Chapter 18: My Brutal Romance

I woke up, the Keeling from yesterday still in my belly. I really didn’t know what it
was. Maybe I ate too much candy in the sleep over? Probably. I shook it off and stood
up, going to get a warm shower and change.

As I was walking to the bathroom, though, I saw a man going out from it. I stopped,
looking at him. He had short brown hair, brown chocolate eyes and just a bit tanned. He
was tall, taller than me—although I already told you, everyone is—and he was also
slim.

He looked at me and smiled a toothy grin.

“Well, hello there” He said

“Who are you?” I blurted out
“Oh, that’s true, you still don’t know who I am. I’m David Stevens, Angela’s partner”
“Oh... oh! Yeah! Now I remember! Angela mentioned you coming today to work on
something, right?”
“Yes, journalism is very important in Belleville”
“Well... nice to meet you, Mr. Stevens” I said, sticking my hand out. He laughed and
shook it.
“Call me Dave, everyone does”
“Then nice to meet you, Dave”

He laughed again and walked downstairs. I smiled. Well, it looked like Angela had
finally found someone nice to talk to. I went inside the bathroom, grinning softly. If she
could fall in love with David, then, she would forget about my father.

As I showered, I tried to remember the lyrics that Gerard and I had made the other day.
After a while I remember and tried to continue them.

“If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see
You can find out first hand what is like to be me..
...so... gather around... piggies and kiss this goodbye
I’d encourage your smiles! I’ll expect you won’t cry!”

I smiled wide and left the shower, wrapping myself in a warm towel and running to my
room. As I almost slipped when rushing upstairs to the attic, I left my imagination run. I
took paper and pencil and scribbled down what I got. Then, I took my phone and dialed
Gee’s number.

“... hello?” I heard a weak voice.

“Gerard! It’s me! Bea!”
“What the fuck are you doing? IT’s eleven in the morning, and it’s almost Christmas,
for fucking god’s sake! What the fuck...?”
“Gee, I got more of the lyrics of The End”
“And you call me for that?”
“No! My house’s on fire!”
“WHAT!?”
“I’m just kidding! Woke you up, uh?” I giggled
“Bitch...” He chuckled “Fine, want me to go there?”
“Yeah”
“Do I bring Mikey?” He snickered “I think he’s still heartbroken from yesterday”
“Oh, poor boy... let María cure him”
“Whatever” He chuckled again “So... be there in fifteen minutes”
“Ten”
“Thirteen”
“Deal. Come quick now!”
“Bye!”
“Bye...”

As soon as I hung up I put some shirt and jeans on, soving my black roman flipflops and
walking downstairs. It was cozy in the house (FINALLY!) and now it was as if
christmas wasn’t in two days.

I walked inside the kitchen, finding Ángela talking to Dave. María was on the living
room, watching some kind of girly show on TV and giggling. I smiled and said a quick
good morning, grabbing some apple juice from the fridge.

“Oh, Bea!” Angela smiled “Have you already met David? He’s my journalism partner!”
“Yes, we have. She seems like a nice girl, Angie”

I cocked an eyebrow. Angie? Nicknames already? Ooh... this was getting interesting.

“And you seem like a nice guy, Dave” I answered, gulping down my juice fast and
taking a toast, placing it on the toaster again. I liked it almost burnt.

David laughed, and Angela smiled. I felt happy for her, having someone to love... I
shook my head, thinking about Edmund and other unpleasant memories. The toast
jumped and I caught it on the air. Angela laughed along with david, and then furrowed
her brow, putting her hands on her hips.

“And why going so fast, young lady?” She asked

I gulped down, and managed to choke out “Gerard”

She smirked, and I paniked. I rolled my eyes to scratch her little side-smile off, but I
was still nervous. Angela knew that we were good friends, and she thought that I liked
him, although I didn’t. I think. I guess.

I hope...

