eEDPS DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC. ESTABLISHED BY MEMBERS OF THE DRAMATISTS GUILD (OF THE AUTHORS LEAGUE OF AMERICA, fore HANDLING OF THE ACTING RIGHTS OF MEMBERS’ PLAYS end ‘THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF THE AMERICAN THEATRE, £440 Pack Avene South, Ney York, NY 10016 www.dramatists.com THE ALIENS wANNIE BAKER ORIGINAL MUSIC AND LYRICS BY MICHAEL CHERNUS, PATCH DARRAGH and ERIN GANN * DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE INC.crn. auzens opeigh 820, Rie Baker SSA Seatac ee Mra ir Mina Fie Rha” "Th Fg, opt 8 200, kt Chern, Puc De Al igh Reeve (CAUTION. Pf and ata hoy aed dh peers o THE ALIENS ac pose ola coe Ev fly aed ons cpp al tl Ss sgl a ‘Sawin ent te ero Copraghs Un feng ee Daraninn ef Cnn art SERGE Comins alfa ces oven yi Senta Cony ree ied Cpa Coren Bae Caren mdf acon oeh ih he ed Sas ‘Gedga ms, tien mn pie ey bdo Seeger il eg peelongalmbade ce alee nection sn Username te canta tnd ati ng ee porno te a gfrenlnon re ace Per ena [Bool snihe man ofp, pmusion a les ar rsa ego ng ‘he Engh ngage sce ad amc age psomanc ss th Used Sus ein. sewers and Cas for THE ALIENS See ee bby DRAMATISTS PLAY Ed ah ge A ls ein ep Bansal ete peeeen ag nae elie pn ot RAMA ra eee ps ae Ing cncoing sl te sigh hl bearer Cen ie Ages, 162 Fits veo, nec Rew Yo NY 1010 aes Ch i i rawion snore rin gee SER te Sia Hen ced dee encour tear Mas Soe png Ba ses pc tat be cg eatnpe es eta ege trenches gamete Re Signi autres = ice ep on er aac eee ame THE ALIENS Sphere Be ‘he flenng elaoleamene mur spear wheres gd whee is da dae ead jordans of pe paw rp dance a nat Maca rity Michel Che, Poh Dah nd Bin Gan Tg flog snenens maseparon ee pens mame de omen wh puts of he a ‘Wolpe of THE ALIENS pote by Rll Peri Thee “THE ALIENS wa derlapds in pa wih nos em he Ora ‘progam of The ching Gomnetangesee ‘att bts ot ps pet mci Fefoenines Se Pay a cae ‘Word and is ati hd Pers Spe, 0 — coo pits eT nh at eR ig abi eomace ox Pt SPECIAL NOTE ON REHEARSAL Ci ‘upg Dang ie he gh Fo ise dough he Pay Serve fr S000 png ———— For everyone outside Rao’ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Many thanks to Ratclestick Playwrights Theater, Ars Nova, The Orchard Project, Mac Wellman, Sam Gold, Pete Seeger, Ludwig ‘Wittgenstein, and The Greens. ‘The world premiere of THE ALIENS was produced by Rattlestick. Playwrights Theater in New York in 2010. Ie was directed by Sam Gold; the ser design was by Andrew Lieberman; che costume design was by Bobby Frederick Tilley Il; the lighting design was by “Tyler Micoleau, the sound design was by Bart Fasbender; the prop design was by Eugenia Furneaux-Arends; the technical director was Brian Smallwood; the assistant technical director was Tan Heitaman; the assistant director was Will Wiseheart; the lighting programmer was Chris Thielkifg; the production stage manager ‘was Nicole Bouclier; and the assistant stage manager was Rebecca Spinac. ‘The cast was as follows: JASPER... ven Brin Gann KJ sone «Michael Cheraws EVAN . Dane DeHaan ‘THE ALIENS was developed, in part, with assistance from the Orchard Project, a program of The Exchange.CHARACTERS JASPER, 31 Kj, 30 EVAN, 17 NOTES About the pauses and the silences: This is important: ‘Ac lease a third — if not half — of chis play is silence. Pauses should be atleast three full seconds long. Silences should last fiom five to ten seconds. Long pauses and long silences should, of course, be even longer. ‘An intermission is absolutely necessary for about ten different reasons. Each act should run around 50-55 minutes. ‘Two more things: “Andrea” is pronounced “Ahn-DREY-2.” A lash (/) indicates where the next speech begins. Ky. THE ALIENS ACT ONE Scene One The desolate back patio of a coffee shop in Vermont. A recycling bin. A trash bin, A "PLEASE USE THE FRONT ENTRANCE” sign. Jesper and KJ are sitting in the sun at a lone pienie table their fet up on plastic chairs. KJ has « beard and long hair pulled into a mesy bun. Jasper bas shorter hair and simmers swith quier rag He wears sweatpants and sandals Jasper is smoking. KY is drinking a to-go cup of tea A long silence. Bvensually KJ start singing 10 himself I WON'T, WASTE AWAY WONDERING WHY I WON'T GO DOWN LIKE THAT IE 1 DIE TIME MACHINES WERE MADE FOR ME I BELIEVE IMPOSSIBILITIES ARE WHAT YOU PERCEIVE‘TRIPLE-DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR ‘TRIPLE-DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR ‘TRIPLE-DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR Clasper smokes. A pause.) KJ. IM A MARTIAN MASTERPIECE FROM ANOTHER DIMENSION TIME AND SPACE WEREN'T MEANT FOR ME. NO [’M NOT DOWN WITH THAT. ‘TRIPLE DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR ‘TRIPLE DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR ‘TRIPLE DIMENSIONAL SUPERSTAR, lasper smokes. A long silence. KJ drinks his tea. Them:) KJ. Remember Orion? (lasper nods.) KJ. He starced a wind farm. ‘Near Marshfield (lasper exhales.) JASPER. What does that mean he started a wind farm? Kj. He started a wind farm. He lives on a wind farm. JASPER. Wind farm like the big / white — KJ. The big white spinay things. Pause.) ‘With like the — on top of a mountain or something. JASPER. Arent those owned by the government? KJ. [don't know. He lives on one. JASPER. Yeah, but its not... it's just like a bunch of wheels by the side of the road KJ. Yeah. Pause.) JASPER. So how does he live on one? 8 KJ._He juse does. JASPER. Who told you that? KJ. ... Eli Casper sighs and stubs ove bis cigarette. KJ watches him, worried Another long silence.) 4, Hey. Ub. Do you wanna talk about i? Or would you rather just, uh JASPER. Andrea? (KJ nods.) JASPER, Not ally. (KE nods again. A pause.) JASPER. She's crazy, man. (KY nods again A pase.) JASPER. es sad. I mean, is really fucking sed. A pause.) ‘There's accually something wrong with her. KJ. Like — JASPER. Like bordedine paranoia or something. Some kind of psychological issue. (J nods) JASPER. So it KJ. Cool, JASPER. And ah ... I don't know. She played. games, you know? She was into erat shit. She was into Power. And like ... part of me found ic atcrative but ic was also really / wh — KJ. That's no: good, man. JASPER. And uh ... you know her thing was like ... that she didn't have a personality anymore? ‘That she'd like “lost her personality.” In the shadow of my actually kind of a relief. Ir feels like a relief.But the hilarious ching is that she was the one who like fuck- ing glued herself to my hip. I didn't need that, man. Necessarily. Bur she made us char. While like still attempring co fuck with my head the whole time and make me feel like shit. (A parse, KJ nods again, ata los. Jasper lights another cigarente) KJ. Tm sorry, JASPER. Dor't say youre sorry. Ies a good thing (Pause) I dont need co talk about it (Pause.) actually feel bad for her. (KT watches Jasper who stokes and refices to look at KJ. After @ while KY starts squinting up at the sun and opening his mouth a litle) JASPER. What're you doing? KJ. (Still squinting) Trying co sneeze. JASPER. What is that / supposed to — KJ. Iehelps you sneeze. Looking at the sun helps you sneeze. Gasper watches KJ try 10 sneeze for a while. KJ is wnsuscesfi. Brcnually he gos back to sipping his tx. & long silence. Jasper sud- denly kicks a plastic chair over. Ie makes terrible noise.) KJ Whaa, (Five seconds later, she back door tothe coffe shop opens. Evan peeks bis head out the door, sees them, then steps outside, in bis white apron. Evan is sevenieen and in a constant state of humiliation.) EVAN. Hey. Um... (Gasper and KJ regard him coldly) EVAN. Hey 10 We're not allowed t0, uh .. (Pawse,) Did you guys just kick that chair over? (lasper and KJ do not respond. Evan waits, in agong, then:) EVAN. Um. So. Were not allowed to ... people aren't actually supposed to sit owt here. Tes