ulitave

This is very hard to write.

Last year, 2005, was my year of fire. Everything about me caught on fire. My art caught on fire, old fears burned away. I saw fire everywhere I went. Fire became my anthem, almost my totem.

This year, I've been hit over an over again with a new theme: forgiveness. Forgiveness for myself, my parents, my abuser, and others.

When I rattle, I rattle badly and often permanently. I don't look for paths back to whatever happiness I once had. I shut my mental door to the whole memory. I've been told that people can feel the moment when I shut the door on them. I suppose that's true.

I don't go back well, if at all. I am learning to look forward and find bridges to new things, new experiences. I will no longer tear myself to bits trying to solve every problem. I will not solve problems on my own, nor necessarily solve them at all. I can live with more and more imperfections.

So, if I've shut the metaphorical door on you, and you're not Daisy...well (this is the hard part)...I've built a new door, and it's open. Hello.

When you see this, post the lyrics of an anti-war song.

Testify - Rage Against the Machine

The movie ran through me
The Glamour subdue me
The tabloid untie me
Im empty please fill me
Mister anchor assure me
That Baghdad is burning
Your voice it is so soothing
That cunning mantra of killing
I need you my witness
To dress this up so bloodless
To numb me and purge me now
Of thoughts of blaming you
Yes the car is our wheelchair
My witness your coughing
Oily silence mocks the legless
Boys who travel now in coffins

On the corner (corner)
The jurys sleepless (sleepless)
We found your weakness (weakness)
And its right outside your door

Now testify
Now testify
Its right outside your door
Now testify
Yes testify
Its right outside your door

With precision you feed me
My witness Im hungry
Your temple it calms me
So I can carry on
My slaving, sweating,
The skin right off my bones
On a bed of fire Im choking
On the smoke that fills my home
The wrecking ball is rushing
Witness your blushing
The pipeline is gushing
While here we lie in tombs

While on the corner (corner)
The jurys sleepless (sleepless)
We found your weakness (weakness)
And its right outside your door

Now testify
Yeah testify
Its right outside your door
Now Testify
Now Testify
And its right outside your door

Mass graves for the pump and the price is set, and the price is set
Mass graves for the pump and the price is set, and the price is set
Mass graves for the pump and the price is set, and the price is set
Mass graves for the pump and the price is set, and the price is set

Who controls the past now controls the future
Who controls the present now controls the past
Who controls the past now controls the future
Who controls the present now?

Now Testify
Testify
Its right outside your door
Now Testify
Testify
Its right outside your door