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Blowing, de Jeroen Van den Berg

CHARACTERS:
FATHER:
MOTHER:
ESTHER:
JURGEN:

Translators note:
NAMES
The names of the characters in the play are typical
Dutch names, as in the original version of BLOWING.
Names of characters are sometimes shortened in the
dialogues to a single syllable: Esther to Es, Jurgen to
Jurg and Thea to Thee.
English names can be substituted throughout if so
desired.

It is a beautiful sunny day. The whole family is dressed

for a party. The table is laid with an exaggeratedly
lavish brunch. Father is fiddling about with the control
panel of a roll.down security shutter system, Jurgen is
reading and Esther is sitting at the breakfast table,
Mother is standing in front of the window, on the
telephone.

MOTHER: Fantastic. No, really fantastic darling.

Marvellous day. Forty.five my foot. Don’t feel a bit like it
(laughs very loudly). It’s a party, (to children and
Father) it’s party.time round here isn’t it guys.
FATHER: (reading the operating instructions) ‘Insert
the key into the control panel and enter your code’.
MOTHER: I feel marvellous. It’s only a number after all,
forty.five.
FATHER: Jurg.
MOTHER: Do you remember when Mother turned
forty.five. She was already old then. Grey dresses and
orthopaedic shoes. exactly. Look at me, it’s a question
of different times Thea, I’ll get to a hundred at least.
FATHER: Jurg.
MOTHER: They’re going to make all kinds of discoveries
you watch. That’s not optimistic, that’s realistic.
FATHER: I can’t see a code anywhere Jurg.
MOTHER: There’s no reason for me to be pessimistic at
all. It’s terribly jolly round here. I’ve put together a
fantastic brunch. Been preparing it for days.
FATHER: Jurg.
ESTHER: Just stop reading Jurg.
JURGEN: (imitates her, as he reads on) Just stop
reading Jurg.
MOTHER: You should see it. Us sitting here all together.
Leo’s got a new suit, he’s even wearing a bow.tie, I
finally talked him into it Thee (laughs).
FATHER: Here. It says: your code. (tugs at his
bow.tie)
MOTHER: Leave it alone Leo, it looked fine as it was.
well he was fiddling with it, no no, looks wonderful on
him, really suits him. What do you mean by that Thee.
He looks marvellous in it.
ESTHER: Mummy.
MOTHER: Hang on Thea, Esther’s saying something.
ESTHER: Are we going to eat or what.
MOTHER: (to Esther) I’m just talking to auntie Thea.
You should see us sitting here Thee. Leo with that
bow.tie and Jurgen, Jurg’s doing really well at school,
got his nose in a book all day long, so studious. And
Esther. Turning into a real little lady. I was walking along
the street with her the other day Thee, they thought we
were sisters, didn’t they Es.
ESTHER: It happened once.
MOTHER: Can you hear, she says so herself, Es, tell
auntie Thea. (passes her the telephone)
ESTHER: (doesn’t take the telephone) Are we going to
eat or what.
FATHER: (still engrossed in his operating instructions)
This is completely unintelligible.
MOTHER: (into the telephone) That’s just what I mean.
Forty.five my foot. It’s how you feel that counts. And I
feel fantastic. They’re so sweet to me Thea, table laid,
piles of presents. I’m not trying to say anything. I’m
just describing what I see Thea.
FATHER: (slams his hand down on the operating
instructions) I don’t understand a word of this! Jurg!
JURGEN: Do you have to do it on her birthday.
FATHER: You watch: install these shutters tomorrow
and they’ll be on the doorstep tonight, those burglars.
MOTHER: What do you mean, no, I’m only saying.
JURGEN: What is there to steal here?
FATHER: Hey hey, we’re very well off. Have a look
round. And then just add it all up.
MOTHER: Listen Thee, I wasn’t trying to say anything.
ESTHER: Who says the burglars are specifically coming
today.
FATHER: You can hear them riding round on their
scooters every evening. They’ve been watching us for
weeks. (meanwhile looking at the operating
instructions) I just don’t understand. (presses buttons
randomly)
MOTHER: We are happy here yes, is that my fault.
FATHER: (shouts) Oh for Christ’s.
MOTHER: Do that later Leo.
FATHER: I’m nearly there Els!
MOTHER: Leo’s in the middle of installing security
shutters.
FATHER: (hits the control panel, shouts) This is bloody
unintelligible! (the shutters roll down, it becomes dark
in the room)
MOTHER: Leo!
FATHER: Ah.ha!
JURGEN: I can’t read like this.
ESTHER: Dad!
FATHER: I said I was nearly there.
MOTHER: Leo! Hang on Thee. I’m suddenly sitting in
the dark. Leo! I’ve got to go Thee (hangs up)
FATHER: Brilliant!
MOTHER: I’m not celebrating my birthday like this
Leo!
FATHER: What’s the matter?
MOTHER: Open those shutters!
FATHER: (lights a lighter, tries to read the instructions)
Ehm.
JURGEN: (turns a lamp on)
FATHER: Hang on everyone.
MOTHER: You managed to make them go down just
now.
FATHER: So?
MOTHER: So you can make them go up again.
FATHER: I fail to see the connection Els.
MOTHER: You are so bloody impractical, you’re so
bloody bloody. (she gets up) I’m not sitting here waiting
in the dark. (exits briefly, comes straight back) There’s
a security shutter over the front door Leo!
FATHER: You wanted the whole house made secure.
MOTHER: I wanted to keep them out.
FATHER: Exactly.
MOTHER: This is the other way round. I can’t get out of
my own house!
FATHER: If you just calmly.
MOTHER: I can’t stand it Leo. Can’t you try to make
one day nice for me. A pleasant day just once a year. Is
that too much to ask?
FATHER: (reading instructions) I just haven’t quite
cracked it.
MOTHER: Haven’t quite cracked it. (goes and stands
behind him) Raise these shutters Leo.
FATHER: Don’t stand over me Els, it makes me bag of
nerves!
MOTHER: (grabs at the key on the control panel)
FATHER: Get off, you can’t just . (the shutters rolls
upwards)
MOTHER: So simple Leo.
FATHER: How did you do that.
MOTHER: Okay. The day is already ruined. Thanks to
Leo Beumer.
ESTHER: Can we eat now.
MOTHER: Forget it. After a start like that it’s a dead
loss. I won’t let my birthday be spoilt by anyone.
FATHER: But Els just listen.
MOTHER: Nothing of the sort. We’ll just start all over
again and don’t you lay a finger on these security
shutters Leo.

