OJOH TAIWO

AMOUR OF LOVE

(Triumph of the Minds Eye over Intelligence)

 DEDICATION
To the almighty God, the source of wisdom, and the
giver of the greatest gift of nature.
 ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

To my Papa and Mama for the values they instilled in

me. Uncle Adewuyi Ayoola, you will always have my
superior gratitude. My worthy master Adeola Adesina,
your everlasting philosophies really provided the
impetus for this book. Francis Ehinmisan, your last
minute guidance made a great impact. My unreserved
appreciation also goes to all friends and acquaintances
with whom I am bonded by their ties of compassion,
kindheartedness and love. Most importantly I give glory
and praises to the Grand Creator for his love and
benevolence.

May his kindnesses and love abide over us unendingly.

Ojoh Taiwo.
 NOTE TO THE READER

In offering this book to my anonymous readers, I have

no foreword to write. But I shall only request that you
will bear in mind certain time-honored truths, which
sometimes escape our memories when we are reading
a work of fiction. Be interested then, to remember that I
am writing this book in my capacity as an ordinary, but
noble individual, I am writing this piece as an author and
writer, and I am writing this book as a mere commentary
on my observations of what happens around me. I am
not writing this piece as a believer in a particular creed,
or faithI speak freely for myself, and I crave your
tolerance to give me this liberty to speak forth my
sentiments freely, and without reserve.
There are two tragedies in life. One is to gain your hearts

desire. The other is to lose your hearts desire.

George Bernard Shaw.

 CHAPTER ONE

THE 5 FORMULAE

There was immaculate silence. The mood was

enthrallingly charged with concentrated passion and the
harmonization was hypnotizing. As if haunted by an
alien force they ambushed themselves on the couch.
They kissed! Kissed and kissed, and then paused,
staring strangely at each other. Suddenly as if being
remote controlled they started to kiss again and again,
so long as if there was never going to be an ending. And
finally they did it! Several minutes later, they were
cuddling sumptuously in a heap of pillows and thick
blanket, her head on his hairy broad chest, and his arm
round her shoulder. Slowly, the melody fades away
soporifically, and everything in the ambience glimmers
as if drenched in water gold.

Without doubts, the overriding mania that attracts us to

people of the opposite sex is our sexual responses.
However, we have been so deeply brainwashed into the
trendy romantic excerpt above that we no longer have
awareness of the morality of our emotional encoding. I
entirely believe that romantic love is sweet, but I
somewhat disagree that it is wholly fun. It will only
remain a harmless fun so long as we dont build our
lives around the fantasy scenes in the movies.

If love is merely what happens to selected few, then Id

say that this little tome is nothing but a narrative of my
love life. But I am very sure I am not entirely alone.
Undeniably, most of us adults have clear awareness as
to what indignity and pleasure are supposed to feel like.
But when in love, we rarely comprehend the more
arcane feelings, such as abhorrence and harmony.

The saying when you are in love, youll know it. Your
heart will tell you, is certainly only for the movies. In the
real life, we must use our head and think. Matters of the
heart are esoteric, and making choices is not just as our
heart dictates, but more importantly as our whole being
instructs.I write on the theory that some others may feel
the way I feel, and in the hope that I may help clarify
their mental perplexity.

There is a relationship between human desire and

reading; and even a more potent connection between
what we see and our romantic aspirations. In our
ignorance, we go northward to reinvent the script and
westward into the future with a spirit of idealistic
romantic voyage. To the east, we travel savoring the
aroma of romantic fantasies believing that it cannot
suffocate us, as long as, all parties realize that it just a
re-enactment of a script. Living this way, we invent a
new social order of romantic illusions where every
opposite sex we meet represents a bejeweled character
in our favorite Bollywood movie.

There is still one more longitude- the south. But sadly

we can never reach the premier. The world ends here.
Beyond this leeway, is nothing but a shore-less sea.
Death must surely bring us rest. We may well ask
ourselves whether we want to continue to live illusions,
or we want to live our own real love story.

The plot in conventional romance tales is mostly to

entertain and not to educate. Hence, an abstract
formula

Formulae 1: Boy meets Girl

A handsome knight meets a beautiful ordinary woman,
they exchange glances, and instantly love is born. Their
love just happens as only their feelings were involved
and knowledge of each other was not necessary.

In real life, true love is not just a feeling, and it doesnt

just happen, time must be expended to get to know the
other person and develop an enduring bond. Until we
are close to death, we cannot really assert that the
person of interest is the love of our life. For then, the
surviving couple can go on loving interminably beyond
the predictability of this mortal earth. The real bullet of
love to the heart is when a man and a woman can
continue in romantic love eternally.

Formulae 2: Boy loses Girl

Something happened and the girl went missing. The
knight vows to lay his life for the girl, and sets out on a
precarious journey in search of his woman. Eventually
he dies in the course.

In real life however, how many Romeo and Juliet, or

Helen stories actually do happen? Sometimes
storybook love just want to make us love heroes, girls
dont necessarily want love heroes; they want their men
to live.

Formulae 3: Burning passion

Strangely, the highlight of the erotic panorama at the
opening paragraph is not the melodramatic loss of
virginity, but that the heroines self-discovery and
happiness depends on the sexual prowess of the lovers.
For it to be love, it must be consummated. If you are
meant for each other, sex is fantastic, as happiness is
only to be found in sex.

In reality, with consummation, come shattered

expectations and dashed hopes. Flesh meets flesh; love
fades and the reality of the human temperament sets in.

Formulae 4: The Girl is perfect

She was without defects, perhaps sculpted by
Aphrodite.

In the real life, no love is perfect and no divinely pretty

woman. Men just have to contend with the natural flaw
of women and vice-versa.

Formulae 5: Live happily ever after

The couple married, bore cute kids and live happily ever
after. Romance novels rarely tell us what becomes of
the gentle knight or the submissive girl after marriage.

In the real world, life after marriage is significantly

different from that during courtship. The lovers rarely
retain their characters, as challenges would have tested
the relationship.

Any relationship based on these formulae is dust- bin

bound. It is possible for us to unlearn this error and
develop a more realistic relationship based on who we
choose to be and what we want rather than vainly trying
to reproduce storybook romance. As free moral agent,
we can originate our own unique relationship based on
something more real rather than on the romantic
illusions we have imbibed from the society.

The little we know about love does not transcend simple

observation, and whatever we write about love has
been written better by the great versifiers of the past.
Perhaps the only way to capture the true nature of love
is to experience the feeling and find out for thy self;
what love is. Love books are lyrical and sentimental.
The ordinary becomes sensational, nerves and bones
fuse to create an exquisitely flawless creation. The
problem with writing a book about love is that, it is the
problem of lettering our scrawled social identities in its
tainted state. Most animal species seem to have little
problem when choosing mates and dealing with
relationships. For them, the female heats up, she mates
with the male; end of discussion! Every single individual
being of the human species, however, have an unusual
awareness of love and we are the only species that is
bemused when it comes to matters of the heart.
The legendary playwright, William Shakespeare, was
one of the worlds finest lyricists; in his plays he portrays
love as a powerful drug capable of taking over all our
sanity. It doesnt matter whether we agree or not. When
romantic love is placed in the wrong context, it brings
nothing but pains and heartaches. Love is horrifically
frail and is something that can fracture like an egg.

When matters of the heart are left only for the heart to
decide, our essence slithers to ruination. Love can ruin
us when we love too easily. Romantic formulae only
exist in tales and no mortal man, can in point of fact;
give an authoritative rationale for love, because it
subsists in such an infinite multiplicity of forms, that
whatever we may say about it is very likely to be both
correct and hazardously inconsistent.
 CHAPTER TWO

LOVE COSTS A THING

The division between the worlds of love and lust is

difficult to distinguish in this age. Our actions in matters
of love have often times not been governed by the laws
of unpolluted reasoning, and decency but, by the
transmissions from our morally weak environment. In all
openness love as a gift of nature is celestial. I could
nosh you honey, and scintillating lines about how
wonderful love is. But that will be reprehensibly simple!
Every gifts of life has innumerable fulfillments and
inestimable benefits. This applies not only to physical
things but also to intangibles, such as love and
affection. Love is both the source of our heroic deeds
and vices. It is also that magic that put us peacefully to
bed at night, but wakes us restlessly with dread in the
morning.

The depraved pursuits of ooze pleasure once had an

unconscionable place in my psyche too. In the
sweetness of youthful exuberance, it is natural for man
to indulge in the illusions of romance, and hum the jingle
of the drum until it transmutes him into a bounty hunter.
I will be doing my readers the greatest mischief if I
consider even myself guiltless of treason towards my
conscience, and of an act of perfidy toward the majesty
of heaven, which I adore above all earthly kings.

Years of careful examination of the barrage of conflicting

theories on love have left me in a more convoluted
state. Love is not entirely a mystery, but I have achieved
more mental perplexity in trying to expound it. Our world
is full of bargain hunters. Among these are ever so
many who hope to get something for nothing. The
underlying sentiment is that love is both gratifying and
free, but little is said about love costing something
love on the house as some may say.While still under
the influence of romantic fantasies, many make the life-
changing mistake of getting connubial, but eventually, a
great percentage get jilted or divorced. Why? Because
their love was based on a mere suppleness of wine, and
dreams instead of the moral nature of the human heart.
The great felicities with which love stories are written
have also altered our perception of true love.

We persistently guard against every form of religious

falsehoods, political mendacities and societal ills, but
what about the most caustic fallacy- love dont cost a
thing? We have been deceptively indoctrinated into the
quixotic lore that love is just pleasure. Movies teach us
101 ways to fall in love, while poetry regale us with the
wonderfulness of this specter of the heart. Mercutio, the
secondary character in Shakespeares Romeo and
Juliet believes that love is physical, which is sex.
Getting something more enduring and mutually
beneficial was not important to him. His own type of love
cost nothing.

But why search for true love outside ourselves when it is

already in our emotional programming. True love is in
us, but lifeless because our emotional responses have
been tuned to illusions. Little wonder many young lovers
aim at illusionary benefits to suck bizarre sweetness
with infected passion. There is nothing to learn about
love from movies except what we have invented in this
world of illusion. We try to vainly replicate the tainted
storybook romance, but the very bud, and aroma of love
soon disappears. Bizarre satisfaction! That was what we
wanted.

Nonetheless, with bizarre romance come

disillusionments and epilepsies of wits and desires in
the heyday of our love life. We live in a democracy of
passion, where every desire is certified and endorsed to
be honorable. In his view of human conducts, the noted
French author of maxims and memoirs Franois duc de
la Rochefoucauld said everything is reducible to the
motive of self-interest. I equally believe that this manner
of romance is for mere sexual gratification, and not for
life. The wild feelings and intense sexual urge with the
person of interest is undoubtedly great and pleasant but
they are not to be indulged by lovers who hope to live a
happy life of love. For a certainty, I do believe that when
Mercutios physical love is truly altruistic; it cost
something!

