Website: AmericaTheMusical.

net

Contact:
Michael Downey, Playwright
phone: 816 419 1886
email: MichaelD@[Link]
facebook: Michael Downey, Playwright
address: 513 SW Haverford Road
Lees Summit, MO 64081, USA

©1988, title, logo, script & songs by Michael Downey & Clifford Henricksen
 1

Major Roles:
Dr. David Katz (white) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 55-75, Music History Professor, Jewish
Rita Vonne (R.V.) Wheeler . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45-65, Trucker, Honky-Tonker, Christian
Mohammed (Mo) M'Tumbe (black) . . . . . . . . . 24-30, Chef, Bluesman, Rapper, Muslim
Shirley Wilder . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21-27, Punk Singer, New Age Agnostic

Ensemble Roles: Diversity & actors with disabilities encouraged.

Young Receptionist
Heart Specialist
Bartender
Slick Dude or Slick Dudette
Blues Bar Patrons
Employment Receptionist
Ms. Lopez, Employment Officer
2-4 Country Singers
3 Du-Wop Singers
3 Rappers (2 male [1 white] and 1 young female)
TV Announcer (guest appearance for a local broadcaster?)
Soup Kitchen Clients (ensemble)
Preacher
Gospel Singer
Punker Escort
Emcee
Brooklynese Receptionist
Talent Agent
Children may be used for employment office; WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY; the soup
kitchen; as bystanders for HATE EVERYTHING and DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON; and in
chorus for LIVE IN AMERICA.

Minimum total cast of 10, with multiple roles.

MUSIC AND PRODUCTION NOTES FOLLOW SCRIPT

 2

Descriptions & Vocal Range of Major Characters:

Dr. David Katz: 50-65 years, baritone. Lapsed Jewish faith, white, on the midlife decline.
Extremely well-read and versed, the product of a proper American upbringing and Sabbaths at
the Synagogue. Dresses in typical Eddie Bauer/LL Bean ivy-league styles. Despite his formal
demeanor, he has the timing of a Jewish comedian. Doc Katz has a heart of gold.

Rita Vonne Wheeler: 35-55 years, alto-second soprano range with scratchiness from passing
cigarette smoke and Jack Daniel's over vocal chords while performing in honky-tonks. White
Baptist-style Christian. Gen-u-ine Good Ol' Girl and proud of it. Dresses in cowboy boots,
jeans, bright western shirts, trucker cap, and in last scene: fancy Tony Lama™ type boots,
fringed jacket and 10-gallon cowboy hat. Under her outwardly gruff and crusty front, R.V. has a
heart of gold.

Mohammed M'Tumbe: 24-29 years, tenor, rapper. Trim, muscular, intelligent and vibrant
African-American from the ghetto way of life. A European-trained chef, he learned to cook soul
food from Grandma and had been an army cook. Full of youthful energy and pride. Speaks with
the hippest 2001 street rap and presents himself in the "baddest" way. Dresses in 2001 athletic
clothing and basketball hi-tops (open at the top?). Does pushups and yoga. Despite his street-
hardened wiseguy attitude, Mo is a devout Muslim with Koran wisdom, and has a heart of gold.

Shirley Wilder: 21-27 years, soprano to mezzo-soprano range, rock-n-roller. Dr. Katz's long-lost
[adopted?] daughter who ran away from home as a teen. Speaks and acts like a street-wise
punker with a "don't-mess-with-me-'cause-I-know-what's-happening" vibe. Full of vitality,
dresses in the latest 2001 MTV girl-star fashions. Behind her garish and abrasive style beats a
heart of gold.
 3

SETTING

Act One
Scene 1: Heart Specialist Office West Coast Day 40

Scene 2: Blues Bar West Coast Day 39

Scene 3: Employment Office West Coast Day 39

Scene 4: Aboard Winnebago™ West Coast, heading east Day 39-33

Scene 5: Aboard Winnebago™ Midwest, heading east Day 30-20

Scene 6: Aboard Winnebago™ Appalachia, heading east Day 10-9

Scene 7: Soup Kitchen Philadelphia Day 8

Act Two
Scene 1: Aboard Winnebago™ Philadelphia, heading east Day 8-5

Scene 2: Riverbank Eastern U.S. Day 4

Scene 3: Peace Festival New Jersey Day 1

Scene 4: Talent Agent Office NYC, East Coast Day 0

 4

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE West Coast of America Day 40

(Sign says: Heart Specialist. Young Receptionist is at the desk. Dr. Katz ENTERS, carrying a
briefcase-sized digital recorder. Generic "elevator" music plays softly.)

YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Name please?

DR. KATZ: My dear, we can maybe make a bargain? I give you my name if you stop that
boring excuse for music. Tune in a classical station.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Classic rock?
DR. KATZ: Rock, schlock,-- classical, like (reverently) Schumann.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Shoe, who?
DR. KATZ: Or. . . Mozart, perhaps.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: (puzzled) Moe, who? Look, we rent this music each month, pops.
I'll turn it off. Makes me sleepy. (turns off music)
DR. KATZ: Such musical twaddle makes people a living? (sadly) And Wolfgang Amadeus
Mozart was buried in a pauper's grave, may he rest in peace.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Bummer it won't play songs by Shirley Wilder. She made the cover
of Time Magazine here. (lifts mag, sings harshly, a cappella:)
(from HATE EVERYTHING)
PLAY THAT PUNKER MUSIC
NASTY AS CAN BE,
LIKE A DENTIST DRILLING
IN YOUR CAVITY.
MAKE 'EM LOVE TO HATE IT;
MAKE 'EM WANT TO FIGHT.
(Dr. Katz writhes, hands over ears)
WHEN DAD SAYS TURN IT DOWN
YOU KNOW YOU GOT IT RIGHT!
DR. KATZ: Enough hysterics already. Reminds me of my ex-wife -- always yelling. (He
snatches Time Magazine, stares at it.) So, this is what music has become? (appalled)
This young woman has green hair! You have to be anesthetized, or on drugs, or
depressed, to listen to such racket. (He pockets magazine.)
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Hey, that's the office magazine!
DR. KATZ: (looks at it again) A souvenir of the deplorable state of music today. I will just
keep the cover. (tears off cover, pockets it, hands rest of magazine to her) Now, kindly
announce that Doctor David Katz is here for his appointment.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: Really, you're like, a doctor too?
DR. KATZ: I am... make that was, a professor of musicology.
YOUNG RECEPTIONIST: I never should've taken this temp job. (announces) Dr. Chen, a
David Katz is here.

(Dr. Chen ENTERS, flipping through folder:)

DR. CHEN: Well now, how are we doing today? Mister. . . er ?
 5

DR. KATZ: That’s “Doctor,” doctor. Doctor David Katz. Regarding health, between you, me,
and (looking up) God, some days, (shrugs) death would be a relief. . . . Now, tell me if
am I going to have another heart attack,-- and avoid any Latin term longer than five
syllables.
DR. CHEN: This computer analysis considered everything (consults folder): 53-item blood test,
EKG, CAT-scan, DNA, biopsy results, Pap smear – oops, that’s not yours.-- recent third
heart attack, rich food and too much of it, stress of your daughter running away,
excessive smoking. Is that a pipe in your pocket? Bitter divorce with your ex-wife
taking your assets—
DR. KATZ: --Everything but my socks.
DR. CHEN: Heavy drinking. Depression. Sexual frequency--or rather . . .ah-hem. . . lack
thereof. No room for error. You have only 40 Days to live. (the first four powerful notes
of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony)
DR. KATZ: That is all?
DR. CHEN: (looks at watch) Actually, 39.9 Days, now. (the second four powerful notes of
Beethoven's Fifth)
DR. KATZ: (numbly) Nothing I could do to live longer?
DR. CHEN: First, you have to learn to relax.
DR. KATZ: Relax. Today, the university fired me. How, relax?
DR. CHEN: No more medical insurance?
DR. KATZ: No life insurance. No nothing. Only this digital recorder as a "get gone gift."
DR. CHEN: (She formulates her advice during intro to TO LIVE LONG, which is Mozart's
Sonata 11, third (a la Turka) movement.) You should get your affairs in order. Are you a
religious man?
DR. KATZ: I am Jewish. But I lost the faith years ago.
DR. CHEN: You might try praying again. . . .Here is my prescription.
DR. KATZ: I will record it.
(He turns on recorder. Underlines indicate both sing.)
(TO LIVE LONG)

TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, YOU MUST DO JUST WHAT I TELL YOU.
TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, YOU MUST GIVE UP EVERYTHING.
IF YOU WANT TO BE WELL, THEN DON'T LOOK SO DOGGONE WORRIED.
IF YOU WANT TO FEEL FINE, YOU HAVE GOT TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS.

EAT NO SALT, EAT NO STEAK, EAT NOTHING THAT IS SWEET --

IF YOU DO, WOE IS YOU, THEN YOUR ARTERIES WILL CLOG.
EAT NO FAT, EAT NO EGGS, EAT NOTHING THAT IS SWEET --
IF YOU DO, BOO-HOO-HOO, THEN YOUR BLOOD WILL FAIL TO FLOW.
AND FOR DRINK YOU'LL HAVE NO SCOTCH --
DR. KATZ: -- WAIT A MINUTE, NOT A LITTLE SCOTCH?
DR. CHEN: AND FOR DRINK YOU'LL HAVE NO WINE --
DR. KATZ: -- OY, NOT EVEN A LITTLE MOGEN DAVID?
DR. CHEN: IF YOU DO, WOE IS YOU, THEN YOUR LIVER WILL QUIT.
IF YOU DRINK, IF YOU DRINK, THEN YOUR LIVER WILL STOP.
AND DON'T LIGHT A CIGARETTE --
 6

DR. KATZ: OY, I GOT TO HAVE A CIGARETTE.

DR. CHEN: AND DON'T FIRE UP YOUR PIPE. (she takes his pipe)
DR. KATZ: NOT EVEN MY LITTLE PIPE? (he snatches it back)
DR. CHEN: SHAME ON YOU, SHAME ON YOU, THEN YOUR BREATHING WILL QUIT.
IF YOU SMOKE, YOU WILL CHOKE, THEN YOUR BREATHING WILL STOP!
DR. KATZ: (coughs)
DR. CHEN: TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, YOU MUST DO JUST WHAT I TELL YOU.
TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, YOU MUST GIVE UP EVERYTHING!
IF YOU WANT TO BE WELL, THEN DON'T LOOK SO BLESSED GLOOMY.
IF YOU WANT TO FEEL FINE, YOU HAVE GOT TO CHANGE YOUR WAYS.
DR. KATZ: NO WHISKEY, WINE -- WHAT ELSE WILL I DRINK?
HOW WILL I RELAX?
NO STEAK, EGGS, ALL THAT TASTES SO GOOD
–NO!-- YOU CAN'T TAKE THEM FROM ME!
SMOKING, SWEETS -- WHERE ARE ALL MY JOYS?
YOU'VE TAKEN AWAY MY JOYS.
REGRETS, STRESS -- THESE HAVE BEEN MY LIFE.
TRUE, I KNOW NO OTHER WAY.
DR. CHEN: YOU'LL LEARN, YOU'LL LEARN, YOU'LL LEARN OR YOU WILL DIE!

DR. KATZ: DIE! OY VEY!

DR. CHEN: (encouraging Dr. Katz to sing along)
TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, I WILL DO JUST WHAT YOU TELL ME.
TO LIVE LONG, TO LIVE LONG, I WILL GIVE UP EVERYTHING!
YES, I WANT, TO BE WELL: NO ONE EVER WANTS TO SUFFER.
DR. KATZ: BUT THE CURE, BUT THE CURE,
JUST AS BAD AS THE DISEASE.
AS BAD AS THE DISEASE.
AS BAD AS THE DISEASE.

DR. CHEN: Why, there's one more test we could run. I want you to walk in place, right here.
Until the red light flashes.
DR. KATZ: I found out two things about you doctors: you charge like all heck, and I can eat
anything except food.

(Dr. Katz begins walking. Dr. Chen may connect a wire to his wrist or chest.)
DR. CHEN: Pick up those knees. A wise Chinese proverb tells us: "A man does not live a
hundred years, yet he worries enough for a thousand." And your doctor says: There are
things worse than death. Enjoy the (glancing at watch) 39.8 Days you have.... Get your
things in order. Go on a vacation. Travel across the country.
DR. KATZ: I am on a permanent vacation -- I just got fired!
DR. CHEN: Keep walking till the red light flashes. Keep walking!

(She EXITS, leaving him slogging in place.)

 7

DR. KATZ: The doctor leaves me alone; may they name a disease after her. . . . (shrugs) So, I
walk, walking and getting nowhere but alone . . . . 40 days and 40 nights. Feh! make it
39 point 7, point 6, and I'll be gone. Nothing is worse than death. (we hear heart beats,
getting louder and faster) Each beat of my heart reminds me: Hollow. . . Empty. No
music, no book. (Red light starts flashing. He stops walking.) All I know about
Beethoven, Mozart, (rapturously) Music!. . . (despairs) All will be lost when I die. (a
beat) And my only child, the sparkle of my days, she ran away, -- with a long-haired
hippie yet. . . . (looking up) Dear God, when you close the door of my life, it will be as if
I had never lived. (He disconnects wire, and trudges to front of stage. He takes a drink
from a flask. He walks and drinks, getting tipsy. Flask is empty.) Nothing. Sigh... the
story of my life. Hmmm, where can a gentleman get a drink around here?

SCENE TWO West Coast of America Day 39

(Sign says: Blues Bar. A drunk Dr. Katz enters the dark and noisy bar. He sits, slumping head
into crossed arms. Lights brighten to show patrons who become quiet and nudge looks at him.)

FEMALE BARTENDER: (consoling) You got problems, eh, baby?

