BECKY SHAW ' by Gina Gionfriddo. a | BECKY SHAW nengntiinmcnane anteacute proms {AMM ay GINA GIONFRIDDO challenged bes frend, meee husband’ sexy and ‘When an evening calculated w bring happiness takes a dak i funny play chat asks what we owe the people we: straigers who land on our doorstep. ‘f “The characters in Gionfiiddo’s blind-date-gone-bad black cor she sonal The ao “tn iyo pl en “ sathing, laconic omedy BECKY SHAW ers « poi pl, des in ro the wity dialogue and srieationt: large pa wonderflly witty dialogue and complex chante Oe ak “Blithely cynical and devas itty obseruations on Pa ee et ee sa Confiads kane lie “The, purishmen theatergaers starved dramatic or ww | i a ay cae oe * DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE INC.ESTABLISHED BY MEMBERS OF THE DRAMATISTS GUILD (OF THE AUTHORS LEAGUE OF AMERICA firth HANDLING OF THE ACTING RIGHTS OF MEMBERS PLAYS a "THE ENCOURAGEMENT OF THE AMERICAN THEATRE BECKY SHAW sy GINA GIONFRIDDO * DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC.BECKY SHAW Copyright © 2010, Gins Gionfriddo All Righes Reserved CAUTION: Professionals and amaters ae hereby watned thot pexormance of BECKY SHAW subject to payment of «royal. fly prostwd under the copyright we of the United States of Amen, and of sl countries covered bythe International Copyighe Union (lang the Dowinion of Canaca and the ret the Briish Commenweats), and of ll counseies covered by the Pam-Areresy Copyright Convention, the Unieral Copysighe. Convention, the Berne ‘Gohvendon, and ofall counties with whic the United Sates has teiprocl copying lag what tag peal Stage rights maton picture rection, luring pai ean, radio boadesting ‘eon, video r found econing. al ober ots of mechanical, devon and figs! reproduction, tasmision and dacibusion, such ts CD, DVD, the Inere: pate ao le aharing eos, norman org Ad rea systems, Phowocopyiag and the igh of canslaion soto foreign angwmges ae sea re rea cmphate ples up he mater ‘trsading ers ‘ston for which mus be secured rom the Authors agen in wing "The Englch language stock and amateur stage performance right inthe United Ste, is territories; posestions and Canada for BECKY SHAW are conualied ‘eaclsiely by DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC, 440 Pask Avenue Sour, New York, RY 10016. No professions! or nonprofestional performance of the Play may be given without obtaining in advance the velten_ permission of DRAMATISTS PLAY SERVICE, INC. and paying the requsice fe, Inquires concerning all other cights should be addvesied co Creative Arcs Agency, 162 Filth Atenuc, 6th Floor New York, NY 10010, Aten: Olivier Sali, SPECIAL NOTE, sion co produce BECKY SHAW i cquited ro give cede tothe Ar acl ant exausve Authora he lay on hei page oF all programs red onscin wih perimancsofthe Ply ad nll gan ‘nkich the cle ofthe Pay appess for purposes of adrerasing, publicizing or ‘there explo the Pay alos a production thecal. The nate ofthe Autor tout spent on separate line, im which no other name =pposs, immedcly rea le ania yp gua 8 fhe io the bg mont ‘inne leer waed for the tle of the ly. No pert, Bren oe sty me {Ecivecolit lnger or more promitent than th acted the Aur The Bl tng acknowledgment most sppexe on the ie page al programs ditibted in ‘hneation wih performancer of the Pay Anyone acing pt ‘World premiere in che 2008 Humana Festival of New American Plays tt Actors Thereof Louisville [New Yok premiere produced in 2009 by Second Stage These, New York, Pee Broke Rothinan, Anise Diet For Adrien-Alice HanselAUTHOR'S NOTE wane co share a few beliefS about chs play chat | hope will function as permissions rather than prescriptions. | dont chink any character in this play is bad oF wrong ot crazy ot worthless or unlovable. 1 don't think any of chem are damaged beyond repair. 1 don’t think any one character is more ro blame than the others for che emotional wreckage that piles up in the second act. wish Fingers didn't have to be poinced. but — trust me —~ hey will be. Inthe audience talkbacks I have taken part in afer produc sions of Becky Shaw, the one constant I have seen is the zeal to ascribe blame. The good news is chat the audiences invariably fail to reach consensus a8 to which characte is most deserving of theit ‘contempt. These characters seem to function as sereens onto which audience members projecc old wounds and fierce convictions about how people otight to behave. ‘The best comment I ever got in one of these talkbacks was from 2 woman who shook her head wistfully at the people arguing around her and opined that the characters were all “just doing the best they can.” ‘And | agece, There isnt any character in this play 1 wouldnt fic up with one of my friends. With some caveats, of course. I might say, “1 have this great person in mind, buc here’ a thing or wo you should know ...” But | would say this about any of my actual real Friends in my acteal rel life. Like Suzanna says, “Firse date, everyone’s nervous ... We all have our thing.” I'm noc convinced these characters have significandy more things than your average Janes and Joes. For whatever reason, I have seen Becky and Andrew take some of the harder beatings in these discussions, so I want co speak specifically to them. In imagining Becky, think of che fallen stars you've known, the people who came out of high schoo) xoted most likely to succeed and... didnt. At seventeen, Becky had looks, brains, charm, and a full scholarship to an Ivy League school, Now she is, as Max rightly points out, “a thirty-five-year-old office temp” with a barren personal life. How did that happen? I think it 4 happened for the ceasons Becky gives in the play, and for a few others she doesnt ive. Leave the specifics of Becky’s slide t0 the acttess who plays her. The point { wish to drive home is that Becky is not a psycho loser but rather a winner who skidded off course and, through accumulated disappointments and failures, lost her moorings. Thave respect for Becky, and Ihave hope. She has an iron will not to accept het fate — her thin paycheck and monotonous typing pool poverty I believe chat the woman Max describes at che end of the eafé scene — bitter, desperate, snetcenary — is someone Becky truly does noc want to be. It's fine to feel Fruscrated by Becky, oppressed by her, angry with her. Just keep in mind that she feels these same things about herself. Do I think Max and Becky have a furace together? I don't know. But I dont think it's out of the question, If Becky were to work very hard and redlaim that old, good self she alludes wo in the café ... Who knows? Some words on Andrew. The potential pitfall in playing chis characteris to play the purity and cruch of his goodness, Tm noe sure I believe anyone is totally good and true, and I certainly done believe Andrew is. Ifhe seems more straightforward rhan the other characcers, it may be because he's operating under the most self- delusion. He's a setal rescuer who derives self-esteem and maybe even sexual arousal from assuming the savior role in women’s lives Hes got 2 bit of 2 broken bied fetish. Is this a terrible, wicked thing? I dont think iis. Suzanna isn't wrong to credit Andrew with “healing her.” I chink every character in his play manipulates ather peopl co get their own needs met, and Andzew is no exception. He will come to understand chis about himself in the course of the play, and it’s an uncomfortable cruth to face. { chink the play works best when the actor playing Andrew mines the darker impulses in this very nice guy's character. ‘A couple more things that may help Tee heard from some of the artises who've worked on che play that they enjoyed knowing what I was chewing on when | sat down 10 write Becky Shaw. [was reading Thackeray's novel Vanity Fair afer being intrigued by comments the film disector, Mira Nair, made 5regarding the perils of adapting the book for film in 1994. Also, I was puzzling over the many novels | read in college named after female characters that are (a) destcoyers, (b) victims of destruction, or (6) both, Most often, they ate both; their cecrible reversals ‘wrought by sexual indiscretions and artempcs to climb into a higher class, Tim thinking of novels from che 18th, 19¢h, and early 20ch centuties, mostly — books by Richardson, Flaubert, ‘Tolstoy, Hardy, and Dreiser, co name a few On the dramatic front, I'd throw in Hedda Gabler and Miss Jule. { ied to change the name of this play ar one poine and my director, Perer DuBois, urged me not to do it. He said chat the ticle Becky Shaw fele ominous and per- ious for reasons he could not name. He led me to understand that we have a great literary tradition of ruinous and ruined eponymous women that we've internalized without analyzing Lastly, I know I have misquoced Nightmare on Elm Stree 3: Dream Warriors. Over their yeats of friendship, Max and Suzanna have risremembered the quoration and — I think — slightly improved upon the original text IFt trips you up, you can change Max line co “Bitch, where's the fucking bourbon?” Buc dont change Suzanna. J want to thank a few people nor crediced elsewhere who were in the development trenches with me and helped me find the play I wanted to write: Acija Bareikis, Patch Darragh, Dashiell Eaves, Morgan Hallett, Chasles Haugland, Jesse Hooker, and Zan Sawyer-Daily ‘Thanks for hearing me our. Have fan Gina Gionfriddo Febeuary 2010 BECKY SHAW was commissioned by Actors Theatre of Louisville (Mate Masterson, Artistic Director) and had its world premiere at the Humana Festival of New Amevican Plays in February 2008. Ir was directed by Pecer DuBois the set design was by Paul Owen; the lighting design was by Brian J. Lilienthal; the sound design was by Benjamin Marcum; the costume design was by Jessica Ford; the dramacurg was Adrien-Alice Hansel; and the stage manager was Michael D, Domue. The cast was as follows: MAX GARRETT David Wilson Barnes SUZANNA SLATER von mninnesnnnnnrnnne: Mia Barton SUSAN SLATER won ‘Janis Dardaris BECKY SHAW Annie Parisse ANDREW PORTER .ysonnmnnninsnaninnnnnnn Davis Duffield BECKY SHAW premiered OfF Broadway at Second Stage Theatse (Carole Rothman, Artistic Director), opening January 8, 2009. Ir was directed by Pecer DuBois: the set design was by Devele McLane; the costume design was by Jeff Mahshie: the lighting design was by David Weiner: the sound design was by Walter Tratbach; and the production stage manager was Lori Aun Zepp. ‘The cast was as follows: MAX GARRETT sve David Wilson Barnes SUZANNA SLATER --- Emily Berg! SUSAN SLATER sr wo» Kelly Bishop BECKY SHAW ccs Annie Patisse ANDREW PORTER Thomas SadoskiCHARACTERS, MAX GARRETT SUZANNA SLATER, SUSAN SLATER BECKY SHAW ANDREW PORTER PLACE AND TIME ‘The United States (New York City, Providence, and Boston), 2009, BECKY SHAW ACT ONE Scene 1 A room at a mid-range hatel in New York Cirg Suzanna, thirty-four, sits on the (made) bed, watching a Forensic Files-like tre evime program on TV. Shes wearing a black dress (plain and casucl: nothing sec, formal, or funereal) She's coxied-up and mesmerized ... iootbed by # story off female disaster worse than her own. The narrator reports 07 a dead woman in an eerie monotone. Something like: “The young mother had been strangled ... anid stabbed thirty-seven times,” Mas, thirty-five, lets himself into the room — a mant (om a mission, energized. Hie watches.enough of the TV show to realize what it is, then uses the remote to surn it off. SUZANNA. Hey! I'm watching that MAX. He strangled her. She's net coming home, SUZANNA. Tum ic back on. MAX. No. i cut you off, remember? You're not allowed to watch that scuff SUZANNA. It soothes mz and I need it. Don’ judge me. MAX. T'm not judging you. T'm disciplining you, SUZANNA. 