LISTENING

WHAT IS LISTENING?
It is an act of hearing attentively

QUOTATION ABOUT LISTENING

"We were given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING
The importance of listening in communication is enormous. People often focus on their
speaking ability believing that good speaking equals good communication. The ability to
speak well is a necessary component to successful communication. The ability to listen is
equally as important.

The importance of listening in communication is often well illustrated when we analyze our
listening skills with those closest to us. In particular I am referring to our spouse, partner,
children or friends. Pay attention to the everyday conversations we have with these people
with whom we think we communicate well.

Do you ever find yourself mindlessly saying "uh huh" when one of these folks is trying to
tell you something only to have say just after "I'm sorry what did you say?" Have you been
in a conversation with one of them and you are not really listening completely to what they
have to say because you are too busy formulating your response?

This is actually quite common and yet we think we are good communicators. In order to
communicate effectively we have to be able to hear what the other person is saying. Not
just hear because the acoustics are good or because the other person is speaking in a loud
enough tone. It is important that we hear what the person is saying because we have taken
the time to actively listen.

Listening takes work and when it comes to improving our communication there is no getting
around that. When we are listening to music or watching T.V. we can certainly let our minds
wander. If we want our communication skills to get stronger it is important that we not day
dream in a conversation but instead concentrate fully on what the other person is saying.
No doubt this can be difficult. Not every conversation we are in is particularly interesting.
If however, we want to improve these skills focus is important even when dealing with
younger children and teenagers.

Allowing the person to completely finish their thought before you begin to form a
response is also crucial to good listening. To take it even one step further wait a moment
before you begin to reply. This gives the other person a chance to add anything else they
may have thought of. By waiting an additional moment before you reply you also let the
other person know they have been heard completely. If you practice this for a time people
will relax when conversing with you because they will know that they don't have to rush to
get their two cents in. They will appreciate the fact that they can communicate with you
and be heard.

When having those important conversations with the people closest to you, try taking it
one step further and repeating back what they said "what I heard you say is you are
uncomfortable..." By doing this you give the other person the opportunity to correct any
misconceptions that may have occurred or to clarify any points they were trying to make.
This heightens the level of communication you are enjoying. And the person you are
communicating with will certainly feel respected and important given the care you are
taking with the conversation.

The technique of repeating back for clarity had been extremely useful when I have had
conversations with my teenagers. It also comes in handy when speaking with a spouse or
partner. Often times in those situations we begin to assume we know what the other
person means. Allowing them to express themselves completely actually allows for greater
intimacy, something we often desire in our relationships but wonder why we are not
achieving.

The importance of listening in communication is something worthwhile to consider. Good

listeners are often some of the best speakers because they have taken the time to find
out what people are truly interested in. If you understand what is important to people than
you understand how to reach them.

The strategies I spoke about are just as effective in the workplace especially in sales. If
you are really listening to what your customer wants it will be that much easier to fulfill
their needs. The customer will be impressed that you listened to what they were
communicating instead of just going into sales mode. I have personally found in sales that
the more I listened and the less I talked the better my sales ratio was and the more
satisfied my clients were. That is a win-win situation for all involved.
 Becoming an Active Listener
There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the
other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.

1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize
that what is not said also speaks loudly.
o Look at the speaker directly.
o Put aside distracting thoughts. Don’t mentally prepare a rebuttal!
o Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
o “Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
o Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

2. Show that you are listening.

Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
o Nod occasionally.
o Smile and use other facial expressions.
o Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
o Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and
uh huh.

3. Provide feedback. 
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to
reflect what is being said and ask questions.
o Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and
“Sounds like you are saying…” are great ways to reflect back.
o Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…”
“Is this what you mean?”
o Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full
understanding of the message.
o Allow the speaker to finish.
o Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.
 5. Respond Appropriately. 
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining
information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise
putting him or her down.
o Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
o Assert your opinions respectfully.
o Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

Types of listening

Here are six types of listening, starting with basic discrimination of sounds and ending in
deep
communication.

Discriminative listening

Discriminative listening is the most basic type of listening, whereby the difference

between difference soundsis identified. If you cannot hear differences, then you cannot

make sense of the meaning that is expressed bysuch differences. We learn to discriminate

between sounds within our own language early, and later areunable to discriminate between

the phonemes of other languages. This is one reason why a person from onecountry finds it

difficult to speak another language perfectly, as they are unable distinguish the subtle

soundsthat are required in that language.

Likewise, a person who cannot hear the subtleties of emotional variation in another
person's voice will be less
likely to be able to discern the emotions the other person is experiencing.
Listening is a visual as well as auditory act, as we communicate much through body
language. We thus also
need to be able to discriminate between muscle and skeletal movements that signify
different meanings.

Biased listening

Biased listening happens when the person hears only what they want to hear, typically

misinterpreting whatthe other person says based on the stereotypes and other biases that

they have. Such biased listening isoften very evaluative in nature.

