Susan Student English 103 February 31, 2005
[Assignment: Write an editorial suitable for publication in the DePaulia, in which you raise an issue or problem that concerns you about the university and one you feel others should be aware of as well.]
The Computer Lab The computer lab is a place where one goes to type, revise papers or due research on the Internet. Have you ever been to the Computer Lab? Well I have let me tell you its a jungle in there.
As a reader, Im curious about why its a jungle inside the computer labs.
Consider giving your reader more information in this first paragraph
There are three computer labs in the Lincoln Park campus. There is the Sac lab in room 235 which has about 142 workstations. And two big printers. Sac is the one that most resembles a jungle. You have to jump over peoples bookbags, and coats. While also trying to weave your way threw chairs and people. First of all it takes like thirty minutes to even find a free computer. Once you see one so has the other person at the other end of the computer lab then the race begins to see who gets there first. Those jungle vines would sure come in handy here it would probably be easier to get to a computer this way. You finally get a computer you sit down and you have the smallest place to work in you can barley fit a notebook on it. You can forget about trying to write a research paper in the computer lab or write as you go along.
It seems like you could begin a new paragraph because you
bring up a new issue with the SAC labs Then there is the noise level. there are people all
around you listening to CDs on the computer, they may have headphones on but you can still hear it, you have like 142 people typing away not to mention the hum of the computers all of this makes it pretty hard to concentrate on your writing or typing. There are no windows in the computer lab it is always hot and muggy. Ah, but one of the great joys of going to the computer lab is when your just sitting there typing and people passing behind you are bumping into you or hitting you on the head with there book bags. It can be quit painful at times. Moreover, may you never encounter problems with your computer because most likely the attendants on duty wont be able to help you. The attenda nts are mostly
undergraduate students with little training and can probably only answer questions which you already know the answer to like how to save on your disk. You would probably be better off asking the gorilla sitting beside you. There is one plus about the computer lab they finally got recycling bins for the lab. Last quarter they would have piles of paper just lying around and the garbage cans would be full of paper.
This is an interesting point. Does this
mean that DePaul is working to make the computer labs a more effective space?
However, there are still the computer labs over in the Bryne and McGaw Buildings. Both these are considerably smaller about half the size of Sac. These labs have no one on duty to help, not like they could help much anyway. In these labs it is easier to find a computer depending at the time you go if it is early you can probably find one easily. In Bryne there are windows allowing sunlight in and a chance to open the window to allow air in. Not in McGaw though. The Byrne and McGaw buildings have there own problems like the following. The other day I went to print up my paper before class at the Bryne building. I was at the computer lab about fifteen minutes before class. I sit down insert my disk bring up my paper hit print, I walk over to the printer and nothing is happening, the little screen was flashing out o paper. So I check to see if there is any paper there is paper in the trays. Not to mention that the paper had already been used they just turned it around this did not look good I had to hand in a paper that was typed. on both sides one side was covered with stuff that was irrelevant to what my paper was about. I went back and hit print it still wouldnt work. Finally I had to call the computer lab in Sac they werent much help since they arent there to see what is wrong. Finally I just turned it off and turned it back on it eventually stared working. I would have been late to my class but it was right across the hall. Then just last week I had a paper due for my English class I was going to proofread and print out my paper before class. My class was in McGaw at 11:50 a.m. I got to the computer lab around 11:15 a.m. I walk down to the computer lab, I went in only to find that there was a class being held in there. The class wasnt going to be over till 11:40. I had no choice but to wait for the class to be over.
This
paragraph is much more focused on one experience than the rest of your paper. Is there a way you can generalize this issue so it seems more broadly relevant to the readers of the DePaulia?
Due to my many not so pleasant encounters with the computer lab, I felt like I had no other choice but to go out and buy a computer and printer or keep facing the ordeals that a person must go threw just to get their homework done. My grades suffered because of the computer lab problems. So I went out and bought a laptop and printer.
Susan, I really enjoyed your extended metaphor between the computer labs and a jungle. I like how you introduced this idea in the beginning and carried it out over several paragraphs. You also do a really good job with specificity. You mention particular aspects of each computer lab at DePaul and the various issues with each one.
As a reader, I sometimes struggled to guess the direction of your paragraphs based on your topic sentences. Some paragraphs began with description, while others started with more specific problems. I think that your overall point (that the computer labs at DePaul are difficult to utilize) would be clearer if you had each paragraph describe a single problem with the computer labs. Also, make sure that your paper shows why this is a relevant issue for DePaul students. Why do your readers need to be aware of this problem?
