21 first date

ideas
First date is always important because it’s where you drop your first impression and
most importantly, it plays a big role to determine whether or not this relationship will
work out.

It’s just like choosing what to read. Let’s not talk about the book cover (I know, I know,
Don’t just a book by its cover!) so now we all judge by how the story begins. No matter
how amazing the storyline is, if the introduction failed to grab readers’ attention, no one
is going to read it because no one likes to get their time wasted. Relationship works this
way too.

If you need ideas to secure your first date and your own impression, You’ve
come to the right place! When I first started dating, my idea of a date was the
stereotypical cheap-dinner-and-a-movie. Don’t hate on me, I didn’t know any better! By
the time I finished high school I was pretty comfortable in my own skin and got pretty
good at coming up with ideas for dates. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorites as
well as some suggested by friends. Enjoy!

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Outdoor Adventures
1. Go for a walk – This is such a simple first date idea but most shy away from it because
they feel like they must do something complex in order for their date to be impressed.
Wrong! The only ideas you need to impress your date with are the ones that you
articulate as your conversation progresses. If you are an interesting person and have
found a fun person to spend time with, rest assured that a walk about town will be just
fine. Remember, the idea is to leave your date wanting more. As a warning, you may be
tempted to start talking about previous relationships. Don’t. That’s not how to get over
an ex. Rather, enjoying the company of a fun new person without dwelling on the past
will serve you best!
2. Watch an outdoor movie – Going to a movie is pretty worn out in the world of first
date ideas. You can resurrect it in a fun way by going to see a movie outdoors or, even
better, at a drive-in movie theater if you still happen to have one near where you live.
3. Create your own picnic – Pick a nice spot near where you’re meeting up and swing by
a grocery store or take-out restaurant for some quick eats before setting up camp for
food and conversation with your new favorite person. There’s no need to spend a lot of
money. Picnics are supposed to be simple and you want it to be about getting to know
your date, not truffles wrapped in gold foil!
4. Go boating – The idea of sailing on a first date seems like a recipe for disaster but
something milder, like canoeing, row boating, or taking a paddle boat out on a sunny
afternoon would work well. Admittedly, the last time I took a girl on a paddle boat for a
date we both ended up soaking wet with marsh moss in our hair. It was amazing though!
5. Go for a run together – If running is your idea of a good time, an easy run with a new
friend can make for a great date!
6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen – One of the best first dates I’ve ever been on involved
meeting up with a woman at 5:30am to serve breakfast at the local soup kitchen. Not
 only did we get to know each other better but we got to do something worthwhile that
helped our community. It’s hard to come up with a reason why giving back to your
community could be considered a bad idea for a first date! If you don’t have a soup
kitchen or other short-order volunteer opportunity, be creative and come up with your
own. There is always somebody nearby who could use some help if we are willing to give
it.
7. Get up insanely early and be the first customers at your favorite breakfast
joint – You’ll get a chance to chat before the restaurant gets busy and have time to do
some people-watching when the regulars start pouring in. Note: If you find somebody
who is cool with rolling out of bed early to join you for a breakfast date, it’d be a bad idea
to let them get away!

Indoor Sweetness
1. Take an intro yoga or other fitness class – If you’re really out of shape, this might
not be a great idea for a first date. Otherwise, pick a class that will fit both of your fitness
levels and have some fun! You should know that getting hot and sweaty
2. Visit a psychic – Everybody likes to know the future, well, at least a prediction of it!
3. Visit a shut-in – This might not seem like it belongs on a list of first date ideas but if
you step away from your preconceptions, I think you might consider it and even try it
out. Visiting people who are unable to get out and enjoy regular social interactions isn’t
just a worthwhile use of your time. It gives you a chance to learn a bit about the character
of your date. Is he or she willing to spend time with people who are in need? If your date
is unkind it will only be a matter of time before that unkindness is pointed at you. Seek
the good hearts!
4. Play video games – Playstation, Nintendo, Xbox, it doesn’t matter. If your date is into
video games and you’ve got strong thumbs, it might be time for a bit of virtual
smackdown! Just be careful not to beat your date too badly at whatever video game you
decide to play. You don’t want your first date ideas to turn into video-game-inspired
revenge ideas.
5. Take a music lesson together – Have you always wanted to learn how to play the
guitar or some other instrument? Inviting a date along for a partner lesson at a local
music school might be a fun way to start your lesson and get the much-dreaded first date
out of the way.
6. Go to a used bookstore – It can be a new bookstore if you insist. It doesn’t matter! If
you and your date enjoy reading and perusing books, hitting up a bookstore on a first
date may just end up being one of the ideas that sets you on a quick course to true love.
7. Go gift shopping – Not for each other, but for somebody else. Perhaps you need to
pick up a gift for your sister or some other relative and you need some insight into the
process? Ask your date to give you some in-motion advice and perhaps even pick up
something small for each other. Trinkets only. Save the cars and fur coats for later dates!

