30 continued rom page 29 Think positively and act like the lady you are and chances ate you will be accepted and treated as a lady. Bach time out you will gain confidence and each experience will leave you with a pleasant afterglow of memories. If you haven't got the courage to face the public in shopping malls, stores, etc. then head for the old folks home. There ate no kids there and most old folks are happy to have visitors no mattet how you ate dressed. THE CROSS-DRESSER'S GUIDE TO SPOTTERS As a help to you, 1 have compiled a list of Spotters and the appropriate defensive action to be taken by the cross-dresser to quickly end the con- frontation. CHILDREN (zero to twelve) - They should be avoided at ell costs, I£ spotted, quickly exit; if impossible, toss them a rubber ball, which you should carry in your purse for just such an emergency. Also effective with younger children is a Muffet puppet. Distract their attention from you. Suggest to then that aclown is giving out free ice cream cones at the opposite end of the mall. TEENAGERS - Quick comments may distract their attention from you. Did you see Michael Jackson over there? This is how Boy George started. Carry a guitar and claim that you are a rock singer. I'm a mystery shopper. Quiet, I'm with the CIA. Look behind that curtain, do you see a camera? MALE ADULTS - One quick response should send most male spotters on their way. T already have a boyfriend, but maybe we can work something out. I've never had one from aman, how mich do you charge? FEMALE ADULTS - Compliment them. 1 love your dress. Your hair is beau- tiful, who's your hairdresser? If these procedures do not work, seream and runt - END - A REICH ICRA R ARERR IR REAR RRA RE ERIE TRANSFEMININE! 11 by Jane Nance (KS-0694) What am 1? ...How about “trans~ vestite"? Maybe transsexual”? Or perhaps “transfeminine"? Do you alse sometimes feel that none of the common terms for ctoss- dressers seem to fit you specifically? Well I do! ...80, should I coin or steal s new term to clothe my feelings in? i don't know - but this dileume, and the corresponding frustration, is the motivation for my attempt to air this subject. Possibly you may have had similar kinds of feelings, if so ~ Raybe this will serve to get more of us talking about the problem. Do we resily need any more labels or titles? Perhaps Elizabeth War- burton's excellent article entitled “No-Name", in Tapestry issue #40, was an appropriate reaction to the per- plexing situation created by the pro~ liferation of descriptive or tag-type terms. We certainly seem to have a bad habit of readily branding or categor- izing all types of people, behavior or things. However, most often, those things that are bad or over-done usually also have a good side and an element of uriliey. Sinee much of our knowledge and relationships are built upon verbal or written communications, we therefore must rely upon the use of names, descriptions, and categortes to tell us what something is, or how it looks or acts. Without good word pictures being formulated, it's difficult or to possible to accurately know what some~ one fs attempting to communicate to us = the problem area though, seems to relate to our tendency to visualize and think in very narrow or confining terms. All too often the mind tends to eontimed on page 31continued from page 30 vero in ona particular image that is quite black and white regarding the described item or behavior mentioned. We dont like encompassing or general descriptions and words, they lend themselves to making us ill at ease about whether we fully or correctly understood that particular matter. However, no doubt, many of our definition and term problems stem from the fact that people are too diverse ‘and complex to fit a “haad full" of descriptive names. Sad to say, all too often when people don't fir the described definition we go ahead and attempt “to jam their little round bodies through some even smaller square hole” rather than to consider ex- panding the meaning of the term. Maybe this is due to our tendency to like things to be nice, neat, and precise. But in the real world, people aren't that accommodating in their behavior or make-up to conform readily to a few limited descriptive terms. Is this question of terminology really “all that important”? Are the motivations for raising the issue valid? ...Surely Merigsa Lynn wouldn't have gone to the trouble of writing, publishing and up-dating a list of definitions unless they were valuable and beneficial... In our relationships with ether people, and more importantly for those in helping roles, there is a vital need to understand what motivates them, what fulfills them, how they view themselves, and what is their self- identity and feelings about themselves! Tf we fail to understand these kinds of things, then there is a strong tendency to miscommunicate. Our initial pren- ises, expectations and comprehension of that person are faulty ones! It seems to me that these con- siderations ‘are vitally important in understanding and relating to cross~ dressers, whether it is by pro- fessionals, the general public or as peers attempting to share with one another. For several years now, I person ally have been ill at ease with being described as either a transvestite or a transsexual, i-e-, based upon the normally used descriptions of both. Also, no other category or name in common use seems to appropriately fit my feelings or behavior patterns... 31 Usually the definitions of a trans— vestite describe such a person as one who cross-dresses but who has a basic identity and self image of being a male, Whereas, a transsexual is Gommonly defined as one who either has had, or is contemplating, an operation to make their body look more like the sex that they feel themselves to be. This is most often put in the terms of ‘a female mind ina male body.” It's worth adding that Merissa offers what I consider to be an excellent further meaning to these terms when she says, “The basic difference between a transvestite and a transsexual is that a TV is most interested fn gender expression, and a TS is mostly interested in gender identity. For most TVs, the clothes themselves are very important. For most TSs, clothes are a way to reinforce their identity. That is a fundamental difference." As previously mentioned, to des= cribe myself as either a trangvestite or a transsexual, based upon the normal definition, strikes me as being in- accurate and imprecise. These terms, as defined, do not fit the way I feel or my self-identity... After living for 55 years, nearly 45 of such during which my cross-dressing feelings have been quite overt, I suspect that I have gained a fairly accurate understanding of my true identity and what the “real me" looks like. When I turn my eyeballs around and look inside my head and mind ~ what do see? Well, it's definitely not someone who feels basie— ally masculine! Then that should make it