TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE

‘To My Nine-Year-Old Self’ The personal link of “my” and “self” helps to communicate with a reader that
this is a personal poem, likely to look back on and reflect on previous experiences that the narrator has
had; even to the extent of wanting to send a message to themselves as a child with new thoughts and
feelings that have developed in the years since. It also indicates that the poem may be presented as
dialogue or a conversation between one person, which aids the tone of self-reflection and
consideration. While to some readers this may be an overused idea, having only the narrator speak from
the present helps to develop a nostalgic tone, but some readers could also see this as looking back on
the past with ‘rose tinted glasses’ and making it out to be more positive than it actually was at the time.
Poem Structure
The rhythm of the poem is almost immediately broken in the beginning, with a caesura after “forgive
me”. This helps to create a reflective tone, perhaps hinting to a reader that the subject matter will have
negative elements or that some kind of betrayal has taken place. The frequency of commas, and
therefore breaks in the rhythm throughout the poem, also helps to add layers of emotion, with readers
likely to interpret these pauses as moments of reflection and contemplation. Another notable use of
punctuation is the question at the end of stanza two. This is the only question mark in the poem, helping
to place emphasis on the extent of differences between the narrator as a child and in the present.
There is also a transition in the poem in terms of how changes between stanzas occur. Initially there are
complete end-stopped lines with full stops and question marks, however as the poem continues this
changes to commas and hyphens. These punctuation devices enable a more constant flow of speech
with less separation, which helps a reader to understand the narrator’s growing emotion and lack of
clarity in this ‘letter’ as they become more consumed by memories and nostalgia. As such, a reader may
in turn reflect on how they have become more distant from their own childhood thoughts and
experiences as they have grown up and had more life experiences.
Some poems from the Poems of the Decade collection have a very consistent line length, such as ‘From
the Journal of a Disappointed Man’ and ‘Eat Me’ however it is clear that this is not the case when
looking at ‘To My Nine-Year-Old Self’ with frequent changes in line length. This is particularly noticeable
between the first stanza in comparison to “long buried in housing” in the second to last. The differing
lengths of the lines can be interpreted as the growing and changing of stories and memories that the
narrator has, which would likely feel more ‘natural’ to a reader than a very controlled and refined
structure. This also encourages the viewpoint that this is a personal and thoughtful piece of writing,
rather than something that has been meticulously crafted for another reader.
Poetic Techniques
The frequent use of pronouns helps to ensure that there is a very personal tone throughout the poem,
with the frequent mix of “I” “we” and “you” giving the impression that the narrator is increasingly being
caught up in the past, and is now mixing these experiences as if they are occurring simultaneously for
both themselves now and when they were younger. Some readers may find this very emotive because it
provides a clear demonstration of the very strong nostalgia for the innocence and freedom of childhood,
although others may find that it helps to emphasise the distance in time between the two, even if there
is not as much difference on a personal individual level.
Imagery is a key technique through which much of the meaning of the poem is able to be
communicated. This includes the repeated imagery of summertime, evoking happy memories in many
readers due to freedom from school and responsibility, and greater opportunity for fun and recreation.
It also connects to positive connotations of happiness, life and energy, which suggests that the narrator
feels they now lack these qualities in their adult life. However, there is the contrasting imagery of
TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE
“scars” which links to the idea of ever lasting impressions of events and memories, but with a
surprisingly negative tone which helps to make it more memorable to a reader.
Important Lines
“You must forgive me.”
The imperative of “must” causes this sentence to be a relatively forceful opening to the poem. It also
makes a reader apprehensive for what should be forgiven, particularly with the direct address of “you”
as the opening word. In addition, it helps to introduce the idea of dialogue within the poem, with “you”
and “me” being introduced.
“I have spoiled this body we once shared.”
Blame is clearly placed on the narrator, particularly with the additional stress on “I” due to it opening
the second stanza. The use of “spoiled” is quite significant because it simultaneously shows the
impacts them that are present today and that it was once ‘better’, potentially with greater innocence
and happiness.
“I shan’t cloud your morning”
The idea of “cloud” contrasts to the previously discussed summer imagery which is present throughout
the poem, indicating that a continued presence from the narrator will undermine the happiness of these
childhood memories. In addition, the homophone between “morning” and “mourning” can be seen as
showing the nostalgia felt by the narrator for their childhood.
‘To My Nine-Year-Old Self’ Key Themes
Childhood: The poem clearly links to this theme, with the entire poem built around childhood
experiences and the nostalgia that the narrator feels for their childhood. There is also persistent
childhood imagery and an accompanying semantic field to reinforce this idea.

Past and Present: Transitions between past experiences and present realities are explored in
this poem, although the domination of the childhood theme means that some of these
interpretations and ideas may be overlooked.

