The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.

Do you agree or disagree?

It is a common belief that the working time ought to be cut down and a longer weekend
should be given to the laborers. From my perspective, I totally agree with this point of view
and the reasons for my statement will be pointed out in this essay.

It is understandable why people have a craving for shorter working days as well as longer
weekends since companies and businesses currently tend to require their employees to
work overtime even in their spare time. This action may not only put an immense pressure
on laborers but also make them feel mistreated, leading to a decrease in productivity and job
satisfaction of employees .A recent study has shown that the companies implementing
shorter work days and lengthy weekends receive increases of 34% in profits and efficient
productivity.

With more free time for themselves, the workers can spend quality time for their own family
and friends or doing various outdoor activities which help them reduce stress, recharge
batteries . and prevent from being burned out or suffering from illnesses .Moreover, a shorter
working time may improve the concentration level and holistic development of the
employees.Therefore, lasting weekends and shortening workdays confer numerous benefits
for both the employees and employers such as a qualified workforce as well as increased
profits.

In conclusion, it is crucial to shorten the working time and provide longer weekends in order
to improve workers’ work-life balance and boost productivity, thereby maximizing companies’
profits.Therefore, this alteration should be seriously taken into account and implemented for
a better working environment.

Nâng cấp lập luận

Introduction: It is a common belief that the working time ought to be cut down and a longer
weekend should be given to the laborers. From my perspective, I totally agree with this point
of view and the reasons for my statement will be pointed out in this essay.

Feedback for Introduction:

Clear Position: The introduction effectively states a clear position by agreeing with the idea
of reducing working hours and increasing weekends. This sets a strong foundation for the
argument that will follow.

Relevance: The introduction is relevant to the essay question as it directly addresses the
topic of reducing working hours and increasing weekends. It aligns well with the prompt,
ensuring that the reader understands the focus of the essay.

Brief Overview: The introduction could be improved by providing a brief overview of the
main points that will be discussed in the essay. For example, mentioning the benefits of
shorter working days and longer weekends, such as improved work-life balance and
increased productivity, would give the reader a clearer idea of what to expect in the essay.
This would enhance the introduction's effectiveness in guiding the reader through the
argument.
Improved Introduction: The notion that working hours should be reduced and weekends
extended is a widely held belief. I firmly support this perspective, and in this essay, I will
elaborate on the compelling reasons why shorter working days and longer weekends are
essential for both employees and employers. By exploring the benefits of improved work-life
balance and enhanced productivity, I aim to demonstrate the significant advantages of this
approach to work scheduling.

Main Point 1: It is understandable why people have a craving for shorter working days as
well as longer weekends since companies and businesses currently tend to require their
employees to work overtime even in their spare time. This action may not only put an
immense pressure on laborers but also make them feel mistreated, leading to a decrease in
productivity and job satisfaction of employees.A recent study has shown that the companies
implementing shorter work days and lengthy weekends receive increases of 34% in profits
and efficient productivity.

Feedback for Main Point 1:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively links the desire for shorter working days
and longer weekends to the pressure and mistreatment of employees, which can lead to
decreased productivity and job satisfaction. The connection between these factors and the
potential benefits of shorter workdays is logically sound and well-presented.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that shorter workdays and longer weekends lead to a
34% increase in profits and productivity might be an overgeneralization. While this statistic is
cited, it could be more nuanced to acknowledge that such results may vary depending on the
specific industry, company, and work environment.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The idea that shorter workdays can
improve work-life balance and reduce stress is relevant and effectively supports the
argument. However, the effectiveness of this support could be enhanced by discussing how
these benefits directly impact productivity and job satisfaction.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "companies and businesses

currently tend to require their employees to work overtime even in their spare time" is
somewhat vague. Clarifying what is meant by "spare time" (e.g., evenings, weekends) would
improve clarity.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that shorter workdays and longer
weekends will universally lead to increased productivity and profits. This overlooks potential
challenges such as reduced work hours might lead to decreased output in certain industries
or roles that require long hours.

Overly Assertive Language: The definitive statement about the 34% increase in profits and
productivity could be softened to reflect the variability in outcomes across different contexts.
Phrases like "can lead to" or "may result in" would provide a more balanced perspective.

