Diamond Dead

by
Brian Cooper

AG Productions Ltd.
11570 Dona Evita Drive
Studio City, CA 91604
(323) 822-1957
1 EXT. FACTORY RUINS - NIGHT 1
Whiffs of fog drift across the darkness as the moon emerges
from behind the clouds illuminating crumbling cement blocks
and twisted steel overgrown by weeds. ARIA DE WINTER, dressed
as a goth girl, climbs over the cement blocks carrying a
bouquet of roses. She is in her mid forties, her face is care
worn. The years have not been kind to her. She lays the roses
on the ground and steps back.

ARIA
I miss you guys. My life has been a
fucked up mess without you. This
whole thing isn't fair.

ARIA sits down among the rubble, thinking to herself. Behind

her an IMPOSING APPARITION pulls itself from the swirling
fog. It glides silently over the debris growing more solid as
it advances. It silently glides up behind ARIA. When it
raises its head, it is some kind of long dead alien
monstrosity. It is DEATH.

DEATH
I say, I say. Strange place for
flowers.

She doesn't bother to look up.

ARIA
I suppose.

DEATH
I say, I wonder if you can help,
ma'am. Direction-wise, that is.

ARIA turns around but doesn't seem to be bothered by the

APPARITION.

DEATH
I say, I'm looking for souls. Four
long-haired hippie types. Look like
girls on the wrong end of the ugly
stick.

ARIA
Huh?

DEATH
Stiffs. Dirtnappers. Corpus
Delectia in the post humus sense.
Dig the wax out yer ears, ma'am.
I'm talkin' English, ain't I?
 2.

ARIA
Who are you?

DEATH
I'm a death, ma'am. Mortis
Extermis, Esq. My card.

ARIA
A death?

DEATH
That's what I said. My mouth is
movin' so I must be talkin'. I say,
ma'am, pay attention, ya may learn
somethin'. Lots of people croak
every day. Logistically-wise one
death can't handle the load. Are
you following me here?

ARIA
Sort of.

DEATH
The world needs more than one
death.

ARIA
So, what are you doing here?

DEATH
Balancing accounts. I have four
souls unaccounted for. It's very
unusual for souls to stay under for
that long. They're like lumpy
gravy. They usually float to the
top before the meat goes bad.

ARIA
Well they're down there somewhere.

DEATH stares at the ground chagrined.

DEATH
Well. Baste my butt and call me
vittles. I do declare, that's more
diggin' than a man oughta do in my
condition. I give up... I need a
break.

ARIA
You need a break?
 3.

DEATH
Who’s gonna give me a break, I ask
in mock ignorance and a general air
of foreboding?

ARIA
How 'bout me?

DEATH
Why I do declare, I think I may
laugh if it didn't jostle my coccyx
so much.

ARIA
Why not? Beats sittin' on my ass.
I'm a real people person. I'm
slightly immoral and I temper all
discussions with a nihilistic
anticipation of general disaster.

DEATH leans against a tree and a DOZEN BIRDS fall off the
branches and hit the ground dead.

DEATH
It's an awesome responsibility.

ARIA
So's voting.

DEATH
I say, I say. There's powers that
go with the title.

ARIA
A perk! Cool.

DEATH
Take this scythe.

He hands her his scythe.

ARIA
What kind of powers?

DEATH
Life and death. Forward, reverse.

CLOSE ON SCYTHE

There's a switch on the side of the handle that reads:

"FORWARD" AND "REVERSE."
 4.

BACK TO SCENE

ARIA
Rad!

DEATH
Alright little Miss spooky pants,
you have one year. Your allotment
is one person a day. And on all
Hallows Eve when the clock strikes
the hour of the wolf - that’s
midnight eastern standard time - if
you haven’t met your quota by then,
you forfeit your own soul and all
those you love will be erased from
existence.

DEATH begins to walk away.

DEATH (CONT'D)
Have fun. Don't kill anyone I
wouldn't kill. Knock yourself out.
Mortality-wise, that is.

ARIA
Hey! Where ya goin'?

DEATH
I’m going to get laid. Thanks,
babe.
(to himself)
Nice girl, but a little on the
creepy side.

DEATH departs. The sky blackens with storm clouds. Lightning

strikes EXPLODE around ARIA. She lowers the scythe to the
ground and hits the reverse switch. A BLUE ARC OF ELECTRICITY
EXPLODES from the scythe slashing to the ground. The ground
trembles. The electricity swirls around ARIA and the years
fall away leaving her decades younger and beautiful.

The ground begins to crack, we HEAR muffled screams. Suddenly

a mummified arm erupts from the earth holding the Diamond
Dead guitar by the neck.

FREEZE FRAME ON THE DIAMOND DEAD GUITAR

Title up: DIAMOND DEAD

 5.

2 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 2

An old Gothic theater. The marquee reads: "DR. DIABOLICUS AND
THE DIAMOND DEAD."

3 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT 3

MATHIAS STARK a nervous and nerdy type in his twenties, is
polishing a brass rail on the staircase. There is a pounding
on the door. MATHIAS opens the door and comes face to face
with TWO SHERIFFS.

SHERIFF 1
Mathias Stark?

MATHIAS
Yes?

SHERIFF 1 hands him some official looking papers. MATHIAS

accepts the papers, then swats at a moth with them.

SHERIFF 1
Pursuant to the order of the court,
I am serving you with this
foreclosure notice.

MATHIAS
Hey, you’re making a mistake. I got
one more day to get the money!

Puzzled, SHERIFF 2 leafs through papers on his clipboard.

SHERIFF 2
(turns to his partner)
I told ya October has thirty one
days!

SHERIFF 1
We’ll be back.

MATHIAS
I don’t think so. I got this
fantastic rock act Diamond Dead
playing tomorrow night.
(points at a Diamond Dead
poster)
I’ll have the money right after the
show.

They give him a doubtful look and leave.

 6.

4 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 4

The lobby lights turn off, then the signs, and finally the
marquee lights.

A few blocks away FOG rolls in eerily lit with blue light.
Inside the fog, LIGHTNING FLASHES. The THICK FOG rolls past
the theatre as MATHIAS locks the front doors for the night.

MATHIAS
Fog. Cool.

MATHIAS stands in front of the theatre, turns around and

looks up at the marquee proudly. He shoves his hands in the
pockets of his leather jacket, steps backwards and smiles.

MATHIAS (CONT'D)
I still own a theater. Life rocks!

The street is deserted and quiet. All we HEAR is the BUZZ of

the power lines and the neon in the marquee sign. Then
somewhere in the fog MATHIAS hears the sound of souped-up
engines. They become louder. MATHIAS stares into the fog but
he can't make out anything.

High on a pole, a transformer EXPLODES sending an electrical

surge down the street. A street light EXPLODES and goes dark,
and then another and another.

MATHIAS (CONT'D)
What the hell?

A winged wraith like SHAPE streaks past MATHIAS, almost

knocking him over. It's unearthly feed-back SCREAM ECHOES
down the street. MATHIAS turns around but sees nothing.

MATHIAS (CONT'D)
Holy shit!

ARIA
Mathias Stark?

MATHIAS turns around. ARIA is standing in front of him with a

sinister smile on her face. She wears a top hat with a veil
and a black dress.

MATHIAS
Yaah!

ARIA
Did I scare you?
 7.

MATHIAS
Yes. Jesus Christ.

ARIA
Good. I'm Aria De Winter

MATHIAS
You're with the band, right?

ARIA
No. They're with me.

MATHIAS
Do you hear fourtwentynine engines
with headers, fuel injectors and
two inch straight pipes? Cuz I do.

ARIA
That's the road crew.

FOUR CUSTOMIZED HEARSES appear out of the fog. The DRIVERS

are dressed in nineteenth century livery. They stop in front
of the theatre and wait, unmoving.

MATHIAS
Awesome.

ARIA
Isn't it...

MATHIAS
Your agent said you'd be here
tomorrow.

ARIA
It is tomorrow -- three past
twelve.

MATHIAS
I'm sorry. I was just going home.

A TALL GAUNT MAN steps from one of the hearses and walks up
to ARIA, his arms outstretched. He holds a scythe on a purple
satin pillow.

ARIA
Thank-you, Rasputin. I'll catch up
later.

She takes the scythe. The man bows slightly and walks away.
 8.

ARIA (CONT'D)
I bet you're a terribly fascinating
little boy, Mathias. Kinda sexy in
an innocent sort of white meat way.

ARIA twirls the scythe like a baton.

ARIA (CONT'D)
Would it be alright if we went
inside and started setting up?

MATHIAS
Sure. I'll open up for you.

ARIA
Don't bother. We got it.

The lobby lights TURN THEMSELVES ON, then the sign and the
marquee.

MATHIAS
Hey! How'd you do that?

ARIA
Magic. We're in show business.

MATHIAS
Wow.

ARIA
C'mon. Let's you and me get a cup
of coffee down the street and leave
the boys to do the grunt work.

ARIA tucks her arm around MATHIAS and leads him down the
street.

ARIA (CONT'D)
You're kinda small, aren't ya? Kind
of feminine features.

MATHIAS
Well, I...

ARIA
Don't worry. I like girls, too.

MATHIAS
I think I'm in over my head.

ARIA
Not yet, but if you're lucky, who
knows?
 9.

MATHIAS
Help.

ARIA and MATHIAS walk down the street. CAMERA pushes past
Mathias and Aria into a window and we are in:

5 INT. JACK AND GEENA'S APARTMENT - NIGHT 5

JACK and GEENA are in their living room. JACK is a young punk
in his mid-twenties: Mohawk, shredded clothes, ridiculous
features. GEENA is his roommate: young, beautiful with long
dark hair and mischievous eyes. They are sitting in front of
the TV looking catatonic, watching an infomercial as if on
Thorazine.

GEENA
Well, where do you wanna eat then?

JACK
I don't care. Where do you wanna
eat?

Long silence.

GEENA
Let's just take a walk and we can
figure it out later.

JACK
Okay.

Neither of them stand up. They continue to stare at the TV.

GEENA
C'mon.

JACK
I can't. The radiation from the TV
has drained my will to resist its
electronic seduction. I have no
will of my own. Turn it off.

GEENA
I can't. You turn it off.

JACK
Oh, God. We're doomed.

GEENA
Victims of a technology we cannot
control.
 10.

JACK reaches over the side of the couch and grabs a shoe.

JACK
If I can... just.. reach.. my shoe.
I can... Ugh!

He throws the shoe. It hits the off button on the TV.

GEENA
Thank God.

JACK
That was close. We gotta find that
remote.

GEENA
No shit.

6 EXT. JACKS COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT 6

A seedy run down dive. The neon sign EXPLODES leaving only a
few glowing letters. The sign now reads “JACK OFF SHOP”.

7 INT. JACK'S COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT 7

MATHIAS and ARIA are having coffee.

ARIA
You look nervous.

MATHIAS
I'm not nervous. I always look this
way in case something weird
happens.

ARIA
Have you ever seen a Diamond Dead
show before?

MATHIAS
No. But I heard a song or two...
okay, that's a lie, I never heard
of you guys until your agent called
last week. Don't hate me.

ARIA
So you're saying the only reason
we're booked is because we called
first.
 11.

MATHIAS
I inherited the theatre from my
uncle. You have a band. I have a
place to play. Next week I got Devo
unplugged and Crosby Stills Nash
and Johnny Rotton. That's gonna
suck. But hey, I'm just staring
out.

ARIA
That's fair.

MATHIAS
How long have you guys been
together?

ARIA
Forever. Awhile, couple weeks,
decades, eons, a couple epochs.
Thank the Mother it's almost the
apocalypse. I hate time.

MATHIAS
Do you have any music I can listen
to?

ARIA
That's not important. What is
important is that you listen to me.

MATHIAS
Um... Okay.

ARIA
Do you scare easily?

MATHIAS
Yes. Like right now when you asked,
do you scare easily I think I just
pissed a testicle. I'm kind of high
strung.

ARIA
I'm just saying that spooky shit
may happen. But don't worry. It'll
all work out.

MATHIAS
Don't worry? Saying, "Don't worry,"
to someone like me is like a cop
saying, "Bend over, this is a
cavity search." What's to worry
about, Aria?
 12.
MATHIAS(cont'd)
Are you a band of Satanic killers
or something? Because if you are I
want it on the record that I am not
a virgin.

ARIA
You seem like a nice guy. It's just
that we attract a weird crowd.
Things don't always follow a
natural pattern with us.

MATHIAS
Sounds like my sex life.

ARIA
Really.

MATHIAS
No, but I like to fantasize.

ARIA playfully slides her heel up Mathias’ leg digging in for

a second. Mathias is nervous and aroused.

