seems as though I keep failing you and us, our kids too, that is way I
stayed away, I thought it was best, but today you made me realise just how much I miss you, I try
Palesa I really do, I just want us to be happy, no drama, just us, doing us and being happy” Mqoqi

“Mqoqi, we are a team, you suffer, I suffer, you cry, I cry, you hurt and I hurt, we in this together, I
am here for you, and you can count on me on, for everything. Thulani’s passing hurt both of us, he
was our child, I know we have kids but Thulani was different he was ours, our creation. I know you
blame yourself but there was really nothing we could do about it. I am sorry I lost your child but you
need to know that I don’t blame you for not being here. I am ready to be right and wrong with you, I
am ready for my heart to win or lose, I just want to be with Mqoqi, no matter the circumstances,
storms come and go, and when the rainbow comes I want us to be here, together, standing, stronger
than ever. Stop shutting me out when we have problems, let’s fix everything together, as a team, we
are one Mqoqi” I say

“You love me that much?” He asks

“I love you more than you could ever imagine Mqoqi, I have never felt love like this, I never thought I
would find a man that would love and worship me like you do” I say

“Thank you baby, for not giving up, or even leaving me, I know it can’t be easy to be with a man like
me, I promise you one day I will give you the world” He says

He slowly comes towards me, I know that face I am about to get some dick and I am not
complaining, I have been missing Mageba.

“Nice hair, when did you do it?” he whispers in my ear

“This morning, you like?”

“I love, it makes you look so sexy and matured” He says unzipping my dress

“I missed you, I missed Mageba to, and I removed the spider web that was down there” I say as I
unbuckle his belt

“Well My King, Mageba is about to show you why you have been missing you, I am not going to stop
until your knees break and you vagina dry and can take no more”

“Come I want all of you, right here, right now” I say and open my legs wider

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”

I am awoken by the smell of food, I open my eyes and my cute little boy has a flower in his hand, his
sister has a tray of food and their father has what looks like a gift in his hand, It’s not my birthday I
know for sure and its August so it is not mother’s day.

“Why are you all standing over me and smiling?” I ask

59 | P a g e
“Because we love mommy” Pabi

“I love you too mama” My little boy jumps in and says

“We all love you and we wanted to show you just how much we appreciate you mummy” Mqoqi

“Mommy this is yours, I picked it out for you there” he says pointing at the garden

“Thank you my boy, I will put it in water so it doesn’t die ohk” I say picking him up and putting him
on my lap

“Thank you for breakfast baby, all this looks very delicious, did you make it all by yourself” I ask Pabi
as I take the tray of food

“No we bought the food at Woolworths, daddy told me to pick all your favourites” She says

“And here I was impressed, thinking you woke up early to make me a delicious breakfast” I say
rolling my eyes

He looks at me and smiles, gift still in his hand, it’s like he wants to give it to me but has doubts

“I woke up early to go buy you breakfast, it’s the thought that counts baby” He says with a half-smile

“Is the gift mine?” I ask

He nods and gives it to me, it’s small, feels like a photo frame, yes I think that is what it is, I open it
and get the shock of my life, I have never seen this baby before but I know who he is, what I didn’t
know though is that his father took pictures of him, yes it is a picture of Mqoqi carrying Thulani in a
blue receiving blanket, Mqoqi looks so happy in the picture, he probably didn’t know that he was
going to die. I didn’t want to see him after I was told he had dead, even at his funeral when everyone
went up to look at him I stayed behind in the mattress. I thought it would be better if I didn’t know
how he looked, never saw him, never touched him, it would’ve been easy to forget, easy to heal,
easy to move on. My heart is getting to heavy right now, here he is my boy and his father, I never
mourned for Thulani, and I just accepted and moved on with my life, tried to block the fact that I was
pregnant and carried on with my life, I concentrated on the kids and the fact that Mqoqi was not
himself. Seeing this picture just broke my heart and I can’t help it.

