1 I Decided to Live as [Ye Words & illustrations by Soo-hyun kim Transiation oy Ma. Kristine Catla Rico and Kyung-min Bae wy ro na eaaet Corton (tances Prize Winner Don't let your life get hurt by passersby.Soo-hyun Kim We have all dreamed of being a superhero. But now, we have become adults who prioritize saving ourselves first over the world. We became adults of uncertainty, who grew up to an ambiquous age, with an unimpressive career, and vague skills. Are we maybe just pretending to be grown-ups? This book conveys 4 message of comfort and encouragement to the ordinary people in our time. No one knows the right answer in life. Without imitating or envying someone else's life, this book talks about how we can recognize and love who we are. With deep words of comfort and support, Soo-hyun Kim’s fourth book of essays is here for you. Cheers to all of our ordinary yet beautiful lives! Earnest, but not serious. Jolly, but not shallow. Inever studied in a private art academy, but | loved drawing so | majored in design in college. lused to be between humanities and design studies, and right now | am both drawing and writing ‘published 100% Twenty years Old, Goodbye, My Twenty, and 180-degree. Cover design by Soo-hyun Kim (instagram.comlivelniove217)T Decicted to Live as Me Ee ae ae ee | |I Decided to Live as Me Words & llustrations by Soo-hyun Kim Translation by Ma. Kristina Carla Rico and Kyung-min Be To Doust Living 2s an Adult in an Indifferent WorldM Part 1 Live with Self-Respect To Do List Sesmannae Prologue 8 3 Don't be kind to those who aren't kind to you. 15 a Don't worry about being miserable. 18 3 Be proud of who you are. 21 a Don't let your life get hurt by passersby. 26 3 Eliminate numbers from your life. 28 Don’t be swayed by what others say. 33 3 Don't insult others. 36 Don't make excuses for yourself. 40 a Remember that no one lives a perfect life. 44 Be completely happy as an ordinary person. 47 o Don't allow others to judge you. 50 ® Don't humble yourself to the point of being intimidated. 53 © Speak up for your right to respect your own life. 58M Part 2, In Order to eaanacmenenes Live Like Myself EERRENEeSomees To Do List M Part 3. Not to Be Caught by Anxiety SES To Do List TO ® Strengthen your self-esteem. 69 2 Live as who you are. 75 Don't delay your questions about life. 80 Question the obvious. 82 Don't live to meet the expectations of others. 87 Don't be anyone else but yourself. 91 Don't succumb to the prescribed answers. 95 Develop discernment. 100 Decide for yourself. 103 2 Have personal taste. 106 8 Face the true you. 109 Stay where you can shine. 113 Bear life’s uncertainties. 121 Learn to live with the problems. 125, Don't think that problems are yours alone. 128 Don't write a rubbish scenario about the future. 131 Look for the real solution. 134 Don't be too sensitive. 140 Be fully sad. 143 If you feel tired, say it. 146 Don't blindly work hard just because you're anxious. 149 ® aM part 4. In Order to wines Live Together “RANE eerie? To Do List peepee M Part 5. For a Better Life PRTC AEE To Do List SéaroRin a o 0 3 Bo o o a 5 o Show even the sii ntes' Dorit sgge te mae een ¥ everyone. 157 Protect each other's boundaries, 160 Be a broad-minded individualist, 163 Do not contend for victory. 168 Don't be a good person just to avoid being hated, 173 Don't feel ashamed for things that aren't shametul. 176 Don't try too hard to get along with everyone. 179 Distinguish a simple scratch from complete damage. 182 Do your best in your current relationship. 185 Go straight on the green light. 188 Nevertheless, be with someone. 190 Crack corny jokes sometimes. 197 Don't criticize yourself. 200 Don't look away from what you deserve. 204 Endure if you have to. 209 Don't be anxious. 212 Learn how to fight well. 214 Find the basis for your hope. 218 Willingly do a favor for the world. 222 Be someone who cannot be converted into money. 225 Don't participate in The Hunger Games. 228 Be a grown-up that wanders. 232M Part 6. For a Good and ee Meaningful Life es To Do List i © Don't think of happiness as your life's goal. 241 9 Take life lightly. 244 = Take more risks in life. 248 © Try not to feel desolate. 251 © Be happy on your own. 255 © Think of what you've achieved. 258 5 Say goodbye to the past. 261 ® Leave a blank space for ignorance in life. 264. © Even so, you should understand yourself. 267 © Be concerned about your happiness. 270 = Love the imperfection. 272 a Ask how to live. 274 © Live like a grown-up. 288 Epilogue 282 Thanks to 286Prologue Come to think of it, I've always been curious about ‘reasons’ Even when | was a Student, | always asked "Why?” when my teache; T would ask me to do something. People thought | was just being disobedient but | only asked that because | really wanted to know the reason. It was so hard for me not to question and talk back. When | became an adult, | suddenly found myself feeling insignificant and helpless. A fuzzy age with fuzzy credentials and a fuzzy set of skills—| was a fuzzy person with nothing | could call my own and nothing to secure my future. What could have made me this fuzzy? | thought | did something wrong back then. Did | choose the wrong Major? Did | not study hard enough during college? Did | not endure my job longer? But no matter how much | thought about it, | don’t think I did anything wrong. Of course I've had my share of mistakesand feeling lost and committing errors, but aren't trials and errors a natural part of life? Just like how | was curious about the reasons for my teacher's words, | wanted to know why someone who did nothing wrong felt so insignificant. | tried reading lots of books during that time, not because reading was my hobby, but because | really wanted to know why— why I’ve become insignificant, why I'm not enough, and why I'm nothing. And the ultimate conclusion | reached when | tried to look for the answers was that even if the world doesn’t value my existence, | respect myself, and that is enough for me to live confidently as | am.This book is both the reason why | felt worthless and my response to the things that made me feel worthless, As | write this book, | like to think I'm giving some comfort and warmth to my readers, even if it's just for a short while, But what | really want is for this warmth and comfort to stay with them a bit longer. To someone like me in this indifferent world who blamed myself for nothing, | want to tell you we didn’t do anything wrong. It's okay to live confidently as ourselves.GOAL For an ordinary person to stop being envious of something they are not, to endure the cold gaze of others, and to live as they really are.M part 1 Live with Self-Respect To Do List“Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for." —Dead Poets SocietyDon't be kind to those who aren't kind to you. ! worked as an intern in a company right after graduating from college. The manager | met in the team | was assigned to treated me like a servant. | would call it Gapjil’. She not only asked me to move the monitor, which was already in front of her, ten centimeters, but she also rebuked me with “Do you want to get screwed over?” whenever | made small mistakes. | just continued working even if | didn’t know what to do since every move | made was subject to evaluation. Realizing that | was in the lowest position of that company, | spent that period of my life as a homo-intern?. One long day after | completed that internship, | was about to sleep when suddenly, | found myself being enraged by the thought of that manager. This is a Korean term which refers to a person's abuse of power and position against someone of weaker status. Homo-intern is @ combination of the words homo (from Home sapiens) and intern, and refers to the young ones who do internship work because they cannot get regular or full-time jobs.It wasn't the things she did to me that | couldn't accept, rather it was how | wasn't even able to sho : : Ww My emotions in those situations. She wasn’t someone with great authority, but in those times that she acted so high and mighty, | kept quiet. And that made her treat me even worse This might be a different Case, but the ones who were tortured while fighting for democracy would say that the most painful part was not the suffering they were subjected to while being tortured, but their cowardice when they pretended to look fine despite being tortured. Even though it’s not our fault, surrendering to injustice more than the injustice itself is the real fatal blow to one’s self-esteem. Thus, to those who aren't kind to us, and to those who don't respect us, let’s not bother showing any kindness to them. Even if we can’t change the situation, let's at least not be cowardly in front of them In order to preserve our dignity, we need to show even just the slightest hint of resistance. 