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Connection NOT Perfection™

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AEE Episode 614: How to Talk About Crime in The U.S.

Announcer: This is an All Ears English Podcast Episode 614: “How to Talk about Crime
in the U.S.”

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 16
million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection ™, with your
American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’, and Michelle
Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,’ coming to you from Boston and New
York City, U.S.A.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: And to instantly download your transcript from today’s episode, go to

[Link]/transcripts, [Link]/transcripts.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Today we answer a listener question about how to talk about crime in the
U.S. Find out what the words are, how to use them, and hear about
Lindsay's and Michelle's favorite crime show today.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: What's up, Michelle? How are you doing today?

Michelle: [laughter] Not too much. I'm pretty good, I'm pretty good. It's, you know,
getting cold and...

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Lindsay: Mm.

Michelle: It's kind of a little sad, but that's all right. How about you?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), I know. I woke up this morning thinking I have the beginning of
a sore throat.

Michelle: Ohh.

Lindsay: The first cold of the winter.

Michelle: Ohh.

Lindsay: And it's just... It's cold, it's cloudy out. But, ohh gosh, what's the good
news? Well, it's almost the weekend. So that's good. Even though
today's Monday. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: Okay. We're... Okay. We're recording this on a Friday. So it is actually

almost the weekend for us.

Michelle: You caught us. You caught us.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: That's so funny. Happy Monday, Lindsay!

Lindsay: Ohh, I know, I know, I know. So Michelle, what are we talking about
today? Well, actually, first Michelle, before we start, let's go ahead and
say thank you to our reviewers.

Michelle: Yes.

Lindsay: Who reviewed us this week in the iTunes store, Michelle?

Michelle: Yes. Thank you to, I do enjoy, Yes, thank you to _______ J-P. Is that a J-I-
P? I don't know.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: From Brazil. Thank you.

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Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: And thank you...

Lindsay: That was a great review that that person left. Very profound and long
comment.

Michelle: Yes.

Lindsay: So thank you for that.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), thank you so much. And thank you to daniel070480 from
Mexico. And...

Lindsay: Yes.

Michelle: To 5anti15 from Columbia.

Lindsay: Awesome. So we got three reviews this week. Guys, if you haven't left
your review in the iTunes store, it really makes a difference with our
success in the iTunes store. So go on over there and review All Ears
English. Tell us what you like about the show.

Michelle: Yes, please. We really like to hear it.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Okay Michelle, today we're talking about crime.

Michelle: Ohh.

Lindsay: Ohh, big topic. Huge topic.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And it's a topic that people love in this country, like, when it
comes to crime and crime shows. I was talking about this last night with
someone. We were saying that the most popular shows in the U.S. right
now are either crime-oriented or they're hospital-oriented. Like...

Michelle: [laughter]

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Lindsay: You know, those shows like Grey's Anatomy, and those kinds of shows, are
always popular because people love... I think people are fascinated with
death. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: I think that's why, you know?

Michelle: And also, just suspense.

Lindsay: Suspense.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). I think that, I mean, maybe if it's not crime and it's not
hospital, like there... I feel like there's no element of suspense, right? So
it's the idea of the cliffhanger.

Lindsay: Mm.

Michelle: Right? Like the cliffhanger.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: What's a cliffhanger, Lindsay?

Lindsay: It's where we're stuck and we're not quite given... We're given, like,
pieces of what might happen or hints and we're left guessing.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: We're left...

Michelle: Or something happens, like, towards the end and it's, like, "Ohh, my gosh!
I can't believe it!" And then the episode's over.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: We're like, "No."

Lindsay: Okay. That's a better explanation. Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). I like that. So
yeah (yes). So I think the quality of TV shows are just getting better and
better. But let's go back to the question. So, a listener asked as a question
and we're going to kind of talk a little bit about different TV shows to kind

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of relate to them because, I mean, I don't experience a lot of crime in my

daily life, luckily.

Michelle: Bah! Humbah!

Lindsay: [laughter] So we’ve got to go to TV for it. But what's the question
from _____

Michelle: Okay. The question. It says, "Hi Lindsay and Michelle. I hope you are very
well. I like you and your precious podcast a lot."

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: Aww. We like you. Thank you.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: I have learned so much and I am thirsty for more.

Lindsay: Woo! Good expression.

Michelle: I know, that is really good. "I am really grateful. Anyway, here's one of my
questions. I'm usually confused about these "convicted", "accused",
"charged" and etc. Actually, I know the meaning but I want to know the
difference of the"... "Of their consequences, especially in the U.S. I really
appreciate your answer in advance. Have a good one. ______"

Lindsay: Ohh, good question.

Michelle: That is a good question. That's a toughie.

Lindsay: I know, because we haven't talked much about crime and punishment on
the show.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: And as soon as I read this question my mind went to a series that... That
both, the two of us Michelle, we are both watching or have watched.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: I finished the series. It was a mini-series on HBO called The Night Of.

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Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Okay. And Michelle, you watched episode one, but you're waiting for your
husband...

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: To continue this series together. Is that right?

Michelle: That's right.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: But I really, really, really want to watch it. I was just talking about this last
night.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). So what's the gist of the show, Michelle?

Michelle: Okay. So basically it's about a guy who is born in the U.S.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: He's... I don't know how old he is. Like a teen or...

Lindsay: I think...

Michelle: Or was it early twenties?

Lindsay: No, I think... Yeah (yes), like, early twenties. Like 22.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). And his family is from Pakistan. And he's a really, really good
kid, and he basically blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. He wants to go to this
party and he can't... He can't get to the party because his friend backs out
on him, so he takes his dad's cab and...

Lindsay: Taxi cab.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Any he... And he meets... He meets this woman and, what
happens next, Lindsay?

Lindsay: Well, she jumps in the cab, even though he says that he's not working, he's
off-duty.

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Michelle: Uhh huh.

Lindsay: This is in a downtown area of New York City, I think. West Village or
something. She jumps in and she says, "Ohh, take me uptown." or "Take
me to the beach." So they go to the beach and they take drugs and they
start kissing and then they go back to her house and they make out and
they end up having sex there. And then he passes out, right? And he
wakes up a few... But actually, we forgot to say the part about the knife.
There is a knife involved.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: But she's just kind of playing around with it. She's a little bit weird.

Michelle: She is... She is a lot bit weird. Yeah (yes). And he... And he is kind of...
Well, they weren't even really doing anything at the beach. It was more
when they got back to the house, right?

Lindsay: That's right.

Michelle: And then they were like...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: And then things got a little bit... I don't even know how to describe it.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: A little crazy.

Lindsay: A little crazy. Well, let's just say they were taking a lot of drugs.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), okay.

Lindsay: A lot of drugs, different drugs. I think they were taking ‘molly.’

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Which is... What is that? Ecstasy? I think is what it is.

Michelle: I don't know.

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Lindsay: And they're also taking a bunch of... Mixing weird drugs. So they were
definitely in weird places in their heads. But they had like...

Michelle: And this is not that, like, normal night for this guy. He was more, I think...

Lindsay: No.

Michelle: Just like taking her lead.

Lindsay: Ohh, totally. He was, like, a good kid. Like, he didn't really do much, in
terms of drugs.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: He was a good student. He was a tutor. That sort of thing. So she was
playing, like, weird games with this knife when she was on drugs. Like,
they were... So there was a knife already in the house and they're playing
around with it, but basically they got to the point where, after they were
in bed together, then I guess they just passed out, and then, you know, a
few hours later he wakes up and he's in the kitchen. You saw this part,
right Michelle?

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: He's in the kitchen. He wakes up and then he goes back to say goodbye to
her because he's going to go back home. He turns on the light and she's
been stabbed, like, 22 times in her back.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: And he's like, "Ohh, my God." He freaks out. Because he thinks, "Did I do
this?"

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Right. "Did I do this?" And he... He didn't know because, I mean...

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Michelle: He feels like he could never do it, right? Because he's a good kid. He
couldn't imagine that he could do it, but then there was always that
element of doubt in his head, right?

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Moving forward. Like, "Whoa." He was on so many drugs he doesn't even
know what happened.

Michelle: Right.

Michelle: So he grabs the knife and he runs out because he panics, right?

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Grabs the knife, runs out of the house, then gets caught by the cops. And,
of course, he's the prime suspect moving forward because the bloody
knife is there... Did you see this part, Michelle?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes). That... Yeah (yes), the bloody knife was
there, it's all. I'm, like, when the police got to the house and... Yeah (yes),
I saw that when he goes to jail.

Lindsay: Exactly, so... So we would just recommend that you guys check out the
show.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: It's a really good show, and a lot of issues come up later on, important
issues in our society that you want to take a look at. And so I won't tell
anymore because, Michelle, I know you don't want to know the ending.
[laughter]

Michelle: I know, I know. Yeah (yes), don't spoil it. Yeah (yes). Have you guys...
Spoiler alert! No spoilers in this.

Lindsay: Exactly. So, really, our listener here asked us about some vocabulary
words. So, we're going to try to pull in this story as much as possible, but
actually try not to give away the ending there.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Or, or even close to the end. [laughter]

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Lindsay: And let's talk about... Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Let's talk about what these
words mean, though, Michelle. "Convicted".

Michelle: Okay.

Lindsay: What does that mean?

Michelle: Okay. So "law: to find or prove someone guilty of an offense or crime,

especially by the verdict of a court". So, "The jury convicted..."

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: "...the defendant of manslaughter."

Lindsay: Right. That's not necessarily what happened in the show, don't worry,
Michelle. I'm not giving you the... I'm not giving you the answer...

