For years I have refused to re-read my old journals, unless I was looking for a certain memory. I tucked forty-five years of my scribbles away in the back of a closet. I have seriously considered burning them. That may still take place at some point.

I didn’t want to go back.
Didn’t want to read all of my old prayers.

Didn’t want to see how so many high hopes did not thrive.

I was embarrassed by the pages and pages of complaining and being so NEEDY all the time.
Constantly striving to be what I was not, could not, should not be.

BUT, now I am reading them and my spirit feels light.
I feel encouraged. I feel inspired!

By the love of God.
Who never quit on me.

He listened and listened. Never rolled His eyes or sighed.

He was there.

Sometimes He was silent.
Sometimes He was pushy.

Sometimes He whispered sweet nothings.
Other times He shouted with human voices.

Sometimes He sang through famous musicians.
Sometimes He taught me big lessons through my kids.
He even talked to me through my husband!

He often waited. I do not know why the wait, I may never know.

Sometimes He comforted after pages and pages of my whining and complaining.
Sometimes He sent the solution before I got to the end of one page.

Yes, my journals are full of ridiculous highs and shameful lows. I was all over the place.
But His love was relentless.
His love is relentless.

susie

UPDATE 2/28/24

A brand new journal available Feb 28, 2024! Titled Sunset Thoughts. This beauty is designed with a quiet evening ritual in mind. The house is finally feeling peaceful, the busy activity of your day is over and it is time to rest. Your body is gearing down for a good night’s sleep, but your mind is still spinning. I have found that night journaling can be a trusted method to ease my mind about concerns and unfinished business. It can also help my sleep to write out the joys and moments of thankfulness from my day. This lovely cover photo was taken in my backyard!

UPDATE 2/16/24

Hi Friends, I am so excited about my latest journal for you! Titled, DEAR LORD. This beauty is a Prayer Journal with two-word prayer prompts on each page. You will find 25 different tiny prompts, such as Gracious Lord, Why Lord?, and Holy Lord. Sometimes a tiny inspiration will begin a huge conversation. Available now, HERE.

My journal-keeping habit began like many others before me. I started with a tiny white diary, trimmed in gold. The best part? It had the littlest gold key ever! Maybe the key is what instilled in me that a journal was a safe space for my thoughts, questions, prayers, and dreams.

Today I have a closet shelf stuffed with journals of all sizes, designs, and styles. I never stopped recording my innermost thoughts. At this moment I could easily pull out a journal and see exactly what day my eldest son took his first steps 41 years ago, or I could read how I felt when my mom passed away in 2011. I also scribbled about my ordinary days and my desperate prayers as I longed to follow God in the best way possible. My life with two sons and a husband is all there in those colorful little books on my closet shelf.

Journal-keeping is a gift that you give yourself. There is something about the process of writing out your thoughts that brings clarity. It helps you to leave the problem on the page. Looking at the pages helps you see your patterns and the highs and lows of your heart and mind.

This last year I taught myself how to design and create journals for purchase. I think about each one for a long time while choosing the right photo and title. So far I have only used photos from my own life collection for the covers. These are pictures that I have taken over my 68 years. Each one has it’s own story and is important to me.

The covers for “Rest” and “Thankful” are from my parents property in Washington. The photos for “Breathe”, and “Listen” were taken here in my neighborhood. The adorable “Longhorn” cover was taken while I was on a walk near my son’s former home during our first week here in Texas. The inviting water on the cover of “Thoughts” is my beloved swimming pool! The pile of old books, titled “Bookstack” is how I decorate my home. Old books are everywhere! The Christmas stockings and the ceramic Christmas tree on the Holiday journals were all crafted by my mom. 

All of my journals are available on Amazon. Just click on the picture that you are interested in and it will take you there and tell you a bit about each one. All are 120 lined pages, except for “Breathe” which is unlined. They are 6″x9″, paperback books. Check back often because I am constantly working on new journals for you!

Enjoy!, Susie

Hi Friends. I have recently found myself in a fun and challenging new creative venture. I am creating paperback, blank books to be used as journals. They are self-published and easily available for purchase on amazon.

A couple of months ago my husband suggested I look into learning about “passive income” and wondered if I would want to create and sell journals. My first answer was that it sounded more complicated than he realized and that I could not do it. I told him that I had professional help getting my book self-published seven years ago, and was not sure that I could do it on my own.

But the germ of an idea was planted and I started doing my research. I spent a week watching YouTube tutorials and reading articles about the process. As I experimented over and over again, it felt like a challenge that I could conquer if I could just stick with it long enough.

Do you know that feeling? It grabs you and you cannot give up. I’m sure my husband could hear me in the other room grumbling or cheering at myself as I slowly figured out each step in the process. It was fun!

