‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

‘DICK WHITTINGTON & HIS CAT’

By Suzy Marston, Lee Cooper & Arthur Roadnight
Co-written with Sammy Pollitt, Marnie Pounds
Quinn Scott & Danny Standring

Please note: this is a rehearsal draft and is subject to minor changes until the dates of
performance, as confirmed by SM & LC. It is not intended to be read by those outside
of the Company.

ACT ONE

PROLOGUE

BOW and BELLS enter. They carry a basket of fairy dust and a wand. They put them down
on the ground beside them.

BOW: Hello, young and old, guys and gals!

BELLS: We are fairy Bow and fairy Bells.

BOW: The two greatest fairies in all the lands.

BELLS: Each day, the reach of our magic expands.

BOW: We have many astonishing stories to be told.

BELLS: And at the end of our rainbow is a pot of gold!

BOW: Unfortunately, we find ourselves in a place less than magical.

BELLS: London, England. The not-so-great capital.

BOW: It’s in danger of being run by a plague of rats.

BELLS: Only one thing can stop this: a magical Tom cat.

BOW: Or the rat infantry and their horrible king -

BELLS: Might turn British tourism into a traumatic thing.

BOW: But let’s make sure we keep ‘mum’ about this chat.

BELLS: I’m afraid it’s too late Bow: here comes King Rat!

KING RAT, SQUEAKY and SMELLY enter. The audience boos.

KING RAT: Did someone mention the marvellous King Rat?

BOW: Marvellous isn’t exactly the word I would use.

BELLS: For a king who wields his power to abuse.

KING RAT: Now now, I’ve done plenty of good things with my influence, like uhh well umm...

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SQUEAKY: Like Brexit!

SMELLY: Yeah! We’re taking back control – ha!

BOW: Just admit it already, you’re a tyrant King Rat.

BELLS: Now hurry along before we magic you flat.

KING RAT: Magic me flat? Honestly, these rhyming couplets are getting worse by the
minute. Come along boys, we have no business with these two grammatically incorrect
fancy dress party poops.

SQUEAKY: Yeah, let’s go. I’m scared they’re gonna rip my teeth out.

SMELLY: Rip your teeth out? Why would they do that?

SQUEAKY: Duh, the tooth FAIRY. And you guys call ME stupid!

KING RAT: Of course! Squeaky you’re a genius!

SMELLY: He is?

SQUEAKY: I am?

KING RAT: These two flip flaps are fairies! And what do fairies do?

SQUEAKY: Make fairy cakes?

KING RAT: Grant wishes!

BOW: Only to those who are pure of heart.

BELLS: And certainly not to rats with a propensity to fa -

KING RAT: Hang on a minute, you’re forgetting the Fairy Code.

He takes out a large scroll

Chapter 3 Subsection B: Fairies are not permitted to use their magic to discriminate or be
negative to others, and Article 14 Subsection D: A Fairy’s wand, when held, cannot refuse
one wish to anyone; human or otherwise.

BOW (sighs): Fine! you got us: that is all true.

BELLS: If held, our wand must fulfil any wish from you.

SMELLY: Ok, so there’s this new ‘Call of Duty’ video game called -

KING RAT: NOT YOU! (puts away scroll)

King Rat winks at Squeaky who creeps round behind them to where the wand is placed.
Bow gestures to the wand beside her.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

BOW: But thankfully the wand is in our possession.

BELLS: And we will not bend our will to your oppression.

Bells bends down to pick up her fairy dust and sprinkles it for protection as Bow bends down
to pick up her wand.

KING RAT: Oh really? Ahh…Look over there – a beautiful rainbow in the sky!

Bow and Bells look up for a second. Just at that moment Smelly grabs the wand and gives it
to King Rat.

Finally, ultimate power in the palm of my hand! That was just too easy. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!

KING RAT, SQUEAKY and SMELLY begin to exit. The audience boos.

SMELLY: So I’ve got this issue with strange whiffs from my bottom and my one wish would
be if you could take the wand and -

KING RAT: Shut up or I’ll shove it somewhere the sun don’t shine! We only have one wish
with this thing, so I intend to use it with care. And by care, I mean for maximum cruelty!
Mwahh ha ha ha ha…

KING RAT, SQEAKY and SMELLY exit.

BOW: My magic wand in King Rat’s hands is a sticky situation.

BELLS: It's time we came up with a heroic operation.

BOW: But that kind of epic action needs a hero at the helm.

BELLS: To stop that Rat from ruling London as a plague-ridden realm.

BOW: We must find a hero: quite brave and relatively tall.

BELLS: Who maybe if we’re lucky, just might save us all….

SCENE ONE - ORPHANAGE

An orphanage dormitory - dirty, old and battered, with a grimy atmosphere. Miserable-
looking kids are sitting in their beds, represented by sheets and pillows.

SONG AND DANCE #Food Glorious Food

ORPHANS: Is it worth the waiting for

If we live 'till eighty-four
All we ever get is
Gruel
Everyday we say our prayer
Somebody will start to care
Still we get the same old
Gruel
There’s not a crust
Not a crumb
Can we find

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Can we beg
Can we borrow or share
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine
Food, glorious food
SOLO 1: Hot sausage and mustard
ORPHANS: While we're in the mood
SOLO 2: Cold jelly and custard
ORPHANS: Peas, pudding and pizzas dough
SOLO 3: What next is the question
ORPHANS: Rich gentlemen have it, yo!
SOLO 4: In-die-gestion! (Uggh)
ORPHANS: Food, glorious food
We're anxious to try it
Three banquets a day
Our favourite diet
SOLO 5: Just picture a great big steak
Fried, roasted or stewed
But food
SOLO 6: Wonderful food
SOLO 7: Marvellous food
ORPHANS: Glorious food!

The tempo picks up and the Orphans start marching.

Food, glorious food

SOLO 8: What is there more handsome
ORPHANS: Gulped, swallowed, or chewed
SOLO 9: Still worth a king's ransom
SOLO 10: What is it we dream about
What brings on a sigh
SOLO 11: Piled peaches and cream about
Six Feet High!
ORPHANS: Food, glorious food
Eat right through the menu
Just loosen your belt
Two inches and then you
Work up a new appetite
In this interlude
Then food
Once again food
SOLO 12: Fabulous food
SOLO 13: Glorious food
SOLO 14: Magical food
ORPHANS: Marvellous food
Glorious Food!

The Matron calls from off-stage.

MATRON: Richard Whittington!

Dick runs and hides under the bed, behind the other orphans.

I said, Richard Whittington….Come here this instant.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

More panic. Everyone puts their pillows on top of him.

Whit-ing-ton….

ORPHAN 1: He’s here, Matron, he’s hiding under the bed!

ORPHAN 2: Shhh!

ORPHAN 1: He said not to tell you but I’m a good girl.

ORPHAN 2: Good grass more like…

The Matron enters, glaring. She pulls the pillows off.

MATRON: Thank you, Louisa Snitcher. Richard Whittington, get out from there and
stand up!

LITTLE DICK: Yes, Matron.

He does. All stand to attention.

MATRON: You have been caught writing rude words on items which don’t belong to you,
such as this this school book, which is the property of the Local Authority of
the Fens of England!

LITTLE DICK: But I only wrote my name on it, like all the other children did!

MATRON: That is a lie! Do I have to say this vulgarism out loud?

ORPHAN 3: Do you mean ‘Dick’?

MATRON: DON’T say it! But yes, that word is exactly what I was referring to, as it
happens – of all the filthy, distasteful, immoral ways to begin a pantomime….

LITTLE DICK: But Matron, ‘Dick’ -

MATRON: No!

LITTLE DICK: Dick…

MATRON: Stop!

ALL ORPHANS: ‘Dick’ is Whittington’s name!

MATRON: Oh.

LITTLE DICK: Short for Richard.

MATRON: I see.

LITTLE DICK: It’s what everyone calls me – a kind of nickname. Is that wrong?

MATRON: No…nothing wrong. (Suddenly turning) Other than the fact that graffiti is
banned!

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LITTLE DICK: But I didn’t –

MATRON: This school book belongs to me. To this Institution. And it states quite clearly
in the Orphanage Rules – in fact - up there on the walls, you can see for
yourself:

ORPHAN 4: No Gum.

ORPHAN 5: No Gossip.

ORPHAN 6: No Graffiti.

MATRON: Precisely. And it is also the rules that anyone found to be breaking those
commandments will be cast out from this Orphanage and left to fend for
themselves. Have I made myself clear?