uh, it’ like a staff area, You're supposed to sit at the tables out front. JASPER, Who are you? EVAN. Um. P'm Evan. JASPER. You new here? EVAN. Uh ... yeah KJ. We know Rehna. EVAN. ... Okay (Pause) KJ. Rabna lets us sit out here EVAN. Um. Olay. Uh. Because I wat told that we should not, um ... that undet no / condition — JASPER. What's yout last name? EVAN. Shelmesdine. KJ. Shelmer JASPER. ... "Cause you look like this giel I know. You look like you could be her younger brother. (Bean doesn's know what s0 say.) JASPER. Emily EVAN. Okay. Cool. Yeah, I don't have a sister named Emily. JASPER. Her last name is Spencer. Pause.) EVAN. Um ... would it be okay with you guys to move out front? °Cause it’s my second day working here, and I really don’t want 10 get in, um, trouble, i(They both look at him and do not move. Foan stands shere for a while, Like 10 seconds. Everyone is very still) (Finally Evan suvns around and walks back inside, After a while.) KJ. Docs it feel hot co you? Like especially hot’ Gesper doesn't respond.) KJ. Is ie supposed co be this hot in June? JASPER. Ie July. KJ. Oh yeah? JASPER. July second. (Pause.) KJ. He was like twelve. That kid. (Pause) July second. That makes sense. "Cause the other night I heard like ... preparations or whatever People were like setting off fireworks in thei backyard. Pause.) Have you noticed that? That everybody always starts practic- ing like the week before the Fourth of July? Why do they need to practice? (Pause,) Dont they just light i? (fasper doesis answer. He toucher the pack of cigarettes in bis pocket ‘He drurns his fingers om the table. After a while, be gets up, rights the plastic chair he kicked over, and sits back down, J basks in the sun.) (Blackout) 12 Scene Two The next dy. KY is sitting by himself at the table. He has another to-go cup of tea. Fle removes the tea bag from his eup, opens it, pours ‘outa little bit ofthe tea onto the plastic table, removes a tiny packet from his pocket, and refills che tea bag with the con tents of the tiny packet. Somewhere during this carefud operation Evan comes out the back door tx his apron, beleaguered, dragging a huge garbage bag behind him. He sees KJ, ries to figure out whether or not to say anything, then lifts up the lid of the garbage bin and dumps the garbage bag. in. . AY surns around, sees him, waves cheerfill, and then goes ‘back t0 his reabag surgery. oan fr lack ofa ester rapa, aes back Then be wipes his hands ox bis apron and watches KJ. After a while: EVAN. Dont you mind the smell back here? KJ. (Nor looking sg.) Cant smell a ching, my brother. Pause.) EVAN. ... So Rahna doesnt actually work here anymore (No response. KJ wits the new tea bag together and puts it back in bis cup. Then he takes a small wooden stirrer out of his pocket and starts stirring. Evan looks at the mess on the table.) 13 | IEVAN. What are you doing? KJ. Concocting. (KT blows om the tea, then tastes it. He smiles.) KJ. Taste ic (Goan looks dubious, shen walks forward, takes the oup and takes a siny sip. He nods and hands it back. A pause.) KJ. You go to SHS? EVAN. Yes. I mean. I have one more year left KJ. Is Me. Amato still around? EVAN. (Nervously glancing back towards the door.) Yeah. Um. I bad him for World Civ this past year. He's cool, KJ. T hate that guy. (Evan doesn't know how so respond.) KJ. Hes still there? (Evan nods.) KJ. Ob fuck. Someone needs to fucking kill chat guy. That guy ruined my life. Shit. Just thinking about him makes me wanna like strangle a facking animal, Oh man! ‘Thar guy is such a bitch! (sips his ta and tres 0 calm down. Evan hovers fara moment, not suure what 10 do, and then goes back inside. The door shuts bebind bin “KY sts by brnself fora while, He drinks bis tea. Then KJ sakes out bis cell phone and dial. After a pause.) KJ. Where are you. Pause.) Ab yes. (Pause) You are on fire, my friend. 14 (fle listens while we hear Jaspers voice, quiee at frst, got louder and louder as be approaches the patio from a distance and then arrives, dra ‘matically sealingpushing his way ehrough any fonceslhrubs in bis way.) JASPER, ... and then T realized that he goes to California, And he dives up the coast. And he's gor like five bucks to his name but back then that was like fifty bucks. And he drives, right, he drives up the coast and he sees the ocean for the firse time in his life. And then he drives tc Big Sur. Which is where ... thar’ where Henry Miller lived. Gasper bas now reached KJ. They see each other and snap their cell phones shut.) JASPER. So Miller's gonna be a character. KJ. No shit. JASPER. Very minor. But he makes an appearance. Gesper bas off Fs backpack and sits down. He looks at the mess on the table.) : JASPER. Shroom tea? J. Myfriendmyfriend, (esper sits down and takes ous his cigarettes. He lights one. He seems wound up.) (They sit there. Beentually KY starts singing.) XI, ‘TWO FIXED POINTS IS A CONSTANT ‘TWO FOCAL POINTS ARE THE SAME POINT ECCENTRICITY IS IDENTICAL ‘THE X-AXIS IS PERPENDICULAR ‘THE GRAPH DRAWN IS LATERAL THE EQUATION IS LITERAL, WRITE THE EQUATION IN INTERCSPT FORM 15RATIO IS SYMMETRY Is CONSTANT Is SYMMETRY THE TURNING POINT IS ALSO THE AXIS OF SYMMETRY EQUIDISTANT FROM THE FOCUS ‘AN ELLIPSE ISTHE LOCUS THE ECCENTRICITY OF THE ELLIPSE IS BLOSSOMED LOTUS Jasper smokes aginatedly and stares off into she distance. Afier a while Ge due of hs cer, es downs on the grind on bis back, and ele- nates bis legs om bis plastic chair) KJ. ... Back problems. JASPER. Oh yeah? KJ, Islept on it weird. A long pause. Jasper smokes. Suddenly) JASPER. Did you know that Andrea starced dating that guy? You did, didnt you? You dont have to hide it from me or anything. 'm actually happy about it. (Pause) KJ. Watt, what?! JASPER. She’ dating that guy. Sprocket. She's dating a guy named Sprocket. KJ. Thad no ides, JASPER. Irs cool ifyou did, man. KJ. [had No Fucking Idea. I swear to god. (Passe) ‘Who's Sprocket?! JASPER. The tall guy? With the hair? Ar Noahs party? (Pause) He makes his own pants? KJ. Oh god. 16 JASPER. He takes like thar fucking Chinese kimono cloch and sews is om pan or something ard eserbody males big focking del about it? KJ. Oh man. (Pence) Sprocket. Gosper stubs ou his cigarette.) JASPER. His real name is probably like Barnaby ot something. KJ. Ha, Yes, JASPER. So you didn’t know. KJ._... I did not know. JASPER, She called me to tell me. Last night. “In case I saw them together.” (Short passe.) Tm telling you, it ended up being one of the best nights of my. life. Twas just doing nothing, fucking staring out the window, and then I get this phone call, and she has this like haughty tone, and she's like telling me that... Hold on. Jasper suddenly leans forusard, vets his elbow on bis knees, and bows bis head. K], who is sill ying on his back, lifts his head up a litele and peers one) KJ. Are you okay? JASPER. Yeaa. I just had to, like, breathe. KJ. Whoa. JASPER. T feel fantastic, though (RY, bis bead sill raised, continues to peer over at Jasper, but after a ade while his neck ges tired and he puts his ead back down. Jasper takes a deep breath and collects himself) JASPER. Wow. Thae was like a crazy head rush-slash-heart attack Okay. So she calls me and delivers The Big News or whatever in the most condescending freakish manner possible, and I call her a v7 aycant, which, if you recall, was like the big no-no word in our rela- sionship, and she says “You promised never to call me thar again” and [ say “ARE YOU ACTUALLY LISTENING TO YOURSELF” and I hang up. ‘And then for like five minutes I'm like ... Worst five minutes of my life ‘Actually, No. Nor the worst five minutes of my life. Bad, though. KJ. Whar were the worst five minutes of your life? JASPER. (ignoring him.) BUT THEN. remember something Your. Fucking, Mother. Told me. Over dinner KJ. Sandy