N.L.P.
– An Introduction – Trainer Notes
Introduction
Every day you interact with people; you communicate a message, this can be through
what you say, what you do, your facial gestures and your body language. These
interactions influence how you think, how you feel and how you yourself react to that
person. Neuro-linguistic-programming, or NLP for short, is about making the most
out of these experiences.
This session sets out to develop your skills of communication and in particular to help
you develop the tools and techniques to:
Show slide - Objectives
Learning Log & Action Plan
Refer participants to the learning log and action plan in their workbook. Advise them
that throughout the modules they should put down any actions that they are going to
take as well as the key learning points. You will also prompt them at key points to add
items to their action plans (you will do this prior to every break in the programme).
What is NLP?
NLP is described as the study of human excellence and demonstrates how to
communicate effectively and influence others. It was developed in the1970s by a
group of psychologists who were studying successful people in order to analyse
successful behaviour.
Since then, NLP has been developed further and examines thought processes,
language patterns and human behaviour. NLP helps us to understand the connection
between human behaviour, emotions, mind, body and actions. Basically, it helps us to
improve the effectiveness and impact of our communication.
NLP can help you to understand how people think, feel and react and can be simply
explained as follows:
Show slide – N.L.P
Explain each element of NLP to participants.
Setting Your Goal
One of the key principles of NLP is knowing what you want from any given situation
and establishing what your intentions are. Imagine you were going on a car journey to
a new place you wouldn’t start driving until you had established where you are
heading and planned your route.
So, let’s start by establishing what it is you want to get out of today.
Exercise – 15 minutes
Ask participants to turn to their workbooks on the page ‘Setting your goal’. They
should consider the communications they carry out day-to-day and answer the five
questions relating to that.
Pre-suppositions of NLP
Show slide x 2 – pre-suppositions of NLP
Explain that we are now going to talk through the following basic assumptions of
NLP.
The map is not the territory
Show slide – Information input
Everybody interprets situations through their own perceptions thereby creating their
own reality. You experience the world through your senses (sight, hearing, smell, taste
and touch) you then use your brain to create an internal representation of this external
phenomenon.
We explain this process by using the statement “The map is not the territory”. This
means that the internal map you create of the external world, shaped by your
perceptions, is never an exact replica. In other words, what is outside can never be the
same as what is inside your brain.
Exercise – 5 minutes
Ask each participant to pick up a pencil and draw a tree on a sheet of paper.
When they have all done this ask them all to hold up their picture.
ASK: Does this mean that any of your pictures are incorrect?
Of course, each picture will be different from the others. This is because we all have a
different perception of what a tree should look like. I had a completely different image
of the tree I wanted you all to draw. Again, this is because I have a different
perception to you. It does not mean that anyone is wrong.
What it does mean is that we all have these differences in every part of our lives and
to aid communication it is really useful to at least attempt to understand the internal
reality or map of the person with whom you are communicating.
Exercise – 5 minutes
Ask participants to think of someone whose behaviour they find difficult to cope with.
Then think what might possibly be going on in this other person’s world that may
warrant their behaviour.
If you can master this approach, you will find that you can accept people and their
ways with ease!
People respond according to their map of the world
You respond according to your map of the world, which is made up from your values,
beliefs, attitudes, memories and upbringing.
Others may have a map of the world that seems unusual to you. However, if we can
learn to understand that people operate this way and start to appreciate the differences
then life can become a lot easier.
There is no failure, only feedback
Imagine if you gave up learning to walk simply because you fell over the first time
you tried! This pre-supposition says that if we fall down, we must dust ourselves and
try again.
Believing that there is only feedback is a very powerful assumption. We all make
mistakes in life. What is very important is that we learn from those mistakes and
move forward.
Exercise – 10 minutes
Ask participants to turn to ‘There is no failure, only feedback’ in their workbooks.
They should consider a ‘failure’ that they have had in the past and work on the
positives they can take from it.
Do not review this exercise.
The meaning of the communication is the response it elicits
ASK: Can anyone give me an example of a time that they said something to
someone, and the message was misinterpreted?
When the person relates the story (usually about a loved one that did something
wrong!) explain that this pre-supposition says that the onus of responsibility in
communication is on you and once you adopt it you are accepting that you cannot
blame the other person for misunderstanding what you meant.