ALL ORPHANS: Yes, Matron!

MATRON: Consider this your final warning!

LITTLE DICK: But Matron, I was writing on the school book because that was what you told
us to do – for our lesson!

MATRON: One more word from you Dick Whittington, and you’ll be sleeping on the
pavement with that stray cat!

We notice a cat lurking in the corner as it ‘miaws’.

All of you, get into bed, or we’ll all get the school books out and spend the
night taking the SATs exams that got cancelled!

They immediately rush into their positions in bed.

Lights out. Go to sleep. I won’t say ‘Sweet Dreams’ - that would just be too
cruel.

ORPHAN 7: Why would that be cruel Matron?

MATRON: Because…what do orphans have to dream about other than gruel? Ha ha ha

ha ha…

She exits.

LITTLE DICK: Hello, everyone! in case you didn’t realise: my name’s Dick!

The audience might murmur ‘Hello!’

Dick: I think we can do a little better than that! Hello everyone, my name’s Dick!

The audience might manage ‘Hello Dick!!’

Dick: Can’t… quite… hear…Peter, Mitch, Yusuf, Candace: I think the audience
over there might need your help. Third time lucky…Hello everyone!

The Audience and ORPHANS reply Hello Dick!

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Dick: That’s better! It’s very nice to meet you all. I live here, in this nasty
orphanage, with all these other poor kids. All I want is to get away from this horrid place and
visit London-

OPRHAN 9: They say that the streets there are paved with gold!

OPRHAN 10: And that you might get to ride in a carriage as the Lord Mayor!

ORPHAN 11: It could be true. In fact you might even become Prime Minister. I’ve heard
that’s what happened to at least one Lord Mayor of London!

ORPHAN 12: And lots of people call him ‘Dick’ too.

LITTLE DICK: So I’m in with a chance!

ORPHANS: Hooray!

ORPHAN 2: It’s not true what the Matron said, Dick: just because you’re an orphan you
can still dream.

SONG AND DANCE # ‘I Have A Dream’

LITTLE DICK: I Have a Dream, a song to sing

To help me cope, with anything
If you see the wonder, of a fairy tale
You can take the future, even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream, I Have a Dream

ORPHAN 2: He has a Dream, a fantasy

To help him through, reality
And his destination, makes it worth the while
Pushin' through the darkness, still another mile

ENSEMBLE: We believe in angels

Something good in everything we see
We believe in angels
When we know the time is right to be

LITTLE DICK: I'll cross the stream, I Have a Dream

Tommy comes up to Little Dick and ‘miaws’, giving Dick a bit of a cuddle.

LITTLE DICK: Oh Tommy. You’re hungry too, aren’t you. Well it just so happens I have a tin
of cat food- nine out ten owners said their cats prefer Whis-

ORPHAN 13: Wait! No product placement! They’ll shut us down!

LITTLE DICK: Sorry! You’re right we can’t afford to get sued -

He waves it around a bit more and Tommy comes running. He opens the tin:

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What’s this? Rocks!

A pile of stones fall out of the cat food tin.

ORPHAN 14: I’m sorry, Dick. I ate the cat food yesterday – I was starving!

Tommy moans. The other Orphans go to sleep.

LITTLE DICK: The situation is desperate! If only something magical would happen…

Suddenly, Bow and Bells appear with a twinkly flash and magical sound effect.

LITTLE DICK: Wow! Witches?

BOW: I’m not a witch, I’m a sweet and kind fairy!

BELLS: But it’s fair to say, you can look pretty scary!

Bow taps her playfully.

BOW: We need your help, Dick, you’re our only hope!

BELLS: King Rat has stolen our magical trope!

BOW: I’ve lost my wand – he snatched it away!

BELLS: We must retrieve it - and without delay!

LITTLE DICK: Why do you speak like an old-fashioned poet?

It’s actually good- I hope you don’t blow it!

Gah- now I’m doing it!

BOW: All Fairies speak this way - I’m not sure what you mean?

BELLS: Anyway, to save the day we trust that you’re keen!

BOW: For you have special powers too, Little Dick!

BOW: Powers to dream,

BELLS: To be brave…

BOTH: – So use them PD quick!

BELLS: Go to the capital! That’s where most heroes head.

BOW: But be warned of the stink there: look where you tread.

BELLS: Help us, and one day you’ll be Lord Mayor of London!

Dick: Alright, but where’s the wand?

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BOW: That’s the conundrum.

BELLS: We know that King Rat was the last one to have it,

BOW: Though Squeaky and Smelly were the ones who nabbed it.

BELLS: They’re his Rat Servants – a troublesome lot…

BOW: But if you take this cat with you, you’re in with a shot!

LITTLE DICK: Take Tommy with me?

TOMMY THE CAT: Of course! I love London- it’s fab-u-lous, darling!

LITTLE CAT: What!? You can talk? You… you’re magic too!

He does a nifty little bow.

BOW: Don’t be afraid of that dastardly King Rat!

BELLS: For you can defeat him with your wonderful cat!

From off-stage:

MATRON: Children, wake-up! It’s time to clean this place!

DICK: It’s the Matron coming.

TOMMY: Time to go.

BOTH: Now or never.

DICK: London here I come!

BOW AND BELLS, DICK AND TOMMY: We’re in this together!

They put their hands together, then Bow and Bells vanish and Dick and Tommy run off. The
Matron enters, blows a whistle and the Orphans all wake and exit fast.

There is a beat. Then King Rat and Smelly pop up from behind a bed; we can only see their
heads and they look shifty. Squeaky pops out from the side of the bed, then they all leap out
and fall over each other. King Rat tries to get up first, but trips over his cape and sticks out
his wand. Squeaky bangs his crotch into the wand and falls backwards into Smelly.

KING RAT: Bah! Idiots! But now I see we have competition! Dick’s looking for the
wand!

SMELLY: Let’s follow him and stop him when he’s least expecting it!

KING RAT: Really? I hadn’t thought of that! Of course we’ll stop him - moron!

SQUEAKY: What did he call us?

SMELLY: Moron.

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SQUEAKY: What’s a Moron?

SMELLY: You are.

SQUEAKY: Brilliant!

KING RAT: We’ll follow Dick to London and just when he thinks he’s getting ahead
in life, we’ll force him to turn back, so he feels even more of a failure!

SQUEAKY: Nice.

SMELLY: But what about that cat?

SQUEAKY: Yeah he’s like seriously weird…

KING RAT: Easy. We’ll poison him. A Macdonald’s Fish O Filet from Leicester
Square tends to do the trick.

SMELLY AND SQUEAKY: Sorted.

KING RAT: Once we’re in London and they’re gone, with this wand I can take over
the world with a terrible plague!

The audience ‘boo’.

SQUEAKY: Just thinking. How are we travelling, Boss? Only it might be quite hard
for us rats keepin’ up the chase with cats an all’.

SMELLY: We’re driving to London in a Lamborghini, right, that’s what was in the
advert for this job?

KING RAT: That was just the picture – you should have read the small print. I’ve
nicked a bike from outside one of those Cambridge Colleges –
students: urggh - you take the wand – here, put it in my briefcase and
scurry along, or I’ll use it to turn you into a mouse!

They scream and scurry away. Music as a sign is taken across the stage telling us we are a
few miles from London. Tommy re-enters:

Tom Cat: (Springing forward) Hello there, humans! Thought all I could do was
‘Miaw’ eh? Well, fooled you there, didn’t I! Of course cats can talk! It doesn’t take an Andrew
Lloyd Webber musical to work that one out. Or T.S Eliot for that matter, though his poem
about Mistoffelees is quite catchy. Purrr…. I don’t suspect you peeps read poetry: it’s all
Snap Chat these days eh….I have my own account on ‘Snap Cat’ as it happens. Oh yes,
Smart Phones for Smart Felines. I take a lot of selfies of my fur extensions: don’t you just
love the twist in my tail? But I tend to limit time on my socials – constant posts criticising
creatures for not looking pur-fect can get a bit ‘catty’, don’t cha find?

Comedy drum beat

Enough of this tittle-tattle. If Dick is going to have any hope of getting his girl let alone
becoming rich quick, he’s going to need my help, or he’ll have to resort to auditioning for
‘Love Island’ – Ha! Ahh…talking of rats….

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Tommy sees a rat creep around in front of him. He pounces and holds it by the scruff of its
neck. The rat cries out!