BLACK OUT

It is a beautiful sunny day. The whole family is dressed

for a party. The table is laid with an exaggeratedly
lavish brunch. Father is reading the newspaper, Jurgen
is reading too and Esther is sitting at the breakfast
table, bored. Mother is standing in front of the window,
on the telephone.

MOTHER: Fantastic. No, really fantastic darling.

Marvellous day. Forty.five my foot. Don’t feel a bit like it
(laughs very loudly). It’s a party, (to children and
Father) it’s party.time round here isn’t it guys.
FATHER: (towards the telephone) Yeah it’s party.time
round here Thea. (Jurgen gives his father a mocking
look) Well it is isn’t it.
MOTHER: I feel marvellous. It’s only a number after all,
forty.five. Do you remember when mother turned
forty.five.
ESTHER: Mum.
MOTHER: She was already old then. Grey dresses and
orthopaedic shoes. exactly. Look at me, it’s a question
of different times Thea, I’ll get to a hundred.and.fifty at
least.
They’re going to make all kinds of discoveries you
watch. That’s not optimistic, that’s realistic.
ESTHER: Mum.
MOTHER: You should see it. Us sitting here all together.
Leo’s got a new suit, he’s even wearing a bow.tie, I
finally talked him into it Thee (laughs, Father tugs at
the bow.tie).
ESTHER: Just stop reading Jurg.
JURGEN: (imitates her, as he reads on) Just stop
reading Jurg.
MOTHER: Leave it alone Leo, it looked fine as it was.
ESTHER: Dad.
FATHER: (doesn’t react)
MOTHER: Well he was fiddling with it, no no, looks
wonderful on him, really suits him. What do you mean
by that Thee. He looks marvellous in it.
ESTHER: Mummy.
MOTHER: Hang on Thea, Esther’s saying something.
(to Esther) I’m just talking to auntie Thea.
ESTHER: Are we going to eat or what.
FATHER: (from behind his newspaper) We’re waiting
for you Els.
MOTHER: (into the telephone) Leo says hello. That’s
just what I mean. Forty.five my foot. It’s how you feel
that counts. And I feel fantastic. They’re so sweet to me
Thea, table laid, piles of presents. I’m not trying to say
anything. I’m just describing what I see Thee. what do
you mean, no, I’m only saying. listen Thee, I wasn’t
trying to say anything. No.we are happy here yes, is
that my fault. You’re not no, but it’s my birthday, I don’t
feel like listening to your problems on my. I just don’t
feel like it. (to Jurgen who is putting a slice of bread on
his plate) Just wait till I’m finished. I’m terribly sorry
Thea, but I feel fine, I feel young and I’ve got a
fantastic family. (furious) It didn’t fall into my lap at all,
we’ve all worked damned hard at it. Yes that is what I
think yes. You are in control of a very large part of your
own happiness yes. If you’d just tried a bit harder. You
had your chances Thee, you got off to an even better
start than me. Eric had money.
FATHER: (looks up from his newspaper)
MOTHER: That’s not unkind, it’s just the way I see it.
Eric had money when you married and your children are
much cleverer than mine. I’m very happy with Jurgen
and Esther but they’re not brilliant, whereas your
children.
JURGEN: (starts singing) Happy birthday to you,
happy.
MOTHER: I can’t hear if you sing Jurg. They’re singing
for me Thee, they can’t wait any longer, I’ve really got
to. You can hear them singing can’t you. they were just
singing, Jurgen.
JURGEN: (reads his book intensely)
MOTHER: I’m talking to you Jurg. (into the telephone)
You must have heard him singing just now, listen Thee,
I’ve still got a whole pile of presents to open
