IVANOV

A play in four acts

by Anton Chekhov

Adapted by
David Hare
From a literal translation by Alex Wilbraham

REHEARSAL DRAFT
August 25th 2015

CASAROTTO RAMSAY
7-12 Noel Street
LONDON W.1.F 8GQ
CHARACTERS

Nikolai Ivanov, a regional councillor

Mikhail Borkin, the steward of Ivanov’s estate
Anna Petrovna, Ivanov’s wife, nee Sarah Abramson
Count Matvyei Shabyelski, Ivanov’s uncle
Yevgeni Lvov, a young country doctor

Zinaida Savishna, wife to Lebedev

Marfusha Babakina, a young widow and heiress
Avdotya Nazarovna, an old woman of no known profession
Kosykh, an excise officer
Pavel Lebedev, Chairman of the local council
Sasha, daughter to the Lebedevs, aged 20

Gavrila, servant to the Lebedevs

Piotr, servant to Ivanov

First Guest
Second Guest
Third Guest
Fourth Guest

Other visitors, men and women

The action takes place in a province in Central Russia in the late 1880s
Ivanov is the first play Chekhov actually completed. It was drafted in under two weeks in
1887. At the time Chekhov was known primarily as a comic short story writer, and the play
was commissioned by Korsh’s theatre in Moscow which specialised in farce. The
management was surprised by the seriousness of the play Chekhov delivered. There were only
ten rehearsals. The production was shown in a double bill with a French farce and the first
night was famously unsatisfactory. According to the author, the actor playing Shabyelski got
all his lines wrong in Act One. In Act Two the drunken party guests were indeed drunk. They
improvised extensively, and some furniture was knocked over. Chekhov left, vowing never
again to have anything to do with the theatre. The New Times commented “No author of
recent times has made his bow to such a hotch-potch of praise and protest.”

It was when the Alexandrine Theatre in St Petersburg wanted to present the play in 1889 that
Chekhov began some serious re-writing, mainly of Acts Two and Four. In particular, he
worked on the ending, which had never satisfied him. In spite of the author’s own doubts,
Ivanov this time played triumphantly.

For many years, Ivanov had an unhappy record in Britain. Komisarjevsky directed the
premiere in Barnes in 1925. John Gielgud played in his own production at the Phoenix
Theatre in 1965, with Yvonne Mitchell as Anna and Clare Bloom as Sasha. The title role was
later taken by Derek Jacobi, John Wood and Alan Bates. In 1997 Jonathan Kent directed this
present adaptation at the Almeida Theatre with Ralph Fiennes playing Ivanov, and the play
was for the first time accepted to belong alongside Chekhov’s four better-known works. It
was also the first English-speaking production of Chekhov to be invited to play at the Maly
Theatre in Moscow. The version was then presented in 1998 at the Lincoln Center Theatre in
New York with Kevin Kline and Hope Davis.
 4

ACT ONE

The garden of Ivanov’s estate. On the left is the facade of a house with a terrace. One window
is open. In front of the terrace is a wide semi-circular area, from which paths lead to the right
and straight ahead. On the right hand side there are small benches, tables and chairs. On one
table a lamp is already lit. Evening is drawing in. As the curtain rises, the sound of a duet for
cello and piano, coming from indoors.

(1) IVANOV is sitting at the table reading a book. BORKIN, the steward, appears from the
depths of the garden, in big boots and carrying a gun. He is high on drink. He goes quietly up
to IVANOV, and when he is near aims the gun at his head. IVANOV jumps up.

IVANOV: My God, what on earth are you doing?

BORKIN: (very quietly) Bang!

IVANOV: Misha, honestly, you know what my life’s like... .

BORKIN: (laughing) I know, I do know...

IVANOV: Why do you do it? Why do you do these things?

BORKIN: (conceding) All right I promise...

IVANOV: You seem to get some sort of pleasure...

BORKIN: ... I’ll never shoot you again.

IVANOV: Thank you. I’m trying to read.

(IVANOV has sat down again. BORKIN sits down beside him
and takes off his cap)

BORKIN: My God, it’s so hot. You wouldn’t believe it. I’ve covered fifteen miles
in under three hours. I’m exhausted. Feel.

IVANOV: Later.

BORKIN: Come on, feel. Here.

(He has taken IVANOV’s hand and put it on his chest)

 5

BORKIN: An irregular beat. There. Boom-boom-boom-boom. It’s a murmur of

the heart. I could drop dead any moment. Then what would you feel?

IVANOV: I’d feel nothing.

BORKIN: No really. I’m asking. Tell me.

IVANOV: I’d feel I could finish my book.

BORKIN: Sweet fellow, I really am asking. Tell me the truth : would you be
upset?

IVANOV: Only one thing upsets me. The smell of stale vodka.

BORKIN: You can smell vodka? Amazing. Or maybe not, after all. In Plesniki I
ran into the presiding judge. Do you know him? We had eight glasses
each. What a great judge! Though if you ask my opinion, drinking is
bad for you. In the long run. That’s my opinion. Drinking is harmful.
What’s your view?

IVANOV: Oh for god’s sake, this is unbearable. Do you have no idea of what this
is like?

BORKIN: I plead guilty, your honour.

(BORKIN gets up to go)

BORKIN: No, stay there. Please. Such cultured people! You’re not even allowed
to speak to them.

(He turns back)

BORKIN: Oh, just one thing. I need the eighty two roubles.

IVANOV: What eighty two roubles?

BORKIN: Tomorrow. (reminding him) The workmen? The roubles?

IVANOV: I don’t have it.

BORKIN: Oh well thank you. I’ll tell them that, then. That’s marvellous. Let me
rehearse. “I don’t have it”. How was that?

IVANOV: I have no money. Wait till the end of the month. That’s when the
council pays me.

BORKIN: You tell them. You go and tell them. I’d love to hear you. “I don’t have
 6

any money. The council hasn’t paid me yet!” I’d love to hear you tell
them that!

IVANOV: What do you want me to do? There’s no point in asking me. What is
this? What on earth is the point?

BORKIN: What is it? What is it ?

(They are beginning to lose their tempers)

BORKIN: It’s me asking when we’re going to pay our own workers. Call yourself
a landowner? Oh yes, “progressive farming techniques”! May I remind
you : you own a thousand acres of land, and yet you don’t have a
rouble in your pocket. It’s like owning a cellar full of wine, and losing
the corkscrew. What am I meant to do? I’ll take the troika tomorrow
and sell the wretched thing. Why not? I sold the oats before they’d
even been harvested. Tomorrow I may as well sell the corn. It’s fine.
Do you think it bothers me? Ay-ay-ay! If you’re looking for someone
who gets bothered, you’ve come to the wrong man.

(2) BORKIN has begun to pace up and down. Now the voice of COUNT SHABYELSKI
comes from indoors.

SHABYELSKI: (off) You’re impossible to play with. Your touch is appalling, and
you’ve got the ear of a fish!

(At once, IVANOV’s wife, ANNA PETROVNA appears at the

open window)

ANNA: What’s going on? Misha? Why all this stamping about?

BORKIN: Tell me how you live with your darling Nikolai and manage to not
stamp about.

ANNA: I meant to ask, can we have some hay put on the croquet lawn?

BORKIN: Oh just... leave me alone!

ANNA: Well, really. What a tone to use to a woman! And when I gather you’re
so keen to attract one as well!

(She turns cheerfully to IVANOV)

ANNA: Shall we go and turn cartwheels out there in the hay, my darling?

IVANOV: Anna, you know the cold air is bad for you. Please go back in. (shouts)
 7

Uncle, can you close it? Please!

(The window is closed)

BORKIN: We have only two days left to pay Lebedev his interest.

IVANOV: (looks at his watch) That’s why I have to go there tonight.

BORKIN: Of course, I’d forgotten, that’s right, it’s his daughter’s birthday...

IVANOV: I shall go and ask him to be patient.

BORKIN: Hey, it’s Sasha’s birthday. Why don’t I come with you?

(He sings and does a little dance)

BORKIN: “If you’re coming, I’m going ; if you’re going, I’m coming... ” (speaks)
I’ll have a quick swim. Chew a little blotting paper, then rinse my
mouth out with meths and I can start drinking all over again. The sad
thing is, you don’t realise just how much I love you, my friend. You’re
always so moody, you find life so lowering. But you never look round
and think : “At least I’ve got a friend.” I’d do anything for you. I could
even marry Marfusha Babakina. Yes. She’s a dumb bitch but I’d do it.
You could have half the dowry. Dammit, you could have the whole
thing.

IVANOV: You do talk such nonsense.

BORKIN: But that’s where you wrong. (imitates him) “You do talk such
nonsense.” Why? Why is that nonsense? If that’s what you wanted,
that’s what I’d do. I’m serious! It’s a shame, you’re such a bright man,
so brilliant, but where is the whatsit? That little bit of extra? You know
what I’m saying? Where is the drive? If you could only... I don’t
know... make the big gesture. If you were a normal person I could
make you a million a year. Look, for example, say I was you - I’m you,
all right? - if I had two thousand roubles today, then I swear within two
weeks, I’d have twenty thousand. In the hand! There you go, look, your
lips moving already : “It’s nonsense!” But it isn’t nonsense, it’s so! On
the opposite riverbank Ovsianov is selling his holding. If we bought
that strip of land, then both of the banks would be ours. And then...
well you can imagine... we’d start saying we had plans for a mill. And
for a mill we’d need to build a dam. And then we’d say to everyone
who’s living downriver and who obviously would hate the idea : “All
right, if you don’t want it, I’m sorry, meine damen und herren, but
we’re going to build it unless you pay up.” The Zarevsky factory would
give us five thousand, Korolkov three thousand, the monastery would
be good for six...
 8

IVANOV: Misha, please, I don’t want an argument. But I cannot listen to this.

(3) COUNT SHABYELSKI comes out of the house with DOCTOR LVOV who is 26.

SHABYELSKI: Doctors and lawyers, there’s really no difference except lawyers just
rob you, doctors rob you and kill you as well.

BORKIN: (sitting at the table) Oh of course, it’s not just that you won’t do
anything. But I’m not allowed to do anything either!

(SHABYELSKI sits on the little bench)

SHABYELSKI: Present company excepted, of course. Every one of them charlatans.

Frauds. Perhaps in Utopia there exists an honest doctor. But as a man
who has spent twenty thousand on medicine in his life, I can say : I’ve
never met one who wasn’t an obvious quack.

BORKIN: Enterprise, of course, that’s vulgar. Not enough for you not to have
any, but none of the rest of us must have any either.

SHABYELSKI: Present company excepted, I have said. There may be other exceptions.
But.

(He yawns. IVANOV shuts his book and addresses LVOV)

IVANOV: Well?

LVOV: As I said this morning, she must go to the Crimea, and at once.

(He has glanced at the window and is now pacing up and down.
SHABYELSKI snorts)

SHABYELSKI: The Crimea! Why, Misha, you and I must try this doctoring racket. As
soon as some bubbleheaded housewife starts to sneeze, then out with
the scientific prescription : off to the Crimea! And then no doubt, when
she gets there, the regular attentions of some virile young brute.

IVANOV: In the name of God, uncle, will you stop talking such tripe?

(He turns back to LVOV)

IVANOV: She won’t go. Even if I could raise the money - which I can’t - she’ll
still refuse.
 9

LVOV: Yes. As things are.

(There’s a pause)

BORKIN: I mean, what are we saying here? Just how ill is she? Does she really
have to go all that way?

LVOV: (glancing again at the window) Yes. It’s tuberculosis.

BORKIN: Ah, well then. I must say. Fair enough. Lately whenever I’ve looked at
her, I have thought “She’s not with us long.”

LVOV: Please. Quietly. She can hear you in there.

(There’s a pause)

BORKIN: That’s life. What is it? A flower. It blossoms, it blooms. Then a goat
comes along. Sk-lumph. And it’s gone.

SHABYELSKI: It’s nonsense, she’s fine. (Yawns) Charlatans merely. And frauds.

(There’s a pause)

BORKIN: Now what I’ve been doing is trying to teach Nikolai here ways to make
money. I had a brilliant idea. But Nikolai is not interested. Why not?
Because Nikolai is gloomy. He’s jaundiced. He’s woebegone. He’s
forlorn. How is Nikolai? He’s down in the dumps.

SHABYELSKI: (getting up and stretching) Oh you’re such an entrepreneur. You’re so

full of advice for everyone, but you never have any for me.

BORKIN: I’m going for a swim.

SHABYELSKI: Why don’t you help me?

BORKIN: Goodbye to you all!

SHABYELSKI: I mean it. Instruct me! Give me lessons : how to get ahead!

BORKIN: If you’re really interested, you could be up twenty thousand by the end
of the week.

SHABYELSKI: Well then, show me!

BORKIN: I guarantee it.

SHABYELSKI: Teach me!

 10

BORKIN: Nikolai, by the way, lend me a rouble, will you?

(IVANOV silently gives BORKIN a rouble. SHABYELSKI has

got up to pursue him)

BORKIN: Thank you. There’s nothing to it. It’s simple.

SHABYELSKI: But what do I actually do?

BORKIN: I promise : twenty thousand, thirty thousand, how much do you want?

(They go out. IVANOV and LVOV are silent for a moment)

IVANOV: Needless words. Needless people. A perpetual drizzle of stupid

questions. All this, Doctor, has exhausted me to the point of sickness. I
am so angry I no longer know who I am. For whole days I’m driven
mad by an unceasing noise in my head. I can’t sleep and my ears buzz.
But where can I put myself? Truly?

LVOV: Nikolai Alekseyevich, we need a serious talk.

IVANOV: By all means.

LVOV: You say Anna will not go, but she will go if you accompany her.

IVANOV: Yes. But it would cost twice as much. I’ve already had leave from
work. I can’t ask again.

LVOV: Then listen. Whether she goes or not, what Anna needs above all is
peace. She needs quiet. But every moment of the day Anna is in
torment. The only thing she cares about is you, and your feelings
towards her. Forgive me. But by your behaviour you are killing her.

(There is a pause)

LVOV: Ivanov, I want to think well of you. I want to believe in you.

IVANOV: Yes, it’s true, I know. I’m sure it’s all my fault. You’re right. But I’m
confused, I’m... what? I’m possessed, is that right? Is that the right
word? How do I put this? I lack strength. That’s it. I lack the strength
to lift myself up. The fact is, I’ve ceased to understand anyone,
anything.

(He glances at the window)

IVANOV: My friend, if you want, I can tell you the whole story, but... not here.
 11

We’ll walk. I’ll give you an inkling. Yes? A sketch. Anna... now, if we
start with Anna... we agree, she’s a wonderful woman. An
extraordinary woman. Any sacrifice I required, she was ready to make.
For my sake, she forsook her religion, she abandoned her parents, she
gave up all prospect of wealth. Whereas I... as you know, I am in no
sense wonderful. On my side, I have sacrificed precisely nothing. I
married her because I loved her passionately and I swore to love her for
ever but... all right. Guess! Five years have gone by, she is still in love,
and I...

(He spreads his hands to finish)

IVANOV: You tell me she’s going to die, and I feel not love, nor even pity, but
just a terrible kind of emptiness. I’m sure from the outside - I accept
this - it must seem shocking.

(4) IVANOV and LVOV walk off towards the avenue, as SHABYELSKI comes in, roaring
with laughter.