With my own little experience I have come to realize

that, love that is lasting, be it romantic love, or love of
ones family or friends, or love based on a sense of duty,
or commitment invariably cost something. Granted, a
relationship without fantasies and romance is
unworkable because in fantasies; in romance; and in
sex we create a sanctuary for ourselves free from the
pains of this physical world. A young man caressing his
woman is not merely performing a physical act; together
they have travelled to the nirvana.

But for our love to be generous and complete we must

never extrapolate our pre-existing illusions into our
relationship, we must create our own real love story.
The price of selflessness must be paid. We must love
because we wanted to give, and share not because we
wanted to receive. Selfishness only comes from want of
the heart. We become selfish because we think the
pizza cost nothing. To corroborate this fact is a well-
known old tale of romance
Many, many centuries ago in a Mesopotamian city located in

what is today known as the country of Turkey, there lived a

young woman named Rachel. She was the second daughter

of a migrant Farmer and Shepherd. Rachel was a sweet and

very beautiful woman, while her elder sister was simple and

unadorned. One day, a young man in search of love proposed

to serve their father for seven years so he could marry

Rachael.

A wedding feast was arranged on the seventh year. But lo and

behold! It was the elder sister that the father presented to the

groom on the wedding night. Why did you trick me, I worked

seven years to marry Rachel for it was her I loved? Asked the

disgruntled groom when he discovered in the morning. It is

not the custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage

before the elder. Explained the farmer. If you willwork seven

years more I will give you Rachel. He added. The young lover
agreed, because seven additional years seemed still just like

some few days because of the love he had for Rachael.

As can be seen from the paraphrase of this love story,

the elder sister was married by deception to a man
whos first love was her younger sister. Rachel as the
story concluded received most of the attention in the
marriage. For the elder sister, no romantic tale of
courtship and no fun filled life in marriage but a loathed
and unwanted romance. The result was a serious
wrangling and row between the two sisters.

Like a flower, true love has to be well nourished with

time and attention. Fourteen years was quite a price; a
cost! Yes time and attention! For Rachel she had all the
love, time, and attention a woman could dream of in a
marriage but as for the elder sister, the deep rooted
need to be loved, to be cared for, and to be attended
upon was never realized. That was a cost too!

Love is not homogeneous. There are several variations

a love affair can take: there is a love connecting a
mother and her child, love between siblings or friends,
there is philanthropic love in which we help people with
whom we have no connection, and there is an unusual
kind of love we feel for a person of interest. Each of
these kinds of love is activated for different reasons and
has a cost.

Among the strongest union in this life, is the love that

brings a man and a woman together. It is this type of
love that has made nations into empires in the past, and
ended many great wars. This type of love could be too
intricate, too unmerited and too vindictive. It is capable
of destroying us and makes us vulnerable to soreness.
We may be free to express our love for our person of
interest, but the consequence is not free of troubles.
The ten-year Trojan War was fought because of the love
for Helen. Souls were lost, homes destroyed, and the
path of civilization changed for all time.

History had it that in the medieval times, love suicide is

glorified as an avowal of devotion. In the timeless
Shakespearian play, Romeo and Juliet fell in love
without realizing they were supposed to be enemies.
Their love was doomed to fail right from the word go.
There was a price; for the love to come to fruition the
young lovers must overcome the long-standing feud
between the two families.
The ultimate price was paid; Romeo thinks Juliet was
dead, when, in fact, she wasnt. He takes his own life
too. It was not the long-standing feud between the two
families that caused Romeo and Juliets death. And of
course Romeo did not just kill Tybalt (after Mercutio was
slaughtered) because of hatred. Romeo killed Tybalt out
of love for Mercutio. For the love of love for her
deceased lover Romeo, Juliet committed suicide. And
it was out of love for his presumed deceased lover that
Romeo drank the poison.

Without a doubt, the love of comrades caused the

characters in this Shakespeare play to lose their
judiciousness. The two families eventually became
united in love for the first time in decades but they had
paid a prize: the tragic death of their children. Humans
are the only creatures on earth who commits suicide
because of love.

Love burns, yet we continue to open ourselves to it,

because we are programmed to love the pains. Our
aggression can be redirected and even our sexual urge
can be controlled, but the need to love and be loved
cannot be extinguished until adequately satisfied. No
form of violence is too extreme when the soul is starved
of love. But that we fall desperately in love is no fault of
ours; it is the way of nature.

The sacrifices we make when in love is a litmus, that

true love only thrives on selflessness and the spirit of
giving, and the dilemma we face is a reminder that love
does cost something.
 CHAPTER THREE

A PROMISE FOR THE FUTURE

Man is man, so long as he struggles to rise above

nature. Life knows when we are ready for love, and
most times we are probably not ready. Lifes clock has
never failed to hallo its bell and man has never failed to
race against its timing. The origin of all love affairs is the
drama of man renewing his quest for social acceptance
and his battle against lifes clock.

My own love affairs have been a tale of numerous

lovers and countless mistakes. Times severally I had
forced myself to love the right person but have had my
heart broken. And times severally, a couple of ladies
have tried to love me unreservedly but I have broken
their hearts.

Love is a costly thing, and so too are the recollections of

the happenstances. Every time I go back to these
memories, my eyes water and I feel like I could have
done much better
Her name was Sidney. We met when I went to post a mail at

the post office. She was youthful, striking and unsoiled. I stole

her from a guy. It was a bravura affair. But then I suddenly

realized that her world was too youthful and untested. We

dated for a year or two. And then she called to tell me that

shes met her bone, a truly hardworking young man on whom

fortune had smiled and said she never wanted to hear from

me again.

I had never seen anything so breathtaking. Her russet

mustard eyes were like that of a mother confessor. I was her

first love. I stole her heart in those years when she was still

trying to figure out who she was, and who she wanted to be

with. She loved me with her whole mind and heart. I always

said the right things, did all the right things, I was the very

picture of everything she ever wanted in a man. I made her cry

more than I put smiles on her face. Yet she loved me wholly.

She was everything a man would want in a woman.

Notwithstanding, I felt she wasnt supposed to be the one. I

dumped her and dated Zoe DebbieAnne. They cried and

cried themselves out because I loved them no more.

But this was no fault of mine; likewise I do not blame

these ladies.We simply raced against time! The names
of these ladies of interest are permanently stamped in
my memory, for they are part of who I am now. Mother
once told me You dont profess friendship to every lady,
and you dont propose love to every woman. I never
understood mother then, but looking back I guess she
was right. There is a time to love, a season for
friendship and a period for self-discovery.

Having fallen in, and out of love, I have now, but one
map by which my heart is guided, and that is the map of
experience. I know of no way of judging of the future
but, by the past. In our quest for social acceptance, we
basically have to pass through a string of phases, from
which we either emerge happy or despondent but
transformed forever. For the majority of lovers, real life
fails to live up to expectations. But I guess that our past
romances are a series of lessons that advance us to
higher altitudes of loving and living. Then comes a time:
when we stop sailing the oceans recklessly; when our
love truly becomes a beacon of hope; when we finally
begin to truly understand what it feels like to love and to
lose someone.

In his book Man and Superman George Bernard Shaw

wrote, There are two tragedies in life. One is to gain
your hearts desire. The other is to lose your hearts
desire. I do not know whether Mr. Shaw had his heart
broken once or twice, but I do know that life knows
when we are ready for love. When our love glows too
brightly, its lifes clock telling us we need more time;
time to date but not to fall in love, and time not to date at
all, but just to figure out who we are. Failure to listen to
these circadian rhythms is what brings about the pains
of jilt. Depression, anguish, confusion, emptiness, and
pains. Without a doubt, love will eventually bring about
one of these, yet, those fleeting moments when we
were truly happy with love, those warm moments we
shared with our object of adoration, those times when
we breathe with love, makes love worth it, even if they
only lasted a minute.

Love is sweet, sweeter than honey but when it dies, it

can be hot, hotter than the fiery Gehenna. There is a
very thin line between love and hate; pleasure and
distress of the heart. In a flash, love takes us on a
rapturous voyage to the wonderland, but within a
millisecond we are teleported to the soul sucking
wilderness of revulsion for our person of interest. The
crest of love is regal, but the downside is more ruinous.
Gaining our hearts desire is all we could ever hope for
in this life. Knowing that someone else cares about us
gives us a stronger sense of purpose in life. The fraidy-
cat becomes a new man, with apperception and higher
dimensional ambrosia of living.
But tragedies do happen in love, yet we continue to
strive to find new love in someone and something else,
while love sits upon her golden throne grinning
manipulatively, and watching as man renews his quest.

I once read an interesting story about a man who didnt

believe in love. To him love does not exist because he
had loved utterly and have had his heart broken
severally. Wherever he goes, he tells people that love
as a bond is not only weak but incapable of connecting
two hearts. No matter how much we search for love,
the human spirit is not made for romantic love. Hed
claimed. To him, romantic love was nothing but an
invention of the poets and the novelists. Citing
examples of countless people who had committed
suicide in the name of love, he believed that love is
nothing but a plague from the world of the immortals.

From village to village he walked, and from empire to

empire he travelled preaching the gospel of love
doesnt exist. He would say love is nothing but a feared
relationship based on control. What happens on
wedding days is not celebration of love but a
commemoration of a lifelong emotional manipulation.
Lovers, in front of family and friends make promises to
each other; to live together for better and for worse till
death do them apart
Finally, let us take the fourth step, to acquire

knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love

and trust. Finally, let us take the seventh step and

become true companions and remain lifelong

partners.

Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring

according to the laws of Moses and Israel.

I offer you myself in marriage in accordance with the

instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet,

peace and blessing be unto him. I pledge, in honesty

and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and

faithful wife.

In the presence of God and these our friends and

families, I take thee to be my husband/wife so long as

we both shall live

Hear me clear and listen to my sayings! He would

continue. Never you be carried away with these sweet
words. No couple has ever lived happily after, and there
is no lifelong union. Marriage is nothing but life
imprisonment. In marriage, are a war, and a battle for
control. What you see is not mutual affection but mutual
emotional manipulation to see who will manipulate who.
All the promises made vanish and are replaced with
resentments just few months after marriage. And
someone would query. But my parents have been
happily married for decades? His reply! Oh thats a
facade. They have grown old together in the marriage
because they are afraid of the opinions and judgments
of others. You go home, and ask your father he will tell
you, 'I have had to live with your mothers manipulation
and temperament. Your mother will say Your father is
so egoistical but I have managed to live with his pride.
Ask your father,what is it a woman wants in marriage?
He will say sovereignty. And ask your mother, what is it
a man wants in marriage? She will tell you, supremacy.
Well we have tried to survive the matrimony. They both
will conclude. The simple truth about their responses is
that, eventually the weakest pair surrendered to the
other in the war. Where then is the flame called love?
Never let anyone manipulate or control your mind in the
name of marriage."

His arguments are quite factual and truthful. Truth be

told, women want sovereignty and men likewise want
dominion. But that we bend and accommodate each
others deficiencies is no weakness on our part, it is the
most forceful evidence that we truly care about our
partner. The couples survived the matrimony because
their love is selfless; they truly care not only about
themselves but more importantly the feelings of their
friends and families before whom they have vowed. This
is a triumph of the heart over flesh. It calls for ovation
and not denigration. In true love, couples must be more
than willing to live with the inadequacies and character
flaws of each other.