Play It Safe Ideas

1. Take a cooking class together – Check your local community college or continuing
education program for listings of cooking classes you can take if there isn’t a culinary
school to be found.
 2. Visit a tourist hot spot in your town that neither of you has been to before –
Even if you’ve been living in the same place for years, there’s a great chance that you’ll
have missed at least a few interesting places in your community. If it turns out that your
chosen spot is a dud, get creative and come up with a few quick ideas to finish off your
date. Most will give you a lot of slack if little things go wrong. Just keep the conversation
interesting and the venue won’t be such a killer.
3. Attend a local film or music festival – It’s a rare individual who won’t enjoy a local
festival at least a bit. This is a pretty safe bet for anybody but the most boring of people.
4. Meet up for a drink – This is one of the safest, and therefore one of the most-used
first date ideas. You can make things a bit more adventurous by visiting a jazz club or
finding a bar that will teach you to make new drinks. Of course, you could always go and
grab some bottled water.
5. Visit a new restaurant – There’s a bit of risk in eating at a new restaurant because
you can’t be sure of the quality but this first date idea still makes the “safe” list because
it’s not hugely risky.
6. Eat in – Do you already have great cooking skills? If so, break ’em out for an early
dinner! You might want to check for possible food allergies before you start sharing your
iron chef skills though.
7. Phone it in – Oh yeah, the date that consists entirely of talking into a small electronic
device. This one is for all you cyber dating pros out there looking for first date ideas like
you planned on doing something other than talking on your [Link] jokes aside, there
are some benefits to phoning in. Sure, you don’t get to see your date’s face while you’re
talking, but that also means that you don’t have to get dressed up or worry about what
your face looks like. See? Might not be a bad idea.

Things to keep in mind on your first date

So now I guess you have sufficient ideas on where to go on your first date. Still, I would
like to remind you some of the important things that you need to keep in mind if you
want your first date to be perfect!

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1. Don’t be late. This is a common rule but a lot of people still fail to do so. No one likes to
spend their timing waiting and being late is simply disrespectful. Give yourself enough
time to prepare and try to arrive the location 10-15 mins earlier. If you are running late,
make sure you give your date a call or text so they can go to a cafe or find somewhere to
sit while waiting for you.
2. Don’t get over-dressed. I know how that feel, you want to look perfect for your date
and try very hard to dress up to impress them. However, it’s best to dress according to
the event you are going to. Imagine if you guys are going for pinic and you are in suit or
 high heels, that would be super awkward for both of you. I am pretty sure you won’t
impress him/her for this.
3. Don’t talk about past relationship. Either asking or talking about them are a big
“NO-NO”. This is something very personal to ask on a first date because you are not sure
whether your date is comfortable to talk about it. Talking about your ex might also leave
your date an impression that you still haven’t moved on yet.
4. Don’t get too drunk. If you can’t control yourself when you are drunk, I am pretty sure
you know what to do. Also, it’s always nice to stay a sharp mind to remember all the
things that happened on your first dates so you guys can start to build on memories and
topics to talk about on your next date.
5. Do offer to split the bill. If you are a guy and you feel comfortable to pay the bill,
that’s very nice of you. But for ladies, don’t just sit there and expect people to pay for
your meal, it’s always nice to offer help on the bill! It shows that you are friendly and
considerable person. Of course, if the guy insist to pay, just let them do the job and don’t
argue over it.
6. Don’t focus on talking about yourself. Who doesn’t love to understood? Dates are
supposed to be chances for you guys to know more about each other before getting into a
relationship (or friendship, oops) So if you can’t help to blablabla about yourself, you will
leave an impression of you not interested in your dates. Always remember it’s not a
stand-up comedy, it’s a CONVERSAION. Try to ask your dates about their interests, jobs
and hobbies, nothing too serious and personal!

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8 Simple Ways to Be a Better

Listener
Rossana Snee

Rossana is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. She aspires to motivate, to inspire, and to awaken your best
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How would you feel if you were sharing a personal story and noticed that the person to
whom you were speaking wasn’t really listening? You probably wouldn’t be too thrilled.

Unfortunately, that is the case for many people. Most individuals are not good listeners.
They are good pretenders. The thing is, true listening requires work—more work than
people are willing to invest. Quality conversation is about “give and take.” Most people,
however, want to just give—their words, that is. Being on the receiving end as the
listener may seem boring, but it’s essential.

When you are attending to someone and paying attention to what they’re saying, it’s a
sign of caring and respect. The hitch is that attending requires an act of will, which
sometimes goes against what our minds naturally do—roaming around aimlessly and
thinking about whatnot, instead of listening—the greatest act of thoughtfulness.

Without active listening, people often feel unheard and unacknowledged. That’s why it’s
important for everyone to learn how to be a better listener.

