2021, SBL Annual Meeting
First Samuel 15:28 and 16:12 can be read as Yhwh giving the kingdom to Saul, and then, David because of their appearances. Using New Literary criticism (cf. D. Gunn, The Fate of King Saul) and Queer Theory (cf. H. Eilberg-Schwartz, God’s Phallus; S. Moore, God’s Gym) we can read the initial choice of Saul, and then David, to be Israel’s leader as the result of an all-male, all-Israel beauty contest. Reading Saul’s selection in 1 Sam 9 along with other biblical beauty contests (e.g., 1 Kgs 1:1-4; Esther 2) normalizes this notion as well as highlights the heterosexual and patriarchal nature of other biblical beauty contests. These women, Abishag and Esther, get to marry kings. Samuel’s beauty contest, on the other hand, seeks to find a man to sit on Yahweh’s throne. Saul is selected first. He stands out because he is larger and more handsome than the others. David’s choice in 1 Sam 16 is not so much about size. Instead, David’s skin color, his eyes, and his beauty are unparalleled, even for Saul. But, unlike other modern pageants, Mister Israel plays its pageantry out in martial combat. Between Saul trying to dress David up in his costume to kill a giant and David slicing Saul's fancy robe, this beauty contest for Israel's throne has all the intrigue of a modern beauty pageant. And, like M. McMichael’s (Miss America's God, 2019) discussion of how the Miss American Pageant leads to personal, religious discovery, both Saul and David stumble their way through relationship with Yahweh-the-judge during this bout. The final straw in this back-and-forth takes place when Saul's beautiful body is killed and mutilated; a grotesque, dismembered body is not beautiful. David maintains his beautiful physique and gets to keep the throne, until his libido runs out. And, since both men’s successes as leaders are tied to divine help (e.g., 1 Sam 11:6; 16:13), and not some innate prowess, this particular take on Israelite kingship undercuts classic scholarly discussions about why Yhwh chose Saul, then David. Perhaps, in the end, Yhwh just picked the most beautiful Israelite male he could find?