If we have this pre-supposition, then we should plan the message that we wish to get
across before we attempt to communicate it. A bit like a builder would refer to a plan
before he started building!
If what you are doing is not working, do something different
They say that the definition of madness is when someone keeps doing the same thing
whilst expecting a different outcome and that is what this pre-supposition is about.
If you are not getting the results you would like from a given situation, then alter your
actions or behaviour to try and improve things. What is also important here is that you
review what it was that you were doing wrong before you alter your behaviour, that
way you learn from your mistakes. Remember, there is no failure, only feedback!
You cannot not communicate
Show slide – You cannot not communicate
Studies show that when we communicate our message comes across in three main
ways, verbal, tonal and physically.
What this shows is that people often communicate more by what they do rather than
what they say. Just like watching TV with the volume down, it is not hard to
understand what is going on. If we can become skilled at recognising the signals that
people send out through their tone and body language etc., we can become much
better communicators.
Individuals have all the resources they need to achieve their desired outcomes
Everyone has the potential to grow new skills or develop them self. Even if you feel
that you do not have the skills or knowledge required, you do have the ability to
acquire these new resources. Human beings are very adaptable, although sometimes
we just forget that!
Every behaviour has a positive intent
This assumption is that everything anyone does is always based on a positive intent.
This is also true of negative behaviour where, although it may seem that there is no
positive intent behind an action, there is what we call a secondary gain. This
secondary gain may not be obvious to us, but it is always there.
For example, a child may disrupt a classroom by joking around and having fun rather
than studying. The secondary gain here is that they gain acceptance from the other
class members even if the teacher would find this quite destructive.
Exercise – 2 minutes
Ask participants to consider someone’s behaviour that they have found negative. Then
ask them to consider what may have been that person’s secondary gain?
People are much more than their behaviour
ASK: Have you ever regretted an action you have taken?
Usually, the reason you took the action at the time seemed perfectly reasonable to
you. That behaviour did not make you a ‘bad’ person it simply meant you were
reacting to the environment, or you did not have the inner resources to deal with it at
that time.
Behaving badly does not make a person bad. It is important to separate the person
from the behaviour. It is often the environment the person is in, or the fact that they do
not have the resources to deal with a situation that makes them act ‘bad’. Helping
someone develop their capabilities and skills or to move them to a more conducive
environment can often change someone’s behaviour dramatically.
If we can accept that people are not their behaviours, we can take a much more
enlightened view of life.
The mind and body are interlinked and affect each other
Activity – 2 minutes
Ask participants to:
• Make a circle with their left finger and thumb.
• Now link their right finger and thumb through the first circle.
• Think of someone they really like and pull hard to break the
circles.
‘Pretty hard to break?’
• Think of someone they really dislike and pull hard to break the
circles.
‘A lot easier?’
This example shows that our bodies react to our minds. If a simple thought can affect
your muscles, what do you think happens to your body when you are stressed?
Having choice is better than not having choice
Feeling that we have a lack of choices limits us and can cause stress and anxiety. NLP
tells us that we must learn to embrace change, that way we have more choices open to
us. If we limit our choices, we increase our stress levels.
Modelling successful performance leads to excellence
NLP gives you the tools to observe someone, take the tools that they use to do well
and then replicate it. If someone is successful in anyway, then why not use the
techniques they have learnt to be successful ourselves?
Four key principles of NLP
There are four key principles that define NLP. If we can understand those principles
from the outset, we are more likely to develop positive NLP behaviours.
Each of these principles is representative of your life and how you relate to others. By
understanding each principle, you can focus on planning your goals and what you
want to achieve from life, the skills you can use and how to understand and deal with
differences in others.
The four key principles are:
Show slide – Four key principles
Use the following notes to go into more detail:
Rapport
• Feel at ease with your actions and what you are trying to
achieve in life
• Use rapport in conversations and interactions with others
• Use body language and the pace of communication to good
effect
• Understand situations from the other person’s perspective
Senses
• Actively use all your senses: vision and sight, hearing and
sound, feelings and touch, smell and aroma, and taste
Flexibility
• Be flexible in your approach to things, create new perspectives
• Understand why you may interpret situations differently to
others
Outcomes
• Focus on the outcomes you want rather than the negative
‘problem’ thinking
• Know your intentions, your goals in business and in your
personal life
Let’s examine each of these principles in more detail, starting with Rapport.