What Makes People Poor Listeners?

Good listening skills can be learned, but first, let’s take a look at some of the things that
you might be doing that makes you a poor listener.

1. You Want to Talk to Yourself

Well, who doesn’t? We all have something to say, right? But when you are looking at
someone pretending to be listening while, all along, they’re mentally planning all the
amazing things they’re going to say, it is a disservice to the speaker.

Yes, maybe what the other person is saying is not the most exciting thing in the world.
Still, they deserve to be heard. You always have the ability to steer the conversation in
another direction by asking questions.

It’s okay to want to talk. It’s normal, even. Keep in mind, however, that when your turn
does come around, you’ll want someone to listen to you.

2. You Disagree With What Is Being Said

This is another thing that makes you an inadequate listener—hearing something with
which you disagree with and immediately tuning out. Then, you lie in wait so you can
tell the speaker how wrong they are. You’re eager to make your point and prove the
speaker wrong. You think that once you speak your “truth,” others will know how
mistaken the speaker is, thank you for setting them straight, and encourage you to
elaborate on what you have to say. Dream on.
Disagreeing with your speaker, however frustrating that might be, is no reason to tune
them out and ready yourself to spew your staggering rebuttal. By listening, you might
actually glean an interesting nugget of information that you were previously unaware of.

3. You Are Doing Five Other Things While You’re “Listening”

It is impossible to listen to someone while you’re texting, reading, playing Sudoku, etc.
But people do it all the time—I know I have.

I’ve actually tried to balance my checkbook while pretending to listen to the person on
the other line. It didn’t work. I had to keep asking, “what did you say?” I can only admit
this now because I rarely do it anymore. With work, I’ve succeeded in becoming a better
listener. It takes a great deal of concentration, but it’s certainly worth it.

If you’re truly going to listen, then you must: listen! M. Scott Peck, M.D., in his
book The Road Less Travel, says, “you cannot truly listen to anyone and do anything else
at the same time.” If you are too busy to actually listen, let the speaker know, and
arrange for another time to talk. It’s simple as that!

4. You Appoint Yourself as Judge

While you’re “listening,” you decide that the speaker doesn’t know what they’re talking
about. As the “expert,” you know more. So, what’s the point of even listening?

To you, the only sound you hear once you decide they’re wrong is, “Blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah!” But before you bang that gavel, just know you may not have all the
necessary information. To do that, you’d have to really listen, wouldn’t you? Also, make
sure you don’t judge someone by their accent, the way they sound, or the structure of
their sentences.

My dad is nearly 91. His English is sometimes a little broken and hard to understand.
People wrongly assume that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about—they’re quite
mistaken. My dad is a highly intelligent man who has English as his second language.
He knows what he’s saying and understands the language perfectly.

Keep that in mind when listening to a foreigner, or someone who perhaps has a difficult
time putting their thoughts into words.

Now, you know some of the things that make for an inferior listener. If none of the items
above resonate with you, great! You’re a better listener than most.

How To Be a Better Listener

For conversation’s sake, though, let’s just say that maybe you need some work in the
listening department, and after reading this article, you make the decision to improve.
What, then, are some of the things you need to do to make that happen? How can you be
a better listener?

1. Pay Attention

A good listener is attentive. They’re not looking at their watch, phone, or thinking about
their dinner plans. They’re focused and paying attention to what the other person is
saying. This is called active listening.

According to Skills You Need, “active listening involves listening with all senses. As well
as giving full attention to the speaker, it is important that the ‘active listener’ is also
‘seen’ to be listening—otherwise, the speaker may conclude that what they are talking
about is uninteresting to the listener.”[1]

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As I mentioned, it’s normal for the mind to wander. We’re human, after all. But a good
listener will rein those thoughts back in as soon as they notice their attention waning.

I want to note here that you can also “listen” to bodily cues. You can assume that if
someone keeps looking at their watch or over their shoulder, their focus isn’t on the
conversation. The key is to just pay attention.
2. Use Positive Body Language

You can infer a lot from a person’s body language. Are they interested, bored, or
anxious?

A good listener’s body language is open. They lean forward and express curiosity in what
is being said. Their facial expression is either smiling, showing concern, conveying
empathy, etc. They’re letting the speaker know that they’re being heard.

People say things for a reason—they want some type of feedback. For example, you tell
your spouse, “I had a really rough day!” and your husband continues to check his
newsfeed while nodding his head. Not a good response.

But what if your husband were to look up with questioning eyes, put his phone down,
and say, “Oh, no. What happened?” How would feel, then? The answer is obvious.

According to Alan Gurney,[2]

“An active listener pays full attention to the speaker and ensures they understand the
information being delivered. You can’t be distracted by an incoming call or a Facebook
status update. You have to be present and in the moment.

