Everyone’s

welcome

Gender Identity Guide

A guide to supporting children and
young people with their gender identity
2
Contents
Welcome 5

Gender identity 6

What do we know? 7

How we support children and young people 8

Children and young people with additional needs 14

How we support parents, carers and the wider family 15

Safeguarding 16

What we do at Action for Children 18

Appendix 1 – Glossary of terms 19

Appendix 2 – Support services 24

3
4
Welcome
Every child and young person should have a safe and happy
childhood, and the foundations they need to thrive. At Action
for Children, we provide practical and emotional care and
support, ensure their voices are heard and campaign to bring
lasting improvements to their lives.

We want every child and young person to fulfil their potential.

They should be able to pursue their interests, enjoy their hobbies,
and learn about the world. A century and a half of experience
has given us a unique view of the problems children and young
people face. Our work draws on a vast wealth of practical
knowledge that’s constantly being reinforced and reviewed.

5
Gender identity
Young people have a lot to think about. Exploring their sexual
orientation or gender identity should be a positive experience
for all young people, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and
non-binary young people.
We know that many practitioners are already taking vital steps to make sure the
needs of their lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and non-binary young people are met.

This guide is designed to support practitioners and volunteers. We want to

make sure that every lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and non-binary young person
feels supported.

Gender identity and non-binary

There are lots of terms associated with gender identity. You can find some of
them in Appendix 1 – Glossary of terms. Don’t get too hung up about knowing
them all, as the terms are fluid. The most important thing when working with
children and young people who are exploring their gender identity is that you
take the same action as you do for all children and young people.

What is gender identity?

A person’s internal, deeply held sense of their own gender.

What is non-binary?
Some people don’t fit into the binary divide. They neither identify as man nor
woman, but somewhere in between. Some may also identify as a mix of man
and woman.

What is gender fluidity?

This is when people move between gender identities or expressions. Such fluidity
may not be permanent.

6
What do we know?
There are lots of children and young people who don’t identify
within the ‘traditional roles’ of society.
We know from our work with young carers, children in care, young people facing
homelessness and family support services that an increasing number of children
and young people are presenting with a gender identity that’s different to when
they were born. How children and young people are affected by gender variance
or gender non-conformity can differ greatly. Some will go through a difficult time
emotionally, while others will not.

Low self-esteem and self-harm can be indicative of a child or young person who
is questioning their gender. But they may not know the cause or might have been
told not to behave in the way they feel most comfortable. This may mean the
young person suppresses how they really feel. People who are questioning their
gender are more likely to attempt suicide, so early intervention is key to long-
term positive outcomes. It’s also important to support young people who don’t
wish to permanently change their gender role.

7
How we support children
and young people
It isn’t easy to know how best to support a young person as
they begin to think about who they are.
Finding the best way to make sure they have everything they need to develop
and flourish can be tricky, too. This is a new area of work for some staff and it
may be one that you don’t feel confident addressing. Like all the work we do to
support families, it’s important to take a non-judgmental and young person
centred approach. For many of the children, young people and parents you
work with, this will also be a new experience. It’s important to remember that
everyone will have a unique set of needs.

As a practitioner, you can increase your knowledge by listening to the child or

young person, discussing issues with your manager, talking with the Gender
Identity Champion for your nation*, and doing research online.
* The Gender Identity Champion (GIC) covers a geographical area of Action for Children and will be the named
contact for staff.

8
A lack of experience shouldn’t stop you from offering support in the same
way you do for any other child or young person.

Every child will face challenges but, if we support them early, they can
better deal with their problems. Early help makes a real difference and
every child deserves it. We can give them the support they need before
they get into difficulties. It’s simple and it works.

Staff should consider the following when supporting gender diverse

young people:

Names and pronouns

A young person may change their name and the pronoun
they use. Some may wish to change their pronoun from ‘he’
to ‘she’ or vice versa. Others, for example a non-binary young
person, may prefer a pronoun that doesn’t relate to male or
female gender, such as ‘they’ or ‘zir’.

