Saxophone Humor 03/17/2007 10:08 AM

saxophone basics saxophone education saxophone techniques saxophone resources

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saxophone tone saxophone lesson/masterclass circular breathing saxophone repair/reeds
saxophone articulation beginner saxophone saxophone multiphonics saxophone literature, recording
saxophone vibrato counting, sightreading saxophone quartertones jazz saxophone
saxophone technique saxophone performing saxophone slap tongue saxophone history
saxophone tuning Joe Murphy, saxophone improvising, transposing saxophone humor

saxophone humor
And I thought I had problems…

When he was 2 years old, he fell out of a second story window and fractured his skull

When he was 6 years old, he mistakenly drank boric acid.

When he was 9 years old, he fell over a small cliff and broke his leg.

When he was 11 years old, he contracted measles and was in a coma for nine days.

When he was 14 years old, he broke his arm when he caught it in a carriage door.

When he was 19 years old, he was struck on the head by a falling brick.

When he was 23 years old, he almost died from the effects of tainted wine.
When he was 29 years old, Adolph Sax invented the saxophone.

What does Kenny G say when he gets on an elevator?

"Wow! This rocks!"

What is the difference between Kenny G and a machine gun?

The machine gun repeats only 10 times per second.

What is the difference between Kenny G and M. Ravel's Bolero? What is the difference between Kenny G and M. Ravel's Bolero? What is the difference between Kenny
G and M. Ravel's Bolero? What is the difference between Kenny G and M. Ravel's Bolero?

You are in a room with Saddam Hussein, Adolf Hitler, and Kenny G. You have a gun but only two cartridges. What do you do?
Shoot Kenny G twice...just to make sure.

Why did the lead alto player play so many wrong notes?
Because he kept ignoring the key signature-- he thought it was a suggestion for ad lib.

Why didn't the great jazz sax players like playing soprano?
There wasn't any place to hide their drugs.

If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.

What are the differences between a lawn mower and a tenor sax?
1. Lawn mowers sound better in small ensembles. 2. You can tune a lawn mower. 3. The neighbors are upset if you borrow a lawn mower and don't return it. 4. The grip.

How many C melody sax players can you fit into a phone booth?
All of them.

What's the difference between a bari sax and a chain saw?

1. Vibrato. 2. The exhaust.

What's the difference between the creationist theory of the origin of life and a tenor sax?
The theory doesn't have as many leaks.

The band was playing and the saxophone player stood up and started ad libbing. The director stopped and asked, "What the heck are you doing? Your part is 'tacet!'"
"Tacet?" the saxophonists answered. "I thought it said take it, so I stood up and took it."

How many alto sax players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would have done it.

Small wonder we have so much trouble with air pollution in the world when so much of it has passed through saxophones.

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Saxophone Humor 03/17/2007 10:09 AM

Instruments of mass destruction?

SOPRANO SAXOPHONE. (Kenny G., enough said.)

ALTO SAXOPHONE. Originally invented by Adolph Sax as the result of an
evening of much cheap wine and a dare by a drunken horn player, he produced an
instrument that is neither brass nor woodwind. The only intended victim of
this vile weapon is the concert band French horn player. Nothing is worse than
hearing a great brass lick only to be obscured by the overly reedy tone and
wobbly vibrato of some half-crazed alto sax doubling the horns and
overplaying them. Composers and arrangers are to blame as much as the alto players.
Older players unable to temper their 1940s swing band vibrato are also a danger.
The only countermeasure is to question their manhood by daring the player to
play Charlie Parker's Donna Lee at 230 beats-per-minute. That should shut em up!
TENOR SAXOPHONE. (See Alto Saxophone.) Countermeasure: throw down the
gauntlet with a dare to render John Coltrane's Giant Steps.
BARITONE SAXOPHONE. A tenor or alto wannabe, this instrument is flaccid and
harmless, unless played in the style of Stephen Doc Kupka (Tower of Power).
His sporadic well-placed grunting and punctuated style, when discovered by young
players, can cause discomfort among the average school director. The only
countermeasure to this is self medication by the teacher in the form of
tequila shots or similar substances.

