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B62 PDEV 1013: Understanding the Self (P)

Module 5: The Sexual Self

Sexuality

Sexu ality is one of the fundamental drives behind everyone’s feelings, thoughts, and
behaviors. It defines the means of biological reproduction, describes psychological and sociological representations of self,
and orients a person’s attraction to others. Further, it shapes the brain and body to be pleasure-seeking. Yet, as important as
sexuality is to being human, it is often viewed as a sensitive topic for personal or scientific inquiry.

This module presents an opportunity for you to think openly and objectively about sex. Without shame or sensitivity,
using science as a lens, we examine fundamental aspects of human sexuality— including gender, sexual orientation,
fantasies, behaviors, paraphilia, and sexual consent.

Sexuality is commonly defined as “the ways people experience and express themselves as sexual beings” (King,
2014, p. 373).

The World Health Organization (WHO) provides a working definition of the term “sexuality” that encompasses or
specifies much more.

Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual
orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies,
desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviors, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these
dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed (WHO, 2006a as cited in “Defining Sexual Health”, 2018,
para. 6).

Sex influences the way we dress, talk and behave. In many ways, sex defines who we are. It is so important that the
eminent neuropsychologist Karl Pribram (1958) described sex as one of four basic human drive states. Drive states motivate
us to accomplish goals. They are linked to our survival. According to Pribram, feeding, fighting, fleeing, and sex are the four
drives behind every thought, feeling, and behavior. Since these drives are so closely associated with our psychological and
physical health, you might assume people would study, understand, and discuss them openly. Your assumption would be
generally correct for three of the four drives (Malacane & Beckmeyer, 2016).

Ignorance about sex and sexuality is deadly and may cause serious problems. Sex education may not yet have been
implemented in the country in a full blast but it doesn’t mean that learning cannot take place. If more Filipinos would continue
to learn, whether formally or informally, about proper sex education, than it may be indirectly passed on to young children
through teaching proper hygiene or through being discerning of a child’s actions, reactions, questions, or comments about
sex. Sex education is not to promote sexual intercourse but to promote good sexual health and safety from sexual violence.
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“Withholding information about sex and sexuality will not keep children safe; it will only keep them ignorant”
(Hauser, 2013, para. 2).

As one grows up, one experiences many changes. There are changes in the body; in the way one behaves and the
way others expect one to be. There are also changes in interests and preoccupations. All of this is normal. It is part of
growing up, but growing up is not easy. This is a time when one has many questions and hardly any answers. It is difficult to
talk about the things upper-most in your mind. Why is my body changing? Why do I get an erection? Why do I feel attracted to
the opposite sex? Many older people are not willing to discuss these issues openly. As a result, your friends (peer group), TV,
films, magazines and imagination become your sources of information.

In order to deal with the confusion, we need to know the facts of growing up, distinguish between myths and realities
and come to terms with change. This module deals with these issues.

“It’s natural for everyone to become more sexually aware, but it doesn’t mean you are ready to have sex” (Cole, 2009,
p. 11).

Puberty could have been less stressful if only we were properly oriented of what to expect physically and emotionally.
Just by reading few books on sexuality, we would be comforted to know how normal the things and feelings we thought were
abnormal. Though puberty is normal, it is not a one size fits all experience. It could manifest in varying rates and specific
ages. Every individual “develops and reacts in different ways” due to factors like stress, weight, nutrition, hormonal activity,
and inherent characteristics” (Cole, 2009, p. 4).
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 People have been scientifically investigating sex for only about 125 years. The first scientific investigations of sex
employed the case study method of research. Using this method, the English physician Henry Havelock Ellis (1859-1939)
examined diverse topics within sexuality. From 1897 to 1923, his findings were published in a seven-volume set of books
titled Studies in the Psychology of Sex. Among his most noteworthy findings is that transgender people are distinct from
homosexual people. Ellis’s studies led him to be an advocate of equal rights for women and comprehensive human sexuality
education in public schools.

Using case studies, the Austrian neurologist Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) is credited with being the first scientist to link
sex to healthy development and to recognize humans as being sexual throughout their lifespans, including childhood (Freud,
1905).

