This woman’s reaction to her friend’s pregnancy reveal sheds light on the hidden grief of infertility

There’s a special kind of heartbreak that comes with infertility—one that is invisible to most but feels all-consuming to those going through it. And while people think they know how to be supportive, sometimes their actions tell a different story. A Reddit user, u/ClassicImportance987, recently shared a gut-wrenching experience in the Reddit AITA subreddit after her close friend blindsided her with a pregnancy announcement—and recorded her reaction.

AITA for not getting over joyed for my friend’s pregnancy announcement
byu/ClassicImportance987 inAmItheAsshole

The setup: a blindside at dinner

The original poster (OP) has suffered two miscarriages, the most recent in January, and has been navigating fertility treatments ever since. She was finally coming out of a deep depression when she went out to dinner with two close friends.

One of those friends, whom OP has known for 20 years, blurted out, “I’m pregnant!!!”—with her phone held up, recording the moment.

“I felt absolutely sick,” OP wrote. “Friend B was stunned as well (she knows my journey too). I quickly mustered up, ‘Oh wow, I had a feeling,’ because I was being recorded and felt tears coming.”

Friend B took over the conversation, while OP sat there, completely overwhelmed, as her friend went on about her pregnancy. Not once did she check in on OP. And then, to make things worse, she later texted Friend B saying, “I hope L (OP) understands. I was nervous to tell her but I didn’t want to wait until another time since idk when I would see her again.”

When Friend B pointed out that recording the moment was insensitive, the response was even more telling: “L shouldn’t be upset with me. It’s a special moment for me and true friends are happy for you regardless.”

OP hasn’t heard from her since.

Related: Reddit AITA: Is a wedding the right time for a gender reveal? One bride’s dilemma on family boundaries

The internet has thoughts

The comment section was livid. Many, especially those who have experienced infertility and loss, validated OP’s feelings and called out the friend’s insensitivity.

Hillosaurusrex went all in:

“As a person who has had 4 miscarriages and lost friends over this exact reason, I am SCREAMING at my phone that you are NOT THE ASSHOLE!! If you Google search ‘how to tell my friend who is going through infertility that I am pregnant,’ the first thing that pops up is to tell them via text so that they can process it.”

The comment also touched on how infertility trauma is often minimized, when in reality, research has shown that the emotional distress of infertility is comparable to that of a cancer diagnosis.

Another commenter, ArticQimmiq, shared a different experience:

“My cousin did that for me, tell me she was pregnant through text. I really appreciated it because I was able to write all the right things while I was crying on my sofa.”

And then there was silverphoenix2025, who tried to acknowledge both sides but still pointed out the problem:

“I think that she should’ve not recorded you, that was really wrong. Especially since she knows what you’ve been going through. On the other end, though, I do think you should be happy for her. But I understand how even that could be a struggle.”

Related: Reddit AITA: A mom told her friend not to bring her newborn to the party—was that the right call?

So, was OP the a**hole? Absolutely not.

Infertility grief is complicated. You can absolutely be happy for someone while simultaneously feeling gutted for yourself. Those feelings don’t cancel each other out.

What OP’s friend failed to understand is that a pregnancy announcement, particularly to someone struggling with infertility, isn’t just about the announcer. It’s about the person receiving the news, too. And being blindsided—on camera, no less—is not the move. As one commenter pointed out, it is widely recommended that people tell their infertile friends via text, so they can process their emotions privately and respond when they’re ready.

And for anyone who’s wondering—OP was happy for her friend. She even confirmed it in the comments, saying:

“Definitely happy for her! I think my reaction would’ve been happier had I not been recorded tbh.”

This isn’t about taking joy away from pregnant friends. It’s about understanding that some announcements need to come with compassion instead of a ring light and a camera.

Stories like this spark an important conversation: How do we balance our own emotions while supporting the people we love? Whether you’re announcing a pregnancy or receiving the news while navigating infertility, here are some ways to approach these moments with compassion.

How to navigate pregnancy announcements when infertility is involved

Infertility is an invisible battle—one that can make moments of joy for others feel unexpectedly painful. If you’re navigating infertility, or if you’re announcing a pregnancy to someone who is, here’s how to approach these moments with thoughtfulness and care.

If You’re Announcing a Pregnancy to a Friend Facing Infertility

• Tell them privately first
  • A surprise group announcement—or one that’s recorded—can feel overwhelming. Instead, share the news one-on-one before making it public.
  • Best approach: Send a text first, so they can process privately before responding.
• Acknowledge their emotions
  • A simple, compassionate message can make all the difference. Consider saying:
    • “I wanted to tell you personally before announcing. I know this may bring up a lot of emotions, and I completely understand if you need time to process.”
• Give them space to react how they need to
  • Understand that their love for you and their personal grief can coexist. If they need distance, it’s not about you—it’s about their healing.
• Avoid these common mistakes
  • Surprising them in a group setting
  • Expecting immediate excitement
  • Saying things like “Don’t worry, your time will come!”

If You’re Processing a Pregnancy Announcement While Navigating Infertility

• Your feelings are valid
  • It’s okay to feel both happy for your friend and sad for yourself—those emotions are not in competition.
• Set boundaries that protect your mental health
  • If pregnancy announcements are triggering, consider letting close friends know in advance:
    • “I’m so happy for you, but I may need some space to process. Thank you for understanding.”
• Prepare a go-to response
  • If you’re caught off guard, having a prepared phrase can help:
    • “I’m really happy for you, and I appreciate you sharing this with me. I might need a little time to process, but I’m grateful for your friendship.”
• Give yourself grace
  • If you need to step away from social media baby announcements, skip a baby shower, or take time for yourself—it’s okay. Protecting your heart doesn’t mean you don’t care.

If You Want to Support a Friend Going Through Infertility

• Check in—outside of big life moments
  • A simple “thinking of you” text can mean the world to someone feeling alone in their journey.
• Be mindful of how you talk about pregnancy
  • If you’re expecting, be sensitive about venting pregnancy complaints to a friend struggling with infertility.
• Listen without trying to “fix” it
  • Unsolicited advice (“Have you tried acupuncture?”) or toxic positivity (“Just relax, and it will happen!”) can be unintentionally hurtful. Instead, try:
    • “I’m here for you no matter what. Let me know how I can support you.”

The bottom line

Pregnancy announcements can be joyful and heartbreaking at the same time—and that’s okay. What matters most is approaching these moments with kindness, awareness, and compassion.

Have you been in a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments.