ludo

Gurvinder
1 INT. LONDON UNDERGROUND, WINTER- MORNING

The platform is fairly uncrowded, as the sun rises it makes

the cold air more pleasant.

The conversations from the fellow commuter are muted. As

DOROTHEA and EVANS make their way into the tube.

NARRATOR
Every 36 seconds, a marriage will end
in divorce. A married person typically
spends about two years thinking about
divorce before going ahead with it and
will usually wait approximately three
years to remarry, if they do so at
all. In spite of these statistics, the
overwhelming majority of couples
continue on, taking hopeful step after
step down the aisle, willing to gamble
for love.

DOROTHEA
I used to be an asshole.

EVANS
What do you mean?

DOROTHEA
Before this year, I did a lot of
shitty things out of impulsivity and
arrogance. I changed a lot after the
accident, but not without burning a
few bridges along the way. And it's
been a while since I've caused any
issues, so it's a shame that I broke
my streak only recently.

EVANS
What did you do? If you don't mind me
asking.

Dorothea passes her phone to Evans.

DOROTHEA
Here. Scroll up to the part about
Mattheo.

EVANS
Oh. Yikes.
 2.

DOROTHEA
Yeah. I've gotten control over my
reactiveness and anger, but my biases
still come out when I'm not thoughtful
of what I say.

EVANS
It's good that you're self aware of
it. I'm glad you've gotten better.

DOROTHEA
Yeah. Getting better sucks though.

EVANS
How come?

DOROTHEA
There are some people I care about who
will never forgive me. Regardless of
my self-improvement... Read the other
part.

EVANS
"...and to be honest, I don't believe
you're capable of change. You've
'apologised' so many times, it feels
like you're lying when you say it."...
ouch

DOROTHEA
I know. It's been occupying my mind a
lot. They're not wrong either. I
thought what I was doing was right at
the time because I had good
intentions.

EVANS
It always starts with the good
intention. Do you want them to forgive
you?

DOROTHEA
Well, in theory, yes. I want to be
good, and I did become better. Part of
me wishes they could see that, but I
know that's just an old habit.

EVANS
Sometimes the only way to make it up
to them is by moving on to other
people, and doing better on your next
 3.

shot.

DOROTHEA
Yeah. I'm not entitled to forgiveness.

EVANS
It's weird to have this conversation
with you.

DOROTHEA
Why?

EVANS
I'm in the same position as the people
who won't forgive you.

DOROTHEA
Oh.

EVANS
I don't think I have the strength to
be the 'bigger person' and forgive
them. I don't know if they would ever
admit or even realise it was
borderline abuse. Not that I'm
comparing you to that situation of
course.

DOROTHEA
Yeah, I know.

EVANS
I heard they got better. I'm glad that
they're not hurting anybody new. But
it also feels awful knowing that I got
the shitty version of them. There's no
point in wondering 'what if I had met
them later', because us meeting
contributed to them becoming this
better version of themselves. I can't
have that version. I wanted that
version, I saw their potential to
become that version, but I can't have
it.

DOROTHEA
And it's not fair for you to fall in
love with the potential anyway.

EVANS
Yeah. It sounds selfish for me to
 4.

phrase it like that. 'I wanted it.'

Like I'm entitled to their betterness.

DOROTHEA
That's okay. I know you don't mean it
that way.

EVANS
Yeah. Thanks. Despite them getting
better, there's no reconciliation left
for me anyway. I'd just worry about
them hurting me again.

DOROTHEA
And that's completely justified.

EVANS
It's humbling, though.

DOROTHEA
Why is it humbling?

EVANS
Them moving on and improving without
needing forgiveness feels like they
grew but I didn't. Repeatedly being
the 'victim' gives you this
subconscious feeling that you always
have the moral upper hand. Like it
makes you 'better' than them. So
watching them become a good person,
while I still haven't forgiven, feels
like they're above me somehow.
Morally. And that is hard to admit.
Not just because it makes me feel
insecure, but I also know that's not
how it work.

