Chapter1

Communication skills at the service of dialogue,

At the heart of any relationship is communication. Helpers need a range of communication

skills to become collaborators with their clients.

Two-way feedback between client and helper

Feedback is a critical factor in the helping dialogue (Miller, Duncan et al., 2006). In therapy,
two things need to be monitored carefully and continually—progress toward life-enhancing
client outcomes and the degree to which therapy sessions are contributing to these outcomes.

-At one point during the first session Laura explains the importance of feedback to David and
then goes on to describe the survey system outlined above and suggests that they use it (İlk
seansın bir noktasında Laura, David'e geri bildirimin önemini açıklar ve ardından yukarıda
ana hatları verilen anket sistemini anlatmaya devam eder ve bunu kullanmalarını önerir.)

Problem management: A human universal and a common factor

-What’s going on?

-What does a better future look like?

-How do I get there?

-How do I make it all happen? ‘

Embedded in People Around the world everyone faces problems in living and everyone has
overlooked and unused life-enhancing opportunities. The advantage of a problem-
management and opportunity- development approach to helping which is also wholly client-
centred, is that it is easily recognised across the world. (insanların içine gömülmüş, biliyorlar
ama farkında değiller gibi)
Embedded in Therapy While few models or approaches to helping talk explicitly about
problem solving or problem management and the flipside, opportunity identification and
developmen

Decision making: A psychological universal and a common factor

Clients have to decide many things: to come for help in the first place (unless mandated, say,
by a court), to choose to talk about certain issues but not others, to determine what issue or set
of issues they want to work on, to set goals, to make plans, to find the strength, courage, and
resources to implement these plans, to tell you when the helping process is working and when
it is not, to persevere until they get what they have come for. (Müşterilerin birçok şeye karar
vermesi gerekir: ilk etapta yardım için gelmek (örneğin, bir mahkeme tarafından zorunlu
kılınmadığı sürece), belirli konular hakkında konuşmayı seçip diğerleri hakkında
konuşmamak, üzerinde çalışmak istedikleri konu veya konu kümesine karar vermek, hedefler
belirlemek, planlar yapmak, bu planları uygulamak için güç, cesaret ve kaynakları bulmak,
yardım sürecinin ne zaman işe yaradığını ve ne zaman yaramadığını size söylemek, geldikleri
şeyi elde edene kadar sebat etmek.)

-Problem Identification and Information Gathering

-Analysis

-Making a Choice

-Follow Through

-Decision making casts a large shadow and you will do well to understand what lies in that
shadow.

The beliefs-values-norms-ethics-morality factors that drive human behaviour

The beliefs, values, norms, ethics, and morality package presents an intellectual challenge to
the helping professions

Chapter2

THE HELPING RELATIONSHIP

The relationship as a working alliance (ittifak)

-The collaborative nature of helping

Bachelor, Laverdie`re, Gamache, and Bordeleau (2007), digging down into the heart of
collaboration, found three different types of client collaboration—active, mutual, and
therapist-dependent, although the last of these three might better be called cooperation rather
than collaboration. Active clients see themselves ‘‘as playing a significant role, or at least as
making a difference, as to whether the work moves forward or not’’ (p. 181). (Bachelor,
Laverdie`re, Gamache ve Bordeleau (2007), işbirliğinin kalbine inerek, üç farklı türde danışan
işbirliği buldular: aktif, karşılıklı ve terapiste bağımlı, ancak bu üçünden sonuncusu işbirliği
yerine işbirliği olarak adlandırılabilir. Aktif danışanlar kendilerini ''işin ilerleyip
ilerlemeyeceği konusunda önemli bir rol oynayan veya en azından bir fark yaratan'' olarak
görürler (s. 181).)

-Guiding principles for alliance behaviour (Alliances emerge, Track the client’s evolving
needs and wants, Focus on resources, Don’t be surprised at differing views of the relationship,
Expect and deal with client negativity.)

Getting off to a good start (İyi bir başlangıç yapmak)

-first stage of this is ‘‘meeting the client’’ (By using all the relationship-building skills, By
providing a framework that helps clients understand the problems they are facing, by sharing
the problem-management process detailed, By suggesting that there are specific ways of
handling his symptoms, By helping patients develop confidence in the treatment process, By
discussing the kind of commitment and work that is needed both in the sessions themselves
and in everyday life, By ‘‘normalising’’ the client’s problems and concerns.)

-Stage two: discussion of surface issues’ ( help clients understand and move into the role of a
proactive and committed client, danışanların kararlı ve ileriye etkili olması için neler yaparız)
(1-By helping clients understand the essential details of the helping process, including
frequency of meetings, meeting length, Ancak unutmayın, istediğiniz her türlü soruyu
sorabilirsiniz. Herhangi bir itirazınız varsa, bunları dile getirin. Yanlış yöne gittiğimizi
düşünüyorsanız, bunu söyleyin.,2-By providing a brief overview of what it the sessions could
be like.,3- By making sure that the client understands the collaborative nature of that role, 4-
By providing some idea of the issues to be discussed, Laura says, ‘‘My job is to help you
explore issues that will make a difference in your life. I’ll help you, but you’re the agenda
setter.’’ In summary, Laura wants to find ways of helping David move into the driver’s seat
right from the start.)

-Stage three: revelation of deeper issues’ (daha derin meselelerin ortaya çıkması) (emphasise
goal formation and highlight its collaborative nature. Life-enhancing outcomes chosen by the
client constitute the goal of helping. Collaborative goal setting is addressed in detail in Part II
of this book.)

Keeping the client’s point of view and preferences centre stage (danışanın tercihleri ve bakış
açısını önde tutmak)

Bedi (2006) has expressed concern that the research community has, in reality, given too
much attention to therapists’ views of the helping relationship to the neglect both of clients’
views and the client-centred approach. There are two key questions: First, what kind of
relationship does the client want? Clients can differ widely in this regard. Second, what does
the therapist need to do to help the client become a collaborating partner in the helping
process?

These attributes include flexibility, honesty, respect, trustworthiness, confidence, warmth,

interest, and openness. Techniques that helped the alliance include exploration, reflection,
noting past therapy success, accurate interpretation, facilitating the expression of affect, and
paying attention to the client’s experience.

