UNIVERSITY OF LIVINGSTONIA
KANING’INA CAMPUS
FACULTY OF BUSINESS AND COMMUNICATION
STUDIES
LECTURER : REV. R.V. BANDA
YEAR : ONE SEM 2
COURE TITLE : MARRIAGE AND FAMILY CHL 1201
TASK : TO DISCUSS CHALLENGES OF UNPREPARED MARRIAGES
DUE DATE : 2ND APRIL,2024
JOSEPH NDHLOVU BAC-01-07-23
EMMANUEL GOME BBM-01-03-23
MATHEWS NYIRONGO BAC-01-11-23
FRANK BANDA SAG-01-05-23
ALFRED NYADANI BAC-01-10-23
THOKOZANI B MKUTUMULA JDC-01-07-23
LAURYN MITIMAUKANENA HRM-01-18-23
LIZZIE BANDA HRM-01-01-23
THANDIWE CHUNGA JDC-01-12-23
DAVID PHILIPS BAC-01-12-23
CAROLINE SAM SAG-01-03-23
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ZWANGENDAWA JERE HRM-01-06-23
FAITH MSISKA HRM-01-16-23
LANSBURY SOKO HRM-01-23-23
LONJEZO MBALE SAG-01-01-23
JOSEPH MAYESO BBM-01-04-23
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INTRODUCTION
God designed marriage for humanity. As first described in Genesis and later affirmed by Jesus,
marriage is a God-ordained, covenant relationship between a man and a woman. This lifelong,
sexually exclusive relationship brings children into the world and thus sustains the stewardship of
the earth. Biblical marriage marked by faithfulness, sacrificial love and joy displays the
relationship between God and his people.
While commentators, politicians and judges may revise their understanding of marriage in
response to shifting societal trends, followers of Jesus should embrace his clear vision of marriage
found in Matthew 19:4-6: “Haven’t you read,” Jesus replied, “that at the beginning the Creator
‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one
flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
CHALLENGES OF UNPREPARED MARRIAGE
Marriage is a significant commitment that requires careful consideration and preparation. Rushing
into marriage without fully understanding the implications can lead to challenges and potential
issues. Unprepared marriage, also known as spontaneous or impulsive marriage, can present
several challenges for the individuals involved. Here are some common challenges:
Compatibility Issues. Incompatibility in a relationship can indeed pose significant challenges,
especially in an unprepared marriage. Incompatibility refers to a situation where two individuals
in a relationship have differing views, desires, or fundamental differences that don’t align. Imagine
trying to fit a square peg into a round hole the dynamics, values, and goals clash, leading to
constant friction and misunderstandings.
Signs of Incompatibility may include; Lack of common goals or values. Frequent conflicts or
arguments. Absence of emotional connection or intimacy. Differences in communication styles.
Inability to compromise or meet each other’s needs.
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Early Recognition Matters: Identifying signs of incompatibility early on is crucial. Ignoring the
issue can lead to resentment, misunderstandings, and prolonged unhappiness. By acknowledging
incompatibilities, couples can find compromises, adapt, or decide if the relationship is viable in
the long term. Seeking couples therapy or counseling can be helpful if these signs persist1.
Remember, addressing incompatibility early allows for informed decisions about the relationship’s
future. It’s essential to navigate these challenges with empathy, understanding, and a willingness
to adapt.
Lack of Understanding: In unprepared marriages, couples often don't have a deep understanding
of each other's personalities, backgrounds, and expectations. This can result in unrealistic
expectations and disappointment when reality doesn't match their idealized vision of marriage.
This is so because each partner enters a marriage with their own set of expectations about roles,
responsibilities, and emotional support. When these expectations clash, it can create tension.
Hence, a successful marriage requires effort, empathy, and a willingness to learn and grow
together. Open communication, active listening, and mutual respect are key to overcoming
misunderstandings and building a strong foundation.
Communication Problems. Communication challenges in marriage can indeed be a significant
hurdle, especially when a couple enters into marriage without adequate preparation. Here are some
common issues and potential solutions to communication problems: Talking and Yelling ‘At’ Each
Other, talking “at” someone often means you’re trying to be heard, but it can hinder understanding.
Yelling exacerbates the situation, triggering the fight-or-flight response and hindering problem-
solving abilities. Consider taking a 20-minute timeout to calm down before continuing the
conversation.
Letting Resentment and Bitterness Take Root: Holding onto bitterness is like carrying a heavy
suitcase. Initially manageable, but over time, it weighs you down. Bitterness can lead to contempt,
where you view your spouse unfavorably for who they are. Address resentment early, seek
professional help if needed, and practice forgiveness1.
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Not Discussing Specific Problems: Couples often avoid discussing particular issues, hoping they’ll
magically resolve. Openly address problems, even uncomfortable ones. Avoidance only prolongs
the tension2.
Casting Blame: The blame game is counterproductive. Instead of blaming, focus on understanding
each other’s perspectives. Seek solutions together rather than pointing fingers2.