Michelle: Yeah (yes). [laughter]

Lindsay: About what happened at the end of the show. This is just, just an
example.

Michelle: Yes.

Lindsay: Okay. So, to be convicted is to be... To be... When the jury decides that
you are guilty of an offense. Okay? So, for our listener that asked the
question, umm... Uhh, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. So, I'm afraid that I'm giving it
away. [laughter]

Michelle: Yeah (yes), I know.

Lindsay: And did you read this role play?

Michelle: This time, well...

Lindsay: No, I won't tell you. Okay.

Michelle: Well, no. You're not giving it away. But...

Lindsay: No, I'm not giving it away. Okay.

Michelle: No, you're not.

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Lindsay: Let's go ahead... Let's do a little role play, Michelle, to show the meaning
of "convicted".

Michelle: But only the one part I didn't know, but that's okay. Okay.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: "So, Lindsay, in this show Naz is convicted of murder?"

Lindsay: "Well, Michelle, the public was convinced that he did it. There was so
much evidence when he ran out of the girl's house that night, after finding
her stabbed. He also took the knife with him. But I won't tell you if he
was convicted. You have to watch it." [laughter]

Michelle: Yeah (yes). See, I knew that second part. But I didn't know the public was
convinced, not like I could guess.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Okay. So... So, yeah (yes), that's... So, that's an example of
how to use the word "convicted". Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: And what was the second word, Michelle, that our listener asked about?

Michelle: The second word is "accused".

Lindsay: Mm. Okay. So when you're accused you are, like, the defendant in a
criminal case.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Okay. And you're accused of doing something. In this case, you know, he
was, hopefully you know this, Michelle...

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: He was accused of murder...

Michelle: Yes.

Lindsay: By the district attorney, right? The DA...

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Michelle: Uhh huh.

Lindsay: Is the person who represents the state and brings a case against an
accused criminal. That's what a DA does.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Many states have a DA, and then other states might call it something
different.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Okay. So that's... That's "accused". I mean, it's pretty straightforward, I

think, for the most part. What do you think, Michelle?

Michelle: Uhh, yeah (yes). I think so.

Lindsay: Okay. And then the next one... And a couple of other vocabulary words
that we can throw in here are "charged"...

Michelle: Uhh huh.

Lindsay: What does that mean, Michelle?

Michelle: To be convicted of, right?

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: An indictment charging someone with murder, which leads us to the next
word.

Lindsay: Right. So, "indictment" is a formal document. So, I didn't know this until I
looked this up. So, this is a good, more advanced, vocabulary word, guys,
that you might want to add to your repertoire here. It's a formal
document that it's written for a prosecuting attorney that's charging a
person with some kind of offense. Okay?

Michelle: Right, right. And don't people say, like, "to be indicted"?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). To be indicted. Right.

Michelle: Right, right, right.

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Lindsay: So, I think that means that you... That the document has been written up
about you, and it's saying that you are being charged with this offense. It's
done after... I believe it's done after the whole trial.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). But, I'm not a lawyer, but it's...

Michelle: [laughter] Yeah (yes). I don't know too much about it.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). But I think that you guys would, you know, you would learn a
lot about these words if you did go ahead and watch these shows. There's
so many crime shows on right now, and they're a little bit disturbing, to be
honest, like, some of them. I mean, they can keep you up at night.
[laughter]

Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: They're really all... The cliffhangers and the twists and sometimes they're
very gory. This one for sure was.

Lindsay: This one's a little gory.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). [laughter]

Lindsay: And this one is just disturbing, you know what I mean? It's just disturbing,
and I'm not going to say any more. But as you go through it, it's, like, "Ohh,
man. There are these issues in our society that... That really happen and
it's sad."

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: You know? I don't know.

Michelle: Alright, well...

Lindsay: So, anyways...

Michelle: I'll let you know when I watch it. I'm, like, really excited. [laughter]

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Lindsay: [laughter] So we came up with a couple of bonus phrases that are a little
bit more conversational, guys, that you can also throw into our
conversation when you're talking about crime. Okay? And it's not that
you have to be personally involved in a crime to talk about it. You know,
there's a lot of... You're talking about these TV shows, for example.

Michelle: Right, right.

Lindsay: Right?

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Like, for our listeners who live in the U.S., probably you want
to connect with your colleagues on Monday morning. And one of the big
topics that people talk about is TV shows.

Michelle: What TV shows... Right.

Lindsay: Because TV shows are so good now.

Michelle: It's so funny because they used... For a long time everybody was, like,
"Nobody watches TV anymore." And then like...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Everything got so good. I think...

Lindsay: Something changed.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: That's right. Yeah (yes). And only in the last few years...

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Is when the things have changed to become really good.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: It started with Netflix, I think.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

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Lindsay: Like, umm, series like Orange is the New Black.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: But now, it's actually just on regular TV, too, like HBO and things.

Michelle: Right, right, right.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Remember, guys, if you didn't catch something from today's episode, or if
you want to go deeper with the episode and learn the vocabulary from
today, you need the transcripts. Go to [Link]/transcripts to
grab them right now.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). So, what's the first bonus phrase, Michelle, that we can use?

Michelle: Okay. "To be behind bars."

Lindsay: Ohh, okay. So, yeah (yes), "to be behind bars" is basically... It's pretty self-
explanatory.

Michelle: The bars of the jail. Of the jail cell.

Lindsay: It's literally behind bars. You're in jail. Right?

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: And then there's the famous place, Alcatraz.

Michelle: Uhh huh.

Lindsay: Which we can refer to as The Rock.

Michelle: Uhh huh. I've been there, actually.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), me too, actually.

Michelle: When I was little.

Lindsay: Did you do the tour?

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Michelle: Yes, and, like, I think I have pictures in, like, a cell and stuff. But this was
when I was little. What about you?

Lindsay: Same here.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: We took a family vacation in San Francisco.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), same.

Lindsay: And that's... Yeah (yes). That's one of the big things that you do when you
visit San Francisco, as a tourist. You go to Alcatraz.

Michelle: Sounds so funny to do that. But...

Lindsay: It's weird, but... So, it used to be a very high security jail because it was
right in the middle of San Francisco Bay. And, if people wanted to escape
they had to basically swim or find a way through the waters by boat, and
the water was very cold in the San Francisco Bay.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Okay. So, there's a lot of history, guys. If you're curious about Alcatraz, go
to Wikipedia and start doing some research. There's also a movie, I
believe, called Escape from Alcatraz about one of the famous escape cases
that happened.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Very fascinating.

Michelle: Hmm.

Lindsay: How did you feel, Michelle, when you heard the voices of the prisoners in
that recording, when you took your tour of Alcatraz?

Michelle: Ohh, I don't know. This could have been 20 years ago. [laughter]

Lindsay: Sure.

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Michelle: I don't remember, but I remember that I was freaked out by the whole
thing.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: I was like, "Why are we doing this? On a vacation?”

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: I didn't... I didn't really get it at that age.

Lindsay: [laughter] It's pretty cool. So, check out Alcatraz, guys. Fascinating story,
fascinating situation. It's closed now, obviously, but interesting history.
So, what else, Michelle? What's another way to say that someone's in jail?

Michelle: You could say they're "in the slammer".

Lindsay: Mm.

Michelle: In the slammer.

Lindsay: Do you use this one anymore? I feel like I...

Michelle: This is kind of old-fashioned.

Lindsay: I used to hear this more.

Michelle: But you might hear it.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Like, I don't know. I think that it's a good one to know because...

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: I wouldn't... I wouldn't say it... personally, I don't think that I would hear
it around, maybe on TV shows.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), totally. Exactly. It's kind of a more historical phrase, but good
to know.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

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Lindsay: And then, the next one is a phrasal verb "to bust out". [laughter]

Michelle: Yeah (yes). That's like to... To either escape from jail or, I don't know, or
even just get out of jail, right?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Yeah (yes), and I think it's also interesting how sometimes
phrases that are meant for one context can be translated and used in a
lighter way in other contexts. Like, I've said before things, like, "Ohh, let's
bust out of here."

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Like, if I'm in a restaurant and it's too busy, and I don't want to sit down
because there are too many people. "Ohh, let's bust out."

Michelle: Right, right.

Lindsay: Have you ever used that in a normal context, conversational context?

Michelle: I don't know if I say it. But I would. I mean...

Lindsay: You would.

Michelle: I can't... Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). So it's, yeah (yes)...

Michelle: But do you think it's more like "escape" or also just, like, ohh, when they're
being released? "I go. I'm busting out of here." Like...

Lindsay: I would guess that it's "escape".

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Yeah (yes), I would guess it's probably when you are getting
out of jail.

Michelle: No, but I mean, like, escape, like a planned escape, or like... Or even if,
like, "Ohh, when are you busting out of here?" You know, like, kind of
used in a looser sense?

Lindsay: I don't know. What did you find when you looked it up?

Michelle: Well, I mean...

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Lindsay: Did you find...

Michelle: I thought of it. [laughter] I don't know.

Lindsay: Ohh.

Michelle: I don't remember the... Or remember the specifics. I think I saw it

somewhere, but I don't remember. I don't remember...

Lindsay: Ohh.

Michelle: Like looking up ‘all the difference.’ I just kind of thought of that now.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: Well, that one is on hold. We'll update you, guys. Come back to our blog
and we'll clarify the meaning of that. Come back to [Link], this
is Episode 614.

Michelle: Okay.

Lindsay: We'll go back to that. [laughter] "To bail someone out". We know that
one, right? What does that mean? That's... It's... What is bail? Bail is,
like, if they can be, like, released from prison if somebody pays.

