Dear Maharajas and Prabhus,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. Jai Sri Sri Nitai-Gauranga.
Param ijayate Sri !rsna san"irtan#
$he temple management here has brought it to my attention that some o% my godbrothers thin"
there is a need to ta"e a loo" at &Aindra prabhu's actiities, and more speci%ically, his
philosophical outloo".(
)n compliance *ith this demand, %irstly, ) *ould li"e to gie a brie% s"etch o% my actiities.
+asically, as Srila Prabhupada has stated that the *hole spiritual *orld is *ithin the %our *alls o%
the !rsna-+alarama mandir, in an e%%ort to reali,e the truth o% this statement, ) mostly relegate
my e-istence to the con%ines o% the temple room, my liing .uarters, and un%ortunately, the
bathroom. ) rarely eer een go to the guest house *hat to spea" o% the restourant and you *ill
neer %ind me loitering at +ihari /al's drin"ing coca-cola or any other such nonsense, nor
*asting my aluable time *ith useless .uasi-deotional sociali,ing or institutional politics. )
al*ays scrupulously aoid as %ar as possible any dealings *ith *omen in any *ay, shape or %orm
although ) don't despise them. ) am "eenly a*are o% the simple truth that )'m not ery adanced
and that ) don't hae much longer to lie. So, ) spend my time doing my leel best to engage
mysel% in continuously chanting the holy names o% !rsna by per%ormance o% san"irtan yajna and
hari nama japa *ith the hopes o% at least eleating mysel% to the clearing stage o% nama-bhajan.
0ith the remaining time, ) absorb my heart and soul in relishing !risna-"atha in the %orm o%
attendance in Srimad +hagaatam class and discussing the philolophy o% !risna consciousness as
) hae understood it %rom my spiritual master by trying to ie* it %rom di%%erent angles o% ision
as per his merci%ul adice. ) also usually spend at least three housr daily hearing my %aorite
stories %rom Srila Prabhupada's !rsna +oo" during the time o% my personal deity *orship.
Although my ile tongue is undesering, ) do my best to honour the sacred remnants o% the
/ord's mahaprasadam once a day be%ore ta"ing rest at night to aoid tiredness and the tendency
to sleep during the daytime. ) don't li"e to admit it, but %allen as ) am, ) generally [Link] a
minimimm o% 1 or 2 hours rest daily, pre%eerably 3 i% possible, because my moice has been so
much damaged and bro"en do*n oer the years %rom so much heay 4are !rsna chanting, that )
need complete rest to recuperate the strength o% my batlered ocal mechanism. At least in
5rndaan Dhama, een sleeping gies one the bene%it o% o%%ering %ull dandaats, so that ma"es
me %eel a little better about it. My increasing a*areness o% impending death induces me to lie
each day as i% it *ere my last. $o be real, it's di%%icult %or me to %ind much time %or replying to
my mail or to communicate messages such as this because ) don't hae secretary and being the
rather old %ashion, simple deotee that ) am, ) hardly "no* *hat a computer is, much less ho* to
use one. So, ) hope you *ill bear *ith me and try to appreciate that ) alue you, my godbrothers,
and your good *ishes enough to attempt to hash out a reasonable response to all points in
.uestion by hand. 4are !rsna#
As %ar as philosophical outloo"s are concerned, )'m ery pleased to understand ) hae
godbrothers *ho actually hae an interest in discussing philosophy. )t's rare to %ind anyone these
days *ho really een "no*s the philosophy *ell enough to discuss it. So o%ten ) hae to hear so
many misconceied notions about the philosophy o% !rsna consciousness or other*ise all
arieties o% triial small tal". $his one promises to be a re%reshing discussion. Does anyone
e-pect that ) should condense *hat ) hae reali,ed in 61 years o% serice to our Srila
Prabhupada into 6 or 7 lines so *e can hae a good loo" at Aindra's philolophical outloo"8
Sha"espeare said, &+reity is the soul o% *it.( !airaja Gosami says, &+reity is true
[Link].( +ut let me assure you9 )'m neither so *itty nor ery [Link]. Neither, in certain
respects, *ere +ha"tiinode, +ha"tisiddhanta, our Srila Prabhupada, nor any o% our predecessor
acharyas, %or that matter, *ho all *rote olumes and olumes o% literatures to clearly e-press
their philosophical outloo". +ut any*ay, let me try. 4ere goes...uh.../et's see...yes. &God is
great. 0e are small.( $here you hae it# ) learned that *hen ) *as 1 years old %rom my :hristian
sunday school teacher. Almost 6; years later, ) heard Prabhupada say the smae thing9 so )
%igured ) could accept it as a uniersal a-iomatic truth. 4o*'s that8 )s that good enough8 Need )
say more8 <ou probably *eren't ery satis%ied9 so, )'ll "eep going *ith the hopes that you *on't
become too angry *ith me.