6Gapjil is a joint product of acrude Gap who maltreats people, and a helpless Eul who can't even bother to demand at least respect Mind your own business. Fy, ok> Don’t worry about being miserable. When | just entered the new world of Instagram, | may be exaggerating a bit—but among the random photos shown in the feed, | saw a picture of a very sexy woman whose breasts were so large they reached down to her waist, Upon checking her feed, | saw what people call a luxurious SNS. She was a woman with a pretty face, great body, surrounded with branded items, and always traveling. But what shocked me was not how different her life was from mine, but the many followers she had. Why on earth would so many people keep looking at this woman's life? | continued checking her feed out of curiosity and the samgak kimbap? | happily ate that morning suddenly seemed pathetic, while the OMG spangle bag worth 8,900 won that | was So proud of now looked shabby. Literally “triangle kimbap,’ this is a triangle-shaped rice wrapped in dried seaweed and is prepared with a variety of fillingsMedia allows us to take a peek at the lives of others, but those Perfect-looking lives that we couldn't have known in the past make us curious and want to peek even more. But do we really not pay a price for this curiosity? In the book Ways to Make Yourself Miserable, it says that the easiest way to feel miserable is by taking a peek at the lives of others and comparing them to yours. It might be that we take a peek at the lives of others to satisfy our curiosity and the price we pay for doing so is feeling miserable. But we don’t gain anything by satisfying that curiosity. Our energy and curiosity should always be used only for taking care of our own lives. That is why we should be a friend to others instead of being a mere spectator of another person’s life. Our own life should be more important than a few photos summarizing the lives of others. Don't force yourself to feel miserable.Ue letiiel oc Me CLO Alesse} Dress aterm oy‘ Be proud of who you are. When | was a child, there was this TV program called Success Generation. The program showed stories of successful people. The protagonist changed every week but the stories they told were always the same. They had a pitiable past and a successful present, which were always contrasted while the show depicted the tremendous effort and unyielding determination needed to move from the past to the present. As | watched the program, | felt like | could overcome all sorts of tough circumstances and still succeed through persistent efforts. But as | got older, | realized the program was just teaching meritocracy. Anyone will succeed with ability and EFFORT, just like what they say in self-development books. In reality, these two together are not the master key to success, but are just two of the many ways to succeed. atThe reason that formula for legendary success Stories wo, ” r| eq ean economy was going through rapid development and everyone was more or less experiencing the same awful Poverty before was because it was during a time when the Kor with wealth. But it’s different now. Nowadays, it’s hard to find opportunities for one to move to a higher social class. The premise of meritocracy, or ‘equal opportunity; is no longer true because the inheritance of parents’ properties, background, and social class has taken its place An individual's effort can’t be ignored, but factors not related to one's ability like luck and background now determine many things. And while there are people who did succeed because of effort, these rare stories of “rags-to-riches” can’t speak for the majority. Despite these changes, the formula [effort = ability = success] Still automatically equates with [laziness = incompetence = poverty], where poverty is blamed on one’s lack of effort while 22S discrimination and social class is further justified.¢ They will say it’s your fault that you are poor when there are endless opportunities, and that you can succeed if you try, instead of just talking about how unfair life is. This is why people are ashamed of being poor. Thus, they do all sorts of things so they don’t look poor. People wear North Face or K2 jumpers as if they were about to climb the Himalayan mountains. In the same way, homeowners’ associations fuss over apartment brands that are supposed to sound luxurious. Although meritocracy is fictitious, as long as opportunities are unequal, the distorted meritocracy that was instilled by successful generations and self-help books determined whether we are rich or not. This places us somewhere in the middle of pride and shame. irst coined by Michael Young in his book The Rise of Meritocracy. ure society with a fair system of meritocracy, but as one’s f hierarchy, it eventually changes to a ruthless and ‘law of the jungle’ principles. The term meritocracy was fi The book describes the fut intelligence and merit become the basis of society dominated by the elite group's ‘winner takes all’But when we actually look around us, are there really just g few rich people who took hold of great fortune simply because of luck or inheritance? Are there also just a number of People who lived upright and with integrity despite being poor? Even if they didn’t gain their riches through meritocracy, the wealthy ones remain secure in exploiting the Marginalizea, Is it not weird that the poor are ashamed of themselves even if they live with persistence and integrity? Despite being poor, you should feel pride and self-respect if you do your best and live honorably. In this world, there is shameful wealth and honorable Poverty.Ogee about skill How'd they earn that much money anyway?* Don’t let your life get hurt by passersby. As | get older, | realize how difficult it is to find time and meet people who | would want to eat out with. There are so many passersby whom | didn’t like at all or weren’t my type, like my high school classmate Eun-gyeong or Deputy Chief Park of the financial department. We get hurt, numb our hearts, and develop hatred dealing with these people's personal frustrations disguised as business-related, insults presented as worries, and rudeness posed as questions. What we waste is not a luxury brand bag that costs two times our salary or gossip about celebrities. What we waste is our emotions when we use our energy to deal with those who will soon disappear from our lives.Let us no longer waste our emotions for the superior we'll never meet once we quit the job, the relative we rarely stumble upon, the bitch who pisses us off with her smiling face, the shrewd batchmate who pretends to be dumb, and everyone else in our lives who are nothing Even if we numb our hearts, moan to ourselves, and hate these people; they are just passersby in our lives.* Eliminate numbers from your life. Here are the criteria of the middle-class in different Countries United Kingdom (according to Oxford University) - Fair play Have your own opinion and principles ~ Don't be self-righteous Support the weak and confront the strong ~ Firmly handle injustice, complaint, and unlawfulness France (According to The Quality of Life by President Georges Pompidou) - Speak at least one foreign language and equip yourself with broader world experiences ~ Enjoy more than one sport and musical instrument Create your own recipe and treat your guests ~ Join a social volunteer organization Discipline someone else's children just like your ownSouth Korea (according to the survey found in the annual income portal webpage) ~ 99 square meter apartment without liabilities - Monthly income higher than 5 million won ~ 2,000cc sedan ~ Bank account with more than 1 billion won - Several trips abroad every year Compared to the criteria of UK and France, South Korea's criteria have one thing in common—numbers. One time, | was web-surfing and found an online advertisement that said ‘Your marriage potential score’ | thought it was a fortune-telling site but it turned out to be a dating agency. If you register your age, height, weight, assets, and net income, they will show your marriage potential score the way they rate beef. This must be a Korean style AlphaGo.We love rating everything with numbers and also take our ratings for granted. In this number-filled life, individuals struggle to gain more numbers to add to their resume, decide relationships according to apartment size, and read headlines which describe strikes or demonstrations by profit loss rather than conflict of values. This really is a life of numbers—where only prices are asked for and values are forgotten. Numbers are always easy to compare and rank. For example, it isn’t possible to rank a triangle against a circle but anyone can rank 1 against 2. In fact, the life of numbers is endless comparison and ranking In this life, we worry about our worth being graded low, SO we Constantly check our position and ranking. Can everything in our life be measured in numbers? 1Q can’t measure wisdom, the number of friends can’t prove the depth of relationship, the size of one’s apartment doesn't guarantee a harmonious family relationship, and net income Can't represent someone’s personality. 30True value isn’t measured in numbers. Therefore, if you want to be incomparable rather than superior, you should eliminate numbers from your life. What is truly important in our life lies beyond numbers 3Sfelarir)) grade NS > Who are you without numbers?