DR. KATZ: (anguished) I-yie-yie. (looks around, shocked) Where am I? (to barmaid) A
drink, please. (Female Bartender doesn't move.) (anxiously) Listen, I need a drink!!
FEMALE BARTENDER: (kindly) Your boat is already floating, sweetheart. What's got you so
down, baby?
DR. KATZ: Thirty-nine days to go..... Lost my job. . . . Runaway daughter.... Doctor told me
nothing I can do but pray, go to synagogue again. Here (unfolds his briefcase digital
recorder), this is my "going, going, get gone-from-my-job present." An amazing digital
recorder. You bartenders are famous for good advice. I’ll record our conversation. (turns
on recorder)

(YOU GOT THE BLUES)

FEMALE BARTENDER: YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE A FRIEND IN THE
WORLD?
DR. KATZ: WELL THAT'S RIGHT, I FEEL JUST LIKE THAT.
SLICK DUDE: YOU FEEL SO DOWN AND OUT, THAT EVEN DOWN LOOKS GOOD TO
YOU?
DR. KATZ: (clears throat) YES, I DO.
FEMALE BARTENDER: YOU FEEL LIKE IT'S THE END OF THE LINE FOR YOU?
DR. KATZ: (more firmly) WHY YES, I DO.
FEMALE BARTENDER: (to patron) COME ON, DARNELLA, TURN ON THAT BOX.

(A woman touches a juke-box or a portable "jam-box." Music and patrons are

starting to groove. Patrons may dance during song.)

FEMALE BARTENDER: (to Dr. Katz)

YOU'RE FEELING DOWN, YOU'RE FEELING OUT.
YOU WANT TO CRY, YOU WANT TO SHOUT.
 8

YOU WANT TO DROWN IN YOUR BOOZE.

I KNOW YOU GOT THE BLUES.

YOU FEEL THE PAIN, YOU FEEL THE HURT.

YOU FEEL SO BAD, YOU FEEL LIKE DIRT.
YOU'RE SINKING DOWN IN YOUR SHOES.
I KNOW YOU GOT THE BLUES.
YOU'VE GOT THE BLUES.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME, TO FIND A CURE.

CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT, I KNOW FOR SURE.
FROM YOUR DESCRIPTIONS AND YOUR CLUES,
I KNOW YOU GOT THE BLUES.
YOU GOT THE BLUES.

DR. KATZ: I'VE GOT TO SAY, I THINK YOU'VE GOT IT.

I NEVER KNEW, JUST HOW TO SPOT IT.
YOU HAVE MODIFIED MY VIEWS.
I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT, I'VE GOT THE BLUES.
I NEVER THOUGHT, I'D EVER KNOW,
A MAN LIKE ME, COULD SINK SO-O LOW.
IT'S UNEXPECTED NEWS.
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D HAVE THE BLUES.

FEMALE BARTENDER: AIN'T GOT THE FLU, AIN'T GOT THE CHILL.
DON'T NEED A DRINK, AND YOU DON'T NEED NO PILL.
FROM YOUR DESCRIPTIONS AND YOUR CLUES,
I KNOW YOU GOT THE BLUES.
YOU GOT THE BLUES. (She snaps fingers; Dr. Katz watches.)
(to Doc) C'MON, NOW YOU DO IT. (He's off beat, gradually closer.)
DR. KATZ: I THINK I'VE GOT IT.
FEMALE BARTENDER: YEAH, C'MON, YOU'RE GONNA GET IT.
DR. KATZ: WELL, I THINK I'VE GOT IT RIGHT THERE. (he does)
(she teaches him how to bump body parts and dance)
HUH, WHO WOULD HAVE EVER THOUGHT
THAT THE OLD DOCTOR WOULD BE GETTING DOWN --
THAT'S RIGHT, ISN'T IT, GETTING DOWN?
FEMALE BARTENDER: HEY MAN, YOU GOT IT NOW, C'MON.

DR. KATZ: I NEVER THOUGHT THAT WHITE FOLKS

GOT THE BLUES AT ALL.
I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT THE BLACK FOLKS
WERE THE ONES WHO HAD IT ALL.
FEMALE BARTENDER: WELL LET ME TELL YOU, BABY,
YOU GOT THE BLUES SO BAD,
I THINK YOU GOT THE WORSE CASE
 9

ANYBODY EVER HAD.

IT FEELS SO GOOD TO LET IT OUT.
THAT'S WHAT THE BLUES IS ALL ABOUT.
DON'T BE WORRIED OR CONFUSED.
YOU'RE JUST AFFLICTED WITH THE BLUES. YES.
DON'T YOU WORRY, YOU'VE ONLY GOT THE BLUES!

DR. KATZ: OH YEAH!

(Music ends, with Dr. Katz being hugged by Female Bartender. Dr. Katz is
exhausted but happy.)

DR. KATZ: That music made me feel. . . (shrugs) almost better?

FEMALE BARTENDER: They say the blues works better than any pill. Now you are testifying
too.
DR. KATZ: That is it!!
FEMALE BARTENDER: What?
DR. KATZ: I am Professor Katz, a man of music. I could, as you say, testify. . . . Here's the
idea: if I wrote a little book about modern music that makes people feel good, I could
make the world a better place. . . . Why, (picks up his recorder) the song we just sang has
been recorded on my going away gift. Also, the song from my Heart Specialist. The start
of my book.
FEMALE BARTENDER: That’s wonderful, baby, sounds better than being down.
DR. KATZ: (lost in thought) One door closes, and, (looks up) someone, opens a window.

(The flashy-dressing, fast-talking Slick Dude approaches Dr. Katz.)

SLICK DUDE: Amen, brother. Now, all you need is one thing. . . . A Winnebago™!
(pronounced Whinnie bay go) And I got the one for you.
DR. KATZ: A winning bagel??
SLICK DUDE: (moves hand expansively across to depict a grand vision of travel) No, man, a
Winnebago™! A recreational vehicle for your re-creation. A living room on wheels.
Picture yourself traveling into the sunset. . . writing a bestseller about music, all in a
Winnebago™. I happen to have a line on one. Almost good as new.
FEMALE BARTENDER: (angrily, to Slick Dude) Hey, Dude, that unit is a dog, probably hot.
DR. KATZ: (puzzled) Hot dog?
SLICK DUDE: (to Dr. Katz) She means it runs like a greyhound. And it’s got a kitchen.
DR. KATZ: Well, the Heart Specialist advised me to take a vacation. To leave my life behind
me. So tell me already, how much does it cost?
SLICK DUDE: Well. . . . How much do you got?
DR. KATZ: Nothing. My wife took everything. Left only an echo. . . . (descending volume)
Hello, hello, hello. . . . You perhaps take credit cards? (opens wallet)
SLICK DUDE: I'll say! (snatches wallet, unfurling a long plastic sheaf of cards) Mm, mm, mm!
(To Female Bartender) Another round, bartender. Here is a card. (hands her a credit
card) We're celebrating this man's change of fortune. (to Dr. Katz) You will have your
dream machine today.
DR. KATZ: But I need some time to --
 10

SLICK DUDE: I ain't got time. And you ain't got time neither.
DR. KATZ: (does a double take) Why, that's an understatement. 39 days. But such a venture. .
. . I could never do alone. I’m 60 years old. I haven’t done anything with my whole life.
I don’t know if I could even drive this big bagel thing.
SLICK DUDE: Hey, no problem, Doc. We'll just go to the employment office next door and get
a driver, even get a guy who can burn.
DR. KATZ: Burn?
SLICK DUDE: Cook. You’ll be ready to roll, and good to go.
DR. KATZ: (shrugs) Why not? I’ve got nothing left to lose! (He happily sings, snaps fingers,
and dances to EXIT:) DON'T BE WORRIED OR CONFUSED.
YOU'RE JUST AFFLICTED WITH THE BLUES.
DON'T YOU WORRY, YOU'VE ONLY GOT THE BLUES!
OH YEAH!

SCENE THREE West Coast of America Day 39

(Sign says: Employment Office. Employment Receptionist is at the desk. Two people sit behind
newspapers. There may be other people relaxing and sleeping, obviously veterans of the
employment office. Children may be present. Dr. Katz and Slick Dude ENTER.)

EMPLOYMENT RECEPTIONIST: (curtly) Slick, like always, you’ll have to wait your turn.
SLICK DUDE: Today, I've got a job. (dramatically) We (puts hand on Doc's shoulder) need to
hire two people.

(Everyone except the two behind newspapers immediately straightens up: combs
hair, tucks in shirt, brushes shoes on back of legs, etc....)
EMPLOYMENT RECEPTIONIST: Slick, are you jiving me?
SLICK DUDE: For real, baby.
EMPLOYMENT RECEPTIONIST: In that case, (announcing) Ms. Lopez.

(Ms. Lopez ENTERS.)

SLICK DUDE: (to Ms. Lopez) Ms. Lopez, today, I'm representing Doctor Professor Katz.
MS. LOPEZ: Parsnips are not buttered by fancy words.
SLICK DUDE: Those Spanish sayings drive me wack!... For real. This professor needs a cook
and a driver to make a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
DR. KATZ: Musical ability would be ideal.
MS. LOPEZ: Hmm....mmmm...(perhaps consulting a computer or folders) Two people come to
mind: a trucker . . . and a chef. Both have musical backgrounds. (announcing to waiting
room) A Ms. Rita Vonne Wheeler. (to Dr. Katz and Slick Dude) Has driven trucks all
across the country.
R.V.: (puts down newspaper)—(aside) Thank you, Jesus. (She wears jeans, cowboy boots, a
country shirt and belt buckle. She tips her trucker hat.) Rita Vonne Wheeler, at your
service.
MS. LOPEZ: And a Mr. Mohammed M'tumbe. Army cook in Iraq. European-trained chef.
 11

MO: (puts down newspaper) Yo! In the name of Allah, the Merciful! (A 25-year-old black
man, in the latest athletic clothing.) First week back in the states, I got a job! (holds up
hands to elaborately "high-five" others and then R.V..)
(R.V. ignores Mo's upraised hand.)
R.V.: (addressing Mo:) You going to fool around, or you want to go to work?
(Mo lowers hand.)
MO: (referring to R.V.) Don't want to sound crude, but the girl has got an attitude.
R.V.: Girl!!?? Who you calling "girl?"
MS. LOPEZ: Silencio!! .... My grandmother says: "A crying cat catches no mice." According to
your applications, one of you has a country music background.
R.V.: I done more honky tonkin' than (to Mo) you, can shake a drumstick at.
MS. LOPEZ: (to Mo) And you have experience as a gourmet chef and as a guitar player.
MO: And as a rapper.... (taunting R.V.) Check this, cracker: (He moves animatedly, beatboxing
to Dr. Katz, who turns on recorder.)

(MY RIBS)

MY RIBS WILL FILL YOUR STOMACH HOLE;

MY BLUES WILL SATISFY YOUR SOUL.
MY CHILI'S HOT, MY CHICKEN'S COOL.
MY BASS (instrument) IS BAD, I AIN'T NO FOOL.
MY COOKING'S DOWN, AND MY RAP IS STRONG;
AND I CAN DO IT. ALL NIGHT LONG. HUH!

DR. KATZ: (silencing) -- Ahem! (turns off recorder) Now, I need a chef (gestures to Mo) and a
driver (gestures to R.V.), so I can travel across the country to write a little book on
American music. . . . Now, we have 40 Days to get to my publisher in New York. I will
draw up a contract for us. (starts writing)
R.V.: (breaking in) --Wait, just a gol-darned minute here. You mean, you want me, Rita Vonne
Wheeler, to travel with this here (gestures to Mohammed). . . Well, with this here, all the
way across America?
DR. KATZ: (flustered) Umm, ahh, (clears his throat, regains his composure) In a manner of
speaking, yes.
R.V.: Well, I ain't gonna do it, no how, no way, no siree, Bob.
MO: (defiantly, to R.V.) What makes you think I want to roll with a redneck woman like you?
(R.V. & Mo stare at each other)
Ms. LOPEZ: (calming them) Silencio! Silence! (Pause) Don't you hear it? (3 knocks start
music softly)
R.V.: (staring at MO) I don't hear nothing!
MO: (staring at R.V.) Me neither!
SLICK DUDE: Well, I'll tell you what I hear -- I hear the unmistakable (hits desk 3 times)
knock, knock, knock of opportunity knockin'. Look here. My man is pure and simple
rich, R-I-C-H (they glance at Dr. Katz, who's writing). This Jewish dude is the chance of
your lifetimes.
DR. KATZ: (offers contract) Maybe a contract would help, stating the labor required and the
wages paid. The length of time will be 40 days and 40 nights.
 12

(OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN')
MS. LOPEZ: (takes contract, holds it up for all to see and announces) This contract we've got
here is. . . . (A rapping wood block sounds three times.)
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN', (3 knocks)
(waiting room people sing also)
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 knocks)
LADY LUCK SMILING, CHARITY CALLING,
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 knocks)

MS. LOPEZ: DON'T HAVE TO BE A GENIUS

TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON:
YOU GOT YOUR PLUS AND YOUR MINUS,
YOU GOT SOME YING, YOU GOT SOME YANG (pronounced young).
ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES, STAY ON YOUR FEET,
TAKE IT AS YOU GET IT, ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
MIGHT BE SAD, MIGHT BE BAD,
IT MIGHT BE OPPORTUNITY, BROTHER.