1 did nothing wrong! My mother is the one who showed up — MAX. Scop! I just spent forry minutes calming your mother down, and she will be here soon. You need to be a big gel ard face your big git! problems. (Indicating TV.) No more dead prostitutes en the autopsy channel until you do thatSUZANNA. Why do you have a key to my room? MAX. Because I paid for it SUZANNA. Did you pay for my mom's room, 100? MAX. Yes SUZANNA. Because we're poor now? MAX. That's. what we'e all gonna talk about ar dinnes: Your mother'l be here soon, SUZANNA. I've decided I won't see her. MAX. Excuse me — what? SUZANNA. Lam grieving my facher’s death. My mother brought a... aman with her. To 2 mecting about the estace. That is 50 insulting to my Father. MAX. Your father’s dead. His feelings don't matter. SUZANNA. Max! MAX. Suzanna, you made a big scene in the lobby. You made your poine. SUZANNA. | won't see her MAX. So ... how's this gonna work? I go ro dinner with your mother and her manftiend ... You stay here and cry while she cakes all the money? SUZANNA. You would never let that happen. MAX. You know, I might. I don't like this weepy-weepy wah-wah thing youve doing. I dont respect it. SUZANNA. Max, I'm grieving MAX. Negotiations are all aboue who has the biggest dick in the room ... Be sad, grieve. But do ic with a big dick. SUZANNA. Grieve with a big dick? That’ nor possible MAX. Uhhh ... Charles Bronson in Death Wal? Rambo? Mas Voorhees in Friday the 13h? SUZANNA. None of those people 2e real, Max! MAX. Suzanna, you gotta pull ic rogether. Clock strikes midnight, yyou can regress. Light your vanilla candle and write in your dream journal. Until then, you'e 2 soldier. Fix yourself up. SUZANNA. (As she tries...) In one of my textbooks, I read about these families... Craziest thing, Mex. When someone in the family isin pain, the other family mernbers do this thing called nurture, You ever heard of thar? MAX. No. (There a knock on the door. Max springs 0 answer it) No ctying. Big dick. (Max answers the door and escorts Susan Slater, sixty into the room. She has MS and may use a cane. She's attractive, 10 bus shere’ a heaviness to her: the fatique of endles fatigue. Her mind 4s sharp and shes cultivated a forceful manner to compensate for her physical disability, OK. So. Clean slate, Last few hours never hap- pened. Id like 1 welcome my two favorice ladies to New York Cy. We're all so glad vere here because we love each other so much, exc, etc, Now. I'm gonna suggest that we stick co the original plan. SUSAN. I never suggested otherwise. SUZANNA. You brought Lestet! The plan did not include Lester! SUSAN. Suzanna, ! am disabled. [ can’t travel alone. SUZANNA. | offered to drive to Richmond and pick you up — SUSAN. I dont feel safe in a car wich you. Vim sorry if chat hurts your feelings, bur — MAX. Ic hurts my feelings, Susan. I taughe her to drive, SUSAN. I'm not blaming you, Suzanna has assumed 2 somber atticude since her father died. SUZANNA. So 1 can't drive? SUSAN. Youle sluggish. if a drunk driver is careening into my path, I dont wane my life in your hands, Tin sorry. MAX. Suzanna’ attitude is not the point. Lester is not the point. SUZANNA. Lester is the point! I am not going to discuss my fathers estate with your ... whatever he is to you in addition co being your house painter SUSAN. He's my lover. SUZANNA. Oh, my God. How could you? SUSAN. (Anger spites,) Listen 10 me. Your father died six months, ago SUZANNA. It was three months! MAX. Four. It was four months: you're both li SUSAN, You didn lose a child or even a breast. Youe father died of nacural causes after a life welblived. Thar’s not loss, it’s transition, SUZANNA. How can you... Its a huge loss. SUSAN. Icsan old man dying peacefull. f’s noc tragic — SUZANNA. He was my dad. SUSAN. And you're an adule. This ... This isa costume. SUZANNA. What — my clothes? SUSAN, ‘The black dress. You'te infatuated with your grief You think you've finally found something chat will distinguish you. MAX. OK, that’s enough. SUSAN, Ie not a distinction, Suzanna, A pavencs death ... Ie is the most common of milestones — uMAX. My proposal is thac we keep to the plan, We go to dinners, we calk facts and figures. Lester can join us for dessert. SUSAN. No. I won't leave him sitting in the room while we have our nice dinner, MAX. See ... Thisis the point. 15 not going to be a nice dinner, Susan. We're here to talk abour your finances — SUSAN, 1 don'e discuss money ac the dinner table. You grew up in my household; you know that. MAX. Oh, no. No. You agreed to this! SUSAN. [agreed to hear your opinions — MAX. They're not opinions. SUSAN. I'm perfectly willing to have a conversation about the estate, bu not over dinner. (To Suzanna.) Some women — Marilyn Montoe, Princess Diana — are sensual in grief. You are not SUZANNA. Max! MAX. Susan, please — SUSAN. Do you disagree? Look at her. MAX. Let me tell you something, Suzanna can be fixed. Y'n not worried about Suzanna. Your financial health, on the other hand — SUSAN. Lester and I will meet you downstairs. Weill share 2 eal and some good wine. Well talk business in the morning. MAX. No! I don't have time in the morning, Susan! And you can't afford good wine. SUSAN. (Affer a beat.) Are you enjoying this drama youve created? MAX. Your husband created it. | am just che messenger. SUSAN. This is terribly exhilarating for you. I can see it SUZANNA. Mom. MAX. How can you ... You and Richard raised me, Susan. For all practical purposes, you'te my parents. SUSAN. And chac only makes it crueler. MAX. You think I take pleasure in this? I would be a monster — SUSAN. Not a monster, 2 powermonger. I know that look. MAX. What look? This lool? SUSAN. Thats the look you gecwhen my family’s stupidity offers you a foothold to gain power. MAX. Anytime I'can clean up afier your family’s stupidity, ™m happy to do it. SUZANNA. Stop it. What is this "your family.” “my family.” We're This is our family. (A difficult silence hat Suzanna rushes to fill...) How broke are we? MAX. I think we should drink some alcohol. SUSAN. Lester is hungry. Whatever you want to say, you may say ‘now or in the morning, MAX. [have 2 full day tomorrow — SUSAN. ‘Then say ic now. Cogenty, please. Do not savor. MAX. (Affer a beat.) The business hasn't cured a profit in neadly a decade. Richard burned chrough a lor of your savings patching, holes, keeping it afloat, I chink it was largely .. sersimencal. Ir’ an ‘old family business, he hoped the tide would turn .. SUZANNA. Are we broke? MAX. No, But your savings are ... thin. Ihave a plan I would like to propose — SUSAN. have a very hard time believing this, Max. Yoshi would certainly have cold me if — MAX, Yoshi lost his objectivity, He'll be che first to admit that SUSAN. Nonsense. He's a Japanese businessman. His objectivity isall he has. SUZANNA. Mom, thar’ racis. SUSAN. Send me the figures, I will show them to my financial advisor MAX. Your financial advisor is Yoshi SUSAN. Correct. MAX. Yoshi no longer wishes to be involved SUSAN. Because you bullied him in your 2eal co seize power. Vl bring him back. MAX. ‘There's no power to seize, Susan! (Pase.) Look, Yoshi asked ime .... There was a loss of objectivity SUSAN. In your opinion MAX. In ceality on planet Earth. Your husband was stupid about his money and his Bnancial advisor was ... There was 2 romantic situation and fm sorry. SUSAN. (Afier @ beat.) Oh, you ate devious. SUZANNA. Romantic? SUSAN. He means homosexual. MAX. I don't think we need to get into labels. SUZANNA. Gay? MAX, Bi. Ler's say your father was bi. SUZANNA. You don't believe in bisexuality SUSAN. Tm very upset with you, Max MAX, Me’ 13SUSAN. (Rising 10 leave.) Lester and I will be having dinner pri- vately and revurning to Richmond, you gotta face this, fa Max.) 1 hope you enjoyed yourself. You could have done this in an email, as | begged you to do. (To Suzanna.) You're welcome to join us for dinner if you'te prepared to apologize to Lescer for your dramatics. SUZANNA. Mom, you need to stay with me and deal with this. (Susan looks back and forth ... at Max, at Suzanna. Her gaze lands on Max.) SUSAN. No good deed goes unpunished. You ... were a good deed. MAX. I know that. SUSAN. [ook you into my home SUZANNA. Mom. Stop. MAX. You did. I owe your family a debe and I'm ready to start repaying it tonight. Let me help you — (Susan makes a dismissive swipe at the air and starts walking to the door ...)| manage money for 2 living, Susan. I make people rich. You could do worse than having me — SUSAN. You ... You are a rich man ... who puts his family in a two-star hotel. That's whar you are, (Susan leaves, clesing the door shard bebind ber.) MAX. Youre going to have to hire someone else to do this, There's too much history — (After a heat.) This isa three-star hotel SUZANNA. Max, I'm sorry. MAX. [ think the MS is catching up to her. Since when does she run from a shitstorm? SUZANNA. She likes other people's shitstorms. This is too close MAX. Is that ie (After « beat.) You know ... The day of my mother’s Funeral, she bought me a suit. 