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Interview Transcript: “Lorna, 34 years old”

Line Number

IGQ 1. Will you please share to us Ma’am your story while growing

up?

1Our family is from Calapan, Oriental Mindoro. I grew up with.. there were three of us.

2Me as the eldest, and then my brother who is two years younger than me, and then my

3sister Lara. We came from different fathers. Uhh.. I think my earliest memory of

4childhood was a tragic one. Maybe that’s why it became my earliest memory, an imprint

5that was painful. Uhm, it was uhh.. one day we were left at home iniwan kami ng mama

6namin. Tapos sa memory ko I think uhh..it was our mother who worked and the father

7that I knew was the one left to look after us. Uhm, turns out to be my stepfather. He loved

8playing basketball, he loved staying outside..tambay, mahilig tumambay. We were left at

9home kasi wala nga si mama uhh..I remember yung dalawa kong kapatod asked for milo,

10so merong milo. Diba yung milo dati yung bottle niya yung glass na makapal yung

11garapon nakapatong siya sa table. Siguro mga five ako. Humingi sila ng milo, so

12tinimplahan ko sila ng milo. Natapon! Siguro five lang ako or six nun. Sloppy pa sloppy

13gumalaw, so tinimplahan ko sila. Nakita nung papa namin, nagalit siya. I remember him

14as a very temperament father, so nagalit siya sinampal niya ako dito sa may bibig

15pumutok yung bibig ko. Every time I remember until now nafe-feel ko yung pain kahit na

16sobrang bata pa kami. Uhm, pag-uwi ng mama namin hapon na yun tas nakita niya,

17nakita niya yung putok na labi ko. Nag-away sila tapos alsabalutan kami bilis. Ang mama

18naming kasi ano yun masayahin, loving, pero mainitin din yung ulo niya tapos she’s

19impulsive. So kapag merong mga conflicts, aalis so alsabalutan kami. My childhood

20memory included moments when we travel parang kapag merong gulo naka ready na

21yung bags alis na kami. Tatlo talaga kami lageng magkakasama. Naka ano na yun naka

22ready na yung mga damit. In short, naghiwalay sila and for a long time it was a burden on

23my part because I’ve always thought na I was the reason why they had to separate. We

24moved to Batangas, I think we lived with one of my mother’s friends. Nakitira kami doon

25and then I remember one time uhh parang sa cine no. Merong batis diyan sa harap kasi

26Batangas eh, pero probinsya siya don. May batis diyan tas may simpleng bahay, lupa pa

27yung ground hindi sya sementado or concrete na bahay. Tapos sinusuklayan ako ng

28mama ko, I had to ask her “bakit po ganun kung saktan ako ni Papa?” Doon niya sinabi

29“kasi hindi siya yung Papa mo. Iba yung Papa mo.” So, Papa siya ng brother ko tsaka

30nung sister ko, so dun ko naintindihan kase parati niya akong pinapalo nun tapos parang

31yun na yung ultimately. Doon ko naintindihan bakit biglaang alis kami. Kumbaga

32sinampal lang naman ako masakit talaga, pero was that enough reason for us to leave him

33and start a another life somewhere else? So, parang napuno na siguro si mama and hindi

34na niya kaya. Sa isip ko rin baka siguro kase wala na ngang work tapos mainitin yung ulo

35parang nagsama-sama na yung mga reasons. Pero nung naghiwalay sila don din

36nagsimula yung parang magulo na kase wala ka ng Papa tapos lahat ng siguro lahat ng

37problema nandun sa Mama. Uhm ang matandaan ko next iniwan kami sa isang orphanage

38sa Pasay. Uhm turns out when she left home, when we left home she was pregnant. So,

39nung nandoon na kami kasi vague memories na to eh. When we, when we were left at the

40orphanage it was named Home of Joy which right now I cannot locate anymore on

41Google or Facebook. We were left there apat na kami meron kaming baby, so since

42meron kaming baby pumupunta ako sa nursery section nung orphanage. I think that’s
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43when I got the love for children and I became a teacher kase gustong-gusto ko yung mga

44bata dun. So I was among the children there. Syempre wala kang malay kasi di naman

45niya inexplain sayo tas bata ka, bata kayong lahat hindi niyo alam kung bakit kayo

46nandun. Siguro nung time na yun akala naming bakasyon lang. Uhm there was I don’t

47remember any fear thinking that uhh what if she doesn’t take us back? What if she

48doesn’t return for us? Walang ganung thoughts. Happy memories yung meron doon sa

49orphanage. Uhm, yun pumupunta ako sa nursery tinitignan ko yung mga babie tsaka yung

50baby namin. May routine, sobra yung discipline, may church day, merong playtime

51kumpleto siya. But I had an accident, in short. So, we were playing one Sunday after

52church, after church time we went to the playground meron dung double glider na swing

53naipit yung binti ko doon nadurog yung dito. I think it was God’s way of redirecting our

54family. Bumalik si Mama doon sa orphanage kinuha niya kami. Kinuha niya kami tas

55bumalik kami sa Oriental Mindoro kung saan talaga kami nakatira, pero hindi na siya

56bumalik doon sa husband niya. Uhm, hindi naman sila married, so wala na masyadong

57complications. Hindi rin kami ginulo nung husband niya, pero nung time nay un malinaw

58sa akin na hindi ko yun Papa. So, doon nagsimula yung search nasaan ang Papa ko? Sino

59ang Papa ko? So, ganun siya. Bumalik kami sa Mindoro pero nakapag asawa ulit si

60Mama. So, dito na mag start yung Grade 1 ako mas malinaw na sa akin. Nung time na

61naaksidente kami..ako uhm wala that’s siguro six years old or five nung umalis kami.

62Grabe no parang series of unfortunate events. Bumalik kami sa Mindoro tapos nag-aral

63ako Grade 1 tas I remember meron na siyang..uhm..meron ng ibang partner yung Mama

64naming. So, we lived with ano, we lived like an extended family lahat kami, mga kapatid

65ni Mama sa isang malaking bahay. May resort kase sila, well off kase yung family uhm
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66Mama is from a Chinese lineage na may kaya, may mga negosyo sila doon. Kaya lang

67yun nga medyo unstable sa decision making, so pag ganyan ”alis ka!” pinapalayas. Kaya

68ganun kami, para kaming nomads. So, pag dating ng grade 1 meron na siyang ibang

69asawa. They lived in Quezon City naiwan ako sa Mindoro, doon nag start yung parental

70absence. Uhm so they started a family, another family nabuntis ulit siya. Uhm, may

71kumbaga may bagong panimula, pero yung bagong panimula na yun may naiwan kaming

72baby sa orphanage na pinaampon talaga siya. Hanggang ngayon hindi pa namin siya

73kilala. So bale nung nagkaroon siya ng bagong relationship, si Mama. Tumira sila sa

74Quezon City kasama yung sister ko yung bunso tsaka yung brother ko. Ako naiwan ako

75sa Mindoro tapos si Mama got pregnant again. So, I lived with Aunts and Uncles uhm

76hanggang Grade 3. So yun parang every birthday ko ang wish ko is makasama yung

77family ko or makita yung Mama ko uhm makita ko ang Papa ko or kunin ako ng Mama

78kasama ang mga kapatid ko hanggang Grade 3 yun. Two years kaming hindi

79magkakasama, then Grade 4 kinuha nila ako sa Mindoro. Sama-sama kami sa Quezon

80City, so yung school records namin makikita mo ang gulo ng..ng records kase

81magkakaiba yung locations. So, we lived in Quezon City for a year. We studied at San

82Bartolome Elementary School. Uhm..masaya pero mahirap kase si Mama stay home

83tapos yung husband niya si Tito Randolph (not his real name) bait bait na man. Uhm,

84family driver siya, so back then he earned 150 pesos per day. So, we lived a life na

85uutang kami sa tindahan..sa sari-sari store tas uutang kami sa talipapa, gulay or isda tapos

86yun buhay na kami ng buong araw. Tapos pagdating niya sa hapon kase daily yung

87sweldo niya. Pagdating niya sa hapon babayaran niya yun lahat. Ganun araw-araw it was

88difficult kase she gave birth na dun sa, so apat na kami apat na kami. Hindi nila kinaya so
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89ako nanaman yung ginive up nila. Balik akong Mindoro tumira nanaman sa isa pang uhh

90family na kapatid ni Mama. Pero ito na family struggling din financially, pero kumbaga

91may family. I don’t know bakit ako. Inexplain nila noon, kase daw tahimik ako hindi

92mahihirapan kung kanino man ako titira. Tapos masipag ako mahilig ako maglinis lalo na

93sa bahay at responsible kase ate eh, so marunong ako mag-alaga ng bata. So, ang naging

94role ko dun sa tito at tita mag-alaga ng mga pinsan, tumulong maglaba, magsampay,

95maglinis ng bahay. Ganun nakita niyo yung ugat ugat maaga yan lumabas uhh..so ako

96yung nandun, sila yung magkakasama. Dung nag start yung “bakit ako palagi yung

97malayo, bakit sila magkakasama?” “bakit ako, nagpapakabait naman ako, bakit ako yung

98give up talaga yung term. Bakit ako yung gini-give up?” So grade 5 yun, diba grade 4 ako

99sa..sa Manila…Quezon City. Pagka Grade 5 Mindoro, pag ka Grade 6 GenSan. Iba

100nanaman ako nanaman yung malayo uhm..doon sa Gensanville. So, sa Gensanville

101naman ang tinirhan ko don yung Uncle ko na walang family. Kinuha niya ako kase hindi

102kaya nila Mama tapos hindi kaya nung tinirhan ko nung Grade 5 kase nga financially

103struggling tapos yung environment doon hindi ganun kaganda. May mga nag bibisyo sa

104mga kapitbahay, so kinuha ako nung Uncle ko. Yung Uncle ko na yung Ninong ko din.

105Panganay siya sa siyam na magkakapatid ni Mama. Kinuha niya ako sa Gensanville

106uhmm actually dalawa kami na kinuha ako at saka yung brother ko kasi struggle na talaga

107si Mama. Doon kami tumira uhm ang life naman dun, yung Tito naming introvert. He’s a

108computer programmer at the City Hall. He was, he passed away na three or four years

109ago. He was a computer programmer, so kami tahimik..tahimik talaga. Uhm, so yung

110buhay naming dun parang kami-kami lang. Tapos tahimik. Kakain kami na walang nag-

111uusap tapos pag magluluto lang siya tapos ako yung ipapa-slice niya ng mga ingredients.
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112Ako yung gagalaw tapos lulutuin niya tapos yun na. Kakain na kami, quiet lang kami

113tapos papasok siya sa room niya. Mag-aano ako maghuhugas, mag lilinis ganun lang siya

114halos on everyday. Maglalaba ako pag ano talagang trabahong bahay. Tahimik siya but

115he valued education. Grabe ang grabe ang tutok niya sa akin sa pag-aaral. Hindi siya nag

116tu-tutor, hindi siya nagtuturo pero ayaw niya ng mababang grades. Uhm magagalit siya

117tapos very strict. Hindi pwedeng mag boyfriend, hindi pwedeng mag crush yung ganun

118na typical na Grade 6 hanggang High School. Uhm, pero I think kahit naman hindi siya

119ganu ka-strict magsisikap talaga ako. Yung hugot na patutunayan ko na worth ako sa

120attention niyo. Kase bakit ako yung malayo tapos kayo magkakasama? Kase after a year

121nung Grade 6, nung Grade 5 yung brother ko Grade 5 or Grade 4 dinala siya ulit sa

122Manila. Naiwan nanaman ako, so ako nanaman mag isa yung nasa Gensanville isa lang

123ako sa bahay. So pero sila kumbaga they also did not live a good life there. Mama had to

124work. Grabe yung hugot mag-aral. Nag janitress siya sa mga offices, nag serve siya sa

125mga club yung mga ano. So, kayod! Kayod talaga. Si Mama was intelligent, but naabutan

126siya nung transition from typewriters to computers. Uhm and yung modernization nag

127ganun kumbaga na hagip siya hindi siya naka keep up. So, yung job opportunities for her

128became limited and then nagkaanak nga, so nagkaroon ng family. Hindi na siya

129nakagalaw, so every time may mababalitaan akong ganun. Kase nagsusulatan kami,

130nagse-send siya ng mga sulat tapos nagkekwento siya. She was very strong wala kang

131makita sa kanya na “nak nahihirapan ako” walang ganun nag kekwento lang talaga siya

132na basta kumita. Ako naman paramg “gagalingan ko sa school, mag-aaral ako ng mabuti”

133para one day ano na siya hindi na siya mag wo-work. So, kumbaga ako yung malayo pero

134ako yung nangagarap for her, for all of us. Tapos she died when I was sixteen. 2011 she
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135passed away kase she..she had uhh diabetes. Actually nasa buong family yun. At a very

136young she was 39 when she passed away. Nung time na yun parang I was at the peak of

137achievement…achieving sa City High. Tapos everything was for her, so it was so

138difficult when we lost her kase parang para saan pa ito lahat? Bakit hindi umabot? So,

139kumbaga yung success was because of those who were absent. Diba wala siya pero

140pinaghirapan ko na magkasama-sama kami. And the yun so kumbaga I..yung buong time

141na nandito ako sa GenSan. I was with my uncle who was so quiet. There was no

142emotional support at all, so the emotional support was from my friends, sa family ng

143friends ko ganun siya. Pero grabe the dream was so clear. The vision was so clear na

144tatapusin ko to. I will be a teacher or a pediatrician. Yun yung dream sobrang focus.

145Mag-aral ako sa maayos na University, makagraduate ako, so Mama wouldn’t work as a

146Janitress. Yun talaga yung nasa mind ko. I did not have dreams for my siblings parang di

147sila kasama yung Mama lang namin. So, inayos ko yung buhay ko. Number 1, para hindi

148mangyari sa family ko yung nangyari samin kase sobrang hirap. Number 2, para maiahon

149yung family sa hirap. Hindi kami forever na ganun. Ganun lang siya basically. So, we

150lost her. After..after niyang mamatay uhm..syempre yung husband niya, yung last niya na

151husband. Hindi naman matiyagaan yung brother ko tsaka yung sister ko. Kase iba rin

152yung personality nila. Sila yung hindi susunod agad, they have their own independent

153minds yung dalawa kong kapatid. Mejo temperament yung ano yung personality. So,

154hindi mo maexpect na tiyatiyagain sila nung husband. Kumbaga ni’let go. Kung saan-

155saan tumira. So, nung nililibing si Mama papasok siya ng puntod yung scene talaga sa

156sementeryo. Sila doon nag-iiyakan nakahawak sila doon sa kabaong ni Mama. Ako doon

157sa may likod kase usually I feel better when I’m not with people. Mas reflective kase ako.
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158Nakatingin lang ako sa kanila tas I was asking the Lord. “Lord, bakit ganito? Para saan pa

159lahat yung hirap ko? Yung lahat ng trinabaho ko, lahat ng pinagtiyagaan ko?” I was

160sixteen then. “Para saan lahat ito?” You know he directed my..my sight to my siblings.