My understanding is that our philosophy is a philosophy o% personalism. During the last =6 years
o% my residence in 5rndaan, ) hae obsered during the Prabhupada disappearance %estials,
*hether it is due to lac" o% organi,ation or a lac" o% interest on the part o% many o% our leading
deotees %or *hateer personal reasons they may be haing, that the procession around
5rndaan *ith Srila Prabhupada has been %eebly attended. Generally, the procession starts o%%
*ith a big bang9 but hal% *ay through, %or some reason, only a hand%ul o% deotees remain
struggling to "eep some "ind o% a "irtan together *hilst most o% the general deotees and other
senior godbrothers either leae all together, lag miles behind or run miead apparently as i%
*ishing to get the thing oer *ith. $here mayaa hae been a little improement this year but as
yet still insu%%icient by the strech o% anyone9s imagination. Similarly, on Prabhupada's
disappearance day itsel%, ) hae obsered that almost inariably, during the morning session, all
the &big guns( naturally get their opportunity to glori%y Prabhupada %irst and *e certainly relish
hearing about their e-periences and reali,ations. Neertheless, ) .uestion *hy it is that the senior
disciples o% Srila Prabhuapda generally don't seem to place much importance on hearing the
reali,ations o% their juniors almost as i% there are more important things to do than to stay up past
their bed time one day a year to appreciate the heart%elt %eelings o% all their godbrothers and
godsisters. >bjectiely spea"ing, ) hae to say that oer the years, ) hae ery o%ten discoered
that many times the &small timers( o%%er een deeper and more pro%ound e-pressions than some
o% their seniors. $his indicates to me that adancement in !risna consciousness may not al*ays
be attributed to numbers o% years but rather to the depths and degrees o% actual heart%elt
surrender to the *ill o% guru and !rsna. ) "no* *e all hae to attend our important preaching
projects. Still, ), bu *ay o% encouragement, humbly [Link] all lo% my senior godbrothers
attending such %estials to "indly participate and contribute their inaluable input to the success
o% the complete Prabhupada disappearance programe %or the mutual bene%it o% all concerned.
)t obious to ome that %or *hateer reasons, my concerned *ell *ishers could not hae possibly
been there to hear *hat ) actually said in Prabhupada's room that eening. ?en i% any o% them
*ere present at that time @about midnightA, as ) *as the last initiated disciple o% Srila Prabhupada
to get the opportunity to spea" on that day, it must hae been *ell past their normal bedtime.
?ither they *ere do,ing bet*een phrases or their intellect had become too much stupe%ied to
grasp the real import o% *hat ) actually presented. >ther*ise, ho* could such inane speculations
hae arisen %rom persons *hom Srila Prabhupada has considered to be among the most
intellegent men on this planet. May be Aindra thin"s he is the incaarnation o% Jesus :hrist o%
:n%usius or somebody. 0ho "no*s *hat Aindra thin"s# 4e is a little eccentric a%ter all. May be
i% you prabhus could hae made it a point to hae been there, then the con%usion about *hat
some people seem so con%used about *ould be a little less con%used.