SHABYELSKI: My God, this man isn’t a fraud, he’s a genius...

IVANOV: (going out) But I am past the stage where I can make sense of it.

SHABYELSKI: He’s part-lawyer, part-accountant and part-doctor. In other words, all

the most poisonous modern professions rolled into one.

(He sits on the bottom step of the terrace)

SHABYELSKI: Shame he never finished his studies. Give him a liberal education, with
just that little extra bit of culture, and you’d have the perfect con-man.
“No problem” he says “You can make twenty thousand by the end of
the week. Just trade in your assets. Trade your title” he says...

(SHABYELSKI laughs. ANNA opens the window)

SHABYELSKI: Next question is “Why don’t I fix you up with Marfusha?” he asks. Qui
ca? Marfusha Babakina, of course. The one with a nose like a cab-
driver. Oh yes, ideal Countess material.

ANNA: Is that you, Count?

SHABYELSKI: Who’s that?

(ANNA is laughing)

SHABYELSKI: (in a Jewish accent) What’s so funny, my dear?

 12

ANNA: Something you said at dinner once. How does it go? A horse, a what, a
Jew?

SHABYELSKI: “A horse you once saw limping

A thief who claims he’s cured
A Jew who says he’s Christian -
And you’d better be insured.”

(ANNA laughs again)

ANNA: The simplest joke and of course it has to be malicious. No, I’m serious.
I hadn’t realised until recently how much it affects me. It does. Living
with you, just being with you, Count, is depressing. Because in your
eyes everyone is a phoney or a crook. Tell me, in honesty, do you have
good word for anyone?

SHABYELSKI: What a question!

ANNA: I mean it. You and I have lived under the same roof for five years and
not once have I heard you praise a single human being. Why? What
have they all done to you? Do you think yourself so much better?

SHABYELSKI: Far from it. If I’m hard on others, my God, I’m hardest of all on
myself. What have I become? A parasite. Years ago, I was free, I was
rich, I was happy, even. Now, what am I? I’m the licensed buffoon.
Whatever I say, it makes no difference. I can be as rude as I like, they
just think “The old man’s off his head.” They pay no attention.

ANNA: (quietly) It’s screeching again.

SHABYELSKI: Screeching?

ANNA: The owl. Every night it screeches.

SHABYELSKI: Let it screech. Things can’t get worse than they are already.

(He stretches himself)

SHABYELSKI: Oh Anna, if I could just win that lottery, a small win, not even a big
one, the things I could do! The places I’d take you! I’d be off your
hands and not be back in this house till Judgement Day.

ANNA: Where would you go first?

SHABYELSKI: Oh. Moscow. To hear the famous gypsy choir. Then on to Paris. I’d
rent a flat, go to the Russian church.
 13

ANNA: And what else?

SHABYELSKI: I’d sit by my wife’s grave for days. I’d sit, just thinking. And waiting
for death. My wife is buried in Paris.

ANNA: Buried?

(There’s a pause)

ANNA: How depressing! Can we play some more music?

SHABYELSKI: Of course. Set it up.

(5) ANNA goes back indoors. IVANOV and LVOV re-appear from their walk.

IVANOV: My friend, you only graduated last year. You’re young and full of life.
I’m 35. So I’m perfectly placed to offer you advice. It’s this: don’t
marry a blue-stocking, a hysteric or a Jew. You think I’m joking, but
I’m not. On the contrary. My advice would be: go for someone
ordinary. The less stimulation the better. Get into a routine. I mean it.
Finally it’s safer. It’s like, strong colours are fun, but ultimately it’s
cleverer to wear grey. What I’m saying is: don’t take on the world.
Don’t tilt at windmills. Don’t waste your time bashing your head
against brick walls. What that means is, at least in my experience, at all
costs stay away from progressive farming. Yes. And progressive
education. And most of all, God help us! progressive rhetoric. It’s a
killer. Just pull your little shell up over your head, and get on with your
life. Finally, it’s the only way. I did the other thing, and it has destroyed
me. I cannot tell you. My life? A story of unceasing error and
absurdity!

(He suddenly sees SHABYELSKI)

IVANOV: Oh uncle, I cannot believe it!

SHABYELSKI: What?

IVANOV: Can I never get a moment to myself?

(He has blurted this out and SHABYELSKI is hurt)

SHABYELSKI: And can I... can I?

IVANOV: Oh God!
 14

SHABYELSKI: I suppose I have nowhere.

IVANOV: No! No, for God’s sake!

SHABYELSKI: I am always in the way, I am not to exist!

(He jumps up and goes into the house. IVANOV at once shouts
after him)

IVANOV: Oh Lord, I’m sorry. Uncle, I’m sorry!

(He turns back to LVOV)

IVANOV: What am I doing? What have I done?

LVOV: Nikolai...

IVANOV: How could I offend him like that? It’s unforgivable. I must stop this. I
must.

LVOV: Nikolai, I have to speak you frankly.

(IVANOV looks at him a moment)

IVANOV: Very well.

LVOV: I must tell you the truth.

IVANOV: The truth? Go ahead.

LVOV: I have listened, I have tried to listen as best I may. But it seems to me
you cannot speak, no, you cannot even open your mouth without
talking about yourself. Always. The subject is “I”. It is “I”! Just fifteen
feet away - my God, the selfishness of it, the heartlessness - a woman is
dying. She is dying from her very love for you. Her time on this earth is
coming to an end. And yet you prance around like a pigeon boasting of
your own... what do you call it? Despair! Words... the words are not in
my gift, but I can only say: you are a man who is detestable.

IVANOV: Perhaps. You see me from the outside. Probably you’re right.

(He listens a moment)

IVANOV: It sounds as if the horses are ready. I must go and change.

(He stops on his way back into the house)

 15

IVANOV: You do not hide your feelings, doctor. You do not like me, and you say
so. I admire you for that.

(He goes inside. LVOV is alone)

LVOV: I cannot believe it. What is it? What is it that stops me from speaking?
I begin to tell him what he must do and my chest clamps. My tongue
sticks to the roof of my mouth. How could I have let that moment go
by? That was my moment. How I hate him. This imposter, this over-
educated Tartuffe! He is going out! Going out, when his wife’s only
happiness is when he’s close. He is her life. She begs him, implores
him to stay just one evening at home. And he... cannot. Home? Not
interesting enough. An evening at home and he’d have to shoot
himself. Of course. This man needs space. He needs air. He needs
room to think up new ways to betray her. I know why you go to visit
the Lebedevs! I know!

(6) SHABYELSKI comes out of the house with ANNA and IVANOV who is now wearing a
coat and hat.

SHABYELSKI: Nikolai, it’s not right, it’s completely unfair. You go out every night
and we stay at home. We go to bed at eight from sheer boredom. Do
you call this life? You’re allowed out and we’re not?

ANNA: Count, leave him alone. Let him go.

IVANOV: Yes, but what about you, my dear sweet invalid? Ask the doctor. You
shouldn’t be out at this hour. You’re not a child, Anna.

ANNA: No.

IVANOV: You must think.

ANNA: Yes.

(There is a moment’s pause)

ANNA: Of course.

IVANOV: (to SHABYELSKI) Why are you so desperate to come with me?

SHABYELSKI: To be anywhere! Not to be here! You make me stay at home, so that

Anna will not be bored, you say, but it seems not to occur to you that
you are leaving your wife in the company of the most boring person on
earth.
 16

ANNA: Leave him, Count. Let him go. He likes it there.

IVANOV: Anna, I am hardly going because I “like” it. I am not going because I
like it. I am going because I have to discuss my debts.

ANNA: You don’t have to justify yourself. Just go. Who is keeping you?

IVANOV: Everyone, please let’s... let’s please be pleasant to one another.

SHABYELSKI: Nikolai, I beg you. I haven’t been out since Easter. I need people I can
despise, I need entertainment.

IVANOV: All right, very well. My God, how you bore me!

(SHABYELSKI takes his arm to thank him)

SHABYELSKI: Oh thank you, thank you. God in heaven be praised. But your hat,
Nikolai, the straw one... may I borrow it?

IVANOV: You can. Only quickly. Please!

(SHABYELSKI runs into the house)

IVANOV: How did this happen? How did I reach this point?

(He at once realises what he has said)

IVANOV: Oh Lord, I’m sorry, how can I say such things? Anna, I’m sorry. I am
not myself, this is not how I speak. This is not me. And now goodbye,
I’ll be back about one.

ANNA: My darling, please.

IVANOV: What? My sweet one, my darling.

(There is a pause)

ANNA: Please stay.

IVANOV: Anna, my sweet one, my own, I do have to ask you, please don’t stop
me. Don’t stop me going out. I know it’s selfish, but, forgive me, I
need this selfishness. It must be allowed. As soon as the sun goes
down, my own home begins to oppress me. I become consumed with
anguish. Why? If only I knew! I feel terrible here, I go to the
Lebedevs’, I feel worse. I come home, I feel worse still. And so it goes.
I am desperate.
 17

ANNA: Nikolai, why not stay? We’ll talk. We’ll talk as we once talked. Let’s
eat together and read. Old Miseryguts and I have learnt all this music.
We learnt it for you.

(She puts her arms round him)

ANNA: Stay!

(There is a pause)

ANNA: I don’t understand. It’s been a year now. What changed you?

IVANOV: I don’t know. I don’t know.

ANNA: Then why can’t I come? Why can’t I come visiting with you?

IVANOV: All right, let me say it. You ask me a question, I will tell you, since we
value the truth. When I am in this state, I begin not to love you. Yes.
That’s why I run. When I do not love you, I have to get out of the
house.

ANNA: I understand. I understand this anguish. I understand it. Try, why not?
Try to sing. Try to laugh. Anything. Get angry. I don’t mind. Just stay.
Have a drink. Laugh. Shout. We’ll drive your anguish away. I’ll sing
for you. We’ll lie in the hay. We’ll sit in the study, in the dark, as we
once sat in the dark, and you can talk about your unhappiness. Your
eyes are so full of suffering. I shall look into them and cry, and we’ll
both feel better.

(She begins to laugh and cry)

ANNA: How does it go, that song? “The flowers return in spring, but not the
joy.” That’s it, isn’t it? Well then, go.

IVANOV: Pray for me, Anna.

(He starts to go out, then stops for a moment and thinks)

IVANOV: I can’t stay! I can’t!

(He goes out. ANNA sits at the table)

ANNA: Then go.

(LVOV continues to pace)

LVOV: Anna Petrovna, you must make a rule : on the dot of six you must go
 18

indoors and not come out till sunrise. The damp in the evening is bad
for you.

ANNA: Whatever you wish, monsieur.

LVOV: Why do you say that? Why do you talk like that? I’m serious.

ANNA: But I don’t want to be serious.

(She starts to cough)

LVOV: There, I told you. You’ve begun to cough.

(7) SHABYELSKI comes out of the house in a hat and jacket. He hurries across to kiss
ANNA’s hand.

SHABYELSKI: Where’s Nikolai? Are the horses waiting? Good night to you, my
beautiful. (pulling a face) Mazeltov and e-schkoozer me.

(He goes out quickly)

LVOV: Very funny.

(There is a pause. The sound of an accordion in the distance)

ANNA: It’s so unfair. The cooks, the coachmen, they get to dance. And I? I
never dance. Yevgeni Konstantinovich, why are you pacing about?
Come and sit down.

LVOV: I can’t.

ANNA: They’re playing “The Starling” in the kitchen.

(sings) “Starling, starling, where have you been?
Drinking vodka on the green...

(There is a pause)

ANNA: Are your parents still alive, Doctor?

LVOV: My father died. My mother’s still living.

ANNA: Do you miss her?

LVOV: Oh well, you know. I’m so busy.

 19

ANNA: (laughs) “The flowers return in spring, but not the joy... ” Who taught
me that? I’ve forgotten. It must have been him.

(She listens)

ANNA: The owl again.

LVOV: Let it bloody well screech.

ANNA: I suppose I’m beginning to feel, Doctor, that life has somehow short-
changed me. Most people, perhaps no more deserving than me, are
happy. They pay nothing for their happiness. But I have paid. I am
paying with my whole life. Why is such high interest demanded of me?

(She looks at him a moment)

ANNA: What did you say?

LVOV: I didn’t say anything.

ANNA: You are always so kind to me, so considerate. Do you think I haven’t
guessed what is wrong with me? I know perfectly well. It’s boring to
talk about. (with a Jewish accent) Mazeltov and e-schkoozer me. How
are you on funny stories?

LVOV: Hopeless. I can’t tell them.

ANNA: He does. Brilliantly. And also I begin to be shocked at the cruelty of

people. Why is love not answered with love? Why is truth always
answered with lies? Tell me, how long are my own mother and father
going to go on hating me? From fifty miles away, day and night, even
in my sleep, I can feel their hatred. How am I to deal with my husband?
He says it’s only in the evening, he stops loving me only in the
evening, when the anguish is at its worst. I see that. But during the
day... Say he stopped loving me entirely. Of course it’s not possible.
But if he did? If he has? No. Don’t think about it. (sings) “Starling,
starling, where have you been... ”

(She shudders)

ANNA: How frightened I am! You’ve never married, Doctor, you understand
nothing.

(He sits down beside her)

LVOV: You say you are shocked, Anna. No, it is I who am shocked. You are
so clever, so upright, so honest. How did you end up in this place?
 20

What do have you in common with that unfeeling husband... all right,
I’ll leave him out of it... but why do you go on living in these depraved
surroundings? That mad, mumbling, lunatic Count! And Borkin, that
appalling plug-ugly little thug. Explain to me. What are you doing?
Why on earth do you stay?

ANNA: You sound like him. It’s funny. Him as he used to be. His eyes used to
grow round. When he talked, they glowed like burning coals. He
blazed with passion. Go on, talk to me more!

(LVOV gets up, waving a hand)

LVOV: Talk? Why? What’s the point?

(He suddenly shouts)

LVOV: Just go indoors!

ANNA: You are so confident. My husband is this. My husband is that. But how
can you tell? You haven’t even known him six months. This man was
remarkable. Two years ago. Or three. There was no man ever like him.
I saw him once, once across a room. It’s true. I saw him and the trap
was sprung. I met him, I loved him at sight. He said “Follow me”, I
followed. My life died behind me. It died, I killed it, quite consciously I
killed it, and I never looked back.

(There is a pause)

ANNA: It’s only now... only now when he goes to the Lebedevs’ to be with
other women. While I sit in the garden and the owl screeches.

(A watchman is heard, knocking against the fences to drive

away thieves)

ANNA: And you don’t have any brothers? Sisters?

LVOV: None.

(She cries)

LVOV: Tell me. Tell me what’s happening.

ANNA: (stands) I can’t stand it. I am going there.

LVOV: What do you mean?

ANNA: I shall follow him. I am going to find him. Order up the horses. Bring
 21

me the horses, quick!

(She runs into the house)

LVOV: No, this is not it. This is unprofessional. Not only do they fail to pay
me, but they rip my heart out as well. Enough! I withdraw my services.

(He goes into the house)

 22

ACT TWO

A reception room at the Lebedevs’ house. In the middle a door gives onto the garden, and
there are doors to left and right. There is a great deal of expensive furniture, but the
chandeliers, candelabras and pictures are under dust-sheets.

