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i had to sit there as he explained
how his little life had shattered
and now he felt so drained
he spoke of things i know too well,
like how your perfect world
can go to hell
he talked and talked, his voice shook to quake
he spoke of knowing nothing,
and only heart ache
he told me of dreams that they would grow old,
not ever thinking of one day,
feeling so cold
when he spoke of depth and falling low
he spoke of what i had said,
when i chose to go
he told me not to hold on
that my life was short
and soon it'd be gone |
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John-
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Sep. 6th, 2004 @ 12:27 pm
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Heyho, dunno if you still read my LJ or not but *nods* Mmmm, I'm sorry I've been difficult lately. *shrugs* I guess I'm just not used to being an acquantance type friend after you said you loved me for so long. And I don't want to be. I want to not love you anymore and just be friends again. But I need you to help me do that. You said that you wanted to be my best friend and that I was so... could you act like it? I'm not asking for you to like... IM me 24-7 or anything, but, once in a while would be nice. And it's just hard right now when I feel like I lost you completely. I really wish you would've told me near the end that I was being a bitch about jealousy and that I was too depressive all of the time, cause I can't really fix something when I don't know what's wrong. *Shrugs* I dunno if that would've helped or not, but, it would've been nice to know =/ I prefer hearing things about you from you as opposed to from other people. I mean, the best thing about our friendship was that I could say any shit to you comfortably, and I'm hoping visa versa. And the reason that it's so hard for me not being your girlfriend is because I feel like you can't talk to me anymore. I feel like you don't care about me at all anymore. And I know everyone says that you never reply to thier IMs and yada yada so forth and so on, but, I dunno, I'd hope you never did the stuff with me that you did with me with Ryan =X And I know things are awkward and shit and I know you deal with ending relationships by ignoring the girls- I know that from Cassie and from Mary and Ryan and from just knowing you. But I don't want to lose my friendship with you. *shrugs* I just want to talk to you like a friend. And I feel like you can't stand even talking to me like that anymore. I mean, yeah, I miss hugging and kissing you, I miss being able to say I love you and shit like that. But that should be all I miss. And it's not- because I miss talking to you too. You used to say that the reason you love me is because you were comfortable around me. Well, can't you love me as a friend and still be comfortable around me? I miss you, John. I've been losing you for the past month and I was hoping that maybe after the break up I'd get you back. But I haven't.
I want back the Jonathon Francis Price III that I used to have cussing wars with, that I once called bra-man, that I once called my best friend. Fuck relationships. I just want you as my friend again. You promised me that we'd never lose our friendship. Regardless, you also said that you'd love me forever; but I trust your promise now more than your words. I'm just...:  sad |
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Just Another Game
Every night, it's as if I'm losing in a game...
Cannot hope, cannot dream,
it all just stays the same.
Sometimes I take, so many drugs...
Just to get to sleep.
I wake up dead,
It's just another losing streak...
But Why, must I be the one with all this pain?
Everything is wrong...
Everything is wrong...
I'm laying flat,
I can't get back on my feet...
Tell me why,
I can't win this,
I can't win this...
This game called life...
When I'm backed up, into a corner,
in the darkest inch of my mind...
Blood and tears, it's all the same,
Just another way for me to unwind...
Maybe I should get somebody's attention,
I should get somebody to help...
I just can't do it, but I'm going deeper.
I'm sorting this shit out my self.
But Why, must I be the one with all this pain?
Everything is wrong...
Everything is wrong...
I'm laying flat,
I can't get back on my feet...
Tell me why,
I can't win this,
I can't win this...
This game called life...
I've tried, So many times before.
And now that I'm crawling,
now that I'm crawling.
Suffering, I can't get up off of the floor.
And who is gonna be with me when I'm gone?
Pushing away, now,
so far away now,
I'm almost done...
Just one more tear
and one more scream,
one more scream
that nobody will even hear.
Nobody
nobody
nobody
... will even... hear. |
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I feel nothing anymore
So numb and cold
I just don't care anymore
About this
About anything
Life is too much
I've lost
Too many times before
Pain comes in many shapes
Why must it be like this
I've lost
I've gained
I want you
To have you and hold you
Beyond love
Before friends
What has been done?
Who's to fix this?
I want to feel the inspiration once more
Forever more
Recreation made for the chosen
Life, easy for the chosen
This is too much to bare
I need support
I think I'm going insane
I cannot handle worrying
Wandering if all I am going to be left with is a corpse
Broken memories, lost love, and an impending suicide
Why can't I know?
Beyond understanding
Before comprehension
When will I have my fairy tale
The happy ending of fools
My true happy ending is with you |
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Aug. 29th, 2004 @ 05:27 pm
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...but I'm lying to myself. I still love you so much... I'm just...: sad |
| » John |
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I don't want to love you anymore. It hurts too much. I hate feeling the pain of not knowing anymore. I hate how you don't IM me or call. I hate how make excuses. I hate it. I hate how you make me love you. I hate crying all of the time over you. I hate how you don't talk about me anymore. I hate how you don't know. I hate you. I hate you and I don't want to love you anymore. Fuck you John. Why did you have to get under my skin? Why does it have to hurt so badly? Why won't give me a second chance? I hate you. I don't want you anymore. Go away. Leave me alone, why did you ever have to fall in love with me? Why do you lie to me all of the time? Why? ... I wish I never met you..
Aug. 29th, 2004 @ 05:23 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Why do you pick now to acknowledge me? We had all summer to start something. I've given up boys and NOW you want to come into my life? Danny, I just don't know what to think about all of this.
Aug. 29th, 2004 @ 03:13 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Is it normal that, since I've given up boys, all of them want to date me?
Aug. 23rd, 2004 @ 03:55 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I win... you lose. Never mess with me.
Aug. 19th, 2004 @ 07:47 pm
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| » Wise quote that I love |
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Dietrich Bonhoeffer:
To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward events. It is to perceive the essential nature of things. The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential. But on the other hand, knowledge of an apparently trivial detail quite often makes it possible to see into the depth of things. And so the wise man will seek to acquire the best possible knowledge about events, but always without becoming dependent upon this knowledge. To recognize the significant in the factual is wisdom.
Aug. 18th, 2004 @ 04:23 am
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