Diary

Written by Luis Valino & Niko Senson

January 18, 2011

Id like to say that Im the luckiest man alive. Claire and I have been in a relationship for four years. Yesterday, I proposed to the love of my life and were getting married on the 18th of March! I cant express how happy I am. She wont be Claire Lewis anymore. Claire Peterson. It has a nice ring to it. It was as if it was made for her. There we were, heading back to the hotel room after a good supper. For one weekend in the winter, we decided to stay in Triple Creek Ranch. It was a cozy ranch in Montana and I knew how much she loved the Western environment. Of course she would since she grew up in Texas. Thanks again for bringing me here. It feels like home, Claire said to me playfully as she kissed me. Her long, brown, wavy hair swept across my face and tickled my ear. I smiled and looked at her. She wore a thick red sweater, a pair of light-blue jeans, and a pair of brown boots. She gave off a light sneeze and sniffed. She was the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen. I held her close and said, I love you. When we finally arrived, I let her enter the room first and she saw a box of chocolates and a rolled piece of paper on the bed. No, thats not my proposal. Its too simple and I know that Claire deserves more than that. The staff of Triple Creek routinely leaves a box of chocolates and a short cowboy poem after dinner so, there it was. Although, I made a few tweaks for the cowboy poem. Hopefully, the one I made was good because Im not very good at making poems. She opened the box of chocolates, took a piece, and ate it. Get the poem and read it with a cowboy accent, she said, in between bites. Please? I sighed. Claire, are you serious? She crinkled her nose. Pretty please? She pouted and stared intently at me. How can I say no to that? I picked up the piece of paper and unrolled it. I cleared my throat. With a strong cowboy accent, I said the title of the poem. Partner. She burst out laughing for a second and then placed her hand over her mouth, as she tried her best to contain her laughter. She jumped to the bed and placed herself under the covers. Her head peeked out like a little kid. Her hair was a beautiful mess. Now, I felt more nervous in popping the question tonight. She grinned at me and said, Im sorry. Continue. Soft giggles followed but I didnt mind them. If this was going to make her night happier, then Im doing this no matter how stupid I looked. Ill show her that Im the man shell marry. I continued reading.

Darling, it was never true That this town aint big enough for us two At some point in a cowboys life Hell be taking a new journey and a new ride But, I cant do this on my own Maybe I dont have to be alone Through canyons and through the valleys Ill face it all as long as youre beside me Ride with me through the desert together Are you ready for a new journey, partner? Moments of silence passed by. Was the poem I made corny? Did she get the idea of the poem? Or was the poem too obvious? Because that wasnt the grand finale yet. She smiled mischievously. Somethings up. I thought to myself, You have no idea how literally right you are. I gave her a blank stare. What do you mean? The poems here arent usually corny love poemswhat more for corny cowboy love poems. she smirked. At those words, my heart sank. My poem was corny? I didnt know if she could see my knees shaking through my pants. I shoved my hands in to the pockets of my coat as they were uncontrollably shaking as well. I kept quiet and gulped. She looked at me with concern. Alan, are you okay? I kept quiet. Was the accent too much for you? she joked. I couldnt find an excuse for that. UmwellIuh, dont know, I stuttered. Stupid Alan, I thought to myself. Claire dismissed my answer and glanced at the digital clock on top of the side table, beside the bed. What time is it? she asked as she tucked her hair behind her ear. She squinted as she tried to look at the time, her beautiful face featuring creases. Its half past ten, love, I told her. Your glasses were with me. Can you give it? Why dont you come here? She stood up quietly and walked right up to me. She placed her arms around me and I felt the warmth of her red sweater at the back of my neck, and the warmth of her breath at the front. She gazed up to me and said, Okay. Im here. Silence surrounded us. The only things audible in the room was the whirr of the air conditioner and the sound of our breathing. Thoughts flowed in to my head because of paranoia and nervousness. Would she say yes to me? Does she really love me? Is it time? From the pocket inside my coat, I reached in and took out a pair of brown glasses. They had square spectacles and had very thin rims around the lenses. I held them gingerly and slowly placed them on her. I thumbed her hair slowly and caressed her rosy cheeks. She smiled and gave me a long and lingering kiss. I can always count on you to make me see things clearer in my life.