Ha – ha – ha - And another one bites the dust! You’re all scared of rats aren’t you? Not me:
(with a beat) Its neck on my claw opens the door!
The best party in town! The top catcher around!
I’m Tommy the Cat - I relish raw rats!

As he poses, the rat escapes…

Oh mice! Where did he go? Did anyone see him?

The rat appears upstage and the audience are cajoled into a ‘He’s behind you!’

Where did you say?

‘Behind you’.

Oh! Shh! 1 – 2 – 3….

Tommy turns and pounces but the rat has just jumped away.

Hiss! You dozy dogs! That’s the last time I appeal to humans…Miaw… He’s there! Look – on
the third row back…Come on Cats! Let’s relish those rats!

SONG AND DANCE # ‘Another One Bites the Dust!’

TOMMY THE CAT: Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
Another one bites the dust

The music continues as Tommy exits and runs round to re-enter for Scene 2 with Dick.
Meanwhile, the scene changes to:

SCENE 2

A Tube sign tells us we’re in Covent Garden. Londoners are busy going about the market,
selling and buying things and entertaining each other. When Dick and Tommy enter, the
Londoners freeze:

LITTLE DICK: Would you look at this place Tommy! I love it!

TOMMY THE CAT: It’s better than freezing out in the Fens…

LITTLE DICK: It’s more than that, it’s purrrr-fect! Ha!

TOMMY THE CAT: Leave the cat jokes to me, if you don’t mind, or my part in this
pantomime will be in danger of drastic reduction…

LITTLE DICK: I always knew I was destined to live in the great city of London, where the
streets are paved in-

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A squelchy noise prompts Dick, Tommy and the entire ensemble to jump back two steps and
hold their noses in disgust, before the Londoners continue to go about their business in
typical ‘rhubarb rhubarb’ panto acting style…Dick lifts his foot up to look at his shoe. He
takes it off, chucking it off stage.

(groaning) Dog poo…

TOMMY THE CAT: A Shih Tzu.

LITTLE DICK: SSh! We’re not supposed to use that word in this Show!

TOMMY THE CAT: What word?

LITTLE DICK: That word.

TOMMY THE CAT: Shih Tzu?

LITTLE DICK: Not again Tommy!

TOMMY THE CAT: I mean the dog breed responsible for that…canine excrement! Shih
Tzu! Very popular in cities... Honestly, it’s a sad reflection of the education system today that
stray cats possess richer vocabularies than teenage boys.

LITTLE DICK: Humph, I may not have a very rich vocab-u-whats-it, but sooner or later, I’m
going to be rich – that’s for sure! First things first -

Dick approaches a fruit seller in the market.

Excuse me sir, do you know where I can find a job?

LONDONER 1: Not the best time right now, geezer, can’t you see I’m busy…

Dick then turns to a woman selling London tourist trinkets and maps.

LITTLE DICK: Excuse me Ma’am, could I work for you as a Tourist Guide?

LONDONER 2: Ain’t enough tourists in London these days, mate!

Dick walks back to Tommy the Cat

TOMMY THE CAT: No use coming back to me with your tail between your legs!

Dick looks down, sullen…

TOMMY THE CAT: What’s that? Cat got your tongue?

LITTLE DICK: (Sarcastic) Ha ha very funny.

Dick sinks to the ground, deflated.

TOMMY THE CAT: I think your part in this pantomime is in danger of drastic reduction if
you don’t get up and get a job soon…

Alice enters but she has her back turned to Dick, who is still on the ground.

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LITTLE DICK: (Reluctantly to Alice) Excuse me, but do you know where I could find a -

Alice turns and looks at Dick on the ground. A musical sound: instant attraction.

(nervous/awkward): Dick!

ALICE: What?

LITTLE DICK: My name’s Dick

ALICE: Oh, I’m Alice.

LITTLE DICK: Nice to meet you, Alice.

ALICE: You too, Dick. Are you new to London?

LITTLE DICK: Yes, my cat and I just arrived: it’s a beautiful city.

ALICE: It really is, a bit smelly but…

LITTLE DICK: Oh, sorry, that might be me. I had a bit of an accident you see, and trod in
some dog droppings on the pavement, so I can only wear one shoe…

ALICE: Ahh, I see. I thought it was because you’re poor.

LITTLE DICK: Well, that too, but…

ALICE: Don’t worry – here in London it could be a fashion statement. People do
things like wear one shoe or dye their hair blue all the time – maybe I could show you some
places that are hip?

LITTLE DICK: I’d love that…thanks…though I might have to hop!

Alice laughs as she notices Tommy the Cat who starts to move and miaw.

ALICE: Is this your cat?

LITTLE DICK: Yes

She reaches out an arm to stroke Tommy.

TOMMY THE CAT: Purr….

ALICE: He’s so sweet…

LITTLE DICK: Thank you….

ALICE: But not as sweet as his owner…

LITTLE DICK: Wow, Alice…you’re so…I can’t think of the word…

ALICE: Beautiful?

LITTLE DICK: More than that, you’re….

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ALICE: Brilliant?

LITTLE DICK: Yes, but even better than brilliant, you’re…

The Londoners have gathered round. One leans in:

FRIENDLY LONDONER: I think I might have the word you’re looking for…

Song and Dance #SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS

LONDONER 3: Because I was afraid to speak

When I was just a lad/ Me father gave me nose a tweak
And told me I was bad -
But then one day I learned a word
That saved me aching nose -
The biggest word you ever heard
And this is how it goes -

FRIENDLY LONDONER: Oh, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I

FRIENDLY LONDONER: He travelled all around the world and everywhere he

went -He'd use his word and all would say there goes a clever gent

LONDONER 3: When dukes of Maharajah pass the time of day with me

I say me special word and then they ask me out to tea!

ALL: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I

FRIENDLY LONDONER: Now you can say it backwards which is

Dociousaliexpisticfragicalirupus
But that's going a bit too far, don't you think?
So when the cat has got your tongue
There's no need for dismay - just summon up this word
And then you've got a lot to say
But better use it carefully - or it can change your life

LONDONER 4: For example

ALICE: Yes?
LONDONER 4: One night I said it to me girl and now me girl's me wife!

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ALL: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

The Music ends. The Londoners freeze.

LITTLE DICK: Crickey! That was fun!

ALICE: If only we could just have fun all day! But I came to the market on a family
errand….

LITTLE DICK: Yes, and I came to London looking for a job.

ALICE: Oh?
LITTLE DICK: But there don’t seem to be many vacancies at present - I might have
to resort to becoming a secondary school teacher in a state academy!

ALICE: Well there certainly are shortages there! But surely it won’t come to that - stay
optimistic! There’s bound to be jobs in London, right everyone?

The audience and Londoners respond with ‘yes’ and come back to life!

LONDONER 10: You could try the Houses of Parliament?

LONDONER 11: Or drive a London Bus?

LONDONER 12: Or perform at a West End Theatre!

ALICE: See, Dick! Things can be great here in London! Which reminds me - I might just be
able to get you a job!

LITTLE DICK: Really?

ALICE: My father owns a big shop – it’s where we live in fact - and he’s been looking for
someone to move things up from the basement, and after hours, help Sarah the Cook in our
kitchen!

LITTLE DICK: Oh Alice! That would be marvelous!

Alderman Fitzwarren enters

ALICE: LOOK! HERE HE COMES! Hello Daddy!

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Hello Alice! Hello boys and girls!

The audience respond and the Londoners greet Mr Fitzwarren before making exits.

ALICE: How are you today, father?

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Splendid, thank you, daughter: the sun is shining, people are
out and about, which means business is booming!

ALICE: Good, because I have someone to introduce to you!

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Do you now?

ALICE: Yes, here he is!

Alice takes a step backwards so that Dick can introduce himself.

LITTLE DICK: (reaching out his hand) Dick!

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: HOW DARE YOU!

ALICE: That’s his name…

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Ahh! Well then…Dick eh…short for….?

LITTLE DICK:…It’s not really short for anything, actually. ‘Dick Whittington’ was my

name on the records at the Orphanage…

A general ‘Ahh’ from the Londoners

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Ah! You’re an orphan. I’m very sorry to hear that…But don’t
worry, this isn’t ‘Oliver Twist’ or ‘Annie the Musical’ – as if we’d ever do a show like that! No!
In this story orphans are treated with respect! My dear Alice here lost her mother in
childbirth, so if it wasn’t for me, Alice would be an orphan!

