The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT Radical Openness Worksheet 10.

Radical Openness Worksheet 10.A

Flexible Mind Is DEEP

Identifying Valued Goals

• Identify the relationship you wish to improve.

• Reflect on the level of intimacy you would like to have with the other person. Use the Match + 1 Intimacy
Rating Scale as a guide (see lesson 21).

• Identify your valued goals linked with your desired level of intimacy, using the following checklist.

• When there are multiple valued goals, determine the one most important for the type of relationship you desire
in the current situation.

Place a checkmark in the boxes next to any valued goals that you think are important to live by during the
upcoming interaction in order to achieve the type of relationship you desire.
To be candid and forthright To acknowledge when I succeed, without
arrogance
To be honest and truthful
To care about the well-being of others
To be ethical and fair-minded
To care about my own well-being
To respect myself and others
To contribute to my tribe, my family, my commu-
To be taken seriously nity, and my society, without always expecting
To have an easy manner something in return

To be kind to myself and others To be self-directed

To treat other people as I would like to be treated To appreciate direction from others

To do the right thing, even if it causes distress in To take responsibility for my actions, emotions,
others and reactions to the world rather than blaming
them on others or getting down on myself
To be seen as a loving parent, spouse, partner, or
friend To accept those things that I cannot change

To attend to relationships To seek change when it is within my power

To be faithful to my vows and prior To stand up for what I believe

commitments To admit when I fail but not let it stop me
To be willing to break a promise when warranted To not always assume I am right
To apologize to those I have harmed and repair To not always assume I am wrong
the damage if possible
To be able to play, laugh, and relax
To forgive those who have harmed me
To be open-minded
To acknowledge fallibility without falling apart
© Thomas R. Lynch. Permission is granted to the reader to reproduce this form for personal use.
The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT Radical Openness Worksheet 10.A

To be willing to question everything, including To be open to new experience and value the
myself unexpected
To trust myself and others To passionately participate in life
To let others know when I admire them, love To be content with my life
them, or feel happy in their presence
To appreciate knowledge, education, and
To be disciplined and orderly learning
To be undisciplined and disorderly To see all humans as equal
To think before I act To signal humility, nonarrogance and openness
to those who are different from me
To act before I think
To experience compassionate love toward myself
To be self-controlled when the situation calls for and others
it
To celebrate problems as opportunities for growth
To have the capacity to relinquish control
To live here and now
To fight tyranny
To be humble and nonarrogant
To be able to stand up against powerful others,
with humility, in order to prevent unwarranted To make self-sacrifices in order to benefit the
harm or unethical behavior lives of others, without expecting anything in
return
To be able to express vulnerability and accept
help from others when I need it To challenge authority
To seek what may be uncomfortable in order to To respect authority
learn
To be considerate of other people’s feelings or
To avoid what I dislike, with awareness way of thinking
To cultivate healthy self-doubt To be nonreactive and calm
To cultivate healthy self-confidence To be reactive and disinhibited when the
situation calls for it
To celebrate my successes without becoming
arrogant To understand myself, others, and the world
To revel in the success of others without To be dutiful
resentment
To delight in the pleasure of the moment
To allow others to win when winning or losing
doesn’t matter to me To plan ahead

To not allow others to take advantage of me To act on impulse

To appreciate the efforts of others who have To appreciate the importance of rules
contributed to my well-being To live without rules
To relinquish control when the situation calls for To be peaceful, calm, and composed
it
To be excited, enthusiastic, and expressive
To trust my intuitions without assuming they are
true To feel socially connected with others
The Skills Training Manual for RO DBT Radical Openness Worksheet 10.A

To value diversity To love and be loved

To do what is needed in the moment To avoid harming others
To be able to question myself without falling To be spiritually minded
apart
To be a leader
To behave responsibly
To be productive
To admit when I have been wrong or harmed
someone, without expecting anything in return To be powerful and influence others
or resorting to harsh self-blame To contribute to society
To express love to those I care about To achieve something important
To not expect others to solve my problems To enjoy the work I do
To help others without expecting anything in To raise a family
return
To establish a long-term romantic relationship or
To live with integrity partnership
To continually strive to improve myself To raise children
To be physically healthy To experience true romantic love
To be financially stable To be creative
To live in a safe environment To seek personal growth and self-discovery
To care for nature and the natural environment To be willing to try new things

Record other valued goals that were not included in the preceding list.

Decide which valued goal best represents how you would like to behave with the other person in order to
achieve the relationship and level of intimacy you desire. Take into account how you want to behave with the other
person in general, as well as how you might have to adjust your valued goals to flexibly respond to circumstances in the
current moment.

What valued goals, globally, are most important for the relationship with this other person?