Jano?! JASPER. I remember something Sandy Jano told me. She said it Tike chtee years ago. When I crashed on your couch. KJ. Oh yeah. JASPER. [was like talking to her about how I was always like get- ting kicked out of places and like sleeping on floors or whatever and she was like: chs, ub, cis in-berween state, this being unstable or whatever, iF you accept / it — KJ. Oh man. Was she talking about her Gender stuff? JASPER. No. No. She was like: the stare of just having lose some- thing is like the most enlightened stare in the world. (KY is silent) JASPER. And I thought of that lasc night, and all ofa sudden 1 fele like incredible, T was simultancously like being otbbed in the heare over and over again with this, like, devil knife, but I also fele euphoric. ‘And then I sat down and I wrote like ewenty pages: KJ. In one night? JASPER. And they were like ... che book just... it just switched in a torally different direction. He leaves lowa City! The whole thing was supposed to take place in Towa City and he leaves! He's goin’ to Californiat (Panse.) KJ. Awesome, 18 (RE lifts his legs off the chair and tries to bring his knees down to his ches wish some dificulsy. Jasper ying to hide his disappointment at KJ lack of a response, takes out anovher cigarette and lights it, Euan comes out the backdoor with a final bag of rash, no apron on, erip- pled under the weight of a huge LL. Bean backpack.) JASPER, Shelmerdine! (Euan nods, trying to look dignified, and dhrows the bag into the donpiten) si ees JASPER. How are you today, Shelmerdine? EVAN. Um. Iim good, Takin’ off. JASPER. You done already? EVAN. Um. Yeah. 8 0 3. JASPER. ... You smoke? EVAN. Um. Oceasionaly. don't know. JASPER. Want one? EVAN, fir slecing bend hm at be doo) TES Pehle ball eer freee of confsion, Baan remembers what to do, leans “forward, ‘al, ce eta poms Cake Gat gen bck in a while:) KJ. Will someone please pass the psilocybin tea? (Jasper ignores him.) KJ. Will someone please pass the psilocybin rea? (Casper takes KY'scup of tea and carefily pours it out onto the ground.) EVAN. What’ psilocybum?JASPER. He's obsessed with incorporating shrooms into every food group. KJ. Shroom karaoke. (KJ laughs, No one elte does.) EVAN. Wait. That tea has mushrooms in i@ Peychedelic mushrooms? Gasper nods.) EVAN. He gave me some. He made me drink some! JASPER. How much? EVAN, Like a whole sip. JASPER. Youre fine. EVAN. Shic! JASPER. You're fine. EVAN. Do I seem weitd? JASPER. Do you feel weird? (A pause while Boan tries 0 gauge if be fils weird.) EVAN. No, I dont know. JASPER. You're fine. (Pause) EVAN. My friend grew up in Medfield? Massachusetts? And he said there was this guy at his school who like ate a bunch of shrooms and then tied his own hands w «vaiatos (Pause) ‘And then they melted off KJ. iil on his back.) Urban myth. (Euan throws his cigareste on the ground and stubs it ous with his sneaker, with some difficulty.) EVAN. Ub. I should probably head home. (Pause.) : ‘Um, What are your names? [Fyou don't mind me asking. 20 JASPER. I'm Jasper (They both lok over at KJ. His eyes ave closed ) JASPER. And thar’ KJ. EVAN. Cool. Um. Cool. Yeah Um. If you guys like ...iflike my manager like comes in later and sees you geys and gets mad, don’ ell him I saw you, I mean, I didnt know about ic JASPER. All right, EVAN. Cool. JASPER. You just working here at The Green Sheep all summer, Shelmerdine? EVAN. Uh. Yeah. Pretty much, I'm gone next week. But chen Pim back. JASPER. Where you goin’? EVAN. Uh Tima ... Im working as a CIT? JASPER. A wha? EVAN. Counselor-in-training? It’s just like a week-long thing, JASPER. Ata camp? EVAN. Uh... yeah. JASPER. What kind of camp? (This isthe question For has been dreading.) EVAN. Uh... i¢eay uh... esa Jewish music camp? Um — JASPER. Jewish musie camp? EVAN. ... Yeah. Um. 1 ike teach little kids how ro play piano and guitar and seuff JASPER, Little Jewish kids. EVAN. ... Yeah. Um. My mom is Jewish. Clasper thinks abou this, then nods) 24EVAN. I went there when I was a little kid. KJ. You play guitar? EVAN. No. Not ... kinda. Nor chac well. Um. More piano. KJ. Jasper plays guicar. Gasper rolls his eyes) EVAN. Oh yeah? JASPER. 1 caught myself from, like, a book once, KJ._ We had a band! JASPER. KJ thinks we had a band. T'm actually a novelist now. I'm writing a novel EVAN. Oh. Cool KJ. We had a band! EVAN. What was the name of the band? JASPER. Oh fuck. Dont get him started. (finally ses up.) KJ. We had many names. Many phases. Many incarnations. JASPER. We could never agree on a name. We had like fifty dif- ferent band names. KJ. "The New Humans! JASPER. Yeah. He really pushed for that one. KJ. Hieronymous Blast. JASPER. Oh god. KJ. Pillowface. Frogmen. Electric Hookah. The Limp Handshakes. Joseph Yoseph, JASPER. *Cause his great-grandfather was named Josef and mine ‘was named Joseph. KJ. The JK/KJ Experience. JASPER. Because he’ Kevin Jano and I'm Jasper Kopatch, KJ. The JK/KJ Experiment. (Gasper shakes bis head) KJ. Killer Jamball and the Jolly Kangaroo! 22 Dharma Machine! Neferious Hookah! JASPER. I wanted us to be called The Aliens. KJ, No. Boring. JASPER. After the Bukowski poem.-You like Bukowski? EVAN. Umm ... I don't know him, I don't know his stuff JASPER. You ever write poetry? EVAN. Um. No. I dont know. Not really. In- my journal? Sometimes? No. JASPER. You gotta read Bukowski. EVAN. Okay. JASPER. He cuts away all the bullshit. EVAN. Cool. (Baan nods, and keeps nodding.) EVAN. .... Bukowsdi, JASPER. What are you doin’ tomorrow night, Shelmerdine? EVAN. Ah — JASPER. You goin’ to the fireworks? EVAN. Uh. I don't know. Maybe. I might jusc stay home. (A short pause.) Sometimes the Fourth, like, depresses me. JASPER. Oh yeah? EVAN. Yeah. You nove. I don't know. It's like all theee familice spread out on the football field? With the glowsticks? And they have that crappy local marching band. I donit know. les like anti- climactic I guess? Like afterwards everyone seems a little disap- pointed, And I don't know: its like, kind of random. Like we explode stuff in the sky and we look at it in like a group? (Pause,) ‘And like, [ kind oF hate America. So I don't fel this like urgent need to celebrate it or anything, A pause. Jasper nods shoughefily) EVAN. Nor thar there's like ... nor like it’s a bad thing ... or like ... (Evan rail off) 23JASPER. KJ and L are thinking of having 2 small shindig tomorrow night. KJ._A hoorenanny. JASPER. We mighe read shic out loud. Sing a few songs. Although drumming circles are strictly forbidden. KJ. Drumming of any kind. EVAN. Oh. Cool. JASPER. You could join us. (A pane) EVAN. Um. Yeah! Okay. Thanks. Yeah. Awesome. JASPER. Well sec you then. Nine o'elock-ish EVAN. Um... where? Sorcy. Where is the party? JASPER. Here. EVAN. Oh. Um. Were really not supposed to You cant have a party back here. Gasper stares at bir) EVAN, It like a loitering thing. JASPER. I thought you guys were closed tomorrow. EVAN. Yeah, We ate. But its. We're not supposed to, Be here, Loiter here, JASPER. Fine. Dont come. Tes not a big deal (A pause while Puan stands there, at alos.) JASPER. No need to fret, little man. EVAN, I just dontt know if I can do it. JASPER. Ie cool. EVAN. Yeah. Um .. 