“He looked beautiful” I say trying to hold back my tears

“Who is this baby mummy?” Lihle asks, he is very talkative for a boy his age

“It’s our little brother Lihle, His in Heaven with Angels” Pabi, she has grown to be a smart brave
young girl

“Do you like it?” He asks

“I am overwhelmed, I have never seen him before, I didn’t even know you had a picture, I thought
he was stillborn” I say

“Pabi, Lihle, go to your brush your teeth and then go to your play area ok, Pabi help Lihle with
brushing his teeth” Mqoqi instructs the kids

“I can brush my teeth baba, I am a big boy” Lihle says running out

60 | P a g e
“He wasn’t stillborn Palee, after the C – section the doctor handed him over to me, and you know I
get excited when I meet my boys, so I asked one of the nurses to take pictures of us, not a minute
after he open his eyes and then he shut them, his skin started changing, turning pale, the doctors
took him away from me and instructed me to leave the room, 10 minutes later I was told he was
gone” He says

“He looks beautiful, so at peace, I thought he suffered Mqoqi, I thought he looked horrible and was
in destress, that is why I never wanted to see him cause I never wanted to see what I did to him,
how I let him down, This is both a happy and sad picture Mqoqi, it was easier to move on because I
didn’t have a picture of what he looked like but I am also happy to see my little boy, he looks so cute
and seeing him gives me so much peace, I love him, I hope he knows that wherever he is” I say, I
crying, this is the very first time I have cried for Thulani

“Everything will be alright baby, Thulani knows we all loved him, but his in a better place now, Xoli
tells me Siseko dreamt of him the other day, I was afraid to tell you, You know how Siseko can
communicate to people who have passed away right?”

I Nod

“Well he said he dreamt of Thulani giving you doves, white doves” He says

“Peace?” I ask

He nods

“Yes, he is at peace, and I believe that he wants you to be at peace too, he is ohk wherever he is
baby”

“I love my gift, it’s beautiful” I say,

“I’m glad you love it.

“SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!” We all scream, well just the ladies

“I should’ve have known” He says with the brightest smile on his face

“Happy Birthday baba” Sbani

I organised that we have a small birthday party for Mqoqi he is turning 40 today, yes he is that old, I
know his not big on crowds lately so it is just us family, Peter the lawyer and a few guys from the taxi
rank. I got a catering company to help out with the food, and the set up I did my self with hired
equipment, it looks very classy. It was all last minute but I managed, Zandile and Naledi helped me
out with almost everything, I have gotten really close to the two over the years, they seem to get me
a lot, we are alright with the other wives but Zandile and Naledi are my go too girls. I asked Mpande
to help me get Mqoqi out of the house and it looks like everything went as planed

“Happy 40th Birthday love of my life, you didn’t think I forgot your birthday, did you” I say

“Sneaky, Sneaky Baby, but I forgot it was my birthday, Thank you it looks beautiful” He says

“Anything for the man of my dreams, Enjoy” I say putting a kiss on his lips and wrapping my arms
around him

61 | P a g e
“It’s you that I want to enjoy you, This 40 year old man got a few tricks up his sleeve” He whispers in
my ear

“Good, cause tonight its going down big daddy” I whisper back and leave his to join his brothers

He lives and joins his brother at the bar, they all look like one person, they are all talk, dark and
handsome, old but handsome. Sbani and Lwandle are sitting with them, they are just their father’s
duplicates I tell you and they are as tall as all of them, I literally have to look up when talking to
Sbani, he is such an amazing young man and strongly in love with a woman he knows he can’t have.

“This all looks lovely, have you considered a career in events?” Gugu

“I use to do events and catering back in Mpumalanga, with my aunt, I came to Johannesburg to
pursue my career in events but that didn’t go so well” I answer

“So why don’t you start now?” Zandile

“I will, that is my next big step actually, I just need to raise some capital” me again

“What do you mean, raise some capital?” Xoli she looks confused

“Well I want to start something big, and I want to have my own venue like Avianto, my own sound
systems and own equipment and so forth and all that is going to cost me an arm and an leg, I started
saving before I got pregnant but the money is still not enough, but I know I am getting there” I say

They are all looking at me like they have just seen a ghost.