Relationship flexibility

Breakdowns in client–helper relationships do happen, so it is essential to know how to get

back on track. (bozulan ilişki tekrar toparlanabilir)

The Values That Drıve The Helpıng Relatıonshıp

Values as tools of the trade (değerler) Values-in-use are not just mental states. They are tools
that guide decision making. They give rise to client- enabling helping behaviour. A helper
might say to himself or herself during a session with a difficult client something like this:

This client needs to come to grips with her arrogant, I’m-always-right attitude. It distorts her
decisions and poisons her relationships. It keeps her mired in her problems. How I give her
feedback or, perhaps better, how I invite her to challenge herself is important. On the one
hand, I don’t want to damage our relationship; on the other, I value genuineness and
openness. I don’t want to belittle her, but I owe it to her to help her see herself as others see
her. But I have to do this in the right way and at the right time. How can I help her
‘‘discover’’ this dimension of her behaviour? ( kullanılan değerler sadece zihinsel durumlar
değildir. Karar almaya rehberlik eden araçlardır. Müşteriyi destekleyen yardım davranışını
ortaya çıkarırlar. Bir yardımcı, zor bir müşteriyle yaptığı bir seans sırasında kendine şöyle bir
şey söyleyebilir: Bu müşterinin kibirli, her zaman haklıyım tavrıyla yüzleşmesi gerekiyor. Bu,
kararlarını çarpıtır ve ilişkilerini zehirler. Onu sorunlarının içinde tutar. Ona nasıl geri
bildirim verdiğim veya belki daha iyisi, kendisini nasıl zorlamaya davet ettiğim önemlidir. Bir
yandan ilişkimize zarar vermek istemiyorum; diğer yandan samimiyete ve açıklığa değer
veriyorum. Onu küçümsemek istemiyorum, ancak kendisini başkalarının gördüğü gibi
görmesine yardımcı olmak ona borcum. Ancak bunu doğru şekilde ve doğru zamanda
yapmalıyım. Davranışının bu boyutunu "keşfetmesine" nasıl yardımcı olabilirim?)

Values help counsellors make decisions on how to proceed. (Değerler, danışmanların nasıl
ilerleyeceklerine dair kararlar almalarına yardımcı olur.)

Determining the values inherent to successful helping (Başarılı yardımlaşmanın doğasında var
olan değerleri belirlemek)

in the following pages, five major values from the tradition of the helping professions,

-Respect is the foundation value (saygı temel değer)

-empathy is the value that orients helpers in every interaction with their clients; (danışmanı
yönlendiren bir değer)

-appreciation of diversity is a value that opens you up to the world as it is (çeşitliliğin takdiri,
sizi olduğu gibi dünyaya açan bir değerdir)

-client empowerment is the value that highlights self-responsibility (danışanı güçlendirme, öz

sorumluluğu vurgulayan bir değerdir)

-a bias toward action is an outcome-focused value eyleme yönelik bir eğilim, sonuç odaklı bir
değerdir)

These values serve as a starting point for your reflection on the values that should drive the
helping process.

Behaviours showing disrespect (do no harm, do not rush to judgement)

Behaviours showing respect (1-Become competent and committed-Yetenekli ve kararlı olun

Kullandığınız yardım modelinde ustalaşın. 2-Be genuine – gerçek ol 3-Make it clear that you
are ‘‘for’’ the client- Davranış biçiminiz, müşteri için olduğunuzu, onunla gerçekçi ve
duygusal olmayan bir şekilde ilgilendiğinizi göstermelidir. 4-Assume the client’s goodwill-
danışanın iyi niyetli varsayın 5-Keep the client’s agenda in focus- gündemi odakta tutun

A brief overview of empathy

Empathy, the accepting, confirming, and understanding human echo evoked by the self, is a
psychological nutrient without which human life, as we know and cherish it, could not be
sustained’’ (p. 705). In this view, empathy is a value, a philosophy, or a cause with almost
poetic overtones.
l Relationship empathy is not just person-centred but encompasses-kapsamak the key contexts
of the client’s life.

l The complex sociopolitical environment and status of the client (‘‘social location’’) is often
a key part of context.

Proactıve Apprecıatıon of Dıversıty (çeşitliliğin ileri etkili değerlendirilmesi

Over the course of life individuals develop assumptions and beliefs about themselves, other
people, and the world around them. For instance, Johan, a client suffering from post-traumatic
stress disorder stemming from racist gang activity in his Durban neighbourhood and a brutal
attack he suffered, has come to believe that the world is a heartless place.

Assumptions and beliefs, interacting with values, generate norms of behaviour, the ‘‘dos’’ and
don’ts’’ we carry around inside ourselves. For Johan one of these is, ‘‘Don’t trust people.
You’ll get hurt.’’ (Varsayımlar ve inançlar, değerlerle etkileşime girerek davranış normları,
içimizde taşıdığımız "yapılması gerekenler" ve "yapılmaması gerekenler" üretir. Johan için
bunlardan biri "İnsanlara güvenme. Yaralanırsın.")

Helper competencies related to client diversity

- Understand and appreciate diversity Although clients have in common their humanity, they
differ from one another in a whole host of ways—abilities, accent, age, attractiveness, colour,
developmental stage, disabilities, economic status, education, ethnicity, fitness, gender, group
culture, health, national origin, occupation, personal culture, personality variables, politics,
problem type, religion, sexual orientation, social status—to name some of the major
categories. – değişikliklere saygı

- Tailor your interventions in a diversity-sensitive way - Müdahalelerinizi çeşitliliğe duyarlı

bir şekilde uyarlayın

-work with individuals- As Satel (1996) pointed out: ‘‘Psychotherapy can never be about
celebrating racial diversity because it is not about groups; it is about individuals and their
infinite complexity’’ (p. A14). Your clients are individuals, not cultures, subcultures, or
groups. Remember that category traits can destroy understanding as well as facilitate it. In the
end, focus on forms of diversity and cultural factors that are relevant to this client with this set
of problems. Otherwise you will get lost in the weeds. Worse, you will lose the client.

Specific multicultural competencies (yeterlilikler)

l Come to understand how all kinds of diversity, cultural and otherwise, contribute to each
client’s dynamic makeup. – nasıl katkıda bulunuyor

l Be aware of how sociopolitical influences such as poverty, oppression, stereotyping,

stigmatisation, discrimination, prejudice, and marginalisation might have affected groups and
individuals with whom you are working no matter what their culture might be. Culture is one
among many targets of such abuse. Any sort of diversity—such as age, education, and
disability—can become targets of these negative behaviours.