ARIA
Ready to go back to the theatre?

MATHIAS looks embarrassed and uncomfortable.

MATHIAS
Um no. I'm just going to sit here
for a few minutes. If that's cool
with you?

ARIA
Suit yourself.

ARIA exits. MATHIAS squirms in his seat, grabs some ice cubes
and drops them down his pants.

8 EXT. STREET - NIGHT 8

JACK and GEENA walk down the street carrying some junk food.
Suddenly JACK stops in front of a telephone pole.

JACK
Hey Geena, check it out.

GEENA
What?

On the pole is a POSTER for the Diamond Dead.

 13.

JACK
Diamond Dead are coming. They are
so mythic, they’re so underground,
they’re a rumor. And the scum of
the earth is goin’ to come out to
see them.

GEENA
Looks like a dirt head metal poser
band to me. I thought you hated
Heavy Metal.

JACK
Dr. D isn't Heavy Metal. They're
a... they're a hard-core grunge
wave rockabillie band. Yeah, a
kinda techno dance neuromantic
retro glam hip hop be bop slamarama
mosh squash. Goth meets David Lee
Roth. C'mon, you know.

GEENA
They look like a Metal band.

JACK
Yeah, well... they are, but they're
good. Can we go? Huh? Can we? Huh?
Please, Geena? Please?

GEENA
Your white trash is showing, Jack.

JACK
It is? I'm sorry. We gotta go,
Geena. It’s going to be rock
history. No-one has ever seen them
do a show. Please. Please.

GEENA
Fine. We can go.

JACK
Really?

GEENA
Sure.

JACK
Let's get in line for tickets! We
need sleeping bags and shit. You go
get the supplies and I'll save you
a spot.
 14.

She rolls her eyes.

They see FOUR HEARSES in front of the Grand Quignol.

JACK
Where do you suppose someone can
get a hearse at this time of night?

GEENA
Kinda strange, isn't it?

JACK
Good strange, or bad strange?

GEENA
All strangeness is good. It helps
break up the monotony.

A GAUNT FIGURE steps out of the darkness. It is DEATH.

DEATH
I say, I say. Hello, kiddies.

JACK and GEENA start.

JACK AND GEENA

Yaah! Fuck!

DEATH
Up past your bedtime?

GEENA
You dick!

DEATH
I was kinda hoping I could get your
autograph.

DEATH produces a long contract from out of nowhere. It

unrolls into the street for about ten feet and then stops,
releasing a tiny terrified RAT LIKE CREATURE that was trapped
inside. It scurries away into the darkness squeaking in
terror.

JACK
Why?

GEENA
Yeah. What for?

DEATH
A trade.
 15.

GEENA
What kind of trade?

DEATH
I give you backstage passes and I
get your immortal soul.

GEENA
Damn! Jack and I already sold our
souls to Madonna for a couple T-
shirts and a case of beer.

Across the street the ROADIES are carrying FOUR COFFINS into
the theatre.

ANOTHER ANGLE

ARIA is walking to the theater on the dark street and notices

DEATH with the kids. She strides up to them.

ARIA
(to Jack and Geena)
Hi guys, not to be rude or
anything, but I gotta talk to Morty
here. Hope you don’t mind.

She gives them two backstage passes.

The Marquee suddenly SPARKS UP, showering the street and

DEATH ARIA are gone.

JACK
Whoa!

GEENA
Shiiit!

9 EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT 9

DEATH leans against a dumpster. ARIA, scythe drawn, is ready
for a fight.

ARIA
What the fuck are you doing here?

DEATH
Why, I’ve done given ya power over
life and death. Now, we have a
bargain. You were supposed to
deliver souls by the deadline. I
ain’t seen ya whakin’ nobody.
 16.
DEATH(cont'd)
You don’t deliver Missy, and I’m
gonna have to do ya and your
friends. And that includes that
little freak I seen ya cattin’
around.

ARIA
I have til midnight. I’ll take care
of it.

DEATH
Well, I’m gonna have to hang around
and make sure you do.

ARIA
Fine. Go nuts. Just don’t get in
may way.

DEATH
You won’t even know I’m around...

DEATH steps backwards and merges with the wall and

disappears. ARIA is left to think about Death’s implied
threat.

10 EXT. STREET - MORNING 10

MATHIAS walks to the theatre. The street is completely
covered in Diamond Dead posters. A huge billboard advertising
the "Holy Church of Good Intentions" is replaced with the
band's logo. A BUM sleeping in a doorway has a poster glued
to his back.

MATHIAS rounds the corner and finds the front of his theatre
mobbed with ROCK AND ROLL FANS, PROTESTERS, TV TRUCKS,
POLICE, AND T-SHIRT VENDORS.

MATHIAS
Is this hell?

He pushes his way to the front doors, fighting off REPORTERS

and SCREAMING DIAMOND DEAD FANS.

11 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL LOBBY - MORNING 11

PUSSY A. DANGLE, the oh-so-hip VJ from NTV (Nerve Television)
and her CAMERAMAN are in front of the crowd.
 17.

PUSSY
This is Pussy A. Dangle, live from
The Grand Quignol Theatre,
somewhere in the cultural hell we
call the Midwest. The excitement
builds for the legendary rock band
that everybody worships but have
never seen, The Diamond Dead.

MATHIAS enters, stunned by the mess in front of his theatre.

The camera light flashes in his eyes and he is blinded.

PUSSY (CONT'D)
I'm talking live with Mathias
Stark, owner of this wonderful new
pop oasis and host to America's
latest contender for the Shock Rock
crown, Dr. Diabolicus and the
Diamond Dead. Tell me Mathias, what
are Dr. Diabolicus and the Diamond
Dead really like? Are the rumors
really true? Are you in fact
sleeping with Aria De Winter, the
band’s rhythm guitarist?

MATHIAS
What?!!

PUSSY
Do the Diamond Dead really practice
satanic rituals before every
concert?

MATHIAS
I did not sleep with Ms. De
Winters!!! I just met her. We
talked. I hardly know her.

PUSSY
Is it true that members of the band
have felony warrants in Romania?
Any comment?

MATHIAS stares at the camera, stunned.

MATHIAS
Um...I need coffee.

MATHIAS runs up the stairs to his office and slams the door.
 18.

12 INT. MATHIAS' OFFICE - DAY 12

A quaint place, but not without charm. Ramshackle antique
furnishings, a sofa-bed on the side, a desk facing the door.
The stage illuminated by the work light can be seen through a
window.

MATHIAS bursts in and finds ARIA sitting on his desk

provocatively.

ARIA
Hello, lover.

MATHIAS
(startled)
Don't you start. Oh my God. It's a
nightmare out there. Reporters,
cops, crazed fans.

ARIA
That's the biz.

MATHIAS’ eyes travel down her body to her fabulous legs.

MATHIAS
Look, Aria. You're a sweetheart and
I would sleep with you in a hot
second. I'm a simple neurotic manic
depressive. I slept with two women
in my life. It was a disaster both
times. I don't do well under sexual
pressure. So if you must, let's get
it over with so your disappointment
won't be too humiliating.

He closes his eyes and grits his teeth.

ARIA
What are you talking about?

MATHIAS collapses on the couch.

MATHIAS
Oh, God. I dunno. I'm crazed. I'm
sick. I freaked out. I need coffee,
goddamit!

ARIA
I'll get it.

MATHIAS
Thank-you! And God bless you!
 19.

ARIA goes to the coffee maker.

ARIA
You can't let this stuff get to
you. Do me a favor, just go with
it. Pretend it's all a dream.

MATHIAS
That's hard. If this was a dream,
I'd be better-looking and you'd be
naked.

ARIA
Yeah, well, it's still early.

MATHIAS
You're great.

She hands him the coffee.

ARIA
I know. If it's any consolation,
the place is sold out. So you just
relax. I'll handle the crowd and
the media circus.

MATHIAS
Thanks.

ARIA exits. MATHIAS, feeling impending disaster spills his

coffee.

13 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - DAY 13

PUSSY is interviewing the CROWD.

PUSSY
Look at me, America. I have it on
good authority that the members of
this band are in fact dead.

A HEARSE screeches around the corner and the FANS start

screaming. A particularly CRAZED FAN runs into the middle of
the street.

FAN 1
Diamond Dead! Diamond Dead! I wanna
be just like you guys!!

The hearse runs him over.

 20.

FAN 2
Ugh!

PUSSY stands over the road-kill kid.

PUSSY
Diamond Dead. Teen idols or the
Avatars of Death. Who the hell do
these guys think they are? Let's
ask the fans.

PUSSY grabs a particularly stupid-looking METALHEAD BURNOUT.

PUSSY (CONT'D)
So. What do you...

METALHEAD
Diamond Dead! Diamond Dead! Diamond
Dead!

PUSSY
Um...Excuse me.

METALHEAD
Diamond Dead!

PUSSY
Pardon me.

METALHEAD
Diamond Dead! Fuckin' A! Fuckin' B!

The METALHEAD is completely out of control, so PUSSY knees

him in the groin.

METALHEAD (CONT'D)
Bogus.

PUSSY
I'm Pussy A. Dangle with NTV. Talk
to me.

METALHEAD
You're not gonna rack my bone
again, are you?

PUSSY
Tell me about the band?

METALHEAD
Diamond Dead rules! Diamond Dead
rocks.
 21.
METALHEAD(cont'd)
They're the most ultimate, most
penultimate, most non-non ultimate
fucking band ever!!

PUSSY
Why?

METALHEAD
Huh?

PUSSY
Why are they so great?

METALHEAD
Uh...Fuck...Uh...

PUSSY
Well?

METALHEAD
Well, I dunno, cuz they're, like,
dead? You know Diamond Dead...What
do you want from me?

PUSSY
How come you like them?

METALHEAD
Shit. You're a real bitch.

PUSSY
(to the camera)
There you have it. The Diamond Dead
defy description. They elicit total
mindless adoration from their
fans...

METALHEAD
(taps her on the shoulder)
I just thought why I like them.

PUSSY
Why?

METALHEAD
Well...Um...They got great T-
shirts.

14 INT. VERONICA'S DUNGEON - DAY 14

A riding crop strikes a bare ass. MISTRESS VERONICA VINYL is
busy flogging JIMMY JOE BILLY BOB SCRUGGS.
 22.

VERONICA
You disgusting worm! Lick my boots
while reciting "The Cat in the Hat"
in Esperanto.

REVEREND
Yes, Mistress.

VERONICA
What are you?

REVEREND
A worm, Mistress. A little horny
worm.

VERONICA
And what am I?

REVEREND
You are Mistress Veronica Vinyl.
The goddess unto which all men must
give their undying devotion and
credit card numbers.

A MAN enters. He is one of the Scruggs' zealots.

ZEALOT
Reverend Scruggs! Reverend Scruggs!
There's something you have to see.
(to Veronica)
Excuse me, ma'am

REVEREND
How many times have I told you not
to disturb me in my retreat of
contemplation?

ZEALOT
I'm sorry, Reverend Scruggs, but if
the nice leather lady could stop
contemplating you for a minute.
There is something you must see.

VERONICA
What the hell. You're a prepay.

The ZEALOT plugs in the TV.

REVEREND
This had better be worth it.

The ZEALOT turns on the TV. We SEE the circus outside the
Grand Quignol.
 23.

REVEREND (CONT'D)
What is this?

ZEALOT
The 69th sign, sir. The dead shall
rise out of the ground and they
shall walk among the living.

VERONICA
Oh, please.

REVEREND
It's fake. It has to be.

ZEALOT
No, sir. Reliable sources tell us
that they are in fact the risen
children of the demon Asteric the
Emphasized.

REVEREND
Lord protect us.

ZEALOT
Amen.

VERONICA
Sheesh. Could you leave now?

ZEALOT
Are you very expensive?

VERONICA
Very.

REVEREND
Leave us! Call forth the flock. I
will be down in twenty minutes.

VERONICA
One hour.

REVEREND
One hour.

The ZEALOT exits.

VERONICA
Where was I?

REVEREND
Little horny worm.
 24.

VERONICA
You little horny worm.

REVEREND
Yes, Mistress.

15 INT. LOADING DOCK - DAY 15

Diamond Dead TOUR TRUCKS are unloading equipment into the
theatre as JACK and GEENA approach waving their passes at
anyone who will look.

JACK
Hi, I'm Jack Shit. I'm supposed to
be here. I got a backstage pass.

GEENA
See! Backstage passes. We got
backstage passes. We're cool.

JACK bumps into RASPUTIN.

JACK
(playing the snob)
Pardon me. But do you have any Grey
Poupon?

GEENA
Move aside, mere drop of water. Let
the ocean pass.