My first attempt was to make a blank, lined journal that could accompany my book, Walking Butterfly. It has the same butterfly graphic on the cover. Although not perfect, it was a good beginning. I sent some copies to my sister who is in a book club that is currently discussing my book and they loved it!

Now I am hooked on the process! There are eight journals in my collection so far. All of the covers are my own photos. Beautiful pictures from my life. There are flowers from my walks with my dog, a frozen tree from my backyard, water in our swimming pool, mossy trees, and a driveway from my parent’s home. And yes, my love for dishes is sure to show up in my collection!

I am keeping the price low so people can feel free to purchase as many as they want. The quality is beautiful. They are well put together and sturdy enough to throw in a backpack or handbag. It just occurred to me that these little journals would make great stocking stuffers!

In the next few weeks, I will add some holiday-themed journals and maybe even experiment with some covers that would appeal to kids who are just beginning their adventure into journal-keeping! (Note to Self: Ask Grandson what he would like on a cover.)

I also accidentally discovered that these 120-page, lined, paperback journals would make a great companion to the popular challenge to change our long list of New Year’s resolutions to One Word for the year. I was telling my friend Dawn at The Journal Enthusiast, about a new journal I created, titled LISTEN. She happily texted back that LISTEN was her One Word for the year! So fun!

The journal titled, BREATHE, is unlined. An artistic friend who loves to sketch and doodle in her quiet times inspired me to create a journal with unlined pages. Logic says that creating a book without text, pictures or lines would be the easiest project. It was not!

My commission on these journals is tiny, but I love having a new creative outlet and following wherever it leads! I hope that you will click on over there and check them out. And keep peeking at my Amazon site every once in a while because I will be adding more and more new journals all the time! If you lose this link, you can simply put “susie klein journals” in the amazon search bar and it will take you there.

Keep journaling!

Susie

Do you think that God is still communicating with us? If so, how do you hear His voice?

If you want to stir up a great conversation in a group, just ask those two questions. I have wanted to chat with you about this subject since a crazy incident happened about 6 weeks ago. August 15, 2023, to be exact.

But first, before I tell you what took place, let’s talk about the whole idea that God, the Creator of all things, is still on speaking terms with His creation. Little ol’ us.

Yesterday I went through my book, Walking Butterfly, to see how often I wrote that God spoke to me. I found that out of 21 chapters, I quoted God speaking to me 13 times. Those 13 stories were all about what He said to me. Without His words, those stories would not exist.

Those moments were a very big deal. They were life-changing. The fact that He spoke to me was overwhelming in itself. The words He said are what confirmed it was Him and not me. Does that make sense? The idea that God wanted to communicate with me at all, was an expression of love in itself. And then, the things He said, or the impressions He gave me, forced me to acknowledge that it came from Him alone.

But, I could have dismissed them as my imagination, or a coincidence. It is easy and natural to do that in our busy lives. So many thoughts, come and go in a second. I am thankful for journaling, because I sometimes jotted a thought down and realized only later that it was God speaking to me.

I believe that God is talking to all of us, all of the time. In many different ways. It is often done in such a natural and subtle way that we do not recognize His voice or His message. The inner sense of grandeur that you feel settle over you while you watch a sunrise; that is Him. That intuition that leads you in the correct direction is Him whispering to you. Many coincidences that affect your day, are actually God letting you know that He is there, and aware.

I know people who describe a life of full-on back and forth conversations with God. He does not talk to me like that. The stories in my book span over a long period of time. The chapters are highlights and lowlights of my life covering about 60 years. God gives me small phrases, or a single word, or just a picture.

One picture He showed me was of a proper little butterfly walking along a sidewalk, when she could have been using the gorgeous wings that were dragging along behind her. One phrase He whispered to me was, “Your fat is beautiful.” (Chapter 21, Walking Butterfly) I KNEW for a fact, that that was not me! I argued with Him and still do not have any clarification on that, other than, “My thoughts are not your thoughts.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)

While I was reading an abusive letter from a boyfriend many years ago, I heard God whisper in my mind, “You do not deserve this.” But before that thought came, I DID feel that I deserved it. I was used to it, it felt normal and acceptable to me. The surprising thought shocked me, woke me up, and I broke up with the guy immediately.

Speaking of surprises, the way God spoke to my husband last month was a brand new method for me. He spoke to us on our FaceBook pages!

On August 15, 2023, my husband stepped out to the backyard where I was with the grandkids, and he had a huge grin on his face. He was holding his phone or tablet, don’t remember which it was. He showed me the FB “Memory” post that came up on his page moments before. Pictured above.