LITTLE DICK: Oh Alice, I’m so sorry. I knew we had a connection -

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: - Of course, I would never want her to actually marry an

orphan. Goodness gracious no! Now, Dick, let me show you the way to a wonderful charity
refuge centre, where young homeless people can go and -

ALICE: Actually Daddy, I was thinking that maybe, Dick could work in your
department store?

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Work at Fitzwarren’s?

ALICE: You said we needed some more staff!

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Yes, well, it’s only really in IT Management that we –

ALICE: - And besides, Dick has a cat. And you know how you’re always saying
there’s a problem with rats in the basement eating the Christmas Chocolates before they’re
taken to the shop floor -

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Alright darling, we don’t need to tell all the boys and girls about
that! I suppose I did say that a cat might be useful…son: you’re hired!

LITTLE DICK: Really sir?

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: You can start straight away as a shop porter! Thanks to my
kind daughter! Oh marvellous – it rhymes! Porter – daughter! I should write plays!

LITTLE DICK: The Customer’s Always Right!

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

ALICE: Thank you Daddy! Love you loads!

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Let’s get started straight away Dick! I have a package I need
you to hold. Here it is –

He takes out a box from a Fitzwarren’s department store bag.

It may not look big but it’s very valuable, and I don’t want to walk around London with it, in
case of thieves. Take it back to my house on the next street, keep it safely, and I’ll meet you
there later to collect it again.

LITTLE DICK: Yes, Sir! I’ll guard it with my life! Come on, Tommy, let’s go!

Tommy ‘miaws’ and exits with Dick.

ALICE: Oh Daddy! What’s in the package?

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: It’s something for you, Alice, a special Christmas present that
your mother always wanted you to have. Now my darling: I must dash – I’ve got an important
business meeting at the top of the Shard!

ALICE: Oh alright Daddy! And I must go and lay a wreath by Mummy’s grave.

ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Good girl Alice: she’d be so proud of you!

Fitzwarren exits as a Flower Seller hands Alice a wreath, about to leave too.

ALICE: Thank you Flower Seller. Do you think you could keep a secret for me?

The audience respond cajoled by the Flower Seller: ‘Yes’.

It’s quite embarrassing actually – not like having-‘rents-turn-up-early-to-a-cool-kid’s-party-

embarrassing; or getting-the-hiccups-on-a-silent-train-embarrassing - or worst of all –
having-to-“perform”-in-front-of-all-of-your-mates-in-a-tense-drama-class-at-Chesterton
embarrassing: it’s much worse than that… I’m in love!!

The Audience and the Flower Seller respond with “Oooo”….

I’ve met someone who makes me feel like…there’s a firework display going on in my tummy!
And I definitely don’t think it’s because I had curry for lunch! Do you want to know who?

The Flower Seller and the Audience respond with ‘Yes’…

I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell Daddy, or I will literally be grounded; have my
phone confiscated and my Candy Crush account suspended for the entire Christmas
holidays! Promise to keep it to yourselves: hold your hands in the air, link arms with the
person next to you, close your eyes and cross your fingers!

The audience are cajoled by the Flower Seller into crossing their fingers etc

Wow! Well done everybody – that looked really complicated and uncomfortable. But now I
know you won’t tell….

Drum roll

His…name…is.... Dick! Lovely, brave Dick Whittington! Can you believe it?

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

The Musical Introduction to ‘Close to you’ starts

He’s so clever and kind and sweet-looking! He might not be rich, but money isn’t everything,
right? If only grown-ups understood that….

Song #‘Close to You’.

ALICE: Why do birds suddenly appear

Every time you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you
Why do my stars fall down from the sky
Every time you walk by?
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

The Flower Seller joins in from another place on the stage.

FLOWER SELLER: On the day that he was born the fairies got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in his hair and golden starlight in his eyes of blue

ALICE: That is why all the girls in town

Follow you all around
Just like me, they long to be
Close to you

BOTH: Just like me, they long to be

Close to you…Wa, close to you
Wa, close to you…

Scene change as music continues to play:

SCENE THREE: FITZWARREN’S KITCHEN

Sarah the Cook enters her kitchen with pots and pans.

SARAH THE COOK: Finally, the star has arrived! In case you didn’t know, I’m Sarah the
Cook, and when I say ‘cook’, I mean look: watch me bubble, sizzle and roast! I can stir any
dish to the boil: whatever your ingredients, just give me some oil! And that’s just for
starters…I’m sure everyone knows how to treat a panto star, right?

The audience respond with ‘Yes’, cajoled by Stage Management

Every time I come on stage and yell “Hey kids, what’s cooking?” I want you to shout back the
favourit-ist, yummiest, most delicious-ist food you’ve ever tasted, like this: “bangers and
mash!” or “pumpkin pie!” or “cookies from the school canteen!” And whoever shouts their
favourite food the loudest gets one of my special cupcakes!
Don’t worry we’re not chucking out any sweets this time, the Health and Safety Inspector
banned that 2 years ago, after I lobbed a Werther’s Original so far it ended up smashing the
mirror in the staff toilet.... Anyway, that’s why we had the multi-million pound new build – and
isn’t it a lovely theatre, ladies and gentleman?!

The audience respond.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

No, no, we’re all health and safety savvy these days aren’t we? This time the Stage
Management are on hand with plastic gloves to bring the cupcake to your seat and pass it
gently over to you on a paper plate. But you’ve got to win it first. So. Shall we have a go,
boys and girls?

The audience are cajoled into a ‘Yes!’.

Alright then… HEY KIDS, what’s cooking?

Audience shout ‘baked beans’ or whatever.

Oh, don’t think you can get hold of my cup-cakes that easily. You need to be much louder.
Let’s try again… HEY KIDS, WHAT’S COOKING?

Audience shout louder – ‘doughnuts’ etc.

A bit better. But I think we need more grown-ups getting involved. I want to hear more about
your vegan vol-au-vents or traditional spotted dicks, or ‘Nanny’s homemade mar-mar-lade’
as Jacob Rees-Mogg likes spread on his toast. He’s not getting hold of my cupcakes I can
tell you that for free! No chance mate, home-made or shop bought…Last time: HEY KIDS –
WHAT’S COOKING?

Audience respond loudly with ‘pancakes’.

That’s much better! Here you go – the first cupcake goes to….

Sarah the Cook chooses a winner and everyone applauds. A musical chord ‘ta –dah’.

Well done everyone. Finally, I’m being treated like the glowing star I was meant to be, and
not the sweaty chef Alderman Fitzwarren expects to serve him twenty-four seven, since his
poor wife died, bless her…Nice man, but hard work, mark my words…especially when my
son Jack is always late to duty!

Jack enters, running on to stage, tired and out of breath.

SARAH THE COOK: Good evening Jack!

JACK: Oh hello mum! Hello everybody! Sorry I’m late.

SARAH THE COOK: Oh my idle Jack, not again: why are you so late today?

JACK: Because I was…too busy cleaning the windows…

SARAH THE COOK: That’s a transparent lie. I wasn’t born yesterday…

JACK: I know you weren’t born yesterday, mum, you’re as old as the hills.

SARAH THE COOK: It’s a turn of phrase you silly boy! Tell me again: why are you so late?

JACK: Because I was…re-positioning the shop mannequins.

SARAH THE COOK: Stop treating me like a dummy!

JACK: You’re not a dummy, mum: all the mannequins are much lighter to lift than
you!

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SARAH THE COOK: I didn’t mean the model dummies: don’t take me for a ride!

JACK: I won’t! The last thing I’d do is take you out on my scooter when Mr
Fitzwarren’s expecting his dinner. Besides, I don’t mean to be rude but it’d probably collapse
with your weight…

SARAH THE COOK: Oh Jack, you cheeky monkey. I give up. I’ve tried to bring you up to be
an early riser, but nothing happens. You come late every time.

JACK: It’s because I’m always dreaming.

SARAH: What about? Or should I really be asking you that now you’ve started
secondary school…

JACK: I’m just dreaming about…giants.

SARAH THE COOK: Giants?

JACK: That’s right! Climbing this magic beanstalk and fighting a giant who lives at the top!

SARAH THE COOK: You silly twerp, that’s the wrong pantomime. And besides, there’s no
such thing as giants, Jack!

JACK: Yes there are! You believe me don’t you everyone?