16 INT. MATHIAS' OFFICE - DAY 16

MATHIAS is in his office, lying on the couch. ARIA knocks on
his door and sticks her head in.

ARIA
Ready to meet the rest of the boys?

MATHIAS
Are there any reporters out there?

ARIA
We're meeting Pussy A. Dangle
backstage.

MATHIAS
That's the woman. I'll stay here.

ARIA
C'mon!
 25.

MATHIAS
Aw! Do I have to?

ARIA
Don't be a baby.

MATHIAS
Sheesh. That's like telling Elvis,
"Don't be dead".

She gives him a look and leaves.

17 INT. BACKSTAGE - DAY 17

The place is a flurry of activity. ROADIES move equipment
boxes. One of them is bouncing up and down like something is
alive and pissed off inside. One roadie pushes a rack with
hanging sides of beef past PUSSY standing next to the
dressing room door. RASPUTIN, the security guard, wearing a
headset and carrying an Uzi has taken up his post opposite.

RASPUTIN
(into headset)
I don’t care what kind of ritual it
is. Tell Bob the sheep’s skulls are
for band use only.

PUSSY
(to her camera)
Security is tight around here.

TWENTY GROUPIES rush the green room, screaming. SNIPERS armed

with guns appear out of their hiding places and fire at the
crazed BIMBOS, dropping them in their tracks. There is no
blood.

PUSSY (CONT'D)
Oh my God!

RASPUTIN
(calmly into his headset)
Blue Spook to Big Boo. Can we have
a cleanup crew to backstage
dressing room C? Over.

PUSSY
Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh... my...
God!

RASPUTIN
(to Pussy)
Can I see Some ID?
 26.

PUSSY
You shot those bimbos!

RASPUTIN
ID?

PUSSY hands over her press credentials.

PUSSY
I'm Pussy A. Dangle from NTV. I
made arrangements with Aria De
Winters... You... You... You shot
those poor groupies!

RASPUTIN
Hang on a minute.
(to headset)
Blue Spook to Big Boo. I need a
press verification on a Pussy A.
Dangle.

PUSSY
Those poor teenyboppers. You killed
them!

RASPUTIN
No, we didn't, ma'am. Tranquilizer
darts.

PUSSY
What?

RASPUTIN
Dr. Diabolicus endorses the N. A.
H. T. O. G. B. B. F. I.

PUSSY
Who?

RASPUTIN
The National Association for the
Humane Treatment Of Groupies,
Bimbos, and Bad Female
Impersonators. We'll attach a small
radio transmitter and then release
them into their natural habitat. We
do not harm the bimbo in any way.

PUSSY
Natural habitat?
 27.

RASPUTIN
Shopping malls, biker rallies,
Republican political fund-
raisers... It's all very controlled
and we're saving thousands of
bimbos from extinction every year.

PUSSY
Really?

RASPUTIN
Here comes Ms. De Winter now.

ARIA and MATHIAS arrive.

ARIA
Pussy A. Dangle. I'm Aria De Winter
and this is Mathias Stark.

MATHIAS
We met.

RASPUTIN
Dr. Diabolicus and the rest of the
band will see you now. But first a
word of warning.

PUSSY
Yes.

RASPUTIN
They hate bright light. They hate
stupid questions. And most
important of all...

PUSSY
What?

RASPUTIN
Do not put your fingers near their
faces.

PUSSY
Why?

RASPUTIN
They bite.

PUSSY
Bullshit.
 28.

ARIA
C'mon, Rasputin, you're scaring our
guests.

RASPUTIN
No. They do.

RASPUTIN holds up his left hand. Two fingers are missing.

PUSSY
Holy shit!

MATHIAS
I'm not going in.

ARIA
Rasputin! Stop it.

RASPUTIN
All I did was wave to Dr.
Diabolicus and he bit them off. He
would have ate my whole arm if I
hadn't shot him.

MATHIAS
You shot him?

ARIA
He's exaggerating. Shut up now,
Rasputin.

RASPUTIN
Didn't hurt him but it gave the
gaffer time to drag me away.

ARIA
Thank you for sharing, Rasputin.
He's such a kidder. Let's go in.

RASPUTIN
Hey, don't worry, I get workers'
comp, so I'm happy.

ARIA
Can we go in?

RASPUTIN
Sure. They're a bunch of swell
guys. Honest

As they enter RASPUTIN chuckles quietly to himself.

 29.

18 INT. DRESSING ROOM - DAY 18

A large room. ARIA, PUSSY, MATHIAS and the CAMERAMAN enter.
The dressing room is very poorly lit. The outline of four
coffins can be seen against one wall. FOUR DARK SILHOUETTES
are sitting on the couch. A long bony hand reaches for a
beer sitting on the end table. Everybody talks in a whisper.

PUSSY
It's very dark in here.

ARIA
We like it that way.

The band nods in unison. A weird distorted chuckle echoes

around the room.

PUSSY
I don't think the camera is going
to be able to pick up much in this
light.

MATHIAS
That's probably for the best. Well,
not much to see here. Let's go get
an espresso.

ARIA
I'll tell you when you can turn on
the lights.

PUSSY
Oh. Fine.

ARIA
Are you ready?

CAMERAMAN
Rolling.

PUSSY
(to camera)
This is Pussy A. Dangle backstage
with Dr. Diabolicus and the
Diamond Dead. So, guys,what's it
feel like to be stars?

DR. D
It feels a lot like not being a
star, only with a lot more money.
 30.

PUSSY
So, why the darkness? Why the
mystery?

SPYDER SYN raises TWO SOCK PUPPETS on his hands which do his
speaking for him. One is cute, the other is distinctly evil.
He wears an iron mask and a long cape that conceals his
emaciated anatomy. His hair, which sticks out of the top of
his mask, is parted in the middle. One side is dyed white,
the other black.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

We shun the light. Our eyes and our
souls are attuned to the darkness.

GLITTER is a tall mummified cadaver, made up like a French

whore. His once outlandish glitz wardrobe hangs on him like a
scarecrow.

GLITTER
Sunlight dries our skin. We all
have very sensitive skin.

DR. D
We don't go near water either.

PUSSY
Why?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

We don't want to re-hydrate.

DR. D
That would be bad.

GLITTER
Ooooh. Can you imagine? All the
Midol in the world could not stop
that bloating. Yuck.

PUSSY
Who's the man on the end there?

BARTHOLOMEW BANGZ wears a torn tank top T-shirt and leather

pants. Despite his emaciated condition, his arms are
overdeveloped and muscular. His face is a frozen sneer. He
reminds people of Sid Vicious, if Sid were a beef jerky.

BANGZ
(loud)
Fuck you!
 31.

ARIA
That's Bartholomew Bangz. He
doesn't talk much.

BANGZ
Fuck you. I fuckin' talk like a
fuckin' parrot. Listen to me talk!
I'm fuckin' talking right now. You
just don't want to fuckin' listen
to what I fuckin' have to say. Fuck
NTV. Fuck this band. Fuck you
all... Thank you... and fuck you.

DR. D
Bangz is cool.

BANGZ
Fuck you.

PUSSY
So. What do you attribute your
sudden success to?

DR. D
We're dead.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Yup. Dead.

GLITTER
Dead Dick dead.

BANGZ
Fuckin' dead. Fuckin' dirtnap dead.
Fuckin' stiff city.

ARIA
Dr. Diabolicus and the Diamond Dead
is America's first authentic dead
band.

PUSSY
How do you mean dead?

DR. D
Dead. Dead. Un-live. Inanimate.
Uninvolved.

GLITTER
We're deceased.

BANGZ
So, fuck you.
 32.

ARIA
Pussy, dear. You are about to see
America's ultimate product for a
death fixated society. You are in
the presence of the first
completely dead band. Ladies and
Gentlemen, I give you... Dr.
Diabolicus and the Diamond Dead.

ARIA turns on the lights. The visitors react in shock. The

four cadavers smile at the camera. GLITTER waves.

PUSSY
(screams)
Jesus!

MATHIAS
They sure smell dead.

MATHIAS staggers against the wall and slides down.

DR. D
I'm Dr. Diabolicus, lead singer and
all round charismatic guy. This is
Spyder Syn. Proof that Cruella De
Ville got a sex change.

SPYDER holds up one of his sock hand puppets.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Hi, America.

DR. D
This is Glitter. The man. The
music. The accessories. And
Bartholomew Bangz. Thinker.
Philosopher.

BANGZ
Fuck you.

DR. D
He's deep.

PUSSY starts to puke. MATHIAS in shock, shaking his head in

disbelief, is mumbling to himself.

19 INT. BACKSTAGE - LATER - DAY 19

PARAMEDICS are wheeling PUSSY out of the dressing room on a
stretcher. GEENA and JACK watch the reporter pass.
 33.

GEENA
Was that Pussy A. Dangle?

JACK
Kinda looked like her.

GEENA
Seemed awfully sick.

JACK
Kinda green and water-eyed.

GEENA
Wow. She looks much better in real
life.

JACK
Definitely.

ARIA and MATHIAS exit the dressing room and walk down a
passageway. MATHIAS is noticeably agitated.

MATHIAS
What’s going on here, Aria?!
They’re dead!

ARIA
Look Mathias. It’s all cool. Come
over here and sit down.

ARIA leads him to a quiet corner and sits him on an equipment

case.

MATHIAS
They’re dead. They are really dead.
And not like in a kinda cutesy
hippie dippie grateful dead sort of
way. Those fuckers are dead in a
smelly road kill squishy way. Where
the heck did you all come from?

ARIA
Oh, thank God.

She sits down on a plastic chair in the corner.

ARIA
(into CAMERA)
I’ve been dreading the awkward
setup for a flashback scene...
(to Mathias)
...but you got us over it like a
pro.
 34.

MATHIAS
Thanks.

ARIA
Well, it all started in 1982...

FLASHBACK

20 EXT. HOLLYWOOD STREET - DAY 20

A dilapidated VW MICROBUS speeds through the LA warehouse
district. The bus turns a corner, and roars onto a dirt road
toward a boarded up and abandoned garment factory. "Unsafe”
and “Condemned" signs are tacked up everywhere. The VW skids
to a halt in front of the building, raising a huge cloud of
dust. The doors open and the BAND, NOW ALIVE, step out and
begin to unload their equipment. ARIA climbs on the roof of
her bus and sits cross-legged, watching.

GLITTER
Did we suck last night, or was I
the only one ducking bottles?

BANGZ
We sucked. We always suck. If it
wasn't for our consistent
suckiness, we wouldn't have any
consistency at all.

GLITTER
I'm depressed.

DR. D
Fuck you both.

BANGZ
Is all this swearing absolutely
necessary?

SPYDER SYN
Kiss my ass.

DR. D
C'mon, let's get this shit
unloaded.

ARIA realizes she's being ignored and jumps down from the
bus.

ARIA
I wanna play.
 35.

DR. D
Aria, please. We've had a shitty
night. We got stiffed on the door.
We blew an amp. Spyder got the clap
from Laura.

SPYDER SYN
I did?

GLITTER
She told us last night.

SPYDER SYN
That bitch.

DR. D
...And he just found out he knocked
up another chick.

SPYDER SYN
God, I'm a creep.

DR. D
Aria baby, I would like to go
inside in peace. Is that okay with
you?

ARIA is angry to the point of tears as Dr. D and the BAND

turn their backs on her and enter the factory.

ARIA
You prick!

She sits down on an equipment case and begins to cry softly.

GLITTER stops at the door, sets down his arm load of
equipment and walks back and sits down next to her.

GLITTER
I don't think you two will ever get
along. Forget about him Aria.

ARIA
So, I'm fucked. All I want is to be
a part.

SPYDER sticks his head out of the door.

SPYDER SYN
Hey, Glitter, Bangz got a new
"Rupture Subwoofer." It's fucking
huge.
 36.

GLITTER
(to Aria)
Are you coming?

ARIA follows them in.

21 INT. BASEMENT - DAY 21

The BAND live in a typical squatter camp. The band’s
equipment and the huge "RUPTURE SUBWOOFER" amp dominates one
side of the room. The BAND stands in front of the monolithic
sound monster, looking up in awe.

DR. D
That thing looks scary.

SPYDER SYN
It is scary.

BANGZ
I saw a Rupture Subwoofer kill a
squirrel at that Rolling Stones
show in Berkeley. The poor little
blighter just exploded. I don't
think we should use it outside. I
don't want to kill any animals.

The BAND looks at one another.

DR. D
Whoa. Killed a squirrel.

BANGZ
The Who doesn't have one.

GLITTER
Really?

BANGZ
Just the Stones and us.

DR. D
Crank it!

ARIA sits down on a big black box that is plugged into the
Subwoofer. The band begins to play a song. She notices a
sticker on the box she is sitting on.
 37.