Self-Responsıbılıty As an Empowerment-Focused Value

I came to England from the West Indies to train as a nurse at the age of 18. At 21, I married
Charles, from Nigeria. We have been married 25 years and have two daughters who are 24
and 22. My religious upbringing and culture calls for and expects obedience to my husband.
My professional training, particularly in social work, challenges many of my beliefs and
values, and I feel increasingly imprisoned in a marriage which has long-since lost its meaning
to me. At the same time, the prospect of separation fills me with great fear. I need help with
gaining some power and control over my feelings and so enabling me to decide what is the
best course of action. The helper’s role is not to advise Paula what to do, but to instead to help
her identify, develop, and use the resources available to her so that she can empower herself
to make a constructive life change, whatever that actual change might be.

(18 yaşında hemşirelik eğitimi almak için Batı Hint Adaları'ndan İngiltere'ye geldim. 21
yaşında Nijeryalı Charles ile evlendim. 25 yıldır evliyiz ve 24 ve 22 yaşında iki kızımız var.
Dini yetiştirilme tarzım ve kültürüm kocama itaat etmeyi gerektiriyor ve bekliyor. Özellikle
sosyal hizmet alanındaki mesleki eğitimim, inançlarımın ve değerlerimin çoğuna meydan
okuyor ve uzun zamandır benim için anlamını yitirmiş bir evlilikte giderek daha fazla
hapsolmuş gibi hissediyorum. Aynı zamanda, ayrılma ihtimali beni büyük bir korkuyla
dolduruyor. Duygularım üzerinde biraz güç ve kontrol kazanmak ve böylece en iyi eylem
yolunun ne olduğuna karar verebilmem için yardıma ihtiyacım var. Yardımcının rolü Paula'ya
ne yapması gerektiği konusunda tavsiyede bulunmak değil, bunun yerine ona mevcut
kaynakları belirlemesi, geliştirmesi ve kullanması konusunda yardımcı olmaktır, böylece
gerçek değişiklik ne olursa olsun yapıcı bir yaşam değişikliği yapmak için kendini
güçlendirebilir.)

Helping as a social-influence process

‘‘Social influence is defined as change in an individual’s thoughts, feelings, attitudes, or

behaviours that results from interaction with another individual or a group. Social influence is
distinct from conformity, power, and authority. ... Social influence, however, is the process by
which individuals make real changes to their feelings and behaviours as a result of interaction
with others who are perceived to be similar, desirable, or expert.’’ (p. 4426)

Norms for empowerment and self-responsibility

Helpers don’t self-righteously ‘‘empower’’ clients. That would be patronising and

condescending. (danışman danışanı direkt emin olarak yetki veremez, küçümseyici olur)

- Start with the premise that clients can change if they choose (danışanların değişebilecek
varsayımlarına odaklanın. The counsellor also helps clients assess their resources realistically
so that their aspirations do not outstrip their resources. (Danışman ayrıca danışanların
kaynaklarını gerçekçi bir şekilde değerlendirmelerine yardımcı olur, böylece istekleri
kaynaklarını aşmaz.)

- Do not see clients as victims (mağdur görme) Do not see clients as victims Even when
clients have been victimised by institutions or individuals, don’t see them as helpless victims.
Even if victimising circumstances have diminished a client’s degree of freedom—the abused
spouse’s inability to leave a deadly relationship, for example—work with the freedom that is
left. (kaybetmiş olsa bile bulunmayan özgürlğü bul)

- Don’t be fooled by appearances -görünüşlere aldanmayın

- Share the helping process with clients

- help clients see counselling sessions as work sessions- (danışanların danışmanlık seanslarını
çalışma seansları olarak görmelerine yardımcı olun)

- Become a coach or consultant to clients

- Accept helping as a natural, two-way influence process

- Focus on learning instead of helping

- Do not see clients as overly fragile – aşırı kırılgan olarak görmeyin

Conscientiousness- vicdanlılık

- self-responsibility, self-regulation, self-control

If they are to take responsibility for themselves—if they are to get into and stay in the driver’s
seat—they may need your help in struggling with self-control.

The need for behavioural activation- activity scheduling

The doer is also more likely to move beyond problem management to opportunity
development. Bandura (1991, 2006), focusing on ‘‘human agency,’’ suggests that the helping
professions do not emphasise ‘‘personal agency’’ enough. Angus and Kagan (2007) link
empathy and action. They say that when helpers respond with empathy to clients who talk
about what they have done to bring about positive change in their lives, they encourage
clients’ sense of personal agency. They call this ‘‘empathic validation’’ (p. 373). (Lawrence
örneği, üstleri yerine kendi karar alarak kendi bir davranış gösteriyor) (Yapan kişi ayrıca,
sorun yönetiminin ötesine geçip fırsat geliştirmeye geçmeye daha yatkındır. Bandura (1991,
2006), "insan faaliyeti"ne odaklanarak, yardım mesleklerinin "kişisel faaliyet"i yeterince
vurgulamadığını öne sürer. Angus ve Kagan (2007), empati ve eylemi birbirine bağlar.
Yardım edenlerin, hayatlarında olumlu bir değişim yaratmak için neler yaptıklarından
bahseden danışanlara empatiyle yanıt verdiklerinde, danışanların kişisel faaliyet duygusunu
teşvik ettiklerini söylerler. Buna "empatik doğrulama" derler (s. 373).)

Action and discretionary change -Eylem ve ihtiyari değişiklik

If clients are to become more effective agents in their lives, they need to understand the
difference between discretionary and nondiscretionary change. Nondiscretionary change is
mandated change. If the courts say to a divorced man negotiating visiting rights with his
children, ‘‘You can’t have visiting rights unless you stop drinking,’’ then the change is
nondiscretionary. There will be no visiting rights without the change. In contrast, a man and
wife having difficulties with their marriage are not under the gun to change the current
pattern. Change here is discretionary. ‘‘IF you want a more productive relationship, THEN
you must change in the following ways.’’ (Müşteriler hayatlarında daha etkili aracılar olmak
istiyorlarsa, takdirî ve takdirî olmayan değişim arasındaki farkı anlamaları gerekir. Takdirî
olmayan değişim zorunlu değişimdir. Mahkemeler boşanmış bir adama çocuklarıyla ziyaret
hakları için pazarlık yaparken, ''İçkiyi bırakmadığın sürece ziyaret haklarına sahip olamazsın,''
derse, o zaman bu değişim takdirî olmayan değişimdir. Değişim olmadan ziyaret hakları da
olmayacaktır. Buna karşılık, evliliklerinde zorluk çeken bir karı koca, mevcut düzeni
değiştirmek için baskı altında değildir. Buradaki değişim takdirîdir. ''Daha üretken bir ilişki
istiyorsanız, O ZAMAN aşağıdaki şekillerde değişmelisiniz.'')