(1) A game of cards is going on at the back of the stage. Among the players are KOSYKH,
the excise officer and AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA, an old woman. Throughout the act
GUESTS are seen coming and going through the garden and the room. GAVRILA, their
servant, is in attendance.

The young widow and heiress MARFUSHA BABAKINA comes in, and heads straight for
Lebedev’s wife, ZINAIDA SAVISHNA who is on the sofa. Around her YOUNG MEN are
sitting on stiff-backed chairs.

ZINAIDA: My darling Marfusha, how wonderful to see you.

BABAKINA: Congratulations, my dear, on your daughter’s birthday.

(They kiss)

BABAKINA: May God give her everything she desires.

ZINAIDA: We thank you. We are simply so happy. And tell us, how have you
been?

BABAKINA: I’ve been well. Greetings, young friends.

(The women sit together on the sofa. The men get up and bow)

1ST GUEST: Young? Come now, I suppose you’re going to start claiming to be old.

BABAKINA: I could hardly still hope to call myself young.

1ST GUEST: Please. It is only in name that you are a widow, Babakina. You are
more attractive than any young girl.

(There is a moment’s pause. GAVRILA has brought

BABAKINA tea)
 23

ZINAIDA: Why on earth are you serving the tea without sweetening, Gavrila? Tea
is nothing without jam. Some gooseberry, perhaps.

BABAKINA: No. No thank you. No gooseberry.

ZINAIDA: Are you sure?

BABAKINA: Thanks but no thanks all the same.

(There is another moment)

1ST GUEST: So. Tell us, Marfusha Babakina. How did you get here?

BABAKINA: How?

1ST GUEST: Yes. By what route?

BABAKINA: Oh...

1ST GUEST: Did you come through Muschkino?

BABAKINA: No. I took the Zaimischche road. It’s quicker.

1ST GUEST: Good thinking.

KOSYKH: Two spades.

2ND GUEST: Pass.

4TH GUEST: Pass.

AVDOTYA: Pass.

BABAKINA: And what about the price of the lottery tickets?

ZINAIDA: Oh don’t tell us, we know!

BABAKINA: Two-seventy roubles to enter the first draw. For the second, I do not
exaggerate, already two-fifty. It’s unprecedented.

ZINAIDA: Just think, those fortunate souls who have already invested.

BABAKINA: You say that, but the fact is, there’s no guarantee.

ZINAIDA: Yes, but what you’re buying is hope. (sighs) Who knows? It’s a ticket.
God may be kind.
 24

3RD GUEST: You raise an interesting point. Is one well off with capital at this time?
Look at interest rates. Dividends have gone through the floor. One is
bound to ask is one better off with one’s capital invested or with... or
with... or with, well, its opposite...

BABAKINA: Capital not invested?

3RD GUEST: That’s right.

(The FIRST GUEST yawns)

BABAKINA: And now one may yawn in front of ladies?

1ST GUEST: I’m sorry. I forgot myself.

(ZINAIDA gets up and goes out of the room. A silence)

4TH GUEST: Two diamonds.

AVDOTYA: Pass.

2ND GUEST: Pass.

KOSYKH: Pass.

BABAKINA: Lord Jesus, the tedium. It is as if one had actually died.

(2) Now ZINAIDA is heard talking under her breath to her husband LEBEDEV as she leads
him into the room.

ZINAIDA: What a prima donna! What on earth were you doing, sitting out here?
These are your guests. You must mingle.

LEBEDEV: Oh God, what an unendurable life we do lead.

(ZINAIDA has resumed her place. LEBEDEV now sees

BABAKINA)

LEBEDEV: But look who’s here. Radiance, beauty and laughter, sitting among us.
(greeting her) How are you, you gorgeous piece of nougat?

BABAKINA: Happy to be here.

LEBEDEV: And we are happy to have you. Happy. Happy.

 25

(He sits down in an armchair)

LEBEDEV: So. Very well. I could do with a vodka.

(He drinks the vodka GAVRILA serves him in one, then has a
glass of water)

1ST GUEST: Your good health, sir.

LEBEDEV: Health? I’m alive, that’s all one can say.

(He turns to his wife)

LEBEDEV: And where has the birthday girl got to, my love?

KOSYKH: (tearful) I just don’t understand it. We haven’t won anything. I

simply... I cannot believe it. Not one. Not one single trick.

(He has jumped up in despair, and now AVDOTYA

NAZAROVNA gets up also, furious)

AVDOTYA: Whose fault is that? For goodness’ sake you went into their suits.

KOSYKH: I didn’t!

AVDOTYA: No wonder you were left with the ace.

KOSYKH: That is simply not true. Let me tell you... everyone, I’ll tell you my
hand.

LEBEDEV: Please!

KOSYKH: In diamonds, no, listen, I am holding, the king, the queen and the jack.
I also have the eight. I have the ace of spades. Yet she - can you believe
this? - she refuses my slam.

AVDOTYA: I didn’t.

KOSYKH: I bid no trumps...

AVDOTYA: What do you mean? I bid no trumps. It was you who bid two!

KOSYKH: (to LEBEDEV) Dear friend, I implore you. I ask you to judge this. Let
me recap, my diamonds are as follows...

LEBEDEV: (holding his ears) Will somebody please get this man to stop?
 26

AVDOTYA: It was me! As God is my witness. It was me who bid the no trumps!

KOSYKH: For as long as I breathe on this planet, I will never again play cards
with this flabby old trout!

(KOSYKH runs into the garden)

AVDOTYA: Trout! How dare he? The man has no conception of manners.

BABAKINA: My dear Avdotya, you seem to have mislaid your manners yourself.

(AVDOTYA now sees BABAKINA and throws open her arms)

AVDOTYA: Oh forgive me, my little plum, my angel, Babakina. Here I am, it’s
true, I’m talking like a fool. I didn’t even see you, my lollipop.

(She kisses her on the shoulder and sits down next to her)

AVDOTYA: Let me look at you, gorgeous. Perfection! But I mustn’t praise you too
highly, or it’ll bring you bad luck.

LEBEDEV: Praise her all you like, she still needs a husband.

AVDOTYA: A husband? I promise you, my darling, finding you a husband will be

my life’s work.

(She gestures across the room)

AVDOTYA: Though goodness knows where from, to judge by the present selection.
Look at them, sitting there, like hens in the rain.

3RD GUEST: That hardly seems a suitable comparison. Have you thought, perhaps
there’s a good reason why men are choosing to stay single? Surely it
says something about the society in which we now live?

LEBEDEV: Oh please, anything but social theory. Spare us. Life is too short.

(3) SASHA comes in and goes straight to her father.

SASHA: Such a beautiful evening, and you’re all sitting here in this fug!

ZINAIDA: Sasha, did you not notice Marfusha Babakina is present?

SASHA: I apologize. I didn’t see you.

 27

BABAKINA: Really, Sasha, you’ve got so stand-offish, you no longer come and see
me at all.

(They kiss, then SASHA sits down next to her father)

BABAKINA: Congratulations.

SASHA: Well thank you.

LEBEDEV: No question you’re right, Avdotya, there’s a shortage of decent

prospects. Forget would-be bridegrooms, you can’t even find a best
man. Young men today, they’re all insipid. Cheerless. They don’t know
how to dance, they can’t articulate, they can’t even drink.

AVDOTYA: I’d say drink is the one thing they can do.

LEBEDEV: I don’t mean drink like a horse drinks. I mean drink like we used to.
After a hard day at lectures, at study, then out with the ladies, drinking
and dancing till dawn. And talking! Talking like men kissed by the
almighty, talking with the eloquence of gods. But now...

(He gestures dismissively)

LEBEDEV: You look, you see only dishmops. Men who are halfway to women, it
seems. There’s only one real man in the district. Needless to say he’s
already married. Oh yes, and one other small detail : he’s also gone off
his head.

BABAKINA: Who can you mean?

LEBEDEV: Well, naturally I’m talking about Ivanov.

BABAKINA: Ah yes. A good man. But look at him: desperately unhappy.

ZINAIDA: Well, is it any surprise?

BABAKINA: (sighs) Ah well...

ZINAIDA: It’s his own fault. How could he? What an obvious disaster. Marrying a
Jew. And as usual, it didn’t pay off. All he wanted was to get his hands
on little Sarah Abramson’s fortune. But the parents were ahead of him.
They cut her off, the day she changed her religion. As soon as she
changed her name. He should have foreseen it. Now the poor man’s
lumbered.

SASHA: Mother, that is simply not true.

 28

BABAKINA: Oh my dear, I think one may say it’s commonly accepted.

SASHA: Is it?

BABAKINA: It is fairly obvious. Why else would anyone marry a Jew? Are you
telling me there aren’t enough nice Russian girls?

(She is becoming extremely animated)

BABAKINA: The sad thing is, it’s not him that suffers. She does. He tortures her
because he knows he made a mistake. He comes home, he shouts “It’s
your fault, your parents have swindled me.” People have heard him.
“Get out of my house!” But where can she go? Her family won’t have
her. I suppose she could work as a maid. At a pinch. If she trained. Her
life is unbearable. If the uncle weren’t in the house, why, I believe
Ivanov might well have murdered her by now.

AVDOTYA: I’ve heard he did throw her in the cellar one time.

BABAKINA: I’ve heard that.

AVDOTYA: The best bit: he forced her to eat garlic.

BABAKINA: It was garlic?

AVDOTYA: I’m sure. It’s a fact. He had her in there with twelve bulbs of the stuff.
He forced them down her throat till she stank like a dog!

(They all laugh)

SASHA: Father, these are lies.

LEBEDEV: No doubt, but at least they’re amusing. More vodka!

(GAVRILA pours him another glass)

ZINAIDA: All I know is that he’s broke. If he didn’t have Borkin to run the estate
for him, then he and his Jewess would have nothing to eat. For us, it’s
been a real nightmare. For three years he’s owed us this terrible debt.
Nine thousand roubles!

BABAKINA: (horrified) Nine thousand?

ZINAIDA: All thanks to my brilliant husband, of course. Such a great judge of

character. It’s his choice where we lend. And, believe me, this is not a
question of capital. We’ve not even started to get the interest returned.
 29

SASHA: Mother, you have said this over and over.

ZINAIDA: Well...

SASHA: You talk of nothing else.

ZINAIDA: What business is it of yours?

SASHA: How dare you... how dare you slander this man when he’s done you no
harm?

3RD GUEST: If you will allow me, dear Sasha, I respect Ivanov as much as you do.
He has welcomed me into his home. But you can hardly deny, through
the whole region the man is known as a scoundrel.

SASHA: I see.

(She looks at him, furious)

SASHA: And that’s your idea of respect?

3RD GUEST: I’m sorry, but there’s evidence. We all know. The insurance swindle...

SASHA: Oh really!

ZINAIDA: It’s true!

3RD GUEST: Ivanov bought a herd of cows...

SASHA: This is nonsense...

ZINAIDA: He did!

3RD GUEST: ... during the cattle epidemic. And then, to make money, he infected
them himself.

SASHA: The scheme was obviously Borkin’s. It has Borkin written all over it.
When Ivanov found out, he was furious. All right, you can say he was
weak. But he always wants to think well of people. He tries to help
them. And how is he thanked? He’s been swindled and plundered by
every petty crook in the area. People exploit him. He gets exploited
because he has a fine heart.

LEBEDEV: Such passion, my God! And in a young girl...

SASHA: But why? Why do we do this? Why do we talk this rubbish? Ivanov!
Ivanov! We talk about nothing else. Do you never ask yourselves why?
 30

(to the YOUNG MEN) Oh you lot, you love it. It’s easy. So little
effort. Let’s all talk of one thing! Because of course it would be so
much harder for you, you miserable sponges! to think of anything
original to say...

LEBEDEV: (laughs) That’s right, you tell them, my dear...

SASHA: No, that would involve you in actual mental activity. You’d have to try
and be witty. You might have to find a new joke. And if you did,
you’d risk being attractive to the women. For the moment, thank God,
there’s no danger of that! But why not? Why not just try it? As a
favour? To me? Just once in your life? Think of something brilliant,
think of something outrageous, on one single occasion, do something,
do something even, which would make women sit up? Isn’t that what
you want? That young women should admire you? Desire you?
Because as things stand, I tell you, you don’t have a chance.

ZINAIDA: Well, really!

(SASHA has gone to the door)

SASHA: Until you all change I will never stop saying it: this is a town of dismal
young men!

(4) SHABYELSKI comes in with IVANOV through the right-hand door.

SHABYELSKI: Ah the noble sound of oratory! Marvellous! Speechmaking, always the

perfect birthday activity...

(He takes SASHA’s hand and kisses it)

SHABYELSKI: May you live a long life, and never have to come back.

ZINAIDA: (to IVANOV) Nikolai Alekseyevich, what a pleasure to see you!

LEBEDEV: But who’s this? Lord God, it’s the Count himself!

(SHABYELSKI reaches his hand towards BABAKINA and

ZINAIDA)

SHABYELSKI: Ah, the entire banking community on one sofa! What a treat! (to
ZINAIDA) Greetings to you, Zuzu. (to BABAKINA) And to you, my
little lemon sherbet.

ZINAIDA: Count, this is such a rare privilege. (Shouts) Gavrila! Do sit down
please, everyone.
 31

(She goes anxiously to the door but comes back immediately.

IVANOV greets everyone silently. SASHA returns to her place,
as LEBEDEV embraces and kisses SHABYELSKI)

LEBEDEV: So where have you popped up from? My God, he’s slobbering all over
me.

(He leads him aside)

LEBEDEV: Why do we never see you? Are you angry with us or what?

SHABYELSKI: I don’t have any horses. What am I meant to do? Come on a bloody
broomstick? Nikolai refuses to bring me, because he wants me to sit all
evening entertaining Anna. Send me your horses, I’ll be over like a
shot.

LEBEDEV: You’re joking. Zinaida’ll do anything rather than lend horses. Oh my

dear boy, it’s such a pleasure to see you. You’re all I have left. The
only friend I have left from the old days. “The days we knew of youth
and laughter, Love came first, then grief came after... ”

(He hugs him)

LEBEDEV: Joking apart, I could almost cry.

SHABYELSKI: Hey, let go of me, you stink like a brewery.

LEBEDEV: My dear boy, I cannot tell you how much I miss my friends. Some days
I could slit my wrists with the boredom. (quietly) Thanks to her
banking activities, Zinaida has driven away every decent person we
know, and we are left with this lot. Every one a Zulu. A bunch of
Wearies and Drearies. That’s about it. Have some tea.

(GAVRILA has arrived to serve SHABYELSKI)

ZINAIDA: How many times must I say? With tea you serve jam. Gooseberry jam.

(SHABYELSKI laughs out loud, then turns back LEBEDEV)

SHABYELSKI: What did I tell you? I had a bet with him on the way that as soon as we
got here the gooseberry jam offensive would begin.

ZINAIDA: Thank you, Count. You still love a joke, I see.

LEBEDEV: She did make twenty barrels of the stuff. What the hell are we to do
with it?
 32

(SHABYELSKI sits by the table)

SHABYELSKI: Going well, is it? The moneylending? Made a million yet?

ZINAIDA: Oh yes, I know, people think we’re rich. But it’s all rumour.

SHABYELSKI: Of course. We all know you’ve no gift for that sort of thing. (to
LEBEDEV) Come on, swear on the Bible. Have you reached the
million?

LEBEDEV: No use asking me. Ask her.

