Attention-getter

opinion
Sep 4, 20191 min

Where there’s smoke …

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

It’s the ’70s and pilot fish is a tape hanger on a Honeywell 8200 — those big tape reels and their drives.

One lunchtime, fish smells something burning. Since the computer bay is air-cooled, it’s hard to determine the source, so fish tells a teammate that she smells something burning, and the two of them open the front and back of each tape drive trying to find where the smell is coming from.

To no avail, so they tell the console operator to page the Honeywell tech. That gets no response. It’s lunchtime, so it’s going to take a real emergency to get any action. I’ll take care of that, says the console operator, who revises the page to “Honeywell tech needed immediately in computer bay 4. Something’s burning!”

The ensuing stampede was a sight to see.

Oh, if you’re curious, the system had a key punch machine attached, and a bearing had overheated in it. It was out of commission for a while.

Stampede Sharky with your true tales of IT life. Send them to me at [email protected]. You can also subscribe to the Daily Shark Newsletter.

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Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

Easy. Subscribe to the newsletter.

Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.

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