I might just get everyone to start talking a little bit, I guess, you know, see how it sounds. Perhaps you could tell me, I guess, when you got into Christchurch.

Have you already talked about it?

No.

I was going to say —

It was a blur. It was definitely a blur.

Did we go to look for Dad after that?

We did, yeah. So we did all the admin —

We went on a hunt to try and find him.

Because we couldn’t — we’d been told by so many people that he’d been seen —

Yeah.

— seen, came out of surgery, that he was O.K. We went to every ward. We couldn’t find him anywhere. And he wasn’t on the list either.

So kind of earlier in the night, we were thinking, O.K., well, if there’s still 17 unconfirmed people, then there’s hope that our brother is also here as one of those anonymous patients.

After kind of just chaotic back and forth with the police and whoever’s handling it, they did end up finding out exactly who every single one of those anonymous patients were.

And they read them out.

They — yeah.

And halfway down, our dad was read out.

We kept hearing more and more names getting read out. And the more that got read out, the more I knew. Pretty much when the death toll climbed, I think it started at, like, nine when we first checked.

It went from six, to nine, to 30, to 45.

To 49.

Yeah.

The more it climbed, the more we realized, what are the chances that they both made it?

Yeah. And then we just — we got to the end. And our brother’s name hadn’t been read out.

And what did they do?

That’s a really good question. What don’t they do?

Have you got an hour?

What don’t they do?

I’ve heard so many accounts of mom juggling raising her son and kind of lecturing and sorting out her Ph.D. and bringing him into really unsafe labs. So —

He used to sit on a Macintosh?

Yeah.

Macintosh computer, those really old ones with the — what’s that duck-shooting game?

I’m not sure.

These old, old Macs that looked like bricks, he used to go and sit there while she was doing her work and just play that game.

Yeah.

He scored an own goal once. [LAUGHTER]

However, he also scored a goal from a goalkeeping position.

Which is incredible, yeah.

But the mosque was integral to kind of bringing —

Yeah. We spent a lot of time.

In our life, it was beyond childhood. I was probably there more than most every week. You know?

How did Atta wrestle with that in high school? Because high school’s a test for everyone.

It is. This is kind of that struggle with identity in kind of a Western context. He went to the same high school as I did. He was really, really effective at kind of, you know, blending in and being just like any other Kiwi, but also in saying that he’s — he was one to absolutely embrace his Muslim identity. And he kind of brought that around with him in a really effective way, in the way that it’s relatable. So I think, obviously, there’s a bit of a struggle to assimilation or the opposite. But I think, for me, I’m not the most sporty person out there. And it’s interesting because, I mean, everything I was interested in was —

Not —

— not really what defined Christchurch Boys’ High. Like, I did drama and debating and all these kind of more cultural things that literally no one respected. So one thing he kind of advised me was that getting into sport really does unlock doors socially. And absolutely in hindsight, I can completely say that he wasn’t wrong. Being into his sports just made him more accessible to people that he otherwise wouldn’t be. And we often kind of discussed our high school experiences. And I’ve always lived through kind of his mistakes and his experiences. And he literally was like my second father.

He’d gone through a lot of this stuff. And so, you know, he was always teaching us from his mistakes.

It sounds like he —

That’s going to be something we’re going to really miss.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, I’m pretty stubborn in general. And I don’t really take advice from a lot of people. But any time I want some advice, I’d go to him for everything. And he’d always have the answer for it. And it would be the perfect answer every time.

How do you begin to process something like this? I mean —

Yeah, look, I’m going to be totally honest with you. I think processing it is going to take a very long time.

I don’t think we’ve started.

Yeah, we haven’t, 100 percent haven’t started processing yet. I mean, the first day and the second day were pretty tough. But I think we’ve kind of pulled it together a little bit for the sake of Mum and Father. But it’s going to be a long, long road. And I think things are going to come up every now and again, where, I don’t know, for me, it’s going to be, oh, man, I want some advice, or I want to talk to Atta about this, so — he’s not here kind of thing. I’m sure that’s going to be years of pain for all of us. I don’t think there’s enough words to describe what it means for them and for us.