Lindsay: Mm. Yeah (yes), so to bail someone out is when you go in and you pay a
certain amount of money and that person's able to get out.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: To bail out. And this is also used in a more conversational context. Like,
"Ohh, bail me out here. I need some help." Right?

Michelle: Right, right, right.

Lindsay: Not even...

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Michelle: Get me out of this situation.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And in that context, if you're in trouble, and it's not about jail,
it could... You may not be asking your friend for money, you may be just
asking for help. Right?

Michelle: Right, right, right.

Lindsay: That's interesting how that happens.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: I like that.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Okay. And if we say someone's "up for parole".

Michelle: Mhh hmm. Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: What does that mean? I don't actually know.

Michelle: Ohh, that means, like, that they might be released. It's, like, if they're on
parole, it's, like, they have a chance to have a reduced sentence or to be
released.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: So they might say, "Ohh, I'm up for parole in so and so months.” And then
there's a decision made, I'm not sure by whom. But, yeah (yes), up for
parole.

Lindsay: Okay. Cool, cool. And then "doing time".

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Right? Is another expression that people use sometimes. A little... I don't
know. I don't know if criminals actually use these, because I never talk to
criminals. Like [laughter], they're not in my world. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

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Lindsay: You know, I don't... I don't have any personal connections with anyone
who's really been in jail for any length of time. But these are just out in
the culture, right?

Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes). For sure.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), so “doing time” is just spending time in jail. Okay? And then...

Michelle: Yeah (yes), the next one I have is "jointed", because that's another thing
that I saw, that sometimes people used to say for the jail, right? Have you
heard that?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: I have. Yeah (yes). I have heard that. "The joint". I don't really know the
context in which it's used, so I think these... Some of these guys, are more
for... Like, this word "joint" is more for you to recognize if you hear other
people saying it. And it can mean other things. Like, it could mean,
umm...

Michelle: Just like...

Lindsay: Smoking marijuana.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Right? A joint. To smoke a joint. That can... A totally different meaning.
Right?

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: So, we want to be careful. But, sometimes this word joint is used in the
context of talking about jail. The physically being in jail. Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). So, but a lot of these are... You may... I don't know
if you'll find the context to say them, except for if you're talking about a TV
show. I mean, I hope that's the only time you need to use... [laughter]

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I hope so, too. Because, I mean, I was watching something last
night with a friend, and we were watching TV, we were watching another
one of these crime shows, and the situation was that this guy had been
proven... He had been accused of raping a woman and he... But he was
not... He was... He was not guilty, actually. But he served 16 years in jail,
and he was raped and, like, attacked repeatedly during that time. And
that actually turned him into a criminal, because as soon as he got out he
committed another... He, I mean, he committed his first offense, rather.
He raped and killed a woman the night he got out.

Michelle: Wow.

Lindsay: A woman that he knew. So I was thinking last night, and we were talking
about this, about our prison system in the U.S., and how broken it is.
How… How... It's incredible that you can put someone into a system and
literally turn them into a criminal.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: I mean, that's messed up. I'm sure this happens in other countries, but I'm
sure there are also other countries that are experimenting with different
ways to deal with criminals.

Michelle: Mm.

Lindsay: I know the prison system is very expensive. There's a lot of corruption in
there, you know, often with guards kind of ganging up with the prisoners
themselves. It's just incredible. It's a huge topic.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), for sure.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Michelle: Well, thank you to our listener for asking this question.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), thank you for asking this question. And I would like to hear
from you guys about your prison systems in your countries. And let us
know what's going on. I mean, any kind of comments that you want to
share would be really interesting. If you come back to

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[Link], type in 614 in the search bar and just let us know. Let
us know what you thought of today's episode and of what's going on in
your country's prison system. I would be really curious to know.

Michelle: Awesome. Yeah (yes), me, too. Well, thank you again. And this has been
interesting, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Okay. Thanks, Michelle. Take care.

Michelle: Alright, bye.

Lindsay: Bye.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Thanks so much for listening to All Ears English. And if you need a seven or
higher on your IELTS exam to achieve your life vision, then our “Insider
Method” can get you there. Start with our free video series master class.
Get video one now at [Link]/INSIDER, and if you believe in
Connection NOT Perfection ™, then subscribe to our show on your phone
or on your computer. See you next time.

© All Ears English [Link]

 25

AEE Episode 615: Three Steps to Build Confidence through Grammar with Chris Rush

Announcer: This is All Ears English Podcast Episode 615: “Three Steps to Build
Confidence through Grammar with Chris Rush.”

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 16
million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection ™, with your
American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’, and Michelle
Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,’ coming to you from Boston and New
York City, U.S.A.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: And to instantly download your transcript from today’s episode, go to

[Link]/transcripts, [Link]/transcripts.

Announcer: You want confidence, but what are the specific steps to take to build
measurable confidence when it comes to grammar? Today you'll meet our
guest who'll show you exactly how to do it.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Today we have a guest on All Ears English. Our guest today helps
professionals speak better business English. He's been teaching entirely

© All Ears English [Link]

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online since 2012 and he's taught more than 1,000 students and has
worked with over 100 different companies. He teaches one-on-one
lessons on italki and he has spent all of 2016 traveling around the U.S. in
an RV. Now let's meet our guest today, Chris Rush.

[Instrumental]

Chris: Hey guys, I'm Chris and today I'm going to show you my framework that is
guaranteed to bring you confidence when it comes to grammar. If you
want to work with me directly, I can walk you step by step through my
method. Register at [Link]/italki, that's I-T-A-L-K-I, for $10
free off your second lesson. Then, find my profile at [Link]/chrisrush.
C-H-R-I-S-R-U-S-H.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: Hey, Chris. Welcome to All Ears English. Thanks for coming today. How
are you doing?

Chris: I'm doing great, Lindsay. Thank you so much for having me.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). It's good. So, I hear you are a bit of a traveler, is that true?

Chris: Yes. So I've been spending the last nine months traveling all across the
United States in an RV or a caravan.

Lindsay: Wow.

Chris: And right now I'm taking a little break, yeah (yes), in Pensacola, Florida.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: Which is kind of my hometown.

Lindsay: Ohh, that is excellent. What's one thing that you've learned from your
travels, just real quick?

Chris: I... That people are the same everywhere. That...

Lindsay: [laughter]

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Chris: You know, I always had this idea that life would be so different in other
places, but it's...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: It's really not. Scenes are different, people are the same.

Lindsay: Love it, love it. Good thing to know, good thing to keep in mind when
we're learning a new language and we're crossing cultures. Isn't that
right?

Chris: Absolutely, absolutely.

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: I've stayed in the United States, just a little bit into... into Canada. So I
didn't get so much of that experience, but I, you know, just from that and
traveling abroad, I definitely have experienced that to be true.

Lindsay: I love that. And so you, you Chris, you focus on business English. And I
love the topic that you are bringing to the table today, this idea of how to
become confident through grammar. Because a lot of teachers will try to
avoid grammar, or they'll kind of make it seem less important than it is, so
that we don't get stressed out. And that's one approach, but it sounds like
your idea is to work through grammar, work with grammar, to become
more confident. Is that kind of what makes you different as a teacher?

Chris: Exactly. So many of my students, what they need the most -- is they need
confidence.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: That's what I hear over and over. And so, when I ask them why they're not
confident, they say so often, "I make mistakes. It's my grammar."

Lindsay: Right.

Chris: So I want to take the focus of grammar and say, "How can we make
grammar into something that can help you be more confident instead of
less confident?"

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Lindsay: Ohh, I like that. Take the weakness and make it a strength.

Chris: Absolutely.

Lindsay: I love that. So then, this all sounds really, really good, Chris. But how do
we do it? I mean, can you give our listeners today three basic actionable
tips that they can take away today and get started with right after finishing
this episode?

Chris: Absolutely.

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: So, I would say the first thing is to say, "Forget about the more advanced
tenses." So the way that I kind of think of that is to say, "Go backwards."
Okay?

Lindsay: Ohh.

Chris: So, I think one thing that people like to do is we say, "Okay. Well, I'm
going to learn all of these tenses." And if you learn too many tenses, the
problem is that you can't use any of them well.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Chris: So, for example, you know, the first tense you learn is the present simple,
then you learn the past simple.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: So, the first thing you need to do is you need to make sure that you are
using the present simple and the past simple.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: And I don't care even if you're an advanced English speaker...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: And you laugh at the notion of...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

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Chris: Practicing your past simple.

Lindsay: Right.

Chris: But make sure that you're speaking your past simple with 100 percent
accuracy.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: It doesn't make sense to move to the present perfect, unless you've got
your past simple down.

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: Because the confidence comes from knowing that you're not making
mistakes. People are... They lose... We lose our confidence when we're
making mistakes and we know it. So if we say, "Okay. Focus on the basic
tenses and make sure we're not making mistakes there."

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: That's how you build confidence.

Lindsay: Ohh, I love that, Chris. Because I think that there are a lot of students,
even as they move into the intermediate to upper intermediate level who,
when they're forming questions in the simple past tense, it gets difficult,
and we get confused when we're using "did". That can be... Still be
something that, for some reason, many students never quite conquer and
there's still a lot of confusion. Things seem kind of gray and hazy to them.
So I love this idea of going back and mastering this finally, and then we
move forward. Right, Chris?

Chris: Exactly. It gives this sense of accomplishment to be learning more tenses.

So it maybe feels exciting to move on to a new tense before we've
mastered an old one, but really, to build confidence, make sure that you're
mastering the basic tenses first.