(meanwhile straightening father’s bow.tie), there’s a
magnificent brunch on the table. no, not breakfast, it’s a
brunch. well that’s just what it is, listen Thee, I really
have to. (brushes a lock of hair out of Esther’s eyes,
Esther brushes the lock straight back) I know. (puts her
hand over the receiver, whispers to Esther) Let’s sing
happy birthday again darling.
ESTHER: Are we going to eat or what.
MOTHER: Just sing first. (starts singing, Esther joins in)
Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday. (into the
receiver) Thee, they really want me to come to the
table now. I’m coming guys. (sings) to you, happy
birthday dear. (into the receiver) I’ve really got to hang
up now Thee, bye then. (hangs up) That woman thinks.
FATHER: And. (leads singing) For she’s a jolly good
fellow. (Esther and Jurgen join in)
MOTHER: You can stop now guys. Leo. Leo please stop.
Jurgen. She’s already hung up. (the song ends) It’s
absolutely unbelievable, she’s completely self.centred.
ESTHER: I’m hungry.
FATHER: (holds up a present for Mother) Happy
birthday!
MOTHER: She just can’t stand the fact that other
people are having a good time.
FATHER: (still holding the present) Look Jurg! Hang on
Es. Present first. (puts the present in front of Mother on
the table) Els.
MOTHER: She can’t stand it, she just can’t stand it.
FATHER: (to Jurgen, pointing to the present) Hey Jurg,
look over here.
ESTHER: Open it mum.
MOTHER: She didn’t even say happy birthday I don’t
think. (unwrapping her present) Damn. She didn’t even
say happy birthday! I sincerely hope we never get like
that. Putting others first, that’s so important guys, but
she doesn’t realise that, does she, and that’s why it
went wrong with uncle Eric.
FATHER: Jurg, look here.
MOTHER: He has a lot to put up with, doesn’t he, uncle
Eric?
JURGEN: Uncle Eric is a boring git.
MOTHER: Nonsense. You’ve always been mad about
uncle Eric haven’t you Es. But no.one can put up with
that, in the long term, a woman like that drives away
everyone around her. It’s true isn’t it Leo. A woman like
that. (as if she gets given a video camera every day)
Oh, a video camera, how nice. (keeps talking as she
unwraps it)
FATHER: See Jurg, a video camera.
MOTHER: She needed bother phoning me again Leo, if
she’s going to be like that.
FATHER: Hey Jurg, broadcast quality eh.
MOTHER: Don’t know what I’ve done to deserve it.
FATHER: There’s a tape with it too Els. (hands her a
tape)
MOTHER: (looks through the lens) I can’t see a thing
though.
FATHER: There must be some instructions somewhere.
JURGEN: (removes the lens.cap from the lens)
MOTHER: Ah yes.
ESTHER: Can we eat now.
FATHER: Hang on, we’ve got to get a recording first.
Hey Jurg, what do you think of it?
JURGEN: What do we need broadcast quality for?
ESTHER: (picks up a piece of toast)
MOTHER: Hands off!
ESTHER: Mum!
MOTHER: Really. Well I’ll turn the camera on and then
you’ve all got to act as though I’m just coming
downstairs.
FATHER: Read the instructions first (searches through
the box for the instructions)
MOTHER: I can see that it works. Listen, I’ll just turn
the camera on and then you can sing happy birthday to
me.
ESTHER: Again.
MOTHER: For the video.
FATHER: (has meantime found the instructions) Look
Els.
MOTHER: I’m not an idiot Leo.
FATHER: It’s an advanced piece of machinery.
MOTHER: It’s on guys.
FATHER: (points to the camera) What d’ you think they
cost Jurgen.
JURGEN: (shrugs)
MOTHER: (at the same time, looking through the
camera) Start singing.