Freud believed that personality develops during early childhood. For Freud, childhood experiences shape our
personalities and behavior as adults. Freud viewed development as discontinuous; he believed that each of us must pass
through a serious of stages during childhood, and that if we lack proper nurturance and parenting during a stage, we may
become stuck, or fixated, in that stage. Freud’s stages are called the stages of psychosexual development. According to
Freud, children’s pleasure-seeking urges are focused on a different area of the body, called an erogenous zone, at each of
the five stages of development: oral, anal, phallic, latency, and genital.

FREUD’S PSYCHOSEXUAL DEVELOPMENT

As we develop from infancy to childhood, our sexual or libidinal energies focus on different parts of the bodies
(erogenous zones). The primary goal of the individual at each stage is to maximize the gratification of needs associated with
the center of libidinal pleasure, in a way that conforms or is acceptable to reality. If that balance is not attained, however –if
needs are not gratified or is over gratified at a certain stage – the individual’s libidinal energies remain stuck, or fixated to a
particular needs characteristic of that stage.

Erogenous
Stage Age Gratifying Activity Fixation
Zone
Gossiping and talking too much,
Nursing-eating, sucking,
Oral 0-18 months Mouth overeating, smoking, nail biting, chewing
biting swallong (feeding)
on gums, sarcasm
Anal Expulsive:-excessively sloppy,
disorganized, reckless, careless,
18 months-
Anal Anus Bowel movement defiantAnal Retentive:-very careful,
3years
stingy, obstinate, meticulous, conforming,
passive-aggressive
Anxiety and guilt feelings about sex, and
Masturbation and Genital narcissistic personality, interpersonal
Phallic 4-5 years Genital fondling*Oedipus problems, problems with authority of the
Complex*Electra Complex same-sex parent, uncertainty in gender
identity
Learning and social
Latency 6-11 years None None
adjustment
11 to Masturbation and
Genital Genital Normal
adulthood Heterosexual Relationship

While most of Freud’s ideas have not found support in modern research, we cannot discount the contributions that
Freud has made to the field of psychology. Psychologists today dispute Freud’s psychosexual stages as a legitimate
explanation for how one’s personality develops, but what we can take away from Freud’s theory is that personality is shaped,
in some part, by experiences we have in childhood.

According to Freud, each of these stages could be passed through in a healthy or unhealthy manner. In unhealthy
manners, people might develop psychological problems, such as frigidity, impotence, or anal-retentiveness.
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 Applying for a scholarship or filling out a job application requires your name, address, and birth-date. Additionally,
applications usually ask for your sex or gender. It’s common for us to use the terms “sex” and “gender” interchangeably.
However, in modern usage, these terms are distinct from one another.

Sex describes means of biological reproduction. Sex includes sexual organs, such as ovaries— defining what it is to
be a female—or testes—defining what it is to be a male. Interestingly, biological sex is not as easily defined or determined as
you might expect (see the section on variations in sex, below). By contrast, the term gender describes psychological (gender
identity) and sociological (gender role) representations of biological sex. At an early age, we begin learning cultural norms
for what is considered masculine and feminine. For example, children may associate long hair or dresses with femininity.
Later in life, as adults, we often conform to these norms by behaving in gender-specific ways: as men, we build houses; as
women, we bake cookies (Marshall, 1989; Money et al., 1955; Weinraub et al., 1984).

Because cultures change over time, so too do ideas about gender. For example, European and American cultures
today associate pink with femininity and blue with masculinity. However, less than a century ago, these same cultures were
swaddling baby boys in pink, because of its masculine associations with “blood and war,” and dressing little girls in blue,
because of its feminine associations with the Virgin Mary (Kimmel, 1996).
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An explanation of the diversity of human sexuality and sexual orientation

Sex and gender are important aspects of a person’s identity. However, they do not tell us about a person’s sexual
orientation (Rule & Ambady, 2008). Sexual orientation refers to a person’s sexual attraction to others. Within the context of
sexual orientation, sexual attraction refers to a person’s capacity to arouse the sexual interest of another, or, conversely, the
sexual interest one person feels toward another.

We live in an era when sex, gender, and sexual orientation are controversial religious and political issues. Some
nations have laws against homosexuality, while others have laws protecting same-sex marriages. At a time when there seems
to be little agreement among religious and political groups, it makes sense to wonder, “What is normal?” and, “Who decides?”

