Anyway, the Doctrine of Joy claimed that Glamour was

fading because the fae (especially us) werent following the old
ways from the Time of Legends. The sidhe wanted us to dance
naked in the fields and kowtow to them, like in the good old
days, or some karborborin crap. Translation: Bend over, grab
those ankles and take it up the ass, boys and girls!
Sorry, Charlie! We had plans, and they depended a helluva
a lot more on human progress (pitiful as that was during the 14th
century) than on sidhe nostalgia. We told the sidhe and trolls to
furk off, and, well, they didnt take it too good. Much as I hate
to say it, they kicked our goolies all over the place. When those
two old kith got pissed, a young one like us wouldnt last long.
(Things might be a little different now.)
Fortunately, the sidhe and trolls fought among themselves
when the shit hit the fan with the Shattering, and gave us time
to sneak away. But believe you me, we got our licks in when the
sidhe ran for their Arcadian hidey-hole. Even redcaps give us
our due when were pissed.

The Interregnum
Unfortunately, losing the sidhe seemed to diminish our fae
souls, not to mention our coffers. They may have been arrogant,
self-righteous bastards, but they were our best customers! But
pay was the least of our worries. After the sidhe ran off, Glamour
became scarcer than a pooka with half a brain, and for us
commoners it became all for one and one for ah, fugeddaboutit.
I think this is when we all introduced ourselves into human
bloodlines with the Changeling Way ritual. Good-bye to the
old, hello to the new. Of course, we didnt have much trouble
making this transition. Wed been close to humans since the
First Times. Were a pragmatic lot; we did what we had to to
survive.
The grabinbabbin shortage of Glamour forced us to scale
down the scope of our projects. No more flying castles or
mountain-sized golems damn. Most of us resorted to simple
crafts to keep busy and not lose our minds. Our inventions made
good fodder to inspire human artists and inventors, and occasionally one of them would cough up some fresh Glamour. Here
a nudge, there a nudge, and the humans gradually started to pick
up steam. I wont brag like a satyr and exaggerate our role in
human advancement, but we were often in the right place at the
right time. We were one of the few folks to welcome the Age
of Enlightenment, even with all that damn whiny philosophy.
While Enlightenment stifled all the old superstitious dreams
we were all used to feeding on, it opened up a whole new furking
paradigm of science for people (and us) to explore. The other
kith were shaking in their blue boots, but wed been waiting for
it for centuries. The world was finally catching up with us!
Of course, the Enlightenment was just setting us up for
things to come.

Chapter One: Just Us and the Mechanical Egg

15

Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz

You didnt think youd go without hearing about at
least one famous nocker (or nocker kinain to be exact), did
you? Dumbass!
Gottfried Wilhelm von Leibniz was a scientist,
theologian, mathematician and philosopher. He was
also the model for Professor Pangloss in Candide, if
youre up on your mabergabstin literature. Unlike most
of our kinain, he hobnobbed with high society and
knew how and when to shut up. He proposed building
the Suez Canal in 1673, helped found the Berlin and
St. Petersburg Academies of Science, and invented
calculus.
That evil, cuck-sucking bastard Isaac Newton stole
credit for that last item, though. The two went to the
Royal Academy of Science for judgment, but the Newt
screwed Leibniz, stacking the academy with his buddies
and ruining Leibnizs name. Newtons science was fundamentally banal, clinching his place on our mosthated list. Every nocker worth his hammer pisses on
Newtons grave (literally its a pilgrimage for us).
You cant insult a nocker worse than by calling him a
Newton.
Still, in his final arguments against Newton and his
cronies at the Royal Academy, Leibniz argued that space
and time were relative, predating Einstein by 200 years, and
trumping Newton! Yup, hes one of ours!
Whats most important to us is Leibnizs discovery
of monadology. He described monads as the fundamental building blocks of the universe like atoms or
quarks but that they also had a metaphysical aspect.
He described them as windowless, meaning they
couldnt be affected. What he really meant was that
mundane people and forces couldnt affect them. Even
though monads arent in vogue among human scientists
these days, Leibnizs work allowed us nockers to experiment with Glamour on a fundamental level. Let the ratbastard Newton beat that!

The Industrial
Revolution
We finally came into our own during humans Industrial
Revolution. While the other kith whined about how iron and
steam rode over sylvan glades, we were having the freakin time
of our lives! There was Charles Babbage and the first computer,
electric lighting, chemistry, mass production, new metal alloys
that allowed us to create real-world structures without iron
I could go on for hours. Some of us became immensely wealthy,
though we usually had to stay in the background; our profanity
sometimes upset peoples delicate Victorian sensibilities. Ahem merzinferbin nebbishem prudes. But all in all, it was a good
time to be a nocker.

16

Kithbook: Nockers

It was at this time that we started hearing about a group of

wizard-scientists called the Brethren of ther, who were trying
to jump ship from a group of Banality monkeys. Ive heard them
called Hidden Ones, but Im told theyre also something called
the Technocracy. The ther wizards didnt fall into that
Banality trap, and we did what little we could to help them out
without dropping ourselves in the same mess. I guess we werent
subtle enough. Some of those Newtonian cuck-whackers among
the Hidden Ones caught on to us. Theyve been snooping
around us ever since.

The 20th Century

Banality really started to prove a problem for us in this
century (but we were still doing better than most kith). We
remained at the forefront of the Industrial Revolution, making
a lotta noise and a lotta coin and doing fine by us. Then the
world went to war, and they came looking for the best weapons.
The things that were created during World War I horrified the
Seelie among us, but that didnt stop the Unseelie from making
a pretty penny on em.
The 1920s were boom times for us; the Depression
slowed us down only slightly. Theres always work for inventors, and our skills have gotten us through some lean times.
Demand for our creativity during World War II is proof of
that. And I dont know about you, but seeing technology just
being used to make a better killing machine gets under my
skin after a while. Two words Manhattan Project. Opportunity knocking, my ass!