You bet, I whispered in her ear. Forever? Of course its forever. What Im going to do tonight will change my life foreverwhether for the better of for the worse. I held her close. And always. She smiled. Okay, lets get some sleep now. I took off my coat and my shoes and kept everything else on since it was freezing. Claire walked to the bed and buried herself completely under the covers. Before you go to bed, turn off the lights, Alan, she said. She sounded muffled under the covers but as soon as she said that, my heart started to beat faster. Its time to gather up all my courage. I reached in to the back pocket of my pants where I placed a small blue box with a diamond ring inside. I took it out and slowly made my way to the light switch. My heartbeat was getting faster and I tried to calm myself down by slowly breathing. I felt my fingertip turn to ice as it touched the cold light switch of the room. Alan, its now or never, I whispered to myself. I turned off the lights. The room was blanketed by darkness and I couldnt see anything but spots dancing in front of my eyes. I stood still at the same spot near the light switch. I just waited for my vision to adjust and I was able to get an image of the bed where Claire was. And, I just watched her in the darknesswaiting. Fifteen minutes passed. The sheets started to move slowly. Alan, where are you? Claire asked from under the covers. I didnt answer. I waited. Alan? she asked again. Youre not pranking me again, are you? She got her head out of the blankets and she gasped. Right above her head, she saw the ceiling decorated with glow-in-the-dark stickers that formed a message that said: Claire, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Marry me? She jumped out of the covers and ran to the light switch as she said my name again. ALAN? She turned on the lights and was surprised to see me standing right beside the switch, an arms length away from her. I went down on one knee, cleared my throat, and took out the blue box. Claire Lewis, will you marry me? I opened the box and revealed the diamond ring. I couldnt meet her eyes. I stayed down on bended knee and let the silence overwhelm the room. Alan. Claire said my name again. Yes, I will marry you! She tackled me with a hug and kissed me like there was no tomorrow. I never felt so happy in my life. Its like I finally have a purpose to live. This was a start of a new journey.

February 14, 2012

Over the past months, weve bought a house in Louisiana so that itll be near her home. Texas. It was a simple beige-colored bungalow with a tiled roof. It had no gates since the neighborhood we lived in was just a small one and everyone knew each other pretty well. So far, my life has been so happy. Claire and I finally have our own home. And, we love each other more and more, every single day, as we both go through our married lives. Still, even if were bound to love each other for the rest of our lives, I treat every day as a special day. I still fall for her every single day. To me, Im still the man trying to impress the girl of his dreams. Well, today was really going to be something else. After all, its Valentines Day. Early in the morning, today, I headed to the kitchen to cook breakfast for my beautiful wife. Shes usually the one cooking. I usually help out a bit since Im not really good. But, today, I told myself that Ill give all my effort to make her a decent breakfast for her to enjoy. Pancakes and toasted bread with scrambled eggs and bacon bits inside. Her favorite. I promised myself that today will be her rest day. I promised to do all her dirty work in the house. Shell be off to work but when she comes home, Ill make sure she arrives with nothing else to do around the house so that she can enjoy her evening. So, it was five in the morning. I had to wake up this early just to have more time to redo everything if I made a mistake. Thankfully, I didnt. I got started. I opened up the pantry and took out the ingredients needed. Hours passed. It was perfect! My hard work paid off. I placed the three pancakes on the plate. One was shaped like an I. The other was shaped like a heart. And the last one was a U. Hopefully, my cooking skills made those shapes clear so that she can decipher the message. I took out the two slices of bread from the toaster and placed the scrambled egg with bacon bits in between. I made I Love You pancakes and her favorite sandwich. I just hope that it tastes as good as it looks. I took out a bed tray and set it up with a placemat and a rose. I also got her mug and poured in some cold orange juice to complete the breakfast. I carefully carried the tray to our room. As I walked past the hallway, I checked the wall clock. It was already seven in the morning. At last, I was in front of the rooms door, which was left open when I went to the kitchen. So, I peeked in. Sunlight seeped through the velvet-colored curtains, giving our room a shade of red. I slowly made my way to the curtains and opened them up to let the sunshine in. Instantly, the room was filled with light, making our milk-white walls look whiter. There she was on the bed, sleeping like a baby. The most beautiful gift God has given to me.