The Audience respond with ‘Yes!’ as the music begins for:

SONG #GIANTS IN THE SKY

JACK: There are giants in the sky!
There are big, tall, terrible giants in the sky!
When you're way up high
And you look below
At the world you've left
And the things you know
Little more than a glance
Is enough to show
You just how small you are
When you're way up high
And you're on your own
In a world like none
That you've ever known
Where the sky is lead
And the earth is stone
You're free to do
Whatever pleases you
Exploring things you'd never dare
'Cause you don't care
When suddenly there's
A big, tall, terrible giant at the door

SARAH THE COOK: A giant?

JACK: A big, tall, terrible, lady giant sweepin' the floor

And she gives you food
And she gives you rest

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

And she draws you close

To her giant breast
And you know things now
That you never knew before
Not 'til the sky

Little Dick sings from elsewhere in the space, making his way to Fitzwarren’s House.

LITTLE DICK: Only just when you've made

A friend and all
And you know she's big
But you don't feel small
Someone bigger than her
Comes along the hall
To swallow you for lunch

JACK: And your heart is lead

And your stomach stone
And you're really scared
Being all alone

SARAH THE COOK: And it's then that you miss

All the things you've known
And the world you've left
And the little you own

ALL 3: The fun is done

You take what you can and run
LITTLE DICK: And you scramble down
And you look below
And the world you know
Begins to grow

JACK: The roof, the house and your

Mother at the door
The roof, the house and the world you never thought to explore

SARAH THE COOK: And you think of all the things you've seen
And you wish that you could live in between
And you're back again
Only different than before
After the sky

JACK: There are giants in the sky!

ALL 3: There are big, tall, terrible, awesome, scary, wonderful giants in the sky!

JACK: I’ll show you mum – one day I’ll fight a giant!

SARAH THE COOK: If you say so Jack!

JACK: Anyway, I wasn’t just thinking about giants, I was also getting these -

Jack pulls out a bunch of flowers.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SARAH THE COOK: Aw they’re absolutely gorgeous, thank you so much my sweet boy, it’s
been ages since anyone’s brought me some flowers -

JACK: Actua-

SARAH THE COOK: (interrupting) The year was 1982 and a lovely gentleman named Mr
Watts – Peter in fact - was taking me out to a pub quiz at the Old Spring: he talked so
posh, looked exactly like Prince William - and when he arrived at my door, he
presented me with a lovely bunch of pink carnations. Turned out they were throwing
them out at Aldi. Passed the sell-by date…Still…

JACK: - Actually they’re for Alice, mum…

SARAH THE COOK: Alice? As in Fitzwarren?

JACK: Yeah…

SARAH THE COOK: Oh, I see…

JACK: Sorry mum, but I think today might be the day that I tell her how I feel!

SARAH THE COOK: Hmmm, well just remember Jack: if she takes you for a ride, your
mum’s always here with a nice hot meal and a clean pair of pants. Now: we gotta get
to work milking the cow! Where is she? DAISY DAISY DAISY!

Daisy the Cow enters.

There you are. Now Jack: you pull this end, and I’ll squeeze here. That’s right. Here it
comes…

Music and squelching effects as Sarah the Cook and Jack milk Daisy the cow and Dick
enters, carrying the box.

LITTLE DICK: Hello there. You must be Sarah the Cook! And her son Jack!

SARAH THE COOK: Hello! You must be Dick! Mr Fitzwarren sent me a text-a-gram to say
he’d hired a new porter.

LITTLE DICK: That’s right!

SARAH THE COOK: Having a good first day?

LITTLE DICK: It’s been wonderful so far, thank you! Sorry, I would help milk the cow, but I’m
carrying this important box which I need to put in a safe place for Mr Fitzwarren –
he’s going to give it to Alice for Christmas.

JACK: Alice, did you say?

LITTLE DICK: Sure did. I’ll say it again if you like: Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice oh
supercalifragilisticexpealidocious Alice!

JACK: You’re friends, I take it?

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

LITTLE DICK: Sure are. It was her that got me the job in fact. To be honest, I wish we were
more than friends, but I need to prove to Mr. Fitzwarren that I’m a trustworthy orphan
before I say anything about that!

SARAH THE COOK: Off you pop then. Put the box in my ingredients cupboard if you like. It’ll
be safe there.

Dick smiles and does so.

Dick: Now – shall I squeeze and you pull?

SARAH THE COOK: I think we’re almost done, though Daisy is being a bit tricky today…

Suddenly Daisy the Cow starts running around before bolting off stage.

SARAH THE COOK: DAISY! DAISY!

DICK: DAISY!

SARAH THE COOK: Holy Cow! What are we going to do now?

DICK: It’s okay Miss Sarah, I’ll help you catch Daisy…

Dick and Sarah the Cook run off stage to catch Daisy the cow. Jack is left alone.

JACK: It’s not fair! I’ve been working here since I was a young lad, and all that time I’ve had
a crush on Alice though she’s only ever smiled at me once. This is Dick’s first day, and she’s
already given him a careers interview. They’re head-over-heels in love with each other - it’s
true isn’t it? Come on I can take it, I always come bottom in class Kahoots – just tell me
everyone: Alice loves Dick - ‘true’ or ‘false’…

The audience call out ‘True’…. At this moment King Rat enters from behind him, underneath
the floorboards, also shouting ‘true’.

… Oh no, I thought I might be exaggerating but the audience is always right: it’s true. Boo
hoo, hoo, hoo…

Jack sobs.

KING RAT: You! Lazy boy!

Jack, startled, turns around to see the King Rat.

KING RAT: I hear that you don’t like Dick Whittington, and that you hate his cat!

JACK: Sure do hate Dick Whittington, but I don’t know about the cat…

KING RAT: I hear that you would like the filthy mongrel to starve to death, frozen in a
thunder storm!

King Rat does an impression of a cat freezing to death as it ‘miaws’.

JACK: Death does seem a bit extreme but -

King Rat grabs Jack’s collar.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

JACK: Dead! Dead! I want them both dead!

KING RAT: Good, good. I am here to help.

JACK: Really? To help me?

KING RAT: Yes, isn’t that what I just said, thicko? Soon his precious cat will have its guts
stretched out into violin strings.

We hear a horrible sound of a high note on violin as King Rat mimes strangling a cat.

JACK: Wow, you really hate cats, don’t you. Why?

KING RAT: Actually, it’s because-

Moving instrumental music begins to play as King Rat steps towards the audience.

KING RAT: When I was just a young rat, I met the love of my life at a youth club. She was a
beautifully bred Norwegian Forest Cat, and from the moment I met her I knew that we were
soulmates. Her name was Birgit. I knew it would be very hard, the whole “different species
thing”, but I was willing to take a chance on love…

Idle Jack interrupts, causing the instrumental music to stop.

JACK: Didn’t it work out? Was she two-faced, like Alice?

KING RAT: You could say that -

The instrumental music begins to play again as King Rat turns back to the audience to finish
his story.

KING RAT: I came back the next day, ready to confess my love to Birgit. That was when I
saw her with… Roger, a British shorthair cat… To her, he was the handsome love she had
been waiting for, and I… was just a slimy rat. That day, I went home heartbroken… TO FIND
THAT THEY HAD EATEN MY ENTIRE FAMILY FOR DINNER ON THEIR FIRST DATE!

The music stops suddenly. The King Rat casually wipes away a tear…

JACK: Wow, that’s a lot of issues to unload, maybe you should go see a therapist?

KING RAT: I don’t need a therapist, you soggy little snowflake! What I need, is for you to do
exactly what I tell you to! This instant!

JACK (nervous): Okay…I’m on it.

KING RAT: Get me the box.

JACK: I can’t do that.

KING RAT: Just give it over before I cheese grate your toes!

JACK: Okay, okay, I’m getting it. Here.

Jack takes it from the cupboard and holds it out.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

KING RAT: Give me what’s inside.

Jack opens the box and takes out a beautiful chain with a heart-shaped locket. King Rat
snatches it and starts to scurry off.
JACK: I’m just saying, Mr Fitzwarren knows a lot of important people. Like
Government Officials, Police detectives, Pest control squads…

KING RAT: Well he’s not going to know it was me who took it, is he?

JACK: Isn’t he?

KING RAT: No. Because you’re not going to tell him, are you?

JACK: Aren’t I?

KING RAT: No. Because you’re simply going to put that box back in the cupboard and
replace the necklace with this shoelace.

King Rat hands over the shoe Little Dick took off earlier.

JACK: Blimey! It stinks.

He starts to take out the lace and put it in the box.