“Did I just hear a Zulu wife say she does not have enough money and that she was saving, who saves
in this family?” Hlomu s

“I think I heard that too Hlomu” Zandile

“Uhm is there a problem” I ask, im confused right now

“Eh Palesa, Mpande hasn’t asked me to marry him yet but I know money is never a problem” Ndoni

“Guys Mqoqi is not officially my husband, I can’t just ask him for millions” I say looking at all these
gold digging woman

“How much have you saved so far?” Mahlomu

“R90 000” I mumble

“How much capital do you need?” Mahlomu again

“Almost 2 Millions” I say

Hlomu claps once

“Baby girl, you have been with Mqoqi for almost 3 years, you feed him, do his laundry, take care of
his children, tolerate his behaviour, let him fuck you every single day, and yes I know its everyday
because Zulu men love sex, and you are going to tell me you won’t ask this man to give you money
because he is not your husband yet? Is your vagina for free? He is not officially your husband but you
cook for him, take care of him, feed him, let im abuse you for free? No baby girl. Tell Mqoqi you
need two million and I promise you he won’t ask why and it won’t hurt his bank balance” Zandile

I am so shocked by these woman, I thought they were good wives, they all have a wild side to them.

62 | P a g e
“And what if we break up and he wants his money” I ask

“You will tell him its compensation fee Mama” Naledi

We all laugh.

“And I thought you were all perfect wives, but no you are all gold diggers, including you Ndoni, wow
you woman are full of surprises. And exactly how rich is this family?”

The stares gain, than we all burst into laughter

“You will get used to it Mama, I was also like you when I first came into the Zulu family, worse I
didn’t even know who they are” Naledi

“You didn’t know the Zulu’s, girl which rock where you hiding under?” Gugu

Laughter

“Even I knew who the Zulu’s were, you always made headlines, especially AusHlomu” I say

“The Zulu’s were just taxi drivers when I went “away” and when I came back they were everyone’s
dream, and I thought woman hated taxi drivers, it was very amusing really” Zandile

“Who cares though, as long as the taxi driver is rich and has good dick” Xoli

Laughter again, I am really enjoying the company of these woman, they are not bad at all.

“On a serious note, have you and Mqoqi discussed when you will have uMembeso, time is not
waiting for anyone” Mahlomu

“We were supposed to discuss it after I give birth but we haven’t spoken about it yet, things have
been really bad, Mqoqi kept blaming himself because he wasn’t here, but things have gotten better,
we are making progress, it still hurts but the pain has eased a bit” I say

“My miscarriage also caused a strain in my relationship, Qhawe was different, and sometimes I felt
like he blamed me for losing one twin, but things got better with time” Naledi

“Mqhele almost killed himself after he found out he was the cause of my miscarriage, and no I am
not about to explain how and why ladies” Mahlomu

Silence, I know they are all feeling very sorry for me, you can see it in their eyes and how they all not
looking at me now.

“We have pictures, well just two” I say they all look confused

“Pictures of Thulani, Mqoqi took pictures of him before he passed, in one picture Mqoqi is holding
him” I say

“Can we see them?” Zandile

“Sure” I say getting up to go fetch them in the main bedroom, I put the frame on the pedestal next
to my bed

I walk in and find Mqoqi, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at the picture

“He is beautiful, isn’t he?” I say

“I didn’t hear you walk in” He says as he turns around

63 | P a g e
“I came to take the pictures to show to the ladies” I say

“I miss him, is it normal? That I didn’t even know him yet I miss him so much?” He asks

“I miss him too, I didn’t even get to see him or touch him but I miss him, he was a jolly baby, he was
always turning and kicking me, always active” I say

“He would kick every time after you eat, when you bath, when you were angry, he woke you up in
the morning” he says with a huge smile on his face

“He sure did, I guess he knew he wasn’t going to make it, so he made the time I spent with him
worthwhile” I say

He takes my hand and we go downstairs, we find everyone sitting in the living room, including the
kids, like they were all waiting for us. I hand the picture over to Nkosana and it immediately starts
circulating around.

