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Bids For Connection Worksheet

This document discusses how recognizing and responding effectively to a partner's "bids for connection" is an important skill for creating intimacy and stability in relationships. It defines bids as the everyday ways partners reach out to connect, which can be verbal or nonverbal. Research shows the most positive response is "turning towards" the bid with interest and engagement, while "turning away" or "turning against" can damage the relationship over time. It provides examples of bids and positive or negative responses to help couples improve their communication and connection.

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Swapnil Khandare
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2K views2 pages

Bids For Connection Worksheet

This document discusses how recognizing and responding effectively to a partner's "bids for connection" is an important skill for creating intimacy and stability in relationships. It defines bids as the everyday ways partners reach out to connect, which can be verbal or nonverbal. Research shows the most positive response is "turning towards" the bid with interest and engagement, while "turning away" or "turning against" can damage the relationship over time. It provides examples of bids and positive or negative responses to help couples improve their communication and connection.

Uploaded by

Swapnil Khandare
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
  • Responding Effectively to Bids for Connection
  • Learn How to Turn Towards

WISHES TO REALITY

Responding Effectively to Bids for Connection


Many of our clients come to us feeling stuck in their relationships, not knowing what they
can do to change it. Frustration and hopelessness are common emotions couples experience
when they feel misunderstood. Many of them are simply desperate to feel the genuine
connection like they once had.
We’ve found that responding effectively to bids for connection is one of the most important
skills a couple can learn to create small changes that lead to connection, security, and
stability.

What is a bid for connection?


Dr. John Gottman refers to bids for connection as the day to day ways we reach out to connect
with our partners. These bids can be presented overtly or covertly and can be shared either
verbally or non-verbally.

How does recognizing bids help?


The importance of recognizing a bid, is that you will now view them as opportunities to
connect with your partner.
When a bid is made, partners can respond one of three ways
1. Turning Towards
2. Turning Away
3. Turning Against
Dr. Gottman’s research found that Turning Towards is a key factor in happy and successful
Marriages. In simple terms, this means that you can do something today that will positively
impact your relationship over the long haul.
However, as you look at your typical responses to your partner’s bids, you’ll identify what
you are doing that potentially could lead to your relationship’s demise.
On the worksheet that follows you’ll find examples of minor bids which are made by a
statement, a question, or a non-verbal expression. Use this chart to gain awareness of both
your bids and your response to your partners bids, so you can

learn how to Turn Towards while also turning your wishes into reality.
LEARN HOW TO TURN TOWARDS

BID FOR CONNECTION TURNING TOWARDS TURNING AWAY TURNING AGAINST

“Hey, can you come in “In a second, I almost have this game “Can’t you see I am watching the game
“Sure, What’s up?”
here for a minute?” beat.” here!”

“Did you hear about the drama “Yes, how terrible. What do you think
Radio Silence “You need to get off Facebook.”
with that company?” about it?”

“mm-hmm” – Partner does not look up


“Check out that view” “Wow that’s amazing!” “Really, you had me look up for that?”
from reading

“I’m so sick of being overlooked “How frustrating. I’m sorry they don’t “You need to build a backbone with
“Have you tried talking to your boss?”
at work.” see what everyone else sees.” those people.”

“Our children are lucky to have you as


“I feel like a horrible mother.” “Who ever said that?” Partner rolls eyes
their mother.”

“Anything I can do to help you feel


“I’m exhausted.” “I know, me too.” “You don’t think I’m tired?!”
more rested?”

Partner lets out an exasperated sigh. “Are you feeling okay?” What’s the matter with you? “Oh, here we go, now what?”

Partner looks over and pats the Sits next to partner and plays on their “Maybe if you’d clean up, we’d have
Partner takes cue and snuggles up
couch phone time for that.”
Partner comes behind you and Continues to do the dishes without
wraps You embrace the hug Pulls away - “I’ve got to get this done.”
acknowledging
arms around you.

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