?ery deotee "no*s that speculation transgresses the regulatie injunction agaainst gambling.
Speculation or gambling beats at the last e-isting leg o% religion in this age o% !ali, namely
truth%ulness. ) hae %aith that those o% us *ho join this !risna consciousness moement and
sacri%ice our lies to uphold the purity o% this great sampradaya and its missionary actiities are
certainly amongst the most intellegent human beings on earth9 but *e should al*ays be *ary
against misusing our intellegence by allo*ing ourseles to enter the realm o% speculation. $he
account under scrutiny is so much %illed *ith misunderstanding, sheer speculation, distortion and
[Link] miserly misrepresentation that, in truth, ) can't help but *onder to *hat e-tent the
other 7 regulatie principles are being strictly %ollo*ed. Are you prabhus at least daily chanting
your minimum =3 rounds8 $he picture *ould almost be comical i% it *asn't so laughably sad.
Any *ay, it is not my intention to second guess the sincerity o% anyone's moties, but ) am a
person, you "no*. )'m suprised and disappointed that a%ter all these years *e *ouldn't be haing
enough o% a personal relationship that someone couldn't just come and discussed these things
*ith me man to man to alay your %ears. )i% )'m o%% base, tag me9 po"e me in the nose9 gie me a
jolt. And i% you're o%% base, e-pect me to do the same. $hat's *hat godbrothers are %or, to "eep
each other a*a"e. +ut at least "indly stop all the nonsense speculation. Speculation and
impersonalism go hand in hand. )mpersonalism is unjust. )njustices can lead to alienation. No* is
the time %or sadhu sanga and increased understanding, genuine loe and trust9 not hollo*
misconception, perpetual misunderstanding and unnecessary estrangement. )s our intrest in
clearing the *ay %or !rsna consciousness or in e-cerci,ing our sense o% sel%-importance by
muc"ra"ing and going about ma"ing issues out o% things li"e sel%-righteous re%ormed prostitutes
*ith hearts o% .uestionable integrity8 >.!., maybe *e're not sel% appointed igilantes ta"ing pot
shots at all the )S!:>N "ali chelas. Maybe *e genuinely %eel the need to help insure the healthy
gro*th o% our )S!:>N society and its indiidual members. Still, *e *ould do *ell i% as health
and *el%are o%%icers, sel%-apppointed or other*ise, *e *ould thin" to %irst get a proper diagnosis
o% *hateer desease be%ore alliantly administering the medicine.. Discretion is the better part o%
alour. At least chec" the man's pulse. So-called doctors *ho administer medicine *ithout %irst
ascertaining the condition o% the patient by %easible means, to rather cheat or een harm the
patient, are .uac"s by any one' standards. $his is all the more true in consideration o% spiritual
health and *el%are. $he road to hell *as paed *ith good intentions. >ur process o% [Link]
"no*ledge is by aaroha not by aroha. )% *e *ant to "no* *hat an author meant by *hat he has
*ritten in his boo", rather than approaching others *ho may hae een read @or misreadA the
boo" and %ormulated their o*n ideas and opinions, it is al*ays more sensible, *hen possible, to
hear directly %rom the author himsel% or %rom someone *ho the author accepts as his true
representatie. $his is obiously the *ay to clear all misgiings, to communicate *ith person
directly. $hat *e no* should hae to communicate through the use o% machines is not so
encouraging though. Machines can hae the tendency to ta"e a*ay the personal touch. Modern
men are notorious %or hiding behind their machine @?.g. the present day so-called "satriyas *ho
sit in their com%ortable o%%ices %or pushing a botton to obliterate their enemies *ithout haing to
see anyone's %acce. >% course Srila Prabhupada certainly used machines %or his e-panded
preaching *or"9 dictaphones, type*riters, computers, printing presses, cameras, ampli%iers, he
used eerything. 0e don't deny the %act that Prabhupada has personally touched our lies
through his boo"s and tapes *hich are all produced *ith the aid o% modern machinery. Still, ho*
much more *onder%ul it *as to personally meet and communicate %ace to %ace and eye to eye
*ith the person behind all the machines. No one could deny the dynamic e-perience o% the
personal nature o% the person. >nce Srila Prabhupada *as as"ed i% it *as alright i% the pujari
could play a "ertan recording %or the aroti"s in the temple i% there *ere no deotees around to
per%orm "irtan. Prabhupada ans*aered, &0hy don't you get a machine to o%%er the aroti"8#(9
implying that the pujari himsel%, the person, should sing %or his deity. $his suggests that the deity
*ould pre%er to relate to a person than to a machine. $he personal psychology is natural in each
o% us because it is originally there in !rsna. ) inite all o% you to reeal your min" in con%idence
and [Link] con%identially *ith me, your godbrother, the person, Aindra Dasa. $hat is the *ay o%
loing e-change bet*een aishnaas to my *ay o% thin"ing. )'m not so di%%icult to %ind. )'m
al*ays happy to discuss any releant leel o% !rsna "atha *ith anyone *ho is @AA sincere, @+A
not politically motiated and B *ithout bigoted prejudicial bias or superstitious predisposition.