A young person may want to be known by this preferred name and

pronoun within your service. In which case, both will need to be used
consistently by you and your team. It’s important to listen to how a
young person wants their name and pronoun shared, and with whom.

Help the young person to understand the impact of sharing their new
pronouns and how some people may react. You can build their confidence
so they’re comfortable sharing these with others, if they like.

A trans young person doesn’t need to go through a ‘legal’ process to be

known by their preferred name (and pronoun). But some young people
may want to change their name on documents, like a bus pass, passport
or bank statements. Any person can change their name by deed poll,
although parental consent is required for under 16s. Once changed,
passports and bank statements can be amended, and exam certificates
will reflect the new name. A young person who wishes to change their
gender on a passport and bank statement can do so with a supporting
letter from a health practitioner. But the assigned gender will remain on
some things, including exam certificates.

9
Uniform and dress
A trans young person may change how they dress or the
uniform they wear to school to reflect their gender identity.
They are more likely to feel comfortable in a school where all approved
uniform items are available to all young people, regardless of gender.
But if there are different uniforms or dress codes for ‘male’ and
‘female’ students, a young person should be able to wear the uniform
items they feel reflect their self-identified gender. A young person
you’re working with may ask you to help them tell their school.

Toilets and changing rooms

A trans young person may wish to use the toilets and changing
rooms of their self-identified gender rather than of their assigned
sex. They should be supported to do so. Services should be made
aware that this is a legal requirement under the Equality Act. Services
should also support trans young people to use gender neutral facilities
or a private space if that’s what they prefer. The most important thing
is to talk to the young person to find out what they want to do.

Sports
A trans young person should be able to play in sports teams
that are consistent with their gender identity, unless there are
reasonable safety concerns. This is unlikely for most sports and age
groups under 18, although staff can get advice from sporting bodies.
Playing in a different sports team or deciding which team to play in
may be a daunting step for a young person. Staff should approach this
sensitively and with care, particularly when supporting a non-binary
young person.

10
Residential trips
Before you book a venue, check whether it has gender
neutral areas. Make sure trans young people can sleep in a
gender-neutral dorm or private space if that’s what makes
them feel comfortable. Trips overseas may need more planning.
Some aspects may cause worry or concern for a trans young
person. This may include their documentation not corresponding
to their self-identified gender, or how they look. Staff should talk
to the young person at the earliest opportunity.

Body anxieties
A trans young person may feel unhappy or distressed about
living with a body they don’t feel reflects their gender identity.
We can help. We can make sure young people know where to find
support and who to talk to. And we can also help to boost their
self-esteem and body confidence.

11
Extra support
Being trans isn’t a mental health issue. But worries about discrimination or
distressing feelings to do with their gender identity may mean that some trans
young people struggle. A trans young person may want to talk to someone if
they have started to transition or if they are confused or unhappy about their
gender identity. Staff can help by providing pastoral support.

They can also suggest counselling or therapy services (see the list of support
agencies in Appendix 1). It’s important to find a mental health professional
who understands gender identity and the experiences of trans young people.
It’s also important to remember that you’re the adult the young person trusts
so, as with any other issue, simply listening and providing basic support is still
really important. You don’t need to be an expert to make a difference – you’ll
learn by listening.

Getting it wrong
If you make a mistake – like using the wrong name or pronoun – it’s important
to acknowledge it. The best thing to do is apologise to the young person and
anybody else present, correct yourself and move on. It’s also important to help
colleagues by correcting them, too, so that everyone is working together. If staff
use the preferred name and pronoun of the trans young person all the time,
rather than only when in the presence of the trans young person, it will help.

Other things to consider

Every young person needs different things to feel comfortable. A young person’s
needs may change, or new situations may come up, so staff will need to take a
flexible approach to support.

A young person who’s already transitioned will need support in these areas.