easy - if I feel feminine and have a male body, then I ust be a trans~ sexual... Wrong!... At least not ac~ cording to the commonly accepted defin- ition of a transsexual, since I'm not contemplating on having a sex-change operation. When I have resorted to the use of the term transsexual, or that I'm inclined towards transsexualism, it has been suggested to me by both a professional in the field and a leader among crossdressers that 1"m probably inaccurate in using that term to describe ayself. They intimated that I likely could not have the happy and normal heterosexual relationship that ny wife and I do have, and still be a transsexual. Apparently they tend to continued on page $232 continued from page. 37 feel that if Cam truly a 7S, I would be driven to break-up my marriage relationship and have my body remoulded to that of a woman. However, my reality tells me that I feel like Ives born with a basic female identity (and a desire to have the anatomy of the same). When I dress as a voman my interest is not primarily in the clothes themselves (although T do enjoy feminine and pretty attire). Rather, these garments enhance and validate ny feelings of a feminine self-identity. When my wife and I take our various out of town trips during. which time I live totally as a woman (several days to nearly aweek - so far) I don't feel like a male dressing in women's clothes. Instead, I feel totally like the woman I visualize myself to really be. There is ab- solutely no element of feeling out-of- place when I'm trying on clothes ina woman's dressing room or in taking cate of toilet needs ina restroom... Also, for me to desire that people know that I'm a cross-dresser, such as store clerks or waiters or waitresses in restaurants, is abhorrent tome. This is due to my feeling like a woman and the desire to be accepted and treated like one. Although, let me assure you that it certainly doesn't cencern me that other cross-dressers may want to have people know that they are male eross-dressers. And, from a practical standpoint, if I weren't fortunate enough to pass effectively, 1 would probably have to compromise ay feelings let tt be known that I was a cross- dresser in such situations. If 1 feel like a woman and at the same time love my wife dearly and enjoy relating to her sexually by the only sexual means I possess - then what am I?..- Some people would say"weitd”!... However, since I haven't chosen to have a sex-cha operation and am not contemplating it, I certainly don't fit the usual definition of a transsexual. In turn, since I don't possess a basic aale self-identity, the term trans- vestite doesn't correctly describe me either. and I'm definitely not a transgenderist since I'm living and functioning in the world most of time in the male role. How about calling myself a “heterosexual transsexual"? There's something to say for it. But the post-op TSs may feel that such a term would more appropriately describe their situation... Do we need another term or category to cover my particular reality? Maybe! Could it be “trans~ feminine” (a male who feels like a female, strictly undefined in relation to any issue of an operation - perhaps! Or, how about expanding the meaning of transvestite or transsexual ta cover a wider range of conditions? No doubt that would also be a possible solution! Not that I'm suggesting that I have the best or most appropriate answer to the name question. But 1 am convinced that the presently defined terms leave me stranded “in a no (wo)man's land" of inadequately des- cribed feelings and identity. Is the probles truly of such magnitude that it's really worth ad= dressing? I think it is, especially since I suspect that ay feelings are likely quite similar to that of many othet cross-dtessers. Since most human, continced on page 33 Erotica for Women EIDOS |The International Journal published quarterly, featurin. * poetry * iction * * essays © = reviews * * graphics * interviews © * photography * * journal entries © year subscription: $14.00 single issue: $4.00 prepay all orders MCVVISA accepted To order, submit, Subscribe, or advertise: Brush Hill Press, Inc, PO Box 96 Boston, MA 02137 617-333-0612continued {rom page 32 conditions aren't normally unique, it's my guess that there is probably a sizeable number of us with a basic feainine identity who have chosen to deal with our condition by means other than 2 sex-change operation. Although, in ali honesty, I should probably add that were I young and single again, likely I would give extremely serious thought to having my body changed to look like my mind. but I’m not young, and I have a very good marriage with a wonderful woman. Also, I have three "neat" grown children and am successful in ay business endeavors. So, I have compromised my sexual identity feelings to ay overwhelming positive life situ- ation. However, this is not always easy and it naturally frustrates both my wife and me at times. But even though I live with a considerable amount of frustration caused from this anomaly ~ I can still unequivocally day that all in all “I have had a good life!" We know that life ie full of compromises. Any worthwhile and last- ing relationship involves compromise and concessions. Even though it means giving up something, compromise often provides a positive side element in the Maturation process. Since people often use compromise as the means of dealing with a problem, I suspect that many of us with female sexual identities use this method to resolve our situation. Although this is aot meant to intimate in any way that the operation is, or is mot, the most appropriate solution for any one person. Only that different people resolve similar or the same conflicts by varying methods. Going back to the basic question of appropriate descriptive terminology as it relates to this question, it may be of interest to mention something that Doctor Harry Benjamin wrote to me tany years ago. About 20 to 25 years ago this extremely busy and dedicated man took the time to answer a letter I wrote to him. In his response, Dr. Benjamin said that transvestiem or transsexualism are not static but rather on a spectrum. He mentioned that one may be closer to one end than the other or somewhere in-between. Further, he suggested that they may move back and forth over a portion of the spectrum over a lifetime. 1 feel that he is one “smart old man” who 33 comes much Closer to the truth than do the static definitions normally en- countered! So, whether we come up with new terminology or a wore expansive inter- pretation of the current terms, we likely need to at least openly air the question, and try to arrive at some better answers! - END = A Mirror, mfrror Tn the mall, Say I'm pretty, Not too tall. Tell me others See ne this way As I stroll Your busy hall. Tell me, tell me Those who see me, Those who pass me Always fall For the ime You say I see. What else is there After all? = Carol Sue S. (FL