R.V. or SINGER 1:
I’M GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT THE INDIANS AND NEW YORK CITY;
THIS STORY MIGHT SEEM FUNNY.
WAY BACK WHEN, THEY HAD IT ALL.
THEY WERE TRICKED WITH PALEFACE MONEY. (lyric change)
SOLD THE ISLAND OF MANHATTAN,
FOR A FEW DOLLARS OF WAMPUM.
THE WHITE MEN HEARD THE MIGHTY WORD:
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 knocks)
ALL:
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 knocks)
(R.V. signs contract which Ms. Lopez admires.)
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 knocks)
LADY LUCK SMILING, CHARITY CALLING,
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN'

MO or SINGER 2: NOW THE BLACK PEOPLE HEARD

THEY COULD SAIL ON THE OCEAN
TO THE LAND OF MILK AND HONEY.
WHEN THEY HAD TO WORK FOR NUTHING,
THEY SANG BLUES FOR MONEY.
WHITE MAN PAID FOR GOOD TIME ROCKING--
BLACK MEN HEARD . . . (3 KNOCKS) OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN'!
(MO signs contract and Officer admires it.)
HE WEREN'T NO FOOL, (3 KNOCKS) HE HEARD IT TOO.

SLICK DUDE: I MET A WHITE MAN IN A BLUES BAR;

 13

HE WAS DOWN ON HIS LUCK AND DYING.

HE DIDN'T HAVE NO CASH, HE LOOKED LIKE TRASH--
HE WAS DRUNK, HE WAS MEAN, AND HE WAS CRYING.
HAD CREDIT CARDS, BIG BOTTOM LINES,
AND WHAT HE COULD CHARGE WAS A SHOCKING.
HE WAS LOOKING MY WAY, HE WAS DYING TO PAY . . .
IT WAS OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN'. (3 KNOCKS)
(Officer hands contract to Dr. Katz, who signs. All, including those in waiting
room, sing final verse.)

ALL: OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 KNOCKS)

OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (3 KNOCKS)
LADY LUCK SMILING, CHARITY CALLING,
OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN'.
OPPORTUNITY . . . OPPORTUNITY. . .
OPPORTUNITY . . . OPPORTUNITY (all stamp 3 knocks)!

MS. LOPEZ: I don't often pray for my clients, but "Vaya con Dios" to the three of you. Go with
God.
DR. KATZ: Thank you. Shalom.
R.V.: Amen to that.
MO: Gracias. We go with Allah.

SCENE FOUR West Coast of America Day 39

(Dr. Katz, Mo & R.V. enter the Winnebago™, carrying Countdown Chart, digital recorder,
suitcases, a grocery sack, duffel bag, and tool box.)

MO: Check out this little crib, man! .... Man, this "home on wheels" looks like a tin can.
DR. KATZ: Point of order, Mr. Mohammed. Refer to me by my title: Doctor.
MO: Doctor? You mean like Doctor John, the Night Tripper? Or blues Professor Longhair?
You play a bad piano, too?
DR. KATZ: (shrugs) I play a little piano, can carry a tune in a big bucket. I earned a Ph.D. in
musicology. My specialty is the classical period.
MO: Doc, if you can't play it or sing it, don't jive with it. That's the report. Anyway, call me
Mohammed, Mo for short.
R.V.: Y’all can call me Rita Vonne. Make that R.V., since I’m taking care of this here R.V.. By
the way, this buggy is old enough to vote,-- but the engi-ine (long i) looks mighty fine.
Let's head 'em up and move 'em out, rawhide!
MO: (to doc) I heard her shout – but what's the cracker talking about?
DR. KATZ: (to Mo) Beg your pardon?
R.V.: (grandly announcing) This here buggy is ready to kick up some buffalo chips!
MO: (to Dr. Katz, referring to R.V.) She keeps moving lips, but it ain’t hip. Like she’s talking
from an alien ship. (pulls from duffle bag or finds a red & white checkered tablecloth)
 14

Check this, a tablecloth. (spreads over table) Make it seem a little bit (to R.V.) more,
like a home.
R.V.: (to Mo, with an edge) Well, homeboy, looks like we're in this jam together.
MO: Not my first choice.
R.V.: I second that.
DR. KATZ: (changing subject) Listen to me, both of you. Our mission is a music book. With
some recordings. We will stop at libraries and music venues for research along the way.
You should know I've had three heart attacks; so, some rules are important. Smoking will
not be allowed in the vehicle. I chew maybe on an empty pipe, (sadly, holding it up) but
it will never be lit again. I've only got -- (clears throat) we've only got 40 days, and this
Countdown Chart will keep track. (He hangs a large chart with a 40.) Oh, now I guess
it’s 39. Darn. (tears off a sheet) . . . . Chef Mohammed, I gave up keeping kosher years
ago. When my family evaporated. But on this road trip, there'll be no red meat, no eggs,
no fried foods, as my doctor advised.
R.V.: I thought you was a real Jew.
DR. KATZ: Yes, I am Jewish. But I don’t follow all the rules I used to. There are 613 mitzvot or
"good things to do." Such as what to do if you find somebody's donkey, and a different
rule if it's the Sabbath.
MO: I hear that. According to some Muslims, our only singing should be the Call to Prayer. But
I can’t give up music.
R.V.: Well, I don't want to give up grits-n-gravy. (R.V. continues, baiting Mo) And how about
some pork ribs for Mr. Dude here?
MO: Yo mamma.
R.V.: (stands up and jabs a finger in Mo's chest) You keep my momma out of this.
MO: (jumps up) You’re headed for a wreck. If you weren't a woman, you'd hit the deck.

(Dr. Katz rushes to separate them with difficulty.)

DR. KATZ: Stop already! Stop it I say! You two are behaving like barbarians.
(Dr. Katz places hand over chest, in pain, breathing heavily.)
R.V.: (concerned) Doc, you OK? . . . (to Mo) He said he had a bad ticker.
MO: We belong to Allah, and this one might be returning real soon. (He unbuttons Doc's collar.
R.V. fans Doc with her trucker hat.)
DR. KATZ: Let us begin our journey. But please, no more quarreling. My book must be
written.
MO: It’s your world, Doc.
R.V.: Yer the boss. And the paycheck.
(Mo puts away groceries. R.V. sits at the steering wheel, starts engine.)
R.V.: We’re off in a cloud of whale dirt.
MO: (groaning) Oh, man.

(A driving short INSTRUMENTAL PASSAGE of OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' begins as they

start "traveling." Lights may go up and down for time passage. People change positions. All
are synchronized to the turns of the road. Mo exercises, moves a cooking pan. R.V. cleans a
hammer with her red bandana; she drives; she shapes fingernails with file on her utility knife.
Doc reads books, magazines, and writes on laptop, bathed in light of computer screen. He looks
at Time Magazine cover, fiddles with digital recorder. They may yawn and stretch when lights go
 15

down -- but Doc keeps working. He falls asleep at computer. Days are torn off Countdown
Chart so it says 33. . . . MUSIC stops abruptly with loud sound of horribly backfiring and
sputtering engine. All lurch forward and back in unison as if Winnebago™ were lurching to a
stop.)

DR. KATZ: Are we anywhere?

R.V.: We're at Malfunction Junction. You city slickers wanted to see the country. Now you're
plumb surrounded by it. Supposed to be a town east of us. Curvy road, cloudy day.
Wonder which way is east?
MO: (gets out a compass) It’s that way.
R.V.: Thanks. . . . What’s a city dude like you doing with a compass?
MO: It tells directions, but it mainly shows where Mecca is, the sacred city of Mohammed,
peace and blessings be upon him.
R.V.: What difference does that make?
MO: Muslims must face Mecca when they pray, five times a day.
DR. KATZ: Synagogues are arranged so people face Jerusalem.
R.V.: From America, those are both about straight east. Well, let's see what troubles we've got
right here.
(They move out of the Winnebago or to the front of stage.)
MO: (pointing) Why, there's a Ferris wheel.
R.V.: All those rides guarantee there'll be a good mechanic. Like to have somebody look at this
bucket of bolts I keep fixing.
(Instrumental notes of WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY begin.)
DR. KATZ: I hear music. (He grabs his digital recorder.)
R.V. : This is country. All festivals, carnivals, rodeos have music.

COUNTRY ANNOUNCER: Welcome to the fair! We have all noticed some changes around
these parts. This next song is about that. It is called, kinda tongue in cheek (points to
ballooned cheek).... Welcome to the Country.
(Dr. Katz turns on recorder. If dancers, R.V. & Mo may join in, not together.)

(WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY)

SINGER 1:
WHEN THE MOON GOES DOWN AND THE SUN COMES UP,
COME TO THE COUNTRY AND YOU WILL SEE
CROPS STILL GROWING AND RIVERS A FLOWING,
BUT IT AIN'T THE SAME AS IT USED TO BE.

SINGER 2: COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,

COME TO THE COUNTRY, LOOKING FOR THE PAST.
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WILL IT LAST?

SINGER 3: THE HORSE IS SOLD FOR A NEW JOHN DEERE--

SINGER 4: TO PAY IT OFF WILL TAKE TEN YEARS.
SINGER 3: INTEREST RATES ARE HIGHER THAN CORN--
 16

SINGER 4: HARDER AND HARDER GETTING UP EACH MORN.

SINGER 3: JUST LAST YEAR IT WAS SO DRY--
SINGER 4: ONLY RAIN WAS WHEN WE'D CRY.
SINGER 3: PUT FERTILIZER IN THE GROUND--
SINGER 4: FISH DOWNSTREAM WILL SURELY DROWN.

ALL (except Mo, R.V. and Doc):

COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, LOOKIN' FOR THE OLD.
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, IT'S BEEN SOLD.

SINGER 3: GRANDPA SOLD THE FARM TODAY--

SINGER 4: JAPANESE FELLOW HAD THE MONEY TO PAY.
SINGER 3: MOM'S WAITING TABLES BY THE TRACKS--
SINGER 4: FOR SUPPER AT NIGHT WE HAVE BIG MACS.
SINGER 3: CHICKENS TODAY DON'T TOUCH THE GROUND--
SINGER 4: KEEP 'EM IN PENS AND SELL 'EM BY THE POUND.
SINGER 3: WIND BLOWS SO STRONG--
SINGER 4: YOU WON'T HAVE YOUR DIRT FOR LONG.

SINGER 1:
WHEN THE MOON GOES DOWN AND THE SUN COMES UP,
COME TO THE COUNTRY AND YOU WILL SEE
CROPS STILL GROWING AND RIVERS A FLOWING,
BUT IT AIN'T THE SAME AS IT USED TO BE.

SINGER 2: COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,

COME TO THE COUNTRY, LOOKING FOR THE PAST.
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WILL IT LAST?

ALL :
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, LOOKING FOR THE OLD.
COME TO THE COUNTRY, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY,
COME TO THE COUNTRY, IT'S BEEN SOLD!

DR. KATZ: (turns off recorder, happily:) That imagery is so down to earth. I feel my body
should move to the rhythm -- and I don't even know how to country dance.
R.V.: (to Dr. Katz) It's called square dancing.
MO: Well then, he'll (points at Doc) fit right in.
DR. KATZ: Such a simple tune. (fervently) But what satire against corporate farming..... The
bitterness. The wry humor. Musical structure is call and response, from African
Americans in the South.
MO: (surprised) It does sound like a preacher and a congregation to me. Gospel music.
 17

DR. KATZ: Originally, from Africa.

R.V.: (objecting) That was country-fried country! Bluegrass.
DR. KATZ: (shrugs) Everything is starting to seem connected.
R.V.: Well, let's find us a mechanic.

(Instrumental passage of WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY during scene change.)

SCENE FIVE 2001 Mississippi River Days 30-20

(Our trio is again in the Winnebago™. Countdown Chart says 30. Standing, Mo repeatedly
folds hands at his chest in yoga Prayer Pose, then stretches hands out and up above his head, then
down to Prayer Pose.)

R.V.: Mo, all the praying you do, you going to flap your way to heaven? What in the name of
good God almighty are you doing?
MO: The name of the almighty is Allah. And this is yoga. A Sun Salutation going up with a
deep breath. (He does motions.) Then down to Prayer Pose with exhale. Would do you
some good to try it. Be good for Doc’s heart, too.
DR. KATZ: I move plenty -- to and from the music establishments you two manage to find no
matter where we are. (He starts copying Mo's motions. Mo helps Doc stretch higher.)
MO: (to Doc) Now gently stretch up higher, hold it. Defy gravity. Now down to prayer pose.
DR. KATZ: That is my prayer: to defy gravity. (looks at Countdown Chart) For 30 days, maybe
longer.
MO: Music is everywhere, Doc. The beat of a heart, the beat of a drum. The first sound we all
heard before being born. (mimics heartbeat) Thump-thump. Thump-thump.
DR. KATZ: (announcing) If I can have your attention.... I have your stipends. (handing them
money) Unfortunately, this may be the only full payment.
R.V.: (to Doc) Play that again for me, Doc, in slo-o-o-w motion.
DR. KATZ: Our vehicle repairs, even with R.V. doing the work, took too much money. I am
asking that the two of you remain on the job, even though I can't pay you much more
until the end of the trip.
MO: (wearily) Blase', blase'. That's what I say about you white folks, always trying to get over.
R.V.: (to Doc, suspiciously) I thought you was rich.
DR. KATZ: Now, all I have seems to be right here.
MO: The Koran says, "Truly, by the motion of time, loss is ever the lot of mankind."
R.V.: (outraged) You signed a contract!
MO: Yo! (to R.V.) You got that right.
DR. KATZ: Which will be fulfilled. In New York, this vehicle will be sold for your wages. . . .
Something I have avoided telling you, but the doctor has given me only 40 days to live.
MO & R.V.: What!?
DR. KATZ: On the day this Countdown Chart (gestures to chart which says 30) reaches zero,
I'm supposed to die.
MO: (disbelieving, to Doc) Yeah, right. (startled, to R.V.) We're going to be stuck in this unit
with a dead man? No .... and no. . . . Not even in a dark dream.
DR. KATZ: (pleading) You can't refuse a dying man's last request, can you?
 18

R.V.: (worried, to Mo, they confer apart from Doc) Suppose this is his last lap? The Bible says,
“There is a time to be born, and a time to die.”
MO: The Koran says, “It is not given to man to name the last day.”
R.V.: What about his book? I don't want that failure on my hands. . . . Look, Doc, I'll stick with
you. Not because I particularly care for a stuffed-shirt like yourself, but because I signed
my name. (boasting) Rita Vonne Wheeler's word is good as gold. (to Mo, taunting)
How about yours, Mister Mo?
MO: (to R.V.) The name's Mohammed, named for the last Prophet, (lower) blessings be upon
him. My word is every bit as good as this redneck's.
DR. KATZ: (formally announces:) Lady, gentleman, our journey continues. (One hand shakes
R.V.'s hand, one hand shakes Mo's.)

