Dick Whittington Pantomime Draft 2021
Dick Whittington Pantomime Draft 2021
Please note: this is a rehearsal draft and is subject to minor changes until the dates of
performance, as confirmed by SM & LC. It is not intended to be read by those outside
of the Company.
ACT ONE
PROLOGUE
BOW and BELLS enter. They carry a basket of fairy dust and a wand. They put them down
on the ground beside them.
BELLS: Only one thing can stop this: a magical Tom cat.
BOW: But let’s make sure we keep ‘mum’ about this chat.
BELLS: I’m afraid it’s too late Bow: here comes King Rat!
KING RAT: Now now, I’ve done plenty of good things with my influence, like uhh well umm...
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
KING RAT: Magic me flat? Honestly, these rhyming couplets are getting worse by the
minute. Come along boys, we have no business with these two grammatically incorrect
fancy dress party poops.
SQUEAKY: Yeah, let’s go. I’m scared they’re gonna rip my teeth out.
SQUEAKY: Duh, the tooth FAIRY. And you guys call ME stupid!
SMELLY: He is?
SQUEAKY: I am?
KING RAT: These two flip flaps are fairies! And what do fairies do?
Chapter 3 Subsection B: Fairies are not permitted to use their magic to discriminate or be
negative to others, and Article 14 Subsection D: A Fairy’s wand, when held, cannot refuse
one wish to anyone; human or otherwise.
BELLS: If held, our wand must fulfil any wish from you.
SMELLY: Ok, so there’s this new ‘Call of Duty’ video game called -
King Rat winks at Squeaky who creeps round behind them to where the wand is placed.
Bow gestures to the wand beside her.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
Bells bends down to pick up her fairy dust and sprinkles it for protection as Bow bends down
to pick up her wand.
KING RAT: Oh really? Ahh…Look over there – a beautiful rainbow in the sky!
Bow and Bells look up for a second. Just at that moment Smelly grabs the wand and gives it
to King Rat.
Finally, ultimate power in the palm of my hand! That was just too easy. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!
KING RAT, SQUEAKY and SMELLY begin to exit. The audience boos.
SMELLY: So I’ve got this issue with strange whiffs from my bottom and my one wish would
be if you could take the wand and -
KING RAT: Shut up or I’ll shove it somewhere the sun don’t shine! We only have one wish
with this thing, so I intend to use it with care. And by care, I mean for maximum cruelty!
Mwahh ha ha ha ha…
BOW: But that kind of epic action needs a hero at the helm.
An orphanage dormitory - dirty, old and battered, with a grimy atmosphere. Miserable-
looking kids are sitting in their beds, represented by sheets and pillows.
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Can we beg
Can we borrow or share
But there's nothing to stop us from getting a thrill
When we all close our eyes and imagine
Food, glorious food
SOLO 1: Hot sausage and mustard
ORPHANS: While we're in the mood
SOLO 2: Cold jelly and custard
ORPHANS: Peas, pudding and pizzas dough
SOLO 3: What next is the question
ORPHANS: Rich gentlemen have it, yo!
SOLO 4: In-die-gestion! (Uggh)
ORPHANS: Food, glorious food
We're anxious to try it
Three banquets a day
Our favourite diet
SOLO 5: Just picture a great big steak
Fried, roasted or stewed
But food
SOLO 6: Wonderful food
SOLO 7: Marvellous food
ORPHANS: Glorious food!
Dick runs and hides under the bed, behind the other orphans.
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Whit-ing-ton….
ORPHAN 2: Shhh!
MATRON: Thank you, Louisa Snitcher. Richard Whittington, get out from there and
stand up!
MATRON: You have been caught writing rude words on items which don’t belong to you,
such as this this school book, which is the property of the Local Authority of
the Fens of England!
LITTLE DICK: But I only wrote my name on it, like all the other children did!
MATRON: DON’T say it! But yes, that word is exactly what I was referring to, as it
happens – of all the filthy, distasteful, immoral ways to begin a pantomime….
MATRON: No!
MATRON: Stop!
MATRON: Oh.
MATRON: I see.
LITTLE DICK: It’s what everyone calls me – a kind of nickname. Is that wrong?
MATRON: No…nothing wrong. (Suddenly turning) Other than the fact that graffiti is
banned!
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MATRON: This school book belongs to me. To this Institution. And it states quite clearly
in the Orphanage Rules – in fact - up there on the walls, you can see for
yourself:
ORPHAN 4: No Gum.
ORPHAN 5: No Gossip.
ORPHAN 6: No Graffiti.
MATRON: Precisely. And it is also the rules that anyone found to be breaking those
commandments will be cast out from this Orphanage and left to fend for
themselves. Have I made myself clear?
LITTLE DICK: But Matron, I was writing on the school book because that was what you told
us to do – for our lesson!
MATRON: One more word from you Dick Whittington, and you’ll be sleeping on the
pavement with that stray cat!
All of you, get into bed, or we’ll all get the school books out and spend the
night taking the SATs exams that got cancelled!
Lights out. Go to sleep. I won’t say ‘Sweet Dreams’ - that would just be too
cruel.
She exits.
LITTLE DICK: Hello, everyone! in case you didn’t realise: my name’s Dick!