“Who is this?” One of Hlomu’s twins, I really can’t tell them apart

“It’s Thulani, I know him, he is always with Mkhulu and Mvelo when they come visit me” Sisekelo

The shock on everyone’s face, wow it really is true, Sisekelo can communicate with the ancestors

“What does Thulani says to you boy?” Nkosana asks

“Nothing Baba, but Mkhulu is always saying we need to find Gogo or bad luck will keep following us”
Sisekelo again, but which Gogo is he talking about

“Is that what Mkhulu directly say?” Mqhele

“Yes and that Gogo doesn’t pass away, that she is alive and we need to find her” Sisekelo

“Why didn’t you tell me this boy?” Sambulo

“Mami doesn’t like it when I speak about Mkhulu baba, she said I must stop it, so I was afraid to
mention it” Sisekelo

Silence, everyone is shocked and in disbelief of the bomb this boy just dropped

“Kids go play outside” Mahlomu

They all run out side lead by Phakame, who doesn’t want to sit with his siblings because he is old
now, which is true, his in High school and he is as tall as I am.

“Mpande, how come you have never picked this up?” Nkosana

“Well Bafo I never search, I always thought she was dead, I don’t even know her name,” Mpande

“Do you think we can track her down?” Nqoba

“I don’t know Bafo, we not even sure if she alive, we haven’t heard from this woman in over 30
years, she could be dead” Mpande

“You heard the boy Mpande, and you know he is never wrong Mpande, we have to find our mother”
Sambulo

“Where do I even start? I don’t have a picture, I don’t even have a name” Mpande

64 | P a g e
“Do you remember the name Bafo?” Mqhele asks Nkosana

“No, I don’t, ubaba use to call her MaZulu” Nkosana

“Where do we even start? We don’t have a name? We don’t have a picture, we don’t even have a
lead, how do I find such a person, she is practically a ghost” Mpande

“Mpande don’t say that, you are good at this, I am very sure you can find a lead or something”
Mahlomu

“We can find a sketch artist, someone who is very good at it, Maybe that can help” Me

“That is a good idea King, Bafo do you remember what mom looked like?” Mqoqi

“Looks Like” Gugu

“Yes I do, her image is as clear as day light” Nkosana

“We are winning, I will find the sketch artist than we can start looking” Mpande

“We are going to Mbuba tomorrow, we need to try retrace our mother’s steps, she can’t be far”
Nkosana

“But Bafo Mbuba is a small town, if our mother was in Mbuba she would have found us” Mqhele

“In fact if our mother was alive she would have found us, we are public figures now, we on
newspapers every day, how could she miss all that for so long? If our mother is still alive she might
be umkhovu” Qhawe

“Or living on the streets, or under some rock?” Gugu

“I believe we will find all we need to know in Mbuba, that is where we are heading tomorrow,
Mahlomu, Zandile and Xoli you are going with us, Gugu, Naledi, Palesa and Ndoni you will all stay
here with the kids, all at my house, the house is big enough for all of you, Sbani and Lwandle you will
stay behind and look after your mother’s. We are going to find our mother, dead or alive” Nkosana

Talk about drama, There is never peace in this family.

65 | P a g e
 Chapter

The past 18 weeks have been very difficult for our family. The quest find gogo mission has been very
unsuccessful, there is nothing we haven’t tried, we have went to all the newspapers in South Africa
and I mean all of them, even the small publications, we have been to Khumbule eKhaya, radio
stations, even billboards but not even one lead. They have not given up though and us the wives we
just have to be strong, give them hope to carry on, it hasn’t been easy at all, we have witness people
bringing in their own mother’s for 5 million Rands and some people saying they want half of the
reward money for leads. It is sad what people would do for money. My phone is ringing its Mqoqi.