DOROTHEA
I understand how you feel. You're
doing your best to heal, though?

EVANS
Always. But I think I need more time
to accept it.

DOROTHEA
Don't be too hard on yourself.

EVANS
This one's my stop.
 5.

DOROTHEA
Alright, go. I'll see you next week.

EVANS
Get home safe. And thanks.

DOROTHEA
You too.

2 EXT. AMELIE'S FRONT DOOR, WINTER- AFTERNOON

Frantic knocking at AMELIE's door, causes her to look up from

her book and get the door.

She opens the door and sees HIM, she goes to speak but he
cuts her off.

HIM
i don't know what i thought i'd
achieve by coming here, but i couldn't
handle keeping things from you.

AMELIE
what do you want?

HIM
i'm sorry if i don't explain myself
properly. It's just hard to admit
this. i fucked up. so bad. and i need
you in my life again.

AMELIE
even after you-

HIM
after i told you to fuck off. I know.
That's why it's humbled me just to be
here. I did what i thought i was
supposed to do. i tried seeing other
people. And i know you heard the shit
i said about you.

AMELIE
so you showed up to apologise for what
you said?

HIM
no. well- yes, i am sorry. But that's
not why i came.
 6.

AMELIE
i don't forgive you for it

HIM
i don't expect you to. but i thought i
at least owed it to you to hear me
admit i was wrong. As unstable as i
am, i want to repay you for everything
you did for me. I can't walk away and
pretend you were nothing. I don't know
if it's too late, and i'm scares it
might be. But now, I don't think i
have the capacity to care about
anything else. I can't make you say
yes. But i'll do whatever it takes, if
it means i'll make it right with you.
i'm fucking sorry.

beat

AMELIE
well, i'm glad you came to your
senses- in saying that you made a
mistake. Because you did. Some of the
things you said weren't wrong, which
is kind of humiliating. I loved you
harder than anyone. But remember that
philosophy i used to have?

HIM
about the idea of loving someone?

AMELIE
exactly. after spending so long
wondering if it applied to me, which
it did, i realised it applies to you
too. Did you really love me? or did
you just miss being unconditionally
loved?

He goes to speak but Amelie cuts him off.

don't answer. this... idea of me in

your head, which i am partially
responsible for creating. Our entire
relationship revolved around the way i
loved you. it was never allowed to be
about me.

HIM
why are you defining our relationship
 7.

on your terms? is there no room for

mine?

AMELIE
i'm using my terms to explain the
dynamic we had.

HIM
but to what extent are they accurate?
are you sure of yourself when you keep
saying we were in love with the 'idea'
of each other? Or are you just denying
your way out of accepting that you had
something and lost it? If i go by your
terms, your definition of us; i'm
greedy for your affection. Like i'm
not allowed to want love from you.

AMELIE
thats not what i said-

HIM
you give all these meanings and
details to explain our relationship
again and again. But that doesn't
change the fact that it's from one
side.

AMELIE
because it's supposed to be one-sided!

HIM
do you understand how selfish you're
starting to sound?

AMELIE
yes! because i was never allowed to
be!

HIM
never allowed to be?! i invested all
my time in you!

AMELIE
and what did i have to do with that
time?! i was always taking care of
you! But when it was my turn to
communicate and have my needs met, i
was always too much for you. always
too demanding. playing the victim. too
'expectant of you to be different'.
 8.

your words, remember? whether i was

being vulnerable about how i was
feeling? or even just talking about my
day? you never had anything to respond
with until i made it about you
somehow. and so, every time you come
back, things go wrong, and you leave
your shit at my place? it's because
i've forgotten how to say no. i don't
have the strength to turn away
whenever i hear 'i want to love you
back'. but this shit's always going to
end the same way, isn't it?

HIM
how can you say that? how would you
know what it look like if you said
yes, and i fixed things? and i tried
to become a better person? it took
this much time and energy for us to
both be here. on both sides.