SHABYELSKI: (to BABAKINA) And you must be pretty close to a million as well.
Wealth suits you, I must say. Your little pigeon feathers get fluffier by
the day.

BABAKINA: Thank you, your Excellency, but I don’t care to be mocked like this.

SHABYELSKI: I assure you, madam, there’s not a trace of mockery. It’s a cry from the
heart. I look at you two wealthy women, and I am moved to the bottom
of my soul. I cannot see either of you without being filled with love.

ZINAIDA: Oh Count, I see you don’t change.

(She nods to GAVRILA)

ZINAIDA: Gavrila, the candles, please. If they’ve finished playing, there’s no

point in wasting the light.

(GAVRILA obediently starts blowing out the candles.

ZINAIDA turns to IVANOV)

ZINAIDA: So tell us, how is your dear wife?

IVANOV: Not well, I’m afraid. Today the diagnosis was confirmed. Tuberculosis.

ZINAIDA: What a tragedy. We were just saying. Everyone here loves her so
much.

SHABYELSKI: Oh come on, this is crazy! This is a doctor who will say anything just
to be close to a female patient. It’s a game, for God’s sake. Just be
grateful her husband doesn’t suffer from jealousy.

(IVANOV gestures dismissively)

SHABYELSKI: Even Anna herself, I don’t believe a word she says on the subject. Not
 33

a word. It’s a good rule. Never trust doctors, lawyers or women.

Quackery and lies, that’s their stock in trade.

LEBEDEV: You really are extraordinary, you know.

SHABYELSKI: Why?

LEBEDEV: It’s like misanthropy actually seizes hold of you. Once you start, you
talk as if it were lodged in your throat, like a cancer. You speak with
the voice of the cancer.

SHABYELSKI: Well, that’s charming. What are you suggesting? I’m meant to stay
silent?

LEBEDEV: No!

SHABYELSKI: I’m meant to tolerate fools and imposters and liars?

LEBEDEV: Be specific. Which fools? Which imposters?

SHABYELSKI: Well...

LEBEDEV: Which liars?

SHABYELSKI: Ah well...

LEBEDEV: Well?

(SHABYELSKI hesitates)

SHABYELSKI: I don’t mean anyone here. Naturally...

LEBEDEV: (simultaneously) Ah naturally...

SHABYELSKI: But present company excepted...

LEBEDEV: Oh come on, you know full well, this is all posturing.

SHABYELSKI: You think so? Huh. What do you know? How fortunate you are, my
friend, to have no philosophy of life!

LEBEDEV: I will sit here in this room, and one day I will die. That’s my
philosophy. (shouts) Gavrila! Forget philosophy, my friend, we’re too
old for all that stuff.

SHABYELSKI: I’d say you’ve Gavrilaed enough already. Your nose looks like a
squashed blueberry.
 34

(LEBEDEV drinks again)

LEBEDEV: Who cares? It’s not as if I’m going anywhere.

ZINAIDA: Why do we never see the Doctor? He seems to have forgotten us

altogether.

SASHA: I can hardly say I missed him. The embodiment of virtue! He can’t
light a cigarette without sending out the message: “I’m an honest man.”

SHABYELSKI: I couldn’t agree more. What a utter phoney! The scourge of society!
“Make way for the working man!” Squawking like a parrot! And what
original views! Any peasant who’s making a reasonable living must by
definition be doing so at his brothers’ expense. And as for the rest of
us, if we own more than one jacket, or have a servant to help us get
dressed in the morning, then we must all be exploiters. The man is
practically exploding with honesty. It’s bursting to get out of him. It’s
like a physical threat. He’s aching to punch you in the face with his
honesty.

IVANOV: I know. He’s exhausting. But I like him. He’s sincere.

SHABYELSKI: Sincere? Oh yes, he’s sincere. He’s throbbing with sincerity.

Yesterday, he came up to me. I thought the vein would burst in his
neck. I saw it, pulsing away there. “Count, you repel me,” he said. Oh,
thanks very much. I mean, I don’t disagree with him. I’m a worthless
old fool, I know that. But do I really need to be told? My hair is white.
It’ll grow white regardless. Do I really need someone to remind me?
What sort of honesty is that?

LEBEDEV: Oh come on, you were young once yourself.

SHABYELSKI: Yes, I was young. And I was foolish too. I stood around, like a prig,
denouncing the world. But I had a little tact. I never went up to a thief
and said “You’re a thief”. There are things you don’t do. You don’t go
into the condemned man’s cell and show him the noose. It’s not... it’s
not needed. Whereas this man... his idea of complete very heaven
would be to punch me in the face - not because he wants to, oh God no
- but as always in his case, for some bloody principle. He’s a man
who’d shoot you because he thought it was right!

LEBEDEV: That’s youth, isn’t it?

SHABYELSKI: Not entirely.

LEBEDEV: I had an uncle once, a disciple of Hegel. He used to invite his friends to
 35

the house. Then he’d climb on a chair and denounce them. “You’re the
forces of darkness!” he’d say. “A new life is dawning at last. Blah-di-
blah.” He’d lay into them for hours.

SHABYELSKI: And how did they react?

LEBEDEV: How would you react? They carried on drinking. Being denounced?
They loved it. They couldn’t get enough of it.

(5) There is a sudden stir of excitement from outside as BORKIN arrives, carrying a parcel,
and dressed up to the nines. He is skipping and singing as he arrives, and surrounded by
excited YOUNG LADIES.

SHABYELSKI: Ah good news!

LEBEDEV: My goodness me, Borkin is here.

YOUNG LADIES: Mikhail Mikhailovich!

SHABYELSKI: It’s Borkin. The life and soul of the party.

BORKIN: Your humble servant, and here in person, my friends.

(He goes straight to SASHA and offers her the parcel)

BORKIN: Bella signora, the universe was honoured the day you were born. As a
mark of my own enslavement, may I present you with this small parcel
of fireworks of my own manufacture? May they lighten up the night,
just as your beauty lightens the gloomy lives we all lead.

(He bows theatrically)

SASHA: Thank you.

LEBEDEV: (laughing, to IVANOV) Really, you know, you should sack this
ridiculous Judas.

BORKIN: (to LEBEDEV) My host! (to IVANOV) My patron! (sings) Nick-a-

dick-a-dang-dang, Nick’s my man. (Walking round) The rest of you, so
many, so beautiful. Bella Zinaida! Bella Marfusha! Bella Avdotya!
Bella, bella, bella, the whole lot of you! (finally) And no less a person
than the Count.

SHABYELSKI: You see! The party cheers up the moment he arrives.

BORKIN: Have I missed anyone? I’m exhausted already. So what’s going on?
 36

What’s the news? (at once to ZINAIDA) Just listen, Mumsy, on the
way over I couldn’t help noticing... (to GAVRILA) Tea, yes, Gavrila,
but spare us the gooseberry muck. (to ZINAIDA) Peasants were
stripping the bark off your trees. Why don’t you rent those trees out?

LEBEDEV: (to IVANOV) Just sack the little bugger.

ZINAIDA: (alarmed) But you’re right. It had never even occurred to me.

(BORKIN has started doing aerobics)

BORKIN: I can’t live without exercise. I’m full of energy. Marfusha Babakina,
you are looking at a man at the peak of his game. (sings) “I see your
eyes, and I’s your servant, I see your lips and I’s your slave... ”

ZINAIDA: Oh, please, yes, do entertain us. Everyone’s so bored.

BORKIN: Come on, there’s no need for these drooping heads, gentlemen. Shall
we dance, you luscious yam?

BABAKINA: I can hardly dance tonight. It’s the anniversary of my husband’s death.

BORKIN: Then party games, charades, fireworks, what shall it be?

ALL: Fireworks, fireworks.

(People begin to follow him out into the garden in a buzz of

excitement)

SASHA: Why are you so quiet?

IVANOV: I’ve a headache. Your mother said it. We’re bored.

(ZINAIDA turns down the big lamp as she and LEBEDEV

follow)

ZINAIDA: If everyone’s in the garden, there’s no point in wasting candles. Isn’t he

wonderful? No sooner he’s come than we’re all feeling more cheerful.

LEBEDEV: I really think we should give them something to eat, my love.

ZINAIDA: Candles everywhere. No wonder people get the idea we’re rich.

(She is putting more out)

LEBEDEV: My darling, these people are young, they have healthy appetites, they
can’t survive on nothing...
 37

ZINAIDA: The Count never finished his tea. What a waste of sugar.

(She goes out)

LEBEDEV: I wish to God you’d just die.

(6) LEBEDEV follows her out. SASHA and IVANOV alone.

IVANOV: It’s an extraordinary irony. I used to think and work all the time and I
never felt tired. Now I do nothing and I’m completely exhausted. And
all because of my conscience. Hour after hour, eating away at me. All
the time I feel guilty. But of what? What am I guilty of? I look round, I
have no money, my wife is ill, my day goes by in constant, meaningless
gossiping and squabbling, I talk gibberish all day with idiots like
Borkin. The result is I have come to hate my own home. You are a
friend, Sasha, and between friends I hope there is honesty. Is there? I
cannot stand the company of a wife who loves me. Tonight I came here
purely for distraction, but already I am aching to go home. Forgive me.
I’m going. Forgive me.

SASHA: Nikolai, I understand you. You are unhappy because you are lonely.
Only love... love alone can help you.

IVANOV: Love? Does love help? Does it? Really? I do mean really. Aren’t I a
little old? What sort of love? Romance? Oh my God. Hardly. No, it’s
not romance I need. Anything but. And what goes with it... all that
unhappiness. God, no! I promise you, I could endure it all, everything
I’m experiencing, the poverty, the depression, the loss of my wife, the
loneliness, my own useless decay, but the one thing I cannot endure - I
cannot! - is the contempt I now feel for myself. That above all. I’m
half-dead with the shame of it. There are men, I’ve met them, men who
long to be Hamlet, it’s all they want, to play the outsider, the
superfluous man. To them it’s glamorous. Not to me. To me, it’s
failure. Deep shaming failure. For me - strong, healthy, in my right
mind - to be reduced to this state. To me, it’s disgrace.

SASHA: (laughing, through tears) Oh let’s just go, let’s run away to America...

IVANOV: I’m so spent, I couldn’t reach that door, let alone America...

(They head for the garden)

IVANOV: And what about you? What will you do? When I look at this place,
when I look at these men you might have to marry, what a fate! Unless
some soldier passes through town, or a student...
 38

(7) ZINAIDA SAVISHNA comes from the lefthand door with a pot of jam.

IVANOV: Excuse me, Sasha, I’ll be with you in a moment.

(SASHA goes out to the garden)

IVANOV: Zinaida Savishna, forgive me, if I may ask a question?

ZINAIDA: Please. Ask away.

IVANOV: Well... to be frank, as you may recall, the interest on my loan falls due
in what? is it two days? Yes. Two days. It would mean a great deal to
me if it could be deferred. As I have no money. In fact.

ZINAIDA: Nikolai Alekseyevich, I am scandalised. Are you out of your mind? I

am a respectable woman...

IVANOV: Of course...

ZINAIDA: To make such an obscene suggestion...

IVANOV: I know.

ZINAIDA: In private.

IVANOV: I’m sorry...

ZINAIDA: To take advantage. When you’ve lured me, trapped me alone. To

suggest such a thing.

IVANOV: I apologize.

ZINAIDA: The deferment of a loan!

IVANOV: My fault. My fault. I apologize.

(He goes out quickly into the garden)

ZINAIDA: I’m starting to palpitate. My heart!

(8) As she goes out by the right hand door KOSYKH crosses the stage from left to right.
 39

KOSYKH: I was holding the ace, the king, the queen, the jack of diamonds, the
ace of spades, and one, just one small heart, and she - the ditsy slut -
didn’t even know to bid a small slam.

(9) KOSYKH goes out by the right-hand door. AVDOTYA comes in with the FIRST GUEST
from the garden.

AVDOTYA: It’s actually some sort of world record. We’ve been here since five
o’clock and we haven’t seen so much as a stinking kipper.

1ST GUEST: I’d eat the carpet, I’d eat the paintings on the wall...

AVDOTYA: What a house! What a way to run a house!

1ST GUEST: I’d drop to my knees, like a wolf. I’d savage her. If she came in now,
I’d sink my teeth in her thigh...

AVDOTYA: Me too. I’d happily rip the flesh from her bones.

1ST GUEST: It’d be food! Supper at last! Raw, bloody hunks of our hostess. I’m so
hungry I could actually eat a whole leg.

AVDOTYA: There’s not even a drink.

1ST GUEST: They push these young women at you. How can you think about
women when you haven’t even had a drink?

AVDOTYA: Come on, let’s go and look...

1ST GUEST: There’s schnapps in the dining room. I know for a fact. Come on, we’ll
at least get a drink.

(10) As they go out by the left-hand door, ANNA and DOCTOR LVOV arrive.

ANNA: It’s fine. They must all be in the garden. They’ll be so glad to see us.

LVOV: Why have you brought me to this house of reptiles? This is not a place
where honest people should be seen.

ANNA: Would you mind, doctor, can I give you a social tip? It’s bad manners
to take a lady out and keep on about how honest you are. Perhaps it’s
true but nobody wants to know. I promise you, it’s good advice. Don’t
draw attention to your virtues, let women discover them for
 40

themselves. When Nikolai was your age, then he did nothing but sing
songs and tell stories. And there wasn’t one woman alive who couldn’t
sense what a fine man he was.

LVOV: Please. Don’t compare me with Nikolai. I know everything about him.

ANNA: No. You don’t. You’re a good man but you know nothing. Let’s go
into the garden. Nikolai never used to rail against the menagerie. You
never heard Nikolai call people reptiles. Or boast about his own
superiority. He left people alone to live their own lives. If he spoke at
all it was to blame himself for his own impatience, or to express his
pity for some poor soul. That’s how he was. Forgiving. Not like you...

(11) As they go out the FIRST GUEST and AVDOTYA return from the left.

1ST GUEST: Well if it’s not in the dining room, it must be in the larder. This way.

AVDOTYA: I would happily tear her limb from limb.

(12) BABAKINA and BORKIN come running in laughing from the garden. SHABYELSKI
comes in, aping the manner of the guests.

BABAKINA: Oh my God, what a bore! What a bore it all is! A lot of mummies, all
stiff as pokers, standing around like a bunch of stuck pigs.

(She begins to jump around)

BABAKINA: Oh Lord, my bones have all gone rigid. I have to move! I have to live!

(BORKIN grabs her by the waist and kisses her on the cheek.
SHABYELSKI laughs and snaps his fingers)

SHABYELSKI: Ladies! Gentlemen! Please, some decorum...

BABAKINA: Take your hands off me, you brazen seducer, or goodness knows what
the Count will think.

BORKIN: Angel of loveliness, light of my life. (kisses her) Lend me two

thousand three hundred, will you?

BABAKINA: No, absolutely not. No, no no! Do with me what you will. Me, yes. My
money, no.

(SHABYELSKI half-dances around them)

 41

SHABYELSKI: Look at her, the little pit pony. I have to admit she has her good
points...

BORKIN: (serious) All right, enough. Now. Let’s talk business. Let’s level, as
they say. Answer me : no prevarication. Yes or no? Which is it?

(He points to the COUNT)

BORKIN: On my left, a man in need of a fortune. On my right, a woman in need

of a title.

SHABYELSKI: That is putting it a little bit brutally, Misha.