Lindsay: Okay. I like that. So, how are we going to actually do this then? I mean,
do we need to hire a teacher to do this? Can we isolate the tense on our
own and find a language exchange? How do you recommend the practice

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piece. Once we know which tense we need to work on, how do we

practice it?

Chris: So there's two ways. There's... You can do it by yourself and you can do it
with a teacher. Obviously, these kinds of things can be much more helpful
if you have a teacher that you're working with.

Lindsay: Right.

Chris: But you can do it by yourself, simply by saying, "Okay. I'm not going to
worry about the present perfect right now." And I just keep going back to
this example. We can use these examples with any grammar tenses.

Lindsay: Sure.

Chris: But just for the sake of the example, I'm going to keep the example to past
simple and present perfect. I think those are two tenses that a lot of the
listeners here...

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: Will be...

Lindsay: Definitely.

Chris: Familiar with.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: So we'll... We'll keep it to that. So instead of saying, "Okay. I'm really
going to focus. I need to practice the present simple." Well, pause. Don't
worry about that so much. Keep your focus on the past simple. And then
the place where a teacher can help is to... You really want to make it clear
to your teacher that you want to master this past simple or whatever
tense that you're working on. And the way that you can do that is by
getting lots of corrections.

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: A lot of times... And I know that I've experienced this also as a teacher,
sometimes we don't want to correct 100 percent of the time.

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: We don't want to discourage our learners, and we don't want to stop their
communication.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: But for this and this... this to work, for you to really get confidence, to
know that you're not making mistakes, you need to make sure that your
teacher is on the same page.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: Has the same understanding with you and will correct you every time.
And that's how you'll know you're not making mistakes.

Lindsay: I love that. So that's where a teacher could really come in handy, and the
teacher will focus on really making corrections only in that area. Right? If
you say you're sweeping back to the simple past at that point, those are
the corrections that that teacher needs to make, and only those. I love
that, I love that.

Chris: Exactly.

Lindsay: Okay, Chris. That is a new suggestion that we haven't heard on this show
yet, and we've done 600 episodes. Well, we've done 600 episodes, and
probably 150 or 200 guest episodes.

Chris: Wow.

Lindsay: So, I like that, I like that. It sounds like you have a slightly different
approach and let's keep moving though. What's your second tip for how
we can gain confidence through grammar?

[Instrumental]

Chris: Today you're hearing about the way that I move my students from feeling
insecure about their grammar to feeling confident and ready to speak with
anyone. Stop fearing that you'll make grammar mistakes. When you book
a lesson with me, we'll use my unique method to get you to your goals.

© All Ears English [Link]

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Start by registering at [Link]/italki for a free $10 credit, then

book a lesson with me at [Link]/chrisrush. C-H-R-I-S-R-U-S-H.

[Instrumental]

Chris: Okay. So this is the third one. The first tip was...

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: More of the "go backwards" one.

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: Old tenses first. And then, the third. The second one was the corrections.

Lindsay: Okay, got it.

Chris: And then the third one. So this is huge, and this is the most important
thing. So in English, we talk about, and this goes into other languages too,
but we talk about in English, having a gut feeling. Like when you know
something with your stomach more than you know it...

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: In your head.

Lindsay: Ohh.

Chris: That... I think that notion translates into lots of different languages, but
that's how well you need to know the tense.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: You need to know a tense so well that it goes from your brain knowledge
to this idea of, like, your stomach knowledge.

Lindsay: Right.

Chris: And I think a lot of students tell me that they understand this because it's,
like, I ask them a question, "Which tense?" and they say, “This one." And I
say, "How do you know?" and they say, "It just feels right."

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Lindsay: Right, right.

Chris: And that's what we're looking for here. We're looking for the kind... This
is the mark. You'll know that you have one tense mastered when you
don't even need to think about it anymore. When it just comes out, it's
100 percent correct. Your stomach is smarter than your head. You don't
need to stop and say, "Okay, present perfect is the present tense..."

Lindsay: Right.

Chris: Of "have" and the past participle..." No. If you're doing that... I mean, and
that's where you start. And that's where we start with every tense. And
that's where we have to start, but if you're still having to have those
thoughts in your head, that's how you know you're just not ready to move
on.

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: You're ready to move on when you're speaking with a 100 percent
accuracy and here's the... Here's the key. You are confident when you...

Lindsay: Yes.

Chris: Have this thought that says, "Ohh, past simple. I can do this. I know..."

Lindsay: [laughter]

Chris: "... I can speak in the past simple." And guess what? There is your
confidence.

Lindsay: I love it.

Chris: That's the thing you need to help you communicate.

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: And once you have it with one tense, then you can move on to the next
one and start building it with the more advanced tenses.

Lindsay: Ohh. Okay, Chris, I love this because it makes confidence very
measurable, right? Sometimes we struggle with the term confidence

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because we don't know what it means. It sounds like this kind of unknown
thing that's out there that other people have, but we don't know what it
is. But here, today, in this episode, Chris, you're making confidence
measurable. And it sounds like what it is it's when we get to that point of a
gut feeling, that our gut knows we're saying it correctly and we're no
longer in our head thinking, "Okay. In this sentence I need to use past
simple.” And then we're... We're going ahead and figuring that out. We
know it and we're spitting it out immediately and automatically. I love
that. And I think that's really the dream of a lot of our listeners here.
And...

Chris: You know that's...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: I'm sorry, go ahead. But that's... That's really great. I've never even
thought of it that way, as, like, measuring confidence but...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: I think I'm going to use that in my lessons now.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Chris: Because that's really great. Thanks for telling me that.

Lindsay: Ohh, that's perfect. I mean, this is your framework, Chris. I love this. I
mean, I think this could really help a lot of our students. I have one
question before we move on to... To learning where our students, our
listeners, could actually work with you if they like the idea of this
framework of measuring confidence in this way and working towards it.
One question, Chris, is where do you think listening comes into play here?
Listening to native English?

Chris: Okay. That's a really great question. So when... When you're operating
from this kind of perspective it helps make listening focused. Okay.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

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Chris: So we... We talk about this kind of passive listening. And passive listening
is great, where you sit on the couch, you watch a movie in English, you
know.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: Maybe the subtitles are on, maybe they're not.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: And it's good exposure. But the way that you can implement this kind of
framework into listening is by...

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: Listening in a more active way. You're not just listening to get the general
understanding. You're listening for something.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: For something specific. So when you're watching something or listening to

something, like this podcast, "Where are they using the past simple?"

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: Listen carefully for it. And "Where... Where are they using it in a way that
I might make mistakes?" Like, you made a great example with "did".

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: So we can approach listening with... By kind of activating our mind, in a

way, to say, "I'm going to listen for this specific tense and I'm going to see
how many times they conjugate a verb in that way." In, let's just say, in
this podcast.

Lindsay: Okay. I love it. And so, it sounds like, in order to make this framework
work for us, we need a razor sharp focus. You need to remain super
focused on that tense, on that moment, on that month, that week,
whatever it is. Is that right?

Chris: Yeah (yes), totally right.

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Chris: Because confidence, confidence is not just going to bestow itself upon you
somehow.

Lindsay: No.

Chris: When you reach some magical level, you know, in the future, that you
don't have now. It's about taking these concrete steps and doing these
actions that are... That are within your current abilities, that are going to
give you confidence. And by doing it this way you don't have to be a C1 or
an advanced speaker before you have confidence. You can have
confidence as... As a late beginner. As a low intermediate level.

Lindsay: Mm.

Chris: Whatever level that you are, confidence is something that's accessible to
you, through your grammar, by approaching it in this way.

Lindsay: Ohh, I love this. I think a lot of our listeners would really find that this
fashion, this style, this framework, would really mesh with their... With
their goals and the way that they want to approach learning English. So I
want to invite our listeners to go over and work with you on italki.
Because guys, this is the way to do it. This is the way to build confidence.
Chris can help you get there. Chris, is your schedule filling up? Where are
you at in terms of availability?

Chris: So the way that my availability goes is that I do have room for students.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Chris: So it usually just takes a few days to get a lesson.

Lindsay: Okay.

Chris: So, usually the next three days ahead of where we are now are pretty full,
but after that there's definitely room on my schedule for students.

Lindsay: Awesome. I love it. So this episode's going to be coming out around mid,
early to mid-October. So this is a really good time, guys. Go on over there

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and book your lesson. The weather's getting cold, it's getting chilly out.
It's a good time to hone in on our goals. This is prime learning season.
[laughter] Love it.

Chris: [laughter]

Lindsay: So guys, there are two steps to book a lesson with Chris. First step is to go
to our landing page, [Link]/italki. And the reason you want to
register there is that if you register there we'll send you $10 for free to go
towards your second lesson with Chris. And your second step is to go to
Chris' profile and book that lesson. So Chris, where can our listeners go to
book that lesson with you?

Chris: So it's [Link], I-T-A-L-K-I, .com/, my name, Chris Rush. So

it's [Link]/chrisrush. One word. That's my profile.

Lindsay: Okay. C-H-R-I-S-R-U-S-H. Is that right?

Chris: Yes, that's correct.

Lindsay: Okay, awesome. So I really want to encourage our listeners to go on over

there. Guys, book a lesson with Chris because this looks to me like one of
the most direct routes to confidence using grammar that I've seen in a
long time. It's simple, it's immediately actionable, and I bet it's quite
effective. I mean, you must have a lot of success stories, Chris.

Chris: I do, yes. And, of course, on my italki teacher profile you can see, not only
my video, but my reviews from current and past students as well.

Lindsay: Awesome. Any final messages for our listeners today?