INSERT

DANGER! DO NOT OPERATE RUPTURE SUBWOOFER WITH OUT CONNECTING

RESOUNCE FILTER. EXTREME DANGER!

BACK TO ARIA

A wicked smile crosses her face. She reaches down and pulls
the plug on the resounce filter. Immediately, the vibration
from the Subwoofer begins to shake the room. ARIA gets up
quietly and exits.

As the BAND plays, plaster falls off the walls, glass

explodes everywhere. Trickles of blood runs out of the band
members ears and noses.

22 EXT. FACTORY - DAY 22

As ARIA drives away the foundation shakes and the building's
windows EXPLODE behind her. ARIA is unaware that the entire
building is COLLAPSING on top of the band, burying them.

END OF FLASHBACK

23 BACK TO MATHIAS AND ARIA. 23

ARIA
It bummed me out for a long time...

MATHIAS
Wow. I thought I was the only
person to have a Subwoofer near
death experience.

ARIA
It's more common than you think.

MATHIAS
How did they come back to life?

She checks her watch.

ARIA
Look sweetie, I don’t have time for
this right now. We got a sound
check in a few minutes. Kinda mini
preview. Why don’t you just go back
to your office and I’ll catch up
with you later.
 38.

MATHIAS
Um... No. I wanna see.

ARIA
Are you sure?

MATHIAS
No, but it's kinda like watching a
horrible car accident about to
happen. I can't turn away.

ARIA
I feel that way about shopping.

MATHIAS
One question.

ARIA
Sure.

MATHIAS
You're not dead, are you?

ARIA
Of course not. I'm much worse.

She exits.

24 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - DAY 24

The house is MOBBED WITH REPORTERS and FANS.

25 INT. DRESSING ROOM - DAY 25

ARIA answers the phone. With her in the room are DR. D and
the BAND.

ARIA
Okay, okay, we're coming.
(to band)
Places.

DR. D
Let's rock and roll.

BANGZ
Fuckin' A.

GLITTER
Go girl.
 39.

SPYDER SYN
Kick ass.

ARIA
Whatever.

26 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM - DAY 26

The stage is in darkness. GEENA and JACK are center front.

The BAND appear on-stage rising out of exploding graves, and

begin to play the intro to song “Necrophilia”.

DR. D’s hand falls off. A ROADIE runs out, finds it under a
piece of equipment and reattaches it with a roll of duct
tape. Dr. D talks to the audience.

DR. D
I'd like to dedicate this song to
all you necrophiliacs out there.

GLITTER
Amen.

DR. D
If it wasn’t for filthy perverts
like you, we would never get laid!

Dr. D starts singing Necrophilia, which continues over next

two scenes.

27 EXT. WHITE HOUSE - DAY 27

Establish.

28 EXT. WHITE HOUSE LAWN - DAY 28

The PRESIDENT, followed by SECRET SERVICE AGENTS is walking
toward a waiting helicopter displaying the Presidential Seal.
A MARINE GUARD is standing at the steps. An AIDE hands a
portable phone to the President.

AIDE
Oklahoma, sir. Your cousin Reverend
Jimmy Scruggs.

PRESIDENT
Shit. What does that Bible humping
bastard want?
(into phone)
 40.
PRESIDENT(cont'd)
Cousin Jimmy, you old Bible
thumping fire and brimstone son of
a... Baptist preacher. How the hell
are you?

29 INT. VERONICA’S DUNGEON - DAY 29

SCRUGGS, bare-assed, is sitting in tub of ice-water. INTERCUT
with the President as desired.

REVEREND
Do you love God?

Behind SCRUGGS, VERONICA playfully cracks her whip.

PRESIDENT
Yes, I love God. What do you want?

REVEREND
The end times are here Mr.
President. The 69th sign. Verse 4,
chapter 9. The dead have risen from
the grave. Satan’s handmaidens have
arrived and they call themselves
the Diamond Dead. As the Lord is my
witness, Armageddon will be upon us
if they are not stopped. You are
aware of the biblical consequences
if their show goes on?

PRESIDENT
I'm very aware of the biblical
ramifications Jimmy. I’ll get one
of my boys to deal with this right
away. Jimmy? Sounds like you're in
pain? Is that Mistress Veronica I
hear in the background? Tell her
Air Force One is standing by. I'll
see her at Camp David.

The PRESIDENT enters the helicopter and it takes off.

30 INT. BACKSTAGE WINGS - DAY 30

ARIA walks up to PUSSY. On stage, the performance continues.

ARIA
So, what do you think?
 41.

PUSSY
I don't see how this is possible.
They're dead. They reek
formaldehyde. How can it be?

ARIA
Part magic, part science, mostly
bullshit. It's all so fabulously
decadent, isn't it? Oooh, you don't
want to miss this. This is where
Dr. D spits maggots at the
audience.

PUSSY
Oh, please, Jesus!

She starts to puke again.

31 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM - DAY 31

DR. D sprays the AUDIENCE consisting of the press, sound
crew, hangers on, etc. with a ridiculous excess of slime and
maggots.

Song “Necrophilia” ends.

32 INT. BACKSTAGE WINGS - DAY 32

ARIA looks down to PUSSY passed out on the floor.

ARIA
Wimp.

33 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM - DAY 33

GEENA and JACK sitting in the front row are drenched in
maggots and slime. JACK plucks a maggot from his face.

JACK
Look, Geena, real live maggots.

GEENA
Are you sure? That looks like a
meal worm to me.

JACK
Nope. That's a maggot.

GEENA
I don't think so.
 42.

JACK
It restores my faith in American
advertising. Real live maggots.
Cool.

34 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM - CONTINUOUS 34

DR. D smiles sheepishly at the now-soaked AUDIENCE.

DR. D
Miss anyone?

AUDIENCE
No.

FAVOR MATHIAS

He is standing at the back of the theatre, covered in slime.

MATHIAS
(to himself with anguished
sarcasm)
This is the best day of my life.

35 EXT. AIRFORCE ONE - DAY 35

Flying high in the skies.

36 INT. AIRFORCE ONE - CONTINUOUS 36

The PRESIDENT is talking to the CIA Director, LARRY SIMMS.

PRESIDENT
Goddamit Simms, you're the CIA
Director for Chrissakes! If the
dead are rising from the grave, I
want to know about it.

SIMMS
Yes Mr. President.

PRESIDENT
This has significant military
implications. We must have dead
raising capability. We must know
the secret to life and death. I
want you send your best operative
to get it for me.
 43.

SIMMS
Yes sir. I know just the right
person for the job.

37 EXT. THE HOLY CHURCH OF GOOD INTENTIONS - DAY 37

A fabulous old Gothic structure.

38 INT. THE HOLY CHURCH OF GOOD INTENTIONS - CONTINUOUS 38

Vaulted ceilings, stain glass windows. The beautiful marble
altar is made ugly by a giant black velvet portrait of the
Reverend Scruggs.

A television sits on a pedestal, showing Dr. D spewing

maggots. Suddenly, the TV is smashed by a twenty pound
sledgehammer. REVEREND SCRUGGS throws the sledgehammer to one
side, and returns to the pulpit.

REVEREND
Brothers and sisters, that was the
scene at the Grand Quignol Theatre.
Truly the end times are upon us.
For the Bible says, "The Devil
walks among us." And, yea, though I
walk through the valley of the
shadow of Death, I shalt take no
shit.

Cue: “Gospel Funk Track” which continues until end of scene.

REVEREND
The Devil has come, brothers and
sisters, and he's one big sneaky
son of a bitch. The dead walk the
earth. Frankly, dear sinners, I
feel a completely reactionary, knee-
jerk, ignorant, fanatical outburst
of violence is necessary to trod
the serpent underfoot! Praise the
Lord?

FLOCK
Praise the Lord.

REVEREND
It is written that the meek shall
inherit the Earth but who wants
this dirtball if it's crawling with
rotting cadavers? Not me!
 44.

FLOCK
Amen!

REVEREND
Oh, no! Not me!

FLOCK
Amen!

REVEREND
We must stamp out this evil. We
must crush this festering blemish
on the Earth between our two
fingers of justice and watch as the
yellow pus of evil squirts high and
splats oozing down the mirror of
pure crystal goodness.

FLOCK
Ooooh, Yuck!

REVEREND
I feel the right swift hand of
vengeance moving in me. I am his
terrible swift sword. We must cut
off the left hand of darkness to
spite our faces. The Diamond Dead
are messengers of death. We are
soldiers of life. Let us cause
violent death so that we may be
rewarded for our life-affirming
murder. We shall rebury the buried
once and re-kill the already dead.

FLOCK
What?

REVEREND
Praise the Lord.

FLOCK
Praise the Lord!

REVEREND
Hallelujah!

FLOCK
Hallelujah!

REVEREND
"Vengeance is mine, sayeth the
Lord," but mindless slaughter is
for everybody, sayeth I. Amen!
 45.

39 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL STAGE - DAY 39

MATHIAS gets up from his hands and knees on the stage, having
finished cleaning up the mess. He is wearing a rubber apron,
safety yellow cleaning gloves and has an air-filter mask over
his face. He moves the mask onto the top of his head when
ARIA enters.

ARIA
You wanted to see me.

MATHIAS
I'm not sure.

ARIA
The sound check was great. We're
going to make a killing. The band
loves this place. I think we could
book a week here, easy.

MATHIAS
I don't think so.

ARIA
Why not?

MATHIAS
Because I'm gonna kill myself as
soon as I'm aware enough to feel
it.

He starts walking toward his office, she walks next to him.

ARIA
Why?

MATHIAS
Maggots, dead men, slime all over
my theatre, haunted hearses,
reporters everywhere, femme fatale
rock women, too much coffee, not
enough sleep, mucus covered
clothes, caffeine sugar shock,
Thorazine, too much weirdness,
cerebral hemorrhage, sexual
frustration, genuine terror, large
mounds of...

ARIA
Stop already. You're babbling.
 46.

MATHIAS
Am I?

ARIA
I know we're a lot to take all at
once. It's the way we are. Excess
is best. Shock appeal and all that
P. T. Barnum kind of stuff.

MATHIAS
It worked. I'm shocked.

ARIA
I'm sorry. It's all in fun, honest.
It's rock and roll.

They enter his office.

40 INT. MATHIAS' OFFICE - CONTINUOUS 40

MATHIAS flops on the sofa-bed. ARIA faces him.

MATHIAS
(blurts it out)
So, do you love this Diabolicus
dude?

ARIA
Doesn't matter. He doesn't love me,
so fuck it.

SONG: "CRASH-TEST DUMMIES IN LOVE": ARIA AND MATHIAS plays in

background.

MATHIAS
Good.

ARIA
Good?

MATHIAS
Well... um... I'm not above
exploiting a broken heart for my
own personal gain.

ARIA
Really?

MATHIAS
Look at me. I have to take
advantage wherever I can. Just
watch... I respect you, Aria.
 47.
MATHIAS(cont'd)
I think that any guy who would snob
you is an asshole and a Cyclopean
jerk. You are incredible.

ARIA
Hey, that's pretty good. What do
you do next?

MATHIAS
I don't know. I've never got it
right before. I don't have a clue.

ARIA leans forward and kisses him.

ARIA
How 'bout that?

MATHIAS
Wow. This thing seems to have its
own momentum.

They kiss again.

Song ends.

41 EXT. CIA - DAY 41

Establish.

42 INT. CIA - CLOSE ON DOOR - CONTINUOUS 42

A sign reads: "CIA SUPER-SECRET HUSH-HUSH BLACK ROOM."

43 INT. CIA SUPER-SECRET HUSH-HUSH BLACK ROOM - CONTINUOUS 43

The chairs are filled with TEN MEN IN GRAY SUITS looking at
SIMMS, who presides at the head of the table.

SIMMS
This is not a simple situation. We
can't handle it with S.O.B. These
guys have gone high profile.

AGENT 1
Yes sir.

SIMMS
We have no choice. We’ve got to
call in our best paranormal and
aberrant sexual operative.
 48.

One of the MALE AGENTS jumps up on the table. He stands up

straight, covers his face with his hands and lifts up on his
tiptoes.

CLOSE ON

Two stiletto heels click into place like switchblade

knives(music beat one, two) and the shoes transform into
women’s pumps. Black plastic skin tight armor replaces his
male attire.

PAN UP

A riding crop springs into his hands. A mechanized corset

grabs and constricts his waist. His chest swells under
plastic bra cups (music beat three, four). Now only his face
remains male. He lowers his head, hair obscuring his face.
Then throws her head back and it is VERONICA VINYL.

SIMMS (CONT'D)
Agent Mistress Veronica Vinyl.

ALL THE AGENTS

Oooooh!

