CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS IS ONE

OF THE MOST POWERFUL AND

USEFUL TOOLS I HAVE FOUND.
Mike Miller,
Director of Business Billing, AT&T

Tools for Talking

W H E N S TA K E S A R E H I G H
Whenever you’re not getting the results you’re looking for, it’s likely a crucial conversation is keeping
you stuck. Whether it’s a problem with poor quality, slow time-to-market, declining customer
satisfaction, or a strained relationship—whatever the issue—if you can’t talk honestly with nearly
anybody about almost anything, you can expect poor results.

What Is Crucial Conversations® Training?

Crucial Conversations is a two-day course that teaches
skills for creating
alignment and agreement by fostering open dialogue around high-stakes,
emotional, or risky topics—at all levels of your organization. By learning how to speak and be
heard (and encouraging others to do the same), you’ll surface the best ideas, make
the highest-quality decisions, and then act on your decisions with unity
and commitment.

What Is a Crucial Conversation?

A crucial conversation is a discussion between two or more people
where the stakes are high, opinions vary, and
emotions run strong. These conversations—when handled poorly
or ignored—lead to strained relationships and dismal results.

What Does Crucial Conversations Training Teach?

Crucial Conversations teaches participants how to:

• Speak persuasively, not abrasively

• Foster teamwork and better decision making
• Build acceptance rather than resistance
• Resolve individual and group disagreements
 About the Book Who Needs Crucial Conversations Training?
With more than 2 million copies Does your organization suffer from taboo topics, deference, disagreement,
sold, Crucial Conversations is analysis paralysis, information hoarding, office politics, or alienation? Is your
the New York Times business organization battling declining productivity, safety violations, low morale, reduced
bestseller that’s transformed quality, poor customer satisfaction, or other bottom-line concerns? Then you,
organizations and changed your team, or your organization needs Crucial Conversations Training.
the way millions of people
communicate. Organizational Benefits of Crucial Conversations
Fortune 500 organizations around the world have turned to the award-winning Crucial
Conversations Training to improve bottom-line results like quality, efficiency, satisfaction,
safety, etc. Results include:
Participant Materials
• Crucial Conversations Participant Toolkit • Productivity & Quality. Sprint Nextel saw a 93 percent improvement in
• Cue cards for each lesson in a desktop productivity and a 10 to 15 percent improvement in quality, time, and cost.
display case
• Teamwork. Employees at MaineGeneral Health were 167 percent more likely
• Crucial Conversations model card
to speak up and resolve problems with colleagues after being trained in Crucial
• A copy of the New York Times bestselling book,
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Conversations.
Stakes are High (2nd Edition) • Relationships. Franklin Pierce College reduced passive-aggressive behavior by
• Crucial Conversations Audio Companion 14 percent and increased trust levels by 15 percent.
• A course completion certificate
• Performance. STP Nuclear Power Plant went from total shut-down to generating
Training Options the most electricity in the nation among two-unit plants.
• In-house—One of our experts trains • Efficiency. AT&T reduced billing costs by 30 percent and Sprint Nextel reduced
the program at a location you specify. customer care expenses by $20 million annually.
• Public Workshop—Your employees
attend a prescheduled, public training
workshop. Both virtual and in-person Named “Training Product of the Year”
training options are available. Human Resource Executive
• Trainer Certification—Individuals or
trainers from your organization certify to
Don’t Take Our Word for It
teach the course within your company.
More than 1.5 people and 300 of the Fortune 500 companies have used our
Certified trainers can also train the
skills to improve their organizational culture and create change for good.
Small Group Virtual Classroom course in
partnership with the VitalSmarts virtual
production team. What’s the Next Step?
If your organization could benefit from the skills taught in Crucial Conversations
Want to Customize this Course? Training, contact us today to learn more. Call 1-800-449-5989 or visit us at
We offer multiple options to both personalize [Link].
our training to meet your specific needs, as
well as measure its impact. Learn more at About VitalSmarts. An innovator in corporate training and leadership development, VitalSmarts
combines three decades of original research with 50 years of the best social science to help leaders
and organizations change human behavior and achieve new levels of performance. We’ve identified
+ four high-leverage skill sets that, when used in combination, create healthy corporate cultures.
These skills are taught in our award-winning training programs and New York Times bestselling
books of the same titles: Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, Influencer, and Change
Anything. VitalSmarts has worked with 300 of the Fortune 500 companies and trained more than
[Link]/tailormeasure 1.5 million people worldwide. [Link]

The Crucial Skills Suite

Those who have already attended the two-day
Crucial Accountability course may add on the
one-day Crucial Conversations course. Visit
© 2015 VitalSmarts. All Rights Reserved. VitalSmarts, the Vital head, Crucial Conversations, and Influencer Training
are registered trademarks and Crucial Accountability and Change Anything are trademarks of VitalSmarts, L.C.
CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS MODEL

BEFORE WORK ON ME FIRST

Get Unstuck
Start with Heart
Master My Stories

SILENCE
DURING SA F E T Y

MY MEANING THEIR MEANING

POOL of
Learn to Look
STATE My Path SHARED Make It Safe
MEANING Explore Others’ Paths

SAFETY

VIO L E N C E

AFTER MOVE TO ACTION

Who does What by When
Follow up

© 2014 VitalSmarts. All Rights Reserved.

