{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose","title":"shout out your words into the wide sky","subtitle":"a road that was made behind us","author":{"name":"it's like talking to soup"},"link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"service.feed","type":"application\/x.atom+xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom","title":"shout out your words into the wide sky"}}],"updated":"2018-07-07T12:25:12Z","entry":[{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:395008","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/395008.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=395008"}}],"title":"cafun\u00e9 [arashi rps]","published":"2018-07-07T02:52:17Z","updated":"2018-07-07T12:25:12Z","content":"cafun\u00e9<\/b>
Ohno\/Nino | \u5d50 RPS | PG | ~1,200 words

A little snippet from the Saudade<\/a> universe, thanks to some lovely people on Twitter<\/a> who got me all nostalgic about what a great writing experience the original fic was - as I've written before, we've basically surpassed the universe timeline in reality now, and this isn't by any means coherent, but just for fun. It takes place a few months after the end of Weathervane<\/a>, in which it was hinted that Nino was going abroad to Korea to film a movie for awhile and wouldn't be able to come back regularly.

The title comes from one of my favourite Brazilian Portuguese words, which obviously doesn't translate well into English, as do most words that manage to capture complex feelings - it roughly translates to \"The act of caressing or tenderly running fingers through a loved one\u2019s hair\u201d, implying affection and comfort.

+

Having filming wrap up four days early is an unexpected gift, but Nino\u2019s afternoon flight from Incheon gets held up on the tarmac for nearly three hours before take-off, so it\u2019s already pitch-black when his manager drops him off at his Tokyo apartment.

It\u2019s been a long three months, shuttling between Korea and Japan for the movie filming. At most, he had been back in Japan for a day or two at a time to film MIS\u2606CHIEF (although Aiba had actually come up all the way to Seoul to shoot a special episode when Nino\u2019s schedule became too intense for him to leave) and their group programs.

His apartment seems clean enough \u2013 obviously his manager had arranged for it to be cleaned in his absence. It\u2019s good to be home, but strangely enough, Nino doesn\u2019t quite feel home<\/i> yet.

In order for that to happen, he\u2019s going to have to drug himself with anti-nausea medicine, brave the public ferry without getting called out, and drag his bag from the docks to the far side of Toshimajima, all to open one familiar, well-worn yellow door.

Normally, when they plan things out properly Ohno will take him over in the Ohnomaru II<\/i>. It\u2019s a little worse than the ferry as smaller boat pitches on the choppier waves, while the larger ferry is generally a pretty steady, plodding, ride. Even so, Nino loves watching Ohno behind the wheel of his boat; there\u2019s a quiet confidence to the way he handles the wheel and checks the navigation maps. It\u2019s a little similar to watching him choreograph or draw \u2013 he gets lost in his own world.

This time, however, Nino is aiming to surprise Ohno \u2013 so he\u2019s going to have to sneak in.
The ferry leaves early, so he piles his laundry in the machine, cracks open a beer, and sits down to catch up on some gaming so he can spend most of the next day catching up on Ohno.

+

Nino must seem a strange sight when Ohno opens the door, blinking owlishly at him. He has the box of Ohno\u2019s recent favourite sweet tucked under the front of his shirt to protect it from the blazing sun, and a towel draped over most of his head to accomplish the same purpose.

\u201cYou\u2019re early,\u201d Ohno comments, and then, after Nino digs the box out from under his shirt and thrusts it into Ohno\u2019s hands so he can get a better grip on his bag, \u201cOh! Milk custard?\u201d

\u201cWelcome home, Nino,\u201d Nino sighs. \u201cWhat, may I ask, happened to the back porch?\u201d His earlier attempt to enter via the back of the property, off the wooden deck on the beach connected to the house had been foiled by an inexplicable lack of said wooden deck.

\u201cWelcome home, Nino,\u201d Ohno echoes obediently, his sly smile showing that he\u2019s enjoying this exchange. He relieves Nino of his bag, stepping back to let him into the cool, sheltered entranceway. \u201cRenovations \u2013 well, I had planned for them to be done by the time you came back.\u201d

It\u2019s somewhat touching, the way that Ohno can be strangely thoughtful \u2013 perhaps in having so many hobbies of his own, he\u2019s aware of the space Nino has carved out on the deck whenever he feels like writing songs. Even so, Nino can\u2019t help but be mildly annoyed \u2013 he had spent the long, bobbing ferry ride daydreaming about a cold beer, a solid wooden deck overlooking a sunset on the beach, and Ohno beside him.

Well, two of three were in place, at least. Visiting the island has never really been about the scenery for Nino, anyways \u2013 the main attraction is the sunburnt nut of an old man smiling warmly at him, right in front of him.

Ohno moves first, putting down Nino\u2019s bag gently and stepping forward. He tucks his head in the crook of Nino\u2019s neck , breathing him in deeply as his arms slide around Nino\u2019s waist.

Nino shifts his cheek against Ohno\u2019s floppy, unstyled hair, lifting a hand to comb his fingers through the soft strands. He's glad that he\u2019s not the only one who\u2019s clinging. Sometimes he still can\u2019t bring himself to believe \u2013 even after a year \u2013 that this is really something that he has, for keeps. Something he can come home to, no matter how long he\u2019s been away. Knowing \u2013 feeling, physically, that Ohno missed him just as much, stirs something deep within Nino.

\u201cMissed you,\u201d Ohno breathes, and Nino tightens his grip, unsure how else to say me too<\/i> without his voice breaking embarrassingly.

+

Note:<\/b> This part doesn\u2019t exactly fit in perfectly, but I had so much fun writing it that I just couldn\u2019t leave it out. I'll think of it as a self-indulgent bonus. In which there are extended metaphors and Aiba accidentally implies threesomes!


Interviews are probably Nino\u2019s least favourite part of his job. He knows that they are important, and that people do<\/i> read them, so he really does try his best to take them seriously, even when the questions are completely absurd. He just can\u2019t imagine why people would care what he thinks about things.

Group interviews are better than individual ones, at least. After nearly twenty years, there\u2019s an instant sense of comfort just from the others\u2019 presence, and it\u2019s easier to play off their responses and try to have fun.

In their early years, he and Ohno played all sorts of unspoken games to get through long, insipid interviews on tiring days. It started as innocent fun - trying to answer each question in the same number of syllables, that kind of thing.

They\u2019ve gotten older, but clearly not much more mature. Possibly worse, actually.

\u201cOhno-san, I\u2019ve heard that Ninomiya-san visits you at your home from time to time,\u201d the interviewer said. \u201cWhat do the two of you do together?\u201d

\u201cAh,\u201d Ohno murmurs, clearly not expecting the question. \u201cWe go fishing?\u201d

The interviewer sits back, looking surprised. \u201cIs that so?\u201d

\u201cOh yeah, I\u2019ve been fishing a lot with Leader,\u201d Nino adds casually, \u201cSometimes we fish all night.\u201d

Next to him, Jun shifts in his seat, as if to try to aim a gentle kick at Nino\u2019s ankle, but the interviewer seems taken with the turn of topic and presses on, \u201cHave you caught anything big?\u201d

Ohno\u2019s smile is magnificently innocent, having caught on to Nino\u2019s game. \u201cWe compare our catches sometimes, but I think Nino\u2019s is bigger.\u201d

Sho suddenly breaks out coughing, having unfortunately been in the middle of a sip of water during Ohno\u2019s statement. Aiba pats him gently on the back.

\u201cBut I thought Ninomiya-san becomes seasick quite easily\u2026?\u201d

\u201cI\u2019m surprisingly okay,\u201d Nino responds. \u201cOhno-san takes good care of me.\u201d

\u201cIt must be because he spends so much time below deck<\/i>,\u201d Aiba chimes in with a barely-disguised lecherous grin, sensing what they\u2019re doing and clearly wanting in on the fun.

\u201cEh? Has Aiba-san joined their fishing trips?\u201d the interviewer asks brightly.

\u201cUh,\u201d Aiba says, fully aware of the other four trying to stifle their laughter as best they can. \u201cUh, yes, absolutely! Lots of fishing trips \u2013 together. All the time.\u201d

\u201cHe just gets in the way,\u201d Nino deadpans, which earns an outright snort from Ohno. The interviewer is starting to look confused, so it was probably time to change topics. \u201cOf course, we probably won\u2019t have much time for fishing with Leader\u2019s new autumn drama\u2026\u201d<\/a><\/a>

This entry was originally posted at https:\/\/waxrose.dreamwidth.org\/377353.html<\/a>. Please comment there using OpenID<\/a>.<\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:392371","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/392371.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=392371"}}],"title":"Like A Boss (Ohno Fanvid)","published":"2014-11-30T23:00:20Z","updated":"2014-11-30T23:03:38Z","content":"A bit late for a birthday thing, but nonetheless - finished (finally<\/i>) after more than two years!

<\/p>

Like A Boss<\/i> - Ohno Fanvid

This entry was originally posted at http:\/\/waxrose.dreamwidth.org\/374686.html<\/a>. Please comment there using OpenID<\/a>.<\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:355790","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/355790.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=355790"}}],"title":"lend a hand [help haiti]","published":"2010-01-18T03:48:41Z","updated":"2010-01-18T03:57:21Z","content":"I'm a bit late on the boat, but I've been glued to the news and it's absolutely breaking my heart. I've been getting a donation together with my family, but I decided it was time to really get off my metaphorical duff and join the rest of fandom in writing for a good cause.

If you don't know, <\/a>help_haiti<\/b><\/a><\/span> is a fandom-created comm for fans who want to help raise money for the earthquake crisis in Haiti. It's being run auction-style, where people can bid on offers to create fics, art, fanvids, toys, jewelry, crafts, clothing and more.

Here's my thread<\/a> at the <\/a>help_haiti<\/b><\/a><\/span> post - I'm offering a minimum of 5,000 words of Arashi fic to the winning bidder, anything you want. The auction ends on January 20, at 12:00PM. All of the money from the winning bid will be donated directly by the bidder to the charity of their choice assisting the earthquake relief.

Also, there is now a masterlist of all Johnny's Entertainment fic writers offering fics over here<\/a>, so make sure to take a look over there!

cross-posted to <\/a>kisppiong<\/b><\/a><\/span><\/div>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:353712","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/353712.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=353712"}}],"title":"Boys, Boys, Boys [Arashi Fanvid]","published":"2009-12-27T22:57:39Z","updated":"2009-12-28T00:03:28Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanvids"}},"content":"This one took forever<\/i> to make. I am such a masochist when it comes to using Windows Movie Maker. However...it's done! I am pleased. \u2665



ARASHI - \"BOYS, BOYS, BOYS\"<\/b>
Boys, Boys, Boys<\/i> - Lady Gaga<\/font>

download\/watch @ divshare<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:342963","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/342963.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=342963"}}],"title":"my heart stood still, so did time and space","published":"2009-09-01T22:03:02Z","updated":"2009-09-01T22:03:02Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanvids"}},"content":"I meant to make this a proper update, but I've been \"finishing this up\" for going on about six hours now, so I'll just let you enjoy this and update on whatnot later once my eyes stop spinning.

This took forever<\/i>, and two clips I really wanted to use kept freezing on me so I eventually substituted, but overall, I am pleased. This was the lovely <\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>'s brainchild, and therfore I lay all the blame on her. \u2665



ARASHI - \"JIZZ IN MY PANTS\"<\/b>
Jizz In My Pants<\/i> - The Lonely Island"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:339677","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/339677.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=339677"}}],"title":"meter and rhyme","published":"2009-08-11T04:58:25Z","updated":"2009-08-11T16:10:14Z","content":"
\"\"<\/center>

There once was a band named Arashi
Their relationship said to be slashy
While they appear informal
All seems quite normal
But consider the post-concert orgies.<\/i><\/center>

<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: what the hell rhymes with arashi
<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: jshfjkf my life
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: LAWLFOREVERWHAT
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: Um
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: CURASHI
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: LIKE ENGRISHY CRASH
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: ...curashi
<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: CRASHY
<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: DYING
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: CLASHY
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: LIKE THEIR CLOTHES



THE JE DIRTY POETRY MEME<\/font><\/span><\/center>

<\/a>

\n
<a href=\"http:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/339677.html<\/a>\"><span style=\"background: url(http:\/\/i25.tinypic.com\/mr5ly1.jpg);<\/a>\"><br\/><br\/><center><font face=\"georgia\" color=\"#a22af1<\/a>\" size=\"6\">THE JE DIRTY POETRY MEME<\/font><\/center><\/a><br\/><br\/><\/span>
<\/td><\/tr><\/table><\/div><\/center>

Spread the word and join in! Even if you want to be an idiot like me and deliberately break the rhyming structure, who cares? It's all for fun. Throw in a haiku, if you'd like. Pen a sonnet. Anything!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:337915","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/337915.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=337915"}}],"title":"the mystical guidance of ducks.","published":"2009-08-01T05:26:46Z","updated":"2009-08-01T06:14:49Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanvids"}},"content":"
\"\"<\/center>

<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: MATSUJUN AND DONALD DUCK
<\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>: Finally, Jun found someone who can sing on his level
<\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span>: They're my OTP

\u2665 ARASHI AND DISNEY CHARACTERS. How much does Japan love me, seriously? I would give anything to be at that event - but then again, I could say the same for the upcoming concert tour.

\u2665 Also, rumoured Chinen appearance on VS Arashi<\/i>! This is going to be EPIC. Let's hope Nino hasn't 'selectively' loosened a few handholds on the Cliff Climb.



ARASHI = \"FUCK YOU\"<\/b>
Fuck You<\/i> - Lily Allen

Download\/watch @ Divshare<\/a>

\u2665 One of my favourite songs ever, but such a headache to make. Now I remember why I stopped making fanvids. But it was still fun and I'm reasonably pleased with how it turned out - inspired by this awesome collaboration video<\/a>. In any case, real update forthcoming once I organize myself!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:337046","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/337046.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=337046"}}],"title":"you know i [wantcha]","published":"2009-07-23T06:11:33Z","updated":"2009-08-02T03:04:47Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanvids"}},"content":"

I blame <\/a>honooko<\/b><\/a><\/span>.

I'm finally going to see the new Harry Potter film tomorrow<\/strike> today! Very excited.

Also trying to jump-start a few fics, to little effect. Therefore, I think it's...

D<\/font>R<\/font>A<\/font>B<\/font>B<\/font>L<\/font>E<\/font> R<\/font>E<\/font>Q<\/font>U<\/font>E<\/font>S<\/font>T<\/font> T<\/font>I<\/font>M<\/font>E<\/font>!<\/font>!<\/font>!<\/font>!<\/font> \u2665<\/font> \u2665<\/font><\/font><\/b><\/span><\/center>

Give me a pairing\/etc. & prompt, and I'll do my best.<\/strike> Requests closed for now!

Nino\/Jun, video games<\/a> for <\/a>beckerbell<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Sho\/Jun, Mannequin 5<\/a> for <\/a>maiaide<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Aiba & Nino, retarded tomfoolery and marshmallows<\/a> for <\/a>tangiblewhimsy<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Sho\/Aiba, furniture shopping<\/a> for <\/a>whoompah<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Sho\/Ohno, surprise meeting<\/a> for <\/a>font<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Ohno\/Nino, losing sync<\/a> for <\/a>rinalin<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Ohno\/Nino, the simple things<\/a> for <\/a>floweranza<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Sho\/Ohno, living together<\/a> for <\/a>dagorwen<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Ohno\/Nino, pajamas<\/a> for <\/a>longleggedgit<\/b><\/a>Sho\/Nino, you were the first<\/a> for <\/a>primroseshows<\/b><\/a><\/span>

ALSO, <\/a>still_ciircee<\/b><\/a><\/span> wrote an AWESOME drabble in the comments here<\/a>, make sure to check it out!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:331964","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/331964.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=331964"}}],"title":"fanvid reccing time!","published":"2009-06-19T15:17:23Z","updated":"2009-06-19T19:03:41Z","content":"

Some timing issues, but this also made me almost cry laughing, so I'll give it that. :D :D :D

Nooooowwww...to force myself to get down to work.

ETA:<\/b> More in comments! Rec me your favorites."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:328076","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/328076.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=328076"}}],"title":"mr. brainfright","published":"2009-05-21T07:25:41Z","updated":"2009-05-21T07:25:41Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"drawings"}},"content":"I had a nice, full day - picked up some new marking from the Profboss, went out to lunch with <\/a>freakytiki<\/b><\/a><\/span>, filled in for an evening at the tutoring centre I used to volunteer at.

I also finished working on my first piece of fanart in...years! It looks slightly horrible, but I can't help but feel pleased with it anyways. :D

For Part 30: Aiba<\/a> by <\/a>primroseshows<\/b><\/a><\/span> at <\/a>arashiroadtrip<\/b><\/a><\/span>, because I love this chapter with every inch of my soul. \u2665

\"\"

\"\"

Underneath the empty candy bar wrappers and dog treat packages in his bag, Aiba has another wallet, to keep extra money just in case the one on his person is stolen. It also holds over twenty photos of his friends and family from home and it's these that Aiba leafs through when he's uncomfortable in a town and needs help sleeping. The ones with Jun are already worn soft around the edges. Sometimes Aiba will give into sentimentality - there's only Captain J to see him, after all, and he understands - and will kiss the photos, one by one, and imagine telling Jun of all the adventures he's had so far, all the things that never managed to fit in Aiba's hastily scribbled postcards.

\"You idiot,\" Jun would say, smiling that smile he had only for Aiba. \"I can't believe you got out of that alive.\" Which of course means that he can't believe Aiba's ingenuity and quick-thinking, isn't that right, Matsujun, and then Jun would try to hit him.<\/i><\/a>

Urgh. So proud of me. \u2665

Should proooobably go to bed now."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:327765","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/327765.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=327765"}}],"title":"i know this","published":"2009-05-19T03:09:26Z","updated":"2009-05-19T03:13:37Z","content":"
THE ANONYMOUS WRITING FEEDBACK MEME<\/font><\/a><\/b><\/pre><\/center>

I'm actually very curious, so be honest; believe me, I'm well aware of my shortcomings as a writer and will not be offended by anything else pointed out. It feels like I've been very insecure with my writing for the past couple of weeks, so maybe this came at a good time.

In other news, I spent two hours today trying to pluck out weeds from between patio stones and my knees are threatening to disown me."},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:321939","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/321939.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=321939"}}],"title":"shameless pimpage","published":"2009-03-23T05:48:21Z","updated":"2009-03-23T17:13:14Z","content":"
<\/a>ontherainbow<\/b><\/a><\/span> <\/a>ontherainbow<\/b><\/a><\/span> <\/a>ontherainbow<\/b><\/a><\/span><\/center>

This has been in the works for a few weeks, but I am co-modding a super awesome Johnny's Entertainment lgbt* discussion community with <\/a>rinalin<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>julietbunny<\/b><\/a><\/span>, and you should totally join. There's going to be discussion on gender and identity, sexuality and idol industry, the portrayal of homosexuality in j-dramas, the politics of fanservice - and anything else that strikes your fancy. 

Best of all, it's also a support community, for lgbt* fans in a fandom whose \"target audience\" is largely straight females, and all about opening up those perspectives on what JE means. Straight allies should totally also join - we want you too!

I am seriously excited about this, guys, so join away. It's going to be a blast!"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:320635","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/320635.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=320635"}}],"title":"until he became a jesus-man","published":"2009-03-11T03:53:20Z","updated":"2009-03-11T03:53:20Z","content":"The final part of the Saudade<\/a> universe is up at my new writing comm, <\/a>kisppiong<\/b><\/a><\/span>:

just a little further to your town<\/a>
arashi rps, ohmiya | ~5,000 words | pg-13

And as a bonus, here's my soundtrack for the universe - enjoy! \u2665 

\"\"

1. Southend - Tokio

2. O Sil\u00eancio da Guitarra - Mariza

3. Escaping the Sun - Rain

4. My December - Josh Groban

5. Swallowed in the Sea - Coldplay

6. Feels Like Home - Newton Faulkner

7. Ashita - Hirahara Ayaka

8. Stargazing - Leon Jackson

9. Rainbow Veins - Owl City

10. Across the Universe - Jim Sturgess

11. Subarashiki Sekai - Arashi

MF<\/a>\/MU<\/a><\/font><\/center>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:315136","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/315136.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=315136"}}],"title":"LIVE\/EVIL","published":"2009-01-11T06:53:55Z","updated":"2009-03-16T19:41:51Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:misc."}},"content":"the war of the universe <\/b>
Naruse Ryou\/Ariake Koichi | Maou\/Ryuusei no Kizuna crossover | R | ~2,000 words 
Takes place right after when all the clouds darken up the skyway<\/a>.

Rough, unbeta-ed and I'm kind of half-asleep and just wrote this in like, an hour and the ending is lame, lame, lame, but I am posting this and will deal with it further in the morning. For <\/a>nicefinalbeam<\/b><\/a><\/span>. \u2665 

George is out the door before Koichi's halfway inside, shouting back instructions \u2013 going to the cabaret club,  make sure to watch the pot of chicken curry, do your best with the dinner rush. Koichi sighs, leaning back against the counter. A Friday night and he was going to have to handle the dinner rush by himself again. He didn't exactly mind, but he was wet and cold and tired and barely in the mood to work at all.

\"Why don't you take a shower, or get changed?\" Naruse asks him and Koichi jumps. He had barely remembered that the lawyer had followed him into the shop. \"If you want, I can try to watch things down here while you do.\" He gestures at the two customers eating at a table near the door. \"It's not that busy at all right now.\"

\"No,\" Koichi shakes his head, grabbing his apron. \"Thank you, but I'll be fine. You've done enough for me today, Naruse-san.\"

Naruse's hand catches his wrist, stilling his hand on the apron. \"I want to,\" he says, with steel in his tone.

Koichi blinks. \"All right,\" he says, not sure why he's so quick to trust the lawyer.

*

The evening rush finally dies out shortly before closing time, a small crowd of regulars shouting their goodbyes as they leave. Koichi's feet ache and he's tired, but the night went a lot smoother than he thought it would have, with Naruse-san taking orders and passing out water glasses and cutlery while he dished out orders.

\"Thank you,\" Koichi says, when they finish dragging the night's garbages outside. He leans back against the counter. Naruse's hair is wet, slicked back a little against his forehead (the rain still hasn't let up) and his apron is all stained now, the crisp white sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up to his elbows. \"For everything.\"

Naruse smiles at him, untying his apron strings. \"It was nothing.\"

Koichi bites his lip, something inside him weighing the risks of offering. He watches Naruse lift the apron over his head. \"I'm staying just upstairs,\" he says quietly. \"It's late and you're. I.\" He takes a breath, trying to compose himself. He can't look at Naruse. \"You can take a shower.\"

Naruse is silent. Koichi shifts his feet. It feels like he's burning from the inside out with the friction between what he wants and what he should do.

\"You can stay too,\" Koichi adds, in a rush. \"If you want. Stay the night.\" He chances a look at Naruse's face. 

Nauruse's expression is unreadable. \"Is that okay?\" he asks finally voice lower than usual.

\"Yes,\" Koichi says. Yes<\/i>, he thinks, please<\/i>.

*

Koichi stands in the center of his room for what felt like a very long time, until he can hear the sound of water running in his small bathroom. He shakes his head as if to clear it, stumbling over boxes until he reaches his dresser and began digging, eventually emerging with a box of condoms that was slightly squashed in on one side and a small tube. He tosses them on his cot, taking a look around the room and raking his hands through his hair nervously.
He counts to five, tries to breathe normally, and then he slinks down into his chair, clicking open a game of Solitaire on his computer.

He is looking for ten of spades when the door to the attic bangs open. 

Koichi leaps up from his chair. \"Taisuke<\/i> \u2013\" he begins, angry and heart racing too fast, thinking shit, shit, shit<\/i>. \"What the hell are you doing here?\"

Taisuke shrugs out of his jacket, holding up a plastic bag loaded down with carryout containers. \"I left George-san at the cabaret club, and I picked up some dinner. Shi is out with Togami-san and I thought you might be getting tired of curry.\"

\"You can't,\" Koichi is panicking slightly, not sure how to get rid of him, but Taisuke peers at the items scattered across the cot before Koichi can fling the blanket over them.

\"Oh-ho!\" Taisuke looks up at him with an ear-to-ear grin and an expression of newfound respect. \"Aniki<\/i>.\" He pauses, looking towards the bathroom and Koichi closes his eyes,  feeling a headache coming on. \"You've got a girl<\/i> over, don'tcha, aniki?\"

\"Shut up,\" Koichi grits out through his teeth.

\"You do<\/i>,\" Taisuke breathes, looking awed.