“Malove” I answer

“Palesa you need to pack my bag, noting formal, maybe just a few of my tracksuits and my toiletries,
now please I am on my way home” He says and hangs up before I could say anything.

I do as I am told, pack him his tracksuit’s and I also pack some smart casual clothes just in case,
toiletries, socks, pyjamas(not that he wears them),socks and everything I think he will need, I am not
sure of what he needs though because I have no idea where he is going, he usually tell me weeks in
advance when he has a business trip or the adventurous weekend aways he goes on with Ntsika and
Mpande but today I have no idea where this man is going and not so sure as to what to pack. I am a
bit scared through with all the drama we have had the past months I really hope this trip is worth it. I
hear a car pulling in, he comes in with the kids, and he must have fetched them early but why?

“Babe we found a lead, a solid one, we are going to Lesotho, all of us” He says as he walks in with
Lihle in his arms

“How? Where?”

“One of our drivers says he spotted her in Lesotho in some farm while driving past, he took a picture
and Nkosana says that old woman really looks like our mother” He says

“Could it be her, old women really look identical, just like new born babies” I say

“Its worth the try Ma love, Now please pack, you guys need to go to Mbuba, we are going to bring
Mah there and everyone needs to be home when we do” Mqoqi

“But Ma love the last time we this happened we went to Mbuba for nothing, stayed there for weeks,
the kids missed school, and the trip was fruitless, can’t we just stay here and wait for you guys and
your feedback than we can go to Mbuba” I say

He turns around and looks at me and by the look in his eyes I just know this is not an answer I will
like.

“What are saying Palesa? That we won’t find our mother? Don’t you have faith? You don’t believe
we will find our mother huh? Just because your mother is dead you don’t see it fit that I should find
mine, we should all be motherless Palesa?” Mqoqi shouting

“How could you even say such Mqoqi? I am just being realist, I don’t want to give myself false hope”
I say and fold my arms

“Then stay behind Palesa, you don’t have to go to Mbuba, I will ask Mami to come fetch my child”
He says grabbing his bags

66 | P a g e
“Oh wow so you only have a child now? Not children? Wow Mqoqi” I say

“Palesa you really want to pick a fight with me now? You want to start argument?” He says walking
towards me, eyes filled with rage!

“What do you want from me? You want me to tell Mami to fetch both my kids? When you know you
don’t want Pabi to go to Mbuba without you, how you always remind me that Pabi is not a Zulu child
yet you want me to tell my family to come fetch her? So you can also tell them that Paballo is not a
Zulu? That she is not mine? Huh? What do you want?” He shouts

“I want you home, I want you to stop searching for a ghost and be a husband and father, and I want
to be your wife Mqoqi. Everyone comes before me and the kids, when your brother says jump, you
ask how high, how long have you been postponing our wedding? When are you going to be mine?
Ours, can’t you see that we need you?” I shout

He looks shocked, hurt and angry at the same time, I really can’t read his face.

“The jet leaves at 19h00” He says, grabs his bag and leaves

“Damn you Mqoqi!!!!!!” I shout and hit the door he just slammed with my vas.

The trip to Mbuba is long, and yes I decided to go, alone with my kids, driving. I switched my phone
off just after Mqoqi left, I didn’t want to talk to him and I knew the ladies were going to call and ask
where I am. Its 3am and im on the road with a heavy heart, asking myself was it necessary for me to
be so mean towards this whole finding the mother situation? I mean Mqoqi is always supporting me
through everything, He is the one that held me down when I lost my mother, He is always there for
Paballo so much that Pabi doesn’t regard her own father as her Dad, I was selfish I know, but I know
I meant what I said, I want to be his wife already, we have been putting so much before our
relationship, our wedding. I do want my husband who will say no Bafo I can’t I am with my family,
but I can’t deny the love that he has for me, for my daughter ,he would do anything for us. Maybe I
should call him, or maybe I shouldn’t, it will be a nice surprise for him to arrive in Mbuba to find us
there after he had been told we are not there. We are here, I wave for the security guy to open for
us, his approaching, Gun in his hand.