+ Don’t be swayed by what others say. Through SNS, | got closer to one of my readers, Jung-mi. She is a lovely and warm person who read my previous book. She has a very sweet boyfriend. She would write her love story on SNS and | felt like this couple's love can revitalize even dead love hormones. But one day, a total stranger left a comment that she should stop posting and think of others who feel miserable. There are indeed excessive show-offs in SNS but | swear she isn’t one of them. She just wrote about her simple happiness! When she saw the comment, she was worried that she did something wrong. But the problem was with the unsolved personal issues of the person who commented on the post We sometimes meet people who misinterpret, distort, and criticize our intentions. Those who make hate comments on SNS expand their territory into our daily lives.Here are some suggestions on how to deal with those talkative people when they make judgmental statements, First, the comment is merely a subjective opinion of an individual who isn’t King Solomon or Freud. Second, if they criticize you, you should look into the truth of the statement instead of getting sad or angry. If the criticism is true, take it as an opportunity to change your bad habits. If itis false and that person made a wrong judgment, don’t take it seriously. Third, if they continue to badger you, don’t keep quiet but instead, ask them to be responsible for what they said. Charge for defamation? No, for causing noise pollution.Send back How to Use: Show this page to those loud-mouthed people . . Note: You aren’t worth talking to.* Don't insult others. Someone published an SNS post with a misspelled worq and many people commented that it was their ‘pet peeve’ It means extreme hate, but | can’t understand why People have to extremely hate misspelling a word. A spelling mistake doesn't insult King Sejong the Great, and even if the person didn’t Teally know the correct spelling, does his mistake really deserve extreme hatred? So many hateful and insulting words are in our daily life— pet peeves, disgusting middle-aged men, trashy journalists, nonsense adlib, Kimchi warriors, parasitic mothers, gold diggers, fags—these words show how we can hate each other so easily. The cause of this aversion is the collapse of the middle-class. People who are anxious about their Position try to get back thelr socioeconomic status by getting rid of someone else's.But is that all? Interpreting it only in this way isn't enough because this treatment is experienced by different types of people. In my case, I'm called a shallow kimchi girl because | was born a Korean woman. If | get married, I'll be labeled a stupid wife, useless mother, and nonsense spouter. It's so hard for Koreans to live without being labeled. The author of Humiliation, Professor Chan-ho Kim, said that the way people satisfy their eagerness to be recognized in society is to humiliate other people. In other words, people humiliate others to validate their existence and compensate their feelings of inferiority with this taste of superiority. It's pathetic. These douchebags unite because of hatred. They hide their dorkiness and select only the information they want to show even though they’ve never experienced it and they magnify distorted images of other people. The victims of this humiliation 37repeat the same hatred against others. As a result, the internet becomes a battlefield between who is more hateful, At the end of this battle, are they going to feel relieved when they end up concluding that ‘Everyone except for me is disgusting’? We will just end up more cautious and sensitive since we fear being surrounded by disgusting human beings, knowing that this can lead to us being made fun of and hated, Listen to me: no one finds happiness in a world where people attack each other. People who insult others are ‘losers. 38Inside the lift, a baby carried by a mother suddenly burst out crying. The mother was embarrassed and tried to calm down the baby. She was so conscious of the other people. | told her, “It’s okay.” | won't insult you for no reason It's really okay.* Don't make excuses for yourself. I recently got to hear from a person who was an activist during his college days. He graduated from a prestigious university but didn’t get a decent job because of his activist past, He hated capitalism and didn’t try to find a job because he felt that society was illogical. He didn’t work until he was beyond forty years old and ended up depending on his mother who was a cleaning lady. Anyone would say his logic is full of loopholes. He criticized the social system where laborers are exploited by capitalists, but he was doing the same to his mother. No one could understand why he didn’t pity his mother and just try to get a job. What on earth really made him this way? | suppose he must have had high expectations for himself after graduating froma Prestigious university. How frustrated and helpless he must have felt when he was denied by society because of his activist past! 40On top of that, the fact that he failed to be economically independent must have humiliated him and fatally damaged his ego. Humiliation and insignificance are the feelings that people find hardest to endure. And so they tend to protect themselves with sarcasm, blame external factors, and explain their side by giving feeble excuses, But the thing is, you can’t protect yourself with excuses. This is because you yourself are not convinced by the excuses you make to defend yourself. Your ego still suffers from a sense of insignificance and humiliation even if you pretend it doesn’t. In her essay Human Landscape, novelist Hyung-kyung Kim wrote that the antonym of love isn’t hate or fury, but indifference. Likewise, the antonym of life isn't death or regression—it's our defensive nature, which makes people avoid reality. 4For a long time, he also avoided reality. Maybe he thought it was better to display his sophisticated resistance insteaq of just facing the reality that made him feel insignificant and humiliated. Maybe he was afraid of getting hurt by the unreasonable world. But you shouldn't waste your entire life because of nostalgia. Whatever reason, you should get rid of self-blame and resentment. You have to look at yourself simply as you are. He should first be proud of himself for attempting to make a better world, and second, accept his frustrated dreams. What's pathetic and humiliating isn’t that he didn’t get a good job Or succeed, but that he didn’t do anything except make excuses. Even if we don’t become what we expect to become, even if we have to bear the feeling of being insignificant, we should face our true selves, and not make excuses. What's most important is that at the end of that encounter lies your new beginning. 42I'm so pathetic.” sae “No, it's all because of them.” Direction of Attack: INSIDE Direction of Attack: OUTSIDE ll - What's important is that you free yourself from your inner anger.oa . Remember that no one lives a perfect life. When | was a 3rd year middle school student, a male Classmate told me, “You don’t have any problems at all” | was the talkative and active type, so | guess that quiet classmate envied me. But during that time, | was suffering a syndrome called sophomorig illness and | was tormented by the conflict between my parents | envied another friend who seemed to have no worries. She was pretty and everyone wanted to be friends with her. But after a few years when that girl and I got close, she said that she had the hardest time when she was in 3rd year middle school because of prejudice and discrimination from teachers. It was unbelievable. That male classmate and | were so wrong. Whenever we see someone who has things that we lack, we think they live a perfect life. But how much do we actually know about others? In the last episode of Age of Youth by the writer Yeon-seon Park: as the main character Jin-myeong was embarking on hermonth-long trip to China, the airport staff whispered to each other while looking at her, saying, “I envy her,” and “You better Pray to be born from rich parents in your next life.” But what really happened was that she aimlessly planned the trip using all her assets worth 1.7 million won when her younger sibling died after suffering from a coma of 6 years. We try to gauge the weight of others’ lives just by looking at what we can observe, but just like how other people's perception of us isn’t all that we are, how we see other people isn’t a reflection of who they are as well We all have our own pain and shortcomings, and no one lives an undamaged life. That is why the truth you have to know is that no one lives a perfect life. At times, that truth can comfort us. + One friend suddenly sent a KakaoTalk message saying, “I think you are always working hard. You inspire me all the time.” At that time, | was just actually lying face down and tracking my online shopping delivery. 45A Wound's Perspective Those that are near look big while those that are far appear small Drea Gage . Cy elbiaCeh 7 a #+ Be completely happy as an ordinary person. When | was young, | thought the sun was following me every time | rode a car. | also thought that one day, | might become a magical woman like Sailor Moon. Of course, if | continued to think like this even after becoming an adult, | would be diagnosed with severe megalomania. But when | grew up, even if | couldn’t be a hero who saves the world from evil forces, | imagined that | could still be somewhat special. But | grew up to be an ordinary adult. | don’t have a fancy life nor do | enjoy unlimited freedom. It’s still difficult for me to afford beef and my dull life has become a routine. But when we think about it, the time when you realize you've become an ordinary adult, and the time when you let go of the ideals you had when you were younger, | suppose that’s also the time when an adult's puberty starts. aOf course that moment can be both bitter and sad. But to be free from the fantasies and expectations you had as a Chilq and to live your life not as an extraordinary person but as an ordinary one might actually be our task as adults, | will never save the world like Sailor Moon or be a professor in the Paris-Sorbonne University. | don’t expect my schoolmates to be jealous about my life or my relatives to admire me as someone who brings honor to our family. Instead, | want to write, paint, and design. | want to spend more time with my family, learn how to swim so | can fully enjoy the beach, and expand my world by meeting people with different views in life. Despite many restrictions and lack of assurance, my not-so-special life still allows me to do many things. The puberty stage of an adult starts by accepting one's ordinariness and ends when one fills up his or her ordinary life. At that moment, we all become true adults.The Truth About Salieri Complex There is no evidence that Mozart was happier than Salieri.