Lots of things in our services are separated by gender, including toilets, changing
rooms and, sometimes, uniforms. Services may need to make changes where
this is the case, to make sure a trans young person feels safe and comfortable.
This may include, for example, providing toilets that are not gender specific.
Remember that some young people don’t identify as ‘male’ or ‘female’, or may
not feel happy using either ‘male’ or ‘female’ facilities. Many organisations are
taking steps to provide gender neutral facilities – irrespective of whether there
are trans young people in the school or college – to create a more inclusive
environment for everyone.

12
13
Children and young people
with additional needs
Some children and young people may need extra support to
understand and accept their identity. They may also want to
learn about people who are different to them, and understand
that difference should be respected and celebrated.
A child or young person with additional needs is just as likely to question their
gender identity as any other person. Make sure a child or young person’s words
or actions aren’t automatically attributed to their additional learning needs.
For example, clothing types or hair length shouldn’t just be seen as a sensory
need, or behaviours described as a new special interest, fascination, curiosity
or phase. While these may be true, it’s important to listen without judgment so
that any expressions questioning gender identity aren’t dismissed.

It’s hard to understand and express emotions related to gender identity. But it
can be even more difficult for people with communication difficulties. Some
children and young people with additional needs may not see the need to
communicate or understand that others don’t see them in the same way as
they see themselves. This could obviously lead to increased frustration and
anxiety. It could also have a negative impact on wellbeing and mental health.
Offering one-to-one support will give the young person time and space to
explore issues in a non-judgmental way.

14
How we support parents,
carers and the wider family
Parents, carers and other family members may struggle with
their child’s gender identity questions.
Practitioners need to help parents to understand and respect their young
person’s gender identity. A failure to understand their child’s needs may
leads to a safeguarding concern. For example, if a parent causes their child
emotional distress.

It’s important to listen to the child or young person, and to assess the impact
of family life on their wellbeing and safety. As with any other family difficulties,
you’ll be skilled in working with families to sort out problems. With their consent,
work closely with the child or young person’s school or college to reduce any
negative experiences.

There are lots of websites that offer specific support for parents, carers and the
wider family (see Appendix 2). Some areas have support groups for parents, too.

Confidentiality
A person’s status as trans is private. They may not want to share information,
like the details of their transition, with others. Staff should act professionally
and respect confidentiality.

Help the young person to think about how much they feel comfortable disclosing
to others. Staff may have to share information where there is a safeguarding
concern. Where possible, staff should talk to the young person about why this
information needs to be shared and the specific details that will be passed on.
These may include their preferred name and pronoun, for example. Staff should
respect the young people and help them to decide how much they feel comfortable
sharing with others. This includes sharing things with friends and family.

15
Safeguarding
Safeguarding is at the heart of everything we do. Keeping
children, young people and vulnerable adults safe is of
paramount importance.
We follow Action for Children’s policies and procedures, which are part of our
Safeguarding Framework.

When working with transgender,

non-binary or people exploring their
gender identity, it’s important to
remember that the usual safeguarding
processes apply. Like any other
safeguarding concern, staff should
assess the risk in a child centred way.
We should always listen to the child
and make sure that any safeguarding
action we take doesn’t knowingly
place them at greater risk of harm.

Practitioners should also be aware of the risk of emotional and physical abuse.
In some cases, gender identity denial can lead to a parent or carer physically
abusing their child.

We want to improve life for the most vulnerable children, young people and
adults. We do this by offering specialist help that protects children, promotes
opportunity and prevents problems. We also step in early when concerns arise.

We support people in lots of different ways, all over the UK. We run specialist
services for families, support children with disabilities, and help looked after
children and young people. We may have contact with children and young people
who: only use universal services; who don’t use universal services; children in
need – those in receipt of statutory services; children in need of protection; and
looked after children and young people. We also work with vulnerable adults.

We have a duty to safeguard and promote the welfare of children and young
people. We do this in partnership with parents and carers, and other agencies.