 WHAT IS YOUR STYLE UNDER STRESS ? ™

From the New York Times bestseller How do you react when conversations suddenly move from smooth
Crucial Conversations: and easygoing to tense or awkward? Do you retreat into silence? Do you go on
Tools for Talking
When Stakes are High the attack? Or do you do your best to keep the conversation calm and focused
on the issues at hand?

Crucial conversations take place when the stakes are high, opinions differ, and
emotions run strong. Handling crucial conversations well can dramatically improve
your personal relationships, your career progress, and your work team’s performance.

Take this 33-question test to explore how you typically respond when you’re in
the middle of a stressful situation. Have your friends, colleagues, or family
members take the test as well. The answers may surprise you.

A self-scoring version of this test is available online at [Link]/

styleunderstress. Information on what your score means can be found on pages
68-69 of the New York Times bestseller Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking
When Stakes are High.
“When we use
crucial conversations skills, Instructions
we can influence decisions,
improve relationships, Before you start, read through the following points:
and speak our minds • RELATIONSHIP
in a way that gets heard.” Think about the relationship you want to improve—
with your boss, coworker, direct report, friend, or family member—
- Joseph Grenny
and keep this relationship in mind.

• CIRCUMSTANCE
Next, think of a tough situation—one you might have
handled poorly or avoided altogether.

• APPLY
Now, with that situation in mind, respond to the statements on
the following pages as either true or false.
 Style Under Stress Test ™

T F 1. At times I avoid situations that might bring me into T F 13. When I’m discussing an important topic with
contact with people I’m having problems with. others, sometimes I move from trying to make my
point to trying to win the battle.
T F 2. I have put off returning phone calls or e-mails
because I simply didn’t want to deal with the T F 14. In the middle of a tough conversation, I often get
person who sent them. so caught up in arguments that I don’t see how
I’m coming across to others.
T F 3. Sometimes when people bring up a touchy or
awkward issue I try to change the subject. T F 15. When talking gets tough and I do something
hurtful, I’m quick to apologize for my mistakes.
T F 4. When it comes to dealing with awkward or
stressful subjects, sometimes I hold back rather T F 16. When I think about a conversation that took a bad
than give my full and candid opinion. turn, I tend to focus first on what I did that was
wrong rather than focus on others’ mistakes.
T F 5. Rather than tell people exactly what I think,
sometimes I rely on jokes, sarcasm, or snide T F 17. When I’ve got something to say that others might
remarks to let them know I’m frustrated. not want to hear, I avoid starting out with tough
conclusions, and instead start with facts that help
T F 6. When I’ve got something tough to bring up, them understand where I’m coming from.
sometimes I offer weak or insincere compliments
to soften the blow. T F 18. I can tell very quickly when others are holding
back or feeling defensive in a conversation.
T F 7. In order to get my point across, I sometimes
exaggerate my side of the argument. T F 19. Sometimes I decide it’s better not to give
harsh feedback because I know it’s bound to
T F 8. If I seem to be losing control of a conversation, cause problems.
I might cut people off or change the subject in
order to bring it back to where I think it should be. T F 20. When conversations aren’t working, I step back
from the fray, think about what’s happening, and
T F 9. When others make points that seem stupid to me, take steps to make it better.
I sometimes let them know it without holding back
at all. T F 21. When others get defensive because they
misunderstand me, I immediately get us back on
T F 10. When I’m stunned by a comment, sometimes I track by clarifying what I do and don’t mean.
say things that others might take as forceful or
attacking—terms such as “Give me a break!” or T F 22. There are some people I’m rough on because, to
“That’s ridiculous!” be honest, they need or deserve what I give them.

T F 11. Sometimes when things get a bit heated I move T F 23. I sometimes make absolute statements like “The
from arguing against others’ points to saying fact is…” or “It’s obvious that…” to be sure my
things that might hurt them personally. point gets across.