161Parang sinagot niya ako na “Heto pa oh, may mga kapatid ka pa na mas bata na hindi rin

162alam anong mangyayari sa kanila pagkatapos.” So, sila yung naging ano ko bago kong

163goal. Uhh..so tinuloy ko ayos pa rin. Ayusin parin kase kahit ako nalang naman aayusin

164ko yung buhay ko diba? Ganun lang siya. Bakit ko sisirain kung naranasan na namin

165lahat ng hirap. Uhm, so tuloy lang. Sabi ko sa sarili ko ayaw ko ng balikan yung mga

166panahon na parang iba-iba yung tinitirhan ko. Hindi ka makakain ng buwelo kase feeling

167mo pabigat ka doon sa family. Diba? Hindi ka maka alam mo yung term na hilata? Yung

168masarap na higa sa sofa kase hindi mo siya bahay. Sobrang sobrang restricted ka in a lot

169of things that you’re going to because you’re always a guest. A guest who serves a

170family. Wala akong problema na maglinis ng mga bahay kase yung it gives..it gives me

171joy. Maglinis, maghugas ng pinggan pero yung to have a family na makakausap mo,

172makakwentuhan mo, makakatawa kayo together. Sabi ko ayaw ko na siyang balikan, so

173aayusin ko yung buhay ko. Ganun talaga siya. So, nung dumating lahat ng tests kase

174sixteen..sixteen ako nung nawala si Mama. Season yun ng mga entrance test to different

175Universities. Lahat ng pwede kong i-take, tinake ko. I took uhh hindi ako sure kung nag

176Ateneo ako pero I attended the orientation. Uhm NDMU, lahat ng opportunities na

177dumating. Uhm, pinasa ko silang lahat in God’s grace ng walang review review. Kase

178yung Uncle ko kuripot, strikto, kuripot yung ganun. Wala talaga siyang support na

179binibigay. In fact, nung 3rd year ako high school nag stop na siya magbigay ng baon.

180Binigyan niya ako ng 280 pesos one day. Tapos sabi niya “Det. Ito na yung huli kong
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181ibibigay sayo. Gawan mo nalang ng paraan para maituloy mo yan.” Ganun. So,

182diba..anong gagawin mo? Alangan namang mag-ano ka pa? Gumawa ka ng paraan! So,

183sabi ko “may oven siya” meron siyang mga recipe book. Marami siyang mga cut out ng

184recipe book. Mag-aaral akong mag bake. Bili ako ng ingredients, so yung 280 niya

185ginamit ko pambili ng ingredients. Nag be-bake ako sa gabi tapos binebenta ko sa

186classmates ko pag araw. So, habang nag-aaral ako at least may reason akong magpuyat

187para mag-aral. Kase hinihintay komg lumamig yung cake. Chocolate cake, banana cake

188iba-iba siya. Kase mga..kung maka bake ako ng 7 or 8 P.M, by 11 nag ano na siya

189malamig na. Pwede ko na siyang maslice para the following day ready to eat na siya.

190Lagay lang siya sa tissue tapos binibili ng three pesos ng classmates ko. Ganun tiyagaan

191talaga hanggang sa naka graduate ako. I was a scholar of Cargill Philippines nung high

192school. So, yung Uncle ko ang binibigay niya nalang talaga sa akin yung tinitirhan ko,

193yung pamasahe ko. Pero lahat ng expenses sa City High sagoy siya ng Cargill

194Philippines. And then ganun I was able to graduate on Pedro Acharon nung Grade 6 as

195the class valedictorian. Kase yun yung pinakamatindi ko na hugot. Diba yun yung unang

196ang layo ko nasa Mindanao ako, nasa Manila sila. Sabi ko aayusin ko to. Gulat na gulat

197lahat na nag valedictorian ako. Pag dating ng High School honorable mention 6th

198honorable mention ako. Tapos yun I passed the different Universities uhm ganda nung

199ano ganda nung turn out nun. Uhh I was supposed to study BS Biology at Notre Dame of

200Marbel University. I was granted 50% scholarship naka arrange na yung titirhan ko dun.

201Parang may foster family na friend ng Uncle ko. Yun yung napili ko na University and

202then we received an information na I passed UP. Ayaw ko mag UP kase maiiwan ko

203yung friends ko sa City High na parang mga kapatid ko na. Tas back then may boyfriend
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204ako sa City High. Asawa ko ngayon. Ayaw ko rin iwan kase ang layo. Tapos if other

205people look up to UP, I did not kase I did not know what UP was. Wala eh taga Mindoro

206ako tas taga GenSan malay ko sa UP. Tapos yung Uncle ko 3rd year pa lang ako sabi niya

207“ayusin mo ang pag-aaral mo para makapasa kang UP.” Siya yung talagang nag U-UP

208UP UP. Lahat ng friends ko nag re-review center, ako hindi nag re-review parang wow!

209What an expectation. Uh dapat makapasa ka ng UP. Nung lumabas ang result ng

210UPCAT, I passed. Ayaw niya naman akong ipatuloy sa UP kase daw mataas daw yung

211cost of living hindi daw niya kaya. So, edi ang sarap ng desisyon kase I will have to stay

212here but there was this coordinator ng scholarship namin sa Cargill si Ma’am Lara (not

213her real name). Nag punta siya sa bahay after learning that I passed the UPCAT and then

214she told me “Cargill is willing to send you to UP. Mag pay ng 1st sem tuition, mag cover

215ng flight to Manila.” Tapos hinanapan nila ako ng family kung saan ako titira. Mag

216woworking student ako, so parang they prepared everything for me. Ang iniimagine ko

217nun kase tapos na High School eh. College na so ano na? Nandito na naka prepare na

218ready na may scholarship. Tapos ito UP Manila, UP Diliman yun eh so I will have to go

219to Manila and work in a family. Iniimagine ko si Cinderella yung mga pag mamaltrato sa

220kanya. Grabe yun yung masasabe ko na first leap of faith. I don’t know what happened. I

221decided to accept the UP offer. Uhm parang Lord, ikaw na bahala kase ikaw naman nag

222bigay neto na bridge. So, kase kung sa NDMU BS Biology, kung sa UP special

223education..gen..uh..Bachelor of Elementary Education Major in Special Education. So, in

224short we decided to go for the UP na program. Then I worked there as uhh resident tutor.

225So, may isang family na very busy kase supplier sila ng bench. They have a garments

226factory until now. They supply clothes to bench, kashieca, human ngayon sa mga
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227landmark na shops. Ganun yung business nila and because of their engagement dun sa

228business nila uhm hindi nila matutukan ang mga bata. Nag-aaral sila sa Greenhills

229Assumption, Antipolo tsaka yung isa nasa small school siya pero ang ganda-ganda ng

230program niya sa Marikina. So, ganun grabe yung prayer ko na “Lord, ikaw na bahala sa

231akin. Hindi ko alam kung ano tong papasukin ko. Hindi ko alam ano yung magiging

232buhay ko, pero since binigay mo ito. I know you are going to be with me.” Turns out

233yung family Christian siya na family Born again. Sobrang bait yung tipong may mga

234days doon na umiiyak ako homesick. Hindi naman nila ako icocomfort kase ano pa rin eh

235stranger. Pero maiiyak ka kase family sila yung ganun. Hala may Mama may Papa and I

236did not know how to move sa isang family na sobrang bait. Kase sanay ako ng nagagalit

237sila or limited yung pagkain tapos andaming ano. Dito sobrang bait na family. Yung

238sobrang inalagaan nila ako. Sa mga bago nilang friends they would introduce me as their

239eldest daughter. Kase kahawig ko yung panaganay tas pareho kami ng buhok straight na

240bagsak. Sobrang bait nung family, so nakapag-aral ako ng maayos. Uhm, may sweldo

241ako doon. Pag kinukulang ako pati plantsahin nila kinukuha ko pag Sunday. Kumbaga

242nasa UP na ako I was a scholar and eventually binitawan ako ng Cargill. Ang sabi lang

243kase nila 1st sem, ako na yung bahala pag datind ko doon. May tuition din kase Malaki pa

244din yung tutition dun dati. Ngayon wala na diba basta State U. So uhh..ang nangyari

245scholarship yung..UP scholarship yung nandun nagamit ko sa tuition tapos may sweldo

246ako na 2,500PhP. Dun yung pamasahe ko tsaka pagkain. Pag may extra time ako nag

247tututor ako ng Koreans para may extra pa ako para sa mga readings, and then I was a part

248of different organizations. So, I was able to develop myself. Grabe juggling as in

249juggling. I had a Christian organization UP campus crusade for Christ. Meron akong
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250tatlong College organizations; Special Education Council, Education Society tsaka

251yung.pati yung Science and Math Major Advocative Responsible Teaching. I was a part

252of that kahit hindi ako major nun. Uhm, so ito yung mga organizations that helped me

253develop the better version of myself and I was elected as the Vice Chairperson of the

254College of Education Student Council. Then later on I became the Chairperson kase na

255impeach yung Chair kase hindi siya umaattend sa meetings and she doesn’t take part in

256the projects. Ganun kasi talaga doon. Ang pinakamasarap was despite all the struggles,

257the juggling, the schedule, working I finished College as Cum Laude. Ang sarap sarap sa

258feeling kase parang lahat ng hirap talagang nag pay off. Ang sad lang hindi na nawitness

259ni Mama. She did not even know that I passed UP kase before lumabas yung result

260nawala na siya. There..so..it’s possible to succeed even without your parents. I think it’s

261even more possible to succeed even if you are not religious. Kase yung iba sasabihin nila

262uhm hindi pa bata pa hindi naman marunong magdasal. Walang nag gu-guide walang sa

263ano mga tinirhan ko I don’t remember anybody na pupunta kami sa church. Walang

264ganun talagang nag survive. The love was there but you know the typical Filipino family

265na hindi naman expressive. Mahal ka nila pero hindi yung aalagaan ka nila or ano.

266Titignan nila yung needs mo walang ganun. Iba pa rin talaga pag pamilya pero I think

267merong blessing na binibigay sa orphans. Uhm, ile-lead ka ni God kung saan niya plano

268ka mapunta. Kase when..when I look back, from the orphanage pinakuha niya kami eh. It

269was an accident sa akin tapos ako lage. Parang ako lage, bakit ako lage? Ako yung

270naaksidente kasama ko naman doon sila. Ako yung pinalayo uh nilayo niya ako from

271Mama siguro kase magulo yung utak ni Mama and palaging ako yung kinukuha. Kase

272siguro ako yung may focus and meron akomg mission na kailangan gawin na kailangan
 13

273magdirediretso. Yung personality ko tsaka yung temperament ko sobrang iba doon sa

274mga kapatid ko. Pero yung talino ko walang sinabi sa kanila. Sobrang mas matalino sila

275kung talino at talino. They needed Mama kaya nung nawala si Mama sobra silang

276shattered. In fact hanggang ngayon hindi pa sila tapos mag-aral. Hindi nila natatapos

277yung kailangan nilang tapusin because the brokenness has not healed. Ganun uhm they

278have not forgiven their father. Ako na forgive ko yung father ko. In fact kasama siya sa

279prayers ko na sana mameet ko, mameet ko sana. At na meet ko siya! Nagkita kami sa

280facebook in 2013. Nahanap ko siya finally after so many years na nakablock siguro ako.

281Uhm, nag hiwalay sila ng wife niya. Kaya finally free na siya to reconnect with his

282children kase may isa pa siyang anak with somebody else. Bugoy..bugoy na Papa lero

283nag meet kame and masarap yung buhya kapag wala kang dalang galit. Lalo na sa

284magulang mo. Uhm, kumbaga si Mama I dreamed for her. Hindi ako nagalit na ako lage

285yung na ginigive up niya. Bakit sila magkakasama. Siguro iniisip niya kase ako kaya ko

286na malayo yung dalawa hindi. Tsaka yung dalawa palaging napapagalitan. Sila yung type

287na laging mapapalo kase mahilig lumabas ng bahay, hindi nag-lilinis yung ganun. Kaya

288naisip niya kung kailangan man ng tulong ng family namin yung hindi maugtas yung

289titirhan and that happens to be me. Uh nameet ko Papa ko nasa Canada siya. Meron na

290siyang family doon uhm nag babalitaan kami from time to time. Kumbaga nameet ko

291lang siya pero wala pa rin akong Papa. Kase Papa na siya ng iba yung ganun pero

292masarap lang sa loob na uhh naforgive ko siya. Nakapag-usap na kame and nakahingi na

293siya ng apology na iniqan niya kame. Nung nabuntis si Mama hindi niya hinarap. When

294Mama told him na she was pregnant, sinabihan niya talaga na “hindi pa ako handa”. So,

295Mama had to face everything alone. Sa kwento ni Mama dati nung sinabi niyang nabuntis
 14

296siya. Uhm, pinalayas siya so kumbaga nagbuntis siya sakin na very emotional. Tumira

297siya sa kaibigan. Sa isang groto malapit sa Our Lady of Lourdes kaya pangalan ko Lorna

298(not her real name). Tapos nagkataon pa nung birthday ko a day before The Lady of

299Lourdes Feb 10..Feb 11 nung Lady of Lourdes. So parang she was destined to be there.

300She was destined to pray don sa tabi ng groto sa time na sobra siyang nahirapan. So, this

301is a big Chinese family siya yung unang nabuntis tas wala siyang boyfriend, wala siyang

302asawa. Tinakwil siya ah grabe, so parang naisip ko magagalit pa ba ako sa Mama ko? Sa

303klase ng buhay na hinarap niya. Proud nalang ako sa kanya kase hindi niya kami ginive

304up. Hindi niyaa kami nilaglag, pinaglalaban niya kami. Pag nag-aaway ng partner niya

305bitbit niya kame, sama-sama kame. Grabe kung saan saan kami tumira. May tinirhan

306kami na nakisilong kami one time ang katabi namin kulongan ng aso. As in silong ganun

307makikita mo. Kaya ako you never expect any cruelty from me. Kase tanggap namin siya

308nung bata kame. Kaya sinabe ko talaga sa sarili ko “I’ll never be this person na

309maghahasik ng lagim sa mga taong nangangailangan ng tulong.” Si Mama died of

310complications from diabetes. Nag convulsion siya..nag convulsion siya. Tapos tumakbo

311humingi ng tulong yung sister ko. Uhh..magkano binigay sa kanya ng Papa..20PhP?

312Sobra..pero yung nararamdaman kase natin sa mga tao dapat galing siya kay God. Wag

313ka mag feel ng anger, wag ka mag feel ng resentment lase mabigat siya sayo. So, parang

314kung ano man yung nangyari kay Mama kase walang tumulong. Wala kaming magagawa

315doon. Uhh..basta ang importante hindi kami maging ganun. Hindi kami maging ganun sa

316ibang tao and talagang forgive everyone. Pasalamatan kung ano yung pwedeng

317pasalamatan. No matter how they treated us, they treated me nung time na sa kanila kami

318nakatira or sa kanila ako nakatira. Pasalamatan nalang na binigyan nila ako ng bubong,
 15

319binigyan nila ako ng pagkain at kasama sa bahay. Ganun nalang siya and si Lord na yung

320mag bebless sayo trhrough enough. I think God has been very gracious kasi He gave me a

321kind husband and the family that I have always prayed for. Tsaka yung work I’ve been

322with Wizard for 12 years na. Hindi ako umaalis kase the whole time I’d been living in

323different places. Pagod na akong palipat-lipat. Uhm, ang mga tao dito magalang. See they

324left? Office nila to pero umalis. Magalang, mapagmahal. Wizard has a culture yung kilala

325sa labas warm smiles and kindness. I was very alive ditto sa school. Ang..yung respeto

326sobrang mataas. Love is really there. People are concerned genuinely. I was not able to

327experience these things when I was young and I found it here. So, bakit pa ako aalis?