Rapport
Often rapport is achieved during communication between two people without them
even thinking about it. However, it is crucial in achieving mutual respect and when
it’s not there the results are obvious!
To have rapport you really need to show a genuine interest in the other person,
observing how they react to you and identifying key word or phrases used. Rapport
occurs, not only in what you say, but also in how you say it and your body language,
which is often subconscious.
We communicate in many different ways i.e., face-to-face, over the phone, via email
etc.
To build rapport in these situations you need to be aware of how others communicate
and how to use gestures, language, tone of voice etc. to your advantage.
Let’s look at a couple of rapport building techniques:
Matching and mirroring
This technique is again often a subconscious thing that we do. If you observe people
talking, you will often find that their body language starts to ‘mirror’ the other
persons. For instance, you may find that one person starts to cross their legs and the
other person automatically does this too or if someone stands up the other will copy.
In normal communication, matching and mirroring usually occurs subtly and
subconsciously. It involves being in a similar body posture to the other person and
using similar gestures, styles of behaviour, and tone and speed of voice. It is an
effective way to build rapport with someone.
If we pay attention to others body language and subtly mirror it, we can help to
generate rapport. Once we have rapport with another person, it becomes a lot easier to
see things from their point of view.
Beware of mimicking people though, as this can come across as insincere! A good
way to avoid this is to leave a delay between the time the person we are mirroring
does something and we follow. You can also ‘match’ rather than ‘mirror’. The
difference is that with mirroring we do exactly what the other person does, whereas
with matching we might cross our legs in response to them crossing their arms.
Matching is often the more subtle approach of the two.
Activity – 30 minutes
Place participants into groups of three. Ask them to refer to the ‘matching and
mirroring’ activity in their workbook. Instructions as follows:
In threes, choose who will be person A, B or C:
• Persons A and B speak about something they do not agree on. If
they cannot decide on anything then one person can play devil’s advocate.
• Person B initially matches person A in body gestures and
positions; then, person B does the opposite (i.e., mismatches body language)
while each continues speaking. Person B then reverts back to copying person
A’s body language, movements and position.
• Person C observes the situation
The exercise involves matching body language, mis-matching and then matching
again. After the exercise, swap roles so that each person tries each role. Allow person
C to explain what they noticed while acting as an observer. Person A often finds it
very difficult to keep speaking while person B is mis-matching body language.
Review
When participants have completed the activity, bring them all back together as a
group and discuss how they found the conversation went when matching and mis-
matching. What were their feelings? How did the person react? What was it like to
watch?
You can also create rapport by matching peoples:
• Voice tonality (how you sound) or speed
• Breathing rates
• Rhythm of movement and energy levels
Show slide – Rapport - matching and mirroring
We are now going to break for Lunch. During the conversations you have in this time,
pay attention to your voice tonality etc. and see what you do to create rapport and how
others create rapport with you. Pay particular attention to the elements on the slide.
Lunch
Senses
Show slide – Senses
All people gather information through their senses and the brain stores and codes
them as pictures, sounds, words, feelings etc. We often store using more than one
sense, but we have 3 primary senses
Visual
Auditory (Hearing)
Kinaesthetic (Feelings)
These memories are stored in a particular place and different senses are stored in
different places. If a memory is stored visually, it will be recalled visually and
described in visual language.
We also tend to use one or possibly two of these predominantly when we
communicate. For instance
Show slide – Senses (2nd part)
If you consider how you are all taking in elements from this session. Some of you will
take information well from what you hear myself or others say (auditory). Some will
take information best from what you see on the slides or in your workbooks (visual)
and a proportion of you will understand the course better by what the activities we do
or perhaps the feeling they get about the course (kinaesthetic).
In NLP we call these different channels ‘representational systems’. If you can
recognise a person’s favoured representational system you can communicate with
them in the appropriate sense - in their language.
Exercise – 5 minutes
Ask participants to refer to their workbook, where they will find a list of predicates,
which means the actual sensory-specific words we use. It also shows how a person’s
body language may be affected by their preferred representational system.
Answer any questions the participants may have and then move on.
ASK: From the information you have in front of you, what do you think your
preferred system is?