Dick: I think we can do a little better than that! Hello everyone, my name’s Dick!
Dick: Can’t… quite… hear…Peter, Mitch, Yusuf, Candace: I think the audience
over there might need your help. Third time lucky…Hello everyone!
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Dick: That’s better! It’s very nice to meet you all. I live here, in this nasty
orphanage, with all these other poor kids. All I want is to get away from this horrid place and
visit London-
OPRHAN 9: They say that the streets there are paved with gold!
OPRHAN 10: And that you might get to ride in a carriage as the Lord Mayor!
ORPHAN 11: It could be true. In fact you might even become Prime Minister. I’ve heard
that’s what happened to at least one Lord Mayor of London!
ORPHANS: Hooray!
ORPHAN 2: It’s not true what the Matron said, Dick: just because you’re an orphan you
can still dream.
Tommy comes up to Little Dick and ‘miaws’, giving Dick a bit of a cuddle.
LITTLE DICK: Oh Tommy. You’re hungry too, aren’t you. Well it just so happens I have a tin
of cat food- nine out ten owners said their cats prefer Whis-
He waves it around a bit more and Tommy comes running. He opens the tin:
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ORPHAN 14: I’m sorry, Dick. I ate the cat food yesterday – I was starving!
LITTLE DICK: The situation is desperate! If only something magical would happen…
Suddenly, Bow and Bells appear with a twinkly flash and magical sound effect.
BELLS: But it’s fair to say, you can look pretty scary!
BOW: All Fairies speak this way - I’m not sure what you mean?
BELLS: To be brave…
BOW: But be warned of the stink there: look where you tread.
BELLS: Help us, and one day you’ll be Lord Mayor of London!
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BELLS: We know that King Rat was the last one to have it,
BOW: Though Squeaky and Smelly were the ones who nabbed it.
BOW: But if you take this cat with you, you’re in with a shot!
LITTLE CAT: What!? You can talk? You… you’re magic too!
BELLS: For you can defeat him with your wonderful cat!
From off-stage:
They put their hands together, then Bow and Bells vanish and Dick and Tommy run off. The
Matron enters, blows a whistle and the Orphans all wake and exit fast.
There is a beat. Then King Rat and Smelly pop up from behind a bed; we can only see their
heads and they look shifty. Squeaky pops out from the side of the bed, then they all leap out
and fall over each other. King Rat tries to get up first, but trips over his cape and sticks out
his wand. Squeaky bangs his crotch into the wand and falls backwards into Smelly.
KING RAT: Bah! Idiots! But now I see we have competition! Dick’s looking for the
wand!
SMELLY: Let’s follow him and stop him when he’s least expecting it!
KING RAT: Really? I hadn’t thought of that! Of course we’ll stop him - moron!
SMELLY: Moron.
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SQUEAKY: Brilliant!
KING RAT: We’ll follow Dick to London and just when he thinks he’s getting ahead
in life, we’ll force him to turn back, so he feels even more of a failure!
SQUEAKY: Nice.
KING RAT: Easy. We’ll poison him. A Macdonald’s Fish O Filet from Leicester
Square tends to do the trick.
KING RAT: Once we’re in London and they’re gone, with this wand I can take over
the world with a terrible plague!
SQUEAKY: Just thinking. How are we travelling, Boss? Only it might be quite hard
for us rats keepin’ up the chase with cats an all’.
SMELLY: We’re driving to London in a Lamborghini, right, that’s what was in the
advert for this job?
KING RAT: That was just the picture – you should have read the small print. I’ve
nicked a bike from outside one of those Cambridge Colleges –
students: urggh - you take the wand – here, put it in my briefcase and
scurry along, or I’ll use it to turn you into a mouse!
They scream and scurry away. Music as a sign is taken across the stage telling us we are a
few miles from London. Tommy re-enters:
Tom Cat: (Springing forward) Hello there, humans! Thought all I could do was
‘Miaw’ eh? Well, fooled you there, didn’t I! Of course cats can talk! It doesn’t take an Andrew
Lloyd Webber musical to work that one out. Or T.S Eliot for that matter, though his poem
about Mistoffelees is quite catchy. Purrr…. I don’t suspect you peeps read poetry: it’s all
Snap Chat these days eh….I have my own account on ‘Snap Cat’ as it happens. Oh yes,
Smart Phones for Smart Felines. I take a lot of selfies of my fur extensions: don’t you just
love the twist in my tail? But I tend to limit time on my socials – constant posts criticising
creatures for not looking pur-fect can get a bit ‘catty’, don’t cha find?
Enough of this tittle-tattle. If Dick is going to have any hope of getting his girl let alone
becoming rich quick, he’s going to need my help, or he’ll have to resort to auditioning for
‘Love Island’ – Ha! Ahh…talking of rats….
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Tommy sees a rat creep around in front of him. He pounces and holds it by the scruff of its
neck. The rat cries out!
Ha – ha – ha - And another one bites the dust! You’re all scared of rats aren’t you? Not me:
(with a beat) Its neck on my claw opens the door!
The best party in town! The top catcher around!
I’m Tommy the Cat - I relish raw rats!
The rat appears upstage and the audience are cajoled into a ‘He’s behind you!’
‘Behind you’.