Saxtionary. This list, for one; or a board game where players imitate known saxophonists; a saxopohonist that isn’t going anywhere.
Saxigarchy. The way the world SHOULD be run.
Saxonym. Just another word for Saxophone.
Saxymoron. The incongruous nature of the saxophone.
Saxovate. The act of producing mouthpiece condensation.
Saxophony. Too many saxophones playing together (usually more than one).
Saxogomy. The practice of playing only one saxophone at a time.
Saxogomous. Saxophonist that can’t double
Saxuality. Describes a certain being of saxophone embued qualities.
Saxogysm. A subtle use of the saxophone (see Saxymoron, above).
Saxuous. Of or pertaining to the saxophone
Saxobus. Collection of saxophone recordings
Insaxicide. The act of killing a group of saxophonists.
Saxanide. Poison used to eradicate saxophonists (can be purchased over the counter) or a Nuclear Whales concert (close second: Kenny G.
concert).
Saxonymous. Describes most saxophonists.
Saxy. How most saxophonists see themselves in their dreams.
Sax Evasion. No definition necessary.
Sax Evaders. Ticket purchasing public.
Saxiary. Any room where saxophonists hang out.
Saxable. Anyone who will listen to a saxophone.
Insaxiary. Burning, free jazz.
Insaxescent. Beyond sax.
Saxicle. What you get when you leave your saxophone in the car in December.
Saxacle. Charlie Parker’s birthplace.
Saxogenarian. Saxophonist who has lived to see the introduction of both the Selmer Cigar Cutters and the Series III saxophones.
Saxidermy. The art of mounting old saxophones for wall display.
Saxification. The degree to which any other musical instrument approaches qualities of the saxophone.
Saximony. The dominance of the saxophone over other instruments (esp. the clarinet).
Saxogenous. CENSORED!!!!!
Saxygeon. The air that comes out the bell of the saxophone.
Saxometer. A device for measuring a saxophonists performance.
Saxograph. What comes out of a Saxometer.
Saxonite. A dangerous corrosive to saxophones, a distant cousin to cryptonite.
Saxology. The study of saxophones and saxophonists.
Saxivore. Saxophone-eating organisms. For instance, a soprano.
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– scan cartoons

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Saxophone Humor 03/17/2007 10:09 AM

Philosophy

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail? Through music one gains serenity or strength or forgetfulness. I
experience the emotion I need at any given moment. Music should sober and quiet the mind, thus rendering it susceptible to
divine influences. To be a musician, in one sense of the word, is to think that a daddy long legs is dancing to your playing; to think
that the breeze came through the window just to talk to your music; to feel that one phrase loves another; to think that the tree is a teacher
of the tranquility you need in your playing. It is to know a loneliness that is crowded with the beautiful as you play. Time is
dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life.

I know perfectly well that only in happy instants am I lucky enough to lose my self in my work. The artist does not exist in time, but time exists in the
artist. Musical Decisions can solve technical problems. Performance is always present tense. Always play as if a master were present.

Why teach music? Not because we expect every youngster to major in music; not because we expect every youngster to play or sing professionally; not so every youngster
can have a relaxing, fun experience; but to help every youngster be more human, recognize beauty, be sensitive, be closer to an infinite beyond this world, have something
to cling to, have more love, more compassion, more gentleness, more good, in short…… more life. A piece of music is always a piece, never the
whole. A new world is only a new mind. The spontaneity of an artist doesn't flow from unrehearsed consciousness. It flows because they thought
about things so hard and honestly that they were attuned to the puzzles and contradictions which demand a leap of faith, or play. By concentrating on precision, one
arrives at technique; but by concentrating on technique one does not arrive at precision.

When the artist is alive in any person, she becomes an inventive, searching, daring, self-expressive creature. She becomes interesting to other people. She creates as the
composer herself created. The most important decision in a practice session is to plan the content of the next session. The goal of the teacher should
be to turn the “but I can do it in the practice room” syndrome on it’s head. Through preliminary exercises, the teacher should be able to get the student to play better than
in practice. Every object in the world has a spirit and that spirit can be released by setting it into vibration.