The international scientific and medical communities (e.g., World Health Organization, World Medical Association,
World Psychiatric Association, Association for Psychological Science) view variations of sex, gender, and sexual orientation
as normal. Furthermore, variations of sex, gender, and sexual orientation occur naturally throughout the animal kingdom.
More than 500 animal species have homosexual or bisexual orientations (Lehrer, 2006). More than 65,000 animal species are
intersex—born with either an absence or some combination of male and female reproductive organs, sex hormones, or sex
chromosomes (Jarne & Auld, 2006). In humans, intersex individuals make up about two percent—more than 150 million
people—of the world’s population (Blackless et al., 2000). There are dozens of intersex conditions, such as Androgen
Insensitivity Syndrome and Turner’s Syndrome (Lee et al., 2006). The term “syndrome” can be misleading; although intersex
individuals may have physical limitations (e.g., about a third of Turner’s individuals have heart defects; Matura et al., 2007),
they otherwise lead relatively normal intellectual, personal, and social lives. In any case, intersex individuals demonstrate the
diverse variations of biological sex.

Just as biological sex varies more widely than is commonly thought, so too does gender. Cisgender individuals’
gender identities correspond with their birth sexes, whereas transgender individuals’ gender identities do not correspond with
their birth sexes. Because gender is so deeply ingrained culturally, rates of transgender individuals vary widely around the
world.
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 Sexual orientation is as diverse as gender identity. Instead of thinking of sexual orientation as being two categories—
homosexual and heterosexual—Kinsey argued that it’s a continuum (Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948). He measured
orientation on a continuum, using a 7-point Likert scale called the Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, in which 0 is
exclusively heterosexual, 3 is bisexual, and 6 is exclusively homosexual. Later researchers using this method have found
18% to 39% of Europeans and Americans identifying as somewhere between heterosexual and homosexual (Lucas et al.,
2017; [Link], 2015). Of the 39 countries covered by a global survey, only 17 countries had majorities that accepted
homosexuality, with the Philippines ranking at number 10 among the 17 ([Link]

CIRCLES OF SEXUALITY
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Adapted from Life Planning Education, a comprehensive sex education curriculum. Washington, DC: Advocates for Youth, 2007.

Sexuality is much more than sexual feelings or sexual intercourse. It is an important part of who a person is and what
she/he will become. It includes all the feelings, thoughts, and behaviors associated with being female or male, being attractive
and being in love, as well as being in relationships that include sexual intimacy and sensual and sexual activity. It also
includes enjoyment of the world as we know it through the five senses: taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight.

Circle #1—Sensuality
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 Sensuality is awareness and feeling about your own body and other people's bodies, especially the body of a sexual
partner. Sensuality enables us to feel good about how our bodies look and feel and what they can do. Sensuality also allows
us to enjoy the pleasure our bodies can give us and others. This part of our sexuality affects our behavior in several ways.

Body image—Feeling attractive and proud of one's own body and the way it functions influences many aspects of life.
Adolescents often choose media personalities as the standard for how they should look, so they are often disappointed
by what they see in the mirror. They may be especially dissatisfied when the mainstream media does not portray or
does not positively portray physical characteristics the teens see in the mirror, such as color of skin, type or hair, shape
of eyes, height, or body shape.
Experiencing pleasure—Sensuality allows a person to experience pleasure when certain parts of the body are touched.
People also experience sensual pleasure from taste, touch, sight, hearing, and smell as part of being alive.
Satisfying skin hunger—The need to be touched and held by others in loving, caring ways is often referred to as skin
hunger. Adolescents typically receive considerably less touch from their parents than do younger children. Many teens
satisfy their skin hunger through close physical contact with peers. Sexual intercourse may sometimes result from a
teen's need to be held, rather than from sexual desire.
Feeling physical attraction for another person—The center of sensuality and attraction to others is not in the genitals
(despite all the jokes). The center of sensuality and attraction to others is in the brain, humans' most important "sex
organ." The unexplained mechanism responsible for sexual attraction rests in the brain, not in the genitalia.
Fantasy—The brain also gives people the capacity to have fantasies about sexual behaviors and experiences.
Adolescents often need help understanding that sexual fantasy is normal and that one does not have to act upon sexual
fantasies.