I placed the bed tray with her breakfast on the bed. Now, to wake her up. Rise and shine, sleeping beauty, I whispered in to Claires ear. She wriggled a bit and slowly opened her eyes. Her brown eyes stared right at me and, until now, it still made me shiver but in a good way. She squinted as she adjusted to the sunlight that filled the room. Morning, she said while yawning, with a small smile on her face. I looked at her. She rubbed the sleepiness off her eyes and sat up slowly. Her wavy brown hair was all over her face. She looked at me. Dont look. I look ugly in the morning. Ugh, she said in a tone of embarrassment. She covered her face with her hands. I let moments passed and I held her dainty hands. I slowly took her hands off her face. Darling, I said as I fixed her hair. I want you to remember that you look beautiful every day. Every second of it. She smiled faintly. I mean it. Youre the face I want to wake up to and the face I want to kiss good night, I told her. Youre the sweetest, Alan, she said, hugging me tightly. Her morning hair tickled my nose and I shook my head. She gave a small laugh. Happy Valentines Day. Claire looked in front of her and saw the bed tray with the rose and her special breakfast. Her face frowned. Are you trying to make me fat? she said in a serious tone. The smile on my face faded. No, Ino, I didnt mean it that She broke in to laughter. Im just kidding, Alan. You always fall for that. Thanks, honey! You made this? I nodded. I hope it tastes good. Ill be the judge of that. She grinned. She looked at the pancakes. Is this supposed to be I Love You pancakes? Wow. I thought you wouldnt see that. I mustve done a great job at that, I said with a confident air. You sure did. You should cook dinner sometimes, she said with a wink. Then, she started eating. While she ate, I told her about what I was going to do for her today. House chores, groceries, and all the other errands. And, I told her how today will be her rest day. I really appreciate it, Alan, she said in between bites. I just want one thing for Valentines Day and it would make me happy already. What is it? I asked. She paused for a while. She took a bite from the sandwich I made and took a swig of orange juice. She picked up her glasses from the nearby side table, wiped them with her lavendercolored nightgown, and she wore them on. She looked hesitant. Claire, what do you want? I asked again. She smiled shyly. I want a diary. Just like yours. Of course. Ill get you one. Just so you know, mine is a journal. Thats different from a diary, I said defensively.

She snickered. Dear diary, today Claire said hi to me for the first time. I felt That was 8th grade, Claire. For Petes sake, I interrupted her. I felt my face flushed with red. Claire laughed. Youre blushing. You look like a tomato! I managed a smile. I found that cute, you know, she said. Honestly. Really? I asked. That was the corniest thing ever. No! Really really. I mean it. She smiled at me. I smiled back. Claire finished eating and got off the bed. She kissed me and said, Thanks for the beautiful breakfast, honey. Before I could respond, she ran to the bathroom and closed the door. I looked at the clock and it was almost eight. Work, I muttered to myself. I picked up the bed tray and went to the kitchen. As I walked, I smiled to myself. This morning was a success. Its already six in the evening. I cleaned every room of the house, took out the trash, did the laundry, and a lot of other stuff. Most importantly, I cooked dinner for two. Lamb chops and mashed potato with mixed vegetables on the side. Now, I can rest for a while and wait for Claire to come back from work. So, I went to the sofa and dozed off. I dont know how long Ive been sleeping but when I woke up, Claires face was directly above me. Sometimes, I feel so lucky to have her that I still think that having her is a dream tha ts too good to be true. But, her warm lips touched mine. Her kiss was the only thing that told me that Im in reality. Hey, sleepyhead, she whispered. She undid her hair that was in a bun and let it fall on my face, tickling me. Im up. Im up, I jolted. The brightness of the living room lights blurred my vision. Spots danced in front of my eyes as it slowly adjusted. I saw two silhouettes. I knew that one would be my loving wife. But, who was the other one? My vision cleared. I saw a lady in a white office dress. She had her blonde hair tied to a bun and she held a small black purse. Her eyes were blue like the ocean. Her face seemed bashful. Claire cleared her throat. She gestured to the woman and said, Alan, this is Allison. I stood up and fixed myself. I dusted off my white shirt to take off, at least, some of the marks. I wiped my hands on the sides of my shorts. The lady walked to me and reached out her hand. She smiled and introduced herself. Nice to meet you, Alan. Im Allison Parker. I shook her hand. Nice to meet you, Allison. Alan, Claire butted in shyly. Allison hasnt eaten dinner yet. Shell be eating with us if thats fine. My heart sank. I wanted this Valentines night to be just her and me. And to top that, I only made dinner for twonot three. I bottled it all up inside me. I smiled. Right this way, ladies. Although, I made dinner for two only so thatll be you and Allison.

