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Cody (Reid Miller) and his best friend Steve (Hawn Tran) are comic book enthusiasts, and they spend their time working on a goofy comic entitled "Santa Jaws." As Christmas approaches, one of Cody's drawings gets him into trouble when it goes viral online, attracting the attention of his school principal. With his parents grounding him and Cody developing severe resentment toward his family, he wishes for help from Santa Jaws... and the universe grants his wish. Suddenly, a large great white shark manifests itself and starts feasting on Cody's family. As Cody's extended family becomes hapless fish food, Cody and Steve work with attractive classmate Jena (Courtney Lauren Cummings) to find a solution and kill the shark.
Merely describing the content of Santa Jaws without critique will either persuade or dissuade you from watching this Yuletide masterpiss. This is a movie about a shark with glowing red eyes like Rudolph's nose that wears a Santa hat on its fin. The shark also uses Christmas string lights to lasso victims, and she gains a candy cane horn to impale hapless folks in her path. Jingle bells accompany the shark's every appearance, Christmas things attract it (but not iconic songs that are too expensive to license), and only Christmas things can harm it, including exploding baubles. Writer Jake Kiernan, scripting his first and only movie to date, fills the screenplay with hysterical puns - "See you in Jingle Hell," "Santa Jaws is coming to town," and "Ho, ho, ho, you son of a fish" are among the film's arsenal of gut-busting one-liners.
If any of this sounds appealing, Santa Jaws is for you. If this stuff makes you cringe, give this one a skip.
Do not approach Santa Jaws expecting award-winning special effects - after all, we are dealing with the Syfy channel here. The CGI is not always aggressively terrible in terms of texturing, but the movement is a different matter: the shark never moves naturally or believably. However, the Santa-hat-clad dorsal fin is at least a practical effect, which is rare in such productions. The attack scenes are uproarious, and director Talley compensates for the awful digital effects by keeping the movie's tongue firmly planted in cheek. I mean, one victim loses his legs when the shark pushes a boat into him. One would also think that characters could survive by staying away from the water, but that's clearly too difficult.
Not everything about Santa Jaws works, and the screenplay is the clearest example of how the film both succeeds and fails. Kiernan's script understands comedy far better than drama: the Christmas-themed puns and sight gags land consistently, but the connective tissue between attacks is burdened with flat exposition and rote family conflict that feels imported from a more earnest holiday movie. When it's funny, it's very funny. But the pacing tends to drag in between the attack scenes due to the actors and the unspectacular scripting. Reid Miller gives it his all as young Cody, but the supporting cast is notably hit-and-miss - Jim Klock and Carrie Lazar are especially awful as Cody's parents, who sound like they are reciting their dialogue from cue cards.
Santa Jaws is one of those self-promoting, critic-proof movies - no matter how many critics try to tear it to shreds, there will always be a curious audience who will watch the movie based on the title alone. It's completely ludicrous - but I enjoyed virtually every second of it, and I'm glad I watched it.
5.3/10
