December Doom! Cursed Cutlery!

 

1. Turns every food it touches into goblin feces.
2. Poisons every food it touches (save or blindness for 1d6 minutes). Maybe could be used as poisoned weapon, who knows?
3. This shit is animated and hostile! 1HP, AC3, 1d2 damage, levitates.
4. Once put in mouth, it sticks to one's lips / gums / tongue with a very powerful, magical adhesive it produces. Sucks to be you.
5. Once put in mouth, it becomes searing hot (1d6 damage). 
6. Cannot be used for eating. Knives are unable to cut anything other than user'a fingers, spoons seem to be leaky, forks automatically miss every bit of food. Ladles breathe stinking, corrosive gas. Hope you don't have a ladle.
7. Once the cutlery's user starts to eat, they must save vs magic or become so ravenous that nothing can stop them from devouring anything that is even remotely edible. Bones, wood, shoes, vermin, pets, infants, halflings. Failed saving throws can be re-attempted once per hour.
8. The cutlery is possessed by an entire family of lesser demons. They are able to communicate telepathically with others. They promise amazing treasure in exchange for "stabbing someone with the cutlery right in the heart". Of course, they're full of shit. Such stabbing would just swap the souls of the victims with the demonic essences trapped in the items.

I honestly don't know how I figure this shit out. It just appears in my mind.  

December Doom! Cursed Amulets!

Aaaand for the second year in the row I managed to put out at least one post per month. I will not lie - I'm kinda proud of myself!

PS. Yes. Rusty Beads of the Itching Ecstasy sound particularly wicked.

Octagram Amulet

 

Magical pendant made of tarnished copper. Unusually heavy. Indestructible.

• Once worn, the Amulet cannot be removed with any means other than magic.
• Each morning, it heals its wearer by 8 HP. Obviously, if their HP are already at max, nothing happens. 
• After he 8th healing provided this way, the Amulet drains one of its wearer's stat by 1.
• If wearer's level or any of their stats is reduced to zero while the Octagram Amulet is worn, the wearer dies. After 8 hours, they are transformed into a Green Wight (HD +1, 2 attacks per turn, level drain, undead).
• Any attack that would cause the Amulet's wearer to lose exactly 8HP, deals only 1 point of damage instead. 
• The amulet hums and vibrates in the vicinity of Fish Men, Cockroach Men, Bird Men and Mole Men.

 

Septagram Amulet

A simple magic item. An amulet made of cobalt, depicting a seven pointed star.

• It provides a 7+ saving throw against all clerical spells targeting the Amulet's wearer, even if they are healing spells.
• Each successful saving throw must be noted by the GM, because each third successful saving throw causes the Amulet to drain 7 HP from its wearer. The effect is immediate, no saving throw can save from this Hit Points drain.
• If the amulet is soaked in its wearer's blood for seven straight days (at least 1 HP worth of blood per day), it grants its wearer one-time boon of 7777 XP - and one Hellish Mutation (figure it out yourself). Probably it also does something nasty to the wearer's soul.
• The amulet has no effect on any creatures that aren't alive (eg. undead, automata, golems, spirits) or doesn't possess soul.

Enjoy! 