Real life focus

If clients are to make progress, they must ‘‘do better’’ in their day-to-day lives. The focus of
helping, then, is not narrowly on the helping sessions and client–helper interactions
themselves, but on clients’ managing their day-to-day lives more effectively. (Müşteriler
ilerleme kaydedecekse, günlük yaşamlarında "daha iyi" olmalılar. O halde yardımın odak
noktası, dar anlamda yardım seansları ve müşteri-yardımcı etkileşimleri değil, müşterilerin
günlük yaşamlarını daha etkili bir şekilde yönetmeleridir.)

Helpers and clients flaws

They must deal with both positive and negative feelings towards clients lest they end up doing
silly things. (Müşterilere karşı hem olumlu hem de olumsuz duygularla başa çıkmaları
gerekir, aksi takdirde aptalca şeyler yapabilirler.)

Incompetent helpers – beceriksiz danışmanlar

Helpers who underestimate the severity of clients’ problems, experience interpersonal

difficulties with clients, use poor techniques, overuse any given technique, or disagree with
clients over helping methodology can make things worse rather than better.

Chapter3

Dıalogue-Focused Interactıons Wıth Clıents

-Turn taking (Dialogue is interactive )

- Connecting (Have you ever witnessed (or engaged in) a conversation when the two parties
keep talking past each other? Alternating monologues have no place in therapy. )

- mutual influencing (karşılıklı etkileme)

In true dialogue the parties are open to being influenced by what the other person has to say.
This echoes the social-influence dimension of counselling discussed

- Cocreating outcomes (sonucu beraber karar verme)

The counsellor’s job is to act as a catalyst for the kind of problem-managing dialogue that
helps clients find their own answers.

Non-verbal behaviour as a channel of communication

The face and body are extremely communicative.

l bodily behaviour, such as posture, body movements, and gestures

l eye behaviour, such as eye contact, staring, eye movement

l facial expressions, such as smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, and twisted lips

l voice-related behaviour, such as tone of voice, pitch, volume, intensity, inflection, spacing of
words, emphases, pauses, silences, and fluency

l observable autonomic physiological responses, such as quickened breathing, blushing,

paleness, and pupil dilation

Guidelines for visibly tuning in to clients (danışanlara uyum sağlama)

There are certain key non-verbal skills you can use to visibly tune in to clients. Some of these
skills can be summarised in the acronym SOLER. Because communication skills are
particularly sensitive to cultural differences, care should be taken in adapting what follows to
different cultures. What follows is only a framework. (danışna uyum sağlamak adına bir
kodlama mevcut.kültür farklılıkları vs hissettirmemek adına)

S - face the client Squarely. Danışanla dürüstçe yüzleş

O- adopt an Open posture. Açık bir duruş benimse

L- Remember that it is possible at times to Lean towards the other- zaman zaman danışa
doğru ufak hareketlerle eğilmeleri unutmayın
A- Maintain good Eye contact.

R- Try to be relatively Relaxed or natural in these behaviours- Doğal, rahat ol

Actıve Lıstenıng: The Foundatıon Of Understandıng

Linguistic aspects of listening: (words, phrases, figures of speech, personal’ and idiosyncratic
forms of speech Paralinguistic aspects of listening: (l timing, volüme, tone, pitch,‘ums’ and
‘ers’ l fluency , range)
lNon-verbal aspects of listening: (expressions l gestures, touch, body position, proximity to
the counsellor l body movement,l eye contact )

Forms of poor listening (Nonlistening, Partial listening , Tape-recorder listening -what clients
look for from listening is not the helper’s ability to repeat their words. Any kind of recorder
could do that perfectly. People want more than physical presence in human communication;
they want the other person to be present psychologically, socially, and emotionally.
Sometimes helpers fail to visibly tune in and listen; they are not totally present.- karşındakinin
dediklerini tekrarlama, dinelemeyip sonradan tekrarlama, Rehearsing- prova yapmak, danışan
anlatırken zihinden düşünme yapmak)

Empathic listening: Listening to clients’ stories and their search for solutions

l Experiences. Clients talk about their experiences—that is, what happens to them. If a client
tells you that she was fired from her job, she is talking about her problem situation as an
experience. Jacomina, of course, talked about being raped, belittled, and ignored.

l Thoughts. Clients talk about the way they think and the thoughts that go through their head.
Jacomina shares her points of view about the rape and its aftermath. She thinks that her
nationality worked against her.

l Behaviour. Clients talk about their behaviour—that is, what they do or refrain from doing. If
a client tells you that he smokes and drinks a lot, he is talking about his external behaviour. If
a different client says that she spends a great deal of time daydreaming, she is talking about
her internal behaviour. Jacomina talked about pulling away from her family and friends after
the rape investigation.

l Affect. Clients talk about their affect—that is, the feelings, emotions, and moods that arise
from or are associated with their experiences and both internal and external behaviour. If a
client tells you how depressed she gets after fights with her fiance ́ , she is talking about the
mood associated with her experiences and behaviour. Jacomina talked about her shame, her
feelings of betrayal, and her anger.

Client: Toward the end of the day my boss yelled at me in front of some of my colleagues for
not landing an order from a new customer [an experience]. I lost my temper [emotion] and
yelled right back at him [behaviour]. He blew up and fired me on the spot [an experience for
the client]. I really think that he’s an idiot and the company should not tolerate people like
him in supervisory positions [a thought, a point of view]. And now I feel awful [emotion] and
am trying to find out if I really have been fired and, if so, if I can get my job back [behaviour].
I have every intention to fight this; it’s unjust [a thought, a resolve, a point of view]. (Gün
sonuna doğru patronum yeni bir müşteriden sipariş almadığım için bazı meslektaşlarımın
önünde bana bağırdı [bir deneyim]. Sinirlendim [duygu] ve ona doğru bağırdım [davranış]. O
da öfkelendi ve beni anında kovdu [müşteri için bir deneyim]. Gerçekten onun bir aptal
olduğunu ve şirketin onun gibi insanlara yönetici pozisyonlarında tahammül etmemesi
gerektiğini düşünüyorum [bir düşünce, bir bakış açısı]. Ve şimdi kendimi berbat hissediyorum
[duygu] ve gerçekten kovuldum mu ve eğer kovulduysam işimi geri alabilir miyim diye
anlamaya çalışıyorum [davranış]. Buna karşı savaşmaya her niyetim var; bu adaletsiz [bir
düşünce, bir kararlılık, bir bakış açısı].)