Chris: No. But it was great to be here. I'm so excited to be part of the All Ears
English podcast and thank you so much for having me, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Thanks, Chris. We hope to have you on again soon.

Chris: Okay. Thank you.

Lindsay: Alright, take care. Bye.

Chris: Bye.

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[Instrumental]

Announcer: Thanks so much for listening to All Ears English. And if you need a seven or
higher on your IELTS exam to achieve your life vision, then our “Insider
Method” can get you there. Start with our free video series master class.
Get video one now at [Link]/INSIDER, and if you believe in
Connection NOT Perfection ™, then subscribe to our show on your phone
or on your computer. See you next time.

© All Ears English [Link]

 39

AEE Episode 616: Can You Say “No” to a Nosey Person in American
Culture?

Announcer: This is an All Ears English Podcast Episode 616: “Can You Say ‘No’ to a
Nosey Person in American Culture?”

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 16
million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection ™, with your
American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’, and Michelle
Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,’ coming to you from Boston and New
York City, U.S.A.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: And to instantly download your transcript from today’s episode, go to

[Link]/transcripts, [Link]/transcripts.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Today we respond to a question from a listener of episode 596 from Brazil.
When is it okay to say no to someone who's asking you a nosey question?
Find out today.

© All Ears English [Link]

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[Instrumental]

Lindsay: Hey (hi) Michelle, how you doing today?

Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, I'm good, how are you?

Lindsay: I'm doing pretty well, recording here on a Friday morning. So, you know,
looking forward to the weekend. I'm actually going to a wedding this
weekend. That should be fun.

Michelle: Ooh. That's fun. That's fun.

Lindsay: I know, I know.

Michelle: I went to one last weekend.

Lindsay: You did? How was that?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), it was really fun. It was really fun, for sure.

Lindsay: Awesome. What's your favorite thing about going to weddings?

Michelle: The dancing.

Lindsay: The dancing? Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). I like that, too. That's fun. [laughter]

Michelle: Yeah (yes), and the food. Huh.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), for sure the food. And the cake!

Michelle: Yeah (yes)! And I do like watching the bride walking down the aisle. It's
always romantic.

Lindsay: Oh, it's very romantic. I know! It's beautiful.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: Can bring a tear to your eyes sometimes.

Michelle: Ohh, for sure. [laughter]

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Lindsay: [laughter] So Michelle, today we have a very interesting topic because we

got a response from Fernando Lima.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Who I believe is from Brazil. He's one of our regular listeners. Fernando
has been a listener of All Ears English for years, as far as I know. I
recognize his name.

Michelle: Hi, Fernando!

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). Saying hi to Fernando. Thank you for being such a long-time
listener.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: And Fernando left us a comment on one of our episodes, recent episodes,
which was episode 596. Michelle, what did we teach in episode 596?

Michelle: So, 596, it was "How to Be Direct in English When Someone Is Being
Nosey?"

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And what does "nosey" mean? Let's just remind our listeners
in case we forgot here?

Michelle: Nosey is to, like... I don't know, always be in your business, to kind of go
over the, like, to want to know too much about, you know. It's not really
appropriate.

Lindsay: Exactly. They go over, they cross the line.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: They ask a question that's kind of impeding on your privacy and moving
into your space. Some topics that might be nosey that we talked about in
that episode were things like salary, how much do you make, right? Way
too blunt to ask that question in American culture.

Michelle: Right.

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Lindsay: Or, too, things about your family, like personal details about your family,
or maybe about a divorce or something. Right?

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Or personal details about your relationship, or questions about your job.
Right?

Michelle: Right. Right, right, right.

Lindsay: So depending on the question, those questions can definitely be nosey.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). For sure. [laughter]

Lindsay: But Fernando's response was interesting because we introduced a bunch

of phrases, and Fernando thought that our phrases were a little bit too
direct. And the idea of literally saying "No" to someone, meaning... Let's
just read his question. Why don't we do that?

Michelle: Okay.

Lindsay: Would you do that, Michelle?

Michelle: Yes, of course.

Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: Okay. So it starts with a "Well, that is a different culture you tried to
discuss here. In my culture, people, including myself, have huge problems;
it's very difficult to say "No". I understand if it's hard to believe, but saying
something like, "I'd rather not say." is considerably awkward. Usually we
try to deflect, smile, and stay neutral, but we seldom say "No" to anybody.
How does this work in American culture, being objective and saying a big
"No" to another person? Is it okay in a conversation for the person who
receives a negative answer? Thank you, girls." Good question.

Lindsay: Good question, Fernando, and I love this idea that students/listeners here
are responding to episodes. And we are more than happy to do follow-up
episodes.

Michelle: For sure!

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Lindsay: Yeah (yes). We want to do that. That creates a fun little conversation
between us and you guys.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: And we want that. So, if you do have a strong reaction to an episode,
leave a comment. And if it's a good one, if it's thought provoking, we will
respond to your comment in an episode. I love that. I love that.

Michelle: Definitely. Yes. So this one is really a good one. I like this question.

Lindsay: It's great, I love it. So let's go back to that first episode then, Michelle,
596. What were the phrases that we taught in that episode?

Michelle: Okay, we said, "I'd rather not discuss this right now. Can we talk about
something else?"

Lindsay: Yup (yes). Then the second solution is just to laugh and deflect.

Michelle: To laugh and deflect. [laughter] Okay. [laughter] The next one is, "Ohh, I
don't know." Or, "Sure, sure." Something neutral.

Lindsay: Right, right, okay. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: And then the next one was, "I'd rather not say." Which is what Fernando
referred to. Okay?

Michelle: Right. And then we have, "Let's change the subject."

Lindsay: Okay. And then the last one was...?

Michelle: "I'm not really comfortable talking about this too much right now."

Lindsay: Okay. So it seems to me that not all of these are blatantly saying "No".
Right?

Michelle: No.

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Lindsay: Right? There are some, Fernando, that I think could be, you know, less
strong than saying "No". Right? Things like, "Ohh, let's talk about
something else. Let's change the subject."

Michelle: Right. Or just, "Ohh, I don't know." Or, "Sure, sure." Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: That one, too.

Lindsay: So we are giving you guys a few tools that you could use, even in your
culture, if you don't want to say... If you're speaking in English with
another Brazilian, for example. [laughter] If you're able to do that, a lot of
people don't want to do that and it feels silly. But if you are, for any
reason, you could use some of these less strong ones.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: But I think Fernando's question is, he's interested in, is in American
culture, you know, is it okay to say these things? Saying this blatant "No, I
want to talk about something else."

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: Well, yeah (yes). I think, first of all, it's important to realize, yeah (yes), he
said that it could be awkward.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: And the truth is, that it is awkward.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: Right? So that's important to realize in the first place, because this person
is being nosey.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm, right.

Michelle: Like, there's not, I don't know, I mean, yeah (yes), maybe, I'm not sure if
we said, "Ohh, it's not awkward at all." [laughter]

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Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: I don't remember exactly, but, like, the truth is that sometimes these
situations are awkward.

Lindsay: Yes.

Michelle: So somebody might say these things. It really depends on the person, but
I think it's important to realize that, like, pretty much, it's gonna be
awkward. Right?

Lindsay: That's a good point. That's a good point, Michelle. And I think that that
speaks to the idea of what is this expression “to nip it in the bud,” or the
butt. [laughter] I don't know which the expression is.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: To stop it right away.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Because it's actually going to get more awkward.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: If you aren't direct. In your... I mean, one way to look at it is that if you're
not directly saying, "No, I don't want to talk about this." Then that
person's not getting the message. Then they'll come back with that later.
[laughter]

Michelle: Right, right.

Lindsay: They'll keep trying to ask you the question, and it will be even more
awkward.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: But...

Michelle: Right. Yes. I don't know if we were trying to say, "Ohh, it's not awkward."

Lindsay: I don't know.

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Michelle: But the truth is... But, you know, you're right that it definitely could be
awkward, but let's talk more about it.

Lindsay: Let's talk more about it. And also we know, I mean, we've traveled.
Right? We've lived in different countries. We know that this varies
dramatically across cultures, and that's what this is about. This is a
cultural issue. Plain and simple.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Okay? So, for example, what stands out in my mind is, I remember when I
was living in Japan. I rarely, if ever, heard the word "No", which I think in
Japanese is iie, something like that. Our Japanese listeners can correct us.
But there are other words that were inserted, from my understanding,
which is kind of elementary. Other words that were inserted into a
sentence to mean "No", but to not actually say "No," to soften a rejection.
Such as, for example, shoto. This word would be used, it kind of, in my
understanding, it meant, like, a little bit, like, a little bit no. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: So you're saying shoto deis. You're saying, "I don't quite want to do that,
but I don't want to say, 'No, I don't want to do that.'" Right?

Michelle: Mhh hmm. Mhh hmm

Lindsay: So that's just one example in a culture like Japan, where there's a rejection
of the idea of saying "No". We don't want to say it. And that's acceptable.
I mean, there are reasons for that throughout history, why certain cultures
didn't want to upfront reject people to their face, and that makes sense.
Okay?

Michelle: It makes me think of an episode of Friends, of course.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: And I think it's, like, really early on. I think, like, Ross is moving or
something.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

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Michelle: And I think, he says something, ohh, he wants Phoebe to help him move.
He's like, "So are you going to come help tonight?" Or build furniture.
Maybe that's what it was.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: And she goes, "Ahh, I wish I could, but I don't want to." [laughter]

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: That's too direct! [laughter]

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: That's why it was so funny, is because she's being so direct. Like, that's the
joke, right?

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: So we, you know, I don't think people would actually say that.