Anyho*, )'m grate%ul %or being gien some %orum %or discussion. As ) am by nature some*hat
reclusie and perhaps seen as rather a bhajananandi by less thought%ul people on account o% my
relatiely in%[Link] *anderings, ) ta"e it as !rsna's arrangement %or me to spea" my heart, that
*e might get to better "no* each other as team mates %ighting %or the same goals o% pure
deotial serice. So, i% you *ill allo* me at this point to humbly [Link] eeryone to "indly
tighten your "aupins @i% anyone still *ears such things these daysA because ) need your %ull
coolheaded attention to my here-to-%ore e-planation o% things so as to aoid any %urther
speculation, con%usion or misunderstanding. )% all this apears to be getting longer and longer, then
)'m sorry and ) beg your %orgieness, but that's *hat you get %or someone not personally tal"ing
*ith me earlier.
) hae a mean mind and a sharp and audacious tongue. )'m destitute, helpless, terribly de%eated
and aboe all most insigni%icant. ) see mysel% as patita, an e-tremely blame*orthy, %allen "ali
yuga reject. ) there%ore see no recourse than to ta"e %ull shelter o% patita paanam Sri Gauranga
Mahaprabhu, Srila Nityananda Cama, Srila Prabhupada and all my holygodbrothers in conjuction
*ith my e%%orts to per%ormm "ali yuga prema-dharma 4ari nama san"irtan *hich is the most
highly recomended means o% delierance %or such %allen, *reched liing entities as mysel%.
Although ) may not be so desering, i% you could grant me the priilage o% being su%%iciently
beaten by all o% your dandas and dragged through the streets o% 5rndaan by the gates o% the
Gosami's temples so they can hae one last loo" at their rascal no-good-%or-nothing poor
e-cuse %or a so-called deotee be%ore thro*ing mu remains in the <amuna as a %east %or the
rajaasi turtles @Dood %or /i%e#A. Spea"ing o%%east, be%ore you do that, ) hae one last [Link], i%
you don't mind. ) "no* *e should be prepared to gie up all arieties o% sense enjoyment %or
liing int the holy dhama, but ) hae one lingering attachment in my heaert %or some real cashe*
bur%i *hich ) haen't tasted in more than =6 years. )% ) could at least get just one more piece
beo%er ) die, ) *ould be grati%ied. Any*ay, at least you should "no* that ) hae no i terest in
parading around *ith delusions o% grandeur that )'m a nitya-siddha @nitya mu"taA aatar *ith the
pu%%ed up anity o% being a Godsent incarnation o% one o% Cadha and !rsna nitya pari"ar or any
other such bun". $he in%initesimal jia can neer beocme sa-tantra as the sarupa sha"ti
counterpart e-pansions o% diinity such as /alita, 5isha"a, Nanda-<asoda, Subal, Sridama or
others. 0e are neer %ree to act independently in that sense. $he jia is al*ays o% the dependent
category. As such, *e are neer %ree9 *e are eternally either bound to the serice o% the material
energy or bound to the serice o% the internal energy o% !rsna. 0hen a great soul, a mahatma,
ta"es shelter o% the daiim pra"rti @Srimati Cadharnai or any o% 4er e-panded %orms, including
that o% Sri GuruA, that soul places himEhersel% as a sold out animal to its master *ith no
independence o% its o*n. )n his per%ectional state, he becomes associated *ith his chosen