24 (Gasper has gone cold. Boan sighs, e-shoulders his backpack and starts 0 walk away. ) KJ. Gincereby, Have fun st band camp! EVAN. Uh. +. Thanks, (Evan hesitates again, then exits. Silence for a while. KJ is sill ying on ‘is back. He starts buraming. Finall:) JASPER. KJ, KI. Yes, (Pause) JASPER. Are you freaking out? KJ. Whae! No! JASPER. You have to tell me if you start feling weitd again, man, KJ. No way. CA passe.) ‘You know what Sandy Jano would say you're doing? JASPER. What? KJ. Projecting man. Youre projecting (Gasper nods bledkly and stares off into the distance. After a while he reaches for bis cigarettes.) (Blackows) 25Scene Three The next evening. The Fourth of July. Twilight. The sey turns dark as the scene pro- greses. There is guitar case ying inconspicuously inthe corner. Jesper is perched on top of the resting bin, reading aloud ‘from a wrinkled sheaf of paper. KY is sitting in one of the plaste chairs, wearing sunglass, lis- tening. He is rapt Jasper is in the middle of a sentence JASPER. — and her bedroom smelled faindy of stale piss and those porcelain bowls of dried rose petals his mother used to put on the back of the toilet, before she died on his fifteenth birthday. Candace walked over to the window, took a long white plastic rod bevween her fingers, and twisted ie. Sunlight flooded the dusty litele room, “What?” she said, grinning at him. “I got nothing to be ashamed of.” He noriced for the first time that her front tooth was chipped, juse a little. The right one. Something about that tooth red him, made his gut ache. She had the eddest hair held ever seen. It was a dangerous red. Ik told you to stop and ic cold you to go at the same time. She turned around and faced him while he squinted in che sunlight, She stated at him for a while, her eyes moving up and down his face. Then she slowly started rolling her T-shirt up. Her stomach was round and soft, so pale it was almost cranslucent, with a cluster of tiny haits below the bellybutton. He surprised himself in that moment by wishing for Allison, for her skinny, childish body, her watery brown eyes, and the way she would sleep with her head pressed so hard against his chest that hed wake up wich bruis- cs in the morning 26 But here was Candace, right in front of him, ample and ready, with her flaming corch hair and her iconic smile. She pulled the Tshirt up all the way over her head and revealed two large, pen- dulous white breasts. Her nipples were big and pink and unde- fined, like theyd been painted on with watercolors “Do you like me?” she asked. “Do you like the way I look?” “Ido,” he said, “I do,” and he moved towards her / and — KJ. Holy shit, man. Your novel is turning me on. (Gasper puts dou the paper and sighs.) KJ. I mean, its amazing, It’s great literature. Ids juse giving me a tiny bit of a boner. Please. Continue. (per gives bin a stern look, hen goes back tothe piece of paper) JASPER. “I do,” he said, “I do,” and he moved towards her and grasped her hair with his hand, pulling her head back so her mouth ‘opened a litte, She let /out 2 — KJ. Oh wait, One thing. Sorry. Can I say one ching? JASPER, Yes. KJ. The thing about che fifteenth birthday? 1 feel like ... I feel like maybe its like coo much of a coinci- dence? That hic mom died on his fifteenth birthday. I fels like ... Tm supposed to be like: whoa: or something, JASPER. My mom died on my fifteenth birehday. Pause.) KJ. She did? JASPER. Yes, You knew that. IJ. Whoa. No. knew char you were ... [knew chat you were fifteen, man, I didn’ know it was on your birthday. JASPER. Te vas on my birchday. KJ. Jesus, (Oh man. Thar’s horrible. yWow. Never mind. (A weird pause.) Tm sorry I didn't know you back then. JASPER. You should be chankful you didn't know me back then, KJ. (Shaking bis head.) Jesus. On your bisthday. JASPER. I would've kicked your as. (KJ looks slightly wounded. He takes off his sunglasses and puts therm in his lap.) JASPER. Okay. I'm gonna skip ahead. KJ._No! JASPER. Yes. Casper flips through she pages) JASPER. This nexe pate is what I wrote the other night. After Andzea called. (A short pase) By che way, she’ left me like five messages since then and I haventt returned any of them. (Another short pause.) Okay. + Gasper starts reading again.) JASPER. He was seeing America for the first time. In a way hed been thinking about this drive since he was @ kid, this drive across ‘America, What did Arizona look like? he used to wonder. Utah? Wyoming? Oklahoma? Illinois? He had imagined, somehow, chat ‘each state had a different set of plants and animals, a slightly dif- ferent color blue in the sky. Bur as he drove, as his litle Hudson Homet cranked and moaned across the long flat highways, and he flashed by farm after farm, cornfield after cornfield, desolate truck stop after desolate truck stop with the red flashing lights and the toothless man Ibchind the counter and the occasional lonely woman with crinkled eyes desperately trying co catch his attention, as he crossed state 28 line after state ine, he realized that most of America looked like ... most of America. (At this point Evan quietly and nervously enters, over the fonce or through the shrubs, wearing bis backpack. Jasper dees’t pause or ieem to novice him. Euan stands near the edge of the patio, listening ) JASPER. Ic was beautiful, sure, it moved him, but ic repeated itself, ‘You could find the same thing there thar you could find here. And so as he approached California, his dream of California started to fade, He thought of what Miller had told him about the jucting cliffs in Big Sur, the mystical fog, the amethyst waves. Bu what if ie was a le? Or worse, some kind of delusion? What if Miller was actually living in a cornfield, sleeping on a bill- board, writing underneath the glow of another drive-through movie theater! He nor only started to doubt America, but he started to doubt himself. He started doubting the gift that Allison claimed he was born wich i She had fist whispered that word a year and half ago, that strange, sacred word, she had whispered i into his ear one morn- ing, and it had senc thrill and kersor down his spine. Genius She had breathed the word out, like a sigh, tickling his hair ‘And immediately he knew she was right, hed known ie since hhe was a boy, that word had lived in him before he even knew how to say it or spell i, but after Allison had confronted him with it, made it live in the at, he starced to feel a constant. pressing, weight on his shoulde's and his back ‘The loneliness of ie The lonelizes of it could kill him. He wasn’t sure ifhe believed in a God, but if there was one, He was waiting up there in che sky impatiently, He was putting his fin- ger on His watch and raising His eyebrows and saying: ‘When's the new painting gonna be finished, son? ‘When you gonna stop fucking around? lasper puts the sheaf of papers down. Evergone is very still) 29JASPER. Anyway. I don't want to like bore you guys or anything. Hello, Shelmerdine. (KY leaps to his fet with an uncharacteristic amount of energy.) Kj. WHAT THE FUCK# Gasper tries not to beam.) KJ. Whatthefackwhatchefuckwharthefuck. Oh my god. (KE does a little prayer jog around the recycling bin.) KJ. Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. ‘Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. EVAN. ... That was really cool. JASPER. Aw, come on, Shelmerdine. EVAN. That was really really cool. (Pause,) ‘Whar’, um, what’ the main characters name? JASPER. He doesn’t have one. EVAN. Oh, Cool, (Pause,) ‘And uh ... what’ che tile? JASPER. Litle Tigers Everywhere. EVAN. Little Tigers Everywhere. Cool. JASPER. Is from a Bukowski poem. It’s the one that stacts out “Sain the whorchouse man(has quealey shoes"? (Panse,) EVAN. Yeah, I don't know, um. I dontt know. I mean, T'm gonna get him out from the library. (Pause, Evan hauls his backpack off and puts it down on the ground. Ic is somebow an important gesture. Maybe because it is the first time hie is asserting himself as here.) KJ. Yes 30 ‘Welcome to the Fourth of July! JASPER, Lookit that. Shelmerdine showed up. (To KJ) Are you surprised? KJ. Fuck no, Fuck no. EVAN. Is anyone else coming? (KJ and Jesper suddenly look self-conscious.) JASPER. Uh ... no. Eli is being an asshole tonight and going out with — no. KJ. What's Noah doing? JASPER. ... Being an asshole. (Pause) EVAN. Um. I brought some stuff. (Eoan kneels down and uneips his backpack.) EVAN. Uh, (Fle removes some Tupperware.) EVAN. Brownies. Um. My mom made like three batches of brownies yesterday for some reason, Uh. ++. And this was the only thing I could steal. We don’t really have a, um; liquo: cabince. Uma. (Hle rakes a botlesut of bis backpack.) EVAN. Pepperm.nt schnapps? KJ. Ooh, Peppermine. (Gasper snatches the bottle owt of Evan's hand.) JASPER. T'll cake that.Gasper shoves the bottle into his pocker.) KJ. Aw come on. Are you serious? JASPER. Yes. Kg, Ie the Fourth of fucking July! I can drink peppermint schnapps! JASPER. No you can't. (Evan bas no idea whats going on,) EVAN. Um. Sorry. I thought that you guys were gonna ... 