328Lahat siya magkakaconnect. I think my work right now is a blessing for me. I think my

329family is a blessing for me. The kind of husband that the Lord allowed me to marry is a

330blessing for me. Tapos high school pa kame, Kami na. Naghiwalay kami ng matagal pero

331kami pa rin in the end. (Our family is from Calapan, Oriental Mindoro. I grew up with..

332there were three of us. Me as the eldest, and then my brother who is two years younger

333than me, and then my sister Lara. We came from different fathers. Uhh.. I think my

334earliest memory of childhood was a tragic one. Maybe that’s why it became my earliest

335memory, an imprint that was painful. Uhm, it was uhh.. one day we were left at home, we

336were left by our mother. As far as I can remember, I think uhh..it was our mother who

337worked and the father that I knew was the one left to look after us. Uhm, turns out to be

338my stepfather. He loved playing basketball, he loved staying outside.. he likes to spend

339time outside. We were left at home because our mother wasn’t there uhh..I remember my

340two brothers asked for a Milo, so there was Milo. Remember Milo having an a glass a

341cup mounted on a tiny cup-table? When I was five years old. They asked for a Milo, so I
 16

342made milo for the both of them. It was spilt! When I was five years old or six? I was kind

343of a sloppy guy, so I made them Milo. When our dad saw what I did, he got angry. I

344remember him as a very temperament father, so he slapped my face it hit my lips and it

345bled. Every time I remember until now I can still feel the pain because we were too young

346back then. Uhm, when my mom arrived home, she saw the cut on my lips. They fought

347and we packed things and immediately ran off..Our Mom was loving and happy but

348sometimes her heads just seems to get hot sometimes. So, if there were conflicts we would

349pack some thing and run off. My childhood memory included moments when we travel. If

350there’s trouble, we’re always ready to run off with our things. Three of us were always

351together. Things were so ready. In short, they broke up and for a long time it was a

352burden on my part because I’ve always thought I was the reason why they had to

353separate. We moved to Batangas, I think we lived with one of my mother’s friends. We

354rented a space in the place there and then I remember one time uhh..like in the movies.

355There’s this river in front. Of course; It’s Batangas. But it was a province. There’s a

356river and a simple house, Our flooring was soil and it wasn’t even cemented. Then my

357mother would comb my hair, I had to ask her “bakit po ganun kung saktan ako ni

358Papa?” Then she said, “kasi hindi siya yung papa mo. Iba yung papa mo.” So, he was

359the father of my brother and sister, and that’s the part where I understood why they

360would spank us. That’s where I understood why we were always ready to run off. He

361slapped my face hard, but, was that enough reason for us to leave him and start another

362life somewhere else? So, my mother had enough of it. I think nothing’s working anymore

363and the temper seems to go up as it was due to the problems which kept on adding. But

364by the time they separated.. But by the time they separated, everything went haywire
 17

365since my father is not there anymore my mom would catch all the problems. Uhm..the

366only thing I can remember is that they left us in an orphanage in Pasay. Uhm..turns out

367when she left home, when we left home she was pregnant. So, alright, we were there..but

368these are vague memories. When we, when we were left at the orphanage it was named

369Home of Joy which right now I cannot locate anymore on Google or Facebook. We were

370left there four of us each one has a baby, so since we have a baby I went to the Nursery

371station of the orphanage. I think that’s when I got the love for children and I became a

372teacher and I really loved the kids there. So I was among the children there. Of course as

373young as I was back then I didn’t know why I was there, we were all kids and we never

374knew the reason why we’re there. Maybe that time I thought it was only a vacation.

375Uhm..there was.. I don’t remember any fear thinking that uhh..what if she doesn’t take us

376back? What if she doesn’t return for us? Thoughts like those never crossed my mind.

377Happy memories existed in that orphanage. Uhm, so we went to the Nursery Station and

378checked the babies including ours. There was a routine, hard-on discipline, church day,

379and a playtime; it was everything. But I had an accident, in short. So, we were playing

380one Sunday after church, after church time we went to the playground there was a double

381glider swing, my legs we’re stuck and squeezed between the joints of the machine it was

382this part *points part of the leg*. I think it was God’s way of redirecting our family. My

383mother came back and fetched us. She got us and we went back to Oriental Mindoro

384where we originally lived, but she never went back to be with her husband. Uhm, they

385were not married, so there weren’t no complications. Her husband never bothered us,

386but that time it was so clear to me that he wasn’t my father. So, there started my search.

387Where’s my father? What’s his name? So, it went like that. We went back to Mindoro and
 18

388my mother married her loved one there. So, when I reached 1st Grade, it was all so clear

389to me. When we met an accident..I uhm..nothing.. that’s..maybe six years old or five

390when we departed from the place. It was a series of unfortunate events. We went to

391Mindoro and studied there as a 1st grade pupil. Then I remember she has..uhm..our

392mother had a different partner. So, we lived with, we lived like an extended family lahat

393us, and my aunts in the same house. They had a resort. The family was well-off. uhm..

394Mama is from a Chinese lineage whom were rich people, They had business there. There

395were things that I could consider as an unstable sa decision making, so if it happens

396again..”alis ka!” Run off. So, we’re like that *di ko maring*. So, We went I went up to 1st

397grade, my mother as a new lover. They lived in Quezon City I was left in Mindoro, That

398time, Parental Absence started. Uhm..so they started a family, another family she. Uhm,

399Everything’s set for new including the problems I encounctered, it was a fresh start until

400we left a baby in the orphanage and was adopted. We still don’t know the person ‘til

401now. So..when she had a new relationship with her loved on. They lived in Quezon city

402with my two brothers. I was still in the island but I knew *di ko marinig*. So, I lived with

403my Aunts and Uncles uhm..til monday. That time I only wanted one wish; To see my

404family or my mother. I see my dad or my mom would fetch me with my siblings..it was

405until Grade 3 yun. We were never together in 2 years, then Grade 4 they fetched me from

406Mindoro. We were together in Quezon City, If you’ll see our records, it’s sort of messy

407because we have different addresses. So, we lived in Quezon City for a year. We studied

408at San Bartolome Elementary School. Uhm..It was happier than I thought because mom

409would stay in the house for long And then his husband *name* He’s a very kind person.

410Uhm, He’s family driver, so back then he earned 150 pesos per day. So, we lived a life na
 19

411with debts from the store..In a sari-sari store and then we’ll borrow from talipapa,

412vegetable and fish and then we’re good for the day. And when he arrives in the

413afternoon, because his salary was daily. When he arrives in the afternoon he pays for

414everything. Everyday, it was difficult because she gave birth to the four of us. They

415weren’t able to sustain all of us that’s why they gave me up. I went back to Mindoro and

416stayed with a relative of my mom. But this family is also struggling financially, my

417family. I don’t know why me. They explained it to me. They reasoned out the fact that I

418was just a silent boy and I could get along with anybody and stay anywhere. I was a

419diligent kid, I like to clean and im am very responsible, so I know how to take care of a

420baby. So, my role there at their household was to take care of my cousins, to help wash

421the clothes, hang it up and clean the house. So as you can see I have big and protruding

422veins, they appeared so early uhh..so I was there, and they were hanging out. It started in

423“bakit ako palagi yung malayo, bakit sila magkakasama?” “Why me?, I was so good,

424why did they give me up is the term. Bakit ako yung gini-give up?” So I was grade 5 back

425then, right? So I was on grade 4..in Manila…Quezon City. I was in Grade 5 at Mindoro,

426when I got to Grade 6, Im in GenSan. It’s different then because I was the one who’s far

427away uhm..I was in Gensanville. So, in Gensanville, I stayed in my uncle’s whom had no

428family. He adopted me because my own family couldn’t suffice my needs. The home that

429I stayed in when I was in Grade 5 couldn’t do the same because they’re financially

430struggling and the envrinonment wasn’t that good neither. Neighbors had vices, so my

431uncle adopted me. My uncle was also my godfather at the same time. He’s the eldest

432among the nine siblings on my mom’s side. He let me stay in Gensanville uhmm..actually

433He adopted me and my brother because my mom couldn’t give the things that we needed.
 20

434We stayed there uhm..I could describe my life there as, my uncle’s an introvert. He’s a

435computer programmer at the City Hall. He was, he passed away three or four years ago.

436He was a computer programmer, so we were just so silent. Uhm, so our life there was

437like it’s just us. And silent. We were eating without talking. then uh..if..he cooks he lets

438me slice the ingredients. I’m the one who prepares and he’s the one who cooks. So we’re

439eating, we’re both silent when he entered the room. What I do is that I wash the dishes

440and clean the house everyday. I was clothes when..Anyway, it’s all house chores. He

441doesn’t talk much but he valued education. He keenly guides me and keeps me going for

442education. He doesn’t teach me nor tutor me but he never likes low grades. Uhm..He gets

443mad and he’s very strict. No boyfriend, no crush just the typical Grade 6’er until High

444School. Uhm, but I think even if he’s not that strict I’d still do my best. The drive that

445makes me want to prove that im worth your attention. Because why? Im the one who’s

446far and they’re together. After a year in Grade 6, when I was in Grade 5 my brother was

447also Grade 5 or Grade 4..he was brought to Manila. Again, I was left behind. So, like the

448usual, I’m the only one who stayed in Gensanville. So..but they also did not live a good

449life there. Mama had to work. It’s not easy to study. She was a janitress in the offices, she

450worked in a club..you know what I mean. So, work! She really had to work hard. My

451Mom was intelligent, but she was caught up in the transition from typewriters to

452computers. Uhm..and the modernization left her behind and she couldnt keep up. So, the

453job opportunities for her became limited and then she gave birth, so..she had family. She

454technically had no freedom, so every time I hear a news about it. Because we sent each

455other letters, She sends me letters and she tells some stories. She was very strong I

456couldn’t see her complaining “nak nahihirapan ako” She just shares to me the things she
 21

457had to do to earn money. And I’m here saying, “gagalingan ko sa school, mag-aaral ako

458ng mabuti” until the day comes that she no longer has to work. So, apparently I’m the

459one who’s far from her but im the one who actually shares my dream for her, for all of

460us. Unfortunately, she died when I was sixteen. 2011 she passed away beacause she..she

461had uhh..diabetes. Actually it was an inherent disease. At a very young..she was 39 when

462she passed away. That time I guess I was at the peak of achievement…achieving sa City

463High. And everything was for her, so it was so difficult when we lost her because..What’s

464all of these for? Why didn’t she make it? So, most probably the success was because of

465those who were absent. She wasn’t there but I was the one who worked for our unity. And

466then……there so..I was..the whole time that I was here in GenSan. I was with my uncle

467who was so quiet. There was no emotional support at all, so the emotional support was

468from my friends, family of my friends..He was like that. But..amazingly, the dream was so

469clear. The vision was so clear that I had to finish all of these. I will be a teacher or a

470pediatrician. I was so focused in my goal. I will study hard in a University, so that I

471could graduate, So my mom wouldn’t work as a Janitress. It was the only thing in my

472mind. I did not have dreams for my siblings they had no vacant space for it, it was only

473for our mom. So, I had to fix my life. Number 1, so that my family wouldn’t suffer the

474same way my family did. Number 2, to fight ourselves out from proverty. We wont be like

475that forever. Basically, it’s just like that. So, we lost her. After..after she died uhm..of

476course her husband, her last husband. Still couldn’t suffice the needs of my siblings. He

477had a different personality. They were the ones who wouldn’t follow right away, they

478have their own independent mind, my siblings. I guess I had a little temperament in my

479personality. So, you wouldn’t expect that husband would give their needs. Somehow, he
 22

480let it go. Homeless. So, the moment when my mother was about to be buried..the scene in

481the cemetery where she’s going down. Some people were crying and they were trying to

482grab mom’s casket. I was just at the back because usually I feel better when I’m not with

483people. I’m more reflective. I was just looking at them and I was asking the Lord. “Lord,

484bakit ganito? Para saan pa lahat yung hirap ko? Yung lahat ng trinabaho ko, lahat ng

485pinagtiyagaan ko?” I was sixteen then. “Para saan lahat ito?” You know he directed

486my..my sight to my siblings. He answered “Heto pa oh, may mga kapatid ka pa na mas

487bata na hindi rin alam anong mangyayari sa kanila pagkatapos.” So, They had to

488become my new goal in life. Uhh..so I had to continue giving out my best. I had to fix it, if

489I won’t they who would do it for me? Simple as that. Why would I waste the experience

490and the suffering that I had to go through, right? Uhm, so move forward. I told myself

491that I would never go back to the time when I had to stay in different households. You

492couldn’t eat much because you feel inferior and might cause stress to the family you’re

493living with. Right? I couldn’t even lie down rest easily or lie down lazy. The feeling that I

494had to be relaxed. Always restricted in a lot of things that you’re going to because you’re

495always a guest. A guest who serves a family. I had no problems in cleaning the house

496because..it gives..it gives me joy. Cleaning, washing the dishes but the..to have a family

497that you could talk freely to, have laughing moments with. I said, I’m never going back

498there. So, I’ll fix my life. Simple as that. So, when all the test arrives..because I was

499sixteen..I was sixteen when mom died. It was the season of the entrance test to different

500Universities. Every single exam that I knew I could take on, I took on. I took uhh..Not

501sure if I had the Ateneo but I attended an Orientation. Uhm…NDMU, all of the

502oppurtunities came. Uhm, I passed all of the exams without reviewing. Because my uncle
 23

503was too thrifty, strict and you know too thrifty. He never even gave one bit of support. In

504fact, when I was 3rd year ako high school he stopped giving me cash allowances. One

505day he gave me 280 pesos. And then he said “Det. Ito na yung huli kong ibibigay sayo.

506Gawan mo nalang ng paraan para maituloy mo yan.” That. So, what should I do? What

507else are you gonna do? Make a way! So, I told myself “may oven siya” He had recipe

508books. He had cut outs from recipe books. I’ll study on how to bake. I’d buy the

509ingredients, so the 280 pesos that he gave me was the money I used to buy the recipes. I

510bake at night and I sell it to my classmates by tomorrow. So, I had the reason to stay up

511late because I had to review my lessons. I was just waiting for the cake to be cold.

512Chocolate cake, banana cake and other kinds. And if I bake at 7 or 8 P.M, by 11 it

513becomes cold enough. When it’s cold enough I slice it and then by tomorrow it’s ready to

514be eaten. I put it in a decent tissue and then they would buy it for 3 pesos each. Yeah..I

515had to work hard until I graduated. I was a scholar of Cargill Philippines when I was in

516high school. So, the only thing my uncle could offer is the place, and the transportation

517fare. But all of my expenses in City High was taken care of Cargill Philippines. And

518then..I was able to graduate on Pedro Acharon at Grade 6 as the class valedictorian.