Tommy turns and pounces but the rat has just jumped away.
Hiss! You dozy dogs! That’s the last time I appeal to humans…Miaw… He’s there! Look – on
the third row back…Come on Cats! Let’s relish those rats!
The music continues as Tommy exits and runs round to re-enter for Scene 2 with Dick.
Meanwhile, the scene changes to:
SCENE 2
A Tube sign tells us we’re in Covent Garden. Londoners are busy going about the market,
selling and buying things and entertaining each other. When Dick and Tommy enter, the
Londoners freeze:
LITTLE DICK: Would you look at this place Tommy! I love it!
TOMMY THE CAT: It’s better than freezing out in the Fens…
TOMMY THE CAT: Leave the cat jokes to me, if you don’t mind, or my part in this
pantomime will be in danger of drastic reduction…
LITTLE DICK: I always knew I was destined to live in the great city of London, where the
streets are paved in-
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A squelchy noise prompts Dick, Tommy and the entire ensemble to jump back two steps and
hold their noses in disgust, before the Londoners continue to go about their business in
typical ‘rhubarb rhubarb’ panto acting style…Dick lifts his foot up to look at his shoe. He
takes it off, chucking it off stage.
LITTLE DICK: SSh! We’re not supposed to use that word in this Show!
TOMMY THE CAT: I mean the dog breed responsible for that…canine excrement! Shih
Tzu! Very popular in cities... Honestly, it’s a sad reflection of the education system today that
stray cats possess richer vocabularies than teenage boys.
LITTLE DICK: Humph, I may not have a very rich vocab-u-whats-it, but sooner or later, I’m
going to be rich – that’s for sure! First things first -
LONDONER 1: Not the best time right now, geezer, can’t you see I’m busy…
Dick then turns to a woman selling London tourist trinkets and maps.
LITTLE DICK: Excuse me Ma’am, could I work for you as a Tourist Guide?
TOMMY THE CAT: No use coming back to me with your tail between your legs!
TOMMY THE CAT: I think your part in this pantomime is in danger of drastic reduction if
you don’t get up and get a job soon…
Alice enters but she has her back turned to Dick, who is still on the ground.
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LITTLE DICK: (Reluctantly to Alice) Excuse me, but do you know where I could find a -
Alice turns and looks at Dick on the ground. A musical sound: instant attraction.
(nervous/awkward): Dick!
ALICE: What?
LITTLE DICK: Yes, my cat and I just arrived: it’s a beautiful city.
LITTLE DICK: Oh, sorry, that might be me. I had a bit of an accident you see, and trod in
some dog droppings on the pavement, so I can only wear one shoe…
Alice laughs as she notices Tommy the Cat who starts to move and miaw.
ALICE: Beautiful?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
ALICE: Brilliant?
FRIENDLY LONDONER: I think I might have the word you’re looking for…
ALL: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Even though the sound of it
Is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough
You'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
Um-dittle-ittl-um-dittle-I
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
ALL: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious
ALICE: If only we could just have fun all day! But I came to the market on a family
errand….
ALICE: Oh?
LITTLE DICK: But there don’t seem to be many vacancies at present - I might have
to resort to becoming a secondary school teacher in a state academy!
ALICE: Well there certainly are shortages there! But surely it won’t come to that - stay
optimistic! There’s bound to be jobs in London, right everyone?
The audience and Londoners respond with ‘yes’ and come back to life!
ALICE: See, Dick! Things can be great here in London! Which reminds me - I might just be
able to get you a job!
ALICE: My father owns a big shop – it’s where we live in fact - and he’s been looking for
someone to move things up from the basement, and after hours, help Sarah the Cook in our
kitchen!
The audience respond and the Londoners greet Mr Fitzwarren before making exits.
ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Splendid, thank you, daughter: the sun is shining, people are
out and about, which means business is booming!
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LITTLE DICK:…It’s not really short for anything, actually. ‘Dick Whittington’ was my
ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Ah! You’re an orphan. I’m very sorry to hear that…But don’t
worry, this isn’t ‘Oliver Twist’ or ‘Annie the Musical’ – as if we’d ever do a show like that! No!
In this story orphans are treated with respect! My dear Alice here lost her mother in
childbirth, so if it wasn’t for me, Alice would be an orphan!
ALICE: Actually Daddy, I was thinking that maybe, Dick could work in your
department store?
ALICE: - And besides, Dick has a cat. And you know how you’re always saying
there’s a problem with rats in the basement eating the Christmas Chocolates before they’re
taken to the shop floor -
ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Alright darling, we don’t need to tell all the boys and girls about
that! I suppose I did say that a cat might be useful…son: you’re hired!
ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: You can start straight away as a shop porter! Thanks to my
kind daughter! Oh marvellous – it rhymes! Porter – daughter! I should write plays!
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ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: Let’s get started straight away Dick! I have a package I need
you to hold. Here it is –
LITTLE DICK: Yes, Sir! I’ll guard it with my life! Come on, Tommy, let’s go!
ALDERMAN FITZWARREN: It’s something for you, Alice, a special Christmas present that
your mother always wanted you to have. Now my darling: I must dash – I’ve got an important
business meeting at the top of the Shard!