16
The primary responsibility for keeping children and young people safe rests with
parents and carers. Our services can help them to look after the wellbeing of
their children and young people, and keep them safe. But there are times when
a referral may need to be made to statutory services, to make sure vulnerable
people are safe.

Everyone who works for Action for Children has a responsibility to keep children
safe and look after their wellbeing. We are all responsible for the quality, efficiency
and effectiveness of our work.

All staff should know the safeguarding duty in our

Code of Conduct:

“ All workers have a duty and shared responsibility to safeguard

and promote the wellbeing of children and young people, by being
responsible for the quality, efficiency and effectiveness of their
work. To reinforce this, the principles of safeguarding children
and young people are embedded in each section of this Code.

Everyone should also be aware of any locally-agreed procedures.

”
If these differ from Action for Children’s procedures, local steps
should be followed in tandem.
• In Northern Ireland, refer to the Safeguarding Board for Northern
Ireland website.
• In Wales, refer to the All Wales Child Protection Procedures.
• In England, refer to the Department for Education website.
• In Scotland, refer to the Scottish government website.

Staff should understand the role of the local statutory safeguarding

service. They should also know how to contact them. This includes
social work and children’s services.

Staff should also be aware of NSPCC resources, like Childline. This is

a free and confidential service for children and young people.
[Link]
Tel: 0800 1111

17
What we do at
Action for Children
We have gender identity champions in every country.
They informally support colleagues. We also have an
award-winning Celebrate LGBT+ staff network and
take part in Pride events all over the UK. Lots of our
staff and volunteers wear a rainbow lanyard, and
we celebrate key LGBT+ days and events, including
LGBT History Month.

18
Appendix 1
Glossary of terms
A about bi people. Biphobic bullying may
be targeted at people who are, or who
Ally
are perceived to be, bi.
A (typically) straight and/or cis person
who supports members of the LGBT+
community. C
Cisgender or Cis
Ace
Someone whose gender identity is the
Ace is an umbrella term used to
same as the sex they were assigned
describe a variation in levels of
at birth. Non-trans is also used by
romantic and/or sexual attraction,
some people.​
including a lack of attraction. Ace
people may describe themselves using Coming out
one or more of a wide variety of terms, When a person first tells someone/
including, but not limited to, asexual, others about their identity as lesbian,
aromantic, demis and grey-As. gay, bi or trans.

​B D
Bi Deadnaming
Bi is an umbrella term used to describe Calling someone by their birth name
a romantic and/or sexual orientation after they have changed their name.
towards more than one gender. This term is often associated with
trans people who have changed their
Bi people may describe themselves
name as part of their transition.
using one or more of a wide variety
of terms, including, but not limited
to, bisexual, pan, queer, and other G
non-monosexual identities.​ Gay
Refers to a man who has a romantic
Biphobia
and/or sexual orientation towards men.
The fear or dislike of someone who
Also a generic term for lesbian and
identifies as bi based on prejudice or
gay sexuality – some women define
negative attitudes, beliefs or views
themselves as gay rather than lesbian.

19
Gender Gender reassignment is a characteristic
Often expressed in terms of masculinity that’s protected by the Equality Act
and femininity, gender is largely 2010, and it’s further interpreted
culturally determined and is assumed in the Equality Act 2010 approved
from the sex assigned at birth. code of practice. It’s a term of much
contention and one that Stonewall’s
Gender dysphoria Trans Advisory Group feels should
Used to describe when a person be reviewed.​
experiences discomfort or distress
because there is a mismatch between Gender Recognition Certificate (GRC)
their sex assigned at birth and their This enables trans people to be legally
gender identity. This is also the clinical recognised in their affirmed gender
diagnosis for someone who doesn’t and to be issued with a new birth
feel comfortable with the sex they certificate. Not all trans people will
were assigned at birth.​ apply for a GRC and you currently have
to be over 18 to apply. You do not need
Gender expression a GRC to change your gender markers
How a person chooses to outwardly at work or to legally change your
express their gender, within the gender on other documents such as
context of societal expectations your passport.​
of gender. A person who does not
confirm to societal expectations of Gillick competence
gender may not, however, identify A term used in medical law to decide
as trans.​ whether a child (under 16) is able
to consent to their own medical
Gender identity treatment, without the need for
A person’s innate sense of their own parental permission or knowledge.
gender, whether male, female or
something else (see non-binary below),
which may or may not correspond to H
the sex assigned at birth.​ Heterosexual (straight)
Refers to a man who has a romantic
Gender reassignment and/or sexual orientation towards
Another way of describing a person’s women or to a woman who has a
transition. To undergo gender romantic and/or sexual orientation
reassignment usually means some towards men.​
sort of medical intervention, but it can
also mean changing names, pronouns,
dressing differently and living in their
self-identified gender.

