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Jul 18, 2013, 01:07am EDT
Speak The Truth, Even If Your Voice
Shakes
Amy Rees Anderson Former Contributor Follow
Entrepreneurs
I share my insights as an entrepreneur turned mentor & angel investor
This article is more than 7 years old.
When someone isn’t performing well at their job; or when they aren’t the right fit
for a particular position; or when their personality isn’t a match for the company ! " 0:21 / 1:12
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culture, one of the biggest disservices you can do to them is to not tell them the
truth.
As a CEO, I found that one of the toughest things to teach people that serve in a
management role is how to give honest feedback to others.
I found that they were often afraid to hurt feelings, or they were afraid of not being
liked. Rather than giving direct, honest feedback they would sugarcoat things and
dance around an issue. One of my least favorite things they would do is try to pass
the problem off to another manager in another department as a way to avoid
having to take care of the situation themselves.
For many years, I struggled with how to help people become comfortable in giving
honest feedback. It was difficult because I had also struggled to give direct
feedback in my earlier years as a leader, so I understood what they were going
through and why it was hard for them. But I also knew how important it was for
me to teach them to do it, because I had learned firsthand the positive impact that
came from learning to tell people the truth directly. I had seen the difference
between situations where I avoided telling someone straight up what needed to
change, and the times I had been willing to overcome my fears and just put truth
out there for the other person to hear.
Throughout this process, I learned seven very important lessons:
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1. As a leader you have an obligation to set the example of giving honest and
direct feedback to employees. If you don’t do it, no one else well either, so it
must start with you.
2. Never feel guilty telling someone else the truth about what isn’t working or
what has to change. They deserve to know it. They cannot change and
improve unless they know the truth about what they are doing wrong. You
owe it to them to be honest and open.
3. Always give feedback from a position of truly wanting to help the other
person with the information. Never give feedback at a time you are angry or
frustrated or you will end up tearing the other person down and no good
will come from it. If you enter into the conversation with the genuine desire
to help the other person to improve and grow, your heart will be in the right
place and your words will come out in a way that builds, not destroys.
4. It is OK to start the conversation by telling the other person that what you
need to discuss with them is a little uncomfortable for you, but you also
know that it’s in their best interest for you to give them honest feedback, so
you are going to do your best to do so. This lets the other person know that
your intentions are good, and it helps stop them from becoming
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immediately defensive and allows them to be more open to what you have to
tell them.
5. Be very clear in explaining exactly what they need to do differently. Don’t
just talk in broad, general terms. Give them specific examples of what they
have done wrong and then give them an example of how they could have
handled things differently. Keep in mind that most people are not trying to
mess up or be difficult. They are usually either unaware of their own bad
behavior, or they are frustrated because they can’t figure out how to do it
differently. Typically, they will appreciate having some practical examples
that teach them new ways to approach things.
6. Always be honest with respect. If you talk to the other person in a way that
demonstrates your respect for them, they will appreciate your words far
more, and you will have a far better chance of making an impact with them.
7. Make sure that anytime you are going to share something negative that you
also take time to express the positive. Let them know what they do right as
well as what they are doing wrong. You want people to walk away knowing
that not everything they do is bad, and you want them to recognize the good
things they should continue to do.
As a manager, you are speaking to a person who is just as nervous as you are to
have the conversation. Recognize that you are in a position to affect their
livelihood. That can be nerve racking for the other person, so go out of your way to
make it as comfortable a conversation as possible. As you are giving them feedback
be sure to ask if there are things you could be doing better as their leader to help
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them as they are working to improve. Seeking their advice lets them know that you
are willing to help them, which creates an atmosphere of trust.
Leaders have a duty to set the tone with employees that they are allowed to
honestly express their frustrations as well, without any fear of retaliation from you,
as long as they do so with respect. An employee who feels safe enough to be honest
will provide you valuable information on other potential problems in the
organization and will give you input on what changes you may need to make in
order to become a better leader yourself. I found that I grew the most as a leader
when I was willing to ask my employees to give me honest feedback on areas they
thought I could improve.
All of us want to be the best we can be, but none of us will get there if we don’t help
by giving honest feedback. Simply firing an employee without letting them know
what they were doing wrong is such a disservice to them because they will likely go
on to the next company and repeat those same mistakes. Be respectful enough to
tell them how they can correct their behavior so that they can go on to their next
job with a higher chance for success. If you remember that you are helping them by
telling the truth, it will help you to have the courage to tell them what they need to
hear. And if your voice shakes a little – well, that’s OK – as long as you don’t let it
stop you from speaking the truth.
~Amy Rees Anderson (follow me on twitter at @amyreesanderson)
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Amy Rees Anderson
I am an entrepreneur, angel investor, public speaker, mentor, and philanthropist with a focus
on helping others to excel in their entrepreneurial ventures. I am the… Read More
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