ALICE: Oh alright Daddy! And I must go and lay a wreath by Mummy’s grave.
Fitzwarren exits as a Flower Seller hands Alice a wreath, about to leave too.
ALICE: Thank you Flower Seller. Do you think you could keep a secret for me?
I’ve met someone who makes me feel like…there’s a firework display going on in my tummy!
And I definitely don’t think it’s because I had curry for lunch! Do you want to know who?
I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to tell Daddy, or I will literally be grounded; have my
phone confiscated and my Candy Crush account suspended for the entire Christmas
holidays! Promise to keep it to yourselves: hold your hands in the air, link arms with the
person next to you, close your eyes and cross your fingers!
The audience are cajoled by the Flower Seller into crossing their fingers etc
Wow! Well done everybody – that looked really complicated and uncomfortable. But now I
know you won’t tell….
Drum roll
His…name…is.... Dick! Lovely, brave Dick Whittington! Can you believe it?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
He’s so clever and kind and sweet-looking! He might not be rich, but money isn’t everything,
right? If only grown-ups understood that….
FLOWER SELLER: On the day that he was born the fairies got together
And decided to create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moon dust in his hair and golden starlight in his eyes of blue
Sarah the Cook enters her kitchen with pots and pans.
SARAH THE COOK: Finally, the star has arrived! In case you didn’t know, I’m Sarah the
Cook, and when I say ‘cook’, I mean look: watch me bubble, sizzle and roast! I can stir any
dish to the boil: whatever your ingredients, just give me some oil! And that’s just for
starters…I’m sure everyone knows how to treat a panto star, right?
Every time I come on stage and yell “Hey kids, what’s cooking?” I want you to shout back the
favourit-ist, yummiest, most delicious-ist food you’ve ever tasted, like this: “bangers and
mash!” or “pumpkin pie!” or “cookies from the school canteen!” And whoever shouts their
favourite food the loudest gets one of my special cupcakes!
Don’t worry we’re not chucking out any sweets this time, the Health and Safety Inspector
banned that 2 years ago, after I lobbed a Werther’s Original so far it ended up smashing the
mirror in the staff toilet.... Anyway, that’s why we had the multi-million pound new build – and
isn’t it a lovely theatre, ladies and gentleman?!
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No, no, we’re all health and safety savvy these days aren’t we? This time the Stage
Management are on hand with plastic gloves to bring the cupcake to your seat and pass it
gently over to you on a paper plate. But you’ve got to win it first. So. Shall we have a go,
boys and girls?
Oh, don’t think you can get hold of my cup-cakes that easily. You need to be much louder.
Let’s try again… HEY KIDS, WHAT’S COOKING?
A bit better. But I think we need more grown-ups getting involved. I want to hear more about
your vegan vol-au-vents or traditional spotted dicks, or ‘Nanny’s homemade mar-mar-lade’
as Jacob Rees-Mogg likes spread on his toast. He’s not getting hold of my cupcakes I can
tell you that for free! No chance mate, home-made or shop bought…Last time: HEY KIDS –
WHAT’S COOKING?
That’s much better! Here you go – the first cupcake goes to….
Sarah the Cook chooses a winner and everyone applauds. A musical chord ‘ta –dah’.
Well done everyone. Finally, I’m being treated like the glowing star I was meant to be, and
not the sweaty chef Alderman Fitzwarren expects to serve him twenty-four seven, since his
poor wife died, bless her…Nice man, but hard work, mark my words…especially when my
son Jack is always late to duty!
SARAH THE COOK: Oh my idle Jack, not again: why are you so late today?
SARAH THE COOK: It’s a turn of phrase you silly boy! Tell me again: why are you so late?
JACK: You’re not a dummy, mum: all the mannequins are much lighter to lift than
you!
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SARAH THE COOK: I didn’t mean the model dummies: don’t take me for a ride!
JACK: I won’t! The last thing I’d do is take you out on my scooter when Mr
Fitzwarren’s expecting his dinner. Besides, I don’t mean to be rude but it’d probably collapse
with your weight…
SARAH THE COOK: Oh Jack, you cheeky monkey. I give up. I’ve tried to bring you up to be
an early riser, but nothing happens. You come late every time.
SARAH: What about? Or should I really be asking you that now you’ve started
secondary school…
JACK: That’s right! Climbing this magic beanstalk and fighting a giant who lives at the top!
SARAH THE COOK: You silly twerp, that’s the wrong pantomime. And besides, there’s no
such thing as giants, Jack!
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
Little Dick sings from elsewhere in the space, making his way to Fitzwarren’s House.
SARAH THE COOK: And you think of all the things you've seen
And you wish that you could live in between
And you're back again
Only different than before
After the sky
ALL 3: There are big, tall, terrible, awesome, scary, wonderful giants in the sky!
JACK: I’ll show you mum – one day I’ll fight a giant!
JACK: Anyway, I wasn’t just thinking about giants, I was also getting these -
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SARAH THE COOK: Aw they’re absolutely gorgeous, thank you so much my sweet boy, it’s
been ages since anyone’s brought me some flowers -
JACK: Actua-
SARAH THE COOK: (interrupting) The year was 1982 and a lovely gentleman named Mr
Watts – Peter in fact - was taking me out to a pub quiz at the Old Spring: he talked so
posh, looked exactly like Prince William - and when he arrived at my door, he
presented me with a lovely bunch of pink carnations. Turned out they were throwing
them out at Aldi. Passed the sell-by date…Still…
JACK: Yeah…
JACK: Sorry mum, but I think today might be the day that I tell her how I feel!
