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Chapter 9 Book Reflection
Name
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Chapter 9 Book Reflection
Mating in captivity describes the best advice on sex that marriage therapist Esther Perel
has revealed in more than twenty years of working. It also describes the hindrances that can kill
the desire for sex in the domesticated society and what spouses can do to eradicate the obstacles
to enjoy better physical and emotional intimacy as a couple. Notably, the book discusses the
interconnection between sexual dynamics and intimacy in a marriage or intimate partner. Perel
indicates that eroticism within spouses suffers or teeters between two opposites, including the
necessity for security and excitement and adventure. However, this discussion explains the two
things I found standing out after reading the chapter.
First, I understood that the quest or desire for security destabilizes erotic vigor. Precisely,
individuals naturally desire security. Therefore, most individuals devote themselves to enduring
monogamous intimate affiliations (Perel, 2006). People frequently make this choice founded on
the security related to this affiliation instead of their sexual desire. Apart from having the
inclination or drive for security, people also have a similar motivation for excitement and
adventure. Nevertheless, excitement and security are difficult to integrate. Therefore, individuals
find it challenging to stay with the same individual to that they pursue stability and comfort.
Although, it is intriguing that the author tries to explain that this is possible. It is simple
to understand that desire habitually disappears as security intensifies in a relationship. Thus,
desire typically disappears as relationships continue for more extended periods. The author
explains two points of view on where individuals can stand in intimate affiliations or marriages.
Either individuals are romantics who seek adventure and power over strength or realists who
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desire safety over passion. Nevertheless, individuals are frequently disappointed on the two sides
of the spectrum. It stands out that the author perceives that desire and love are not jointly
exclusive.
Second, it stands out or intrigues a reader that communication is not the only possibility
of closeness. Intimate partners are habitually informed that communication is primary to
relationships. Even though this might be true for particular aspects of the affiliation, it is
undoubtedly not valid for desire (Perel, 2006). The author illustrates that a lot of communication,
susceptibility, and openness can strain a connection. If people recurrently demand entry into the
thoughts of their partners, they will transform intimacy into intrusion instead of closeness. Perel
sees this as the same as coercion. Therefore, she suggests that people should not feel they have to
discuss everything with their spouses.
Some individuals find the notion of not being aware of everything their spouses think
challenging. The struggle will be related to fear of a lack of control. Nevertheless, sexual or
intimate fantasy should transcend psychological and moral constraints at all times. Hence, a
person should lose control of the thoughts of their partner and offer them space to establish
passion. One specific instance of spouses offering each other genuine desire is letting the other
spouse play with responsibilities. Eroticism happens to be the opening back to autonomy, and
role-playing eradicates all types of control. This is where an individual’s spouse decides who
they desire to be during intimacy.
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Reference
Perel, E. (2006). Mating in captivity (p. 272). HarperAudio.