100 random liquids

1. Sewer Water
2. Potion of Cure Tooth Decay 
3. Potion of Visibility
4. Gnomish Brandy
5. Spring Water (extremely cold)
6. Potion of Strength
7. Cheap Wine
8. Mead
9. Stale Water (full of bacteria)
10. Potion of Flaming Piss
11. Carrot Juice 
12. Potion of Exchange
13. Blood
14. Paint Thinner 
15. Whale Oil 
16. Potion of Dexterity
17. Urine
18. Holy Water 
19. Potion of Open Wounds 
20. Jasmine Tea 
21. Potion of Blindness
22. Potion of Cure Blindness
23. Mushroom Soup 
24. Dwarven Tea 
25. Lemon Juice 
26. Potion of Healing 
27. Sake 
28. Potion of Sluggishness
29. Apple Juice 
30. Orcish Moonshine 
31. Formic Acid 
32. Potion of Constitution 
33. Potion of Rapid Rot 
34. Dwarven Ale
35. Potion of Paralysis
36. Cow Milk 
37. Potion of Cure Poison 
38. Coffee 
39. Potion of Wisdom 
40. Porter 
41. Potion of Charisma
42. Dragon Dung Tea 
43. Cobra Venom
44. Methanol 
45. Brackish Water 
46. Zelgog's Black Elixir 
47. Whale Milk 
48. Energy Drink 
49. Tomato Juice
50. Potato Juice
51. Citric Acid
52. Broth 
53. Alcohol-Free Beer
54. Egg White
55. Elixir of Polymorphy 
56. Potion of Rage 
57. Olive Oil 
58. Potion of Regeneration
59. Nitric Acid 
60. Single Malt Whisky
61. Coconut Water 
62. Petrol 
63. Rotten Tomato Juice 
64. Potion of Boost Speed
65. Soda Pop 
66. Unholy Water
67. Potion of Intelligence 
68. Grape Juice 
69. Potion of Dandruff  
70. Potion of Rust  
71. Cognac 
72. Acetone 
73. Potion of Aging
74. Potion of Youth 
75. Goblin Wine
76. Goblin Milk
77. Maple Syrup 
78. Ouzo
79. Oil Paint (random color) 
80. Rose Tea
81. Potion of Petrification
82. Drain Cleaner 
83. Paradox Fruit Juice
84. Wood Glue 
85. Scorpion Venom
86. Perfume (random scent)
87. Trollish Perfume (just imagine)
88. Potion of Clairaudience
89. Truth Serum 
90. Manticore Milk
91. Champagne
92. Dishwashing Liquid 
93. Love Potion 
94. Potion of Invisibility
95. Oil of Rust Removal
96. Angelic Tears 
97. Kvass 
98. Mercury 
99. Elven Wine 
100. Vampire Blood 

Mystical Elbow Amulet - new magic Item!

Magical artifact, made from the fractured tip of the Demented Scribe's ulna.

• -1 Strength;
• +1 Charisma;
• Wearer fails all checks and saves while on horseback or driving any vehicle;
• Fall Damage is reduced by 1d6 (to minimum 1);
• Wearer automatically passes all saves versus fear and all morale checks. 

(yup, I broke my elbow!)

Not So Perfect Invisibility Potions

 

 

Yay, Potion of Invisibility! Roll 1d10:

1. Potion works as intended; its user becomes blind for 1d12 minutes after the potion's effect ends.
2. Potion makes invisible only for the particular type of enemies. Roll 1d6: 1-3 living creatures, 4 demons, 5 undead, 5 unliving (golems, automatons etc.).
3. In addition to invisibility, potion's user begins to glow. I guess it's possible to miss it in broad daylight. 
4. In addition to invisibility, potion's user starts to stink horribly (CHA halved, beings possessing acute sense of smell may be able to detect him/her with relative ease). This side effect lasts until the next full moon.
5. Potion works as intended, but first three creatures with level / HD lower than the potion's user become invisible for him/her.
6. Potion's effect kicks in with significant delay (4d6 hours!).
7. Potion was mixed with another magical potion (determine randomly), duration / potency of both effects is halved.
8. Duration of invisibility is doubled - as well as all damage received by the potion's user for as long as he/she remains invisible.
9. Duration of invisibility is tripled - but each turn of its effect the user must save vs Magic to avoid giggling uncontrollably. If natural 1 is rolled during the saving throw, the porion's user starts to laugh so hard that he/she is unable to perform any other actions this turn.
   
10. This potion seems to be perfect - invisibility lasts forever. Each morning, potion's user must save vs Magic to become visible for the next 24 hours. This effect can be dispelled by a high-level wizard / priest. Or divine intervention. Or infernal contract.
    

Also, back in 2012, I made something similar for the Potions of Invisibility.

Random tables!