KING RAT: A little Shih Tzu, apparently. Trust me: when Fitzwarren opens that box to
give his darling girl her precious Christmas present, and finds nothing but a smelly shoelace
inside, everyone will know that the thief of the necklace is none other than that nasty boy
Fitzwarren employed to hold his package in the first place:

JACK: Dick.

KING RAT: Head.

JACK: What?

KING RAT: Use your head next time, and you’ll get there quicker.

JACK: Ah. I see. So I should…

KING RAT: Put the box back in the cupboard, and Dick will be none the wiser, until the
moment his boss asks to see it. Then all will be revealed. Dick and his cat will be sentenced
to death for deception, and Alice will be yours for the taking!

JACK: (liking the idea) Right. I get it. Sweet.

KING RAT: That’s me. So long, stupid…

King Rat slinks away as the audience ‘boo’ cajoled by sinister musical chords. Jack puts the
box away. At this point, Sarah the Cook, Daisy the Cow and Little Dick reappear.

SARAH THE COOK: At last – got her back! Thank you, Dick, you’re a fast runner. Honestly,
Jack, take a leaf out of Dick’s book and get your skates on.

LITTLE DICK: Just doing my job, Ma’am.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

A bell rings.

JACK: That’s Mr Fitzwarren. Better do mine.

Jack exits, marching and stoney-faced.

SARAH THE COOK: He’s in a hurry for once. I can see you’re having a good influence on
him. We better go too, Mr Fitzwarren will be wanting his dinner. Take your box with you,
Dick: guard it with your life eh! Come on, Dasiy…

They all exit. Music – spooky – as we change scene to:

SCENE FOUR: AN ALLEY-WAY

We see Bow and Bells enter from opposite sides of the stage unaware of each other. They
look around the stage with their backs facing each other. They then bump into each other
and jump around:

BOW: No sign of the wand, and time’s running out.

BELLS: But we’ll soon see what heroism’s about.

BOW: Will dear little Dick complete our quest?

BELLS: Or will the traps of London prove too tough-a-test?

BOW: That stolen necklace could cause great danger.

BELLS: And as for Alice; well, love will surely change her.

BOW: With these uncertain words we must needs part.

BELLS: And leave fate in the hands of those pure of heart.

Bow and Bells exit the stage and Squeaky and Smelly creep on behind them.

SMELLY: ‘Ey Squeaky.

SQUEAKY: Wo’ is it?

SMELLY: I feelin’……

SQUEAKY: Yes?

SMELLY: I said I feelin’……

SQUEAKY: Yeah? Wo’ is it?

SMELLY: Well I said I wos feelin’……

SQUEAKY: Tell me already!

SMELLY: Squeaky! I’m feelin’...a bit of a...guilty conscience: is ‘dat right?

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SQUEAKY: Search me.

SMELLY: I’m feelin’ like it wasn’t really fair on those Fairies to take their wand, d’ya get me?

SQUEAKY: But we had to steal their wand! Or King Rat would have put us in the Trap! And
that would be more horrible than havin’ a bath, or, or, or: not goin’ on a KFC bin raid for a
whole night, or, or, or, or – the absolute worst fing in the world – sitting still and doing silent
reading!!!
.
They fidget as if to shake off that thought.

SMELLY: Look I ain’t suggestin’ we do anyfink about it! I just can’t help feelin’ bad, ‘das
all...it feels...wrong...

The audience are cajoled into an ‘Ahhh’

SQUEAKY: ‘S True. ‘Dem Fairies were alright. They didn’t deserve to be robbed of their
magic - even tho dere rhymes wos seriously dead. I s’pose...

SMELLY: Wot?

SQUEAKY: I s’pose we could like...

SMELLY: Give the wand back without King Rat knowin?

SQUEAKY: Wot d’ya reckon?

SMELLY: Oh please, bruv. I reckon that could lead to a whole new life, where we might
even be appreciated for being who we are, and rats might not get treated like dirt: where we
might make a new start and live in a culture of mutual respect!!

The audience are cajoled into applause

SQUEAKY: Alright then, when you put it like that...

SMELLY: Come on Squeaky – you’re right – Oi – Fairy Bow - let’s take it/ back –

King Rat enters, furious

KING RAT: BACK YOU GO, YOU PATHETIC VERMIN!

Squeaky and Smelly start shaking with fear

SMELLY: Sorry King Rat, we woz only ‘havin’ a larf...

SQUEAKY: Yeah, man, as if we’d ever do somefink good with our lives...we woz taking the
pi……

KING RAT: DON’T TAKE ME FOR AN IDIOT YOU LITTLE URINE SAMPLES. I heard you –
you were going to betray me and ruin my evil plan to contaminate London with disease!

SMELLY: Bu’ we wozn’t……

KING RAT: QUIET! I shall not hear another word from you, you squeaky and smelly
delinquents. Or do you want me to return you to where I found you?

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

Squeaky and Smelly both shake their heads, petrified…

KING RAT: Good, good. Well, when you work with me there’s only one thing you need to
learn. SQUEAKY! Fetch me the glove.

Music: the comedy ‘Dun Dun Dun’ is played. This leads to the Musical intro for

SONG AND DANCE #‘Bad’ by Michael Jackson

Squeaky returns with a box containing a single white glove which King Rat puts on. Equally
Smelly brings a black hat which King Rat also wears…

KING RAT: The wand is mine

Don’t make it right
‘Cos if you do
Y’won’t see daylight
I'm telling you
To just get real
And to make a plan
We can fulfil

Come on, come on

Work with me all right

I'm giving you

On count of three
To show your stuff
Or let it be
I'm telling you
Just to watch your mouth
I know your game
What you're about

Well they say the sky's the limit

And to me that's really true
But my friends you have seen nothin'
Just wait 'til I get through

Because I'm bad, I'm bad come on

Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad

KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it

Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad

KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad come on, you know
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad

KING RAT: And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again
Who's bad?

SQUEAKY: Be happy that

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

You're doin' wrong

KING RAT: Or I’ll lock you up
Before too long
SMELLY: Your lyin' eyes
Gonna tell you right
BOTH RAT SERVANTS: So listen up
Don't make a fight
KING RAT: Your talk is cheap
You pathetic rats
Don’t lie again
Or I’ll call some cats
BOTH RAT SERVANTS: But they say the sky's the limit
And to me that's really true
KING RAT: And my friends you have seen nothin'
Just wait 'til I get through
Because I'm bad, I'm bad come on
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it, you know
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: I’m bad, I’m bad you know it
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again
ALL: Who's bad?

King Rat moonwalks/dances off stage once again leaving Squeaky and Smelly behind…

SMELLY: Woah

SQUEAKY: That was sick, bruv.

SMELLY: Alright, I know I’m called Smelly, but there’s no need to go on about it. You
don’t exactly smell like David Beckham yourself, mate, and in fact, it’s startin’ to make me
queezy an’ all -

SQUEAKY: Nah, Nah, I meant like ‘sick’ as in peng. Lit. Dope.

SMELLY: Yeah you are a bit of a dope if we’re gonna insult each other…And, to be
honest…That King Rat – he’s a bit…

SQUEAKY: What?

SMELLY: Oh never mind – it’s nuffin’

SQUEAKY: Oh no it isn’t!

SMELLY: Oh yes it is

SQUEAKY: (With audience) Oh no it isn’t

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SMELLY: Oh yes it is

SQUEAKY: (With audience) Isn’t

SMELLY: Is

SQUEAKY: (With audience) Isn’t

SMELLY: Okay, okay I’ll tell ya but just get ‘em to shut up (Indicates audience) they’re
makin’ me feel like I’m being shouted at by teachers at school again for chewing in class…
Don’t like to fink about it…

SQUEAKY: Alright, stay chill. So, wo’ is it you woz gonna say about King Rat?

SMELLY: Well, all that dancin’ and ‘Bad’ malarkey: it was a bit over the top, don’t you
fink……

Tommy the Cat prowls on.

SQUEAKY: You wanna know what I fink, Smelly? I fink…CAT!

They rats squeak loudly and Tommy pounces and chases Squeaky and Smelly off as
‘Another One Bites the Dust’ plays.

TOMMY THE CAT: (To himself) No understanding of dramatic style. Of course it’s “over the
top” – it’s a pantomime, right ladies and gentles?

(The audience respond with yes.)