1 thought you guys were gonna drink. KJ. (To Jasper.) Are you kidding? Casper doesn't respond.) KJ. JESUS. Tm... this is unbelievable. You're treating me like a child Casper does not budge. KJ walks over tothe recycling bin and kicks it.) KJ. FUCK! (A short panse,) This is s0 fucking pointless. I could just march over to the liquor store and buy whatever the Fuck I want. Tm thirty facking years old! JASPER. Do it. Pl juce go home. KJ. You wouldnt fucking fou! JASPER. Oh yes T would, my friend. Yes I would. (A pause.) Last time KJ started drinking he went off his meds and start- doing this to random people on the street. (He walks over to Evan.) KJ. Dorit do it, you asshole Gasper makes a little Beak with his fingers and zaps Evan with it on 32 his arm. Even is sartled.) JASPER. Zioop. Zhoop. Zhoop. Zhoop. KJ. ... Fuck you. Claper goes tack over to one of the plastic chairs and sits down. He takes ous his cigarettes and lights one.) JASPER. Whar else you gor, Shelmerdine? EVAN. Um. (Boan reache: into bis backpack ) EVAN. This is kind of dumb, But I thought I'd just... T brought sparklers? (Bom vabes cus a bax of sparkler) EVAN. I mean, they're old. They'e from like two years ago. JASPER. SHPAHKLAHS! (Evan ion sae how to respond so this) JASPER. Te sorry. That sounded like E was imitating a Jewish per- son or something. “SHPAEKLAHS?” Thave no problems with Jews, though. EVAN. Um. Okay. JASPER. KJ might be like one-eighth Jewish or something, ight, KJ? (K], standing near the recycling bin, shakes bis head sullenly) JASPER. Or was that just a Sandy Jano theory: Mm. (Te Evan) Sandy Jano is KJ’ fantastic mother, with whom he stil lives. She's a litle, ch, how shall we say it, New-Agey? She's into the New ‘Age? And she like became obsessed with tracing their ancestry back and proving they were Jewish or something. Te didnt really work, though, did ie KJ? 33 I i(No response.) JASPER. They'e like Lutherans (Pause) Tm one-sixteenth Cherokee. EVAN. No way. JASPER. ... And KJ here has dreams that he’ black. (Evan isn’t sure whether hes supposed to find this funny or not. He looks at KJ, whose face is inscruzable.) JASPER. Tell him, (KY doesnt respond.) JASPER, Tell him aboue the dream. (KF continues to give no response.) JASPER. Like two months ago KJ had this dream that he was like that he was black, He comes to me and he ells me this. And I vas like: wait. How4d you know in the dream that you were black? Did you like look in @ mirror or something? And he was like: no. 1 was just hanging out with 2 bunch of black people and we were like all having @ really good time together and laughing and I fele really, um, accepted — (Ky, despite himself, cracks a smile) JASPER. — and they all really liked me and then I realized that / wwas black, That I was one of them. KJ. And I was cally happy. JASPER. ... And he was really happy. (Pause. KJ and Jasper giggle.) EVAN. Um. That's kinda weird. (The sound of a distant, muffled explosion. The sky is significantly darker at this point. Forgesting ro be cool:) 34 EVAN. Oh wow. (A pause) [ike forgor it was the Fourth of July for a second, Another pause. Jasper looks at his watoh,) JASPER. They won't happen for atleast another ten minutes, (No ome knows what to say) KJ. Music JASPER. Already? KJ. Frog Men. (KJ runs over 10 the corner and unbucles the guitar case. He removes an acoustic guitar) JASPER. Lemme eat a brownie firs. Casper grabs 2 brownie out af Eoank Tupperware, stuff it in his mouth, and swallows it,) JASPER. Oley. (KJ hands him the guitar and sits down next to him in a plastic chair TK) JASPER. Do you want to give some kind of inrraductian? Explanation? (XY shakes his head. Jasper nods and start playing the opening chords tthe sog. Hewndescore he filloving monlogeldalgue withthe opening chords He speaks in that rhythmic way people speak over gui- ‘ar chords Te opens bm up a litle To Booms) e JASPER. This isa very old song. Actually our oldest son, Vintage Kevin Jano. if So. ‘When was thie, Shortly after we met.KJ was a recent UVM dropout and I never graduated from high school. EVAN. Did you go to SHS, too? JASPER. Fuck no. I grew up in Alstead. You know where that is? (Evan shakes his head) JASPER. New Hampshire. Ies a shithole There’ nothing, There's « fucking war memorial and a soda fountain and that’s it. Tiller trash, Tam a living piece of trailer eras. Anyway ‘Moving on K's college dropout, I'm a street urchin, and: we meet, in Vermont. in this town, and two weeks later KJ writes this song and comes to me and says: you make up the music. you make up the chords. fier a pause, to KJ) You want to sing this alone? KJ. Frogmen sing together. lasper nods, plays the opening chords a few more times, and then they sing. During the song the sun ces completely, and by the ond they are in the dark, lis only by the moon and perhaps a dim outdoor light on she patie.) JASPER and KJ. FROM SAGAMORE TO OGDEN COME THE SLIMY FROGMEN ‘THEY JIGGLE AND JANGLE THROUGH THE ANGLE, FROM THE BRIDGE TO THE RIDGE AND UNDER THE FRIDGE THE FROGMEN COME WITH BOTTLES OF RUM 36 i). (MMM RUM) JASPER and KJ. MACHO COMACHO THREW THE FIRST SHINDIG WHERE THE FAT LADY ATE ALL THE RING DINGS ‘THE YOUNG ONES ATE LIKE RABBITS AND CREAMT OF LAKE PLACID. (THE 2ROGMEN ATE FROG STICKS FROG CAKE AND FROG ACID) FROM UNDER A LANDING CAME BUTCH AND HIS BANDMATES ‘THEY PLAYED MULTIPLE SETS OF BENNY AND THE JETS AND WE ALL PLACED BETS YEAH WITH PURPLE CIGARETTES AND THE PARTY WAS FINE TILL QUARTER PAST NINE 7 FROM UP IN MAINE TO DOWN IN SPAIN THE FROGMEN CREW BLEW THEIR BRAINS FROM FRICK TO FRACK LFLICK MY ASH FROM DUST TO DUST LEAT YOUR CRUST EROGMEN, FROGMEN NO MATTER WHERE THEY GO ‘THEY LEAVE TIME FOR THE WILDLIFE FROGMEN, FROGMEN THEY MARCH TO AND ERO TO THE DRUM AND FIFE, YEAH FROM SAGAMORE TO OGDEN — (Lhey are inserrupted by the fireworks. The noise is powerful, despite the fact that its coming from a distance. They all sis and listen, in silence. The explasions build over the next minute or so the way that reworks do, rising t0 some sort of climax, then fizzling ous, then rising again, then working up to a series of short arid manic bursts. At some point, probably about 20 second: in, K] gets up and starts a7dancing, He dances in weird litle circles around the patio, Jasper and Evan watch him. The fireworks continue fora while) JASPER. You gor any friends at SHS, Shelmerdine? (Evan shakes his head peacefuly) EVAN. No. (They watch KJ dance to the fireworks. After a while:) KJ. (till dancing.) [NEED A SPARKLER! (Euan gets a sparkler out of the box. Jasper lighs it and bands isto KJ. ‘They flinch and move back as it rains down light.) (KY dances with the sparkler.) (They watch him.) After a liele while, quietly) JASPER. Dorie forget to come back from band camp, Shelmerdine, EVAN. Um. It’s not technically band camp. (The fireworks reach their climax.) KJ. (Referring tothe sparkler) Ie going out ics going our it’s going oud (The sparler goes ous.) (Darkness.) End of Act One 38 ACT TWO Scene One ‘The same set. K} is sitting by himself, with a cup of ta ests by himseé. thinking He sits by himself fora long time. This should be at least 20 seconds, Finally he sae: KJ. IFP then Q, (Then more