Claire frowned. Oh, my. Im so sorry to intrude, Alan, Allison said guiltily. I dont mean to. I couldnt meet any of their eyes. I wiped the sweat off my brow. Its fine. Hey, Claire. Claires face looked mysterious as she stared blankly on the floor. She looked at me and tilted her head slightly with her eyebrow raised. I walked past her and went to the dining table. There was a light-blue book that held nothing but blank pages. It rested on the table with a ribbon on top of it. I took it and went back to her. Happy Valentines Day, I said to her, managing a smile. Her eyes twinkled with awe like a kid getting a prize. Is this my own diary? I nodded. And, she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me so tightly. She whispered in my ear, Im so sorry for ruining our evening. Ill make it up to you. I promise. She playfully bit my ear and kissed me. I instantly smiled. She effortlessly made my night even though, deep inside, I was still disappointed at having our night ruined. Foods on the table, ladies. Enjoy yourselves, I said. Thanks, honey, she said with a wink. Ill be back before you know it. Thank you so much, Alan, Allison said gratefully. I looked on the brighter side of things. Maybe this wont be a bad evening after all. Besides, Im not really hungry. I went to the room and dozed off instead.

March 16, 2013

Today was a Saturday. A rest day. This week was a hectic one. Claire and I always came home from work tired and hungry. We didnt even have that much time to go out as a couple. What do you think about going out today? I asked her. We were still lying on the bed with my arm around her and her head leaning on my chest. She didnt utter a word for seconds. Then the silence broke along with my heart. Alan, Im tired today. Can you please give me some space for once? Gosh, give me a break. Its been a long week, she answered back coldly. She stood up and stormed out of the room. Just as quick as she left, a tear ran down from the corner of my eye. I was losing the woman of my life. What did I do wrong? Shes been distant lately. She spent more time with Allison than with me. It worried me so much. It felt like holding water in my hands and watching it slowly trickle away. Is she fed up of me already? Am I not enough anymore? I heard sizzling sounds then I heard the radio turn on. I knew that Claire was cooking breakfast already. I stood up and stretched. I fixed the bed and opened the velvet curtains and light overwhelmed the room. As I neared the door to head down for breakfast, I glanced at the picture that hung on the wall beside it. It was our wedding picture. The day when I was the happiest. I stared at the picture for what felt like hours. I looked at her. She looked so beautiful in the wedding dress and her hair effortlessly fell down so perfectly to her face. We couldnt stop smiling on that day . Then, I tried to remember the last time we both just stared and smiled, enjoying each others company. It felt so long ago. Her arms were wrapped tightly around me and our bodies were so close to each other, as if wed never let each other go. And now, its like we dont even know each other anymore. I just stared blankly into space and asked myself, What happened? I sat down on the floor, right in front of the picture, and let tears express what words couldnt. Questions flooded my mind. Where did I go wrong? Is she tired of me? Tears endlessly flowed down my cheeks and I buried my face on my green shirt. I didnt want to lose Claire. I dont know what Id do without her. Then, I heard footsteps down the hallway, getting closer and closer. For a second, I didnt notice Claire standing outside the door. She was looking at me, her face showed no emotions. She just stared at me and my helplessness. We just looked at each others eyes. She slowly walked up to me. Everything okay, Alan? My shirt was soaked in tears. My eyes wouldnt stop crying. I never felt this hopeless before in my entire life.