519That was my strongest root. Because that was the first time I was literally far away, Im in

520Mindanao and they were in Manila. I told myself im going to fix this. Everybody was

521surprised when they knew I was the valedictorian. When I was in Highschool I was on

522the 6th honorable mention. I passed the different Universities uhm..It turned out

523beautifully. Uhh..I was supposed to study BS Biology at Notre Dame of Marbel

524University. I was granted 50% scholarship my board and lodging were already prepared

525there. I guess there was a foster family whom were friends with my Uncle. I chose that
 24

526University and then we received an information which states that I passed UP. I never

527wanted to go there because I had to leave my friends whom I treated like siblings. Back

528then I had a boyfriend in City High. My loving husband today. I never wanted to leave

529because it’s too far. If other people look up to UP, I did not becase I did not know what

530UP was. What can I say, I’m from both Mindoro and Gensan, I’d care less about U.P.

531And then my uncle was telling me, I was in my 3rd year highschool, “ayusin mo ang pag-

532aaral mo para makapasa kang UP.” He was the one who pushed U-UP UP UP. All of

533my friends had to enroll in review centers, I wasn’t and it awes me. What an expectation.

534Uh..you have to pass UP. When UPCAT results where posted, I passed. Turns out he

535didn’t want me to go because the cost of living there is expensive. So, It was a good

536decision anyway, I will have to stay here but there was this coordinator of a scholarship

537in Cargill she’s named Ma’am Lara (not her real name). She went to my house after

538learning that I passed the UPCAT and then she told me “Cargill is willing to send you to

539UP. Mag pay ng 1st sem tuition, mag cover ng flight to Manila.” And then she looked for

540a place for me to stay there. If I became a working student, they could’ve just prepared

541everything for me. I was imagining it because I was just in Highschool. Now we’re in

542college, what now? So, I’m here ready for the scholarship. Then, this UP Manila, UP

543Diliman. So, I will have to go to Manila and work in a family. I could only imagine that I

544was Cinderella based on how they let me suffer. It was my amazing first leap of faith. I

545don’t know what happened. I decided to accept the UP offer. Uhm… Lord, guide me on

546this because you gave me this road for the taking. So, If I went to NDMU BS Biology,

547and on UP taking up special education..gen..uh..Bachelor of Elementary Education

548Major in Special Education. So, in short we decided to go for the UP na program. Then I
 25

549worked there as uhh..resident tutor. So, there’s this one family who was so busy because

550they were sellers of product of Bench. They have a garments factory until now. They

551supply clothes to bench, kashieca, human, and other well-known apparel shops. It was

552their business and because of their engagement towards their business uhm..they

553couldn’t keep watch on their kids. They’re studying in Greenhills Assumption, Antipolo

554and the other one was in a small school but the educational program in Marikina is so

555well-implemented. So, I prayed and prayed “Lord, ikaw na bahala sa akin. Hindi ko

556alam kung ano tong papasukin ko. Hindi ko alam ano yung magiging buhay ko, pero

557since binigay mo ito. I know you are going to be with me.” Turns out it was a family of

558Chirstians, Born Again to be specific. They were so good to me that it made me cry and

559made me feel a bit homesick. They wouldn’t comfort me because I’m just a stranger to

560the family. I’m crying because they have a family like that. A bit surprised as I am

561because they had two parents. I really did not know what to do. I was so used to limited

562food and resources. Here, the family is good. They take care of me. They would introduce

563me as their eldest daughter if they meet some friends. Because I looked like their

564daughter and she also has a straight hair like mine. The family was so good that I was

565inspired to study harder. That time, I already had a salary. If I don’t think it’s enough

566then I’ll iron their clothes during Sundays. When I was in UP *di ko marinig* eventually

567I let go of Cargill. Because they said they would only cover the 1st semester, and then I’ll

568be on my own after. I’d understand because the tuition was too expensive also. Now It’s

569nothing and then State U. So uhh..about the scholarship in..UP. The scholarship was

570there and I used it for tuition. Then I also have a salary of 2,500Php. I get my food and

571fare from there. If I have time, I tutor Koreans so that I’d have an extra for my readings,
 26

572and then I was a part of different organizations. So, I was able to develop myself. It was

573all about juggle and juggle. I had a Christian organization in UP campus crusade for

574Christ. I have three College Organizations; Special Education Council, Education

575Society and Science and Math Major Advocative Responsible Teaching. I was a part of

576that even I wasn’t majoring any of those. Uhm, those were the organizations that helped

577me develop the better version of myself and I was elected as the Vice Chairperson of the

578College of Education Student Council. Then later on I became the Chairperson because

579the other was impeached due to absences and she doesn’t take part in the projects. It was

580just like that. What’s beautiful despite all the struggles, the juggling, the schedule, and

581working; I finished College as a Cum Laude. I felt so great because all the hard work

582paid off. Sad part there was my mom couldn’t see me achieving all of these. She did not

583even know that I passed UP kase before lumabas yung result nawala na siya.

584There..so..it’s possible to succeed even without your parents. I think it’s even more

585possible to succeed even if you are not religious. Others would say I couldn’t make it

586because they said I was too young I couldn’t even pray sincerely. Nobody guided

587me..from the people where I stayed, I don’t remember we went to church. Nobody could

588survive from that experience. The love was there but you know the typical Filipino family

589that isnt expressive. They love me but they don’t show it to me. They don’t look through

590on your needs. Having a family is different but I think those orphans are blessed. God

591leads you to whenever you plan to go. Because when I look back, from the orphanage she

592got us brought by them. It was an accident, it was always me. It was always me, why? It

593was an accident but I was with them. He made me distant..he got me far away from my

594mom and she always gets me back because she was unstable. Maybe, because I had
 27

595plans and missions in life compared to them. My personality and temperament was far

596different from my siblings. But I couldn’t top their intelligence. They were too smart I

597you’d ask me. They needed Mama, they were so shattered when she died. In fact until

598now they still haven’t graduated yet. They couldn’t even finish it because they haven’t

599healed from the wounds. So, uhm..they have not forgiven their father. But I did. In fact, I

600prayed that I could see him. Well, I did! I saw him on facebook in 2013. After so many

601years I saw him, I even thought I was blocked. Uhm, his wife and he separated. Now, he

602has the freedom to reconnect with us and his other child fomr somebody else. He was

603kind of a joker. I feel great knowing that I planted no grudge. Especially to your parents.

604I dreamt of my mom. I was never mad because she gave me up. Why are they together.

605Myabe she’s thinking of me because im far away, and the two weren’t. My two siblings

606were always scolded. They were always spanked because they always go out, and they

607don’t clean too. Mom thought that there should be someone who’s responsible enough

608when the time comes our family would call for help from others, and that “who” happens

609to be me. Uh, when I met my dad, he was in Canada. He has a family there and we talk

610from time to time. However, what I think about it is that I just met him, I don’t think of

611him as my “father”. He’s a father of somebody else’s son or children and I felt great

612when I forgave him. We talked and he apologized that he left us. When mama was

613pregnant, he went rouge. When Mama told him she was pregnant, he replied “hindi pa

614ako handa”. So, Mama had to face everything alone. Mama shared to me; when she was

615pregnant she was kicked out thus she was very emotional when she carried me inside.

616She lived in a friend’s house. Inside a grot near the church Our Lady of Lords and her

617name was Lorna (not her real name). My birthday was the day before The Lady of
 28

618Lords’s feast. It’s Feb 10 and Feb 11 as for Lady of Lords. I think she was destined to be

619there. She was destined to pray there beside the grot even if she’s struggling so hard. So,

620this is a big Chinese family she was the first one to get pregnant without a boyfriend, no

621husband too. She was denounced, so I thought should I still be mad at her? Thinking that

622she had to face that kind of experience. Proud I was so proud of her because she never

623gave me up. She never aborted her, she never gave us up. If she’s experiencing fights

624with her boyfriend, she would bring us all. We would stay anywhere. We stayed at one

625place that time I remember that we slept beside a dog’s cage. It was so shaded and kind

626of roofed. That’s why no one expects any cruelty from me. We accepted everything when

627we were kids. I told myself that, “I’ll never be this person that would take revenge for

628those who needed help.” Mom died from complications due to Diabetes. She even had

629convulsion. My sister ran off and asked for help. But my dad only gave her 20php? It was

630too much to carry but we are obliged to feel good the way God feels good for us. Don’t

631feel angry, don’t put resentment in your because it would only give you loads to carry.

632So, whatever mom will undergo, we can’t do anything about it because nobody else

633helped us. But most importantly we’re not going to end up like them. We won’t be those

634kind of people, we all should always forgive. Always be grateful. No matter how they

635treated us, they treated me when I was staying in their place. I’m still thankful because

636they gave me a place to stay, and food. By that small of a gesture, God will really bless

637them. I think God has been very gracious because he gave me a kind husband and the

638family that I have always prayed for. For my work, I’ve been with Wizard for 12 years. I

639don’t transfer because the whole time I’d been living in different places. I’m too tired to

640go to other places. People here are too kind. See they left? This is their office. Kind and
 29

641loving. Wizard has a culture which people would give you warm smiles. I feel very alive

642here. The respect me so much. Love is really there. People are concerned genuinely. I

643was not able to experience these things when I was young and I found it here. So, why

644would I transfer? Everything connects. I think my work right now is a blessing for me. I

645think my family is a blessing for me. The kind of husband that the Lord allowed me to

646marry is a blessing for me. We were together since we were highschool and I hope until

647forever, we will still be together.)

IGQ 2. Ilang taon na po yung panganay niyo?

648Panganay is nine mag teten sa December. Tapos Girl yun tas si Neil (not the real name)

649and si John (not the real name). He’s four mag fafive sa December and then si Kyle (not

650the real name) one year old mag totwo sa June. (My eldest is nine years old, turning ten

651on December. My eldest is a girl, Neil, (not the real name) and John (not the real name).

652He’s four turning five also on December and then, Kyle (not the real name) one year old,

653his birthday is on June.)

IGQ 3. Dito rin po sila nag-aaral?

654Oo. Pati husband ko ditto rin nag wowork. Sports coordinator siya dito. Seven years na

655siya dito sa school. (Yes they study here. My husband works here also. Seven years as a

656Sports Coordinator in this school.)

IGQ 4. Ilang years na po kayo married?

657Ten going Eleven. Yeah answered prayer yan siya lahat. (Ten going Eleven. Yeah and

658he’s everything I prayed for.)

659Mahirap intindihin bakit yung ibang may parental absence do not succeed. Nasamin lahat

660ng hugot para mag tagumpay uhm may talino. Ang mga teachers palaging supportive.

661Nag mga naging teachers ko sila yung naging parents ko. Hindi ako makasama sa field

662trip kase walang pumipirma. Papasamahin nila ako sa field trip. Wala akong pambayad,

663sige lang basta iserve ko sila. Parang tulungan nila ako doon sa work. High school ako

664nag checheck ako ng mga test papers ng classmates ko. Tapos pag wala akong baon yun

665yung parang “ito icheck mo” pero nakatago kase hindi rin pwede. So magaan sa kanila

666tapos meron na akomg recess. Para-paraan lang talaga. Wag ka lang magpahila kase pang

667hihinaan ka talaga ng loob pero bat ka pang hihinaan kung alam mo may future, may

668bukas. Bukas gigising ka pa tapos may power ka to make things better kase may utak ka,

669may pangarap ka. May mga taong palaging tutulong sayo. Imposibleng wala o kahit

670walang taong tutulong si God nandiyan. Kahit hindi ka prayerful kase bata ka pa eh.

671Malay mo sa faith. Malay mo sa God is there, God will never leave and nor forsake you.

672Pero I think na nakalagay sa puso natin mula sa hindi pa tayo pinapanganak connected

673tayo kay God. God loves the orphans. Yun talaga yung naging ano ko naging uhm

674guiding light ko. Mahal niya yung mga orphans whether namatay na o wala pa, mag-isa

675ka lang. Talagang nandiyan. Ano ka lang gawa ka ng sarili mong path kase may power

676ka. (It’s hard to understand why people won’t succeed because of parental absence. We

677have all the reason to be successful and be smart. All teachers are supportive. I had to

678treat my teachers as my parents. I couldn’t even go to a field trip because no one would

679sign the consent document. But they would still allow me to go. I don’t have money to

680pay, I would still serve them. They also help me in my work. When I was in highschool I

681check my classmates’ test papers. When the time that I had no allowance they would tell
 31

682me to check on it but still I wouldn’t because its hidden. So, it means they’re comfortable

683with me, now I have recess. You just have to find ways. Just don’t let others pull you

684down because you’d really be weakened. Always remember that there’s still tomorrow.

685Tomorrow you wake up, make things better, you have a mind, and you have a dream.

686There will always people to help you. It’s quite impossible if there will be no one that will

687help you, if none, then there’s God. Even if you’re not a praying warrior, you’re a kid.

688You have faith. Always think that God is there, God will never leave and nor forsake you.

689Pero I think even before we were born, we are already connected to God. God loves the

690orphans. It was my only guide. He loves them, either dead or alive, and you’re the only

691one left. He’s just there. The only thing you have to do is create your own path because

692you have the power.)

IGQ 4. Ano pong feeling niyo nung nalaman niyo yung reason ng

father mo for leaving you and your mother?

693Naintindihan ko sila. Hindi ko alam bakit. (I just plainly understood it. I don’t know

694why.)

IGQ 5. Wala ko po bang nafeel na negative towards him?

695Kahit nung sinabi ni mama yun sa akin. Wala talaga siguro kase I had always longed him.

696Magagalit pa ba ako? Paano ko siya mamemeet kung ganun yung feeling ko sa kanya.

697Naintindihan ko talaga sila. Nag daming nag sasabi na “ipa MMK natin yan para

698mahanap yung sister niyo na inampon” ipa KMJS daw ganyan. Tapos ang daming

699humihingi ng testimony. Uhm hindi ko siya pinapublish ng ganun kase ayaw kong ma

700project yung mga tao as kontrabida. Pag stories kasi na ipepresent mo sa public. Usually
 32

701ikaw yung kawawa. Ako I look at things from the perspective of circumstances. Ano siya

702eh unfolding siya of events na hindi kontrolado ng lahat. Yung Papa namin, yung Papa

703nung kapatid ko na nanakit. May sarili rin yung story. May sarili rin siyang dahilan. Bakit

704niya ako sinasaktan? Hindi ko alam. Hindi niya ako anak eh o siguro nakikita niya sa

705akin yung story ni mama. I don’t know. We have to respect the journey of each person

706and where each person is coming from. (Even the time my mom told me about it, I felt

707nothing because I had always longed him. Should I still be angry? How would I meet him

708if I’d be angry towards him? I fully understand them. Many people suggested that, “Ipa

709MMK natin yan para mahanap yung sister niyo na inampon” they would tell it to KMJS.

710Then many asked for my testimony. I never wanted to air it out on public because I don’t

711want the majority to think that people like them are the antagonists. Usually, when you

712publish a story like that in public you end up being the pitiful one. I look at things from

713the perspective of circumstances. It is the unfolding of events no one that no one has

714control over it. My dad, the dad of my sibling, he hurts us. That part has its own story.

715He has a personal reason. Why did he hurt me? I don’t know. I’m not his daughter, or he

716just could see through me the story of my mom. I don’t know. We have to respect the

717journey of each person and where each person is coming from.)