BORKIN: He needs a minimum of three thousand a year. Tell me, do you want to
be a countess or not?

BABAKINA: Please, Misha, this is not...

BORKIN: This is not what?

BABAKINA: This is not the correct way of proceeding. Surely the Count... the Count
can speak for himself.

BORKIN: Why?

BABAKINA: I haven’t yet discerned the Count’s feelings...

BORKIN: His feelings? I don’t think his feelings need bother us. His feelings are
hardly the point.

(SHABYELSKI is rubbing his hands and laughing)

SHABYELSKI: Well I must say, the odd thing is I find this way of doing things rather
erotic. My precious... (Kisses her) My sweetheart... my little gherkin...

BABAKINA: Please, no, this isn’t right. Leave me. Go away. No, don’t go away. Not
yet.

BORKIN: So come on, tell us, are we in business? Yes or no?

BABAKINA: Could we... I mean, I’m just wondering... if the Count came to stay
with me, say in three days. Then we’d have time. I suppose what I’m
asking: is this serious?

BORKIN: (angry) Of course it’s serious. What do you think the whole thing’s
about?
 42

BABAKINA: Oh please, I can’t believe it. I feel quite dizzy. A Countess! The idea of
it. It’s impossible. I’m feeling quite ill...

(13) BORKIN and SHABYELSKI, laughing, take BABAKINA by the arm, kiss her and lead
her through the right-hand door. IVANOV and SASHA run in from the garden. IVANOV is
clutching his head in despair.

IVANOV: No, you mustn’t. Please. Really, you mustn’t. Sasha, I implore you.
You have to stop.

SASHA: I love you. I love you more than I can tell you. Without you, life has no
meaning. To me you are everything on earth.

IVANOV: Why? Why me? Please. I understand nothing. Sasha, you mustn’t say
one word more.

SASHA: Since I was a child, it’s only been you. I loved you, body and soul from
the moment I saw you. I love you, Nikolai Alekseyevich. I’ll follow
you anywhere, to the end of the earth, wherever, to the grave. Only
soon, only now, or else I’m going to die.

(IVANOV suddenly laughs)

IVANOV: I can’t believe it. To hear those words. To start again. Is there hope
again, Sasha? Is there happiness?

(He draws her to him)

IVANOV: Oh my sweet youth, my sweet lost youth...

(ANNA comes in from the garden and stands quite still,

watching them)

IVANOV: Yes? We live again. Yes? We start work again. Yes?

(They kiss. Then they turn round and both see ANNA)

IVANOV: (horrified) Anna!

 43

ACT THREE

IVANOV’s study. It is mid-day. His writing desk is covered with letters, papers, official
envelopes, and odds and ends, including revolvers. On the walls are maps of the area,
paintings, shot-guns, pistols, sickles and whips. And beside the papers, next to the lamp, is
the detritus of a serious drinking session: a carafe of vodka, a plate of herrings, pieces of
bread with pickled gherkins. PYOTR stands by the door.

LEBEDEV: I like the French. They’re good people.

SHABYELSKI: Are they?

LEBEDEV: Of course! French politics are simple. They’re not like the Germans.
The French at least know what they want. What they want is to rip the
Germans’ guts out. Who can argue with that?

SHABYELSKI: If only it were true.

LEBEDEV: Get hold of the sausage-eaters and de-sausage them.

SHABYELSKI: French, Germans! There’s no difference. They’re all cowards. You

wait! They’re like little schoolkids, making rude gestures. Take my
word for it. When it comes to it, they’re not going to fight.

BORKIN: He’s right. What’s the point of fighting anyway? Wasting good money
on weapons and guns? You know what I’d do? I’d get hold of that
Louis Pasteur. He could round up every dog in the country, inject them
with rabies, and send them raging into enemy territory.

LEBEDEV: He’s brilliant, eh?

BORKIN: The Germans’d be foaming at the mouth within days.

SHABYELSKI: The great military strategist!

LEBEDEV: The brain may be small but it’s swarming with ideas.

(They all laugh. LEBEDEV turns back to the vodka and pours
three glasses)
 44

LEBEDEV: There we are. We’ve fought their war for them, but we haven’t had a
drink.

SHABYELSKI: Let’s have a drink.

LEBEDEV: Good idea. Everyone, good health! Death to the Hun!

(They all drink and then eat the zakuski)

LEBEDEV: No question, the salted herring’s the best.

SHABYELSKI: I don’t think so. With vodka? No. The gherkin is better. Man struggles
up the lonely rockface of evolution, but for all his ingenuity he invents
nothing finer than the pickled cucumber. (to PYOTR) Pyotr, more
gherkins, and some onion pasties to go with them. Hot, mind, hot!

(PYOTR goes)

LEBEDEV: Caviar’s good with vodka. But it’s all down to how you prepare it. A
quarter of pressed caviar, two lengths of spring onion, a few drops of
olive oil and a squeeze of lemon. Mix them together. The smell alone
will drive you insane.

BORKIN: No, for me, the best thing with vodka is gudgeon.

SHABYELSKI: (contemptuous) Gudgeon! Gudgeon!

BORKIN: No, but wait. I’m saying fried. Rolled in breadcrumbs, and fried. So
they’re dry. Outside, clean and dry. Inside, piping hot and moist. So
they crunch between your teeth. Crunch, crunch. Crackle, crackle.

SHABYELSKI: Yesterday at Babakina’s she served something good. White

mushrooms...

LEBEDEV: Ah well yes, white mushrooms...

SHABYELSKI: But listen. Steamed with onion and bay leaf and - I don’t know - some
kind of herbs.

LEBEDEV: Not bad?

SHABYELSKI: When they opened the saucepan, I thought I would faint.

LEBEDEV: Let’s drink again.

SHABYELSKI: Very good.

 45

LEBEDEV: One more it is.

ALL: Death to the Hun!

(They drink. LEBEDEV looks at his watch)

LEBEDEV: So. No Nikolai. I have to go soon. You say you had mushrooms at
Babakina’s, but there’s not a whiff of them at my place. Perhaps you
might tell us why on earth you’re frequenting Babakina’s.

(SHABYELSKI nods at BORKIN)

SHABYELSKI: It’s his fault. He wants me to marry her.

LEBEDEV: Marry? Uh-huh. How old are you?

SHABYELSKI: Sixty-two.

LEBEDEV: Perfect. The perfect age for it. And the bride - ideal.

BORKIN: We’re not interested in the bride, it’s the bride’s money we’re after.

LEBEDEV: Her money? You’re joking. Dream on, Shabyelski.

BORKIN: All right, you’re laughing now but when they’re living together, then
you’ll be sorry.

SHABYELSKI: He’s serious, you know. Our great military strategist. He’s convinced
I’m going to do it.

BORKIN: Of course you are. What are you saying? Are you getting cold feet?

SHABYELSKI: My dear friend, come on, they’ve never even been warm.

BORKIN: You mean I’ve been wasting my time?

SHABYELSKI: Oh really! Misha!

BORKIN: What is this? “One day I will, next day I won’t”? Where does that
leave me? Perhaps I might remind you, I gave this woman my word.

SHABYELSKI: Astonishing! The man really does mean it...

BORKIN: (furious) How can you think of betraying a perfectly decent and honest
woman? Her whole day spent dreaming of social advancement. She
can’t eat, she can’t sleep. You do have some responsibilities, you
know. You can’t just walk away.
 46

SHABYELSKI: (snaps his fingers) All right, very well. Shall I do it? Out of sheer
devilment. Is that what we want? Mark it up as a joke?

(2) DOCTOR LVOV comes in, and at once LEBEDEV takes his hand and sings to him.

LEBEDEV: Ah the great doctor in person! (sings) “I’m scared to death of dying,
I’m scared to death of death... ”

LVOV: No sign of Ivanov?

LEBEDEV: No. I’ve been waiting over an hour.

(LVOV strides impatiently up and down)

LEBEDEV: So how is Anna today?

LVOV: Not good.

LEBEDEV: May I pay my respects?

LVOV: I’d rather you didn’t. She’s sleeping.

LEBEDEV: She’s a good person. Truly. The night she fainted at our house, I looked
into her face. I saw death written all over it. I don’t know what
happened. I came in, she was on the floor, Nikolai kneeling beside her,
Sasha in tears. For a full week after, Sasha and I couldn’t get over it.

SHABYELSKI: (to LVOV) Yes, now tell me something, Doctor, that I’ve always
wanted to know. Which genius of science was it who first discovered
that the closer one puts one’s ear to a lady’s chest the more fully one
may comprehend her sickness? Which branch of medicine takes credit
for this discovery? Homeopathy? Allopathy?

(LVOV looks at him with contempt and walks out)

SHABYELSKI: My god, what a look!

LEBEDEV: Why do you do that? Why do you insult him like that?

SHABYELSKI: Because he’s a liar, that’s why! He loves it, all that “Grave situation”
and “I am sorry to have to inform you”. He’s lying. I can’t stand it.

LEBEDEV: But why? Why would he lie?

 47

(SHABYELSKI gets up and walks around)

SHABYELSKI: I cannot accept it. That a human being is alive one moment and drops
dead the next. It makes no sense. Please, let’s change the subject.

(3) KOSYKH comes running in, out of breath and quickly shakes everyone’s hand.

KOSYKH: Hello. Good morning. Is Nikolai home?

BORKIN: Not yet.

KOSYKH: In that case, goodbye. I’m so busy. I can’t tell you, I’m completely
worn out.

(He has sat down and got up again. Now he has a vodka and a
zakuska)

LEBEDEV: Where’ve you blown in from?

KOSYKH: I had a night at Barabonov’s. We’ve only just finished. We were

playing the whole night. Right through the night. I lost every penny.
Barabonov is useless at cards.

(He turns, tearful, to BORKIN who moves away at once)

KOSYKH: I’ll tell you...

BORKIN: Thanks, but if it’s all the same to you...

KOSYKH: I’ll describe the situation, so you really understand it : I’m holding
hearts and he plays a diamond...

BORKIN: Oh please!

KOSYKH: I play another heart. He plays another diamond. So, inevitably, I don’t
have to tell you, I don’t take a trick. (to LEBEDEV) All right, so we
start playing four clubs. I am holding the ace, the queen, six in all, ten,
three of spades...

LEBEDEV: (blocking his ears) I literally cannot endure this!

KOSYKH: (to SHABYELSKI) No really, it’s interesting...

SHABYELSKI: Go away, I don’t want to know.

 48

KOSYKH: It’s textbook. I have the ace, the queen, six others, and suddenly
disaster! No, listen -

(SHABYELSKI takes a revolver from the desk)

SHABYELSKI: If you don’t shut up, I will shoot.

KOSYKH: (waves a hand) Ah yes, I see, this is how things are going. This is how
things are now. Suddenly we are all living in Australia. Live your own
life, follow your interest, damn the other man and no common culture
at all.

(He lifts his hat)

KOSYKH: However. I have to go. It’s time. Time is precious.

(He shakes LEBEDEV’s hand)

KOSYKH: I pass!

(4) They all laugh as KOSYKH goes out and bumps into AVDOTYA NAZAROVNA at the
door. She lets out a shriek.

AVDOTYA: Watch where you’re going, for goodness’ sake.

ALL: Ah here she is, she’s back.

LEBEDEV: The ubiquitous Avdotya Nazarovna.

AVDOTYA: I’ve found you, my beauties. I’ve been looking everywhere. Greetings
to every one of you.

(She shakes all their hands)

LEBEDEV: What are you doing here?

AVDOTYA: Business, sir, business. Matters concerning the Count.

(She bows)

AVDOTYA: The young woman in question sends her regards and tells you that if
you do not visit tonight, she will cry her little peepers out. She did ask
me to take you aside and whisper this news for your ears only. But as
we’re all in on this - there are no secrets here - it’s not as if we’re
robbing a bank, this is love, it’s out in the open and all above board, so,
 49

well... I don’t usually drink but I must admit on this occasion, perhaps
a small one. Just to celebrate.

LEBEDEV: I’ll join you.

(He pours)

LEBEDEV: I must say, Avdotya, you’re in not in bad shape yourself. Given that
you seem to have been an old bat for about thirty years now.

AVDOTYA: Thirty? You think? I’ve lost count. I can’t even remember how old I
am. I’ve buried two husbands. I’d be up for a third, but I have no
dowry. I’ve had eight children. No-one’ll take me without cash.

(She takes her glass)

AVDOTYA: So, here we are, in at the start of something wonderful. May they live
to finish what we have begun. Love and happiness to them for the rest
of their lives.

(She drinks)

AVDOTYA: Ah now, that is good vodka.

SHABYELSKI: (laughing, to LEBEDEV) It’s incredible, people do actually think I’m

going to do it.

(He gets up)

SHABYELSKI: So maybe I will. Why not? Go through with it? Why not?

LEBEDEV: It’s too late, my friend.

SHABYELSKI: What would you call it? One last crime? One final, glorious act of
madness?

LEBEDEV: You long since missed your chance to be rich. The grave, not the
wedding bed for us. We’ve seen the best of our days.

SHABYELSKI: I’m going to do it. Yes, I mean it! As God is my witness, I shall!

(5) IVANOV and LVOV come in. At once LEBEDEV gets up to greet IVANOV and kiss
him.

LVOV: I am only asking for five minutes.

 50

LEBEDEV: Ah Nikolai! At last, good morning.

AVDOTYA: (bows) Ah good morning, sir.

LEBEDEV: I’ve been waiting a full hour.

IVANOV: (bitterly) Again! I cannot believe it. Once more you have turned my
study into a taproom. I have begged you a thousand times.

(He goes to the desk)

IVANOV: Look! There’s vodka all over my papers. Crumbs. Gherkins. It’s
disgusting.

LEBEDEV: My fault entirely, dear friend, I apologize. But I have serious things to
discuss.

BORKIN: I was here first.

LVOV: I have asked you repeatedly.

IVANOV: Please, gentlemen, please. I cannot listen to everyone. Pasha comes

first.

LEBEDEV: I’m afraid my business is private. I’m sorry, gentlemen.

(SHABYELSKI and AVDOTYA go out. BORKIN follows,

and LVOV last)

IVANOV: I have to ask you, Pasha, drink all you like, that’s your problem, but
don’t infect my uncle. He never used to be a drinker.

LEBEDEV: (alarmed) I’m sorry, I didn’t know...

IVANOV: It’s bad for him.

LEBEDEV: I’d never noticed...

IVANOV: Yes and if the drink kills him, it will be me that suffers, not you. What
did you want?

(There is a pause)

LEBEDEV: Oh Lord, I have to put this carefully, so it doesn’t sound callous. You
must understand, I’m ashamed before I’ve even said it. I’m blushing in
advance. But please - put yourself in my place. Just imagine the life I
 51

lead. What am I? Effectively a serf. Not even a serf. A footcloth, a

Negro.

IVANOV: Well?

LEBEDEV: I’ve been dispatched by my wife. Like a parcel. Pay her the interest.
Just pay it. I beg you. For the sake of our marriage. I implore you. I can
do no other. I’m exhausted. She’s bullied me to death.

IVANOV: Pasha, I cannot.

LEBEDEV: Please!

IVANOV: I have no money at all.

LEBEDEV: I know, I know. But what can I do? She cannot wait. She cannot. If she
takes you to court, just imagine. How will Sasha and I ever look you in
the eye?