Lindsay: Ohh, so I was a… she's mixing in, like, two completely different answers.
Most people say, "I wish I could, but I have to take my cat to the vet."

Michelle: Right. Right. "Ohh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

Lindsay: Instead of saying... "I don't want to." Yeah (yes). [laughter] So let's each
give our opinion on this.

Michelle: Okay.

Lindsay: Michelle, you hinted a bit about your opinion. I'll say what I think. I mean,
I do think that some of the phrases we gave you guys were direct. But in
my opinion, the level of directness in your, in what you're going to say to
this person, would depend on your personality. It would depend on the
relationship between you and the other person, and the context. So there
are a lot of things, a lot of factors.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: That I personally would take into account when I decided how direct I was
going to be. Right?

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Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: In business, for example, I think it's smarter to use that "No". So you're
just, you don't have any kind of misunderstandings. Things move... It's
just business, business is business, and that's also a very American kind of
saying. I think that's also our cultural frame that business is business. In
other cultures, business is very personal. Okay? Right.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: But I think business, in the business space, is where I would use "No" more
commonly.

Michelle: So you're saying you would say, like, actually straight out "No"?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). "I'd rather not talk about this." "No, I'd rather not talk about
this." Yeah (yes), that in business, I would say that.

Michelle: If somebody is being nosey to you at work?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Okay.

Lindsay: I'd be more likely to say it in a business context, than in a personal context,
is what I'm saying.

Michelle: Mmm. Interesting.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). And it depends on who you're with. I mean, how
comfortable you are on the other person, and I also think the genders is an
issue here. I think we can't deny that, like, women and men have grown
up with different expectations of communication style. And I'm sure we
could dig up studies on this that men probably have an easier time, at
least in American culture, saying "No" than women do. Like, I could, I
don't have the studies at my fingertips, but I would probably find it in ten
minutes if I could search through a database of sociological gender studies.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: I mean, what do you think, Michelle?

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Michelle: Very likely. Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Yeah (yes). [laughter] It would be interesting if you actually did take a
minute to look that up. I'd be curious.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). That would be really interesting.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Remember guys, if you didn't catch something from today's episode, or if
you want to go deeper with the episode and learn the vocabulary from
today, you need the transcripts. Go to [Link]./transcripts to
grab them right now.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), so let us know your opinion again, Michelle. Just one more
time. You had mentioned it at the beginning.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). So, I agree that some of the phrases were direct. But like I said,
I agree with Lindsay, that it depends on the context. I think saying "No"
can be scary. I want to talk more a little bit about this workplace thing.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: So, just so that I understand. We're talking about two things. Number one
is actually saying the phrase, like, "No, I don't want to talk about this."
And the other one was just using our phrases. So, yes.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: So, when you're talking about business, you’re saying, I just want
understand your side before I comment on it...

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: ...that in business, if somebody is being nosey to you, would you, you
would be more likely to actually say, "I don't want to talk about this.", than
use one of our phrases?

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Lindsay: No. It's a good question, Michelle. Yeah (yes). There's a question as to
what the student’s question actually is. I think that for a listener here, he
felt like a lot of these were kind of, basically, just saying "No". Like this
concept of, "I'd rather not say."

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: To him it is just saying "No". And I think it is also saying, "No, I'd rather not
say." Or, "Sorry, I'd rather not say." So that's what I'm saying, is that in a
business context, I'd be more likely to reject and just not be willing to say
it. Just say something like, "I'd rather not say it, sorry."

Michelle: Okay, so to actually use that specific phrase?

Lindsay: Exactly.

Michelle: Ohh.

Lindsay: Right. And in a social context, I'd be more likely to laugh and deflect. You
know what I mean?

Michelle: Mmm.

Lindsay: Like a less direct form.

Michelle: Right. Okay, I got it. Yeah (yes), this is the one, that one kind of struck me
as interesting when I was thinking, you know, when I heard your opinion.
Because I thought that, I don't know, I think in some ways in the workplace
it can be harder to say "No", actually.

Lindsay: Mmm. Mhh hmm, mhh hmm. Tell us what you think. I like your opinion.

Michelle: I think because, I think people might feel pressure at work, right?

Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: Like, you know, they might feel like, "Ohh, okay." For example, let's say a
boss is asking them a question.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). That's true.

Michelle: You know?

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Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: That's tough.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: I think I might feel more comfortable, I don't know. I mean, this is just a
matter of opinion.

Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: But I might feel more comfortable saying one of these phrases to a friend
of mine.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: If I'm using a light tone of voice, or something like that.

Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: You know, being not serious.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: But I might be more comfortable with that than if I'm in the workplace and
I'm feeling like, "Okay, do I have to say?"

Lindsay: Right, right.

Michelle: You know, like, you feel, like, a little bit different in the workplace. Not
necessarily as comfortable with -- if somebody wants to know something.
I don't know, everybody's different.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), no, I think that it’s everyone's different. It's really a matter of
opinion, and I think in that case, for me, it would depend on who I'm
talking to in the workplace. In that case, I was envisioning more talking to
a colleague, like, kind of a colleague, like, a team member.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Just kind of being nosey and digging into my personal stuff.

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Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: "Ohh, over the weekend I heard you initiated a divorce." Or something
like that.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: I'd be, "I'm sorry. I'd rather not say." Right? Whereas, maybe a manager,
or someone like a boss, or someone, you know, that I have an interest in
having a good relationship with...

Michelle: Right. Right.

Lindsay: ...that would be harder. Yeah (yes), I think you're right.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: That's a good point, Michelle.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Interesting. Yeah (yes). So, I mean, again, I think my opinion is
just that it's hard to not make any of these things awkward.

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: And saying "No," is, I think, like, almost, like, a talent, to be able to say
"No" with grace and not lose the connection. Right?

Lindsay: Absolutely.

Michelle: Like, if you can do it that is a skill. Right? [laughter]

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I think that that's a takeaway. I really like the way you put that
Michelle, and I think that's the takeaway from today. The takeaway is that
in American culture it's not, I think, it's more okay to say "No" than in
some other cultures, possibly Brazil. I haven't spent any time in Brazil, but
I think for sure more so than in Japan. But at the same time, it's a skill, as
you said Michelle, to be able to say it with composure.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Right.

Lindsay: And maintain the connection.

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Michelle: Right. I mean, I think that, I mean, this is a little bit different, and it could
be for another episode, but I was talking to my husband about this, and he
was, like, "Well, even, like, if you're at a restaurant..." You know, hold for a
new episode. [laughter]

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: But if you're at a restaurant and, you know, the waitress says, like, goes,
"Ohh, so do you want dessert?" And you, instead of saying "No," a lot of
people say, "Ahh, I'm alright."

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: Right?

Lindsay: Right?

Michelle: So there are different things. So that could be another episode for
another day.

Lindsay: Mmm.

Michelle: But I thought that that was interesting.

Lindsay: That would make a good episode, actually. Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Ooh,
lots of good ideas. Okay.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: So just a teaser for. [laughter]

Lindsay: A teaser for another episode. Really, and this is complex. I mean, when
you talk about cultural differences, really you're talking about human
behavior and human beings. And patterns in human behavior, and that's
tricky, because there are so many factors. That's why it's so important to
look at context.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

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Lindsay: And not just make the sweeping stereotypes by saying, "In this country,
we do this; in this country, we do this." And we try to avoid that as much
as possible on the show.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: But guys, just look at it with one level deeper of nuance. Right? So, you
know, when you come to a new country, observe what people are doing.
And see how you feel comfortable. Like, try things out. What happens?
You know, how does that relationship move forward after you do say that
stronger "No"? Don't be afraid to make that mistake. The only way you
can get this experience is by going out there and trying things. Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Okay, awesome. So interesting. Thank you for that question.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), that was great. Thanks for the follow up and, guys, leave
comments on the blog at [Link]. We want to know what you
think. Go on over, grab your transcripts from today, because we went into
some depth today. And if you're confused about any vocabulary words
you heard, or nuances in our conversation, you want to see those on
paper. So go to [Link]/transcripts to get them. Okay.

Michelle: Alright. Awesome.

Lindsay: Cool, Michelle.

Michelle: Thank you, and thanks, guys, for listening!

Lindsay: Cool, Michelle. Take care.

Michelle: Bye!

Lindsay: Bye!

[Instrumental]

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Announcer: Thanks so much for listening to All Ears English. And if you need a seven or
higher on your IELTS exam to achieve your life vision, then our “Insider
Method” can get you there. Start with our free video series master class.
Get video one now at [Link]/INSIDER, and if you believe in
Connection NOT Perfection ™, then subscribe to our show on your phone
or on your computer. See you next time.

© All Ears English [Link]

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AEE Episode 617: Five Things to Keep in Mind When You are Staying
with an American Family

Announcer: This is an All Ears English Podcast, Episode 617: “Five Things to Keep in
Mind When You're Staying with an American Family.”

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Welcome to the All Ears English Podcast, downloaded more than 16
million times. We believe in Connection NOT Perfection ™, with your
American hosts Lindsay McMahon, the ‘English Adventurer’, and Michelle
Kaplan, the ‘New York Radio Girl,’ coming to you from Boston and New
York City, U.S.A.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: And to instantly download your transcript from today’s episode, go to

[Link]/transcripts, [Link]/transcripts.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: One listener is about to participate in a home stay in the United States. In
this episode, we show you five things to keep in mind when you stay with
a family in the United States.

[Instrumental]

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Lindsay: What's up, Michelle?

Michelle: Hey (hi) Lindsay, not too much. How are you?