'm ten years old, I'd met her like once. She took me co the fat child department at Sears. She sad, “Your mother is dead and your father dresses you like a gay hustler.” SUZANNA. Max, that’s awful. Why have you never told me that? MAX. Ic was awful at the time, bur... She saved me from walle ing into my mother’s funeral looking like a gay hustler. Everybody alse was ... blubbering all over themselves. She's the only person who had my back. (Afier a beat.) Your dad and Yoshi ... You either knew, or you surmised. You barely reacted, and given what 2 fucle ing drama queen you are . 4 SUZANNA. | was counting on a deathbed last scene where 1 ‘would ask him. MAX. You were saving the hard questions until he was too feeble SUZANNA. Its not like that. Did you know? MAX. I knew there was something, A factor X that would explain him, I figured he was gay ... or impotent ... or hed ... killed a drifter and your mother had proof, so he couldn't leave. SUZANNA. God, | should have asked him MAX, He just would have denied it. He was a lying denying kinda uy. SUZANNA. Dont say that MAX, He was a liar and a denier AND the greatest man ['ve ever known. (Pause.) Your parents complemented each other. Your father denied problems, your mother rubbed your face in them. SUZANNA. He did not deny. My father had an appropriate grasp of how much a child could handle. MAX. Right. He lied. SUZANNA. ‘That's what parents are supposed to do, dumbass MAX. Lie to children? SUZANNA. Yes. He lied to me about my mother illness until I ‘was old enough to deal with it, and chat was a gift MAX. A gif? SUZANNA. You cad tell an eight-year-old thet her mother has MS. MAX. Susie, he told you she was an alcoholis and she wasnt. SUZANNA. He never said “alcoholic.” He said, “Sometimes Mommy drinks coo much and that makes her drop things. MAX. Well, You're going to graduate school in psychology. Get some feedback on that episode and ger back ro me. SUZANNA. Max, chere are times when lying is the most humane ching you can do. see. Your father spends his life being “humane.” He leaves ime to be the asshole ... SUZANNA. I'm sorry. It's not fir to you — MAX. No, it’s fair. Lowe him something. He was generous vo me beyond all reason, SUZANNA. He was generous to you because he adored you. MAX. (A doubting look, and then ....) Well. When my father and I showed up 2t your house o say my mother had died, both of your parents said, “Tm sorry, Matt.” IsSUZANNA. They said Max. You misheard them. MAX. Its fine. I know I was your dad’s good deed. I mean ... It wast: pute charity. He chought an orphan in the house would make your mother behave better. SUZANNA. Well, that is true, but ... didn't work, did it? She stayed evil and he kept you anyway. Because he loved you! MAX. It was a bold move, Adopting a child to shame your wife inco being less abusive ... That took some balis. SUZANNA. (After a beat.) Can [ finish graduate school? MAX. Yes. Youre not rich anymore, but you're nos the fucking Joads SUZANNA. So whac do we do? MAX. Sell the company. Sell che house. Your mother can get a full-service apartment. They carry the groceries, they clean. The rest of her needs ... Lester ean pick up the slack. SUZANNA. Lester is the slack, Heb a rentboy. MAX. Yes, he is, and it’s honest work SUZANNA. No, ic iso MAX. Lester will do everything your father did for your mother. “Whatever his price, e's worth it SUZANWA. No. MAX. ‘What’ your solution? You gonna move home ard help her? SUZANNA. God, no. She needs to hire someone, MAX. The money isn't there, Suzanna. Her health is gonna decline and Lester isa decent guy SUZANNA. He's dumb and he’ our age MAX. He's not dumb, He's redneck, but he's native redneck, He waits (0 make a movie SUZANNA. So that’s why hes with hee! MAX. You want your freedom? Open you rentboys and redneck cinema SUZANNA. You'te talking about prostitution. MAX. Prostitution, mariage ... Same thing. It's «wo people com- ing copether because each has something che other wants SUZANNA. Wait. You dont believe in love? MAX. Sure t da, Love is a happy by-product of use. SUZANNA. (Afier a beat.) A happy by-product of use? What the fuck does that mean? MAX. Suzanna, we'te animals! Love is just ... Ids 2 feeling. Like hunger like cold. Irs feeling chat tells you what you need 10 sur- vive. A sandwich, a sweater, an orphan, a... Lester sort of... alters ‘uck that yes. Your freedom is SUZANNA. Stop calling yourself an orphan. Do you think all love is use oF just romantic love? MAX. All love. Your father, for example, paid our college tuition. We, in turn, loved him very much, SUZANNA. [ hate when you do this. MAX. Do whac? SUZANNA. Turn 2 beautiful ching to shit! MAX. Undesscanding behavior is not “rurning it to shit"! SUZANNA. You're saying my father was generous with us because he couldn’ love men? Is that it? MAX. [ chink if your father had been more self actualized, I'd have college loans. I do believe that. SUZANNA. I donit. And now I want co stop ealking about this. MAX. You‘ie getting a Ph.D. in psychology. How are you so totally tunwilling to ask the had questions? SUZANNA. Task them when its necessary. When there's no prob- lem ... Ie like shoving your face in che coilet after you shit. You can do it ue its not necessary MAX. Wow. Youre gonna make an inceresting therapist. (Affer Beat.) Yor proud of you. | just cold you you'e broke and you have a gay dad, And youtre ... I feel like I ean go to bed! and not worry about you SUZANNA. You worry about me? Since when? MAX. Of course I warry about you. Youte a mess. SUZANNA. My father’ only been dead three months: MAX. Ie four months! God. It’ fog enough to grieve. You have too much time on your hands — SUZANNA. I'm ina Ph.D. program, Max! MAX. In psychology. IFyou had gone to medical schoo! ike I told you to, you couldnt call me crying; you'd be too busy saving lives. SUZANNA. Am [inconveniencing you by calling? Pl stop. MAX. Call meall you wane, Eeant help you, You need to take action. SUZANNA. Tin in therapy. MAX. ‘That's not action, thar’s wallowing. SUZANNA, What’ your idea of action? MAX. Uh ... Things you do outside your home chat require you to move your limbs. You need to join some clubs, SUZANNA. Clubs? What kind of clubs? MAX, Clubs! The KKK, the Daughters of the American Revolution .- You need activities 99 chat when you get mopey-mopey weepy- 7wweepy, you can abort the thoughts. You can say, “I don't have time fos this. [have a ... barn-raising I need to jog to." SUZANNA. Max, cu me some slack. Dad was my anchor in the world. I feel cotally untethered «. MAX. Righe. You need co fucking tether yourself. Join like a... powder puff, girl-on-girl softball cam, Do something! SUZANNA. 1 don't know. I think maybe there's value in just sitting with it. This feeling of floating alone in the universe. Maybe 'm supposed to leeen something from it MAX. Youve had four months. You haver't earned anything, SUZANNA. I'm talking abour life lessons, Max. I's nor like learn- ing Photoshop. MAX, So when you call me at thice 4.04. saying you want 0 ... be dead, I should say, “Be very still, Suzanna, and reflect on your pain.” ‘That doesnt help you! SUZANNA. Ie’s not either/or, Max. You can offer empathy MAX. Youe paying a therapist for empathy and you'e sell call- ing me saying some very scary things SUZANNA. They’te normal impulses and they pass. MAX. I hope so. They'e hard co listen to. I need to go to bed. SUZANNA. Now? les so early. MAX. I go to work at seven. I need to be in bed by ren which gives ime ... just enough time for talce-ouc and pornography. SUZANNA. Let's order food here. MAX. Can we watch pornography? SUZANNA. I dont know. I feel like our father is sore of like, in the room ... MAX. He wasnt “our father” I have an actual, living father who ‘would be very hurt to hear you say that SUZANNA. How is he? MAX. 1 don't want co talk about that. SUZANNA. That bad, huh? MAX. No ... Ie just .. Ie more complicated financial stuff SUZANNA. Hes not gonna go to jai again, is he? MAX. It’ enough family drarna for one night. SUZANNA. Sorty. Not oaly do we all dump our problems on. ‘you, they're not even interesting problems, It’ all .. math. MAX. Math, Ican do. A lice Japanese man crying all over me in a Searbucks, J can't — SUZANNA. Yoshit Wow. Was he super sad? 18 MAX. Oh, yeah. (Afeer a beat.) I want you to call your mother tomorrow and suggest that someone other than me do this. I know you're in your sad Buddhist phase, bur — SUZANNA. I wil call her MAX. (Afier a beat.) So, let’ pick some activites. Right now. Al- ‘Anon, Unitarianism, the Green Party ... what are you gonna do? SUZANNA. I donic know. There’ grad schoo! ski ip. Next week. MAX. Go. SUZANNA. I dont ski, Jes cheap, though. MAX. Go, Go skiing. Get a dog. Kissa girl, Shake things up. SUZANNA. No dogs; but... Skiing T would ery. MAX. Great. Now lets watch pornography. SUZANNA. Remember that big ... porn superstore we used co drive past on the way to the mall? [ remember the day | saw the word “amateuc” on the marquee for the frst sime, You wete driving and [said — MAX. “Who wants to watch sexual amateurs?” SUZANNA. { thought ic meant, like, people who didn't know what they were doing MAX. [ remember. You ever watch che amateur stuff? SUZANNA. (After a beat.) lec MAX. OK, so you know what these “amateurs” Jook like. SUZANNA. They'e not all fatand ugly, Max. That’ just not crue. MAX. cis true. The hot amateurs are being paid, so theyre not really amateurs, SUZANNA. Yeah, I can't watch chat — girls in chis country ille- gally and addicted to drugs... MAX. What consenting adults do to get into this country and stay here is not my problem. SUZANNA. I didn't say ic was, Relax, MAX. The crue amateurs are fat couples with cameras and no shame. They’te disgusting. 1 hace them. SUZANNA, Well, chat’ the only porn [ can watch. Al the rest. [ feel too responsible. You know? MAX. No. (A beat.) See, you are why civilization is gonna end. You would choose a disgusting reality over a beautiful fiecion. 