(R.V. goes to driver's seat. A driving INSTRUMENTAL PASSAGE of LIVE IN AMERICA

begins. Lighting changes through dark and light. Doc writes, Mo does yoga, R.V. reads her
gold-edged Christian Bible. Mo spreads prayer rug and bows a ra'ka; he also reads the Koran.
Doc looks at Time cover; he works at computer; he puts on his yarmulke and reads his Hebrew
Bible. Countdown Chart goes down to 21. Our three travelers soften toward each other here:)

DR. KATZ: Yo, Mohammed. (startled) Phenomenal, I can't believe I just said "Yo."
MO: (complimenting) Now you're a Jewish soul brother. (They hit palms, with Mo doing
elaborate movements.)
DR. KATZ: Well, I have started reading the Torah again. As we say, baal teshuva, back to
faith. I meant to ask you about the term "down and out," used with blues musicians.
MO: It means feeling as low down as a cloud over the Mississippi Delta.
DR. KATZ: (considering) As low as a cloud over the Mississippi Delta. Marvelous image.
MO: Go on and use it in your book-- thought it was pretty smooth myself.
DR. KATZ: Perhaps you could read the blues chapter, sort of help me with it?
MO: You got that right. I’ll help you get it tight. Do me a solid: mention my name, give credit
to my game.
DR. KATZ: Done. (unfolds Time Magazine cover) I really need some help understanding rock-
n-roll. Will you look at this singer’s hair. And nose ring.
MO: She’s hot.
DR. KATZ: Your taste in the kitchen is impeccable. But your taste in women is despicable. . . .
Hey, I rhymed, just like you do.
MO: Gimme five! But man alive, you wanna survive, just don’t contrive to deprive me of my
title: King of Jive!
DR. KATZ: (lifts up hands) I surrender already. But I am doing the Standing Warrior Pose you
showed me. (He briefly holds a wobbly pose.)
MO: Next time, hold it longer. Longer every day.

(Doc sits at his computer. Mo joins R.V. at the wheel.)

R.V.: (gruffly, to Mo) What was that green crap at dinner?
MO: Dandelion greens. Never had them before?
R.V.: Weeds? Nah. . . . (softening) Wasn't half bad.
MO: Lemon juice, garlic, hickory wood -- right spices could make your old hat taste good.
 19

R.V.: (adjusting hat) Y'awl leave my hat alone. . . . If you do cook it, don't tell me about it. (a
moment of silence) The Mississippi River. We’re halfway. Day 20. Right on ti-i-ime.
Change the Countdown Chart, will you? (Mo changes it to 20.)
(Both look intently.)
MO: That water goes on forever. . . . Sky don't get this blue in the city.
R.V.: Ain’t no sky in a city. Buildings thrown all up around you.
MO: Hey, woman, we get to Philly, We'll find soul music for a hillbilly.
R.V.: (complaining) . . . I can just picture the blues joints and rap shouting places you and Doc
will drag me into! Hey, maybe we can find Doc good old church music. “Amazing
Grace” or something.
MO: That old hand-clapping, hallelujah-saying gospel song.
R.V.: Gospel?
MO: How I was raised. Sang in two choirs.
R.V.: Why'd you give up a perfectly good religion?
MO: Seemed like Muslims did more for us in the hood than anybody.
R.V.: Well, I don't know about that. I do know "Amazing Grace" is white Baptist, man. Not
some jive gospel song.
MO: Wait. Let’s ask Doc. The way he’s been studying, he's the expert. (Mo checks on Doc,
who’s sleeping at his computer.) Doc’s counting musical notes in his sleep. Working
mighty hard.
R.V.: He’s got him a mission like Moses. Let's hope this leader makes it to his promised land --
New York City.
MO: How about some radio?
R.V.: Naw, might still be on that blues station. They sing every line twice. I hear it right fine
the first time.
MO: (high, teasing voice) You call that jingling, jangling hillbilly stuff music? Sounds like the
banjo and violin having a fight -- and they both lose!
R.V.: What about that rap crap you made Doc listen to last night? (disgusted) Record scratching
and making sounds like farting.
MO: Beatboxing – using your voice like an instrument. (he does some)
R.V.: Gangsters this and that. Bragging about money, cussing out women. Hip-hop,-- hop right
out of common sense. . . . Mohammed, time you heard some real country music --
(dramatically) The Ballad of R.V. Wheeler.

(Music begins. Doc gets alert, turns on recorder, and enjoys the music. Mo covers ears,
grimaces, begs for her to stop, and reacts negatively for the whole song.)

(BALLAD OF R.V. WHEELER)

R.V.: I DONE FOUND ME A BIG OLD RV;

PUT THIS SUCKER IN HIGH GEAR.
I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER THROUGH THE STATES,
KEEP HER FULL OF GAS AND BEER.
I'M GOAN GET MY BUDDIES ON THE CB,
RIGHT ON CHANNEL EIGHT.
TELL 'EM "WATCH OUT, BUDDY, THIS HERE'S R. V. WHEELER
 20

HEADED FOR PHIL-LI-DEL-PHII-AA" (last two I's & A are long)

R.V.: I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER UP THE MOUNTAINS,

DRIVE THIS SUCKER DOWN.
I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER HELL OR HIGH WATER
TILL I DRIVE IT IN THE GROUND.
THEN I'LL PULL RIGHT UP ON THE RV HOOKUP,
GET ME WATER AND AC
THEN TOMORRY MORNING, I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER,
DRIVE THIS SUCKER DOWN TO TENNESSEE.

R.V.: I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER GOOD AND HARD,

DRIVE THIS SUCKER FAR.
ONLY THING BEATS DRIVIN RV'S
IS A GOOD OLD HONKY-TONK BAR.
MEN AND BEER AND GAMBLIN',
I SURE DO LOVE 'EM ALL.
BUT DRIVIN' THIS BIG OLD RV BOOGER
MAKES ME FEEL ABOUT TEN FEET TALL.
AND HAVIN' A BEER DOES THAT TOO.
BUT R.V. WHEELER NEVER DRIVES THIS BOOGER
AND DRINKS BEER, GOOD BUDDY.

I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER. (She turns wheel long to the right.)
I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER. (She turns wheel long to the left.)
I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER. (She turns wheel long to the right.)
I'M GOAN DRIVE THIS SUCKER. (She turns wheel long to the left.)

(Mo is weeping. Doc turns off recorder.)

R.V.: There now. That little ditty wasn't so bad, was it Mohammed? (Mo cries harder.) You've
only heard a few country songs in all your born days. There's a lot more worser than that.

(A huge explosion! Dr. Katz and Mo fight for balance, R.V. wrestles the wheel.
Steam pours around them. The Winnebago™ coughs to a halt, and steam fizzes.)

R.V.: (announcing) This time, looks like the radiator, boys. Help me take it out, Mo.
(Mo grabs toolbox.)

SCENE SIX 2001 Appalachian Mountains Days 10-9

(Countdown Chart says 10. Dr. Katz, looking a bit shabby, counts out money for Mo and R.V.,
who never looks up from cleaning her fingernails with a file on her multi-tool knife.)
 21

DR. KATZ: (counting money) Today I have five, six, seven -- for you, Mr. M'Tumbe. Five,
six, and seven dollars for you, Ms. Wheeler. They say money isn't everything, but I wish
I had more to give you. My credit cards maxed out to buy this vehicle. Too much money
has gone for repairs.
MO: And I wish we had more than this box of crackers. (holds up box)
R.V.: Ain't we got some sardines left?
MO: Had those yesterday, in the cornflake casserole.

(Mo pulls out the last few crackers, places them on the table and sits. No one
reaches for the crackers.)
DR. KATZ: The worst is this: money, we have only enough for gas. Songs, we need more.
Time . . . (looks at Countdown Chart) 10 days. You two seem religious. . . . We could
use a miracle.
R.V.: Well, I have never seen such a balled-up mess as this trip. Your book seems pretty good -
- especially that chapter about country music I helped you with. But fixing this here RV,
and waiting for it to break, and fixing it again, and waiting, and no money . . . . Maybe
it's time to call it quits.
MO: Easy for you two to say, out here in the middle of redneck country. At least get my black
self to Philly.
DR. KATZ: What am I, a banker, a magician?
R.V.: No, you're a Jewish doctor. You're supposed to be so smart -–
MO: -- and so r-i-c-h.
R.V.: But you're flat broke. That's what really gets my Texas goat.
DR. KATZ: (calmly, with an edge) Again. My people are connected with money. For four
hundred years, we couldn't even own land in Europe. We learned to value what was in
our heads, and the gold we could carry when the killing started again. And it always
started. They call us God's chosen people. Chosen for what? (looking up, shrugging)
Persecution?
MO: I thought Jews were chosen and blessed to have the Ten Commandments and the land of
milk and honey.
R.V.: I thought they were chosen to have the Savior.
DR. KATZ: The Jews were chosen, in Hebrew, burdened, "tikkun olam"-- to repair the world.
But I can't even fix my life.
R.V.: And we can't keep fixing this old lemon on wheels.
DR. KATZ: Now, for money, the Winnebago™ will be sold for your bus fares back.
MO: But what about you, and the book?
DR. KATZ: Ah yes, my book. . . a way to not fade away like smoke from a pipe. To leave the
world a better place. Did either of you take off a number from the Countdown
Chart today?
MO & R.V.: No.
(Doc tears off a page so it shows 9.)
DR. KATZ: Only nine days left. It's too big a dream, too little time. I can't do it without both of
you. (a pause)
MO: We could eat at a soup kitchen in Philly. Get down with music in that town. Close to NYC.
R.V.?
 22

R.V.: It’s farther to go back than it is to go on. Damn, we’re in a poor pickle, Doc. Maybe it’s
time we study church music. Not weirdo prayer poses, but the real deal.
MO: Hey, Doc, settle an argument. Is “Amazing Grace” black or white?
DR. KATZ: Well. . . . in 1748, a storm hit a slave ship. The captain begged forgiveness, was
saved that very night. He wrote lyrics, amazed at seeing the light. Some sources say the
melody was from slaves humming in the ship. Others say it's an ancient Scottish tune.
Both black and white churches loved it.
(R.V. and MO grudgingly high five.)
R.V.: We should eat the last of our food. But maybe we should put in a word with the man
upstairs, first. I've been reading the Bible, and Mo’s been reading his Korean –
MO: Ko-ran. (swallows the r)
R.V.: That’s what I said, and Doc’s been reading his holy book.
DR. KATZ: The Bible. (holds up The Jewish Study Bible)
R.V.: Come again?
DR. KATZ: “Bible” means “book” in Latin and Greek. Genesis, Exodus, Adam, Eve -- you
know the stories. Twenty-four books in the Hebrew Bible.
R.V.: Those stories are in my Bible, but we have 66 books.
MO: Also in the Koran. Abraham, Moses, even Jesus, the great prophet.
DR. KATZ: If we read the same stories, how come there’s been persecution and so-called holy
wars for centuries – millennia. Now, in 2001, people still dying in the Mideast, in Africa,
Ireland. Everyone claims it’s for God. . . . Whoever solves that, gets the Nobel Peace
Prize. (a beat)
R.V.: Hey, speaking of history, since you two know the old stories, why did Cain kill his
brother?
MO: Jealousy.
DR. KATZ: Inheritance.
R.V.: Nope. Cain killed his brother because he was able.
MO: That’s a groaner.
DR. KATZ: Very punny, R.V..
R.V.: Well, like I was saying, we ain't had no prayers together in this here buggy, and it sure
couldn't hurt none. Let us pray before our meal. Let us bow our heads. Dearest Jesus --
DR. KATZ: --Ah-hem.
R.V.: (sheepishly) Sorry, Doc, forgot you don't pray that way. Let me start again. (all bow
heads) Dear Father Almighty, we ask you to just --
MO: (to R.V., interrupting) -- Praise belongs to Allah, Lord of Worlds, the Merciful --
R.V.: -- What in tarnation?
MO: If you and Doc pray to your gods, I can pray to mine.
DR. KATZ: (diplomatically) Here, here. Perhaps we should keep it general. All of us seem to
believe in the Creator, just by different names.
(All bow heads again.)
R.V.: Dear power of all good in the world. . . . (She looks at Mo and Doc, who approve) We ask
that these here crackers (all solemnly lift up cracker) give us strength to carry on. You
might just guide others in our path to help us, because it we can't do it alone. . . . And
you might help Doc, here, find some music. It may not seem like much to ask, to you up
there. But it sure would mean a lot to us down here. Amen.
DR. KATZ: Omayn.
 23

MO: Ameen.
DR. KATZ: Well done, R.V..
R.V.: A trick back home when food ran low, was to pretend we was eating our fav-or-ite things.
DR. KATZ: Bagels and lox.
R.V.: Say what?
DR. KATZ: (rapturously) A hot chewy roll, with a shmear of cream cheese, covered with
smoked salmon. (Everyone eats a cracker. Doc relishes his a long time.)
MO: I'd be eating the most expensive thing I've ever prepared as a chef: truffles. Three
thousand dollars a pound.
DR. KATZ: (doubtfully) For that, people can enjoy?
R.V.: Where do these here true-fools come from?
MO: Pigs smell them by the roots of trees. New York restaurants serve these. The culinary
capital of our country. This road trip is my career move.
(Everyone bites a cracker.)
R.V.: 'Bout as tasty as suckin' on a rock. . . . Reckon I could go for a whole mess of Rocky
Mountain oysters, fried up, with grits.
DR. KATZ: So what are these mountain oysters? (everyone bites a cracker)
R.V.: Back home, we called them "cowboy caviar...." You sophisticated fellows might call them
"swine testicles."
(Mo & Doc spit out crackers. R.V. enjoys hers.)
R.V.: Um, umm! Usually from cattle, but pigs have a stronger flavor. Yummy.
MO: This is like a 30-day Ramadan fast. Cleanse the body, so the spirit will last. With meals
like this, Doc's cholesterol will fall.
DR. KATZ: The finest meal I never ate. (yawning) No music to work on. Tomorrow will be
better -- if I don't wake up.
R.V.: Not wake up? Doc, then what would we do? . . . I'm getting curious what the biggest city
in the world looks like.
MO: Here's the last cracker.
DR. KATZ: No thanks, I’m full of nothing. If the world doesn't owe me a living, at least it owes
me a nap.
R.V.: (to Mo) Let us break bread together. (Solemnly, R.V. splits the cracker with her knife,
and she and Mo eat.) Come on up front and ride shotgun.