1. Brass Spiked Table. Made of uhh, spiked brass. Any summon spell cast while the scroll / spellbook sits on this table is more effective, but in quite unexpected way - the number of summoned creatures is increased by one, no matter if the spell summons a cricket or a lesser deity.
2. Swan Table. Made of white wood, with strangely curved legs. Big enough for two human-sized creaures to sit on it. Can be used in manner similar to magic carpet - just way weirder.
3. Twenty-legged Table. Made of reddish, cracked wood, at least twenty feet long. When approached, it transforms into an enormous centipede and attacks! AC 4, HD 5, fast movement, save vs Poison or 1d4 additional damage and -1 to all attack rolls for one hour (cumulative).
4. Malachite Workbench. All poison brewed on this table are more potent - either lasting for twice as long, or dealing additional damage die, or modifying victim's saving throw by -1.
5. Pink Topaz Table. Any food left on this table for at least ten minutes loses its poisonous properties. Unfortunately, it also loses any taste, while keeping its nutritional value.
6. Singing Oak Table. Each night, a huge mouth appears on the surface of this table. It devours everything that was placed on it. The items can be safely retrieved if the secret codeword is sang.
7. Goblin Stool Table. Any gold placed on this table is transmuted into goblin feces. Any silver is enchanted, dealing additional 2d6 damage to all zoanthropes (effect lasts for 24 hours). Any water is transformed into lemon juice. And fruits are transformed into cucumbers. Transmutation process starts immediately and lasts for 1d4 minutes.
8. Coffee Table of Great Fun. Made of finely polished walnut and adorned by a shimmering, floral rune. Anyone who touches the rune must save vs Magic or temporarily gets 13 additional HP, -1 to AC (to a minimum of 2) and gets extremely drunk. Additionally, they become plagued by nasty hallucinations of naked but extremely hideous dryads (-1 to all rolls). Effect lasts for six hours.
   

Twenty Weird Items in a Tool Locker

 

Roll 1d20:

1. Half-melted wrench;
2. Set of seventeen infrared light bulbs, each of different size and socket type;
3. Welding mask shaped like an ant's head;
4. Circular saw blade covered with autographs of people you don't know;
5. Pair of diver's boots;
6. Five screwdrivers bent and knotted together;
7. Rasp made of crystal;
8. Pair of heavy leather gloves, with someone's severed hands still inside;
9. Denture with teeth replaced with wood screws;
10. Cordless drill modified in a way allowing it to shoot drill bits;
11. Mysterious map made of scraps of sandpaper glued together;
12. Necklace made of mirror-polished screw nuts;
13. A perfect cube of cast iron, with each side measuring exactly 66,6 millimeters;
14. Hard hat adorned with a pair of antlers;
15. Large hammer with a head on each tip;
16. Harp made of a shovel and a flute made of a fragment of copper piping;
    
17. Ginormous screw, at least three feet long and weighing more than 40 lbs;
18. Dildo made of berylium;
19. Huge welding iron, more resembling a sword than a tool;
20. Thirteen metal buckets put in one another and spot-welded together. 

Happy 2025, you bastards! 

Six ridiculous magic items

1. Chromium Skull of Celestial Summoning. Summons an abandoned alien battlecruiser that was hiding on the orbit for the last 12700 years. It will take a warship 5d4 days to arrive and there's a 37% chance it will crash-land, causing major environmental disaster on a continental scale.
2. The Empty Hourglass. When shattered, it removes its user from the time continuum, barring it from interacting with any matter at all, for all eternity. Bear in mind that it's more than certain that he/she isn't the only entity that ended up in that situation.
3. The Obsidian Clock. Massive grandfather clock whose hands seem to not move at all, despite its extremely overcomplicated mechanism clearly being in motion. Resetting the hands will immediately trigger the apocalypse, destroying the world in seven days.
4. Immortality Stone. It grants, well, immortality for anyone who touches it. Sadly, the power lasts only for time the contact is maintained. And the Stone weighs approximately 75 thousand tons.
5. Minotaur's Scroll. When read, it teleports its user to the center of nearest labyrinth, no matter if it's a kindergarten hedge maze, orbital prison or an underwater tomb of antediluvian, cosmic evil.
   
6. Bell of Omnipotence. If put on one's head, it grants access to all spells for as long as it remains worn. Unfortunately, it also strips its wearer of all senses, making him/her unable to see, hear, taste, smell, sense by touch, echolocate, electrolocate, sense direction, sense humidity, sense magic and so on.

Accursed Footwear

Each pair of the cursed shoes described below cannot be removed once worn, at least without using magic (eg. Remove Curse) or a hacksaw.

1. The Clog of Transformation. Each day, the victim becomes more and more... woody, losing one point of STR, DEX or CON, determined randomly. Once any stat reaches 2 or less, the victim starts to sprout twigs and grow leaves. Once any of the stats reaches zero, the victim is fully transformed into a small tree.
2. The Hungry Boots. The shoes have delaminated soles, giving them a hungry look. If one looks closer, he/she can notice multitude of small but razor-sharp teeth, adorning the shoes' "mouths". The Hungry Boots deal 1d4+1 additional kick damage as bite but must taste blood every day or they will drain 1 HP from their wearer each day.
3. Demonic Ballet Shoes. When worn they allow to move without making a sound, even during jumping or kicking. Unfortunately, the wearer cannot move in any manner other than dance. For each character with DEX less than 16 it means -1 to all to-hit rolls and +1 to AC. This penalty is doubled if DEX is lower than 8. Of course, the dancing movement can cause many other issues - just imagine an audience with a king...
4. Boots of Inversion. Once worn, they immediately flip the gravity for the wearer, slamming him/her onto the ceiling (fall damage may apply). Too bad if they were worn under a sky - it will take about twenty to thirty minutes for the victim to reach the escape velocity.
   