1 dont understand that. I want The Love Bact, | do not want a veal boac with real lovets. SUZANNA. The Love Boat ... Wow. Remember ... the Saturday your mom died, we watched that on TV while my parents got your 19dad drunte MAX. Not really SUZANNA. We did a chousand-piece puzzle and watched The Love Boat. MAX, Wait, The puzzle, Was it porpoises or something? SUZANNA. It wasa whale! [ remember The Love Boat ending and my dad's foorsteps and I thought... its over. Max has to go home And I prayed thar wouldn't happen. MAX. What do you mean, you prayed? SUZANINA. I prayed. I said please God, don't lec this end. I didn't pray for your mom to be alive, or my fom to be... not sick. 1 prayed for more rime with you. And my prayer got answered. Dad ‘came around the corner with hor chocolate. We passed out during Fantagy idand. MAX. [don't remember any of that. Let's watch TV. SUZANNA. | don't wane 10 watch porn, chough. MAX. Fine. Hoy about horror? SUZANNA. Oh, yes please. Can you find some? MAX. Lean uy. (Max tates the remote, and starts channel-surfing as they get cozy on the bed. The old childhood eleseness with an adult charge thas scares heme) SUZANNA. Now I want hot chocolate. Hor chocolate and hor ror. That is what I want more than anything in che world, MAX. Don't pray. Or if you do, dont squander i, Pray for money. SUZANNA. I would never pray for money. MAK. OK. Here, Look. Nighimare on Elm Street. But which one? Hundred bucks if you know. SUZANNA. It's... Gimme a second ... It. about to say, “Where's the bourbon, bitch?” MAX. Youte right. Good call! (A beat. They watch A Nightmare ‘on Elm Street 3. Then ... ) “Where's the bourbon, bitch?” Like it’s rot bad enough he has knives for fingers; he has to be verbally abusive SUZANNA. I saw a rock concert at Jones Beach last year... It was late at night and freezing even. though it was summer. And they didn sll booze, so... I drank hot chocolate. MAX. (After a beat.) That's i Thats the whole story. SUZANNA. Yeah. MAX, That not a story. That's a set-up for a story. SUZANNA. It's a snapshot. An exhilarating moment. three! Freddy's 20 MAX. If that was exhilarating, you lefe« part ous SUZANNA. [ asked the concessions guy why they didn't sell booze and he said chat a girl had been strack by lightning che year before. So they stopped serving booze. MAX. (Afier a beat) That makes absolutely no sense. SUZANNA. ‘The guy next to me bought a Coke and the conces- sions guy poured it out ofthe bottle intoa cup. And, again, I asked why. And he said that somebody had thrown a bottle on stage the night before and hic che singer in the head, So no more bottles. (A beat. A look. They watch the movie, Suzanna thinks...) OK, | gor it, The poine MAX. Fantastic. SUZANNA. I had this moment... this wave of exhilaration came ‘over me and the exhilaration was feeling ... It was worth it. People getting struck by lightning and whacked in the head with borees.. ‘A certain amount of ... brutality was worth it to see a rock concert next to the ocean, The night your mom died flt like that, you know? My mother was sick, yours was dead ... But felt so happy co be with you. Maybe that’s how life works, you know? All these hideous chings, but you get litle pockets of oy to get you through. Rock concerts on the ocean. Puales and TV. (Mas: kiss her and dhe les bi. She starts ‘ising back and sop.) Max, V cant. Youte my brocher MAX, Tim not your brother. I think your mother hammered thae point home. SUZANNA. OK ... You'te my ... money manager. MAX. Iam. Keep kissing me, | might take chat responsibility seriously. SUZANNA. | cant. MAX. You don’t wane to SUZANNA. I really want to. MAX. So what's the problem? SUZANNA. Ie ... epic. Ir's MAX. It doesn't have to change anything. SUZANNA. Really? MAX. Really. (Leaving the 1V on, they sare making out. Reluctant 1s first, Suzanna soon reciprocates with Max’ level of enthusiasm. A sense on both sides shat this was a long time coming. Lights fade ...) aScene 2 Eight months later. Saturday night. Andrew and Suzanna’ ‘apartmnt in Providence, Rhode Island. Suzanna, standing, talks on a cell phone. SUZANNA. Hi, Its Suzanna, This is my fifth call and I'm worried [lam worried and my husband is worried. We'e afraid youre dead or injured. We just ....No. You know what? I know you're not dead or injured. You'e just being you and chinking only of yourself So ... So fuck you, you know? Just fuck you. Puck. You. Mom. Call me. (Andrew, thirty-one, enters with an open laptop computer.) ANDREW. OK, there are no flights tonight out of Providence. Cheapest flight ... out of Boston to Key West is ... nine hundred seventy-five dollars. Round trip, SUZANNA. Nine hundred? What the fack am I supposed to do, Andrew? She's not answering her phone, we know she used her health insurance . ANDREW. But that could mean nothing, For all you know, she hhas like, a yeast infection SUZANNA. Yuck! Andrew, thac’s my mother. ANDREW. { think if ic were serious, Lester would have called. SUZANNA. No. [Fit were serious, Lester would empty her bank account and flee to Mexico, ANDREW. ‘They've been together almost a year. ¥ think if he was gonna kill her, he'd have done it by now. SUZANNA. That's not how psychopaths work, stupid! They take time to gain your trust. I love thar you're nor a psychopath. I view this asthe biggest accomplishment of my life: I married a man who is not a psychopath, ANDREW. Well... Thank you, But dont call me stupid. And call Lester SUZANNA. No! I told you, Andrews I set a boundary with my mothet. She cant just act out and make me reverse myself ANDREW. She's not acting out. Something happened co her that required medical attention SUZANNA, Wait. You do think ics something bad. When does the flight leave? ANDREW. ‘Ten o'clock, How "bout I call Lester? SUZANNA. Fuck no. You're my husband. IF make a boundary, is your boundary, t00, (Pause,) Andrew, what should I do? ANDREW, That's up to you. 1 will suppore whatever — SUZANNA. Dont throw she decision back to me when 1 ask you Sorry, T'm freaking out. 1 need you to tell me what to do. (Andrew pours her a glass of wine.) ANDREW, First you necd co drink some wine and chill. SUZANNA. Again — That’ not an answer! ANDREW. Sweetie, I can't be your dad. You're gonna have to par- ticipate in the decision SUZANNA. What’ that supposed to mean? ANDREW. Youte getting pissy with me becaux I won't make a decision for you SUZANNA. No. I'm asking you to sake a firm posii ure — ANDREW. Tim not hurt. f know when you lash out at me, the anger isn't realy about me, SUZANNA. Itisni? ANDREW. No. [t's “why isnt my dad here when I need him?” es stil this really primal rage in you — (Swzenna makes a dismisive {Stitwre:swats the air or erenles ber face.) SUZANNA. Now you're being a writer and, like, trying to make a shit sicuation seem existential, Which also doesnt help me. ANDREW. Wow, SUZANNA, Andrew, if I was in an accident aed my head was blecding, you would have to make a decision for me. ANDREW. Fine. Right now your head's not bleeding, Your head is fine and capable and ... totally cute. Even when obnoxious words come out of it. SUZANNA. Kiss me? (They his. Ith.a good his. There’ real love and passion here.) What I said about you being a writer? That wasn't ‘meant to be bitchy. Is this our first emexgency as husband and wife? ANDREW, I think so. (Pase.) Yeah, I think i is. What do you want to do? SUZANNA. (After a beat.) Call Max. (Remembering.) Max. Shit! ‘What time js it? We should cancel with Max and Becky. ANDREW. Max is probably on his way. Ican cancel Becky, but .. Don't be 23SUZANNA. No. If we have Max, we need Secky. He’ already resistant © the whole "blind date” thing. We can’ abore the mission, ANDREW. I chought you said he stopped being resistant. SUZANNA. Lets just introduce them and send them off on their date. | cant be social when f'm this worried. ANDREW. No. If you're backing out of dinner, we need t0 cancel with Becky. SUZANNA. Why? ANDREW. I just ... The plan was a double-date, with me there 10, you know, facilitate a supportive — SUZANNA. Oh, no. Wait. Why does she need support? ANDREW. Everyone needs support. And she ... sorta delicate. SUZANNA. Oh, fuck you, Andrew. What's wrong with het? ANDREW. ‘Whoa. You need to stop it, like, now SUZANNA. Stop whae? ANDREW. Come on, Susie, we've been over this. I dide't grow up with people sniping and accusing SUZANNA. OK. fine, Tell me the truth about Becky, ANDREW. She started temping in my office month ago. I've told you all know. SUZANNA. How is she delicate? ANDREW. She's just at a transition poim ip her life. She’ in a kkind of melancholic place SUZANNA. Melancholic, Greae. You tell me this now, ANDREW. Can you stop fixating on my words? Becky is a great catch and she’ available because she’ in a transitional life space. SUZANNA. I better watt Max. ANDREW. Don. Lalready warned Becky. SUZANNA. About what? ANDREW. [ told her ... His coarse delivery belies a tich interior life SUZANNA. You've met Max — what — swice? ANDREW. Exactly. He’ a tough first meet. Second time, I liked him. You know, I could drive you to Florida. Miss work Monday, back on Tuesday SUZANNA. ‘Take off Monday? Bullshit, youll tke off Monday. ANDREW. You want to rephrase thar? SUZANNA. (After a beat.) I love you so much. This is the one and only thing char drives me crazy. That you would just blow off work ww ANDREW. Blow off? les a medical emeigency with my mother inclaw SUZANNA. Youre not working for Jasper and Hermione at the coffee collective anymore. This is a teal job. ANDREW. Oh, this is a “real job” because I wear a suit and it sounds good to your mom and Max. I'm a fucking office manager, SUZANNA. No. Ifsa “real job” because you make owice the houtly wage you made at that fucking coffee collective. ANDREW. When your mom fell down the stars, Jasper and Hermione — who I know you have no respect for — tole me take all the time you neeel — SUZANNA. Well, chey can do thas. They make coffee fora living, ANDREW. You have class issues. SUZANNA. No, | have a newly sobering view of how much money it cakes to get by in America since my dad died. ANDREW. (Affer« beat.) OK. Te been thinking about that and We dor't need rns bedrooms. [Tike having 2 room to write in, but we could ger by in a one-bedioom ora studio .. SUZANNA. Studio? Andrew, we talked to Max. With your new job and me picking up extta work. we'e living within our means. ANDREW. Right, buc Ucanit get any writing done and T hace my job. SUZANNA. So, you wane fo move ws into a studio, so you can serve coffee .. Is thax where this is going? ANDREW. Juse until I finish my book and you gec our degree. les not — (Staaimat plume ring. She picks it up, looks atthe nuonber ..) SUZANNA. Oh; this beter be niy mother... It Max. (Answerig.) Hey, I cane talk, Im waiting for my mom 10 call, (Pans.) Tes in Andrews name. Portes, (Hangs up.) ANDREW. OK, before he gets here ... I don't want co leave this unfinished ... (Phe bueeee buzzer. As Stczannea goes tit...) SUZANNA. Lec’ talk about ic with Max ANDREW. No! Susie, chis is private. (Suzana rushes to Andrew sand kisses him hard on the mouth.) Is chat your way of saying you'll live in a studio? SUZANNA. No. That means [ Jove you, and fighting is OK. It doesnt change that. (Suzanna rushes tthe door apent it, and steps out 10 loo for Mare. Calling out} Are you ninety? Irs two flights of sais MAX, (Entering) lad to muscle past five genecations of Portuguese people Frying fis. 25SUZANNA. They'e our landlords. Don't be racist. MAX. Ie nice to see you, too. What the hell is wrong? SUZANNA. ‘The usual shit. You want a glass of wine? MAX. Sure. I brought a bottle, (Max gives Suzanna a bag with a ‘bore of wine in it. As she rakes is 0 Andrew who will open it.) SUZANNA. Our wine is not shit, Max. MAX. Don't be hostile. | brought a nice wine because it’s your .. six-week anniversary? Hello, Andrew. Congratulations ANDREW. Hey, Max. SUZANNA. Its three months, asshole, That's not areal anniversary. [Next week is, hough. We can deink on thae. (Afier a beat,) Max? MAX. What? SUZANNA. Next week? MAX. Tdontt know. What is nexe week? SUZANNA. Come on! MAX. What is it... Flag Day? I don't know. ANDREW. (Afier a beat.) Her dad's death ... 