718Circumstances siya lahat. (It’s all circumstances.)

IGQ 7. After graduating how did you end up going here in Wizard?

719Sa wizard? After graduating sa UP. I worked pa in Manila for two years as a Pre-school

720teacher. Ganada nung school ganda nung work doon but I had challenges with my

721siblings. Kase siba sabi ni Lord sila yung bago kong goals. After graduating kinuha ko

722sila. Tumira kami sa isang kasama nila sa Caloocan. Yung mga bahay doon
 33

723minamaximize nila so parang rerentahan mo kwarto yung room. Iba ang naka rent sa

724ibang room iba rin sa kabila. Communal na yung lahat yung kitchen pati living room.

725Wala kaming gamit talagang tatlong ano lang matches na single na manipis yung

726mumurahin parang tig 150 250 pesos. Tig-iisa kami doon sa room walang bed. Fan,

727plantsa yun yung gamit namin. Isang maliit na rice cooker wala kaming lutuan. Ang

728lutuan naming yung nilalagyan ng yung lata ng coke na ginanun tapos yung patongan ng

729kaldero na aluminum ba yan..stainless ganun siya. Uhm walang tv walang anything.

730Tapos ako nag wowork yung is nag wowork din. Yung isa triny kong pag-aralin, yung

731second kase kung dalawa na kaming mag-aaral pwede na naming tulungan yung tatlo.

732Kaso yun nga iba yung journey nila. Hindi nag-aral ng mabuti yung isa tapos pinilit

733niyang mag Nursing. Sobrang mahal ng nursing sa Fatima University. So sige aral

734hanggang sa hindi ko na kinaya. Wala akong pambayad talaga and ayaw kong mangutang

735kase wala rin kameng uutangan. Nagalit siya sa akin pero wala eh. Hindi mo ako

736pwedeng pilitin kung wala talaga akong maibibigay. Tapos yung sister ko nag work sa

737Chowking, dalawa na kameng nag wowork. Ganun siya but they have their own journey

738and hindi ko kinaya yung journey nila. My sister got pregnant with somebody na hindi

739niya boyfriend. Lasing sila magkaibigan. May nangyari sa kanila, nabuntis siya. With all

740the demands sa work. Stress sa buntis ganito nakakafrustrate tapos there was a lot of

741things I was trying to work out with them. Bastos ng bibig nag mumura. Yun bang kada

742kausap mo may P.I, nag yoyosi. Sobrang parang..ito ba yung sisimulan ko or siguro

743masyado lang akong ambitious na agad-agad maaayos kami. Walang nagmumura, walang

744nagbibisyo, walang nag yoyosi, walang umiinom. Yung ganun. Eh that’s the life. Yun

745yung exposure nila. Iba yung naging exposure ko. Especially nung nasa UP na. Diba sabi
 34

746nila mga taga UP daw atheist which is so ironic kase I was surrounded by Christian

747friends. Sobra! Yung classmates ko Christians, yung naging community ko Christians.

748Yung bahay kung saan ako dinala ni Lord was Evangelical Christian kaya nga si Lord

749ang gagawa ng path mo. Kung sino yung ilalagay niya sa paligid mo lahat yun kasama ng

750master plan niya so ganun siya. I got so frustrated, I got sick sobrang lagi akong may

751ulcer, UTI parang lahat na. Sabi ko “ayaw ko na, pagod na ako” umuwi ako ng GenSan.

752Tapos itong husband ko ngayon. Nung naghiwalay kami niyan..nung nakipaghiwalay

753ako. Nang chichix siya ditto eh sinusumbong siya sa akin. Uhm ano siya first time..hindi

754kami nag-usap after nung break up. Then naging friends kami. I never thought babalik

755ako ng GenSan because I don’t speak the language. Mahirap pag elementary teacher ka

756kase hindi ka marunong mag bisaya. Paano ako magtuturo? I don’t know the language

757tapos ang nandito lang mga friends ko. Wala akong connection. Mahirap sa teacher

758walang connection. Pero ayun nga ang dami kong naging problema. The whole time na

759nagkwekwentuhan kami ditto. Naging confidant ko kasi siya. May boyfriend ako dun

760engage kami. Sobrang ano sobrang maayos na ba. Ito naging kaibigan ko thinking sa

761hindi na ako babalik ng GenSan. Yung mga problema na hindi ko masabi sa boyfriend

762ko, hindi ko masaabi sa friends ko. Sa kanya ko nasasabi thinking na hindi na kami

763magkikita. Parang kailangan mo lang ng ano somebody who will listen. Tapos sabi niya

764“uwi ka na dito” tas may uncle ako dito yung nagpalaki sakin. Yun pagkasabi niya na

765“uwi ka na dito” uwi ako. Iniwan ko yung boyfriend ko. Iniwan ko lahat as in

766abandonship. Ganun na ako kapagod ganun na ako kaproblemado nung time na yun. Start

767all over magkano man ang sweldo. 7,500PhP ang sweldo dito. I left 21,000PhP na salary

768sa Manila. Nag start talaga ako. Bakit Wizard? Uhm when I asked my friends sabi ko
 35

769“I’m going back to GenSan and stay there for good. Where do you think should I work?”

770sabi nila “Des, pang Wizard ka”. Hindi ko kilala yung Wizard. “Bakit anong meron sa

771Wizard?” “Basta parang nakikita ka namin sa Wizard” yung mga high school friends ko.

772So nag apply ako dito. Very strict dito, kayo nga inendorse ko pa kayo sa call. So..iniwan

773ko lang yung application ko sa gate. Hindi ako pinapasok. I wanted to see the school. I

774wanted to talk sana doon para mafeel ko. Kaso bawal talagang iwan lang yung letter. Sige

775kung saan ako dalhin and then interview, demo tapos na hire na ako. Tapos yun 12 years

776na. (In Wizard? After graduating from UP, I worked in Manila for two years as a Pre-

777school teacher. The school was beautiful and the work is also great but I had challenges

778with my siblings. Remember the Lord told me that they are my new goals. I brought them

779with me after I graduated. We stayed in a friend’s place in Caloocan. Houses were

780maximized so it’s you could rent a whole room there. They had different rented rooms.

781The kitchen and the living room was communal. We did not have anything but ta only

782three simple mattresses which cost 150-250php. We didn’t have a bed. Fan and an Iron

783are the only things that we have. Just a small rice cooker and we didn’t have griller or

784stove. We put on something on our so-called stove which is *di ko maintindihan* the

785coke can was bent like this and then the holder of the pan..it was stainless steel. We

786didn’t even own a TV. But the two of us had jobs. I tried to finance the other’s schooling,

787but If my second sibling would go with me in schooling maybe we could help the three

788out. Unfortunately, they had the their paths to take. The other one did not take school

789seriously because she wanted to take up Nursing. The course’s tuition was so expensive

790in Fatima University. So I had to help until I couldn’t anymore. I don’t have money left,

791I’d like to borrow money from someone but I know nobody. My sibling was mad at me
 36

792but what else can I do? You can’t force me to give out if I have nothing. My sister worked

793in Chowking, We both had a job. She was like that, but they have their own journey and I

794couldn’t walk with them. My sister got pregnant with somebody isn’t her boyfriend. They

795were drunk. Something happened to them and then she got pregnant, along with all the

796demands in work. Stress from pregnancy and there were a lot of things I was trying to

797work out with them. Somebody had a foul mouth. Everytime you talk to the person, he

798curses and he smokes a ciggarette. It was superb, should I start here? or or maybe I was

799just too ambitious that I would say that we should be okay right away. No cursing, no

800vices, no smoking, no drinking alcohol.. That’s the life. Yun It’s how they were exposed, I

801had a different one. Especially when I was in U.P. It was rumored that everybody in U.P.

802were atheists, how ironic. I was even surrounded by my Christian friends. True! My

803classmates were Christians, and my community was lived by ChristiansThe one who

804owns the place I was staying was Evangelical Christian that’s why I could say that the

805Lord created your path. He surrounds you with the people whom are a part of his master

806plan. I got so frustrated, I got sick I had Ulcer, UTI, and I think everything else. I told

807myself “ayaw ko na, pagod na ako” I’m going back to Gensan. Then, my husband today,

808we broke up before and he always tells me if he meets someone else. It was our first time

809breaking up, we didn’t even communicate. Then, we became friends. I never thought I’d

810come back to GenSan because I don’t speak the language. It’s difficult for me to talk to

811my bisaya pupils. How can I teach them? I don’t know the language and then the only

812people who were here were my friends. I didn’t have a connection. It’s hard for a teacher

813who doesn’t have any connections at all. I had too many problems. The whole time we

814talked and chatted here, he became my confidant. I have a boyfriend and I was engaged.
 37

815Everything was all well. He was a friend who never thought I’d come back here in

816GenSan. The problems that I couldn’t tell my boyfriend and to my friends, I can do so to

817him knowing we seldom talk. Maybe you just need somebody who will listen. And then he

818would tell me, “uwi ka na dito” and it was my uncle who raised me. It’s how he told me,

819“uwi ka na dito” I went home. I left my boyfriend. I abandoned everything. I was that

820stressed and problematic that time. My starting salary was 7,500PhP. I left the

82121,000PhP salary in Manila. I started all over again. Why Wizard? Uhm when I asked

822my friends, told them, “I’m going back to GenSan and stay there for good. Where do you

823think should I work?” sabi nila “Des, pang Wizard ka”. I don’t even know Wizard.

824“Bakit anong meron sa Wizard?” “Basta parang nakikita ka namin sa Wizard” they

825were my highschool friends. Then I applied. This institution is very strict, and I even

826endorsed you through a call. So..I left all my application documents at the gate. They

827didn’t let me enter. I wanted to see the school. I wanted to talk inside just wanted to know

828how it feels there. Unfortunately, they wouldn’t allow me to leave the application letters.

829Wherever the interview takes me, demo came after and then I was hired. I’m working

830here for 12 years and counting.)

IGQ 8. Yung mga challenges mo sa life mo ma’am. Paano napektuhan

yung emotional well-being mo as a person?

831I’ve always been an ate. When I moved to GenSan after a few months, my sister called

832me up. Hindi ako pwedeng malunod sa sarili kong emotions kase nalulunod din yung

833mga kapatid ko. Eh ate ka nga eh. She gave birth na before I left for GenSan. Hindi ko

834matiis. Kahit gaano ka kagalit hindi mo matitiis yung mga kapatid mo. Hindi sila.. sabi

835niya “Ate ayaw ko na dito. Kunin mo na ako” so sabi ko “Hindi ko ko kayo pwedeng
 38

836kunin.” Mahirap din talaga yung guy. Tambay nga sila eh. Nagpakuha siya sabi ko “hindi

837ko kayo pwedeng kunin mag-asawa” she was 19 batang-bata. “Hindi ko kayong pwedeng

838kunin ng sabay kase yung sweldo ko maliit pa. Ikaw muna tsaka si Avy (not the real

839name)” yung baby niya. Tapos saka na si guy. Sabi niya “sige’ pumayag siya. Nung

840nandito na siya “ate ayaw ko na sa kanya”. Hindi ko na mafeel yung sarili kong struggles

841kase I had to be there for my sister. Yung brother ko nag striggle din. Hindi siya nakapag-

842aral tapos ganyan pero mas matanda siya tsaka lalaki siya. Yun nalang yung kinapitan ko.

843Makakagawa ka ng paraan. Yun yung medyo frustration ko na kung nagawan ko ng

844paraan through the grace of God na makaahon. Magagawan niyo rin yan ng paraan kaso

845hindi. So parang one mistake after another. Ngayon may apat na siyang anak. Siya yung

846parang nag pattern kay Mama may apat na siyan ang anak tas magkakaiba rin parang

847kami talaga. Ako yung panganay niya tas yung dalawang magkasunod paramg sila ng

848kuya niya kase iisa sila ng Papa. Ganun siya magkakaibang relationships until now hindi

849pa kinakasal. Although, hindi naman talaga kasal. Pero kase when you are married yung

850stability nung relationship kase gets established. (I’ve always been a sister. When I

851moved to GenSan after a few months, my sister called me up. I won’t let myself be

852drowned in my emotions because siblings already were drowned. Eh, I’m the sister. She

853gave birth before I left for GenSan. I just couldn’t resist it. No matter how I try to get

854mad, I can’t resist my siblings. It can’t be them. She told me “Ate ayaw ko na dito. Kunin

855mo na ako” and then I replied “Hindi ko ko kayo pwedeng kunin.” The guy was even too

856difficult to handle. He was a ghetto guy. She told me to get her but I said “hindi ko kayo

857pwedeng kunin mag-asawa” she was 1, she’s too young. “Hindi ko kayong pwedeng

858kunin ng sabay kase yung sweldo ko maliit pa. Ikaw muna tsaka si Avy (not the real
 39

859name) yung baby niya.” Then the guy told me “sige” He agreed. When my sister arrived

860here “ate ayaw ko na sa kanya”. I can’t even feel my own struggles because I looed into

861my sisters’s situation. My brother is also struggling. He never finished studying and he’s

862much older. That was my only thing to cling on. I’ll have my ways. My frustration was

863lifted because I was able to get through it with the God’s grace. You can plan it all out

864but it’s not that easy. It’s a matter of one mistake after another. Now, she has 4 kids. She

865was like my mom. She had 4 kids from different men.I was te eldest and my brother and

866my sister respectively, they both had different fathers. It was like that, she went into

867different relationships but wasn’t really married to one. Although, she wasn’t really

868married. But when you are married the stability of the relationship gets established.)

IGQ 9. So pano ka po nag cope up sa lahat-lahat?

869Prayers yun yung time na I had an encounter with the Lord. Naattend ako sa CCFI meron

870silang encounter uhh ..men’s encounter. Meron silang isahan na encounter ngayon kase

871paramg women’s encounter and uhm men’s encounter na siya. Tamang-tama lang nung

872dumating ako dito Wizard was dominated by Evangelical Christians. Althouh, non-

873sectarian to na school. Kita mo may mga imagaes diba. So dito kapag parang meron in

874service. BAND! Full band sila protestant na approach. Parang after nung life ko sa

875Manila talagang ginanyan ako ni Lord oh ingat na ingat siya. Inabot niya ako doon.

876Imagine 4-year relationship na talagang yung dun. 9 years mas matanda yung boyfriend

877ko sa akin. 4 years kami together. Taga UP din Engineer yung ganun. Iwan tapos ano pag

878dating ko dito yun yung community. Uhm nababad ako sa church I had groups. I was part

879of bible studies. Dun mas lumalim yung pananaw ko na this is not about me anymore.

880This is about the working of the Lord and the victory pf the Lord. Everyday in every
 40

881situation that I face. (Prayers. It was the time that I had an encounter with the Lord. I

882attended CCFI, they had this Men’s Encounter. They now have this group called Women

883and Men’s Encounter. Timing, when I arrived here in Wizard I was surrounded by

884Evangelical Christians. Although this school is considered non-sectarian, there were

885images here. So, if there were services, they would hire a band to play; A Christian band

886full of Protestants (Christian Denomination). Everything was worth it after my life in

887Manila. The Lord took care of me and he brought me here. Imagine having a 4-year

888relationship with him. My boyfriend was nine years older than me. We were together for

889four years. He took up Engineering in U.P. I left him and when I arrived here, I lived in

890this kind of community. Where I was active in church I had groups. I was part of bible

891studies. Then I looked deeply from my point of view and realized that this is not about me

892anymore. This is about the working of the Lord and the victory of the Lord. Everyday in

893every situation that I face.)