T F 12. If I really get into a heated discussion, I’ve been T F 24. If others hesitate to share their views, I sincerely
known to be tough on the other person. In fact, invite them to say what’s on their mind, no matter
they might even feel a bit insulted or hurt. what it is.
T F 25. At times I argue hard for my view hoping to keep Scoring
others from bringing up opinions that would be a
waste of energy to discuss anyway. Fill out the following score sheets. Each domain contains two to
three questions. Next to the question number is either a (T) or
T F 26. Even when things get tense, I adapt quickly to how (F). For example, under “Masking,” question 5, you’ll find a (T). If
others are responding to me and try a new strategy. you answered question 5 true, check the box. With question 13,
on the other hand, you’ll find an (F). Only check that box if you
T F 27. When I find that I’m at cross purposes with
answered the question false—and so on. Finally, add the number
someone, I often keep trying to win my way rather
of checks in each column to determine your total score.
than looking for common ground.
Your Style Under Stress score will show you which forms
T F 28. When things don’t go well, I’m more inclined to see
of silence or violence you turn to most often. Your Crucial
the mistakes others made than notice my own role.
Conversations Skills score is organized by concept and chapter
T F 29. After I share strong opinions, I go out of my way from the book Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When
to invite others to share their views, particularly Stakes are High so that you can decide which chapters will
opposing ones. benefit you the most. Again, a self-scoring version of this test is
available at [Link]/styleunderstress. This
T F 30. When others hesitate to share their views, I do test is also duplicated on pages 63-69 of Crucial Conversations.
whatever I can to make it safe for them to speak
thonestly.
Style Under Stress
T F 31. Sometimes I have to discuss things I thought had
been settled because I don’t keep track of what Your silence and violence scores give you a measure of how
was discussed before. frequently you fall into these less-than-perfect strategies. It’s
actually possible to score high in both. A high score (one or two
T F 32. I find myself in situations where people get their checked boxes per domain) means you use this technique fairly
feelings hurt because they thought they would often. It also means you’re human. Most people toggle between
have more of a say in final decisions than they end holding back and becoming too forceful.
up having.

T F 33. I get frustrated sometimes at how long it takes

Masking Controlling
some groups to make decisions because too
many people are involved. 5(T) 7(T)

6(T) 8(T)

Avoiding Labeling

3(T) 9(T)

4(T) 10 ( T )

Withdrawing Attacking

1(T) 11 ( T )

2(T) 12 ( T )

Silence Total Violence Total

 Crucial Conversations Skills Conclusion
The seven domains below reflect your skills in each of Since these scores represent how you typically behave during
the corresponding seven skill chapters found in Crucial stressful or crucial conversations, they can change. Your score
Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High. If you doesn’t represent an inalterable character trait or a genetic
score high (two or three boxes) in one of these domains, you’re propensity. It’s merely a measure of your behavior—and you can
already quite skilled in this area. If you score low (zero or one), change that.
you may want to pay special attention to these chapters.
Here are two ways to improve your skills:

Start with Heart STATE My Path • ATTEND TRAINING

(chapter 3) (chapter 7) Crucial Conversations is an award-winning, two-day course
that teaches skills for fostering open dialogue around high-
13 ( F ) 17 ( T ) stakes, emotional, or risky topics.
[Link]/crucialconversationstraining
19 ( F ) 23 ( F )
• FREE NEWSLETTER
25 ( F ) 29 ( T )
One of our best learning resources is our free, weekly
Total Total e-newsletter. Subscribers of the Crucial Skills Newsletter
receive expert instruction from our bestselling authors on
handling real-life crucial conversations.
Learn to Look Explore Others’ Paths
[Link]
(chapter 4) (chapter 8)

14 ( F ) 18 ( T )

20 ( T ) 24 ( T )

26 ( T ) 30 ( T )

Total Total

Make It Safe Move to Action

(chapter 5) (chapter 9)

15 ( T ) 31 ( F )

21 ( T ) 32 ( F )

27 ( F ) 33 ( F )

Total Total

Master My Stories
(chapter 6)

16 ( T )

22 ( F )

28 ( F )

Total

© 2013 VitalSmarts. All Rights Reserved. VitalSmarts, the Vital head, Crucial Conversations, and Influencer Training
are registered trademarks and Crucial Accountability and Change Anything are trademarks of VitalSmarts, L.C.
 Conversation
Planner
Use the following worksheet to plan your next crucial conversation.

Get Unstuck
1. Where do you feel stuck (personally or professionally)?

2. Unbundle with CPR. Identify:

Content Issues:
Pattern Issues:
Relationship Issues:
Which issue do you need to address, and with whom, in order to get unstuck?

Start with Heart

1. What do you really want:

For yourself?
For the other person?
For the relationship?
For the organization (if applicable)?

Master My Stories
1. What stories are you telling yourself about the situation or the person (Victim, Villain, Helpless)?

© 2014 VitalSmarts. All Rights Reserved.