Without technique there is no art. Yet technique is part of the service economy; it does not manufacture goods, but facilitates their production. Music is an
unconscious counting, or a felt relation of numbers. Great art is a mirror Music, in contrast to pictures or words, does not deal in facts -
that is, in associations which, by their nature, concern the past. Yet music is associative. Of what? Music is the sole art which evokes nostalgia for the future.

Tension arises from insecurity, insecurity from ignorance such as not knowing how the notes are organized, related, structured, and
composed even if the tactile and mnemonic devices are functioning. Of the finite number of repetitions the first time has the biggest
impact on the final performance.

Music is indivisible. The dualism of feeling and thinking must be resolved to a state of unity in which one thinks with the heart and feels with the brain.

What gives music its universal appeal is at once subtle, intangible and the most primitive of all arts. It can make a dog howl and silence a crying baby. Tone
has a living soul without form

Composers are more creative, mystics more spiritual, decathletes more athletic, mathematicians more ingenious, mothers more heartfelt, but each musician must be gifted
in all areas. In music, to finish is no goal. Students of music for life

Performance: Defend the composer, The audience is on your side, feel their support, Play to one person, Alter your audience's consciousness, Imagine your instrument
as animate, Put your ears in the back of the hall, fill it from side to side, Is only tuning in fast motion, fast to the ears not the fingers, Smile.

Long after the toys of childhood are gone, the gift of music will remain. Too many people praise the precision with which organized musical sound is
produced rather than the energy with which it is manipulated. We shall never become musicians unless we understand the ideals of temperance, fortitude,
liberality, and magnificence. Music: love in search of a word Do not follow in the master's footsteps, seek what he sought.

Play until the brain has received enough info; play by memory the first day; (it’s not enough to play it right, it needs to be understood, comfortable)

Every work of art has "two faces," one directed towards eternity and the other towards its own time. We can perceive the infinite in music only by searching for this
quality in ourselves. As human beings we do not possess infinite qualities, but as musicians we can create an illusion of infinity.

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Saxophone Humor 03/17/2007 10:09 AM

If you didn’t practice for 2 days you could still play the piece just as well. Use the 2 days to perfect one isolated aspect.

Musical training is a more potent instrument than any other, because rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul Plato Music:
the only cheap and unpunished rapture on earth. Often a single experience will open the young soul to music for a lifetime. This experience cannot be left to
chance, it is the duty of the school to provide it. Kodaly Music is not ink on the page, playing music by always reading is like making love by mail. We learn best
as teachers, and teach best as learners. Teaching and learning will always be intuitive, but incidental learning should not rule our lives.

Music is powerless to say anything, it expresses itself. If you think beautifully, you play beautiful. Play as you think more than to play as you feel because how
about the day you are not feeling so well. In art, and in the higher reaches of science there is a feeling of harmony that underlies all endeavor.
Einstein The purpose of art is the gradual, lifelong construction of a state of wonder and serenity. Glenn Gould The art of music is so profound that to
approach it very seriously only, is not enough. One must approach music with a serious vigor and at the same time with a great affectionate joy. Perhaps
musicians can teach the rest of the human race that life is a struggle but not a war If there is one trait common to all great interpreters, it is their capacity for
intensification. To be an artist is not the privilege of a few, but the necessity of us all.

Imagine a teacher as…master…companion…trailboss…judge & jury…intimidator…pathfinder…compulsive gambler…mother hen…pacesetter…circus master…

entertainer…pilot…factory supervisor…preacher…defender of territory…midwife…bridge builder…air traffic controller…orchestra director…guide…ship captain…
traffic cop…artisan…paramedic…coach…supply sergeant…flood control director…tutor…time keeper…bird watcher…counselor…surfer…wet nurse…gourmet cook…
banker…shepherding dog…information giver…

I operate on the principle that inside every not-so-beautiful note there's a beautiful note trying to get out. I want to figure out a way to get it out. Free that
note! Every composer knows the anguish and despair occasioned by forgetting ideas which one has no time to write down.