IGQ 10. Since palipat-lipat ka po. Sino yung mgaa go-to people mo

talaga? Yung mapuntahan mo pagka may problems ka na hindi mo

na talaga kaya ihandle?

894Nung bata ako wala eh kase parang wala namang ganun pag bata ka. Nung college pag di

895ko na kaya yung ex boyfriend ko nakekwentuhan ko. Meron akong tita na kase nine

896silang magkakapatid. 5 years lang yung gap namin. She’s always just a phone call away

897pero she has her own struggles din kase. Kase we’re coming from the same family. Ito

898yung typical na mayamang mayaman before tapos yung namatay na tung Chinese nag-

899agawan ng properties. Tapos yung Mama kase nila Mama yung nine na magkakapatid

900panganay na babae. Hindi yan nakikiagaw. Laramg sige pagkagulohan niyo na. So kami
 41

901yung family na nadisplace talaga. Walang naiwan na property sa amin. We had to crawl

902our way back to where we can move. Hindi na nga to the top. Hindi na siya ganun.

903Survival talaga siya. So she had hrr own struggles. Ano naman sya Lasalle Taf uhh

904Sports and Leisure Management yung naging course niya. Scholarship, raket din may

905sarili kaming mga journey nung time na yun. So masasabihan mo lang pero I don’t

906remember..pag ano usually financial uhh amazing pa si Lord nun College. Kase sa UP

907yung scholarship mo after some time mababawasan eh para mabigay pa dun sa mga

908freshmen. Uhh pinapadalhan ako ni Lord ng mga tao na tumutulong sa akin sa tuition ko.

909Meron akong naging suitor na ano siya seminarista sa San Carlos. Ang kulet yung parang

910hindi mo naman ineentertain pero iiwanan niya ako ng groceries dun sa boarding house.

911Sayang naman diba? Pero hindi ko ineenteetain. Bibilhan niya ako ng damit tapos iiwan

912niyaa sa guard tapos may mga sweet note siya na ganyan. Tapos meron akong mga

913naging friends na “oh sige ito may extra ako ngayon. Bayaran mo nalang kung kelan”

914ganun yung naging tuition ko towards the end of the ano the..yung papunta na ng fourth

915year. Kase I stopped working na nung practicum. Mahirap ng magpuyat tutoring tapos

916bumyahe byahe ng ano so I stopped working na. Uhh ganun siya tapos yung husband ko

917ngayon napakabait tapos listener siya. Basically you just need somebody to listen to you.

918Nag pray ka tas may kakwentuhan ka. May nakikinig sa iyo. Survive. (When I was a kid?

919I don’t think there’s anybody because I was a kid. When I was in college I talk to my ex-

920boyfriend. I had an auntie who had 8 siblings. She’s 5 years older than me. She’s always

921just a phone call away but she has her own struggles too. We’re coming from the same

922family. They were the typical rich family where they grabbed a hold of many properties

923when the Chinese’s were wildly acquiring properties. Then her mom was a mom of nine
 42

924daughters. She never was the greedy type. She acted like she never cared about the

925properties. So, my family was the one’s distant from them. We never acquired a single

926property. We had to crawl our way back to where we can move. This it not even the top.

927It’s not like that. This is survival. So she had her own struggles. She studied in La Salle

928Taf and she took up Sports and Leisure Management. Scholarship, and rackets I could

929say we had different journeys that time. So I could talk about it but I don’t

930remember..apparently it’s financial but..Lord really was amazing in College. In U.P.,

931they eventually decrease your scholarship to give way to the freshmen. The Lord always

932brings me the people who are willing to help me financially. I had a suitor whom was a

933seminarian in San Carlos. He was a goofy dude. He used to leave me some groceries at

934my boarding house back then. I wouldn’t put it into waste. I just did not entertain him.

935He bought me some clothes, left it with the guard on duty and with a sweet letter note. I

936also had friends who would say, “oh sige ito may extra ako ngayon. Bayaran mo nalang

937kung kelan..” it was my source of money to pay for my tuition running for fourth year. I

938stopped working during the practicum. It’s already hassle for me to stay up all night just

939to tutor and then commute way back. So yeah, now my husband is a good man and he’s a

940listener. Basically you just need somebody to listen to you. You prayed, and then you

941have someone to talk to. Then have someone who actually listens to you. Survive.

IGQ 11. Pwede mo po ba ispecify sa amin each kung ano yung mga

coping mechanisms na nadevelop mo while growing up?

942Number one talaga is prayer. You have to delight yourself to the Lord. See his

943fingerprints in everything. When you know that everything is part of his plans and

944everything is meant for you to experience. Especially when you’re reminded of his own
 43

945struggles. The trials that he had to go through to prepare him for his mission. I have

946always looked at set backs as an arrow that designed to shoot you forward. Kaya kapag

947meron kaming struggle. Pag may problem kaming matindi. I get excited. Nanjan yung

948exciting na parang “Lord, paano ba to? Anong mangyayari?” pero nakita ko na yung

949pattern of how the Lord works. Every time there’s a crisis, something big is going to

950happen. Every set back is uh could lead you to a breakthrough. That is how the Lord

951works. So, ganun palagi yung faith namin. He’s preparing you for something big. “Lord,

952bakit ganito mo ako pinapaiyak?” siguro kase kailangan ko yung strength or something.

953Kahit nung sa mga promotions dito before. Number 2, delight in developing yourself.

954Instead of always thinking about the problems. Continue to develop your skills. Keep on

955learning. Keep on reading because for everything that you read, you learn. It’s like

956talking to people who have positive impact in your life. Not just on you.. who will have a

957positive impact in your life. Ako siguro kase natural for me to love to learn. I love to read

958kaya wala masyado akong time mag emote. I connect my emotions through the books

959that I read, through the stories of other people. The third one is be selective of people that

960you are going to surround yourself with. It’s true that we don’t choose the people we

961keep in our lives. Especially those that youre going to meet but we have the power to

962choose who we’re going to keep. Kaninong bridge ba yung ike-keep natin na connected

963tayo, because it matters. It matters who the people are. Yung opinions nila. What their

964declarations of us are going to be what their declarations of our lives are going to be.

965Kase madadala tayo sa sinasabi nila. Nadadala nga tayo sa mga negative, positive pa

966kaya? So doon tayo.sa mga tao na honest enough to tell us ano yung pagkukulang natin

967and are generous enough to tell us the things that we’re doing well in. Prayer, learning,
 44

968developing yourself, developing your skills and the people you’re surrounding yourself

969with. (Number one is prayer. You have to delight yourself to the Lord. See his

970fingerprints in everything. When you know that everything is part of his plans and

971everything is meant for you to experience. Especially, when you are reminded of his own

972struggles. The trials that he had to go through to prepare him for his mission. I have

973always looked at set backs as an arrow that designed to shoot you forward. That is why if

974we are struggling.. if we have a big problem, I get excited. There’s this exciting feeling

975where you could just say, “Lord, paano ba to? Anong mangyayari?” but I have already

976seen the pattern of how the Lord works. Every time there’s a crisis, something big is

977going to happen. Every set back is uh could lead you to a breakthrough. That is how the

978Lord works. So, we had that kind of faith. He’s preparing you for something big. “Lord,

979bakit ganito mo ako pinapaiyak?” Maybe I just needed strength or something. Even

980promotions here dito before. Number two, delight in developing yourself. Instead of

981always thinking about the problems. Continue to develop your skills. Keep on learning.

982Keep on reading because for everything that you read, you learn. It’s like talking to

983people who have positive impact in your life. Not just on you.. who will have a positive

984impact in your life. It’s natural for me, maybe, to love learning. I love to read that’s why

985I don’t have time to emote. I connect my emotions through the books that I read, through

986the stories of other people. The third one is be selective of people that you are going to

987surround yourself with. It’s true that we don’t choose the people we keep in our lives.

988Especially those that youre going to meet but we have the power to choose who we’re

989going to keep. We have to choose which bridge we should keep connected, because it

990matters. It matters who the people are.)

991They have their opinions. What their declarations of us are going to be what their

992declarations of our lives are going to be. There’s a tendency that we are going to be

993affected of what they say. We often get affected on negative opinions, I wouldn’t doubt if

994we get moved by the positive ones. So, we stick to those honest people who tell us where

995we’re lacking and are generous enough to tell us the things that we’re doing well in.

996Prayer, learning, developing yourself, developing your skills and the people you’re

997surrounding yourself with.

998

IGQ 12. Sa context of growing up. Was there any role model that you

had?

999Basta ano siya “sana hind imaging ganito” nakatingin ako sa situation. Hindi yung kapag

1000may problema, aalis nalang ako tas bitbit ko yung mga anak ko. Pag nag-aaway hindi na

1001mag-uusap hindi na aayusin. Kapag hindi nag work out hihiwalayan. Tapos pag hindi na

1002kaya lilipat *di ko marinig* ipamimigay yung anak para lang makasurvive. (So, it’s

1003somehow like this… “Sana hindi maging ganito”, when I look into the situation. Not the

1004type who walks away and bringing your children into the mess when there’s a problem to

1005be dealt with. When there’s an existing quarrel, no one talks about it. If it doesn’t work

1006out; break-up. Then, when it’s impossible to transfer *inaudible* gives away his/her sons

1007and daughters to survive.)

IGQ 13. Paano po yung transition niyo from Teacher to Vice

Principal?

1008Uhm sa Manila kase yung work ko doon for two years. I felt like as one man band. Sa

1009akin lang grabe yung trust ng owner tsaka ng administrator sa akin to the point na.. i was

1010not well looked at by others anymore.. kase parang ako yung.. ako yung favorite. Eh

1011ayaw ko naman maging favorite kahit saang workplace ayaw mo yun. Iba yung favor nila

1012sa akin. I had chicken pox pero pina derma nila ako.Yung iba pag nagkakasakit wala

1013naman silang pakealam. Pero grabe din yung trust kapag may activity ako lage yung

1014head. In a way naging factor din yun na alis nako dito. I’d rather keep the relationship

1015with my collegues than enjoy the blessings from above..blessings from the owners kase

1016hindi maganda. Hindi ka rin makakagalaw kapag hindi ka rin dahil hindi ka ganun ka

1017respected dahil favored ka so alis ka na. Nung dito na sa school it was quick and I was

1018not..I was never prepared for it. Ano kase yun teacher ako dito for two years and then

1019nagka family ako. I filed a maternity leave. Pagbalik ko yung head ng English

1020Department has a miscourage. They needed somebody to fill in the position and I felt I

1021was too young. 24 tas binibigyan nila ako ng leadership position. Second Area

1022Coordinator in English to think hindi ako English major. So, I declined yung offer nila.

1023Tapos sabi ko “I’m not ready to take this and I don’t feel I am the best one for this

1024position.” Yun pero sabi kasi nila ganyan na positions are trust positions. Hindi lang sila

1025yung sabihin mong competence or kailangan major power. May MA sila ako wala akong

1026MA hindi pa ako nag MA kase wala dito yung gusto kong course. Siyempre makikita mo

1027yung school na di pwedeng floating. Walang head so tinanggap ko siya. I was 24. Then

1028uhm struggle with co-teachers yung mga kasabayan mo. “Bakit ikaw?” “Bakit siya?”
 47

1029May mga attack na hindi mo alam kung saan nanggaling. For example, attend ako ng

1030training. Marami akong inaattendan na training kase nga I believe in developing that’s

1031how you grow. That’s how you become better. So every fight is *inaudible*. Hindi ko

1032alam na issue pala yun sa iba kase may mga issues parin talaga. But what I appreciate

1033about the school. Every time may crisis kami among ourselves uhm hindi yan yung “sige

1034patawag natin si ganito kausapin natin”. Hind siya ganun. Ayusin siya tapos pag-usapan

1035siya. Tapos as if hindi ako yung nasasaktan. Kumbaga ano ba talaga yung problem.

1036Magtatanong din sa iba “ay siya yung naghahandle?” kase for a time nahawakan ko ang

1037Preschool Department, Filipino Department bago pa yung vice principal. Hanggang sa

1038naging..naka reach na ako ng level of confidence about the position. When gamay ko na

1039yung work tapos yung age group ng mga teachers ano na siya talagang makakalamuha

1040kase yung mga counter parts ko yung kasama uhm mahirap na to see them and build a

1041relationship with them. Hindi mo alam kung kanino nanggagaling yung mga negative

1042comments. You know it’s hard to deal with people who don’t know you. Yun nga diba

1043kase dogs barks daw to the people they don’t know. Ako kase as a person kayod talaga

1044ako. And people think na “uy! She’s from UP” akala siguro nung mga tao maayos yung

1045naging buhay ko. You’ll never believe what I went through. Kaya madaling mang attack

1046sa mga taong hindi ka ganun ka kilala. They were those moments also that yun nga God

1047has been so gracious that He placed me in the corner of the world that embraces peace.

1048Natural naman talaga yung conflicts among people. What matters is paano siya

1049hinahandle nung mga taong yun sa position. 5 or 6 years na akong Vice Principal. 12

1050years ko dito 5 or 6 or 7 akong.. hindi ko kase kinacount. The days just go by. Pero I

1051remember may pinirmahan kase ako na contract na 5 years for that position. Tapos na
 48

1052yun eh hindi ko alam kung 1 year over or 2 years over na siya. Before that coordinator

1053siyempre yung hawak ko. (Uhm, I worked in Manila for two years. I felt like as one man

1054band. The owner and the administration trusted me so much that.. i was not well looked

1055at by others anymore.. because it seems that I am the favorite. But, I didn’t want to

1056become a favorite especially in any kind of work place. They had a different type of favor

1057towards me. I had chicken pox and they took me to the Dermatologist.They wouldn’t even

1058care when others were ill. They trusted me so much that I became a head in every

1059activity. In a way, it was one factor and reason for me to leave. I’d rather keep the

1060relationship with my collegues than enjoy the blessings from above.. blessings from the

1061owners won’t do good. You cant really move freely because you’re not that respected but

1062you are favored, so you have to stay away. I remember in this school, it was quick and I

1063was not..I was never prepared for it. I was a teacher here for two years and I have a

1064family to feed. I filed a maternity leave. When I came back, the head of the English

1065Department had a miscarriage. They needed somebody to fill in the position and I felt I

1066was too young. I was 24 and they offered me a leadership position. It was a Second Area

1067Coordinator in English to think that I’m not an English major. So, I declined their offer.