“Don't allow others to judge you. A guy my friend had a blind date with asked her what sports she liked. He asked whether she liked golf or horseback Tiding This wasn’t actually a question about her hobbies, but about her economic status. For men and women alike, it isn’t wrong to look at one's economic status. | admit that | also consider this important. But giving importance to how one lives their life and reducing their life to numbers for calculation are two different things. There are those who cut off contact when they learn about the other person's residence, and those who speak a lot only to get to know what the other person's parents do. In front of these kinds of People, one could get really anxious about being evaluated like a child who has submitted an exal 50But if we think about it, do we really need to be so anxious? For me, no matter how competent someone is, if that person is obsessed with numbers, | don’t find them attractive at all because it's like they view life’s happiness as trivial. In short, he’s not my type. Thus, just like | don’t deserve him, he doesn’t deserve me either. What I need is someone like me, not those kinds of people. They're not the only ones who can judge me. So what if someone judges me based on numbers? Are they kidding? Anyhow, all you idiots are unqualified. stP o ip I didn't ask. And I'm not curious.+ Don't humble yourself to the Point of being intimidated. After publishing a book, my friends would sometimes call me “Author Kim.” It’s just a Joke among us friends, but | don't consider myself an author, Even though the dictionary meaning of the word ‘author’ is someone who creates stories or illustrations, | was always shy and awkward when it comes to an author's credentials. | happened to learn about this anecdote from a certain traveler. This traveler met a bartender in Europe who introduced himself as a poet. The traveler asked, “Have you published any poetry books?” The bartender answered, “No. | haven't published any poetry books but I’m a poet because | write poems.” Why is it that | feel awkward being called an author even after publishing a number of books when someone who hasn't even published one poetry book confidently refers to himself as a poet?It could be individual differences, but there is also the presengg of a huge cultural difference. This difference can be found in public education. In the West where one’s individuality and autonomy are given importance, people are taught to think of themselves as unique, For example, in Richard Nisbett’s The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently . . . And Why, he wrote about a dispute in his hometown on what is the more important goal of education: ‘passing on knowledge’ or ‘building one’s confidence. Although it sounds trivial for us, building one’s confidence is as important as passing on knowledge to others when it comes to the purpose of education. For us, our society is relationship-oriented so it gives more importance to harmony than one's individuality. Because of this, as soon as we enter elementary school, the first thing we lean about is forming relationships in the subject “Values Education” Actually, this doesn't need to be taught separately. 54To make it short: it just means don't fight with family, friends, neighbors, or anyone else, Instead, get along with them. We were taught to listen and be more concerned about others’ thoughts and feelings instead of valuing ourselves and respecting our own emotions, This is evident in Korean culture: the term nunchi® has no single counterpart in the English language. Westerners also find the Korean sense of humility almost like belittling oneself. As a result of this long-term training, we are constantly doubtful about our own credentials. We make the best use of our nunchi and humility in order to get along with others and never get to heed to ‘know yourself: Of course, humility and being considerate of others’ feelings are both virtues. 5 Nunchiis a Korean term which refers to the ability to gauge the situation as well as the other person's mood and / or thinking,However, it can never be a virtue if we fail to take care of our own feelings while minding how others feel. Thus, don’t be so conscious of others to the point of exhaustion, and don't humble yourself to the point of being intimidated. The person that you always have to respect is no one else but yourself. We need a bit of confidence out of nowhere and a holy-shit-this-is-my-life mentality. 56ree Cy - Aim | not perfect enough? = Ihave 6 A Korean term which is used by males to address their older sisters and / or female friends older than them 7+ Speak up for your right to respect your own life, | read a post online where the writer was a part-time worker in a restaurant. One ajumma’ customer referred to the writer and told her daughter, “You'll end up like that if you don't study hard.” The writer felt so frustrated and defeated for no reason. She was just doing part-time work to gain experience and her coworkers were all from prestigious universities too. Just in time, Chinese customers entered the store and she was able to take their orders in fluent Chinese because she had studied in China. Seeing her, the ajumma was surprised and embarrassed. Everyone who read this post criticized the ajumma. But how different was the working student from the ajumma? F An Ajumma is @ Korean term, which refers to middle-aged women,« She kept highlighting that she was not a blue-collar laborer but just a part-timer who wanted to gain some experience. Her desperate protest was focused on ‘I don't deserve that kind of treatment’ rather than on the ajumma’s words. In short, she felt the treatment was unfair. She just wanted to gain experience from the part-time work and was totally different from ‘those who ended up like that’ because they didn’t study hard. We sometimes encounter triggering phrases on the internet: “Would you like to to go on a ‘meeting! or do 'mishing' in a factory?”® “Those who belong to academic ranks 1 - 3 order chicken, those in ranks 4 - 6 fry the chicken, while those in ranks 7 - 9 make the delivery.” for a group blind date while the term 1 Y d Meeting’ is @ Koreanized Engl ii chine, was derived from ‘mish; the Japanese ‘mishing, which refers to a sewing machine, pronunciation of the English word ‘machineAt first glance, it sounds witty. But this text makes us look at sewers in the factory and hard labor as miserable, as if they were punished for not excelling in school. It also equips us with the mindset of neglecting and discriminating against laborers, This discrimination is. deeply rooted in our society. In the old dynasties, government officials put themselves above people. This practice has now upgraded to a new Modern version through capitalism. This mindset never decreases the wage gap but rather, strengthens social discrimination. So what's the problem? Ae The problem can’t be solved simply by a humanitarian Perspective that believes that everyone is equal. If children are told that they'll end up like ‘those People’ if they don’t study hard and are expr 60But in reality, many People work as Physical laborers and occupy subordinate positions in a regular workplace. How can these people who dreamt of a life in a Soap opera accept the reality that they’re now actually living the life they used to look down on? Both their dreams of grandeur and their discriminatory mindset will fill them with shame when they realize they've turned out to be ordinary. They can't accept that they aren't any different from others. Unity among the labor classes isn't easy because of this self-disgust. 2: Discrimination and spite towards laborers also take place in another way. They always have discrimination and contempt in their heads so they try their best to not end up as a sewer in a factory or a chicken delivery staff. They don't feel joy or curiosity towards learning. Their motivation to study is their anxiety on failure and fear of being ignored. When this feeling weakens, all they do is read other thought-provoking phrases to recharge their anxiety. otorary anxiety boosts their motivation and increases Temp . fficiency. But when what's left is only anxiety and NETVoUsnes. effici ; ; they end up suffering from chronic fatigue, which no Medicine can cure. The words parents used to tell their children to wish their happiness eventually trap their children into chronic anxiety. 