silence. More sitting by himself. Then Evan comes out the back door, radiant.) Ree . EVAN. Hey! KJ... Hey! (Pause) ‘Welcome back from band camp! EVAN. Thanks. Yeah. (A passe that goes on a lele soo long.) KJ. Did you have a EVAN. Yeah. Actually Tewas prezty cool. I like, I dont know. Ie was cool. The kids were ‘cute or whatever. And I like — yeah. The other CITs were cool. (Pause) Lec a git, actually. XI. Excellent od time? 39EVAN, Yeah. I mean, whatever. Iwas just like a week. But she was preety cool (Pause. Nicole KJ. Nicole EVAN. Yeah, She’ like a viois. Tdonit know. She lives in Boston. So iF wanted to vist her [have to like drive three hours. So I don't know Te was cool, though, Pause.) T mean, ies kind of humiliacing chat ’scaken me this long, but Jes kind of humiliating. KJ. No. Thats beautiful, man. (Pause.) Did you finger her pussy? (Evan blanche.) KJ. Oh. Sorry. Is chae inappropriate? EVAN. No. Um. I mean. Yeah. I did. Yeah, KJ. ... Great EVAN. Seventeen is like kind of pathetic, chough, right? I mean, that ie happening for the frst rime, like, now? KJ. These are no rules, man. EVAN. ‘Yeah. I mean, When was your first... whatever? Kiss. / Or — KJ. Ab ... lets see, My firs kiss I was, like, fourteen? (Bvan nods.) KJ. Te was with this like 16-year-old chick at an Allman Brothers show. And I was totally eweaked out just eo lke kiss her but then she tried to give me a blow job in a Port-O-Potty and my like lictle Iaainless dick like didnt respond and I was cotally humiliated. EVAN. Ob man. 40 KJ. And then I déted this like younger girl when T was in hi school, she was like a freshman and I was a senior and I thinle I kind of fucked with her head. We had sex and like now looking back I'm not sure that she was like totally ready, you know? Then | fuckin’ cheated on her with this girl aca chess championship and wwe like had mindbiowing sex or whatever, me and the chess girl and then T made tke mistake of like coming back home and like ‘TELLING her or whatever to like T told her she like c:umpled in (He makes a vague gesture and waits for the word to come.) KJ... heap on the ground and she like cried and cried but she stayed with me and then I broke up with her anyway right before I went off to UVM, So yeah. EVAN. Wow. KJ. Bleak, man. It was bleak. EVAN. When did you have your like first serious girlftiend2. KJ. Ah. (KY shrugs tncomferily) EVAN. Ac UVM? KJ. Well. Sophomore year I fucked this giel in my interdisciplinary seminar but chen I dropped out ar the beginning of junior year. A weird pause.) Yeah, Pm not really incerested in, like hic or whatcves, I don’t know. Serious Anosher weird pause) EVAN. Um. Cool. Well. I should probably go inside. I'm workin’ the 310 10. KJ. Awesome. EVAN. Maybe Tll see you guys tomorrow. KJ. Wanna hear a song? (Euan looks at his warch,) aEVAN. Um. Sure. Yeah. I should go inside in like, a minute, buc— (KY starts singing) Xi. DRAWING ON THE STRENGTH OF THE COMMUNITY A PERIOD OF SPIRITUAL ACTIVITY. ANGO A JAPANESE WORD ‘THAT LITERALLY MEANS A PEACEFUL DWELLING INCREASING IN VIGOR AND CLARITY L UNFOLDING NEW SECTIONS OF OUR NEIGHBOR. © HOOD AMONG A SMALL BAND OF STUDENTS COLLECTIVE COMMITMENT TO REALIZATION RELAXATION TRANSLATING INTO STIMULATION PRACTICING ZAZEN IN OUR ZENDO UPON AN ALTAR IN MY DOJO TAM A SENSEL TAM A SENSEI § EVAN. (Edeing towards she door.) ‘That's awesome. KJ. Its not over. IN OUR CITY OF HARMONY ‘THIS INCREDIBLE NATION CIRCLED OVER THE WORLD AROUND US RETURNS HOME WITH US ‘THE FIRST TIME I ASKED THE INCENSE SUSTAIN THE ONGOING DELUSION SOCIAL STATUS QUO INTUITIVE ENERGY FLOW 1AM A SENSEI A pause) EVAN. Cool. 2 XJ. Thanks. EVAN, Are you, like, a Buddhist? KI. You could say that. ‘You could say thar. (Pause,) EVAN. Um. See ya ater, KJ. (Enns exits into the cafe shop.) (KY sits by himself. He thinks bard abou something, and then, upon realizing something el, smile. Then he goes back to thinking ager.) Blackout.) 4BScene Two KJ is standing next to the back door, leaning against the wall. He is humming quietly to himself It looks a little Like bet waiting to surprise someone. After a while, Evan comes ous through the backdoor in bis oe apron, lugging a full garbage bag. He starts when he sees KJ. EVAN. Oh, Wow! 5] giggles) EVAN. You scared me. Kind of. (They stand ehere for a second, and then Evan walks over to the garbage bin, opens i, and throws the garbage bag in. Then he tries leaning casually agains the garbage bin, but its too unconafortable, He stands up seraighs, seu his bands in bis pockets, and stands there while KT gazes at hin, smiling) EVAN. [have a five-minute break. (RJ claps bes bands.) KJ. Yay EVAN. Where's Jasper? KJ. Hes sick. EVAN. Oh man, That sucks, KJ. Yeah. EVAN. Does he have like a cold? Or / like — KJ. Yap, (A long pause. They are both at alos. Evan decides to try sitting in ome of he patie chats KY stay by the door. Silence for wile Wish i 44 exaggerated exctersent) KJ. So are you gonna go co college?! EVAN. Um. Yeah, Next year? Yeah. I think so. KJ. Where? EVAN. Um. I donic know, I mean, wherever I get in I guess? I don’ know, I'm kind of interested in Bates? KJ. Never heard oft, EVAN, Yeah. It's kind of small, Ies in Maine. (Prese,) You dropped out, sight? (J node) EVAN. Why? Um, ‘fits not rude to ask. KJ. Thad a breakdown. I don't know. I wouldn't really call it a breakdown. A passe.) EVAN. Okay. Cool. KJ. College is bullshic, chou If you're like ... [mean, if you've like... ifyoute the real thing, or if you've gor like . . college is just like pointless. (Evan nods.) KJ, Jasper didn't go to college. EVAN. Yeah. (Pause) Did you have like a major? KJ. Double Major. Math and phitosophy. EVAN. Oh cool! Philosophy is cool. 1 mean, I don't know any- thing about ic KJ. Ever heard of propositional calculus? EVAN. No, I mean. { haven't — I'm taking Pre-Cale next year KJ, Propositional calaulus is differenc from regular calculus, my lite de fiiend, Tes Logic (Bean nods, confused.) 45 SEEEEEEEEnnemmmeemmmenetoeeKJ. Twas gonna write my thesis on it, t ‘You woulda loved : EVAN, What was it ... what is it, / like — KJ. You know about truth tables? (Evan shakes his head) KJ. No? Okay. Well. (UG seraeches his beard shoughsfiliy) KJ. ee like: IFP chen Q, chen, you know, Truth. (Or ie’ like: LEP then noe Q. (Or it's like: P and Q. Or P or Q But when ic gets interesting is when you try to figure ou what | EVAN. Un. I should probably go back inside. can be a P and Q in the first place. (A pause.) So okay. Let's say P is: “I'm a wizard.” And Q is: “The wizard is yellow.” Then, uh .. : ‘You have to figure out if there's even such thing as 2... (Ky trying to think, Along pause. Euan is starting to fel uncomfortable.) pause while 5] gazes at him, Finally:) EVAN, Um — KJ. Or i Let say you'e feeling sad, tight? You're Feeling sad. EVAN. Okay. KJ. And you like loole at your own sadness. From like above. And that’s how yout able to say, you know: “I feel sad.” EVAN. Okay. KJ. Butlike: what do you — which of your senses like — how do you do that? (Pause) Or 5 Jj right? Picture the letter J. As in Jasper. EVAN. ... Okay. KJ. And chen picture another J. Sitting next to it. (Evan neds) KJ. And I sy to you: J isthe same thing as J. EVAN Olay. eee KJ. Bur how do you prove that? A pause) EVAN. Ur. (A short pause.) Because they look: like each other? KJ. EXACTLY! ‘That wes my point. ‘That wes the gist of my thesis. (Payse.) © (Evan starts 0 head back inside.) KJ, Love you, Shelmerdine (Euan stops in his tracks, terrified. Is he supposed to say it back? A EVAN. Um. Love you too. WJ, Juse kidding. Gnother passe.) Just kidding! EVAN. Yeah. Um. Me too. (Evan bestaes, then goes back inside the caffe shap. KJ doco move.) Blackout.)