AMELIE
that's the point. staying took this
much from us both. you keep saying
you'll fix things. it's not fair for
me to stay in love with potential.
whether you're capable of change or
not. i don't need to stay and watch in
hopes i'll get to a piece of it. you
cost me my mental health every goddamn
time. so stop making promises you
can't keep. if i was too much for you,
go find less.

HIM
i didn't know it was possible for you
to make me fee worse than i already
do.

AMELIE
good. i hope i made you hate me. i
hope you think i'm a condescending
bitch. if it means your absence will
make me forget you... oh, and i almost
forgot.

Amelie goes back in her apartment and gets a box filled with
things.

Here you go.

 9.

HIM
what is- oh.

AMELIE
take all your shit with you.

HIM
isn't this your teddy bear at the
bottom?

AMELIE
just keep it. i don't want it. the
cologne in your coat has ruined my
stuff.

HIM
thanks. the whole experience has been
humiliating. Fuck you.

AMELIE
you too. And don't come back here
again.

Amelie slams the door shut in His face.

3 INT. THERAPIST'S OFFICE, AUTUMN- MORNING

A small, but quaint room is filled with books, an old but

loved couch in the corner of the room and a burning candle
that always seems to smell of something nice.

A quiet ticking from the clock fills the silence between

Amelie and her THERAPIST

NARRATOR
For far too long, Amelie had ignored
the details of her past, not
appreciating how they'd help in her
quest for some semblance that she'd
call a connection. But now she found
an impulse to look inwards.

AMELIE
love has too many rules

THERAPIST
what makes you say that?

AMELIE
do you ever think about the way people
talk about relationships?
 10.

THERAPIST
talk about them, how?

AMELIE
I've seen endless articles, posts, and
even text conversations about
relationships. people constantly tell
each other what's right and wrong in
love. 'Don't be with someone if they
do this, it's a red flag if they do
that. If you're doing this, you're not
compatible with them. communication is
key'. It's always 'communication is
key.'

THERAPIST
those are the lessons people give to
each other so they know how to walk
away from unhealthy love

AMELIE
i know that

THERAPIST
now, having all those rules is
tedious, yes, but, without them? a lot
of people would be stuck in unhappy
relationships.

AMELIE
i know that, too. But the question i'm
asking isn't 'why do these tedious
rules matter?' they're helpful and
valuable, yes of course. It's 'why
does love have to have so many
rules?'. Humans care so much about
love. companionship. emotional
connection. and yet if they want it,
they have to move mountains for it to
work. Sometimes they move mountains,
and it still doesn't work out. Why?
Why can't love be the infinitely
incredible thing we expect it to be? I
want to be in love.

THERAPIST
didn't you say you were just the other
day?

AMELIE
i did. But not the kind where i have
 11.

to be cautious, over analyse each

other, and get ready to leave as soon
as i realise they 'aren't compatible'.
I want to be happy, and excited, and
dive in headfirst with that rushing
giddy feeling.... is it really
childish if i want to fall in love
that way?

THERAPIST
it actually makes me think that you
haven't fallen in love at all, Amelie.
You talk about the rules people set
around love like its a burden. but it
shouldn't be. The reason why people
bother having rules around love, is
because their partners are worth the
effort to try solving the problem.
that happy, rushing, excited feeling
you're talking about doesn't
necessarily vanish. I expect it turns
into peace.

AMELIE
but when i work on our relationship,
the benefits do come through. Don't
relationships take work?

THERAPIST
of course, but do they outweigh the
doubts?

AMELIE
I think so.

THERAPIST
you think so. yes, everyone tells you
'relationships take work'. but it
shouldn't take that much effort to
feel happy. so if love feels more like
work than play to you, do they really
make you happy?

AMELIE
i don't know. well, it's not like i
was miserable around them.

THERAPIST
so why does love feel like it's just
work to you?
 12.

AMELIE
No. Well, i don't know. It's not like
i knew he had any intention of
leaving.

THERAPIST
is that the standard for love
nowadays?