 \"It's just \u2013 a friend, got caught in the rain.\" Koichi realizes that he's babbling. He shoves Taisuke towards the door.  \"Look \u2013 would you just get out?\"

\"Oh, absolutely!\" Taisuke practically skips down the stairs, and Koichi just knows<\/i> that he's going to be hearing about this from everyone, Shi and George, and probably most of the shop's regulars.  He rubs his forehead, wishing that he hadn't used up all of his cold pads last week.

\"Safe now?\" There's a hint of humour in Naruse's voice and Koichi realizes then that the water has already stopped running. Naruse is leaning against the doorframe of his bathroom, towel wrapped around his hips. He was smiling, arms crossed across his bare chest.

Koichi shrugged, digging his hands into his pockets and trying to look at anything in the room except the broad expanse of Naruse's bare chest. \"Just my little brother,\" he says offhandedly. \"He's an idiot.\"

There's a pause and Koichi glances up quickly over to Naruse. He looks a bit distant, uncomfortable and Koichi is suddenly aware of the room, small and cramped and stuffed with boxes and containers, the faded yellow blankets on his cot. 

\"Who's that?\" It takes Koichi a second to snap out of his thoughts and realize that Naruse has moved over to look at his monitor desktop.

Koichi moves in behind him. He can feel the heat radiating from Naruse's bare skin. \"Just someone I'm trying to kill.\" He tries to say it offhandedly, like he's joking.

The corner of Naruse's mouth twitches into a smile. \"I wonder if you even have it in you,\" he says, barely above a scratchy whisper, turning around. He traces a finger down Koichi's cheek, dark eyes serious.

\"I might.\" Koichi's throat feels dry. His breathing sounds ragged and too loud in his own ears and he's half-hard already, just from Naruse's elegant fingers tracing sharp rise of his collarbones,  down across his chest. His own hands feel heavy at his sides, hanging uselessly. 

Naruse moves in closer, their hips bumping together as if by accident, and slides his other arm around Koichi's waist, heavy and warm. He presses open-mouthed kisses to Koichi's jaw, under his ear. \"It's all right to touch me,\" he whispers, his fingers dipping below the waistband of Koichi's jeans, making Koichi shivers.

Koichi lets his hands slide down Naruse's sides, liking the slow heat against his palms. He tilted his head so Naruse could have better access to his neck. He closed his eyes, feeling his legs shaking and holding on tightly to Naruse. \"Maybe -  ah \u2013 let's sit down.\" It feels like Koichi's legs are going to give out on him. It's been too long and it feels too good<\/i>.

Naruse doesn't let go of him, but he pulls back and looks doubtfully at Koichi's cot. \"Are you sure that's going to work?\"

Koichi bites his lip. \"Couch,\" he decides.

It's a little awkward, though some of the tension dissipates when Koichi nearly trips over two boxes trying to lead Naruse over the couch. He finally collapses onto the couches, practically dragging Naruse down on top of him, heavy and solid across his thighs.

They stay together like that for a moment, Koichi getting used to Naruse's skin hot against his, the slow breaths measured in beats against his own. He can't remember the last time he let someone else get this close to him.

\"It's okay to want this,\" Naruse says, sliding his hand into Koichi's hair and gazing at him levelly. He tilts his head forward, his touches touching against Koichi for the barest of second. \"Like this,\" he whispers, lips wet and hot against Koichi's. \"This is okay.\"

Something inside of Koichi snaps and he twists, pinning Naruse down on his back against the cushions, kissing him until they both need to break apart for air. Koichi doesn't stop, not until he feels dizzy. He cups Naruse's face in both hands, losing himself in the slick friction of lips and tongues. Naruse arches up under him, one hand gripping Koichi's bicep tightly, the other trapped between their bodies, tangled in Koichi's belt, teasingly close to Koichi's erection. He rocks his hips down, hoping Naruse gets the message.

Naruse rolls his palm against the front of Koichi's pants and Koichi moans, pushing his hips down, wanting more<\/i>.

Koichi shifts, sitting back for a second while Naruse efficiently takes care of his belt and pants.  He slides Naruse's towel down his hips, trying to hide his shaking hands. Naruse pulls him down against him, so they're lying side-by-side, facing each other on the narrow couch. It's electric, the bare friction of hot skin, their bodies flush against each other as Naruse takes them both in hand, long slow pulls that make Koichi keen and clutch at Naruse, touching as much of him as he can. He likes the slow, lazy darkness of Naruse's eyes, his gentle kisses as Koichi shudders, riding out his orgasm, in an almost embarrassingly short time.

Koichi breathes in and out, slowly against Naruse's chest. He kisses Naruse's skin, licking at the faint sheen of sweat, the clean scent of soap. \"Lie on your back,\" he whispers, moving down Naruse's torso, scattering tiny kisses as he goes.

\"You don't have to,\" Naruse protests, as Koichi maneuvers in between his thighs, and \"Oh<\/i>,\" a strained moan as Koichi wraps one hand carefully around the base of his cock, licking at the tip. Naruse's hand tangles in Koichi's hair as Koichi sucks his cock inside his mouth.

It feels weird to have his mouth open so wide around another guy's cock, and Koichi isn't entirely sure what he's doing, although Naruse seems to be enjoying it, if the hand tightening in his hair and the harsh panting breaths are any indication. He bobs his head and presses his tongue forward, and Naruse barely manages to mutter his name in quick warning \u2013 Koichi sits back, pumping Naruse's cock and watching Naruse slowly come undone, like puzzle pieces scattering in the dark, thrusting up into Koichi's hand.

It's barely awkward afterwards, even though they don't even talk, Koichi crushed up against Naruse's chest in the narrow space of the couch. He feels warm and heavy and there's a strange lightness in his chest as he drifts off to sleep.

*

Naruse is gone when he wakes up, the sun streaming into the dusty room. 

Koichi can't really bring himself to be surprised and he's soon in too much of a rush to care; he's running late to open the place and George and Taisuke needle him all day about his new girlfriend. He feels a little less prickly than usual, humming as he washes dishes and serves customers, like there's a warm spark inside his chest. He wonders if Naruse will come back that night.

He stays in the shop long after the last customer has left, polishing the counters with a cloth and keeping an eye on the window, watching for the slowing lights of passing cars.

He doesn't see the red envelope propped up against his desktop monitor until later that evening and it isn't until three weeks later and the bold print headline of the newspapers that Koichi finally begins to realize that he's never coming back at all.

It's more resignation than shock, it's more of a confirmation of what he had slowly pieced together than a revelation of unknown secrets. 

He goes to the funeral, standing awkwardly at the back of the small crowd. He can't see a familiar face anywhere, and he leaves early, stumbling out into the cold night, barely stopping to apologize when he nearly knocks down a slight, crying girl huddled outside, away from the lit doorway.

He carefully burns the red envelope after reading Naruse's letter one last time. There's nothing else to do but keep moving. Koichi has known the swallowing, sharp ache of loss for too long to know how to do anything else.

Besides that, he has his own plans. Naruse would have understood that better than anyone.

FIN<\/b><\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:314238","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/314238.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=314238"}}],"title":"Saudade [2\/2]","published":"2009-01-05T13:46:31Z","updated":"2009-03-12T16:16:16Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"Title:<\/b> Saudade [2\/2]
Rating:<\/b> PG-13
Length:<\/b> ~13,000 words
Pairing<\/b> Ohno\/Nino
Summary:<\/b> Set six years into the future:  Ohno hears about it first from Nino\u2026<\/i>

They almost miss the morning ferry because Nori had spotted a seagull pecking at something in the sand just behind the house and darted out of the patio door and down the beach while Ohno was cleaning out the litterboxes. It's close, but they do make it and Ohno finally lets himself relax while the boat pulls away from shore, the tiny island slowly fading from sight.

Jun looks more tense than he has in days, pacing the deck of the small boat in tight circles. He's making Ohno dizzy. It's no better once they're in the van, with their manager filling them in as they drive towards the studio. Jun stays quiet and Ohno finds it difficult to fill the gaps in conversation \u2013 that's not usually left to him.

Everyone else has already arrived; Ohno can already see the three of them sitting around a table in the briefing room as they walk down the hallway. Aiba is facing the open door and he jumps up when he notices them walking down the hallway and yells, \"HERE THEY ARE!\" loudly enough to make Sho jump in his seat and Jun twitch beside Ohno.

It takes things awhile to settle down once they get into the room, since everyone needs to be greeted and hugged. Jun looks like he's trying his best to act normal and cool, but Aiba's leaving him no space to feel awkward anyways. He takes Jun by one arm, shoving him into a chair and starts chattering about koala bears and beaches.

\"It's good to see you,\" Sho says, hugging Ohno warmly. Ohno tucks his chin against Sho's shoulder, hanging on for just a minute longer than necessary. Sho has buzzed his hair a a little shorter than usual and his shoulders look and feel somehow broader \u2013 in his crisp white dress shirt and tie, he looks startlingly older, more determined.

Nino is standing just behind Sho, grinning. Ohno smiles at him. \"Hey,\" he says softly.

\"Sho-chan, you're hogging Captain.\" Nino pries Sho off Ohno and pulls Ohno into a fierce hug. \"Oh-chan.\"

\"Welcome home,\" Ohno breathes against Nino's shoulder. He runs his hands over Nino's back, closing his eyes. It shouldn't feel so good to hold Nino again, but Ohno shoves that voice into the back of his mind, enjoying the warm solidity of Nino against him. He pulls back, holding Nino at arm's length so he can get a good look at him. He looks tanned and tired, but he's smiling back at Ohno and that's what really counts.

\"It's a didgeridoo!\" Aiba has apparently gotten impatient with waiting to give out souvenirs and is currently brandishing a long, thick painted wooden tube into Jun's face. \"This old village dude showed me how to play it, see \u2013\"

Aiba raises one end of the instrument to his mouth, taking a deep breath. He screws his eyes shut and puffs out his cheeks. The instrument booms out a low, loud droning noise, interrupted by strange, high-pitched gurgling noises.

He finishes and pulls the tube away from his mouth, red-faced and beaming, gasping for breath. \"How was it?\"

There's an awed silence.

\"Good god,\" Sho says finally. \"It's like listening to Nino gargle mouthwash in the morning.\"

Nino whacks Sho on the back of his head. \"Say that again and you're getting the Vegemite.\"

\"Look, look, I can show you how to use it, Matsujun!\" Aiba hands over the tube to a wary-looking Jun. \"Just grasp the shaft with both hands and bring it to your mouth.\"

\"Masaki<\/i> \u2013 \" Sho says, sounding pained.

\"Once you get the drone going, try tightening and loosening your lips and moving your tongue into \u2013\"

\"Aiba-chan,\" Nino interrupts. \"Why don't you give Jun his gift from me?\"

\"That's really not \u2013\" Jun starts, but blinks when Aiba digs in his bag and produces a small, coral green box. Ohno peers over Sho's shoulder while Jun opens the box and catches a glimpse of a pressed metal pendant in a stylized Hindu Om<\/i> symbol on a black string. Jun traces the curves of the pendant, looking surprised.

\"Thank you,\" Jun says finally, smiling sincerely up at Nino. \"It's perfect. I love it.\"

\"That,\" Nino says with dignity. \"Is because some of us have taste<\/i>.\"

\"I want to wear it on-air.\" Jun unties the cord carefully, looping it around his neck. Sho steps behind him, catching the ends and carefully knotting them at the back of his neck.

\"You doing okay?\" Ohno hears Sho mutter to Jun, voice low and concerned. Jun's expression darkens a little, exasperated, but he just mutters something under his breath that Ohno doesn't catch.

A staff member pokes her head in the door. \"Arashi-san, five minutes!\" she chirps.

\"This is going to be so great,\" Aiba declares, thumping his hands against the table rhythmically. \"We're going to have such an awesome New Year's, you guys! We can stay up all night and get drunk and talk and talk<\/i> and \u2013 \"

\"Aiba -chan...\" Ohno warns belatedly.

\"What do you mean, we<\/i>?\" Jun asks dangerously.

*

Jun is not easily coaxed out of his mood, and the interviewer looks more than a little uneasy by the time the hour is up. Jun doesn\u2019t snap or snarl, but there\u2019s an almost palpable rolling boil of anger just beneath the surface and his answers are curt and edged, with little hint of his usual warm charm.

Sho drags Aiba off to help him grab coffee for everyone afterwards and they leave Jun to Ohno and Nino the break room. Jun has already grabbed his jacket and taken over a corner of the biggest, squishiest couch in the room, earbuds jammed into his ears and hat almost pulled over his eyes.

Ohno shifts on his feet, feeling a little useless. Luckily for him, Nino\u2019s in the mood to take charge. 

Jun\u2019s expression turns a little dangerous when Nino invades his personal space and slides into his lap, but he doesn\u2019t shove him off, not even when Nino hooks his hands into the front pockets of Jun\u2019s jacket and makes a big show of settling down comfortably, straddling Jun\u2019s legs.

\"If you\u2019re finished pouting \u2013\" Nino peels one earbud out of Jun\u2019s ear, \"Aiba-chan thought Satoshi had already told you. It\u2019s not like we were plotting against you.\"

\"I thought we could surprise him,\" Ohno puts in, rather lamely.

\"It\u2019s okay.\" Nino swings Jun\u2019s earbud in a slow circle by its cord. He keeps looking at Jun. \"What the hell is wrong with spending New Year\u2019s with all of us, anyways? I thought you\u2019d like it. It\u2019s better than hanging out with grandpa, there.\" He jabs a thumb over his shoulder back at Ohno. \"He\u2019d just make you instant ramen and fall asleep before ten.\"

Ohno knows Nino and he knows that\u2019s his cue to come in. He slides down beside Jun on the couch just in time to see the corners of Jun\u2019s mouth poking up in a little smile. \"I wouldn\u2019t. We\u2019d get pissed drunk and run naked down the beach.\"

\"You\u2019ve read Aiba\u2019s plan then, have you?\" Nino asks. He swings Jun\u2019s earbud at Ohno\u2019s face, just missing his nose by an inch.

\"Idiot,\" Jun catches Nino\u2019s wrist and grabs his earbuds back. \"You\u2019re going to break them.\"

\"I\u2019m sorry I didn\u2019t tell you,\" Ohno says suddenly, because it finally occurs to him what Jun might want to hear. \"I would have told you \u2013 I just didn\u2019t want you to say no.\"

Jun grunts, shifting under Nino\u2019s weight. \"I wouldn\u2019t have said no, I just \u2013\" He looks away from Ohno, towards the wall. \"I hate this. I hate everyone treating me like I\u2019m so fucking delicate. It just feels like everyone\u2019s talking about me.\" The rims of his eyes look kind of wet, and he won\u2019t look directly at either of them. \"I wanted to get away from that.\"

\"Everyone\u2019s just worried.\" Ohno speaks at the same instant Nino does and he doesn't quite catch what Nino said, he only hears \"princess\". That alone pretty much explains why two minutes later, as Aiba and Sho are walking in the door, Nino is still lying on the floor complaining loudly about how sore his ass is.

\"Do you really think he\u2019s okay?\" Sho asks Ohno urgently a few minutes later.

Ohno looks over to where Jun is laughing at Aiba\u2019s attempts to play A.RA.SHI on his didigeridoo (or maybe at Nino\u2019s attempts to make Aiba eke out some high notes by kicking him in the delicate bits during the chorus). \"Yeah, I think so.\"

\"I know he just wants to forget about it.\" Sho takes a sip of his coffee. \"And I know that he can take care of himself, but he shouldn\u2019t have to be alone, you know? He has us.\"

Ohno shrugged, leaning in comfortably against Sho\u2019s side. \"I think he needs us to be normal for him.\"

Sho throws him a dubious look while Aiba chases Nino past them, thwacking him in the head with the long, wooden tube and clutching at his crotch with his free hand. \"Isn\u2019t that a little too much to ask?\"

\"I think it\u2019s about being constant.\" Ohno isn\u2019t really sure where\u2019s he going with this, but it makes some sort of sense in his head. \"Because we\u2019ve all been together forever and we haven\u2019t changed. Not to each other. I think he might \u2013 you know, need that. If we don\u2019t change, then at least he has us.\"

Sho seems to consider that for a moment. \"Huh.\" He takes a sip of coffee. \"That sounds kind of pathetic, you know.\"

\"Leader,\" Jun calls from the couch, \"We\u2019d better hurry if we\u2019re going to pick up groceries before we all catch the ferry.\" He says it casually, but his smile is a bit nervous and overly bright around the edges.

Aiba tosses his coffee cup towards the garbage like a basketball player shooting from the three-point line. \"Sho-chan has to stay in town until tonight, so we\u2019re both going to come over together tomorrow,\" he announces, moving to scoop the cup off the floor after he misses by a good two feet. \"We can pick up groceries, so you don\u2019t have to worry about them now.\" 

\"Why are you going to stay?\" Nino asks, eyebrows drawing together in confusion. \"You didn\u2019t say anything about \u2013\"

\"That\u2019s not a bad idea,\" Sho interjects, \"Matusjun, why don\u2019t you stay in, too? You need to get some more clothes from your place, right? You guys can meet me after I finish taping and the three of us can go together.\"

\"Um,\" Jun says, and Ohno isn\u2019t stupid, he can see Aiba poking Jun urgently in the side. \"Yeah, okay.\"

\"We could all stay \u2013 \" Ohno starts to offer, but Sho waves a hand at him dismissingly.

\"You may as well head back, Captain. Don\u2019t worry about groceries and stuff, we\u2019ll take care of it. You and Nino can get the house ready.\"

\"You didn\u2019t leave enough food out for the cats to leave them alone all night,\" Jun points out.

\"Should we go, then?\" Nino says. He\u2019s still looking at Sho. His expression is a little bit odd, but he flashes Ohno a bright smile a second later. \"I\u2019m starting to think they just don\u2019t want to put up with me barfing all the way to Toshimajima.\"

*

There\u2019s a storm coming up as the ferry sets off. The waves are high and choppy, breaking grey against the side of the boat and spraying cold mist. Nino doesn\u2019t barf, but it\u2019s a close thing. 

They take refuge inside once the rain starts and Nino squishes onto the same chair as Ohno, his windbreaker pulled up around his ears and his face miserable. Ohno rubs Nino\u2019s back soothingly in small circles, listening to the patter of the rain against the windows and the soft, laughing chatter of the other passengers.

They get soaked between the docks and Ohno\u2019s house, since there\u2019s practically no cover on the main paths and neither of them have an umbrella. Ohno can feel his teeth chattering as they drag Nino\u2019s bags up his front steps and he fumbles for the keys.

His kittens appear the minute Ohno pushes the door open, mewling and curling around their legs.

\"You didn\u2019t change it,\" Nino says, and it takes Ohno a second to realize that he means the door. Nino bends down to rub his finger behind Shizuka\u2019s ears while trying not to puddle too badly on Ohno\u2019s entranceway. \"Hiya, Shizu-chan.\"

Ohno shrugs. \"I like it,\" he says honestly. And he does. The bright yellow doorway is easily visible against the muted pebble blue. It\u2019s warm and cheerful and welcoming.

Nino straightens up, considering Ohno. He smiles and tugs on one of the wet strands of hair falling into Ohno\u2019s eyes. \"Shower?\"

\"I claim first,\" Ohno mumbles, peeling off his wet jacket. He\u2019s freezing and shaking and in no mood to be a good host right now.

Nino helps Ohno with his last sleeve. \"Selfish. Let\u2019s just go in together.\" He pauses, apparently having felt Ohno\u2019s arm tense in his hold. \"That\u2019s okay, right?\" 

His voice was heavy with uncertainty about everything he was actually asking. Ohno shivers, not sure it\u2019s just from the cold.

\"Yeah.\" Ohno slicks back his hair, sniffling a little and trying to look casual. \"Yeah, definitely.\"

It should be awkward \u2013 it is<\/i> awkward, shedding layers of wet clothes silently together in Ohno\u2019s tiny bathroom with only Nino\u2019s shrill sneezes to break the silence  \u2013 but once they\u2019re both in, Ohno can\u2019t bring himself to care about anything but the pleasant throb of hot water against his head and shoulders, running down his skin to chase away the deep chill in his bones.

Nino pushes him out from under the spray a little, stepping closer. \"Shower hog,\" he mutters, tilting his head back under the spray. \"Oh fuck, that feels good.\"

\"You could have just waited your turn.\" Ohno tries to edge his way back under the spray. 

\"I didn\u2019t want to wait.\" Nino slicks his hair out of his eyes. He shifts to give Ohno a little more room under the showerhead and Ohno moves in closer. \"There\u2019s no need to, if we can just do this.\"

Ohno nods his agreement. They\u2019re barely centimetres apart now. He can practically feel the heat radiating from Nino\u2019s skin, their toes almost colliding as they shift their feet. It\u2019s all sparking more than a few danger signals in his mind, but he\u2019s tired and sore and just beginning to warm up, and Nino\u2019s the same, so it\u2019s all right if they stay like this.

He realizes that Nino is watching him and he shakes himself out of his daze, smiles goofily. \"What?\"

Nino returns his smile, but it\u2019s like he tries to catch it back, biting his lower lip. \"Nothing.\"

It still kind of hurts how uncertain Nino acts around him. It never used to be like this and Ohno knows that it\u2019s mostly his fault that things are this awkward. Now he acts like he\u2019s waiting for permission, like touching Ohno, even casually, is a risk that he can\u2019t afford. 

Ohno knows that he put those barriers in place himself, but he isn\u2019t sure how to bring them down. They never talk about it.

They really ought to talk about it.

Ohno reaches out, grabs Nino\u2019s hand impulsively.

\"Hey.\" Nino\u2019s eyes stay blank, wary of showing too much. Ohno tries to smile gently, knowing that his mouth is trembling a little. \"You don\u2019t have to keep your distance so much, you know. It\u2019s just me. It\u2019s just us.\" Ohno rubs his thumb against the back of Nino\u2019s hand. \"I don\u2019t mind.\"

Nino studies his face, eyes fixed on him, like he\u2019s weighing his chances. Ohno holds his breath.

\"That\u2019s not a good idea.\" Nino squeezes Ohno\u2019s hand, smiles tightly. He lets go, moving back a little farther, almost backed against the wall of the shower. The gap between them feels cold and void now, even with the hot spray sputtering down against Ohno\u2019s chest. Nino grabs Ohno\u2019s soap. \"Let\u2019s finish up quickly, okay? I\u2019m starving.\"

\"Why not?\" Ohno feels startlingly brave all of a sudden. It\u2019s not like he hasn\u2019t wanted to talk about this before, but most of the time they were tired or with the other members or he just didn\u2019t want to break the silence. But a naked Nino in his shower is a fairly captive audience and right  now, Ohno\u2019s desire for an answer, for some sort of change<\/i> in the vague way that they\u2019ve been circling around each other all these years is outweighing the fundamental awkwardness of it all.

\"Don\u2019t be stupid.\" Nino reaches for the tap, turns off the water. He gives Ohno a pointed, patient look and tosses him a towel. \"Look, we\u2019re not going to talk about this, okay?\"

Ohno catches the towel, stung. It seems intensely unfair of Nino to just brush it off, like he wasn\u2019t the one who started the whole damn thing, like he didn\u2019t tip their casual little friendship upside down and shake it around a bit. \"All right,\" he says finally, voice low.

Nino peeks out from underneath his towel, rubbing furiously at his wet hair. \"Oh-chan,\" he sighs, letting his hands fall to his sides, towel hanging over his head like a ridiculous blanket. \"I\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t \u2013 it\u2019s just, it was my bad and I\u2019m trying to just keep things normal. Like they\u2019ve always been.\" He turns away from Ohno, tugging the towel off his head and wrapping it around his waist. \"I don\u2019t know what else you could want me to do.\"

\"How do you know what I want?\" Ohno steps out of the shower, crowding behind Nino on the small tiled floor. He sees Nino swallow visibly in his reflection, shoulders tense up under Ohno\u2019s fingers skimming across his bare back. \"I don\u2019t even know what I want.\"

Nino laughs humourlessly. \"No, you don\u2019t.\" 

Another charged silence falls between them. 

Ohno draws his finger down the column of Nino\u2019s spine. Nino shivers and Ohno can\u2019t stop himself. He leans forward, pressing a light kiss to the soft skin of the nape of Nino\u2019s neck, lingering. 

He can feel Nino\u2019s entire body trembling now. Nino\u2019s hands are practically white where they\u2019re gripping onto the sides of Ohno\u2019s sink.

\"Ohno,\" Nino breathes, as Ohno brushes his lips against Nino\u2019s shoulders, wrapping his arms firmly around Nino\u2019s waist. Ohno feels exhilarated, almost drunk and he can\u2019t stop anymore. \"Ohno, don't.\"

Ohno kisses the side of Nino\u2019s neck. \"I\u2019m not going to run away this time,\" he whispers against Nino\u2019s shoulder. \"Don\u2019t you want this?\"

Nino\u2019s eyes snap up to meet his in the mirror and there\u2019s something so hungry, so fragile there that Ohno can barely stand to look. \"The truth,\" he says, under his breath, so softly that Ohno almost doesn\u2019t hear him at all. It\u2019s a demand, not a question.