IVANOV: I am ashamed as well. I wish the earth would swallow me up. But
where can I find money? Where? My only hope is the harvest.

LEBEDEV: (shouts) She can’t wait!

(There is a pause)

IVANOV: Yes, your situation is tricky but mine is far worse. I’ve racked my
brains, but there’s nothing.

LEBEDEV: Go to Milkbakh. He owes you sixteen thousand.

IVANOV: Oh...

(He makes a gesture of despair)

LEBEDEV: Look, I know you won’t like this, but just humour an old drunkard for
once. Here we are. Both graduates of Moscow University. Both
students. Both liberals. With ideas and values in common. And, what’s
more, friends, I would hope.

(He takes money from his wallet and puts it on the table)

LEBEDEV: This is money I’ve stashed away for myself. It can’t be traced. Think of
it as a loan. Yes? Swallow your pride. I promise you, if our positions
were reversed, I would take what you gave me, and without a second
thought.
 52

(There is a pause)

LEBEDEV: There it is. Go over to the house, put it in her hand and say to her
“Zinaida Saveshna, here is your money, now drop dead.” But for god’s
sake don’t tell her where you got it, or she’ll choke me to death with
gooseberry jam.

(He looks IVANOV in the face. Then he takes back the money
and quickly puts it in his pocket)

LEBEDEV: I’m sorry, a joke. I meant it as a joke. A joke in bad taste. Forgive me.

(There is a pause)

LEBEDEV: Have you given up hope?

(IVANOV gestures again)

LEBEDEV: I understand. It’s... existence. The nature of it, I mean. Calm times,
then troubled. Man? I’d say almost like a samovar. That’s right. He
cannot sit cold on the shelf forever. The moment will come when the
burning charcoal arrives. All right, it’s a rotten analogy, but it’s the
best I can do. (sighs) Bad times are good for you. If you see what I
mean. That’s why I’m not worried for you. Though I am disturbed
when... when I hear people talking. Why are there so many rumours?
Why are they all about you, Nikolai? What started it? One day you’re a
murderer, the next day you’re a thief, the next the police are coming to
arrest you...

IVANOV: It means nothing. My head hurts.

LEBEDEV: Try not thinking.

IVANOV: I don’t think.

LEBEDEV: Oh, let it all go to hell. Why not? Why don’t you visit us anymore?
Sasha’s fond of you. She understands you. She’s a decent person. She’s
loyal and sincere. I can’t think where she gets it from. Certainly not her
mother, still less from me. There must have been some sort of illicit
union I never heard about. I look at her and can’t believe that this
drunk with a luminous nose could have such a jewel for a daughter.
Why don’t you come over, do all your brilliant talking together?
Really. Sasha’ll cheer you up.

(There is a pause)

IVANOV: My friend, please leave me alone.

 53

LEBEDEV: All right, I understand. Truly.

(He looks quickly, then kisses IVANOV)

LEBEDEV: I understand. Farewell. New school, opening today. Have to be there.

(He moves to the door, then stops)

LEBEDEV: I’ve always said my daughter was clever. Yesterday we were

discussing all these rumours about you and she said “Papa, glow-
worms shine at night to make it easier for birds to see them and eat
them. So good people only exist so that gossip and rumour may have
somewhere to feed.” Not bad, eh? I told you. A genius. Watch out,
George Sand.

IVANOV: Pasha!

(He stops him)

IVANOV: What is wrong with me?

LEBEDEV: Ah, yes. Good question. I’ve not wanted to ask. I thought perhaps your
troubles had got the better of you. But you’re not the type. Usually you
overcome misfortune. So, well... it’s something else. But I don’t know
what.

IVANOV: Me neither. Though sometimes... oh Lord, no. No it’s not that.

(There is a pause)

IVANOV: The nearest I can get : I used to have a workman. Semion, he was
called, you remember? At harvest-time he wanted to show off in front
of the girls, so he loaded two sacks of rye at once. He strained his back.
And he died soon after. That’s how I feel. As if my back has been
broken. School, university, agriculture, village education, civic
projects... From the start I was set on doing everything differently. I
married differently, I lived differently, took more risks, used my own
money, threw it away. I was happier and unhappier than anyone else in
region. But these things were like sacks. I loaded them on my back.
And now it’s snapped, it’s literally given way. At twenty we’re all
heroes, we can do anything, can’t we? By thirty, we’re already
exhausted. How do you... I ask, how you explain it? We’re so tired. It’s
as if... I don’t know... what can I say to you? Go, Pasha, go. Leave me.
You must be so tired of me.

LEBEDEV: You know what it is?

 54

(He gestures round)

LEBEDEV: This place. These surroundings. They are what’s killing you.

IVANOV: (smiles) No. That’s the usual excuse. It’s stupid.

LEBEDEV: Yes. Well no doubt yes, you’re right, it’s stupid. I said it. And it’s
stupid. I’ll get out of your way.

(6) LEBEDEV leaves. IVANOV is alone.

IVANOV: How spent I am, how I despise myself. It’s only a drunk like Pasha
who can still respect me. I hear my own voice and I hate it. I look at my
own hands, my clothes, my feet even and I seem to know them too
well. Just a year ago! That’s what’s so crazy, I was healthy and strong.
I was cheerful, I worked. I could make sentences. When I talked, strong
men wept and even idiots were inspired. When I saw unhappiness, I
cried. When I saw evil, I raged. The inspiration was there. I sat alone
every night at my desk, I felt the poetry of the evening, from the sun’s
going down to the sun’s rising. I worked through the night in the quiet
and I dreamed. I looked into the future like a child looking into its
mother’s eyes. But now... I search for faith, I spend days and nights in
idleness, in doing-nothingness, my mind, my body in permanent revolt.
I look out of the window : my estate is in ruins and my forests are
under the axe.

(He weeps)

IVANOV: It needs me. The land needs me. And I have no hope, no expectation.
My sense of tomorrow is gone. I swore to love Anna for ever. Eternal
love, that’s what I promised. I opened her eyes, I offered her a future of
which she’d never even dreamed. Yet these last five years I’ve watched
her fading, growing weaker every day, sapped by the struggle, but
never once turning to me, never uttering a single word of reproach.
And how have I rewarded her? By ceasing to love her. Why? To what
end? Somebody explain! My own wife is dying, her days are numbered
and all I can do is run from her awful pleading eyes, from her face,
from her cough. The shame, the shame of it...

(There is a pause)

IVANOV: And this child, Sasha, touched by my unhappiness. She declares her
love to this ludicrous old man, and he is charmed, as if by music. He
shudders back into life and stands there, shaking, spellbound, crying
 55

out “A new life! Happiness!” Then wakes the next day, like a cheap
drunk in a brothel. What is it? Why am I heading for the cliff? Why am
I drawn to it? What’s happened to my strength? A gun goes off, a
servant drops a dish, my wife says the wrong thing, and suddenly my
nerves are tattered and my temper screams out.

(There is a pause)

IVANOV: Do it. Do it, Nikolai. Put a bullet in your brain. I don’t understand.

(LVOV comes in)

LVOV: Nikolai Alekseyevich, it is essential we talk.

IVANOV: We talk every day, Doctor, there must be some sort of human limit.

LVOV: Will you just let me speak?

IVANOV: You speak every day, sometimes three times a day, and I still have no
idea what you’re trying to say.

LVOV: I speak plainly and to the point. Only a man without a heart could
misunderstand me.

IVANOV: Usually you make three points. One, my wife is dying. Two, it’s my
fault. Three, you are an honest man. So, tell me, which order do you
wish to put these points in today?

LVOV: I need to speak out because I cannot endure cruelty. It is the cruelty of
things that dismays me. In the next room, a woman is dying. The least
she deserves is to see her own parents. They know full well that she
loves them, that she needs to see them, but because of their pride - the
stubbornness of their religion - they refuse to relent. Still they condemn
her! And you are the man for whom she sacrificed everything, even her
own family. Yet without apology and with no sense of shame you go
tripping over to Lebedev’s, for purposes which are clear to us all.

IVANOV: You’re wrong, actually. I haven’t been there for weeks.

LVOV: (not listening) People tell me I’m young, but I have learnt one thing in
life. One must be straight with people. One must be blunt. I have
watched you, Ivanov. I have seen you. And I have seen through you.
You are longing for her death. Yes, I know what I’m saying. You will
welcome her death because it will give you the chance to move on. But
I have come today in the name of humanity to ask you to wait. If
nothing else, just wait. Give Anna her time, let her die in the goodness
of time. Don’t drive this woman to the grave. Is there really such a
 56

rush? Would you lose this new girl if you slowed down? You are so
accomplished, so proficient, so adept... surely the seduction of any
woman will not detain you for long. Why do you need your present
wife to die straight away?

IVANOV: Doctor! What sort of doctor are you?

LVOV: Oh please! Who are you trying to fool?

IVANOV: How little you understand if you expect me to control myself while you
say these things to me.

LVOV: Ivanov, the mask is off! It’s been off for months. Your whole life is a
fake.

IVANOV: You’re such a clever man, Doctor. A clever doctor. For you, things are
easy. They are what they seem to be. I married Anna to get her fortune.
I didn’t get it. I made a mistake, so now I’m trying to dispose of her, so
I can fix on somebody else and get their money instead. Yes? Isn’t that
what you think? How simple human beings are to you. What
uncomplicated machines! Well no, actually, doctor. Look a little closer.
There are so many cogs in us, so many wheels, so many valves that we
judge each other at our own peril. I don’t understand you. You don’t
understand me. And least of all do we understand ourselves. Least of
all. You may be a great doctor, but about humanity you know nothing.
Don’t be so absurdly self-confident. Listen and learn.

LVOV: What a convenient philosophy! No such words as ‘good’ or ‘bad’? No

‘right’, no ‘wrong’. Everything ‘complicated’. ‘Complex’. Is that right?

IVANOV: Look. You come to see me all the time. Not a day goes by. Plainly it’s
not for a meeting of minds. So then why? You’re obsessed with me.
Have you ever looked inside yourself? Have you ever asked yourself
why? Examined your own behaviour? Asked what you want from me?

(He is suddenly furious)

IVANOV: Just who am I speaking to? My wife’s doctor or the counsel for the
prosecution?
 57

LVOV: I’m a doctor. It’s a clinical judgement. I am instructing you: change

your ways, you are killing your wife.

IVANOV: Ways? My ways? Please, you understand me better than I do myself.

Tell me what changing my ways would entail.

LVOV: You know full well.

IVANOV: No. Tell me. How would you wish me to change?

LVOV: I would wish you... to be more discreet.

IVANOV: Oh my God, out! Out of here!

(He drinks some water)

IVANOV: How dare you? How dare you? Yes, I shall answer to God, I know
that, for everything I am, for everything I have done. But I do not have
to answer to you. You have no right no torment me.

LVOV: I? You say I torment you? Do you have any idea? Do you have any idea
of what you have done to me? Before I came to this godforsaken
region, I believed in humanity. I knew people were stupid. I made
allowances. But never once did I dream that people could be criminal,
that they could be deliberately evil. I loved people. I respected them. I
had faith. Until I saw you.

IVANOV: I’ve heard this before.

LVOV: And that makes it not true?

(He looks and sees SASHA come in, wearing a riding dress)

LVOV: Ah. Well then. My point is made for me. At least now things are clear.

(7) LVOV shrugs his shoulders and goes out. IVANOV is taken aback by SASHA’s
appearance.

IVANOV: Sasha...

SASHA: Yes. What’s wrong?

IVANOV: What are you doing here? Why have you come?

SASHA: You never visit, you no longer visit us...

 58

IVANOV: For goodness’ sake, this is madness. Didn’t you think? Did you never
consider the effect on my wife?

SASHA: I thought of it. I came round the back.

IVANOV: Sasha I cannot believe it. My wife is already in torment. She’s at

death’s door. And you choose to come here...

SASHA: What else could I do? You don’t answer my letters. All day I think
about you. I imagine you suffering. I’ve not slept. Not one single night.

(She looks at him a moment)

SASHA: All right, I’ll go. Just tell me : are you all right?

IVANOV: All right? How can I be all right? I’m completely exhausted. The whole
world is beating a path to my door. Now you! I’m almost insane with
guilt.

SASHA: Ah yes, guilt...

IVANOV: Yes!

SASHA: Guilt! How you love it. What’s your crime, then? Name it. Go on.

(IVANOV says nothing)

SASHA: Sinners surely can name their own sin. What’s yours? Forgery?

IVANOV: (turning away) Sasha...

SASHA: What have you been doing? Printing up banknotes?

IVANOV: That isn’t funny!

SASHA: Isn’t it? You feel guilty because you’ve stopped loving a woman. Isn’t
that right?

IVANOV: I don’t know. I don’t know.

SASHA: So why is that a sin? Are you not allowed feelings? It was hardly at
your wish. Or is the sin that she happened to walk into a room? Again,
it’s hardly...

IVANOV: I know. And so on. These words we all use! “Allowed our own
feelings!” “It isn’t at my wish”. These tawdry, exhausted little phrases
that human beings love to fool themselves with.
 59

SASHA: Whatever I say, you tear it apart.

(She looks at a painting)

SASHA: This dog is good isn’t it? Was this done from life?

IVANOV: Yes, from life. And this so-called romance we are having, also a cliché.
It’s out of a book. “He had lost his way, he had stumbled. Then she
reached out a hand to save him.” That’s how it happens in novels.

SASHA: It also happens in life.

IVANOV: Life! Goodness, life...

SASHA: Yes!

IVANOV: Which you understand so instinctively. Oh and how you relish it when
I’m unhappy!

SASHA: Do I?

IVANOV: Yes. The unhappier the better! Because it means you’re in love with
Hamlet. But to me, you see, Hamlet’s an idiot. He’s a figure of fun.
Healthy people laugh at their own weaknesses. They mock self-
indulgence. But naturally that holds no appeal for you. Insufficiently
romantic! You, you’re only happy in the ambulance corps. Here come
the nurses! All in freshly starched linen, riding in like the cavalry to
bandage the wounds! Oh Lord, I’m sorry. Something must break
today... the truth is, I’m longing for violence...

SASHA: Good. Let it out. You’re angry. Smash some china. Why not? You’re
entitled to shout. After all, it’s my fault. I’ve done something stupid. I
should never have come. So yell at me. Please.

(There’s a pause)

SASHA: Well?

IVANOV: It’s funny.

SASHA: Good then, it’s funny. It’s something, thank goodness. Anything. Just
as long as you manage to smile once again.

IVANOV: (laughs) I look at you when you’re doing your cavalry acting. There’s
this wonderful look on your face. Pure innocence. As if you were
watching a comet. Your pupils get bigger. Wait, there’s some dust on
 60

your coat.

(He brushes some dirt off her shoulder)

IVANOV: Why is it attractive for a woman to be innocent when it’s so ridiculous

in a man? Why are you all drawn to despair?

SASHA: Are we?

IVANOV: When a man is strong and happy you ignore him completely, but the
moment he slides downhill, whoosh, you’re off after him like a shot.

(He presses his face to her shoulder)

IVANOV: Let me rest and forget, if only for a moment.