AMELIE
no. but, you know, when we were
together it was.. stable. And breaking
up was such a process that i didn't
feel mentally prepared for. but i feel
stupid for thinking that. i know you
shouldn't stay with someone because
you don't want to leave. i know i have
to talk to them, but i don't want to.
And i feel like it's immature, not
wanting to. i'm more emotionally
intelligent than this. i'm better than
this. And this is giving me a
headache, but i shouldn't-

THERAPIST
Hey. Stop.

[beat.]

You understand you don't need to have

it all figured out, right?

AMELIE
But I already figured this out. I know
what I'm supposed to do.

THERAPIST
I know you do. But life's not a race.
Neither are relationships. You might
know what to do, but it's okay to need
more time to step up to the plate.
You're still a person. Be nicer to
yourself.

NARRATOR
Amelie did not return to therapy after
that, for she sensed digging deeper
would require her to upend her entire
life. Which was carefully built on the
constructed fantasy that being in a
relationship was some sort of proof,
 13.

that she was lovable.

CUT TO

4 INT. INEZ'S LIVING ROOM - SPRING, EVENING

NARRATOR
By the time the average person ends up
with the love of their life, they will
have been in seven relationships. Of
those, two are often long-term, while
the rest will be short-term flings,
casual dating, and one-night stands.
The average person will also fall in
love two of those times, and have
their heart broken twice as well.

INEZ BUTTON and BETTY YOUNG, (20s), are both sitting on the
sofa laughing and catching up with each other.

INEZ
...I'm not planning to date anybody at
the moment.

BETTY
so what about THEO?

INEZ
huh?

BETTY
you like them, right?

INEZ
no? that's not what i said. i said i'm
attracted to them.

BETTY
alright. why don't you like them? tell
me the qualities you do or don't like
about them.

INEZ
well, it's not necessarily like that.

BETTY
i'm confused

INEZ
alright, i'll start over.. i do like
them
 14.

BETTY
ha! i knew it.

INEZ
relax. i wasn't hiding that. we have
very little in common, and i can
usually tell when feelings are
reciprocated. based on what i'm
seeing, i highly doubt they're
interested.

BETTY
you didn't answer the question. i
didn't ask whether you had chemistry.
i asked why you like them.

INEZ
i don't know. maybe i just have a
thing for black hair. but if they
weren't attractive i wouldn't have
looked twice at them. they're so...
not the kind of person i pictured
catching feelings for. but that's how
it is. first you find them cute, and
then you start paying attention to
every little thing they do.

BETTY
like what?

INEZ
like- okay. i'm trying not to come off
as weird or anything. they have a
weird laugh. kind of raspy and high,
like they lost their voice. And they
say 'no, honestly though' every third
sentence. When talking, they do this
with their right hand. you know?

BETTY
oh yeah, they do.

INEZ
it surprised me when they said they
were an introvert, because they're
always the first to pipe up with an
idea out loud. i'm grateful for that,
actually, because it gives me an
excuse to stare while they're talking.
 15.

BETTY
aw,... well, if you make a move. i
support you a 100%. you'd look good
together.

INEZ
yeah, but that's the thing i don't
think any possible outcome, aside from
not telling them, is worth pursuing.
liking someone versus dating them are
two different things. i don't think we
have the qualities to be compatible
that way. and you already know that
friends with benefits never end well.
and this is if they reciprocate. i
should just wait for someone better.
or until they start dating someone, in
which i'll have to get over them.

BETTY
well, you're in luck

INEZ
why?

BETTY
look at his story.

INEZ
oh. well. good for the two of them.

beat

BETTY
you're not taking this well, are you?

INEZ
i want to walk into oncoming traffic

5 INT. ESTE'S BEDROOM, SUMMER- DUSK

The sunlight is peaking through the poorly drawn curtains.

Clothes are thrown around the room without a care. As ESTE
PIER and JAMES DEERSON have their second not-really-a-fight-
because-we're-not-in-a-relationship-to-call-it-a-fight fight.

JAMES
what did i do wrong?

ESTE
do you really have to ask?
 16.

JAMES
this doesn't make sense. it's not like
it meant anything, and it's not like
i'm in a relationship with anyone. it
was a choice i made with them.