Lindsay: Feeling good, feeling good. I'm excited for a question we got today from a
listener. This is a good one. I mean, we're talking here about going across
cultures, and doing home stays and things like that.

Michelle: Awesome. Ohh, I like that.

Lindsay: I know. So Michelle, you lived in England for a little while. Right?

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: What was your living situation when you were there?

Michelle: I lived in an apartment with some roommates.

Lindsay: Ohh, that must have been fun.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: What about in Japan?

Lindsay: In Japan, I had an apartment. But when I was in my first, first time abroad,
back in high school, we did, like, a weeklong exchange program. You
know?

Michelle: Ohh. Where was that?

Lindsay: It was in France.

Michelle: Ohh.

Lindsay: It was Franche-Comte, France.

Michelle: Cool.

Lindsay: And I was paired up with someone from France. And then so I went to her
town and stayed with her family for that week.

Michelle: Ahh!

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Lindsay: The year before she stayed with us.

Michelle: Actually, we had a French student, now that I think of it, come to stay with
my family.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: So we did that for about a week.

Lindsay: So nice. Okay. So then you can think back to that when we talk about it
today?

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Because our listener today asked a question about coming to the U.S. and
staying with a family. So that's a really good question. We're going to
read it right now. And I want to let you guys know, you can grab the
transcripts from today. We're going to give you some vocabulary words,
some tips. You want those transcripts. So go to
[Link]/transcripts. So let's go into it. Michelle, you're our
question reader.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: Or resident question reader.

Michelle: Okay!

Lindsay: [laughter]

Michelle: Alright, here we go! "Hi Lindsay at All Ears English."

Lindsay: Lindsay and Michelle. Yes. [laughter]

Michelle: Lindsay and Michelle. [laughter] "I am ______.”

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: "______from Laos. I often listen to your podcast because I find it very
useful and I can improve my English a lot. I like both of you. "

Lindsay: [laughter]

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Michelle: Aww, that's so nice. [laughter] We like you! "You have amazing voices
and are full of energy and present the samples in an easy way." Thank you
so much. It really means a lot.

Lindsay: Mm. Ohh, yeah (yes). We like that.

Michelle: "Next month I will be joining a youth exchange program, YSEALI, in the
U.S. with the program. I am expected to be with U.S. families for quite
some time. Therefore, could you give me some tips on how I can stay with
the local families in the happiest way? What am I expected to do while I
am with them? And one more thing, I would like to give... And one more
thing, I would like to give them some gifts as a souvenir. Should I give to
the parents or their children? Thanks, _____." Great question! I like that.

Lindsay: Great question! And I'm surprised we haven't answered a question like
this yet. So this is, I bet this applies to a lot of our listeners. I mean,
they're, I really believe that one of the best ways, if you're interested in
learning a language, it's a really good strategic choice to live in a home.
With native speakers. Whether another college, other students your age,
or a family.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: It's strategically, it's the best use of your time.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: So this is really cool. I'm excited for our listener here, and we're going to
make sure that our listener is well prepared. And for any other listeners
who are about to embark on home stays...

Michelle: Yes.

Lindsay: You guys are going to know what to do by the time you finish this episode.

Michelle: Ohh, yeah (yes). [laughter]

Lindsay: So we have a few tips. We have five tips, and the first one, we're going to
address that question directly, about bringing a gift, bringing a souvenir.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

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Lindsay: So Michelle, when you went to England did you bring anything initially.
Well, you were living in an apartment, so...

Michelle: Yeah (yes), but, I mean, I did go to people, to family's houses. Like, I have
a friend and his family lives there.

Lindsay: Right.

Michelle: And I stayed with them every so often.

Lindsay: Okay.

Michelle: So, I mean, it wasn't going to be for a long time, but I think I can relate to
this in some way.

Lindsay: Okay. So did you bring a gift when you went to that family's house?

Michelle: Because I knew them already, I brought, I think I probably brought flowers.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: But I do remember when I was younger, a teenager, and it wasn't our, the
French student who came, but I remember we had, actually, some of my
brother's friends from England, and they were visiting us. And I remember
they brought like, you know, typical, like, kind of, like, things from London.
Like a little bear, like, dressed like one of the... You know.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). [laughter]

Michelle: I don't know, chocolates, tea and things like that. Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). No, that's the thing to do. I know that's the thing to do. So, I
mean, when I went to, a few times when I stayed with families, I think the
one was in France for sure, probably another time somewhere, I've always
brought, like, maple syrup. Either the candies, maple syrup candies, or
just the actual maple syrup from Vermont. Because Vermont is my, like,
my home region area. I'm from New Hampshire, but it's the same area.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: And it's famous. Vermont maple syrup is very famous.

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Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: And very yummy. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: Okay, so that's a great gift. I mean, so give a gift that kind of represents
your region. That's what I would suggest.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). That's fun. People like that.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), exactly. And, at the very least, give one gift to the whole
family. I mean, you could. So our listener here asked if they should bring
something for the kids and for the parents. You could bring one gift for
the parents, and bring something different for the kids, if you want to, or
you could just bring one for the whole family.

Michelle: Okay. Yeah (yes), exactly. Yeah (yes). Either way is fine.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). I mean, it might be a little excessive to bring something for the
kids. I don't think it's totally necessary.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: But just bring something. You know, I've had people give us things like
books containing, like, landscape photos from their region, which is kind of
cool. That's another option.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), that's a nice idea.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), like, that way they can sit down with you, and you can sit down
with them.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: And show them Laos, right? You show them where you're from.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: All the Mekong River. Whatever it is. I mean, I've been to Laos before, it's
a beautiful country. It's a fantastic place where there's a lot to show. Why

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don't you show off your country? You should be proud of your country.
There's a lot to show off. So love that. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter] Excellent.

Lindsay: Number two, Michelle.

Michelle: Number two.

Lindsay: What's the second?

Michelle: Ask about house rules.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). We need to know before we make a mistake.

Michelle: Mhh hmm. Yeah (yes). I think that's a good idea. Right? You want to
know what's going on with the family, what they expect, and you want to
keep up a good relationship later there.

Lindsay: Exactly. So what are some things we would want to ask about?

Michelle: Well, this first one, "Is there a curfew?" I think is a good question, but I
think if you phrase it like that, I think...

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: I don't know. I think that, actually, those words are, it sounds kind of
funny. I don't know. What do you think, Lindsay?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), that's a good point. So let's rephrase that, actually.

Michelle: I would say, like, "Is there, like, is there a time that you would like me to
be back in the house?" Or something. I don't know, something like that.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). So maybe what we want to teach here is the word "curfew"
just means the time to be back.

Michelle: But I can imagine...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

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Michelle: I can imagine if somebody said that to me, it would give me a little giggle.
So you guys, we're giving you the extra information so that you sound
really natural.

Lindsay: [laughter] Yeah (yes). We're going to scratch that first question. Instead,
we're going to say, "Is there a time that you'd like me to back in the
house?" Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: That's more polite. Especially because we're using, "You'd like me to be
back?" That's very, it's showing, kind of, deference.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes). That would be good. I mean, if you want to ask them
indirectly you could say like, "Oh, do you guys set an alarm at night, so I
should be back?" Or, you know, something like that.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), exactly. So there are a couple of different ways to say that.
But definitely find out when you need to be back, or if there's a specific
time, because the worst thing is, you know, your first or second night out
you go out to meet your friends, and then you come back at two in the
morning and your house parents are waiting up for you. [laughter]

Michelle: Right, right, right, right. Right.

Lindsay: It's bad. Okay? For sure. Just get all this out on the table, right? Early,
when you first kind of move in.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: So you kind of figure it out. And then regarding taking shoes off. This is a
huge issue across cultures. I mean, I know in Japan, you could never walk
into someone's home with your shoes on. Whereas, here in the U.S., it
depends on the home.

Michelle: Right, right. Some people want you to take your shoes off right away, and
some people... Yeah (yes), they don't really care.

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Lindsay: Exactly. So how do we ask about that when we get to the house, the
home stay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), you can just say, "Should I take my shoes off when I come
inside?"

Lindsay: Exactly, exactly. And anyone, I mean, American, should say that to -- to
their American friends.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Right? Because it just depends on the household. Everyone's very

different with that.

Michelle: Yeah (yes). You can say, "Do you want me to take my shoes off?"
Something like that. Yeah (yes), just some question about that. Or you
might be able to tell, even, if you go in and you see there's a pile of shoes
by the door. Probably going to assume that you should take your shoes
off. [laughter]

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). That's true, that's true.

[Instrumental]

Announcer: Remember guys, if you didn't catch something from today's episode, or if
you want to go deeper with the episode and learn the vocabulary from
today, you need the transcripts. Go to [Link]/transcripts to
grab them right now.

[Instrumental]

Lindsay: And the next one is about chores. What are chores?

Michelle: Chores are, like, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, cleaning, anything,
like, in the house to help out.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), exactly. So you should, I would, this is my recommendation, is

that you should assume that you are going to be helping out with
something. And so instead of saying, "Is there anything I can help out
with?"

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Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: You're saying, "What chores can I help out with?"

Michelle: I like that. I like that. Because then they feel more like, "Okay, well, if I
really do want him, him or her, to help out with something, I can say it."
Right? If you say, "Ohh, are there any chores?" or "Is there anything I can
help out with?"

Lindsay: Mhh hmm

Michelle: They might be more like, "Ohh, no, it's fine." They still might say "No," but
this is a good way of asking it.

Lindsay: Exactly. And it's these subtle differences that you guys are at the right
level to master at this point. And these subtle differences do make a
difference when it comes to your connection with these people. So, just
to repeat the two phrases and the feeling behind them, right? First option
that we don't like as much is to say, "Are there any chores I can help out
with?"