Circle #2—Sexual Intimacy

Sexual intimacy is the ability to be emotionally close to another human being and to accept closeness in return. Several
aspects of intimacy include

Sharing—Sharing intimacy is what makes personal relationships rich. While sensuality is about physical closeness,
intimacy focuses on emotional closeness.
Caring—Caring about others means feeling their joy and their pain. It means being open to emotions that may not be
comfortable or convenient. Nevertheless, an intimate relationship is possible only when we care.
Liking or loving another person—Having emotional attachment or connection to others is a manifestation of intimacy.\
Emotional risk-taking—To have true intimacy with others, a person must open up and share feelings and personal
information. Sharing personal thoughts and feelings with someone else is risky, because the other person may not feel
the same way. But it is not possible to be really close with another person without being honest and open with her/him.
Vulnerability—To have intimacy means that we share and care, like or love, and take emotional risks. That makes us
vulnerable—the person with whom we share, about whom we care, and whom we like or love, has the power to hurt us
emotionally. Intimacy requires vulnerability, on the part of each person in the relationship.
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Circle #3—Sexual Identity

Sexual identity is a person's understanding of who she/he is sexually, including the sense of being male or of being
female. Sexual identity consists of three "interlocking pieces" that, together, affect how each person sees him/herself. Each
"piece" is important.

Gender identity—Knowing whether one is male or female. Most young children determine their own gender identity by
age two. Sometime, a person's biological gender is not the same as his/her gender identity—this is called being
transgender.
Gender role—Identifying actions and/or behaviors for each gender. Some things are determined by the way male and
female bodies are built or function. For example, only women menstruate and only men produce sperm. Other gender
roles are culturally determined. In some countries like the Philippines, it is considered appropriate for only women to
wear dresses to work in the business world. In other cultures, men may wear skirt-like outfits everywhere.

There are many "rules" about what men and women can/should do that have nothing to do with the way their
bodies are built or function. This aspect of sexuality is especially important for young adolescents to understand,
since peer, parent, and cultural pressures to be "masculine" or "feminine" increase during the adolescent years.
Both young men and young women need help sorting out how perceptions about gender roles affect whether they
feel encouraged or discouraged in their choices about relationships, leisure activities, education, and career.

Gender bias means holding stereotyped opinions about people according to their gender. Gender bias might
include believing that women are less intelligent or less capable than men, that men suffer from "testosterone
poisoning," that men cannot raise children without the help of women, that women cannot be analytical, that men
cannot be sensitive. Many times, people hold fast to these stereotyped opinions without giving rational thought to
the subject of gender.

Sexual orientation—Whether a person's primary attraction is to people of the other gender (heterosexuality) or to the
same gender (homosexuality) or to both genders (bisexuality) defines his/her sexual orientation. Sexual orientation
begins to emerge by adolescence although many gay and lesbian youth say they knew they felt same sex attraction by
age 10 or 11. Between three and 10—percent of the general population is probably exclusively homosexual in
orientation. Perhaps another 10 percent of the general population feel attracted to both genders.

Heterosexual, gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth can all experience same-gender sexual attraction and/or activity
around puberty. Such behavior, including sexual play with samegender peers, crushes on same-gender adults, or
sexual fantasies about same-gender people are normal for pre-teens and young teens and are not necessarily
related to sexual orientation.

Negative social messages and homophobic culture in the society can mean that young adolescents who are
experiencing sexual attraction to and romantic feelings for someone of their own gender need support so they can
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 clarify their feelings and accept their sexuality.

Circle #4—Reproduction and Sexual Health

These are a person's capacity to reproduce and the behaviors and attitudes that make sexual relationships healthy and
enjoyable.