Ohno holds his gaze, reaching forward to tug Nino\u2019s hand into his own, tangling their fingers together. \"The truth is, I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing,\" he confesses. \"And when you kissed me after Jun\u2019s wedding \u2013 I mean, there was Yuzuki and you were drunk and depressed and I didn\u2019t really.\" He pauses. \"I was scared.\"

Nino gives a little snort. \"All through the wedding, I saw you watching Jun and I couldn\u2019t stop thinking that you might be next. I didn\u2019t realize until then how much I hated that.\" His voice drops an octave. \"I thought I'd screwed things up. I thought I went too far and lost you.\"

Turning around abruptly, he steps into Ohno and wraps him in a fierce hug. Ohno is caught off guard, but he automatically hugs back. Their noses bump together as he turns his head, then somehow his mouth is on Nino\u2019s and they're kissing, hesitantly at first, tasting each other and breathing each other in. Ohno closes his eyes, feeling overwhelmed and exhilarated. It feels too real, too good to have Nino\u2019s lips sliding against his.

Ohno brushes his lips against Nino\u2019s temple as they break apart, breathing in his hair. \"When you showed up last summer, after I broke up with Yuzuki, I kept waiting for you to make another move. When you never did, I thought I should just give up.\"

Nino chuckles, burying his face in the crook of Ohno\u2019s neck, his fingers stroking the curve of Ohno\u2019s lower back. \"Considering that the first attempt ended with you running shoeless out of my apartment, I didn\u2019t really want to try my luck again.\"

\"I\u2019m sorry,\" Ohno mumbles into his hair.

Nino pulls back a little, shaking his head. He keeps his arms around Ohno, his drying skin still warm against Ohno\u2019s in the thick humidity of the small bathroom. \"And now what?\"

\"We elope,\" Ohno tells him, entirely serious. \"Sho can write our wedding vows. In rap.\"

Nino laughs, breaking some of the tension. \"And Jun can be the maid of honour.\" He studies Ohno\u2019s face, eyes solemn. \"Seriously, are you okay with this?\"

Ohno brushes Nino\u2019s bangs out of his eyes, giving himself time to think about his answer. \"I\u2019m not sure,\" he admits. \"And it\u2019s not that I don\u2019t want to be with you. It\u2019s just that it\u2019s \u2013\"

\"Complicated,\" Nino finishes. \"I get that.\" He leans his face into Ohno\u2019s hand, kisses his palm. \"I guess we\u2019ll figure it out.\"

Ohno draws Nino closer, squishing their noses together. \"Now kiss me again,\" he demands in a squeaky falsetto, because this really just getting too depressing.

\"But I want to be seme\u2019d today,\" Nino whines at him, grinning against Ohno\u2019s mouth. He kisses Ohno, brief, sweet kisses that send heat churning through Ohno\u2019s belly. He buries both hands in Nino\u2019s still-damp hair, holding his head in place so he can slip his tongue past Nino\u2019s lips.

Ohno\u2019s stomach growls suddenly, loudly enough that Nino breaks off the kiss to laugh at him. \"Dinner?\" Nino asks, sounding hopeful.

Ohno grunts, hiding his face against Nino\u2019s neck. \"You feel like cooking?\"

\"Not at all.\" Ohno can feel Nino\u2019s fingers stroke through his hair, unimaginably gentle. \"You\u2019re a terrible host, you know.\"

\"Good. I already threw your futon in the ocean.\" Ohno presses a kiss to Nino\u2019s pulse point. 

\"Guess that means I\u2019m invading your bed.\" Nino tangles Ohno\u2019s fingers in his, pressing their palms together and tilting his head back to give Ohno better access to his neck. 

\"I don\u2019t mind,\" Ohno mumbles against Nino's skin, relief and joy unwinding and spinning in his stomach. \"I don\u2019t mind at all.\"

*

There\u2019s a weight pressing down on Ohno\u2019s chest when he wakes up the next morning and he blinks his eyes open slowly. Surprisingly, it\u2019s not a furry, beady-eyed bundle demanding to be fed. 

At least not the usual one.

Aiba rests his head on his folded arms, grinning down at Ohno. \"Good morning, Leader. You slept forever.\"

Ohno coughs, tries to twist his head and check the bedside table. \"\u2019Time\u2019s it?\" He\u2019s usually up shortly after the crack of dawn, but he and Nino were up until almost then. He starts a little, realizing that he\u2019s still completely naked under the sheets.

\"Just a little after eleven.\" Aiba wriggles to get more comfortable on top of him. \"We just got here about an hour ago. Nino\u2019s making cinnamon pancakes, and he told me to wake you up before Sho could be a giant pig and eat them all by himself.\"

There\u2019s a click and Ohno squints his eyes open further to see Jun closing the door behind him quietly. \"Aiba-chan, Nino needs you to help him cut some fruit.\"

Aiba settles himself on Ohno\u2019s chest more firmly. \"If you\u2019re going to yell at Leader, then I want to stay.\"

\"Yell at me?\" Ohno yawns, rubbing at his eyes. \"Why?\"

\"I am not.\" Jun sounds exasperated, and he settles down on the bed next to Aiba. His face is towering high above Ohno\u2019s and he looks \u2013 worried? Ohno can\u2019t tell, he still just wants to roll over and get back to sleep. It\u2019s funny how he can sleep longer now and still be more tired. Maybe it\u2019s just part of getting older.

\"You and Nino made up, didn\u2019t you, Captain?\" Aiba crawls a little further up Ohno\u2019s body, tapping triumphantly on the tip of Ohno\u2019s nose with a finger. \"You can tell, Nino\u2019s glowing<\/i>. It\u2019s totally weird.\"

\"Aiba<\/i>,\" says Jun, sounding impatient. \"Aiba.\"

\"It\u2019s not like we were fighting,\" Ohno says helplessly.

\"Fine,\" says Aiba, ignoring Jun\u2019s attempts to pry him off of Ohno. \"Then you made out<\/i>.\"

\"You could call it that,\" Ohno doesn\u2019t know when Nino opened the door, but he\u2019s got a tight, smug smile on his face as he eyes the confusion around Ohno\u2019s bed. \"Masaki, are you going to get your ass in here or not? Someone needs to make a fruit salad and I can\u2019t trust Sho after the bananas.\"

\"You said lengthwise<\/i>,\" calls a small, frustrated voice from the direction of the living room. \" I swear<\/i>.\"

\"I also said to peel them first,\" Nino snaps and he pointedly holds the door open wider for Aiba. 

Ohno doesn\u2019t miss the surprised glance that Jun shoots after Nino, even between being nearly choked by Aiba\u2019s less-than-graceful scramble off his chest and towards the door, calling after Nino and noisily demanding details. 

He\u2019s pretty sure that Jun knows what\u2019s going on and he\u2019s equally sure that he\u2019s going to try and talk Ohno into seeing why it\u2019s a really bad idea. The fact that Nino probably realizes this and isn\u2019t trying to stop him reassures Ohno. With Nino, who tends towards possessive almost to the point of being jealous, it\u2019s an unmistakable sign of trust.

Ohno realizes that Jun is still watching him silently, with a small frown.

\"Are you mad?\" Ohno asks. There are pancakes waiting, after all, so there\u2019s no point in beating around the bush.

\"No,\" Jun says. He pulls his legs up onto the bed, shifting closer to Ohno and running his fingers through Ohno\u2019s hair gently. \"I just don\u2019t think you\u2019ve really thought it through.\"

\"Well, we haven\u2019t, really, yet.\" Ohno shrugs. \"It will work out.\"

\"This isn\u2019t anyone,\" Jun says gently, like Ohno doesn\u2019t realize it. \"Nino is Arashi too. And what happens between the two of you affects the group. It might not be fair, but that\u2019s how it is.\"

Ohno nuzzles his head up against Jun\u2019s hand. He can see Jun\u2019s expression from below, even through half-closed eyes and Jun looks more small and scared than angry. \"We\u2019re not going to tear apart Arashi. Even if things don\u2019t work out, we still love each other. That won\u2019t change.\"

\"I\u2019m just saying, things are going to change. Whether it works or not, whether you two \u2013 go public \u2013 or whatever,\" Jun says the last with more than a little difficulty, \"You need to be sure<\/i>.\"

Ohno pulls himself into a sitting position slowly, leaning into the curve of Jun\u2019s side, nudging under his arm until Jun slides it around his shoulders and they\u2019re both leaning back against the headboard, sitting silently together. Ohno listens to the sounds of his house in the morning, noisier than usual: the faint mewing of kittens, the muted blare of the television, the clatter of pans and dishes in the kitchen, Aiba laughing at something, high and happy.

\"Things never really go the way you plan sometimes, do they?\" Jun says finally, breaking the silence. Ohno glances sideways at him, Jun\u2019s eyes are a bit overbright with held-back tears. He leans closer against Jun\u2019s side, nestling his head into the curve of Jun\u2019s neck.

\"I don\u2019t know if you can be sure of anything,\" Ohno says thoughtfully, after a moment. He finds Jun\u2019s hand, sliding their palms together until their fingers are warmly laced together. \"You miss too much if you\u2019re set in one direction. With Arashi \u2013 none of us knew what we were doing. It wasn\u2019t expected, it wasn\u2019t even always wanted, at first. And look at us now.\"

Jun laughs a little, voice watery and scratchy. \"And some things start out perfect and then never work out.\" His voice is heavy with regret and Ohno squeezes his hand comfortingly. Jun is still hurting, will still hurt for a long time. Ohno can\u2019t change that, he can only be there to help him bear it.

\"Like I said,\" Ohno says softly, \"You can\u2019t be sure. All you can do is trust, and wait and see.\"

There\u2019s a knock on the bedroom door. \"Breakfast!\" Nino\u2019s voice calls.

Jun unfolds himself from the bed, rubbing at his eyes. \"Oh god, please put some pants on,\" he begs when Ohno rolls himself out from under the sheets.

Ohno tugs on a pair of sweats obediently, but there\u2019s a tantalizing smell of cinnamon sugar wafting through the room, so he forgoes a shirt in favour of racing Jun to the kitchen, where Sho and Aiba are already plowing through stacks of fluffy, golden-brown cakes.

\"Your stupid cats are super noisy in the morning,\" Nino complains, setting a place down in front of Ohno as he slides into a chair across from Aiba. \"I couldn\u2019t find your can opener anywhere. My ankles were almost scratched to death.\" 

He drops a kiss on Ohno\u2019s cheek before straightening up and casually walking back to the stove. Ohno cuts into his pancake, ignoring the way Sho has stopped mid-chew and Aiba\u2019s thumbs-up.

\"I think,\" Aiba finally says a minute later, breaking a somewhat awkward silence. \"That we should all sleep under the stars tonight!\"

\"It\u2019s December,\" Nino says dismissively, sliding another batch of pancakes on Jun\u2019s plate. \"We\u2019re right beside the ocean. We\u2019d all freeze before morning.\"

\"Think of it as an experiment,\" Aiba says lightly. \"I bet if we get drunk enough, the alcohol will keep us warm.\"

Sho and Jun join the argument and Ohno tucks into his pancakes, humming happily to himself. His house was warm and alive with noise. He catches Nino glancing back over his shoulder at him and smiles. Nino\u2019s returning smile is brighter than the sunlight filtering through the windows in wide, watery beams. 

Somehow, Ohno knows, it will all be okay.

Somehow, he\u2019s sure.

FIN<\/b><\/a>

If you enjoyed this, be sure to check out in that certain time<\/a> (Ohno\/Nino, Arashi gen, PG) - five short vignettes from the same universe as Saudade<\/i>.

Part One<\/a>

Cross-posted to <\/a>kotobayori<\/b><\/a><\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:313927","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/313927.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=313927"}}],"title":"Saudade [1\/2]","published":"2009-01-05T13:40:02Z","updated":"2009-06-01T04:54:33Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"Reveals are up<\/a> at <\/a>je_ficgames<\/b><\/a><\/span> - make sure to go check them out if you've missed any of the fic during the challenge, there's some great stuff there.

I had the honor of being the Arashi writer for Team Future. My prompt was Tokio's Southend<\/i> and my contribution was Saudade<\/a>. 

This is the fic that I've wanted to write ever since I got into Arashi fandom about a year and a half ago, and especially since I read <\/a>cimness<\/b><\/a><\/span>'s Just One of the Boys<\/a> last winter. I started it last April immediately after I received my prompt, and after neglecting it for most of the summer, I deleted about 5,000 words of material that didn't work and then came up with another 9,000 words in less than 3 weeks in October. It's the longest one-shot that I've ever written, though it's rather puny compared to some writers I know - but for me, it was still quite a project. 

I have pages of notes of my formulative thoughts on writing this and I could go on forever, but I won't be boring - my main aims were an authentic atmosphere, and a relaxed but sharp emotional feeling. My boss brought me back a CD of fado music from Portugal in June and I was really intrigued by a song about the idea of saudade<\/i> - I thought it fit the mood I was trying to capture really well. Finally, I wanted to write the entire thing from Ohno's POV and that nearly broke me<\/i>, but I think that it helped in the end. The fic was originally meant to be Ohno\/Jun, but as per usual, Ohmiya kind of took over. 

I have a lot of people to thank for letting me cry on their shoulders and pick their brains during these past few months - nominally, <\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>crazychickencow<\/b><\/a><\/span>, who have both been huge supports right from the very beginning - and who coaxed me into joining this challenge in the first place. Also, I really, really owe <\/a>honooko<\/b><\/a><\/span>, <\/a>cupcake4mafia<\/b><\/a><\/span>, <\/a>gimmick_game<\/b><\/a><\/span>, <\/a>rhythmia<\/b><\/a><\/span> & <\/a>still_ciircee<\/b><\/a><\/span> for being the absolute greatest beta team in the world! \u2665 

Also, thanks to everyone who read & commented\/voted for this fic during the challenge! I really enjoyed reading your thoughtful comments all December and I will do my best to respond to them there as soon as I can. \u2665 

Title:<\/b> Saudade [1\/2]
Rating:<\/b> PG-13
Length:<\/b> ~13,000 words
Pairing<\/b> Ohno\/Nino
Summary:<\/b> Set six years into the future:  Ohno hears about it first from Nino\u2026<\/i>

\"The famous saudade<\/i> of the Portuguese is a vague and constant desire for something that does not and probably cannot exist, for something other than the present, a turning towards the past or towards the future; not an active discontent or poignant sadness but an indolent dreaming wistfulness.\" - A.F.G Bell<\/i><\/font>

Ohno hears about it first from Nino. This should be strange, considering that Nino is currently in Australia and thus logically the last one who should be aware of what's happening back in Japan.

It's easy to tell with Nino when someone else is footing the bill \u2013 and Ohno is sure that someone<\/i> in management is going to be in tears when they get this one \u2013 because he's called every day, sometimes twice a day. Ohno isn't sure anymore if he's doing it because he misses them or if he wants to be sure that they know<\/i> he misses them. Nino's been strangely sensitive to that in the past few years, when intensified solo projects started to turn into a little less group time. 

Aiba actually confided to Ohno last summer that he had asked to have Nino offered the co-host position on MIS\u272bCHIEF, partly because he knew that Nino would like it and partly because it meant that they would be able to see each other more.

Although maybe Ohno is just over-thinking things. Nino does get homesick easily, always has.

Either way, Ohno appreciates it, because he never gets around to calling everyone and before he knows it, weeks drift by before it enters his mind to wonder what Aiba-chan or Sho are doing or how they are. It's nice to hear Nino's voice now too, to hear about what he's been up to, about how he can't find proper ramen down under or how hot it is, or the latest story about Aiba's failures at trying to pick up girls with local slang.

He misses Nino more than ever, in those moments when he hears his voice but can't see his face, and so he imagines it quietly in his mind while Nino rambles on \u2013 the quirk of his lips as he relates a joke, the ways his eyes flick to the side when he's trying to remember something.

Right now, he imagines Nino's serious expression, his hunched posture.

\"Jun's getting a divorce.\" Nino's voice is even and calm and relates everything that he isn't saying out loud: worry, curiousity, frustration \u2013 the heartbreaking sense that this can't happen<\/i> to Jun, because he loves so seriously and carefully and deeply that he doesn't recover easily.

\"What?\" Ohno switches his phone to his other ear, leaning against his kitchen counter. Rain is pounding furiously against the glass doors in his living room and the cross-continent static isn't helping either. \"You just said divorce, right? Him and Aiko? He hasn't said anything.\"

It's a bit of a shock, he hasn't seen them both together for months, not since last April at least, but they had seemed happy. They had been smiling \u2013 although it occurred to Ohno that he should know all too well how easy it was to smile despite anything when you needed to hide something.

\"No, well.\" There's some static on the line and Ohno pictures Nino shifting in his chair, and he presses his lips together. It's harder to talk like this with the distance between them, not being able to read each other silently \u2013 not being able to squeeze Nino's hand and have that reassurance. \"He wouldn't, would he? You know how he is. Not until things were for sure. But it sounds like they are now \u2013 you know, final<\/i>.\"

\"Final?\" Ohno feels a bit dazed. He hasn't talked to Jun in at least three weeks, although he's been watching the news clips promoting his new movie attentively. He feels a bit guilty, even though Jun knows him too well to expect him to be in constant contact. They call each other when they need to and they're both content to enjoy their individual lives the rest of the time. They all had a group interview scheduled for the day after Nino and Aiba's arrival back in Japan next week and he figured they could catch up then.

\"He's moved back into the city - got an apartment, I think. Closer to work.\" 

\"Do the others know? Aiba-chan and \u2013 \" Jun must have been aware that telling Nino meant effectively calling down the entire group's worry and concern and support. That more than anything showed that it was definite.

\"Mm, well, Sho found out before I did - I think he ran into Aiko-san when he was shopping some day and the story came out. It sounds like he tracked down Jun's new apartment and fussed over him until Jun kicked his ass out.\" Nino's voice cracks with laughter over the line and Ohno has to smile. \"I haven't told Aiba yet, though. Jun seems to be getting all the attention he can handle already and Aiba-chan can't do much but worry himself into a fit before we're on a plane back home.\"

\"It sounds like he's doing okay.\" Ohno knows that he's saying this more to reassure himself and Nino more than because it's true \u2013 because Jun is Jun and he's definitely not<\/i> okay, even if he doesn't show it. \"I should call him.\" 

Ohno tries to imagine how that would go. Would Jun get impatient and angry if he tried to talk to him directly? Or would Ohno lose his nerve and end up talking in circles, hanging up with absolutely nothing resolved or talked about? 

\"I told him that he should visit you.\" Ohno can't tell if Nino is joking or not. \"It's nice and quiet out there.\"

\"It would drive him crazy.\" Ohno's house is a ramshackle but cozy little cottage beside the ocean in Toshima-mura, the beach cold and grey in the dawning winter months now. It's a small, sleepy little island village and unremarkable. Still, there's good fishing, regular ferries back to the mainland when he has an engagement in Tokyo, and Ohno can wile away his days on his art in peace, without distraction or care \u2013 aside for remembering to fetch groceries every now and then. \"What did he say?\"

\"He said he'd think about it. That he hasn't seen you in awhile.\" There\u2019s a yawn and Ohno remembers how late it is \u2013 even later for Nino. \"Somehow I doubt you can expect to see him anytime soon.\"

\"Hm. And when can I expect you for a visit?\" Ohno closes his eyes. It's been a year \u2013  no, a little over a year now, just after he had wrapped up filming and promotions on that French film \u2013  since Nino bounded through Ohno's front door, thin and exhausted and talking like a motor, rattling off everything that came to mind like he had been starved of Japanese syllables for ages. They had built wet, tall brown sandcastles on the beach and napped on Ohno's back porch while the scorching sun heated the wooden boards beneath their backs.

\"Soon, maybe. It's been pretty busy.\" It kind of hurts to realize that busy<\/i> these days isn't like it used to be, when being busy meant that they all saw each other day in and day out, until they were almost sick of each other. It's been such a gradual drift that Ohno has barely realized it \u2013 he doesn't totally mind, actually. He loves the other members, loves Arashi, but he doesn't entirely miss the pressurized spin-cycle of never-ending tours, interviews, variety shows and screaming fans. Things aren't so bad now. They still see each other and more importantly, they're still Arashi.

\"Soon, then.\" Ohno doesn't know whether he should let himself hope or not, but he really shouldn't worry. Nino is Nino and he'll show up when he's ready.

\"Look after him, all right?\" Nino lets some concern break through his voice. \"Oh-chan?\"

Ohno nods instinctively, momentarily forgetting that he's on the phone. \"I will. You take care of yourself too - get some sleep. Say hi to Aiba-chan, too.\" \t

\"Sure.\" Nino laughs again, but it sounds a bit forced this time. \"See you next week.\"

\"Yeah.\" Ohno tightens his grip on the phone. He always feels a bit strange after hanging up, like whatever fragile connection they had for a moment was snapped suddenly. \"Yeah, see you then. Goodbye?\" He's not quite sure why he frames it as a question.

\"I'll call you again soon,\" Nino promises, and then adds, \"He seems like himself, but there's something a little wrong there. Really, it isn't good to leave him alone.\"

\"I'll take care of it,\" Ohno reassures him before hanging up.

Ohno holds the phone in his hands for a long time afterwards, not quite looking at it, but sort of staring beyond it while he thinks things over.

The rain is loud and soothing as it rumbles against the windows, the kitchen bathed in a grey half-darkness from the gloomy weather. Ohno can feel the edge of the counter pressing into his back, and he thinks But what if I don't know what to do?<\/i> with a funny sort of uncertainty that he hadn't felt since he was 18 years old and had just accidentally elected himself Arashi's leader. 

He has never really lived up to that name in his mind, had never really seen himself as the force that pulled their group together. Even now, when things are slowly changing, when Arashi is changing into something they're not quite sure of, it's Nino who keeps them all caught up on who is doing what, it's Sho who remembers birthdays and sends encouraging text messages and flowers to movie premieres and clips out press releases. It's Jun who insists that they get together to celebrate their<\/i> anniversary together, no matter what anyone has scheduled and it is Aiba who brings a sense of warmth and presence, constantly reminding them every time they're together of what they are to each other. 

They are still Arashi, Ohno reminds himself, because they still have each other \u2013  even if in different ways, even if they can't always be together. 

He might call Jun in a few days, he resolves, padding down the dark hallway towards his workshop, thunder rumbling overhead. It had<\/i> been awhile since they had seen each other and Jun rarely refused Ohno anything. Ohno doesn't know what he can do, doesn't know what Jun needs<\/i> \u2013 but it will probably easier to figure that out if Jun is here. 

*

As it turns out, he doesn't have to worry about taking the first step. Jun arrives on the first ferry from the mainland three days later. He doesn't call ahead, but he does send a brief e-mail to Ohno's phone: 

---
Filming wrapping up today.
Okay to visit for awhile? \"\"<\/font>
---

\"Hi, Captain.\" Jun looks a bit tired and his hair is longer than it was when Ohno saw him last. He doesn\u2019t seem to feel like explaining himself, but instead waits patiently while Ohno adjusts his eyes to the early morning gloom and wakes up enough to help Jun drag his suitcases into the entranceway.

\"It\u2019s early,\" Ohno says and he really doesn\u2019t know what to do or where to look. Jun seems to be watching him carefully from his perch on one of Ohno\u2019s kitchen stools, his expression neutral. One of Ohno\u2019s foster kittens, the black one who limps with his back left leg, winds himself around Jun\u2019s ankle and mews pitifully until Jun picks him up into his lap, stroking his tiny head carefully with a finger until Nori purrs and settles down. \"Do you want breakfast?\"

Jun ends up cooking them both omurice while Ohno feeds the kittens. He has three, whom he found abandoned in a box by a pier in town, shivering and half-starved. They\u2019re getting bigger now and Ohno likes having them around. They\u2019re good company, even if Picasso does like to chew on his paintbrushes. 

After the kittens are fed, Ohno sits at the counter and watches Jun cook, enjoying the elegant, precise movements of his hands and his stern concentration. \"You've wrapped up filming, then?\" he asks, as Jun neatly flips the omelette around the mound of rice, folding it together.

\"Just a break. Early for New Year's.\" Jun sets a steaming plate in front of Ohno and sits down on the other counter stool with his own plate, not even bothering to untie his apron before digging in. \"Filming in the mountains in winter sucks. I don't think I've been actually warm for about two months now.\"

Ohno mutters his thanks and takes a bite of his omelette. It's hot and fluffy, perfectly golden-brown delicious, and Ohno tells him so around mouthfuls. Jun smiles tightly as he pushes his own food around his plate, dragging his fork through the ketchup to make swirly patterns.