1’sa year .. MAX. OK. Right. You don't eelebrare chat, though. Thar's whac threw me SUZANNA. You acknowledge it. You're coming over, right? MAX. 1... Whac day is ie SUZANNA. Forget it. Andrew and I are gonna commemorate it, Ifyou can't even remember the date, I don't want you here, MAX. Commemorate? It's not the fucking bicentennial ANDREW. "Commemorate is probably the wrong word. Ic was my idea. When I vas in high school, a kid in my class died. And when the anniversary came around, people had a lot of feelings about it, so — MAX. T'm sure they did. They were in fucking high school. SUZANNA. Max. ANDREW. We threw a party. itsounds weird, but it really helped shifcus from mourning, 0, you know, celebrating his life. MAX. OK. I'll come, Should I make a mix tape, of. SUZANNA. If youre gonna make fan of it, don't come MAX. Are you having your period? What che fuck is wrong, with you? SUZANNA. What’ usually wrong? My mother MAX. Oh. Well, in thac case, we should stare drinking and change the subject. SUZANNA. You know, Max ... This is why you dont have a git friend. 26 MAX. Your mother is why T don't have a gislfriend? Actually, there's probably some ruth to that. SUZANNA. No. You dont have a girlfiend, because you ask me what's wrong, then when I tell you, you're all “nothin’ {can do.” MAX. (To Andreu.) Is it all you hoped and dreamed of ... being married to her? ANDREW. Ir’ great, How do you like Boston? You getting seitled? MAX. Boston it. For four mont, itefines ANDREW. What is ie you're doing ... again ... MAX. I'm opening a Boston office for my company. ANDREW. Yeah? Which part of the city are you — MAX. (Overlapping and dismissing.) Thacs 2 whole ... Um still sorting the derails out. (Aind changing the subject ...) Look. Susie. You and your mother... It's like the Middle East. Bad situation, not gonna change. So why talk abotc it? SUZANNA, Because ... I begins with an “e,” ends with ay.” You can’ do it... MAX. Nurture? No, Empathy! Right! Women and empathy, man ‘This is jus like the date I had last week... The dance professor ‘who wanted to talk about the Iraq wat ANDREW. You cani talk about the Iraq war? MAX. For a few minutes, fire. Buc chere’s nothing I can do about it, and there is definitely nothing Annabell the dance professor can do about it, so — ANDREW. Wait, you cant really believe there’ nothing anyone can do. MAX. Let me dlatfy I send a lot of money to people whose job it is to do the right ching — SUZANNA. ‘The Democrats? MAX. No, NAMBLA. Of course, the Democrats, stupid. ANDREW. So people who dons have money cant exert any impact? MAX. Thaes not what I'm saying, Im saying I do my share... 1 give away ten percent of my income co people whose job it is to Sole this problem, esther jo. Is not mine. And I don want my inner ruined. ANDREW. So what did you say to 361? MAX. Oh... She wanted to tell me about chis protest at Harvard. Soine artists emoring against the wat bullshit SUZANNA, You told her it was seupid and pointless MAX. I did not say it was stupid. 1 did say it was pointless 7SUZANNA. Youre a jerk, . ANDREW. (To Max.) You'e probably right, bu you don'e wane to say chat on a first date. MAX. Waie. Did you juse agree with me? ANDREW. It depends on how you said it. I used co go to those protests at Brown, but ... I started to feel like they weren't really about the war. No one important wes watching, we were just assuaging our guile and gerting laid. | feel like -.. Do something. teal ordo nothing, you know? SUZANNA. Now if you say it like thay its OK MAX. Which do you do? ANDREW. What? MAX. About the war. Do you do something real or do you do nothing? ANDREW. Umm .. I dont do as much as I should. There's a ‘group at Brown that sends books to the troops— MAX. Oh, those poor troops. The Brown kids are sending them books « SUZANNA. The eroops are not illiterate, Max MAX. No, theyre not But when you iin fear of diy bombs and rorture, you do noe want a used, highlighted copy of To the Fucking Lighthouse ANDI Man need you to take, like, a mellower tone with Becky, SUZANNA. She's delicate. ANDREW. She is nor delicate! Just ... Max, it nor, like, emascu- lating to open yourself to another person's experience MAX.” [dont know, Andeew. That sounded. presy fucking woman! SOZANNA. ‘Tell him what o say Give him acwal words ANDREW. You could say something like, "Wow, that's kind of outside my experience, so I would need for you to say more.” MAX. (To Suzanna; genuine.) Is that ... Dont tell me he snared you calking like that? SUZANNA. I love it. It makes me weak. (Andrews phone rings and be answers it.) ANDREW, Hello? (Pause,) Hey! (Pawe.) Sorry. Ies Porter. Just buzz — (Pause.) Oh, sure. Seay there. Il mest you. Bye, (Pe Bangs up.) ‘That’ Becgy. I'm gonna go get het. SUZANNA. Why dont you just have her bu? 28 ANDREW. She was actually calling fiom the mini-mare. She dida'c know my last name cither. SUZANNA. Why is she at dhe mini-matt? ANDREW. She doesn’ have a cell phone. I'm gonna go get her (Andrew grabs bis coat and leaves.) MAX. Is my date ... Amish? SUZANNA. No. You'te here! I'm so happy! (Susanna grabs Max ad bear-hugs him. He enjoys it, iff) MAX. Tam here, You ... really do live in Rhode Island SUZANNA, What's that supposed to mean? MAX, (Sniffing his lapel) T've goc Portuguese fish-fry all oyer me. SUZANNA. My landlords are so sweet. When we moved in, they made us wedding soup. MAX. And you ate it? SUZANNA. Of course. It’s not like New York, Max. Landlords don't kill you to end your rene control MAX. I'm not rent-controlled. Lown my place, I may buy a build ing, did £ tell your SUZANNA. Your building? MAX. No, In Brooklyn. So when you're ready to leave this litele Portuguese fishing village, I'll cut you a good deal. SUZANNA. I don't know if Andrew wants to live in New York. Listen ... I should have asked you this before, and please don't tell Andrew I didn't, You and that woman are totally done, righ? MAX. Thae woman? SUZANNA. Christa. tes over, right? You'te available? MAX. I told you it’s over. SUZANNA. T know, It's just... She was around longer chan che others, so I wanted to double-check MAX, “The others”? SUZANNA. Come on, Max. You're a short-cimer, You get che three-month itch. That was really long relationship for you MAX. Ic was three months. I love that you're incapable of even simple math SUZANNA. Ie fle longet MAX, Well. don't move as fast as you and Junior .. SUZANNA. If you call him Junior to his face, I'l kill you — MAX. A four-month courcship and a Vegas wedding, Thae’ fast. And he is your junior. SUZANNA. By four years! Thirty-one/thingy-five ... I'S nothing, 29MAX. He's chirey-one? I guess he seems younger because he’s so indie-rock. SUZANNA. Stop it. MAX. t's not bad, it’s just 2 culeural difference. Hey — when he ‘comes back ... five hundred dollars says he thinks 40 1() is a band. SUZANNA. No, don't. Thar’s mean, But speaking of money ... Dontt tell Andrew I asked you this MAX. Tm keeping a lot of secrets here .. SUZANNA. Andrew i, like, not that happy at his job. He wanes to take a pay cut and move us to a smaller place. MAX. What’ the question? | SUZANNA. Could we stay in chis apartment if our income was .. less? MAX. How much less? Don't answer. Look, you can do whatever ‘you want. You can rake a ten-thousand-dollar honeymoon. You can buy a nice car Buc when your moneys gone, its gone, SUZANNA. So the answer is no? MAX, lesa judgment call. [F youd marvied a medical student, Pd say go ahead, live a litele. Buc Andrew... [ don see any guarantee of carning power. SUZANNA. ‘That's not the measure of a man's worth, Max. MAX. You didn’ ask me about his worth! You asked me about SUZANNA, Sony know its judginenc call. Bur your judgment’ berter than mine, you know? MAX. Oh, I know. (Afiera beat.) Look at a couple cheaper places ‘Come back to me with actual numbers and I'l cell you what to do. SUZANNA. (Hugging him.) Thank you. (The door opens. Andrew centers followed by Becky, thirty-four.) ANDREW. Hey! Everyone ... This is Becky. Becky, this is my wife, Suaanna, This is Max. Let me cake your coat ... (Max: moves tp shake Beckys hand as she takes off her coat to reveal a dress, The dress is not willy over the top and should not function as a sight gag. The fcc pas of the dves is « maddeningly subtle ove .. Its lovely, just @ bis too mech for tia night and these people. Maybe its a cackiail dies tiered like a layer cake. Maybe its chat and pink for yellow or lave der), Its« great dres for another occasion and Becky looks great in it For this night and these people, however shes overdvessed, an she real- izes this almost inonediately. The confidence she cultivated alone in her apartment evaporate.) 