3. \f you've reached what you aimed for, will everything be alright? Achievement earned through discrimination and despite leads to arrogance Arrogance without inner strength is like standing up on a skyscraper without any safety equipment. it will lead you to constantly experience acrophobia, a heightened fear Of falling down, The more arro. gant you are, the greater shock you'll experience when you fall 62Chosun Daily chief columnist, Gyu-tae Lee, explained it well. According to him, Europeans naturally step down when situations or circumstances change. But Koreans never do the same in the face of changes. They feel desperate and miserable when they are left with no choice but to step down. There are so many ways to live but stepping down is a tragic fall for those who have internalized discrimination and Spite. Discrimination brings one, humiliation to those who are discriminated against, and two, nervousness to those who discriminate. In the end, it doesn’t help anyone. If you continuously charge yourself with anxiety, or if you feel ashamed for living a life far from what you actually dreamed of, you should make yourself aware of your situation. 63Even if you deliver chicken or sew in a factory, We liy, ' fe in so many ways, and none of these lives are at fault Live to the fullest, learn all the things you want. But no one can insult anyone's life. We all have the right to respect each and everyone's own life.Neola ty like that if you don’t Se Va if you insult someone’s ordinary life, i ! oo pay is your children’s anxiety. the priceMpart 2 In Order to Live Like Myself To Do List“ld rather be hated for who | am, than loved for who | am not.” —Kurt CobainStrengthen your self-esteem, Alain de Botton said becoming an adult is Positioning ourselves in a world dominated by materialistic and cruel people. Life is not a fairy tale. Discrimination is rampant in our society. Although we are furious about power tripping and try to be firm and care less about materialistic interests, our minds can be crushed completely like a biscuit in a pocket. This is why people say we have to increase our self-esteem You have to respect yourself regardless of others’ standards and assessment. Yes, | get it. It's easier said than done. Self-esteem is basically affected by childhood experiences and parental child rearing. If you lack attachments to your Parents or experience abuse, bullying, and criticism, your self-esteem may be negatively affected. 69But self-esteem influenced by childhood experiences doesn't last forever. It changes over time. The first psychologist to examine the theory of self-esteem was Nathaniel Branden. He said that self-esteem is made up of two main components—self-efficacy and self-respect. Self-efficacy is the trust and confidence you have in yourself that allows you to face realistic problems and take care of yourself, Self-respect is honoring yourself and believing you deserve to be loved. But are we living in a society where we can properly protect our self-esteem? Even though we may grow up with healthy self-esteem, we are treated like products of a company and driven out as dozens of our resumes are rejected—making it difficult for us to feel the self-esteem we need to keep us going It's almost like we need hypnosis to force people to respect themselves while they live in a society where people are ranked according to qualifications and everyone is made to discriminate against others.The world is changing into a place where we can't stand without self-esteem, but it has also become even more difficult for individuals to develop it. How then Can we solve this endless issue of self-esteem and secure our Space in this cruel society? This should be approached in two ways. First, you have to strengthen the very foundation of social respect. Respect shouldn't have to be a consumable commodity, It doesn’t cost money anyway. If respect is public property and accessible to everyone, we shouldn't have to beg for it. That’s why we have to make it more accessible. Let us fuel each other's respect. It shouldn't be selective respect according to rank, annual income, profession, or physical appearance, but an unconditional equal respect for myself as well as for others. Second, individuals have to fully understand their self-esteem and practice itTo do this, we have to define genuine self-esteem and understand its meaning. Self-esteem isn’t rooted in superiority, preening yourself, or the temporary Satisfaction gained from being loved or accepted by someone. The €sSencg of self-esteem is self-trust, self-respect, and believing that You deserve happiness. It isn’t achieved through spiritual triumph, We can’t trust ourselves without doing anything and we can't practice self-respect if we live against our principles. Self-esteem is an inner power that grows through a series of life choices, actions, and responsibilities—all based on principles we developed ourselves. But here's the thing. The EBS documentary program, My Kid’s Personal Life, experimented on how Parents’ attitudes can affect Children’s self-esteem. The Participating children were given puzzles. Parents of kids with low self-esteem solved the puzzles for their children while parents of kids with high self-esteem waited until their children could Solve the puzzles.Self-trust and self-respect, which are essential components of self-esteem, can be achieved when we solve our problems and successfully reach our goals. As shown in the experiment, the most important thing is that you become your own agent You aren't fully aware of yourself if you are dragged by the attention of others. If we haven't fully understood ourselves and are too concerned about how others see us, we can't gain self-esteem. What we need to develop solid self-esteem is clear: ‘Be yourself” Let us now see how to live according to who we are + Follow me.| love you! A! Oh, sorry! You lose control of i your life if you b to earn self-esteem through other sects-. Live as who you are. When the male protagonist of a drama Says, “Why are you being ( or so unlike you?,” the female Protagonist replies with surprise, “What is it to be like me, then?” | know what it is to live like me but | absolutely have no idea what really is ‘like me.’ Why can’t we determine what it is. to be ‘like who we are?’ Psychologist James Marcia classified people's identity into four types depending on the ego identity’s degree of accomplishment These four types include identity achievement, identity moratorium, identity diffusion, and identity foreclosure. According to a study, most Koreans (74%) belong to the identity foreclosure or those who have a low sense of identity. Those in the identity foreclosure status are devoted to conforming of the society they are brought up in According to with the ways the theory, the reason for this low sense of identity is the absence 8of crisis. One would probably argue about the ‘absence of Crisis, put the crisis being described here isn’t that of being a victim of voice phishing or having one’s card declined in front of a bling date. Instead, the crisis here is never questioning yourself and fighting for your goals, values, and beliefs in life. Why weren't we able to fight? The reason begins with a culture that doesn’t encourage us to explore and question ourselves. In Confucianism or the traditional core of our morality, an individual is regarded as interdependent with his or her relationships and surroundings. One's identity is determined by one’s role in society, while learning and carrying out one’s duty is more important than exploring and questioning one’s self. A life is deemed beautiful if it can meet society's expectations. Thus, we tend to live trying to meet the standards of our society and parents rather than our own philosophy and way of life This results in many People not being able to come up with their own beliefs and philosophy, thus not having a clear idea aboutthemselves. Instead, they'll end UP writing a fictional account about themselves instead of a Personal statement What makes never facing this issue until the end so critical is severe dependence. When lwasa child, adults because you're young” “You should obey Conditioned me to think that children are weak and inferior beings. Many parents don't let their children be independent so they end up denying them the process of becoming mature adults because of these children's weakness and inferiority. Those who become adults without maturing look for mentors even as they age because they're afraid to make decisions on their own. Even Haemin Sunim or Bi-ya Han wouldn't be able to tell what kind of person you are. Living as | am means understanding myself and making my own decisions in the midst of:experiences and searching. nBecoming a freelancer doesn’t mean | live like myself. Neither does having my own taste mean | live like myself. Living like myself means making my own decisions based on how] understand myself. To start off, you should pay attention to yourself. Writing about yourself would be a good Way to start, Let’s pay attention to ourselves—how we've lived until now, what values we want to live by, what makes us happy, how we are different from others—let’s look for what we are, Of course this will require a lot of sincerity and effort You might also be afraid of giving up your dependence on others. But once you've Passed through those moments of worries and crises, a life where you believe and respect yourself will finally start.e a S 3 a £ 2 § 8 2 ° % The independent children that adults refer to are actually those who just do the things they've been asked to do.Don't delay your questions about life. In the midst of intense competition, first we study, then go to university, improve our qualifications, and then earn Money, We became adults that way, ‘o evening, from spring to winter, under pressure from the things We have to do from morning t And suddenly, someone will say this: “| don’t know what | like to do.” | want to ask them: “Have you ever done something because you just wanted to?” In a TV program that studies children’s identity and self-esteem, a so-called ‘kind child’ who always helps people around him was featured. The production team asked this child what he likes doing, and he answered “run errands for my mom” and “help my dad wash his car.” When this child was asked to answer not about the things he does for others but what he really likes doin it 9, he had a hard time Coming up with an answer. a0Instead of finding out what they want to do in the course of their life, people who Suppress their desires in order todo what they have to do lose sense of what they like, what they want, and eventually, who they are. Their life remains in the spectrum of the unknown since they're never able to discover the kind of life they want. If you don’t want this to happen to you, you have to rediscover what you like to gain a sense of yourself, and refrain from only doing things that you have to do. It's now time for you to answer the life questions you have delayed answering.