‘To My Nine-Year-Old Self’ by Helen Dunmore is a six stanza poem that is separated into uneven
sets of lines. The number of lines builds from the start, with the first stanza composed of five,
the second: six and the third: seven. At this point the line numbers decrease with stanza four
containing six lines, stanza five: five and the final stanza with three lines.
The narrative perspective utilized by Dunmore in this piece alternates between first and second
person. It is made more interesting by the fact that she’s speaking to her younger self. Each
stanza takes the reader through memories of the past and how Dunmore sees them, now an
adult. The constant between youth and adulthood is inescapable. You can read the full
poem here.
 

Summary of To My Nine-Year-Old Self

‘To My Nine-Year-Old Self’ by Helen Dunmore is directed at the poet’s younger self and is an
attempt to reconcile how she has changed.
TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE
The poem begins with the speaker telling her younger self that she needs to apologize. If the
child will only sit still she can tell her why, and explain how life has changed since they were
unified.

In the next lines the speaker seems to get sucked in by her memories the past and how much
joy she got from the simplest things. One of the main focuses in the text is the body. She recalls
her previous disregard for her own safety and contrasts it with the total concern she holds now.

The speaker knows very well her younger self does not want to hear an old person talk.
Therefore she releases the memories of the child she used to be back into the world where she
can run and swim.

Analysis of To My Nine-Year-Old Self

Stanza One
In the first stanza of this piece the speaker begins with a short statement meant to catch the
reader’s attention. She asks her listener, who is her “nine-year-old self” to forgive her. The
explanation is drawn out over the following stanzas but one will quickly come to their own
assumptions about what has changed in the intervening years.
As stated above, the narrative perspective alternates between first and second person. It is
complicated by the fact that the speaker is addressing herself at a younger age. She envisions
her nine-year-old self and the physical reactions she would have to her older self’s words. It is
as if she is truly speaking to another person.
Dunmore tells her younger self not to be surprised that there is an apology coming. She also
asks the child to calm down and allow her older self to say everything she needs to say. The
speaker knows how she was as a child and expects that she would want to “be gone” as quickly
as possible. At this point in her young life she would,

[…] rather run than walk, rather climb than run

Nothing can happen fast enough, nor is there anything she appears to be afraid of. As most
children are, the poet was high energy and not a child easily calmed.

To My Nine-Year-Old Self  by Helen Dunmore begins with a direct linking of the two versions of
Dunmore. The establishing of connection through the linking of pronouns ‘you’ and ‘me’ within
an enclosed statement sets the parameters for the poem. This is the older Dunmore speaking
directly to the younger, with the communication being one way.
The characterisation of the younger Dunmore then begins. The speed at which she moves from
event to event, flitting from decision to decision is emblematic of the excitement of youth.
Enjambment within the stanza furthers this erratic energy. To My Nine-Year-Old Self flows
quickly and without hesitation, much like the energetic youth.
Alongside the flitting between activities, the emotions of young Dunmore are also presented as
volatile. She changes from ‘surprised’ to ‘perplexed’ and then to eagerness within the length of
a line. The characterisation of Dunmore within this first stanza begins to shape the youthful
TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE
excitement of the character. The tone is palpable, the sense of adventure and youthful curiosity
being paramount here.

Stanza Two
The second stanza looks back at the past and the way she “spoiled this body” that they two
“once shared.” This statement is interesting. It suggests that the poet’s current personality split
off from that she occupied when she was a child. The two were together for a time, perhaps as
responsible and wild selves, and then separated.

Nowadays, she is careful about injuring herself and messing up her back or bruising a foot. In
the past though she used to jump out of the “ground floor window” and immediately run into
the morning. It is clear she is looking back on these times with nostalgia. The structure of her
life no longer makes possible this kind of freedom.

Yet, within stanza 2, the differences between young and old are outlined. There is a sense of
grief from older Dunmore, knowing that she has changed as she has aged. The almost bitter
reticence of ‘I have spoiled’ compounds her distain for her current self. She has lost the
childhood sense of adventure and excitement.
Whereas the young Dunmore is presented as with the explosive verb ‘jump’, the old is
seemingly plagued with illnesses. She focuses on the semantics of injury: ‘spoiled’, ‘scars’, ‘bad
back’, ‘bruised foot’ all presenting a weakened version of the poet. This stalk difference
between the two characters is driven through these contrasting descriptions.

Dunmore’s idolisation of childhood is elevated through the use of pathetic fallacy in ‘summer
morning’. Firstly, ‘morning’ relates to a beginning, perhaps a reflection of how the childhood
Dunmore is only just beginning her life. The sense of promise a new day brings is further
emblematic of this idea. Moreover, the use of ‘summer’ represents the joy of childhood, with
the association of the sun being representative of the excitement young Dunmore is
experiencing.