They eat in silence, aside from Shizuka rubbing her head against Ohno's ankle and mewing pitifully. Ohno scratches her behind the ears absently, watching Jun from underneath his eyelashes. Jun notices. 

\"I'm not going to break,\" he informs Ohno and eats a forkful of his breakfast, as if to prove it. \"It's okay, we can talk about it, all right? We're adults, after all.\"

\"How are<\/i> you doing?\" Ohno wraps his hands around his mug, letting the warmth seep into his chilled fingers. He watches Jun carefully. He wasn't just putting up a front - good actor that he was, Jun was a little too obvious about some things to truly hide his feelings from someone who knew him well. But at the same time, there was something clearly wrong. He looked \u2013 distracted, Ohno decided. 

\"Not bad.\" Jun takes another sip of coffee. \"Filming is going slowly, but that's mostly because the director is insane. I should have known better than to work with him again, but the script looked really interesting and \u2013 \"

\"I meant,\" Ohno interrupts gently, \"About the divorce. You and Aiko.\"

\"Don't be so dramatic.\" Jun rolls his eyes and Ohno resists the urge to roll his right back at him \u2013 and stick his tongue out for good measure. \"Everything's okay. Things just didn't work out, that's all. We've agreed to a private settlement and we'll take care of all the legal arrangements \u2013 and the potential media circus \u2013 in the new year.\"

\"But you two seemed so \u2013 \" Ohno searches for the right word, but it's just not coming. \"I mean. I never thought...\"

Jun's face seems to soften a bit and he puts down his mug, keeping his hands laced around it, tapping one side with his fingernail. \"I know,\" he says, sounding a little more genuine this time. \"Three years, you know? I did love her. And we were - together for awhile, we were fine. But things just fell apart. Work got in the way. We both wanted things from each other that I couldn't \u2013 \" he breaks off his sentence, pausing for a sip of coffee. 

\"I guess \u2013 I guess that happens in life sometimes.\" He looks up at Ohno again like he's asking a question, like Ohno might know the answer.

Ohno takes a deep breath. \"Maybe,\" he suggests gently, \"Maybe you could still try \u2013 \"

\"No.\" Jun cuts him off. \"Leader, it's not like that. It's just not there anymore. And what's more, this is what I want<\/i>. Aiko as well. We decided this together.\"

\"Okay.\" Ohno uncurls his hands from his mug, laces his fingers together in his lap. He's playing this conversation by ear and it's starting to feel like he's running into dead ends. \"Okay.\"

Jun looks at him for a minute and it almost seems like he's thinking whether or not to say something. \"Let's not talk about it anymore,\" he says finally, holding up a hand when Ohno opens his mouth to protest. \"No, I know, we will<\/i> talk about it, but not now. I haven't seen you in weeks. What have you been up to?\"

Ohno tells him about the kittens and the fishing he did over the summer and about his latest sculpture. Jun listens avidly, making the appropriate remarks in all the right places and laughing at the funny parts. 

It was good to have him around, Ohno decides, even if he was a bit distant and evasive and not quite all right. Even if Ohno wasn't quite sure how to handle him until things became a little more normal, Jun came to him and that means that Ohno can try. It's a start.

*

Ohno is sure everyone thought he was joking when he announced that he had bought a house. It had been a bit of a surprise, even to him. He hadn't really meant to. One minute he and Sho were filming a segment on fishing on a tiny, quiet island that Ohno had never even heard of and the next minute, he was checking out a ramshackle little cottage on his break. It had a nice view of the ocean and the fields behind the house were carpeted in bright camellias.

It was a small cottage, but well-insulated against the strong, piercingly cold ocean winds. It was pretty traditional in design, but its previous owners had been a retired American couple who had made some renovations to it, so the kitchen and bathroom was sleek and modern, and there was a back porch out of the main room, with sliding glass doors. It was unassuming and plain, lonely on the small stretch of coast on the eastern tip of the island. Ohno had liked it instantly.

His mom had laughed at his spontaneity and told him that she would find him some cardboard boxes to pack up his things. Ohno hadn't even thought commuting, about electricity bills, mortgage payments, about who would watch the property when he had to stay on the mainland. It only felt a little scary after the fact, testing the smooth feel of the deed papers between his fingers on the ferry ride back from Toshimajima. He could afford it and he was a bit surprised by how much he wanted<\/i> it.

Aiba had insisted that he needed a housewarming party, and since they were short on time that season, between Sho and Jun's dramas and their own new variety show, they had combined it with helping him move in \u2013 which is to say, they all got hopelessly drunk and somehow Jun had ended up waking up on the back porch in a cardboard box which had been labeled \"PETTO FOR SALE\" in Aiba's scrawling writing.

It had felt even weirder after everyone had left, when Ohno had the place all to himself for the first time. He walked slowly around, checking out the different rooms, winding his way around the piles of cardboard boxes and packing debris. He didn't have that much stuff.

He told himself it wasn't a big deal and resolved to go furniture shopping after his CM filmings the following week. Ohno didn't mind sitting on the floor that much, but it might make the house seem less empty.

It wasn't such a big deal. He was 31, after all \u2013 Jun was engaged and Aiba had already moved in with his girlfriend the previous year (although no one knew how long that was going to last) - and besides, it was nice to have someplace to go to that was \u2013 well, away from it all, in more than one sense.

The fishing was amazing, too. That was always important. 

Ohno quickly made friends with a couple of old fisherman, getting to know the sweetest spots on the island and what he could expect to catch. Their wives \u2013 a veritable club of tiny, wrinkled old grandmas \u2013  took to Ohno instantly and badgered him to come visit them, to come over for dinner or help them with some repairs. It felt a bit like Mago Mago<\/i> all over again. Sho and Nino had nearly laughed themselves sick at the amount of plastic containers stuffed in Ohno's refrigerator when they visited him to help him finish unpacking and assemble his new furniture at the end of his second week in his new house.

Two summers later, in the post-concert lull when the weather was just beginning to cool down, Ohno had painted the exterior walls of the cottage a cheerful, bright sea blue. 

A week later, he had arrived back from a meeting for his new stageplay to find his front door painted a bright, sunshine yellow and Nino sprawled out on his couch, napping.

Ohno remembers, looking back, the smell of wet paint, the soft silence of the house and the peaceful expression of Nino's sleeping face, and feeling, for the first time since he had packed up his life and tried so hard to grow up, that he was home again.

*

\"How is he?\"

Ohno is curled up on the window sill of his workroom, lazy in the late afternoon sun rays. Picasso is dozing in his lap, Ohno's fingers scrunching softly through his fur.

\"Okay, I guess.\"  Jun had left for a run on the beach shortly before Nino had called. Ohno can smell something delicious simmering from the kitchen. He hopes that it's dinner. \"He slept for like, fifteen hours the first day. And he's smoking more than usual.\"

\"Well, as long as he's not crying into his pillow or anything.\"

\"I don't think he likes mine very much.\" Ohno had tried not to stare blankly when Jun had asked him about the thread-count of his sheets, but honestly, he didn't know<\/i>.

\"I told Aiba.\" Nino sounds almost apologetic and Ohno isn't sure whether that feeling is more directed at Aiba or Jun. \"He was pretty upset about it last night, but I took him out drinking and now he's calmed down a bit. He's scouring every shop in a ten-mile radius for the perfect present to bring home to Jun.\"

Ohno scratches behind Picasso's ears. \"How is filming going?\"

\"Pretty good.\" Ohno didn't really get why MIS\u272bCHIEF would be doing their Christmas Special in Australia. Aiba had said something about Christmas Island, but he had been too excited \u2013 and drunk \u2013 to explain it properly and Ohno had been too tired to catch it all. \"But I will kill<\/i> Aiba if he makes me wear that elf costume again.\"

Ohno snorts. \"I can't wait to see that air.\"

\"Not if I have my way.\" Nino pauses. \"Aiba and I both have some free time after we brief back at the studio on the mainland, and after we all have that interview. We could come over for New Year's, if you don't have any other plans. We could all laze around and get fat off of Jun-kun's pasta.\"

\"Yeah, sure.\" Picasso stirs in Ohno's lap, mewing sleepily and twisting to nuzzle his cheek against Ohno's stilled hand. \"Jun hasn't said anything about leaving, I thought we'd both just stay on the island.\" Something sparks in the back of Ohno's mind. \"Wasn't Aiba co-hosting some variety countdown show, though?\"

\"He cancelled it.\" Nino sounds entirely matter-of-fact about this. \"Our manager is having an absolute fit<\/i>, but Aiba knows how to talk him around.  He already called Sho, too and guilted him into coming along instead of going to his fianc\u00e9e's parents \u2013 it didn't take much. He has to stick around for an extra day or so for Zero, but then he's coming, too.\"

\"Oh.\" Ohno can't help but smile. It was pure Aiba, through and through. The only question now was whether Jun could stomach an week of Nino's affectionate sniping, Sho's smothering concern and Aiba's ill-conceived efforts to make his life happier. \"That sounds good. I'll air out the guest futons,\" he adds importantly. \"It's been awhile.\"

\"Just don't let them fall into the ocean this time,\" Nino comments dryly. \"Or I'm camping out in your bed.\"

\"Huh.\" Ohno scratches the paint on the edge of the windowsill with a fingernail. Part of him wants to say that's fine, anyways<\/i>, but it sounds stupid even in his head.

There's a silence between them for a minute and Ohno lets it pass, his mind drifting, listening to Nino's steady breathing crackle over the line.

\"Aiba will be coming by to fetch me to dinner any minute now.\" Nino finally breaks the silence, shaking Ohno out of his reverie. \"We're shooting some scenes on an island tomorrow and the next day, so I may not have time to call.\"

\"I'll see you after the weekend, anyways.\" Ohno hears the click of the lock on the porch door; Jun must be home from his jog. \"You don't have to keep calling.\" It comes out sounding somewhat more accusatory than he had intended. Ohno holds his breath for a second, wondering if he should clarify or take it back.  

\"No.\" Nino's voice is relaxed, almost toneless when his reply finally floats across the line. Ohno wishes again that he could see Nino's expression \u2013 even if it would probably pretty damn inscrutable right now. \"No, I guess I don't. I'll see you next week.\"

\"Nino \u2013\" Ohno begins, not knowing exactly what to say. He never knew how to talk about this. Maybe that was part of the problem.

\"I'll see you, Oh-chan.\" Nino doesn't sound angry at all, but he hangs up before Ohno can reply.

Ohno makes a frustrated noise, clicking his own phone shut. Picasso squirms in his lap, butting his nose under Ohno's fingers, wanting to be petted. Ohno combs his fingers through the cat's silky fur, listening to his purrs and thinking.

It's weird, Ohno finally decides, because Nino rarely ever calls him when they're both in the city, or when Ohno's staying at his house and Nino is on the mainland. They're all like that \u2013 granted, they've called each other a bit more in recent years, as solo projects and girlfriends precipated a general decline in the amount of time breathing the same air, just to keep in touch \u2013 it wasn't necessary before, not when they saw each other almost every day, for hours on end.

If Ohno thinks back, Nino was like this when he went to California, too, years back \u2013 not with the same frequency, but with an unspoken sort of urgency, like he needed a connection back to something. But he couldn't possibly be lonely in Australia, not surrounded by Aiba and a couple dozen familiar staff members. 
Ohno doesn't really know what to make of it.

\"Still in here?\" Jun pokes his head around the doorframe, toweling his hair. \"You should go outside for a bit, Leader. Get some fresh air.\"

\"I know,\" Ohno says, but he doesn't move. He strokes behind Picasso's ears softly, slowly.

Jun gives him a pointed look, seeing the phone in Ohno's hand. \"How's the Down Under pair?\"

\"They're fine.\" Ohno realizes that he's frowning and he tries to clear his face. \"Aiba-chan is shopping for a present for you.\"

\"Oh God.\" Jun runs a hand back through his still-damp hair, looking both wary and pleased. \"Let's hope it isn't alive. Well, if you're still going to work, I'll call you when dinner's ready. Should be a little under an hour now.\"

\"All right.\" Ohno waits until Jun leaves and closes the door. He looks across the room to his abandoned project, pencil still balanced on top of his preliminary sketches, waiting for him. 

Things had fallen into a comfortable routine somewhere around the fourth day of Jun's impromptu stay at Ohno's place. Jun's hair products have staked out a shelf of their own in Ohno's (suspiciously now much tidier) bathroom and Jun has taken command of Ohno's kitchen. It gave him something to do while Ohno was cooped up with his art in his studio that doesn't involve watching variety shows until his brains leaked out of his ears or going for runs on the beach three times a day in the freezing December air like a madman.

They've known each other for over fifteen years now and Ohno has enjoyed watching Jun grow up. It's sometimes hard to believe that the shy, awkward and tiny boy he had shaken hands with in Hawaii slowly changed into the tall, confident, handsome and loving man he is today. Ohno isn't sure when it occurred to him, watching Jun years ago, that Jun had grown into a fine young man, but it was true. Jun was smart and strong and loved with a strength and loyalty and sweetness that was almost incomprehensible. He had his faults, yeah, his bad habits \u2013 it was no secret that Jun put his work first, over everything else. In retrospect, it didn't seem quite so strange that his marriage had fallen victim to that.

It hadn't really come as a shock to anyone when Jun was the first to get married \u2013 he and Aiko had been seeing each other for over a year already then, and Jun had always talked about how he wanted to get married young, wanted to have children by the time he was 30. 

Despite what he had said when he had first arrived, Jun still didn't seem to want to talk about it and Ohno didn't really know how to bring it up. Jun seemed<\/i> fine, a little more distracted and brooding than since Ohno had seen him last, but he talked normally about filming and his co-stars. He wasn't really the type to spill his heart out or mope in circles, after all.

Picasso mews suddenly, springing off Ohno's lap and skittering towards the open doorway. Faced with the sudden loss of his lapwarmer and excuse for total lack of movement, Ohno groaned and hauled himself upright.

His latest work hadn't really started to come together at all. Ohno isn't sure whether to just forget about it and start all over again. It feels like the idea was clear in his mind when he started and he's lost track of it, somehow. He settles onto a stool and sorts through the sketches piled on the creaky wooden table that serves as a worktable. The whole concept has gotten a little complicated; it wouldn't be such a bad idea to par it down a little. It was going to be an engagement present for Sho and his fiance\u00e9, but the pace Ohno was crawling along at meant that it would have to be a wedding present. He wants to get the details absolutely right, though; metal clay is fairly expensive and he can't afford to make many mistakes.

Ohno taps his drawing pencil against the desktop, staring at his sketches thoughtfully. It was actually Jun who had indirectly gotten Ohno interested in designing jewelry, back when he had asked Ohno to design his and Aiko's wedding rings. Ohno still remembers the stifling heat of that summer, squished up in a chair in break rooms between concert rehearsals or tapings, mind empty and clear as he traced endless circles in his sketchbook until he finally made up his mind: Aiko's was slim and delicate, a pearl encased in a half-heart made from rose-quartz, set in silver. Jun's was a thick band of silver, an engraved lightning bolt wrapping around the band striking against a small amethyst set within the top. 

Ohno hadn't actually made<\/i> them; Jun had given his sketches to a professional jeweler to be crafted, but it had sparked his interest a little and between sculptures and paintings these days, he occasionally turned out a pendent or necklace, designing the pieces and then trying out different materials and techniques. It had caused a bit of a media sensation last fall when, during his new drama, Nino had worn a small amber pendent that Ohno had made him for his birthday. Ohno likes the attention to detail, the new techniques to try and he likes how useful it is. He had made a stunning moonstone and silver-clay bracelet for his last girlfriend and she had absolutely loved it. 

They had broken up a couple of months later, but it had been amicable. Yuzuki hadn't really liked fishing and Ohno had been a bit alarmed by how much she wanted to talk about marriage. He hadn't really seen anyone else since \u2013 spending most of his free time away from the city meant there were considerably fewer chances to meet available, pretty girls. He was pretty happy by himself, anyways.

Still, he wonders, sometimes, if he would have broken up with her if he hadn't followed Nino home after Jun's wedding. 

He's told himself for years now that had absolutely nothing to do with it, but that still shifts around in the back of his mind. Ohno's not used to not being totally honest with himself.

\"Leader?\" Jun's voice echoes down the hallway from the kitchen, interrupting his thoughts. \"Dinner's going to be in just a few minutes, but could you feed your damn cats? Piki-chan is biting my ankles.\"

Ohno drops his pencil \u2013 he hasn't even left a mark on the page in the past half-hour \u2013 and shoves his stool away from the worktable. \"Coming,\" he calls back.

The whole situation feels so ridiculously domestic that Ohno has to laugh to himself as he heads towards the kitchen. Ohno's had girlfriends stay over before, but there's been nothing quite as surreal as waking up to find Matsumoto Jun cooking eggs in his kitchen is a bright yellow apron, face firmly etched with a morning scowl.

Jun has commandeered Ohno's best soup pot and is stirring with an expression of extreme concentration, but he lets Ohno peek over his shoulder to sniff happily at the cream stew and even gives him a taste from his wooden spoon.

\"Smf'good,\" Ohno tells him around a mouthful, around a hot piece of potato, chewing absently as he goes to search through the cupboards for the cat food. 

Like Jun said, Picasso seems to know that Ohno rustling through the cupboards means Meal Time and he impedes Ohno's search by wrapping himself around Ohno's ankles, flopping across his feet and mewing loudly. Nori and Shizuka soon join the fray and Ohno barely manages to tip the food into three bowls before there are three tiny, fuzzy heads and wet noses butting against his hands.

\"That too.\" Jun points the wooden spoon at an opened tin of tuna on the counter. \"I've already drained it.\"

\"Yes, dear,\" Ohno mutters, stretching out from his crouch on his floor, his knees creaking a little in protest. He scrapes the flaked fish onto a small plate. \"You're coming back here after we go in for that appearance next week, right?\"

Jun covers the stewpot with a lid, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. \"Aren't you going to stay with your family over the holidays?\" He smiles at Ohno, teasingly. \"Ohno-family style hotpot and all?\"

Ohno shrugs. \"I kind of wanted to stay here this year.\" It's not totally a lie. Ohno loves New Year's, and he loves spending the New Year at home, eating his mom's cooking and lying around on the couch with his dad, watching television lazily. 

But right now, he's thinking about the five of them, all of Arashi, crammed into his cottage, laughing and drinking and lazing their way into the next year together. It sounds nice \u2013 and more importantly, it sounds like just what Jun needs right now, whether he'll admit to it or not.

Jun gives him a long, calculating look. \"All right,\" he says finally, as Ohno sets the tuna down for the hungry kittens. \"I'll pick up some clothes and stuff from my apartment when we go into the city. We can get groceries, too \u2013 what did you want to eat for New Year's?\"

\"Hotpot,\" Ohno says instantly, and Jun laughs at him.

\"Just the two of us? That's so pathetic.\" But Jun is smiling and Ohno can already see the idea taking shape in his head. It feels good to see Jun look this excited about something.

Ohno is about to tell him about Nino's plan, but then he thinks it really might be better as a surprise (Jun will have less of a chance to protest when faced with group pressure) and so he doesn't say anything at all. Ohno will let the others surprise Jun when the time comes.

*

It was just a little over three years ago when it first started, Ohno figures \u2013 well, okay, that's not exactly right. If Ohno is totally honest, the whole business started years and years ago, too many to even think about. There was always something a little weird between him and Nino, a sort of double-layered twist of meaning that gave Ohno a headache sometimes. They were totally comfortable with each other, physically. They fooled around with it a bit, onstage, on-camera to get the fangirls excited, and even backstage (mostly to fuck with Sho's mental health), but there was always that prickling wonder in the back of Ohno's mind about exactly how much of it was a joke, or if that was really all there was to it.

For a long time, Ohno didn't even bother to think about it too much, but just accepted things as they were. Nino was Nino and Ohno was himself and everyone was happy as they were. They both had girlfriends, after all, on and off. It was only in the past couple of years, as their group activities slowly declined that it started to bother Ohno a little more than usual.

Things really kind of exploded about three years before \u2013 it was right after Jun and Aiko's wedding reception. Aiba had somehow coerced Sho into \"decorating\" Jun's car and Jun had unceremoniously dragged Aiba off by the ear once he had discovered him stringing up beer cans to Jun's bumper. Aiko was surrounded by a gaggle of relatives and friends and well-wishers. 
Nino had cornered him in an alcove off the main hall when Ohno had been getting ready to leave. 

Ohno still remembers Nino's slight frame pressed against his back, his breath hot against his ear, fingers tight on his shoulder, voice low \u2013 \"Oh-chan, come back to my place.\" Ohno remembers leaning back against Nino's chest, letting Nino's fingers massage against his shoulders. Nino was pretty drunk, they both were. 

\"Why?\" Ohno had asked, a little thickly. He caught up one of Nino's hands in his, swinging it back and forth.

Nino pressed an affectionate kiss against the side of his neck, wet and sloppy. \"No idea,\" he answered cheerfully.

When he stopped to think about it, Nino had been watching Ohno throughout the entire ceremony \u2013  Ohno had caught him at it: Nino hadn't even bothered to look away, staring intently like he was trying to make up his mind about something. There was a certain heat to his gaze that had made Ohno feel uneasy. 

He felt uneasy now, as comfortable and familiar as it was to be in the circle of Nino's arms. Jun's wedding was small, just close family and friends, but Ohno knew that they were attracting some pretty weird glances anyways. \t

\"Oh-chan should come back to my place,\" Nino said, a playful whining note in his voice. Nino didn't usually drink this much, didn't usually act so needy. It didn't fit. \"Or I'll be lonely.\"

Sho walked into the alcove, tugging on his coat. He took one look at Nino wrapped around Ohno's back and sighed. \"Keys,\" he demanded of Nino, holding out his hand. \"I'll drive you home, too, Satoshi.\"

\"I'm going back to Nino's place,\" Ohno said, surprising even himself. Nino made a pleased noise against the back of Ohno's neck.

Sho looked at him, expression neutral. \"Fine.\"

Ohno doesn't remember much about the car ride to Nino's place, except that everything seemed funny. Nino kept cracking nonsensical, ridiculous jokes until Ohno could barely breathe from laughing. He remembers Nino's hand covering his, thumb running over Ohno's knuckles.

Sho had barely parked the car on the street in front of Nino's building before Nino was tugging Ohno out of the backseat, towards the front doors, like he was suddenly impatient.

They kept laughing right up to Nino's apartment, which got them some concerned looks in the elevator. Crossing the threshold into Nino's apartment felt like a bit of a mood-killer, though. Nino paused, standing in the center of his living room, looking a little bit lost.

Ohno licked his lips, shifting his weight from foot to foot as Nino stayed silent. He wondered if he should say something about Nino's new sofa. He hadn't been to Nino's place in at least two years, hadn't really had any reason to.

Nino finally flopped down on said couch, shoving aside a pile of old video cassette tapes and papers absently. \"Come sit with me, Oh-chan.\"

Ohno did. He fit himself into the curve of Nino's side and they sat together quietly for long minutes. They were still, Ohno noted, wearing their best suits and it must have made for a pretty absurd picture, both of them leaning into each other on Nino's small brown couch.

\"What are you thinking about?\" Nino asked finally, tracing circles and stars on Ohno's leg. He nuzzled his head against Ohno's shoulder, his hair soft and ticklish against Ohno's cheek. 

\"Nothing,\" Ohno replied, not knowing what to say, because he's still not quite sure why he's here. \"I like your couch,\" he added.

Nino sighed, leaning more heavily against him until Ohno lifted the arm trapped between them to wrap it around Nino's shoulders. \"Our little Jun-pon is all married an' gone,\" he informed Ohno.

\"Mmm.\" Ohno rubbed at Nino's shoulder. \"Yes, he is.\" It was hard to tell if Nino was being jealous or nostalgic, or both. He knew that Nino's girlfriend had just broken up with him less than a month ago and he knew that Nino hadn't taken it well.

\"Leader will be next,\" Nino continued melodramatically. \"You're going to get married, too.\"
Ohno pulled Nino closer, stroking his other hand through Nino's hair comfortingly. \"I don't think so.\"

\"I don't want you to get married,\" Nino muttered. He squinted up fiercely at Ohno, who had to resist the urge to laugh. \"Promise me.\"

\"I promise,\" Ohno said solemnly. \"We can be cranky old bachelors together.\"

There must have been a bit of a gap in time, because when Ohno thinks back, one moment Nino was watching him with a careful, thoughtful expression and the next, Nino had surged up, one hand cupping the back of Ohno's head and kissing<\/i> him. 

