P o w e r f o r L i v i n g

How To Bring My
Child To Surrender
A Step By Step Guide
By: Sally Hohnberger
Most simply said is ... Take your child to Christ to b. Unaided by God, surrender will be outward
be changed in mind and heart! only and will not effect a change of heart.
Next most simply put ... It requires ... 2. Subjection (yielding/surrendering) to God is
1. The parent is to be surrendered themselves ... restoration to oneself. Romans 6:22; Galatians
That means to be ... In Christ ... Consistent ... With no 5:1; Ephesians 1:4
a. The Bible sums up surrender this
variableness. way... "Not my will but Thine be
2. Time with God & His instructions daily. Prayer, done." Luke 22:42. Christ's example
study & objective reasoning from cause to effect to is for us and our children...this is
know how to approach child training & changing with the way.
b. True surrender will be seen in a
Christ. change of attitudes, countenances,
3. Call the child to a decision to do right. dispositions, actions, even thoughts.
4. Making the decision with Christ. c. Some will surrender sooner, some
5. Parent is to reward obedience ... And give conse- later. It depends upon the individual
child's mind coming to the point of
quences for disobedience until they surrender to Christ surrender.
and do the right. d. All children have to be convinced
For greater detail consider the following in- that ... there is no other way (Law of
formation for help: the Mind).
e. This is why it requires our consistency
Principles we must first understand: in child rearing, rules of the house,
1. Unaided by God we cannot change ourselves and rules of conduct ... No variable-
in heart, in thoughts or feelings. Job 14:4; ness in us ... is essential. Make no
Jeremiah 13:23. compromise with evil (selfishness).
Eph. 5:11
a. The gospel (the power) to live right ... Can f. Government on the parent's part is
not be seen unless we bring the child to done without the fleshly ways of
Christ in order for Him to change their harshness and anger.
heart ... 3. Cooperation with Christ is man's greatest
need ... Romans 8

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 a. Expulsion of sin is the act of the soul God's hands to do the work
itself. Romans 6:13; Matthew 11:12. which we cannot do ...
The child has a part to play. change the heart.
b. Trust and obey for there is no other iv. It requires our effort in sur-
way ... The child must do battle with render, denying and con-
the "self" that strives to rule in him. trolling the wrong, as well
He must choose to yield and say "no" as efforts to do the right, in
to self and "yes" to parent/God. order for God to apply His
4. From birth, he can learn and experience Christ creative power. John 2:5.
through the Holy Spirit subduing self - selfish- 7. Obedience is the first lesson.
ness - sin in whatever form it shows itself. a. We are to teach (deal with the mind ...
a. The Holy Spirit communicates to the giving information),
understanding of the child whatever b. We are to train (deal with the will of
age the child ... surrender ... seeing to it
b. Read Luke 2 and see he does what he knows is right).
how the Spirit communi- c. This lesson is the foundation of the
cated with John when he Christian life as well as parenting.
was in his mother's
womb.
c. Can God communicate
God will not d. God requires us to work in this way
with our children, not expect God to
do it.
with my child? Of
course. Will my child
yield and surrender to
do for us 8. Must understand the law of the mind—
a. When a desired object is so firmly
denied as to remove all hope, the
His leading?
5. I must be in Christ myself be-
fore I can bring my child to
what we mind will soon cease to long for it,
and will be occupied in other pursuits.
But as long as there is any hope of
Christ to be changed success-
fully. John 17:19.
a. My experience + exam-
can do for obtaining the desired object, an effort
will be made to obtain it.
b. Their selfish will, will not yield until it
ple is vitally important so
I can teach them.
b. Our children mirror/
ourselves is convinced ... there is no other way!