Father and Esther start singing

JURGEN: (gets up)

MOTHER: Jurg.
JURGEN: I don’t feel like it.
ESTHER: (continues singing)
FATHER: (gets up, follows Jurgen) Jurg, come on lad,
just.
JURGEN: Why does everything always have to be so.
FATHER: Everything always, everything always.
JURGEN: Everything always yeah.
FATHER: (claps him on the shoulder) Hey Jurg.
JURGEN: (threateningly) Get your hands off me.
ESTHER: Hip hip.
FATHER: Hurrah. Jurg!
ESTHER: Hip hip.
MOTHER: It’s suddenly gone all black.
ESTHER: Hurrah! Just film it mum!
MOTHER: I can’t see a thing.
FATHER: Impossible.
ESTHER: (goes to pick up a piece of toast)
MOTHER: Hands off. Is this thing broken already.
FATHER: This thing, Els, it’s a very expensive video
camera.
MOTHER: So.
FATHER: So it can’t be broken.
MOTHER: Has it got a guarantee Leo.
FATHER: It’s bloody broadcast quality.
MOTHER: Whatever that is.
FATHER: Here, it’s even says so in the instructions. (to
Esther) What does that say?
ESTHER: Broadcast quality.
FATHER: See?
MOTHER: But it doesn’t work Leo.
FATHER: I’m not a complete idiot Els.
MOTHER: Leo.
FATHER: As if I got that thing out the Trade.It, as if
I’ve turned up with some cut.price bargain or other.
Here. (shows Jurgen the brandname on the video
camera) What does that say? Right! Sony.
JURGEN: I think.
FATHER: Sony it says.
JURGEN: It’s just the battery.
FATHER: (as if he knew it all along) Exactly.
JURGEN: Or it’s not the battery.
FATHER: Hang on.
MOTHER: A battery should last longer than five
minutes.
JURGEN: Batteries run down, that’s normal.
FATHER: That’s common knowledge Els.
MOTHER: Well why don’t they do something about it
then?
FATHER: (wearily) If only life was that simple.
MOTHER: If something doesn’t work you have to make
it work.
FATHER: (suddenly very irritated) That’s typical, that’s
so typical eh. Els, a battery is just, it’s just.
JURGEN: You’re supposed to charge it up first. (plugs
the lead of the video camera into the electricity socket)
FATHER: I know that Jurgen.
MOTHER: Then you should have charged it up
beforehand.
FATHER: It was still in the box!
MOTHER: Then you should have taken it out of the
box!
FATHER: I can’t just, I’m not going to.
MOTHER: You could have known that I’d want to film
the whole brunch.
FATHER: But how was I supposed to.
MOTHER: (emphatically) This is my birthday Leo. Sorry
guys, we’re still sitting here because daddy was too
stupid to charge up the video.
ESTHER: How long is that going to take then?
FATHER: Have a piece of toast to keep you going
Esther.
ESTHER: (takes a piece of toast, relieved)
MOTHER: Put it back.
ESTHER: Mum.
MOTHER: Oh no Leo. It’s not as simple as that. We’re
going to sit here quietly until that thing is charged up.
ESTHER: I’m almost falling to bits.
MOTHER: Talk to your father about that then dear.
ESTHER: Dad.
FATHER: (makes a helpless gesture, “I can’t do
anything about it”)
ESTHER: Mum.
MOTHER: (motions to father)

