Reporting Without Harm Image Library -
hosted by the Aotearoa Media Foundation
These images have been developed to support news media stories on family
violence and sexual violence. They show different aspects of intimate partner
violence (IPV) and other situations where there is a power imbalance and violence
against women can happen.
Violence against women is about control – a person using violence on their partner
will use many different tactics to control and coerce that person. Physical violence is
only one tactic.
Many New Zealanders still think family violence is ‘the bash’. We hope these
illustrations will help people understand more about the subtle ways a person can
control and coerce a person they are in a relationship with.
The images reflect statistics in New Zealand that show that men are more likely to be
the perpetrator of IPV, workplace and dating violence and women are more likely to
be the victim.
Credits
Owned by Aotearoa Media Foundation
Creative work by Typface
Captions
Image 1 and 2 – isolate from friends and family
Isolation is a common form of control in IPV relationships. The controlling person will
make it difficult for their partner to interact with people who could intervene or
provide support for the person who is being controlled. They may do this in a
number of ways – behaving badly when friends and family visit, getting angry when
their partner talks to other people in a social setting, especially if they talk to other
men, always being present when their partner is talking to people outside the
relationship.
Image 3 and 4 – driving fast to scare a partner and gain control
Driving fast and dangerously is a common tactic for gaining instant control over a
partner and taking charge of the situation. The passenger will feel they have to do
what the driver wants them to, or they will be hurt.
Image 5 and 6 – revenge text
Social media channels are an increasingly common way for a person to control their
partner or ex-partner. They can be used to spread damaging and untrue information
about a person or share information that was private to the relationship. This causes
distress to the person who has been exposed and can isolate them from their friends
and family who they turn to for support.
Image 7 and 8 – control overall spending
Controlling the money is another way to maintain dominance in a relationship. The
controlling person may hold all the bank accounts and bank cards, require receipts to
be provided so they can examine them, or limit the money their partner has access
to. This makes it much harder for the person being controlled to get help or leave
the relationship and whittles away their independence.
Image 9 and 10 – you can’t do anything right
A controlling person will create an environment where they undermine and wear
down their partner with constant criticism and belittling. The controlled person will
never know if what they do or say is going to be met with a positive or negative
response, so they become anxious and fearful of always doing the wrong thing. The
voice of the person controlling them gets inside their head.
Image 11 and 12 – you owe me
A controlling person may use sex and affection as a weapon and demand their
partner do what they want ‘or else’. They may also withdraw sex and affection until
they get what they want.
Image 13 and 14 – abuse via technology
In the modern world there are multiple opportunities for a person to control their
partner by the way they use technology or by preventing their partner from using
technology. Some examples are monitoring their partner’s phone and email and
social media accounts.
Image 15 and 16 – harassment in a position of power
The same power and control dynamic can happen in the workplace as in an intimate
partner relationship. The controlling person will use their status over another person
to control and coerce them and make them do or say things they don’t feel
comfortable doing but feel they have to do or there will be negative consequences.
As in intimate partner relationships, this often plays out with a man using his power
against a women employee and can involve sexual favours.
Image 17 and 18 – dating relationships
Controlling and coercive behaviour can happen in a dating relationship even if it has
only just begun. There are many ways this can happen with all the technology
available and many people using dating sites to meet prospective partners. Some
examples are using drugs or alcohol to enable sexual assault and misrepresenting
their identity or making threats online.
Image 19 and 20 – outfit shame
Telling a partner what to wear, what not to wear or criticising and making fun of what
they do wear are all tactics a controlling person might use to belittle and undermine
their partner.
Image 21 and 22 – not able to seek help
There are many ways a controlling person can stop their partner seeking help – by
monitoring their phone and internet conversations, never letting them be alone with
other people, behaving badly so no-one comes to the house, telling people she is
crazy and lying.
Image 23 and 24 – tracking browser history
Stalking is a very common tactic used by controlling people on their partners and
ex-partners. These days this often takes the form of checking their partner’s browser
history to see what they have been doing and if they’ve been trying to get help or talk
about what’s happening in the relationship. The browser might be checked after
every time it’s used.