SARAH THE COOK: Hmmm, well just remember Jack: if she takes you for a ride, your
mum’s always here with a nice hot meal and a clean pair of pants. Now: we gotta get
to work milking the cow! Where is she? DAISY DAISY DAISY!
There you are. Now Jack: you pull this end, and I’ll squeeze here. That’s right. Here it
comes…
Music and squelching effects as Sarah the Cook and Jack milk Daisy the cow and Dick
enters, carrying the box.
LITTLE DICK: Hello there. You must be Sarah the Cook! And her son Jack!
SARAH THE COOK: Hello! You must be Dick! Mr Fitzwarren sent me a text-a-gram to say
he’d hired a new porter.
LITTLE DICK: It’s been wonderful so far, thank you! Sorry, I would help milk the cow, but I’m
carrying this important box which I need to put in a safe place for Mr Fitzwarren –
he’s going to give it to Alice for Christmas.
LITTLE DICK: Sure did. I’ll say it again if you like: Alice, Alice, Alice, Alice oh
supercalifragilisticexpealidocious Alice!
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LITTLE DICK: Sure are. It was her that got me the job in fact. To be honest, I wish we were
more than friends, but I need to prove to Mr. Fitzwarren that I’m a trustworthy orphan
before I say anything about that!
SARAH THE COOK: Off you pop then. Put the box in my ingredients cupboard if you like. It’ll
be safe there.
SARAH THE COOK: I think we’re almost done, though Daisy is being a bit tricky today…
Suddenly Daisy the Cow starts running around before bolting off stage.
DICK: DAISY!
DICK: It’s okay Miss Sarah, I’ll help you catch Daisy…
Dick and Sarah the Cook run off stage to catch Daisy the cow. Jack is left alone.
JACK: It’s not fair! I’ve been working here since I was a young lad, and all that time I’ve had
a crush on Alice though she’s only ever smiled at me once. This is Dick’s first day, and she’s
already given him a careers interview. They’re head-over-heels in love with each other - it’s
true isn’t it? Come on I can take it, I always come bottom in class Kahoots – just tell me
everyone: Alice loves Dick - ‘true’ or ‘false’…
The audience call out ‘True’…. At this moment King Rat enters from behind him, underneath
the floorboards, also shouting ‘true’.
… Oh no, I thought I might be exaggerating but the audience is always right: it’s true. Boo
hoo, hoo, hoo…
Jack sobs.
KING RAT: I hear that you don’t like Dick Whittington, and that you hate his cat!
JACK: Sure do hate Dick Whittington, but I don’t know about the cat…
KING RAT: I hear that you would like the filthy mongrel to starve to death, frozen in a
thunder storm!
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KING RAT: Yes, isn’t that what I just said, thicko? Soon his precious cat will have its guts
stretched out into violin strings.
We hear a horrible sound of a high note on violin as King Rat mimes strangling a cat.
Moving instrumental music begins to play as King Rat steps towards the audience.
KING RAT: When I was just a young rat, I met the love of my life at a youth club. She was a
beautifully bred Norwegian Forest Cat, and from the moment I met her I knew that we were
soulmates. Her name was Birgit. I knew it would be very hard, the whole “different species
thing”, but I was willing to take a chance on love…
The instrumental music begins to play again as King Rat turns back to the audience to finish
his story.
KING RAT: I came back the next day, ready to confess my love to Birgit. That was when I
saw her with… Roger, a British shorthair cat… To her, he was the handsome love she had
been waiting for, and I… was just a slimy rat. That day, I went home heartbroken… TO FIND
THAT THEY HAD EATEN MY ENTIRE FAMILY FOR DINNER ON THEIR FIRST DATE!
The music stops suddenly. The King Rat casually wipes away a tear…
JACK: Wow, that’s a lot of issues to unload, maybe you should go see a therapist?
KING RAT: I don’t need a therapist, you soggy little snowflake! What I need, is for you to do
exactly what I tell you to! This instant!
KING RAT: Just give it over before I cheese grate your toes!
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
Jack opens the box and takes out a beautiful chain with a heart-shaped locket. King Rat
snatches it and starts to scurry off.
JACK: I’m just saying, Mr Fitzwarren knows a lot of important people. Like
Government Officials, Police detectives, Pest control squads…
KING RAT: Well he’s not going to know it was me who took it, is he?
KING RAT: No. Because you’re not going to tell him, are you?
JACK: Aren’t I?
KING RAT: No. Because you’re simply going to put that box back in the cupboard and
replace the necklace with this shoelace.
King Rat hands over the shoe Little Dick took off earlier.
KING RAT: A little Shih Tzu, apparently. Trust me: when Fitzwarren opens that box to
give his darling girl her precious Christmas present, and finds nothing but a smelly shoelace
inside, everyone will know that the thief of the necklace is none other than that nasty boy
Fitzwarren employed to hold his package in the first place:
JACK: Dick.
JACK: What?