 2. Tell the rest of the story. Ask:
a. What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem?

b. Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do this?

c. What should I do right now to move toward what I really want?

STATE My Path
1. Create a script for how you will begin the conversation. Start with facts, then tell your story, and be sure to end with a question that
invites the other person into dialogue.

THE FACTS MY STORY THE QUESTION I’LL ASK

Make It Safe
1. What’s the worst possible response you could get with your crucial conversation?

2. What safety skills would you use to address it (apology, contrast, create mutual purpose)?

3. If the other person misunderstands your intent, what is a contrasting statement you could use?

Don’t:
Do:

Explore Others’ Paths

1. How could you use the “AMPP” (Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase, Prime) skills to help the other person come out of silence or violence?

Move to Action
1. How will you establish a way to follow up after the crucial conversation?

Who:
Will do what:
By when:
How we’ll follow up:
 ___________________ ______________ ___________
THELAW SITUATION
1 Results and Relationships

PRINCIPLES & SKILLS

You need to hold a Crucial Conversation.
OF CRUCIAL are suffering. • Identify where you are stuck,
• unbundle with CPR.
CONVERSATONS LU
2 You need to initiate a
Crucial Conversation, or
one is evolving.

Start with Heart

Focus on What You Really Want for: you, them, the relationship,
and the organization (your long-term results).
LL
Anytime you f/nd yourself stuck, there s a crucial conversation
you’re either not holding or not holding well.
LU
3 If you are getting emotional
or telling clever stories.
Master Your ‘Clever” Stories—Tell the Rest of the Story
Victim Story:
“What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem?”
Villain Story:
‘Why would a reasoiabe, ratonal, dece9 person do this?”
Helpless Story:
“What shoud I do rght “‘ow to move toward wha: I really want?’
BEFORE WORK ON ME FIRST 4 If you have a tough
message, be honest and
maintain safety.

STATE Your Path

Share your Facts: “1 noticed ““Twice you
Tell your Story: i’m beginning to wonder if .“It seems to me
Get Unstuck Ask for Others’ Paths: “How do you see it?” ‘Help me understand.
Talk Tentatively: Own your story and avoid absolutes.
Start with Heart Encourage Testing: “Do you see it differently?”
Master My Stories
5 Others are already in
silence or violence and you
missed the early warning signs.

Learn to Look
• For the signs that a conversaton is turning crucial.
• For ear:y warning signs of silence and violence.
DURING SAFETY
6 If someone
misunderstands your intent
regarding Purpose or Respect.

Contrast
“1 don’t thin’mean/want
“I do thinI’mean/want
(their fear/misunderstanding).”
(your actual purpose/meaning).
MY MEANING
POOL of 7 The discussion is going in
circles. People are arguing.
Create Mutual Purpose
Commit to seek Mutual Purpose
“Can we look for something we both agree on?”
STATE My Path SHARED You’re beginning a tough
project or discussion.
MEANING Recognize the Purpose behind the Strategy.
“Why do you want ?“ “This is why] want
-- —
Invent a Mutual Purpose.
“So, if you get and I get , we’re both happy?”
Brainstorm new strategies.
SAFET’ “What ideas do you have?”” I was thinking it may help if
8 If someone else is going to
Silence or Violence, their
full meaning isn’t getting into

Explore Other’s Paths

Ask: “I want to know what you think about
Mirror: (Silence) “You seem reluctant, Are you sure you’re OK with it?”
AFTER MOVE TO ACTION the Pool. fViolence) “Wow, you seem really upset. What’s up?”
Paraphrase: “So you’re saying
Who does What by When Prime: “Do you think that __J”
Follow up LU
I
9 When you’re ready to Move
to Action.
Move to Action—Determine Who, does What. by When, and how
we will Follow up.
Crucial Conversations Tips
Tip One: Get Unstuck Anytime you find yourself stuck, there are crucial conversations you’re either ot CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS IS ONE
holding or not holding well. OF THE MOST POWERFUL AND
USEFUL TOOLS I HAVE FOUND.
Tip Two: Start with Heart The first step toward better results is a change in Mike Miller,
Director of Business [Link]&T
heart—which begins when you admit that you may be part of the problem.
Tip Three: Learn to Look Watch for the signs that a conversation is turning crucial. Remember, the
sooner you catch problems, the sooner you can return to dialogue.
Call 1 -800-449-5989 for more information.
crucial PRESENTATION
conversations SKLL SUMMARY
c3 VitaiSmarts
[Link],conr 800.449.5989 VitaiSmarts®
©201 2 Vitaibmarts, L C All rights resersed No nurt of this material may be copied or reproduced without the
express written permission of Vitalttrnarts. The Vital tread ix a registered trademark ot VrtalSmarts