Overall Evaluation: Well Extended and Supported

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail the Mechanisms of Productivity and Profit Increases: Expand on how shorter
workdays and longer weekends specifically lead to increased productivity and profits.
Discuss potential strategies or policies that could enhance these benefits.
Introduce Counterpoints or Challenges: Acknowledge potential challenges or limitations
of shorter workdays, such as reduced output in certain industries or the need for flexible
work arrangements to accommodate different roles.

Clarify and Specify Terms: Use more precise language to describe what is meant by
"spare time" and how it is impacted by work requirements.

Balance the Argument with Qualifiers: Soften definitive statements with qualifiers to
reflect the complexity of the issue and the variability in outcomes across different contexts.

Improved Main Point 1: It is understandable why many people advocate for shorter working
days and longer weekends, as current work practices often require employees to work
beyond their scheduled hours, including during their personal time. This excessive workload
can significantly strain employees, leading to decreased productivity and job satisfaction.
Research has shown that companies that adopt shorter workdays and longer weekends can
experience a notable increase in profits and productivity, with a reported 34% boost. This
suggests that such changes can not only improve work-life balance but also enhance overall
business performance. However, it's important to recognize that these benefits may vary
depending on the specific industry and work environment.

Main Point 2: With more free time for themselves, the workers can spend quality time for
their own family and friends or doing various outdoor activities which help them reduce
stress, recharge batteries. and prevent from being burned out or suffering from
illnesses.Moreover, a shorter working time may improve the concentration level and holistic
development of the employees.Therefore, lasting weekends and shortening workdays confer
numerous benefits for both the employees and employers such as a qualified workforce as
well as increased profits.

Feedback for Main Point 2:

Argumentative Logic: The argument effectively links the benefits of shorter working days
and longer weekends to improved employee well-being and productivity. It logically connects
the availability of free time with reduced stress, improved concentration, and holistic
development, which are all positive outcomes for both employees and employers.

Overgeneralizations: The statement that shorter working days and longer weekends will
universally lead to reduced stress, improved concentration, and increased profits might be
an overgeneralization. While these benefits are likely, the argument could benefit from
acknowledging that these outcomes may vary depending on the specific work environment
and industry.

Relevance and Effectiveness of Supporting Ideas: The supporting ideas are relevant and
effectively illustrate the benefits of shorter working days and longer weekends. However, the
argument could be strengthened by providing more specific examples or scenarios where
these benefits have been observed in practice.

Unclear or Ambiguous Expressions: The expression "recharge batteries" is somewhat

informal and could be replaced with a more professional term like "replenish energy levels"
to enhance clarity and formality.

Unwarranted Assumptions: The argument assumes that shorter working days and longer
weekends will automatically lead to improved employee well-being and productivity without
considering potential challenges such as reduced work hours might lead to decreased output
in certain industries or roles that require long hours.
Overly Assertive Language: The language used is generally assertive, which could be
softened to reflect the potential variability in outcomes. Phrases like "can help reduce stress"
or "may improve concentration" would provide a more balanced perspective.

Overall Evaluation: Well Extended and Supported

Suggestions for Improvement:

Detail Specific Benefits and Challenges: Expand on how exactly shorter working days
and longer weekends can lead to specific benefits like reduced stress and improved
concentration. Discuss potential challenges and how these might be mitigated.

Introduce Examples or Case Studies: Include examples of companies or industries that

have successfully implemented shorter working days and longer weekends, highlighting the
positive outcomes they have experienced.

Clarify and Formalize Language: Use more formal language to enhance the
professionalism of the argument. Replace informal expressions with more precise and
professional terms.

Balance the Argument: Acknowledge that while shorter working days and longer weekends
can be beneficial, they might not be suitable for all industries or roles. Discuss the need for
flexible work arrangements that cater to different work requirements.

Improved Main Point 2: With more free time, employees can devote quality hours to their
families and engage in various outdoor activities, which help alleviate stress, replenish
energy levels, and prevent burnout or illness. Additionally, shorter working days can
enhance employee concentration and overall development. This approach benefits both
employees and employers by fostering a more productive and motivated workforce, leading
to increased profits. Therefore, implementing shorter workweeks and longer weekends is
crucial for improving work-life balance and boosting productivity, ultimately benefiting both
the employees and the employers.

Conclusion: In conclusion, it is crucial to shorten the working time and provide longer
weekends in order to improve workers’ work-life balance and boost productivity, thereby
maximizing companies’ profits.Therefore, this alteration should be seriously taken into
account and implemented for a better working environment.