My husband told me that when he woke up that morning, he had simply prayed, “God, can we just make You smile today?”

Then he had opened his Facebook page and a memory came up from the same day, but in 2009. In 2009 my husband had posted, “God is thinking about you…and He has a huge smile on His face!” A post from 14 years ago! You guys! Those “Memory” posts are random right? Why did this one pop up?

So, adding to my list of ways that God speaks to us…He uses Facebook! Crazy!

I would love to hear your stories of God speaking to you. Did He show you a picture, say something in your mind, did you hear a voice with your ears, or did He use social media to get your attention? Tell me your stories.

Love, Susie

I have been cleaning and organizing my home and life for the last two weeks. All floors are vacuumed, some have even been mopped! I have dusted cobwebs out of window sills, scrubbed refrigerator shelves, and done multiple loads of laundry. Our fridge holds a huge bag of frozen tortilla soup, a large pyrex of roasted veggies and several baggies of presorted chopped fruit for smoothies.

My husband watched all this and remarked that it is just like what I do when preparing for Christmas. I answered that I feel better when my world is clean and organized. Always getting the last word, he said, “Susie, your world is always clean and organized.”

I honestly had not planned to write about this, but when I was in the backyard, shaking out rugs just now, the sweetest thing happened and it made me smile and want to write. The weather is finally a sensible 92 degrees here in Texas today and I was reveling in the beauty of not getting slammed in the face by heat. At that moment a really large, bright yellow butterfly soared across my line of vision and circled my yard a few times before landing for a few seconds on the edge of our pool. It was so pretty and so lighthearted that it made me smile and giggle a bit.

I needed a giggle and smile. I am scared and nervous about my first ever surgery, happening in a couple of days. It is not terribly serious or life threatening at all, but I’ve got the jitters for sure. Did I write about falling while walking my dog, Gretta? After many months of pain in my twisted foot, we have discovered that I ripped a tendon and my doc is going to stitch it back together this week. (Yep, I did write about my fall, in “Being Careful Stinks!” )

All the extra cleaning and cooking is because I am supposed to stay off my feet for two weeks following the operation. My husband will be great at caring for me, I know that. But veggies are my favorite and he is not a big fan. So, I now know that I will have easy access to my fruit and vegetables without too much effort. And while he is awesome at cleaning the cars, garage, yard and pool, I’m not sure he really notices the dog hair or dust inside the house. So I got ‘er done.

My sister texed me last night and told me she was praying for me and the surgery. She told me a story about how my niece felt the touch of Jesus hand on her shoulder when she was feeling scared and alone in the hospital giving birth during the pandemic shutdown.

Her story reminded me of a scary moment in my life many years ago. I was driving over the Santa Cruz mountain alone in a rainstorm, going back to college after Christmas vacation at home, about 100 miles away.

As my fingers gripped the steering wheel and I struggled to see through the sheets of rainwater on the windshield, I clearly heard, “I am here.” It was so clear that I glanced over to the passenger seat fully expecting to see Jesus riding along with me.

Both of those little stories are filling me with a new calm about my week ahead. I am still scared, but I don’t feel alone. I am reminded that I am loved and watched over. And the yellow butterfly? Come on, is He just showing off now?

Susie

I woke up grumpy this morning. No, I am not talking about my husband. He begins his day an hour or so before me. My mood this morning was a disgruntled one. No particular reason, just disgruntled, as in, not gruntled, I guess.

I took Gretta for a short walk because we expect temps in the triple digits again today, and any outside activity must happen before 8am. She really just wanted to stop and sniff every little thing, and by the time we arrived back at the house, I was still feeling cranky and out of sorts.

It is a Saturday and since Husband is not working, I wanted to make some nice omelets for our breakfast. But I also wanted a swim, and again, in this heatwave, even a swim has to happen before it gets unbearable outside. I told him we’d have a good brunch after my swim and out I went.

And I floated. I let the crystal clear water simply hold me up and gently take me around the pool. Surrounded by a beautiful silence. No pool accessories needed. Just me and lots of water. I floated under the trees that hang over our fence from the wooded area behind our yard.

With my eyes open, I floated and floated. I watched a butterfly flutter from tree to tree. A sudden wiggling of some branches told me that squirrels were nearby as usual. Thankfully, this early in the morning the local wasps tend to be calm and a bit lazy, so they did not concern me as I floated on top of the water. The only sounds are from the gentle little waterfall into our pool.

As I watched the swaying trees above me, I once again knew that this was my new sacred space. My place to connect with God in a way I cannot do anywhere else. Can I try to describe the original “Sacred Space” in my life?