VERONICA
(to one of the agents)
Oh, stop drooling. You'll get spit
on my pumps.
(to Simms)
I read the file.

VERONICA launches into a production number.

SONG: "ON YOUR KNEES BITCH!": VERONICA

SIMMS
Yes, Agent V... I mean, Agent
Mistress Veronica Vinyl.

VERONICA
Make sure there's a jet helicopter
waiting to take me directly to the
theatre.

Production number ends.

SIMMS
I actually feel sorry for those
boys.
 49.

44 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 44

A large time worn room. Exposed duct work, stained yellow
walls with holes in the dry wall. The BAND is sitting around
playing poker.

BANGZ
Fucking road. Fucking gig. Fucking
road. Fucking sucks.

GLITTER
You've got a busted hand, don't
you, sweetie.

BANGZ
Fucking cards. You and your fucking
poker face.

GLITTER
It's called rigor mortis.

BANGZ
I fucking fold.

45 INT. MATHIAS' OFFICE - NIGHT 45

ARIA and MATHIAS are making out, Mathias breaks away gasping
for breath. ARIA looks at the clock on the wall. Time is
precious to her.

ARIA
See? No disasters, no weirdness...

MATHIAS
I know, weird, isn't it?

ARIA
You're impossible.

ARIA pushes MATHIAS back onto the desk and begins stripping
him.

MATHIAS
I mean, usually when I start to
have a good time, the universe
retaliates a lot quicker.
Technically, I shouldn't be able to
get my shoes off before I get
whacked.
 50.

ARIA
Maybe your luck is changing.

MATHIAS
Or maybe the universe is setting me
up for a big one.

ARIA
Look Mathias baby, could we have
less talking and more groping, I
don’t have much time.

MATHIAS
I like to talk Aria. I need to
talk. Can’t we do both?

ARIA
Okay, what ever. How did you get in
the theatre business?

MATHIAS
I used to write music reviews until
I flipped out. One night I found
myself drunk and dancing on the
roof of Alice Cooper's tour bus
naked, singing "Born Free" with a
Filipino transvestite named Dwight.

ARIA pulls down Mathias’ pants and sees the impressive bulge.

ARIA
Whoa!

MATHIAS
I quit the magazine next day and
moved here. Tell me about your
band.

ARIA
Fine... What do you want to know?

MATHIAS
I wonder what it would be like to
be dead.

ARIA pushes MATHIAS back on the bed and jumps on top of him.

ARIA
Something Like this!
 51.

46 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 46

The BAND sit around a table playing cards. There is a knock
at the door. RASPUTIN sticks his head in.

RASPUTIN
Dinner is served.

D sweeps the cards off the table. A line of BEAUTIFUL SERVING

GIRLS enter carrying covered trays of food. They set the food
on the table and remove the covers. Beneath is piles of raw
meat and other unsavory things.

The BAND attack the food with growls and tearing of flesh.
The exception is GLITTER, who takes the time use a knife and
fork and the best table manners.

GLITTER
What was it like for you, D? Dying,
I mean? You know, the first time...
not including bad gigs.

DR. D
I don’t know. It was kinda
spiritual.

BANGZ
The fucking afterlife bites.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Mine sucked, too.

As they talk food flies everywhere.

DR. D
I remember the white light and so I
went in.

BANGZ
Fucking hurt my eyes.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

I saw that too.

Note: the scenes described by the band during the following

Green Room scenes will be shot in the style of 1950’s sci-fi
movies.
 52.

47 HEAVEN BACK DOOR 47

A dirty alleyway with dumpsters full of garbage. A couple
ANGELS with wings, wearing hair-nets sneak a smoke break and
share a bottle in a brown paper bag. BANGZ walks up to the
door. Over the door is a sign: "HEAVEN BACK ENTRANCE
EMPLOYEES ONLY." BANGZ sighs deeply.

BANGZ (V.O.)
Fuck, man. I didn't go in. This
fuckin' prick wearing a fuckin'
sheet stopped me and fuckin' said,
"You can't fuckin' go that way.
Musicians have to use the fuckin'
back door."

48 INT. MATHIAS’ OFFICE - NIGHT 48

MATHIAS and ARIA are in bed, getting it on. A ROADIE knocks
on the door.

ROADIE (O.S.)
Aria, the fire inspectors are here.

ARIA and MATHIAS stop moving under the blankets.

ARIA
So?

ROADIE (O.S.)
They say we can’t use the magnesium
flash grenades in the show. They
say it will cause blindness and the
smoke is neuro-toxic.

ARIA
Fine. Use the riot smoke
cannisters. And point the
industrial laser at the audience.
Same effect and the side effects
aren’t as bad.

The ROADIE leaves and ARIA resumes. MATHIAS stops her.

MATHIAS
I can’t do my best work if we’re
going to interrupted all the time.
I need a moment to get my breath.
Tell me more about the band. Why
does Spyder wear a mask?
 53.

ARIA
(frustrated)
Nobody knows except Bangz and he’s
not talking.

MATHIAS
Why?

ARIA
Bangz used to be the sweetest guy
until he saw what Spyder looked
liked under the mask. He just
cracked.

MATHIAS
Really?

ARIA
Now Bangz just curses and swears
and hates everything. Whatever he
saw must have been bad.

MATHIAS
What about Spyder?

ARIA
Spyder’s all right. He only talks
through his puppets. A touch of
evil, but on the whole a nice guy.
He works out his problems with his
puppets. A man who wears sock
puppets can’t be that dangerous.

MATHIAS
Are you sure?

ARIA
Mostly sure. Now can we get back to
business, please?

49 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 49

The dinner continues. Meat and blood and food is everywhere
and on everyone.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

I remember falling.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Falling and falling.
 54.

50 OUTER SPACE 50
SPYDER is falling through the eternal darkness towards the
light. He shoots past it, hurtling into outer space.

SPYDER SYN (V.O.)

... But I missed. Shot right past
it. I went hurtling into outer
space.

DR. D (V.O.)
What happened?

SPYDER'S BODY flies uncontrolled towards a GIANT MAGGOT like

creature lined with huge sphere-like eyes.

SPYDER SYN (V.O.)

There's something out there. It
lives beyond the light. It's not
the Devil, it’s worse. It looks
like all the evil in the whole
universe. Black and bloated, all
festering and cancerous.

The thing’s nictated eyes open, releasing a swirling black

tempest of radiation that envelopes SPYDER'S body as he
SCREAMS in agony.

SPYDER SYN (V.O.)

I guess the thing ate whatever
souls missed the light. I could
feel the stuff changing me. Warping
me... I couldn't stop it.

51 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 51

BANGZ has become so engrossed by Spyder’s story, he hasn’t
noticed he’s gnawing on D’s arm.

DR. D
(to Bangz)
Do you mind?
(to Spyder)
That why you wear a mask?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Small price to pay for your eternal
soul. I got called back so I guess
it paid off.
 55.

GLITTER
Sorry, Spyder.

52 INT. MATHIAS OFFICE - NIGHT 52

MATHIAS
What about Diabolicus?

ARIA
I don't want to talk about him.

MATHIAS
Glitter, then?

53 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 53

Dinner continues.

GLITTER
Heaven was so beautiful: all fluffy
clouds and stars. It looked just
like my senior prom.

54 HEAVEN 54
ANGELS are lounging around on clouds. GLITTER, in his robes
and wings and rhinestone halo, stands on his cloud and lets
loose with a harp solo, singing at the top of his lungs. The
ANGELS stare at him.

GLITTER
(singing)
.....And as we wind on down the
road! Our shadows taller than our
souls. There walks a lady we all
know, Who shines white light
....and ....wants to
.....show...........

He stops singing.

GLITTER (CONT'D)
What?! It’s Stairway to Heaven. Led
Zepplin... what?... fine...
(to himself)
And she’s buying a stairway t...

ANGEL
Shhhhh!
 56.

GLITTER
(whispering)
......to heaven

55 INT. MATHIAS’ OFFICE - NIGHT 55

MATHIAS and ARIA in bed.

ARIA
Glitter’s a real sweetheart, but a
real screamer in the gender
department. It's a shame, too,
because he's beautiful.

MATHIAS
Ugh! They're mummies.

ARIA
I know, but my dad was a mortician.
After a while, that kind of warps
ya. I know everybody doesn't share
my taste but fuck 'em. I think
they're unique.

MATHIAS
I guess that's true. Personally
disturbing, but true. Tell me about
Diabolicus?

ARIA
I don’t want to talk about him.
Don’t you ever shut up?

ARIA waves her hand and the lights go out. Under the blankets
the going gets heavy.

56 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 56

Dinner continues.

GLITTER
You saw Jesus?

BANGZ
Whoa!

GLITTER
What was He like?

DR. D
He was cool.
 57.

57 HEAVEN 57
DIABOLICUS in his leathers and Black Sabbath T-shirt is
walking in heaven. He walks toward a FIGURE in the distance.
It is JESUS. Glowing halo, golden vestments and sacred heart
medallion on his chest. Dr. D stops a passing ANGEL.

DR. D
Ganja ?

The ANGEL ignores him pointedly. Dr. D continues. He

approaches JESUS, who looks androgynous and holy, arms
outstretched amongst the clouds.

DR. D
Hey Jesus dude, I'm a big fan.

JESUS
Thanks... I like you too man. I
like all you rock and roll guys.
Hey listen you got any rolling
papers?

DR. D
Sure. You got any smoke?

JESUS
Don't tell Dad.

DR. D
It's cool.

58 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 58

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET
You smoked a bowl with the Son of
God? That rocks!

SPYDER SYN
What did you talk about?

DR. D
All sorts of shit. He said
straights and 9-5-ers didn’t need
Him much and that a lot of Bible-
humpers were posers. One thing He
said was kinda cool.
 58.

59 HEAVEN 59
JESUS and Dr. D are getting toasted. They are lying on a
cloud, staring up at the stars, passing the joint.

DR. D (V.O.)
He said He likes hanging with the
fuck-ups. People who fuck up are
the people who need Him most and
learn the most.

BANGZ (V.O.)
Fuckin' A.

DR. D
Hey dude, don't bogart the joint.

JESUS
Sorry.

60 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 60

BANGZ
Fuckin' cool.

DR. D
I guess we're supposed to fuck up.
If you do everything right, you
don't score any points.

BANGZ
I guess I'm a fucking genius then.

GLITTER
And I'm Mother Theresa.

RASPUTIN enters and places a large cake on the table.

RASPUTIN
Dessert. I call this Zombie
surprise.

RASPUTIN cuts into the cake and cockroaches erupt from the
inside, scurrying all over the table. The boys stab at them
greedily with their forks.

61 INT. MATHIAS’ OFFICE - NIGHT 61

MATHIAS and ARIA in bed.
 59.

ARIA
It's a damn shame they died,
though. Still, now that they are
dead, I like them more.

MATHIAS
You sure are odd, Aria.

ARIA
Thank-you.

62 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 62

The BAND lie around the room bloated and happy. D belches
loudly.

DR. D
Being dead was hard.

BANGZ
Yeah, fuckin' big boobed bummer.

DR. D
I don’t want to go through that
again alone.

BANGZ
Next time we fuckin' croak, we
fuckin' croak together.

GLITTER
... And we fuckin' stick together
all the way.

DR. D
All for one!

BANGZ
Yeah. All for one... and ... All
for one! Fuckin' A!

Bangz farts.

GLITTER
Well said, Bangz.

63 INT. MATHIAS’ OFFICE - NIGHT 63

ARIA and MATHIAS are smoking in bed. MATHIAS is naked except
for the yellow cleaning gloves.
 60.

MATHIAS
You’re leaving something out. I can
smell a big ole butt a mile
away....Let me rephrase that.

ARIA
Well... We had one other problem to
overcome.

MATHIAS
What's that?

ARIA
The Diamond Dead are cannibals.

MATHIAS
WHAAAT?!

ARIA
Don't worry. We got it mostly
licked now.

MATHIAS
What do you mean, mostly licked?

ARIA
We had a few minor incidents.

MATHIAS
Such as?

ARIA
We think Spyder ate my landlord.

MATHIAS
Oh-my-God!

ARIA
Spyder won't talk about it. He was
completely freaked out. That's when
he started using the sock puppets.

MATHIAS
Oh my God... How do you know?

ARIA
I found some bones in the laundry
room... Just a couple... And a left
shoe. Oh yeah. A pacemaker. That's
all!

MATHIAS
That's horrible.
 61.

ARIA
My landlord was an asshole.

MATHIAS
Still, I mean... I don't know what
I mean.

ARIA
We solved that problem, though.

MATHIAS
How?

ARIA
Raw beef soaked in synthetic human
pheromones. Smells like shit.

