Your talents

Your weaknesses
Your interests
The things you hate to do
The values that you will not compromise
The preferences that you are willing to bend on
What you want out of life and marriage

Question #1: Do I know his shortcomings and flaws, and am I willing to live with
them—even if they never change?

We all have flaws. But are your boyfriend’s flaws ones that you can live with?

A wise friend once told me, “Don’t marry someone for his potential; marry him for
who he already is because you don’t have any guarantees that he’ll reach his
potential.”

Sometimes people get married thinking, Oh, I can fix his bad habits. The truth is
we can’t fix anyone; only God can, and He does that in His own time—and as the
other person allows God free reign. So ask yourself if your boyfriend’s flaws are
ones you can live with—even if he never changes.

Question #2: Do we communicate honestly and openly on a lot of topics?

You want to make sure the person you’re dating is someone with whom you are fully
honest. Have you worked through disagreements together? Or do you always agree with
your boyfriend in the hope that he will like you more? Are you fully yourself
around him? I’ve found that if a couple is never disagreeing, one person is
probably not being honest about their thoughts and feelings. Disagreements are an
important part of getting to know each other, and learning how the other person
handles conflict.

Question #3: How does he respond to correction from others?

How we handle correction says a lot about our character—and whether we react out of
pride or humility. In marriage, it’s important to be able to admit when you’ve done
something wrong, and listen when your spouse shares constructive feedback with you.

When someone gives your boyfriend constructive feedback or criticism—especially if

What about when you’re the one receiving correction?

Question #4: How does he treat others—especially those who are hard to love?

It’s easy to treat your significant other wonderfully, but it can become harder
once you’re married and live together every day. So look at how your boyfriend
treats the people in his life—his parents, siblings and especially the people he
finds annoying or difficult to love. That will speak a lot to his character and to
how he may treat his wife one day. Then ask the same question about yourself.
Question #5: What expectations do we have for marriage and for each other?

This is a hard question, because you don’t always realize what expectations you
have until they go unmet. But think about questions like these:

Do we want kids? This often presents a big issue for couples who don’t talk about
it before marriage.
What roles do we expect each spouse to fill? Some people have very clearly defined
roles in mind, and it’s important to talk about those—and to realize the other
person won’t always fill the roles you expect them to.
Talking with a wise, older couple can be extremely helpful to pinpoint and discuss
your expectations.

Question #6: Is there anything we think marriage will fix in our lives?

It’s easy to think marriage will fix things like loneliness, struggles with
pornography or constant fighting in a dating relationship. In reality, marriage
doesn’t magically fix anything. Instead, it brings heart issues to light. You will
still feel lonely. You will still face lustful thoughts. You will still have
disagreements. All those things are issues that come from our hearts, and no
circumstance can change them. We have to work through them with God, whether we’re
married or single.

Question #7: What do our friends and family think?

This is probably the most important question to ask. My dad likes to say that what
other people think about your boyfriend’s character is more important than what he
thinks of himself. I would agree. What do unbiased parties think of your boyfriend?

Just as important is what your friends and family think of your relationship. Do
they think you work well together as a couple? My husband says that when you’re the
one in a bad relationship, you’re also the last one to know. Friends and family can
see things about the relationship that we gloss over, and can offer wise advice.
Down the road, you’ll be so thankful for their advice.