Message 8.B lacks essential information.
Although you want to be concise in
business communications, you also should put all-important information into the
message. When you revise 8.B, ask yourself want facts a retail store needs in
order to process a refund request. As in all effective communication, pertinent
dates, times, specifics about products are necessary. And be clear about what is
being requested. Put this into letter format.
MEMO Format
Date: XXXXX
To: XXX
From: XXX
Subject: XXXXXXXX
Note the spacing between the lines and the use of an internal margin.
Message 8.B Requesting an Adjustment
At a local business-supply store, I recently purchased your Negotiator Pro for my
computer. I bought the CD because I saw your ad for it in Macworld magazine, and it
looked as if it might be an effective tool for use in my corporate seminar on
negotiation.
Unfortunately, when I inserted it in my office computer, it wouldn’t work. I returned
it to the store, but because I had already opened it, they refused to exchange it for a
CD that would work or give me a refund. They told me to contact you and that you
might be able to send me a version that would work with my computer.
You can send the information to me at the letterhead address. If you cannot send me
the correct disc, please refund my $79.95.Thanks in advance for any help you can
give me in this matter.
Case study #7 also requests an adjustment. Again, include all necessary
information. Be objective and factual in tone; avoid any emotional language. Be
sure the company knows exactly what you wish them to do. And put it into
memo format.
7. Message Strategies: Requesting an Adjustment
Love at first listen is the only way to describe the way you felt when you discovered
SongThrong.com. You enjoy dozens of styles of music, from Afrobeat and Tropicalia
to mainstream pop and the occasional blast of industrial metal, and Songthrong.com
has them all for only $9.99 a month. You can explore every genre imaginable,
listening to as many tracks as you like for a fixed monthly fee. The service sounded
too good to be true—and sadly, it was. The service was so unreliable that you began
keeping note of when it was unavailable. Last month, it was down for all or part of 12
days—well over a third of the month. As much as you like it, you’ve had enough.
Your task: Write an email to
[email protected], re- questing a full refund. To
get the $9.99 monthly rate, you prepaid for an entire year ($119.88), and you’ve been
a subscriber for two months now. You know the service has been out for at least part
of the time on 12 separate days last month, and while you didn’t track outages during
the first month, you believe it was about the same number of days.