 Evaluative listening

In evaluative listening, or critical listening, we make judgments about what the other

person is saying. Weseek to assess the truth of what is being said. We also judge what

they say against our values, assessingthem as good or bad, worthy or unworthy.

Evaluative listening is particularly pertinent when the other person is trying to persuade

us, perhaps tochange our behavior and maybe even to change our beliefs. Within this, we

also discriminate betweensubtleties of language and comprehend the inner meaning of

what is said. Typically also we weigh up the prosand cons of an argument, determining

whether it makes sense logically as well as whether it is helpful to [Link] listening is

also called critical, judgmental or interpretive listening.

Appreciative listening

In appreciative listening, we seek certain information which will appreciate, for example

that which helpsmeet our needs and goals. We use appreciative listening when we are

listening to good music, poetry ormaybe even the stirring words of a great leader.
Sympathetic listening
In sympathetic listening we care about the other person and show this concern in the way
we pay close
attention and express our sorrow for their ills and happiness at their joys.

Empathetic listening

When we listen empathetically, we go beyond sympathy to seek a truer understand how

others are [Link] requires excellent discrimination and close attention to the

nuances of emotional signals. When we arebeing truly empathetic, we actually feel what

they are feeling.

In order to get others to expose these deep parts of themselves to us, we also need to
demonstrate our
empathy in our demeanor towards them, asking sensitively and in a way that encourages
self-disclosure.
 Therapeutic listening

In therapeutic listening, the listener has a purpose of not only empathizing with the

speaker but also to usethis deep connection in order to help the speaker understand,

change or develop in some [Link] not onlyhappens when you go to see a therapist but also

in many social situations, where friends and family seek toboth diagnose problems from

listening and also to help the speaker cure themselves, perhaps by somecathartic process.

This also happens in work situations, where managers, HR people, trainers and coachesseek

to help employees learn and develop.

Relationship listening

Sometimes the most important factor in listening is in order to develop or sustain a

relationship. This is whylovers talk for hours and attend closely to what each other has to

say when the same words from someoneelse would seem to be rather boring.
Relationship listening is also important in areas such as negotiation and sales, where it is
helpful if the other
person likes you and trusts you.

False listening

False listening occurs where a person is pretending to listen but is not hearing anything

that is being [Link] may nod, smile and grunt in all the right places, but do not actually

take in anything that is [Link] is askill that may be finely honed by people who do a lot

of inconsequential listening, such as politicians androyalty. Their goal with their audience is

to make a good impression in very short space of time before theymove on, never to talk to

that person again. It is also something practiced by couples, particularly where oneside

does most of the talking. However, the need for relationship here can lead to this being

spotted ('You'renot listening again!') and consequent conflict.

Initial listening

Sometimes when we listen we hear the first few words and then start to think about what

we want to say inreturn. We then look for a point at which we can interrupt. We are also

not listening then as we are spendingmore time rehearsing what we are going to say about

their initial point.

 Selective listening
Selective listening involves listening for particular things and ignoring others. We thus
hear what we want to
hear and pay little attention to 'extraneous' [Link] listening

Partial listening is what most of us do most of the time. We listen to the other person with

the best of intentand then become distracted, either by stray thoughts or by something

that the other person has [Link] dip inside our own heads for a short while

as we figure out what they really mean or formulate a

question for them, before comingback into the room and starting to listen [Link] can

be problematicwhen the other person has moved on and we are unable to pick up the

threads of what is being said. We thuseasily can fall into false listening, at least for a

short while. This can be embarrassing, of course, if theysuddenly ask your opinion. A tip

here: own up, admitting that you had lost the thread of the conversation andasking them

to repeat what was said.

Full listening

Full listening happens where the listener pays close and careful attention to what is being
said, seeking
carefully to understand the full content that the speaker is seeking to put across.

This may be very active form of listening, with pauses for summaries and testing that

understanding iscomplete. By the end of the conversation, the listener and the speaker will

probably agree that the listenerhas fully understood what was said.
Full listening takes much more effort than partial listening, as it requires close
concentration, possibly for a
protracted period. It also requires skills of understanding and summary.

Deep listening
Beyond the intensity of full listening, you can also reach into a form of listening that not
only hears what is
said but also seeks to understand the whole person behind the words.

In deep listening, you listen between the lines of what is said, hearing the emotion,

watching the bodylanguage, detecting needs and goals, identifying preferences and biases,

perceiving beliefs and values, and so on

 Barriers to listening
A pointed out earlier, listening is not easy and there are a number of obstacles thatstand
in the way of effective listening, both within outside the workplace. Thesebarriers may be
categorized as follows.

[Link] Barriers: -
some people may have genuine hearing problems ordeficiencies that prevent them from
listening properly. Once detected, date andgenerally be treated. Some people may have
difficulties in processinginformation, or memory related problem which make them poor
[Link] physiological barrier is rapid though. Listeners have the ability
toprocess information at the rate of approximately 500 words per minute, whereas
speaker talk at around 120 words per minute. Since listeners are left with alot of spare
time, there attention may not be focused on words the speaker issaying, but may under
elsewhere.