The Resurgence
Many of us capitalized on our positions in government
science agencies after World War II. We inspired the space
programs on both sides of the Iron Curtain. The mundanes
wanted the stars. Who were we to say no?
Im going to crow a bit. If the other kith dont like it,
they can bite me. They call our science banal, but if it
wasnt for our contributions to the space program, the moon
launch might never have happened. Apollo 11 created the
greatest influx of Glamour since before the Sundering. The
sidhe bastards rode the wave we created, or they wouldnt
have gotten here. And now some of em are saying that they
had a hand in all this? Yeah, right furk me. We know the
truth, and thats all that matters.

The Accordance War

If wed known the furbin sidhe were going to show up on
the doorstep, we mightve thought twice about pushing the
space program. The sidhe swarmed to Earthbound Kithain
like flies to a turd. We were all stunned by their return
(except for the sluagh, and then why didnt they say something? Mizzermurbinfurbin....). The sidhe pulled this amnesiac business, claiming they didnt know what was what, but
looky here within a year they had an army and pulled the

ultimate Bite Me invitation with the Night of Long Knives.

Then Dafyll kicked our asses all along the seaboard before
showing up dead at the Goblin Town freehold.
Ill leave it to the other kith to give all the ins and outs of
the war, except to say that some commoners are still pissing in
our stew pot because we sold weapons to the sidhe. Piss-ant liars!
Sure, some of that went on; were businesspeople, after all. The
sidhe didnt need our help, though. Bullshit on that talk about
coming through the breach as innocent as newborn children.
A few Arcadian nockers came through with them, and they had
more than enough chimerical weapons to kick our asses. What
difference did a few more swords and knives make?
Anyway, we dug in like the rest of the Earthbound,
taking sides as we deemed necessary. The whole thing
hinged on the trolls anyway, so we made dross while the sun
shone. The only thing that pisses me off is that the trolls are
still trying to put the blame for Dafylls death on the nockers
of Goblin Town. The trolls furkin killed him. Theyre only
griping now because Dray and those Parliament of Dreams
pea-brains are breathing down their necks. Everyone knows
the trolls and the sidhe are two peas in a pod. It mashes my
nads when they try to deny it!
Overseas, the sidhe tried to carve up the British Isles into
little kingdoms during the War of Ivy. This time, things went a
little differently, we fared a bit better, and now that the smokes
cleared, nockersre sitting on thrones in two kingdoms! Theres
Lord Davey in the Kingdom of Smoke, and King Morwyd rules
the Mistlands during the winter. Hot damn some respect for
once!
As for the Arcadian nockers who arrived with the sidhe,
they went underground after the war fast. Theyve sent only
a few samples of their work to our Bes Din patent offices. Ive
seen some of it, and I will admit that theyve improved on their
admirable crafting abilities, and I will leave it at that. You need
them ears, friend, and what I could say might not do em much
good.

The Present
The other blarzinfarbin kith still blame us for the whole
Banality mess. Were used to it at this point, and its all water
off the ducks back. Technology doesnt equal Banality
its that simple. Only misused technology causes problems.
If you sit on a couch and offer up your brain to the boob-tube
all day, youll have cottage cheese for brains. Is that the TVs
fault? We talk it till were blue in the face, and we might as
well be talking to ourselves. The other kith are so damned
ingrained with this technology is banal crap that it would
take blasting caps to dislodge it. Hmmm, that could be
fun.
Theres no doubt that weve had the shit kicked out of
us in the last few decades, but weve survived worse. The way
I look at it, thanks to the Glamour influx of the Resurgence,
weve topped off our tank and are ready to roll. We didnt

Chapter One: Just Us and the Mechanical Egg

17

waste our resources during the Accordance War like others

did, and we could be in worse shape as Winter approaches.
Weve kept our mines operating all these centuries, so well
always have places to retreat to (even though there are all
sorts of weird critters underground). Hell, we just want to be
left alone. Anyone who sticks his nose into our business is
going to lose a nostril. Its no secret: All the Prodigals out
there know Winter is coming, too, and some will fare better
than others. Weve been watching and waiting, careful not
to pick sides too murvin soon.

Profanity
When youre lying awake with a dismal headache,
and repose is tabooed by anxiety,
I conceive you may use any language you choose,
to indulge in without impropriety.
Gilbert and Sullivan, Iolanthe
No discussion of nockers would be complete without
a frank and healthy dialogue on cussing, or to put it another
way: Why do you nockers talk like you have furbing
Tourettes Syndrome? You want the truth? I dont know
why. You might as well ask a bladnabit troll why hes
honorable. Were weird little wonders, and we make no
apologies for it. Half of our profanity is habitual; we have
diarrhea of the mouth its just the way we talk. Dana
knows we have the right to cuss.
Maybe we cuss because its the only way to keep our
freakin heads from exploding when were trying to figure
out the mumbo-jumbo of our lives and craft. Were products of dreams of creativity and frustration, remember?
Were ranters, plain and simple. Half the time we dont
mean half of what we say. The other half of the time we
dont say half of what we mean. And the rest of the time,
a lot of what we say we mean as a compliment. If the rest of
the damn Kithain would only realize that, we would
probably have a lot more friends. A few thousand years of
bad blood and social predisposition are hard to get over,
though, yknow? Whatever! Swearing is part of us, like
your elbow is part of you got it? Love us or leave us.

18

Kithbook: Nockers