+ 7. Question the obvious. Ina village, there once lived a couple, their one-year-olq son, and the husband’s mother. When the daughter-in-law came home at lunch time after working in the field, her Mother-in-tay who was suffering from Alzheimer’s said she had prepareq tle chicken porridge. The daughter-in-law opened the cauldron gratefully but what she saw inside wasn’t a chicken, but her own son!. Her senile mother-in-law thought her son was a chicken, put him in the cauldron, and boiled him to death. The daughter-in-law then pulled herself together, caught a real chicken, boiled porridge for her mother-in-law, and then buried her son on the mountain behind their house. This story of a child’s death, which was featured in the TV program How Is That Possible, was surprisingly a touching story of a devoted daughter-in-law during the Joseon Dynasty. 82Why was this story, Which definitely no one would understand now, so treasured? During that time, virtue meant the extreme suppression of one’s feelings and the performance of all Obligations in the name of duty. This was the reigning ideology that mandated sacrifice to achieve harmony even if one already felt a surge of anger. The virtue | was encouraged to practice when | was young was diligence. They gave a perfect attendance award to those who didn’t miss a single class despite the bad weather, getting sick, or being injured. Above the blackboard used to hang a frame with the class motto, “Diligence.” Why? Diligence was taught as the best virtue because our society was manufacture-based. In manufacturing, the qualities most needed aren't creativity nor individuality, but rather diligence and sincerity. 63Through those selected ‘touching stories’ and ‘virtues; the daughter-in-law who didn’t even shed a tear even after her son was boiled to death wasn’t accused of being a heartless accomplice in her child’s murder, but was instead regardeg as a filial daughter-in-law. The child who attends class despite a burning fever becomes a model student, a groundless rumor claiming Socrates said “A law is a law, however undesirable it may be,” spreads, and murdering one’s daughter who dated for love is regarded honorable in an Islamic country. That's how a norm selected to be taught as a virtue by society can sometimes turn a scary story into a beautiful one, and acts of abuse to acts of honor. But even so, we continue to live thinking that society's virtues and norms are absolute truth. But values depend on individual choices and in order for us to sustain life, it isn’t the norms that are crucial but the beliefs we built Ourselves, So what should we do? According to someone who went to the USA to study Economics, there was a class called Brainwashing Class. a4As the course name Suggests, it was everything the students had learneg was wrong, a class that claimed about economics So they had to cleanse their minds. When others learned economic theories from globally renowned scholars, they discovered errors in the existing theories, and thus, , were able to find new answers. Let's question the norm. Let’s ask whether the things we've been believing all this time is really the voice inside us or the voice of others, which we follow without any doubts. When we question the norm we believe, we can move forward. In order for us to replace the norms in our minds with our own beliefs, we also need a brainwashing class. + Recently, in a website managed by the Ministry of Employment and Labor, the story of Deputy Section Chief Kim who met with a buyer while on holiday was greatly praised. _ i je Not only is it enough to sue the company for ian i” i ‘ seless act! employee's personal life on vacation—the story's aU rrKids nowadays lack slave spirit. Leaup wore ‘ t Peey, tinep As expected, what wisdom!- Don't live to meet the ©xPectations Of others, I'm not a company worker, It’s Not that | have aspirations SO | decided Place only after writing | wondered, how was | able to make that important decision so easily? my book. One day, I realized that | was able to do that because of the way my parents raised me. Throughout my whole life, my parents never forced anything on me, but they did advise me when | had to decide on something. In the end though, they let me do whatever I decided. Even if | didn’t study and just read comics until | was in middle school, they never compared me to my older sister who was a consistent honor student. So | was never afraid of not being accepted by my parents while learning to make decisions on my own. d But even so, | was still burdened by the thought that I neede ato make them proud of me. | got rid of that pressure when | realized that carrying that huge burden didn’t translate to loving them more, When | was in my mid-20s, | told my parents, “Forget all your expectations about me and just think of me as a boarder.” Of course they scolded me—asking how those words could come out of my mouth when they did their best to raise me. But even after that, | told them to think of me that way. Of course | wanted to be a typical model daughter. | also wanted to prove to my parents that life is better off having children and thus, resolved to do my best even if it is impossible. They are the most important people to me. But | know my Parents wouldn't be happy if I'm burdened and worrying myself sick wondering whether I'm disappointing them. What isn’t for me just isn’t for me. Only we can take responsibility for our own lives as an individual. Our life may or may not meet our Parents’ expectations, but living in order to satisfy those expectations is not love but simply feeling in debt and pressured. If we are responsible 88for our own life, then it is for our Paren: ts to realize that we can’t always live the way they want Us to. If what bothers you is the financial Support your parents provided, then you should work hard and repay them. We can be real boarders Only if we pay the rent. But let us not pawn our lives. The Only ones who have to live up to our expectations are ourselves, a9My plot, my way.- Don't be anyone else but yourself. When | was a Grade 2 Student, we discussed our dream. | heard about Madam Curie Somewhere. And | said | would like to be a scientist like her, Ever since | was conceived in my mom's womb, I’ve never been into science, but | was just bluffing because | was a 2nd grader. It’s stranger if a small kid says she would like to be in the procurement department or become an accountant in a SME. The problem occurs when our dream growing up is not ‘what we will do’ but ‘what we will become! | once talked to a dermatologist who was a graduate of a medical school in Seoul and running a dermatology clinic in Gangnam. While | was talking with the doctor, | didn’t feel any unique personality or philosophy from him. Instead, | felt like he was a child, still growing up.Abruptly, | asked him if he was happy. He responded to me without hesitation, “No.” Others may admire him for having a good job, but he regretteg that he wasn’t from a better university and working for a bigger hospital. Many books say a lot of people who are socially acknowledged aren't actually happy, and he was one of them. He devoted his adolescence to studying and entered medical school because he ‘just could: He didn’t have the time to think of anything else and was occupied with hectic study and his medicalintern position. Why isn’t he happy? While he was chasing after a stable socioeconomic status and recognition, he didn’t have a chance to see his inner self. This eventually made him feel empty. What was important to him was bei $ being a doctor. He depended on his professional identityin order to compensate for fj. T his empty in " net i i identity. But he was Still unhappy, alti He thought everything woulg be alright once he became a doctor, but he found himself caught by his own desire for higher income and working for a bigger hospital. His inner self was still empty and no materialistic means Could fully satisfy it. A job is not just about making a living. It makes someone become more of oneself, rather than Creating a new self. You can roll a snowball only if you have some snow. If you chase external values without looking at your inner self, you'll always live with comparisons and never reach real happiness and self-respect. What is crucial for us isn’t a business card to show our credentials, but to become ourselves, which we don’t need to prove to others.What do you want to become when you grow up? Do you have another question? We don't h ave to be anything else but ourselves:o Don't succumb to the Prescribed answers. In a coffee shop, | accidentally had a conversation with a Canadian who was teaching English in a local grade school. She shared one thing she found strange in Korea and it was how Koreans think that smart students are good students. She thinks students who aren't academically excellent can also be called good students while those that are academically excellent aren't necessarily called good ones. She was questioning the usual prescribed logic of smart = good. ‘Good life’ also has an embedded similar context. Good life consists of physical health, good interpersonal relations, eye for enjoying art and philosophy, and feeling fulfilled from work. But for Koreans, good life and well-being are only interpreted as being rich. Why are we programmed to follow only one standard while forgetting all the other values? 