[Link] Barriers: -
These referred to distraction in the averment such as thesound of an air conditioner,
cigarette smoke, or an overheated room, whichinterfere with the listening process. They
could also be in the form ofinformation overload. For example, if you are in meeting with
your managerand the phone rings and your mobile beeps at the same time to let u know
thatyou have the message. It is very hard to listen carefully to what is being said.

[Link] Barriers :-
pre occupation which personal or work related problemscan make it difficult to focus one’s
attention completely on what speaker issaying, even what is being said is of crime
importance. Another commonattitudinal barrier is egocentrism, or the belief that you are
moreknowledgeable when the speaker and that you have nothing new to have tolearn from
his ideas. People with this kind of close minded attitude may verypoor listeners.

[Link] Assumptions :-

The success of communication depend on the both thesender and receiver, as we have seen in
an earlier unit. It is wrong to assumethat communication is the sole responsibility of the
sender or the speaker andthat listeners have no role to play. Such an assumption can be
big barrier tolistening. For example, a brilliant speech or presentation, however
welldelivered, is wasted if the receiver is not listening at the other end. Listeners

have as much responsibility as speakers to make the communication

successful, by paying attention seeking clarifications and giving feedback.
Another wrong assumption is to think that listening is a passive activity, inwhich a listener
merely the thoughts of the speaker. On the contrary, reallistening or active listening is
 hard work – it requires speaking sometimes toask question, agree or disagree with the
speaker, give feedback etc.

[Link] Barriers :-
accents can be barriers to listening, since they interfere
with the ability to understand the meaning of words that are pronounced
differently. The problem of different accents arises not only between cultures,but also
within a culture. For example, in a country like india where there isenormous cultural
diversity, accents may differ even between regions [Link] type of cultural barrier
is doddering cultural values. The importanceattached to listening and speaking differs in
westen and oriental [Link], orientals regeard listening and silence as almost a
virtue, whereasAttach greater importance to speaking. Therefore this would interfere
with thelistening process, when two people from these two different
cultures communicate.

[Link] Barriers :-
communication research has shown that gender can bebarrier to listening. Studies have
revealed that men and women listen verydifferently and for different purposes. Women
are more likely to listen for theemotion behind a speaker’s words, when men listen more
for the facts and thecontent.
Example :- a salespersons giving a demonstration of a new type of officeequipment may be
asked by two colleagues if the equipment will work withoutant problem and respond by
saying “Sure.” A male user may take his at facevalue, where as the female user may detect
some hesitation in his voice. Thisis because the male user listen for the content of the
message, where as thefemale user listen for the tone of the message.

[Link] of Training:-
listening is not an inborn skill. People are not born goodlisteners. They have to develop the art
of listening through practice andtraining. Lack of training in listingskills is an important
barrier to listing, inthe Indian Context.

[Link] Listening Habits :-

Most people are very average listeners who havedeveloped poor listening habits that are hard
to said and that act as barriers tolistening. For example, some people have the habits of
“faking” attention, ortrying to look like a listeners, in order to impress the speaker and to
assure himthat they are paying attention. Others may tend to listen to each and every
factand, as a result, mis out on the main point
 ADVANTAGES/REASONS OF LISTENING:
1) Listening protects you from trouble- a good listener receives instructions, suggestions
and warnings (tell this to your teenager).

2) Listening lets you know what is going on- If we believe that life is about learning
experiences, the more you listen and understand, the more you learn from your
experiences.
3) Listening makes you more competent- Regardless of what your position is, the more
information you have about the position (and that includes being a parent) the more
successful you will be. We are all in the school of life and there are many people who can
teach us something if we humbled ourselves and listened.

4) Listening makes you look intelligent- this is a double edge sword in that the better you
listen the more knowledge you acquire but it also makes you look intelligent. The more
knowledge at your disposal the better it works for you.

5) Listening increases your power- There is a saying that “knowledge is power, use it”. The
power of knowledge gained through listening enables you to have more data at your
disposal than others.

6) Listening helps you understand others- the only way to understand others and make
them meet your needs and you meeting theirs is by listening to them. How will you know
what is really going on with your employees, children, or spouse if you do not listen?

7) Listening helps you negotiate better- To get what you want you must start at the point
of knowing what the other person is willing to give. This you can do by listening to them.

8) Listening defuses anger in others- the best initial response to emotions is made with
your ears.   By listening to an angry person, you understand the cause of their anger and
you can then demonstrate proper empathy. Besides everyone wants to be validated and
when you listen you show the angry person that you care.

9) Listening builds self esteem- When you listen to another person, you are in effect
saying “I value you and what you have to say”. This applies to spouse, your children,
employee and friends. Everyone wants to be made to feel important and by your listening
you make the other person feel important to you.

10) Listening makes love real- listening is one of the most convincing expression of love and
caring. By taking time to listen, you affirm the other person and show them that you value
the relationship.