It was unexpectedly soft and sweet, given Nino's urgency. Ohno let his initial surprise melt away a little, his eyes falling shut. Their mouths moved against each other tentatively, Nino's lips chapped and hot against Ohno's. Nino's breath smelled like alcohol but his mouth was hot and eager against Ohno's own and he couldn't really bring himself to care. Nino's hand combed through the short strands of soft hair at the base of Ohno's neck, sending pleasant little shivers down Ohno's spine. 

It was Nino who pulled back first, breathing fast. He looked at Ohno like he was seeing him for the first time in ages. Ohno stayed still, not sure what to do or say \u2013 or think<\/i>. 

Nino tugged on Ohno's tie, working on the knot. 

Ohno shook himself out of his daze, catching Nino's hands. \"No,\" he told Nino, his mind suddenly panicking. He thought about Yuzuki and suddenly felt sick with guilt. \"Nino, we can't \u2013\"

\"Why can't we?\" Nino shifted closer, almost into Ohno's lap. He butted his forehead against Ohno's own, faces so close that their noses almost bumped against each other. His skin was hot against Ohno's, slightly sticky with a faint sheen of sweat.

Ohno held his breath, trying to keep his resolve. Some instinctive, buried part of him wanted this very, very<\/i> badly and if Nino got serious, he wasn't sure he could hold out. 

\"Oh-chan,\" Nino murmured, tilting his head to suck at Ohno's bottom lip, grazing it with his teeth before releasing it again. His eyes were half-lidded, dark and serious. \"Don\u2019t you want this?\"

To this day, Ohno is still not sure if he did the right thing. 

He shoved Nino off his lap, not even daring to look back as he slammed the front door of his apartment, grabbing his shoes and putting them on in the elevator as it took him back to ground level. 

His heart was still racing.

Nino must not have tried to follow him down the stairs, because he wasn't waiting in the lobby. Ohno tried not to feel guilty, which wasn't hard. He didn't really know what to feel.

Ohno was about to pull out his phone to call a cab when he noticed the Cooper still parked on the curb.

Sho smiled at him weakly when Ohno climbed into the passenger seat. \"I wasn't sure if I should come upstairs to put away the keys.\"

Ohno covered his face with one hand, feeling a headache coming on. \"Can you please take me home?\"

\"Sure.\" Sho started the engine. Ohno spent most the ride staring out of the window. He could feel that Sho kept glancing sideways at him, like he wanted to say something. The silence was horribly, thickly uncomfortable, but Ohno couldn't bring himself to say anything.

\"I don't know what happened,\" Sho said finally, as he pulled up in front of Ohno's parents' house. It was pretty late now, but Ohno's mum had left the porch light on. \"And I'm not going to ask. But you should just know that Nino's had a rough time of it lately. I'll sort him out, so. You know \u2013 don't worry.\"

\"Right,\" Ohno mumbled, unclicking his seatbelt. He was pretty sure that his face was red. \"Thanks for the ride.\"

\"Take care of yourself,\" Sho said softly. \"I'll see you next Monday, okay?\"

Ohno nodded, closing the car door and wavering on the front step while Sho drove away. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. His mom would want to hear all about the wedding and he couldn't think about anything at the moment except the heat of Nino's lips against his, his voice low and serious.

Don\u2019t you want this?<\/i>

It was partly the alcohol, Ohno finally decided, leaning back against his front door and surveying the night sky. Definitely the alcohol and the whole business of Jun's wedding and Nino's break-up issues all squashed together. Nino would probably feel bad about it when he saw Ohno again, they could probably laugh it off together.

None of that, however, explained Ohno's response, or the stark, hungry thrill that Nino's words had sent through him. He couldn't answer that \u2013 except he could<\/i>, and that scared him more than anything.

His mother stuck her head out of the window to ask him why he was standing outside, staring at the sky like an idiot. Ohno forced a laugh and went inside.

The next time that he had seen Nino, the entire group was there and that had made things just marginally less awkward. Aiba had pinned Jun to the break room couch, threatening to tickle him unconscious if Jun didn't cough up the souvenirs he had bought the members on his honeymoon. Sho had hovered somewhat anxiously between Nino and Ohno like an overlarge guard dog while they stared silently at each other, until Nino had pointedly told him that he ought to go stop Aiba from raping Jun.

\"Look, I'm sorry,\" Nino said urgently, when Sho was out of earshot. \"I was drunk, I didn't mean to \u2013\"

\"It's okay.\" Ohno felt weird, deflated, but he tried to smile at Nino. \"Really, it's okay. Let's just. You know. We're okay.\"

\"Yeah?\" Nino looked scared, but a bit relieved. \"Yeah, good. I'm glad I didn't....like, fuck everything up or something.\"

\"You didn't,\" Ohno told him, with his most reassuring smile. He slung an arm around Nino's shoulders, in an awkward half-hug. Nino wrapped his own arms back around Ohno tentatively, with a sort of hesitation that almost broke Ohno's heart.

It wasn't really a lie, Ohno justified, if they both believed it.<\/a>

Part Two<\/a>

Cross-posted to <\/a>kotobayori<\/b><\/a><\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:313815","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/313815.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=313815"}}],"title":"so many, many people","published":"2009-01-04T22:28:16Z","updated":"2009-02-11T05:24:04Z","content":"Reveals are up<\/a> at <\/a>je_ficgames<\/b><\/a><\/span> - I'll try to get onto responding to comments and posting some recs after work today! For now, I've re-posted and unlocked some fics on my journal:

Saudade<\/a> [Part One<\/a> | Part Two<\/a>]
Arashi RPS | Ohno\/Nino | PG-13 | ~13,000 words 

In That Certain Time<\/a> (sequel to Saudade<\/a>)
Arashi RPS | Gen, implications of Ohno\/Nino | PG-13 | ~3,000 words

Round-up of ficlets from last week's drabble meme<\/a>:

\"First,\" Nino said, and Sho had to keep reminding himself that it was Nino, even with Jun's face and Jun's smile (which usually wasn't this wide or this deliberately, gleefully fiendish), \"I am going to go order a pizza. Or maybe two.\"

Jun visibly stiffened, and if it was weird to see Jun's body wandering around grinning like a maniacal elf and groping Leader in full view of staff, it was even weirder to see Aiba's face looking completely, utterly murderous. \"You will do no such thing<\/i>.\"

\"Just stop it, you two.\" Sho crossed his arms, slightly weirded out by being suddenly a couple of inches shorter than the bandmates he could usually meet eye to eye. \"We need to work together to figure this out.\"

\"Working on it!\" Aiba said, from where he and Ohno were examining the now spilled contents of Aiba's Super Excellent Perky Juice. Ohno was poking curiously at his newfound muscles. \"I think it might be because I added that extra habenaro...\"

\"Just get on with it, then,\" Jun snapped. \"I want my body back before he damages it permanantly.\"


---

<\/a>
\"Here.\" Nino dumps the plastic bag in Aiba's lap before flopping onto the couch beside him.

Aiba shoves the bag off his lap. \"Can't you hold your own bag - oh, it's heavy today.\" He picks the bag up again, peeking inside.

\"It's your birthday present, idiot.\" Nino shoves his feet into Aiba's lap, shifting to get comfortable against the arm of the couch. \"Open it.\"

\"That isn't going to take a lot.\" Aiba pulls out a package of trump cards from the open plastic bag. \"Don't you believe in wrapping stuff?\"

Nino rolls his eyes. \"What point is there in that? A wad of paper and some ribbons doesn't make it any more special.\"

Aiba puts the cards aside in the bag again, putting it on the coffee table. \"Yes, it does. It's suspense. Like -\" He moves, and suddenly he's straddling Nino's lap, warm and heavy. He slides his fingers into the waist band of his jeans, letting them slide down his hips a few inches. Nino's eyes track the movement. 

\"Isn't it better like this?\" Aiba countered, voice low and husky. He arches his body closer against Nino's. \"When you get to unwrap your present slowly, inch by inch?\"

Nino's hands found Aiba's waist, sliding up his sides and rucking up his t-shirt under his arms. \"I'm still not wrapping your present.\"

\"That's okay.\" Aiba kissed the tip of Nino's nose, grinning. \"I've got better things to unwrap.\"


---

<\/a>
\"Sho<\/i>,\" Jun says and it occurs to Sho that it isn't the first time Jun has said his name, standing in the doorway of his hotel room, trying to catch his attention. \"What are you doing?\"

Sho stares up at Jun, eyes bleary from staring at his notes. \"...exploring problems of aggregate fluctuation as a coordination failure?\"

\"It's almost 1:00AM.\" Jun walked over to where Sho was crouched over the coffee table, gently closing his notebook. \"You've been studying since we wrapped up at eleven. You need to get some sleep before we brief in the morning.\"

\"My exam is in one week.\" Sho stretched his arms above his head, feeling his muscles cramp. He knew that he was pushing himself, but he also knew that if he didn't do well, he'd regret not pushing himself even harder. \"I won't have to do this much longer.\"

\"You shouldn't do it now.\" Jun hauled Sho to his feet. Jun was taller than him now, Sho realized with a bit of a start. He had changed a lot in the past few years, actually. He was less skittish and moody and he took charge of every situation. He was warm and perceptive with a maturity that was almost surprising. \"I'm putting you to bed.\"

Sho leaned his head back against Jun's shoulder. \"Are you?\" he asked, amused and tired.

\"Mmm.\" Jun kissed Sho's temple, fingers already working on his belt. \"At least then I can make sure that you don't sneak out of bed at 4:00AM to visit your textbooks.\"


---

<\/a>
In his mind, Sho is still trying to work out the series of events that led to him standing on top of a half-frozen waterfall in Canada in the middle of December, freezing his ass off in a suit and a soft stylish white scarf (Matsujun had coordinated all of the wedding party's outfits) and holding Nino's hand tightly, trying to listen to Ohno mumble his way through the officiation over the roar of the pounding water.

(\"Next year, we should all marry each other here!\" Aiba says excitedly, before Jun thwacked him over the head and threatened to send him over the falls in a barrel.)

&

Ohno would make a good husband because he's a quiet and simple person and he could live peacefully with someone else, easily letting someone else's needs slide before his own.

Aiba would make a good husband because he got excited about everything, he approached the world with a sense of wonder and he would make each new day a treasure; he would never, ever stop re-discovering love.

Jun would make a good husband because he was reliable and serious and passionate; his marriage wouldn't just be a priority, it would be his life.

But Sho knew that Nino, despite his protests, would also make a good husband, because he was action, not words and he was warmth and sensibility, making a hot dinner even when he arrived home tired, using his magic tricks to make Sho forget his headache. Nino would make a good husband because when he loved someone, he didn't just love them halfway.

(\"He'd make a good wife, too,\" Aiba added around a mouthful of soup, and it was only his quick duck that saved him from getting his face dunked in it.)


---

<\/a>
Ohno holds out his hand and Jun wrinkles his nose at him, glancing sideways at the television cameras, wary. 

Jun's weird, Ohno thinks. He can't figure out the younger boy. He's sweet and shy and awkward by turns, too serious and at the same time excited and happy in a way that Ohno still can't understand. 

\"No one cares,\" Ohno tells Jun. He and Nino have done it over and over again, after all. 

Jun gives him a look that's both surprised and exasperated. \"Why do you even want to?\"

Ohno shrugs. \"Would it really be so bad?\" he says lightly, trying to make a joke out of it.

Jun's hand is warm and steady in his own as they all face the cameras, and Ohno lets the feeling ground him, lacing his fingers through Jun's like a lock. 

*

Ohno reaches out his hand as they head off-set and Jun slides his automatically into Ohno's, fingers clasping together with the practice of long years.


---

<\/a>
Jun was getting better at Smelling things every day. Nino had taught him the basics, back when he was still tiny, but he was sour and crabby about it, especially when he realized that Jun was a natural and soon started discovering things on his own pretty well. Jun loved catching a scent, following it like a string and never letting go, going forever until he found out what it was. He wanted to be the best hunting dog in the entire county. He worked hard too, which is why he had wandered farther into the woods today, chasing a sweet, gingery scent on the wind. He had never smelled anything like it before and it made him curious.

He was determined to find it.

\"What're you doing?\" came a voice above him, bright and inquisitive, as Jun followed the scent into an empty tree log. 

\"Tracking,\" Jun answered vaguely, too engrossed in the scent to really notice or care who was talking to him. He was really close now, he could tell. 

\"Tracking what?\" The scent was stronger now. Jun really liked it, it smelled warm and sweet and good, like his favourite biscuits or the old blanket that he and Nino slept on by the stove indoors in the winter time.

\"I don't know yet.\" Jun whiffed with all of his might, nose to the ground. He sniffed, the scent lingering just in front of his face - and he opened his eyes to find a pair of bright brown eyes blinking back at him, the full blast of his sought-after scent almost overwhelming. \"It's oh, - it's you!\" He sat back on his haunches and gave his best tracking bark. \"We always have to do that when we find what we're been tracking,\" he added importantly.

\"You're funny.\" The bright-eyed creature jumped off of the top of the log, smiling at Jun. \"I'm a fox! My name is Aiba. What's your name?\"

\"My name's Jun.\" Jun padded closer to Aiba, sniffing at his ears. He liked Aiba's scent. \"I'm a hound dog.\" He nudged at Aiba, pushing him onto his back. Aiba giggled, kicking playfully up at Jun with his paws. 

They play for what seems like hours, and Jun feels happier than he's ever felt in his life. Aiba is bouncy and fun and not grumpy or tired like Nino. He tells Jun about where he lives with a Captain in a little cottage across the field and Jun tells him about Nino, about learning how to track and hunt. Jun has never had a real friend before.

\"Oi, brat!\" Nino's sharp bark rings out across the hill. \"You'd better get back here, wherever you are.\"

Jun untangles himself abruptly from Aiba. \"I have to go,\" he stammers.

\"You'll play with me again, right?\" Aiba asks. \"Please?\"

Jun knows that it's a bad idea, but Aiba's grin is so bright, his own want so strong that he can't say no. \"Yeah,\" he says. \"Yeah, I will.\"

\"Yay!\" Aiba tackles him one final time. \"Let's be best friends forever, Jun-chan!\"

*

\"You're worrying too much, Shomama,\" Aiba says. \"Jun-chan is my best friend.\"

Shomama puffs out his chest, looking exasperated. \"I know that, Masaki, but there are certain Rules of Nature. Jun is a dog, you are a fox. Dogs hunt foxes<\/i>. He may be all right now that he's a puppy, but...\"

\"Not my Jun-chan,\" Aiba says decisively. \"He'll never change.\"

*

\"Sorry,\" Jun whispers, as Aiba lies beneath the train tracks, shivering and scared, the hunter's yells getting closer. \"I'm sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry<\/i>...\"


---

<\/a>
\"No,\" Sho says, and that would be that if he was talking to anyone except Aiba - Aiba, who cheerfully bulldozes his way through any brush-off like it's a hug and has already painted Sho's littlest toe electric purple while Sho was still protesting. \"Gross, what are you doing?\"

\"Don't be such a baby.\" Aiba grabbed Sho's foot again when he tried to swing it away, wedging it firmly between his knees and shifting so that his weight fell on Sho's other foot, pinning it down. \"It's not like anyone's going to see it.\"

\"Yes, they would, because I know you and I know<\/i> that you would want to show it to everyone.\" His feet were pinned down by Aiba's solid weight, so he tried to grab the tiny bottle out of Aiba's hand, to no avail. He finally slumped back in his chair. \"Ah, I give up. Do what you want.\"

\"Just one foot,\" Aiba coaxed him.

\"You might as well do both if you're going to do that,\" Sho replied grumpily.

Aiba bent down, carefully uncapping a little blue bottle and stroking the brush across the nail of Sho's big toe. \"Leader first,\" Aiba muttered, completely absorbed, and Sho wasn't sure if he even even talking to him at all, \"Because he's the leader...\"

Sho quietly sat and watched Aiba work, trying his hardest not to smile.


---

<\/a>
It's not that Nino isn't busy himself, but watching Jun and Sho makes him feel positively lazy sometimes. He's had some time off this week, and he spent an entire day just lying on his couch napping, waking up occasionally to eat something or flip on the television to watch bad variety shows and drama re-runs. 

He knows that Jun hasn't had a day off in two weeks and is running on pure caffeine and nerves at the moment between movie promotions and planning for their upcoming concerts. He knows that Sho is stressed almost to the point of breaking, writing a new rap, meeting athletes, getting ready for Beijing and trying to find a quick heal for his hand.

They both work hard, they both burn themselves out to the point of unbelievable exhaustion, but they never complain, because it's for Arashi, and Arashi is their pride. 

Nino knows this, and that's what filters through his mind when he tugs a compliant and mellowed Jun back to his apartment after drinks, Sho following uncertainly behind. The air is thick with inhibition, questions, reasons, but they float away like cobwebs when Nino presses Sho up against the back of the door to his apartment, kissing him while Jun watches them through half-lidded eyes.


---

<\/a>
1. It isn't when Jun takes the check without comment, opening his wallet like there's no need for questions or arguments. 

2. It isn't when Jun gives him one of his rings as a present and after the necessary teasing about Matsujun's girly accessories collection, Nino slides it onto a chain and wears it pretty much everywhere for the next month.

3. It isn't when Sho asks him, half-jokingly, where Jun is taking him out to tonight?

4. It isn't even when Nino's lying on his back, eyes squeezed shut as Jun slides a second finger into him, trying to focus on Jun's soft reassurances, his other hand stroking Nino's cock when even his own skin feels stifling and he's too hot, he's going to break -

5. It's when Nino finds himself in Jun's kitchen at 7:00AM in the morning getting increasingly pissed off because his heart-shaped pancakes look more like Mickey Mouse ear pancakes, and realizing that he was getting serious about something he thought was just a joke in the first place.

(That and when Jun kisses his him softly for bringing him breakfast in bed, right after he calls Nino a moron who's going to get crumbs all over his sheets.)


---

<\/a>
\"\"

\"We're not filming anymore,\" Jun said crossly, batting the drawing Aiba had shoved in his face out of the way. 

\"But it's an experiment<\/i>!\" Aiba said, like that would make it all good. He jumped onto the couch, straddling Jun's legs. \"You're my assistant, aren't you?\"

Jun loves Aiba, which is why he chooses to tear up the drawing instead of Aiba himself.

\"Hey!\" Sho said, from the table where Jun could see that he and Ohno and Nino were setting up something that looked suspiciously like a chocolate fountain. Well, Sho was setting things up. Nino was feeding Ohno cherries. \"That was my drawing!\"

\"Captain put in too much detail in his,\" Aiba said, almost wistfully. \"The staff got rid of it when I accidentally mixed it in with the regular A no Arashi cards.\"

\"Accident, right,\" Nino said, \"You would have done it on-air if they would have let you.\"

\"I would not,\" Aiba shifted so that he was pinning Jun's hips down. \"This is a private experiment.\"

Jun gave. \"What's the experiment, then?\" he asked, reaching up to tangle his fingers in Aiba's belt, pulling Aiba's hips flush against his.

Aiba laughed, low and excited. \"If you lick chocolate off someone else, does it taste better?\" he asked, nuzzling and licking a path up Jun's neck under his ear.

Jun shivered. \"You're retarded,\" he said finally, tilting his head to afford Aiba better access.

\"HOT HOT HOT,\" Sho screamed. Jun looked over to see Sho flailing, his torso smeared in melted chocolate. \"NINO, YOU ARE SO DEAD.\"

\"Time to test your prediction, Captain,\" Nino said, pushing Ohno forward. \"Have at 'em.\"


---

<\/a>
It isn't very often that the two of them are stuck in a green room alone, but Jun is late and Aiba and Sho are on-location for Himitsu today, and Ohno is very, very grateful for this, because he's feeling hungover and tired and zoned out in a way that demands minimum quiet and a good amount of time to just stare blankly at the walls. 

Nino, on the other hand, seems to have other ideas about empty green rooms. Ohno honestly doesn't even notice until Nino's got his zipper down and is pushing Ohno's pants down his thighs, kneeling on the floor between Ohno's legs.

\"Hey,\" Ohno protests, trying to grab at his pants, even though Nino is much quicker than he is. 

\"Oh-chan's so slow today.\" Nino kisses him teasingly, tongue slicking into between Ohno's lips. He lets his free hand slip under Ohno's shirt, cold fingers ghosting across Ohno's abs, brushing over his ribs and reaching up to tweak a nipple.

\"Nino,\" Ohno grunts in between kisses, hands gripping Nino's shoulders. He can't decide if he wants to push him off or pull him closer. Nino's hand reappears from under Ohno's shirt, rubbing his heel hard against the front of Ohno's underwear and Ohno groans, hardening under Nino's touch.

Nino watches him with half-lidded eyes, smirking affectionately. \"The walls are really thin here,\" he whispers, nosing the shell of Ohno's ear. \"Think you can keep quiet?\"

It's always a game with Nino, and Ohno doesn't mind playing along. \"Easy,\" he replies, voice low, arching his hips into Nino's hand, just to see Nino's eyes narrow.

When it comes to Nino, Ohno thinks, pulse fluttering madly as Nino moves down Ohno's torso, teasing down Ohno's boxers inch by inches as he bites and licks across Ohno's skin, he doesn't mind making bets he's going to lose.


---

<\/a>
They're halfway through their break when the call comes through, Jun's manager dashing into the room out of breath and still clutching his cell phone. \"Early labour,\" he wheezed, holding out the phone to Jun, \"Gone to the hospital, about an hour ago.\"

Jun went absolutely white, standing up from the couch where he had been lounging with Ohno in one smooth, sharp movement. \"She's okay?\" he demanded. \"Everything's okay?\"

Sho's newspaper crumpled. \"Oh my god,\" he said. \"THE BABY IS COMING?\"

\"It's not your<\/i> baby,\" Nino snapped, but he was already pacing the corners of the room, looking pale and wide-eyed himself.

\"Does she have her cell?\" Jun asked their manager. \"I need to call her, I need to tell her that I-\" He stopped, seeming to remember that yes, he was miles and miles away in the middle of Osaka and they were mid-way through a gruelling rehearsal for the weekend's concerts.

Aiba's hand landed heavy on his shoulder, making him glance around. 

\"You can leave right now,\" Aiba told him, his voice warm and reassuringly calm. \"We'll handle things here.\"

\"I-\" Jun protested.

Ohno came over from where he had been rummaging in his bag, passing a small bundle wrapped in brown paper to Jun. \"We were saving this to give to you as a birthday present next week,\" he said, smiling, \"It's a good thing I finished early.\"

\"Leader knitted it,\" said Aiba proudly. \"And I picked out the colours!\" he added, as Jun wrapped the soft, warm rainbow blanket.

Jun held the blanket in both hands, staring at it. \"You guys,\" he said, his voice thick.

\"Would you just leave already?\" Nino tossed his jacket and bag at him. \"Hurry up and go, I got the manager to arrange a car for you.\"

Jun nodded, holding onto his stuff. \"I'll definitely call,\" he promised, before running out the door in long strides.

\"Babies<\/i>,\" Sho muttered frantically, clawing at the arm of the sofa.


---<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:312230","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/312230.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=312230"}}],"title":"ludwig von drake is always the right answer","published":"2008-12-28T05:36:17Z","updated":"2009-02-08T19:24:31Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, <\/a>still_ciircee<\/b><\/a><\/span>!!! \u2665 \u2665 \u2665<\/font><\/b><\/span>

Title:<\/b> in that certain time
Rating:<\/b> PG
Pairing(s):<\/b> Ohno\/Nino, Arashi gen
Length<\/b> ~3,000 words
Summary:<\/b> Five short vignettes from the same universe\/time frame as Saudade<\/a>. I don't know if these clear anything up or just make everything more complicated, but I feel like I can just let this story premise rest now.
Notes:<\/b> An birthday gift for the ever-wonderful <\/a>still_ciircee<\/b><\/a><\/span>! You make this fandom so much fun to be in. \u2665

Three years ago<\/b><\/i>:

Sho spends the drive back from Ohno's house worrying.

Satoshi had seemed pretty shaken, quiet and somewhat lost in a way that had nothing with his usual floating consciousness and probably a lot to do with the six or so glasses of wine that Nino had downed at Jun's reception and an emotional landmine that, in Sho's opinion, has been building up for longer than was healthy.

Nino isn't rash, but he takes his chances. Sho taps his fingers on the steering wheel, waiting for the traffic light to turn green. He isn't sure \u2013 or rather, he really doesn't want to think about exactly what might have happened \u2013 Ohno and Nino are both members, after all, and as good as brothers to him. 

It doesn't make him uncomfortable<\/i> exactly, just uneasy. 

Whatever Sho thinks though, he really just wants them to be happy. And right now, Nino is alone in his apartment, drunk and probably upset or depressed or confused.