30 BECKY. Nice to meer you all Or ... both MAX, Wow. You look like... a birthday cake. SUZANNA. No,she doesn Ignore him, le nice to meet you, Becky. MAX. [ was complimenting het! It wouldn’e kill you to wear a dress once a year BECKY, I'm coully overdressed. ANDREW. No, youle not. Do you drink red wine? BECKY. Yes. (Avstward moment between Maax and Becky. Firs looks, {first mental asesments,) MAX. You'e very ... Your face is pink. Have you been drinking this evening? BECKY. No! I jast .. I called the cab too eacly, so had to walk around and kal some time. Its really cold .. ANDREW. Yor should have just come over. We weren't doing anything. SUZANNA. Yech, we were just fighting, Um actually not dressed yet. I'm gonna change. MAX. Why were you fighting? SUZANNA. Tel you. My mom. (Remembering) Shit! My mom! (To Max.) You totaly distracced me. Pm gonna try and call her «.. (Suzanna leaves ta change and call her mother. Awkward silence. This would be che morcen for the newly-inereduced couple to begin a gentle Qand A...) MAX. Warming up aay? BECKY. Yes!T guess that was silly of me. It’s just... You know how Providence cabs cre. Or ... You don't you live in New Youk. ANDREW. I should have picked you up. | fee! like an idioe MAX. Is something wrong wich your cat? BECKY. Yeah. I mean, I don't have one MAX. Is chat ... an economic necessity ora life choice? BECKY. Life choice? MAX. Are you, lke, « milicane environmentalist? Do you oppose cats in theory of BECKY. Ob, ro. I just don't have any money. (An awkward moment.) 1 mean T have some. Ihave money. (A bear. Max does a ssle mental math on shis exchange and ... suns to Andiews) MAX. So what's up with Susan? Why is Susie calling her? ANDREW. Her mother’s healeh insurance company called. (To Becky.) My wife and het mother have the same name: Suzanna Slacer. BECKY, Oh. That muse gec confusing, 3ANDREW. It’s actually pretty manageable with nicknames. Her mother goes by Susan, Suzanna kinda defaults to Susic. IF we have a female child, { don’t know what’ left for her. BECKY. There's... Suby. MAX. Too Asian BECKY. Actually, Edie Sedgwick ter was Suky. Suky Sedgwick. MAX. Really? BECKY, ‘Yes MAX, Do you know che lineage ofall he Wathol mols, ot just — ANDREW. So, the insuesnce people called here, They realized they had the wrong Suzanna Slater and they hung up. And Susans in Plorida with her boyfriend, Lester. (Stsarma returns in a dress ‘more monochromatic avd sophisticated than Becky — best she could do, baving legitimately tried to match Becky.) SUZANNA. She's still not picking up. And she’ in Florida with Fucko-the-Reneboy so God only knows whats become of her MAX. You called Lester? SUZANNA. Hell 10, did nor call Lester! It's scl eatly .. Think [ should fly down there and find out what happened. MAX. Did you call the hotel? SUZANNA. 1 don't know where they'te staying. MAX, So what the fuck are you gonna to do when you get there? SUZANNA. Just .. nd her. Key West can’t be that big. MAX. Uhh... It’s big enough, Why haven't you called Lester? SUZANNA. What kind of stupid fucking question js thar? You know why. MAX. Andeew, why won't she call Lester? SUZANNA. Max, fuck off. made my boundary very cleat ANDREW. You guys ... Becky doesn't know any of these people, so maybe we should stop BECKY. Oh, no ... Its OK. Family problems arc just .... God, 1 don even speak to my family. MAX. Really? Why is thar? BECKY. Umm... Ita pretty long story. MAX. You dont speak to them, or they don't speak to you? BECKY. [es basically mucual SUZANNA. Oh, dont look ar her like thar's so weird. I wish I could do it, So do you. MAX. Yeah, but we'd never actually do its theyre our parents. “The Warhol model? Her sis- 32 Andrew, call Lester ANDREW. Susie says we have the same boundaries because we're married MAX. (Gets out his phone.) Wow. I's a good thing showed up. have no boundaries at all, Becky. Did they tell you that? BECKY. No... MAX. (To Andveut) Did you try co talk some sense into her? ANDREW. 1 offered co drive her down MAX. And do what when you get cere? What che els wrong ANDREW. T didn’ know she dist know SUZANNA, Max, Key West is not that MAK. Contec fsa all sown with abou sine handed bei- and-breakfusts ANDREW. There’ probably only one hospital. MAX, Did you call this one hospital? (No answer.) OF course, you didn't. You're both idiors. SUZANNA. Max — MAX. (Dialing his phone.) Sic down, drink your wine. Its Lester! Lescer, my man, Max Garrett here. How the hell are you? (Passe) Tm vety well, How are you and Susan? (Pexse.) Well, that’s great co hear, So the reason T'm calling is that you are a lying sack of shit, What happened to Susan? (Panse.) Uh-huh. (Pause: ralls ees.) So she's OK? (Piwe.) Good. I — (Passe) Suzanna? Fuck Suzanna. ‘This is a conversation between men and J am ot a snitch. (Mouth way from receiver, Max shakes his bead, mouths “supid, rapid, se pid” as be walks into Andrew and Suzannas bedroom and closes the ‘door. Suzanna moves to follow him, Andrew cuts her off) ANDREW. Susie. Dont. Just let him get che whole story. SUZANNA._ I'm sorry, Becky This is completely rude ... I just don't know if it’s serious or not... BECKY. Its no problem! Is Max, like, elated to you? SUZANNA. Not exactly. My parents kind of adopted him. BECKY. Oh! His parents are dead? SUZANNA. Only his mom. His dad's just... useless BECKY. I don't really feel Tm making a good impression, ANDREW. You'e doing great. SUZANNA. Please Tim the one making a bad impression, IF you're trot at your best it’s only because Pm not at mine BECKY. So you agree I'm not at my best 33| I | SUZANNA. No! I'm just apologizing. For letting my problems dominate the room. See, my parents would never let that happen. ANDREW. Southern gentility SUZANNA. Its not that ... BECKY. Yeah, my mom’ from the South and she’s not gentle at all SUZANNA. Remember in Greek mythology’ ... The gods judge how well you treat the strangers who comie t0 your door «. ha called? ANDREW. The guest/host code? SUZANNA. Its got a Greek name, too «.. (A silence Becky wishes whe cova fil, but ... She refuses to be ratled. She's promised herself shel projet bright, light, and confident.) BECKY. I didn't read those myths, I don't think. Do a lot of strangers come to the door? SUZANNA. Yeah. They're always burning and pillaging each other. So everyone is homeless and hungry at some point. Do you wane some more wine, Becky? BECKY. A litle ... Thanks. (As Andrew powrs her wine.) Is there anything ¥ should do or not de, as far as Max ANDREW. Just be yourself SUZANNA. Inasmuch as you can, dontt show hin any weakness, ANDREW. No. Susie... That’ not helpfal BECKY. Do I seem weak... so far? SUZANNA. No, no, no. Ail 'm saying is... First date, Everybody's nervous, We all have a thing we fall back on when we're nervous Flirting or bragging or whatever. His thing is bullying, Just try not to give him an opening. MAX. (Reentering,) OK. | really dos't like to admit chat I'm wrong. But my God, he isa loser SUZANNA. See? MAX. ‘They were in the pool ac che hotel and your mom “forgot” her cane up in the room. SUZANNA. Because Lester makes her slfdescrctve, MAX. Oh, shu the fck up. IF chae’s what your psychology pro- gram is teaching you ... SUZANNA. She forgor her cane and she fet. {sic bad? MAX. No. She tripped. Her knees are bruised. The hotel overre: acted. She is not “self-destructive,” Suzanna — ANDREW. (To Becky) Susie's mom has MS. Multiple — 34 see MAX. Andrew, give the gir! some credit. She knows what MS is BECKY, I dorit know a lot know Jerzy Lewis does that telethon SUZANNA. That's muscular dyscrophy. BECKY. Oh, my God, I know that! I dont know why I said that SUZANNA. Refusing to use her cane is self-destructive. ANDREW. MS is multiple scletosis BECKY. I know chat. I just... Nerves. MAX. You're nervous? BECKY. A tile . SUZANNA. If my mots fine, what did you have co go in the other coom for? MAX. Because ... Sometimes in a crisis, you learn things about people that you didn’t know. SUZANNA. Whar did we learn? MAX. Lester's credit cards are all maxed out. He cant use them. SUZANNA. He's huge loser. Thats not a surprise MAX. Well, ic surprised your morher. She gave him money to pay off his credit cards and he spene it on something ese SUZANNA, What — drugs? MAX. No. Some kind of editing equipment. For his film. SUZANNA. You fucked up, Max MAX. No, I didn. Your mother called me, she wanted five thou- sand dollars sent co Lestecs credit card company. I said great, ine Then I sent che moncy to Lester. You see whae I did there? SUZANNA. Yes. You fucked vp. MAX. No, stupid! I protected you, You should be dawn on your knees thanking me — SUZANNA. Overlapping.) How is putting thousands of dollars in Lester’s hands protecting me? MAX. Anyone? Anyone? BECKY. (Afier a beat.) You set him up to fail. Surprised ees on Becky) \nstead of paying his creditors, you paid him. You tested him, knowing he would fail MAX. Very good. Becky? So now he has to beg your mother's for- giveness. That little movie he wants to make ... I just put that baby in turnaround. SUZANNA. You'e 2 genius. I'm so sorry. MAX. Oh, rest assured | will do whatever it takes to protect you. SUZANNA. I know. I shoulda'e doubr you. ANDREW. So, if Susans OK ... Maybe we can kinda start the 35night over « SUZANNA. Yes! Lees do that. Ler’ stare over MAX. Starting over. Great. So. Becky. Whar are you doing in Providence? Did you go ro Brown? BECKY. I actually did go to Brown... briefly. But I dropped out. MAX. So thae makes you ... smart, but lazy ANDREW. Max. BECKY. No, its OK. I gor into Brown because I lived in Rhode Island — ANDREW, That's so not true. You're super-smart; you were not a regional quota-fillr. MAX. So you're actually from here? Congratulations. On losing the accent BECKY, We moved here when I was eleven. 