So strong was this mans persuasion that he acquired a

large followership. Jilted lovers flocked after him for
consolation and young men in search of love, tag on to
learn at his feet.

Then one day, while preaching his gospel at the village

square, he noticed a young woman in the crowd. Tears
were flowing heavily down her eyes as she listened to
him. He was curious at the immersed attention this
woman gave him while sobbing uncontrollably. For
years I was trapped in a loveless union called
marriage. Explained the woman when enquired. What
do you mean trapped, in a loveless union? Asked the
man.
The woman then narrated her tragic love experience
and concluded with these words. Love is pain! Giving
your heart unhypocritically in the name of love is the
most unfortunate fate that can befall a mortal man.
Where is my love.

Where is my hope.

Where is my reason to live.

I cherish you,

I want you,

I love you,

I crave for your warm embrace,

Memories keep coming back,

Happy times remain alive,

And tears keep rolling down.

But you are long gone.

My love has become my wound.

The flower has died of loneliness.

Love is pain

Fast forwarding the story, this man who didnt believe in

love and the young woman soon became the best
friends ever, and had a magnificent rapport. There was
no envy or jealousy, there was no control, and there was
no possessiveness. They loved to be together, because
when they were together they had lots of fun. When
they were not together, they missed each other.

Fast forwarding the story again, one particular day while

on the preaching tour, a most impossible and
unthinkable thought came to the man. Hmmm,
perchance what I feel for this my friend is love. But this
is so unlike what I have ever felt before. It is not what
the poets say it is. I am not deranged and neither is she
irrational. Perhaps love does exist, but it's not what
everyone thinks love is. He could hardly wait to go back
home to let her know about his remarkable thought. As
soon as he started talking, she said, I know exactly
what you wanted to say. I have had the same idea, but I
didn't want to share it with you because I know you don't
believe in love.

Hugging each other, they both echoed conceivably love

does exist, but it isn't what we thought it was.

We wish for love. To immerse ourselves in someone

else, and to awaken a heart long anxious to feel. There
can be no better joy if our wish be granted. But when
love is lost, we need not lose hope, and we need not
presuppose that our person of interest has a cold heart
or that he is a pervert. Definitely, he has a good heart
too, and he is capable of true love; we have only
overrated his moral maturity and inclination to commit.

Perhaps a side thing in life is when we meet someone

who means a lot to us, only to find out in the end that it
was never meant to be, and we just have to let go.
Giving someone all our love is not an assurance that he
or she will love us back. We should never expect love
immediately in return. We have to wait for it to grow in
their heart; be patient, it will grow in days, weeks,
months or years but definitely not a lifetime if the love is
meant to be. There is actually no lost love, but bad
timing. Conceivably, when we become too hasty to feed
our heart, we overlook the fact that, an everlasting love
is a promise for the future.

Love only get mellower with age and manifold of years.

True love is a promise for the future which cannot be
attained by those who seek precooked gratification. We
must let nature run its own errand. With time, someone
else, after us will certainly discover the gold in the heart
of our person of interest. It could be several years or
several lovers. Ultimately life knows that we are not just
ready for such an expedition. Love is not to be forced.
The best relationships just happen. All we need do, is
keep our mind open to love, love will in due course find
us. We just have to wait for the right person at the right
time and it will definitely be worth the wait. Remember
we need time; time to date but not to fall in love, time
not to date at all, but just to figure out who we are, and
more importantly we need time to grow mature in love;
otherwise our love ends in the day and yields no fruit.

Some resort to avenge their love tragedy on every other

human creature that offers them love. For days on
ending, they multiply their victims; they break several
hearts and subject innocent souls to agonies. But, we
are not made to live a life of no love and neither are we
made to hate love. The gracious creator in his
understanding of our hunger for love has made us
superbly resilient. Remember, the beginning of all love
affairs is the excitement of man as he renews his quest
for social acceptance

I walked the sandy Sahara,

Endured the searing heat,

Yet the vacant horizon keeps staring at me.

I travelled from the watercourse to the deep-sea,

 The waves of the rising tide keeps playing an arid tune,

And from the roar of the wind comes a friendless loneliness.

I dived into the ocean,

Buried myself deep down earth,

Hanged myself high up heavens,

Only to come out dripping with lonesomeness,

Reheat with solitude,

And wafted further away.

Like waiting to have a firm hold of a paper suspended in

midair by the blowing wind,

I waited patiently as the hands of time keeps ticking forward.

The sun withdrew it light,

Darkness and gloominess engaged the day,

And my dream seems consumed by the shadows,

My hope seems swallowed whole by the darkness of the night.

But my single-minded heart was unconquerable!

And unbowed!

Then suddenly little by little,

The moon and the stars shine brilliantly brighter and lighter.

Bringing life back into the night.

Peering out of the window into the brighter night,

 I saw the most charitably sculpted creature walking towards

me.

As she walks the charming melody of love hums tenderly.

She raised her celestial eyes,

And I became wholly enveloped by her splendor.

Like two doves we embraced heartily and played HugO War,

We chuckled and rolled on the floor.

We kissed and grinned and cuddled

As social creatures, we have a drive and a destiny to

love and deeply care about someone. We must make
new connections, and fill our hearts with acquaintances.
Regardless, how many hearts we break in vengeance
or how strong our resolve never to love again; the flower
is just beginning to blossom. The human heart will
always gain time to fall in love again and again. It is the
way of nature, we are destined to recover from lost love,
renew our quest, and hope for love again.

Those who believe that destiny is the chief mover of all

things believes we should not exert ourselves to acquire
anything in this world, for sometimes we do not get what
we wanted although we strive to get it, while at other
times it comes to us of itself without any exertion on our
part. Everything therefore, they say is in the power of
destiny, who is the lord of gain and loss, luck and
misfortune, of pleasure and throbbing, love and hate.
Accordingly we should not strive for love or bother much
about our soul mate, as our path has been pre-written.
Only providence, they claim, determines the identity of
our person of interest and it is destiny only that can let
our path cross.

This is a wrong idea, as the acquisition of anything pre-

supposes some form of exertion on our part, the
application of proper means could be said to be the
cause of gaining all our ends, and this application of
proper means is thus, necessary (even where a thing is
destined to occur). Love is destined to happen to us
sooner or later in our life. An African proverb says that
happy is he that goes hunting for rats and catches an
elephant. When we fill our heart with persons of
common interest; be it our siblings; workmates; or mere
comrades, love must happen and this is a form of
exertion. It follows therefore, that a person who does
nothing will enjoy no happiness in this world.
 CHAPTER FOUR

DESTINED TO LOVE

Our identities and social selves in this world reside in

our love life. Likewise, the yearning for providence is
nowhere potent than in our love life. Most of us are
raised with the belief that we will one day find the One-
that special person with whom we are meant to spend
our eternity. We dream that we would one day find that
man or woman of our dreams, get married in the spring,
bear beautiful kids in the fall, and live a happy life of
love.

However, we are just one person in a world of billions as

our planet earth brims with random lottery of people.
Perhaps nature will for this reason forgive us for a
certain unempirical faith that we would in due course
effortlessly find a creature that can appease our painful
yearnings for love.

If our entreaties be granted and our faith be rewarded.

Then can we safely attribute our romantic encounter
with our knight and princess to providence?

Be it logic or chance; providence or cause, we are fated

to one day bump into the man or woman of our dreams
and embark on a journey together.

In love we were conceived, and we live to love. Even

though we many times do not notice, every aspect of
our subsistence is governed by love. The cinemas,
newspapers, magazines, novels, music, advertisement
boards, arts, soap operas, everywhere we turn to, there
is something about love. From the Caribbean to tropical
Africa; and from the Americas to the Middle East we
pursue the same dream of romantic love and the only
sane reason for this identicalness in our romantic quest
is our inbuilt emotional programming. We keep thinking
of the way it was in the movie; Romeo and Juliet, St
Valentine, Helen of troy etc.

With love, the lovers created a perfect world for

themselves, colored it with intense passion, and
became consumed with each other. The maiden in love
loves being swept off her feet, longing for more even to
the point of death. I will rather die than loose the feeling
of loving him. She would say.

These intensely romantic tales just makes us want to

faint and wish that it was us in the scene; that we are
Romeo or that we are the unrivaled beauty queen
Helen. In our love life, we try to make the stories into
reality or compare it to reality; hence our longing for
providence to take its course in our love life. But does
providence really chart our romantic voyage?

The truth of the matter is, we can never foreknow who

or what will inspire love, under what circumstance or
why. Many have sought to love who they think was the
right person but it never worked out. When we fall in
love, it seems doubtful that we become reality bound.
Our mind plays trick on us and we begin to assign some
variables to our chance encounter that finally, that
waiting for love is over. It could be surprising how
previously negligible events and inconsequential
episodes in our life suddenly become the most
important chains and turning points in our voyage.
Millions of events happen in our everyday life, each
acting its own script innocently, on its appointed date, in
forwarding the plan, and they are all necessary; to have
left out any one of them would have changed the story.

Those previously negligible events now become the

turning point, or put appropriately the creator of a new
order in our love life. But of course one will be the most
identifiable as the last vital link in a very long chain of
turning points commissioned to give birth to our love
story.

The human mind plays the trick and it must solve it own
brainteaser, so it behoves on us not to allow it to yank
us into the fairyland. The genius of the mind when in
love can be seen in the entire series of days leading to
the love encounter. Each day in turn is created by
circumstances predominant, and the yearnings of our
soul for love in the natural world gives power to but one
at a time. The creation of a love story in previously
inconsequential chapters in our life is merely the
externalization of our inherent desire to the manifold
world. Without rest, the human mind goes forth from the
beginning of time to personalize every encounter, every
reflection, and every sensation, which belongs to it in
appropriate events.

The scene of the mind-imposed turning point in my love

life was the auditorium of my faculty. It was there that
the last link in my romantic life was forged. It was my
final year in the university. Before then I had never been
committed to any relationship not because I dont want
but because I was an academically busy student. In
additional to my academic workload, I was studying for
a professional career in Finance.

I had however been privileged to see love in a whole

new perspective. I had fallen in and out of love and
come to the realization that for love to grow it must be
nurtured with time, attention and commitment, which
was lacking in me. I hear my friends talk about girls, and
sometimes I hear them talk about breakups. A word,
which I had by then come to associate with the world of
love and lust.

Love and Lust a one-syllable word like every other

one-syllable words in the English dictionary, but capable
of starting wars or ending age long family feuds. When I
hear my friends in the University talk about love, I
cannot but wonder how extremely emotional and gullible
the female gender could be when in love. In fact what
most men want, unknown to women is sexual
gratification, because men generally in my own opinion
are less emotional when most women knows and
understands what it means to truly care about someone.
Women take everything very seriously and to heart, but
that's not to say that men do not get emotional in
relationships. They do and sometimes very seriously
too, but men are just more relational, they like to forget
and quickly move on.