Feedback for Conclusion:

Clear Position: The conclusion clearly states a position in favor of shorter working hours
and longer weekends, emphasizing the benefits for both employees and employers. It
effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the author's
stance. To strengthen this position, the conclusion could benefit from a more assertive
statement that directly addresses the essay prompt, such as "I strongly believe that reducing
working hours and extending weekends is essential for improving work-life balance and
boosting productivity."

Relevance: The conclusion is relevant to the essay prompt, as it directly addresses the
question of whether the working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer
weekend. However, it could be more impactful by briefly summarizing the key reasons why
this change is beneficial, such as improved work-life balance and increased productivity.
This would not only reinforce the argument but also provide a clearer connection to the
broader implications of the proposed change.
Improved Conclusion: In conclusion, it is imperative to shorten working hours and extend
weekends to enhance work-life balance and boost productivity, thereby maximizing company
profits. This alteration is crucial for a better working environment and should be seriously
considered and implemented.

Task Response
Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:

Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the
author's agreement with the idea of a shorter working week and longer weekends. The
introduction sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs provide reasons
supporting this viewpoint, such as the potential for increased productivity and improved
work-life balance. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of
potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives, which would demonstrate a more
nuanced understanding of the topic.

How to improve: To enhance the response, consider briefly addressing opposing views or
acknowledging the potential challenges of implementing shorter work weeks. This could
involve discussing how some industries might struggle with reduced hours or how not all
employees may prefer longer weekends. Including these points would create a more
balanced argument and demonstrate critical thinking.

Present a Clear Position Throughout:

Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of shorter working hours
and longer weekends. The author consistently supports this stance throughout the essay,
with each paragraph reinforcing the main argument. Phrases like "I totally agree with this
point of view" and "it is crucial to shorten the working time" clearly indicate the author's
perspective. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother to enhance clarity.

How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, use transitional phrases to link ideas
between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of jumping from one point to
another, phrases like "Furthermore," or "In addition," can help guide the reader through the
argument more fluidly.

Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents several strong ideas, such as the benefits of
reduced working hours on productivity and employee well-being. The use of a statistic about
increased profits lends credibility to the argument. However, some points could be further
developed. For instance, while the mention of "quality time for family and friends" is relevant,
it could be supported with more specific examples or anecdotes to illustrate the point.

How to improve: To strengthen the development of ideas, consider providing more detailed
examples or case studies that illustrate the benefits of shorter working weeks. This could
involve citing specific companies that have successfully implemented these changes and the
positive outcomes they experienced, thereby enhancing the persuasive power of the
argument.

Stay on Topic:
Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of shorter working weeks
and longer weekends throughout. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument
without deviating into unrelated areas. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main
points while reiterating the importance of the proposed changes. However, there are minor
instances of vague language, such as "recharge batteries," which could be more precise.

How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, avoid using colloquial phrases or vague
expressions. Instead, opt for more formal language that directly relates to the topic. For
example, instead of "recharge batteries," consider saying "restore energy levels" or
"enhance overall well-being." This will help maintain a professional tone and ensure that all
language used is relevant to the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a
compelling argument. By addressing counterarguments, improving transitions, providing
more detailed examples, and refining language, the essay could achieve an even higher
band score.

Coherence & Cohesion

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:

Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of shorter working
weeks and longer weekends. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion,
and the body paragraphs logically follow, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect
of the argument. For instance, the second paragraph discusses the pressures of current
working conditions, while the third paragraph highlights the benefits of more free time.
However, there are moments where the flow could be improved, such as the abrupt
transition between discussing employee stress and the benefits of shorter workdays.

How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences
for each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases could
be employed to better connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring a
smoother flow of information.

Use Paragraphs:

Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph
focusing on a distinct point related to the main argument. The introduction and conclusion
are clearly defined, which aids in framing the discussion. However, the body paragraphs
could be more distinct in their focus. For example, the second paragraph combines multiple
ideas (pressure from overtime and productivity) without a clear separation.

How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For
instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the negative impacts of long working hours,
while another could discuss the benefits of shorter workdays. This would not only improve
clarity but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.

Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as
"Moreover," "Therefore," and "In conclusion," which help to connect ideas and indicate
relationships between them. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied.
For example, phrases like "on the one hand" and "on the other hand" could be introduced to
contrast different perspectives, enhancing the argumentative structure.