Confirming or repeating. Non-verbal behaviour can confirm or repeat what is being said
verbally. For instance, once when Sophia responds to Jacomina with just the right degree of
understanding—she hits the mark—not only does Jacomina say, ‘‘That’s right!’’ but also her
eyes light up (facial expression), she leans forward a bit (bodily motion), and her voice is very
animated (voice quality). Her non-verbal behaviour confirms her verbal message.

Denying or confusing. Non-verbal behaviour can deny or confuse what is being said verbally.
When challenged by Sophia, Jacomina denies that she is upset, but her voice falters a bit
(voice quality) and her upper lip quivers (facial expression). Her non-verbal behaviour carries
the real message.

Strengthening or emphasising. Non-verbal behaviour can strengthen or emphasise what is

being said. When Sophia suggests to Jacomina that she ask her boss what he means by her
‘‘erratic behaviour,’’ Jacomina says in a startled voice, ‘‘Oh, I don’t think I could do that!’’
while slouching down and putting her face in her hands. Her non-verbal behaviour
underscores her verbal message.

Adding intensity. Non-verbal behaviour often adds emotional colour or intensity to verbal
messages. When Jacomina tells Sophia that she doesn’t like to be confronted without first
being understood and then stares at her fixedly and silently with a frown on her face,
Jacomina’s non-verbal behaviour tells Sophia that her feelings are intense.

Controlling or regulating. Non-verbal cues are often used in conversation to regulate or

control what is happening. Let’s say that, in a group counselling session, Nina looks at Tom
and gives every indication that she is going to speak to him. But he looks away. Nina hesitates
and then decides not to say anything. Tom has used a non-verbal gesture to control her
behaviour.

Onaylama veya tekrarlama. Sözsüz davranış, sözlü olarak söylenenleri onaylayabilir veya
tekrarlayabilir. Örneğin, Sophia, Jacomina'ya tam doğru derecede anlayışla yanıt verdiğinde -
hedefi tutturduğunda - Jacomina sadece "Doğru!" demekle kalmaz, aynı zamanda gözleri
parlar (yüz ifadesi), biraz öne eğilir (beden hareketi) ve sesi çok canlıdır (ses kalitesi). Sözsüz
davranışı, sözlü mesajını onaylar.

İnkar etme veya karıştırma. Sözsüz davranış, sözlü olarak söylenenleri inkar edebilir veya
karıştırabilir. Sophia tarafından meydan okunduğunda, Jacomina üzgün olduğunu inkar eder,
ancak sesi biraz titrer (ses kalitesi) ve üst dudağı titrer (yüz ifadesi). Sözsüz davranışı gerçek
mesajı taşır.

Güçlendirme veya vurgulama. Sözsüz davranış, söylenenleri güçlendirebilir veya

vurgulayabilir. Sophia, Jacomina'ya patronuna "dengesiz davranışı" ile ne demek istediğini
sormasını önerdiğinde, Jacomina şaşkın bir sesle, "Ah, sanırım bunu yapamam!" der ve eğilip
yüzünü ellerinin arasına alır. Sözsüz davranışları, sözlü mesajını vurgular.

Yoğunluk katar. Sözsüz davranışlar genellikle sözlü mesajlara duygusal renk veya yoğunluk
katar. Jacomina, Sophia'ya anlaşılmadan yüzleşmekten hoşlanmadığını söylediğinde ve sonra
yüzünde bir kaş çatma ile ona sabit ve sessizce baktığında, Jacomina'nın sözsüz davranışları
Sophia'ya duygularının yoğun olduğunu söyler.

Kontrol etme veya düzenleme. Sözsüz ipuçları genellikle konuşmada olup biteni düzenlemek
veya kontrol etmek için kullanılır. Diyelim ki, bir grup danışmanlık seansında, Nina Tom'a
bakar ve onunla konuşacağına dair her türlü işareti verir. Ancak Tom bakışlarını kaçırır. Nina
tereddüt eder ve sonra hiçbir şey söylememeye karar verir. Tom, onun davranışlarını kontrol
etmek için sözel olmayan bir jest kullandı.

A couple of weeks ago I met a woman at work who has a story similar to mine. We talked for
a while and got along so well that we decided to meet outside of work. I had dinner with her
last night. She went into her story in more depth. I was amazed. At times I thought I was
listening to myself! Because she had been hurt, she was narrowing her world down into a little
patch so that she could control everything and not get hurt anymore. I saw right away that I’m
trying to do my own version of the same thing. I know you’ve been telling me that, but I
haven’t been listening very well. Here’s a woman with lots going for her and she’s hiding out.
As I came back from dinner I said to myself you’ve got to change. So I want to revisit two
areas we’ve talked about—my work life and my social life. I don’t want to live in the hole
I’ve dug for myself. I could see clearly some of the things she should do. So here’s what I
want to do. I want to engage in some little experiments in broadening my social life. Starting
with my family. And I want to discuss the kind of work I want without putting all the
limitations on it. I want to start coming out of the hole I’m in. And I want to help my new
friend do the same.

Everything is here—a story about her new friend, including experiences, actions, and feelings;
points of view about her new friend; decisions about where she wants her life to go; proposals
about experiments in her social life and in her relationship with her friend
Identify key messages and feelings

l ‘‘How is the dialogue going?’’

l ‘‘What are the main points here?’’
l ‘‘What experiences and actions are most important?’’

Hear the slant or spin: Don’t avoid tough-minded listening and processing (Eğimi veya
dönüşü duyun: Sert düşünceli dinleme ve işlemeyi engellemeyin)

Jennifer, the client, has sought the advice of a helper because she feels that she is fat and
horrible. The helper, Rowena, can see that in reality Jennifer is both slim and attractive, but
that even if Rowena stated this observation to Jennifer, it probably would not help Jennifer at
the present time. Rowena explains to her mentor and supervisor: ‘‘I don’t think Jennifer wants
reassurance from me as she is not currently in a mind-set where she can take compliments on
board. Even if I entered into evaluation of her physical appearance, however positive, this
would give a message to Jennifer that I was judging her. Jennifer’s perception is what is
important here, and so my approach is to listen carefully to her and acknowledge her poor
self-image, and then focus as her helper, on how I might help her change her negative
thinking.’’