I had also come to realize that in matters of the heart,

patience is a virtue, and likewise, desiring a particular
outcome is by no means wrong unless if one is waiting
under the flawed notion that destiny will triumph over
all circumstances in order to achieve one particular
favorable ending. We must bear in mind that the road to
self-actualization is never set in stones. In freedom, we
can recreate ourselves and alter outcomes. We are not
prisoners of providence but as free moral agents, we
have been created.

One ordinary evening, with absolutely no thought of a

love encounter, I had unintentionally gone for an
orientation session organized by Club30 for all the new
students to the ivory tower. The venue was the newly
commissioned auditorium. The amphitheater was
benevolently lightened with white bulbs, and orange
balloons suspended by white ribbons hung up the
ceilings.

On the stage was a large table covered with plain white

cloths, and a purple drape. A classic African hip-hop
playing solo in the background made the ambience
glowed. I cannot but notice the heavy presence of new
students still basking in the euphoria of their new
environment. A number of white polypropylene
tarpaulins were also neatly set outside the auditorium.
There were reinforced grommets at all the corners and
along the sides to form attachment points for the ropes
allowing for the tarpaulins suspension. The ropes were
elegantly flowered and decorated with orange ribbons
and balloons. White plastic chairs had been arranged
under the tarpaulins.

A municipal man on the high table stood up to address

the audience. The man was stout, with round head, fat
cheeks, full neck, and a boorish voice inordinately
amplified by a horrific microphone that made his words
lackluster.

Bored and unable to concentrate, I decided to sit under

the canopy outside. Hoping to have a view of the sky, I
sat on one of the plastic chairs at the edge. With little
interest in the event and no familiar face, I looked up the
cool blue sky to gawk at the birds of the heavens. I
found something comforting about the sky; the sight of
the clean white cloud soothed my nerves and relieved
my jaded soul.
My meandering continued till the chance encounter
became piously radiant. I decided to deaden my
sensory organs to the arid speech and the intermittent
rambling voices of the students. This action made the
beautiful tones of the flying creatures seemed so distinct
and articulate as it were the melodious track of a home
theater. I could not but find calm and awe as these
creatures stretch out their wings, soaring effortlessly
with incredible serenity; and over their bare shoulders,
their feathers shone brilliantly in the sunshine.

This program is so lifeless. Remarked a voice beside

me.
It meant to orientate you. Mold you into the right way of
thinking, inject some sanity into your raw minds, and
teach you the way of civility. I replied reflexively.
"What did you just say?" The voice thundered with
confusion.

It was at that point I noticed that the person sitting next

to me was a lady, for I was before then in a world of my
own.
She was an average height fair lady, with a jolly face
and a soprano voice. I could tell by her ebullient face full
of life and warmth that she was intelligent.
I didnt mean to be rude. I just like talking straight
sometimes. I responded diffidently.

You are likely going to spend the next four years of

your life among people from different cultures, diverse
outlook, and strange orientation. The program
emphasizes the importance of tolerance and alignment
of perspectives. The funny aspect of it again is that by
the end of four years on campus you discovered the
world has changed from what you used to know. Life
outside college is hostile. It is a more brutal battle, a
competition, and an unending race. I explained.
That was noble.She responded.
And then she hit back at me.
I guess this program was non-existence when you
were matriculated.
I disregarded her remark, extended my hand for a
shake and said My name is Sammy Smith.
She replied with a disarming smile I am Jane Elliot.
A barter of memoirs quickly followed.

I am allergic to long hours of sitting. Would you like to

have a saunter with me? I inquired.
Sure! She replied.
We left our seats, stood by one of the suspension ropes,
and chatted. The conversation afforded me an
opportunity to have a more appropriate view of her
womanly figure. She was wearing an orange blouse
with a black jacket, a fitted black jeans and a light brown
flat shoe. On her neck was a short silver necklace. She
had the ideal structure of a black woman; fairly chubby
with moderate bottom, and sufficient hips. She had this
easy and effortless beauty which was enhanced by her
perfect brows, and delicately colored lips.

The saying that the hair is a womans crowning glory

was what Id never given thought to until I met Jane.
With Jane, the saying is indeed very true. She had a
chicly made cornrows, and the under woven braids lying
flat on her head were gracefully sculpted into simple
partitioning. The straight braid was divided into three;
one part was packed together to form a ponytail at the
back while the remaining two tails were dropped forward
round her two shoulders. That evening, the crown on
her head uplifted her appearance. Janes choice of hair
braiding and perfect brow shape lifted her face, made
her more youthful and perfectly in proportion.

The interaction of our personal attributes with the

environment gives rise to stories about love. We all
have love stories, an image of our ideal romantic movie
which we seek to fulfill in our life. These are not
independently created but rather environmentally
influenced. Some are the fairy tale Shakespearean of
the Romeos and Juliet; while very few are actually
based on real events. Before meeting a person of
interest, we have a mental picture of how our object of
adoration will look like, and as soon as a resemblance
crosses our path, there is eagerness to become familiar
with that person as we project all our bottled-up
emotions upon the object of adoration.

Whatever our love tale, one thing holds true; we are

fated into this world to at one point fall in love. Without
hurry, without rest, the human spirit goes forth from the
beginning searching for that potent magic that can turn
all of the ugliness in this world into the most eye-
catching sketch we could ever have the pleasure to
behold.

We are born into this world, and there is something

within us from the very first minute of our existence that
must be activated and this proclivity only grows itself
with the development of our nature. Love is not just the
visual rendering of our peripheral being but an
assemblage of the atoms of which our nature is
composed.

Albert Einstein once said, Put your hand on a hot stove

for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty
girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THATS
relativity. By the time the program finished I had plainly
fallen in love with Jane. I never wanted the conversation
to end; I never even wanted us to part. I was later to
learn that true love takes time to grow, for to be mature
in love is to leave behind our romantic flight of
imagination and proceed to travel on the bumpy road of
realities. To speak of love after I had only just spent an
hour with Jane is to encounter charges of romantic
hallucination. But did I really fall in love with Jane at that
hour?

Of course there was no way to tell what the stars had in

mind for Jane and me. Only time which lies in its own
way could possibly tell if that hour was indeed the
beginning of our forever!

While I do not believe that every of our action has been

predestined by the creator, I am of the opinion that there
is a connection between the minutes of our life and the
centuries of time. There is a 100% chance that we will
all fall in love. This I believe is the ultimate fate that must
befall all living being. Because love eventually came
true for Jane, and me, I might be tempted to attribute
our chance encounter to destiny.

The mathematical probability that brought us to the

same place at the same time and same seat is the most
unlikely to have come true. A study mate had helped me
pick up a book I left at the library the previous night. I
did not meet him at his hostel as arranged. A particular
fellow had told me that he saw him walking towards the
new auditorium, so I traced him to the auditorium. At the
intersection, I had stopped for a split second, looked
heedlessly around, proceeded absentmindedly to the
hall and activated our love story.

Jane on the other hand had gone to the student affairs

to collect an introduction letter for her Industrial
Attachment and was told the student affairs officer is a
Club30 member.

I might decide to assign a storyline to our meeting; Act

1, Scene 1. Or credit Aphrodite for course-plotting the
love encounter. Neither of us would ordinarily have been
at the Club30 event, but could it be that right from the
time of our births someone somewhere; a metaphysical
being had been directing our affairs unknown to us? But
who would that be? The Greek goddess; Aphrodite?
Perhaps the almighty God himself unknown to us has
right from time been cannily altering our compass so
that I would forget my book in the library, a friend would
pick it for me, I would miss him at the hostel, and trailed
him to the hall where I met Jane who had also been
there by the most unlikely odds.

The great French mathematician-philosopher Blaise

Pascal laid the foundation of the probability theory. He
used a complex combination of geometry and algebra to
devise the first systematic mathematical technique for
calculating the probabilities of future events. Notable
scientists and mathematicians have extended and
further developed upon Pascals theory. Datum from the
past are meticulously analyzed to predict the future, to
ascertain events, to study how a sample number of
observations can be representative of a much bigger
population, to understand and draw distinctions
between causation and correlation.
If probability is what helps us predict future events, then
wouldnt it be correct if we say that it is a measure of our
ignorance? But how could we safely predict phenomena
by measuring our ignorance?

There were about five hundred people at the Club30

event, so I assume that the probability of me sitting right
beside Jane that day was 1 in 500. If I however,
consider the fact that I had spent close to five years in a
school of several thousands of students and tens of
thousands of visitors, with hundreds of social clubs and
events I would want to believe that the mathematical
probability that brought us together was 1 in 1,000,000.

A probability of 1 in 10 might have tempted one to

markdown predestination, but given such a low
probability of 1 in 1,000,000, we might conclude that
definitely someone was changing our flight path. Man is
bound to speculate about the workings of nature beyond
his understanding, but I am sure nature will pardon us
for this.

To what chapter or page shall we rewind the love

encounter? To when I stood momentarily at the
intersection, and assumed I had not proceeded to the
hall? Or the night I went to the library and assumed I
had not forgotten my textbook? Or to two days before
and assumed I had not gone to the library at all?
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Or to the day I sat the entrance exam to the
University and assumed I had failed? . We
could even rewind to the day I was conceived and
assumed my mother had had a miscarriage. We could
erase my entire journey or existence on the planet
earth. The fact remains that love would still have
happened to us anyway. We would still have fallen in
love; Jane to Lover A, and me to Lover B had events
turned out differently. There was no scroll and there was
no predestined face waiting for me at the hall. The
inescapable was love, and never a face.

If what our love life is, at the moment was a result of

prior proceedings, it certainly follows that whatever we
wish it to be in future can be produced by our present
decisions and not by destiny. Our love lives are not
assured by any extra-terrestrial being and nobody is
course plotting our love journey. The error of fate is to
confuse our destiny to fall in love with our destiny to fall
in love with a preordained face.
We know what happened in the Garden of Eden. Adam
and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree because they wanted
to be the one who would decide for themselves. They
were emphatically made to understand that their lives
ultimately depended on their own decisions. As free
moral agents, they did with their lives as they pleased;
yes, as they wanted their lives to be, and not as they
were predestined to act.

We could decide to go back to this time in history and

wished Adam and Eve had not eaten the forbidden fruit.
Of course, something different would have happened.
The fruit would still be intact today; there would be no
sin; there would be no imperfection, there would be no
suffering; and this wicked world would never have been.

However, there would still be us; there would still be the

human family but in a different setting. And more
wonderfully, there would still be love stories waiting to
be activated. There would still be a long chain of
episodes and several consequential turning points
commissioned to give birth to our love encounter.
 CHAPTER FIVE

THE PERFECT BALANCE

Everyone wants to be happy in this world. But there are

only a few of us who are truly happy. To be happy, many
look to power, some to fame, and some spend their
whole life acquiring all there is to acquire with money.
But none of these gives the happiness or the emotional
and transcendent fulfillment for which the creator has
made us.