People compose for many reasons, to become immortal, because the piano happens to be open, because they want to become a millionaire, because of the praise of
friends, because they have looked into a pair of beautiful eyes, for no reason whatsoever. Perfection is elusive, strive for conversation with performing
partners, audience, and composer. Sometimes when I come on stage I find myself saying "Hello" under my breath as I bow.

People who make music together cannot be enemies, at least while the music lasts. Melody is the golden thread running through the maze of tones by which
the ear is guided and the heart reached. Music is a means of giving form to our inner feelings without attaching them to events or objects in the
world. Art is the most intense mode of individualism that the world has known. Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck
--- but, most of all, endurance.

Thomas Jefferson imposed a strict regimen on his daughter Martha: 8-10 practicing music; 10-1 dance one day, draw another; 1-2 draw on the day you dance, and write
the letter the next; 3-4 read French; 4-5 exercise yourself in music till bedtime, read English, write, etc.

Is not the sounding of a horn to our busy souls like a sonorous visit from those ages which counted speed by straining horses' gallop, and not by lightning prisoned up in
cables; The old is good not just because it is past, nor the new supreme because we live with it. Your task it is, amid the confusion, rush, and noise to grasp the lasting,
calm, and meaningful, and finding it anew, to hold and treasure it. Paul Hindemith

If you are looking for profound mysteries, essential aspects of our existence for which neither the sciences nor the humanities can provide any sort of explanation, I
suggest starting with music. The professional musicologists, tremendous scholars all, for whom I have the greatest respect, haven't the ghost of an idea about what music
is, or why we make it and cannot be human without it, or even - and this the telling point - how the human mind makes music on its own, before it is written down and
played. The biologists are no help here, nor the psychologists, nor the physicists, nor the philosophers. Nobody can explain it. It is a mystery, and thank goodness for
that. The Brandenburgs and the late quartets are not there to give us assurances that we have arrived; they carry the news that there are deep centers in our minds that
we know nothing about except that they are there. Lewis Thomas

The virtuoso is not a mason who, chisel in hand, faithfully and conscientiously whittles stone after the design of an architect. He is not a passive tool reproducing feeling
and thought and adding nothing of himself... He is called upon to make emotion speak, and weep, and sing, and sigh - to bring it to life in his consciousness. He himself
must live the passions he will call to light in all their brilliance. He breathes life into the lethargic body, infuses it with fire, enlivens it with the pulse of grace and charm.
Nicollai Paganini

Deliver a message of love in everything that you do. The world may be slow to recognize, but it will surely get the message. If you will love largely enough and be kind,
some day, when you are not here, people will caress the inanimate objects you have touched and meditate deep and long. Will George Butler, March 1917, Mansfield
Normal School.

What to Listen for in the World, Bruce Adolphe, 1996:

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Saxophone Humor 03/17/2007 10:09 AM

Why do we use vibrato in music?

When vibrato is used incorrectly, it is merely flirtatious, the fluttering of eyelashes or swagger.
When it is used naturally, it is a metaphor for life itself.

False music displays, true music reveals. Any kind of music can be invented. True music sounds discovered.

When we pretend, we learn. Pretend you are a poet, a novelist, a painter, a composer.

To play just the first note of a phrase a performer must know context - like an actor entering upon a scene.
Before any sound, there is meaning.

saxophone basics saxophone education saxophone techniques saxophone resources

saxophone warmup saxophone teaching saxophone altissimo saxophone research
saxophone tone saxophone lesson/masterclass circular breathing saxophone repair/reeds
saxophone articulation beginner saxophone saxophone multiphonics saxophone literature
saxophone vibrato counting, sightreading saxophone quartertones jazz saxophone
saxophone technique saxophone performing saxophone slap tongue saxophone history
saxophone tuning Joe Murphy, saxophone improvising, transposing saxophone humor

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