5. The Black Fins. The swimming fins made of black studded leather. They allow to breathe water and swim and dive effortlessly. Unfortunately, their wearer is no longer able to walk (treat him/her as having DEX of 1 on land)... or breathe air.
6. Assassin's High Heels. The legend says that they once belonged to a dwarven assassin Ho'dak the Dreadful. They grant immunity to all poisons and venoms and can be used as a +3 kicking weapon with a magical poison damage (save or die). Unfortunately, the footwear's curse manifest in a peculiar way - every sentient being is immediately aware of the wearer's presence (and the fact that he/she is wearing a strangely looking high heels) - even being invisible makes the surrounding beings suspicious and tense.
   

Ten Prosthetic Arms

1. Has a small dart gun concealed in the forearm (1 point of damage, easy to poison);
2. Covered with pink fur, fingers tipped with razor-sharp claws (+1 to hit, 1d6 melee damage);
3. Has a metal, spike-tipped buckler attached to the forearm (-1 AC, 1d4 melee damage if used as a weapon);
4. Has a coin storage and dispenser installed inside (coin capacity 137);
5. Covered with nasty spikes and hooks (makes climbing easier, 1d3 melee damage);
6. Hides a spool with 12ft of thin but very durable rope;
7. Has a magical Glow-Crystal installed in the palm of the hand;
8. Has a scroll tube concealed in the forearm (capacity of 3 scrolls or letters);
9. The hand can be easily detached - and  be used as a handle for the jagged blade hidden in the forearm (1d6+1 melee damage);
10. The hand can be shot forward by the spring-loaded mechanism. It remains attached to the rest of the prosthetic by five feet of string. Unfortunately, the mechanism is too weak to be used as a weapon.

Six High Tech Items

 

1. Uncalibrated Hypervision Goggles. Allow to see through walls - but the wall must be at least 3ft thick.
2. Diadem of Digital Brilliance. Its wearer should be treated as their Intelligence score is 27 (!). Can be used to telepathically communicate with AI, computers and even semi-smart machinery and tools.
   
3. Hypercubic Snare. A trap that can immobilize any immaterial beings - ethereal, extra-dimensional, even holographic ones. Doesn't work on any corporeal creatures or objects
4. Laser shield. Thick, metal bracelet, emiting grid of light that resembles a kite shield. Provides AC3 versus all heat and light-based weapons, such as fire, lightning, lasers etc. AC is reduced to 4 if the weapon is magical.
5. Troglo-Comms™. A communicator that allows conversating with primitive creatures - some animals, prehistoric humanoids, and politicians. Unfortunately, the stupidest the creature is, the faster device overheats and needs to cool down. Time to overheat varies between one hour in the case of apes or troglodytes and one minute if one tries to speak with invertebrates.
6. Space Goblin Lockpick. Can be used to open any electronic lock. The process lasts for 1d6 minutes. Unfortunately, after the door/container is closed afterwards, it automatically jams.
   

Night Club! (new magic...item?)

 

I know it's stupid. That's why I made it!

This carved club, made of polished walnut, possesses some peculiar magical abilities:

• Club's all magical powers activate only after sunset and last until dawn. The weapon should be treated as ordinary, although strange-looking wooden club.
• It's a +2 magical weapon.
• It grants 30% resistance versus alcohol and narcotics, atop of normal saving throws.
• It grants +3 Charisma bonus versus all genders that the Club's wielder is interested in.

Artwork by me!

Twelve Things Unearthed By Mistake

 

1. Huge iron bottle with a Demon of Three Plagues trapped inside.
2. Key to the Tomb of the Mummified Emperor.
3. Skull of the Headless Avenger.
4. Monolith of the Deluge.
5. Entrance to the Tunnels of Doom.
6. Previously missing tip of the Sword of Betrayal.
7. Silver casket, created to trap the Eternal Queen.
8. Crown of Madness, still adorning the Lunatic King's skull.
9. Divine Cork, plugging the Well of Thousand Locusts.
10. Hypercube of the Negative Dimensions.
11. Door to the Prison of the Sixty Thief Lords.
12. Bell of the Earthquakes.
    