Sho parks the Pajero in Nino's usual spot and bolts out of the car and into Nino's building. In the elevator, he taps out a quick text to Kyoko, letting her know that he probably wouldn't make it over to her place after all that night. She'll understand, even if Sho doesn't explain. 

Sho doesn't have a key, but there's surprisingly no fight from Nino. After three knocks and a bit of a pause, Sho can hear socks shuffling across carpet and the lock clicks.

Nino's face, his eyes guarded but hopeful, appears around the door. His mouth twists a little when he sees Sho, like he's trying not to look disappointed.

\"Can I come in?\" Sho asks. He tucks his hands into his pockets casually, resisting the urge to reach out and smooth down the wayward, damp stickiness of Nino's bangs clinging to his forehead.

\"Sho-chan,\" Nino says, a little thickly. He considers Sho, his eyes still a little vacant. He was way, way drunker, Sho realizes, than Sho had thought he was at the reception, unfocused and still wearing his tuxedo. 

Nino wavers a little, leaning sideways against the door frame and Sho takes his chance, catching an arm around his waist and guiding him back into the apartment. 

Nino sighs, tilting his head against Sho's shoulder, skin too hot. His eyes are red-rimmed, raw from crying and Sho's heart breaks a little for him. \"'M a mess.\"

\"It's okay,\" Sho says automatically. He steers Nino into his bedroom, gently pushing him down to sit on the bed. He sits beside him, wrapping his arm around Nino's bony shoulders, brushing Nino's bangs off his forehead. \"Did you want some water? Anything?\"

Nino shakes his head, turning half sideways and nuzzling his face into the broad expanse of Sho's chest, inhaling deeply. \"I'm okay.\" His deep breaths somehow turn into a hitched half-sob, half-laugh, Nino's shoulders shaking. \"I fucked up so badly.\"

\"Shh.\" Sho strokes his hands slowly through Nino's hair, feeling helpless. \"Is this about Aemi?\"

Nino laughs bitterly, coughing a little. \"Was it ever?\" He pushes himself away from Sho, wiping at his face. Sho waits, watching Nino struggle to bring himself together. He isn't making any sense at all.

\"Are you going to stay?\" Nino asks after a minute, not even bothering to hide the neediness or demand in his voice.

Sho doesn't answer him, but he slides Nino's suit jacket off his shoulders gently, folding it as he stands up. Nino lets Sho undress him, obediently and wordlessly lifting his limbs until his clothes are folded neatly on his chair, next to Sho's. 

Sho steals an old sweatshirt from Nino's closet, a faded dark green one he's pretty sure originally belonged to Aiba and slides in under the covers next to Nino, staying still as Nino tucks himself against his chest. He slides an arm around Nino, stroking carefully up and down the warm skin of his back. 

It feels safe and warm under the sheets, in the dim cool of Nino's bedroom. It seems to sink through to Nino as well, and he starts to calm down a little, dozing against Sho's chest, their breaths evening out together.

\"I don't want to talk about it,\" Nino finally says, about fifteen minutes later, the vibration of his words buzzing against Sho's neck, stirring him from a half-slumber.

\"Really?\" Sho asks, drowsy. Part of him is honestly dying of curiosity and the other half of him really<\/i> doesn't want to know why Ohno stumbled back into the car with puffy lips and a noticeably looser tie. \"It might help.\"

Nino nuzzles his cold nose against Sho's neck, hands fisting in Sho's sweatshirt. \"That only works if it's something you can fix,\" he says, his voice small.

\"Of course you can fix it,\" Sho says softly, tightening his grip around Nino's waist, drawing him closer. \"Did you and Ohno-san fight?\"

Nino is silent for long minutes, still in Sho's arms. Sho has almost resigned himself to never getting an answer when Nino exhales, pulling away from Sho just enough so that he can see his face. 

\"Did you watch Jun dancing with his wife today?\"

Sho studies Nino's face, unsure where this conversation is going. \"Of course I did. We all did.\" Jun had been so bright with happiness, easy and carefree, no tightness in his shoulders and no worry in his eyes. Sho remembers feeling so proud of him that he could have burst. \"Why?\"

Nino traces a finger against Sho's cheek, tracking the movement of his own fingertips with his eyes. \"He has something new to hold onto now,\" he says quietly, \"Besides Arashi.\"

\"That doesn't mean \u2013\" Sho begins, but Nino interrupts him.

\"He wouldn't say it,\" Nino moves so that he's lying half on top of Sho, cheek pressed against Sho's chest. \"But his heart is divided now. It can't not be. It will be, for all of us.\"

\"Nino,\" Sho says, exasperated. He combs his fingers gently through Nino's hair. It isn't like that, and even Nino probably wouldn't think so if he wasn't so completely pissed and emotionally wrung-out.

\"For Leader, too.\" Nino's voice cracks and Sho cranes his neck up from the pillows to see the tears sliding down Nino's cheeks.  \"Him too, he'll - I love him. I don't even think I realized it until today. Stupid.\"

Sho pulls the sheets above their heads, letting them settle around them like a tent. He doesn't know what to say to that. He can't do anything but hold Nino while he breaks himself apart.

\"If I could take it back,\" Nino asks a few minutes later, voice muffled against Sho's sweatshirt. \"Do you think he'll forgive me?\"

*

Two years ago<\/b><\/i>:

There's something very comforting, very familiar about Ohno's house. Nino doesn't know if he just thinks about it like that because it is Ohno's place, but even with Ohno gone, it has a certain warmth that seems to block out the seeping chill of the outside world. 

Nino spends at least twenty minutes at the hardware store picking just the right shade \u2013 bright, but not gaudy, a simple pale golden yellow, like a hot noon sun set high in the sky, or sunflowers. He can't find Ohno's brushes, so he borrows a set from the Akiyama cottage near to Ohno's.

(\"Are you staying with Satoshi-kun for awhile?\" Sumiko-baachan asks him, pouring him tea while Nino fidgets on his cushion, impatient to get back and start his project. \"Isn't that nice! I always think that the poor boy must get so lonely, being by himself all the time.\")

Ohno's island (Nino has never been able to think about Toshimajima any other way. It only has any significance to him at all because Ohno lives there.) is a tiny rock in the middle of the Pacific, blessed with an apparent surplus of little hotels that cater to bemused American tourists, luxuriously verdant and well-groomed mountain paths and a fishing-mad population of tiny and energetic grandpas.

Ohno fits in like a fish in water. Appropriately enough.

It's not so bad, really. Even with the tourists \u2013 Aiba thinks they're funny. One time, he and Nino convinced an entire senior's group from Wisconsin that Jun was the island's volcano god and that it was a custom to throw flowers at him whenever he walked by.

Matsujun exploded better than any volcano, Nino reflected wistfully.

It's been ages since he and Ohno have been alone together at all for any stretch of time, and Nino was slightly worried at first that it would be awkward. It was a bit, but only in Nino's mind. Ohno seemed like himself, the same as ever. 

Although sometimes \u2013 sometimes Nino could swear that Ohno watched him like he was waiting for Nino to do something. 

That was stupid, though. Things were better the way they were now. Or at least, if not better, not irrevocably fucked-up. Nino can live with that.

It's really beginning to feel like fall, and Nino has to raid Ohno's closet for extra sweaters halfway through his painting, even though the entire door frame doesn't take more than an hour to finish. He does it carefully, slowly, two and then three coats.

He wants it to last.

*

One year ago<\/b><\/i>:

Out of all of the members, only Aiba had known, because Jun was too excited to keep it to himself and Aiba had happened to be in the area and drop by for a visit. They had laughed and talked all afternoon and Aiba had left, promising to keep his secret, insides warm even in the deep December chill with a glowing happiness. 

Jun was going to be a papa, come summertime.

(\"Aiko's got me sworn to secrecy.\" Jun's hands were wrapped around his tea mug, but Aiba could see his fingers shaking with excitement, his smile almost too wide for his face to contain it. \"She wants to wait until we're past the first trimester, we haven't even told our parents.\"

\"I won't tell anyone,\" Aiba promised, and then, \"Are you going to name it after me?\"

\"Only if it's a girl,\" Jun grinned and ducked the swat Aiba aimed at his head.)

No one else had known, and so no one else knew what it meant when Jun's manager quietly pulled him off the set during a break one day about two weeks later, whispering quietly and urgently to him. 

Aiba sees Jun's eyes widen, his whole body visibly tensing.

\"I think we'll have to reschedule,\" Jun's manager begins, when the producer came over to see what was going on. \"There's been a \u2013\"

\"No, it's all right,\" Jun cuts in. \"Let's keep going.\"

Filming takes another two hours to finish and Aiba can't stop watching Jun the whole time. He gives no outward sign of distress and he laughs and talks pleasantly with the guests until the cameras are off and everyone's packing up to leave.

Aiba brushes off Ohno's offer to go out for drinks and searches for Jun in the maze of green rooms and corridors until he finds Jun curled into himself in a corner of an empty wardrobe room, fingers gripping tightly into his own hair.

\"Jun-chan,\" Aiba says, softly. He doesn't know what else to say.

\"It was a miscarriage. Early pregnancy termination.\" Jun's eyes are closed, his whole face screwed up like he's in pain. \"The doctor said that they're fairly common, at the beginning.\"

Aiba slides down the wall and sits next to him. Jun looks like his world is broken in half and Aiba can't fix it for him. \"Are you going to the hospital? Is Aiko there?\"

\"She's already at home.\" Jun buries his face in his hands. \"I can't face her now. I don't know how. She wanted this baby so much.\"

Aiba leans against his side, unsure what to do. \"She probably needs you right now, though.\"

\"I know.\" Jun rubs at his face with both hands. \"I know. Listen, Masaki \u2013 don't tell anyone, okay?\"

\"I won't,\" Aiba promises quietly.

He never does.

*

Six months ago<\/b><\/i>:

Ohno is dead tired, with a relaxed, bone-weary sort of lethargy that he always gets after spending about six hours in a boat. He feels tired, exhilarated but exhausted, high on fresh ocean air, salty and sharp. They had left from the dock near the Tanaka cottage and Ohno chose to walk back to his own place on the beach, instead of taking the main roads through the town. 

It's twice as long, but Ohno is fine with that. He can put one foot in front of the other, but he's not feeling up to making conversation right now, since he's so tired. He always sees people that he knows when he walks through town.

He probably wouldn't have noticed the box under the pier at all if he hadn't been absentmindedly looking at the high-water marks on the posts that had been left before the tide went out. It was a small box, wet cardboard and \u2013 as Ohno gets closer, he realizes that there are small, frantic noises coming from inside the box.

The kittens are tiny, all huddled together in one corner of the box for warmth, mewing pathetically. The black one, the smallest of the three, is completely still. Ohno kneels beside the box, heart suddenly sick with fear and anger. 

\"It's okay,\" he tells the kittens soothingly, and he carefully gathers the box up in his arms. It isn't far to his house now. \"It's okay, I'll take you somewhere safe.\" The two conscious kittens look up at him curiously as he jogs carefully, trying to shield the kittens from the cold wind.

Luckily for Ohno, Sugiura-san who lives just on the other side of the island is a retired veterinarian and he hurries over as soon as he gets Ohno's call. Ohno has turned up the heat in his house as far as he can, but the kittens are still shivering, huddled together in the middle of the soft blue afghan that Ohno's mother gave him as a homewarming present.

Sugiura-san's mouth is a grim line as he kneels down next to Ohno on the carpet. Ohno stays quiet while he examines the kittens. \"About three weeks old,\" he says quietly. \"You said they were on the beach?\"

\"The box was wet.\" It feels like there's a lump in Ohno's throat as he watches Sugiura-san prod at the prone form of the tiny black kitten. \"The tide might have come in on them once already.\"

Sugiura-san mutters a curse under his breath. \"I can get you some milk replacement, but they're going to need to be watched closely. Kittens this young die of cold very easily.\" He strokes the black one's head with one finger. \"It's a miracle that this one is still breathing. He may not make it yet.\"

\"He will,\" Ohno says quietly, firmly. \"They all will.\"

*

Now<\/b><\/i>:

\"Good morning,\" Aiba mumbles directly into Jun's ear, breath hot and ticklish. Jun squirms away, batting Aiba's heavy arm off his chest. 

\"It's still night, Masaki.\" Jun shoves Aiba closer towards Sho. It was that idiot's idea to make them all sleep out on Leader's back porch, so he can damn well steal someone else's body heat.

\"Stingy,\" Aiba mutters, snuggling backwards into Sho. 

Jun has to admit, it's kind of nice \u2013 they're all swaddled in long underwear and what feels like five sweaters and sets of socks each and stuffed into Leader's two big thermal sleeping bags that he uses on overnight fishing trips. Jun feels toasty and comfortable, the sharp chill of the night wind stinging his cheeks. Everything feels so bright and crisp, the stars are unimaginably clear in the pitch black sky. 

Jun tries to think back a year, then two. He wonders what Aiko is doing, probably back at her parent's house in Fukuoka. He didn't imagine that things would turn out like this. He twists the weight of his wedding band around his finger, burrowing his head deeper into the sleeping bag. He doesn't know what changed. He certainly didn't \u2013 and maybe that's just it. He didn't change at all, he was too afraid to.

Ohno is snoring softly in the other sleeping bag, he and Nino tangled together in a way that looks almost claustrophobic to Jun. Under the light of the stars, Jun can see that Nino's eyes are still open, watching Ohno sleep. 

Sho lets out a rattling snore that completely drowns out Ohno's warbly nosewhistling. Jun silently hopes that it doesn't match any of the local bird species' mating calls. 

Aiba buries his face in the back of Jun's neck, the tip of his nose freezing cold. \"So noisy,\" Aiba groans.

Jun gives no response, still watching the stars. \"Cold?\" he asks, finally. He can feel Aiba shake his head against the back of his neck.

\"It's a new year now,\" Aiba says. His words are punctuated with a giant yawn. \"A brand new year.\"

Jun moves his head so that Aiba's head moves onto his shoulder, sharp chin jutting against Jun's collarbone. \"Go to sleep,\" he says softly.

Aiba yawns again, consenting. \"We need to watch the sunrise,\" he mumbles, snuggling in closer against Jun's back. 

Jun lies still, listening to Aiba's breaths even out, watching the stars flicker overhead and breathing in the stillness of the winter night. He's warm and content, sluggish with heat and sleepiness and a few too many beers. There's a strange, happy tightness in his chest, a seed of hope beginning to bloom behind the sharp anger and frustration that's cut through him like a knife for the past few months. 

He keeps an eye on the east, waiting for the new day to begin.

FIN<\/b><\/a>

Cross-posted to <\/a>kotobayori<\/b><\/a><\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:311908","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/311908.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=311908"}}],"title":"Special Delivery","published":"2008-12-25T22:48:24Z","updated":"2011-10-16T09:56:41Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"
\"\"<\/center>

A slightly belated Christmas gift! Enjoy. \u2665

Title:<\/b> Little of Your Time [3\/6]
Author:<\/b> <\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Rating:<\/b> PG-13
Pairing(s):<\/b> Nino\/Jun with Aiba\/Jun 
Length:<\/b> ~2,000 words [Story total = ~6,500]
Author's Notes<\/b>: Thank you to everyone who has left such wonderful comments and been patient with me over a fic that was supposed be out last August \u2013 especially <\/a>aoimidori<\/b><\/a><\/span>. \u2665 I was a bit stuck on the direction to take for this chapter and ended up incorporating some old drabbles I had written - I think it worked out well enough. I have no idea how this is going to end, honestly. :|
Summary:<\/b> A remix of this drabble<\/a>, originally done for <\/a>aoimidori<\/b><\/a><\/span>. 

Part One<\/a> | Part Two<\/a>

Sho has always found other people's love problems a little ridiculous. Whether you like someone or not, whether to tell them or not \u2013 he didn't get how people always agonized over these problems, picked them over like they were some grand mystery. Love was simple, attraction ever simpler; people just chose to complicate it because they couldn't deal with the possibility that there wouldn't be a happy outcome. They looked for signals, signs, portents that lined up with the ending that they wanted, even when it would be much less agony to accept the harsh truth and move on.

Nino has been in a black mood all afternoon. He has his nose buried in a manga, flipping through the pages too rapidly to be actually reading it. His eyebrows are creased together in that way he has when he is trying not to look pissed off. He had automatically groped at Ohno's ass when their captain has slid onto the couch beside him, slotting up neatly against Nino's side, but it had looked half-hearted, joyless.

Sho briefly pauses to consider how pathetic his life was when he thought it was weird that one of his bandmates wasn't gleefully pinching another's ass. 

Aiba had casually mentioned to him the other day, when they had gone out drinking, that he thought that Nino and Jun might be sleeping together.

\"You're crazy,\" Sho had told him flat-out, uneasily, because Aiba's expression was dead serious. 

\"I don't know,\" Aiba insisted, staring down at his bottle, picking at the label morosely with his fingertips. \"Neither of them will tell me anything. They act all weird around each other, though. Too casual.\"

\"So maybe they had a fight.\" Sho signaled the bartender for another beer; he was not nearly drunk enough for this conversation. \"Or whatever it is, they'll sort it out between themselves, maybe.\"

Aiba sighed, like Sho wasn't being helpful at all. \"Maybe,\" he echoed doubtfully.

Aiba had switched the topic after that and Sho had chalked the whole weird conversation up to Aiba's imagination. He hadn't quite forgotten it, though and he's started to wonder, in the past couple of days, whether or not Aiba had been right after all.

Sho watches Nino slowly dress himself after the day's shoot is over, fingers lazily fiddling with his shirt's buttonholes while he darts glances at Jun, wry, silent, almost expressionless.

Leader had already scooted out of the door with an alarming speed, waving them off with a vague goodbye, saying something about doing some fishing. It was 10:00pm, but that was no longer unusual for Ohno. Sho still worried some nights about boats capsizing and the freezing wind off the ocean and Ohno not dressing properly or eating enough or bothering to sleep before the next morning's practice - but Leader really loved to fish, so there was really nothing that could be done.

Sho is pretty sure that Jun has already re-arranged the contents of his shoulder bag about three times.

\"Matsujun!\" Aiba flails at Jun, grinning mischievously as he almost lands in his lap. \"Yakiniku?\"

\"Not tonight. I'm too tired.\" Jun's reply is curt, but he does almost look kind of sorry, so Aiba only pouts a little before flinging himself at Sho.

\"Sho-chan, come out to dinner with me?\"

Sho sighs, smiling at the insistent tug on his sleeve, Aiba's pleading glance as he leaned against Sho. \"All right. Just for awhile.\"

*

Sho hadn't meant to spy. He respected his bandmate's privacy (and most of the time, he honestly just did not want to know), and he usually just had the unfortunate luck of being in the wrong place at the wrong time and thus privy to a lot of things that he could really have led a happy and fulfilling life without seeing.

Like now, he and Aiba were down the sidewalk and around the block before Sho realized that he had been checking his messages during a break in the shoot and slipped his cell phone into the trousers he had been wearing when the director called them back together.

It's late, and there are only a few people wandering around the building, so Sho races impatiently up the stairs two at a time back to their dressing room.

The door is open just a crack, the strong florescent lighting beaming out into the darker hallway as Sho approaches, breathing a bit heavily from his run up the stairs.

He reaches to push the door inwards and freezes, breathing catching in his throat when he hears a low, strained moan just inside the room.

It's clearly Nino, even though it's unlike any sound he's ever heard come from Nino before. 

Sho steps back just a little and tries to compose himself (it's not helping that there are still sounds coming from inside the room, quiet laughter and whispers that Sho can barely make out, the almost imperceptible sounds of a bodies shifting against furniture or a wall, or - ) - he expected this. He didn't come back deliberately to find this, but he knew, some part of him knew exactly what he would see. 

The fact that he came back anyways is the hardest to come to terms with. Sho stomps loudly a bit, moving towards the door and pushing it open as slowly, loudly and normally as he can. Jun is perched on a stool, one hand running through tousled curls as he fumbles inside his passenger bag. He looks up when Sho comes in and his expression is both carefully guarded and somewhat relieved.

Nino is still shirtless, staring somewhat sullenly as he stretches his arms above his head, lingering in the center of the room.

\"Forgot my phone,\" Sho says, and heads for the closet where he hung the trousers up for the wardrobe staff, feeling odd that he was suddenly the one explaining himself to them.

\"See you,\" Jun says, as Sho makes his exit again.

\"'Night,\" Nino says, and Sho has known him long enough to be able to see the nervous tension itching at his skin.

\"Ready to go?\" Aiba asks when Sho returns at street level, phone still clutched in his hand.

\"Yes,\" Sho says, mind reeling a little and unable to focus on walking, directions, anything past the smooth glide of Jun's hands on Nino's back, Nino's teeth scraping the curve of Jun's throat in his mind's eye.
 
*

\"We need to stop this,\" Jun says, breaking the silence that had settled between them after Sho had left. He watched Nino for a reaction, but Nino's face gave nothing away. \"I don't \u2013\" His words catch in his mind \u2013 he knows what he feels<\/i>, but it's something too unwound, to snarled and sharp and dangerous to express.

\"Don't,\" Nino says, a warning in his voice. He looks uncomfortable.\"Let's not talk about it.\"

 \"We \u2013 \" Jun gives up, rubbing at his forehead with one hand in frustration. \"I don't want this anymore,\" he finally says, taking the easy way out.

There is a long silence.

Nino's expression is impassive, arms folded across his bare chest. Jun looks away, sliding off the stool and gathering up his bag. \"I'm going home,\" he says, his throat tight.

Nino just lets him go without a word \u2013 somehow that makes Jun angrier than anything else.

*

\"Jun-chan.\" Aiba looks sleepy, soft and comfortable in sweats and a hoodie.  Jun tucks his hands into his jacket pockets, his heart skipping in fear. \"What are you doing all the way over here?\" 

It's just past midnight now and Jun had circled the city block around Aiba's place a good five times, trying to convince himself that this wasn't a good idea. It didn't work \u2013 he already knew that it wasn't a good idea, knew that things were fucked up enough already, but he couldn't stop himself. Even now, looking at Aiba, he could feel a tight coil of want and desperation and frustration unspiraling in him.

How long ago now had Nino turned up on his doorstep just like this, no words, just an unspoken sense that there was a line to be crossed and not just crossed, but needed to be shattered utterly, wiped away until it didn't exist at all? 

\"Matsujun?\" Aiba reaches out a hand to feather against Jun's overheated cheek. \"Hey, you're shaking.\"

Jun takes a deep breath, catching Aiba's wrist in one hand and drawing him in, closing in eyes just in time to see Aiba's widen imperceptibly as he kisses him.

It's like that for long minutes, Aiba's hand warm in his as their mouths move together, slow like. Jun lets go of Aiba's hand, reaching out to pull Aiba's hips flush against his. Aiba makes a low noise into Jun's mouth, fingers tracing slowly over the bumps of Jun's spine, dragging the hem of his shirt up slightly as he goes. 

Jun can feel his pulse fluttering madly in his throat, aroused only from Aiba's skin pressing against his, Aiba's lips soft and wet angled against his. He's been waiting for far too long. He breaks off the kiss, feeling dizzy and too hot, sucking in air. Aiba tucks his face into the curve of Jun's neck, breaths rushed and hot against Jun's skin. Jun cards his fingers through Aiba's hair, movements slow in the warm stillness of the room.

\"Masaki,\" he whispers against Aiba's ear, nosing at the soft strands of hair. Aiba shivers against him, makes a vague noise into Jun's neck before pulling back to look at Jun properly. His eyes are dark, serious and warm. Jun kisses him again, lingering on the curve of Aiba's upper lip. Jun doesn't know how to ask. 

\"Finally,\" Aiba says quietly, simply. He reaches around Jun to lock the door behind him. He wraps his arms around Jun's waist, leaning in for another kiss and lets Jun back him towards his bedroom.

Jun's fingers shake as he slides Aiba's sweater over his head. He can feel Aiba watching him, his fingers still lightly stroking the bare skin under the hem of Jun's shirt.

\"Don't.\" There's something intense and fragile in Aiba's gaze, dark eyes locked on Jun as the latter presses him back against the bed, their legs and arms a hopeless tangle as they fall back together.

\"What?\" Jun strips off his shirt quickly, moving to straddle Aiba and take care of his pants. He's fast, practiced, worried that if he stops to think he'll think twice and think better of this.  

Aiba lifts his hips obligingly and groans softly as Jun palms the front of his underwear, hissing slowly through his teeth as Jun kneads his growing hardness slowly, teasingly. Aiba is beautiful when he's undone like this, emotionally naked and almost painful in his projected intensity.

\"Don't pretend that he doesn't matter.\" Aiba's words jolt him, make Jun pause for a second, sit back. 