Out of nowhere, I asked, Do you love me? She raised her eyebrow as if she wasnt familiar with that question. Whats that supposed to mean? What else should it mean? I retorted. Do you love me? It almost looked like she hesitated but, nonetheless, she said, Of course I love you, Alan. It didnt sink in me. Something was missing. She knelt down beside me and hugged me. You know that I love you more than an ything. Im sorry for what I said a while ago. Im just really stressed over work. She held my face in her hands and she brought me closer and she kissed me. And, warmth overwhelmed my body. She pulled away and looked at my tousled hair. She thumbed it just like she always did before. She smiled at me. Its been a while since weve just sat down her voice trailed off. I nodded. I miss these moments. Youre out with Allison more than with me. A tear ran down her cheek. Im sorry for hurting you, Alan. I placed my arms around her. You didnt mean to. The love we have for each other is stronger than the pain inflicted. And, right at that moment, I swore that I heard her say, inaudibly, Not yet. I was probably paranoid. We both went out for breakfast and it was a good morning indeed. Hon, Ill just do some gardening after breakfast. Ill be at the backyard later if you need anything, she said. We both fixed the table and washed the plates. Ill mow the front lawn, then, I told her. Okay. Be careful with the lawnmower, she said lovingly. She grabbed me and pulled me close and put her lips on mine. Her glasses fogged because of my breath and she shivered. She giggled. You better start shaving. Your beard tickles. I laughed. You be careful too. I caressed her wavy hair and held her close for a couple of minutes. She rested on my chest and listened to my heart that will only beat for her. Everything felt perfect again. I kissed her forehead and let her go to the backyard while I went to the front lawn to get the lawnmower in the shed at the side of the house. I started at the front most, near the sidewalk. The whirr of the lawnmower deafened me. Passers-by greeted me a pleasant morning. My feet were covered in grass trimmings. And, the smell of wet soil enveloped my surroundings. The morning heat formed small beads of sweat across my face. And, I was exhausted walking around the lawn. I decided to take refuge at the shade of a big tree in the middle of our front yard. As I walked, at the distance, I saw a light-blue book at the base of the tree. I went closer and found a diary underneath the tree. It was Claires. I sat down and got the diary and opened it. I flipped through the pages. It wasnt filled up that much yet. Although, there were entries already that didnt have specific dates or anything. I entertained myself and started reading through my wifes diary.

I never felt like this before. When people say that there will be that one person that you will meet in your life that will complete it, this is it. I knew it from the start. The presence of that person made me whole and I felt like Im living my purpose. I know that Ive found the love Ive been waiting for.

I couldnt help but smile. On the day of our wedd ing, I told her how much she completed me. And now, these words were on her diary. If only she knew how much it would mean to me hearing these words from her. I continued reading other random entries.

I cant live without her. Life would be meaningless without Allison. The way my heart beats every time shes near me. No one has ever made me feel that way. Not even Alan. It all finally makes sense. She was my world. I loved everything about her. The way she looked at me, the way she laughed, and the way she kissed me. It gave me a reason to wake up every day.

The smile on my face faded. I was shocked by the words. I read it all over again many times just to convince myself that it was just a dream. An illusion. But, it wasnt. Allison? Shes in love with Allison? The words on the other entry were talking about Allisonnot me. It didnt register that well yet in me. It was too much for me to take in. Is my wife a lesbian? I knew that if I continued reading, Id be hurting myself. Still, I flipped through th e pages and read the last entry.

I cant take it anymore. I want to be with her. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The feeling is mutual. I cant stand a single day or a single night without her by my side. Shes the reason for my happiness. When shes around me, she makes me smile without even trying. One day, Ill be with her. Ill do whatever it takes.

A teardrop landed on the page. Thats when I realized that I was crying. It all made sense. The love that she was waiting for was someone else, not me. I slowly tried to absorb it all. Its been almost two years and she never even showed it. Wouldnt you know it? Right at that moment, she emerged from the backyard. Alan! Im done, honey, she said. She was skipping to me like a little girl. She abruptly stopped when she saw me holding her diary. Like nothing happened, she continued skipping. I knew she was just playing along. Are you done mowing the lawn? she asked. She stood in front of me. She leaned her head on one side, making her hair fall on the side of her face. She was beaded with sweat on her face, her hair was a beautiful mess, and her clothes were soiled. This was the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But, I guess thats not happening anymore. What is this? I asked her, not minding her question. I held up her diary. She laughed. A diary, you silly

I know its a diary, I interrupted. Im talking about whats in it. Her smile left her face quickly. What about it? Can we talk about it? I saw the insecurity in her eyes. She scoffed and raised her voice. Whats there to talk about? Im not mad or anything, Claire. I just want to NO. She stormed back in to the house and locked herself in our room. We didnt talk for the whole day after that. It was too much for her to take in too, I guess. Everythings falling apart. I dont know what to do anymore.