KING RAT: Use your head next time, and you’ll get there quicker.
KING RAT: Put the box back in the cupboard, and Dick will be none the wiser, until the
moment his boss asks to see it. Then all will be revealed. Dick and his cat will be sentenced
to death for deception, and Alice will be yours for the taking!
King Rat slinks away as the audience ‘boo’ cajoled by sinister musical chords. Jack puts the
box away. At this point, Sarah the Cook, Daisy the Cow and Little Dick reappear.
SARAH THE COOK: At last – got her back! Thank you, Dick, you’re a fast runner. Honestly,
Jack, take a leaf out of Dick’s book and get your skates on.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
A bell rings.
SARAH THE COOK: He’s in a hurry for once. I can see you’re having a good influence on
him. We better go too, Mr Fitzwarren will be wanting his dinner. Take your box with you,
Dick: guard it with your life eh! Come on, Dasiy…
We see Bow and Bells enter from opposite sides of the stage unaware of each other. They
look around the stage with their backs facing each other. They then bump into each other
and jump around:
BELLS: And as for Alice; well, love will surely change her.
Bow and Bells exit the stage and Squeaky and Smelly creep on behind them.
SMELLY: I feelin’……
SQUEAKY: Yes?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
SMELLY: I’m feelin’ like it wasn’t really fair on those Fairies to take their wand, d’ya get me?
SQUEAKY: But we had to steal their wand! Or King Rat would have put us in the Trap! And
that would be more horrible than havin’ a bath, or, or, or: not goin’ on a KFC bin raid for a
whole night, or, or, or, or – the absolute worst fing in the world – sitting still and doing silent
reading!!!
.
They fidget as if to shake off that thought.
SMELLY: Look I ain’t suggestin’ we do anyfink about it! I just can’t help feelin’ bad, ‘das
all...it feels...wrong...
SQUEAKY: ‘S True. ‘Dem Fairies were alright. They didn’t deserve to be robbed of their
magic - even tho dere rhymes wos seriously dead. I s’pose...
SMELLY: Wot?
SMELLY: Oh please, bruv. I reckon that could lead to a whole new life, where we might
even be appreciated for being who we are, and rats might not get treated like dirt: where we
might make a new start and live in a culture of mutual respect!!
SMELLY: Come on Squeaky – you’re right – Oi – Fairy Bow - let’s take it/ back –
SQUEAKY: Yeah, man, as if we’d ever do somefink good with our lives...we woz taking the
pi……
KING RAT: DON’T TAKE ME FOR AN IDIOT YOU LITTLE URINE SAMPLES. I heard you –
you were going to betray me and ruin my evil plan to contaminate London with disease!
KING RAT: QUIET! I shall not hear another word from you, you squeaky and smelly
delinquents. Or do you want me to return you to where I found you?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
KING RAT: Good, good. Well, when you work with me there’s only one thing you need to
learn. SQUEAKY! Fetch me the glove.
Music: the comedy ‘Dun Dun Dun’ is played. This leads to the Musical intro for
Squeaky returns with a box containing a single white glove which King Rat puts on. Equally
Smelly brings a black hat which King Rat also wears…
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad you know it
KING RAT: You know I'm bad, I'm bad come on, you know
Squeaky & SMELLY: Really really bad
KING RAT: And the whole world has to answer right now
Just to tell you once again
Who's bad?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
King Rat moonwalks/dances off stage once again leaving Squeaky and Smelly behind…
SMELLY: Woah
SMELLY: Alright, I know I’m called Smelly, but there’s no need to go on about it. You
don’t exactly smell like David Beckham yourself, mate, and in fact, it’s startin’ to make me
queezy an’ all -
SMELLY: Yeah you are a bit of a dope if we’re gonna insult each other…And, to be
honest…That King Rat – he’s a bit…
SQUEAKY: What?
SQUEAKY: Oh no it isn’t!
SMELLY: Oh yes it is
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
SMELLY: Oh yes it is
SMELLY: Is
SMELLY: Okay, okay I’ll tell ya but just get ‘em to shut up (Indicates audience) they’re
makin’ me feel like I’m being shouted at by teachers at school again for chewing in class…
Don’t like to fink about it…
SQUEAKY: Alright, stay chill. So, wo’ is it you woz gonna say about King Rat?
SMELLY: Well, all that dancin’ and ‘Bad’ malarkey: it was a bit over the top, don’t you
fink……
They rats squeak loudly and Tommy pounces and chases Squeaky and Smelly off as
‘Another One Bites the Dust’ plays.
TOMMY THE CAT: (To himself) No understanding of dramatic style. Of course it’s “over the
top” – it’s a pantomime, right ladies and gentles?
That’s right my fine fellows. Cambridge audiences are always the most intelligent – much
more than Oxford. Meanwhile, life is getting tough in London. Yesterday I had to have my
tea and scones without any clotted cream! Absolutely disgraceful! And with the evil King Rat
growing more powerful every day, I’m not sure I’ve got the paws for chasing giant rodents.
As for Dick, I fear that he will put his love for Alice as a priority over saving the world. And we
all know this isn’t a Hollywood movie. Well, I must pop off now; Dick’ll never get through the
next scene without me. Toodlepip!