thtelary deity to the e-tent he or she is empo*ered to do so by Diine Grace. A nitya-siddha
aatar necessarily alrealdy has the preactuated sat-cit-ananda-deha. 4e neer loses his sty-
siddhi by coming to this material *orld. )% a baddha jia *ill un%ortunately cop the egotistical
anity o% beigh more greatly eleated than he actually is, then such a %alse ego becomes the
greatest stumbling bloc" to his progress on the path o% per%ection and simultaneously cheats
those *ho associate *ith him @disciples etc.A. Such a pretentious pride directly undermines the
necessary humility [Link] %or reali,ing the need to sincerely cry out %or the mercy o% those *ho
can actually gie it and dupes a less intellegent %ollo*ing into accepting him to be capeable o%
displaying po*ers that are not at all *ithin his means. $hus he jeopardi,es his o*n progress as
*ell as the progress o% others. 0? see this many times in the cases o% sahajiyas phoney baloney
imposter so-called gurus *ho un%ortunately mislead their innocent disciples by preying on their
immature, sentimental approach to spiritual li%e. $his "ind o% malady has its grosser and more
subtle mani%estations. 0e all hae seen *ithin our e-perience less than properly .uali%ied so-
called gurus presenting themseles to their disciples as %ully sel%-reali,ed parmahamsas just to
%all %lat on their %aces due to their pompus immitation o% a status higher than their actual plat%orm
o% reali,ation. )'m not at all interested in perpetuating any ariety o% such %arsical displays o%
pseudo deotional characatures.
)n the purport to the %i%th erse o% Sri Fpadesamrita, Srila Prabhupada says, &4o*eer, one
should not imitate the behaior o% an adanced deotee or maha-bhagaata *ithout being sel%
reali,ed, %or by such immitation one *ill eentually become degraded.( Durhter along he says,
&>ne should not become a spiritual master unless he has attained the plat%orm o% uttama
adhi"ari.(Still %urther, &A disciple should be care%ul to accept an uttama adhi"ari as a spiritual
master.( Although some may not ery much appreciate, ) al*ays gie stress to these points
*heneer the .uestions about anyone giing or ta"ing initiation come my *ay. ) neer present
mysel% as an uttama adhi"ari, but rather decline to accept een one disciple until )'m thoroughly
coninced ) hae *ell attained that status. )'m not %or sale. ) ta"e shelter o% these merci%ul
instructions to gie the time ) need to come to that position %irst. &)t is best not to accept any
disciples.( @S.P., :.:. Mad.G.=7; p.p.A )'ld say )'m doing pretty good. So %a, a%ter so many
years, so good. !noc" on *ood. Not een one disciple. Pat me on the bac"# )'m not so proud o%
it though. &>ne can attain !rsna consciousness or diine li%e at once, *ithin a second - or one
may not attain such a state o% li%e een a%ter millions o% births. it is only a matter o% understanding
and accepting the %act.( @S.P., +.G. 6.G6 p.p.A. Die on me### 4o* many seconds slip by *ithout
my doing *hat is needed to induce $heir /ordships to merci%ully eleate me to the stages o%
bhaa and prema. Prema bha"ti yaha hoite aidya inasa yathe. ) can't blame anyone e-cept