20
Homosexual L
This might be considered a more
LGBT+
medical term used to describe
The acronym for lesbian, gay, bi
someone who has a romantic and/or
and trans.​
sexual orientation towards someone
of the same gender. The term ‘gay’ is Lesbian
now more generally used.​ Refers to a woman who has a romantic
and/or sexual orientation towards
Homophobia
women.
The fear or dislike of someone, based
on prejudice or negative attitudes,
beliefs or views about lesbian, gay or ​N
bi people. Homophobic bullying may Neurodiverse
be targeted at people who are, or who A concept where neurological
are perceived to be, lesbian, gay or bi. differences are recognised and
respected in the same way as any
I other human difference.​
Intersex Non-binary
A term used to describe a person who An umbrella term for people
may have the biological attributes whose gender identity doesn’t sit
of both sexes or whose biological comfortably with ‘man’ or ‘woman’.
attributes do not fit with societal Non-binary identities are varied and
assumptions about what constitutes can include people who identify with
male or female. Intersex people may some aspects of binary identities,
identify as male, female or non-binary. while others reject them entirely.
Stonewall works with intersex
groups to give its partners and O
stakeholders information about Outed
areas of disadvantage experienced When a lesbian, gay, bi or trans
by intersex people. But it does not, person’s sexual orientation or gender
after discussions with members of the identity is disclosed to someone else
intersex community, include intersex without their consent.
issues as part of its current remit at
this stage.

21
P gender identity. It can also be a way of
rejecting the perceived norms of the
Person with a trans history
LGBT+ community (racism, sizeism,
Someone who identifies as male or
ableism, etc). Although some LGBT+
female or a man or woman, but was
people view the word as a slur, it was
assigned the opposite sex at birth.
reclaimed in the late 1980s by the
This is increasingly used by people to
queer community.
acknowledge a trans past.
Questioning
Pan
The process of exploring your own
Refers to a person whose romantic
sexual orientation and/or gender
and/or sexual attraction towards
identity.
others is not limited by sex or gender.

Passing S
If someone is regarded, at a glance,
Sex
to be a cisgender man or cisgender
Assigned to a person on the basis
woman.
of primary sex characteristics
Cisgender refers to someone whose (genitalia) and reproductive functions.
gender identity matches the sex they Sometimes the terms ‘sex’ and
were ‘assigned’ at birth. This might ‘gender’ are interchanged to mean
include physical gender cues (hair ‘male’ or ‘female’.
or clothing) and/or behaviour that is
Sexual orientation
historically or culturally associated
A person’s romantic and/or sexual
with a particular gender.
attraction to another person.
Pronoun
Words we use to refer to people’s T
gender in conversation – for example,
Trans
‘he’ or ‘she’. Some people may prefer
An umbrella term to describe people
others to refer to them in gender
whose gender is not the same as, or
neutral language and use pronouns
does not sit comfortably with, the sex
such as they/their and ze/zir.
they were assigned at birth.
Trans people may describe themselves
Q using one or more of a wide variety
Queer of terms, including (but not limited
Queer is a term used by those wanting to) transgender, transsexual, gender-
to reject specific labels of romantic queer (GQ), gender-fluid, non-
orientation, sexual orientation and/or binary, gender-variant, crossdresser,