I am taking a deep breath right now as I take myself back to this special time in my life, in my family’s life. Our large church had moved out of a restrictive and controlling denomination and we became non-denominational in a time before “non-denominational” became its own denomination. (IYKYK)

We longed for extended times of simply being in God’s presence. We were learning that worship can be much broader and at the same time, much simpler than we had experienced before. We needed a chunk of time to be with God without restraint due to a sermon or classes beginning at a certain hour. It felt like being hungry for more of something, without even knowing for sure what the “something” was. So, Saturday night Sacred Space was born, led by our close friends, Bob and Barb, a gifted worship leader and sound engineer couple.

Sacred Space was an evening every week dedicated to unlimited worship. Without agenda. Without an order of service. Without a spoken message. Without interruption. Just live music and open-ended time in the presence of God.

I would enter the huge sanctuary with my Bible, my journal. And lots of kleenex. Those first weeks of Sacred Space were full of tears for me. I did not always know why. But the tears would flow as I basked in the love of One So Mighty. What else could I do?

I usually had a favorite corner to sit and listen, and quietly scribble my thoughts and questions about God and who He wanted me to be. Sometimes I would stand and sing, swaying with the beautiful music. Many of the stories in Walking Butterfly are from my intimate encounters with God during Sacred Space.

In fact, I just remembered that my friend, Joyce, wrote the following as an endorsement at the front of my book. “For years I watched my dear friend Susie Klein, worship in corners of rooms. While others lifted their hearts to God in more outspoken ways, Susie’s worship – her Eucharistic practice, if you will – unfolded quietly as she wrote in her journals. This book is a result of her honest and private conversations with her Best Friend, seen through the perspective of time and wisdom. Let her light a candle in an unseen corner of your life. Joyce Milton”

There were also moments of pure bliss when I could not be still and I danced in my corner of the sanctuary. I reveled in being a much-loved daughter of God and the only way I could express such joy was with movement. I am SO SO grateful that this was in the 90s when we were not yet recording every single experience with our phones. I know that I was not as graceful as I felt. But I did not care, because it was for Him and no one else. It was quiet and gentle and felt wonderful.

Remember when I mentioned that we had left a restrictive denomination? I had grown up believing that dancing was a sin. That moving to music was evil and dangerous. When boys at school invited me to dances, I literally responded with, “Sorry, dancing is against my religion.” Cringe! So the idea of dancing as worship to God was a pretty big deal for me. I was finding true freedom!

The beautiful thing about freedom is that it opens the door to huge creativity. Soon we were seeing wonderful new expressions of worship from everyone in the church. My current home is now decorated with many treasured results of those extended worship times together. The pictures above are on my walls and they constantly remind me those special evenings.

As we continued to gather on Saturday nights, some would ask if they could express their worship through painting, sculpture, or drawing. The answer was always “Yes”. The artist would lay down a small tarp, set up their easel and paint and listen to the music for a while. And then they would paint whatever felt right. Whatever spoke about the music and worship for them.

My friend Stephanie did not draw the dancing girl with dark hair with me in mind. But later, she mentioned that it made her think of me sending my praises up to The Father, and now it hangs cheerfully in my dining room. I love it! The sculptor did his work in the sanctuary one night and another friend used his gift of photography to capture the beautiful moment that hangs in my hallway.

Freedom can be messy. It can be unexpected and even disturbing to some. Our nights of Sacred Space were a safe place to experiment and lean into new ways to give ourselves to God and listen to Him. It was beautiful. It was Heavenly.

There were no sermons. No chatter from the church platform between songs. No announcements or offerings. It felt natural and real. Kind of like my floating time this morning. I did not ask God for anything. I didn’t even tell Him anything. I just floated and enjoyed His trees.

And it was sacred. It washed away my bad mood. It took away my disgruntlement… It was time with Him. I was just trying to get rid of my bad mood. But floating on my back, gazing at the swaying trees above became my sacred place. The word, “sacred” means that something is dedicated, or set apart for “the worship of a diety”.

You may accidentally stumble across your sacred space like I did, or you may want to intentionally find it. What is your go-to happy place? What is your Peter Pan “happy thought” that helps you fly?

If your home is a busy one, your sacred space might be in the back of a closet with a box of chocolates. God will meet you there. For some, it is driving alone, or getting sweaty on a long run. God will ride with you or run alongside you.

If you are lucky, you will be part of a group of like-minded seekers like I was, and together you will be able to gather together simply to bask in God’s love for a nice chunk of time. I would LOVE to hear about your sacred space.

Could you leave a comment here or on my Facebook post? Tell me about your sacred space. Freedom leads to creativity, and it will be fun to hear about your creative ways to find Sacred Space.

Love, Susie