Sarah the Cook, Jack and Dick enter from one side to meet the House Keeper. Dick carries
his knapsack with the box in it.
HOUSE KEEPER: Sarah and Jack, good to see you – I hope you’ve had a productive day.
And you must be…
HOUSE KEEPER: Indeed. I’m House Keeper to Mr Fitzwarren, and I’m here to tell you
that as a result of an important corporate meeting he attended this afternoon, he’ll be leaving
tomorrow on a business venture at sea, and shall be away several weeks.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
SARAH THE COOK: Ooo, I do hope it’s somewhere exotic and exciting, like where I was
born.
HOUSE KEEPER: (Slightly taken aback) Oh I didn’t know you were born somewhere exotic.
Where are you from?
HOUSE KEEPER: (A bit confused) Right. I think the voyage will take him a bit further than
that, but perhaps he’ll start on the Suffolk coast, as you say! He will require you to attend
Sarah, as his personal chef, with Jack as your assistant. I will stay here with Dick to maintain
the House, and to tutor his daughter Alice.
SARAH THE COOK: Well fancy that! We’re off to somewhere sunny. Let’s just hope Mr
Fitzwarren doesn’t get too hot-headed. Bye boys and girls, I’ll see you later!
FITZWARREN: Ah, Dick. You’ve been doing a splendid job so far I hear.
FITZWARREN: Dick - give me that box I asked you to guard earlier today. I’ve decided
– in light of the business trip I must now take – to give Alice her Christmas present early as a
departure gift.
Alice enters.
ALICE: Oh! Hello Dick! Jack…Daddy’s leaving tomorrow and I wish I could go with him, but
it’s for important business and I have my GCSE mocks to think about. (To Dick) At least
you’ll be staying here so you can…test me on my French verbs…
LITTLE DICK: I’m here to help! Mr Fitzwarren, Sir. Here’s your box.
FITZWARREN: It’s something your dear Mother always wanted me to give you – so
that you might glitter when you wear it around your dainty neck for your first London ball!
Alice opens the package; she pulls out a stinky shoe lace belonging to Dick.
ALICE: Thank…you….What? Why it’s... Daddy is this one of your bad jokes?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
LITTLE DICK: I don’t know sir! I swear it was like this when you gave it to me.
FITZWARREN: DON’T LIE TO ME YOU THIEF! NOW GET OUT AND NEVER
DARKEN MY DOORSTEP AGAIN!
In the background of the next dialogue: the House Keeper enters with Tommy the Cat and
lets him out on the street.
FITZWARREN: Quiet! I will find where Dick hid that necklace even if it’s the last thing I do!
And for your own safety Alice you will be coming with me tomorrow, and that’s final. Jack –
bring me my dinner!
Dick leaves, his head hung low and Alice slinks off heartbroken. Tommy the Cat miaws on
the other side of the Stage.
HOUSE KEEPER: Out you go, little kitty. Good luck in London. You’ll have to eat rats for
your dinner…tut, tut, tut…
Tommy: Well? What can I say? Another one bites the dust!
LITTLE DICK and TOMMY enter. There’s a Signpost pointing in 4 different directions –
‘London’s Glittering West End’ and ‘London Docks’ to the left; and ‘The Fens’ and ‘The
Seaside’ to the right. Dick and Tommy have no money and no food.
LITTLE DICK: ‘Work hard and be nice to people’. That’s all I ever did. And look how
life repays me! Accused of theft, fired from my job and kicked out of the only real home I’ve
known! It’s outrageous! We wouldn’t steal a jelly baby from a Pick ‘N’ Mix shelf in Tesco,
even in a long queue at the weekend, right Tommy?
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
DICK WHITTINGTON: What? Don’t tell me you’re a con artist, Prince Thomas.
LITTLE DICK: There’s no time for your memoirs, Tommy. We’re completely broke and
London is nothing but a dirty, depressing wasteland full of slimy rats -
TOMMY: I guess there’s nothing for it then: I’ll give Wayne Sleep a call,
and rejoin the original cast of ‘Cats The Musical’. But I can’t guarantee there’s a part
for you.
LITTLE DICK: I didn’t ask for your help. All you’ve done since I’ve met you is
crack terrible jokes. It was only because of those fairies that you ever became my pet. But
the Fairies lied!
LITTLE DICK: Oh don’t start that again! I’ve had enough. I’m going back to the orphanage!
GOOD BYE!
TOMMY: Well in that case, ladies and gentleman, I’m afraid we might need to
take a little break. Without the eponymous hero around this story could prove rather
challenging, but fear not…we’ll sort out a replacement. Tut! All those billboards that say: ‘A
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
pet is for life, not just for Christmas’. In my time as a pet, thanks to Dick, I didn’t even make it
to hear Santa’s sleigh…
I suppose I’ll just have to slink off into the night…trouble is, deep down, I’m lonely….
Dick Whittington enters – the older version of Little Dick. They wear the same outfit,
but Dick Whittington looks more grown-up. He is on another part of the Hill, singing to
himself:
DICK WHITTINGTON: First my parents, then Alice and now Tommy. Everyone I care about
seems to disappear. I’ve been such a fool. I always thought London streets were paved with
gold, but it’s more like they’re covered in…Shih Tzu droppings, spat-out chewing gum and
endless copies of free advertising newspapers given out at Tube stations and chucked in
puddles…
VOICE: “Washerwoman needed for laundry on ship. Fair wages, three meals per day,
journey across oceans in search of rich lands. No application necessary – just turn up!’