Magical Snares

 

No, it's not about the type of drums. I'm sorry if I disappointed you.

Roll 1d6:

1. Any caught creature must save vs. magic to avoid falling asleep for as long as it remains ensnared.
2. When triggered, it emits extremely loud sound of a bell. Then, an extremely loud voice speaks the name of the ensnared creature (or its species if it has no name).
   
3. Any caught creature must save vs. magic to avoid being teleported to a cell inside the nearby tower, belonging to the Mavue Wizard.
4. When triggered, an undead (and hostile) skeletal warrior pops out of existence at the beginning of each of 1d6 turns after the trap's activation.
5. Any caught creature must save vs. magic or its level will be drained by 1. If reduced to zero or below, the creature will become a slave to the Ochre Wizard.
6. The snare can be triggered only by females. Any caught creature must save vs. magic to avoid becoming obsessed with the thoughts of Cerulean Wizard, even if they have never seen or heard of them.

The Cerulean Wizard regretted creating his Trap of Irresisitible Affection in such haste. Now his tower is besieged by the menagerie of weird animals, all female. Not a single woman had fell into his trap in five years. But the beasts and the monsters keep flocking to his keep.

Ten artifacts that fell from the sky

1. A boat made of transparent material. There are several intricate mechanisms visible inside locked compartments on its bow and stern.
2. An enormous brass cogwheel. Its surface is covered in runes and reliefs depicting equine creatures.
3. A helmet made of shiny metal. It has a system of pipes protruding from its back and sides. Too large for humans to wear.
4. 20-feet long metal rod, as thick as man's arm. Each of its ends is tipped with a sizable spherical object. One of them is really hot to the touch, while the other is very cold.
5. An anchor. Its surface is painted gold and adorned with wreaths and colorful ribbons.
6. Sword made of opalescent metal. Its edges are jagged and its handle is weirdly curved, making it unwieldy for most humanoids. It's extremely light.
7. A human-sized flask made of extremely tough glass. It is capped with a partly-destroyed clockwork contraption that looks like it was ripped from a larger mechanism. The jar is filled with light red, translucent liquid.
8. Huge cubical monolith made of polished black stone. There are at least dozen metal pipes protruding from each of its sides. Smaller pipes or cables are coming out of each pipe.
9. A child-sized metal mirror, framed in gold. Reflections of any living beings are shimmering and weirdly twitching, while inanimate object look perfectly normal. The mirror emits constant, low-pitched hum.
10. Giant humanoid made from matte, gray metal. Its skin has many segments and its arms and legs have too many joints. Its eyes are made of green crystals.

Five Magical Jars [Aldarien's Magic Tome]

Some random glass containers! You'll get five more in the Aldarien's Magic Tome! And now roll 1d10:

1-2: Lantern Jar. Contains a glowing fish inside; fish must be fed insects once per day or it will stop emitting light and will die after 2d4 days.
3-4 Musical Jar. When opened, it will emit very loud sound for 2 turns(1d6: 1 war horns, 2 out of tune violin and pleas for help, 3 delicate lullaby played on a lute, 4 dissonant harpsichord, 5 hypnotic drumming, 6 flutes and oboes).
5-6 Jar of Hungry Transmutation. Transmutes food into gold and gold into food. The process lasts 1d4 hours. Eating partially transmuted objects is probably a bad idea.
7-8 Jar of Whispering Lies. One must shout a question inside the Jar – after 1d3 turns it whispers the answer. The only problem is that the response is a lie – if possible, an exact opposite of the truth.
9-10 Jar of Mending. When shattered, the remains will slowly (24h) crawl to one another to reattach the Jar.

Aldarien's Magic Tome is out now!

Whew, It was faster than I thought! Aldarien's Magic Tome is ready and up for grabs!

The book has 42 pages and contains 30+ random tables, adorned with some quite disgusting drawings by me! Hit the link above (leading to some more links!) to read more about the book's contents.

BUY ALDARIEN'S MAGIC TOME ON DTRPG

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Gibberish Tome Names

 

It seems that nowadays I prefer sharing stuff that, well. might not be of much use. Nevertheless...

Roll 1d10 five times. Click on the image to enlarge:

Have fun!