(pause, everyone waits)

JURGEN: (takes a piece of toast)

MOTHER: You just dare Jurgen.
JURGEN: (steers the piece of toast slowly towards his
mouth)
MOTHER: I’m warning you Jurgen. You heard what I
said. Leo.
FATHER: Come on Jurgen, let’s just wait until the
video.
MOTHER: (increasingly irate, furious, as Jurgen steers
the piece of toast nearer and nearer to his mouth) You
just dare Jurgen. You’ve been warned now. Just you
dare boy. He’s going to be sorry if he does Leo.
FATHER: (helplessly) Jurg, mate.
MOTHER: It’ll be on your head. Oh, if you just dare. If
you just.
JURGEN: (stuffs the whole piece of toast into his mouth
in one go)
MOTHER: Okay Jurg. Okay.
JURGEN: (takes another piece of toast, and gives one
to Esther too)
MOTHER: Fine. That’s clear then.
ESTHER: (wants to eat the piece of toast, is in doubt)
MOTHER: (takes the piece of toast away) Right we’ll
just start all over again everyone.
ESTHER: Mum!
MOTHER: Not another word. I’m going to leave the
room now and when I come back we’re all going to try
our best and make a nice day of it.
FATHER: Els.
MOTHER: We’ll make a cosy, jolly and above all
uncomplicated day of it.
JURGEN: As if this is uncomplicated.
MOTHER: Starting from now. (exits)
JURGEN: (to Esther) Do you think we’re deprived.
ESTHER: What do you mean?
JURGEN: With parents like this.
FATHER: (irritated) It’s on guys. (his mobile rings) Oh
bloody hell! (looks at the display, answers the mobile)
We’re in the middle of the brunch. I haven’t got time
now, Esther and Jurgen are sitting at the table.
MOTHER: (from outside in the hallway) Can I come in
Leo?
FATHER: (shouts) Just a moment Els! (in to the
telephone) Listen, Els is coming in any minute, I’m
sitting here with that new camera. (sees that the
children don’t understand who he’s talking to) I’ll call
you later. (irritated) I’m saying I’ll call you later! (turns
the phone off, shouts) Just one second Els. (holds the
camera in front of his face) Okay guys.
JURGEN: Who was that?
FATHER: Someone from work.
JURGEN: How did he know we were having a brunch.

FATHER: Because I told him we were. (shouts) Okay

Els!
JURGEN: What’s it got to do with anyone from work?
FATHER: (takes the camera away from his face,
irritated) I don’t have to explain every little.
MOTHER: (has meanwhile entered, with a glass of
champagne) Cheers everyone, to me!
FATHER: (quickly picks up the video camera again)
MOTHER: You’ve missed it now Leo.
FATHER: Just go back a second, just go back a second
please.
MOTHER: Do you do this on purpose?
FATHER: I’m sorry. I just had to adjust something.
MOTHER: You just do it on purpose don’t you! (exits)
FATHER: Els! Hey, for fucksake Els. (goes after her)

(silence, Jurgen and Esther aren’t sure what to do)

JURGEN: (sticks his finger up, listens)

ESTHER: What is it.
JURGEN: That silence, it’s not normal. (pauses, listens)
What are those two doing?
ESTHER: They’ll be back in a minute.

(silence)

JURGEN: And who was he just talking to on the phone

for instance.
ESTHER: Someone from his work.
JURGEN: That’s not how you talk to someone from your
work.
ESTHER: So what.
JURGEN: What’s going on Es. They sit round the table
night after night. Whispering away for hours.
ESTHER: I know.
JURGEN: Or he paces the floor and she stands dead
still in front of the window. Night after night Es.
ESTHER: Der! I know.
JURGEN: That’s not normal is it. Nobody sleeps here in
this house. And during the day everyone acts as though
nothing’s going on.
ESTHER: Nothing is going on!
JURGEN: Rubbish. (he grabs her arm) There are games
being played here Esther.
ESTHER: Let go of my arm Jurg.