The only reason that I’m doing architecture is because I saw one of his graphics projects pinned up on his wall. I mean, Atta actually kind of hated it. It was, like, this yellow, Simpsons-looking house. [LAUGHS] And it’s pinned up on his wall. And I just saw the floor plans and the sketches. And I was so inspired. And interestingly, it’s something he sacrificed to stay close to home. He didn’t want to go to Wellington to study architecture because he didn’t want to be far from home.

He wanted two things. He wanted to be an architect or a dentist. And this one’s an architect, and I’m a dentist.

Yeah.

And Atta put both of those dreams on hold because he didn’t want to split the family up.

Atta was an angel. Honestly, not because he was my husband. He was too good to be true.

I felt that this was the man I want to marry. I was very sure that I wanted Atta to be the father of my children because he had every single thing that I wanted in a man.

So where was the wedding?

It was in Jordan.

And tell me about it. What was it like?

Aw, the best — best part for me was when Farah sang to him. We didn’t know she could sing. That’s something we didn’t know about her at the time. And no one expected it. She kept it as a surprise. And she walked in partway through. We heard some singing. We didn’t realize it was her. But she walked in, singing a beautiful song in Arabic and English. And she sang it to him. And he cried. And we all cried. And it was a beautiful moment.

He never sang before that. He never sang before his daughter. I’d never heard him sing.

How do you explain to Aya — what have you told her?

Um, so far, Aya has been busy with a lot of children around. Just maybe two days ago, she woke up in the middle of the night crying, and she was calling for her dad. And then I calmed her down. And she slept back. And then the other day, she heard the plane, and she’s like, Baba! I’m like, yeah. And she’s like, Auckland? Because just Monday, at night, he went to Auckland, to where Abdallah is, his brother. So I’m like, yeah, Mama, Baba, he — yeah, he’s gone, but not to Auckland this time. He went to jannah, which is heaven. So for now, this is what I’m going to tell her, that he traveled to this place, but we can’t call him, and he’s gone to this place where it’s heaven, not Auckland. [LAUGHS]

So right now, we’re just waiting to get the call from the police to say you can come and see the body now. And after that, we can get started on the steps towards the burial. And after that, we’re just going to wait.

(SINGING) [ARABIC]

Last week’s event is proof and evidence to the entire world that terrorism has no color, has no race, and has no religion.

To the people of New Zealand, thank you.

Thank you for your tears.

Thank you for your flowers.

Thank you for your love and compassion, and to all the wonderful people who have shown us that we matter and are not forgotten, O Allah, protect New Zealand. O Allah, protect New Zealanders and the world. [ARABIC]

We don’t do this Janazah every day. We don’t bury 27 of our beloved ones every day.

There are 37 open holes. We do not want anyone falling in those holes.

The family of Naeem Rashid, please come to your loved one. Please, just six or eight people.

Then can we ask the family of our sister —

Every five we’ll take at a time.

(SINGING) Allahu akbar.

(SINGING) Allahu Akbar.

We haven’t lost everything. We still have each other. And we’re going to have to get through it together. There’s no other choice, you know? Life has to go on. You’ve got to keep moving. We do have faith, even if it’s maybe not quite as strong as my dad’s faith. We do have faith. We believe in the afterlife. We believe he’s in a better place. And we want to meet him there.

So I just hope that, inshallah, one day, we’ll be again reunited in Jannah, in heaven. And this is what will give me the strength to, you know, to continue our dreams and goals that we could not achieve together and that we had already set. And I’m going to raise our daughter to know who her father was. We’re very proud of her father. And yeah, I love him. We’ll always do.

No thank you, Mr. Attorney General. We do not need your interpretation. Show us the report, and we can draw our own conclusions.

We don’t need you interpreting for us. It was condescending. It was arrogant. And it wasn’t the right thing to do. So the sooner they can give us the information, the sooner we can all make a judgment about it.