9. Must see that firmness is of God.
a. The way of the transgressor is hard...
reflect our counte- Prov 13:15
nance, example, surrender + Chris- b. Study to know!... Lev 26 ... Eccl
tian experience. 8:11 ... Prov 13:24 ... Prov 22:15 ...
c. The parent must be continually ask- Prov 23:13 ... Prov 29:15
ing Acts 9:6 ... "Lord, what wilt c. We must come to see that a bal-
Thou have me to do?" At every ance of firmness, decision, positive
step of teaching, training and disci- requirements are essential in deal-
plining my child, Christ must be with ing with our children at all ages.
me. d. God will not do for us, what we can
6. We are merely willing laborers with God. 1 do for ourselves.
Corinthians 3:9 e. Even kindness must have its limits.
a. As He directs us to an inside work— Authority must be sustained by a firm
discerning and restraining wrong severity, or it will be received by many
thoughts, desires, feelings or disposi- with mockery and contempt. The so-
tions and cultivating in good ones. called tenderness, the coaxing and
b. Or as God directs us to an outside the indulgence, used toward youth by
work—correcting wrong words, counte- parents and guardians is the worst
nances, actions, habits or behaviors evil which can come upon them.
and cultivating good ones in their Firmness, decision, positive require-
place. ments, are essential in every family. 2
c. Our work is to cooperate with what- Kings 2:23, 24
ever God brings to our attention. f. Be a Berean to know the balance.
i. Cooperating with Him allows See Acts 17:11.
God to change us and our 10. If simple discipline and restraint does not
child internally and externally. work reform in our child's heart and we are
ii. As we do the right, God cre- prayerfully being guided by God through
ates in us new dispositions, this process ... then we must subdue the
desires, thoughts, feelings wrong by the severest means necessary ...
which produce new behaviors. The parent remaining surrendered in Christ.
iii. Our cooperation frees Study the history of Eli and his sons and
 learn from his mistakes. 1 Samuel 2:12- unwisely to old ways, thoughts and feelings, they are
4:22 strangely comfortable to him. They are familiar with
the reign of selfishness, they need to experience the
Specifics in Bringing an Unruly Child to Surrender other side.
7. To know one's self is a great knowledge. Will we
1st: The Parent's Surrender ... take them to Christ?
8. Are you surrendered to see this battle small or
1. First step is personal surrender of the parent to great, through to the end, surrendering continually to
Christ. I must be in Christ, my "self" surrendered to do Christ yourself? Leaving off harshness and anger by
His way and will before I can bring my child to Christ. grace ruling in you?
Am I surrendered to do whatever God asks me to do?
Will I persevere to do hard things rightly, in Christ? 2nd: The Child's Surrender ...
2. Disciplining ourselves to ask God ... "Lord what wilt
thou have me to do?" Acts 9:6 Guide my 1. The parent calls the child to surren-
thoughts, help me be balanced in justice
(firmness) and mercy (compassion). We
are all unbalanced to one side or the
Lord, der ... tell him he has done wrong ...
speak specifically and briefly that they
see and understand what you expect of
other. Only in a surrendered position in
Christ will we find the balanced approach what them. (Like ... you may not cry).
2. The parent tells the child simply what
that will bring our child to a surrender in
Christ.
3. In correcting, instructing, and disciplin-
would Thou he is to do instead. (Like ... you can
choose to be happy).
3. The parent encourages them that
ing our child, we need divine power to
attend our human efforts, because Eph have me to through Christ they can obey and do right.
They have a choice ... Lets go to Jesus,
6:12 ... "we are not warring against flesh
and blood but ..." Bringing my child to
Christ requires effort and consistency on
do? your best friend, so He can help you ... I
love you too much to let you disobey ...
(Like ... you can choose to stop crying
my part! and be happy with Jesus).
4. We must recognize and discern the child is not 4. This calls the child to a decision ... its a call to self-
happy when serving self ... when having his own denial + self-control ... To obey he must strive to stop
way ... when he's ruled, dominated and subjected to crying ... his cooperation is essential ... Jesus will
selfishness ... or when stubborn "my way" attitudes change you if you trust and obey. ... If he does not
dominate. We must also recognize it usually requires choose to stop ... he'll argue ... excuse self ... etc. Par-
motivation for self to choose to let God dethrone the ents - he has chosen! ... Not to decide is to decide.
"self" in them. The stronger the rule of "self" that 5. Lord what would thou have me to do? Both you
reigns in the child, the harder and longer will be the and the child need to develop this habit of filtering all
conflict if the child becomes resistive. Remember through Christ to know what he'd have you to do, now.
also ... "With God all things are possible." So parent's Anything short of this is independence from God ... and
we must get with and in Christ. is destine to failure.