There is one basic purpose that connects all of us in this

world, love. It is the repository of our joy. No human
would have been born into this world if he were not
capable of this purpose. My feelings for Jane made me
question my own worthiness. For several weeks, her
thought has been breaking forth into my consciousness
with the urgency of a matter that needs immediate
attention.

We had decided to go to the park at the end of the

boulevard adjoining the University guesthouse. The
evening was windy and the atmosphere was full, which
almost made us a little morose date. My heart sank as I
tried to anticipate everything; our discussion, the
seating, and our every move. It is comical how extra
sensitive we become when we fall in love. Our sensory
organs become supercharged, reacting to, and
multiprocessing every frequency. Every utterance and
even the noblest of gestures point to several thousand
possibilities. Remarks that would in our ordinary life
encounters be taken at the face value now drain
dictionaries with a million probable connotations.

You look take home to Mama Oh I - I - I m - e - a

- n I mean you look good!
I stammered in self-correction as I opened the car door
for Jane.

Now I am a very eloquent person. I have always had my

way with fine phrases in approaching women. But
lacking coherence at this very hour, I guess is absurdly
the unbeatable confirmation that, I in sincerity meant the
right words.

We silently drove down the boulevard, occasionally

stealing glances but my reflection was full. No matter
how emotionally stable a man maybe, a time comes in
his life, when he must have passion for a woman, even
if it were to last just a minute. Some men wait a lifetime
for their first and only experience, but I was one of those
fortunate young men who did not wait a lifetime. I only
waited two decades to have my very first feel of this gift
of nature. While the ride lasted, my thoughts wandered
insentiently backward, showing me a picture in the
golden colonnade of the past
Becky Campbell was the person of interest and the Faj

Orchard in the city of Lagos was the scene. It was during my

vacation in the city. Her grace was enchanting and the comfort

level I felt with her was so natural. It was the very first time I

felt something for someone. She was kind, charming and

warm.

The day in this picture of my past, was a blustery shadowy

evening. A heavily clouded twilight lay low and pink in the

west. We had met at the orchard by arrangement. While we

were walking slowly to, and fro out of sight of people towards

the shadowy alleyways of the shrubbery, she said something

about not being hurt or disappointed. In my touchiness to

show genuineness of passion, I forgot my refinement as a

gentleman of honor and told her my whole being belongs to

her; that she is the only woman meant for me in this whole

wide world. Having drained the fine lines, and eloquent

vocabularies of love, I promised to visit her during my next

holiday. But I was young and naive. She did no wrong at all;

nevertheless, I broke all my promises and left her with

soreness of heart. I dumped her in wants of feeling. I left

without a goodbye. I shattered every moment of our together.

I have been back in time and into the future. I have

been on journeys, met women of different shades, race
and societal standing. They have all taught me about
love and loss, and, have learnt what its like to see
things from the other side. I have learnt never to cut off
without proper ending and come to understand the
meaning of finishing something I started, and never to
leave without a befitting closure. More decently, I have
learnt never to create fantasies and ideas of women, but
rather try to understand the complex inner-workings of a
woman and to see through her pure heart. Coming back
to this present day and time, I have come to the
understanding, that what Becky Campbell wanted that
night was to seek comfort in my presence, and to find
hope in my voice. That was supposed to be the flawless
balance of the flora. But in my own moments of
delicious absorption, and terrific forgetfulness of the
hard ways of life, I had promised her what I did not
have. And with this woman beside me in the car at this
very minute of my life, calm and poised, I say, give a
woman love; give her hope, give her faith, and there is
nothing she will not risk, suffer and do for her man.

I looked at Jane, she was unusually simply attired, I

guess to please herself. Her eyebrows were well ample
in form and ascetically shaded. As to the face in
general, it was finely dabbed with white lavender
powder. The whole portrait, as I beheld, exemplified a
woman of peerless virtue, rather too noble and settled in
her moments of muteness and relaxation- in short a
lady who fails to strike the average bystander at first
view, but who gains, in extensive assessment on a
second and sometimes on a third opinion.

There was a local band playing at a corner of the park.

We decided to take our seat some distance away from
the band, but close enough to have a feel of the afro-
hip-hop. As I held her hand walking to our seat, I felt a
connection so right; it was warm and hypnotizing.
During the course of our existence, we undergo many
changes. As time progresses, new styles and practice of
writing evolve. But, our emotion is always with us. Our
emotions, unlike writings are not controllable and do not
change. Love is one emotion that may vary in the way it
is expressed in writing, yet remains uniform in the way it
is felt.

Romantic love, someone said is a fuzzy state of

wakefulness. We lose our ability to think straight or
even speak legibly. I literally went blank as a current of
overpowering passion unexpectedly enveloped me. I
placed my hands on the table tapping my fingers
nervously, feeling excited yet apprehensive. The
cheerful vibes didnt seem to calm me down either. I
was just staring blank at the damsel sitting across the
table.
Barman! I called out as I finally regained my
consciousness. Please let me have a bottle of chilled
odeku (name for big Guinness stout which allegorically
means man power) and a full plate of isi ewu (peppered
soup with goat head).
Ladies first she whispered.
Oh am sorry, I lost my manners. I said defensively.
What would you like to have? I asked Jane.
Just a bottle of chilled water. She replied.
Is that all? The barman enquired.
Yes just water. I will share the Isi Ewu with him. She
responded.
She looked at me and asked, should you have odeku?
Yeah that my brand of beer. I replied.
No Sammy, Odeku? People m.i.g.h.t, never mind. Am
fine, if thats your brand.
People might what? I cut in.
People might think that there is an after game!
.Odeku-Manpower! She said emphatically.
Oh now I understand your point. It is as you please
then. I said composedly.
The barman soon came with the course. No, no dont
bother to open again, please just return the odeku. I
told the barman as he attempted opening the beer.
So what should I bring instead He asked startlingly.
Nothing. I replied sharply.
But you cant take a hot Isi Ewu without something to
cool it off?Jane objected.

Now gaining my confidence back I said with a

consuming passion. A glass of water shared with a
friend is love shared.
She smiled sheepishly.
Let have another glass, please. I told the barman.
I could see the immediate effect of that singular
statement on her. We began to enjoy our hot Isi Ewu in
silence pretending to be busy with it, humming the
music playing in the background and avoiding staring
straight into each others eyes. But I was actually busy
within
I can no more hold back my feelings. I may have been

romantically dim-witted, but I am human after all and I am

capable of true love. I am in love with this woman. What I have

for her is real and I really do mean good for her. I know she

feels the same for me. But our culture says it an abomination

for a woman to ask a man out. Such a woman would be seen

as not only lacking in virtue but also a disgrace to

womanhood. Not that I side with culture but I believe in the

pride of a woman. Hmm, how do I say my mind without

sounding clumsy? Well, no man deserves to be punished for

expressing his feelings for the woman he loves. I am a man! I

am a bachelor! I am going to take this woman home to mama!

And I am going to ask her out this very minute.

Just then a lady with an African handmade knit with

local thread passed by. Looking at the lady I said Your
choices of hairstyle and eyebrows have always made
an impression on me Jane.
Really? she said.
Yes really. I can begin to tell you all the styles youve
made these past months. I added.
What? You dont mean it.
Am serious. Cornrows with straight braids, Sade Adu,
Twisting, Suku braiding
Stop it Sammy! She cuts in with laughter.
And now baby face. I concluded.
What do you know about womens hair other than the
names anyway? She remarked reflexively.
I may not know anything about womens hair, but I do
know that it is a womans crowning glory. The hairstyle,
brow shaping and color make up are the starting point
for a womans beauty. I replied.
Why. She asked.
They add balance, and symmetry, to the face. I
immediately replied.
With curiosity and keen interest she asked again. How
does my brow come into the picture?
I continued. Your eyebrows serve as the perfect frame
for the rest of your face. When brow is over or under-
arched you create a wrong shape for your face. Over-
tweezing your brows makes you look older while a fuller
brow makes you look more youthful. And now, your
brows should not exactly match your hair color. Beauty
therapists recommend that brows be about a shade
darker than your hair color to create balance and
definition in your face. You know men are easily
attracted to what they see Jane. Our eyes constantly
seeks out balance and symmetry when assessing a
womans beauty. I concluded my analysis.
Hmmm, I guess if they award college credit for that, by
now you would have had your PhD. She said
amusingly.
But that a womans world for you anyway. Unlike men,
we are always self-aware. She added.
Seeing the atmosphere less charged, and more relaxed,
I said. That a lady knows she should be self-aware of
simple things like that is what makes a man fall victim.
Victim? She echoed.
Yes victim! Victim of love! And I am one such man,
Jane. I said with an unusual candor.

Without allowing for her response, I continued. For

months I have been asking myself just one simple
question. Am I in love with her? And I keep getting same
reverberating answer. Yes Sammy you are in love with
this untouched creature...
Fire is what destroys the elegance of the mahogany,

The ash is a blemish on the radiance of the burning fire,

The sleekness of the ashes goes with the wafting wind,

Love and wealth is what purifies the beauty of a woman.

The star may only wish, it can never be as bright as the moon,
 The parrot may be talented, but the grace of the peacock is

astounding,

The more I look at you, the more I see the handwork of the

creator.

I have seen many wonders,

I have seen many great works of men exceptionally gifted,

But the day I met you was the day I knew that the creator is

the greatest potter,

He chisels us into whatever ornament he so desires

Looking straight into her eyes, I said. Jane, I do not

know tomorrow, I do not even know if tomorrow will
come or whether there is a tomorrow. But for a
certainty, I know there is a today, I know there is the
present, and more importantly I know that what I feel
for you at this very hour is very real. What mere hope
brings is blazing trepidation and not fulfillment. I want to
step out on conviction that I have truthfully loved you,
that I do, and that I will. I guess thats worth preserving,
Jane, at least for the present. That we met of course
was unpremeditated, and becoming your friend was my
choice, but falling desperately in love with you is beyond
my control. Like a switch, something has been flicked
somewhere by someone, and I cannot imagine my life
without you. Sleep has deserted my eyes at night. I do
not want to go to bed, because my moments with you is
better than the dream world
Take me with you,

Let me be your jailbird.

To be the protector of your maiden days is all I dream of.

And to be your friend is all I wish.

If tomorrow doesnt come,

Well have no regrets.

Our today is a divan of roses

Jane was expressively silent, and I could read the

unuttered lyrics on her dreamy face

You said you love me,

I guess I neer knew.

But does man ever, ever really know the way of love?

I believe in love.

I have always and always will.

You have made a distinction.

Your heart is pure and untainted by lust.

Your beam is a supple kiss on my consciousness.

Did you say youre a victim too?

 I have been stung by the viper,

My heart is bursting with it venom.

There is no saving for my soul,

No remedy for my heart, but to love more.

Extraordinary powers have filled my tiny muscles,

Perhaps I should enter a boxing contest.

I have met my soul mate, love has bechanced,

But the aroma is driving me crazy.

What tag shall we then give love?