1 was born in North Carolina, actually. MAX. Well, my congratulations holds. That's a pretty fucking. awful accent, t00. BECKY. Right. Thanks. MAX. (To Suzanna, brightening.) Wait wait wait ... Tll that story SUZANNA. What story? MAX. The bubbla SUZANNA. Andrews heard ic ANDREW. Yeah ... Thave MAX. Becky hasn't. You gotta hear this ... (Ith a story Max and Suzanna find bilarious. lis a fun accent so imitate and they both love 12 good “Suzanna so dumb ...” story) SUZANNA. OK, so I work with a lot of kids ac the clinic. Pim a rad student in psychology. And we do these intake interviews MAX. Thate how worsen tll coi, Susie interviewing kid and the kid says . SUZANNA. Wheasdabubbla. And T'm like ... Y'm reading all these amazing cases where the therapist was like Sherlock Holmes cracking the code and saving the day — MAX. Mother of fucking God, get to the point. Wheasdabubbla. SUZANNA. So. I wrote it down to analyze lates, and then she yells, “WHEASDAFUCKINBUBBLA®!” And I hear a thud ... the sectetary's chair hitting the wall. I poke my head out the door and the secretary says MAX. Giwasomewoua SUZANNA. Water. Bubbla is bubbler, which is Rhode Islandese 36 for water fountain, BECKY. So did you give her some water? SUZANNA. Yes. 1 gave her some water and she threw it ar me. And then f starced to get it. MAX. Please don't tell me you drew some fancy conclusion from a kid throwing wacer. SUZANNA. It wasnt “Fane,” but BECKY. But it gave you this amazing clue. You could see that — MAX. Amazing clue? ANDREW. Jesus, Max. Let Becky tak, BECKY. Ic use seems like s2e gor angry because she wasn't being heard. She didnt ask for water; she asked you where the bubbler was. You werent listening to het. SUZANNA, Well — MAX. That is such horseshit. ANDREW. Ie not horseshit. The kids at that clinic have some pretty serious problems SUZANNA, I never said they dida, Andeew. ANDREW. Noc that che story init amusing out af context. I ger that. SUZANNA. We should drep it anyway. Max has a personal bias against psychotherapy. MAX. Ir can't be personal. ve never been in cherapy. SUZANNA. | know. Say thata litle louder in case Becky missed it MAX. Becky, I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THERAPY, BECKY. Ihave. MAX. And did i cure you of whatever ... problem brought you there? BECKY. Umm... Twenca few times for a few different issues. MAX. OK. So ... To recap, you dropped out of eollegs, you're not con speaking terms with your family, and you have no money. Sounds to me like the therapy didn’t work. ANDREW. Max BECKY. (Hirting?) How do you know? You didn't see me before I SUZANNA, Oooh... She told you. MAX. She definitely did ... tell me. Anything else you want 10 reveal here ... STDs, felony convictions BECKY. I just have ... mistakes, Family stuff Don't we all have that? Don't you? MAX. No, I've led a wholly unblemished and exemplary life. 1 37will, however, own up to being hungry. BECKY. (ls Max making an effort to connect?) Hungey? Yeah ... 1 feel that, 00. Do you know whar you're hungry for? MAX. Tonight, Pim thinking lasagna. Can we get out of here? SUZANNA. Don't kill me MAX. Oh, no. SUZANNA, I want to talk to my mom. MAX. Susan is fine! SUZANNA. [want to call and provoke her. Ifshe fights with me, then I'll know she’s OK. Give me a pass tonight. Andrew can go. ANDREW. You know what? The vibe I'm feeling is maybe you two go have dinner; Susie and J will veg out here. Is that too weird and awkward? BECKY. No, no. It's fine. [Fits OK with Max, I mean, MAX. We don't need you two to have fun. Puck you two. Were four of here. (Everyone rises. As coats are retrieved and put on...) SUZANNA. Have fan. Be safe ANDREW. You know where you're going? MAX. I have no idea, But my dace lives here, sight? She knows BECKY, Ido. I mean, I don't really eat out eves, but MAX. OF course you don’. (Off her mild recoil... he touches her) Kidding, Kidding, (To Sizanna,) Did you put any thought a all into this evening or is there a Zagats New England you ean throw at me con my way out? SUZANNA. I know. I'm sorty. Andrew, give him that Federal Hill map MAX, I don't need a map; I need a recommendation. ANDREW. No, this is a map with recommendations. It comes in your Brown orientation materials. That’ a really good idea. Why dont J show you ... (Andrew gestures for Max to follow him into che office, and he does, awhavardly. A moment’ silence between the women.) BECKY. So, what ... happened to her — the gitl? SUZANNA. The gicl? BECKY. The bubbla gic. SUZANNA. Oh! Right. Idonit know. I only saw her that one time. BECKY. Why? SUZANNA. think she was an eval. We do a lo of evaluations for the public school system. BECKY. Thar must be very hard. 38 SUZANNA. Which pare? Tes al hard, BECKY. Seeing each other only once. For me that would be very hrard. (A slighs, edd tension. Then Max and Andrew return...) ANDREW, Just have fin, you know MAX. Fun? Andrew here has given me a list of restaurants so exceptional that one must ... (Reading,) Book in advance for com -mencement and campus dance, SUZANNA, That just means they're expensive ANDREW. 1 circled the ones thar aren‘, like, weird and fussy, MAX. (To Becky) Andrew's incredibly nervous. Tell him youre ok. ae yrute going to have fun. (Becky smiles at this and turns to BECKY. I'm OK, And I'm going to have fun. (A beat before Max and Becky leave. The idea isto suggest (withous forecasting Seon 2 Jrozen moment after which these lives will change. Maybe light: go down last on Becky, standing at a bit ofa distance from the others She believes this night can still go well And we should, too.) End of Act One 39.ACT TWO Scene 1 Downtown Providence (outdoor). Two days later, Monday. Becky and Andrew have lef the office ta ger cofee or bot dogs. We begin with Becky alone onstage. BECKY, (Reheavring,) Something bad happened on my date with Max. (Andrew enters and hands Becky her drinkifood) ANOREMW. Here you go. So ... Susie is trying to play ir cool, nor call Max for forty-eight hours after your dare. Bur she’, ike, vwicch- ing co make the call ; BECKY, Andrew, something happened on my date with Max ANDREW. Yeah? BECKY, We were sobbed. We were robbed with a gunt ANDREW. Robbed? Where? BECKY. We went co The Decatur for a nightcap. Andrew, I feel so upd! ANDREW. Why? BECKY. Yd never been there! You said it was cool, 60 I said it was cool. Jesus! I hare myself ANDREW. Wait. A stranger robbed you, righ? Why would you hate yourself BECKY. We parked coo far avay, and it's a bad area... ANDREW. I's not bad : , BECKY. It’s bod, Andrew! A man care up to us with a gun and swe gave him our wallets, but neither of us had much cash, so Max said we should walk back 0 the cat ANDREW. Wait. Did the guy ask for more or did Max volunteer, “f'm rich, I have money in my cat”? BECKY. He ... volunteered. ANDREW. That's really seupid. 40 BECKY. There was a gun pointing at us! He was eying co keep us alive, ANDREW. I'm sorsy BECKY, The guy held the gun on me while Max went imo the ear ‘Andrew, | thought I was going to die! Max gave him two hun dred dollars and a camera. Then he left. ANDREW. He left, He didnt hurt you. Rape you ..- BECKY. No. Oh my God! Dont even say that! ANDREW. So you're OK? BECKY, No, I'm not OK. ANDREW. I just mean ... Thank God you weren's hurt BECKY. Dont tell me I'm not hurt! ANDREW. Of couse! Becky, what can I do? BECKY. Can you give me a hug? Would that be OK? ANDREW. Oh my God, yes. Here ... (It awkward with the drinklfood. Delay getting inta the hug lends & tension, a charge. He pats her back soothes ber.) Youre trembling BECKY. (Breaking the bug.) | feel like 2 leaf I'm alone ... There's not enough of me ... I just get blown around and tom up and I'm aping, but L cant make ir stop! Do you know wat | mean? ANDREW. 1... cant even imagine, (He iniciaer a second hug, hold: er a moment, then breaks it...) You should talk to someone. You have a therapist, right? BECKY. [ havent seen her in years. My parenas helped me pay for that and now ... Theyte not speaking to me and I'm uninsured and completely broke. ANDREW. Just ... Tell her you need a few sessions, but you cant pay tight away BECKY. A few sessions. That’ like eight hundred dollars. I can't afford a meatball sub at lunch. I'm eating peanut butter sandwiches every day. I'm sorry. { have made a mess of my life, Ies not your problem, (Paws) No one in my farily speaks to me, you know. ANDREW. I know. I don’ know why, but I'm sure they're the problem, ot you, BECKY. You don't know the whole story. We should go back to work. ANDREW. Let me call Susie and get the name of a clinic with a sliding scale. BECKY. No... ANDREW. 1¢’ no problem, 4BECKY. No, Andrew! I don't want ghetto therapy! ANDREW. (Afier a beat.) OK. What ... What can I do? BECKY. Max and I haven't spoken since that night. He's the only person who knows what I'm fecling and he wor't retura my calls. ANDREW. Maybe he losthiscell phone. He hasnt called Susie either. BECKY. It didnt happen to Susie! Ic happened to me. He should call me. ANDREW. He should, you're right, Susie can make that happen. BECKY. Tonight? I want ic ro happen tonight ANDREW. OK, conight. She'll make it happen conighe. Scene 2 That same evening (Monday). Mex and Suzanna in Mass Boston hotel room, Ia nicer hotel than the hotel in the first seene, Boutique-y. One more sar. SUZANNA. | just figured I should drive up hese, smooth things over face-to-face before they get any worse MAX. Your husband’ a dick. SUZANNA. He just asked you to call Becky. Why are you being so weird? MAX, I'm weird because I wor't call her? SUZANNA. Wel ... yes. This is all really weird, Max. 1 find out secondhand from Andrew that you were held up at gunpoint. Why didnt you call me? MAX. Are you the police? Are you in a position to get my camera back? SUZANNA. You need suppore. Look, I know from my work that men can experience shame when they're victimized MAX. Oh, no . SUZANNA. Don't cut me off. Both times your father got arrested, T begged you — MAX. My father’s nor in trouble anymore . SUZANNA, Well, that’s... good. But ... God, Max, Why don't you call me when you'te hurting? 