Aiba is silent, unmoving beneath him and he's serious, like the tentative sweep of his fingers against the back of Jun's wrist. His words make cold fear rise in Jun's chest, make him realize that he and Nino hadn't been so careful after all.

\"He doesn't have anything to do with this,\" Jun says finally, and they both know it's a lie, but Jun doesn't leave much room for argument, shifting and grinding down against Aiba, fingernails biting deeply into Aiba's shoulders as they rock against each other.

\"I want \u2013\" Aiba says, but Jun doesn't let him finish, pinning down his wrists and kissing him until neither of them have breath left for words.

Part Four<\/a>

TBC.<\/b><\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:310664","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/310664.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=310664"}}],"title":"lettuce sandwich of memories","published":"2008-12-08T01:23:14Z","updated":"2009-02-08T19:23:57Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"
\"\"<\/center>

I seriously suck at updating lately. :|

Day 3,4 & 5 of the 8-days happiness meme<\/a>!:

Friday:<\/b> From the Non-No<\/i> Aiba\/Jun Talk on Christmas and love, translated by <\/a>saladesu<\/b><\/a><\/span> here<\/a>:

Matsumoto:<\/b> I'd a be a happy man if I could have a taste of Christmas with Aiba-kun yo! (laughs)<\/i>

Saturday:<\/b> I was able to do my work for Profboss from home this weekend and so instead of rushing to the bus at 7:30AM, I was able to sleep in until 8:00PM and enjoy a nice, hot cup of tea and some pannetone with marmalade for breakfast and watch the falling snow out the window.

Sunday:<\/b> Today I got everything that I needed to accomplish done!

Lastly, happy belated birthday to <\/a>lihsa<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>reposoir<\/b><\/a><\/span>, and happy birthday this week to <\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span> and <\/a>longleggedgit<\/b><\/a><\/a>klena<\/b><\/a><\/span>, if by some chance I'm not around until the 19th - next two weeks are going to be nuts<\/i>. \u2665

For <\/a>omnipresentdmat<\/b><\/a><\/span> \u2665:

Under My Skin<\/b>
Sho\/Jun | Arashi RPS | NC-17 | ~575 words 

\"Wait,\" Sho blurts, panicking suddenly until Jun withdraws his fingers, cold and slippery.

\"We don't have to.\" Jun moves back a little he's out of Sho's personal space, kneeling between Sho's legs. \"Are you all right?

\"I think,\" Sho rubs at his face with hand, feeling overheated and awkward and nervous. \"I think, would it be okay if I - you know-\" 

He watches Jun's face for his reaction. There's only an instant of hesitation, then something like a shiver passes over Jun's face as Sho reaches out to brush his thumb lightly over the crest of Jun's hipbone.

\"You think you can handle that?\" Jun teases, straddling Sho's waist and shifting, rubbing his cock alongside Sho's. He bites down lazily on the thick muscle of Sho's shoulder when Sho moans. 

It's a bit better this way, hovering above Jun, being able to watch the flickers of heat and vulnerability in Jun's face as Sho carefully works his fingers into him. Sho can feel his own fingers shaking and he grips Jun's hand tightly with his other. He can't remember ever being so fucking scared in his entire life.

\"Relax,\" Jun breathes as Sho slides into him, and Sho almost laughs of the irony of Jun being the one to say it to him - but oh<\/i>, god, Jun is hot and tight all around him, his legs wrapping around Sho's waist and pulling him closer. Sho feels almost dizzy, and he pulls back a little, carefully, drawing a low whine from Jun's throat.

\"Just fuck me already,\" Jun groans, nails clawing down Sho's arms, body twisting under Sho's, \"Come on.\"

Sho can feel sweat beading on his forehead and all of their movements feel sticky, tackity and he moves forward again, unconsciously picking up a faster rhythm. \"Jun,\" he gasps out, words blurring together a little, \"Jun, god, Jun, Jun<\/i>.\"

\"Noisy,\" Jun mutters, an edge of laughter in his voice. He looks beautiful like this, Sho realizes, flushed and arched beneath Sho, biting his lip and eyes closed, one hand working his own cock desperately, It doesn't really feel that awkward anymore, just with the heat slowly overtaking everything else.

He leans forward, kissing Jun, sucking on his full lower lip until Jun makes a noise that sounds halfway between a sigh and a sob and comes hard. Sho can feel himself on the edge too, just tilting on the precipice and he thrusts into Jun a few more times, riding out the wave of his own orgasm.

\"Pull out, will you?\" Jun snaps, after a minute, because Sho is still slumped half over him, feeling heavy-limbed and lightheaded. \"My legs are going to cramp up.\"

Sho obliges, kneeling on the bed while Jun carefully rolls the used condom off of him and tosses it in the trash, using the soft towel off his bedside table to clean them both off. \"That was nice,\" he tells Jun, when his mind finally catches up with him.

Jun expression is caught between laughter and exasperation. \"Next time, I'm getting you drunk first.\" He tugs Sho under the sheets with him, pillowing his head on the solid warmth of Sho's chest. \"You think too much.\"

Next time<\/i>, Sho's mind repeats fuzzily, and then he realizes that yes, he is<\/i> thinking about it, so he just drapes his arm around Jun and nuzzles his face into the curve of Jun's neck, listening to Jun's soft breathing until he falls asleep.<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:309251","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/309251.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=309251"}}],"title":"the sho(w) is not substance","published":"2008-11-25T03:26:20Z","updated":"2009-02-08T19:23:47Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"Title:<\/b> Five Times His Stupid Bandmates Featured in the Nightmares of Matsumoto Jun
Author:<\/b> <\/a>waxrose<\/b><\/a><\/span>
Rating:<\/b> PG-13
Pairing(s):<\/b> Aiba\/Jun, some Nino\/Jun & OT5
Length:<\/b> ~3,000 words
Author's Notes<\/b>: For <\/a>rhythmia<\/b><\/a><\/span> - I'm sorry that this took so long! Thanks to <\/a>gimmick_game<\/b><\/a><\/span> for looking this over! \u2665

Jun's manager clears his throat, carefully not looking at any of the colorful magazines spread across the table. \"As you can imagine, upper management is not very pleased.\"

Jun slaps the table, irritated. \"I already told you, I didn't do this. Someone must have faked these.\"

\"Matsumoto-san.\" His manager smiles sympathetically. \"It's okay, I already talked to Ninomiya-san and he told me everything. There's no need to be defensive. The important thing right now is that we deal with this as soon as possible, for the sake of the company.\"

\"I told you, I never \u2013\" Something clicks in Jun's mind. \"Wait, what did Nino tell you?\"

IDOLS IN LOVE<\/i> proclaims the bright, rainbow-colored headline of the paper nearest to Jun. Underneath was a large, grainy black and white photograph of two figures backed up against a brick wall. The one with his back facing the camera had his face hidden in shadow \u2013 but any fangirl would have to be blind to miss the large, skull-shaped silver ring glinting off the finger of the hand pressed against the front of the other man's pants. 

Nino's face was only half-visible, mostly because he was pressed against Jun too closely to leave any room for misunderstanding.

\"You have to understand that this looks very bad for Arashi right now,\" Jun's manager says seriously. \"There will be consequences \u2013 Johnny-san has already asked to speak with you and Ninomiya-san later today.\"

Jun rubs at his face, confused. \"Is this a Ni no Ara-\" he begins to ask, but is interrupted by a knock at the door. A female staff member opens the door, looking apprehensive.

\"That video footage the one article mentioned?\" She doesn't look at Jun. \"It's hit the Internet.\"

Jun's manager swears loudly. \"I thought they had made that up for publicity!\" He's out of his chair and following the staff member out of the room, leaving Jun to jog after him.

This can't be happening<\/i>, Jun thinks, his heart racing as he rand down the corridor after his manager. He is pretty fucking sure that he would remember sleeping with his bandmate<\/i>. 

He is, however, equally sure that Nino, conniving little ferret that he was, would never do anything to ruin Arashi. And this, faked or not, had the potential to devastate them.

Moreover \u2013 and this is what made Jun extremely uneasy \u2013 there was a definite limit on what could be faked, what just couldn't not<\/i> be real. His mind flashes over the images scattered across the meeting room table, the stacks of newsprint arranged in rows at the combini he had stopped by this morning \u2013 Nino on his knees, his small hands braced against Jun's hips, Jun's own expression screwed up, his head tilted back \u2013 Jun lying naked in what he recognized with a start as Nino's bed, white sheets tangled around his waist \u2013 

There are four people, including his manager, crowded around the staff member sitting in front of the laptop when Jun enters the room (Sho, upon a quick glance around the room, is curled up on a couch in the corner, breathing into a paper bag).

Jun walks towards the laptop, his feeling of dread building. The sound of his own voice echoing from the speakers in a long, low moan freezes him in his steps.

The picture is shaky and it's impossible to make anything out clearly, quick movements in a dark room, but Jun can see the outline of Nino's lithe form braced above his body, sharp flashes of moonlight illuminating naked skin in slivers.

Nino leans into his side as Jun stares at the monitor in horror, slipping an arm around his waist. \"Ah, we've been discovered, I guess.\" There's something almost smug in his voice.

\"There's more,\" The staff member holding the laptop says grimly, guiding the mouse to click open a series of windows. Click<\/i>.

Click<\/i>.

Click<\/i>.<\/font>

The clicking noises are coming from somewhere outside, a fuzzy corner of Jun's brain realizes, stupidly, and just like that, he wakes up to a heavy weight settling on his stomach and opens his eyes to a blinding flash of light.

\"Good morning, princess.\" Nino's voice is ridiculously cheerful for someone about two inches from death. \"I bet your fans will love to find out that you drool in your sleep.\" 


*


\"It's my decision to make,\" Sho says, not looking at any of them in the eye. \"I've thought it over carefully, and this is what I need to do. This is my dream<\/i>. You four can go on without me.\"

\"Arashi is five people,\" Nino says quietly, with a surety that almost breaks Jun's heart. Nino doesn't sound angry, just resigned. Jun can feel Aiba shaking next to him, and he doesn't dare look at anyone. It's all just too fragile.

\"I am sorry,\" Sho says thickly. He sounds like he's already crying. \"I'm leaving for Hawaii in the morning, but \u2013 I'll keep in touch, okay?\"

He turns and leaves, the only sound in the room the swishing of his grass skirt against his bare legs as he walks out of the door.

Aiba sniffles against Ohno's shoulder, tears streaming openly down his face. \"We could have all done it together,\" he whispers quietly, voice breaking. \"If he wanted to open up a hula school, he could have just told us.\"

Ohno slings his arm around Aiba's shoulders, quiet and reassuring. Nino's face is buried in his hands. 

\"We'll wait for him,\" Ohno says, his voice strong and confident. \"He has to know that.\"

Jun nods. \"Arashi is five people,\" he echoes, and the words seem to resound somewhere deep inside of him, filling up the walls of the room until all of the colors slid together and he slid out of sleep, blinking at the tilt of the universe.

\"Yeah, we are,\" comes Sho's voice from somewhere above him, and Jun gazes blearily as Sho adjusts his lei with a scowl. \"Unless the makeup staff attack your fingers with a straightening iron because we're late. Get your coconuts on, will you?\"


*


\"You're being a spoilspot,\" Aiba says loudly, pitching his voice over the thumping bass of the music so that Jun can hear him even with his face buried in his arms on the tabletop. \"Have some fun, will you? You're the birthday boy, after all.\"

Jun grunts halfheartedly, flinching away from Aiba's poking. The flashing lights and loud music are starting to make his head hurt. He doesn't want to yell at Aiba (although that would feel really good<\/i> right now) because he knows that Aiba meant well \u2013 however misguidedly \u2013 when he thought that dragging Jun to a fucking strip joint<\/i> on nine hours of straight filming and  only two hours of sleep would be a good idea. Jun had been wistfully contemplating a long bath and a good sleep when he had been jumped from behind, blindfolded and stuffed into Nino's Pajero, with four idiots singing Happy Birthday to him for the entire ride.

Nino however, clearly wasn't in on it for Jun's happiness, and he wasn't giving Jun any chances to thank him. Jun lifted his head enough to squint around in the smoky half-darkness of the club. 

He can see Nino by the main stage, egging Leader on into stuffing what looked suspiciously like Monopoly money into one of the dancer's bras.

\"I'm going home,\" Jun says, and he means it. He stands up, feeling rather unsteadily on his legs, and he's barely managed to reach for his jacket before Aiba is pushing him back into his chair, strong hands pinning down his shoulders.

\"You can't leave now,\" Aiba says, moving around the chair so he's standing behind Jun. He dips his head down, the ends of his bangs brushing ticklishly against Jun's ear. \"Or else you'll miss the surprise.\"

Sho appears in Jun's field of vision, grinning broadly and mysteriously shirtless. \"Matsujun,\" he says proudly, and Jun tenses, getting a bad feeling about this entire situation, \"Happy birthday!\"

There's a whirring noise to Jun's left and Jun glances over to see Nino checking the settings on his digital camera with an expression of utter bliss. Ohno is slumped against Nino's shoulder, eyes crossing as he folds the last of his Monopoly money into little origami cranes.

\"Nothing says 'Happy Birthday' like a lap dance,\" Nino says smugly and Aiba laughs against Jun's ear, low and amused. Jun fights back a shiver.

\"Matsumoto-sama.\" There is a squeaky tremor of happiness in that voice and Jun freezes, suddenly very, very afraid.

It's hard to tell which is brighter, Ooshima-san's smile or the flashing red sequins on her bikini.

Jun wakes up screaming.


*


\"It must have been when that baby panther bit me last month,\" Aiba says seriously, as the other four crowd around to a good look at the long, elegant black black tail poking out above the low rise of Aiba\u2019s jeans. 

Sho is pinching the bridge of his nose. \"This is bad,\" he repeats to himself. \"Very, very bad.\"

\"Why?\" Aiba asks winsomely. \"It\u2019s cool, isn\u2019t it? No other idol group has a member with a tail.\"

Ohno strokes the sleek black fur. \"Pretty,\" he agrees.

\"It\u2019s just the tail, then?\" Sho asks, hands on his hips. \"No urges for raw meat or anything?\"

\"I did have to shave a little more than usual this morning,\" Aiba admits, and adds, \"Yakuniku would be nice!\"

Nino gives a sharp tug on the tail, making Aiba yowl. \"Yup, it\u2019s real,\" he confirms, ducking Aiba\u2019s swipe at his head.

\"We\u2019re taking you to the doctor,\" Sho says. 

\"But I like it,\" Aiba says sadly. \"Can\u2019t I keep it?\" He moves his tail in sad little side-to-side flicks, thumping it against the side of Jun\u2019s legs.

\"Oh, let him,\" Jun says finally, and the others stare at him. \"We don\u2019t even know how they\u2019d remove it, anyways. We\u2019ll just have to go on-air like this.\"

Aiba brightens, crashing against Jun\u2019s side happily. \"Mrrrow!\" he tells Jun happily.

\"What?\" Jun asks, confused, but Aiba just purrs at him, his tongue darting out to lick at Jun\u2019s eyelid.

It\u2019s wet and warm and Jun wrinkles his face, listening to the purrs getting louder, closer against his ear. He hears the low rumble of Aiba\u2019s snores beside him and reality suddenly hits him in one big wave, consciousness flooding back.

Mochi-chan protests as Jun gently shoves her off of his face, but she settles down on top of the blankets cozily enough in the space between Aiba and Jun\u2019s bodies, head tucked in next to her sweet little white paws, purring deeply.

\"What the hell,\" Jun says out loud. \"What the hell.\"

Aiba\u2019s answer is a resounding snore.


*


\"Hurry,\" Aiba says urgently, voice strained as they rush through the hallway, \"Jun, hurry!\"

Jun's feet feel like cement blocks, and even though he is panting with the effort from running, his entire body feels sluggish, heavy. He can hear him right behind them, screaming. Jun can't hear what the words; his heart is pounding too loudly in his ears. Aiba is breathing harshly behind Jun, his hand hot and sweaty in Jun's own. 

They aren't moving fast enough. Jun tugs on Aiba's hand and wills his feet to move faster; one glance over his shoulder and Jun can see their pursuer gaining ground. Stringy hair and a wicked grin, his bony fingers wrapped lovingly around a knife, which drips blood onto the bright white tiled floor.

Ohno's blood. 

Jun feels sick, a sob rising somewhere inside him, but they have to keep running<\/i>. The hallways are empty, maybe everyone has already gotten away or found safety. There is no one to call for help, though, and they are sixteen stories up with a deranged lunatic who has already killed one of their bandmates, easily and casually.

No one had even noticed the intruder in the break room, staff popped in and out all of the time anyways and Ohno hadn't even had time to cry out before the man had slit his throat, leaving him to fall back onto the couch, eyes wide and glassy  \u2013 before the killer caught sight of Jun and Aiba, standing frozen and horrified in the doorway.

Aiba is laughing now, breathless pants, barely audible over the killer's screams and Jun can't pull him along: he's tugging back, trying to let go of Jun's hand.

\"I can't,\" Jun says, but Aiba keeps laughing. Jun risks a glance around and God, the killer is right there<\/i>, they're both going to die.

\"Let me go,\" Aiba says seriously, and Jun doesn't know why. \"Jun, you can make it if you go on alone.\" He wrenches his hand out of Jun's and gives him a small smile. \"You're going to be okay.\"
 
\"No.\" Jun reaches for Aiba's hand, but he seems to drift farther away, like the hallway is stretching. \"Masaki, please \u2013 \" Jun is panicking, he knows he's repeating himself and he can't put together the words to tell Aiba that he can't go on without him.

\"Go,\" Aiba says and he turns around. Jun can only see the killer's face now: triumphant, advancing on Aiba. \"Don't look back, okay?\"

Jun runs, and it's like he's barely even breathing, his legs are as light as a feather and he could go on forever. He can hear Aiba screaming<\/i> \u2013 

\"\u2013 that tickles, you moron, stop it!\" Jun blinks against the bright, florescent lighting, letting his eyes flutter shut again. His heart is still racing and he tries to re-orient himself. Just a dream<\/i>.

\"You're awake.\" Jun had fallen asleep with his feet resting in Sho's lap. He can feel the edges of the newspaper pages brushing against them. Sho smiles at him gently and Jun struggles to sit up a little on the couch, rubbing at his eyes. \"Are you okay? You were kind of twisting around a bit and muttering.\"

\"Just a bad dream,\" Jun says, looking past Sho to where Ohno is curled up on the other couch, utterly absorbed in his sketchbook \u2013 very much alive, if not mentally all that present. 

It calms Jun down a bit \u2013 he knows it wasn't real, that it was all in his head, but he saw<\/i> Ohno get killed right before his eyes, he left Aiba at the mercy of the same killer and ran for it \u2013 Jun knows that it's stupid to over-analyze dreams, because they are fragments of fear and desire and discarded thought mashed together until they can't really mean anything at all. 

\"Didn't sound like a bad dream to me.\" Nino flops on his stomach over the back of the couch, poking at Jun's knee. He grins and pitches his voice higher, breathless. \"Masaki, please<\/i>.\"

Aiba comes up behind Nino, shoving him over the top of the couch so that his face was smushed into Jun's knee. \"You're just jealous that Jun-chan isn't having afternoon sex dreams about you<\/i>,\" he informs Nino loftily.

Sho held his newspaper at arm's length as Nino's feet, which were sticking straight up into the air, wavered and fell towards his lap.

\"Was I good, Matsujun?\" Aiba perches on the arm of the couch. He pokes at Jun's arm. \"Was I wild<\/i>?\" He sticks one leg out and preens in a way that he seemed to feel was sexy, but mostly just unbalanced him enough to fall off the couch altogether.

Jun blinks. What is most disturbing is that everyone is actually waiting for an answer. Ohno looks up from his sketchbook expectantly. All Jun can see of Sho's face behind his newspaper is the red tips of his ears, but he has yet to actually turn a page. Nino has stopped shifting around and trying to get comfortable squished between Jun and Sho on the couch.

\"Like I said,\" Jun says, shoving Nino's head out of his lap and grabbing his water bottle off the table in front of the couch. \"It was a bad dream<\/i>.\"

That seems to satisfy everyone, as Sho and Nino laugh at Aiba\u2019s dejected face. After Aiba pulls Nino into another ticklefight until the staff come to fetch them for the beginning of the shoot, it's completely forgotten.

Or so Jun thinks.

Aiba pulls Jun back as the other three go ahead of them out into the hallway, the touch of his warm finger startling on Jun's elbow.

\"What is it?\" Jun asks, impatient.

Aiba looks at him seriously. \"Sometimes, I dream that I'm back at the hospital,\" he admits quietly. \"Only I can hear everyone, but I can't move. The doctors keep saying that I won't make it and I can hear my mom crying.\"

Jun feels a weight settle in his chest, a sharp lump of grief. \"Masaki,\" he says quietly.

\"Once, I dreamt that Sho-chan got shot while we were waving at a crowd of fans,\" Aiba continues blithely. He smiles painfully at Jun and tucks his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. \"Sometimes, you get angry at me in my dreams and I don't understand why. You say things like \u2013\" Aiba pauses. \"Sometimes you all just leave me behind somehow.\"

The other three are already far ahead of them, their voices barely still echoing through the corridor, so Jun shuts the door. He sits down on the arm of the sofa and lets Aiba card his fingers through his hair. 

\"It was just a stupid dream,\" Jun says finally, \"It doesn't mean anything. I know that.\"

Aiba nudges him over so that they can share the sofa arm. \"If you're afraid that you'll lose something, then you'll hold onto it tightly.\" He's warm all along Jun's side and Jun feels a sudden rush of feelings \u2013 gratitude, fear, affection, happiness \u2013 deep and swelling within him that Aiba is next to him, safe, and there<\/i>. \"Isn't that what it means?\"

Jun feels a sharp, breaking vulnerability inside of him, something hot and stretched-thin that he can't even begin to express. He reaches for Aiba's hand, his cold fingers wrapping around Aiba's warm ones, their palms sliding together.

Aiba smiles at him brightly as their fingers lace together, a strong and sure bond. \"You see?\"

And Jun does.

FIN<\/b><\/a>

cross-posted to <\/a>kotobayori<\/b><\/a><\/span>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:309048","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/309048.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=309048"}}],"title":"you are my sunshine, you are my soul soul","published":"2008-11-24T03:36:24Z","updated":"2009-02-08T19:23:36Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:arashi"}},"content":"
\"\"<\/center>

For <\/a>lazulisong<\/b><\/a><\/span>, as promised.\u2665

Puppy Kisses<\/b>
Aiba Masaki\/Jun Matsumoto | Arashi RPS | PG-13 | ~1,000 words


\"No<\/i>,\" Jun says immediately and before Aiba can even open his mouth, because there are two sets of watery puppy eyes directed at him and if he shows even an inch of give, this is going to be just like that time with the gerbils. It took weeks to get the smell of wood shavings out of his apartment and even longer to find homes to take in all of the babies. (\"I didn't know that Nino was a female!\" Aiba had wailed, when Jun was ready to hit him \u2013 not that Jun could really blame him, anything named after Ohno and Nino were bound to find some way to breed.)

\"But she's all alone in the world, Matsujun!\" Aiba thrusts the tiny puppy towards Jun, an armful of silky fur and warm brown eyes. \"You said that you wanted a puppy lately and I just thought \u2013 \"

Jun crosses his arms and leans against the door frame of the entrance to his apartment, refusing to acknowledge the wriggling bundle of puppy being held two inches from his face. \"I'm really going to have to talk to the staff for letting you go in for the animal shelter segment. You have absolutely no<\/i> control \u2013\"

\"They were going to put her down,\" Aiba says softly, sadly and Jun closes his eyes.  When he opens them, the puppy is still cradled in Aiba's arms, still infinitely sweet and lost-looking.

It's right then that he's knows that he's given up.

\"You better have brought food for her, too,\" Jun says finally, before plucking the puppy out of Aiba's arms and heading into his apartment, leaving Aiba to take care of the bags of supplies and toys in the corridor.

*

Sweetheart-chan is a bundle of activity once she gets her bearings in Jun's apartment. She cries and yips all night of the day that Aiba brought her to Jun's place until Jun brings her into his bed (covering his sheets very carefully with a towel does little good, he falls asleep within minutes and wakes up a lump of puppy hogging his feather-down duvet) and pees on his television speakers and chews a hole in one of Jun's favourite merino wool pullovers that happened to be peeking out of the top of a laundry basket.