Get response and then…
So, let’s see what preferred system you actually have.
Exercise – 10 minutes
Ask participants to refer to their workbook ‘Primary representation system –
questionnaire’ and complete the quiz.
When they have completed the questionnaire, ask if there were any surprises or if
anyone does not agree.
Note: Some people may find that their primary representational system is affected by
how they are feeling at the time of completing the quiz!
Don’t forget, as humans we tend to use the language to suit a situation, yet we do have
usually have a preference for one over another. You may even notice how you
naturally adapt your language to suit different people/situations…This is great! It
means you know how to gain rapport!
In enhancing your own communication skills, listen to the types of words others use
and adapt your style to suit. You may find that if you listen for the types of words,
they use you can adjust your language pattern to suit.
Imagine the following scenario…
Show slide – Conflicting conversation
Now that (rather obvious) interaction may well have been easier to avoid had the
employee adapted their language to suit the managers representational system.
ASK: What statements could the employee have used that would have suited the
manager better?
Invite responses, then go on to.
Buying strategy
If we can learn to spot the representational language that people use, we can use that
information to understand their buying strategy. We can use that buying strategy to
present information to them. For instance…
ASK: Can I have a volunteer that can tell me about a major purchase they have made
lately?
Question the individual so that the conversation goes something like this…
Trainer: So, what was the major purchase?
Participant: I bought a new house.
Trainer: Ok, so when you visited the house what did you do?
Participant: As I walked up to the house, I liked what I saw. I then walked in and
immediately got a feeling that it was my type of place, and then I looked around and
liked it. Finally, I listened to what the Estate agent told me about its history… (Write
V, F, V, A on the flipchart)
Ok, we now know what your buying strategy is. You tend to follow this process (refer
to flipchart), Visual, Feeling, Visual, Auditory.
So, if I were to sell you my jacket I might say; “Have a look at this jacket, feel the
material, the colour’s great isn’t it, I can just imagine what nice things your partner
would say about it”. (You should use any scenario here to suit the audience).
You may find this process difficult to master at first, but if you keep trying you will
find that the results can be amazing.
Activity – 20 minutes
Pair the participants up and ask them to go away and discuss a purchase that each of
them have made recently. They should use this to try and identify their partners
buying strategy.
When they come back review their progress.
Eye accessing cues
Now, we have learnt so far that if we adapt our body language and vocal language to
suit another person’s we can improve communication immensely.
Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who were the pioneers of NLP, identified that
people move their eyes in certain directions depending on which representational
system they are trying to access.
Show slide – Eye accessing clues
This means that if we observe carefully, we can guess whether they are accessing
pictures, sounds or feelings. So, even before they say a word, we can work out what
type of representational system they use.
The slide shows the kind of processing most people do when they move their eyes in a
particular direction. There are however a small percentage of the population,
including almost half of left-handers, who are reversed, so beware!
Talk participants through slide. Ask them to refer to ‘accessing cues table’ in their
workbook as a guide.
If you can spot what people are thinking at any time it will help you to choose the
language to suit the situation. That way they are far more likely to listen to you.
Activity – 20 minutes
Ask participants to refer to their workbook ‘Spotting eye movements – activity’.
Put the participants into pairs and name person A and person B. Person A should think
of a neutral topic and stare naturally at person B. Person B should then ask questions
from their workbook. They should then mark on the face in their workbook what
person A did with their eyes.
They can then review their sheet against the accessing cues table to see if it matched.
Bring participants together and review how they got on.
Flexibility
Show slide – Flexibility? X 1
Ask participants who has the most control over what happens in the situation
represented by the slide. Is it the person in the car in front? Or the person in the car
behind?
Of course, the person in the second car can only react to what the person in the car in
front does. Therefore, they have less control over the situation. This shows that in any
situation…
Show slide – Flexibility? X 2
If we cannot adapt to new situations, we often get caught up in them to the extent that
we feel we have no options left. Flexibility is about having the courage to change if
you feel that you are not getting the results you require.
Create new perspectives
Often, we can find that we have such in-grained opinions of things it is hard to see
past that. Of course, if we don’t allow ourselves to create new perspectives at times,
we will never have the flexibility to change.
ASK: How many of you believe the earth is flat?