March 17, 2013

I tried talking to her. I wanted to let her know how I felt about this but she seemed so insecure and mad. She couldnt stand a minute beside me. She would always avoid me or walk past me. A piece of my heart chipped off every time. This was going to be my last Sunday morning with her. I wanted to make things right before shes gone for good. I peeked through the bedroom door. The alarm went off at half past seven in the morning. The sheets started shifting and unfurling. From under the covers, Claire came out. She sat up and brushed her hair with her delicate hands. I couldnt help but stare at her, just like the first time I laid my eyes on her. The curtains covered the windows, blocking the sunlight. All I saw was Claires silhouette and I was still captivated by the beauty of her shadow. She stood up and picked up a yellow polka-dotted scrunchie. She fixed her hair in to a bun and walked towards the curtains. She started humming a song by The Beatles. I think it was Here, There, and Everywhere. Her voice was so beautiful. I hear it every day and I never get tired of it. It was the voice that woke me up every morning, the voice that told me that everything will be alright, the voice that always said, I love you. Next, she picked up her glasses. She let out a yawn, rubbed her eyes to wake herself up, and then wore her glasses gingerly. Morning light lit up the bedroom as she opened the curtains. She squinted and turned away for a while. I was able to get a better look of her face. A better look of every feature. Her eyes, her lips, her hair, her every dimple, and her every mole. She turned and leaned against the window, her back facing me. She stood there, motionless, staring outside. She wore a sleeveless flower-printed shirt. Her hair was in a messy bun which revealed the mole on the back of her neck. I slowly opened the door and made my way in the room. She didnt seem to notice that I entered. The room floor felt cold on my bare feet. I walked past the bed and I was almost across the room. She started humming again which startled me for a second. I continued walking slowly towards her until she was a hairs-breadth away. I slowly wrapped my arms around her waist and held her close. At first, she was surprised. But, she didnt hesitate. We both stood there, staring outside the window.

Good morning, I whispered, breaking the silence. Mornin, she replied monotonously. I cooked breakfast. She smiled. The last time you cooked was on Valentines Day. You remembered that? How could I forget? Claire rested her head on my chest. She sighed. Claire I know you want to talk, Alan, she interrupted. Its too much for me right now. Can we just have a normal Sunday morning? I kept quiet and nodded. She didnt know what I was trying to say. The words that remained unspoken werent what she thought. Nonetheless, I let her enjoy the rest of th e morning. I felt contented that we were talking again during breakfast. It was a normal day, for once. It was just what I needed before its all over. But, I needed to tell her already. I was afraid to bring it up, knowing she might get ticked off. Oh, well. What do I have to lose? Ive lost her already. I looked at her as she drank a glass of milk. I went straight to the point. Allison is coming over today. She stopped and placed the glass down. She had the cutest milk moustache. I remembered when she told me that she called it a milk-stache. I couldnt help but giggle and smile. What? This is not funny. How would you know? Did you and Allison talk? she asked, bombarding me with many questions. I couldnt focus. Seeing her serious with a milk-stache really made my morning. My last morning with her. Whats so funny, Alan? she asked. She started sounding really angry. Im sorry. You got a little I brushed my moustache with my hands. She rolled her eyes and wiped herself with a piece of tissue. She muttered, Milk-stache. I nodded. Milk-stache. She cleared her throat and paused as if she was finding the right words to say. Yes, I talked to her, I said. Shell be coming before noon at around half past eleven. Why? she asked me, tilting her head like a puppy like she always does when shes curious and clueless. Because I hesitated. I took a deep breath. I felt shaky, just like the night when I proposed to her back at Triple Creek Ranch. I buried my face in my hands. I felt like a rock was up my throat. It was so hard to tell her. She was just watching me and waiting for an answer. No words came out of our mouths. The only thing we can hear was the tweeting of the birds and the rustling of the leaves as a morning breeze passed by. Seconds passed, Claires cellphone rang from our room. I looked up and saw her staring back at me. Its probably Allison calling, she said shyly. Ill just I didnt let her finish. Go ahead. She can answer the question I cant answer. She didnt say a word anymore. She stood up and left me alone on the dining table. I felt like I could just sit there forever and do nothing.