(INSTRUMENTAL PASSAGE of LIVE IN AMERICA begins briefly, and they jostle as if

moving, going through a few turns.)

MO: I have fed hundreds of soldiers. I can cook anything. (a beat) Slow down! Something's in
the road!
R.V.: Possum. (She jerks steering wheel; there's a loud thud. Music and movement stop.)
(delighted) Got him!! Dinner time!!
MO: (looks upward) All praise to Allah.
R.V. That's the sound of Opportunity Knockin!
(They knock something 3 times.)
(Instrumental intro to DU-WOP SONG begins as scene changes.)
 24

SCENE SEVEN 2001 Philadelphia Day 8

(A poor section of Philadelphia. The sign reads SOUP KITCHEN. There is a barrel with a
red/orange glow, with a trio around it, warming hands and humming with Du-Wop Song intro.
One or two people breakdance, spinning on the street. Our travelers, worn and ragged, enter. Dr.
Katz can only manage a shuffle, and Mo and R.V. guide him. R.V. turns on the recorder she's
carrying for Doc. The people around the barrel start singing.)

DU-WOPPERS: (DU-WOP SONG)

OO-OO OO-OO-OO, OO-OO OO-OO-OO,
OOH WAH OOHH -- SHOO BEE DOO
SHAY SHERRI -- HEY BABY
I DON'T CARE IF THE WORDS ARE WRONG.
JUST AS LONG AS THEY SOUND LIKE A DU-WOP SONG.

(YEAH) WIP WIP WIP -- SANG A LANG

DIP DIP DIP -- RANG A TANG (YEAH)
WAH WAH WAH -- WOO WEE
SHAH SHAH SHAH -- SHE HE
I DON'T CARE IF THE WORDS AIN'T RIGHT.
IF THEY JUST SOUND GOOD, WE CAN SING ALL NIGHT.

WOE OOH WOE -- 'CAUSE I LOVE HER SO.

DO WAH DOO -- 'CAUSE SHE LOVES ME TOO.
AIN'T NO DOUBT WHAT I'M DREAMING OF
'CAUSE THE SOUND GIVES THE MEANING TO WORDS OF LOVE.

DOOLEY BOP A COW (MOO) -- BOW WOW WOW (WOW)

DING DONG DING -- SHING SHING A LING
JUST AS LONG AS THE WORDS SOUND GOOD,
THEN MY DU-WOP SONG WILL BE UNDERSTOOD.
OOH WAH DOOT DOO WAH!

MO: (to R.V. & Dr. Katz) These dudes are bad!!
R.V.: (to Mo, disagreeing) I thought they were pretty darn good, myself.
MO: (to R.V., exasperated) R.V., wake up 'n smell the caffeine. "Bad" means good, know what I
mean? (to Dr. Katz) We got you some dynamite. It's time for you to write! (no reaction)
DU-WOPPER #1: Welcome to Philly: Home of Du-Wop.
MALE RAPPER #1: And hip-hop.
DU-WOPPER #1: (extends cap to Mo) We sing for free, but a little change would help.
MO: All we have is a little change. Here’s my sadaqah, my offering. (He lets change slide off
his hand into the cap. R.V. does likewise.)
DU-WOPPER #1: (to R.V.) Thank you, ma'am.
MALE RAPPER #1: We'll bust some real cold ones out for you.
R.V.: "Bust out cold ones". . . . Beer? Golly, I sure could use a cold one.
 25

MALE RAPPER #2: Naw, girl, rhymes, spitting words -- rap!

R.V.: Oh no!
MALE RAPPER #1: (addressing audience with microphone) Whaazzuup, Philly! Make some
noise! Let’s give them a freestyle battle! What, what? Bring it! Can you kick it?
DR. KATZ: Kicking freestyle?
YOUNG FEMALE RAPPER: (to Doc) Freestyle is an unrehearsed, impromptu rap.
MALE RAPPER #1: (announcing) Who wants to battle Mike D?
RAPPER #2: I’ll bring it!
MALE RAPPER #1: You, second. Who dares be third? (silence)
YOUNG FEMALE RAPPER: I was born ready!
MALE RAPPER #1: Well what do I see, a little lady, looks like we got three. Do I hear number
four, knocking on the door? (silence) You know we got room for more. (silence)
MO: Yo.
MALE RAPPER #1: (to audience) We got new blood ready to throw down! (to the DJ or band)
Spin the track.
(The rhythm track begins. R.V. turns on the recorder she's carrying for Doc.)
(to audience) You right here, hold onto your butts -- you're about to go nuts!

(BATTLE RAP) (not on demo CD)

MALE RAPPER #1: YO, YO, YO, CHECK IT!

PUMP UP THE VOLUME AND HEAR WHAT'S HAPPENING,
IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR RHYME AND LOOKING FOR RAPPING.
WE CAN DO OLD SCHOOL, MUMBO JUMBO
DU-WOP, DU-WOP, WE WERE BORN TO GO--
BUT IF YOU WANT TO HEAR BEATS THIS FRESH,
YOU CAME TO THE HOT SPOT -- PHILLY'S THE BEST.
OF ALL THE RAPPERS IN THIS OLD TOWN,
MIKE D'S THE TOP (points to self), JUST ASK AROUND.
(He is applauded by bystanders.) RIGHT ON! WRITE ON!
(He passes mic to Male Rapper #2.)

MALE RAPPER #2:

ARE YOU READY TO GO? LOOK....
WELL YOU HEARD HIS WORDS, YOU HEARD HIS JIVE.
NOW YOU GOTTA LISTEN TO THE BADDEST ALIVE.
MY NAME IS CLIFFORD AND I MAY BE WHITE,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO RHYTHM I'M OUTTA SIGHT.
GIVE YOUR EARS TO OTHERS, YOU'LL BE SNORING,
STEP INTO MY WORLD, AND WE'LL BE SOARING.
I MAY BITE ON SOME IN SELF DEFENSE--
WHEN THEY SAY THEY'RE BEST, IT'S IMPERTINENCE.
(He is applauded by bystanders.)
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
(He hands mic to young female rapper.)
TOP THAT, BABY!
 26

YOUNG FEMALE RAPPER:

YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET NO NAME FROM ME.
NOT THE FIRST, NOT THE LAST, AS YOU WILL SEE.
THE REASON IS CLEAR, THE REASON IS SOUND.
I HAD TO RUN AWAY FROM MY HOMETOWN.
THESE PEOPLE ARE FAMILY, LIBERTY.
WE MOVE SO EASILY IN HARMONY.
YOU CAN'T OUT-RAP US WHEN WE'RE TOGETHER.
OUR RHYMES COVER YOU LIKE SALT AND PEPPER.
(She is applauded by bystanders.)
ALL RIGHT! A WOMAN WINS!
(She hands mic to Mo.)
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU-- NOT!

MO: YO, YO, YO.... I HEARD YOUR BRAGGING, I HEARD YOUR RAP.
IT SEEMS TO ME YOUR BRAINS ARE WACK.
WHILE YOUR TONGUES WERE FLOPPING ON THE FLOOR,
ALL I HEARD WAS OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' (hits mic three times) ON THE
DOOR.
YOU MAY BE THE BEST IN PHILLY TOWN.
HOMEBOY, HOMEGIRL, HERE'S A NEW MAN AROUND.
I HEARD YOUR GAME. YOU ALL SOUND THE SAME.
I WILL BURN YOU LIKE WOOD IN FLAME.
DON'T FEEL CONFOUNDED, SO ABSURD.
YOU JUST MET MOHAMMED. CALL ME "MO." WORD.

(R.V. turns off recorder. All but Doc wildly congratulate Mo.)
R.V.: Alright, Mo! Your tongue was wagging like a blind dog's tail in a meat market. (to Doc)
What's the matter, Doc? You got your dobber down.
MO: (concerned, to R.V.) Maybe he's having another heart spell.
DR. KATZ: That girl's the same age as my runaway daughter. Who could be singing on a street
somewhere. (He weakly looks around.) She had such a fine voice growing up.
R.V.: (to Mo, very worried) Mo, we got to get Doc some food.
MO: (urgently, to Young Female Wrapper) What time is the meal?

(A large pot of soup is placed down. Spoons and bowls are brought. More people ENTER,
shaking hands and helping with chairs. There are children. The TV Announcer ENTERS,
conspicuous in business suit. She holds a microphone and presses hand to ear as she speaks.)

TV ANNOUNCER: Today, we are visiting a Philadelphia soup kitchen. Let's talk with some of
the people who come to this place to eat. Who, but for the kindness of others, might not
eat at all. (To Doc) Excuse me, sir. Could you tell us how it is that you've come here?
(she holds microphone to Doc) Your name, sir?
DR. KATZ: Doctor David Katz. When to begin? Just lost my job as music professor. Divorce.
Daughter ran away. A physician gave me 40 days to live. I am traveling to write a little
 27

book. The vehicle broke, and we are broke. My two companions here. . . . We can't go
any farther.
TV ANNOUNCER: What kind of book is it?
DR. KATZ: Exploring American music. Here's a copy of the songs we have found. (hands
announcer a CD) Field recordings. In the tradition of Alan Lomax, who worked for 70
years and gave 10,000 songs to the Library of Congress. I have 8 days left, and have only
a few songs -- but they are good.
TV ANNOUNCER: (touched) Why, thank you. (to R.V.) Ma'am?, may I ask, what did you eat
yesterday?
R.V.: Possum hit on the road. . . . All we had was crackers before that.
DR. KATZ: (shocked) Possum? You barbarians fed me roadkill?! (incensed, to MO) You told
me it was pheasant under glass!

(R.V. ushers Doc to a chair which is offered by Young Female Rapper. Someone
a different race offers chairs for R.V. and Mo.)

TV ANNOUNCER: Any of us, after a costly illness, losing our jobs, might find our footsteps
leading to such a place as this. Our only meal given by the kindness of others.
PREACHER: Brothers and sisters. . . . I say brothers and sisters! . . . Our meditation today is
only seven words from the Bible: "The Kingdom of God, is within you." (People say,
"amen," "praise be," "oh, yes," etc.) There is no black or white, no rich or poor, no young
or old when we feel Love, that spark of the divine, within each one of us. (fervently)
May the kindness and food we share today, spark Love within us, so we can help others,
and help ourselves, and feel the presence of the divine.

(All heads are bowed in prayer. Music starts. Mo turns on Doc's recorder. Soup is
being ladled into bowls.)

GOSPEL SINGER: (YOU'll BE ALRIGHT)

IF YOU'RE SLIPPING INTO DARKNESS,

AND YOU THINK THERE'S NO TOMORROW,
A GOOD LIGHT SHINES ON THE HARDEST TIMES, REMEMBER.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW THE ANSWER.
YOU MAY NOT KNOW WHAT'S COMING.
BUT A GOOD LIGHT SHINES IN YOU ALL THE TIME, REMEMBER.
YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT.

(People rise and slowly move to get soup. Female Rapper delivers Doc's bowl.)

GOSPEL SINGER: YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT.

YOU CAN SLEEP TIGHT, ALL NIGHT,
YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT.

YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY.

THERE'S NO TROUBLE 'ROUND THE CORNER.
 28

YOU'LL BE SAFE AND SOUND ON THE SOLID GROUND, REMEMBER...

YOU MAY NOT HAVE MUCH MONEY.
BUT YOU'LL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.
A GOOD LIGHT SHINES WITH A LOVE SO FINE, REMEMBER.

YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT.

YOU CAN SLEEP TIGHT ALL NIGHT, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT.
THERE'S A FRIEND SOMEWHERE
GIVES YOU HOPE AND CARE;
THERE'S A WAY FOR YOU TO CARRY ON.
YOU'LL FIND YOUR WAY, YOU'LL HAVE YOUR DAY,
JUST REMEMBER THE WORDS OF THIS SONG.

YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT

YOU CAN SLEEP TIGHT, ALL NIGHT, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT
(repeat twice)

ALLELUIA, LUIA, ALLELUIA.

(All have a bowl of soup and are eating. Mo turns off Doc's recorder. Doc stands
up, then collapses.)

TV ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an emergency. The ex-professor we

interviewed just minutes ago, who has been collecting music and gave me this CD of songs
(holds it high), has just collapsed. Is there a doctor in the house?

(Lights down, curtain, then house lights up.)