Of course, no-one should say yes. However, challenge the participants on why this
widely held belief is not believed any longer. If no-one had ever challenged the fact
that the earth was not flat, then life would be very different today!
Activity – 5 minutes
Ask participants the following questions, but do not read out the answers until the
end.
• Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow’s sister?
No – because he is dead
• How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
None. It was Noah, not Moses who built the ark.
• Some months have 31 days. How many have 28?
All of them.
• If there are three apples and you take away 2 how many do you
have?
Two. You took them remember!
• How many birthdays does the average man have?
Just the one!
• A plane crashes on the Canadian/US border. In which country
do you bury the survivors?
I think the survivors would rather not be buried until they die.
• A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many sheep are
left?
The 9 that lived.
• Do we have a 4th of July in England?
Yes, it comes after the 3rd of July
Sometimes our beliefs lead us away from the right answer.
ASK: Can you think of a time when you were certain that you were right about
something only to realise later that you weren’t?
You need to have the flexibility to realise that your beliefs can change. All you have to
do is allow it to happen.
We need to be prepared to adapt ourselves to new situations and be flexible in our
approach, but change can be a scary thing. So have a look at this next slide and
consider the four key questions to ask yourself when you have to make a decision.
Show slide – Decision making, four key questions
This process is called ‘Cartesian logic’. If you follow the process, it will help you
come to a decision by examining a subject from different angles. It will encourage
you to make a decision based on the impact the decision will have on all parts of your
life as opposed to just the one that is obvious. So, let’s practice…
Activity – 20 minutes
Place participants in pairs and ask them to refer to ‘Decision making – Four key
questions’ in their workbooks. They should pick a decision that they are trying to
make at the moment and the other person should use the questions to help the
participant come to a decision. After the first person has finished, ask them to switch
round.
Review the exercise by asking how the participants progressed.
Outcomes
How we frame the world
As we grow, we develop viewpoints and perspectives about our experience that
allows us to make sense of the world.
Some frames our valuable and help us live life to the full.
Show slide – How we frame the world x 1
Some can be limiting to our success and can even eventually be perceived as the truth.
Show slide – How we frame the world x 2
Limiting perspectives can prevent your ability to develop. If this occurs we
need to consciously see a new perspective. We call this re-framing.
When using reframing it is important to take a realistic approach to a new
perspective and not just a highly optimistic perspective, we can do this by
either changing the meaning or the context.
Activity – 10 minutes
Show slide – Meaning
Ask participants to rephrase the meaning of the statement to be positive
Show slide – Context
Ask participants to change the context of the situation to amend the individual’s
behaviour. In effect where/how would that behaviour be positive
Show slide – Henry Ford
ASK: What do you think Henry Ford meant by this statement?
Allow participants to give their interpretation and then go on to…
Our beliefs are powerful drivers of behaviour. Whatever you believe you can, or
cannot do, that will be true for you. For instance, prior to Roger Bannister breaking
the 4-minute mile, it was believed by most that it could not be done. Days after Roger
Bannister achieved it many other athletes, who before had not come close, also made
the landmark achievement.
When we have negative beliefs, they can become restricting and mean that we find it
almost impossible to achieve things. By identifying, exploring and changing negative
beliefs we can influence our behaviour and in turn improve our performance.
ASK: Has anyone here been turned down for a job before? (If nobody has then use
another ‘negative feeling’ example)
ASK: Can you recall your emotions at the time? Explain them to me…
The participant will usually explain ‘feeling’ bad and it didn’t ‘look’ like I would get
another job etc.
ASK: How did this affect the next job you went for?
If the participant learnt from the experience, then show this as a good example of re-
framing and choosing to feel good. If they still felt nervous etc. explain that re-
framing could help them to overcome this.
Taking re-framing further
As we learnt earlier, our memories are recorded as pictures, sounds and feelings. If we
can learn to adjust these in our head, we can learn to make positive memories more so
and negative memories less so.
An event in the past cannot be changed. However, the way that it is being held in the
memory can be modified. By creating a more positive perception, the feelings about
that event become more positive. This in turn has a beneficial effect on how a similar
event in the future will be perceived and handled. The weakness is weakened.