I looked at my watch and checked the time. It was a quarter before ten. Soon, Allison will be here. Soon, Claire will be gone. Soon, Ill be alone again. Claire never came back to breakfast so I decided to clean the table up and wash the dishes by myself. It was usually her and me cleaning this all up together. She would splash me with soapy water every time I get suds on her nose. The whole kitchen floor would always end up wet but we didnt care. What I would never forget would be the moments when we would just look at each others eyes. She had this habit of staring which never failed to give me the chills ever since the day we met. It felt like words werent enough for those moments. It felt like her eyes could look through me and know what I wanted to say. Its like sharing quiet love messages to each other. Our constant gaze took the words right out of our mouths. Now, those moments will only be memories. Memories that I will hold close in my heart. Even if she broke my heart, Ill never regret the day Claire and I met. My heart can still love her with these broken pieces. She was one of a kind. I dont think Ill ever find a girl like Clai re. Allison is really lucky. All I want is the best for Claire. I would give Allison my wife and all the sweet things in life that I can find just for Claire to be happy. I cant stand seeing her sad. No. Ill be happy if she is happyeven if Im not the reason for that smile on her face. Well, nothing lasts forever. Not even true love, I guess. Was it even true for her? I dont know. But, I feel lucky enough to have, at least, spent a part of my life with her. Claire changed me and made me a better man when she came in to my life. Now that shes leaving, she changed me again. Im so used to waking up to her face. Now, I need to get used to waking up on a half -empty bed. I dont know how long itll take for me to cope with all this. I dont even know if Ill get over this at all. I sat down on the kitchen floor and cried. My sobs echoed around the house. At that moment, I heard a rush of footsteps getting closer. I saw Claire running towards me. Her hair was still wet from the shower. She wore a dark blue turtleneck sweater and a pair of light-colored pants. She wore her favorite flats that let her toes peek out. Alan, whats wrong? she asked, her face looking worrisome. She sat down beside me on the cold floor. I couldnt talk properly. My eyes were all watery. IIIm going to miss you, Claire. Im sorry forfor not being good enough. I willwill always lllove you, I stuttered in between sniffs. I looked at her. Her eyes were tearing up. Damn it, Alan. You were more than enough. You were the best thing that ever happened in my life. Always remember that, okay? Dont say that. Dont you ever say that. She emphasized every word with a slap on my shoulder. I looked at her. Her eyes were welled up from crying. Tears endlessly flowed down her face. Did Allison tell you? I managed to ask properly. Everything, she answered with a nod. Why would you let me leave with her? Id do it for you. I know you want to, Claire. I can see it in your eyes. She looked away. Youd do that for me? I sniffed and nodded. The whirr of a car engine was audible from outside. Claire and I knew that Allison was here. We both knew that it was time to say goodbye to each otherforever.

The doorbell rang. Time to get up, tiger, Claire whispered as she stood up. She let out a hand. I held it and stood up. But, I didnt let go. Can I hold it one last time before your fingers hold someone elses hand that isnt mine? I asked pleadingly. She looked at our hands. She looked up to me with her teary eyes and nodded. You forgot your glasses on the table. Its here with me, I told her, showing them. I placed them on her slowly and tucked her hair behind her ear. I forced myself to smile as I looked in to her hazel-brown eyes. Im doing this for you to be happy. Smile for me, Claire. She managed a smile and wrapped her arms around me. I felt the warmth of her breath on my neck. I placed my hands on her waist. And, for one last time, we stared in to each others eyes like we always do. Sharing a moment without words. She kissed me for the last time and said, I can always count on you to make me see things clearer in my life. I remembered those words. The night where everything changed. The night when I proposed to her at Triple Creek Ranch. My eyes wouldnt stop crying. It was reliving a memory where it all started on the day where it all ends. I leaned closer to her ear. You bet, I whispered. Forever? she asked. And always. Goodbye, Alan. Bye, Claire. After that, no words were spoken. I brought her out with all her luggage and placed them in the trunk of Allisons maroon sedan. I saw Claires eyes glistening when she saw Allison. I knew that shed be happier with her than with me. She smiled and went to Allison. They hugged and shared a kiss. Afterwards, they went in the car, leaving me out on the front of our house. No more goodbyes, as if she completely forgot about me. The engine started and I watched the car drive off in to the distance along with my wife. A single tear ran down my cheek. The last tear I shed for her. I walked back and went to the tree standing tall in the middle of the front lawn. And, as I walked towards it, I found her diary underneath the tree. My Valentines Day gift to her on the night I met Allison. It was just there at the same spot. It was like it was unmoved. I picked it up and smiled. I remembered the countless gifts Ive given her over the years. But, the one gift that Id never forget was the last gift I had for my wifeAllison. After all, it will be our anniversary tomorrow. I had to give the best for her.

March 18, 2013

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, CLAIRE.