I jumped in the air when the doorbell rang, and I opened it, taking Gee’s hand and not
bothering to close the door. He laughed, and I giggled. It was fun to be around him, and
I could be completely honest about it! As soon as we arrived to my room, I took the
paper and shoved it in on his hands. He read it quickly and nodded.

“Good, but we need it to be longer”

“Why?” I asked “Why can’t it be like, I don’t know... half a song that continues with the
second of the album?”
He mused about it, putting his hand on his chin and sitting on the couch.

“Good idea” He finally said, patting the empty place next to him. I ignored it and layed
down, my head on his lap. He laughed and put a lock of mine in his finger. “By the way,
who was the dude at your kitchen?”

I jumped, and he jumped too. I looked at him and a big grin spread across my face.

“Guess what?” I said “That’s Angela’s journalism partner!”

“And...?”
“And... I think she likes him. And I think he likes her”

He smiled, and I grinned. It was going to be fun.

“I’m glad for her” He said “But what about your father?”

The sudden silence followed by my quick spacing out made Gerard worried. A flash of
memories passed in front of my eyes. My father... I hadn’t thought about him in a long
time, not since the beginning of the schoolyear. I sighed and played furiously and
nervously with my hands.

Before I could cut them with my nails Gerard placed his on top of mine, and I looked up
at him, attempting to smile but failing horribly. I was feeling weak again, and my hands
started to shake.

“Are you ok? Bea? I didn’t mean to upset you, please, I just... I shouldn’t have asked,
it’s none of my bussi—“
“Gerard you’re my best friend” I abruply blurted out

He stopped ranting and looked at me, awating.

“And I think it’s time for me to open up. You have, and I don’t want any secrets to be
hidden from you. I really don’t. I... I want honesty, that’s all I have to say”

We chuckled, and I tried not to spill any tears. His warm hand was still on mine, and it
felt great there. It was very conforting to know that he could maybe just... just maybe...
understand me and my past.

“He was a great man” I started “Well... as great as he could be...

“Juan Esparza was married to Lourdes Ordoñez, a very nice woman. She was blond-
brunette, like I am, but the features’ are my father’s. She had brown eyes, and a very
kind smile. She was everything to me...

He started drinking when he got fired. Things turned harder, I became tempered and
very rebellious. He finally found a job, but didn’t tell us what it was about. My mother
found out that it was drug dealing, and that he was too involved to leave it out. He used
them, too. When she...”
I stopped there, my eyes staring into space.

“... when she confronted him she died. He killed her. He murdered her, in front of this
very same eyes.”

Gerard didn’t say anything, he just looked at me. He wasn’t horrified, he wasn’t
stunned, he was just listening. That’s all I needed. I turned to see him and smiled sadly.

“You know what it is to look down and see your mother bathed in blood?” I got this tick
in the eye, I don’t know, I guess the rememberance of everything made me twitchy “It
wasn’t terrifying, it wasn’t horrible. In fact, I found her beautifully fascinating. I didn’t
cry, I just watched her as her eyes drifted to nonsense and she died. I would never forget
about it. First I had horrible nightmares, which then turned into endless dreams and
nights of imsomnia. Then, he was free and I was converted into the spoiled child.
“He used everything in his hands to get me occupied so I wouldn’t say that he killed
her, and I didn’t, I was too freaking afraid to do it. I’ve always been a coward, you
know...”

I sighed

“Then I let Angela marry him, and then María came, and everything was back to
normal. Still, we were rich because he was using drug trading. After a couple years, he
was accused and they found out about his job. Got into jail, and as soon as we could we
moved from Spain... to New Jersey, Belleville”

There was a long silence, and then he hugged me. It was shocking, but I cried. For the
very first time I cried for my mother. I cried for her, to hug me, to tell me a story of
those, and I didn’t want Angela, I wanted my real mother!

“Shhh... it’s okay... everything is going to be alright.... I’m here...”

My eyelids were dropping, and I felt tired. I had woken up early, and was still sleepy
from late last night. The last words I heard, were two conforting lullaby sing song
words...

“... I’m here...”