MATHIAS
Does it work?

ARIA
If they eat regular.

MATHIAS
And if they don't?

ARIA
I make sure they do. It's not their
fault that they're flesh-eating
zombies. It's a handicap.

MATHIAS
Sure.

64 EXT. BUS TERMINAL - DAY 64

SCRUGGS and his NUMBER ONE ZEALOT get off THREE BUSES. They
are followed by a SMALL ARMY of fanatics. They start marching
along the street, handing out pamphlets along the way.

ZEALOT
Our ETA's one hour.

REVEREND
Fine. We shall hunt down the undead
and burn them in their own den.

ZEALOT
I don't think that would be wise.

REVEREND
Why? The Lord is with us.
 62.

ZEALOT
A thousand rabid Diamond Dead fans
might object to us immolating their
heroes right in front of them.

REVEREND
"The Lord is my shepherd." He will
protect us.

ZEALOT
The good book also says, "Thy rod
and thy staff shall comfort thee."

REVEREND
Truly, brother. What do you
suggest?

ZEALOT
Let's buy some rods.

REVEREND
Hmmm.

ZEALOT
Billy Bob's 24 Hour Christian Gun
Shop is two blocks from the Grand
Quignol Theatre. Billy Bob has
served our church's assault weapon
needs for twenty years.

REVEREND
Thou art truly a man of God,
brother.

ZEALOT
Thank-you Reverend, I try.

65 INT. BACKSTAGE WINGS - NIGHT 65

VERONICA VINYL presses a hidden button her riding crop and an
antenna rises out of the handle.

VERONICA
(speaking into the crop)
Agent Vinyl reporting in. Get me
Simms.
(beat)
I saw Reverend Scruggs' and his
mindless sheep at the bus terminal.
They are on their way to the
theater and they ain't toting
Bibles.
 63.
VERONICA(cont'd)
I got a backstage pass and I don't
want loony tune Elmer Gantrys
screwing up my show... Are you
wearing the pink panties I sent
you?... Slut!

She hangs up.

VERONICA (CONT'D)
I love my job.

IN THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WINGS

DR. D, SPYDER and GLITTER sit, watching the ROADIES work.

GLITTER
I got a bad feeling about tonight.

DR. D
I don't think we're experiencing
anything that other superstar bands
haven't gone through in the past.

GLITTER
You've got to be kidding?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

I live in a constant state of
dread. I like it.

DR. D
I don't know, man. Something isn't
right. I'll agree with that.

GLITTER
It's you, D. That's what's not
right here.

DR. D
What do you mean?

GLITTER
You're in love. You stupid dead-
neck son of a bitch! You're too
damn self absorbed to see it!

SPYDER SYN
(both puppets singing)
D and Aria, sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Dr. D pulls both of Spyder's puppets off his hands and throws
them over his shoulder.
 64.

SPYDER SYN - BOTH PUPPETS

Aaaah!

SPYDER looks at Dr. D with venom in his eyes and runs after
them.

DR. D
I've got problems, dude.

GLITTER
You got no problems. You're over
that now. She loves you. How many
girls do you know who are willing
to accept you in your particular
state?

DR. D
This is necrophilia you're talking.

GLITTER
What's your point?

DR. D
It makes me sick to think of her
touching something like me. I
respect her. I want to keep it that
way.

GLITTER
She doesn't have a problem with
you.

DR. D
I have a problem with me. I'm a
thing, a ghost, a memory. She's in
love with a memory.

GLITTER
Some memories. Our lives sucked.
Maybe this is all the afterlife we
get. This is our just reward.
Maybe, this time it can be better.
We've got one more shot.

DR. D
Maybe.

66 INT. MATHIAS' OFFICE - DAY 66

ARIA and MATHIAS are dressed.
 65.

ARIA
You gotta have a little faith
sometime Mathias. Have a little
faith in me.

MATHIAS
Okay. You're right.

ARIA
What?

MATHIAS
You're right.

ARIA
Say it one more time.

MATHIAS
I said you are right. Why are you
making me say that?

ARIA
I've never heard a man say that
before. That's amazing.

MATHIAS
Well you're right Aria. I gotta
trust someone. I gotta unclench my
sphincter sometime.

ARIA kisses MATHIAS sweetly.

ARIA
You are so-o hot.

67 INT. BACKSTAGE WINGS - NIGHT 67

JACK and GEENA corner DR. D and fire off rapid fire questions
not allowing D to respond.

JACK
So, is that your real hair, or just
a wig?

DR. D
Uh...

GEENA
How do you pronounce your vowels
without lips?
 66.

JACK
If you're dead, how come all your
blood doesn't settle in your
ankles?

GEENA
Have you thought that as your brain
decomposes and turns to methane gas
that the smallest spark could blow
your skull apart?

JACK
With no circulation, how do you get
an erection?

GEENA
How come your eyeballs didn't
shrivel up?

JACK
How do dead people shit?

Dr. D looks around for some sort of escape from JACK and
GEENA. He spots VERONICA VINYL seductively stalking across
the backstage area.

DR. D
Sorry, guys. The old Doc just found
the cure for what ails him.

Dr. D beelines toward VERONICA.

DR. D (CONT'D)
Hello. Can I help you?

VERONICA
I don't know. Do you have a high
pain tolerance?

DR. D
Dead nerve Diabolicus is what they
call me. What do they call you,
besides maybe gorgeous?

VERONICA
Veronica Vinyl, but you can call me
goddess.

DR. D
I don't know. I'm an atheist.

VERONICA
I can cure that.
 67.

DR. D
Are you for real?

VERONICA
Are you?

DR. D
Let's not ruin a perfectly depraved
conversation with existential
paradox disguised as philosophy.

VERONICA
I agree. Intellectual banter
impedes one's ability to maintain a
sensual sense of spontaneity, and
in fact hampers positive primal
instinct.

DR. D
It's all such a semantic nightmare
of pretense, don't you think?

VERONICA
So do you wanna screw?

DR. D
Yup.

VERONICA
Where?

DR. D
Hearse?

VERONICA
Perfect.

DR. D
Let's go.

Dr. D and VERONICA exit. SPYDER steps out of the nearby

shadows.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Ummmmm. I'm gonna tell.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Don't be a snitch.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Doctor Diabolicus is being bad.
 68.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

He's working shit out. Leave him
alone.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

I can't. I'm a creature of strict
moral code.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

You're a sock.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

That doesn't mean I can't aspire to
be the best sock I can.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

You're messed up.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Hey, if we tell Aria, we might get
a dramatic, if not violent response
from the whole thing.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Really?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Guaranteed.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Let's do it.

SPYDER skips across the backstage area, singing.

SPYDER SYN - BOTH PUPPETS

Aria! You'll never guess what we
saw!

68 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL PARKING LOT - NIGHT 68

REVEREND SCRUGGS and THE FLOCK are standing in the parking
lot.

REVEREND
Brothers and sisters, we stand
before God, humbled this night. For
we know we do his work, thus saving
us direct consultation. And yea
though we carry no sword of
justice, we can carry the AK 47 of
righteousness.
 69.

At JIMMY'S feet are two cases of machine guns.

REVEREND (CONT'D)
Line up, brothers and sisters, and
receive thy communion.

The REVEREND grabs the first rifle and slams in a clip.

REVEREND (CONT'D)
God bless America!

69 AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PARKING LOT 69

One of Diamond Dead’s hearses is bouncing violently up and
down. Over the squeaking of the suspension, Diabolicus can be
HEARD screaming.

DR. D (O.S.)
Oh my God! Oh my God! Stop! Stop!
My spine! Ouch! I can't do that!
Ouch! Ouch! Stop! Mister wiggle
worm is very fragile. You'll twist
it off! Oh please stop!

VERONICA (O.S.)
Yes! Yes! Show me the secret of
life and death! It makes me sooo
hot.

DR. D (O.S.)
Oh please stop!

VERONICA (O.S.)
Is that all ya got dead boy? One
more time!

DR. D (O.S.)
Noooooo!

70 INT. BACKSTAGE HALLWAY - NIGHT 70

We HEAR Aria's voice screaming inside the dressing room.

ARIA (O.S.)
I can't believe it! That slimy road
kill son of a bitch!

The dressing room door explodes outwards and SPYDER flies

through the air. He lands on his back. ARIA steps over him.
 70.

ARIA (CONT'D
I'm gonna kill him, then I'm going
to reanimate him, and then I'm
gonna kill him again.

ARIA exits through the backstage door.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Spectacular results.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Next time you wanna play with a
grenade, let's not sit on it after
we pull the pin.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Point taken.

MATHIAS steps through the ruined dressing room door and

addresses SPYDER.

MATHIAS
Umm... Don't you guys have to be on
stage in a few minutes?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Didn't you read our contract? It
states that in case of accidental
re-death among the band, the show
can be delayed up to one hour.

MATHIAS
How long do you suppose this delay
may be?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Depends on whether we get D back in
one piece or several. I hate when
they fight. The results can be
quite disturbing. All the screaming
and crunching bones...

MATHIAS
Don't tell me anything else. Tell
Aria. I'll see her later.

MATHIAS exits, shaking his head sadly.

 71.

71 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL PARKING LOT - NIGHT 71

Dr. D and VERONICA step out of the smoking interior of the
hearse. VERONICA appears immaculate. Dr. D, however, looks
like hell, disheveled, pale and sweaty.

VERONICA
Thank-you, D. That was truly a
revolting experience.

DR. D
We aim to disgust.

VERONICA
I'll call you.

DR. D
Give me a couple weeks. Okay?

VERONICA walks off.

VERONICA
(to herself)
That was a waste of pelvic
pressure. Shit!

ARIA approaches Dr.D.

DR. D
Why, Aria... Um... Hi. I was just
thinking about you.

ARIA swings and hits Dr. D in the face. His head SPINS AROUND
UNTIL IT FACES BACKWARDS.

ARIA
You unbelievable prick.

DR. D
I deserved that. Do you feel
better?

ARIA stomps on his foot.

DR. D (CONT'D)
Yaah!

AS DR. D tries awkwardly to bend forward with his head on

backwards, ARIA kicks him in the ass. DR. D flies forward and
his head smashes through the windshield.
 72.

ARIA
Curtain in thirty minutes.

Dr. D lies there, stunned. His voice is muffled inside the

hearse.

DR. D
Anything you say, Aria.

ARIA
Damn straight!

ARIA stomps off.

DR. D
It's interesting to me how I can be
such an amazing asshole knowing
that the universe won't let me get
away with jack shit.

72 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 72

REVEREND SCRUGGS stands in front of the theater, leading the
PROTESTERS. The sticks on their signs bear a close
resemblance to gun stalks. JACK, who in the meantime has
drifted outside the theater, is pulled from of the crowd by
the REVEREND.

REVEREND
Have you found the Lord?

JACK
What does he look like, dude? Is he
inside?

REVEREND
He is the Lord of all things. The
Father of creation. He is Alpha and
Omega.

JACK
Hey, if I see him, I'll tell him
you're out here. What is he
wearing?

REVEREND
I'm concerned for your immortal
soul, son. The Lord loves you and
He wouldn't want you to go inside.
 73.

JACK
Shit. This guy must know my
parents, because they're wound
awful tight, too.

REVEREND
(shoves him back into the
crowd)
Never mind.

JACK
Rock and roll!

73 INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 73

MATHIAS and ARIA are together.

MATHIAS
I just have this hideous feeling
that something hideous is going to
hideously happen to me...

ARIA
Don't be silly. Life is hideous.
Rock and roll just fills in the
gaps between the monotony of day to
day futility.

MATHIAS
Well. If you put it that way...

The walkie-talkie in her hand buzzes.

74 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT 74

RASPUTIN is on the walkie-talkie. INTERCUT with ARIA as
desired.

RASPUTIN
No shit, Aria. There's about sixty
born-again fanatic right-wing types
out front. They look really pissed
off... Yeah. It's that crazy Rev
from TV. It gets worse. On top of
that, the American Guild of Funeral
Directors are planning to picket.
They say the band is restraint of
trade. It's kind of scary out here.
The roadies want to break out the
real guns... We got to protect our
audience.
 74.

ARIA seems delighted to hear this.

ARIA
(into walkie-talkie)
Open the doors.

75 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 75

RASPUTIN is at the door as FANS stream past after being
frisked by SECURITY. Huge piles of CONTRABAND and WEAPONS
heap up on either side of the doors: everything from drugs to
rocket launchers.

RASPUTIN
Alright. Protesters on the left,
ticket holders on the right. No
drugs, booze, food, beverages,
nudity, or politicians. No
fighting, running, pushing, jumping
or excessive breathing. No sex, sex
guides, sex lubricants or sex
deviance. No studs, spikes, car
keys, pagers, cell phones or laptop
computers. Most important, no guns,
grenades, rocket launchers, anti-
personnel mines or catapults, cross-
bows, swords or siege equipment.
Keep moving. Enjoy the show.