\"She can't be all that bad,\" Aiba says lightly, dropping his duffle bag on the floor of Jun's living room (because if Jun has to suffer this weekend, Aiba is sure as hell going to suffer with him) and sitting on the floor so Sweetheart-chan can run in circles around him, barking happily. Aiba pulls her into his lap, scratching behind her ears until she settles down with a pleased yawn. \"You two just need to get used to each other.\"

Jun slumps on the couch. \"Did you even think about what it would be like for me going to work?\" he asks, angry. \"I was gone for almost 14 hours yesterday and she was crying in a corner when I came home. If Shun hadn't had the day off, I don't know who I could have called to take her out to pee or feed her.\"

Aiba looks a little guilty. \"If you want, I could ask my parents\u2026\" he begins cautiously.

\"Yes,\" Jun says, exasperated. \"Yes, you should.\" 

Aiba is silent, his fingers combing smoothly through Sweetheart-chan's fur. \"I didn't mean to make any trouble for you,\" he says, carefully lifting the puppy in his arms and sliding onto the couch next to Jun, \"I just thought you'd like her.\"

\"I do,\" Jun says, and it's true. Sweetheart-chan is noisy and needy and apparently bent on destroying his possessions one by one \u2013 but she's also adorable, a tiny bundle of golden fur and warm brown eyes. She likes to curl up in Jun's lap while he watches television and it feels nice, however pathetic that sounds, to have someone waiting eagerly for Jun when he came home. \"I just don't think I'll be able to take good care of her.\"

 Aiba leans into Jun's side and Jun raise his arm without even thinking about it, winding it behind Aiba's shoulders. Sweetheart-chan snuffles against Jun's knee, asleep and content and Aiba giggles a little into Jun's shoulder. Melting a little, Jun scratches behind her ears, smiling to himself.

Aiba's kiss is a surprise, his lips soft and light against Jun's. Jun stays still, eyes closed even as they break apart, Aiba's nose bumping against his. It's slow and unexpectant, sweet and warm.

\"Sorry,\" Aiba says, with an awkward laugh. \"You just looked \u2013 \" He looks down at Sweetheart-chan, hands smoothing restlessly over her fur. \"Ah, I'm just being stupid.\"

\"Yeah,\" Jun says, insides feeling warm and syrupy. \"Yeah, you are.\" 

The second kiss is even more awkward, with Sweetheart-chan draped heavily over both of their laps, but Jun manages. He cups Aiba's face in both hands and letting his fingers smooth over Aiba's cheekbones as he kisses him deeply, breathing him in. One of Aiba's hands settles on Jun's side, fingers brushing against his ribs, almost ticklishly light. 

A sharp yip jolts them both out of the kiss, Aiba making a surprised noise against Jun's mouth. Sweetheart-chan butts at Aiba's stilled hands with her nose, whining for attention.

Jun sighs, disentangling himself from Aiba and gathering Sweetheart-chan close, nuzzling at her warm fur. \"I'm totally not going to get any sleep tonight.\"

\"If she doesn't make sure of it, I will,\" Aiba murmurs, settling back down against Jun's side.

Ten minutes later, Jun has a sleeping puppy curled up on his chest and a snoring idiot curled up against the curve of Jun's side. Jun watches them both in the stillness of the night silence of his apartment, something warm and light unwinding in his chest.

It feels a little bit like happiness.
<\/a>

cross-posted to <\/a>aibajun<\/b><\/a><\/span>

My flash drive is dead, and it took almost my entire weekend's work with it, including about 2,000 words of fic that I just tried to rewrite from memory. :|

In happier news, I have re-written most of it, and I'm pretty happy. Is anyone available to quickly look over a fic for me? None of the usual suspects are online and I'm hoping to post it sometime early this week. :)"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:307873","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/307873.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=307873"}}],"title":"\"One nu-do-ru, puleasuu~\"","published":"2008-11-17T00:46:03Z","updated":"2009-04-10T17:49:30Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:misc."}},"content":"\"\" <- crappy graphics prowess. 

Dear Ohmiya,

Please don't<\/strike> stop trying to explode Shanghai<\/a> with your gay<\/a>. \"\"

Because <\/a>karmade<\/b><\/a><\/span> has been turning out the most gorgeous<\/a>, sweet<\/a>, wonderful<\/a> Koichi\/Naruse fanart, I couldn't help but feel a little inspired<\/a>:

when all the clouds darken up the skyway<\/b>
Naruse Ryou\/Ariake Koichi | Maou\/Ryuusei no Kizuna crossover | PG | ~600 words 

One of the cheap plastic bags was stretched nearly to the point of breaking and Koichi was still at least ten minutes from the shop. 

He debated tucking it under one arm to support the bottom, but that would probably be an unwise maneuver in the middle of the crowded sidewalk. What kind of idiot clerk stuck all of the heavy glass jars in one bag?

A cold drop of water on the tip of his nose caused him to lookup in panic - catching an eyeful of the same. 

\"Shit,\" Koichi muttered, tightening his grip on the handful of plastic bags. The sky had been perfectly clear when he had left the shop to go the market. If he didn't hurry back, he'd have a load of soggy vegetables and if he did, there was no guarantee that the bags would survive the trip. \"Shit, shit, shit<\/i>.\"

The raindrops began to patter down furiously, suddenly and Koichi gathered the bags close to his body, trying to shield them while he looked around for an awning to duck under for awhile.

Suddenly, the rain stopped - or no, that's not right, there were still fat drops splashing into the sidewalk all around him, painting the concrete a darker shade of gray. But Koichi couldn\u2019t feel the rain anymore, just the residue still dripping off his arms and the ends of his hair.

Naruse's smile was gentle, his tufty hair bone-dry as he held his umbrella low above both their heads. \"Hello again.\"

\"Naruse-san!\" Koichi blinked, used the back of his hand carrying the lighter bag of vegetables to brush his wet bangs out of his eyes. He realized how close they are under the umbrella, how he was practically leaning into the curve of Naruse\u2019s body and his cheeks flushed. \"Thank you. What -?\"

\"I was just going to your shop to get some dinner,\" Naruse said lightly. \"My offices are in that block.\" He points across the street. He surveyed Koichi. \"Did you forget your umbrella?\"

Koichi sighed. \"Yes.\" He could hear the rain pounding more heavily against the ground now, small puddles forming near his feet where the sidewalk sloped down at the curb a little.  

\"Come with me, then.\" Naruse reached for one of Koichi's bags, shifting his hold on the umbrella to his other hand. \"My car is parked nearby. I'll give you a ride.\"

Koichi flinched involuntary at the slide of Naruse's elegant, cold fingers against his hand. \"Um,\" he said, heart beating stupidly fast. \"Yes, that would be - thank you,\" he added belatedly. \"I'd like that.\"

Naruse's smile was warm, but it sent shivers through Koichi - although that might have just been his wet clothes.

\"You're shaking,\" Naruse observed, touching the clammy skin of Koichi's wrist absentmindedly. \"Why don't I take you back to my place first? Do you have to be back right away? You could dry off, change your clothes, have a shower...\"

Koichi took a deep breath, trying not to think about how very, very much he liked that idea. \"I really need to get back to the shop,\" he said, managing to keep his voice even.

Naruse pulled his hand back. \"Another time then, perhaps.\" There was a hint of suggestion in his voice, so subtle that Koichi wondered if he was just imagining it.

Naruse's car was dark and neat and tidy, stylish and compact with smooth, pale leather upholstery. Koichi sat down gingerly, afraid to get anything wet.

\"Do you like Over the Rainbow<\/i>?\" Naruse asked, sliding a CD into his sound system.<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:306744","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/306744.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=306744"}}],"title":"\u611b\u306e\u5d50\u304c\u6697\u95c7\u3092\u304b\u304d\u6d88\u3057\u3066\u304f\u308c\u308b\u306f\u305a","published":"2008-11-13T05:15:44Z","updated":"2009-02-08T19:26:11Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"fanfiction:misc."}},"content":"Because <\/a>starsystems<\/b><\/a><\/span> had such a good prompt that I couldn't resist. \u2665

Best Served Cold<\/b>
Ariake Koichi\/Naruse Ryou | Maou\/Ryuusei no Kizuna crossover AU| ~800 words | PG | Written for <\/a>starsystems<\/b><\/a><\/span>

When Koichi stops by the window counter to refill a couple's water glasses, he notices that the lawyer is back again, sliding into his usual seat in the middle of the busy main counter. 

Koichi knows all of the shop's regulars, knows their usual orders, their likes and dislikes, little pieces of their lives dished out over orders of hot curry. Koichi is good at it, and moreover, he likes it. It's easy to retreat into the easy, warm flow of serving customers and making friendly conversation, watching people tuck into their meals and smile so happily that it lights something shiveringly fundamental inside of him, makes him feel like he wanted to do this forever<\/i>.

The lawyer wasn't quite a regular - he came frequently, but only recently. He usually ordered the chicken curry, eating slowly, thick spoonfuls. When Koichi had first asked him if he had liked it, he had been on the receiving end of such a bright, sweet smile that he had to clutch at the counter for a minute, a little weak at the knees. Sometimes he read some papers, sometimes Koichi could feel him watching him as he scurried around taking orders and going about the business of feeding the hungry lunch rush. 

Koichi hasn't even asked his name yet. Something about the lawyer makes him feel a little nervous. He couldn't be that much older than Koichi himself - scarcely taller and sweetly round-faced with soft, short dark hair. 

He carries himself seriously and elegantly, always in a somber black suit and tie. His hands are beautiful, Koichi thinks now, watching the lawyer pick up his water glass and take a sip - slim and strong, even his nails look manicured. There was something so infinitely polished, so untouchable about him that it made Koichi feel scruffy and unfinished, with his barely-brushed bedhead and stained cherry-red apron.

A customer slides into the stool right in front of him and startles Koichi out of his daze. He didn't even realized that he had been staring down the counter at the lawyer until - 

Togami Yukinari regards him in iron determination. \"Hayashi rice.\"

Koichi sighs, setting a water glass in front of him. \"Sorry, we're out.\"

Togami stares at him indignantly. \"Again<\/i>?\" he practically shrieks, startling the salaryman wedged in on his left.

Koichi shrugs, setting his mouth in a firm line. He's determined not to let Togami get under his skin this time. \"Sorry.\"

\"Listen to me, owner.\" Togami leans on the counter on his elbows until he's practically nose-to-nose with Koichi. \"What kind of respectable restaurant doesn't serve hayashi rice? It's the staple of Western cuisine. It's the cornerstone - no, the foundation<\/i>, the pillar upon which the civilization of curry rests -\"

\"The chicken curry was delicious.\" Koichi glances away from Togami to see the lawyer placing a few bills on the counter. The lawyer is smiling at Togami. \"Perhaps you ought to try it today.\"

Togami grumbles something unintelligible about chicken<\/i>, before giving Koichi one final glare. \"I'll be back.\"

\"I'll be waiting,\" Koichi answers, with all of the false sweetness that flies right over Togami's head. He buries his head in his hands as Togami stalks out of the restaurant, all righteous indignation.

\"It really was delicious.\" The lawyer's voice comes again, and Koichi's head flies up, met again with the lawyer's gentle, sincere smile. \"He doesn't know what he's missing.\"

Koichi snorts. \"He's been coming in here every day for three weeks. I don't think he's going to give up.\" He rubs at his eyes in frustration. \"Ah, you'd think he could just go back to his rich daddy and his stupid restaurant chain and leave me alone. Something about him just makes me...\"

\"Some people are born with things that many would kill for,\" The lawyer says. \"Yet they can never be happy with that. And so they twist the lives of others to suit their desires.\" He sounds almost bitter.

Koichi hands him his change, feeling a sort of shiver inside him watching the lawyer's eyes darken. \"I'm sorry, but I never asked your name...?\"

The lawyer smiles gently, clasping his hand over his and curling Koichi's fingers shut over the handful of bills and coins. \"Naruse Ryou.\"

\"Naruse-san?\" says a stunned-sounding voice from near the door, and Koichi turns, Naruse's hand still covering his. There's a young man, casually dressed with spiked dark hair staring incredously at the lawyer. Behind him are Kashiwabara and Hagimura. Hagimura grins at Koichi, opening his jacket to show him him his ARIAKE-3 t-shirt. \"Naruse-san, what are you doing here?\"

Naruse smiles, his hand lingering on Koichi's. \"I came to eat delicious curry.\"<\/a>"},{"id":"urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:waxrose:303479","link":[{"@attributes":{"rel":"alternate","type":"text\/html","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/303479.html"}},{"@attributes":{"rel":"self","type":"text\/xml","href":"https:\/\/waxrose.livejournal.com\/data\/atom\/?itemid=303479"}}],"title":"canada kara no tegami!","published":"2008-10-20T03:47:55Z","updated":"2009-02-08T20:22:23Z","category":{"@attributes":{"term":"drabbles"}},"content":"
\"\"<\/center> 

<\/a>je_ficgames<\/b><\/a><\/span>: 9,000 words and I still haven't reached the halfway mark in my storyline so far. I might if I didn't keep veering off on these weird plot deviations...;____;

That being said, I think my eyes are going to dribble out of my head any moment now, because aside from writing about 3,000 words on the above, I also wrote about 2,700 words for my Aboriginal Ed. essay, 1,500 words on another fic and about 2,000 words worth of mini-ficlets from my attempt at the fic request meme<\/a>:

Nino had had better plans for his Saturday off (namely, sleep and play video games) but Aiba had asked for his help and well, it couldn't possibly take all day to pick out a puppy, could it?

\"I didn't think you could even had pets in your building.\" Nino scratched Domyouji-chan<\/a> (\"Jun will kill you, you know.\" \"I know.\" \"...do it<\/i>.\") behind the ears when she whined. \"And won't she be lonely while you're working all day?\"

Aiba shrugged, absorbed in picking out the perfect water dish. \"Nah, it's fine. I've been home pretty early, lately. I thought it would be nice to have a puppy around again.\"

\"Huh - eurgh!\" Domyouji-chan slurped at Nino's nose enthusiastically and Nino almost dropped the puppy. \"Gross<\/i>.\"

\"I think the rainbow dish will be fine,\" Aiba says decisively.

*

\"You'd better be buying me dinner,\" Nino groused, as they stumbled into Aiba's apartment a couple of hours later. He'd had his face licked within an inch of his life, Domyouji-chan had almost left a puddle in the backseat of his Pajero and Nino had been temporarily swarmed by junior high school girls cooing over the puppy in his arms when Aiba had wandered off to look at collars.

Aiba deposited the box with all of Domyouji-chan's supplies on the floor beside his kitchen table. \"I'll make something, if you want. Or we can order in - I want to spend tonight at home, to help Domyouji-chan settle in.\" 

He tickled the puppy behind the ears, giggling at her happy, chuffing little barks. \"Who's my little DoS, yessums?\"

Nino sighed, carefully handing over the puppy into Aiba's arms. \"I'll cook. You get her set up.\"

Aiba grinned at him, kissing him lightly on the lips. \"Thank you.\"

Nino cupped the back of Aiba's head, fingers sliding through his hair and kissing him hard, sighing into Aiba's open mouth as Aiba's tongue traced Nino's bottom lip. Domyouji-chan barked, still cradled in Aiba's arms and they broke apart.

Aiba's eyes were a little glazed over, his smile wide and goofy. \"Uh \u2013 \" he gestured vaguely in the direction of the couch, \"You wanna?\"

\"Moron,\" Nino sighed, sauntering into the kitchen, \"Not in front of the puppy.\"



<\/a>

When you have a group of five girls, you're guaranteed a veritable medley of emotional states on any given day. It's always remarked upon with a sort of bewildered awe in interviews and on talk shows that they've never fought as a group. 

This is mostly true. There are the little blow-ups, the day-to-day realities of seeing the same people every day, for hours on end and in often in highly stressful situations. The little quirks start to bite under your skin a bit.

Masaki, for example, has this habit of clicking her compact shut with a click that resounds around the entire dressing room. It's not like she's done it often today, or particularly louder than usual. Kazuko had noticed Yuki was a bit edgy already, as they all slumped back into the dressing room to break between filming their variety show and the meeting for their upcoming concert. It's clear in the set of her shoulders under her fitted, stylish blouse, in the shake in her voice when she slams down her newspaper on the coffee table just a beat after the click of Aiba's compact snicking shut.

\"For fuck's sake, Masaki, could you stop being loud? I wish you would just shut up<\/i> sometimes.\" Yuki slams the dressing room behind her on the way out into the hallway.

There's a somewhat tenuous silence, with a few shivery hiccups on Masaki's part. Kazuko exchanges a glance with Jun. Jun's already slid onto the couch next to Masaki, curling an arm around her waist before Aiba starts to cry in earnest.

\"I'll -\" Kazuko says, quietly, but Tomo tugs on her hand, pulling her towards the door. 

\"We both will,\" Tomo tells her, softly but strongly. She ushers Kazuko out into the hallway. 

Captain is smart like that, Kazuko thinks, as they both wind through the hallways, following the part of Hurricane Yuki through a trail of bewildered and fearful staff members. She knows that Jun turns into a big, oozy pillow when she knows that no one else is looking, especially when Masaki is involved. Jun can take care of Masaki and if anything else, Tomo can stop Kazuko from giving Yuki a good kick in the ass.

Kazuko knows they've hit pay dirt when they find a couple of Juniors huddled outside the washroom, throwing terrified glances at the door. One is crying and her friend, extremely petite with short black hair attractively cut around her ears is patting her on the shoulder. \"Senpai!\" she says, seeing Kazuko and Tomo over her friend's shoulder. She looks relieved.

Tomo pats her awkwardly on the shoulder as they pass by. \"We'll take care of it.\" 

The junior kind of melts under Tomo's smile and Kazuko frowns. That Yuuri-chan had been after Tomo since the day she joined the company. Kazuko didn't like it one bit.

\"Yuki?\" Tomo calls softly, pushing open the door of the bathroom. \"Yuu-chan?\"

There's a loud, undignified snuffle from one of the stalls. Kazuko rolls her eyes and walks across the washroom, dropping to her hands and knees (the wardrobe staff are going to hate her for this one, she didn't have time to change back into her own clothes) to crawl under the door.

Yuki is perched on the toilet tank, red-eyed and puffy-faced. She pouts at Kazuko, who gives her an exasperated look in turn before unlocking the stall door so Tomo could squeeze inside too.

There's silence for a minute, as Yuki glares waterily, wearily at them and Tomo reaches out, gently stroking her fingers through Yuki's hair, brushing her hand against Yuki's cheek with a sweet softness that makes Yuki's face screw up against a fresh wave of tears.

\"That was pretty harsh,\" Tomo says softly, still petting Yuki's hair lightly. \"You really hurt Aiba-chan.\"

\"I k-know,\" Yuki says thickly, barely a whisper as the words choke up in her throat with all the tears.

Kazuko leans back against the wall of the stall, folding her arms across her chest and watching Yuki lean her head into Tomo's touch, expression miserable. She spent half the walk down here furious at Yuki for being mean to Masaki, but she couldn't stay mad when Yuki was clearly so frustrated and hurt and angry at herself.

\"If there's anything wrong,\" Kazuko says finally. \"Anything, you know you have us. You can talk to us about anything.\" She reaches out, rubbing Yuki's knee reassuringly. \"Right?\"

Yuki nods, covering Kazuko's hand with her own and squeezing slightly. \"I really a-am s-sorry - sorry,\" she says, through her tears. \"It's just...I haven't slept more than three hours in two days, and I've got a mid-term tomorrow and I feel so fat<\/i> lately and I h-h-h-hate being called a sports loser.\" 

Kazuko leans forward, smoothing Yuki's bangs out of the way and dropping a kiss on her forehead, lingering for a second. \"You big idiot,\" she mutters against Yuki's warm skin. \"Trying to take on too much.\"

Tomo drapes her arm around Yuki's shaking shoulders, massaging her neck gently with one hand. \"All you need to do is ask us.\" Almost as an afterthought, she adds: \"And you're not fat, you've just gone up a cup size, I think. Wardrobe keeps trying to stuff you into these tight shirts.\"

Yuki snuffles. \"Really?\" She peers down at her own chest dubiously. \"Captain does always notice these things.\"

Kazuko is indignant. \"Again<\/i>?\"

Tomo smiles wanly at Kazuko. \"Don't get so uptight. You're fighting a losing battle.\"

Kazuko's mouth twists into a half-frown, but Yuki giggles, an actual sweet laugh and Tomo gives Kazuko a crooked, bright smile, like we did it.

\"First off,\" Tomo instructs, helping Yuki climb down from the tank. \"Ramen. Lots of ramen to get us through the rest of this stupidly long day.\" 

Kazuko makes a mental note to ask their manager to re-arrange their solo interviews so that Yuki can go last, giving her maybe a few hours for a quick nap and some studying time.

\"Let's go pick up Masaki and Jun,\" Tomo steers Yuki out of the bathroom with a firm hand on her lower back. \"I bet Masaki would like some ramen, right?\" Yuki gives a very small nod and Kazuko sidles up beside her, wrapping her own arm around her waist from the other side, brushing against Tomo's.

They never really fought, Kazuko reflects, not in that painful, splintering way that could never really be repaired - and that was because they all pulled together tightly, because no one was left alone - because they were Arashi, and that wasn't just enough \u2013 it was everything.




<\/a>

Sho was a pretty easygoing guy when it came to most things - and particularly when it came to Aiba. Which was useful because really, when it came to Aiba, you needed patience, a good sense of humour (and Sho kept telling Jun that all those whacks across the head couldn't possibly be improving Aiba's sense in any way) and an acceptance of things that didn't quite always make sense.

However, waking up handcuffed to the headboard of the bed in his hotel room, shirtless (his own doing, not Aiba, it had been stiflingly hot in the room the night before and Sho had stripped down to his underwear before climbing into bed) with Aiba heavy on his thighs would probably try the patience of a saint. Aiba looked entirely too pleased with himself and Sho wasn't quite awake enough to process the entire thing, but he was pretty sure that it wasn't a dream.

Being told that Nino leant them to Aiba doesn't help matters either.

\"I'm going to kill you,\" Sho warned, his voice a little breathless as Aiba shifts a little further down, nuzzling his cheek against the front of Sho's boxers, teasing at the sensitive skin of his inner thigh. He arched upwards, dazed and hot under Aiba's touch. This whole thing just really wasn't fair<\/i>.

Aiba hummed, the vibration going straight through to Sho's cock. \"That so?\" He slid his hand upwards with a wicked grin, pressing against Sho's growing hardness. \"Go on, then. Try it.\"

Sho tested the give of the handcuffs, his wrists straining before he let his head flop back down against the pillows. He glared down at Aiba, who was making no efforts to hide his giggles. \"Seriously, you're such an idiot.\"

\"Don't be such a baby.\" Aiba pushed himself back up the length of Sho's body, sucking lightly at Sho's bottom lip. \"This is going to be fun, I promise.\" 

\"Selfish,\" Sho muttered. He wraps one of his legs halfway around Aiba's hip, trying to get him to press closer. Aiba has his hands braced on either side of Sho's head, keeping his body floating tantalizingly just inches from Sho's bare skin.

Aiba just laughs at him again, tracing one hand down Sho's chest, brushing teasingly over Sho's left nipple. \"I'd be nice if I were you, Sho-chan. Your ticklish spots are wide open.\"

\"Stop teasing me.\" Sho closed his eyes as Aiba drifted southwards again, trailing small kisses down Sho's stomach, pausing to tease Sho's piercing with his tongue. He could feel Aiba's fingers slip under the waistband of his boxers and he arched his hips, almost moaning as Aiba slid them down, hands moving slowly over his overheated skin. 

Sho opened his eyes again, barely in time to see Aiba carefully wrap one hand around Sho's erection, licking at the tip experimentally. 

Sho made a completely embarrassing gasping noise, tugging at the cuffs tying his hands behind his head until they clinked against each other, frustrated. Aiba's driving him crazy, smoothing his fingers all over Sho's skin lazily, like he knows that he has all the time in the world and he wants out of these cuffs, so he can pin Aiba down and - god, just touch him all over. 

Aiba is holding his hips down now, his own legs tangling between Sho's. He licks a stripe up the underside of Sho's cock and moves his hand, his eyes fixed on Sho's.

\"You might as well just enjoy it,\" Aiba advises him, although Sho isn't pay much attention. Aiba's warm breath on his cock, his lips just brushing the tip and tongue teasing across the slit is kind of all that his brain can cope with at the moment. 

\"Won't - ah<\/i> \u2013 \" Aiba wraps his mouth Sho's cock, his mouth hot and slick. He moves his tongue and sucks hard and Sho tries to breathe again before continuing. \"Won't Nino want his handcuffs back soon?\"

Aiba pulled back a little, letting Sho's length slide out of his mouth. \"I doubt it,\" he said thoughtfully, his lips wet and full, \"I think he forgot the key back at home.\"

<\/a>

Holding out until next weekend. Three days of absolutely, glorious, family-free freedom. *____*"}]}