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: What's the second option, Michelle, that's more friendly?

Michelle: “What chores can I help out with?"

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). So, quite different.

Michelle: I mean, yeah (yes), I think they are both friendly, but this one is just saying,
"No, I'm going to help."

Lindsay: Exactly. That's the thing.

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: It's assuming you're going to help.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: So those are, I mean, that's what we had. So those three phrases,
basically.

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Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: And then, so, moving on, so just ask about the house rules, guys. Get it
out on the table when you first move in. And then number three, what's
our third tip, Michelle?

Michelle: Number three is, expect cultural differences and articulate them when
they come up. I like the -- I like this tip.

Lindsay: I like it, too. I mean, that's, you know, you're moving. You're moving to a
new culture, just for a few weeks, but you've got to assume, especially if
you're coming from a country like Laos and going to the U.S. there is going
to be some big things that come up that are going to surprise you, in terms
of cultural differences. I can guarantee it. Let's imagine you're at the
dinner table, your first night there, and you might unknowingly do
something that is considered impolite in American culture, and the kids
might laugh at you. [laughter]

Michelle: Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: This might happen. Right?

Michelle: Yeah (yes). Don't feel bad.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), don't feel bad. But in that moment, instead of, you know,
curling into yourself and kind of getting defensive, or instead of getting
sensitive, you could, you could say something. You could apologize and
you can talk about how it's different in your culture.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Right? For example, you might make the mistake of, I don't know, who
knows? In some cultures we would eat certain things with our hands and
not, you know, maybe a certain meal, we would be more likely to eat with
our hands.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: Whereas, in the U.S. we might eat with a fork. Okay?

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

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Lindsay: That's just one example. And you could say something like, "Ohh, in my
culture we eat this dish with our hands." Okay?

Michelle: Right, right, right.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm. That's one way to talk about it in a more... Make it more
objective.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes). Just be, like, be interested in it, I think.

Lindsay: Be interested, and then that will open a really fun discussion with the
family about cultural differences, instead of you just becoming insecure
and feeling awkward.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Okay?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes). I like that.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes), and the second example would be, what, Michelle?

Michelle: Like, elbows on the table. Right?

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: So here, I mean, to be honest, I usually put my elbows on the table.

Lindsay: [laughter] I know.

Michelle: I'm very impolite.

Lindsay: I know!

Lindsay: So you might say, "So, where I come from, it's considered polite to have
your elbows on the table." Something like that.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: But you're saying it in more of a, "Ohh, that's interesting." rather than,
"Ohh, well, this is in mine!" Right?

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Lindsay: Exactly. So, when I was growing up, my parents always told me, "Get your
elbows off the table! Put your hands in your lap." But I think maybe as we
get older, we get a little lazy. But I think, in general, at a real fancy place,
yeah (yes), we want, it's a little bit rude to have our elbows up on the
table. Though I do it, too, Michelle, these days. [laughter]

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: I do it, too, but maybe in your culture, in Laos, maybe it's perfectly fine.
Maybe it's even polite. I don't know. Right?

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: These are different cultures. So you need to be able to articulate what the
reality is in your culture, and you can talk about that contrast.

Michelle: Right, right, right, exactly.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And the fourth tip is, don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

Michelle: Mmm.

Lindsay: Okay? So this one is more diverse, just depends on what you need.

Michelle: Right, right, right. Right. So just be polite, right?

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: We have three ways that you can make a request. Right?

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: So you could say, "Would it be okay if?" Right?

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: Like, "Would it be okay if I use the phone?" Or something like that.

Lindsay: Mhh hmm. Mhh hmm. I like that. And what would be the second way to
ask for...?

Michelle: “Would you mind if?" Like, "Would you mind if I borrowed the car?"

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Lindsay: Yes. So all three of these are quite polite, and the third one is, "Would it
be possible for me to use the car? Or the house phone?" So write those
down, guys. Get the transcripts if you need them for that, and write them
down, and take them with you. [laughter] Take the phrases with you in
your pocket, because you're going to need those.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes).

Lindsay: Ohh, and because, I think it's interesting when it comes to, you know, if
we're translating directly from our native language, that's where we might
get into trouble when it comes to asking for what we need.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: Because it's possible, that in your native language it's a much more direct
way of asking.

Michelle: Mhh hmm.

Lindsay: And so, if you're literally, like, translating the grammar, you might end up
saying, "Ohh, I need this." Or, "I want this." And that would be very rude
in this culture. Right?

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), that's true.

Lindsay: But you might not know that, and to you, you're not saying anything rude,
but you actually are. And your host might really get a bad impression if you
walk in the first night, and you say, "I need to use the phone. I want the
phone. I want the phone."

Michelle: [laughter] Right.

Lindsay: Right? You can't do that. So write these phrases down, guys.

Michelle: Good idea. Good idea, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). [laughter] Okay. Thanks, Michelle.

Michelle: [laughter]

Lindsay: So let's do number five. What's the fifth one? What's the last tip?

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Michelle: Okay, so the number five is, expect to be confused a lot of the time with
the language. Right? So obviously, so the native English in someone's
home, it's not going to sound like what's in your textbooks. Right?

Lindsay: Mhh hmm.

Michelle: So, you know, obviously, like, it's all about practice. And you guys are, so,
you know, if you're doing this, you are so lucky to get these real natural
ways of speaking. I mean, some textbook stuff will, of course, be used, but
it's going to be a little different. And so it's just, realize that this is natural,
and you can always ask questions and, you know, just don't feel insecure.
Like, just know that these, the people who are having you there, are
having you there because they want to. And they're probably excited,
really excited about it, to learn about you. So don't feel weird, just feel
free to ask questions. That's the whole point.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). They don't expect you to be perfect. So don't expect that of
yourself. The point, again, comes back to Connection NOT Perfection ™. I
love how our slogan, our motto, our value here, really works for every
situation. [laughter] Just try to connect with your host family. That's the
point. Okay? Language, in my mind, is secondary. The connection is the
first thing.

Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: That's why you're there. Build a real, authentic connection with them, and
the language will come as a natural extension of that.

Michelle: Yeah (yes), yeah (yes), yeah (yes). I completely agree.

Lindsay: And if you do want other kind of language-related phrases and tips, guys,
go back to our blog, and type into the search bar, How to Ask Someone to
Repeat. We did an episode on that. And also type in 586, How to Ask
Someone to Slow Down. So you do want to go into the situation, you
know, a month before you leave. Study up on some phrases, to get
yourself out of trouble. But in the end, go in focusing on building the
connection. Okay?

Michelle: Right. Right. That's so true.

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Lindsay: And we just have a couple of final pieces of advice, you know, to throw out
there from our own experiences living abroad, just three or four pieces of
wisdom. Okay? These are quick, easy little tips. And the first one is, just
expect it to be intense.

Michelle: Mmm.

Lindsay: You know? Living with people in a new culture is different from just
working with them, or going to class. You're going to be tired. You're just
going to be very tired, it's going to be very intense, but just expect that.

Michelle: Mhh hmm. Mmm. Yeah (yes), that's true.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: Yeah (yes). But it's going to be great. And the other thing is, it's
temporary. So, like, if there's something that isn't great for you, or
uncomfortable...

Lindsay: Yeah (yes).

Michelle: ...just know that it's temporary. And probably if you're uncomfortable
now, you're going to look back at that moment and be, like, "Ohh, that
was so great." Right?

Lindsay: [laughter] That's right. Yeah. I remember when I was living in Guatemala,
in Totonicapán, Guatemala, which is just outside of Shayla, Quetzaltenango.
And I lived in, like, a Mayan town, like, nobody... There were no
international people at all. I was living with very local people, with a local
family, and I was really lonely, to be honest. Like, there is a lot of
moments of loneliness. I would, like, just have dinner sometimes alone.
Or sometimes with the house mom. And then I would just end up in my
room at, like, seven or eight p.m. and go to bed at nine. And I was just
bored out of my head and quite lonely at that period. But I decided that I
was going to stick it out and stay in that town for three months, so I could
really become confident in Spanish. And I knew that later on, I would be
glad I had done it because I could gain that level of Spanish. And I kept
telling myself, "I'm not living here forever. I'm not going to be lonely
forever." [laughter] "I'm leaving soon, but I'm going to try to do my best
while I'm here."

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Michelle: Right.

Lindsay: So I think that's what you guys should try to keep in mind.

Michelle: Definitely, right. Good.

Lindsay: Yeah (yes). And also expect to have a honeymoon period. Where, you
know, when you, maybe the first week, the first weekend, the first day
even, you'll get there and you'll think, "Wow, this is so great! And I love
this culture, and all the food is wonderful. The people are friendly." And
then you're probably going to crash.

Michelle: Right. Yeah (yes).

Lindsay: That loneliness might set in. Right?

Michelle: Right. So just know that that's going to, that could happen. Right? And
then the last thing is, just that neither culture is better. It's just different.
And that's kind of what you're exploring.

Lindsay: Exactly. That's the point. That's why you're going abroad. [laughter]

Michelle: That's right, that's right.

Lindsay: To explore that. Okay. Well, let's wrap it up there, Michelle. I think this
has been good. We've packed a lot into this one question. We want to
wish our listener here good luck.

Michelle: Yes! Have fun!

Lindsay: I know, enjoy! It should be a really good experience and focus on the
connection. Okay? Good luck.

Michelle: For sure. Thank you, thank you for listening. Bye, guys. Bye, Lindsay.

Lindsay: Bye, take care.

[Instrumental]

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