(There is a silence, the two of them still)

SASHA: There’s so much you don’t understand. For men, love is just how-are-
you-darling? It’s just a stroll in the garden. One day, it will be a few
tears at the graveside. But for us? No, it has to be life itself. If you
climb a mountain, I’ll climb with you. Jump over the cliff : I’ll jump. I
never told you, there was a day about three years ago when you came to
our door, sunburned, tired, covered in dust. You were fresh from
harvesting. You asked for a drink. When I brought you the glass, you
were laid out on the sofa, dead to the world. You slept in our house and
I stood at the door, guarding you, keeping people away. I stood for a
full twelve hours. I’ve never been happier in my life. The more effort
you have to make, the better love is.

(PYOTR appears silently with a plate of hot pasties)

PYOTR: Pasties.

IVANOV: What? What did you say?

PYOTR: Hot pasties. The Count ordered them.

IVANOV: Go away.

(PYOTR turns and goes out. IVANOV shrugs, suddenly

cheerful)

IVANOV: My dear girl, how wonderful you are. And how stupid I’ve been,
playing at tragedy. Boo hoo. Upsetting people wherever I go. Epatant
les bourgeois...
 61

(He laughs and moves quickly away)

IVANOV: You have to go, Sasha. We’re forgetting ourselves.

SASHA: I know. I’m off. I fear the honest doctor may feel it’s his duty to tell
Anna Petrovna I was here. So, please, go to her and stay by her bed.
Sit. If you need to, sit for a year. If you need to stay ten years, stay ten.
But do your duty. Grieve with her and ask her forgiveness. Weep. It’s
right. And above all don’t neglect your estate.

IVANOV: Oh God, I’m under Matron’s orders again.

SASHA: God bless you, Nikolai. You may now put me out of your mind
altogether. It’s fine. As long as you write me a letter. Say, in two
weeks. I’d be grateful. And I shall write to you.

(8) BORKIN looks in the door and then sees SASHA.

BORKIN: Nikolai, is it my turn? Oh Good Lord, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there.
Bonjour, mam’selle.

(He bows. SASHA is embarrassed)

SASHA: How do you do?

BORKIN: My goodness, look at you! Prettier than ever, and if I may say so,
you’ve filled out.

SASHA: (to IVANOV) So, I must go, Nikolai Alekseyevich. I must go.

(She goes out)

BORKIN: What a vision! Extraordinary! I came for prose and stumbled across
poetry. (sings) “A bird in flight, a streak of light... ”

(IVANOV walks up and down, upset. BORKIN sits down)

BORKIN: She really does have something, doesn’t she? Something none of the
others have. She’s almost like a fantasy. Financially, she’s actually the
best prospect in the district, but her mother’s such a skunk nobody
wants to go near the daughter. Who can blame them? I mean, Sasha’ll
get the lot when her mother dies, but until then she’s bumbling along
on ten thousand a year and the odd toffee apple, and even for that she’s
expected to say thank you all day.
 62

(He searches through his pockets and finds his cigar case)

BORKIN: Cigars. Fancy one? They’re not bad. They’re quite smokeable.

(IVANOV approaches BORKIN, furious)

IVANOV: Get out! Get out of this house for ever!

(BORKIN half-rises, dropping his cigar)

IVANOV: Now! This very minute!

BORKIN: Hold on. What is this? What have I done?

IVANOV: Where did you get those cigars? Do you think I don’t know?

BORKIN: Cigars? Is this about the cigars?

IVANOV: And where you take that old man every day, and what you’re up to
with him?

BORKIN: What’s that got to do with you?

IVANOV: Everyone in the district knows what you’re doing. You’re a low,
dishonest scoundrel. You bring disgrace on this household. We have
nothing in common, and I insist you leave my house this instant.

BORKIN: Oy-oy-oy! Quel mauvais humeur! Well, I refuse to rise to it. Please,
insult me as much you like.

(He picks up his cigar)

BORKIN: As for these depressions of yours, can I just say they’re a thundering
bore? You’re not an adolescent any more.

IVANOV: Did you not hear me? Out! Out! You think you can play with me?

(9) IVANOV is now shaking with rage. ANNA PETROVNA comes in.

BORKIN: Ah well, if Anna Petrovna is here... then fine. No problem.

(BORKIN goes out. IVANOV stops by the desk and stands, his
head bowed)

ANNA: What was she doing here?

 63

(A pause)

ANNA: I need to know. Why did she come here?

IVANOV: Don’t ask.

ANNA: What was she doing here?

IVANOV: I am profoundly guilty. Punish me any way you choose. But please,
don’t ask any more. I’ve no strength to tell you.

ANNA: Now I see. Now I begin to see you. At last I see the kind of person you
are. A man without honour.

IVANOV: No!

ANNA: You came to me, and lied. I gave up my religion, my family. I even
gave up my name. You talked to me about goodness and truth. You
told me you loved me. But the words were dirt. And I believed every
word.

IVANOV: Anna, I have never lied to you.

ANNA: I have lived here five years, I’ve suffered and grown ill, but I did not
stop loving you for one moment. You were my god. And all that time
you have been deceiving me...

IVANOV: Anna, accuse me of anything but not of dishonesty. I have never once
lied in my life. Accuse me of anything, but not of dishonesty.

ANNA: Everything now makes sense to me. You married me because you
thought my parents would give in...

IVANOV: No!

ANNA: You thought I’d inherit.

IVANOV: Oh my God, Anna, no, please don’t torment me.

(IVANOV cries)

ANNA: Be quiet! And now you’ve a fresh plan. Now everything is clear to me.
I understand everything.

(ANNA cries)

ANNA: You have never loved me. You have never been faithful. Never.
 64

IVANOV: Anna, these are lies. Say what you feel, but don’t degrade me with lies.

ANNA: Crooked and dishonest! You owe money to Lebedev, so now you want
to seduce his daughter. You want to trick her just as you tricked me.
It’s the truth.

IVANOV: (gasping) Please, Anna, be quiet.

ANNA: I will not be quiet!

IVANOV: I beg you, say nothing else. The anger is killing me. I am going to
insult you.

ANNA: All the time you’ve pleaded innocence. You’ve manipulated us all.
You’ve put schemes in Borkin’s head, then blamed them on him.

IVANOV: Be silent. I beg you, be silent. I cannot stop myself. The words will
burst out of me.

(He shouts)

IVANOV: You dirty Jew.

ANNA: I will never be quiet. Never again. Not after what you’ve said to me,
not after what you’ve done.

IVANOV: You refuse? You refuse to be silent?

(He struggles with himself)

IVANOV: In the name of God...

ANNA: Now go off and start swindling Lebedev.

IVANOV: You are going to die. I have spoken to the doctor. You are going to die
very soon.

(ANNA sits down. Her voice fades)

ANNA: When did he say that?

(There is a pause. IVANOV clutches his head with hands)

IVANOV: Oh my God, the evil! How evil I am!

 65

ACT FOUR

A full year has passed. One of the drawing rooms in Lebedev’s house. At the front is an arch,
dividing it from the ballroom. There are doors left and right. There are old bronzes and family
portraits. There are decorations for a party. There is a piano, with violin and cello nearby.
Throughout the act VISITORS pass to and fro through the ballroom, all in evening dress.

(1) DOCTOR LVOV comes in and looks at his watch.

LVOV: Past four already. Soon the blessing, and in no time at all, the wedding
itself. So there we are. A triumph for the forces of good! One wife
dead, and now another lined up, waiting to be fleeced. Turn her upside
down, shake her pockets out, and then throw her in the same grave as
the last one. All while pretending you’re a man of integrity.

(There is a pause)

LVOV: He thinks he’s in seventh heaven and will live to a ripe old age and die
with a clear conscience. No! I’m here to tell him he won’t. I shall
wrench the mask from the hypocrite. I shall seize him in his hiding
place, and throw him burning into the deepest pit in hell! Citizens have
duties. It’s the duty of the honest man. But how? Talk to Lebedev?
Hardly. A waste of breath. Start a row? Provoke a duel? Create a
scandal? Oh, God, I’m nervous now. My stomach. I’m not thinking
clearly. Think clearly. What’s best? A duel?

(2) KOSYKH comes in and at once addresses LVOV cheerfully.

KOSYKH: Ah so listen, this is interesting: yesterday I bid a small slam in clubs

and won a big one instead. I was playing with Barabonov...

LVOV: I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t play cards myself, so I can’t share your
enthusiasm. Has the blessing happened?

KOSYKH: Not yet. They’re trying to calm Zinaida down. She’s screaming like a
fishwife. Can’t face losing the dowry.

LVOV: What about losing her daughter?

KOSYKH: No, not the daughter, the dowry. It means writing off a debt. Don’t
think she hasn’t thought of it, but when it comes to it not even she can
sue her own son-in-law.
 66

(3) BABAKINA walks by, dressed to the nines, and KOSYKH at once starts giggling behind
her back. But she catches him.

BABAKINA: Philistine!

(KOSYKH touches her waist with his finger and laughs loudly)

BABAKINA: Peasant!

(She goes out. KOSYKH goes on laughing)

KOSYKH: The woman’s gone mad. She was all right until she started dreaming of
elevation. Now you can’t go near her.

(He imitates her)

KOSYKH: “Philistine!”

LVOV: Kosykh, I have a question to ask you. Tell me honestly. What do you
think of Ivanov?

KOSYKH: Truthfully?

LVOV: Yes.

KOSYKH: Very little. He bids trumps almost regardless of what’s in his hand.

LVOV: No, I mean, is he a good man?

KOSYKH: A good man? Ivanov? What do you think? He’s a strategist. Surely you
can see that. He and the Count are two of a kind. It’s all a game. Ivanov
is a consummate games-player. That’s what he is. He lost out to the
Jewess, so now it’s double or quits. He’ll take Zinaida’s money, the
Count’ll take Babakina’s. And the two women’ll be out on the street
within a year. That’s the way of it, that’s the game. You watch, I’m
expecting a perfectly played hand. Doctor, you’re looking pale. Are
you all right?

LVOV: I’m fine. Perhaps I’ve been drinking too much.

(4) LEBEDEV comes in with SASHA, sending LVOV and KOSYKH away.

LEBEDEV: We can talk in here. You two hooligans, join the ladies, please. I need
privacy.
 67

(KOSYKH snaps his fingers as he passes SASHA)

KOSYKH: Natty as the queen of trumps, and just as welcome.

LEBEDEV: Come on, caveman, out!

(KOSYKH and LVOV go)

LEBEDEV: Sit down, Sasha, that’s right.

(He sits himself)

LEBEDEV: Now. I want you to listen in the appropriate manner. With the
appropriate deference. All right? I’m here at your mother’s bidding.
You understand? Although I shall be speaking, it will only be as her
representative. Her mouthpiece.

SASHA: For goodness’ sake, Papa, get on with it.

LEBEDEV: Your dowry. Will be fifteen thousand roubles in silver. Hold on, let me
finish. There’s more to come. The round figure, the official figure is
fifteen. However. Since Nikolai Alekseyevich happens to owe your
mother nine thousand, she has decided that the figure which will
actually be surrendered, will be nearer... well... as you might say... six.

SASHA: Why are you telling me this?

LEBEDEV: Because your mother has asked me to.

SASHA: For what possible purpose? If you had the slightest respect for me, you
wouldn’t dream of telling me. I don’t want your dowry...

LEBEDEV: Oh now Sasha, please...

SASHA: I didn’t ask for it and I certainly have no intention of taking it.

LEBEDEV: Why take it out on me? You’re meant to listen, you are at least meant
to listen to the offer. It’s only good manners. Give it a sniff. But you’re
so desperate to appear progressive, you can’t even wait two minutes to
turn it down.

SASHA: I find this kind of talk about money demeaning.

LEBEDEV: Demeaning! Oh please. I’m the intermediary, that’s all. On one side I
have a wife who thinks of nothing else, all day she sits there counting
her kopeks as if her life depended on it, and on the other, here before
 68

me - the spirit of emancipation! Despises her own father for even

daring to mention the subject. Well forgive me! I’m just the poor idiot
who gets mashed between the two of you.

(He goes to the door)

LEBEDEV: Do you not see? Can you not even tell? I hate this. I hate it.

SASHA: What do you hate?

LEBEDEV: I hate the whole thing.

SASHA: What whole thing?

LEBEDEV: Do you really want me to say? Should I spoil your wedding day?
Should I say “When you marry, I shall not be able to look”?

(He goes up to SASHA, suddenly tender)

LEBEDEV: Forgive me, Sasha, maybe there is something here, something in this
marriage which is passing me by. Since you’re involved, then I’ve no
doubt it’s something pure, something noble, something high-minded.
But to this bulbous old nose, it smells wrong. How do I say this to you?
Look at you. You’re beautiful, you’re young. And he? An exhausted
widower who has already worn himself out. Worse, a man whom
nobody understands.

(He kisses her)

LEBEDEV: Sasha, I’m sorry. There is something not wholesome. People are
talking, and, as it happens, with good reason. I’ll say it. I’ll say it one
time only. His wife dies and at once he marries you.

(He changes his tone to briskness at once)

LEBEDEV: Now. I sound like an old woman. Forgive me. I’m becoming absurd.
I’m like some ghastly old maid. Take no notice. Follow your own
heart.

SASHA: My heart?

LEBEDEV: Yes.

(There is a pause)

SASHA: Then tell me. Tell me it’s right. Help me. In my own heart... I don’t
know. It’s unbearable. If you had any idea of what I’ve been through.
 69

Cheer me up, Papa. Cheer me up, my darling, tell me what to do.

LEBEDEV: What to do?

SASHA: I am frightened to death.

(She looks round)

SASHA: Sometimes I think I don’t understand him and I am terrified I never

will. All the time we’ve been engaged he hasn’t smiled once. Nor once
looked me in the eye. All I hear is endless complaint, guilt, hints,
rambling allusions. Talk of unnamed crimes. He shakes. Physically.
There are times when it seems to me I don’t love him as I should. As I
need to. When he comes here, he begins to talk, and I feel... impatient.
What does that say? Tell me, Papa, tell me what that says.

LEBEDEV: My dear child, my dear sweet child, I beg you, let him go.

SASHA: (terrified) What do you mean? Let him go?

LEBEDEV: Just do it. Why not?

SASHA: How can I? I can’t!

LEBEDEV: We’ll ride through it. A year’s scandal, my God, two years maybe..
.
SASHA: How can I?

LEBEDEV: ... but better that, better ride out the gossip than ruin your whole life.

SASHA: No. You mustn’t say that. We have to fight, Father, it’s our duty. We
have a duty to fight. It’s true. This is a fine upstanding man and my job
in life is to understand him. That’s my calling. I’ll set him on his feet
and he’ll start again.

LEBEDEV: That’s not a calling, that’s a prison sentence.

SASHA: Father, I have to ask you : today I said things to you I would say to no-
one else. Now you must forget them. Tell no-one.

LEBEDEV: What’s happening? Has the whole world got too clever for me? Or has
it just got too stupid?

(5) SHABYELSKI appears.

 70

SHABYELSKI: Oh damn and blast everyone. Myself included. Me most of all. May we
all go to hell!

LEBEDEV: What’s going on?

SHABYELSKI: I am preparing myself, my dear friend, to do something contemptible,

for which everyone will despise me. And rightly. I am going through
with it. I’ve instructed Borkin to announce my engagement. Yes!
Today.

(He laughs)

SHABYELSKI: The world is a whorehouse, I shall simply be one more whore.

LEBEDEV: Oh come on, pull yourself together, man. Whorehouse? Madhouse!