A bug, an intoxicating liquor, and a consuming fire

Jane eventually found her way back to the real world

and said cheerily, those lines are truly romantic
Sammy. But I guess poetry is sentimental and all about
seduction anyway. Which poet was that? She asked.
I replied Sammy Smith. I then continued, Poetry is
supposed to be poetic, not seductive. That your
beauty light up my night is accurately romantic Jane.
But that I speak of your grandeur in such lustrous lexis
is as the honesty of my heart push me to confession
If I could number the lines of your grace,

Id say it glows the midnight luminary.

And if I could christen the loveliness of your presence,

 Ill proclaim to the world

It radiance outshines heavenly harmony.

But I fear peoplell say,

Oh this poet lies!

I confess as my perception lead me,

And as my solemnity push me to declaration.

Your elegance put the elements at peace

Someone once said that there is a perfect balance in

life. Everything about nature he said is self-balancing.
Life brings to us exactly what we need. We need love, it
just the way we have been made. But what ruin our
chances of love are the thoughts in our head. What if
she says no? What if she doesnt feel the way I feel?
What if I am incapable of love? What if the chances for
love have passed? What if she is not supposed to be?
What if I come to regret my decision...? A flaw of the
natural world is that nothing ever remains the same.
People change, feelings weakens and love grows faint,
what if our love fades?

Intimacy is a four syllable word. It comes attached to

three Rs in our love life: Roommates, Relations, and
Romance. These are things that can get so long-
winded, impossible to live without or get right a hundred
percent. Sometimes we hope we could escape them, or
that there were some kinds of travel guide for intimacy
that can tell us when we have crossed the line.

However, I do believe that there is nothing to fear

except the persistent denial to find out the truth that we
are in love; and that destiny is calling out. Clarity of
mind, someone once wrote is clarity of passion. The
peak where all things became possible. The blaze when
a choice was made. The gasp before the declaration
was made. And the most lasting chain reactions that
were started by those moments and our choices are
always the ones started by love
Feelings once buried

Are now expressed to you.

Days once filled with hotness

Are now bursting with refreshing cologne.

Dreams long frustrated

Are now coming to fruition.

A heart once drenched in lonesomeness

Has found a friend.

My troubled soul has been brought to peace and harmony,

 Like that of a dawdling flowing river.

My love for you, I wholeheartedly proclaim.

From you I shall never depart

What I have for Jane is real. Ding-Dong! Ting-a-Ling!

Destiny calls; Here I am! I will seek for my own
happiness in this world
 CHAPTER SIX

THE TWO VANITIES

Someone once said, sex is the most dreadful demon in

hell. I say he is wrong. Perhaps he is ignorant of such a
controlling force as the cajolery of a woman. I mean,
clearly, he never met Debbie. And of course he never
kissed Jane. In retrospect, it was one of those
encounters in my life I wish I could have back. Even
writing this I get butterflies in my stomach by the
reminiscences. I had never before those encounters felt
an unbounded desire to escape from bodily precincts
into the world of forever

In my zest to feel love again, I fancied myself to have found

true love in Debbie. She was a light skinned young woman

with corpulent forms and a gorgeous precision of the upper

body. She had an immaculate waist, charming hips and

bottom supported by two alabaster legs. In fact, I lack words to

describe her elegant appearance starting from her stunning

feet to her well-proportioned neckline, rubicund cleavage and

enchanting eyes. Her uncluttered set of snowy teeth, and lips

was capable of presenting great assortments of invitations.

She had the grace, and the feminine softness that I had ever

beheld in the countenance of a woman. Her smile was

honeyed with a latent slickness in it, which was to even the

most honorable man irresistibly disarming. To my

impressionable mind, she was an unadulterated goddess of

beauty. Even after several love encounters, I can remember

nothing that as a whole bested her physical beauty, although I

have met many a woman unsurpassingly beautiful- some

carry it in the bosom, some in the structure, and some in legs

and thighs or hips. But this woman, Debbie, to try to describe

her beauty would be the greatest unfairness, because the

glory of her beauty and the magic of her grace are not of this

world.

Sexuality is a vital aspect of our nature that many of us

have placed in the wrong context. I lost my innocence
and the morality of my heart to Debbie. However sweet
the romantic encounter, human beings are not beasts
who do their thing with anybody and without restraint.
But while some of us believe in continence, some
believe in moderation, and many others believe that
they must always do their thing. Sexual gratification
offered by women of easy virtues is a canker and a soul
sucker. These women and their mellifluousness are the
two vanities morally minded men should be wary of. It is
better for a man obsessed by sexual passion to spend
himself in the company of whores who he certainly does
not care about. All I could take away from my days with
this woman of easy virtue is just the sweetness of our
romance. She was the pool of all my youthful romantic
enthusiasms. With her, I was in the seventh heaven of
enchantment.

Now several years after this honeyed encounter, I have

come to understand that, our awareness of
surreptitious pleasure is actually what kindles our
passions so that if even we be in the wane of life,
renewed potency is imparted by reason of the very fact
of our own circumvention of the mainstream laws of
morality.
My date night with Jane did not end well, at least not in
the way I had expected
The dusk was still clear with the stars shining dazzlingly but

the air was now getting chilly. Jane had suggested that we

leave as I had a test the next morning. We drove straight to

my hostel to pick up some materials for the library I

switched off the engine, swiftly turned round and impressively

opened the door for her. Smiling sheepishly, she said, thank

you Sammy. We leaned on the car, and had a little repartee

before proceeding to my room. The moonlight firmament

made the ambience that we were absorbing, into such a

magnificent rapture. As we walked to the room, she clanged

onto my arm and gave me such a girlish smileThe room was

unusually homely but cozy Looking around she remarked,

not bad for a bookworm! Thank you. I responded

inattentively. She stood by the reading table while I gathered

some books into my bag pack. Our eyes encountered, and I

verily believed our emotions encountered at the same instants

too. These I know for certain as she moved closer, and gave

me a spellbinding hug and rested her head on my chest. My

heart pounded, and I could hear hers pulsating too. I wound

my arm round her, and pressed her to me gently. She was so

close to me, I could smell her scent, so alluring and so

gripping. As I looked straight into her eyes, my heart melted,

and a burning flame ran through my entire body. My eyes

answered her eyes, and our lips met in the first bounteous,

lingering kiss of our relationship. She tasted like freshly

ground heaven and it felt so good.

Looking back, I think it was one of the most wonderful,

and delightful romantic experience I ever had as a
bachelor. Several years down the lane, the residue of
her taste still tingle within me, giving me renewed
vitality. Of all the errands life seems to be running for
humanity, of all the magic that enthrall us, romantic love
is the greatest.

Never shall I forget the magnificence of that connection.

The what and how of the connection I still cannot fully
fathom. All I could remember was that, a certain silence
enveloped us, and a moment came, when under some
strange influence, our lips were closed towards each
other. We travelled along, each of us absorbed in our
own reverie. And during the journey, we were both
turned inward on our own selfish desires. To feel the
gentle touch of another, is all we could ever hope for in
this life, and if that is demonic, then I think hell is the
place for me, because I will never trade the bubbles of
Janes kiss for anything, not even for a life in heaven.

Nonetheless, that passionate night will always be

especially remembered, not for the delightful romance,
but ultimately for the fact that, it lighted in me desires
long controlled and suppressed. I remember very well,
how the night ended
We looked at each other in pitiless silence. Janes eyes were

laden with confusion. She was the first to recover herself. I

reached out for a hug, but she firmly wedged it with her hands,

and requested, will you take me home now? Our passionate

moment then faded into a feeling not of bliss, or harmony or

fulfillment but as if life and death were dignified into what was

neither life nor death. I could feel a bizarre and lifeless tremor,

in which we had been fused unreservedly satisfied,

dispossessed of desire, and endowed with both life and death.

But since this moment had come and gone, we entered into

the car rather wordlessly, as it were, two ghosts and drove

peacefully to Queens hotel.

Pondering on these encounters, in the light of my own

moral orientation, I have reaffirmed that to think that
falling in love is plainly dressing up for sexual
gratification is the greatest mistake we could ever make
in a relationship. In my own love stories and encounters,
it is not for me to conclude whether I have done my best
to keep clear of the two vanities- the vanity of women of
easy virtues and the vanity of sex. But I do know that
the clandestine pleasure of filling our mind with sex is
the greatest deterioration of our soul. Only love that
remains within the level of unblemished yearnings has
the spiritual element that glorifies the giver of this gift of
nature. If romantic love were to lead promptly to
consummation, it ceases to be romantic and loses it
wholesomeness.
That night with Jane, I saw the naked simplicities of the
complicated romantic evolution of my generation. We
see life as a matter of bodily needs. Something must
be exchanged to satisfy our needs be it physical,
emotional or material. But the truth of the matter is that,
there can be no peace when we commoditize our
emotions through sexual consummation. There is a
clear difference between happiness and pleasure. What
a glass of cold fruit drink gives us on a very sunny day
is plain momentary refreshment.

On the other hand, it is selfless love that makes man

happy. It is erroneous to think that happiness is to be
found when our love affair is promptly consummated.
True happiness is not romantic love. When man strives
to have peace with God, his love transcends this mortal
selfish world, and becomes everlastingly pleasurable.
The feeling of romantic love is so alluring; we will
continue to long for the transfixing touch of our object of
adoration. The warm touch of the opposite sex will to
times indefinite drive us crazy, and we will always be
lost in a cloud of feelings of passion. Man cannot run
away from this feeling of sexual magnetism. Our body
will continue to feel sexual when it is animated, when it
is caressed, when it is visually stirred, and when it sees
the possibility of sex. No matter how much we try to
keep an affair at a nonsexual level, human strength is
transient when the body is animated and sees the
possibility of sex. But for our love tale to be truly worthy
of retelling, it is best for sexual fulfillment to be deferred,
for a barricade to be put up, or a line drawn between us
and the person of interest. To keep clear; we must stay
clear. We cannot totally eradicate the lusty stories, and
images in our brains, but we are responsible for the
attendant sexual behaviors we imbibe from those
desires.

The repudiation of virtue in favor of sexual gratification

do have consequences; a lack of commitment and
faithfulness. Chastity, we must know is a key attribute
of the deepest form of love and the everlasting truth is
that sex is a deficient basis for an everlasting
relationship. Remember, as long as our heart continues
to beat, and our body craves the gentle touch of another
hand within our own, love will happen.

In the beginning of times, the Lord of beings created

man and woman. He laid down rules to govern their
relationship and commanded the first man and woman
to increase, multiply and subdue the earth? How did he
expect just two individuals in the Garden of Eden to
subdue the earth? And how have we come to several
billions of people on the earth today? Obviously there
was and there is a lot of sexual activity After that God
saw everything he had made and, look! It was very
good says the Bible. Perfect is all what the creator has
bequeathed unto us.
The whole creation; the stars and the moon, the air and
the sun, the vegetation of the earth, the flying creatures
of the heavens and the moving animals of the earth - as
well as the whole of nature; everything even our smiles,
friendship, love and sex- is perfect just the way they are.
But we have in our imperfection created angels and
demons; love and hate; sex and lust, and of course, sex
becomes the foremost demon in hell. We wanted these
things to have a selfish connection to one another. We
seek to sermonize matters of sex, infidelity, and
polygamy. We desire to pardon ourselves for fornication
and adultery; that blanket sexual gratification on a lone
boulevard and in the holy bond of wedlock is a way of
showing intimacy and commitment.