1068And I said, “I’m not ready to take this and I don’t feel I am the best one for this

1069position.” They said that those positions are trust positions. They are not the type where

1070competence is needed and major power. They had Master’s Degree and I don’t because

1071the course I wanted wasn’t offered here. The school doesn’t offer floating positions. No

1072head of school so I accepted it. I was 24. Then uhm struggle with co-teachers the ones

1073you work with. “Bakit ikaw?” “Bakit siya?” There are attacks that I don’t even know the

1074origin of it. For example, I attend in trainings because I believe in developing that’s how
 49

1075you grow. That’s how you become better. So every fight is *inaudible*. I don’t know that

1076there were issues before. But what I appreciate about the school. Every time we have

1077crisis within ourselves we don’t say “sige patawag natin si ganito kausapin natin”. It

1078doesn’t work that way for us. We talk about it and fix it. Then as if Im not the one who’s

1079hurt. We talk about what the problem is. They also ask from others “ay siya yung

1080naghahandle?” For a short while, I headed the Preschool Department, Filipino

1081Department before becoming the vice principal, until I reached the level of confidence

1082about the position.I worked with them and communicated amidst our differences and try

1083to see withing them, and build a relationship with them. I don’t even know where the

1084negative comments came from. You know it’s hard to deal with people who don’t know

1085you. You know what they say, dogs bark to the people they don’t know. I am a

1086hardworking person. And people may think that “uy! She’s from UP” they thought I had

1087a good life back then. You’ll never believe what I went through. That’s why its easy for

1088them to say negative things. They were those moments also that God has been so

1089gracious that He placed me in the corner of the world that embraces peace. It’s natural

1090that there will be conflicts among people. What matters is that how would the person in

1091position handles the problem. Ive been Vice Principal for 5-6 years. It was I think 12? 5 ,

10926 or 7 years? I didn’t count. The days just go by. I remember I had a contract to sign up

1093which was 5 years for that position. It was done, I thought It would end a year or two. I

1094was Coordinator before I had that position.)

IGQ 14. Ano po yung roles niyo as Vice Prinicipal?

1095Vice Principals are mostly concerned with academic affairs ng school. Other than that it

1096is a responsibility to ensure that our teachers are equipped with what they need. So we
 50

1097have responsibility with the students, responsibility with the parents. Yung may mga

1098concern sila sa amin directly and direct responsibility with the teachers. Inner context dito

1099sa Wizard preventive kami. Instead of dealing with concerns from the families and

1100concerns from teachers. Ayaw namin na nahihirapan sila. So we make sure that we put

1101systems in place to guide everyone na maging orderly and harmonious yung operations

1102dito. The Principal dito sa amin mas ano siya. Although, he is responsible for everything.

1103Siya yung nag de’dictate ng culture. Pero yung mga trabaho talagang sa amin. He is

1104stylizing that the content curriculum is delivered. The teachers know how to deliver the

1105contents of the curriculum. (Vice Principals are mostly concerned with academic affairs

1106ng school. Other than that it is a responsibility to ensure that our teachers are equipped

1107with what they need. So we have responsibility with the students, responsibility with the

1108parents. They addressed their concerns directly and direct responsibility with the

1109teachers. The Inner context here in Wizard was us being preventive. Instead of dealing

1110with concerns from the families and concerns from teachers. We don’t want them to

1111struggle. So we make sure that we put systems in place to guide everyone to have an

1112orderly and harmonious operation. The Principal was... Although, he is responsible for

1113everything. He dictates the culture. However, the work is ours. He is stylizing that the

1114content curriculum is delivered. The teachers know how to deliver the contents of the

1115curriculum.)

IGQ 15. How do you define success?

1116Meron kaseng isang wise man. A wise man once said success daw is the continued

1117persuit of what gives you joy. Ako success for me is what gives me peace of mind.
 51

1118Siguro sa gulo ng buhay ko gusto ko nalang tahimik. It’s unbelievable how some people

1119are still unhappy of the things we accomplished in life no. Parang “wala ka paring MA?”

1120or “wala ka paring sariling bahay?” or “nasa Wizard ka parin?” “Bat di ka mag public

1121mas malaki sweldo dun” yung mga ganun. Uhm hey this is not your life. I am very happy

1122na with what has been given me. With what has been giving me. Especially that all the

1123things I am enjoying right now are already beyond what I prayed for. Ang hiningi ko lang

1124sa Kanya dati is maging teacher ako tsaka magkaroon ako ng maayos na family. Dalawa

1125lang talaga yun. So whatever I have right now kaya parang naano yung iba. Parang

1126everyone is so busy no achieving, earning. Ako parang chill na. Okay na kase maayos na.

1127Yung brother ko nakasal na. I was so happy when he got married finally kase ayaw nila.

1128Kase siguro sa experience naming sa family. Sila yung nagkaroon ng fear of marriage.

1129Kase nga may way out. Ako baliktad, I prayed for marriage. The grace of ano the sanctity

1130of marriage. So when my brother got married sobrang saya ko and then yung sister ko

1131nalang. Thrice yan siya nag plan ng wedding. Hindi talaga natuloy may fear talaga siya.

1132“Paano kung mambabae? Paano kung ganito ganyan” bakit yun ang iisipin mo diba?

1133Importante kase sa life meron kang vision. Ito yung pupuntahan ko. Ito yung point. Ito

1134yung destination ko. Each day each decision that you make should be towards that. So

1135kung open ka na “paano kung ito?” malilito ka talaga. Because it would be difficult for

1136you to make a decision every time. Kase open yung destination mo eh. Saan ka ba

1137pupunta? Pero kung meron kang like mag-asawa kayo hanggang dulo. Pag nag-away

1138kayo wala kayong choice aayusin niyo talaga. So ganun ka powerful nung vision. Para

1139kang isang destination. Magiging teacher ako so may mga opportunity na darating.

1140Halimbawa merong ano ang laki ng sweldo yung medrep ganyan. Ma de’detour ka talaga
 52

1141pero ang vision mo kase is to be a teacher. Doon ka wala ka ng complications sa decision.

1142Well everyday magulo kase yan pero kung meron kang puputahan “dito ako, dito kase

1143ako papunta. Sorry”. Unless si Lord na yung uhh hindi nagmamatch yung plans ni Lord

1144tsaka yung plans mo. But then again He gave as the gift of discernment. Kaya ifeel natin

1145para sa akin ba ito o distraction ito o panggulo to sa plano ko? Ifeel mo yun. (There was

1146this wise man. A wise man once said success daw is the continued persuit of what gives

1147you joy. For me, success is what gives me peace of mind. Maybe I craved peace because

1148I really never had it before. It’s unbelievable how some people are still unhappy of the

1149things we accomplished in life, don’t you agree? It’s like “wala ka paring MA?” or

1150“wala ka paring sariling bahay?” or “nasa Wizard ka parin?” “Bat di ka mag public

1151mas malaki sweldo dun” those kind of things. Uhm hey this is not your life. I am very

1152happy with what has been given me. With what has been giving me. Especially that all

1153the things I am enjoying right now are already beyond what I prayed for. All I asked for

1154is to become a teacher and have a family. That’s it. So whatever I have right no, others

1155wouldn’t understand. Since everyone is so busy achieving, earning, I’m here, chilling.

1156Everything was fine. My brother was married. I was so happy when he got married

1157finally because at some point they didn’t want to get married. Maybe because of the

1158experience we had in our family. They had this fear of marriage. Because there’s a way

1159out. I think otherwise, I prayed for marriage, the grace of the sanctity of marriage. So

1160when my brother got married I was very happy although my sister is the only single one

1161left. The wedding was planned thrice. She didn’t marry because she was so afraid.

1162“Paano kung mambabae? Paano kung ganito ganyan” bakit yun ang iisipin mo diba?

1163One important thing in life is vision. This is where I want to go. This is the point. This is
 53

1164my destination. Each day each decision that you make should be towards that. So if

1165you’re open enough, “paano kung ito?” you’ll be confused. Because it would be difficult

1166for you to make a decision every time. Your destination is open. Where else would you

1167go? But if there’s this someone who you want to marry, and if you fight, you have to fix

1168it. That’s why vision is powerful. You yourself will become your own destination. I

1169dreamt of becoming a teacher, and then there’s this opportunity. Example, MedReps

1170have huge amount of salaries. For sure you’ll be distracted by it but you should focus on

1171your goal; that is to become a teacher. Go to where there are no complications in

1172decision making. Every would perhaps be a struggle because of the journey, “dito ako,

1173dito kase ako papunta. Sorry”. Unless if your plans won’t match with the Lord’s. But

1174then again He gave as the gift of discernment. That’s why we should think about it if its

1175just a distraction. Feel it.)

IGQ 16. Factors that contributed to your success?

1176Pwede bang isa lang siya. Grace of God lang talaga siya. Yun nga kase growing up

1177without a family. May family naman hindi lang sila ganun ka present tulad nung family

1178that we know. Hindi sila yung katulad nung role ko sa mga anak ko. Talagang each time

1179may condition may guidance. Walang ganun. It was just the grace of God that led me to

1180maconsider ko ba to na success? I think so kase this is what I prayed for, beyond what I

1181prayed for. Kase without thr grace of God hindi naman darating lahat ng favors.

1182Scholarship, yung family wala ako matirhan binigyan niya ako ng isa pa. Pero there is

1183always a bridge. Ako I look at my life as ano yung parang isa siyang tulay yung paddles.

1184Tapos madilim siya dito parang alam ko kung saan ako pupunta pero madilim siya kaya
 54

1185hindi ko alam kung may next. Ganun yung naging life ko. Na parang si Lord lang

1186maglalagay kung may next step na ako. Parang hindi ko alam kung meron ba diyan basta

1187makita ko yung step tas may ilalagay nanaman siyang step. That’s how I looked at my

1188life. Ganun siya before ngayon malinaw na. Ganun siya mag aabroad na ba ako? Hindi ko

1189alam kung may ibibigay siya na blsessing. Pero sa ngayon kung nasaan ako ganun lang.

1190The grace of God is the one that allows every person to become bridge to where you want

1191to be. He allows situations to work through everything that you want to happen and He

1192allows time. Time is also another factor. He allows resource. Biglang meron biglang

1193nakapasa ako sa ganito, biglang may scholarship ako. Ito pa yung magic I never saw

1194myself as intelligent pero bakit nung nag Acharon ako I had photographic memory which

1195I did not have before and I don’t have anymore. Pero nung time na nasa Grade 6 ako.

1196Anong nangyari sakin bakit isang basa ko lang memorize ko na. Bakit nakakasagot ako

1197ng Math exercises nang hindi ko alam paano nung time na yun. He allows things to

1198happen. Siya lang yung may kakayahan. (Is it possible that there’s only one? I’d say it’s

1199the Grace of God. Let me say it again, I was growing up without a family. I actually had

1200but it wasn’t like any other family whose always present. They were not like me as a

1201parent to my child. Each time there’s a condition there is guidance. Nothing like that. It

1202was just the grace of God that led me to consider if this is success? I think so because

1203this is what I prayed for, beyond what I prayed for. Without the Grace of God favors are

1204absent. Scholarship, a family gave me shelter when I had nowhere else to go. There is

1205always a bridge. I look at my life as If there are bridges and there are also puddles. Then

1206the road was dark I don’t know if it’s the right way. That’s how my life went. Then the

1207Lord decides on my next step. He guides me to whereve I go. That’s how I looked at my
 55

1208life. Before was blurry but now came the clearness of it all. Should I go abroad? I don’t

1209know if he’s going to give me the blessing. But now I am contented of where I am. The

1210grace of God is the one that allows every person to become bridge to where you want to

1211be. He allows situations to work through everything that you want to happen and He

1212allows time. Time is also another factor. He allows resource. I passed and I quickly had

1213the scholarship. There’s this magic I never saw myself as intelligent but why.. when I was

1214in Acharon I had a photographic memory which I did not have before and I don’t have

1215anymore. When I was in 6th grade, I only read the document once and I memorize all of

1216it. I even answer math problems that I didn’t think I could answer. He allows things to

1217happen. He’s the one who’s able.)

IGQ 17. Were you able to form deeper attachments?

1218Meron naman. Attachments kase are supposed to be mutual. Yun yung naintindihan ko

1219talaga because I had friends who were precious to me. That when I went back to the place

1220wala na silang pakealam sakin. I looked forward to seeing them tapos nung nadun nako

1221sa harapan parang hindi sila excited to see me. So it has to be mutual pala. Yung impact

1222natin sa tao and yung impact ng tao sa atin hindi natin pwedeng ma’engineer. In a way

1223magical siya. Ano siya it’s just a connection that takes place. I was able to build

1224friendship sa mga neigbours. Well yung nasa Gensanville hanggang ngayon pagnagkikita

1225kami it’s still there. Friends ko from high school, classmates nung elementary not

1226anymore. So yung Mindoro ko na experiences wala. Kase rin when we were there

1227extended yung family diba. Ang dami naming hindi na kami lumalabas ng tita, mga

1228pinsan ko ganun. Hindi narin siya masyadong nagmatter sa akin kase kumbaga fulfilled
 56

1229naman ako doon sa mga relationships that I have right now. (There still are. Attachments

1230are supposed to be mutual. I understood it that way because I had friends who were

1231precious to me. That when I went back to the place they didn’t care about me anymore. I

1232looked forward to seeing them but when I came up front, they were not as excited as I

1233expect them to be. So, it has to be mutual. We cant engineer the impact of people towards

1234us and our impact to them. In a magical way.. it’s just a connection that takes place. I

1235was able to build friendship with my neigbours. Well, the one in Gensanville still had the

1236same vibe when we see each other. My frriends from high school, classmates way back

1237elementary.. not anymore. I considered my Mindoro experiences as nothing. When I was

1238there we had an extended family. We never even hang out anymore. Those don’t matter

1239to me anymore, what matters most is my present relationship with others.)

IGQ 18. Do you still have close connections with your siblings?

1240Very. Mostly sila yung nagcoconsult sa akin. Kase younger sila eh tapos tapos young pa

1241yung mga bata. Ako kase I think the blessing of being in the school. Your understandings

1242from head level and heart level na parang kapag magulong magulo na yung puso ng tao.

1243Pwede mo siyang matulungan na isa-isahin kase may process. Specially teachers kami

1244tapos may mga counselors kami na kasama. We somehow are equipped with skills pano

1245tumulong mag sort out ng thoughts na magulo. Other than being an ate they know na

1246kaya ko silang tulungan dun sa mga problema nila, and they value my opinion. Kase

1247lumaki kaming kami kami lang eh tas kinuha ko sila. They know my heart hindi man sila

1248nakatapos alam nila na sinubukan kong tumulong. Even with my sister from my father na

1249nameet ko lang din in 2014 who look so much like me. Ano siya we’re..nag-iisa lang siya
 57

1250na anak eh. Si Jeriel (not her real name) she has our father’s name. Tapos ang nice neto

1251there was a time na nagkakakasama kami sa Manila. Sinama ko siya I introduced her to

1252my siblings sa Mama na side tapos we went to Cavite dun sa tita ko. Magkakaiba kami ng

1253Papa at Mama pero magkakapatid kaming lahat. (Very. Most of them consult me. Because

1254basically they are younger as well as their kids. I think the blessing of being in the

1255school. Your understandings from head level and heart level to the point where I could

1256help the person who’s struggling. Especially, teachers and also we have our counselor

1257with us. We somehow are equipped with skills on how to sort out thoughts which are

1258unsettled. Other than being a sister they know that I have the capability of helping them

1259and they value my opinions. Because we grew up dependent on just us. They know my

1260heart, though they haven’t finished everything but they know I did my best to help them.