42 MAX. ‘This isnt hurr, it's frustration SUZANNA. Fine! Talk to me about it. We're friends. MAX. My frusteation is with you SUZANNA. Wich me? MAX. Yes, My father is a white-collar criminal, He isan uncepentant. repeat offendet. Between my father stealing and your father’s squan- dering, its amazing that I have any time or any money for myselé When you force me to tak about things that make me unhappy, you pollute my leisure time. You become part of the fucking problem: SUZANNA, (Not what she expected.) OK, I respect that, MAX. ll buy you a steak and a soufflé if you drop the subject. SUZANNA. Great, Buc first will you please call Becky? MAX. No! SUZANNA. Its one phone call. Why — MAX, Why? Because that’s my choice. Ie like you marrying Andrew, Priends don’ have to agree with each other's choices, but they do have to eespect them, SUZANNA. (Afier a beat.) OK, lets just do this. You'te angey at sme for marrying Andrew and I don't understand why. MAX, I'm not angry. | just think you should have consulted me before you flew ro Vegas and mattied your ski buy SUZANNA. Wow, You really are angry Is it because... Ise because ‘we slept together that one time? MAX, (After a beat.) Well. SUZANNA. I knew itt You cant say sex won't change anything, It always does. MAX. Nor always. When you've known the person ewenty-five years, it. Yes. SUZANNA. You told me ic wouldn't change anything! MAX. Sex makes men territorial. Forget it. It’ not rational. SUZANNA. Ler’ call it what it is, OK? We opened the door, After rwo decades, we opened the door and neither of us walked through is. MAX. Well. T curned around, you had a husband in the fucking doorway SUZANNA. That was months later! You started dating Christa before [ — MAX. A month after we ... Were you waiting for me to walk through the door? This isnt Jane Austen's England, Susie. You could've walked through it, ro. 43SUZANNA, Right. We both could have done it and neither of us did. So I think ... There's our answer MAX, OK. SUZANNA. There's our answer. We love each other, but not in the way Andrew and | — MAX. Fuck Andrew. He is way out of line calling me at work — SUZANNA, You'te angry because Andrew — MAX. I'm angry that you two morons put me in this position! SUZANNA. Max, we didn't rob you. MAX. Oh, fuck che robbery. Its 2 nonevent and I'm over it. SUZANNA. Well, Becky isnt over ie. MAX. Cleatly. Shes been calling me all weekend, SUZANNA. She had a gun poinced at her. Its traumatic. MAX, For hes, maybe. Not for me. SUZANNA. Max, that's insane. MAX. No. My reaction is not insane. In life .. Pm gonna do this visually because [know you can't do math. (Tndicasing.) This wall is your perfect life. You and everyone you know living happy lives Luntil you die of old age in each others’ arms. SUZANNA. No one has that life MAX. Shur up, I'm still taking. That wall over there is as bad as ic gees. Whac is that wall for you? SUZANNA. You know what it is, Max. The underground sex- toreure dungeon. MAX. Considee chse eo walls... and dhe poins in beeween — chair, table, lamp, phone — being all variety of life shit in beoween torture in a dungeon and happy all the time. Where on this trajec- tory would you place a three-minute hold-up in which no one gor hure? SUZANNA. Max, thae’s not fair, MAX. Is fai. You and Ihave been chrough hell with our parents. Cancer, MS, jail, death... What happened to Becky and me... Tt doesnt even rank. SUZANNA. Say, for the sake of argument, you'e right, Whar does it cost you to talk to her? MAX. I don't want 0. And I dont have to SUZANNA. OK, forget responsibility. How about kindness? MAX. Why me? Where are her fucking friends? SUZANNA. She wants to talk to you because you were there. MAX. Well, chat I don't believe. 44 SUZANNA. What do you think the reason is? MAX. She wants @ relationship wich me SUZANNA. Really? After one date? MAX. Look at her life, look ar the dress she wore thar night. You fixed me up with a desperate woman, SUZANNA. She's desperate because she wore a dress? MAX. She's a thicty-five-year-old office temp with no money, no friends, no relationship, no family ... How che fuck could you set sme up with that? SUZANNA. Wait. You think I set you up with someone who isnt good enough for you? MAX. I dont think that. That is a fact. SUZANNA. Max, she's good looking ... MAX. She’ a sad person, Suzanna. SUZANNA, So? I've been sad. Did it make me undesirable or — MAX. Romantic icaionships are che pairing of equals! That woman is nor my equal! SUZANNA. Please call het, Max MAX. What the fuck do you care? You mer this girl once SUZANNA. T'll give you the scripe. Tell her that this experience — the hold-up — has shown you that youte not emotionally available enough to be in a relationship. Let her tlle about her experience. Wish her well ... Its over, MAX. None of that is true. SUZANNA. No, but its merciful. Sometimes lying is the most humane thing you can do. MAX. (Afier a beat.) Tl think about ic Scene 3 Andrew and Becky in Beckys apartment the fallowing nig — Tuesday, Ararew has brought beer and a fos eee BECKY. I'm so sorry. | heard this weied noise and since the hold- up, Fim just... Cndicaes jittery) ANDREW. Ie totally OK, 45BECKY. Bur co make you come cunning over here ... Suzanna must hate me. ANDREW. No. It’s good [ got out of the house, She’ ..~studying BECKY. Please thank her for speaking, with Max on my behalf. ANDREW. Not that it helped. BECKY. What did he say — actly? ANDREW, A lot of bullshit that has nothing to do with you. BECKY. Really? Ifhe thinks Vm a loser, Lean take it. Is the silence that’ so awful ANDREW, [es ox that. BECKY. So what is i? ANDREW. J think he just can‘e deal with what happened. He's ‘emotionally a very ... stunted man. BECKY, Then why did you set me up with him? (Awkward beat.) ANDREW. I'd mec him twice before thar night. | crusted Susie .. BECKY. Max wasnt at your wedding? ANDREW. No ... We got married kind of fast In Las Vegas. KY, Why $0 fase? ANDREW. Jk was just a really incense time. BECKY. How was it intense? ANDREW. Susie’ life was just ... It was seriously, the most epic, Faulknerian chaos P've ever encouncered ouside & fictional paradigm. (Pause,) Did T just sound like a total took BECKY, No, I understand. ANDREW, Susie's dad had just died, We met on a ski trip and she ‘was so sad. She wore this red parka, you know, and she looked so ‘small against these huge, white mountains, 1 would Jook at her and, think ... Tshouldn' tell you, its weird BECKY. Tell me, ANDREW. I would look at her and think .. She's the snow. Her sadness is wrong, and { want 10 6 it BECKY. { dont think that’s weird. You were falling in love. ANDREW. Sure fel ike it. [x makes more sense if you knew her then, She was really different. Mote ... delicate. BECKY. Suzanna? That's hard to innagine ANDREW. Ob, [ know. Shes so much healthier now. BECKY. She's lucky she found you. ANDREW. (Afiera beat,) Look, I want to apologize. Susie is blind to Mas’ flaws, bur! — BECKY. He takes such good care of her. like blood on 46 ANDREW. Well... Theyte family. And on paper, Max looks great. He rich, charismatic, looking to settle down — BECKY. Hes looking to senle down? Me said hac ANDREW. He told Susie, you know, “I'm thirty-six; 'm ready co au. (Thinking better) "To, I guess be open...” BECKY, Wow. I kind of wish you hadn't rold me that ANDREW. Saying iis one thing, He's never gonna da it, BECKY. Wait. You fixed me up wich someone you think is never going to settle down? ANDREW. No, no, 0 — BECKY, He said he wants co settle down and he meant it, right? You'se just crying to save my feelings now by lying — ANDREW. I'm not lying. | just found out. (Pawse.) Look. Susie wasrit studying when you called. We were fighting because Susie sid chat Max is... a shore-timee, BECKY. What is a “short-timer"? ANDREW. es a Vietnam War term. It means guys who go into combat for shore stints and dont stay. Max, apparently, only dates women fox like, three months, BECKY. Oh, ANDREW. I did know thar until ronight, Susie sid it and I just flipped — BECKY. She should have told you. ANDREW. I know. And I wasnt gonna sll you, but thea you got so upset about the ... Max setding down thing . BECKY. (Covers her ees, tears up.) Vn sorry. (Crefgnpt,) Oh, my God, Andrew. Ie hurts! ANDREW. You know what (Teer hon i) 78 oe wha BECKY, I had a gun pointed at me! ANDREW. So i’ che gun BECKY. He was black. And that hurts ane! Because t was hurt very badly... twice. Ids why I don't talk ro my parents ANDREW. A black man ... hurt you? It’ OK. I's OK. Tell me how he hure you. BECKY. When 1 was a freshman at Brown, I met a boy who really liked me, He was black... And my pareats said, you know, it him or ie us. Choose. ANDREW. Are you serious? BECKY. And { couldn't face losing my family, So | ended ic wich, 47Stefan and I learned after [let him go, that he had eruly loved me and my family didnt. | cried to go backwards. Bur he wouldn't Thad kind of a breakdown. I had a scholarship and I lost it ANDREW. Shit. I'm sorry. BECKY. Then ... Last year, was working at @ law firm and J became involved with one of the lawyers who was — is — black, I told him that if I committed to him, I would lose my family, 0 he had to be very sure he wanted me « ANDREW, He wasnt sure BECKY. No, he was. Tcur ties with my family. I moved inco his house. He has house ... on the water, in Cranston. I was so happy! ‘Then he changed his mind. ANDREW. Oh, shit. BECKY. I've been having chese cerrible racist feelings since the hold-up. I've been thinking that black men have ruined my life and To Tank say it ANDREW. Say it, Say anything, T cold you my blood-on-the- snow thing. Come on BECKY, Walking co the bus, I get pictures in my mind of black men ... being tortured ... Ged, I fucking hate mysel®) ANDREW. Becky, you had a trauma, You're allowed to feel some crazy shit for a while. And you‘te noc gonna act on these thoughts, right? You're small, but you'te intense BECKY, Dont say I'm intense! Jason said that when he left me. ANDREW, Its nora bad thing BECKY. Yes, itis. Men don't wane intense women, ANDREW. Uh ... Yeah, we do. BECKY. You think you do, but you don'. Jason left me. You're fighting with Suranna ANDREW. We'll get pastit. Look. Intensity isa good thing, It means you can love. It’s just a matter of, you know, how you channel it BECKY. I can see where Suzanna might lash out and that would be so much healthier ANDREW. Healthier for hes, maybe. BECKY. Sometimes the fantasy isnt enough and I think about cutting myself with a knife. ANDREW. (Ralling.) Then we need to go to the hospical. Tonight. BECKY. { don't have insurance. ANDREW. I don't care. If you want to hurt yourself I have co protect you. 48 brows BECKY. 1 feel that, | fee safe with you. les wonderful To feel safe (This is seartng to feel a little... intimate ) ANDREW. Do you have any girlfriends? Maybe you could call BECKY. 7 fost them when I moved in with Jason, ANDREW. Wow. Your friends were all racists? BECKY. They werent racist a all, actually. Ie’ just... Jason made me happy and happiness made me mean. To women. Not to Jason. ANDREW. What did you do? BECKY. Dumped thei. You know the all-female table in the bar? ‘Women drinking fucking Midori sours pretending to like cach ‘other while they sean for men. ANDREW. God, I can't stand women like chat BECKY. Bur I am women like that! { got a boyftiend and 1 dumped all my friends! (Surveying the room.) Maybe this is my punishment, you know? ANDREW. The hold-up? BECKY. No. This. Back co the studio apartment and the secretary table at happy hour, (Affe @ beat.) not for the hold-up, Andsew +. Lthink Max and I... I think it could have worked. ANDREW. No — BECKY. You're an honest person. When you cold me Max was

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