76 INT. BACKSTAGE WINGS - NIGHT 76

VERONICA is watching the ROADIES work. SPYDER pops his
puppets out from around the corner. The rest of his body is
hidden.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Hey, shark lady.

VERONICA
Yes.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

We want to talk to you.

VERONICA
I don't talk to footwear.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

I don't usually talk to women who
dress like a plastic action figure,
but it's a new experience.
 75.

VERONICA
(moving closer)
What do you want?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Ummmmm...

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

We want sex. It's a character flaw
we have.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

D had sex, so we want sex, too.

VERONICA
I'm not a vending machine.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

How was it with D?

VERONICA
You're one sick sock.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

We sure are. So how was it?

VERONICA
Interesting.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

How would you like to graduate to
unique?

VERONICA
Do you know the secret of how to
reanimate the dead?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Absolutely.

VERONICA
Will you tell me?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Are you kidding? For a little play
I’d rat out my own mother.

The puppets retreat behind the corner. VERONICA follows. We

HEAR footsteps. CAMERA rounds the corner and angles on the
slightly ajar dressing room door. Voices come from the room.

VERONICA (O.S.)
What's with the mask?
 76.

SPYDER SYN (O.S.)

Would you like to see?

VERONICA (O.S.)
Whatever.

SPYDER SYN (O.S.)

Are you sure? It's not pretty.

VERONICA (O.S.)
Nothing about this gig is pretty.
Show me already.

SPYDER SYN (O.S.)

Okay. You asked for it.

SPYDER SYN - BOTH PUPPETS (O.S.)

(together)
Ta-da!

Veronica SCREAMS and the door SLAMS shut.

77 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 77

ARIA is talking to RASPUTIN behind the amplifiers. In the
background the crowd is chanting.

CROWD
Diamond Dead! Diamond Dead!

RASPUTIN
I don't know, Aria. This is a
dangerous situation. The police are
trying to close us down. The
fanatics are screaming at the door.
God knows what those crazy pricks
are up to. I'm scared.

ARIA
Five minutes.

RASPUTIN
The boys could get hurt.

ARIA
Five minutes. Make the call.

RASPUTIN
Alright. It's your circus.
 77.

78 INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT 78

JACK and GEENA have found seats on top of the marshal
amplifiers.

JACK
Boy, these seats kick ass.

GEENA
Does it look like a riot from up
here or what?

JACK
Yeah. The band hasn't even come on
yet.

GEENA
Gee. It looks kinda dangerous down
there.

JACK
...And we're above it all.

GEENA
Nice and safe. No moshing or
fighting or fucking or pushing.

JACK
These seats suck!

GEENA
Yeah. Let's go bug the band.

JACK
Fuckin' A.

79 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 79

The house is going wild as the AUDIENCE works itself up into
a fever pitch. Acts of individual lunacy add to the chaos.

80 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL GREEN ROOM - NIGHT 80

The THE BAND is doing their touch-ups, except for SPYDER, who
is unaccounted for. JACK and GEENA enter and walk over to
ARIA who has Dr.D on a table and is stuffing his open stomach
cavity with silicon.

JACK
What ya doing?
 78.

ARIA
To prevent decomposition I had to
remove the boys internal organs and
replace them with silicon.

GEENA
Cool.

DR. D
I feel like a giant tit.

GLITTER
You are, dear.

Dr.D and ARIA are purposely ignoring each other.

GLITTER
D, why don’t you talk with Aria?

DR. D
No thanks.

GLITTER
Aria, you talk to D. He loves you.

ARIA
Bullshit.

JACK and GEENA are still curious.

GEENA
What’s Bangz doing over there?

BANGZ is bathing in a big barrel and is wearing a shower cap.

ARIA
That’s embalmers lotion. Helps keep
their skin to be pliable.
Unfortunately embalmers lotion is
mostly a powerful synthetic female
hormone.

BANGZ stands up in the barrel and is sporting a fabulous pair

of female breasts.

BANGZ
Oh! I cant fucking live with this
at all!

ARIA
Oh shush. Look at Glitter! He isn’t
complaining.
 79.

GLITTER dances around the room flaunting his new tits.

GLITTER
I feel pretty, oh sooo pretty.

JACK
Can I try that stuff... I mean as a
experiment ? Umm... Never mind.

D gets up from the table and suddenly looks concerned. He

looks down his pants in horror. Bangz steps closer and looks
down D’s pants curiously.

BANGZ
Fuck me D. Where’s your man monkey?

DR. D
Oh God! I hope I left it in the
hearse ‘cuz the alternative is to
horrible to contemplate.

GLITTER
What I want to know Aria is, so
what if D slept with another
woman...

DR. D
Yeah. So what?

GLITTER
I mean, c'mon sweetie, everybody
knows you boinked that neurotic
theatre manager.

DR. D
What?!

ARIA
Jesus Christ! Is nothing sacred?

DR. D
You slut!

ARIA
You prick!

BANGZ
(to Glitter)
You're a fuckin' diplomatic genius,
baby.

GLITTER
Sorry.
 80.

SPYDER enters. Everyone falls silent. All eyes turn on him

accusingly. There's a long pause.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

What?

GLITTER
Where the hell have you been, girl?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Aww, you know, here and there.

GLITTER
It's thirty seconds to curtain.
What were you thinking?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Baseball, petroleum products, how
much I really enjoy a good meal.

DR. D
You got blood on your mask.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

It's paint. It's nothing.

GLITTER
Who'd you eat, Spyder?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

What?

DR. D
That's blood, dude. Who'd you eat?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

I didn't eat anybody. Honest.

BANGZ
I saw that fuckin' rubber bitch and
Spyder go into a dressing room
earlier. I think they fuckin' did
more than fuckin' fuck.

RASPUTIN enters.

RASPUTIN
Curtain.

DR. D
Oh my God... I can't believe you
ate Veronica.
 81.

ARIA
I thought you said she didn't
matter to you.

DR. D
She doesn't. I mean, she does. I
mean, she was eaten, for
Chrissakes. That matters.

ARIA
Not if she didn't mean anything to
you. You shouldn't care.

DR. D
How would you like it if I ate your
spazola boyfriend ten minutes after
you shtupped him?

ARIA
Don't you touch him. He's a nice
guy.

DR. D
See. Bugs ya, don't it?

SPYDER SYN - BOTH PUPPETS

I didn't eat anybody!!!

RASPUTIN
Curtain!

GLITTER
C'mon. Let's rock and roll.

81 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM - NIGHT 81

The ANNOUNCER walks up to the microphone. The AUDIENCE freaks
out.

The lights come up on the stage. The set is a forced

perspective of a overgrown necropolis on the outskirts of the
bombed out Emerald City of Oz. A LARGE CLOCK on a marble tomb
is part of the set.

Suddenly, there's a BLINDING FLASH and ARIA appears standing

on a tomb with guitar in hand. She strikes an open chord and
the graves begin to split. Rising out of the earth, the rest
of the BAND appears. ARIA begins to speak, weaving a kind of
Rock and Roll spell which sets events in motion.

SONG: "MY LITTLE PIECE OF ARMAGEDDON": THE BAND

 82.

ARIA
(singing)
Mirror mirror in hells own heart,
Who’s the baddest band to blow part!
Mirror mirror staring in my face!
Who’s the baddest bitches to rock this place.

DR.D
(singing)
Stomp on the gas! Lets go!
Move your ass! Lets blow!
Hit the highway ! Don’t Stop!
All The way over the top!

CHORUS
(singing)
My little piece of Armageddon.
It’s a suicide pact. An unholy weddin’!

DR.D
(singing)
Foot off the brake! Kick it out!
Let your hands shake! Scream and shout!
Turn off the headlights! Pistons Cry!
Feel your fright! Brain fry!

82 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 82

PUSSY sings into the CAMERA. REVEREND SCRUGGS stands nearby.

PUSSY
(singing)
Tell me how’s my hair! Check my face.
Let’s shoot this thing! I know my place.

REVEREND
(singing)
I’m gonna Pray to God, lock and load.
It’s a holy march. A bloody road.

PUSSY AND SCRUGGS

(sing chorus)
My little piece of Armageddon.
A righteous cause. A fitting endin’!

83 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL BALCONY - NIGHT 83

MATHIAS watches the show. ARIA sings on stage. The music
tempo slows. THE LIGHTING CHANGES AND ARIA AND MATHIAS ARE
THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE IN THE THEATRE. ARIA is illuminated in a
single follow-spot.
 83.
MATHIAS ARIA
I can't believe I'm still (sings an aria over
here. She's a musician. She's Mathias speaking)
not my type. What happens Don’t let your dreams die.
when she gets tired of me?
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of
everything. I don't feel
good.
(singing) )
Its my little piece of
Armageddon. My hell, my soul
bloodletting.

84 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL AUDITORIUM- NIGHT 84

The spot light irises out revealing the stage. THE LIGHTS
COME UP AND WE ARE BACK IN THE SHOW. The BAND is playing on
the stage. Dr. D approaches the microphone.

DR. D
(speaking)
Do you believe in life after death?

The CROWD SCREAMS. Dr. D looks over at ARIA who returns his
stare.

DR. D (CONT'D)
Neither do we!

The beat picks up and the chords change.

DR. D
(singing)
Burn witch burn. Back To hell!
There is no future! What’s that smell!

85 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 85

The REVEREND and his FLOCK have drawn their weapons.

REVEREND
(speaking)
Let's go kick some pinko commie
satanic demon ass!

RASPUTIN
Try to hold them back.. Shit!

They rush the doors and overpower the SECURITY GUARDS.

 84.

86 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL ROOF- DAY 86

A ZEALOT carefully places a large TIMED EXPLOSIVE PACKAGE by
the air-conditioning system. He checks his watch and presses
a button on the timer. The clock on the explosives starts
ticking.

87 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 87

The BAND is playing in the background.

DR. D
(singing)
Feed the god. We want sacrifice.
Born for sin raised on vice!
It’s my little piece of Armageddon
A suicide pact an unholy weddin’.

REVEREND SCRUGGS and his FOLLOWERS rush into the theatre,

shooting wildly. They charge down the main aisle toward the
stage.

REVEREND
Stop this secular humanistic
debauchery!

The REVEREND fires a round, hitting GLITTER'S guitar. The

BAND stops playing. The music continues as a kind of tense
underscore. They look at one another, confused, and then at
SCRUGGS. An eerie stillness falls over the confused CROWD.

GLITTER
That bitch shot my Les Paul!

REVEREND
And the Lord said unto me: Drive
the unclean spirit from thy land!

GLITTER
You bitch! That's a Les Paul! Girl,
don't you have any respect?

DR. D
Duck!

ARIA, DR. D, SPYDER and BANGZ dive for cover.

GLITTER
Fuck that. I'm gonna slap dis Ho'!
 85.

REVEREND
Fine!

The FLOCK opens fire on the stage. The music builds in tempo
with gunfire as percussion, pumping hundreds of rounds into
GLITTER, tearing away huge chunks. The gunfire continues
until the FLOCK has emptied their clips. What's left of
GLITTER crumbles to the ground. The FLOCK frantically
reloads.

RASPUTIN charges onto the stage, followed by TEN ARMED

ROADIES. Music returns to a tense underscore.

RASPUTIN
Freeze!

The REVEREND turns to his flock.

REVEREND
We shall be rewarded in Heaven.

The ENTIRE AUDIENCE suddenly JUMPS UP WITH GUNS DRAWN,

pointing at SCRUGGS.

REVEREND (CONT'D)
We have exorcised the unclean
spirit.

SPYDER, Dr. D and BANGZ stand up, armed with machine guns and
walk to the apron.

DR. D
(into microphone)
Does anybody here not have a gun?

In the balcony, MATHIAS raises his hand.

MATHIAS
Um... I don't.

DR. D
Sir, would you please be kind
enough to leave the building?

MATHIAS runs for the exit.

Dr. D fixes SCRUGGS with a venomous stare. ARIA steps

forward.

ARIA
My turn.
 86.

REVEREND
Burn in Hell, Satan!

She waves her arm and the lights suddenly go out. The music
becomes the sharp percussion again. The entire theatre ERUPTS
in gunfire. It creates a kind of STROBE LIGHT effect as
hundreds of guns fire at once. The gun battle goes on for a
full twenty seconds before the shooting finally ceases and
the lights come back up. Everyone in the auditorium lies
dead. The music changes to a slow eerie dirge like tune. Fog
rolls into the house. In its center DEATH glides in.