95Perhaps the Korean War? and anti-communism ideology may have heavily influenced this mindset. Koreans detested mora invasions or frustrations. They were made to follow the uniform top-down control and military culture such as hair length regulations or curfew. Anti-communism ideology didn’t allow any other opinions. Collectivism forced this one uniform way and enduring this was a way of survival for Koreans. This lifestyle passed on from generation to generation. Striving for quantified goals like ‘USD100 billion export, USD100 billion profit’ settled into the life of individuals in ways such as ‘5kg weight loss and 900-point TOEIC scores’, and our monolithic society manifests through individuals chasing the same goal. This is why we are forced to have 17% body fat, A8kg in weight, a positive and polite attitude, education in a prestigious college, and a position in the conglomerate. Kore I: i i rean tN oF Juneman Kang in his book, Korean Code, examined the SHe.of Koreans as if they were living in the Korean Wat €'2, and defined this as " reans 'S as "Korean War Psych" which lies in our people's subconscious abyss 96While promoting this high Standard uniform goal, excessive compliments are given to the Prescribed way of living and outspoken insults are given to Non-conforming ways. An individual who happens to live ina Non-conforming way has to put up with being called 'Nappropriate. In consequence, what's left with us is a sick society Consisting of a few arrogant yet model individuals and a huge number of inferior non-conforming ones. British journalist Daniel Tudor assessed Korea as “The Impossible Country” since it pressures its people to follow impossible Standards in terms of education, dignity, physical appearance, and professional achievement Can the ideal self possibly exist like this? Not everyone can be skinny, have a pleasing personality, graduate from it's even a prestigious college, and enter the conglomerate. If it's e i fess. Possible, it must be an abnormal planet like Galaxy 999 Expl 7If society or the world dictates only one answer, YOu should asx why. You shouldn't succumb to the unacceptable standard or feel cowed by it and end up depreciating your own value. There are various ways to define good students, various ways to live a good life, and we all have a right to pursue our own answers. We aren't wrong. We just have different answers.The ones who think that only heavy metal music is true music may demand it from the Beatles, but even without heavy metal, The Beatles is still The Beatles.Develop discernment. When | was in my early 20s, | once read a book on things-tongg in life. One of the chapters advised that we need to buy a ser of good clothes rather than several inexpensive ones, After some time, | remembered that advice while looking at my wardrobe. Inside was the winter coat | thoughtlessly bought because it was for sale, a skirt | bought just because of its model, and bold styles that my mother wouldn't allow me to wear outside. So did | regret what | bought? Not really. It was when | tried out different styles and failed that | developed my own discerning eye and preference for clothes. If you also failed several times, it means you struggled to find clothes that suit you well, 100So let us find the one that fits us the most through a discerning eye and taste, which results from a number of failures. Life is like looking for a good quality set of clothes that suits us the best. + Bobbed-hair fits her, the dandy look suits him, apricot blush is the best for me— all these we discover by trying anew. 101A monolithic way of life breeds self-misunderstanding but experience leads to understanding oneself.- Decide for yourself. Like what one philosopher said, Life is C (choice) between B (birth) and D (death). Our life is determined by the decisions we make. But there are some people who find it particularly difficult to make decisions. Being prudent and being indecisive are totally different, so why do they find it hard to make a decision? It may be caused by self-obsession to make the perfect choice but it is usually due to lack of self-trust. You don't trust yourself to make a decision and you aren't confident enough to be responsible for that decision, so you wait for someone else to teach you the right choice or delay until the problem gets worse. But it’s not just a matter of wasting time. Like how Nathaniel Branden put it, decisions accumulated deep in our minds will result in developing self-respect. Each decision you make on your own will develop into self-respect.How so? Self-trust to control one’s own life is gaineg When you make the best decision and are responsible for Whatever consequences you will face. It is more than just believing you won't fail at all. If you can’t make your own decisions, you'll lack the experiences meant to help you develop Self-trug, and having little self-trust makes it difficult for you to gain a sense of responsibility. Decisions, responsibility, and self-trust are like cogwheels. When each part is smoothly engaged, we can live an independent life. And that way of life is manifested in self-trust. Even if Zhuge Liang lives next door, don’t entrust your decisions to him. You should just go ahead according to your inner compass: the database of your past and the notes of your failures. 104There is no perfect answer in life and whatever your decisions are, all of them are just and right as long as you are responsible for them.= Have personal taste. My ex-boyfriend enjoyed regularly watching performances in art centers. They were usually modern dance or performance art invites from abroad, and he wanted me to join him. But even after joining him several times, | didn’t find anything interesting except for flamenco. | couldn’t understand what they meant even if | read the pamphlets and no matter how expensive those performances were, | preferred reading books at home as my cultural pastime. | told him it wasn’t my cup of tea so he can go with someone else. I'm not saying this to denigrate the value of art performance. Some people admire modern dance, others admire One Piece (the anime) action figures, and others still have a marvelous time watching Game of Thrones. Some may judge personal taste or make the mistake of demanding others to have the same taste but differences 106in personal taste isn’t an evidence of superiority and inferiority, or a domain you can force onto someone. If you want to flourish in your life, you should find your personal taste. And you should be honest with your senses. You shouldn't be influenced by other people's judgment or viewpoint, or chase what's hot in SNS. You need to make an effort in developing your insights. However, taste isn’t something to develop— it's something to be felt. | prefer exhibits to performances, jolly entertaining movies to sad movies, and grilled pork with spicy naengmyeon (Korean cold noodles) to steak with wine. What we all need is our own taste rather than impressive preferences that you may need to fill up your self-introduction form with. The wonder and romance of life is found in taste. 