Rowena’s mentor agrees that is the best approach for Rowena to show Jennifer that she is
properly listening to and understanding her.

Muse on what’s missing (eksik olanı düşünmek)( söyledikleri kadar söylemedikleri

önemlidir) As you listen, it’s important to note what they put in and what they leave out.

Lıstenıng To The Key Ingredıents Of Successful Therapy

Listening to the client

Listening to ourselves as therapists

Listening to the relationship

Listening to the flow of communication and dialogue

Listening to the two-way feedback between client and helper

Listening to the flow of the method of treatment

Listening to the decisions being made

Listening to the key assumptions, beliefs, values, norms, ethical issues, and moral issues in
play
The Shadow Sıde Of Lıstenıng: Forms Of Dıstorted Lıstenıng – çarpıtılmış dinleme

Filtered listening - kültürel ya da normlar olarak karşımızdaki insanı filtreli dinleriz, belirli bir
önyargıyla

Evaluative listening - değerlendiren dinleme (JACOMINA: Well, the rape and the
investigation are not dead, at least not in my mind. They are not as vivid as they used to be,
but they are there.

FRIEND: That’s the problem, isn’t it? Why don’t you do yourself a favour and forget about
it? Get on with life, for God’s sake! )

Stereotype-based listening - sen tam bir A insanıyım, gibi etkietkelemeler yapmak

Fact-centred rather than person-centred listening - araştırmalar sonucunda çıkan bulgularla

düşünmek, somatik şikayetlerden bir bağlantı kurabilme gibi

Sympathetic listening- danışanlardan birine sempati gösterirsek onun suç ortaği oluruz

(Liz was counselling Ben, a man who had lost his wife and daughter to am earthquake. Liz
had recently lost her husband to cancer. As Ben talked about his own tragedy during their first
meeting, she wanted to hold him. Later that day she took a long walk and realised how her
sympathy for Ben had distorted what she heard. She heard the depth of his loss, but, reminded
of her own loss, only half heard the implication that his loss now excused him from getting on
with his life )

Interrupting - kesme, doğru yerlerde ve monolog olmalı

ıntroductıon to respondıng skılls and the ımportance of empathıc relatıonshıps

Responding skills - Helpers don’t just listen; they also respond to clients in a variety of ways.
They respond by sharing their understanding, checking to make sure that they’ve got things
right, probing for clarity, summarising the issues being discussed, and helping clients
challenge themselves in a variety of ways.

Empathic

Arthur Clark (2007) devotes an entire book to empathy in counselling and therapy. He has
also come up with a wider view of empathy (2010a) that possibly affects the purity of the
concept outlined earlier. He describes three kinds of empathy: subjective, interpersonal, and
objective. In his view subjective empathy ‘‘enables a counsellor to momentarily identify with
a client through intuitive reactions and fleetingly imagine and experience what it is like to be
a client’’ (p. 349). This kind of understanding of the client comes from the understanding of
oneself and one’s exposure in reality or in imagination to experiences similar to those of the
client. When a client discusses an issue, such as struggling with perfectionism, the helper
briefly recalls his or her own struggle with the same issue. The counsellor is not necessarily
distracted by what he or she experiences. Rather it adds something to his or her understanding
of the client. Objective empathy arises from what a counsellor has learned from various
sources, including his or her own experience or from reputable theories and research findings.
As Rema, a counsellor, listens to Benjamin’s story, she begins to see the outline of a
obsessive-compulsive disorder. This, tentatively, adds to her understanding of Benjamin. Both
subjective and objective empathy provide the counsellor with some kind of understanding of
the client, but it is usually not the kind of understanding that is shared either immediately or
directly with the client. Rema is hardly going to say, ‘‘Ah ha, a classic obsessive-compulsive
syndrome!’’

(Arthur Clark (2007) danışmanlık ve terapide empatiye dair bir kitap ayırmıştır. Ona göre
öznel empati, "danışmanın sezgisel tepkiler yoluyla bir danışanla anlık olarak özdeşleşmesini
ve bir danışan olmanın nasıl bir şey olduğunu geçici olarak hayal etmesini ve
deneyimlemesini sağlar" (s. 349). Danışanın bu şekilde anlaşılması, kişinin kendisini
anlamasından ve danışanın deneyimlerine benzer deneyimlere gerçeklikte veya hayal gücünde
maruz kalmasından kaynaklanır. Bir danışan mükemmeliyetçilikle mücadele gibi bir konuyu
tartıştığında, yardımcı aynı sorunla kendi mücadelesini kısaca hatırlar. Danışman,
deneyimlediği şeyle mutlaka dikkati dağılmaz. Aksine, danışan hakkındaki anlayışına bir
şeyler ekler. Nesnel empati, danışmanın kendi deneyimi veya saygın teoriler ve araştırma
bulguları dahil olmak üzere çeşitli kaynaklardan öğrendiklerinden kaynaklanır. Danışman
Rema, Benjamin'in hikayesini dinlerken, obsesif-kompulsif bozukluğun ana hatlarını görmeye
başlar. Bu, geçici olarak, Benjamin'i anlamasına katkıda bulunur. Hem öznel hem de nesnel
empati, danışmana danışan hakkında bir tür anlayış sağlar, ancak bu genellikle danışanla
hemen veya doğrudan paylaşılan türden bir anlayış değildir. Rema, "Ah ha, klasik bir obsesif-
kompulsif sendrom!" demeyecektir.)