Body language is an important tool to ensure you do this. The correct body language
makes you a better active listener and therefore more ‘open’ and receptive to what the
speaker is saying. At the same time, it indicates that you are listening to them.”

3. Avoid Interrupting the Speaker

I am certain you wouldn’t want to be in the middle of a sentence only to see the other
person holding up a finger or their mouth open, ready to step into your unfinished
verbiage. It’s rude and causes anxiety. You would, more than likely, feel a need to rush
what you’re saying just to finish your sentence.

Interrupting is a sign of disrespect. It is essentially saying, “what I have to say is much

more important than what you’re saying.” When you interrupt the speaker, they feel
frustrated, hurried, and unimportant.

Interrupting a speaker to agree, disagree, argue, etc., causes the speaker to lose track of
what they are saying. It’s extremely frustrating. Whatever you have to say can wait until
the other person is done.

Be polite and wait your turn!

4. Ask Questions

Asking questions is one of the best ways to show you’re interested. If someone is telling
you about their ski trip to Mammoth, don’t respond with, “that’s nice.” That would show
a lack of interest and disrespect. Instead, you can ask, “how long have you been skiing?”
“Did you find it difficult to learn?” “What was your favorite part of the trip?” etc. The
person will think highly of you and consider you a great conversationalist just by you
asking a few questions.

5. Just Listen

This may seem counterintuitive. When you’re conversing with someone, it’s usually back
and forth. On occasion, all that is required of you is to listen, smile, or nod your head,
and your speaker will feel like they’re really being heard and understood.

I once sat with a client for 45 minutes without saying a word. She came into my office in
distress. I had her sit down, and then she started crying softly. I sat with her—that’s all I
did. At the end of the session, she stood, told me she felt much better, and then left.

I have to admit that 45 minutes without saying a word was tough. But she didn’t need
me to say anything. She needed a safe space in which she could emote without
interruption, judgment, or me trying to “fix” something.

6. Remember and Follow Up

Part of being a great listener is remembering what the speaker has said to you, then
following up with them.

For example, in a recent conversation you had with your co-worker Jacob, he told you
that his wife had gotten a promotion and that they were contemplating moving to New
York. The next time you run into Jacob, you may want to say, “Hey, Jacob! Whatever
happened with your wife’s promotion?” At this point, Jacob will know you really heard
what he said and that you’re interested to see how things turned out. What a gift!

According to new research, “people who ask questions, particularly follow-up questions,
may become better managers, land better jobs, and even win second dates.” [3]

It’s so simple to show you care. Just remember a few facts and follow up on them. If you
do this regularly, you will make more friends.

7. Keep Confidential Information Confidential

If you really want to be a better listener, listen with care. If what you’re hearing is
confidential, keep it that way, no matter how tempting it might be to tell someone else,
especially if you have friends in common. Being a good listener means
being trustworthy and sensitive with shared information.

Whatever is told to you in confidence is not to be revealed. Assure your speaker that
their information is safe with you. They will feel relieved that they have someone with
whom they can share their burden without fear of it getting out.

Keeping someone’s confidence helps to deepen your relationship. Also, “one of the most
important elements of confidentiality is that it helps to build and develop trust. It
potentially allows for the free flow of information between the client and worker and
acknowledges that a client’s personal life and all the issues and problems that they have
belong to them.”[4]

Be like a therapist: listen and withhold judgment.

NOTE: I must add here that while therapists keep everything in a session confidential,
there are exceptions:

1. If the client may be an immediate danger to himself or others.

2. If the client is endangering a population that cannot protect itself, such as in the case of a
child or elder abuse.

8. Maintain Eye Contact

When someone is talking, they are usually saying something they consider meaningful.
They don’t want their listener reading a text, looking at their fingernails, or bending
down to pet a pooch on the street. A speaker wants all eyes on them. It lets them know
that what they’re saying has value.

Eye contact is very powerful. It can relay many things without anything being said.
Currently, it’s more important than ever with the Covid-19 Pandemic. People can’t see
your whole face, but they can definitely read your eyes.

By eye contact, I don’t mean a hard, creepy stare—just a gaze in the speaker’s direction
will do. Make it a point the next time you’re in a conversation to maintain eye contact
with your speaker. Avoid the temptation to look anywhere but at their face. I know it’s
not easy, especially if you’re not interested in what they’re talking about. But as I said,
you can redirect the conversation in a different direction or just let the person know
you’ve got to get going.

Final Thoughts
Listening attentively will add to your connection with anyone in your life. Now, more
than ever, when people are so disconnected due to smartphones and social media,
listening skills are critical.
You can build better, more honest, and deeper relationships by simply being there,
paying attention, and asking questions that make the speaker feel like what they have to
say matters.

And isn’t that a great goal? To make people feel as if they matter? So, go out and start
honing those listening skills. You’ve got two great ears. Now u