5. Recognize self is use to ruling in the child and youth 6. Take the child to prayer ... Assure him of his need
that you are dealing with. And a call to surrender may of a connection with Christ ... of cooperating with Christ
awaken a conflict ... self will strive to remain in that in doing the right ... God cannot and will not do for us,
ruling position to which it is accustomed. Satan will what we can do of ourselves ... This is not comfortable
use all his sophistry to ... inspire the child to justify him- or welcomed to the child's flesh or thoughts where they
self wrongly ... or stubbornly persist in his way ... or are crossed ... Expect resistance but then cry out to
argue unreasonably with you. God to lead you in the battle that will ensue whether
6. Your child's need is to experience Christ ... to have easy or hard. God will direct the battle to victory ... if
his self subdued ... he needs experience putting his you let Him lead!
will on Christ’s side ... and Christ transforming his feel- 7. Once the child understands what you expect from
ings, thoughts, desires and finding joy in obedience him the following 4 step sequence should be repeated
through Christ. Often the child clings tenaciously and
until surrender is gained with Christ. 1 - Bring him to a sin to God (confession) ...do this simply and briefly ...
decision. 2 - Observe his demeanor, countenance, then ask God for grace to help them choose and do
disposition, or reaction ... you must make a judgment, right ... Now they have to get up and do the right. Ac-
a decision aided with Christ ... what should I do next tions follow decisions.
Lord? 3 - Whether its ... prayer as the next step ... a 4. Encourage right choices. Remind them of the cost
need for a physical consequence of work ... time of sin ... the joy of obedience.
alone ... a spanking ... encouragement to choose ... 5. Reward right ... or ... give appropriate conse-
appropriate praise ... as God leads you through your quences for wrong.
conscience and reason. God knows what will effect a 6. If the child persists in disobedience ... if he lacks
surrender to you. Inquire of God. 4 - Now a reward for surrender ... is resentful under restraint after the con-
his choice of obedience (praise, special reward of time sequence is given ... Then repeat this sequence ...
with mother doing some little task together etc) ... or ... until ... surrender is effected with Christ. Christ will be
a consequence, in place of a reward, for disobedience. evident if He was allowed in the child's heart, in his
Remember the way of the transgressor is hard! Are we disposition.
teaching our child that this is so in their life? It is our 7. When surrender has been accomplished ... Make
duty to teach and train our child that there are conse- them aware of the happy heart they now have ... give
quences to doing or choosing evil (getting our own way God the credit for the miracle. Sooner or later that
against God/parent's known will and way). day, as God directs you ... bring home the lesson of
8. Surrender to us must be trained, in order for them the joy of obedience and the misery of disobedience.
to understand the way to surrender to Christ as a Chris- The heaviness of consequences is a consequence of
tian must. Didn't Christ's life demonstrate a life of sur- their unwillingness to surrender. How much easier it
render to His Heavenly Father's way and will? ... Our would be to do right rather than persist stubbornly in
child must learn he can give his wrong feelings, selfishness. Make them aware that Satan is controlling
thoughts, inclinations and selfish ways or want to God them when in disobedience ... and Satan's rule is
and God will effect a change in their hearts, feelings heavy and hurtful to everyone. God will instruct you
and desires ... only when the child himself consents parent, when you have learned to be sensitive to those
and cooperates in doing right. Otherwise it won't holy influences leading you. My sheep hear my
change ... They must come to see ... there is always a voice ... John 10:3-5,16.
cost to sin and selfishness ... it always has a price!
God bless you and lead you, as you bring your chil-
9. Once surrender is achieved here. The child must go
dren to Christ to be changed!
and do the right over the wrong way that brought you to
this corrective procedure. For example ... he washes Power for Living
the dishes cheerfully and thoroughly ... He speaks a
kind word to the sibling he sassed to before ... She
apologizes to the sibling she hit and now she serves
that sibling by doing cheerfully one of his chores, or
some other kind act of service ... Getting them to act
out the right in the place of the wrong way, you are
developing right habits to replace the evil, selfish hab-
its. Rom 12:21. And God always blesses right doing
as it is In Jesus. This publication is available free of charge, and is sent out
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