‘Scene Three The same day. Evening, KY bas not left. Fle is ying acros ce pienie table, sleeping There are a couple of tiny liquor bottles at bis fc. Exan comes out with bis backpack on, Hei closing up the caf EVAN. Oh shic. (Evan stands there looking at KJ for while. He approaches him and tries poking him very lightly. Noibing happens. He aries poking him arden. Affer a few seconds, KJ opens bis eyes but does not move.) KJ. Was I snoring? EVAN. No. (A pause.) Is. Um, Is everything okay? KJ. Do you like Jasper more than me? EVAN. Um. No. No! KJ, Every time I see you you want to know if Jasper’ here. EVAN. Thar's because Jasper is usually / here. KJ, Hes sick! EVAN. T know. I'm sorry. (Peuse.) KJ. wanna kill myself EVAN. Oh shit. (Eoan sits down near Kon a plastic chair, takes out his cell phone and dial.) 48 EVAN. Mom. Tim gonna be late for dinner. (A short pause.) Um ... this guy I work with is upset. (A shore pause.) He brcke up with his girlfiend. Pause.) Please don’ ask me that. Please don't ask me that. Please don't ask me tha. (A short pause.) Please don't ask me chat. I dont care. don't care. Okay. (Evan hangs up. KY is still lying down.) EVAN. I hate her KJ. Whoa. EVAN. ‘She like — she does this thing? She does this thing where she like asks what kind of — like if I want cauliflower or carrots with dinner and then if [ like cell her carrots she’s like well your father doestit — and it's ust like whatever I say she like contradicts me and I'm just like — Never mind. Its stupid, (KJ nods understandingly) KJ. Yeah. This one time .. This one time I couldat stop saying this one word? I was like obsessed with this word. [ would just walk around whispering ie myself was afte kid, Twas like 5, would walk around all day saying: (He whippes softy) Ladder. Vader. Ladder, EVAN. Ladder? Like what you climb on? (KI nods)KJ. [couldnt stop saying it.I started like whispering it to myself ‘at night and I woulda be able to fall asleep. And finally one night ‘my Mom got into my bed with me and she was lke: you can say ie for as long and as loud as you want and I'll hold your hand the whole time. ‘And L was like: okay. ‘And [ jase wene Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. (He has begun to ery by his point.) Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder, Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. Ladder. (A pause.) And then T stopped. (Pause. Evan is frozen in place.) EVAN. Um. (A long pause} KJ. He died, (Baan looks at him uncomprebendingly, Pause.) KJ. Jaspee died. Paw) EVAN. ... No ne didn't KJ. He died a week ago. ruse.) EVAN. No. (RT nods.) EVAN. Come on. Stop it. (A pause.) No he didn. Gilence,) Why are you .. Pause.) You: just said he was sick! WJ. Pm sony. Tim really realy sorry. EVAN. Why are you saying chat? stop fucking with me. (KY shrugs. Silence.) XJ. Inf chat wei-d? ‘That he died? 1 just think ies so weird (Evan walks over te she big recycling bin and tres to knock it over, But this is hard to do, The recycling bin és very, very heavy. Ie takes Euan a long time. For a while, is seems like het not going to be able to do it Then, finally, he tps is over. The sound of glass bosses falling. Maybe 4 few roll out onto the ground.) (Evan walks inside.) 51(KJ is alone.) (After a long time Euan walks out again. He is bolding an oatmeal raisin cookie,) EVAN. What did he die of. KJ. He died. EVAN. What did he die of! (Pause.) Are you fucking with me? You can't... youre ficking wich me! KJ. He died in his sleep. I think. He died in his room. He was shooting up. He died. EVAN. He was what? KJ. He wasnt like ... held only done ita couple of times before. He was just ... it was an accident. EVAN. Were you there? you have to tell me if (KY shakes his head.) EVAN. That doesn't make any sense! Pause) KJ. It’s okay if you can't cry. (Evan begins t0 ory) EVAN. Oh my god. have to go home. have to go home. KJ. Okay. EVAN. T have to go home. I'm sorry. I don't know why I have this cookie. Thave to go home. (Baan puis bis cookie down on the rable and leaves) (K] is alone.) (Eventually be sar singing sfily and slowly) KL. ZANE SITS BY A BROOK ALITTLE STREAM INANOOK IN A CRANNY WITH HIS KRAMMY HE SITS BY A BROOK AND HE LOOOOKS INTHE WATER THAT FALLS DOWN THE ROCKS — Ri norces tbe fallen reyeling bin, He stops singing and walks it Hers vg ela vy long tine, bas be cede He stares at it for a while, chen lays his hand on top of it.) Blackout.) i‘Scene Four The next day. Euan is standing outside by himself on a break, wearing his He was like a genius and like a novelist and he died of a dn overdose. He was like one of my bes fens Td like to ceme visit you in Boston. He's che only person f um My grandparents died when I was a baby. white apron. He looks around furtively and then he rakes a ‘Okay. Sorry this message is ran (pack of cigarettes ove of bis pocket. He ries sapping the pack = See eee ett "riper againe pao le mse ood reion nan hang up.) ta tap it in. Then be anuraps i, with some diffeuly. Then Ire aes out a cigarette Then be takes out a book of matchet (Be arb ov is sigarete, ‘fom bis pockes. He lights the cgarete. eee He waits for KJ, in vain, This isthe first time in his life he has ever bought a pack of — a cigarettes and this is the first time in his life thas be has ever (Blackout,) ‘moked acigaete by himself. E There isa bittersweet joy in it. : ‘ While he smokes, be gazes around, looking for KT. : Aer lide wile, Euan rakes out his ell phone and he dial, = He waits, then: fi EVAN. Hey. Tes Evan, How are you. Um. Tm smoking a cigarette. (Pause.) Tim calling because I wane to know how your rectal ching went and if they gave you the first part for Pachelbels or if you had to play the other part. I bet you were good. Either way. Um. (Pause,) : Tm also calling because my friend died? Um. I know that sounds really dramatic but um. My friend died. I don't know. Um. |(Pasuse.) ' I might be moving. Scene Five EVAN. Oh. Wow. Um. Really? KJ. T might 5e. I'm thinking about it. EVAN, Where? The set is empty KJ. Thave alist of places. : Tm aying to decide. Affer a few seconds KJ enters sealing the fencelhrts, with shor sce) Jasper guitar case on bis back. ina hear? on EVAN. Yeah. tsa bit startling to see him enter because we have only seen him attached t0 the pienic table and plastic chairs up unsil this point. (KJ wrenches small, wrinkled, soggy piece of paper out of is pocket) KJ. These are just some ideas. KY puas his guitar case down and sits in one of the plastic Okay. hen. He ‘Swearing shorts and sneakers and sunglasses, He e reads, stin, Texas. sits therefor a while, the sunlight, and thers he bends down ‘and wnlices bis shoe. He turns bis shoe upside dour, EVAN. Oh anol. Ie's supposed to be cool down there. AJ, les high on the list A pebble falls out onto the ground and makes a small noise. Towa City. Olympia, Washington J doesnt put his shoe back on. — Taos. I dent know if I said that right. | Amberst, Massachusees He ea paperback nk ue fis bags He fie trngh it Orion wind farm. i eat, and opens toa page and starts reading. Evan Whats Orion wind fame Evan appears at she back door peeks ont, and. sees KJ. He |. Oh. Uh. This guy? Jasper’s old weed dealer? He lives on like a (pes yaad walls ous Hes ening ia wc spon. ind Ima in Masse net KJ keeps reading. Evan doesnt know what to do, Neither one. EVAN. What’ a wind farm? of thems is brave enough to initiate a conversation. Evan takes KJ. Itslike ... its like the white windmill things by che side of the out his pack of cigarettes and lights one. He is much better at road. The big uh ... like the / spinny — peels er nas ae bie EVAN. Oh yeah, aaa KJ. (Going back tothe paper) Eventually: | Eureka, California. EVAN. How does he live there? _K). (ignoring bim.) EVAN. Hey. ' Eureka, California. KJ. Hey. Asheville. Question mark, EVAN. I havert sen you for afew days. Commune in Vieginia where they make hammocks find out KI. Yeah. © name,ss, Cant read my own