The kind of empathy described and illustrated in this chapter is interpersonal empathy, the
ability to get inside a client’s frame of reference and understand what the client is thinking
and feeling together with the ability to communicate this understanding without prejudice to
the client. That said, both subjective and objective empathy can either contribute to and
facilitate interpersonal empathy or, conversely, stand in the way. When a counsellor, let’s say
Jeff, is personally struck by what Susan is saying, this can help him get inside Susan’s frame
of reference or cause him to be distracted from her story. When Clarissa realises that Ted’s
story fits in with the findings a research project in which she is engaged, this, too, can
complement what Ted is saying about himself. But it could also cause her to miss something
unique about Ted. (Bu bölümde açıklanan ve örneklendirilen empati türü, kişilerarası
empatidir; bir danışanın referans çerçevesinin içine girme ve danışanın ne düşündüğünü ve
hissettiğini anlama yeteneği ile birlikte bu anlayışı danışana önyargısız bir şekilde iletme
yeteneğidir. Bununla birlikte, hem öznel hem de nesnel empati, kişilerarası empatiye katkıda
bulunabilir ve onu kolaylaştırabilir veya tersine, yolunda engel olabilir. Bir danışman, diyelim
ki Jeff, Susan'ın söylediklerinden kişisel olarak etkilendiğinde, bu onun Susan'ın referans
çerçevesinin içine girmesine yardımcı olabilir veya onun hikayesinden dikkatini dağıtabilir.
Clarissa, Ted'in hikayesinin, kendisinin de dahil olduğu bir araştırma projesinin bulgularıyla
uyuştuğunu fark ettiğinde, bu da Ted'in kendisi hakkında söylediklerini tamamlayabilir.
Ancak aynı zamanda Ted hakkında benzersiz bir şeyi kaçırmasına da neden olabilir.)

Syf83 örnek

The Three Dımensıons Of Respondıng Skılls:

Perceptiveness – anlayış

Beth is counselling Ivan in a community mental health centre. Ivan is scared to talk about an
‘‘ethical blunder’’ that he made at work. Beth senses his discomfort but thinks that he is angry
rather than scared. She says, ‘‘Ivan, I’m wondering what’s making you so angry right now.’’
Because Ivan does not feel angry at the moment, he says nothing. In fact, he’s startled by
what she says and feels even more insecure. Beth takes his silence as a confirmation of his
‘‘anger.’’ She tries to get him to talk about it.

Beth’s perception is wrong and therefore disrupts the helping process. She misreads Ivan’s
emotional state and tries to engage in a dialogue based on her flawed perception. Contrast this
to what happens in the following example.

(Beth, Ivan'a bir toplum ruh sağlığı merkezinde danışmanlık yapmaktadır. Ivan, iş yerinde
yaptığı bir "etik gaf" hakkında konuşmaktan korkmaktadır. Beth onun rahatsızlığını hisseder
ancak korkmaktan ziyade öfkeli olduğunu düşünür. Beth, "Ivan, seni şu anda bu kadar
öfkelendiren şeyin ne olduğunu merak ediyorum" der. Ivan şu anda öfkeli hissetmediği için
hiçbir şey söylemez. Aslında, Beth'in söylediklerinden irkilir ve daha da güvensiz hisseder.
Beth, onun sessizliğini "öfkesinin" bir teyidi olarak algılar. Beth'in bu konuda konuşmasını
sağlamaya çalışır.

Beth'in algısı yanlıştır ve bu nedenle yardım sürecini bozar. Ivan'ın duygusal durumunu yanlış
okur ve hatalı algısına dayalı bir diyalog kurmaya çalışır. Bunu, aşağıdaki örnekte olanlarla
karşılaştırın.)

Know-how - bir işin nasıl yapıldığını bilmek ve yeterli uzmanlık bilgisine ve becerisine sahip
olmaktır

Ivan and Beth end up arguing about his ‘‘anger.’’ Ivan finally gets up and leaves. Beth,
unfortunately, takes this as a sign that she was right in the first place. The next day Ivan goes
to see his minister. The minister sees quite clearly that Ivan is scared and confused. His
perceptions are right. He says something like this: ‘‘Ivan, you seem to be very uncomfortable.
It may be that whatever is on your mind might be difficult to talk about. But I’d be glad to
listen to it, whatever it is. But I don’t want to push you into anything.’’ Ivan blurts out, ‘‘But
I’ve done something terrible.’’ The minister pauses and then says, ‘‘Well, let’s see what kind
of sense we can make of it.’’ Ivan hesitates a bit, then leans back into his chair, takes a deep
breath, and launches into his story
Assertiveness – kararlılık

n ina, a young counsellor in the Centre for Student Development, is in the middle of the first
session with Antonio, a graduate student. During the session, he mentions briefly a very
helpful session he had the previous year with Carl, a middle-aged counsellor on the staff. Carl
has accepted an academic position at the university and is no longer involved with the Centre.
Nina realises that Antonio is disappointed that he couldn’t see Carl and might have some
misgivings about being helped by a new counsellor—a younger woman. She has faced
sensitive issues like this before and would not be offended if Antonio were to choose a
different counsellor. During a lull in the conversation, she says something like this: ‘‘Antonio,
could we take a time-out here for a moment? I think you might be a bit disappointed to find
out that Carl is no longer here. Or at least I probably would be if I were in your shoes. You
were just more or less assigned to me, and I’m not sure the fit is right. Maybe you can give
that a bit of thought. Then, if you think I can be of help, you can schedule another meeting
with me. But you’re certainly free to review who is on staff and choose whomever you
want.’’

Responding with empathy

The formula—‘‘You feel... because...’’—is a beginner’s tool to get used to the concept of
responding with accurate empathy.

CLIENT: I could kill him! He failed to take the children again last weekend. This is three times out of
the last 6 weeks.

HELPER: You feel furious because he keeps failing to hold up his part of the bargain.

Clıent: I’m not even sure that he’s taking our ‘‘bargain’’ seriously. I just have to find some way to
get him to do what he promised to do. What he told the court he would do.

Respond accurately to clients’ feelings, emotions, and

moods
Use the right family of emotions and the right intensity In the basic empathy formula,
‘‘You feel...’’ should be followed by the correct family of emotions and the correct
intensity.

Family. The statements ‘‘You feel hurt,’’ ‘‘You feel relieved,’’ and ‘‘You feel enthusiastic’’
specify different families of emotion.
Intensity. The statements ‘‘You feel annoyed,’’ ‘‘You feel angry,’’ and ‘‘You’re furious’’
specify different degrees of intensity in the same family (anger).

The words ‘‘sad,’’ ‘‘mad,’’ ‘‘bad,’’ and ‘‘glad’’ refer to four of the main families of
emotion, whereas ‘‘content,’’ ‘‘quite happy,’’ and ‘‘overjoyed’’ refer to different
intensities within the glad family.

Distinguish between expressed and discussed feelings Clients both express emotions
they are feeling during the interview and talk about emotions they felt at the time of
some incident. For instance, consider this interchange between a client involved in a child
custody proceeding and a counsellor. She is talking about her husband.( İfade edilen ve
tartışılan duygular arasında ayrım yapın Müşteriler hem görüşme sırasında hissettikleri
duyguları ifade eder hem de bir olay sırasında hissettikleri duygulardan bahsederler.
Örneğin, çocuk velayeti davasına dahil olan bir müşteri ile bir danışman arasındaki bu
alışverişi düşünün. Kocasından bahsediyor.)