Male and Female he created us, in his image. Not man,

alone, and not woman, alone because he saw the need
for companionship. It is not good for the man to live
alone, I will make a suitable companion to help him
says the Bible.

There is something unique about this divinely instituted

confederacy. We are a sexual being, and that is just the
way it is. In this honored union lies the peerless beauty
of marriage.When a man and a woman in marital union
have sex, they feel good and longed for more because
the pleasure is bona fide. And of course this union is
not just for companionship but also for the purpose of
procreation. It is only in sexual consummation that this
union fulfills the requirement to increase and subdue
the earth.

The problem is not with sex and sexual fulfillment is

never demonic. The problem is the distorted sexual
fantasies we picked up from the society. We develop a
distorted set of beliefs about what sex should be. We
have built so many fantasies around sex that we no
longer see it as a gift from a holy source. Those
delusions about sex go completely against nature, and
the primary purpose for which God intended.

That is why a man shall leave his father and mother

and is united with his wife, and they become one. The
man and woman were both naked, but they were not
ashamed says the Bible. When a man and a woman
have sex, they are no longer two but become one,
carrying out the only form of activity that can result in
the coming into being of another soul. Clearly the
creator intended sexual intercourse to be a pleasure
that flows from reciprocated gift by a man and a woman
in the sexual expression of their marital oneness.

The more we commoditize our emotions the less

remains of our godliness. In the end, if we did not die
before we sell out our stock of godliness; we become
morally bankrupt and character defective. With a
depleted morality we have no choice but to go down into
the crypt of humanity and expire desolately. Whether we
believe that sex is truly a demon in hell or not, the fact
remains that sexuality is in us. As free moral agents, we
are free to satisfy our sexual desires, but sexual
experiences outside the confederacy as instituted by
God in the Garden of Eden will never produce the
beloved life of true happiness.

By our own will, we create consecrated splendor in

sexual fulfillment, and by our own will, we will descend
down into hell.
 CHAPTER SEVEN

THE CHEMISTRY WITHIN US

In the classical world, romantic love was referred to as

the madness from the gods. To support this primordial
hypothesis are telekinetic love stories promoted by both
medieval and contemporary poets, artists, and
playwrights.

Science however, does not believe that love is

madness from the gods. Scientific studies have
revealed that our passions and emotions arise from
distinct systems of neural activities, and networks.
Neuroscientists believes that understanding the
hormonal chemicals- adrenaline, dopamine, oxytocin,
and other hormones that regulate social attachments is
key and could lead to a future where romantic
attachments could be genetically engineered.

According to neuroscientists, the brain structures can be

classified into various systems. At the central part of the
brain is the limbic system, which is responsible for the
manipulation of romantic sensation, and thus is the
source of love.
I am not a scientist and I am not a psychologist, but I
have come to agree with the saying that science is the
business of determining the hidden essence of things.
Gone are the days when matters of the heart were
matters only for songs, poetry, or painting. So please
follow me as we try to see love as science does:

According to Nature Neuroscience, Love really does

change your brain- at least if you are a prairie vole. The
scientific account of love begins rather ingenuously with
voles. The prairie vole is a sociable animal, one of the
only 3% of mammal species (humans among) that pair
up to rear their young. Mating between prairie voles is
an unbelievable 24-hour effort. After this, the two form a
strong bond for life, (If one of the pair dies, the survivor
does not take a new mate), share parental duties, and
guard their mates aggressively against voles of the
opposite sex.

However, another specie of vole, in fact a close relative

called the montane vole, has no interest in partnership
beyond a one-night stand sex. What is astonishing is
that these vast differences in behaviour are the result of
a mere handful of genes. Both the Prairie and Montane
voles are more than 99% genetically alike.
The detail of what goes on when voles have sex is
incredible. Studies by the Nature Neuroscience claims
that when the prairie voles have sex, two hormones
called oxytocin and vasopressin is released. These
hormones give off the feelings of love and commitment.
In other words, the rare partnership or bonding results
from neurotransmitters-chemical communications in the
brain that is linked to sex, reproduction, and social
recognition. Scientists call this chemical changes
epigenetic changes.

By injecting the voles with (oxytocin and vasopressin)

hormones and stimulating their brains, scientists could
boost their ability to form romantic attachment. But by
blocking the release of these hormones (oxytocin and
vasopressin) the prairie voles sex becomes just a
momentary affair, like normally enjoyed by their rakish
montane cousins. In other words, scientists were able
to create love with hormonal stimulations. Surprisingly,
when the montane vole was injected with oxytocin and
vasopressin: it made no difference. It turned out that the
faithful prairie vole has receptors for oxytocin and
vasopressin in the brain regions associated with reward,
whereas the montane vole does not.
The human brain too has a reward system designed to
make us do what we ought to do. Without it, we might
forget to eat, drink, or sleep. That we continue to eat,
drink, and sleep is because the reward system in the
brain has made us to understand that doing these
things make us feel good. And we feel good because of
the release of a chemical called dopamine into the brain
system. Dopamine acts like a drug and gives off the
sensation of happiness.

Likewise, when the montane vole has sex, it feels good

and pleasurable to him because of the release of
dopamine into his brain and he longed for more based
on how it happened the first occasion. But in contrast to
the prairie vole, at no time does the montane vole learn
to associate sex with a particular partner because he
does not have receptors for oxytocin and vasopressin.
Oxytocin and vasopressin is what helps the brain
identify the relevant features used to recognize
preferred partners. If the gene for oxytocin and
vasopressin is knocked out of a montane vole before
birth, it will become a social amnesiac and have no
remembrance of other voles it meets.
Humans are one of the 3% of mammal species that
allegedly form monogamous relationships. So, might it
be possible to create a more romantic human or
perhaps inhibit feelings of romantic attachment in
humans?

According to Helen Fisher, a professor at the University

of Rutgers, human love comes in three flavors: lust,
romantic attraction, and long-term attachment.

Lust
One of the first things that draw us closer to the
opposite sex is our sexual responses. Lust is a craving
for sexual gratification, an imprinted sexual fantasy
which is caused by instinctive sex hormones,
testosterone, and estrogen. Humans have a symbolic
capacity which create in us sexual fantasies turned on
by things or events with symbolic contents such as
romance stories, erotic music, poems or words. Lust
objects could also be the characters featured in films, or
songs. We cannot sustain this type of intense romantic
urge for a long period. Because lust is based on fantasy
feelings, it is a poor basis for marriage. It quickly fades
away.
Romantic Attraction
This is the am madly in love stage of a relationship; a
complex hormone relationship controlled by the brain. It
is a modification of lust characterized by feelings of
ecstasy, and uncontrollable thoughts about the person
of interest. Most central to this phase is the craving for
emotional union with the person of interest. In romantic
attraction, we feel intense sexual desire, as well as
extreme possessiveness of the person of interest. Like
voles, we become obsessive and aggressive in
protecting the person of interest from the opposite sex.

Romantic love is very sweet, electrifying, and

pleasurable. It is the most celebrated and legendary. It
is also the one type of love with an unruly emotional
core, which behaves in unpredicted ways and the one
type of love with a supreme army of moods. Amazing
thought it is, romantic love is deranged. It is reflexive,
wild, and transient. It quickly fades when a sense of
disillusionment and disenchantment sets in.

Lovers then become more critical of one another,

previously non-essential things in their relationship
suddenly becomes the causes of disagreement. After
the honeymoon is over, grim reality submerges the
fantasies. The bubbles of excitement, which was so
sweet then, vanishes with a silent pop, leaving only a
dripping blotch.

Romantic love is therefore, a transitory experience and

although it may be a prerequisite for marriage, it is
bound to decline after extended relations. The very best
one can hope for after several years of marriage is an
afterglow.

In the fullness of time, then, our feelings towards our

marriage partner becomes less affected by the
unbounded rewards we fantasizes we will receive from
our ideal, and are now influenced more by the lesser
rewards one can receive from every other mortal.
Consequently to the extent that the obsessive lover is
aroused more by dreams than reality, the fact about his
affair with the person of interest, which time more often
than not provides, may erode intense romance. To the
extent that liking is based on more rational justification,
it ceases to be unbalanced and deranged.

Beyond our lusty feelings and romantic attraction, we

can develop an unadulterated lasting love for the
opposite sex- long-term attachment.
Long term-attachment-
It is in this flavor of love that we develop the longing to
have offspring with our partner to continue our life cycle
and preserve our DNA. Scientists have successfully
tinkered with the genetic makeup of the prairie voles.
But the injection (of oxytocin or vasopressin) alone dont
do their life bonding. The context is a must. For prairie
voles to bond for life, they must stay together one day
after breeding. Similarly, for our love to be lasting and
enduring, emotional union, time, and affection, are
necessary context that only develops after getting to
know our partner long term-attachment.

Most scientific studies believe that five key hormones

are at work when we fall in love;

Dopamine- Dopamine is described as the pleasure

hormone. It is released when we develop fondness for
someone; it is what makes us feel good. It is also
associated with partner selection and responsible for
amplified liveliness, less need for food and imposing
sexual gratification in our romantic relationship. As
dopamine is occasionally released, our body systems
blend to the high level of the neurotransmitter the
same reaction when under the influence of drugs. As
the body steadily accommodates the spontaneous
changes occasioned by dopamine, more and more of it
are needed to feel the effects.

The primary source of this dopamine is the sight of the

object of adoration and this way, we become neurotic,
our minds begins to drift uncontrollably to the person of
interest. The urge to circle around the person of interest
becomes so controlling that it envelopes our whole
consciousness. This means that when addicted to
dopamine one constantly misses the person of interest.
A jilt at this stage of a relationship may lead to the
rejected lover committing suicide.

The release of dopamine to the body must continue at

this rate and later increase significantly to cope with the
mounting demand by the brains chemistry. If the person
of interest continues to feed our thirst for dopamine this
way, we become addicted. We are not aware of the
extent of this addiction until our romantic relationship is
abruptly cut short. Love suicide is mainly influenced by
brain chemistry, which are no more used to a low level
of dopamine.
Where there is no jilt, and the relationship continues,
our body systems demands for more dopamine than the
person of interest can provide. The relationship then
becomes dull as it last longer (abuse of dopamine, as it
were a drug). The excitement from the attraction stage
fades, as more and more dopamine hormones are
needed to feel the sensual stimulation. Within 18 to 48
months we would have had enough of each other and
the honeymoon loses it fervor. As they say, love fades
and feelings do change.

Oxytocin- this is triggered by the release of dopamine

into the brain. It is sometimes called the cuddle
hormone as it is generally released during touching and
fondling. It is responsible for sexual pleasures and
contributes to instinctive maternal love. When this
chemical is released during the long-term attachment
phase of love, which is a more developed form of love
than the romantic attachment, it arouses our instinctive
longing to want to have a child with our partner. This
hormone increases our chances of getting married to
our partner.