ESTE
a choice you decided not to tell me
about?

JAMES
you think you're entitled to being
involved in this situation. And
honestly? It's selfish. Attention-
seeking. You agreed to be friends, and
yet you're now mad over something
that's none of you business. Who i
sleep with is not your concern. maybe
you just can't handle the reality that
we aren't meant to love each other and
it shows. just like always, you're
trying to argue based on your emotion,
not logic. and that makes your
argument meaningless.

ESTE
explain that to me, then. How are my
emotions a meaningless part of this?

JAMES
i sleep with someone else. you have a
problem with it. if you thought about
this logically, you'd acknowledge that
we aren't committed to each other.
What i did was for their and my own
enjoyment. no meaning behind it. no
harm done.

ESTE
if there's no harm done, why would you
keep it from me? unless you somehow
knew i would be unhappy about this?

JAMES
because i knew you'd blow up like
this. you're spinning this into a
self-pitying story about how i'm
'crossing lines'. those 'lines' don't
exist; you've just convinced yourself
they do because you can't handle your
emotions. you can't get over me, and
 17.

you're weaponizing that by trying to

manipulate me into thinking i 'hurt'
you. instead of accepting the
objective, logical truth that we
aren't together, you're projecting
your insecurities onto me. you expect
me to walk on eggshells, so that my
personal choices please you. your
argument isn't based in logic, and
that makes it pointless. now that
you've made your feelings my problem,
i have to teach you why you're the
real issue. i never did anything
wrong; you created a problem from
nothing. i am not the problem here.
you are. so if you're angry, what do
you expect me to do? pity you?
apologise? because it's not my f-

ESTE
no. not at all.

JAMES
what

ESTE
i don't need an apology from you. i
wish i could say i expected more. that
i had faith you would keep your
promise to be better. but i'd be
lying- i expected you to do nothing,
and you somehow still manage to
disappoint me. God, sleeping with them
less then a day before you slept with
me? That's not even the part that
pisses me off the most. I care that
you hid it from me. Why did i hear it
from someone else, not you?

JAMES
It's none of your-

ESTE
business. it never is, isn't it? for
someone who thinks you're so much
smarter than everyone, you truly have
no emotional intelligence. your logic
is flawed. and it'll stay flawed,
until you accept that emotions are not
the opposite of reason. emotion and
logic can co-exist. and it improves
 18.

your judgement when you learn how to

handle both. you think logic directs
everything; that our romantic history
has no meaning here simply because
we're no longer together. but you
forgot what it is: it's history. it
still happened. unspoken boundaries
form between people who end things
maturely. if you think those
boundaries don't exist, i guess you're
not one of those people. it's a shame
you spent so long loving other people,
yet you never learned what empathy is.
i guess you aren't a people person
after all... no, i'm not in a
relationship with you. nor am i
denying how i feel about you. but i'm
also not the one who repeatedly begged
to be back in each other's lives. what
happened to saying 'i don't want you
to think your body is all that matters
to me?' if you really understood the
consequences of me still loving you,
you'd accept why this hurts. why it
hurts to hear, once again, that my
feelings are the problem; not you.
never you. i can't speak up for my own
needs with you shutting me down. i
can't even exist without being a
burden. but i've long since accepted
that i'll never be enough for you. no
one ever is. so i guess i was right -
i only existed to serve your sexual
and emotional needs. i let you have
every last part of who i am and you
weren't careful with it at all. it
doesn't matter. losing hope in you is
the best thing that's ever happened to
me. because now i really, truly don't
care what happens to you.

JAMES
..as in, you wouldn't care if i got
worse.

ESTE
i don't care if you get worse, or if
you become better. it doesn't matter
if you feel genuine remorse for all
you've done. or if you finally accept
help. maybe one day you'll turn into
 19.

the person i thought you were. but i

don't need to waste any more time on
your potential. i'm at peace without
you, it feels fucking great. took me a
year to feel like this. i just want
you to leave me alone.