1261Even with my sister from my father whom I met way back 2014 who look so much like

1262me. She was an only daughter. She was Jeriel (not her real name) she has our father’s

1263name. What’s nice in it is that we were together in Manila. I brought her and introduced

1264her to my Mom’s side of relatives and also to my uncle’s in Cavite. We had different

1265parents but we’re still siblings by heart.)

IGQ 19. How was it catching up with them?

1266Sa lalim ng pinagdaanan namin yun nga natulog kami na katabi yung kulungan ng aso.

1267Nung bata kami naglalako kami maraming malalalim na experience. Kahit gaano kami

1268katagal na magkakahiwalay connected talaga kami. Tapos yun nga nung kinuha ko sila

1269nung after college magkakasama kami sa bahay. Grabe yung struggle.Walang tv,

1270gumaling kaming mag scrubble, gumaling kaming mag flute. Nakadevelop..skills nga.
 58

1271Parang wag ka nang mag emote diba. Hindi naming kailangang mag kwentuhan lagi para

1272malaman kung kamusta yung isa’t-isa. Pero yun nga kung may debut, uwi ako. Pag may

1273kasal, uwi ako don. May gc kami pag may mga random moments, picture tapos

1274kamustahan. We’re connecting through the social media. May gc kameng magkakapatid

1275para mas madalas kaming nag cocommunicate through our gc with the bunso nila mama.

1276Yung titan a sinasabi ko.

1277People, situations, time, atsaka resources na through the grace of God. Without them.

1278Without those wala talaga. So kung ano man yung success si God lang yung nagbigay sa

1279atin. Hindi natin yun maachieve on our own. (There was this dark time where we slept

1280beside the cage of a dog. When we were kids, we sold things and we had very deep

1281experiences. Even though we were apart for a long time, we are still truly connected.

1282Then, I got them when they were in college and then we lived in the same house. The

1283struggle was hard. No TV, we became good in playing scrabble and playing flute. We

1284developed skills to avoid being emotional. We don’t have to lay down one topic to know

1285how each of us are doing. Yeah, so every time there was a celebration of a debut, I went

1286home. If there’s wedding, I go home. We have a groupchat were we send photos of us

1287together and talk about how life is going with each other. We’re connecting through the

1288social media. We have a group chat also for our sibling, on my mom’s side. The tita that

1289I was talking about.

1290People, situations, time, and resources are through the grace of God. Without them,

1291without those there will be nothing. We cannot achieve everything alone, it is always God

1292who’s the reason of our successes.)

IGQ 20. May connection pa rin po ba kayo sa kapatid niyo sa last

husband ng Mom niyo?

1293Yes. May family na rin yun eh. Hindi pa rin married pero ikakasal na. Mabait yun hindi

1294siya temperament. She looks up to me in fact nag teacher din. Takot yun sakin hindi siya

1295comfortable talking to me. Kase college na ako elementary pa siya. Tapos kinukuha ko

1296siya minsan kase hindi siya natuturuan sa bahay. Tapos ano siya yung madumi ang buhok

1297kase wala na si Mama eh tapos yung Papa hindi niya gaanong matutukan. So when I

1298work na pinapakuha ko siya doon sa mga kapatid ko. Pinapaalagaan, lilinisan ang buhok.

1299So nakita niya ako as a distant na mother. Yung parang “ang strict naman ng ate ko”

1300ganun. Strict ako sa mga kapatid kase disiplina yung kailangan. Ang tingin nila sa akin

1301Miss Minchin. Serious kase ako tapos ano talaga pag ganito ganito. (Yes. They already

1302have a different family. And about to be married.. She’s kind, she wasn’t a temperament.

1303She looks up to me in fact and also became a teacher. She’s afraid of me, she doesn’t feel

1304comfortable talking to me. She was in elementary when I got to college. But I fetch her

1305sometimes because there was no one to teach her in their house. She was unattended my

1306mom and my dad. So when I work I let my siblings fetch her from their house. I take care

1307of her and clean her hair. So, she saw me as a distant mother. In a way that “ang strict

1308naman ng ate ko”. I was strict to my siblings because I know more about discipline.

1309They saw me as Miss Minchin. I am a serious person and also like this like that.)

IGQ 21. Paano ka po as a mother?

1310Number 1, I communicate with my husband lahat ng plans. Kumbaga meron kaming

1311kung may itatawag ka sa amin deliberate parent kami. Lahat ng decisions naming. Lahat
 60

1312ng maliliit na ginagawa namin may dahilan. Importante na pareho kami ng paniniwala na

1313mag-asawa because if not mag-aaway kami. Ang inexplain ko sa kanya is I want to raise

1314the children in a way na kahit mawala tayo ng maaga mag susurivive sila. Katulad ng

1315nangyari sa amin. Hindi natin hawak ang buhay. Pwede tayong mawala kahit ano mang

1316oras. We just want to make sure na kung titira man sila sa ibang bahay mag susurvive

1317sila. Hindi sila palalayasin. Kase napapalayas yung mga kapatid ko eh. So ako talaga

1318matimtiman yung term na hindi makabasag pinggan. Mahinhin kase ayaw nila nung

1319masabihan ka na nagdadabog. So ganun ako sa kanila “tumira man kayo sa ibang bahay

1320walang magagalit sa inyo disiplina talaga”. Number 2, I communicate with them. Kapag

1321may gusto siyang pag-usapan, pinag-uusapan namin. Lalaki silang nakakaintindi kase I

1322never had that. Yung kukunin yung opinion ko. Pakikinggan ang thoughts ko in this one.

1323Para makita ko rin kamusta siya mag-isip. Malinaw sa kanila ano ang mga wants ano ang

1324mga needs. Kahit may pera very open yung wallet sa kanila. Kapag naka fold yan may

1325paglalaanan. Kapag flat siyang ganun extra yan pero titignan mo rin ilang days pa yung

1326natitira kase baka may emergency. I discuss sex with them. I discuss safety. I discuss

1327touch kase may mga iba’t-ibang experience sa dami ng tinirhan ko. So parang pag

1328nangyari to sa kanya how is she going to protect herself? Lalo na babae. The way we

1329raise the children is deliberate. Pag nanonod kaming tv I ask for her opinion. Yung values

1330nililinaw. Ang family values namin respect is high. Love for God. Nag dedevo siya

1331meron siya yung devo for girls. Love for the environment. Ano sa amin bawal na bawal

1332ang littering. Lalo na ditto sa school area. Tsaka prudence sa resources kase kung meron

1333mang abundance hindi yan siya palagi. So dapat alam mo ang need alam mo ang wants.

1334Ako nag bubudget talaga ako so I follow that 50 20 20 10 na budgeting rule. 50% for
 61

1335needs, 20% for wants, 20% for savings, 10% for the church. I make sure that they grow

1336up na alam nila yun para kung si ate bibigyan kita ng 70.00PhP na baon kung kaya mong

1337sunding mag 50 30 20 ka. Yung 4 years old hindi pa masyado. But we make sure na

1338malinaw sa kanya. Magpaalam sa bawat bagay na gagawin niyo. Tapos ayaw ko ng

1339sinasabihan sila ng words kase ako nasabihan ako ng “Malas ka!”. Kase may natirhan

1340akong titan a nag totong-its at nagsusugal. Kapag natatalo siya ako yung sinisisi niya.

1341Buti na lang the Lord protected me. He protected me from ganun na mga words. So ayaw

1342ko pag nagkamali yung maga bata na sabihan sila ng “Ang tanga mo” o “Maldita ka”

1343siyempre yung bata nag le’learn pa lang ng social skills. So ang sinasabi ko palagi sa mg

1344kasama ko sa bahay o kamag-anak. Wag na wag sasabihan yung mga bata ng ganyan.

1345Wag sabihan ng “ang tamad mo” instead sabihan lang na “pakilagay ng plato mo doon sa

1346lababo”. So I think they are loving the kind of family that we have. Alam nila na

1347maraming rules pero they understand yung discipline. Kapag may kasalanan pinapalo.

1348Pinipitik sa bibig kapag nagmumura. Alam nila yung consequences.ro ano sobra kaming

1349connected. (Number 1, I communicate with my husband about all the plans. We could

1350call ourselves deliberate parents. All the things we do, we decide, no matter how small,

1351with reason. It’s important that both my husband and I have the same belief and

1352principle because if not, then there’ll be no understanding between us. I explained to him

1353that I want to raise the children in a way that even if we parents die, our children will

1354survive independently. Just like what happened to us. We don’t own life. We might die

1355anytime. We just want to make sure that if ever they’re going to be independent, they’ll

1356survive. They wouldn’t be outcasted. Before, my siblings were outcasted. So I was the

1357demure type of girl back then. I was demure so that they wouldn’t notice me
 62

1358complaining. So, I told them “You may live under others’ roofs but they wouldn’t

1359complain because you all are disciplined”. Number 2, I communicate with them. If

1360there’s something he wants, we talk about it. They’ll grow up to understanding things

1361which I never had when I was young. They’ll be getting my opinion also, hearing my

1362thoughts on an idea. So that I’ll assess on how he thinks about things. I make things clear

1363on the meaning of wants and needs. Even if there’s cash, my wallet is open to them for

1364the taking. If it’s folded, then it’s for a payment. If its flat, then its and extra. I discuss sex

1365with them. I discuss safety. I discuss touch because are a lot of experiences from where I

1366came from. So if it happens to her, she’d know how to protect herself especially that

1367she’s a woman. The way we raise the children is deliberate. If we would watch the TV, I

1368ask for her opinion and lay the meaning of values. Respect is considered the highest for

1369us in family values; love for God. She attends on devo for girls. Love for the

1370environment. We discourage littering, especially here in school. Also, the prudence in

1371resources, those aren’t always abundant. So, you should know what you need and want. I

1372do budgets, and I follow that 50 20 20 10 budgeting rule. 50% for needs, 20% for wants,

137320% for savings, 10% for the church. I make sure that they grow up knowledge about it

1374so that if I give ate 70.00PHP worth of allowance; she should follow 50 30 20. I exempt

1375my 4 year-old kid. But we make sure that it’s clear to him. Ask permission every time. In

1376addition, I don’t like them saying “Malas ka!”. I once lived in a place where gambling

1377was a culture. If that person loses, I was the one to blame. I’m blessed enough because

1378the Lord protected me. He protected me from those words. So, I don’t like hearing “Ang

1379tanga mo” o “Maldita ka” if the kid had done something wrong because basically the

1380kid is just starting to learn social skills. So, I tell my housemates and other friends that
 63

1381they shouldn’t use those words. Wag sabihan ng “ang tamad mo” instead sabihan lang

1382na “pakilagay ng plato mo doon sa lababo”. So I think they are loving the kind of family

1383that we have. They are aware that there are a lot of rules but they ought to understand it.

1384If there’s a wrong doing, I spank them. I hit them lightly on their mouths if there are bad

1385words coming out of it. They all know the consequences because we are all connected.)

IGQ 22. What is your view of family orientation?

1386I am very open to families. That is also one thing na naappreciate dto ng mga parents

1387kase naiintindihan naming. Yung mga letters naming. “Dear parents/guardians” pag

1388orientation kase kinalakihan ko siya. Mas openness doon sa kase ganun talaga. May

1389parent kami na transgender. Openness about the different family settings. (I am very open

1390to families. That is also one thing that I appreciate about parents here because of their

1391greetings in letters that starts with “Dear parents/guardians” during orientations

1392because I grew up with those. I like it because the openness is there. We also have a

1393parent who’s a Transgender. Openness about the different family settings.)

IGQ 23. Knowing where you are right now. If may chance ka na

kausapin yung younger self mo ano yung gusto mong sabihin sa

kanya?

1394Things are going to be very challenging know that God has plan. Sana hindi ganun kalala

1395kung babaguhin man yung past. Hindi dumugo kasi masakit. Hindi sana naging ganun ka

1396heartbroken si Mama. Kaya nga hindi mo kayang magalit kapag nakikita mo yung
 64

1397journey ng tao. Magagalit ka pa ba sa Mama mo eh nakita mo na yung paghihirap niya. I

1398don’t think I would be this strong. Sabi ko nga ang fragile ko tignan sa labas. Napaka

1399delicate. But never underestimate this strength that I have. I will never be able to develop

1400this kind of inner strength if not for the experiences that I went through. Hindi naman ako

1401namatay pero grabe kastrong ng ginawa ni Lord. I believe every person, every cross that

1402we carry is there to make us stronger. Kase may gagawin siya sa atin na maganda.

1403Imposibleng wala tayong pupuntahan. (Things are going to be very challenging know

1404that God has plan. I hope not the majority of the past would be changed. It didn’t bleed

1405because of pain. Mom shouldn’t have been that heartbroken. That’s why you shouldn’t

1406be angry because you already have seen the things the person went through. You just

1407can’t get mad at your mom knowing she has been through a lot. I don’t think I would be

1408this strong. I’ll tell you, I look very fragile. Very delicate. But never underestimate this

1409strength that I have. I will never be able to develop this kind of inner strength if not for

1410the experiences that I went through. I never died from experiences; the Lord really did

1411well his work on me. I believe every person, every cross that we carry is there to make us

1412stronger. He will give us something beautiful. It’s quite impossible that we’re going

1413nowhere.)

IGQ 24. What can you impart to those people who are struggling and

striving to be successful?

1414I’ve been reading a lot of articles. Watching a lot of interviews about the state of Mental

1415Health of our youtu even in the Philippines. Even a 5 year old children are saying that

1416they’re stressed. It is a very complicated situation because it concerns family textiles.

1417Cellphone use, exposure to gadgets, absenteeism of parents but I don’t think I will have a

1418message for them. But for those who are taking effort in making their lives better.

1419Number 1 really is cling onto God. No matter how deep or how shallow you relationship

1420with him. Acknowledge that he is present that He has a good plans for you. Number 2,

1421keep your eyes on the goal.. Have a vision of what do you want to be because if you have

1422that and you pray to the Lord that He leads you to that. He will move mountains for you

1423to get there. Number 3 face each day with the attitude of gratitude. Thank everything.

1424Thank the Lord for the life that youre given. Thank the Lord for the crisis. Thank the

1425Lord for the challenges. Thank the Lord for your mind and heart and thank him for every

1426opportunity that comes. Whether the opportunities are through aperson, situation, time

1427and resources. (I’ve been reading a lot of articles. Watching a lot of interviews about the

1428state of Mental Health of our youtu even in the Philippines. Even a 5 year old children

1429are saying that they’re stressed. It is a very complicated situation because it concerns

1430family textiles. Cellphone use, exposure to gadgets, absenteeism of parents but I don’t

1431think I will have a message for them. But for those who are taking effort in making their

1432lives better. Number 1 really is cling onto God. No matter how deep or how shallow you

1433relationship with him. Acknowledge that he is present that He has a good plans for you.

1434Number 2 keep your eyes on the goal.. Have a vision of what do you want to be because

1435if you have that and you pray to the Lord that He leads you to that. He will move

1436mountains for you to get there. Number 3 face each day with the attitude of gratitude.

1437Thank everything. Thank the Lord for the life that youre given. Thank the Lord for the

1438crisis. Thank the Lord for the challenges. Thank the Lord for your mind and heart and
 66

1439thank him for every opportunity that comes. Whether the opportunities are through

1440aperson, situation, time and resources.)

IGQ 25. How about for those who has the same experience like you?

1441They have the power to make things better. We always have a choice.