Vasopressin- Vasopressin is responsible for social

recognition and commitment. As romantic attraction
transit to attachments, a long-term bonding is made
possible by the release of vasopressin, which acts as a
long-term love stimulant.
It is believed that oxytocin and vasopressin are both the
reason why humans have not gone extinct yet.

Phenyl ethylamine (PEA) - You might wonder why

chocolate is a popular gift for Valentine Day! Phenyl
ethylamine is an amine that naturally occurs in our brain
and is found in some foods such as chocolate. It is that
biological stimulant which cheers us up to talk, think,
and hypnothesizes about our partner all day long.
Perhaps we give our partners chocolates because we
know that the phenyl ethylamine contained in it will
make her more loving and romantically animated.

Nor epinephrine- This is an adrenaline rush, which is

activated by the release of PEA. This adrenaline rush
causes the cells to break down, and diffuse extra
glucose into the bloodstream. These reactions create in
us more awareness of the person of interest and are
what gives us some funny feelings such as butterflies in
the stomach, increased heart rate, or sweaty palms.
We could see that jointly and severally, each of these
neurochemicals plays significant roles in courtship,
mating, reproduction, and parenting. The sex drivers
(testosterone, estrogen, and dopamine) give us feelings
of happiness and pleasure in our relationship. The
hormones involved in romantic attraction give
reinforcement to our emotional union. While the
neurochemicals at the long-term attachment phase
helps cement our relationship for the purpose of
procreation with the person of interest.

The chemistry of love in humans is awe-inspiring. We

love both admirably, and preposterously. For most other
species of animals however, sexual experiences are
merely for the purposes of procreation that only happen
at specific times of the year. But for us humans,
romantic love is a chemical state with genetic roots and
societal influences. No matter how unromantic sciences
view of love may be, one thing is certain, love does not
originate from our heart; it is a complicated hormonal
relationship controlled by our brains.

My own love experience has taught me that truly, love is

a marvel of science; it is an emotion that results from
the subconscious feelings (chemical bonding) within our
brains. Perhaps it is a coincidence that the word vole is
an anagram of love, but I can safely conclude that the
chemistry of love is for us humans a great privilege.
 CHAPTER EIGHT

THE ROAD I SHOULD TAKE

Love is the superlative form of joy in life. Falling in love

is falling into a stream of controlling emotions; we
become exhilarated, weird, creative, bamboozled,
suddenly matured if we are young, and rapidly
revitalized if we are frail. When lovers meet, they
exchange tokens of reciprocal fondness and talk heart
to heart without containment. They become possessed
by an alien force, everything seems marvelous, and life
becomes so wonderful. They make their own rules,
draw their own atlas and set out on a journey.

So much has been written and sang about this

mystifying subject. But I do feel that my actual life
experiences that I have been involved in, have
attributed to a better practical understanding of the love
phenomena, and my interactions with great minds have
been of tremendous benefits too. I find it almost
beguiling that this symphony comes at a period of
heightened inquisitiveness about love like every youth
my age. I must confess that times severally I boeotianly
assumed that I had found genuine love, partly because
of an overwhelmingly feeling of effervescent content,
upon finding a seemingly perfect union and partly
because of my too theoretical knowledge of love. My
saving garret had always been my powerfully trained
perceptive powers. Many of my friends usually
described their current experience as love rather than
infatuation, the latter term usually being used in the past
tense.

Yes during a romance, it was viewed as love, but

experiences are always recognized as infatuationa
passing, fading emotion, or more appropriately a fling.
However, during those experiences, what do you think
they would have called it? Only by looking back did they
realize it was infatuation.

Sometimes when you look back on a romantic

encounter, you realize it wasnt all you thought it was. A
young man asked for your hand in marriage; you said
yes. A beautiful girl walked into your life; you fell in love.
But as you gaze and look back on your previous
romances through the inflating mists of your imagination
you wish you could live in it again, rewrite your love
history to suit your ideal present, and future. How tragic
for two people, to think that they can build a lifelong
relationshiponly to discover within a few months that
their love should never have been! What a brief moment
of vanity, and wants of heart.

Like the biblical King Solomon, I believe that the actual

act of falling in love can never be fully understood, it is
unfathomable as the magnificence of the rainbow. It is
indecipherable when it comes ashore. It just does, and
how lovers find themselves in this whole wide world, is
as incomprehensible and sphinx-like as the emotion
itself. The best we could do is analyze the chemistry for
causes and effects, but we can never do any more than
take the life out of the episode. Just as life itself is more
than the sum of the skeleton, flesh, the current and
voltage in our body, love is more than the sum of the
figure, attraction, and magnetism that connect the two
people. And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in
its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken
as a reflective bequest that cannot be questioned on the
face value. It is a feeling felt not only within the heart but
within the wits as well.

We blush over tales, films, and songs of romance. And

what holds more interest than the two turtle doves
stealing glances. Perhaps you have never met before
but lifes magnet has a way of bringing two separate
creatures together. It could begin with simple friendship
and with attention and commitment develop into the
kind of bond that connects a man and a woman in
marital bliss. The person of interest may be a long-term
acquaintance, a colleague, or a total stranger. The poor
untutored boy meets the educated city girl, they both
swap glances and right away it seems to him that life
without her is unimaginable and these two total
strangers become the best of friends. They delight in
endearment, in avowals of love, see the same star, and
feel the same emotivity.

Someone once said Inner beauty is the flowering of

virtue, it an indescribable charm, most excellent like the
work of a Daedalian. It chaste, virtuous, warm, lowly,
and noble. It transforms the owner, and enlarges his
circles like the light proceeding from the orb. The soul
becomes wholly embodied, and the body is wholly
ensouled. What we truly desire in our mate is inner
beauty.

Looking back on my own experience, I find that rarely

do great beauty and great virtue dwell together. There is
more to love than the beautiful face of an angel fall from
heaven. In fact that which is strikingly beautiful is
strikingly lacking in virtue. Beauty is an illusion, but
virtue is real.

A very beautiful woman with an empty character and

surrounded by like minds sycophant male admirers is
like an ugly duckling in a house of swans. Physical
beauty is illusively charming and ruins us in the end;
gives nothing but illusionary gleams of bizarre
satisfaction; the beholder feels it unworthiness and
cannot feel any right to it than to the caelum and
empyrean of a cockshut. It abscinds the basis of
affection and brings nothing but sadness, the lover
being unable to fulfill the promise which beauty holds.

But be misguided some of my love encounters maybe, I

can never forget the visitations of that power to my life;
it was like the dawn of acculturation. They are moments
in my life, Ill always remember, not because of the
persons of interest, but because of the revelations and
the supplemented psychoses. Of course it will take a
lifetime to forget our romantic encounters. True love
cleanses the heart, blends unsoiled heart in idyllic
harmony, apotheosizes our spirit, and gives us a true
sense of living. As Sidney Bremer rightly wrote The
unselfish discreet love is the crowning grace of
humanity. It is ever beautiful, ever fresh. It has the
power to tame the savages heart. It refines and
beautifies the rough, uncultivated man and transforms
the perverted, bashful girl to a woman of matchless
power for good. Id say that it is the cultural rail, which
binds two separate imperfect creatures to duty, loyalty,
commitment, and truth regardless of distance

Let the birds sing the song.

Let the morning dew fall softly on the bed.

A quiet breeze so warm and gentle,

Shall bring the fragrances from the orchard,

And leaves without a trace.

And a new day shall come.

Like leaves we shall soar.

And our love shall have no beginning,

Neither shall it have an end

Love is the greatest of all the intangible gift of nature we

can ever hope to give or receive. It is the one emotion
that has altered the course of history, calmed the tyrant,
cheered the hopeless, elevated the downtrodden,
lionized the lowly, and disenfranchised the heroes. It
has succeeded in building for itself a chalet in our
subconscious mind and hearts so completely and so
intractably as to permeate every component of our
subsistence. No other gift of nature has ever managed
to occupy such a central theme in our culture. It is the
darling food and drink of the soul, and the main stimulus
of so many human endeavors.

The foundations of our world has LOVE as it chief

cornerstone, on LOVE our world rest. Without love, life
is defective! Love is a gift that comes with life. It is what
frees us from all the weights and pains of life. Without it
life is lifelessness.

Whether your emotion is as strong as the stone or as

light as the feathers you can never hide from it, it surely
will come someday to you like a full-blown flower.
Embrace it with open arms; resign yourself to its
influence and celebrate it with all inexpressible beauty.
Do not try to force it; just let nature take its course. It
bequests remember; just accept the gift for what it was
and move on with your life. And when life bequeath you
with this gift, treasure it and work hard to keep the flame
burning. Never look for reasons or answers because
there are no answers and there is no meaning beyond
the love itself. While the true nature of love is one of the
questions that will remain profound forever, it should be
embraced, cherished, and constantly prized as one of
the supreme bequests of all time.
If life is a battle,

Then you are the symbol from which I derive bravery.

If life is gloominess,

Then you are the sunshine that illuminates my path.

If life is a journey,

Then you are the bridge to my destination.

If life is pain,

Then you are my opium and succor in the midst of woes.

If life is a shoreless sea,

Then you are the island to my shipwrecked soul.

If life is a race,

Then you are my finish of the Olympic course.

I hold your hand, you caress my lips.

Your touch sends quivers down my spine.

I look into your eyes, you move closer

Our bodies entwine.

My heart and soul flows with your love.

You are my wife, my friend, and my heroine

The beautifully composed love poem the mesh which
means entanglement by Kwesi Brew succinctly
portrays the state of mind that lovers go through when
in love. It is what must happen to us regardless of color,
race, age, stature, or intelligence. It is a shared destiny,
we can only run away from it, but we cant hide forever
and once it catches up with us, it is a call we must
answer in as much as we have blood running in our
veins.

Henry David Thoreau put it clearly, when he said that

the only remedy for love is to love more.Kwesi Brews
poem shows that love is many things come together. It
could be flashes of conviction, disorientation, and
timidity and has the power to control our minds
We have come to the crossroads,

And I must either leave or come with you.

I lingered over the choice,

But in the darkness of my doubts

You lifted the lamp of love

And I saw in your face

The road that I should take.

Love someone once said is eternal but has a past. It is

cherry frills and bliss all encased in a four letter parcel.
As for me, I shall forever relish those moments I had
butterflies in my stomach and I shall never forget the
overpowering, ecstatic, exclusively wonderful love
encounters I have had.

Life is short after all, so why waste the years of our life
alone? Lifes precious moments are best preserved
when shared with someone, and there can be no
greater joy than finding the love of our life. I pray that
one day when I am old, I will be able to sit back, think
about my love encounters and say, Love, been there
done that!!! True love is a nature-unearthing episode in
the life of a man, and it is out there trying to find you too.
Oh what sensation those nostalgias steers in me as I
write. Love is a beautiful thing; and so too are its
memories.