22
genderless, agender, nongender, Transsexual
third gender, bi-gender, trans man, This was used in the past as a
trans woman, trans masculine, trans more medical term (similarly to
feminine and neutrois. homosexual) to refer to someone
whose gender is not the same as, or
Transgender man does not sit comfortably with, the sex
A term used to describe someone they were assigned at birth.
who is assigned female at birth but
identifies and lives as a man. This may This term is still used by some although
be shortened to trans man, or FTM, an many people prefer the term trans or
abbreviation for female-to-male.​ transgender.

Transgender woman
A term used to describe someone who
is assigned male at birth but identifies
and lives as a woman. This may be
shortened to trans woman, or MTF, an
abbreviation for male-to-female.

Transitioning
The steps a trans person may take
to live in the gender with which they
identify. Each person’s transition will
involve different things. For some this
involves medical intervention, such as
hormone therapy and surgeries, but
not all trans people want or are able to
have this.

Transitioning also might involve

things such as telling friends and
family, dressing differently and
changing official documents.

Transphobia
The fear or dislike of someone based
on the fact they are trans, including
the denial/refusal to accept their
gender identity.

23
Appendix 2
Support services

Organisations that offer free online learning and support resources

CEOP
Child Exploitation online: [Link]/professionals/our-views/how-
to-support-lgbt-young-people-to-stay-safe-online/

Support on the new relationships and sex education (RSE) curriculum.

Childline
Really helpful guidance and video chats.

The Childline message boards are also a good way to get support. They show
how other young people are dealing with similar situations.

Childline annual review 2015-16: [Link]/media/1373/childline-

[Link]

Other resources to support transgender young people: [Link]/

info-advice/your-feelings/sexual-identity/transgender-identity/

NSPCC
Provides services and resources to support all children.

Resources of interest that cover issues relating to the abuse of young women and
girls, and the experiences of transgender young people:

“Is this sexual abuse?” A report about children’s experiences of peer sexual abuse:
[Link]/research-resources/2018/is-this-sexual-abuse/

Several organisations can put you in touch with people who

support young LGBT+ people
Stonewall has a section on their website called ‘What’s in my area’. Here you can
find local groups and organisations near you.

24
LGBT+YouthScotland
Resources, posters and guidance can be found at: [Link]

This is Scotland’s national charity for LGBT+ young people, working with 13 to
25-year-olds across the country. The charity also delivers the LGBT+ Charter
programme in schools, organisations and businesses.

Other resources
There are a multitude of useful research resources in the UK, including:

• The Stonewall School Report 2017.

• The LGBT Youth Scotland Report.
• International evidence, including the following reported in this recent GayStar
News article.
• The Samaritans.

Butterfly – an ITV drama – embraces the story of a three-generational family

and exposes the truly extraordinary demands made by everyone. Across three
episodes, viewers see how they all prosper or fall as challenges unfold over time.
Find out more: [Link]/[Link]

Mermaids is a support group for gender variant children and teenagers, and
their families. Their goal is to relieve the mental and emotional stress of young
people under 19 who are affected by gender identity issues. Mermaids also helps
families and educates the public. Find out more: [Link]
Tel: 0808 801 0400 (Monday to Friday, 9am–9pm)
Email: info@[Link]

SEND Support – special educational needs and disability consultant and trainer,
explores how best to support trans or gender questioning autistic pupils in schools
and gives advice and practical support. Find out more: [Link]/
knowledge/insight-opinion/supporting-trans-and-gender-questioning-
autistic-pupils
Email: joebutler@[Link]

Support in Northern Ireland

[Link]

25
Action for Children
3 The Boulevard
Ascot Road
Watford
WD18 8AG

0300 123 2112

[Link]

Registered charity nos. 1097940/SC038092

Company no. 4764232
© Action for Children 2020. 1166.