handwriting, Resnick? Redding? This one’ a stretch: Winnipeg? EVAN. Where's chat? KJ. Its in the Canadian province of Manitoba? I believe (Pause,) That’ it. EVAN. Those all sound cool. KJ. Yeah. Tm thinkin’ about it. I don't know. Sandy Jano is against the idea. But. (Boan seus ous his cigaretre on the ground.) KJ... Smoker EVAN, Yeah. I guess. I mean, hopefully. Not. ome, sorry Tum. Ran away. Or whatever. On Wednesday. (KJ nods.) EVAN. Is there gonna be a funeral? Cause Pe really! like — XJ, Tewas lase week. (Bean nods. A long pause.) EVAN, He was so. Um. Cool. Here eT ples different... (Evan shatees bis head teary and can't finish his sentence.) (KJ looks at bien for a little while.) KJ. Come here (Goan walks over to him.) KJ. Kneel down, (Boan tentatively kneels down.) Kg. I'm going to bless you, I'm going to remove your toxins. (KY prs bis fingers together and, very carefidly and tenderly, touches Evan’ cheek.) KJ. (Quiet ST. (Quiet) (A pause) That's it. You can stand up again, (Evan seands up azain.) EVAN. Um. KPI should / tell you — KJ. Tm sending his novel out. Ie was almost finished so I thought they could publish itas like. You know. An unfinished thing, EVAN. Ob. Cool KJ. Yeah. I'm just like looking in the like book jackets of all my moms books and T'm like: allright. Fasrat, Seroose and Gecroosh. Union Square. il send it to you. EVAN. Don't you like need an agent or something? (AT shrugs and lif up the book in his lap. Ie is Bukowskis The Lase Night Of The Earth.) KJ. Did Bukowski have an agent? EVAN. Yeah, I don't know. (A short pause) Tm reading some of his... [cook out um .., .'m reading Flam On Rye? And um — yeah, Love ls A Dog From Hell, KJ. You file ie? EVAN. Yeah. Yeah. He like. It’s um. It’s great. He says “cunt” a lox. KJ. Yeah! EVAN. ... Yeah. Pause.) Um. KP KI. Yes. 39.EVAN. Rahna came back yesterday. T guess she was on vacation? KJ. Ub-huh. EVAN. And she said you guys, um... she said that you canie be back here. And she was really, um, mad. And I explained co her about um ... about what, um, happened while I was gone — (J slowly stars putting his shoe back on.) EVAN. — but she was really pissed at me and she told the man- aget which was really stupid of her but she told him and he said that um: that you guys, that um, you, can't be here anymore. I iean, nobody's supposed to be back here except for staff (J nods.) EVAN, ... And I got really mad and I like argued wich him and I was like: he’ not doing anything, but um they found um those liquor bortes 1 guess and apparently Jasper once um peed out here for something so they um .. (He fades out. KJ node.) EVAN. He's coming back tomorrow and he gonna be check / ing all the — KJ. es cool EVAN. You can stare coming inside if you want. Tecan make you free tea, WJ. Yeah. I dont know. they always play that Ani DiFranco shit inside, EVAN. KJ. Uh. EVAN, You can stay as late as you want today! I mean. Nobody's gonna check, (Pause) should go probably go back inside in a minute. KJ. Yeah. A pause) Thave a present for you. Yeah, (KJ points to the guitar case.) KJ. Tdontt know how to play, so. Tes his guita: EVAN. [cant cake that. KJ. Irs for you. His roommates didn't wane ir. EVAN. ... Tdon't know. : KJ, Do you already have one? EVAN, Um, No. { mean, my mom has a really crappy one and I play thar sometimes, KJ. Take it. e's pretty good. He stole i from some yuppie asshole in Burlington, (Even looks a it, He bends down and unbuckles the care. He takes out the guitar. He los at i, He bolds it.) KJ. Thyit EVAN. I'm not very good. (Evan plays a few halting chords.) KJ. Yeahtt Yes, (Evan smiles a liste.) EVAN. I feel weied raking it. Passe.) Okay. 1 mean. Thank you. KJ. Thank Josep Yoseph. Thank the Limp Handshakes, EVAN. Okay. KJ, Thank The Aliens. EVAN. Okay. KJ, Play someshing! EVAN. I should go back inside. KJ. Play something first! EVAN. Um. (Evan thinks)KJ. Dont chink! EVAN. Um. (Evan bestates, and shen messily stars playing the first fow chords of “If Had a Hammer”) Singing softly) IF THAD A HAMMER, I'D HAMMER / IN — KJ. No covers! (Evan stops playing.) EVAN. Oh. Um. Sorry. 1 don’e know any, um ... I donit have any, like, originals. 1 » dont write music. KJ. Why nor EVAN. Um. I don't know. I dont think I'm good enough. I don't know. P'm not like a genius musically or anything. KJ. How do you know? (Boan shrugs.) KJ. Jin a genius. Jasper was a genius. EVAN. .... Yeah. KJ. Maybe youre a genius too! Pause.) EVAN. Yeah. (Passe.) Um, I should probably go back inside. KJ. Play the hammer song. (Pause) Play the hammer song! EVAN. Really? KJ. Play ic. (Evan looks ancciously sowards the back door, and then starts playing “If Had a Hanmer.” Hes not great, He strums haltingly and botches 62 ' | | | \ | the chords afew times. But be gets better and more confident as he goes on, He has athin, slightly ourof-rume voice ) EVAN. IF HAD A HAMMER, I'D HAMMER IN THE, MORNING PD HAMMER IN THE EVENING, ALL OVER THIS LAND TD HAMMER OUT DANGER, I'D HAMMER OUT A WARNING P'D HAMMER OUT LOVE BETWEEN MY BROTHERS AND MY SISTERS ALL OVER THIS LAND. (Coan taker in a long, shaky breath.) EVAN, IFT HAD A BELL, I'D RING IT IN THE MORNING ED RING IT IN THE EVENING, ALL OVER THIS LAND. PD RING OUT OUT DANGER, I'D RING OUT A f WARNING I'D RING OUT LOVE BETWEEN MY BROTHERS AND. MY SISTERS ALL OVER THIS LAND. IF 1 HAD A SONG, I'D SING IT IN THE MORNING PD SING IT IN THE EVENING, ALL OVER THIS LAND TD SING OUT OUT DANGER, PD SING OUT A WARNING I'D SING OUT LOVE BETWEEN MY BROTHERS AND ‘MY SISTERS ALL OVER TEIS LAND. (A passe. Euan puts down the guitar crimson-ficed.) EVAN. Um. Yeah. les kind ofa weird song. I dont even know what it means. KJ... That was awesome. EVAN. Tkind of fucked ic up. KJ, You'te gonna go far, man. 6EVAN. Come on. KJ. T'm not kidding. You're gonna go far. EVAN. .... Yeah? KJ. Yeah. (Evan tries not to smile. But then he does.) (They stand there.) (Blackout,) End of Play PROPERTY LIST Recycling bin Trash can ‘To-go cup of rex Plane cis Cigarettes Cigarette packs Matches, Tea bag Tiny packet of shrooms Garbage bag Wooden srr 3 cell phones Backpack (Jasper) LL. Bean backpack (Evan) Guitar case with acoustic guitar inside “Wrinkled sheaf of paper Sunglasses Tupperware wits brownies Bottle of peppermint schnapps Box of sparklers ‘Oatmeal raisin cookie Shoe with pebble inside Paperback copy of Bukovrski’s The Last Night of the Earth Poems Small, wrinkled, soggy piece of paperFireworks SOUND EFFECTS | | Wipe damesonal apr wire one paupereshe Tipe aner-sional siesta Tepe homensonal vasa Tie ple dicmension-slsupoer © sar ot swan 5 9 Morton ma - eles fom = rise son for b= No Tim abt domm__wih cht ‘iiple demersal Times pce wre Tepe dmeesional apr -srInverse Variation and the Hyperbola i ety ‘To ited pole Ie const Two. ‘So-calginis ae the sae pitt, Swan “The Frogmen pte Si {NSPERE“Yoomsteup ch Soph dawn ie la-enal Thoe-qotson is iteval Wake the e-uston in test boymmesty is contin 6 symmey The wmcng pnts alo te © sowee | # S53 | “Hae sae See cls ofemmaredy Equ-ditan Gonibe be An elie is tlele-ous TheFire River lear ee. ted pty wa ie quero. $3 = Se # = Ss = in cone © ete Bem a ° ar : Seana = — = = os =] = 230i9 e aap) PS el a5 Fon tid hak 1 Oak my ok oe mite sin-e-E ime Meeting -sminow ano en RC ansne’ ATempo . Ba caee acts . : fie ee SS == z SJ ease SSS 3 ut to det ak nr cme. ee ras ‘tear Inimydovjo Lames sensei am 4 ena tow as ¢ eer ge 3 == = SS Ss‘= ok Te 8 cea-ay with ne trom-ny he yt beak and be tela a oe Se down he es, The destination for the inset plays in the English language: www.dramatists.com * Browse plays by cid, author, cast size or keyword with The PliyFinder * Order scttg editions bets, musical scores adather production materials online * Apply for peformance rhs and cece ens acl minutes * Join the Now Paised Mang Lis and be ssid by email when new plays are published