SHABYELSKI: What difference does it make? Take me to either. Take me to both.

Take me to both at once! How can it be worse than living among these
trivial, tenth-rate, talentless people? I’m glutted with self-disgust. I
hear myself speak and I don’t even believe my own words.

LEBEDEV: There’s meant to be a wedding. Shall I tell you what’s best? Stuff an
oily rag in your mouth and set light to it. Go breathe fire over everyone.
Or better still, go home. We’re meant to be cheerful, and here you are,
squawking like a demented raven. I mean it.

(SHABYELSKI leans over the piano and starts to cry)

LEBEDEV: Oh Lord, look, I’m sorry. My dear friend! Matyusha, have I offended
you? Please! Forgive an old drunkard. Have a glass of water.

SHABYELSKI: I don’t want it.

(He lifts his head)

LEBEDEV: Why are you crying?

SHABYELSKI: I shouldn’t say.

LEBEDEV: Come on, my dear fellow, tell me. What’s the reason?

SHABYELSKI: Just for a moment, I looked across at the cello over there and it
reminded me. I remembered the little Jew, I remembered Anna.

LEBEDEV: What great timing! My God. All respect to her, may she rest in peace,
but this is hardly the moment.
 71

SHABYELSKI: We played duets. She was remarkable. Truly. A truly remarkable

woman.

(SASHA starts to cry as well)

LEBEDEV: Oh Lord, now it’s both of them. Can we just... does anyone mind if we
don’t actually cry in sight of the guests?

SHABYELSKI: Pasha, we can all be happy, as long as we have hope. But I am a man
without hope.

LEBEDEV: I do see that, my friend. Believe me, I see it. No children, no money, no
future. I understand. But what can I do?

(He turns to SASHA)

LEBEDEV: What started you off?

SHABYELSKI: Pasha, just give me some money. Give me some. I’ll pay you back. Not
in this world, admittedly. But in the next. I’ll go to Paris and sit by my
wife’s grave. I’ve been generous, you know that, in my lifetime I have
given away half my fortune. I have the right to ask. I’m asking a friend.
Please.

LEBEDEV: Look... actual money. I don’t have any. Not of my own. But all right...
if I can, I will. It’s not a promise but... I will find you some. (aside)
They get to you. Eventually they wear you down.

(6) BABAKINA heads for SHABYELSKI whom she hits on the arm with her fan.

BABAKINA: Now well really! Where’s my handsome hero? How can you have left
me by myself?

SHABYELSKI: (with loathing) All too easily.

BABAKINA: What?

SHABYELSKI: Go away. I hate you.

BABAKINA: What are you saying?

SHABYELSKI: What I have long dreamed of saying. Leave me, leave me alone for
ever!

(BABAKINA falls into an armchair and starts crying)

 72

BABAKINA: Oh no! No, no, no...

(ZINAIDA appears in a new dress, with a wet towel round her

head, also crying)

ZINAIDA: Someone’s coming. It must be the best man... .

LEBEDEV: Oh for God’s sake...

SASHA: (imploring) Oh mother...

ZINAIDA: It must be time for the ceremony.

LEBEDEV: Ah wonderful! Now we have a full house. A full quartet! This is

marvellous. We shall all be washed away. I might as well join in
myself.

(He starts to cry, as SASHA takes her mother in her arms)

LEBEDEV: Oh God!

ZINAIDA: If he had one ounce... one ounce of self-respect he would have paid his
debt before proposing.

(7) IVANOV comes in, wearing a tail-coat and gloves.

LEBEDEV: Now this is the limit! What on earth is this?

SASHA: Nikolai, why are you here?

IVANOV: I am sorry, ladies and gentlemen, but I must speak with Sasha alone.

LEBEDEV: It’s impossible. It can’t be done, for the groom to speak to the bride.
You should meet in the church.

IVANOV: Pasha, I’m sorry. I have no choice.

(8) LEBEDEV shrugs his shoulders, then he, ZINAIDA, BABAKINA and SHABYELSKI all
go out. SASHA is defiant when they are left alone.

SASHA: What do you want from me?

 73

IVANOV: Sasha, as I dressed for my wedding, I looked in the mirror. And as I

looked, I saw grey hair. This must be the end of it. I feel this rage. Your
whole life stretches before you.

SASHA: I know. You’ve told me. You’ve told me repeatedly. Get over to the
church, and don’t hold people up.

IVANOV: I’m not going to the church. I’m going back to my house. You must
take your family to one side and simply inform them: the wedding is
off. We’ve been acting. I’ve been playing Hamlet and you’ve been
playing the missionary. Shall I tell you? Both of us have exhausted our
roles.

SASHA: (exploding) What is this? How dare you? I simply won’t listen.

IVANOV: Perhaps you won’t listen, but I shall still talk.

SASHA: What are you doing here? It’s a joke.

IVANOV: A joke? Well, that would be welcome. I’d love that.

SASHA: This is our wedding day!

IVANOV: A joke is exactly what I’d most like it to be. Let the whole world laugh
at me, please!

(He laughs)

IVANOV: Do you know what it feels like? To watch yourself wither? To know
you have gone on living too long? To look up at the sun and see it still
shining? It shines regardless. To look at an ant, carrying its burden.
Even an ant can be happy with its lot. To look round, to see peoples’
faces - this person thinks I’m a phoney. Another one pities me. Another
one thinks I need help! And worst of all, to catch people listening
respectfully, as if by listening they could actually learn! People think
there’s something deep about despair. But there isn’t. As if I could
found a new religion, and impart some earth-shattering truth. I still
have some pride. As I came here, laughing at my own absurdity, it
seemed to me the birds and the trees were beginning to laugh at me
too.

SASHA: This isn’t rage. This is madness.

IVANOV: Madness? This is cold sanity. Yes, the rage is speaking. But the rage
tells the truth. You and I... we’re in love, but we cannot marry. I have a
perfect right to destroy my own life, but I have no right to destroy other
people’s. Yes. And that’s what I did to my first wife. By my endless
 74

complaining. And now it’s the same with you. Since we met, you’ve
stopped laughing. You’ve aged. You look five years older. Your father
who once was at peace with the world now stands round in confusion.
Lost. The only thing I have ever wanted: to try to be honest. To try to
tell the truth. And the effect has been only to spread dissatisfaction
around me wherever I go. I spread contagion. Everywhere I spread my
contempt. As if I was doing life a favour by consenting to be alive! Oh,
let me be damned in hell.

SASHA: Do you not see? This is the moment I’ve longed for.

IVANOV: Why?

SASHA: This is the step you’ve been waiting to take. At last, here, today, before
this wedding, you see your condition clearly. You see it and you
resolve to start a new life.

IVANOV: A new life?

SASHA: Yes.

IVANOV: How? How can I? I am at the end.

SASHA: You’re nowhere near the end.

IVANOV: I’ve done it! I’m finished!

SASHA: Keep your voice down! The guests...

IVANOV: Finished!

SASHA: We have to go to the church.

IVANOV: The road I am on leads one way, and one way only. When a man who
is educated, who is healthy - I am by no means stupid - when a man
like me starts on this path, then he’s like a child wrapped in a blanket,
who finds himself rolling downhill. What can stop me? What? Wine
gives me a headache, I can’t drink. Write rotten poetry? I can’t. I
won’t. I’m not willing to take my condition and somehow elevate it
into something poetic. I refuse. Because I’ve always known the value
of things. I call laziness laziness. The word for weakness is weakness.
Oh, you say I’m not finished. I’m more finished than any man on earth.

(He looks round)

IVANOV: We may be interrupted any moment. If you love me, do me one favour.
Disown me. Disown me right now.
 75

SASHA: Oh Nikolai, if you had any idea how hard you make things.

IVANOV: Analyse! Try to understand!

SASHA: You’re a kind man, a decent man. But every day you invent some
terrible new task.

IVANOV: You’re not in love with me. You’re in love with an idea. You set
yourself the task of saving me. The idea of resurrection, that’s what
you love.

SASHA: No!

IVANOV: Every nerve in your body tells you to abandon me. Your body is
screaming: let go of him. But it’s your pride that prevents you.

SASHA: It isn’t true.

IVANOV: How can you love me? Nobody could love me. It isn’t love, it’s
stubbornness.

SASHA: The logic... your logic is crazy. How can I walk away and leave you
alone? How can I leave a man who has nothing? No family, no friends.
Your estate is ruined, your money is gone. Everyone slanders you.

IVANOV: I should never have come here. I should have stuck to my plan.

(9) LEBEDEV comes in, and at once SASHA runs over to him.

SASHA: Oh, Father, help us, please help! Nikolai rushed in, screaming like a
lunatic, begging me to be kind and to call the wedding off.

IVANOV: There will be no wedding.

SASHA: There will. Papa, tell him I know what I’m doing.

LEBEDEV: Hold on, wait a moment. Why do you not want the wedding?

IVANOV: I’ve explained to Sasha. She refuses to see.

LEBEDEV: Don’t tell her. Tell me. And do it in a way which people like me can
understand. Really, Nikolai Alekseyevich, may God forgive you. You
have brought more confusion into our lives than I ever dreamed
 76

possible. I feel I’m living in the skull of a demented skunk. What’s the
point? What do you want from me? That I challenge you to a duel?

IVANOV: There’s no need for a duel. I have said what I have to say, and in
simple sentences.

(SASHA is walking up and down, distressed)

SASHA: This is terrible. He’s become like a child!

LEBEDEV: What am I meant to do? Throw up my hands in despair? Listen,

Nikolai, no doubt to you, with all your new-fangled psychology what
you’re saying makes perfect sense. But to me it seems much the same
as bad behaviour. Because life is actually quite simple. It is. The
ceiling is white. Shoes are black. Sugar is sweet. You are in love with
Sasha. She is in love with you. If you are still in love, stay. If you no
longer love her, go. We won’t hold it against you. You are both
healthy, you are both intelligent, you have reasonable morals, a roof
over your head and clothes on your back. What more do you need?
Perhaps you need money. Of course. Money isn’t everything, but on
the other hand it’s something. Your estate is mortgaged, I know that,
and you have nothing to pay interest with. But I’m a father. I
understand. Just for a moment leave your mother out of this, damn her.
If she won’t give you any more, so be it. Sasha says she doesn’t want a
dowry, fair enough. Principles, feminism, Schopenhauer - all that stuff.
But I have ten thousand in the bank.

(He looks around)

LEBEDEV: There’s not a human being alive who knows this. Up till now. It
belonged to your grandmother. Take it. It’s for both of you. Only, if
you could do me one small favour, can you give Shabyelski, I don’t
know, two thousand, say?

(The GUESTS are now gathering in the ballroom)

IVANOV: Pasha, this is not about money. This is about conscience.

SASHA: And I have a conscience too. You may talk all you wish but nothing
will change. I am going to marry you. I refuse to let you go.

(10) SASHA goes out.

LEBEDEV: Nothing makes sense to me.

IVANOV: Oh my poor friend, if only I could explain. If only I could say who I
 77

am. Honest, dishonest. Healthy, sick. Courageous, cowardly. I don’t

think I could ever put it into words. I was young, that’s all. That’s the
only way to put it. I was full of faith, I believed. So few people bother.
I worked and loved and tried and hoped and gave, all in full measure,
without even measuring, never stopping to think: am I giving too
much? Oh my dear Pasha, there are so few of us, so very few. So few
of us and so much work to be done! And for this... arrogance, life has
broken me. I am in my thirties, and already I am spending my days in a
dressing gown. With a heavy head and a sluggish soul. Exhausted,
broken, cracked. Without belief, without love, without hope. Like a
ghost I stagger among people, without knowing who I am or why I’m
alive. In love I find no tenderness. In work I find no relief. In song I
hear no music, in speeches I hear nothing new. Everywhere I go I feel
revulsion for life. Inside I have died. Before you stands a man beaten at
thirty-five, crushed by his own weakness and burnt out with his shame.
All I have left, the thing that burns, that never stops burning, is the
shame, the shame that turns now to anger.

(He begins to sway)

IVANOV: I’m losing control. What’s happening? I can’t even stand. Get
Shabyelski. I have to go home.

(11) From the drawing room, VOICES are heard saying “The best man’s arrived.”
SHABYELSKI comes in.

SHABYELSKI: I’m coming. Dressed in an old tail coat, of course. And without gloves.
So all the sniggering has started, all the spiteful little jokes. What
vermin they all are!

(BORKIN comes in quickly with a bouquet. He is wearing tails

and has a best man’s buttonhole)

BORKIN: Ay-ay-ay-ay! Where is the foolish fellow? Everyone’s been waiting at

the church for hours and here you are, philosophizing as usual, by the
look of it. The man is a card. What a card he is! You’re not meant to
travel with the bride, remember? It’s against the rules. You travel with
me. Is that really too hard to grasp? The man is an irrepressible
comedian.

(LVOV comes in and addresses IVANOV)

LVOV: Ah, you are here.

(He speaks deliberately loudly)

 78

LVOV: Nikolai Alekseyevich, I am here to declare publicly that you are a

scoundrel and a rogue.

IVANOV: (cold) I thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

(Now there is general astonishment. People are pouring in to

the room)

BORKIN: I have to say to you sir that you have insulted my friend. I challenge
you to a duel.

LVOV: Monsieur Borkin, I would find it degrading even to speak to you, let
alone fight you. But your friend may have satisfaction whenever he
likes.

SHABYELSKI: I will fight you, sir. Yes, Count Shabyelski will fight!

SASHA: (to LVOV) What is this? What happened? Did you insult him? What
on earth for?

LVOV: I promise you, Alexandra Pavlovna, I did not insult him without good
reason. It is why I am here. I came today as an honest man to open your
eyes. I ask you to listen to what I have to say.

SASHA: What can you say? What is your news? That you are an honest man?
That will hardly come as a revelation. On the contrary, Doctor Lvov,
you have hounded us all with your so-called honesty. You came in here
just now and dealt him a terrible insult which nearly killed me. You did
that of course in your role as honest man. For weeks now, for months,
you have pursued Ivanov, you have followed him like a shadow, you
have interfered in his private life, you have slandered and judged him,
and at every turn you have bombarded me and all his friends with
anonymous letters. Yes! And all this in the guise of an honest man.
Honest? Honest, was it, not even to spare his wife, never to let her rest,
constantly to feed her suspicions, when she was dying. To feed her
worst fears? And no doubt, it’s clear, whatever you do in the future - be
it murder or cruelty or just another act of downright mean-mindedness
- they will all be excused. Why? Because you are an honest and
enlightened young man.

IVANOV: (laughing) Bravo! Not a wedding, a parliament! Bravo, bravo!

SASHA: (to LVOV) Just think it over. Do you have any idea what you’ve done?
Do you? You stupid, heartless people!

(She takes IVANOV by the hand)

 79

SASHA: Let’s get out of here, Nikolai. Come with us, Papa.

IVANOV: Where can we go? Tell me. Where on earth can we go? I begin to see
now, I begin hear my young voice. My youth! The old Ivanov is
stirring again.

(He takes out a revolver)

SASHA: I know what he’s going to do. Stop him! Nikolai, for god’s sake.

IVANOV: I’ve gone down far enough. It’s enough. Time to get out of here, yes.
Thank you, Sasha. Time to go.

SASHA: Nikolai, for god’s sake! Stop him! Stop him!

IVANOV: Let me free!

(He runs to one side and shoots himself)