The Clowns are not happy. After losing their precious Thing to Sir Rufus’ men (see Clowning Around in Nether Winslet), they decide on an immediate revenge attack. So the day after the disaster happened, having sobered up, they head back to Nether Winslet, accompanied by their faithful chimpanzees. This time, as well as being sober, they also have weapons. Even better, their wives are not about to be left out. Grabbing their shotguns, the ladies join the party.
From the left: Bim Bom Carequina; Mrs Carequina; Achillie Fratinelli; Mrs Fratinelli; Chimp 3; Chimp 1; Chimp 2
Sir Rufus’s Men: Nick Harper (Leader); Barney Welch (Sidekick); Dan Butcher (Ally); Phil Mimms (Ally); Tony Butcombe (Follower); Alf Dearheart (Follower)
From the left: Nick Harper; Barney Welch; Dan Butcher; Phil Mimms; Tony Butcombe; Alf Dearheart
The Clowns advance menacingly up the road, chimps in the lead. Young Alf Dearheart posted as lookout races down the road in front of them in the League van, reaching speeds in excess of 30mph! The rest of Sir Rufus’s men are, regrettably suffering from dreadful hangovers and are unable to move although Dan Butcher (in checked cap) is alert enough to take a shot which, predictably, is wide of the mark.
The chimps are the advance guard of the Clown league but immediately, Chimp 2 falls over a rabbit hole, injures a leg and is unable to move (failed challenge)
The rest of the Clown group proceed to the crossroads with Chimps 1 and 3 in the lead, tasked with stealing the van’s keys
Inside the pub, Alf Dearheart in the brown hat, brings Nick Harper up to date on what is happening. Behind the bar, the publican (plot point) casually smokes a cigar. Does he know something?
Barney Welch, woken from an uncomfortable night in the outside privy, is alerted to danger by Dan Butcher’s shot.
Turn 2 Mrs Fratinelli, sporting a fetching blue hat, attempts to climb over a fence so as to outflank Dan, trips over her skirt and falls over (failed peril). Chimp 1 halts looking bemused (failed challenge – initiative passes). Dan Butcher leans into van, gets the keys and retreats towards pub door, covered by shots from Tony and Alf who has emerged from the pub. No hits!
Barney Welch emerges from the latrine and heads round the back of the pub to attack the Clowns as they approach the phone box. Meanwhile, Nick has questioned the publican and discovered the whereabouts of The Thing (successful plot point). Tony Butcombe is attacked by Chimp 3 – he’s down and out!
Bim Bom attempts to open phone box door (plot point) and is thrown to the floor by an electric shock. Achillie makes the same attempt and is also knocked to the floor by a shock. Mrs Carequina protects the downed menfolk with a shotgun blast straight down the main road. Alf Dearheart is caught in the deadly cone of fire – down and out. Dan Butcher manages to dodge out of danger
Mrs Fratinelli recovers and leaps the fence into the adjacent field whilst Barney also crosses into the road. They advance towards each other.
Bim Bom and Achillie both recover. Achillie moves to block the road to the east while Bim Bom attempts to enter the phone box again, this time succesfully but he can’t quite understand the writing in the notebook he finds (partial success of plot point challenge).
Anxious to escape the threat of Mrs Carequina’s shotgun, Dan dodges into the pub whilst Nick heads out to collect The Thing
Achillie moves to the cross roads just in time to spot Barney moving towards the phone box. Achillie fires and hits! Mrs Fratinelli moves to the hedge and also takes a shot. Hit. Barney is down!
Chimps 1 and 3 rush to stop Nick Harper who emerges from pub. Chimp 3 is unluckily struck by a slate falling off the pub roof (failed challenge) and is down and out but Chimp 1 gets to Nick and attacks him. Nick gives him a solid punch which the chimp shrugs off with disdain
Mrs Carequina cooly blocks the eastern road, shotgun at the ready
Bim Bom succeeds in reading the note in the phone box (plot point success).
Having learned the whereabouts of The Thing, Bim Bom races to secure it while Achillie and Mrs Carequina block the road to prevent any enemy interference
Having made sure that Barney Welch is out of action, Mrs Fratinelli enters the backyard of the pub to prevent any of Nick’s men from sneaking out of the back door
Hearing a noise in the backyard, Dan Butcher decides to check the back door
Mrs Fratinelli cautiously approaches the back door
Meanwhile, Nick and the chimp slug it out. The chimp misses and Nick lands another shrewd blow but once again, the chimp shows no sign of even being aware he’s been hit
Mrs Carequina and Achillie make sure that Bim Bom’s back is covered whilst……….
…………he finds The Thing and, with shouts of glee, makes off with it
Unaware that his side has lost The Thing, Nick continues to battle the chimp but the hairy primate will not yield. Thanks to his courage, the clowns’ quest to regain The Thing has been successful
A great victory for the Clowns. Securing The Thing was all that counted in this game and they achieved that with only the loss of two chimps (who both recovered and are once again hosting tea parties).
Nick Harper, when he realised the extent of his defeat (all his men except Dan Butcher being casualties) had the unenviable job of reporting back to Sir Rufus. Unsurprisingly, the mountainous rage exhibited by Sir Rufus, never a sympathetic man at the best of times, was of a degree unsurpassed in the experience of all who witnessed it. Subsequently, during the many months he spent emptying and cleaning the various middens on his employer’s estate, Nick Harper had ample time to relive that moment when he had informed Sir Rufus of the disaster at Nether Winslet.
The View From the Hill 