Stanza Three
In the third stanza the speaker refers to “That dream we had.” To her younger self it is “fresh in
[her] mind.” The line seems to refer to an actual dream but can be taken to mean something
more important—the dreams of childhood. As a child, she cared about the everyday magic of
life. Her dreams were important enough to write down and not important enough to value
over,
A baby vole, or a bag of sherbet lemons —
Childhood pleasures were boundless and the only structure came from what she could dream
up at the time. She accomplished various goals such as making a “wasp trap” and “a den by the
cesspit.”
TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE
The excitement of youth is explored further within this stanza. The fresh possibility of childhood
is represented through the ‘white paper’, with all the space symbolising the endless options.
Moreover, the use of ‘white’ not only suggests blankness, but also a sense of childhood purity.
This becomes further contrasted with the later presentation of Dunmore as a ‘cloud[ing]’
morning’, contrasting the faded and grey later Dunmore with the youthful ‘white’ Dunmore.
The concept of a blank page is further important considering the personal context of To My
Nine-Year-Old Self. Indeed, written by Dunmore about her childhood self, the dramatic irony is
that we know Dunmore grows up to be a successful poet. The ‘white page’ is an image filled
with meaning.
The rapid changes between ideas, and sense of easy distraction present the quick and
unstrained nature of childhood. The flitting within the last two lines of this stanza lead to an
erratic energy to flourish. The structure reflects this energy, with caesura, endstop and hyphen
punctuating the stanza with continual breaks. The truncated structure reflects the mind of the
child, always stopping and branching to new ideas and ventures. The sense of adventure, with
there always being something to do, is palpable for young Dunmore. The older Dunmore looks
back sadly at her childhood, mourning the passing.

Stanza Four
At this point the poem starts to decrease in stanza lengths. The wonder over the past is less the
focus now than what has changed since. She begins this stanza by telling her younger self that
ideally, she would like to “be friends” but knows this isn’t possible. So much time has passed
that they have,

[…] nothing in common

Beyond a few shared years.
As if defeated by her own realization, the speaker tells her younger self that she won’t keep her
or waste any more of her time. The poet frees her to go back to what she really wants to be
doing—hiding, running, picking berries and playing games.
It is within the fourth stanza where Dunmore presents the unbridgeable divide between the
two selves. Until now the poet has been frequently using the pronoun ‘we’ to connect the two
identities. Although indeed connective, the poem is only in one direction, the younger self does
not reply. This splintering of identity comes to fruition here, with the employment of the
condition ‘I’d’ showing the difference. Although she wishes things could be one way, Dunmore
knows they are different people. The conditional tense highness this sense of sorrow here, with
the desire falling away blindly.

This stanza is bitter, Dunmore acknowledges the truth of the matter here. They ‘have nothing in
common’, she dissociates from the happy child, retracting into herself. The shift in pronouns
illustrates the change . ‘We’ splits into ‘I’ and ‘you’, this is a poem of two pieces that no longer
fit together.
TO MY NINE-YEAR-OLD SELF- HELEN DUNMORE
The shortest line is shocking after the revelation of her giving up on the connection between
her two identities. Following ‘then’, the blankness is a moment of silence within the poem. It’s
almost as if Dunmore takes a moment to mourn everything she has lost before turning to go.

Stanza Five
 

The young poet might also go and “swing” from the tree and jump into the water. She will go
back to experiencing the joy of living while the speaker goes back to her “fears.” There is a dark
element to the poet’s present life that the child could never understand. If she attempted to
explain it, it would only “cloud” the child’s life and there is no reason to do that.

To My Nine-Year-Old Self returns again to explore the sense of childhood adventure. Yet, within
this image there is now a sense of division. The ‘tree’ where Dunmore played has been ‘long
buried in housing’. There is not only a sense of mental division, but now physical distance
between the two identities. Dunmore can’t even recreate her moments of happiness, this
childhood chapter of bliss is over.
Dunmore is presented as a ‘cloud’ which greys that ‘summer morning’, she is self-presenting as
a burden. Her unhappiness is clouding her own memories of her childhood. The happiness she
once felt now fading as she realises the impossibility of return.

Stanza Six
 

The poem concludes wth a poignant deception of a child’s concentration. Her greatest task of
the moment is, “peeling a ripe scab” from her leg and tasting it. This short concluding sentence
is meant to stand in contrast to the speaker’s and the reader’s own lives. It is also, along with
many of the other images, almost universally relatable. A number of readers will hear these
memories and find themselves recalling their own.

The final stanza returns to echo the first with a direct addressing of the childhood version. ‘I
leave you’, the final statement of division, the retraction from childhood happiness into her
present gloom.
Already the child has began to lose a sense of her own childhood. The semantics of injury which
characterise the older Dunmore in stanza 2 permeate through in this stanza. The ‘ripe scab’ is
the first injury, representing the first moment childhood begins to fade. The use of ‘slowly’
doubly suggests the childhood curiosity and the adulthood’s warning. The scar presents
something new and exciting and to explore. Yet, for the older Dunmore it is a glimpse of what is
to come. Dunmore prays that her younger self takes everything ‘slowly’, savouring the
numbered moments of a happy childhood.

The poem is one of connection and division, with Dunmore mourning the impossibility of
returning to her happy childhood.