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
DICK WHITTINGTON: That sounds perfect! Well apart from the fact I’m not a woman,
but that’s nothing which a good costume can’t hide, right? (back to reading)
DICK WHITTINGTON: This is it! I can leave all my London worries behind!
Though…there is one person I’ll miss. Beginning with A. She’s A** in fact. But...It can only
be the case she doesn’t like me anymore. Oh no, she doesn’t.
On no she doesn’t!
Doesn’t!
(Does.)
Doesn’t!
(Does.)
Does! I mean doesn’t!! See I won…I’m starting to feel myself again. Feel that…I’m Dick! I’ve
got rigging to climb! Decks to scrub! Pirates to fight! Gold to find! Oh yes, and a skirt to wear.
And somehow I need to get hold of some Fairy Washing Powder and learn how to switch the
machine on without having a flood. Any ideas?
KING RAT: We’ve never been formally introduced but believe me, I’ve been watching you
from afar since this Show began!
Dick begins to exit towards ‘London Docks’ but King Rat stands in his way.
KING RAT: You’re not getting on that ship tomorrow morning, Dick.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
KING RAT: That ship is the same one carrying Alderman Fitzwarren and his daughter Alice
on their business trip overseas. I’m afraid that if they recognise you on board, they could
have you arrested, or make you walk the plank! Fitzwarren was lenient as it was, not to have
had you hanged, for what you did.
DICK WHITTINGTON: But I didn’t do it! Bob, whoever you are, I appreciate the advice, but
that washerwoman job is my only hope. And if it means being closer to Alice, then it’s worth
the risk.
KING RAT: But Alice doesn’t want you, Dick. You have nothing left. Go home. Leave London
and return to whatever bacteria-ridden rock you climbed out from under. What you said to
Tommy a moment ago was right - go to the orphanage. Be a poor beggar boy forever. And
never come back here. Trust me, it’s for the best.
DICK WHITTINGTON: I’m not sure it is. What about you boys and girls, do you think I should
do what he says?
DICK WHITTINGTON: You don’t sound too sure. Do you think I should do what he says?
KING RAT: Oh, don’t listen to them! You only met them (glances at wrist) an hour ago!
DICK WHITTINGTON: I suppose you’re right…I guess this whole hero thing just isn’t cut out
for me.
Dick takes a final look at London and exits towards The Fens again. The bells chime and
suddenly BOW and BELLS appear from either side of Dick.
DICK WHITTINGTON: Fairy Bow and Bells, what are you two doing here?
BOW: We’re here to show you Dick, why you must stay in the story.
BELLS: Please, listen to the bells chime and hear their midnight glory.
They pause and all listen intently to bells ringing, as Londoners gradually appear from the
edges.
DICK WHITTINGTON: They’re singing ‘ding dong, ding dong, ding dong, ding dong’.
BOW: (sighs) Listen to your heart Dick, summon all your mind.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
As they listen the bell chime transitions into the ensemble singing “Turn again Dick
Whittington, Lord Mayor of London”.
BOW: We’re here to tell you Dick, that you must board that ship.
BOW: And never let fear of failure start to take its toll.
DICK WHITTINGTON: I don’t just suppose, I know you’re right. I’ll find Tommy again, say
sorry, and take him with me on the ship with the Fitzwarren’s. We’re a team – and I owe it to
all of you. Thanks fairy B&B, I’m off to London docks!
BELLS: He may be leaving London now, but one day he’ll be back.
KING RAT re-enters with SQUEAKY and SMELLY – they trap the Fairies.
KING RAT: You two are second. Well actually sixth, seventh if you include my mum but
that’s beside the point.
BOW: You’re too late King Rat, Dick’s running to the city.
KING RAT: The boy’s back in town? But I sent him to the Fens.
B & B: You can always rely on fairies to fly by and make amends.
SQUEAKY: You could maybe use the wand to get rid of Dick for good.
SMELLY: That’s right! You have one wish to make, before it just turns to wood.
KING RAT: I’ve got it! And BTW when the interval comes can we stop this Gawdawful
rhyming please? I’m playing King Rat not ‘The Gruffalo’. For now, as it’s magic…
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
SONG AND DANCE #HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO musical introduction starts and
underscores King Rat’s remaining speech, as he holds up the wand. Simultaneously,
Dick Whittington and the London ensemble position themselves around the space, as
if from different locations.
The music continues to play. Tommy runs in – he and Dick ‘high five’ and we see
them together. The Fairies come forward:
BELLS: But with the help of all his friends he might not end up dead.
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‘DICK WHITTINGTON’ REHEARSAL DRAFT – CHESTERTON YOUTH THEATRE PANTOMIME 2021
KING RAT: Through the wind and the chill and the rain
And the storm and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood!
SQUEAKY: Ow!
KING RAT, SQUEAKY and SMELLY exit with a final ‘Mua-ha-ha-ha’, and a clap of thunder!
.
ALL: I need a hero!
39