(NOTE: Initial rights to YOU’LL BE ALRIGHT were donated to Trevor's Campaign For The
Homeless. Trevor was a young Philadelphia boy in 1983 who saw a TV special on hunger, took
peanut butter sandwiches and a blanket to street people, and began a grassroots effort that has
given housing, help, and hope to hundreds a day. Applicable royalities will be forwarded by the
authors to Trevor's Campaign, and this notice must occur in the play program that explains
Trevor's Campaign and gives this address for donations, as well as the request to mention
AMERICA THE MUSICAL with any donations.)

Trevor's Campaign for the Homeless

1624 Poplar Street; Philadelphia, PA 19130

********INTERMISSION INTERMISSION********
 29

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE 2001 Philadelphia, heading east Days 8-5

Dr. Katz, R.V. and Mo are in the Winnebago™ gathering their things into sacks & suitcases with
deliberation and sadness. Countdown Chart says 8.

MO: Anybody missing a handkerchief?

R.V.: A red and white bandana?
MO: Blue, feels like silk.
DR. KATZ: Mine, Mohammed. (He takes it.)
R.V.: When that preacher told us to pray, I kind of hoped this here trip didn't have to end. Not
this way. Just giving up.
MO: Reminded me of the Koran: "A soul is not given more than it can bear."
DR. KATZ: So. I was asking forgiveness for bringing you both to this world of soup kitchens
and broken dreams. . . and you both wished I could finish my mission. (He daubs eyes
with handkerchief, while Mo wipes his eyes, and R.V. unfurls a red-and-white bandana
and blows her nose.)
R.V.: (angrily)Well. Rita Vonne Wheeler ain't never just up and quit before, and, it's a-sticking
in my craw like that sardine casserole Mo fixed us a ways back. I say we keep on
trucking!
MO: I was feeling that spark of the Divine the preacher talked about. We were just starting to
cook, helping Doc’s music book. I vote we keep on keeping on!
(a pause)
DR. KATZ: Seriously? No money for food, only a little for gas. Only have (looks at Countdown
Chart) 8 days.
R.V.: (to Doc) Mo and I will pick up odd jobs along the way. We all signed a contract. You
going to be the only one, not man enough to live up to it?
(A long silence)
MO: Two to one, Doc. Majority rules. (to R.V.) Kind of nice not being a minority -- for a
change.
DR. KATZ: Amen, so be it! (extends hand, all touch in middle) (deeply moved) The scholar
Hillel said: "If I am only for myself, what am I?". . . . Thanks to both of you.
MO: Enough of this stalling. To New York City, let’s be hauling! (to R.V.) Come on, dog!
R.V.: (to Mo) Dog!!? Did you just call me a dog!?
DR. KATZ: I read where “dog” is a rapper’s term of endearment.
R.V.: Well I’ll be sheep dipped. (to Mo) You’re kind of a cool cat, I mean dog. Hot dog, let’s
blast off in a cloud of dinosaur dust!
MO: (to Doc) I still have doubts what the heck she’s talking about.

(R.V. gets into driver's seat, and INSTRUMENTAL VERSION of "YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT"
begins softly. Pages are removed from Countdown Chart, until it says 5, as Doc, Mo and R.V.
move into various positions. Doc writes, falls asleep at computer, looks at Time Magazine cover
and does an improved yoga Warrior Pose. Mohammed spreads his prayer rug, bows a ra'ka,
 30

chants the Islamic Call to Prayer, and exercises. Rita Vonne hums or plays on harmonica a bit of
"Amazing Grace.")

DR. KATZ: (Wearing a yarmulke and prayer shawl, chants the Hebrew prayer:)
Baruch Atah Adonai alohenu melich Ho-alum she hechiano verimono vehegiano lazman hazen.
(notices R.V., who is driving, and/or Mo watching him) That is, to translate, "Praised are you,
God of the Universe, who has sustained us, and brought us to this moment."

(There's a HUGE EXPLOSION and all are thrown forward by sudden stop.)

R.V.: Gents, the party's over. Good thing we were pulling into a rest stop. Rest in peace.
DR. KATZ: Again it broke?
R.V.: It broke for good. Just threw a rod. Maybe we can sell this overgrown tin tent for scrap,
buy a junker, and still make it to the Big Apple. Hey Doc, where's the title?
DR. KATZ: Title? Title? (He rummages through pockets, and sheaf of credit cards. Maybe he
or R.V. looks in glove compartment) (stunned) God forbid, I was so hurried to buy, I
never got the title.
MO: Doc, are you stuck on stupid? (incredulous) We can't prove this big lemon is ours??!
DR. KATZ: And one other thing. Academic journals have published some of my work. I have
no contact for a CD book like this. I was hoping to live up to the name David. But the
Goliath I am fighting is Death. This Katz doesn't have nine lives. . . . Our book would
have a life of its own, though. It's made up of you, Mo, and you, R.V., and songs that
should be heard. But I have nothing left to give.
MO: News flash.
R.V.: (sadly amazed) Doc, you had us believing . . . that we were going to tell the whole world
about America. Us: a Jew, a Christian, and a Muslim -- black and white, male and
female. And it all blows to kingdom come because of an engi-ine tossing a rod.

(Sound of a helicopter.)
R.V.: Hopping horny toads! There's a chopper! Now we get arrested for a stolen vehicle we
didn't steal.
MO: If the cops come, we are done.
R.V.: Doc, I knew I should have dropped you like a bad transmission. (furiously packing a
suitcase) Y'all can kiss my Texas ass goodbye.
MO: Sometimes the ways of Allah are clear. . . . No money, no wheels. I’m outta here.
(Mo also begins to hurriedly pack his duffel bag.)
-----------------------------------------------------
(Same TV Announcer as at the soup kitchen, steps to front of stage. The pace is fast,
approaching farce, with inside and outside the Winnebago™ on stage at same time.)

TV ANNOUNCER: Three days ago, at a soup kitchen, we interviewed a down-and-out

professor giving his final days to a music book. He collapsed and almost died. His
recordings (holds aloft CD) have touched the nation's heartstrings. The search is over.
We hope to interview, live, ex-Professor David Katz. But first a message from our
sponsor. . . . (excited) Cancel the ad. Cancel it. . . . Am I on? (mike turns on) (loudly
taps mike and yells) Turn this bleeping mike on! (sheepishly) Oops.... A big bus just
 31

pulled up, painted psychedelic colors. Is that Shirley Wilder? .... It is none other than
Shirley Wilder. This is going to be something. The number-one female rock star meets
the dying music scholar.

(ENTER Shirley Wilder with pink hair and Punker Escort.)

TV ANNOUNCER: Shirley Wilder, what a surprise. No wonder the highway is backing up in

both directions.
SHIRLEY: Maybe your helicopter and camera truck have something to do with that. Your soup
kitchen show snagged my attention. (brashly) If this Doc Katz is going to explain today’s
music, the Plaster-Casters and I want to make sure he does it major. Our bus has been
following you following the professor.

(Shirley moves toward our 3 travelers.)

MO: We didn't do anything.
SHIRLEY: (to Mo, with brash sexiness) Excuse me, good looking, I want to check the
professor. (to Dr. Katz) So, you're into modern music. I've got some songs to bounce off
you.
R.V.: (to Punker Escort) We thought the po-lice was coming.
PUNKER ESCORT: Probably will, look this traffic jam on the interstate. But we're not cops.
Closest we come to cops is getting arrested.
SHIRLEY: (to Dr. Katz) Thought you might recognize me. Course, I’ve changed. . . . My hair
used to be, like, real green.
DR. KATZ: (to Shirley) I thought you look familiar -- (realizing) Time Magazine! (he pulls out
the cover and compares it to Shirley.
SHIRLEY: (to TV Announcer) Is this live, nationwide?
TV ANNOUNCER: Yes, and in 32 countries.
SHIRLEY: (takes TV Announcer's mic) (addressing audience) Hey, hey, hey you on the other
side of these cameras.....Are you ready to rock-n-roll!!!?
DR. KATZ: (with admiration) That girl, what chutzpa.
(He starts recorder. Shirley writhes to WILD GUITAR INTRODUCTION, which stops.)
DR. KATZ: (amazed) What kind of a sound is that?
PUNKER ESCORT: That, my good professor of music history, is the music of the future.
DR. KATZ: (looking up) Oh, my word, if that is the music of the future, it will be a blessing to
die.
R.V.: Sounds like somebody strangling a cat.

(Shirley belts out the song directly to audience, and Doc holds recorder. Mo is grooving
to music. R.V. sets down suitcase and covers her ears.)

SHIRLEY: (HATE EVERYTHING)

MY DAD AND MOM DIVORCED

WHEN I WAS SEVENTEEN.
I WANTED TO GET EVEN,
I WANTED TO BE MEAN.
 32

I TURNED INTO A DOPER,

I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT.
I WANTED TO BE NASTY,
AND GET INTO A FIGHT.

ONE DAY I DISCOVERED

A WAY TO DO IT ALL:
PUNKER PUNKER MUSIC,
DROVE ME UP THE WALL.
MOMS AND DADS ALL HATE IT
EVERYWHERE YOU GO.
AND THAT'S WHY PUNKER MUSIC
IS ON THE RADIO.

HATE EVERYTHING, HATE EVERYTHING.

HATE IT WITH A PASSION, IT MAKES ME WANT TO SING.
HATE DADDY'S MONEY AND MOMMY'S DIAMOND RING.
(Dr. Katz grimaces, places hands over ears.)
I'M PROUD TO BE A PUNKER AND I HATE EVERYTHING.
PLAY THAT PUNKER MUSIC
NASTY AS CAN BE,
LIKE A DENTIST DRILLING
IN YOUR CAVITY.
MAKE 'EM LOVE TO HATE IT;
MAKE 'EM WANT TO FIGHT.
WHEN DAD SAYS TURN IT DOWN
YOU KNOW YOU GOT IT RIGHT.
(Doc again covers ears.)
HATE EVERYTHING, HATE EVERYTHING.
I CAN'T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT, I CAN'T EVEN SING;
BUT I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT I HATE EVERYTHING.
HATE, HATE, I HATE EVERYTHING.
HATE EVERYTHING, HATE EVERYTHING.
(Doc starts to move to the beat.)
I LOVE PUNKER MUSIC,
I LOVE TO MAKE IT STING.
I HATE YOU, HATE ME, HATE THE LEFT WING;
I HATE THE MOVIE, HATE THE BOOK,
I HATE EVERYTHING.
HATE EVERYTHING. . . (ends with electronic distortion and Shirley's
screaming. Announcer and others applaud, whistle, shout.)

SHIRLEY: (quiets crowd). Chill.... Now chill it down. . . . I need to make a special
announcement. . . . My real name is Rebecca Katz.
PUNKER ESCORT: (incredulous) Rebecca!!?
 33

DR. KATZ: Becky?

SHIRLEY: My dad is Dr. David Katz. Both he, and the daughter who ran away from him, have
been found.
(Doc moves toward his daughter, holds her face tenderly in his hands.)
DR. KATZ: Beckala. Mine Beckala.
TV ANNOUNCER: Here's the scoop. The Princess of Punk is the long lost daughter of Doctor
David Katz. The biggest news story of the week . . . just got a lot bigger.

SCENE TWO 2001 Eastern U.S. Day 4

(INSTRUMENTAL PASSAGE of YOU’LL BE ALRIGHT during scene change. Dr. Katz and
daughter/punker Shirley sit on edge of stage or log, on riverbank. Doc looks casual but neat in
cardigan sweater. Shirley has normal hair and clothes. Father and daughter may look straight
ahead at the river (audience), and occasionally toss imaginary pebbles in the water. Both are
barefooted, have rolled trousers, and are seemingly soaking feet in water.)

DR. KATZ: Ooh, that water's lovely. (toss, a pause) So, those were my years, flowing sadly
like this river, since you left. One disaster after another. The door of my life closing, I
decided to prop it open with a music book. Leading me to R.V. and Mo and to my long-
lost daughter. (unfolds Time Magazine cover) Amazing hair, nose ring. Not even a father
could recognize. But I couldn't throw it away. The cover of Time Magazine. (folds it and
returns to breast pocket) And when we finally meet, I'm out of time.
SHIRLEY: (concerned) How you feel – like, healthwise?
DR. KATZ: (joshing) Oh splendid. Can't eat anything that tastes good. Can't smoke a pipe to
relax. Can't drink anything to feel better. But when I die, cremation -- (lifts pipe) then I
can smoke and it won't kill me. (they laugh)
SHIRLEY: Mom used to say laughter is chicken soup to the soul. Keep it up, you may live to
be a hundred and twenty.
DR. KATZ: Moses made it that long. All I want is one-nineteen. Mohammad said I'm in the
"move it or lose it club." He shows me yoga. Seated Warrior Pose. (stretches arms
upward, looks up, wobbles a bit)
SHIRLEY: (she steadies him) I’ll front you that operation.
DR. KATZ: (lowers arms, pats her hand) Why did you leave home?
SHIRLEY: Gee, zow, after the divorce, I was like a bad penny getting passed back and forth
between you and mom. Seemed nobody wanted me, except to make the other feel bad.
Guess I felt the worst. When I left, it didn't hurt so much. I just, I felt hollow.
DR. KATZ: I understand.
SHIRLEY: Music and drugs became my bitch at everything wrong. Kids dug it -- my album
went platinum. But back when mom died, and I didn't find out for two months, that
sucked major. . . . If only I had known. . . . When I saw you on TV in that soup kitchen,
how sick you were, I had an emotional ketchup burst.
DR. KATZ: A who?
SHIRLEY: Hey, all my bottled-up emotions let loose at once. I had to find you, to -- you know,
make my peace. I had enough of feeling bad. I'm sorry.
 34

DR. KATZ: My physician said regrets and stress were killing me. . . . I am glad we are family
again.
SHIRLEY: Here is a healing crystal for you. Give you good vibrations.
DR. KATZ: I will keep it next to my heart. (pockets it)
SHIRLEY: (brightly) Hey, whatssup! Let me help you cook your book. I will hook you up with
my agent in New York. Snap! On the way you could catch The Peace Festival we're
playing in Jersey.
DR. KATZ: That, would make all my work a joy. Beckala, my baby. . . . After you left home, I
couldn’t listen to classical music – too many painful thoughts drifted in. And it bothered
me to hear the word "baby" in a pop song. I turned off all radios. I even stopped reading
poetry. Guess what the number one topic of poetry is? In all languages?
SHIRLEY: “Love”?
DR. KATZ: Close, that is number two. "Death" is the dominant theme. Seems that poets explore
what they want to understand.
SHIRLEY: Wow.
DR. KATZ: (more brightly) Hey, miss rock star, guess what word is used the most in modern
music?
SHIRLEY: “Love”?
DR. KATZ: No, and not “sex,” “drugs,” or “rock-n-roll.” My research found the most important
word in pop music is ”baby.” Now, I will look forward to hearing it. As Mo would say,
check this: (turns on recorder and sings along)

(WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT "BABY")

DR. KATZ: WHEN WORDS OF LOVE WERE WRITTEN ALL DOWN

FOR LOVERS OF THE WORLD AND LOVERS OF THAT SOUND,
POETS OF THE TIME SAID IT ALL IN A BEAUTIFUL WAY.
SAID EVERY THING A LOVER WANTS TO HEAR
FROM NEW-LOVE FEELING TO HEART-BROKEN TEAR,
BUT NEVER WOULD'VE SAID IT
WITHOUT THIS ONE WORD TO SAY, OH SAY:

(chorus) WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT BABY?

WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT BABY?
ROCK-N-ROLL WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN HEARD
WITHOUT BABY, BAY-EE-AY-BEE.

"BABY I LOVE YOU" BROUGHT ME DOWN ON MY KNEES,

I LOVE JAMES BROWN SINGING (yells) BABY, BABY, PLEASE!
THERE'S SHERRY BABY, AND BABY BE MINE,
SWEET BABY JAMES AND MY BABY SO FINE.
FROM BACK STREETS OF PARIS TO BEACH IN L.A.
EVERYBODY'S GOT A BABY TO TALK TO AND SAY:
"BABY, BABY, OOH BABY, BABY."
SAYING IT THEN; STILL SAYING IT TODAY.
(Shirley & her father repeat chorus)
 35

DR. KATZ: (Speaking tenderly over music.)

NOW SOME PEOPLE SAID "DARLING,"
AND SOME PEOPLE SAID "DEAR,"
AND SOME SAID THE NAMES
THAT THEY LOVE TO HEAR;
LIKE "DONNA" AND "CAROL" AND "MAYBELLINE"
"MISS MOLLY" AND "VALERIE" AND EVEN "NADINE."
BUT NOBODY SAID IT AS SWEET AND AS TRUE,
AS "BABY, YOU'RE MINE," "BABY, I DO."
OF ALL THE WORDS IN THE POPULAR SONG,
BABY'S THE ONE THAT LIVES ON AND ON AND ON....

(Shirley & her father repeat chorus. They EXIT. Instrumental end of song
during scene change.)

SCENE THREE Peace Festival New Jersey Day 2

(Signs are posted or carried: "Make Love, Not War." A mushroom cloud with a line across it.
A peace symbol: "Back By Popular Demand.")

EMCEE: (addressing audience) Welcome to The Peace Festival!! Get a free peace sign tattoo at
tents back there (points). The big story right now is Shirley Wilder's reunion with her
father. They have touched America's heartstrings. His found songs, driven by air play
and DJ requests, are rocketing up the charts of blues, jazz, country, -- even classical with
the Mozart number To Live Long. . . . History is happening. . . . And on a more serious
note, history of another sort is happening. . . . We are all gathered here for the purpose of
peace. Today, in 2001, six nations have a total of 19,502 nuclear weapons. That number
is way too scary. Let us disarm the buttons of hatred and fear -- let us raise our voices
with Shirley Wilder: (dramatically) "Don't push the button!"
DR. KATZ: You will sing to all these people?
SHIRLEY: Wow, for you, daddy, I'm gonna rock 'em! (She caresses his hand on his recorder.) Keep
your recorder rolling!
DR. KATZ: Well. . . . (shrugs) How do you say? (holds up other hand) Let's rock-n-roll! (They
high five. She enters stage with that hand raised. Shirley's delivery is intense, but not the
crazy gyrations of "Hate Everything.")

SHIRLEY: (DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON)

OUT ON THE BORDERS, AWAITING ORDERS

FROM THEIR HEADQARTERS IN AEROPLANES.
THEY GOT THE A-BOMB, THEY GOT THE RADON,
THEY GOT THE NAPALM PUT THE WORLD IN FLAMES, YEAH.

PRESIDENT OF THE USA,

HE GOT THAT HOTLINE CLOSE AT HAND.
 36

PRE-ME-AIR DOWN IN RUSSIA TOO,

HE GOT THOSE TRIGGER HAPPY PLANS.

DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON-- I'M BEGGING PLEASE

DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON -- I'M ON MY KNEES
DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON-- I'M BEGGING YOU
THERE'S NOTHING ELSE I CAN DO.

IN EVERY NATION, A TRACKING STATION

ON AUTOMATION SCANS ACROSS THE SKY.
WARHEADS ARE WAITING, ANTICIPATING
SOMEONE INVADING ON THE SLY.

IN EVERY TOWN, THERE'S A MISSLE NOW

HAIR-TRIGGERED FOR THE CALL.
WHOLE WIDE WORLD COULD GO UP IN FLAMES.
ONE ICHY FINGER DOES IT ALL.

DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON, I'M BEGGING PLEASE.

DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON, I'M ON MY KNEES.
DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON, I'M BEGGING YOU.
THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE WE CAN DO--
OW!

DON'T PUSH IT, NO!

DON'T PUSH IT!
DON'T PUSH IT!
DON'T PUSH IT!
DON'T PUSH IT NOW!
DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON!
NO, NO, NO!
DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON

(Vamp until sounds of recorded gunfire and music merge. Then abrupt silence.)
SHIRLEY: (a cappella) THERE'S SOMETHING ELSE WE CAN DO --
LET'S LOVE EACH OTHER.

(Shirley holds up the V-peace sign and motions a couple times for her
father Dr. Katz to join her. He ENTERS, carrying his recorder, and he
also flashes the peace sign. They EXIT.)
 37

SCENE FOUR NYC, East Coast of America Day Zero

(Instrumental version of OPPORTUNITY KNOCKIN' during scene change. Sign says: Talent
Agent. Brooklynese Receptionist is preoccupied at her desk. Several adults and perhaps children
may be there. Mo & R.V., all dressed up, ENTER.)

MO: How about the feast last night? That French chef is my idol.
R.V. Those for-real truffles melted in my mouth. Mighty nice of the little lady to get us all
spiffied up. It's a puzzler how she makes so much money with such caterwauling music.
MO: (to R.V.) The city dump is probably burning your old cowboy boots right now. . . . Is there
a pollution alert today?
R.V.: There's always one -- this here is New York City.
(They adjust each other's shirts and R.V.'s bolo tie. Mo points to R.V.'s flashy new
boots.)
MO: Hey, dog, look there --got a spot on your new cow pie kickers.
(When R.V. looks down, Mo bumps up the brim of R.V.'s cowboy hat in good natured
fun.)
R.V.: (laughs) Got me that time, dog.

(Sporting purple hair, Shirley ENTERS with Doc, who is all dressed up.)
SHIRLEY: Daddy, in two years, this agent got me from singing in bars to headlining The Peace
Festival.
DR. KATZ: . Your talent had a lot to do with that.
SHIRLEY: My agent wants to publish your book. This is your appointment, not mine.
R.V.: (to Doc) Doc, your book is going to hit the big-time after all. Thanks to your daughter.
BROOKLYNESE RECEPTIONIST: (a female with large hairdo and flashy rhinestone glasses --
loud, screechy, with thick New York accent, preoccupied with filing fingernails,
annoyed) Jeeze! I knew I shoulda stood home. Now I got four a yiz. Park yourselves
over there. Lemme tell ya, neva take a temp job.
DR. KATZ: I'm Doctor David Katz.
BROOKLYNESE RECEPTIONIST: Is that Cats with a C, or Katz with a K? Whatevah. What
time you booked?
DR. KATZ: We just came in from New Jersey for my three-thirty appoint--
BROOKLYNESE RECEPTIONIST: --Joizey, huh -- what exit? . . . Whatevah. Tree-tirty, it is.
Don't have yourself a heart attack. Sit down til I call yiz.
(Doc joins others.)
MO: (to Doc) Doc, “Whaazzup!?” Check that girl's rap. We're in the core of the Big App.
R.V.: That gal's voice is like a chainsaw on a tin roof.
(Our travelers begin handing magazines to each other and start reading.)
SHIRLEY: Wow! (to her father) Our mugs are plastered on the cover of Rolling Stone.
R.V.: Weren’t that a song a few years back?
BROOKLYNESE RECEPTIONIST: Alright, already. Put a sock in it. (Announcing, to Talent
Agent:) 'Cuse me, your tree-tirty client is here, and he's a doozy.

(Talent Agent ENTERS.)

 38

TALENT AGENT: Delighted to meet you, Doctor Katz. And Shirley Wilder, or maybe it's
Rebecca now? The whole country is captivated by your reunion. Please come in, Doctor
and Shirley.
BROOKLYNESE RECEPTIONIST: O-M-G! Professor Katz and his daughter Shirley? Can I
get your autographs? Here's some paper and pen, please, please.
DR. KATZ: (Shrugs and signs, hands pen to Shirley, who signs. (to R.V. and Mo) We come
together. (gestures to indicate they are to go before him)
(The Talent Agent’s office has a large synthesizer.)

TALENT AGENT: Doctor, congratulations. What a novel concept! -- a book about American
music with a CD attached. Your songs, in eight days, with all the downloads and radio
airplay, have zoomed up several charts. With the publicity, the soup kitchen broadcast,
the song on the highway to a world-wide audience by your famous daughter, we'll have a
bestseller. I am prepared to be your agent. Here is a very nice contract and a sizable
advance check from a major publisher.
(Talent Agent hands Doc the check. He glances at it, shows it to Mo and
R.V., then hands it back.)
DR. KATZ: This is not acceptable.
TALENT AGENT: (flustered) . . . But... but? Did you count the zeroes?
R.V.: Doc, you're a natural nut. That’s enough money to fill up a Winnebago™!
MO: Doc, I don’t know what's shakin', but your mind is on vacation!
DR. KATZ: Please split this into three equal checks. One, for Mohammed M'Tumbe. One, for
Rita Vonne Wheeler. And one for me. (R.V. and Mo perform an elaborate "soul brother"
high-fives salute with R.V. outrageously leading at the end.)
MO: That's a down payment on a restaurant.
TALENT AGENT: Congratulations to you all. . . . Just one other matter, Doctor. . . the whole
country knows of your poor health . . . . Do you feel up to this project?
DR. KATZ: Listen to me, get older, but don’t get old. (looks at wristwatch, starts breathing
heavily) This very hour, 40 days ago, a state-of-the-art computer predicted I should die.
But I've found friends and family and work to live for. I don't even need my pipe. (he
tosses it away) . . . . If it's the last thing I ever do, I'd like to . . . to . . . .

(Dr. Katz can't catch his breath. He gasps, holding his heart. He lurches, groaning
and gasping loudly. The others stand horrified, as he weaves, face turning red, and
crumples on the desk or synthsizer, sliding off of it, a clenched hand pulling
contract papers after him. He dies.)

SHIRLEY: (wailing, clutching at her father:) Daddy? Daddy? Don’t die!!!

(a beat)

(Dr. Katz starts groaning and trying to stand. Mo and R.V. help him up. Doc
keeps moving up into a fine yoga pose.)
MO: Standing Warrior Pose. Not bad.
DR. KATZ: (gleefully) Not dead yet! Oh, I thought about dying, thought about it for 40 long
days and nights. (stops the pose) I tell you, instead of dying, I'm going to do some more
 39

writing and recording music. I spit at death. (he fake spits) (to R.V.) What's the matter,
partner -- This Katz's got your tongue?
R.V.: Why you old hoot-owl!
DR. KATZ: (to Mo) And you, Mr. Mohammed -- how's it feel to meet (dramatically) the new
Master of Disaster?
MO: (to Dr. Katz) Brother, don't you ever do that again.
DR. KATZ: (to Mo, teasing) I'll have to do it once again,-- know what I’m sayin’? (to Shirley,
joshing) And you, daughter, have you like, seen a ghost? Awesome!
SHIRLEY: (delighted and angry) The worst practical joke I have ever seen.
TALENT AGENT: (stunned) Is he always like this?
SHIRLEY: Believe me, this man is a new man.
R.V.: A new heaven and a new earth. Book of Revelation.
DR. KATZ: There's plenty of time for me to be bored and boring..... when I'm dead. Why rush a
sure thing? (striding to synthesizer) Now that I've written a book about music, I'd like to
write a song. The college that fired me had one of these synthesizers.

(Doc plays piano intro to LIVE IN AMERICA. For this scene, all characters
"play" their first music contribution on the synthesizer.)