That’s right my fine fellows. Cambridge audiences are always the most intelligent – much
more than Oxford. Meanwhile, life is getting tough in London. Yesterday I had to have my
tea and scones without any clotted cream! Absolutely disgraceful! And with the evil King Rat
growing more powerful every day, I’m not sure I’ve got the paws for chasing giant rodents.
As for Dick, I fear that he will put his love for Alice as a priority over saving the world. And we
all know this isn’t a Hollywood movie. Well, I must pop off now; Dick’ll never get through the
next scene without me. Toodlepip!

Tommy the Cat exits. Music as the Scene changes:

SCENE FIVE: FITZWARREN’S HOUSE

Sarah the Cook, Jack and Dick enter from one side to meet the House Keeper. Dick carries
his knapsack with the box in it.

HOUSE KEEPER: Sarah and Jack, good to see you – I hope you’ve had a productive day.
And you must be…

LITTLE DICK: Dick.

HOUSE KEEPER: Indeed. I’m House Keeper to Mr Fitzwarren, and I’m here to tell you
that as a result of an important corporate meeting he attended this afternoon, he’ll be leaving
tomorrow on a business venture at sea, and shall be away several weeks.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

SARAH THE COOK: Ooo, I do hope it’s somewhere exotic and exciting, like where I was
born.

HOUSE KEEPER: (Slightly taken aback) Oh I didn’t know you were born somewhere exotic.
Where are you from?

SARAH THE COOK: Ipswich.

HOUSE KEEPER: (A bit confused) Right. I think the voyage will take him a bit further than
that, but perhaps he’ll start on the Suffolk coast, as you say! He will require you to attend
Sarah, as his personal chef, with Jack as your assistant. I will stay here with Dick to maintain
the House, and to tutor his daughter Alice.

SARAH THE COOK: Well fancy that! We’re off to somewhere sunny. Let’s just hope Mr
Fitzwarren doesn’t get too hot-headed. Bye boys and girls, I’ll see you later!

Sarah exits and Alderman Fitzwarren enters looking for Dick.

FITZWARREN: Dick! Dick! Oh where is that Dick?

LITTLE DICK: I’m here sir, how can I be of service?

FITZWARREN: Ah, Dick. You’ve been doing a splendid job so far I hear.

JACK: (Sarcastically) Absolutely spiffing.

FITZWARREN: Dick - give me that box I asked you to guard earlier today. I’ve decided
– in light of the business trip I must now take – to give Alice her Christmas present early as a
departure gift.

Alice enters.

ALICE: Oh! Hello Dick! Jack…Daddy’s leaving tomorrow and I wish I could go with him, but
it’s for important business and I have my GCSE mocks to think about. (To Dick) At least
you’ll be staying here so you can…test me on my French verbs…

LITTLE DICK: I’m here to help! Mr Fitzwarren, Sir. Here’s your box.

Dick hands over the box, proudly.

FITZWARREN: Oh thank you, Dick. Alice – this is for you.

ALICE: Oh thank you Daddy – how scrumptiously sweet of you – an early

Christmas present!

FITZWARREN: It’s something your dear Mother always wanted me to give you – so
that you might glitter when you wear it around your dainty neck for your first London ball!

Alice opens the package; she pulls out a stinky shoe lace belonging to Dick.

ALICE: Thank…you….What? Why it’s... Daddy is this one of your bad jokes?

LITTLE DICK: It’s a smelly old shoelace. It belongs to…

JACK: You, Dick.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

FITZWARREN: WHERE’S THE NECKLACE!

LITTLE DICK: I don’t know sir! I swear it was like this when you gave it to me.

FITZWARREN: DON’T LIE TO ME YOU THIEF! NOW GET OUT AND NEVER
DARKEN MY DOORSTEP AGAIN!

In the background of the next dialogue: the House Keeper enters with Tommy the Cat and
lets him out on the street.

Alice: But Dad…

FITZWARREN: Quiet! I will find where Dick hid that necklace even if it’s the last thing I do!
And for your own safety Alice you will be coming with me tomorrow, and that’s final. Jack –
bring me my dinner!

He exits in a huff. Jack follows.

LITTLE DICK: I don’t understand, I didn’t steal the necklace.

ALICE: Can you please just go.

Dick leaves, his head hung low and Alice slinks off heartbroken. Tommy the Cat miaws on
the other side of the Stage.

HOUSE KEEPER: Out you go, little kitty. Good luck in London. You’ll have to eat rats for
your dinner…tut, tut, tut…

The House Keeper exits.

Tommy: Well? What can I say? Another one bites the dust!

SONG AND DANCE # ‘Another One Bites The Dust’

LONDONERS: Another one bites the dust

Another one bites the dust
And another one gone and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey I caught a rat for you
Another one bites the dust

The Scene changes to:

SCENE 6: HIGHGATE HILL

LITTLE DICK and TOMMY enter. There’s a Signpost pointing in 4 different directions –
‘London’s Glittering West End’ and ‘London Docks’ to the left; and ‘The Fens’ and ‘The
Seaside’ to the right. Dick and Tommy have no money and no food.

LITTLE DICK: ‘Work hard and be nice to people’. That’s all I ever did. And look how
life repays me! Accused of theft, fired from my job and kicked out of the only real home I’ve
known! It’s outrageous! We wouldn’t steal a jelly baby from a Pick ‘N’ Mix shelf in Tesco,
even in a long queue at the weekend, right Tommy?

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

TOMMY: Speak for yourself, darling.

DICK WHITTINGTON: What? Don’t tell me you’re a con artist, Prince Thomas.

TOMMY: You’ve only come to know me in my more distinguished years, my

dear boy. Believe me, in my younger years I was something of a scoundrel, a sort of
Leonardo De Cat-rio type. Some say I still retain those instincts, buried deep beneath my
charming and charismatic misdemeanour.

LITTLE DICK: There’s no time for your memoirs, Tommy. We’re completely broke and
London is nothing but a dirty, depressing wasteland full of slimy rats -

TOMMY: - and even slimier people! Some of those politicians – as greasy as

flea shampoo…

LITTLE DICK: We need a quick fix!

TOMMY: Cat nip?

LITTLE DICK: Money.

TOMMY: I guess there’s nothing for it then: I’ll give Wayne Sleep a call,
and rejoin the original cast of ‘Cats The Musical’. But I can’t guarantee there’s a part
for you.

LITTLE DICK: Fine, Tommy. I never wanted you anyway!

TOMMY: Ouch! The claws are out!

LITTLE DICK: I didn’t ask for your help. All you’ve done since I’ve met you is
crack terrible jokes. It was only because of those fairies that you ever became my pet. But
the Fairies lied!

TOMMY: Oh grow up, Dick!

LITTLE DICK: I am grown-up!

TOMMY: Oh no you’re not!

LITTLE DICK: Oh yes I am!

TOMMY: Oh no you’re not!

LITTLE DICK: Oh don’t start that again! I’ve had enough. I’m going back to the orphanage!
GOOD BYE!

Little Dick runs off in the direction of ‘The Fens’.

TOMMY: Well in that case, ladies and gentleman, I’m afraid we might need to
take a little break. Without the eponymous hero around this story could prove rather
challenging, but fear not…we’ll sort out a replacement. Tut! All those billboards that say: ‘A

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

pet is for life, not just for Christmas’. In my time as a pet, thanks to Dick, I didn’t even make it
to hear Santa’s sleigh…

SONG #MEMORY – musical introduction begins

I suppose I’ll just have to slink off into the night…trouble is, deep down, I’m lonely….

TOMMY THE CAT: Midnight, not a sound from

the pavement Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight, the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan…

Dick Whittington enters – the older version of Little Dick. They wear the same outfit,
but Dick Whittington looks more grown-up. He is on another part of the Hill, singing to
himself:

DICK WHITTINGTON: Memory, all alone in the moonlight

I can dream of the old days
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

TOMMY THE CAT: Burnt out ends of smoky days

The stale, cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies, another night is over
Another day is dawning

BOTH: Touch me, it's so easy to leave me

All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me, you'll understand what happiness is

TOMMY THE CAT: Look, a new day has begun

Tommy exits, smiling over at Dick with a sense of forgiveness-to-come.

DICK WHITTINGTON: First my parents, then Alice and now Tommy. Everyone I care about
seems to disappear. I’ve been such a fool. I always thought London streets were paved with
gold, but it’s more like they’re covered in…Shih Tzu droppings, spat-out chewing gum and
endless copies of free advertising newspapers given out at Tube stations and chucked in
puddles…

There’s one on the ground. He picks it up and reads.