Factual information about reproduction—Is necessary so youth will understand how male and female reproductive
systems function and how conception and/or STD infection occur. Adolescents often have inadequate information about
their own and/or their partner's body. Teens need this information so they can make informed decisions about sexual
expression and protect their health. Youth need to understand anatomy and physiology because every adolescent
needs the knowledge and understanding to help him/her appreciate the ways in which his/her body functions.
Feelings and attitudes—Are wide-ranging when it comes to sexual expression and reproduction and to sexual health-
related topics such as STD infection, HIV and AIDS, contraceptive use, abortion, pregnancy, and childbirth.
Sexual intercourse—Is one of the most common behaviors among humans. Sexual intercourse is a behavior that may
produce sexual pleasure that often culminates in orgasm in females and in males. Sexual intercourse may also result in
pregnancy and/or STDs. In programs for youth, discussion of sexual intercourse is often limited to the bare mention of
male-female (penile-vaginal) intercourse. However, youth need accurate health information about sexual intercourse—
vaginal, oral, and anal.
Reproductive and sexual anatomy—The male and female body and the ways in which they actually function is a part of
sexual health. Youth can learn to protect their reproductive and sexual health. This means that teens need information
about all the effective methods of contraception currently available, how they work, where to obtain them, their
effectiveness, and their side effects. This means that youth also need to know how to use latex condoms to prevent
STD infection. Even if youth are not currently engaging in sexual intercourse, they probably will do so at some point in
the future. They must know how to prevent pregnancy and/or disease.

Finally, youth also need to know that traditional methods of preventing pregnancy (that may be common in that particular
community and/or culture) may be ineffective in preventing pregnancy and may, depending on the method, even increase
susceptibility to STDs. The leader will need to determine what those traditional methods are, their effectiveness, and their side
effects before he/she can discuss traditional methods of contraception in a culturally appropriate and informative way.

Sexual reproduction—The actual processes of conception, pregnancy, delivery, and recovery following childbirth are
important parts of sexuality. Youth need information about sexual reproduction—the process whereby two different
individuals each contribute half of the genetic material to their child. The child is, therefore, not identical to either parent.
[Asexual reproduction is a process whereby simple one-celled organisms reproduce by splitting, creating two separate
one-celled organisms identical to the original [female] organism before it split.] Too many programs focus exclusively on
sexual reproduction when providing sexuality education and ignore all the other aspects of human sexuality.
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Circle #5—Sexualization

Sexualization is that aspect of sexuality in which people behave sexually to influence, manipulate, or control other
people. Often called the "shadowy" side of human sexuality, sexualization spans behaviors that range from the relatively
harmless to the sadistically violent, cruel, and criminal. These sexual behaviors include flirting, seduction, withholding sex
from an intimate partner to punish her/him or to get something, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, and rape. Teens need to
know that no one has the right to exploit them sexually and that they do not have the right to exploit anyone else sexually.

Flirting—Is a relatively harmless sexualization behavior. Nevertheless, upon occasion it is an attempt to manipulate
someone else, and it can cause the person manipulated to feel hurt, humiliation, and shame.
Seduction—Is the act of enticing someone to engage in sexual activity. The act of seduction implies manipulation that at
times may prove harmful for the one who is seduced.
Sexual harassment—Is an illegal behavior. Sexual harassment means harassing someone else because of her/his
gender. It could mean making personal, embarrassing remarks about someone's appearance, especially characteristics
associated with sexual maturity, such as the size of a woman's breasts or of a man's testicles and penis. It could mean
unwanted touching, such as hugging a subordinate or patting someone's bottom. It could mean demands by a teacher,
supervisor, or other person in authority for sexual intercourse in exchange for grades, promotion, hiring, raises, etc. All
these behaviors are manipulative. The Philippine laws of the {provide protection against sexual harassment. Youth
should know that they have the right to file a complaint with appropriate authorities if they are sexually harassed and
that others may complain of their behavior if they sexually harass someone else.
Rape—Means coercing or forcing someone else to have genital contact with another. Sexual assault can include forced
petting as well as forced sexual intercourse. Force, in the case of rape, can include use of overpowering strength,
threats, and/or implied threats that arouse fear in the person raped. Youth need to know that rape is always illegal and
always cruel. Youth should know that they are legally entitled to the protection of the criminal justice system if they are
the victims of rape and that they may be prosecuted if they force anyone else to have genital contact with them for any
reason. Refusing to accept no and forcing the other person to have sexual intercourse always means rape.
Incest—Means forcing sexual contact on any minor who is related to the perpetrator by birth or marriage. Incest is
always illegal and is extremely cruel because it betrays the trust that children and youth give to their families. Moreover,
because the older person knows that incest is illegal and tries to hide the crime, he/she often blames the child/youth.
The triple burden of forced sexual contact, betrayed trust, and self-blame makes incest particularly damaging to
survivors of incest.

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