MO: Doc, my man! That's a smooth tune! Pretty fly for a white guy.
DR. KATZ: Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to go anywhere.
R.V.: This here keyboard sounds like a real grand.
DR. KATZ: This synthesizer can sound like any instrument,-- also record and repeat with one
button.
MO: (to Doc) Say, Doc, you got a bass on that?
DR. KATZ: Precision, slap, richenbacher, mini moog?
MO: Give me, hey, give me a Duck Dunn bass.
DR. KATZ: You got it. (flips a switch)
MO: Say, Doc, play that tune, just the chords, from the minor. (piano plays) Lemme put the
bass on it here. . . (Mo touches keyboard.) E-flat, E-flat, . . . E right?
DR. KATZ: Mohammed, you've got it perfectly.
MO: Yeah, I got it now, man. F, right? End on the B-flat.
DR. KATZ: Perfect, Mohammed.
R.V.: Yeah, I got it. Put, put an old get-down shuffle on this baby, and it’ll be Katie bar the
door. This musical robot got a drum on it? Give us a 12/8 boogie shuffle with a count
off. C’mon.
DR. KATZ: My God, this will never work.
R.V.: Come on, Doc, we got the blues, let's add a little country.
DR. KATZ: (shrugs) What can it hurt? I’m supposed to be dead already. (pushes buttons, it
plays with drums) (surprised) Why, I think I’m doing it.
R.V.: Doc, you’re nailing it, man. Yeah, come on. Yeah, alright now lean on the one, on the B-
flat. Stay on it. Yeah.
DR. KATZ: All right, Mohammed, back to the F, three, four. (Mo touches keys.) Why, you
picked it up perfectly.
MO: Hey, it’s gonzo good.
DR. KATZ: G-minor. . . C . . . E-flat. My God, Mohammed, we did that together.
 40

MO: Man, when you're playing the blues, it's like ESP.
R.V.: Hey, Doc, I reckon I got me a melody line, sort of a, like a country and western line to go
along with that, from. . . . Why don’t you play that there thing from back...uh, from back
on the five. Do that, come on, I’ll hum a melody line. One, two, three, four, (She hums.)
DR. KATZ: (Music stops.) Hmmm. I'm not sure what to do here, with the, uh, we're back on
the one.
SHIRLEY: Well, I know what to do. You need some heavy metal chords. Daddy, you play that
thing again, with Mo's bass line and R.V.'s drums. I’ll make this piece really rock! Come
on, play it.
DR. KATZ: (skeptical) Maybe we shouldn’t rock the boat.
SHIRLEY: (pleading like a little girl) Come on, daddy, don't be a stress puppy. (Doc flips a
switch and music plays. Shirley touches keys to try jarring rock guitar. All hold ears and
grimace.) Naw, that's not it. (She tries a different harsh guitar sound; all react to the awful
sound.) Naw, that's not it. (She hits the musical groove.) That's it! . . . Yeah . . .
Whooh!! (She starts wildly dancing.) Yeah, come on, play it! (Music sputters to a
stop.)
DR. KATZ: What a mish-mosh. What a horrible mish-mosh.
R.V.: It's got my toes a tapping!
MO: Nobody's going to be napping!
SHIRLEY: Daddy, this will be way major!!
DR. KATZ: Who would want a hodge-podge like this?
TALENT AGENT: This song will be a fitting conclusion to your book. A mix of American
music -- all in one song. It will earn thousands in royalties.
DR. KATZ: (shrugs) That's not chopped liver. But what kind of music is this? It has a blues
bass, a classical chord structure, the power of rock-n-roll, and the melody of a country
song.
R.V.: Sounds like America to me.
TALENT AGENT: That's it! The perfect book title: America the Musical. . . . Just one minor
thing, however. A show-stopping song needs some lyrics.
SHIRLEY: I'll do a verse. (singing a cappella) Live in America!
R.V.: Me, too.
MO: Me, three.
DR. KATZ: Hey, it began as my song. Me, four.
TALENT AGENT: We’re going to need a big chorus for this one. (she EXITS)
DR. KATZ: Let's take it from the top. (He touches a key and the piano introduction begins:)
(LIVE IN AMERICA)

(Talent Agent ushers in many people singing background. Voices swell. Before
first verse, there may be a pantomime debate with the 4 leading characters
wanting someone else to go first. Dr. Katz steps into first verse:)

DR. KATZ: IF YOU WANT TO DEDICATE YOUR LIFE,

IF YOU WANT TO ADVERTISE YOUR LIGHT,
IF YOU WANT TO HEAR MUSIC EVERY NIGHT,
LIVE IN AMERICA.
 41

R.V.: IF YOU WANT TO LIVE UP ON THE HILL,

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS PAY YOUR BILL.
IF YOU WANT TO SQUARE DANCE, YES I WILL.
LIVE IN AMERICA.

DR. KATZ: PLAY ME SOME OF THAT AMERICA!

ALL: LIVE IN AMERICA

LIVE IN AMERICA
OOOH, LIVE IN AMERICA

MO: THE HOME OF THE BRAVE,

THE LAND OF THE FREE,
THERE'S A DREAM FOR MY BROTHERS
AND SISTERS AND ME
IN AMERICA. AMERICA!

SHIRLEY: YOU CAN BE JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO BE.

YOU CAN BE A MILLIONAIRE FOR FREE.
AIN'T NO BETTER PLACE IT SEEMS TO ME.
LIVE IN AMERICA.

(Over the music and swelling voices, cast members say the name of
musically important places in order.)

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA; CHICAGO, ILLINOIS; NASHVILLE, TENNESSEE;

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI; DETROIT, MICHIGAN; MUSCLE SHOALS, ALABAMA;
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON; LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA; PHILADELPHIA,
PENNSYLVANIA; ASBURY PARK, NEW JERSERY.

DR. KATZ: NEW YORK CITY. HIT IT!!! (refers to gigantic end of show-stopping song)

The End
 42

PRODUCTION NOTES:
1. Much subtle power resides in casting and stage directions. Cast should be diverse,
perhaps with disability casting. Children might be in ensemble scenes.

2. Animosity between R.V. and Mohammed should have a sharp edge at first, so their
eventual affection becomes more powerful. Yet humor pervades. Mohammed is strong, wise
and confident enough to be the most calm and loving at the start. (He puts on the red checked
tablecloth to make the Winnebago™ seem more like a home, and he also comforts Doc more.)
He must not be interpreted as weaker than R.V. but is wiser and calmer with religious faith and
military service, and not intimidated in any way.

3. All characters playing country roles, especially R.V. Wheeler, have very thick
accents. Street slang is used by Mohammed and others. Dr. Katz sounds like a Jewish American,
second generation, with understated inflections of a Jewish comedian.

4. Show can be done with a unit set. All scene changes can be done by actors turning
bar/bench (to-scale drawing available), and switching tablecloths & signs. The removable pole
on the bar/bench can hang all signs, the bar logo, and the Countdown Chart.

5. Three office scenes might be staged with waiting room stage right or at front of stage,
and the office to stage left or to the rear. As written, the professional ENTERS the waiting room.

6. The traveling Winnebago™ might be handled with: slides of America; day & night
slides and stage lighting for passage of time. Audience members might send family/travel
photos to the production tech department to be projected. Possibly, diverse people walk across
front or rear of stage to suggest Winnebago™ moving. Important to develop lead characters
during travel by: Doc Katz writing much, R.V. using tools, Mohammed bowing rak'as.
exercising and cooking. All three should read their sacred books. Character movements should
be syncronized for curves, stopping, etc....Near start of Act II: Mo, Doc & R.V. should each
remove a day from the Day Chart before explosion, to emphasize the decreasing days and the
trio's closeness.

7. Many musicals slow down in Act II—America the Musical does not: the
Winnebago™ dramatically self-destructs, the punkers’ wild entrance, and Shirley's revved-up
punk rock song. The pace of Act II, Scene One, is fast, approaching farce. A challenge is how
to present inside and outside the vehicle simultaneously. Lighting may help; or people not
conversing could freeze for much of this scene. Center stage could remain inside the
Winnebago™ until Shirley sings HATE EVERYTHING; then bench could be rotated into bar,
and she could sing from atop it. Shirley sings directly to audience.

8. Act 2, Scene 3, the Peace Festival. The Emcee addresses the audience, and Shirley
sings directly to them. The question is: how much audience participation? A couple
balloons/beachballs may be bounced from stage into actual audience. Glow-sticks may be given
to audience, audience phone lights might be encouraged at the blackout end of Don't Push the
Button while Shirley sings at the end: "Let's love each other."
 43

MUSIC NOTES:
A 6-member rock and roll ensemble would be ideal. It could be done with a 4-member
group by some judicious "head" arrangements on the part of the group and be very effective.
Typically, a "lead sheet" of chords and words can be followed, once a demo tape of the tunes has
been studied and memorized. A typical "top 40" band would be ideal for this, since their musical
life normally revolves around mimicking hit records. This musical background also results in
high flexibility regarding style and adaptability -- which is required by this show's wide range of
musical styles.

Instrumentation:
1) Drums -- normal set, with cowbell and a wood block. No electronic or "processed" drums
necessary. However, if electronic drums are used to trigger sampled drum sounds, "acoustic"
sounds should be used.

2) Bass Guitar -- any normal amplified electric bass guitar.

3) Electric guitar #1 (EG1) -- Normal amplified electric guitar with clean, chorus, delay and
contemporary distortion sound capability. Option of acoustic guitar on specified songs.

4) Keyboard #1 (KB1) -- A two-keyboard, two-source "stack" setup using high-quality digital

samplers or sample players is needed. The first and most important is a piano, such as the
KORG SG1/SG1D, Kurzweil or Roland 3000. The KORG sounds the best; however, there are
factory samples on various instruments that will work. The piano will be a major rhythm
instrument in many songs, and the KB1 player should be familiar with rock-&-roll/rhythm-&-
blues/country comping techniques on the piano. Second keyboard should be a typical multi-
sound instrument. Any sampler or "wave table" keyboard, like the KORG M1/T-series or
Roland D50/D70 is ok. Some "analog" synth samples will be needed.

5) Keyboard #2 (KB2) -- Sampler/sample player and/or synth in a 2-instrument stack.

6) Electric Guitar #2 (EG2) -- Same as above.

7) A guitar and bass should be added to the demo recorded banjo and mandolin on "Welcome to
the Country," so it doesn't sound so harsh and jangly.

Instrumentation for specific songs will be obvious to the players. As an example: "You Got the
Blues" -- EG1 does lead and fill lines. EG2 does rhythm chunks. KB1 plays piano. KB2 plays
Hammond organ and horns, a trombone/trumpet sample. Fingersnaps done by cast on stage,
probably near a microphone.

All musicians don't have to be in the orchestra pit. For WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY, R.V.
or a farmer might play a banjo or mandolin the country folks bring onstage; and/or someone
 44

plays harmonica. Shirley might play wild guitar, tambourine or maracas for HATE
EVERYTHING, or join the band. To further break down the band-cast-audience barrier: band
could be on stage, behind a scrim which is removed for the following songs: YOU GOT THE
BLUES, WELCOME TO THE COUNTRY, YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, HATE EVERYTHING,
and DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON. Some line changes would be needed, such as "Hey, dudes,
let's give this stranger some blues" instead of "Darnella, turn up that box." The band would
actually be in the blues bar, soup kitchen, etc.... Passing out flowers to real audience during
Peace Festival's rocker DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON, would further extend the show into
reality.

Vocal Range of Characters:

Dr. David Katz: 50-65 years, baritone.

Rita Vonne Wheeler: 35-55 years, alto-second soprano range with scratchiness from passing
cigarette smoke and Jack Daniel's over vocal chords while performing in honky-tonks.

Mohammed M'Tumbe: 24-29 years, tenor, rapper.

Shirley Wilder: 21-27 years, soprano to mezzo-soprano range, rock-n-roller.

Female singers on "Welcome to the Country" and "You'll Be Alright" are tenor-alto range.

DRESS:
Dr. Katz: Tweed or corduroy sportcoat, cardigan sweater. Pipe, notebook and digital recorder
are main props.
Mohammed: Nice athletic clothing (preferably West Coast teams, but may have the logos of
teams from the theater's town.). A sharp suit.
Rita Vonne: Cowboy boots, jeans, country shirts & big buckle, trucker cap with John Deere or
seed logo, cowboy hat & very flashy country-style shirt or coat for last scene.
Shirley: Wild punker clothes for start & end of Act II; more subdued clothes for riverbank
scene. A florescent or multicolored wig for first entrance (not green).

PROPS & SET:

 Optional minimalist set: Bar/Bench on locking wheels, with attachable pole/crossbar for
mounting signs, and musical notes to be added to bar front to make it a synthesizer.
Sturdy enough to be danced upon. (Blueprint is available.)
 signs: Heart Specialist, Blues Bar (preferably neon), Employment Office, Soup Kitchen,
Talent Agency.
 2 desks (for 3 office scenes -- may double as tables with tablecloths for Blues Bar,
Winnebago™, Soup Kitchen)
 1 red & white checked tablecloth
 Time magazine with Shirley's picture on cover, which will be torn off
 computer paper in folder
 45

 bright "wire" and flashing red light

 Dr. Katz: pipe, flask, blue silk handkerchief, laptop computer, digital recorder in a
briefcase, paper and pen
 billfold with credit cards in taped plastic
 R.V.: red & white handkerchief, utility knife with nail file and a belt sheath.
 sack of groceries (crackers, sardines, corn flakes)
 tool box with a few tools
 1 or 2 suitcases with a few clothes
 duffle bag
 red & white checkered tablecloth
 Countdown Chart numbered 40 - 5.
 optional slides of America & her people
 Jewish Study Bible, Christian Bible, Koran.
 steam-maker
 medium or small barrel with amber & red spotlights (or real fire) inside
 folding chairs (or pews)
 spoons & bowls and soup pot & ladle
 1 microphone
 signs: "Make Love, Not War." A mushroom cloud with a line across it. A peace sign
with "Back By Popular Demand."