Hitting All the Soft Spots: Sometimes, unintentionally, we touch upon sensitive areas for our
partners. Be mindful of your words and approach discussions with empathy and kindness2.
Communication is the foundation of a healthy marriage. Prioritize open dialogue, active listening,
and understanding to strengthen your relationship. Effective communication is essential for any
successful marriage, but in unprepared marriages, couples may struggle to communicate openly
and honestly due to the lack of trust and understanding built over time.
Financial Stress: Financial stress can indeed pose significant challenges in an unprepared
marriage. When one partner is financially literate while the other is not, it can create an imbalance
of power and control within the relationship. This ripple effect often leads to stress and,
unfortunately, is one of the second leading causes of divorce
Here are some ways to address financial stress in a marriage: Become Financially Literate:
Enhance your understanding of financial management skills. Read financial literacy books, listen
to money podcasts, or take basic finance classes. Knowledge empowers you to make informed
decisions.
Open Communication: Discuss finances openly with your partner. Transparency is crucial. If you
feel financially stuck, express your concerns and seek clarity. Understand Spending Habits:
Recognize your partner’s spending patterns. Understanding each other’s financial behaviors helps
build trust and cooperation.
Separate Budgets: Consider having separate budgets for personal expenses. This allows both
partners to maintain autonomy while contributing to shared goals. Seek Professional Help: If
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needed, consult a qualified finance professional. They can guide you through financial challenges
and help you make informed decisions.
Financial stress doesn’t have to be a breaking point. By working together, couples can navigate
financial challenges and build a stronger foundation for their marriage.
Family Dynamics: In many cultures, family plays a significant role in marriages. In unprepared
marriages, couples may not have had the chance to introduce their partner to their families or
understand how their families will impact their relationship. This can lead to conflicts with in-laws
or difficulties in integrating into each other's families.
Unprepared marriages can indeed face significant challenges due to family dynamics. these may
involve; Emotional Roots and Expectations: Family relationships run deep, and you can’t easily
walk away from them like you might with a difficult friend or coworker. Marriage often brings
together not only the couple but also brothers, sisters, in-laws, and extended family members.
These relationships come with expectations and a long history, making any conflict feel bigger
and more complicated. Ongoing problems within difficult families can make interactions stressful
and emotionally draining.
In summary, unprepared marriages must navigate these intricate family dynamics with empathy,
patience, and open communication. Understanding the roots of these challenges is essential for
building a strong foundation in marriage
Lack of emotional readiness can indeed pose significant challenges in an unprepared marriage.
Emotional neglect refers to the absence of sufficient emotional awareness and response within a
relationship. It may remain invisible to both partners, yet it causes real pain.
Imagine being with someone who is physically present but emotionally distant. It’s like having
a thousand-mile gap between you and your partner. You can see them, but you can’t truly feel their
presence. Emotional neglect often enters a marriage through childhood experiences. If one or both
partners grew up in families where feelings were not acknowledged or attended to (known
as childhood emotional neglect), they may continue this pattern in their relationship.
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When emotions are neglected, it becomes challenging to connect in a genuine way. The essential
ingredient for emotional connection—awareness of one’s own emotions—is missing. Partners
may struggle to notice and respond to each other’s feelings, leading to emotional loneliness. Even
if both partners share this emotional blind spot, they may not realize what’s missing.
You can Overcoming Emotional Neglect by; Awareness that is recognize emotional neglect
patterns and their impact on your marriage. Communication, openly discuss emotions, needs, and
vulnerabilities with your partner. Seeking Professional Help, consider couple’s therapy to address
emotional gaps. Practice Emotional Responsiveness by make an effort to meet each other’s
emotional needs. Self-Reflection: Understand your own emotions and learn to recognize and
respond to your partner’s feelings.
Risk of Divorce; Research suggests that impulsive marriages have a higher likelihood of ending
in divorce compared to marriages where couples take the time to get to know each other and make
informed decisions. Without a solid foundation, the relationship may not withstand the challenges
that arise. Hence emotional maturity plays a significant role in handling challenges within a
marriage. Unprepared individuals may lack the emotional tools to navigate disagreements, cope
with stress, and support each other during difficult times.
Every marriage faces unique challenges, but intentional effort and commitment can strengthen the
bond and reduce the risk of divorce
In a nut shell, while some spontaneous marriages can be successful, the lack of preparation and
understanding in unprepared marriages often leads to significant challenges that can strain the
relationship and increase the risk of marital dissatisfaction and dissolution.
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REFERENCES
National Association of Evangelicals. ‘God Defined Marriage’. National Association of
Evangelicals (blog). Accessed 8 April 2024. https://www.nae.org/god-defined-marriage/.
Williams, Noah. ‘15 Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage’, 27 April 2023.
https://www.marriage.com/advice/pre-marriage/10-signs-you-are-not-ready-to-get-
married/.
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