How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words
and phrases. This could include using synonyms for common cohesive devices or employing
more complex structures, such as conditional phrases (e.g., "If workers have shorter hours,
they will..."). Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid
redundancy and maintain clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively
presenting a well-structured argument. By focusing on clearer organization, more distinct
paragraphing, and a broader range of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even
higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Lexical Resource
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with

terms such as "laborers," "productivity," "mistreated," and "holistic development." However,
the overall vocabulary usage tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like
"shorter working days" and "longer weekends," which could be varied to enhance the
richness of the language. For example, instead of repeating "shorter working days,"
alternatives like "reduced work hours" or "condensed work schedules" could be employed.

How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively seek
synonyms and related phrases. Utilizing a thesaurus can help in finding varied expressions.
Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal vocabulary would elevate the essay's
tone, such as using "employees" instead of "laborers" in certain contexts.

Use Vocabulary Precisely:

Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances
of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "craving for shorter working days"
may imply a strong desire akin to a physical need, which could be better expressed with
"desire" or "demand." Furthermore, "recharge batteries" is an informal expression that may
not suit the formal context of an IELTS essay.

How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should consider the connotations of words
and choose those that align closely with the intended meaning. For instance, replacing
"craving" with "desire" and "recharge batteries" with "rejuvenate" or "restore energy" would
enhance clarity and appropriateness.

Use Correct Spelling:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "laborers" (which is
correct but could be replaced with "employees" for consistency) and "prevent from being
burned out," which should be "prevent burnout." Additionally, the phrase "leading to a
decrease in productivity and job satisfaction of employees" could be more clearly stated as
"leading to decreased productivity and job satisfaction among employees."
How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay
carefully or use spelling and grammar checking tools. Regular practice with spelling
exercises and reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling patterns.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents
coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will
contribute to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:

Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures,

including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional
structures is evident in phrases like "if companies implement shorter work days," which adds
depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence
openings and structures. For example, the repeated use of "This action may" and
"Moreover" to start sentences can make the writing feel somewhat monotonous.

How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating

more introductory phrases or clauses. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences
with "This action may," you could use alternatives like "Such practices can lead to..." or
"Consequently, employees may experience...". Additionally, varying the length and
complexity of sentences can create a more engaging flow.

Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical and punctuation errors that
detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "leading to a decrease in productivity
and job satisfaction of employees ." has an unnecessary space before the period.
Additionally, the sentence "With more free time for themselves, the workers can spend
quality time for their own family and friends or doing various outdoor activities which help
them reduce stress, recharge batteries . and prevent from being burned out or suffering from
illnesses ." contains a run-on structure and incorrect punctuation. The phrase "prevent from
being burned out" is also grammatically incorrect; it should be "prevent them from being
burned out."

How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for punctuation

errors and run-on sentences. Breaking longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help
maintain clarity. For example, the sentence about spending quality time could be revised to:
"With more free time, workers can spend quality time with their families and friends. They
can also engage in various outdoor activities that help reduce stress and prevent burnout."
Additionally, reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring proper use of prepositions will
enhance overall grammatical accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical
Range and Accuracy.
Bài chữa tham khảo
It is a common belief that the working week should be reduced and employees should be
granted longer weekends. From my perspective, I strongly support this viewpoint, and the
rationale for my position will be elucidated in this essay.

It is understandable why individuals desire shorter working days and longer weekends, as
many companies and businesses currently mandate that their employees work overtime,
even during their personal time. This practice not only imposes significant pressure on
workers but also leads them to feel undervalued, resulting in a decline in productivity and job
satisfaction. A recent study has shown that companies implementing shorter workdays and
longer weekends experience increases of 34% in profits and overall efficiency.

With more free time, employees can devote quality time to their families and friends or
engage in various outdoor activities that help them reduce stress and recharge their
energies. Additionally, this change can prevent burnout and illness. Moreover, reducing
working hours may enhance employees' concentration levels and promote their holistic
development. Therefore, longer weekends and shorter workdays confer numerous benefits
for both employees and employers, such as a skilled workforce and increased profits.

In conclusion, it is crucial to reduce working hours and provide longer weekends to improve
workers’ work-life balance and boost productivity, thereby maximizing companies’ profits.
Therefore, this change should be seriously considered and implemented for a better working
environment.