The CLOCK on the marble tomb begins to chime midnight.

ANOTHER ANGLE

DEATH stands in the middle of the house, knee deep in bodies.

DEATH
Now, I say, I say. That's
entertainment.

ARIA steps onto stage, carrying the scythe. She steps over
PUSSY'S BODY and over to Dr. D's still form, lying face down.

ARIA
Are you dead?

DR. D
Yes.

She kicks him in the ribs.

ARIA
Good. You stupid son of a bitch!
Look at this place. Holy shit. It's
a fucking mess. I can't have this
kind of shit every night.

DR. D
Sorry. I'll get a mop.

DEATH begins climbing over the bodies toward the stage.

DEATH
I say, this positively elegant. You
found a novel way to balance the
books. I knew you were a natural.
Excuse me lady, but I really do
need my scythe back.
 87.

ARIA
I need it right now. I can't leave
things like this.

Dr. D, BANGZ and SPYDER get up and go to GLITTER'S RUINED

CARCASS.

DEATH
You're gonna have to. Give me my
scythe.

Dr. D walks over to ARIA's side.

DR. D
Who is this guy, Aria?

ARIA
Nobody.

DR. D
Then fuck him.

The bell continues to toll very slowly.

DEATH
Everybody goes. No exceptions. Your
a Goddess of Death now.

DR. D
Keep it, Aria.

DEATH
We had a bargain missy. It's time.

ARIA walks to the edge of the stage and leans over, as the
final bell tolls.

ARIA
I fulfilled my bargain Morty.

She raises up her scythe, hits the reverse switch and twirls
it over her head. Lightning FLASHES in arcs from the stage to
points in the house and to the balcony. Lights EXPLODE. The
breakers fail and the theatre is thrown into an eerie light
as the slain audience’s bodies begin to twitch and convulse
with new life.

DEATH
Nooooooooo!
 88.

ARIA
The clock struck twelve Morty. Our
deal is done, and I’m off the
clock, and you can’t do shit.

DEATH rises up out of the pit and onto the stage charging at
ARIA in a rage.

MATHIAS steps out of the wings between ARIA and DEATH.

MATHIAS
Leave my girlfriend alone! You
dick!

DEATH swats MATHIAS out of the way and MATHIAS is airborne

crashing into the amp stack. D, BANGZ and SPYDER attack DEATH
to little effect. He knocks them aside as easily as he did
MATHIAS.

ARIA swings the scythe with both arms and throws it at DEATH.
It spins through the air as if in slow motion. It shears off
DEATH’s head cleanly and buries itself in the proscenium
arch.

ARIA picks up Death’s head and throws it to BANGZ.

ARIA (CONT'D)
Lose this somewhere.

BANGZ
Fucking hard-core!

DEATH'S HEAD
Put me down! That's my think tank
you're bowling with!

The SLAIN rise, in harmonic choral parts. First the Sopranos

section spotted around the house then the tenors, baritones.
Then everybody.

AUDIENCE
(singing)
Don’t let your dreams die!
Don’t let your dreams die!

SCRUGGS is standing in the pit, facing the audience. His

FLOCK and ZEALOT are singing along with the audience.

SCRUGGS
What are you doing? You’re my
faithful followers! What about the
church? What about God? What about
me?!
 89.

The AUDIENCE and FLOCK sing louder.

SCRUGGS realizes he has lost everything and skulks towards

the exit.

SPYDER carries Glitter’s only remaining body part, which is

his HEAD, offstage.

The AUDIENCE continues to sing. Dr. D walks up to the

microphone.

DR. D
Ladies and gentlemen. Dead and back
again, courtesy of the Diamond
Dead! We love you! Good night!

ARIA takes her guitar and throws it into the audience. It

arcs high overhead, spinning slowly, disappearing into the
darkness.

Dr. D drives the blade of broadsword microphone into the

stage and walks off.

88 EXT. GRAND QUIGNOL - NIGHT 88

PEOPLE are leaving the theatre. PUSSY talks to her TV
audience.

PUSSY
The Diamond Dead have made rock
history tonight, demonstrating
their powers over life and death.
One thousand bullet-ridden Diamond
Dead fans will tell you that it was
real. What's next for this band?
Who knows, but it doesn't matter
because I was here and you weren't.

JACK and GEENA walk out of the theatre. She is carrying

Aria’s guitar and he, Dr.D’s microphone. They also sport
bullet holes in their bodies.

PUSSY (CONT'D)
What do you think of the Diamond
Dead?

JACK
Yeah. They were cool.

GEENA
A little weak on bass and the
energy seemed a little down.
 90.

JACK
The sound engineers seemed to favor
the high end.

GEENA
I noticed that, too.

JACK
It's a common mistake.

PUSSY
But what about the climax?

JACK
The whole death trip has been a
little overplayed.

GEENA
What are the Diamond Dead going to
follow it up with?

JACK
It's the whole Andy Warhol trap.

GEENA
They've got no place to go.

JACK
Sorry, Pussy, but the Diamond Dead
have reached their height.

GEENA
Has-been city.

JACK
Great while it lasted.

GEENA
Pack it up Pussy.

PUSSY stares open-mouthed as JACK and GEENA walk away. As

they walk away GEENA starts playing ARIA’S guitar. JACK
slings Dr. D’s microphone over his shoulder.

JACK
I got shot four times in the chest!

GEENA
I got it in the head, and a shotgun
in the belly.

JACK
That was so fucking cool.
 91.

GEENA
Where are they playing next?

89 INT. HALLWAY - ANGLE ON DRESSING ROOM DOOR - NIGHT 89

From the room we HEAR voices.

GLITTER (O.S.)
D?... D?... Are you there, pal?

DR. D (O.S.)
I'm right here, dude.

90 INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 90

ARIA and the BAND are gathered around GLITTER’S HEAD on the
table.

GLITTER
Looks like it's our last gig
together.

DR. D
Bullshit!

GLITTER
(coughing)
No, I'm outta here, girl. Listen to
me.

DR. D
Yeah?

GLITTER
I want you to have my thigh high
boots, the faux zebra platforms.
You always coveted them.

DR. D
Don't talk like that.

GLITTER
Spyder?

SPYDER begins to talk with the SOCK PUPPETS, but instead

jerks them off his hands.

SPYDER SYN
I'm here.
 92.

GLITTER
You can have all my socks and my
Ibenez Paul Stanley Special.

SPYDER SYN
Don't die again.

GLITTER
Sorry, Bangz?

BANGZ
Huh?

GLITTER
Fuck you.

BANGZ
Fuck you too! Asshole.

GLITTER
Aria?

ARIA
I'm here.

GLITTER
You got the ax. Don't let the band
die.

ARIA
Sure.

GLITTER closes his eyes and goes still. Silently, Dr. D,

BANGZ and SPYDER exit, leaving ARIA. ARIA lays a scarf over
GLITTER'S HEAD.

91 INT. HALLWAY - NIGHT 91

SCRUGGS, not quite given up, is creeping around in the dark
hallway with menace in his eyes. He rounds a corner and comes
face to face with D, SPYDER and BANGZ.

DR. D
Can you pray, Rev?

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Better make it a short prayer.

BANGZ
Yeah. Real fuckin' short.
 93.

DR. D
Say "hi" to Jesus for me.

SPYDER has is back to CAMERA. He removes his mask. SCRUGG’S

eyes widen in horror. His unholy scream is cut short by a
dark tongue-like object impaling his head.

DR. D (CONT'D)
Asshole.

92 INT. DRESSING ROOM - NIGHT 92

ARIA is alone with Glitter’s remains. There's a COUGH under
the scarf and ARIA pulls it away.

GLITTER
Where is everybody?

ARIA
We thought you were dead.

GLITTER
I ain't dead. I'm just a head.

ARIA
Really?

GLITTER
(coughing)
I think I got a slug stuck in my
throat. Could you dig it out?

MATHIAS enters.

ARIA
I need your help.

MATHIAS
I'm really not well.

ARIA
C'mon. I need your help. The boys
have gone after Scruggs. They're
gonna kill him. Where's your car
keys?

MATHIAS
Why?

ARIA
I need your car. I think Scruggs is
on his way to the airport.
 94.

MATHIAS
You can't drive my car. It's a
Stingray classic. I don't even
drive it.

ARIA
Perfect!

ARIA grabs MATHIAS by the arm.

ARIA
I don't have time to argue. The
boys are hungry and we got to stop
them before it's too late.

93 INT. GRAND QUIGNOL THEATER LOBBY - NIGHT 93

The place is now deserted. Dr. D, BANGZ and SPYDER walk
through the lobby, knee deep in garbage.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

I had fun.

DR. D
Me, too.

BANGZ
Why, we got a hell of a fuckin'
show. We kill the audience every
night. Wow! I think it's fuckin'
great.

DR. D
Everybody's afraid of death. It's
an unknown. People feel powerless
against it. Some folks will see us
as having the power to help them
beat death. Others will see us and
think if they can beat us, they can
beat death. Either way, every show
we play is going to be a slaughter.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

We did what we came to do. We
fucked with everybody.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

We better go underground.

DR. D
We can't hide.
 95.

BANGZ
What about Aria?

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

You love her right?

DR. D
Ahhh! She doesn't need me. She
needs that little guy. I finally
figured it out. I don’t need a
lover. I love me. I'm what I need
to be happy. I’m just too damn
cool. I'm to damn me. And nobody
should have to deal too much with
my me-ness.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

That is either the most noble thing
you have ever said or the most
disgusting.

They exit through the lobby doors and walk up to the stage.

THEIR POV

VERONICA VINYL is in front of the stage with Aria's scythe.

DR. D, BANGZ and SPYDER walk up to her.

BANGZ
Hey, it's the fuckin' rubber lady.

VERONICA
Hello, boys.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Told you I didn't eat her.

VERONICA
Hello, Spyder honey.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

Where ya been?

She leans against the wall.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

D, Bangz, this is Veronica, soon to
be Mrs. Syn.

VERONICA is a bit taken aback. She twirls the scythe.

 96.

VERONICA
That’s mistress Veronica.

SPYDER SYN - GOOD PUPPET

Yes mistress Veronica.

SPYDER SYN - BAD PUPPET

(to D and Bangz)
What a woman.

VERONICA
I was sent here on a Presidential
secret order. For this.
(she holds up the scythe)
It was my job. Not that I don't
enjoy my work. I do, but you guys
are different. If I let the
government get hold if this, we’d
all be fucked.

DR. D
That’s fine by me. Like the man
says, better to burn out than to
fade away.

SPYDER removes the sock puppets from his hands and hugs
VERONICA.

94 EXT. GRAND GUIGNOL NIGHT 94

The Grand Quignol EXPLODES in a fire ball. Aria’s scythe
flies through the air, disappearing into the night sky.

95 EXT. HIGHWAY - DAY 95

The scythe falls from the sky embedding its blade in the
blacktop of the road. A breeze blows dust past. On the wind
is distant music. ARIA’S hand reaches down and pulls the
scythe from the blacktop. ARIA and MATHIAS stand on the
shoulder of the road, having just stepped out of Mathias'
STINGRAY.

ARIA
Sure you don't want to come with?

MATHIAS
No. I'm committing myself in a
couple hours.
 97.

ARIA
Suit yourself. What about your
theatre?

MATHIAS smiles sheepishly.

MATHIAS
I'm insured.

ARIA
I'm gonna miss you.

MATHIAS
I'll miss you too, in a strange
masochistic, romantic, terrified
way. I'm sorry about your band. I'm
sorry about your... you know... um
boyfriend.

ARIA
I'm gonna miss a lot of things. Oh
well, that's life.

MATHIAS
According to death?

ARIA
That's me.

MATHIAS gets in the car.

MATHIAS
You're truly special. You know
that, don't you?

ARIA
Of course. I'm not stupid.

MATHIAS starts his car and drives off.

96 EXT. MATHIAS’ CAR - MOMENTS LATER 96

MATHIAS is talking to himself.

MATHIAS
This sucks.

A HEARSE going the other direction screams past MATHIAS.

 98.

97 EXT. HIGHWAY - MOMENTS LATER 97

ARIA begins to walk down the road, her scythe over her
shoulder and a head-shaped bundle wrapped in butcher’s paper
in her hand.

A CAR speeds past her and then slams on it's brakes. It is a

'57 CADILLAC HEARSE. ARIA smiles and gets in. The HEARSE
roars its engine and takes off for the vanishing point.

98 EXT. MATHIAS’ CAR - MOMENTS LATER 98

MATHIAS slams on his brakes and power slides 180 degrees. And
roars after the hearse.

MATHIAS
Rock and Roll ! This is crazy! This
is crazy!

SONG: "GOOD FRIENDS"

FADE TO BLACK