CLIENT (calmly): I get furious with him when he says things, little snide things, that suggest that I
don’t take good care of the children.

HELPER: You feel especially angry when he intimates that you’re not a good mother.
The client isn’t angry right now. Rather, she is talking about the anger. The following example—a
woman is talking about one of her colleagues at work—deals with expressed rather than discussed
feelings.
CLIENT (enthusiastically): I threw caution to the wind and confronted him about his sarcasm and it
actually worked. He not only apologised but behaved himself the rest of the trip.
HELPER: You feel great because you took a chance and it paid off.

Read and respond to feelings and emotions embedded in clients’ non-verbal behaviour (

CLIENT: I don’t even know where to start. (He falls silent.)

HELPER: It’s pretty clear that you’re feeling miserable. Maybe we can talk about why.
CLIENT (after a pause): Well, let me tell you what happened. . . .

Be sensitive in naming emotions Naming and discussing feelings and emotions threaten
some clients.-(Duyguları adlandırmada hassas olun Duyguları ve hisleri adlandırmak ve
tartışmak bazı danışanları tehdit eder.)

CLIENT: I worked as hard as anyone else to get the project up and running. In fact, I was at the
meeting where we came up with the idea in the first place. . . . And now they’ve dropped me.

COUNSELLOR A: So you feel really hurt—left out of your own project.

CLIENT (HESITATING): Hmm. . . . I’m really ticked off. Why shouldn’t I be?. . .

Use variety in responding to clients’ feelings and emotions Because clients express
feelings in a number of different ways, helpers can communicate an understanding of
feelings in a variety of ways.

Respond accurately to the key experiences, thoughts, and

behaviours in clients’ stories
CLIENT (heatedly): You know why he got an A? He took my notes and disappeared. I didn’t get a
chance to study them. And I never even confronted him about it.

HELPER: You feel doubly angry because not only did he steal your notes, but you let him get away
with it.

(The response specifies both the client’s experience (the theft) and his behaviour (in this
case, a failure to act) that give rise to his distress. )

CLIENT: This gradual approach of getting back in the swing seems to be working. Last night I went
out without a companion. First time. I have to admit that I was scared. But I think I’ve learned how
to be careful. Last night was important. I feel I can begin to move around again.
HELPER: You feel comfortable with the one-step-at-a-time approach you’ve been taking. And it paid
off last night when you regained a big chunk of your freedom.

CLIENT: That’s it! I know I’m going to be free again. . . . Here’s what I’ve been thinking of doing. . . .

(The client is talking about success in implementing a course of action )

CLIENT (talking in an animated way): I really think that things couldn’t be going better. I’m doing
very well at my new job, and my husband isn’t just putting up with it. He thinks it’s great. He and I
are getting along better than ever, even sexually, and I never expected that. We’re both working at
our marriage. I guess I’m just waiting for the bubble to burst.

HELPER: You feel great because things have been going better than you ever expected—and it
seems almost too good to be true.

CLIENT: Well, a ‘‘bubble bursting’’ might be the wrong image. I think there’s a difference between
being cautious and waiting for disaster to strike. I’ll always be cautious, but I’m finding out that I
can make things come true instead of sitting around waiting for them to happen as I usually do. I
guess I’ve got to keep making my own luck.

(This client talks about her experiences, attitudes, and behaviours and expresses
feelings, the flavour of which is captured in the helper’s response. )

Use empathic responses throughout the helping process

Problem clarification and opportunity identification (Sorunların açıklığa kavuşturulması ve
fırsat tanımlaması

Discovering and evaluating options for a better future (Daha iyi bir gelecek için
seçeneklerin keşfedilmesi ve değerlendirilmesi)

Choosing actions to accomplish goals (hedeflere ulaşmak için eylemlerin seçilmesi)

Programme implementation issues (program uygulama sorunları)

94-96 örnekler oku

The Shadow Sıde Of Respondıng -yanıtlamanın gölge
yüzü
No response - In Western culture, generally speaking, if the client says something
significant, respond to it, however briefly.

Distracting questions (dikkat dağıtan)- gerekli sorular

sorulmalı

Cliche ́ s (klişeler)- It’s not uncommon for things like this to come up.’’ This is
cliche ́ talk. It turns the helper into an insensitive instructor and must sound dismissive to
the client. Cliche ́s are hollow. The helper is saying, in effect, ‘‘You don’t really have a
problem at all because a lot of this stuff goes on.’’ Cliche ́s are a very poor substitute for
Yardımcıyı duyarsız bir eğitmene dönüştürür ve
understanding. (
danışana karşı küçümseyici görünmelidir. Klişeler içi boştur.
Yardımcı, aslında, "Aslında hiçbir sorununuz yok çünkü bu
tür şeyler çok fazla oluyor." demektedir. Klişeler, anlayışın
çok zayıf bir ikamesidir.)

Interpretations (yorumlar)

Advice (tavsşye)

Parroting - Responding with empathy does not mean merely

repeating what the client has said. Such parroting is a
parody of responding with empathy.

Agreement and sympathy

Sympathy denotes agreement, whereas empathy denotes understanding and acceptance of the
person of the client At its worst, sympathy is a form of collusion with the client. (Birçok
kültürde bunlar tamamen insani özellikler olsa da, danışmanlıkta özellikle yararlı değildirler.
Sempati, anlaşmayı belirtirken, empati, danışanın kişiliğini anlama ve kabul etmeyi belirtir.
En kötü haliyle, sempati danışanla bir tür işbirliğidir.)

Faking it- sahtekarlık

Helpers may fail to pick up what the client is saying because of the client’s confusion or
because clients are not stating their messages clearly. Or the helpers themselves have become
distracted in one way or another. In any case, it’s a mistake to feign understanding.
Yardımcılar, danışanın kafası karışık olduğu veya danışanların mesajlarını net bir şekilde
ifade etmediği için danışanın ne söylediğini anlamayabilir. Ya da yardımcıların kendileri bir
şekilde dikkatleri dağılmıştır. Her durumda, anlıyormuş gibi yapmak bir hatadır. Gerçek
yardımcılar kaybolduklarını kabul eder ve sonra tekrar yola girmek için çalışırlar.