mysel% %or my lac" o% adancement in !rsna consciousness. People are in distress due to *ant o%
!rsna prema, yet *hat solution do ) o%%er8 ) don't hae, so ho* can ) gie8 ) haen't the %itness
to proide all the transendental necessities. ) couldn't do the real *or". >nly ma"e sho*. 0e say
&prema, prema( but there is no prema.>nly in the pages o% a boo". +ig, big mon"ey, big, big
belly, jumping /an"a melancholy. Any*ay, ) should at least get a gold star %or being sincere -
but ho* sincere8 People see me super%icially ho*eer they pre%er, but ) rather see mysel% as a
*hite aboriginy @niggerA liing my li%e li"e an insect pretending to be some "ind o% a aishnaa,
so hope%ully the deotees o% the 4are !rsna moement *ill tolerate my e-istence and not "ic"
me a*ay. ) came %orm such a terribly degrade bac"ground. ) pray may ) naer go bac" to that
condition. $he 4are !rsna moement saed me. ) can't een begin to imagine another li%e. ?en
say ) *ould be supposedly haing the &sahajiya( tendencies some people thin" they see in me,
it's still a step aboe the impersonal tendency to reduce onesel% and others to heartless numerical
intergers, "ogs in the machine, numbers on the score board. 4ip hip hurrah# +ut did *e learn to
loe !rsna8
Are there no %eelings in there8 No enchantment8 >nly the duty boundedness at best8 No
attraction *ith the hopes o% one's heart%elt sea bhaana being relished by Sri !rsna, the enjoyer
o% all mello*s @rasaA8 No serious pursuit o% the /ord's prema8 >nly the politely put & Shut up
and do your *or"# Don't as" these "inds o% .uestions, and don't e-pect us to actually be
competent to [Link] satis%y such [Link]. $he society *ill sae them @someho* or otherA.
0e are Prabhupada disciples. Sons o% the high court judje, that's all. @Don't e-pect anyone to
easily attain the ultimate goal o% li%e under our insu%%icient guidance.A. Money is the honey.( )%
the .uestions are hotter than *e can handle, pass the potatoes. Put Hem on the bac" burner9
smash Hem up i% you hae to. Prabhupada *as a genius# 4e gae us all the pat ans*eres. 4o*
conenient# &Dirst desere, then desire.( @S.P.A &0or" no*, samadhi later.( @S.P.A 0onder%ul.
0or" at *hat, prabhus8 &0e hae to preach about preaching about preaching that *e'e*
supposed to preach about preaching about ho* *e're supposed to preach, prabhujis. No time to
concider ery deeply the purpose behind all this. $hat's %or bhajananandis9 heaen %orbid. 0e're
*or"-a-holic"s. )sn't that good enough8( Push them bac". Post date chec". !eep the %aith, baby.
Just no* coming... i% you're luc"y. &0e don't really hae to be so .uali%ied to be guru.(
Mon"eys *ith bro"en tails. <ou "no* the story. &$his is the %ashion#( Don't hold your breath.
Dresh air anyone8 0here is !rsna8#( No time %or that. 0e hae our oer*helming preaching and
managerial responsibilities.( )magine *hat *e *ould be li"e i% *e *ere all %ully !rsna
conscious9 %ree %rom eny. 0hat good *e could do %or eeryone. $hat much contribution *e
should be *illing to ma"e. $here's no substitute.( :hant and be happy( @S.P.A... 4are !rsna, that
is... ?erything is in the holy name. Shoot %or the rhinoceros.