MaZulu, why are traveling at this time of the night?” Security guy, gun in his hand

“Please open the gate, I am tired and I want to sleep” He does as I say and helps me with the kids
and my bags.

“Mama, Mama, I am hungry please wake up” Lihle

I check the wall watch and its way past 10am, it’s as good as afternoon in these rural areas, people
here wake up at 5am. Pabi is awake and watching TV with no care in the world, I put my rob on and
pick Lihle up and head to the main house. I know the ladies won’t be surprised to see me because
they have already seen my car. I find all of them in the kitchen drinking what looks like juice, but I
have been in this family long enough to know that it is more than just juice.

“Good morning ladies” I say

67 | P a g e
“Anden wena, what time did you get here” Naledi

“Not sure about 3am” I say as I try to find something to feed Lihle

“Their food is in the fridge” Mahlomu

“Why did you not travel with us? We tried calling you but your phone was off” Zandile

Think Palesa think, I have to come up with a convincing lie

“My sister, Penny was in town for an interview, so I wanted to spend time with her” I say, I hope I
sound convincing

“And why was your phone off, we had to call Mqoqi and ask him about your whereabouts, if you
coming or not” Zandile again

“Lihle keeps playing with my phone and I get tired of charging because I have to charge it every two
years”

“Well Mqoqi said you were not coming when we called him and you didn’t answer you land line
when we called so really madam, what’s up?” Mahlomu

They are all looking at me in the eye, like they are waiting for an explanation

“What?” I ask

“Talk” Naledi

“There’s nothing to talk about, can I feed my kids in peace?” I say as I head to the sitting room

“And please don’t tell Mqoqi I am here” I turn around and say before moving to the siting room

“They found her, they found there mom” Zandile says before I can get to the sitting room

“When are they coming back?” I say looking shocked

“We all not sure, but they have to get everything together, get her a passport and take her back
home legally” Mahlomu

Wow this is shocking, after so many months of looking they really did find her, I have to find my
phone , I need to talk to Mqoqi, he must have mixed emotions wherever he is, maybe he tried calling
me, my phone has been off for over 12 hours

“Naledi please feed Lihle, I need to make a call” I say as I put Lihle on her lap

I switch of my phone and I have a number of messages and missed calls, I go through all of them and
most of them are from the ladies and nothing from Mqoqi, he must be really mad at me, this man
calls and texts me every 30 minutes, I try to call him and he doesn’t answer which breaks my heart, I
know I made him angry but to ignore my calls like that, this man leaves a meeting when I call him, he
cuts call when I call him im just know he is deliberately ignoring me.

68 | P a g e
“Mami, Mami wake up, Baba is here, they are back, come to the main house” Sounds like Lwandle

He runs off after I switch on my light, I guess he is going to wake the other’s up. I jump up put on my
rob and I leave my rondovel, its 5am in the morning, its summer so the sun is out, I head to the main
house followed by Xoli and Gugu, I assume the rest are in the house and wow here is the woman
they looked so hard for, she looks tired and drained, she’s old but she looks very tough. We are all
gathered in the siting room with her sitting on the one sitter couch Nkosana usually sits in. We are all
looking at her like she is a new born baby.

“Ladies we have found our mother, grandmother and great grandmother, Mom this is your family,
all of them, your daughter’s, grandchildren and great grandchild.

“And who is this white call?” The old lady asks

“She is also your makoti, Kimberley she’s Ntsika’s wife” Nkosana

“Heee Ntsika, Mbuba doesn’t have any girls anymore my child, where did you find a white girl? Old
lady

We all burst into laughter, Nkosana introduces all of us to the old lady, and he also tells her that she
will introduce the children in the morning when she wakes up. Wow they really did find the old lady.

69 | P a g e