Imagine if the last training course I ran was disastrous (hard to picture I know!). If I
allow the negative feelings, I had about that course affect me then it is likely I will
expect this course to go wrong too. Consequently, I will have negative feelings which
may manifest themselves as nerves and would definitely affect my performance…a
self-fulfilling prophecy if you like. In order to get over those feelings, it would be
important for me to ‘re-frame’ my thoughts and have a positive idea that this course
would go well.
Ask participants to relate this to a work experience they have had. If you have a good
prior knowledge of the participants, use an example from their working day to drive
the message home.
Let’s practice some re-framing.
Individual exercise – 20 minutes
Participants to work on this exercise on their own, trainer to move around the group
and ensure they are happy with what they are doing.
Ask participants to refer to their workbooks ‘Outcomes - Re-framing’. And complete
exercise 1 and 2.
When you bring the group back together do not review the exercise. Simply ask the
participants how they got on. If they wish to share anything with you then feel free to
discuss. Otherwise, move on.
Knowing your outcome
If you want to achieve your goals in life, it is important to know what it is you
actually want. We often get so caught up in what we don’t want we miss this vital
point and spend a lot of time and energy avoiding undesirable results. For instance
(talk to the person earlier who went for the new job).
ASK: Why were you applying for a new job?
Here we need to question the person to establish if they were applying for a new job
in order to get (away from) their old job or whether they were applying for a job for
the new challenge etc. (towards).
In order to achieve positive results, it is useful to think about what you do want from
life, rather than focusing on what you don’t. This way you will be able to aim at what
you want whilst still moving away from what you don’t want, rather than making a
bad decision just because it seemed better than the situation you were avoiding.
Activity – 2 minutes
Ask participants to consider for a moment that they could not fail at anything they
tried in life. If this was the case, what would they do with it? Ask them to write down
their thoughts.
Why is it that if we know we can’t fail we would do so much more? We must realise
that no matter what our beliefs are in life (reincarnation, afterlife etc.), we still only
get one shot at this life, and we should make the most of it.
Positive outcomes
We’ve all heard of SMART objectives, which are extremely useful in trying to
produce our desired outcomes. However, NLP takes that process one step further by
including sensory specific information, which helps you modify your behaviour.
These are:
Show slide – Positive Outcomes
Talk participants through each point on the slide.
(Note: ‘Have I evaluated whether it is ecological?’ checks that the outcome fits within
all aspects of the person’s life.)
The Life Pizza
Before we consider the individual aspects of our life, it is important to define how
balanced your life is currently, so that when you look for new outcomes you can affect
the areas that most need help. A fun way to do this is by using a ‘Life pizza’.
Activity – 20 minutes
Ask participants to refer to their workbooks ‘The Life Pizza’. Then ask them to the
follow these steps:
1) Fill in the ‘Base’
When you consider a pizza there is one fundamental part that it could not exist
without. It simply would not be a pizza if it did not have a base. Refer to the picture of
the base in your workbook and write down the thing in your life that is your
fundamental guiding principle.
Try to ensure that participants avoid things like, family, work, money etc. If they
approach the problem in this way, ask them what would happen if that thing was no
longer there? The base should be a principle that they can always live by.
2) Fill in the ‘Adhesive – tomato and cheese’
Next on a pizza is the tomato and cheese, which acts as an adhesive and holds the
pizza together. Refer to the picture in your workbook. Here you should write in the
things that hold together your life i.e., Family, work, money etc.
3) Fill in the ‘Toppings’
Finally, a pizza has different toppings that are specific to our own needs. These are
things that add a little flavour and may not be for everyone. However, if some were
missing it would still be a pizza. There are also some things that have no right to be
there (pineapple for me!).
Circle the room and help participants to complete their pizzas. Give advice where
needed.
Once you have completed your life pizza, you can establish the areas that you feel you
can develop yourself and then set yourself some goals to achieve.
Follow the next exercise in your workbook entitled, ‘My goals’
Exercise – 20 minutes
Ask participants to review their ‘Life Pizza’ and create some goals that they would
like to achieve over the coming months in any area they choose. They should write
each of the goals in their workbooks using the ‘Positive outcomes’ process earlier,
including the date that they wish to achieve the goal by. It is useful to have some long-
term as well as short-term goals.
Next, ask them to add these goals to their diaries and ensure that they review them
over the next few weeks.
Session review and close
Show slide – Objectives
Review objectives and ensure that all points have been covered.
Complete evaluation and close.