<ou should "no* )'m de%initely a despicable reprobate. ) don't e-pect anyone to see any good in
me. Any appearent goodness you might chance to see is simply a re%lection o% your *on
supere-cellence... or perhaps your color%ul imagination. )% you insist, then ) *ould rather suggest
it is not good in me but about me as borro*ed mercy plumes decorating an other*ise pathetic
nobody. 5aishnaa's mercy, !rsna-+alarama's mercy, Cadhe-Syama's mercy, and the mercy o%
the holy names are my only re%uge, my only solice and hope. $he plume decorations don't sere
to glori%y me but to e-ult thhe po*er o% the mercy o% !rsna and 4is representaties. >ther*i,e
*here and *hat *ould ) be8 $hose *ho %latter us are our *orst enemies. 0e *elcome critisism
as it %orces us to be more introspectie9 to again and again ta"e inentory to re-ealuate the
condition o% our hearts, not to become as a mutual admiration society. $hie%, thie%-cousin,
brother. Still, there is need to appreciate the good in others. "aler dosa nidhe rajan. "ali yuga is
an ocean o% %aults. 0? could hardly e-pect to see anything but %aults. Asti e"a mahat guna. ?en
still there is one great redeeming .uality. 0hat is that8 !irtanad ee "rsnasya mu"ta snaga param
rajet9 that simply by doing !rsna "irtan *e *ill certainly be deliered %rom the ocean o%
material e-istence to the supreme abode9 bac" home, bac" to Godhead. )n truth, this is actually
the only outstanding .uality *e could e-pect to see about anyone in this age. ) am basically a
spiritual derelict. ) "no* )'m not .uali%ied9 that's *hy )'m not champing at the bit to pose as
anyone's guru. Dirst, ho* to become an accomplished diciple. )'m not against politics because
political intrigue is there een in the spiritual *orld. )t seres to thic"en the plot. Neertheless, )
%ind that it's not as s*eet and relishable as nama bhajan. )t's a .uestion o% taste, that's all. Caso
arjam rasopyasya, parm drista niartante. +y %illing our glass *ith mil" @nectarA *e
automatically drie out the in" @poisonA. ) may hae yet to attain the stages o% bhaa and prema.
Not *ithstanding, ) should hope to hae receied at least a little mercy on account o% all this
4are !rsna chanting. <ou loudly sing 4are !rsna 4are !rsna !rsna !rsna 4are 4are, 4are
Cama 4are Cama Cama Cama 4are 4are %rom the heart %or a minimum o% 3-=6 hour eery day
%or =2-6; years and see *hat happens to you# $he real mercy is the "irtan itsel%. My %oremost
desire is to die in 5rndaan Dhama singing sing 4are !rsna 4are !rsna !rsna !rsna 4are 4are,
4are Cama 4are Cama Cama Cama 4are 4are at the top o% my lungs %or the pleasure o% Guru
and Gauranga. :an you understand my heart8 Srila Prabhupada said that *e should hae high
aspirations. So sometimes in my enthusiasm to pursue those aspirations, ) naturally tend to
internally see mysel% in terms o% *hat ) *ant to be %or !rsna. i% you see any %ault in that, please
%orgie me. +ut ) as" you, do you thin" my anity should be e-clusiely con%ined to the point
that ) am a one ten thousanth part o% a hair tip subatomic brahman paticle %loating around on the
li%e airs o% aa theraputically engaged rotting corpse o% a temporary e-ternally mani%est tabernacle
called Aindra Dasa8 Fltimately, my internal aspirations and heart %elt desires %or eternal serice
at the lotus %eet o% my guru and !rsna are none o% your business. No one has the right to pry into
these a%%airs9 nor do ) hae the inclination to share them *ith anyone and eeryone. /oose lips
sin" ships. 0hy should ) share my heart's treasures *ith you or anyone else8 $hat is bet*een me
and Srila Prabhupada. <ou hae no access unless ) choose to ma"e accessible. No access. >%%
limits. Mind your o*n business. Still, at least the basic principles o% sambandha tatta, abhideya
tatta, and prayojana tatta should be properly discussed. $he neophytes are mad a%ter so many
things. +etter to be mad a%ter !rsna. +uddha bhaa sasmanitah. &Meetings, resolutions,
reolutions, no solutions... better to do "irtan.( @S.P.A ?i nechi ausaudhi maya, nasibaro lagi, hari
nama maha;mantra lao tumi magi. ) strongly %eel that there *ould be a lot less problems in our
moement i% all the deotees o% all ran"s *ould be encouraed to do more hari nama san"irtan.
More time %or getting the higher taste o% san"irtan rasa. /ess time %or all the bic"ering.