It’s today’s issue:

From a microphone off-stage:

VOICE: “Washerwoman needed for laundry on ship. Fair wages, three meals per day,
journey across oceans in search of rich lands. No application necessary – just turn up!’

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

DICK WHITTINGTON: That sounds perfect! Well apart from the fact I’m not a woman,
but that’s nothing which a good costume can’t hide, right? (back to reading)

VOICE: “Sets sail from London at 7am in the morning.”

DICK WHITTINGTON: This is it! I can leave all my London worries behind!
Though…there is one person I’ll miss. Beginning with A. She’s A** in fact. But...It can only
be the case she doesn’t like me anymore. Oh no, she doesn’t.

(The audience are cajoled into a ‘Oh yes she does!’.)

On no she doesn’t!

(Oh yes she does.)

Doesn’t!

(Does.)

Doesn’t!

(Does.)

Does! I mean doesn’t!! See I won…I’m starting to feel myself again. Feel that…I’m Dick! I’ve
got rigging to climb! Decks to scrub! Pirates to fight! Gold to find! Oh yes, and a skirt to wear.
And somehow I need to get hold of some Fairy Washing Powder and learn how to switch the
machine on without having a flood. Any ideas?

KING RAT suddenly appears.

KING RAT: I have an idea, Dick, my old friend!

DICK WHIITINGTON: Sorry, have we met before?

KING RAT: We’ve never been formally introduced but believe me, I’ve been watching you
from afar since this Show began!

DICK WHITTINGTON: And you are?

KING RAT: It’s uhh my name is umm Bob.

DICK WHITTINGTON: (sarcastically) That’s an original name.

KING RAT: You’re the one called Dick.

DICK WHITTINGTON: Sorry, I’ve got things to do…

Dick begins to exit towards ‘London Docks’ but King Rat stands in his way.

KING RAT: You’re not getting on that ship tomorrow morning, Dick.

DICK WHITTINGTON: But why not? It’s the perfect opportunity.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

KING RAT: That ship is the same one carrying Alderman Fitzwarren and his daughter Alice
on their business trip overseas. I’m afraid that if they recognise you on board, they could
have you arrested, or make you walk the plank! Fitzwarren was lenient as it was, not to have
had you hanged, for what you did.

DICK WHITTINGTON: But I didn’t do it! Bob, whoever you are, I appreciate the advice, but
that washerwoman job is my only hope. And if it means being closer to Alice, then it’s worth
the risk.

KING RAT: But Alice doesn’t want you, Dick. You have nothing left. Go home. Leave London
and return to whatever bacteria-ridden rock you climbed out from under. What you said to
Tommy a moment ago was right - go to the orphanage. Be a poor beggar boy forever. And
never come back here. Trust me, it’s for the best.

DICK WHITTINGTON: I’m not sure it is. What about you boys and girls, do you think I should
do what he says?

The audience respond (‘No!’)

DICK WHITTINGTON: You don’t sound too sure. Do you think I should do what he says?

The audience respond more loudly (‘NO!’).

KING RAT: Oh, don’t listen to them! You only met them (glances at wrist) an hour ago!

DICK WHITTINGTON: I suppose you’re right…I guess this whole hero thing just isn’t cut out
for me.

KING RAT: It’s been my pleasure. Mua-ha-ha-ha!

(To the audience): Now, to find that infernal Tom cat.

KING RAT exits towards London’s Glittering West End.

DICK WHITTINGTON: I should get going too. Au Revoir, London.

Dick takes a final look at London and exits towards The Fens again. The bells chime and
suddenly BOW and BELLS appear from either side of Dick.

DICK WHITTINGTON: Fairy Bow and Bells, what are you two doing here?

BOW: We’re here to show you Dick, why you must stay in the story.

BELLS: Please, listen to the bells chime and hear their midnight glory.

They pause and all listen intently to bells ringing, as Londoners gradually appear from the
edges.

DICK WHITTINGTON: They’re singing ‘ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong’.

BOW: (sighs) Listen to your heart Dick, summon all your mind.

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

BELLS: Dig a bit deeper, and a message you will find.

As they listen the bell chime transitions into the ensemble singing “Turn again Dick
Whittington, Lord Mayor of London”.

DICK WHITTINGTON: Lord Mayor of London? But I’m leaving London!

BOW: We’re here to tell you Dick, that you must board that ship.

BELLS: And you will embark on the most wondrous trip!

BOW: One day, you’ll return and become Lord Mayor.

BELLS: But that will only happen if you do not despair!

BELLS: Now turn again Dick Whittington: it’s in your control!

BOW: And never let fear of failure start to take its toll.

DICK WHITTINGTON: I don’t just suppose, I know you’re right. I’ll find Tommy again, say
sorry, and take him with me on the ship with the Fitzwarren’s. We’re a team – and I owe it to
all of you. Thanks fairy B&B, I’m off to London docks!

DICK WHITTINGTON runs off towards ‘London Docks’, excited.

BOW: Saved again sweet sibling, our hero’s right on track.

BELLS: He may be leaving London now, but one day he’ll be back.

KING RAT re-enters with SQUEAKY and SMELLY – they trap the Fairies.

KING RAT: If it isn’t the two fairies, my best friends.

SQUEAKY: What about us?

KING RAT: You two are second. Well actually sixth, seventh if you include my mum but
that’s beside the point.

BOW: You’re too late King Rat, Dick’s running to the city.

BELLS: You tried to destroy him, but he listened to our ditty.

KING RAT: The boy’s back in town? But I sent him to the Fens.

B & B: You can always rely on fairies to fly by and make amends.

SQUEAKY: You could maybe use the wand to get rid of Dick for good.

SMELLY: That’s right! You have one wish to make, before it just turns to wood.

KING RAT: I’ve got it! And BTW when the interval comes can we stop this Gawdawful
rhyming please? I’m playing King Rat not ‘The Gruffalo’. For now, as it’s magic…

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

Ha ha! I’ll use your fairy wand to get rid of Dick!

SQUEAKY: But that was my idea!

KING RAT: Shut up, you little prick!

SONG AND DANCE #HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO musical introduction starts and
underscores King Rat’s remaining speech, as he holds up the wand. Simultaneously,
Dick Whittington and the London ensemble position themselves around the space, as
if from different locations.

Wand – my one wish is for some natural disaster – Something like

a storm at sea of which I am the master.
When Dick is on his ship thinking there’s no need to panic: Make it
toss, turn and tumble, inspired by the Titanic.
Then I’ll take over London, and rats everywhere Will plague
this fallen city – like a Halloween nightmare! That way the lot
of you will clear off for good.
And next year I’ll be rapping with Boyz in da Hood.

The song begins:

DICK WHITTINGTON: Where have all the good men gone

And where are all the gods? Where's
the streetwise Hercules To fight the
rising odds?
Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed
Late tonight I toss and I turn
And I dream of what I need
To be a hero
I'm gonna be a hero 'til the end of the night
I’ve gotta be strong, and I’ve gotta be fast
And I’ve gotta be fresh for the fight
To be a hero
I'm gonna be a hero 'til the morning light
I’ve gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon
And I need to be larger than life
Larger than life

The music continues to play. Tommy runs in – he and Dick ‘high five’ and we see
them together. The Fairies come forward:

BOW: Our hero Dick will face many challenges ahead.

BELLS: But with the help of all his friends he might not end up dead.

LONDONERS: Somewhere after midnight

In our wildest fantasies
Somewhere, just beyond our reach
And far on out to sea
With his wits and bravery

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 ‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021

Back beside his trusty cat

It's gonna take a hero just to slay the sly King Rat…
We need a hero
We’re holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong, and he's gotta be fast
And he's gotta be fresh from the fight
We need a hero
We’re holding out for a hero 'til the morning light
We gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon
And he's gotta be larger than life - we need a hero!

DICK: Up where the mountains meet the heavens above

Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone, somewhere watching me

KING RAT: Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood!

SMELLY: Seems like you’ve got a great plan, sir!

KING RAT: Of course I have – I’m a genius!

SQUEAKY: But it was my i–

SMELLY kicks SQUEAKY in the shin to shut him up.

SQUEAKY: Ow!

KING RAT, SQUEAKY and SMELLY exit with a final ‘Mua-ha-ha-ha’, and a clap of thunder!
.
ALL: I need a hero!

Freeze in poses. Black-out. Interval.

39