The One Mistake That Never Lets Us

Be Successful

Every time you look at a friend's check-in to some exotic destination you were
craving to visit, you die a little inside and wonder if you'll ever have the money
and resources to live the dream life. Every time you see a batch-mate working
in the dream job you were trying hard to bag, you find yourself laying awake in
bed at night wondering what you're doing and why you aren't there yet.
You are as talented, hard-working and bright as any other of your successful
friends or your role models and yet you fall short of the big mark. You spent
months working on that project but the selection committee chose your rival's
proposal, the same rival who partied every night you were slogging your rear
off in office. Somehow, and even you unwittingly admit, his idea WAS more
refreshing than yours, even if you are more talented. There's a nagging feeling
in the pit of your stomach and you can't seem to point out what's wrong and
it's disheartening as hell.

The problem lies in fear. You want success so bad that you are petrified of
failing. When you work, you are either eyeing the prize or fearing not getting
the prize, but you are not focusing on the one thing that's most important – the
work. You may be focussed on the work at hand, but if you are doing it only
for a reward, you are working the fear.
This fear will not let you take risks; it will not let you follow an unconventional
idea that has the potential of failing badly but also of succeeding badly. That's
the difference between mediocrity and greatness, between an average idea
and a path-breaking one. The one thing successful people do right is that they
do not fear failure. They are not afraid to make mistakes and own up to them.
They don't see failure as a deep dark pit that would make one a loser; they
see it as a part of the process and as a platform to learn to do it right the next
time.

The fear of failing will make you search desperately for shortcuts and cheat
codes to success, because you want it as soon as possible. You want
shitloads of money so that you can start living the good life as soon as
possible. You want that yacht and that Bentley because who the hell wants a
dream holiday when they're 60 years old and down with aching joints and high
blood pressure.
Of course, we all want it bad and we want it sooner. Nothing wrong with the
desire. The problem is with when we obsess over the desire. We tell
ourselves, life will be a success only if A and B happens. I will be happy if A
and B happens. If it doesn't, then I'm a failure and hence will always be
unhappy. I will get frustrated that A and B is not happening in my life and I will
let that frustration reflect in my work. It goes in circles, you see. We make sure
success stays well out of our reach and yet we whine over why it doesn't
come.
Sometimes, success is not measured in the usual parameters of wealth and
fame. This is especially true if you are in a field that is not well rewarded in the
capitalist world. Professions like humanities, teaching, journalism don't offer
the same kind of money that the IT or the finance sectors do. If you are a
writer holding a grudge against your MBA friend for earning 5 times more than
you, don't.
Your success will not be measured by the money you both earn – you will
have to measure yours with a different yardstick. The society doesn't reward
every profession alike and that's a truth you have to accept sooner or later. If
you don't, you will always strive for the wrong kind of success. You will let your
art be dominated by the capitalist demands of the world and that will not do it
justice. With the fear of missing out on the glamorous fruits of modern life
lurking behind your motivation to work, you actually miss out on the real work.
In trying to sell yourself better to the capitalist world, you will end up
compromising with your passion.
What if you were destined to do well as an artist but you spent your life selling
yourself to people who gave you money but did not understand your art?
Imagine if George RR Martin had been writing slogans for Diamond Chips,
instead of fantasy fiction because the royalties weren't enough to afford a new
car? Imagine the regret of the man. Well, he would have never known and so
would you. You will never know what you can do if you don't try. And you can
never try if you are constantly bogged by the fear of ending up as a failure.
It's not easy, agreed; but if you want success badly, you have to be okay with
the idea of not having it at all. You have to be okay with the idea of not
matching your friends and peers in their geometric rise in career and status.
You have to tell yourself it will not be the end of the world.
FOMO, the fear of missing out is probably the biggest first world problem
that's behind a lot of bad decisions. It's made us become frustrated sell-outs.
It has made us do things only for the heck of doing it. It makes us go to parties
we don't want to, it makes us choose projects and even careers that are not
the best choices for us, it makes us go to Kasol when we actually want to go
to Rishikesh.
Your idea of success and the world's idea of success doesn't have to match
and you have to train your heart into accepting that as a happy truth. You
have to not let the fear of failing come in the way of real success. You have to
let your work speak, not the car in your backyard, nor the check-ins on your
Facebook profile. You have to let go the fear and embrace the journey.
It's weird and ironical – in order to be successful, you have to be okay with not
being successful. In order to get the things you desire, you have to detach
yourself from them. But that's how it is – the best things in life happen when
you are not looking, when you are not running after numbers and check lists.
That is when success comes to you, like a sudden downpour on a hot
summer day.
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