$he process o% !rsna consciousness actually *or"s, but *e hae to ouse our brains to
understand its deeper application i% *e are to e-perience the superior results. maybe $ed Patric"
*as right9 &Mindless robots(. Don't be dull headed.( @S.P.( &Strain your brain... ho* to pus on
this !rsna consciousness moement.( @S.P.A Ceali,ation o% one's eternal relationship *ith !rsna
*ill greatly enhance one's preaching *or". 0e hae to preach according to our leel o%
reali,ation9 not that a%ter 62 or 7; years in the moement *e still haen't any idea *ho *e are in
reality and an-ious to be guru. All this madness. Doctor heal thysel%. )% ) can't see clearly, ho*
can i help others to clearly see8 >nly so much mouthing o%%.... in the name o% preaching. 0hat
depths o% reali,ation do ) hae to sha"e *ith anyone8 0ho am )8 >h, ery good. ) reali,e that
*hen ), *ith my uncontrolled tongue, stu%% my belly too %ull *ith maha prasadam, ) hae a
tendency to dream e-cessiely9 and i% ) actually spea" according to my reali,ations, so many
*ith less than su%%icient adhi"ara *ill undoubtedly totally misunderstand. 0hy bother. +etter to
ta"e the humble position and learn to control my tongue. $he problem ) see *ith many deotees
is that inspite o% joining the greatest moement on ?arth and getting practically the greatest, most
merci%ul spiritual master o% all time and in spite o% cleerly giing so much lip serice to the
philosophy etc., still, they don't really beliee there isi a !rsna. )t's really simply a .uestion o%
sraddha. $here really is a !rsna. Are you coninced8 0e can actually e-perience 4im by 4is
grace. 4e gies that e-perience %rom 4is side. 4e is not dependent on our philosophical outloo".
<et, 4e is bhaa-grah9 Janardana. 4e gies 4imsel% to us according to our attitude to*ards 4im.
<e yatha mam prapadyante tams tathaia bhajamy aham. $here%ore Srila Prabhupada, as all o%
our acharyas, al*ays strongly adocated,emphasi,ed and encouraged pure deotional serice,
the anu"ula sea bhaana9 not prati"ula li"e !amsa or Sisulal. Anu"ulena !rsnanu-silanama.
Fttamana bha"ti-nista, !rsna bhajan nista, to practice the %aorable means to please !rsna in
pursuit o% the principle on *hich prema is based. !rsnendriya priti iccha dare &prema( nama. $o
desire to satis%y !rsna, that is the basis o% !rsna pream. $o try to satis%y Gaura @the gier o%
!rsna premaA by the per%ormance o% san"irtan yajna, that is the basis o% Gaura prema. And to try
to satis%y our guru by honoring his instructions, een the small ones, that is the basis o% guru
prema, *ithout *hich, there is no .uestion o% Gaura prema or Cadha-!rsna prema. Also, to
reali,e that *e are al*ays de%icient and there%ore need all the mercy *e can get. )n this "ali
yuga, *hen it gets do*n to it, guru "rpa is the main thing. So *e hae to actually cry out @tam
a"incana gocaramA *ith %eeling %rom a repentant heart. $hat is san"irtan and that is sadhu
sangam, +hagaat sea, murty sea and dhama asa. )t's not so much *hat *e do, but the
attitude. $hat is important. $hey don't need our patrams and puspams. <o me bha"tya
prayachati. Guru and !rsna respond to the antara bhaanam. Giing up unecessary attachments
to e-traneous dharma, artha, "ama and mo"sa, go %or prema by right means in spite o% ourseles.
0here there's a *ill there's a *ay. Prema pumarto mahan. 0ith determination, li"e the sparro*
trying to retriee her lost eggs %rom the ocean. >ur Garuda-li"e guru may see our sincere e%%orts
and come to our aid. )t is actually li"e that. 0hat hope is there other*i,e. Adancement in pure
deotional serice doesn't hae to be such a di%%icult thing. >nly there should be no alterior
moties, that's all.