107A few years ago, when | watched the movie Inception... renee econ Cilla Crees Guys, please respect someone else’s taste.2 Face the true you. Disliking someone is quite tiring. This was my problem with some unlikable friends | had in high school. Once | argued with a friend who was in the same student organization as me. She wanted to be the president of the organization because it was counted as part of our grade. She told the teacher she wanted to lead the organization but lied to me that it was the teacher who asked her to take the role. | felt like she was being selfish. After a few incidents, | distanced myself and | didn’t hide my feelings from her. When | got older, | came to wonder why | showed her that | hated her during that time. | could’ve just simply stayed away from her if we didn't get along. One on hand, | felt like | was immature but on the other, | also thought she was the sort of person to dislike and hating someone can be a human mistake.One day, | reminisced about my past and wondered Why | thought my mistakes could be considered as human Mistakes while that friend's mistake was beyond what humans can commit. Anyone can be selfish and at that time, she was probably just as immature as me. All this time, | only saw the pleasant sides of myself as “me” I cursed that selfish friend and acted as if | didn’t have a selfish side. When | saw the unpleasant sides of myself, | pretended | didn’t see them. | disguised those sides that weren't me. How arrogant | was about myself! Carl Gustav Jung, father of Analytical Psychology, claimed that everyone has a ‘shadow, which they perceive as personal inferiority that they would like to hide. According to Jung, the shadow can’t be completely eliminated, therefore the best way to develop a healthy inner self is to make up with the shadow. We don't feel just one sort of emotion toward a certain incident. and everyone goes through feelings of being pathetic, selfish, and undeniable in the darkest times in life. If you don’t accept 110your inner shadow, your ego gets all confused and you won't be able to perceive or control your true self. To develop a healthier inner self, we have to realize and accept our deficiencies. So let us accept even the unpleasant parts of ourselves. When you face who you truly are, you can accept your hidden desires and be tolerant towards both yourself and others. Stop turning away from yourself and making excuses. The moment you finally face your true self, which is the unity of the self you love and the self you hate, you'll be able to live as a true human being who is not arrogant. ” It's not that we don't like someone who isn't perfect; we are disgusted by the arrogance when they pretend to be perfect mDidn’t you know? This is an Is this me? awful you. None of us are perfect.“stay where you can shine. When | was a middle school student, | went to a public office with my friend for volunteer work. We listed down documents and proofread some numbers to check if there were any errors. I've never been good with numbers so | got tired easily. | was just managing my work because | was bored, but my friend completely finished hers and said that it was “fun”. | wondered why and she said it was fulfilling to check errors and correct them. Afterwards, she studied taxation and now works in a tax department. I'm certain she must be recognized as a hardworking and meticulous employee. For individuals to live a life with self-respect, it's important to understand your talents and choose a job where you can apply them. Otherwise, boredom and worthlessness are the burdens you'll have to carry by yourself.When people are asked about their talent, they usually think only of artistic or extraordinary jobs, and regard only great talents as valuable. If you are stuck with that idea, you can't pay attention to your own talents and strengths. You can develop your talents further while different talents will make you do different types of work. For instance, not all writers need to try and win the annual literary contest, but what matters is knowing what talents you have rather than how talented you are. So what is a talent? In my opinion, it means something you can do easier than others. And it’s not limited to just a few. For some people, talent means sorting out documents well, carrying on a conversation well with any stranger, learning fast, and listening to other people's stories. These talents are not easily evident unlike painting or singing. So, you have to pay full attention to find your talent and find out what kind of work suits you best. Write down what you like and what you can do better than others. If you have no idea, check 14out online Multiple Intelligence Scales. You should get to know yourself through various ways. Find an intersection between what you want and what you're talented in. It won't be easy and it may take time. But if you don't pay attention and exert effort in your own life, you won't be able to earn respect from others, and needless to say, from yourself.Eun-hye, Yoo-min, Yoo-rim, Seung-qyeong, gone excellent skilled at good at painting at learning writing witty at singing languages pieces The biggest tragedy of capitalism is that it regards talents that can’t be converted into money worthless. 16Mpart 3 Not to Be Caught by Anxiety To Do List Trey TySele a Reel alee) acolo ids ofits sorrow, ac chore) cho Eieccvale| Ute —Corrie Ten BoomBear life’s uncertainties. | like consulting fortune-tellers, But up to what part should | believe? The program PD Young-don Lee On Duty answered my question. In one of its episodes entitled Investigating the Top Ten Korean Fortune-tellers, the producers went to different parts of the country to meet and personally investigate popular fortune-tellers. The method of investigation included asking these fortune-tellers the fate of a serial killer and a child who was kidnapped and murdered. Even though there were some fortune-tellers who did an amazingly excellent job, most of them told completely unrelated stories. Thus, there were only 6 who passed the first test among these fortune-tellers.In the second round, only two passed the test and even the one who won the final round said that his divination sign was not 100 percent certain. Ten million won was spent in this production which meant the producers must have met at least a hundred fortune-tellers but only a few proved themselves to be reliable. In the end, fortune-telling is a guess containing a bit of truth, like a ginseng candy with only 5 percent of ginseng powder. But even so, we see fortune-tellers because we want to get assurance in life. Even if Nostradamus rises from the dead and opens his casket, we can’t guarantee what the future holds. It’s not because fortune-tellers lack skills or that the service fee we pay isn’t enough, but because the essence of life is uncertainty. teatm sorry to those who need assurance in life 1 but after 10 years of spending a lot of Money for tarot fortune-telling, and divination, | conclude that life, after all, means coping with the uncertainties. + In the end, the reason we go to fortune-tellers is because we want to hear that everything will be alright. “Everything will be fine.” Believe not in fortune-tellers, but in your own strength. 123He is forever young. He is forever healthy. She is forever not lonely. The easiest way to make any proposition a lie is to add the adverb ‘forever’ to it. Era} . AI ~~ oO ,O° . .. Learn to live with the problems. Once in a while, we confront Problems that we don’t want. And some of these problems don’t seem to have solutions. Things that we can’t bring back, mistakes of the past that haunt the present, or things that we have to take care of for a long time so they won't cause a problem. When these things make their way to us, we just want to abandon our damaged life. How nice it would be if life is like a Nintendo game, where we can reset and start all over again. Should | just live hopelessly because my life seems like a failure? | also experienced such a moment. But even when | think of those negativities, in the end, | resolved everything with the words “But | still want to continue living.” | felt it was so unfair to give up my whole life just because of a few incidents, and even if others may think that my life isn’t important, it is everything to me. 12sLike what Hae-young said in the drama Another Miss Oh, “Ive always loved myself and | wished | would always be wey» You can also do that. Because you're so worn out and fed up with yourself, and because life is already too hard for you to handle, you may also feel that you want to abandon yourself. But there’s no one else who'll take care of your life but yourself Because | was hurt, or because | felt my heart isn’t full, isn't it that | would feel so sorry for myself if | was crying alone without someone comforting me? Even if we are sad and suffering in the face of misfortunes, let's learn to live with those uncomfortable truths. | wish for you to live well not because our weariness means nothing, or because everybody else lives that way, but because your life is the most precious thing to you. I sincerely wish you to live well. 126Trying to achieve perfect security while worrying about things we can't cont is like hoping to live like you're frozen * in a sterilized space. Stability in life isn’t achieved by removing the uncertainties in life but by facing them. We carry out our lives, but at times, it just needs to be lived.: Don't think that problems are yours alone. Since we were children, we thought that a normal family jg ong where the parents lead a happily married life and their children are provided with unconditional love. But how many parents are actually that perfect? Looking at the image of families depicted by the media and of other people leads us to mistakenly think that a normal family is one without flaw. The result of that thought is that others just don’t know that an ordinary individual actually thinks of himself as inadequate, and hides in the innermost part of his being a feeling of inferiority. But how can we ever describe something so abnormal? Are there only a few who are abnormal? If being normal is not having a single flaw, does a life that lacks nothing actually exist? Like how Freud described the standard of being normal 128as having a bit of hysteria, a bit of paranoia, and a bit of obsession—being normal is not absolute perfection but would mean having some wounds, some flaws, and something lacking. There are different ways that people live, and we are part of the minority who live in our own different way. Whatever family background you actually have, or whatever flaw or problems you've actually encountered, whatever that is, everything is normal. + We just don’t know the problems of others because they hide them well. In this world, there’s no misfortune that isn’t universal. 129